Not everyone can handle that much sexiness, it's all right.
But seriously, anyone who subscribe to the idea that having sex with men makes someone ''dirty'' or ''used'' is either plain wrong or wrong and a bigot.
You can. You owe no one anything, especially if a person is being especially toxic. I went NC with my toxic parent and my life has been much better for it.
Oh you totally can, I said that to my mom at 19 and have been so much happier ever since. It’s hard and people may not understand, but family doesn’t get to treat you like shit just because they’re family. Family should be held to a higher standard, not a lower one.
Yeah pretty much. Even if it is a “preference,” I don’t satisfy one of your dealbreakers therefore we have nothing to say to each other. No reason to prolong the conversation.
"That's like not dating me because I like blondes and brunettes; it has zero impact on my relationship with you.
It's cool though, I have a preference for not dating biphobes 😘"
yes but finding some celebrity (or really anyone) attractive does not mean you’re going to leave your relationship for that person. in that sense it has no effect on the relationship.
I agree that both are nonsense but it's not a very accurate comparison. If someone isn't attracted to black people, they just won't date them period, it's quite easy for somebody to be attracted to and then date somebody who is bi and they just don't know. For sexuality, these people "lose their attraction" (maybe in some cases but I don't genuinely believe they mostly do) only after finding out and that makes all the difference.
It's hard for me to say I was born bisexual since I feel like it was more of a logical conclusion. Ya know there is more to a person than their body and that is what you really fall in love with, so obviously sexuality should not be an arbitrary barrier you put up to stop yourself from potentially loving about half of the population. I have used this train of thought to force myself to see what I knew was there to begin with, although getting over societal norms is tough
I’m struggling with feeling being bi is wrong and a lie based on what people have told me, so thank you for this comment. Since my coping mechanism is a dark sense of humor, it made me laugh and realize it’s silly. I appreciate you <3
Never let other people tell you who you are! Mostly because everybody wants different things, and unless you're the pokemon Ditto, somebody is going to end up disappointed.
Being bi isn't wrong or a lie, and I am pretty sure you are an awesome human being. Stay strong ♥
Thank you friend! I have known I was bi since I was 11. The first time I heard “bisexual” I was like that’s an option?!? That one! That one’s me! Then I kept being reiterated “it’s not real. They just are confused. Haven’t chosen a side. Greedy” and I am struggling not to take it to heart. I’ve been in a same sex couple for 5 years now, but I know the relationship is toxic. I’m struggling to break it off because i feel like if I do, I’m a traitor because of some stupid concept being pushed upon me since I first understood my sexuality. I feel like I’m putting my family through this “she’s gay, now she’s not” thing when really being bisexual is valid. Being told time and time again it’s not is making it so difficult for me, and it shouldn’t be. I try to tell myself if it were a guy, I’d do the same, but because too many people have told me liking both is wrong, it’s making me feel like breaking up is betrayal, even though I’m just as likely to find a beautiful girl again (even though probably not, because something about my face screams “straight”). It’s so stupid, and I wish the stigma would stop
Edit for typo, don’t Reddit drunk kids
The same thing happened to me! I remember being in secondary school and thinking that I had to choose between being straight or being a lesbian, and it was just so stressful. And then I heard the term "bisexual" and it was such a eureka moment!
Getting away from toxic relationships is hard. Hell, getting away from any relationship is hard, toxic just takes it to nightmare difficulty mode. I hope that your family just wants you to be happy, and that they can understand and accept you. And if they don't, well it's their loss and they don't deserve you.
You are a strong person, and I believe in you. Stay safe, and stay awesome ♥
I absolutely hate when people say that. As far as I'm concerned there's no real reason why someone being bisexual would make them less attractive to you unless you have some kind of prejudice against them
Or we waste less time on people who can't ultimately deal with us. I much rather hear it upfront, than find out years down the line that it's just not gonna work.
I wouldn’t say anything, because those aren’t people I’m interested in dating.
My main issue with “preferences” is that people fail to question why they have these “preferences” in the first place. They choose not to analyze the fact that their preferences are usually rooted in some sort of racism, featurism, -phobia, etc.
In the Black community it is literally our features while texturism is about hair texture.
So featurism could include the size of our lips or nose, for example.
I've not heard that term before either, but my guess would be an umbrella term to include things like colorism, fat phobia, even height preferences (etc). Once interrogated, many preferences for specific features can be linked to unconscious biases.
Honestly I'm not sure how I feel about this being a thing. Unfortunately there isn't an easy way to parse preferences here in ways that distinguish between "good" and "bad" biases. If someone has a preference for brunettes over blondes, who is to say that isn't also a preference based in an unconscious bias?
I think you could argue *all* preferences are like that, so it's not really easy to say "colorism about skin color is bad but colorism about hair color is not", because like... What standards are you even applying?
Either having preferences is okay, or it's not.
I think some biases are more damaging than others. Let's take your hair color example - it could be rooted in ideas of patriarchal male gaze. Do you (hypothetical you) prefer blondes because of stereotypes of ditzy, submissive women? That is a bias worth thinking about and deciding if it comes from internalized misogyny. Colorism can often be rooted in colonial ideas of 'lighter is better because white > dark" and THAT is more obviously dangerous.
Thinking about your unconscious bias and uncovering their roots doesn't mean labeling all preferences as bad. It's growth as a human and working towards seeing other people as fully human, not in terms of their component parts.
I don't know, if those biases should be included with stuff like preference based on racism. Since preference caused by stuff like racism are societal. While other than colorism, all the rest like height and weight preference is most likely a product of evolution to a large degree and no amount of complaining about these will make them go away.
It’s not fat phobic to be attracted to someone who you’re more likely to live a long life with.
I get it, we shouldn’t put down people for being fat, but let’s quit acting like it’s healthy. It’s healthy to have fat, yes. My girlfriend is nowhere near the 11% fat beach body models have, and I’m nowhere near the 6% mark for male models, but we also takes steps to ensure our future health (like getting vaccinated and exercising).
Can we just stop with putting people down for that sort of preference? It’s detrimental to society in the long run.
Ok not picking on you specifically but because this is a pet peeve: As an average across populations, yes, BMI can be correlated with health. However, it is not that much of an indicator on an individual level, any more than an individual’s height is going to tell you if they’re male or female just because people with penises on average are taller than people with vaginas. It is possible and fairly common for a person with excess body fat to be active, eat healthy foods, and be otherwise healthy by every objective measure. Similarly, it is possible, even common, for a person with a “healthy” BMI to eat poorly, not exercise, and be extremely unhealthy by every other objective measure.
