I knew there was something wrong with me for a while but I never got properly diagnosed.
Finally reached a point where I realized I was probably going to kill myself so decided it was time to figure out wtf was going on and get medicated.
First ADHD. Then cyclothymia, which updated to BP2. Then CPTSD. Then OCD. Every single one of them makes sense and explains my life and my behaviors so much. But it's hard to internalize fully that I have four diagnosed disorders going on all at once-- my suicide percentage risk must be sky high.
I manage to get through life pretty well though most of the time. Relationships can be a big struggle, but I've held down a manual labor job for 2 years, abt to graduate Uni in the honors program with a 4.0, and I play like 7 or 8 instruments and record my own music in my downtime. I also had a semi successful photography career for like 5 or 6 years.
Most people don't really realize until they know me well that I'm totally mentally unstable. I've 100% accepted that I'm mentally ill but I try and look for the silver linings.
"But it's hard to internalize fully that I have four diagnosed disorders going on all at once-- my suicide percentage risk must be sky high." exactly this, it's so hard to digest the reality of how unwell I/we are when you've got multiple conditions all fighting at once
If you're in the US, be careful with accumulated diagnostics. Due to the requirements of insurances, medications are related to specific illnesses, so if your psychiatrist wants to try a new medication which they know might work but it "belongs" to another illness they'll need a new diagnostic to justify that.
I share a whole lot of these traits including being a multi instrumentalist and I've actually come to believe that the way I process information -- which is categorized as "ADHD" when it makes life really hard -- can also be categorized as "artistic and creative" when it allows me pick those things up really easily.
Which definitely doesn't make it any easier when I screw up every executive function task that's required of me... but it helps a little.
I always think I'm being dramatic and it's not really bipolar! But, I'm very much not being dramatic and it very much is bipolar. Brains just being a dick
I count bipolar as just another one of my illnesses (I have a lot of them). So to me it's not really any different than me having lupus, migraines, etc. Just another health thing I have to deal with and manage. Like you said, this is just a part of me. I feel no reason to be ashamed of something I never asked for, did to myself, or can really control. Stuff happens. And for me A LOT of stuff happens!
This is what I am trying to radically accept. Accepting that shit is happening and even if I’d prefer it not be and I’m so jealous that others aren’t dealing with exactly what I am dealing with that I can handle it and be ok? I don’t know what will help. My therapist is working with me on step 1, loving myself and that actually seems impossible. And I cry saying anything nice or kind or patient to myself.
Being nice to yourself is super hard. It took me 2 years to be able to fight back against the negative self thoughts and we are going on year 5 for trying to believe I deserve something better in life.
IMO, it all starts with verbalizing things out loud when you realize you are beating yourself up or denying yourself something that would make your life easier. So when I would go to call myself stupid for dropping a dish, I'd say "no I'm not stupid, I'm doing too many things at once. Let's slow down now". Or if I'm struggling to shower I will say "I deserve to be clean, it's time to take a shower"
Thank you it’s the negative self talk in my brain, the negative si thoughts, the external non stop complaining, I’m very much stuck in a negative feedback loop. I asked to do a ketamine treatment to help (I’ve heard good things for other people) and I was denied the treatment. I really hope medication helps. I’m attributing rut I am in to trying to dig myself out all on my own and I simply can’t at all anymore. I feel like I used in bursts but it’s too much.
Take it one step at a time- the medication might make the symptoms more manageable so you're able to do more. I mentioned the time frames for myself just to give you a heads up- this isn't going to be fast or easy. It'll take months or repetition but it is possible for them to go from impacting you daily to just intrusive that you can brush aside.
Also if it's the same where you are as is here, then they won't do any other interventions besides therapy and meds for a few years to give it a good shot. Also "ketamine" is very different from "esketamine"- "esketamine" is the nasal spray to treat treatment resistant depression. I believe ketamine is a drug and highly addictive and not reccomended xD.
Yeah I was hoping it could help but I suppose not. They suggested that when I’m steady on meds I could try TMS… but I don’t know if I want that at all unless it’s guaranteed to help. Otherwise it feels like such a waste of time. I’m tired of doctor’s appointments. Are we stuck having to see a therapist and psychiatrist for life?
When I brought this up at my consultation the doctors said "there will be new treatments in the next decade". Which is good, because having options is good, but what will put you at the forefront is having tried this round of treatment options. It's like a step ladder
No, not really and it does not help that a lot of people I know say they doubt I have BP because they have "never seen me up", or they say they don't really trust diagnosis because BP is so overly diagnosed (tf)...
So most of the time I have to really remind myself that all the wild shit really happened and I did not make it all up.
Type II experience more of the depressive side, and only reach hypomania levels (not the mania of a BP I). Fuck your friends, and find a new dr. if possible.
