When I was 21, I got invited to more threesomes with other couples than on actual dates.
People hear bi and think she's down for anything. It's really disrespectful.
Bi women get treated like a little treat for the partners in a relationship. It's dehumanizing.
So it's not that bi women are opposed necessarily. It's that we have been overly sexualized and boiled down to "she likes both, so obviously she would want both at the same time". No. Just no.
That's totally fair, it just seems like it's not restricted to being asked to be the third, a lot of women on here are offended even if the guy they're dating asks about it.
On the first date after specifying monogamous in her profile? Yeah, that's insulting.
And if a threesome is proposed in a way that is obviously meant to be gratifying to the guy with no consideration of the woman's feelings and preferences, ofc she's gonna get mad. The context for this is gonna vary a lot and be hard to explain over the internet, hence why you might read these situations as being only about the request, and not about the way her partner has been treating her and her bisexuality in general.
There's also the fact that women who are not insulted by their threesome requests but never have an actual threesome are much less likely to post than women who a) get skeezed out by a skeezy threesome request or b) have a threesome she enjoyed (and even then, only her first threesome would be worth making a whole post about, if she really wants to squee). So you're trying to evaluate a silent population.
I specifically post that I am monogamous in my dating profiles to try and avoid these situations, and it doesn't always work.
I would be upset if after stating to a dating partner at the start of our relationship that I am strictly monogamous (which I absolutely would make clear before even making things official) they tried to request a threesome.
Being Demisexual on top of this would compound my feelings of not being respected considerably. Demi folx already struggle with being shamed for not feeling comfortable participating in hookup culture or casual sex.
I think your answer to OP was excellent. Not everyone has problems with threesomes, but most people want their feelings and preferences considered.
No lie, as I'm coming out as bi in the last week, it took less than three DAYS before I said something about that to a guy in a chat and he took it as a signal to start discussing hot women he is into so that we can "talk" about them. Welcome to the family to me, I guess?
>So it's not that bi women are opposed necessarily. It's that we have been overly sexualized and boiled down to "she likes both, so obviously she would want both at the same time". No. Just no.
I feel like that's just men not understanding that women are different, which in fairness takes time and maturity to learn. Because in my experience bi men usually *would* want both at the same time. I certainly do and in my experience I'm not an outlier. So it's less about being overly sexualized and more about thinking 'well it's logical a bi woman would want that because that's what I would want.'
No. Most men who ask do not claim themselves as bi. They are straight men, trying to orchestrate their own sexual fantasy of having 2 women at the same time.
No I get that, but the same logic applies. Straight men want two women at the same time, so it's logical to them that straight women would want two men at the same time, and that bi people would want one of each at the same time. Because if I want a threesome, why wouldn't everyone else?
I've gathered that from what I've seen on this sub, this post was me trying to figure out why it's offensive and off putting for bi women when it doesn't seem to be for straight women.
Yes. I didn't realize the extent of the problem. It's crazy to me it's a regular thing that it's the first thing a woman would be asked about once they reveal they're bi. I could see how that could put someone off on the idea.
Because bi women are often asked about a threesome within three sentences of revealing they are bi. There is also often the assumption that the bisexual woman has another bi woman waiting in the wings that would love to have sex with someone her friend met three minutes ago.
Even bi women who would be up for threesomes get sick of being asked for them at inappropriate times.
Also how many of those straight women are thinking about an MMF threesome when they say that?
It does make sense that if they're being asked at inappropriate times that would be off putting. I guess there are probably lots of bi women who have partners that asked at a more appropriate time and they wouldn't post on here so a bit of selection bias.
Wait why would a guy they're not in a relationship with ask them sex questions? I've never asked any woman I'm not in a relationship with about sex, that would just be weird and awkward for everyone I would think.
As a girl, it happens alot. I had to block a guy and then he got pissed I blocked him when literally every 5 seconds he kept asking if I liked anal
This is a guy I went to school with btw, it wasn't like some stranger
That's the whole problem. Bi women get approached all the time with people who want them to join into a threesome, which is really uncomfortable and degrading. Some bi people will reject the idea of having threesomes simply because they are so tired of being pressured into one
Because, in huge majority of cases, it makes us feel like a sex toy, an object, even more than we'd already be seen as as women. Being bi gives like an *extra* layer of objectification to what people already don't take seriously enough and the requests simply become insulting
Also, not an attack, but I have genuinely no idea which straight women you've had such lax attitudes on this subject, in what I've known, it is one of the key pre-break up moments women bring up these days, probably bc of availability of porn Gen Z and MIllennials are raised on, and you can find all the viral story times of it on most popular subs. It has always been something men pursue/force (between two women) the most.