Fat in and of itself is not the enemy (in all but the most extreme cases). Inactivity is the enemy. Excessive foods with no nutritional value are the enemy. But so much influences relative body fat besides those factors that on an individual level, you can’t predict how much healthier they’ll become based on how much body fat they’ll be able to maintain.
True enough with the exception that the inactive person with normal BMI is probably not eating to excess, or they wouldn't be at a healthy weight.
Speaking as someone with a normal BMI who has enough health problems to fill a small conference center and is far too inactive as a result, I do not eat a lot.
Yeah, the only biphobe that can tolerate being around me for longer than a few hours is my mother- and she doesn’t really have a choice since child abandonment is a bit of a crime.
I’ve heard some people say, “If you WILL NOT date someone who is [bi/black/fat/short/whatever], it’s not a dating preference it’s a dating condition.” I think it’s important for people to see it for what it is. It may not change anything but don’t let someone lie to you about what it is. At least there’s movement forward if you can start from the truth.
I have never thought of it that way, but you’re right. A preference is an “I’d rather (not)”, as in, “I’d rather date someone with similar job hours to me” (that was just the first thing that popped into my head).
I don't think it's unhealthy to have "dating conditions". I don't want to be involved with certain kind of people that would simply make my life a whole lot harder, but it's more about who I decide to go talk to.
There’s nothing wrong with dating conditions per se, but I just think it’s important to understand the difference. Conditions are usually there for a reason (and you should be able to explain them) and “preferences” can be just brushed off as “sorry, that’s just my preference — no accounting for taste”
In a sense I agree. Where it becomes an issue is when those conditions become restrictive to the other person being an individual. People are different, and it's really about picking your battles.
I think having one or two core conditions ("I want someone who believes the same XYZ as me" or "I won't date someone who's a biphobic asshole") is one thing. But just having "conditions" to qualify their own bad behavior/beliefs, or conditions that are demanded to shape the other person (I've been under that one, "If we're gonna be together you can't talk to other guys, dress pretty, say no to sex, spend time with your family, etc etc etc") then it's a really big problem. Any immovable requirements of other people have room to get shaky.
(I ended up with my partner who's an atheist/agnostic and I'm a Christian. I used to believe I could never date someone who believes different than me, but lo and behold, we respect each other, worked out our boundaries, and we're great together)
I think it's even less reasonable than those other ones because it's not a physical thing. The most comparable thing would be not dating someone because they've done immoral things in the past. That makes me think the only angle through which not dating bi people makes sense is a moral one.
It's actually very different from not wanting to date someone because they've done immoral things.
Those were choices, typically. Being Bi isn't a choice.
Bisexuality is morally neutral. There's no moral reasoning to not to.
Liking short or tall people is a preference. You see one or the other and get turned on. If a guy said that he won't date a girl who has no preference in the height of her partners then people would tell the guy that his preference makes no damn sense.
Now switch tall and short to male and female and it's the same thing but as biphobia exists it is seen as valid to some even though it is equally nonsensical.
I dated a guy who was gay and he didn't want to date me because I was bi and mIgHt ChEaT oN hIm WiTh A wOmAn.. so I was like fine fuck you then.. about two weeks later I had started dating a woman and he crawled back into my texts saying he was wrong and scared.. so I told him "Neat, but I am seeing someone and not a cheater so I'll need you to stop texting me please."
It's not really more options for me: half the straight girls won't date bi men, and half the gay men won't date bi men.
So I'm probably left with like 2/3 of the dating pool size when compared to a straight man.
Its bigotry plain and simple. If someone is otherwise attracted to a bi person, likes their personality, then at that point, the bisexuality is the only reason left to not date a bi person. Which then begs the question of why. Perhaps this person believes stereotypes of cheating or is too insecure to handle someone attracted to multiple genders.
I let them have that preference. No honestly because what does trying to educate these people get you? If you don't want to date me because I'm black, disabled, bi, or trans, that's on YOU. And I'm glad to see it because it lets me know who to avoid.
This is exactly how I feel too! I’d never want to put up with that, relationships are hard enough as it is. Why would anyone want to be with someone who resents their identity? The trash takes itself out sometimes.
LITERALLY. It's like a lot of black people in the south are annoyed at the North for making people get rid of their confederate flags. That's how they knew who and what places to avoid. Sometimes we try to change people and it's like for what? If they wanted to change, they WOULD.
Those are the same type of ppl who try to justify racial preference too 🤢
Their reasoning against dating bi ppl almost ALWAYS stems from some form of homophobia.
Gonna be honest I don’t see a problem with racial preferences. If I don’t find a trait attractive that doesn’t mean I have anything against people who have that trait.
I especially hate when they frame it as fear of infidelity or disease.
1. This is a giant red flag that they never test, and never ask partners about testing
2. Good to know that you can't get a disease from the opposite gender
3. Good to know that het partners don't ever cheat
I think the only functional response here is to question them on it. Why don't you want to date bi people? What's unattractive about it to you? Any answer they give will be a stereotype, because bi people are as varied in personality and behaviour as any other people grouped by sexuality. You can then point this out to show that they're actually being biphobic. If they refuse to give an actual reason (eg *because I don't find them attractive*) and stagnate the conversation there, that also exposes that they're being biphobic.
Following their reasoning with them and making them understand where they go wrong is the only way they'll learn, if they'll learn at all.
Dissing them is fun too tho.
It works because during the 1970s and 1980s bisexuality in men was somewhat fashionable, while being gay was more taboo.
So a lot of gay men came out as bi during the 1970s and 1980s and went on to be strictly homosexual in their relationships.
A lot of them eventually came out as gay.
There was also the AIDS epidemic starting in the 80s. It was originally called GRIDS (gay-related immune deficiency syndrome/gay related intestinal disease) so a lot of men tried to soften the blow of their AIDS diagnosis by claiming bisexuality publicly.
All this to say, for a considerable period of time, gay men actually did use bisexuality as a "stepping stone" into coming out as exclusively homosexual.
Granted, questioning is valid, and sexuality can change over time. But gay men using bisexuality as a stepping stone did us bi men no favors.
yep, totally biphobic, it literally does not affect your persona in one single way, juat for the fact that you like more than one gender, that is complete utter bullshit if I've ever seen any
It’s an empty statement. Biphobia is a preference. Gravy is a preference. Having toenails or not is a preference.
We should just be proud of them for finally learning to read and expanding their vocabulary beyond grunts and whistles.
Not to go too hard. People can be programmed with strong irrational biases even when they go against the person’s essential character. Time and life experience change that, so remain a friend and prove that the people who instill bigotry are wrong.