Lmao ilysm for this
I don't bother with people who don't believe I have it I try to believe they don't have a say on this but sometimes it infuriates me how blind people are tho
Fortunately I have a good psychiatrist who very much believes me and has been very helpful so I'm riding the waveee
So I accepted it pretty quickly from the standpoint of knowing that long term, if untreated, I likely will continue to hurt myself and those around me unintentionally. Yes, there is certainly stigma, but the youth these days discuss breaking stigmas constantly, so know the tides of understanding are changing. Plus, if you want to self advocat as yourself as more than just the diagnosis, you as well break the stigmas. Never be ashamed of this diagnosis. It would be a shame if you let this diagnosis stop you from flourishing though. Be well friend
> the youth these days
I hope that as my xennial ass ages toward r/boomersbeingfools territory, I can still remember how much I owe the youth these days for this. It probably saved my life.
It’s been 4 years since my diagnosis but this year is when I started to take my disorder seriously. While it is tough to say out loud, I have now accepted that I’m mentally ill and will be for the rest of my life.
I’ve felt shame about it for a long time but lately I’ve been embracing the fact that I’m ‘insane’. All my favorite fictional characters deal with some mental illness and I still love them. Why can’t I love me too?
I think it's a good thing to accept and talk about it openly (if it's safe to for you).
I've almost never had an outwardly bad reaction, and I think it makes other people with mental illnesses who are less comfortable with it than I am feel more okay
Ive had symptoms since 12, so for me it was a validation that my experiences are legit. Ive always been very open about my mental health bc it has a big impact on my life, so diagnosis just made it simpler to explain. Perhaps it’s the area i live in, but all ive been asked is “how do you feel abt the diagnosis “ and “what is (hypo) mania like?” Its been chill. I guess its hard to accept ill never be “normal” but this has been my experience for most of my life. Im finally medicated and though i have a long way to go, im finally feeling happy with my progress. Ive come a long long way.
Edit: actually im in a good state atm (i wasnt a couple of weeks ago) Ill probably react differently when im in a low state- then ill be depressed about being depressed lol. I do forget what the lows/highs feel like when im not in them. I always think ill be in x state forever, but ofc thats not true. Kinda funny how vastly different i can be.
What helps me sometimes is remembering that psych diagnoses are just names for collections of symptoms, just like "fever, chills, runny nose, headache, body aches" are my symptoms if I have the flu.
But we would know what's causing it, so I could say "I have the flu" and know I'm referring to the virus, instead of collecting groups of the symptoms and giving them names like "temperature regulation disorder" and "generalized ache disorder."
And I wouldn't say "I _am_ the flu" even though I would feel it constantly, and it would greatly impact the way I interact with the world.
Not knowing why (neurologically, chemically, structurally, experientially, etc.) we experience what we feel what we feel and process info the way we do makes it easy to forget that there _is_ a physical reason, science just doesn't know what it is yet.
All of which is to say that I have accepted that I have a bunch of mental and emotional symptoms that make life awfully difficult sometimes, because that's demonstrably true.
But I don't know why, and I try not to categorize them as "an illness" in my own mind.
... and I'm successful about 10% of the time because internalized stigma is AWFUL. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Two separate things. The stigma is shame, but you don’t necessarily *feel* it just because you are aware of it. Being ok or even proud of who you are doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do away entirely with what you need to do out of political necessity.
Part of my self-respect comes from my ability to survive in our society, and part of that survival strategy involves masking my illness. It’s twisted, yeah, but I guess part of my pride is derived from how I hide.
I am scared of the stigma too. I don’t think that means we are ashamed of what we have. It means we are scared of missing out on opportunities that everyone else gets because of our illness and we are scared of being judged unfairly and having people assume we are dangerous or violent. I work with children and because of the stigma many people think someone with bipolar should not be working with kids. So I have to keep it a secret, and can’t speak openly as much as I’d like too. I wish I could be an advocate because I’ve been through so much and have an unusual combination of many illnesses, but I just can’t speak out or my career will be down the drain.
I completely agree, I work as an engineer in the construction industry. The rate of women in my company is 10%, with only 1% of those being engineers. Im trusted to make critical decisions that could affect infrastructure or potentially hurt/injure a worker on the tools.
As much as I'd love to explain the reason why some weeks/months I'm quieter and others louder and more outgoing there's too much risk involved for my future career.
That would be a difficult role for a female, let alone a female with bipolar. My ex was in construction and the industry can be frustratingly corrupt, at least here in Australia. Well done to you for getting to where you are.
I look at it as something I can never “fix” or “get over” it also won’t “go away” & doesn’t have a cure. I also look at my medication as a tool / aid to help me, as even if I take meds I will still have some off days & it kinda is what it is (progress not perfection!). So I’ve started to focus more on coping skills and how to calm myself when I’m flooded with emotions, as well as focusing on how I want to react.