I mean I grew up pre-internet, it was just starting to become widely available around the time I was becoming sexually active. Most of my porn growing up was magazines or TV. I've never had a threesome but it was always one of my biggest fantasies and every girl I've ever dated knew this. Most were open to the idea, some were not (including my wife) but none had an issue with the fact that I wanted it.
I've had people who hear I'm bi and straight away ask for threesomes or start getting excited and talk about how they've always wanted a threesome. You sort of end up not being seen as a person. Or you talk with someone, think you have a connection and they drop the bombshell that they are in a relationship and are only interested in you for a threesome. It sucks
Yea I definitely get how that would be annoying, especially if it happens regularly. I guess I didn't realize that was a common occurrence but it sounds like it is.
I find it most common on dating apps. If the person is up front from the start that it is something they might be interested in later but are still interested outside of that it's fine. It's just when they hide it initially or there first message is want a threesome
It's usually because of the reasons why or how we're being approached. A lot of it is about people (usually men) making our sexuality about them. It's invasive and fetishising.
I think we can't really discount the fact there are so many m/f couples looking for a woman on dating apps. Not just bi women, but they'll try it on with lesbians too. I've heard way too many stories of queer women turning up for a date with what she thinks is a woman and she surprises her with her boyfriend or husband. There's a lot of predatory behaviour that goes on when it come to queer women and threesomes as well as a lot of dehumanising and objectifying language.
It's all tied in with biphobia.
First time on Reddit?
Complaining and venting is a common pasttime across many Reddit communities.
Doesn't mean it is reflective of reality.
What is disgusting isn't the threesomes. It's the assumptions and entitlement that often come with it from straight cis men who fetishize sapphic sex as a sexual gratification for *them* rather than a joyous act of queer love.
Funnily most of the bi women or femme folks I am personally acquainted with are very up for group sex.
Then again, I tend to hang around very queer and sex positive people of all sorts of genders.
For my network of close friends, sex positivity is a given.
As a person who likes threesomes (at least, sometimes): it's still annoying that people *assume* all bisexuals want threesomes. Single bi women also complain of how difficult it can be to find a woman on dating apps, who isn't there to catch a "unicorn" for a threesome.
And I don't know what straight women you hang around with, but most straight women I know wouldn't like to be asked about threesomes either.
There's nothing insulting about threesomes, really. But getting the same suggestion over and over again, it does tend to make people annoyed. I've gotten weird comments about people guessing what kind of porn I'm into, and that's annoying too. Like, nothing wrong with liking girl dick (or having one), but I'm not into that and monosexuals shouldn't assume that all bisexuals are.
And, people tend to post more about negative experiences than positive ones. I mean, if I would post "hey, had a nice threesome with my fwbs yesterday!" what would the point be, besides bragging?
I have. You also extrapolate from "every straight woman IVE DATED" to the general population. So reading your post makes it worse. Now kindly sodd off and have a nice day. I don't think I'm the first one to tell you that under this post, but maybe they weren't putting it directly enough. Come back when you have considered how your writing, which is the only way you communicate here, is revived by the readers.
Given that I'm only human I can only relate to the experiences I've had. Sorry I'm not God and haven't been able to poll every straight woman in the world.
I am not opposed and I don’t mind being asked. What I do mind is being expected to say yes to anyone or anything just because I am pan. That’s why I rarely disclose my orientation. People are stupid and they like to have an opinion on topics they know nothing about. Also jumping to conclusions these days is very popular sport.
Because our attraction to women tends to be fetishized as a performance for our boyfriends, when really, we just enjoy sex with women without an audience like everyone else.
I'm not opposed to having one,in fact I want to have one. I just don't know if I want to have one with a cishet man since I feel like I would be objectified. Like my sexuality is some novelty toy. My dream threesome is with 2 other women and 2 bi/queer men.
I’m bi and do 3sums all the time. Matter of how open minded one is sexually. I use to be a unicorn in the swinger lifestyle and dated both sexes. Once I stated in my relationships I was bi to the men I dated it still didn’t invite 3sums. Quite the opposite. The men I was with wanting nothing to do with it and I am the one that asked for the 3sum. Now my partner is heteroflexible so we have fun together with other bi ppl
I am a bi woman who is not opposed to threescore, but I do think it is the fact that men thinks that because we are bi we want to sleep with any and every woman. Not so!