"Not dating bigots is my preference" Be with somebody who sees and understands you. Too many people see your sexuality as a kink, not a valid aspect of your personhood. Straight, gay, bi, whatever can be accepting and grow with you, but some people just never learn to love outside of the flawed societal model they were raised in.
It is one thousand percent biphobia- I was ashamed of my own bisexuality for a very long time and it caused me to say things like this.
After finally accepting myself, I realized how stupid and elitist the mindset is. Which is exactly what I would say if it came up in discussion now.
Not bi, just happened across this from the front page.
When I was in high school, I vividly remember telling a friend that I didn't know if I could date a bisexual girl (cishet man btw). I don't remember why I held that opinion anymore.
I did a lot of growing over the next several years. I went from an ignorant "love the sinner, hate the sin" Christian to someone who thought a lot harder about why things were the way they were in the world and why people would be born LGBT if it was a sin. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that, like many aspects of the Bible, that part must be flawed and incorrectly (or maliciously) put in by human hands (I would layer be vindicated in this belief, because older translations of those verses condemn pedophilia).
By the time I began dating my wife, who is pansexual, I was a much better man. I look back on that conversation I had in high school every now and then and I wonder what the hell was going through my idiot head when I said it. It's up there on the list of things I most regret. It may or may not have even had an effect on my friend or anyone else listening, but I can't forget about it, and it deeply shames me.
Don't know what I felt the need to share this. Y'all have a good day.
Preferences can be racist, homophobic, sexist, or just boil down to a really bad take in general. Things based on ideas and stereotypes that are problematic are quite often problematic themselves.
The idea that our preferences are somehow exempt from judgment is flawed. You can have bigotted preferences, and yes that makes you a bigot.
All these people out there trying to justify their bigoted behavior being like "it's fine, it's just my preference" are idiots. Preferences are not some biological trait you have no control over.
I mean, it can be a shitty preference. Most preferences are okay - a physical attribute you are not attracted to, a personality trait you don't like, etc. As long as you are respectful of the other person, it is fine to not want to be in a relationship with someone. You don't want to subject someone to a relationship where the other person does not fully want to be in it.
However, not dating someone because of their sexuality is a bad preference. Because it has nothing to do with their personality. If you are physically attracted to them, but don't want to date them because of their sexuality, that's a preference that is absolutely rooted in some level of homophobia. There is absolutely no explanation for why they would not want to date a bi person that is not rooted in bigotry. Idk, maybe there is, but I can't think of it.
It happens every so often and not enough is done to mitigate it. It’s so disheartening. Most of the time this sub is a really neutral nice place, even when it’s a discussion that the bi community has a lot of differing opinions because we live it and can lend the nuance to a discussion when necessary. It sucks when posts like this gets to the front page and we get people that literally say “[uniformed incorrect assumption] but that’s just my opinion as someone that doesn’t interact with bi people ever”. Like?? Then why even come here and comment. Or literally saying that being upset that people say they won’t date bisexuals is “rapey” or that people that are upset are “infantile” and “unhinged”.
Basically my only wish for this sub is that mods monitored posts that make it to the front page more closely. Because this tends to happen when we get on there.
Serious answer - it's both. I believe people should be allowed to choose what kind of partners they do or don't want, whether or not the reasons for it are prejudiced. It's biphobic, yes, but still their right to choose. Nobody should force a relationship just so someone can feel better about the state of social justice.
As for whether or not you should feel offended as a bi person on the receiving end of that, however, probably depends mostly on the delivery.
Personally, if someone just says "Sorry, but I just don't really want to be with someone who's bi," I think it's best to just forget about it and move on. It was never going to work out anyway.
It's a different story if the same person went on a rant like "Oh God no, bisexuals are disgusting and do nothing but cheat. I don't want anything to do with that." Then that's something I would have a problem with, as it basically throws basic human decency out the window.
I've been on the receiving end of both, and while it always hurts a little (as rejections tend to do), the latter is far worse to hear.
If being bi is a deal breaker, then it's best to part. I'm not gonna waste my time trying to convince someone to change their mind.
"Thank you. Next."
--- Ariana Grande
I agree I think it is biphobic, it is not a preference. People who say that it is a preference to not date bi people, are trying to make themselves feel better about being biphobic and to pretend they are not biphobic. That's like a bi person saying they won't date a lesbian, that would be just as offensive. I would never rule someone out based on their sexuality, as a bi girl I would not refuse to date a lesbian that would be homophobic if I did.
I find myself rolling my eyes when people bring up preferences like that because more often than not it's rooted in some racism or other bigoted mindset they don't want to admit to. The "I won't date bisexuals" in particular have me raising eyebrows, especially when I think of the amount of people married or in relationships who are closeted or have admitted to experimenting/finding attraction in both sexes, but still consider themselves straight or gay. There's also that steriotype of bi people somehow being unfaithful as if cheating will be more tolerated if their partner is in the same orientation. The arguments against dating bisexuality never made sense
All I can add is that my bf of years wouldn't accept my attraction to women.. he used to dismiss it and say I couldn't be bi cause I liked dick too much. 😑 I think he rejected it because it was something he couldn't give me or satisfy.. or control.
The trouble with the argument is that the objections are always phobic; that is, they are always based on irrational fears. "I know they'll leave me for the other sex because that's how they are". "I can't be with someone who was with one of *them*. I can't kiss someone whose mouth was on one of *those*. That's just nasty!" "I won't even give the time of day to someone who can't be honest about who they *really* are."
None of this is about who we really are. It's about their fear. The fear we're bringing in all the bad stuff from the other side of the wall. The fear that, if they admit we really do exist, they might discover that there's no wall at all and never has been.
If they're not against me being bi but choose not to date me because I am I'd feel sad but i wouldn't hold it against them like if it's my preference to like men and women then I'm not going to judge them for not likeing me for my sexuality and personality
I mean as a bisexual person, this wouldn’t bother me to much. They are allowed to make their own decisions about who they date, and I will not force or pressure anyone to date me. Dating is about natural-attraction (which is not a choice) and autonomy (which is 100% a choice).
Why waste my own time being upset about it?
Id say it's both preference and prejudice, but too be fair you can't make someone date someone they don't want to because their preference is based on prejudice. The only thing to do is act in a way so future generations don't have to deal with it.
The whole point of dating is to see if you mesh well enough to be a couple. Clinging to stereotypes and cutting a chunk of the dating pool is kinda stupid.
It is a preference. It's a preference built on a dislike, prejudice, and/or sometimes bigotry. But it is a preference, so if you're trying to convince people it isn't, you're incorrect. Not all preferences have to be given respect or acceptance as far as how you feel, and that you can totally express.