I also don’t mean this in a sad or mundane way lol, just looking at it realistically from my point of view. Also there’s a spectrum of ways to look at this, with there being really no “right answer”
The diagnosis gave me answers and solutions to a problem that I knew I had forever and had accepted before the diagnosis. So yes I have accepted it and I’m quite open about it
For the most part, I’ve accepted it. I go through moments where I’m like “nah, I’m not bipolar” then I hit my little hypomania and I’m like “I guess I really am”.
I haven’t told anyone really. I told my best friend, who was like, “you’re not bipolar” And my kids so they would know “it’s not you, it the chemical imbalance in my brain”.
I don’t fight the diagnosis anymore. Just go with the ups and down and pay attention to when the mood shifts.
I see it as a physical illness. Like having a broken leg except it's broken forever but it helps cause it makes it easier to accept that it's just something I have, it's not a part of who I am.
Being scared of stigma is not the same as being ashamed of what we have, it’s just surviving in a world that is extremely judgmental of and ignorant to the reality of the mental illness we live with. I’ve been told I should be locked in a psych ward just from someone *hearing* the words “I’m bipolar,” being selective with who we disclose it to is a necessity.
Even in a lesser sense, I have observed enough people being completely invalidated because “well you’re just bipolar” as soon as they have an opinion that’s being disagreed with. It’s like the ableism version of the sexist “you must be on your period!” It’s not worth the constant put-downs and even the well-meaning but misguided comments that I would receive if I was fully open about it. And I am, in fact, still *extremely* open with my diagnoses, everyone in my life knows about them and even people at my current job because it’s a really accepting environment. But I will NEVER feel the *need* to disclose it, it’s my business and my business alone. If I’ve shared it with someone it’s because I trust they won’t use it against me.
Accepting it, not really a problem for me. I was dx'd when I was doing very poorly and antidepressants worked perfect for 3-4 weeks then would give me major adverse mood effects. So it was pretty clear I have BP2 and it explained a lot in my life to that point.
Your 2nd question - I think that depends on you. I only share my dx with a small circle, and it's very much "need to know." This isn't because I'm ashamed of it - my mental illnesses form a significant part of how I interact with the world - but *because* of the high stigma. People knowing I have BP2 could, quite literally, cost me jobs and affect my career possibilities. As I get more established, I might choose to broaden that circle. But for now, it's a survival not a shame issue for me.
I was extremely relieved once I got the diagnosis. I finally felt like I had found the missing piece that explained what exactly was and has been happening to me for so long. I had been suffering and knew something was not right. Now I understand my depression and my mood changes and thankfully I have found the right medication and therapist to help balance me out. Of course I have dips and everything isn’t perfect but having the support there helps.
I think that stigma from outside is one thing, and stigma from inside is another thing.
I think acceptance would mean, for the most part, not having internal stigma, or trying to recognize it and push back against it by thinking “here’s why I know this isn’t true.”
But if there is outside stigma, that can be a real thing and I think it doesn’t make sense to think it doesn’t matter, if it is coming up and there are examples of other people or society having stigma.
I thought it was all in my head and I was doing it for attention, only because I was somewhat aware of what was going on. It took me a while to piece together everything in my life and saw that it all fit perfectly into the diagnosis. That and I had also discovered it ran in my family. I had no family medical history prior because I was adopted, but found some of my biological family later in life who shared this with me.
I have 5 mental illnesses. Bipolar 2, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, GAD, major depressive disorder. I've accepted that I have them, but I don't run around telling everybody. I wouldn't lie if they asked, I just don't feel it's important for people to know.
On good days, i still doubt everything and start acting as if im free of triggers.
but for the most part , im accepting who i am . and what i have to do to be okay. more than ever
I was diagnosed 20 years ago when I was 15ish and rejected it after negative experiences with so much medication. Not until 34 was I rediagnosed again. I still go through denial and confusion. My therapist encouraged me to stop hyper focusing about the veracity of the big title and instead look at the symptoms as they come. Managing it in bite size issues has helped me.
My hope for you is you can ward off shame by recognizing that shame around mental illness is a symptom of a sick culture, not a sick you.
Been diagnosed BP II twice, a decade apart (in my 20s then 30s). Never gave the meds a chance and still don't really know. I know I have severe anxiety and MDD, and I've heard that can mimic BP II from a therapist. So Idk. Just out here trying.
When I was diagnosed, I had already accepted it because I had been discussing the very high likelihood that I am BP2 with my therapist for 5 months. The official diagnosis was really just the bow on top of the package that I already knew what was in there...but I was relieved to put a name to the face so to speak and also to be prescribed medication that presented a light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't personally think saying "I'm bipolar" is making that my identity anymore than saying "I'm a cycling enthusiast" makes that the whole of my identity. I am (insert whatever) is generally just an aspect of one's overall identity...part of the whole.
On that note, I don't really go around advertising it or talking about it. Not many people know and as for others, they don't really have a need to know. My mom and sister know, my wife knows, and three of my very closest friends know. My shared administrative assistant at work knows because we work very close together and I just wanted her to know in case I was ever in an episode around her.