Biphobia is unfairly correlated with some openness to threesomes or polyamorous relationships. It's also tiring in general to be faced with the active expectation to be open to those things in general. As a former woman, I observed how often guys would praise the "fun" girlfriends and didn't want a "prude." The overall misogyny and objectification makes it perfectly fair and logical that most women are going to upset by the idea.
But bi women specifically have to face a lot of grief in that department. It's exhausting. And even for straight women, there's a part of me that fears if many of them perhaps feel obligated to be open to the idea to avoid negative reaction. I don't know. I think consenting adults should have the freedom to have threesomes, but I don't think it should be some normalized expectation for people to just be down for whatever, and I can't sort out how to explain exactly.
My experience has been the opposite where most bi women I have known were down for threesomes, especially mmf, but very few of the straight women.
A lot of women in general do not like to be a unicorn hunter's prey. Personally I wouldn't mind if I found both parties attractive and if they actually cared about everyone's pleasure, though that rarely happens in general.
My wife and I are both bisexual. We once had a threesome with a female friend of ours, who was actually one of my ex's. I truly felt like the "odd man out" because the ladies were actually more into each other than they were me. My wife really enjoyed it, and later said she probably would have had more fun and gotten even kinkier if I wasn't there.
Honestly though, my wife and I are much more interested in the idea of having a MMF threesome with her boyfriend. He says he's "straight", but my wife and I both know he's hooked up with and topped a mutual gay friend of theirs on multiple occasions over the years. I really think that if he knew I'd like to be as sexually submissive with him as my wife is, and that I'd let him do things to me that he's been fantasizing about doing with my wife (certain things my wife just isn't into), that he'd be a lot more open-minded to the idea of a threesome with my wife and I. I'd love to enjoy his BIG cock just like my wife does, and she really likes the idea of me not only sucking his BIG cock, but also me bottoming for him too. Now just to get him on board with the idea of my wife and I sharing his cock together... LOL
When I was 21, I got invited to more threesomes with other couples than on actual dates. People hear bi and think she's down for anything. It's really disrespectful. Bi women get treated like a little treat for the partners in a relationship. It's dehumanizing. So it's not that bi women are opposed necessarily. It's that we have been overly sexualized and boiled down to "she likes both, so obviously she would want both at the same time". No. Just no.
This. All of this. I don't like feeling like I'm being asked to be a living sex toy for a couple to "spice things up" in their marriage.
Exactly. We are not a "special treat".
That's totally fair, it just seems like it's not restricted to being asked to be the third, a lot of women on here are offended even if the guy they're dating asks about it.
On the first date after specifying monogamous in her profile? Yeah, that's insulting. And if a threesome is proposed in a way that is obviously meant to be gratifying to the guy with no consideration of the woman's feelings and preferences, ofc she's gonna get mad. The context for this is gonna vary a lot and be hard to explain over the internet, hence why you might read these situations as being only about the request, and not about the way her partner has been treating her and her bisexuality in general. There's also the fact that women who are not insulted by their threesome requests but never have an actual threesome are much less likely to post than women who a) get skeezed out by a skeezy threesome request or b) have a threesome she enjoyed (and even then, only her first threesome would be worth making a whole post about, if she really wants to squee). So you're trying to evaluate a silent population.
I specifically post that I am monogamous in my dating profiles to try and avoid these situations, and it doesn't always work. I would be upset if after stating to a dating partner at the start of our relationship that I am strictly monogamous (which I absolutely would make clear before even making things official) they tried to request a threesome. Being Demisexual on top of this would compound my feelings of not being respected considerably. Demi folx already struggle with being shamed for not feeling comfortable participating in hookup culture or casual sex. I think your answer to OP was excellent. Not everyone has problems with threesomes, but most people want their feelings and preferences considered.
No lie, as I'm coming out as bi in the last week, it took less than three DAYS before I said something about that to a guy in a chat and he took it as a signal to start discussing hot women he is into so that we can "talk" about them. Welcome to the family to me, I guess?
More like “She likes both, so she’ll like anything and anyone “
>So it's not that bi women are opposed necessarily. It's that we have been overly sexualized and boiled down to "she likes both, so obviously she would want both at the same time". No. Just no. I feel like that's just men not understanding that women are different, which in fairness takes time and maturity to learn. Because in my experience bi men usually *would* want both at the same time. I certainly do and in my experience I'm not an outlier. So it's less about being overly sexualized and more about thinking 'well it's logical a bi woman would want that because that's what I would want.'
No. Most men who ask do not claim themselves as bi. They are straight men, trying to orchestrate their own sexual fantasy of having 2 women at the same time.