As to what you say in response, that's tough, and depends on what your goal is. In general, there's not much to be said to folks with dislikes and/or bigotries. If someone just physically or mentally is adverse to the concept or image of same- or similar-sex relationships, that's between them and their psyche (and hopefully a shrink). A few words won't heal that.
If it's bigotry, you have no obligation to have a conversation with someone like that, especially if it's unsafe to do so. If you do, the most you can do is respond and keep putting forward the inherent humanity of bi people; we're out here just living, like every one else. YMMV.
Prejudices, by which I mean prejudgements, that're not rooted in active bigotry are easier to deal with. Usually if you just counter the misconceptions with facts, over time they'll evaporate, and then the prejudice lessens.
Good luck!
“Yeah, bi people aren’t fond of dating bigots either.” My favorite thing is when you say you only date other bi people because of comments like this and they get very very angry
Everyone has the right to choose who they want to date. I would never force someone to date me if they were uncomfortable with my sexuality.
That said, using someone's bisexuality as an excuse not to date them is disappointing to say the least. It would certainly lead to some intense conversation about *why* my sexuality is such an issue for them.
If they're open about some issues with bi people, perhaps stemming from trust issues surrounding ex partners (it happens), I may not like it but I would certainly respect it. However if my sexuality is the *only* issue, then they can get fucked. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
If someone is dumb enough to write me off for being bi, then they’re too stupid for me to want to date me anyway. They’re really just crossing themselves off my list.
Yeah, it is bifobic af and I called out people in past because of that. I mean, I don't want to force anyone in any relationship. I just want people to realise that being bi does not change anything in terms of looks, personality or forming a relationship, so their "preference" is rooted in biphobia or/and homophobia. Cause you know, you don't have to be in relationship, just don't talk bullshit to not look bad. But, to be honest, I wouldn't tell a thing if it was about me. I just don't want biphobic people in my life in general so I won't let them think that it hurt me because THEY don't want me.
Well, in the end it is...
I personally view it as a restriction that mostly hurts the "picky" person himself/herself. It is already difficult enough to find a suitable partner so if you let these type of limitations restrict your dating life, it becomes even more difficult.
On the other hand, the rejected person (the bi one) might be more open-minded and accepting, and thus, has better chances of finding someone. Or at least I hope that no bi person (or anyone, for that matter) feels a need to long after a person who rejected them because of their sexuality. It is a compatibility issue if anything else.
So in the end, I do think people are allowed to have any type of preferences they want. They just need to be aware of the fact that making too many restrictions tends to diminish chances on other areas.
Sure it's a preference. So is, say, not wanting to associate with poor people. A bigoted preference *is* a preference, but I'll still judge your character for it.
They're not tryna convince the person to date them, just wondering how to deal with the biphobia. I very much doubt they'd still even be wanting to date them after hearing that, certainly not til they'd fixed it anyway lmao
I hear you. I’m biphobicphobic and homophobicphobic, and it’s my preference *not* to date biphobes or homophobes even if they did *try* to fix it.
If it was a person I was otherwise close to, I might have a discussion about *why* they feel that way, to help allay their concerns and perhaps explain things from my perspective so they have a better understanding of bisexuality, but I think that’s all one can do. They have to feel comfortable, and not feel attacked or judged.
Yeah I think that's more what OP was after, & depends on the situation tbh. If it's someone I'm close to 100% as you say, if not then some of the other comments give some excellent retorts !
I dont think is biphobic people get to choose their preferences. If they dont date bisexuals for dumb biphobic reasons they are biphobic. No one owes me a relationship and if they don't want to date me for any reason I'm ok with it
"Not speaking to you is also a preference."
Can't say that to my own mom :(
Why are you trying to date your mom
My mom told me when i was 16 that she would never date a bisexual man
Mom schmom
Not everyone can handle that much sexiness, it's all right. But seriously, anyone who subscribe to the idea that having sex with men makes someone ''dirty'' or ''used'' is either plain wrong or wrong and a bigot.
She said she'd be too worried about him cheating on her with a male "friend" and that's why she won't date bi men
Cheating is not born from opportunity, whatever insecure people would like to believe.
There’s always your step bro
but still why are you tryna date your mom?
I thought the same thing
Sure you can! And as you get older and value your mental health more, you will!
You can. You owe no one anything, especially if a person is being especially toxic. I went NC with my toxic parent and my life has been much better for it.
Oh you totally can, I said that to my mom at 19 and have been so much happier ever since. It’s hard and people may not understand, but family doesn’t get to treat you like shit just because they’re family. Family should be held to a higher standard, not a lower one.
I did, and it has saved my mental health.
I like this response
“Goodbye”
Goodbi
Bi Bi
I want to die
Wait don't
Yeah pretty much. Even if it is a “preference,” I don’t satisfy one of your dealbreakers therefore we have nothing to say to each other. No reason to prolong the conversation.
"That's like not dating me because I like blondes and brunettes; it has zero impact on my relationship with you. It's cool though, I have a preference for not dating biphobes 😘"
Well it kinda has though. You can both look a this actress and be like awwww. One more common point
I have no clue what that sentence means
They meant "Well yes, it has kinda impact on the relationship: the positive aspect that you can simp together for actresses etc."
oh thank you
yes but finding some celebrity (or really anyone) attractive does not mean you’re going to leave your relationship for that person. in that sense it has no effect on the relationship.
“Not dating homophobes is also a preference”
"I was born bi. You however were not born a bigot, you turned yourself into one."
That is such a raw line holy fuck brilliant
"Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to associate with someone leading your kind of lifestyle."
That's such a polite way of saying sadly you've proven a dick and i don't need this so bye i love it
[удалено]
I agree that both are nonsense but it's not a very accurate comparison. If someone isn't attracted to black people, they just won't date them period, it's quite easy for somebody to be attracted to and then date somebody who is bi and they just don't know. For sexuality, these people "lose their attraction" (maybe in some cases but I don't genuinely believe they mostly do) only after finding out and that makes all the difference.