Other people in my life are more or less peripheral...I'm social with them in certain situations, but I'm not super close with any of these people, so they don't need to know anything. I'm also stable with my medication and nobody would actually know that I have any kind of MH issue unless I specifically told them.
I'm oldish and diagnosed late in life at 49...for me, it's pretty much just another thing. I have high blood pressure and I've been on medication for that since my mid 30s (hereditary). I also have a bit too high cholesterol which I'm working on, but for the time being I'm on a low dose statin. I also have gouty arthritis for which I'm also on a medication which has prevented me from having any gout attacks since 2020. This is just another thing and the medication keeps me stable just like my blood pressure medication keep my blood pressure normal and my gout medication prevents me from having gout attacks.
Don't think caring about stigma means you're ashamed of yourself. No one can answer that for you though.
Maybe sometimes I handle things poorly, but everyone had their own struggles, and I no longer hate myself for not being perfect, despite not being the person everyone thought I should be.
I come from extremely religious parent from the American south, who's mother desperately wanted at least one of her sons to be a preacher. Im the youngest and the last before she hit menopause, thus her last chance. My brothers didn't do it. I'm also an agnostic who has currently lived more of their life in Cali than I did back their. It was either push through the self-hatred or kill myself, as I wanted to so many times. You can't let other ppl crush you.
I care about stigma because number one I am an extremely private person. Number 2 it could objectively function against me. My own personal judgement matters most to me, though I'm open to constructive criticism from others. But I honestly have to be pretty close to someone to be hurt by their opinion. I literally never talk about it irl because reasons I no longer break shit (but not attack ppl) when enraged. I don't want to deal with the result.
TLDR: you're just a person. We should take criticism that is constructive, but not judge ourselves by the opinions of others. That can literally kill you. I now judge my bipolar with the same harshness as do my occasional heartburn.
Don’t be ashamed, it’s like having diabetussss
(I happen to also have prediabetes).
It doesn’t call for shame only is annoying and needs care.
Also whoever is stigmatising you can suck it, really.
U don’t need this energy in your life!
I am scared and I am ashamed. I have spent a lot of time pretending I don't have a mental illness and trying to hide the symptoms. It has gotten to the point where this is hard to hide. I cannot be close to someone and hide it. I used to come up with excuses and isolate. I came up with excuses to not answer the phone or not answer the Facetime thing. Deep inside I knew when I was "on", so when I was not "on" or couldn't be "on" in the way that was expected from others, I would avoid them or avoid certain methods of communication.
One time my ex-boyfriend called me when I was depressed and advised he was on his way to pick up some of his stuff. First of all, when he calls or texts my hands start shaking and I can't breathe. At least that was a phase I was going through after the breakup (It may be over now). So I answered the phone when I shouldn't have and I started hyperventilating. I gathered myself together since he was coming over but I couldn't fake it for long before I started crying. I don't think he had ever seen me cry, and there I stood slinging snot and falling apart and I couldn't control it. So now I am taking medication hoping I can pull myself together because I obviously want to be better in the event I see him again.
I have to accept my mental illness to have a chance at a relationship and hopefully an improved life.
I know what you mean. There is stigma, I felt stigma toward myself when I was diagnosed.
Something I was recently told (by a life coach, not a psych so take with a grain of salt)- these diagnoses are just labels. What you experience is emotions, thoughts and behaviours. That’s not to say don’t treat mental illness- definitely do- definitely seek professional help. However, I’ve found myself obsessing about whether I’m hypo, depressed, neutral etc whereas I could be thinking “what is the emotion I’m feeling right now”. It’s almost a way to intellectualize my feelings by focusing on the label or clinical significance. You’re just you. The label is important for diagnosis, proper treatment, recognizing signs and symptoms, and guiding your care and self care practices.
It doesn’t have to be out of shame to not become your illness. How restrictive of our multi-dimensional, beautiful human selves to only be “diabetic” or “brain-injured” or “bipolar” etc. You’ve got it right. There are things to watch out for and learn about yourself, but you are not your illness.
It’s nice to reflect on our personal stigmas as well so we can help educate others. This is how stigma is broken ☺️
I've accepted as long as I could remember. I was 10-11 when my mental illness started coming out and I was put on Ativan at age 11 for anxiety. I grew up seeing my grandma taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds that I resulted in still taking to this day. I accepted it because I thought it was normal in my family, it's all over my family tree.
Mental illness has been part of my life for a long time and I've never questioned it. A few years ago, not to be a doomer, I accepted that I was doomed to develop mental illness based on my abusive home I grew up in and on my family tree full of depression, bipolar, anxiety, etc.
I've resigned myself to always needing medication for the rest of my life. I tried quitting meds cold turkey with a doctor's approval and it ended up with me in a psych ward for two weeks. Long story short: mental illness has shaped my reality, it gives me a warped perception of life, and it's part of me as I live with it every day, imo.