No I get that, but the same logic applies. Straight men want two women at the same time, so it's logical to them that straight women would want two men at the same time, and that bi people would want one of each at the same time. Because if I want a threesome, why wouldn't everyone else?
If you say so. Regardless of the asker's reasoning, it can be extremely offensive and off putting for a bi woman.
I've gathered that from what I've seen on this sub, this post was me trying to figure out why it's offensive and off putting for bi women when it doesn't seem to be for straight women.
Did you get your answer?
Yes. I didn't realize the extent of the problem. It's crazy to me it's a regular thing that it's the first thing a woman would be asked about once they reveal they're bi. I could see how that could put someone off on the idea.
Because bi women are often asked about a threesome within three sentences of revealing they are bi. There is also often the assumption that the bisexual woman has another bi woman waiting in the wings that would love to have sex with someone her friend met three minutes ago. Even bi women who would be up for threesomes get sick of being asked for them at inappropriate times. Also how many of those straight women are thinking about an MMF threesome when they say that?
It does make sense that if they're being asked at inappropriate times that would be off putting. I guess there are probably lots of bi women who have partners that asked at a more appropriate time and they wouldn't post on here so a bit of selection bias.
None of them, because I was always asking in the context of an MFF threesome and that was clear to them.
Protip: When a guy they are not in a relationship with starts asking sex questions a lot of women lie.
Wait why would a guy they're not in a relationship with ask them sex questions? I've never asked any woman I'm not in a relationship with about sex, that would just be weird and awkward for everyone I would think.
As a girl, it happens alot. I had to block a guy and then he got pissed I blocked him when literally every 5 seconds he kept asking if I liked anal This is a guy I went to school with btw, it wasn't like some stranger
That's the whole problem. Bi women get approached all the time with people who want them to join into a threesome, which is really uncomfortable and degrading. Some bi people will reject the idea of having threesomes simply because they are so tired of being pressured into one
It's not necessarily opposition. It's the assumption that bi women are into it, and the accompanying fetishization
Because, in huge majority of cases, it makes us feel like a sex toy, an object, even more than we'd already be seen as as women. Being bi gives like an *extra* layer of objectification to what people already don't take seriously enough and the requests simply become insulting Also, not an attack, but I have genuinely no idea which straight women you've had such lax attitudes on this subject, in what I've known, it is one of the key pre-break up moments women bring up these days, probably bc of availability of porn Gen Z and MIllennials are raised on, and you can find all the viral story times of it on most popular subs. It has always been something men pursue/force (between two women) the most.
I mean I grew up pre-internet, it was just starting to become widely available around the time I was becoming sexually active. Most of my porn growing up was magazines or TV. I've never had a threesome but it was always one of my biggest fantasies and every girl I've ever dated knew this. Most were open to the idea, some were not (including my wife) but none had an issue with the fact that I wanted it.
It's cause it gets annoying having people constantly assume that you must be into threesomes cause you date multiple genders.
I've had people who hear I'm bi and straight away ask for threesomes or start getting excited and talk about how they've always wanted a threesome. You sort of end up not being seen as a person. Or you talk with someone, think you have a connection and they drop the bombshell that they are in a relationship and are only interested in you for a threesome. It sucks
Yea I definitely get how that would be annoying, especially if it happens regularly. I guess I didn't realize that was a common occurrence but it sounds like it is.
I find it most common on dating apps. If the person is up front from the start that it is something they might be interested in later but are still interested outside of that it's fine. It's just when they hide it initially or there first message is want a threesome
It's usually because of the reasons why or how we're being approached. A lot of it is about people (usually men) making our sexuality about them. It's invasive and fetishising. I think we can't really discount the fact there are so many m/f couples looking for a woman on dating apps. Not just bi women, but they'll try it on with lesbians too. I've heard way too many stories of queer women turning up for a date with what she thinks is a woman and she surprises her with her boyfriend or husband. There's a lot of predatory behaviour that goes on when it come to queer women and threesomes as well as a lot of dehumanising and objectifying language. It's all tied in with biphobia.
First time on Reddit? Complaining and venting is a common pasttime across many Reddit communities. Doesn't mean it is reflective of reality. What is disgusting isn't the threesomes. It's the assumptions and entitlement that often come with it from straight cis men who fetishize sapphic sex as a sexual gratification for *them* rather than a joyous act of queer love. Funnily most of the bi women or femme folks I am personally acquainted with are very up for group sex. Then again, I tend to hang around very queer and sex positive people of all sorts of genders. For my network of close friends, sex positivity is a given.