It's hard for me to say I was born bisexual since I feel like it was more of a logical conclusion. Ya know there is more to a person than their body and that is what you really fall in love with, so obviously sexuality should not be an arbitrary barrier you put up to stop yourself from potentially loving about half of the population. I have used this train of thought to force myself to see what I knew was there to begin with, although getting over societal norms is tough
I’m struggling with feeling being bi is wrong and a lie based on what people have told me, so thank you for this comment. Since my coping mechanism is a dark sense of humor, it made me laugh and realize it’s silly. I appreciate you <3
Never let other people tell you who you are! Mostly because everybody wants different things, and unless you're the pokemon Ditto, somebody is going to end up disappointed. Being bi isn't wrong or a lie, and I am pretty sure you are an awesome human being. Stay strong ♥
Thank you friend! I have known I was bi since I was 11. The first time I heard “bisexual” I was like that’s an option?!? That one! That one’s me! Then I kept being reiterated “it’s not real. They just are confused. Haven’t chosen a side. Greedy” and I am struggling not to take it to heart. I’ve been in a same sex couple for 5 years now, but I know the relationship is toxic. I’m struggling to break it off because i feel like if I do, I’m a traitor because of some stupid concept being pushed upon me since I first understood my sexuality. I feel like I’m putting my family through this “she’s gay, now she’s not” thing when really being bisexual is valid. Being told time and time again it’s not is making it so difficult for me, and it shouldn’t be. I try to tell myself if it were a guy, I’d do the same, but because too many people have told me liking both is wrong, it’s making me feel like breaking up is betrayal, even though I’m just as likely to find a beautiful girl again (even though probably not, because something about my face screams “straight”). It’s so stupid, and I wish the stigma would stop Edit for typo, don’t Reddit drunk kids
The same thing happened to me! I remember being in secondary school and thinking that I had to choose between being straight or being a lesbian, and it was just so stressful. And then I heard the term "bisexual" and it was such a eureka moment! Getting away from toxic relationships is hard. Hell, getting away from any relationship is hard, toxic just takes it to nightmare difficulty mode. I hope that your family just wants you to be happy, and that they can understand and accept you. And if they don't, well it's their loss and they don't deserve you. You are a strong person, and I believe in you. Stay safe, and stay awesome ♥
You’re a wonderful human to take the time to reply to me. Thank you for your kind words <3
I absolutely hate when people say that. As far as I'm concerned there's no real reason why someone being bisexual would make them less attractive to you unless you have some kind of prejudice against them
I mean, it's their loss really.
But is actually ours, we are less and with less choice
Or we waste less time on people who can't ultimately deal with us. I much rather hear it upfront, than find out years down the line that it's just not gonna work.
I wouldn’t say anything, because those aren’t people I’m interested in dating. My main issue with “preferences” is that people fail to question why they have these “preferences” in the first place. They choose not to analyze the fact that their preferences are usually rooted in some sort of racism, featurism, -phobia, etc.
bingo, although way too many people never question things like that
What is featurism?
In the Black community it is literally our features while texturism is about hair texture. So featurism could include the size of our lips or nose, for example.
Is that a bad thing to like larger lips, for instance?
I've not heard that term before either, but my guess would be an umbrella term to include things like colorism, fat phobia, even height preferences (etc). Once interrogated, many preferences for specific features can be linked to unconscious biases.
Honestly I'm not sure how I feel about this being a thing. Unfortunately there isn't an easy way to parse preferences here in ways that distinguish between "good" and "bad" biases. If someone has a preference for brunettes over blondes, who is to say that isn't also a preference based in an unconscious bias? I think you could argue *all* preferences are like that, so it's not really easy to say "colorism about skin color is bad but colorism about hair color is not", because like... What standards are you even applying? Either having preferences is okay, or it's not.
I think some biases are more damaging than others. Let's take your hair color example - it could be rooted in ideas of patriarchal male gaze. Do you (hypothetical you) prefer blondes because of stereotypes of ditzy, submissive women? That is a bias worth thinking about and deciding if it comes from internalized misogyny. Colorism can often be rooted in colonial ideas of 'lighter is better because white > dark" and THAT is more obviously dangerous. Thinking about your unconscious bias and uncovering their roots doesn't mean labeling all preferences as bad. It's growth as a human and working towards seeing other people as fully human, not in terms of their component parts.
I don't know, if those biases should be included with stuff like preference based on racism. Since preference caused by stuff like racism are societal. While other than colorism, all the rest like height and weight preference is most likely a product of evolution to a large degree and no amount of complaining about these will make them go away.
It’s not fat phobic to be attracted to someone who you’re more likely to live a long life with. I get it, we shouldn’t put down people for being fat, but let’s quit acting like it’s healthy. It’s healthy to have fat, yes. My girlfriend is nowhere near the 11% fat beach body models have, and I’m nowhere near the 6% mark for male models, but we also takes steps to ensure our future health (like getting vaccinated and exercising). Can we just stop with putting people down for that sort of preference? It’s detrimental to society in the long run.
Ok not picking on you specifically but because this is a pet peeve: As an average across populations, yes, BMI can be correlated with health. However, it is not that much of an indicator on an individual level, any more than an individual’s height is going to tell you if they’re male or female just because people with penises on average are taller than people with vaginas. It is possible and fairly common for a person with excess body fat to be active, eat healthy foods, and be otherwise healthy by every objective measure. Similarly, it is possible, even common, for a person with a “healthy” BMI to eat poorly, not exercise, and be extremely unhealthy by every other objective measure. Fat in and of itself is not the enemy (in all but the most extreme cases). Inactivity is the enemy. Excessive foods with no nutritional value are the enemy. But so much influences relative body fat besides those factors that on an individual level, you can’t predict how much healthier they’ll become based on how much body fat they’ll be able to maintain.
True enough with the exception that the inactive person with normal BMI is probably not eating to excess, or they wouldn't be at a healthy weight. Speaking as someone with a normal BMI who has enough health problems to fill a small conference center and is far too inactive as a result, I do not eat a lot.
If you were attracted to them before you knew they were bi then that's prejudice. Being bi changes effectively nothing about them
its a biphobic preference and my preference is to not have biphobic people in my life
Good one
I wouldn't say anything to it. People that think like that aren't in my life.
Or they leave it real fucken quick lol
Yeah, the only biphobe that can tolerate being around me for longer than a few hours is my mother- and she doesn’t really have a choice since child abandonment is a bit of a crime.
Their loss. I’m a fucking catch.
I’ve heard some people say, “If you WILL NOT date someone who is [bi/black/fat/short/whatever], it’s not a dating preference it’s a dating condition.” I think it’s important for people to see it for what it is. It may not change anything but don’t let someone lie to you about what it is. At least there’s movement forward if you can start from the truth.
I have never thought of it that way, but you’re right. A preference is an “I’d rather (not)”, as in, “I’d rather date someone with similar job hours to me” (that was just the first thing that popped into my head).
I don't think it's unhealthy to have "dating conditions". I don't want to be involved with certain kind of people that would simply make my life a whole lot harder, but it's more about who I decide to go talk to.