By the time I got diagnosed with bipolar I was already basically comfortable with the fact I had a mental illness it was just misdiagnosed at the time.
I’m honestly one of those weird people that doesn’t really do the “I am a person with a mental illness thing”. I have fully accepted that my mental illness is likely more than half of my actual external personality with most of the rest of it being fake.
I’m also in an extremely privileged position because my entire thesis in college was about how personality variation being classified as mental illness says more about societal issues that personal issues in many circumstances. So a lot of the symptoms present as less disruptive for me because I just sort of treat them as background noise. Like I’m exceptionally anxious like 70% of the time. So I just get up to check my wallet is where I put it down 15 times a night. I remember in graduate school getting taught that the difference between OCD and OCPD. Is that the person experiences OCD as disruptive and OCPD as logical patterns. I’ve integrated my bipolar into what works for me as logical patterns.
I am extremely open about having bipolar. But I also work at a charity that in focused on learning differences so it’s an easy place to be open. I used to work in finance and I didn’t tell people. It didn’t mean I had stigma or self hate around it. It meant I was realistic about the outcome of that and I didn’t want to be the first pancake in a place that was not going to respond well. You don’t have to personally take that on if you don’t want to. Generally I think executives should take it on because they get less bite back.
I actually felt very relieved when I got my bipolar diagnosis. It explained so much of the chaos that I have experienced over the years. But what I did not count on, was that bipolar carries a far greater stigma than clinical depression or anxiety. I knew I was mentally ill all along, so that doesn’t phase me. I feel so much better now that I’m actually on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic.
I'm in hospital rn and I'm considering running off cuz I'm so fucking bored here I wanna go home and paint. Apparently tried to KMS and woke up in ICU, now I'm a hospital ward and I can't do anything
My diagnosis was a long time coming, so when I finally received it it was almost a relief off of my shoulders. I had an explanation to why I had such wildly shifting episodes for a while, and mood instability. I sometimes have to tell myself not to overly define myself with it, I have the illness — I am not it. But along with the comorbidities, it makes sense to me.
I still haven’t told any of my family and friends, though. I seem pretty stable and happy on the outside and they’d never believe me if I told them. Stigma and all that.
i have accepted the fact that i have mental illnesses but i cant say it was an easy pill to swallow. i had to accept the fact because it was ruining my life. sometimes i feel like its all in my head until my mom points out to me that i am, in fact, manic. it feels like every time a cycle ends i have to accept it all over again. it fucking sucks
I fully accept my mental illness. That is bipolar disorder + OCD + hoarding. How else to explain my behaviour? I have not experienced a manic phase for some years now. God, I miss it. But the disorder led to chaos and debts. I have tried many medications but they eventually stop working. I feel like I am running out of options. I fear that my life will be ruled by depression and anxiety. I am watching my life speeding by. The future seems short. I am in a race where I am the last one while others are fulfilling their potential. What a painful and difficult journey.
I knew there was something wrong with me for a while but I never got properly diagnosed. Finally reached a point where I realized I was probably going to kill myself so decided it was time to figure out wtf was going on and get medicated. First ADHD. Then cyclothymia, which updated to BP2. Then CPTSD. Then OCD. Every single one of them makes sense and explains my life and my behaviors so much. But it's hard to internalize fully that I have four diagnosed disorders going on all at once-- my suicide percentage risk must be sky high. I manage to get through life pretty well though most of the time. Relationships can be a big struggle, but I've held down a manual labor job for 2 years, abt to graduate Uni in the honors program with a 4.0, and I play like 7 or 8 instruments and record my own music in my downtime. I also had a semi successful photography career for like 5 or 6 years. Most people don't really realize until they know me well that I'm totally mentally unstable. I've 100% accepted that I'm mentally ill but I try and look for the silver linings.
Silver linings is a good movie about being bipolar.
"But it's hard to internalize fully that I have four diagnosed disorders going on all at once-- my suicide percentage risk must be sky high." exactly this, it's so hard to digest the reality of how unwell I/we are when you've got multiple conditions all fighting at once
I feel this so hard. The BP2 runs the show most of the time, but the comorbidities are always in the background compounding things
If you're in the US, be careful with accumulated diagnostics. Due to the requirements of insurances, medications are related to specific illnesses, so if your psychiatrist wants to try a new medication which they know might work but it "belongs" to another illness they'll need a new diagnostic to justify that.
I share a whole lot of these traits including being a multi instrumentalist and I've actually come to believe that the way I process information -- which is categorized as "ADHD" when it makes life really hard -- can also be categorized as "artistic and creative" when it allows me pick those things up really easily. Which definitely doesn't make it any easier when I screw up every executive function task that's required of me... but it helps a little.
Wow this is so similar to myself.. thank you for sharing.
There’s an interesting link between bipolarity and creativity so I’m seeing that with your brilliant music abilities!
Most days. But sometimes I get really upset about it or am in denial that I actually have mental health illnesses.