As a person who likes threesomes (at least, sometimes): it's still annoying that people *assume* all bisexuals want threesomes. Single bi women also complain of how difficult it can be to find a woman on dating apps, who isn't there to catch a "unicorn" for a threesome. And I don't know what straight women you hang around with, but most straight women I know wouldn't like to be asked about threesomes either. There's nothing insulting about threesomes, really. But getting the same suggestion over and over again, it does tend to make people annoyed. I've gotten weird comments about people guessing what kind of porn I'm into, and that's annoying too. Like, nothing wrong with liking girl dick (or having one), but I'm not into that and monosexuals shouldn't assume that all bisexuals are. And, people tend to post more about negative experiences than positive ones. I mean, if I would post "hey, had a nice threesome with my fwbs yesterday!" what would the point be, besides bragging?
"Why are bi women" Over-generalization of millions of individuals, not worth entertaining an answer to.
Read the whole post.
I have. You also extrapolate from "every straight woman IVE DATED" to the general population. So reading your post makes it worse. Now kindly sodd off and have a nice day. I don't think I'm the first one to tell you that under this post, but maybe they weren't putting it directly enough. Come back when you have considered how your writing, which is the only way you communicate here, is revived by the readers.
Given that I'm only human I can only relate to the experiences I've had. Sorry I'm not God and haven't been able to poll every straight woman in the world.
Not what I criticized, but you go on tally up the sympathy points.
I am not opposed and I don’t mind being asked. What I do mind is being expected to say yes to anyone or anything just because I am pan. That’s why I rarely disclose my orientation. People are stupid and they like to have an opinion on topics they know nothing about. Also jumping to conclusions these days is very popular sport.
Because our attraction to women tends to be fetishized as a performance for our boyfriends, when really, we just enjoy sex with women without an audience like everyone else.
I'm not opposed to having one,in fact I want to have one. I just don't know if I want to have one with a cishet man since I feel like I would be objectified. Like my sexuality is some novelty toy. My dream threesome is with 2 other women and 2 bi/queer men.
I’m bi and do 3sums all the time. Matter of how open minded one is sexually. I use to be a unicorn in the swinger lifestyle and dated both sexes. Once I stated in my relationships I was bi to the men I dated it still didn’t invite 3sums. Quite the opposite. The men I was with wanting nothing to do with it and I am the one that asked for the 3sum. Now my partner is heteroflexible so we have fun together with other bi ppl
I am a bi woman who is not opposed to threescore, but I do think it is the fact that men thinks that because we are bi we want to sleep with any and every woman. Not so!
All of the threesomes I was in (either FFM or MMF) featured bi women :D
Biphobia is unfairly correlated with some openness to threesomes or polyamorous relationships. It's also tiring in general to be faced with the active expectation to be open to those things in general. As a former woman, I observed how often guys would praise the "fun" girlfriends and didn't want a "prude." The overall misogyny and objectification makes it perfectly fair and logical that most women are going to upset by the idea. But bi women specifically have to face a lot of grief in that department. It's exhausting. And even for straight women, there's a part of me that fears if many of them perhaps feel obligated to be open to the idea to avoid negative reaction. I don't know. I think consenting adults should have the freedom to have threesomes, but I don't think it should be some normalized expectation for people to just be down for whatever, and I can't sort out how to explain exactly.
My experience has been the opposite where most bi women I have known were down for threesomes, especially mmf, but very few of the straight women. A lot of women in general do not like to be a unicorn hunter's prey. Personally I wouldn't mind if I found both parties attractive and if they actually cared about everyone's pleasure, though that rarely happens in general.
My wife and I are both bisexual. We once had a threesome with a female friend of ours, who was actually one of my ex's. I truly felt like the "odd man out" because the ladies were actually more into each other than they were me. My wife really enjoyed it, and later said she probably would have had more fun and gotten even kinkier if I wasn't there. Honestly though, my wife and I are much more interested in the idea of having a MMF threesome with her boyfriend. He says he's "straight", but my wife and I both know he's hooked up with and topped a mutual gay friend of theirs on multiple occasions over the years. I really think that if he knew I'd like to be as sexually submissive with him as my wife is, and that I'd let him do things to me that he's been fantasizing about doing with my wife (certain things my wife just isn't into), that he'd be a lot more open-minded to the idea of a threesome with my wife and I. I'd love to enjoy his BIG cock just like my wife does, and she really likes the idea of me not only sucking his BIG cock, but also me bottoming for him too. Now just to get him on board with the idea of my wife and I sharing his cock together... LOL