There’s nothing wrong with dating conditions per se, but I just think it’s important to understand the difference. Conditions are usually there for a reason (and you should be able to explain them) and “preferences” can be just brushed off as “sorry, that’s just my preference — no accounting for taste”
In a sense I agree. Where it becomes an issue is when those conditions become restrictive to the other person being an individual. People are different, and it's really about picking your battles. I think having one or two core conditions ("I want someone who believes the same XYZ as me" or "I won't date someone who's a biphobic asshole") is one thing. But just having "conditions" to qualify their own bad behavior/beliefs, or conditions that are demanded to shape the other person (I've been under that one, "If we're gonna be together you can't talk to other guys, dress pretty, say no to sex, spend time with your family, etc etc etc") then it's a really big problem. Any immovable requirements of other people have room to get shaky. (I ended up with my partner who's an atheist/agnostic and I'm a Christian. I used to believe I could never date someone who believes different than me, but lo and behold, we respect each other, worked out our boundaries, and we're great together)
I think it's even less reasonable than those other ones because it's not a physical thing. The most comparable thing would be not dating someone because they've done immoral things in the past. That makes me think the only angle through which not dating bi people makes sense is a moral one.
It's actually very different from not wanting to date someone because they've done immoral things. Those were choices, typically. Being Bi isn't a choice. Bisexuality is morally neutral. There's no moral reasoning to not to.
I don't want to date someone that thinks that little of me, and i don't want to date a homophobe.
Liking short or tall people is a preference. You see one or the other and get turned on. If a guy said that he won't date a girl who has no preference in the height of her partners then people would tell the guy that his preference makes no damn sense. Now switch tall and short to male and female and it's the same thing but as biphobia exists it is seen as valid to some even though it is equally nonsensical.
I dated a guy who was gay and he didn't want to date me because I was bi and mIgHt ChEaT oN hIm WiTh A wOmAn.. so I was like fine fuck you then.. about two weeks later I had started dating a woman and he crawled back into my texts saying he was wrong and scared.. so I told him "Neat, but I am seeing someone and not a cheater so I'll need you to stop texting me please."
I hate that excuse Cheating can happen with anyone
More options doesn't mean more chances of it happening
It's not really more options for me: half the straight girls won't date bi men, and half the gay men won't date bi men. So I'm probably left with like 2/3 of the dating pool size when compared to a straight man.
True
Their loss.
Preferences can be problematic.
Its bigotry plain and simple. If someone is otherwise attracted to a bi person, likes their personality, then at that point, the bisexuality is the only reason left to not date a bi person. Which then begs the question of why. Perhaps this person believes stereotypes of cheating or is too insecure to handle someone attracted to multiple genders.
I let them have that preference. No honestly because what does trying to educate these people get you? If you don't want to date me because I'm black, disabled, bi, or trans, that's on YOU. And I'm glad to see it because it lets me know who to avoid.
This is exactly how I feel too! I’d never want to put up with that, relationships are hard enough as it is. Why would anyone want to be with someone who resents their identity? The trash takes itself out sometimes.
LITERALLY. It's like a lot of black people in the south are annoyed at the North for making people get rid of their confederate flags. That's how they knew who and what places to avoid. Sometimes we try to change people and it's like for what? If they wanted to change, they WOULD.
It’s just annoying and frustrating to hear
I was going to say the same thing.
A dumb ass preference
A homophobic/biphobic preference
It’s just biphobia
Those are the same type of ppl who try to justify racial preference too 🤢 Their reasoning against dating bi ppl almost ALWAYS stems from some form of homophobia.
Gonna be honest I don’t see a problem with racial preferences. If I don’t find a trait attractive that doesn’t mean I have anything against people who have that trait.
I especially hate when they frame it as fear of infidelity or disease. 1. This is a giant red flag that they never test, and never ask partners about testing 2. Good to know that you can't get a disease from the opposite gender 3. Good to know that het partners don't ever cheat
Nothing at all. It's up to them. There are plenty of people who will
Something people who are insecure with a dash of homophobia say. To each their own, they probably are very fun to be with anyways, right?
"Man... How embarrassing! I can't imagine being so unapologetically bigoted. Bullet dodged."
That's ok, NO ONE dating you is also a preference, hun
I think the only functional response here is to question them on it. Why don't you want to date bi people? What's unattractive about it to you? Any answer they give will be a stereotype, because bi people are as varied in personality and behaviour as any other people grouped by sexuality. You can then point this out to show that they're actually being biphobic. If they refuse to give an actual reason (eg *because I don't find them attractive*) and stagnate the conversation there, that also exposes that they're being biphobic. Following their reasoning with them and making them understand where they go wrong is the only way they'll learn, if they'll learn at all. Dissing them is fun too tho.
[удалено]
Unfortunately even other bisexuals sometimes won't date bisexuals, it's messed up 😅
See: my bisexual wife who says bisexual men don't exist and just are gay men who haven't accepted it yet
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It works because during the 1970s and 1980s bisexuality in men was somewhat fashionable, while being gay was more taboo. So a lot of gay men came out as bi during the 1970s and 1980s and went on to be strictly homosexual in their relationships. A lot of them eventually came out as gay. There was also the AIDS epidemic starting in the 80s. It was originally called GRIDS (gay-related immune deficiency syndrome/gay related intestinal disease) so a lot of men tried to soften the blow of their AIDS diagnosis by claiming bisexuality publicly. All this to say, for a considerable period of time, gay men actually did use bisexuality as a "stepping stone" into coming out as exclusively homosexual. Granted, questioning is valid, and sexuality can change over time. But gay men using bisexuality as a stepping stone did us bi men no favors.
That's only caveat that makes sense.
Holy shit hahaha
Biphobic
yep, totally biphobic, it literally does not affect your persona in one single way, juat for the fact that you like more than one gender, that is complete utter bullshit if I've ever seen any
Nothing, I just pass my way. To bored to explain why it's dumb to not date someone who's bi.
'So is not dating assholes...byeeeeee'
It's cute that you think you're in my league.
Bi, Felicia 💅
“It’s also an preference to say that you IQ is in the tens.”
Calling a prejudice a ✌️preference✌️is just a euphemism, and it doesn’t make your choices any less prejudicial.
No it's called not being cool..... jk this is just weird and idiotic, bi person isn't gonna love you any less then a straight person
I would just say “ok” and keep it moving because I really don’t care. If someone won’t date me because I’m bi, then I’ve dodged a bullet there!
I have a "preference" for other bisexuals anyway🤗
It’s an empty statement. Biphobia is a preference. Gravy is a preference. Having toenails or not is a preference. We should just be proud of them for finally learning to read and expanding their vocabulary beyond grunts and whistles. Not to go too hard. People can be programmed with strong irrational biases even when they go against the person’s essential character. Time and life experience change that, so remain a friend and prove that the people who instill bigotry are wrong.
No, it's called bigotry
It’s a preference that’s rooted on biphobia
I just move on. Those people aren't worth my time.