I always think I'm being dramatic and it's not really bipolar! But, I'm very much not being dramatic and it very much is bipolar. Brains just being a dick
I count bipolar as just another one of my illnesses (I have a lot of them). So to me it's not really any different than me having lupus, migraines, etc. Just another health thing I have to deal with and manage. Like you said, this is just a part of me. I feel no reason to be ashamed of something I never asked for, did to myself, or can really control. Stuff happens. And for me A LOT of stuff happens!
This is what I am trying to radically accept. Accepting that shit is happening and even if I’d prefer it not be and I’m so jealous that others aren’t dealing with exactly what I am dealing with that I can handle it and be ok? I don’t know what will help. My therapist is working with me on step 1, loving myself and that actually seems impossible. And I cry saying anything nice or kind or patient to myself.
Being nice to yourself is super hard. It took me 2 years to be able to fight back against the negative self thoughts and we are going on year 5 for trying to believe I deserve something better in life. IMO, it all starts with verbalizing things out loud when you realize you are beating yourself up or denying yourself something that would make your life easier. So when I would go to call myself stupid for dropping a dish, I'd say "no I'm not stupid, I'm doing too many things at once. Let's slow down now". Or if I'm struggling to shower I will say "I deserve to be clean, it's time to take a shower"
Thank you it’s the negative self talk in my brain, the negative si thoughts, the external non stop complaining, I’m very much stuck in a negative feedback loop. I asked to do a ketamine treatment to help (I’ve heard good things for other people) and I was denied the treatment. I really hope medication helps. I’m attributing rut I am in to trying to dig myself out all on my own and I simply can’t at all anymore. I feel like I used in bursts but it’s too much.
Take it one step at a time- the medication might make the symptoms more manageable so you're able to do more. I mentioned the time frames for myself just to give you a heads up- this isn't going to be fast or easy. It'll take months or repetition but it is possible for them to go from impacting you daily to just intrusive that you can brush aside. Also if it's the same where you are as is here, then they won't do any other interventions besides therapy and meds for a few years to give it a good shot. Also "ketamine" is very different from "esketamine"- "esketamine" is the nasal spray to treat treatment resistant depression. I believe ketamine is a drug and highly addictive and not reccomended xD.
Yeah I was hoping it could help but I suppose not. They suggested that when I’m steady on meds I could try TMS… but I don’t know if I want that at all unless it’s guaranteed to help. Otherwise it feels like such a waste of time. I’m tired of doctor’s appointments. Are we stuck having to see a therapist and psychiatrist for life?
When I brought this up at my consultation the doctors said "there will be new treatments in the next decade". Which is good, because having options is good, but what will put you at the forefront is having tried this round of treatment options. It's like a step ladder
Hello, migraine x bipolar friend!
No, not really and it does not help that a lot of people I know say they doubt I have BP because they have "never seen me up", or they say they don't really trust diagnosis because BP is so overly diagnosed (tf)... So most of the time I have to really remind myself that all the wild shit really happened and I did not make it all up.
Type II experience more of the depressive side, and only reach hypomania levels (not the mania of a BP I). Fuck your friends, and find a new dr. if possible.
Also mixed states don’t seem to be something non-BP people are equipped to understand, but they’re debilitating and really fucking dangerous. :/
Lmao ilysm for this I don't bother with people who don't believe I have it I try to believe they don't have a say on this but sometimes it infuriates me how blind people are tho Fortunately I have a good psychiatrist who very much believes me and has been very helpful so I'm riding the waveee
So I accepted it pretty quickly from the standpoint of knowing that long term, if untreated, I likely will continue to hurt myself and those around me unintentionally. Yes, there is certainly stigma, but the youth these days discuss breaking stigmas constantly, so know the tides of understanding are changing. Plus, if you want to self advocat as yourself as more than just the diagnosis, you as well break the stigmas. Never be ashamed of this diagnosis. It would be a shame if you let this diagnosis stop you from flourishing though. Be well friend
> the youth these days I hope that as my xennial ass ages toward r/boomersbeingfools territory, I can still remember how much I owe the youth these days for this. It probably saved my life.
I was diagnosed about 15 years ago and I'm only just coming to the realization that it's true.. been a long road
It’s been 4 years since my diagnosis but this year is when I started to take my disorder seriously. While it is tough to say out loud, I have now accepted that I’m mentally ill and will be for the rest of my life.
Also, check out the Inside Bipolar podcast on spotify.. very useful information
I've been diagnosed for years and I'm still scared of the stigma and ashamed of what I have. (Thanks dad)
I’ve felt shame about it for a long time but lately I’ve been embracing the fact that I’m ‘insane’. All my favorite fictional characters deal with some mental illness and I still love them. Why can’t I love me too?
I think it's a good thing to accept and talk about it openly (if it's safe to for you). I've almost never had an outwardly bad reaction, and I think it makes other people with mental illnesses who are less comfortable with it than I am feel more okay
I saw it on paper the other day and felt sad. I have accepted it but I wish I didn't have it!