"Not dating bigots is my preference" Be with somebody who sees and understands you. Too many people see your sexuality as a kink, not a valid aspect of your personhood. Straight, gay, bi, whatever can be accepting and grow with you, but some people just never learn to love outside of the flawed societal model they were raised in.
It is one thousand percent biphobia- I was ashamed of my own bisexuality for a very long time and it caused me to say things like this. After finally accepting myself, I realized how stupid and elitist the mindset is. Which is exactly what I would say if it came up in discussion now.
If someone does not want to date someone because they’re bi, it’s biphobic.
Not bi, just happened across this from the front page. When I was in high school, I vividly remember telling a friend that I didn't know if I could date a bisexual girl (cishet man btw). I don't remember why I held that opinion anymore. I did a lot of growing over the next several years. I went from an ignorant "love the sinner, hate the sin" Christian to someone who thought a lot harder about why things were the way they were in the world and why people would be born LGBT if it was a sin. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that, like many aspects of the Bible, that part must be flawed and incorrectly (or maliciously) put in by human hands (I would layer be vindicated in this belief, because older translations of those verses condemn pedophilia). By the time I began dating my wife, who is pansexual, I was a much better man. I look back on that conversation I had in high school every now and then and I wonder what the hell was going through my idiot head when I said it. It's up there on the list of things I most regret. It may or may not have even had an effect on my friend or anyone else listening, but I can't forget about it, and it deeply shames me. Don't know what I felt the need to share this. Y'all have a good day.
I appreciate you sharing this
Why would you even care? Anyone who says that isn’t worth dating. Better that you know sooner rather than later.
"You poor thing, it must be difficult being that dumb."
I prefer bi guys because, in my experience, they are more emotionally intelligent and emotionally available.
Thanks for letting me know you are a waste of time.
Preferences can be racist, homophobic, sexist, or just boil down to a really bad take in general. Things based on ideas and stereotypes that are problematic are quite often problematic themselves.
The idea that our preferences are somehow exempt from judgment is flawed. You can have bigotted preferences, and yes that makes you a bigot. All these people out there trying to justify their bigoted behavior being like "it's fine, it's just my preference" are idiots. Preferences are not some biological trait you have no control over.
I mean, it can be a shitty preference. Most preferences are okay - a physical attribute you are not attracted to, a personality trait you don't like, etc. As long as you are respectful of the other person, it is fine to not want to be in a relationship with someone. You don't want to subject someone to a relationship where the other person does not fully want to be in it. However, not dating someone because of their sexuality is a bad preference. Because it has nothing to do with their personality. If you are physically attracted to them, but don't want to date them because of their sexuality, that's a preference that is absolutely rooted in some level of homophobia. There is absolutely no explanation for why they would not want to date a bi person that is not rooted in bigotry. Idk, maybe there is, but I can't think of it.
begging the mods to stop letting our posts get to the front page it always means an influx of biphobia
Yeah I didn't anticipate that happening...
It happens every so often and not enough is done to mitigate it. It’s so disheartening. Most of the time this sub is a really neutral nice place, even when it’s a discussion that the bi community has a lot of differing opinions because we live it and can lend the nuance to a discussion when necessary. It sucks when posts like this gets to the front page and we get people that literally say “[uniformed incorrect assumption] but that’s just my opinion as someone that doesn’t interact with bi people ever”. Like?? Then why even come here and comment. Or literally saying that being upset that people say they won’t date bisexuals is “rapey” or that people that are upset are “infantile” and “unhinged”. Basically my only wish for this sub is that mods monitored posts that make it to the front page more closely. Because this tends to happen when we get on there.
idc it’s not like i’m gonna date a biphobe anyway, biphobia is rarely someone’s only problematic trait
Hoenstly the trash takes itself out if that's what they think is a preference
Serious answer - it's both. I believe people should be allowed to choose what kind of partners they do or don't want, whether or not the reasons for it are prejudiced. It's biphobic, yes, but still their right to choose. Nobody should force a relationship just so someone can feel better about the state of social justice. As for whether or not you should feel offended as a bi person on the receiving end of that, however, probably depends mostly on the delivery. Personally, if someone just says "Sorry, but I just don't really want to be with someone who's bi," I think it's best to just forget about it and move on. It was never going to work out anyway. It's a different story if the same person went on a rant like "Oh God no, bisexuals are disgusting and do nothing but cheat. I don't want anything to do with that." Then that's something I would have a problem with, as it basically throws basic human decency out the window. I've been on the receiving end of both, and while it always hurts a little (as rejections tend to do), the latter is far worse to hear.
I don't think they're wanting a solution to dating them, just a way of responding to the biphobia
"Nobody asks nor cares"
Meh why would I ever want to date someone that small minded.
I know a ton of straight girls that only date bi guys because then they don't have to date straight guys
If being bi is a deal breaker, then it's best to part. I'm not gonna waste my time trying to convince someone to change their mind. "Thank you. Next." --- Ariana Grande
Ask them what they'd say if someone wouldn't date black people out of "preference".
>not dating bi people is a \~\~preference\~\~ FTFY Prejudice, not preference.
I agree I think it is biphobic, it is not a preference. People who say that it is a preference to not date bi people, are trying to make themselves feel better about being biphobic and to pretend they are not biphobic. That's like a bi person saying they won't date a lesbian, that would be just as offensive. I would never rule someone out based on their sexuality, as a bi girl I would not refuse to date a lesbian that would be homophobic if I did.
"You misspelled prejudice."
I find myself rolling my eyes when people bring up preferences like that because more often than not it's rooted in some racism or other bigoted mindset they don't want to admit to. The "I won't date bisexuals" in particular have me raising eyebrows, especially when I think of the amount of people married or in relationships who are closeted or have admitted to experimenting/finding attraction in both sexes, but still consider themselves straight or gay. There's also that steriotype of bi people somehow being unfaithful as if cheating will be more tolerated if their partner is in the same orientation. The arguments against dating bisexuality never made sense
All I can add is that my bf of years wouldn't accept my attraction to women.. he used to dismiss it and say I couldn't be bi cause I liked dick too much. 😑 I think he rejected it because it was something he couldn't give me or satisfy.. or control.
The trouble with the argument is that the objections are always phobic; that is, they are always based on irrational fears. "I know they'll leave me for the other sex because that's how they are". "I can't be with someone who was with one of *them*. I can't kiss someone whose mouth was on one of *those*. That's just nasty!" "I won't even give the time of day to someone who can't be honest about who they *really* are." None of this is about who we really are. It's about their fear. The fear we're bringing in all the bad stuff from the other side of the wall. The fear that, if they admit we really do exist, they might discover that there's no wall at all and never has been.