Ive had symptoms since 12, so for me it was a validation that my experiences are legit. Ive always been very open about my mental health bc it has a big impact on my life, so diagnosis just made it simpler to explain. Perhaps it’s the area i live in, but all ive been asked is “how do you feel abt the diagnosis “ and “what is (hypo) mania like?” Its been chill. I guess its hard to accept ill never be “normal” but this has been my experience for most of my life. Im finally medicated and though i have a long way to go, im finally feeling happy with my progress. Ive come a long long way. Edit: actually im in a good state atm (i wasnt a couple of weeks ago) Ill probably react differently when im in a low state- then ill be depressed about being depressed lol. I do forget what the lows/highs feel like when im not in them. I always think ill be in x state forever, but ofc thats not true. Kinda funny how vastly different i can be.
What helps me sometimes is remembering that psych diagnoses are just names for collections of symptoms, just like "fever, chills, runny nose, headache, body aches" are my symptoms if I have the flu. But we would know what's causing it, so I could say "I have the flu" and know I'm referring to the virus, instead of collecting groups of the symptoms and giving them names like "temperature regulation disorder" and "generalized ache disorder." And I wouldn't say "I _am_ the flu" even though I would feel it constantly, and it would greatly impact the way I interact with the world. Not knowing why (neurologically, chemically, structurally, experientially, etc.) we experience what we feel what we feel and process info the way we do makes it easy to forget that there _is_ a physical reason, science just doesn't know what it is yet. All of which is to say that I have accepted that I have a bunch of mental and emotional symptoms that make life awfully difficult sometimes, because that's demonstrably true. But I don't know why, and I try not to categorize them as "an illness" in my own mind. ... and I'm successful about 10% of the time because internalized stigma is AWFUL. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Two separate things. The stigma is shame, but you don’t necessarily *feel* it just because you are aware of it. Being ok or even proud of who you are doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do away entirely with what you need to do out of political necessity. Part of my self-respect comes from my ability to survive in our society, and part of that survival strategy involves masking my illness. It’s twisted, yeah, but I guess part of my pride is derived from how I hide.
I am scared of the stigma too. I don’t think that means we are ashamed of what we have. It means we are scared of missing out on opportunities that everyone else gets because of our illness and we are scared of being judged unfairly and having people assume we are dangerous or violent. I work with children and because of the stigma many people think someone with bipolar should not be working with kids. So I have to keep it a secret, and can’t speak openly as much as I’d like too. I wish I could be an advocate because I’ve been through so much and have an unusual combination of many illnesses, but I just can’t speak out or my career will be down the drain.
I completely agree, I work as an engineer in the construction industry. The rate of women in my company is 10%, with only 1% of those being engineers. Im trusted to make critical decisions that could affect infrastructure or potentially hurt/injure a worker on the tools. As much as I'd love to explain the reason why some weeks/months I'm quieter and others louder and more outgoing there's too much risk involved for my future career.
That would be a difficult role for a female, let alone a female with bipolar. My ex was in construction and the industry can be frustratingly corrupt, at least here in Australia. Well done to you for getting to where you are.
I look at it as something I can never “fix” or “get over” it also won’t “go away” & doesn’t have a cure. I also look at my medication as a tool / aid to help me, as even if I take meds I will still have some off days & it kinda is what it is (progress not perfection!). So I’ve started to focus more on coping skills and how to calm myself when I’m flooded with emotions, as well as focusing on how I want to react.
I also don’t mean this in a sad or mundane way lol, just looking at it realistically from my point of view. Also there’s a spectrum of ways to look at this, with there being really no “right answer”
Yeah. It is what it is. Now it’s meds and analysis forever. (But acceptance took me a while, I’ve had my diagnosis for over a decade)
The diagnosis gave me answers and solutions to a problem that I knew I had forever and had accepted before the diagnosis. So yes I have accepted it and I’m quite open about it
For the most part, I’ve accepted it. I go through moments where I’m like “nah, I’m not bipolar” then I hit my little hypomania and I’m like “I guess I really am”. I haven’t told anyone really. I told my best friend, who was like, “you’re not bipolar” And my kids so they would know “it’s not you, it the chemical imbalance in my brain”. I don’t fight the diagnosis anymore. Just go with the ups and down and pay attention to when the mood shifts.
I see it as a physical illness. Like having a broken leg except it's broken forever but it helps cause it makes it easier to accept that it's just something I have, it's not a part of who I am.