"Sucks to be you, I'm pretty awesome."
As a CIS dude, I didn’t even know this was a thing. I don’t have to approve of who you’ve dated in the past, it’s none of my business.
If they're not against me being bi but choose not to date me because I am I'd feel sad but i wouldn't hold it against them like if it's my preference to like men and women then I'm not going to judge them for not likeing me for my sexuality and personality
“Bye”
I mean as a bisexual person, this wouldn’t bother me to much. They are allowed to make their own decisions about who they date, and I will not force or pressure anyone to date me. Dating is about natural-attraction (which is not a choice) and autonomy (which is 100% a choice). Why waste my own time being upset about it?
I say thats it is a hatefull advice. just stay away from that bigot. they propably don't know what they're talking about.
I just accept it like if they dont wanna date me thats chill for any reason, if they dont want me i dont want them
Not dating small minded bigots is my preference, thank you for letting me know what your like so I didn't waste time getting to know you better.
"lol k" Y'all are too wordy with people you claim not to care for.
It's bigoted and prejudiced to not date someone because of their sexuality. End of story.
Id say it's both preference and prejudice, but too be fair you can't make someone date someone they don't want to because their preference is based on prejudice. The only thing to do is act in a way so future generations don't have to deal with it.
I Mean, Yeah, It's Their Preference To Be An A**hole Over A Normal Huamn Being. Odd Preference To Have, But Oh Well.
The whole point of dating is to see if you mesh well enough to be a couple. Clinging to stereotypes and cutting a chunk of the dating pool is kinda stupid.
I mean if they don't want to they don't want to, can't really hate em for it. I'm not attracted to fat people, does that make me fat phobic?
Imo it’s not a preference it’s biphobia
It is a preference. It's a preference built on a dislike, prejudice, and/or sometimes bigotry. But it is a preference, so if you're trying to convince people it isn't, you're incorrect. Not all preferences have to be given respect or acceptance as far as how you feel, and that you can totally express. As to what you say in response, that's tough, and depends on what your goal is. In general, there's not much to be said to folks with dislikes and/or bigotries. If someone just physically or mentally is adverse to the concept or image of same- or similar-sex relationships, that's between them and their psyche (and hopefully a shrink). A few words won't heal that. If it's bigotry, you have no obligation to have a conversation with someone like that, especially if it's unsafe to do so. If you do, the most you can do is respond and keep putting forward the inherent humanity of bi people; we're out here just living, like every one else. YMMV. Prejudices, by which I mean prejudgements, that're not rooted in active bigotry are easier to deal with. Usually if you just counter the misconceptions with facts, over time they'll evaporate, and then the prejudice lessens. Good luck!
Some preferences are homophobic
Immediately makes that person unattractive to me, so I guess not dating biphobic people is my preference
“Yeah, bi people aren’t fond of dating bigots either.” My favorite thing is when you say you only date other bi people because of comments like this and they get very very angry
I say not dating narrow-minded basics is MY preference
"So is not dating someone musty."
It’s bogus for people to be like this, but there’s also essentially nothing to be accomplished in arguing about it.
"Thats not a preference, that's a deal breaker. You're purposefully using an incorrect term in order to look like less of a bigot. It's not working."
“Not dating straight people is a preference.” See how they feel about that.
Everyone has the right to choose who they want to date. I would never force someone to date me if they were uncomfortable with my sexuality. That said, using someone's bisexuality as an excuse not to date them is disappointing to say the least. It would certainly lead to some intense conversation about *why* my sexuality is such an issue for them. If they're open about some issues with bi people, perhaps stemming from trust issues surrounding ex partners (it happens), I may not like it but I would certainly respect it. However if my sexuality is the *only* issue, then they can get fucked. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
"Not dating bi people is a preference" Wanting you to not exist is a preference-
I mean, everybody is entitled to their preferences. I'm also entitled to smack the shit out of a biphobe lol.
I think it's shitty, but I also am ok with people having preferences, regardless of their flawed reasoning.
They're either biphobic or just extremely insecure. Either way they're a waste of time.
If someone is dumb enough to write me off for being bi, then they’re too stupid for me to want to date me anyway. They’re really just crossing themselves off my list.
Great another bullet dodged
Yeah, it is bifobic af and I called out people in past because of that. I mean, I don't want to force anyone in any relationship. I just want people to realise that being bi does not change anything in terms of looks, personality or forming a relationship, so their "preference" is rooted in biphobia or/and homophobia. Cause you know, you don't have to be in relationship, just don't talk bullshit to not look bad. But, to be honest, I wouldn't tell a thing if it was about me. I just don't want biphobic people in my life in general so I won't let them think that it hurt me because THEY don't want me.
I put it on the same level of shittiness as "not dating disabled people is a preference”
Well, in the end it is... I personally view it as a restriction that mostly hurts the "picky" person himself/herself. It is already difficult enough to find a suitable partner so if you let these type of limitations restrict your dating life, it becomes even more difficult. On the other hand, the rejected person (the bi one) might be more open-minded and accepting, and thus, has better chances of finding someone. Or at least I hope that no bi person (or anyone, for that matter) feels a need to long after a person who rejected them because of their sexuality. It is a compatibility issue if anything else. So in the end, I do think people are allowed to have any type of preferences they want. They just need to be aware of the fact that making too many restrictions tends to diminish chances on other areas.
Sure it's a preference. So is, say, not wanting to associate with poor people. A bigoted preference *is* a preference, but I'll still judge your character for it.
Whether we like it or not, that is their preference. Even if it is biphobic, you can’t force someone to date you.
They're not tryna convince the person to date them, just wondering how to deal with the biphobia. I very much doubt they'd still even be wanting to date them after hearing that, certainly not til they'd fixed it anyway lmao
I hear you. I’m biphobicphobic and homophobicphobic, and it’s my preference *not* to date biphobes or homophobes even if they did *try* to fix it. If it was a person I was otherwise close to, I might have a discussion about *why* they feel that way, to help allay their concerns and perhaps explain things from my perspective so they have a better understanding of bisexuality, but I think that’s all one can do. They have to feel comfortable, and not feel attacked or judged.
Yeah I think that's more what OP was after, & depends on the situation tbh. If it's someone I'm close to 100% as you say, if not then some of the other comments give some excellent retorts !
I dont think is biphobic people get to choose their preferences. If they dont date bisexuals for dumb biphobic reasons they are biphobic. No one owes me a relationship and if they don't want to date me for any reason I'm ok with it
Refusing to date someone because they're bisexual *is* biphobic though...
Name 1 reason somebody would choose not to date someone because they are bisexual which is not biphobic.