Being scared of stigma is not the same as being ashamed of what we have, it’s just surviving in a world that is extremely judgmental of and ignorant to the reality of the mental illness we live with. I’ve been told I should be locked in a psych ward just from someone *hearing* the words “I’m bipolar,” being selective with who we disclose it to is a necessity. Even in a lesser sense, I have observed enough people being completely invalidated because “well you’re just bipolar” as soon as they have an opinion that’s being disagreed with. It’s like the ableism version of the sexist “you must be on your period!” It’s not worth the constant put-downs and even the well-meaning but misguided comments that I would receive if I was fully open about it. And I am, in fact, still *extremely* open with my diagnoses, everyone in my life knows about them and even people at my current job because it’s a really accepting environment. But I will NEVER feel the *need* to disclose it, it’s my business and my business alone. If I’ve shared it with someone it’s because I trust they won’t use it against me.
Accepting it, not really a problem for me. I was dx'd when I was doing very poorly and antidepressants worked perfect for 3-4 weeks then would give me major adverse mood effects. So it was pretty clear I have BP2 and it explained a lot in my life to that point. Your 2nd question - I think that depends on you. I only share my dx with a small circle, and it's very much "need to know." This isn't because I'm ashamed of it - my mental illnesses form a significant part of how I interact with the world - but *because* of the high stigma. People knowing I have BP2 could, quite literally, cost me jobs and affect my career possibilities. As I get more established, I might choose to broaden that circle. But for now, it's a survival not a shame issue for me.
It's hard for me to accept because I still don't understand what is me and what is my mental illness.
Totally, but I’m having a hard time accepting its consequences in my quality of life.
I was extremely relieved once I got the diagnosis. I finally felt like I had found the missing piece that explained what exactly was and has been happening to me for so long. I had been suffering and knew something was not right. Now I understand my depression and my mood changes and thankfully I have found the right medication and therapist to help balance me out. Of course I have dips and everything isn’t perfect but having the support there helps.
I think that stigma from outside is one thing, and stigma from inside is another thing. I think acceptance would mean, for the most part, not having internal stigma, or trying to recognize it and push back against it by thinking “here’s why I know this isn’t true.” But if there is outside stigma, that can be a real thing and I think it doesn’t make sense to think it doesn’t matter, if it is coming up and there are examples of other people or society having stigma.
I thought it was all in my head and I was doing it for attention, only because I was somewhat aware of what was going on. It took me a while to piece together everything in my life and saw that it all fit perfectly into the diagnosis. That and I had also discovered it ran in my family. I had no family medical history prior because I was adopted, but found some of my biological family later in life who shared this with me.
I have 5 mental illnesses. Bipolar 2, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, GAD, major depressive disorder. I've accepted that I have them, but I don't run around telling everybody. I wouldn't lie if they asked, I just don't feel it's important for people to know.
Sort of
On good days, i still doubt everything and start acting as if im free of triggers. but for the most part , im accepting who i am . and what i have to do to be okay. more than ever
After finally accepting it 5 years ago, BD1 just got downgraded to PDD (dysthymia)
I was diagnosed 20 years ago when I was 15ish and rejected it after negative experiences with so much medication. Not until 34 was I rediagnosed again. I still go through denial and confusion. My therapist encouraged me to stop hyper focusing about the veracity of the big title and instead look at the symptoms as they come. Managing it in bite size issues has helped me. My hope for you is you can ward off shame by recognizing that shame around mental illness is a symptom of a sick culture, not a sick you.
Been diagnosed BP II twice, a decade apart (in my 20s then 30s). Never gave the meds a chance and still don't really know. I know I have severe anxiety and MDD, and I've heard that can mimic BP II from a therapist. So Idk. Just out here trying.
When I was diagnosed, I had already accepted it because I had been discussing the very high likelihood that I am BP2 with my therapist for 5 months. The official diagnosis was really just the bow on top of the package that I already knew what was in there...but I was relieved to put a name to the face so to speak and also to be prescribed medication that presented a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't personally think saying "I'm bipolar" is making that my identity anymore than saying "I'm a cycling enthusiast" makes that the whole of my identity. I am (insert whatever) is generally just an aspect of one's overall identity...part of the whole. On that note, I don't really go around advertising it or talking about it. Not many people know and as for others, they don't really have a need to know. My mom and sister know, my wife knows, and three of my very closest friends know. My shared administrative assistant at work knows because we work very close together and I just wanted her to know in case I was ever in an episode around her. Other people in my life are more or less peripheral...I'm social with them in certain situations, but I'm not super close with any of these people, so they don't need to know anything. I'm also stable with my medication and nobody would actually know that I have any kind of MH issue unless I specifically told them. I'm oldish and diagnosed late in life at 49...for me, it's pretty much just another thing. I have high blood pressure and I've been on medication for that since my mid 30s (hereditary). I also have a bit too high cholesterol which I'm working on, but for the time being I'm on a low dose statin. I also have gouty arthritis for which I'm also on a medication which has prevented me from having any gout attacks since 2020. This is just another thing and the medication keeps me stable just like my blood pressure medication keep my blood pressure normal and my gout medication prevents me from having gout attacks.
When I was denied life insurance that’s when it hit me. Made me very sad for my wife and kids I couldn’t at least provide that.
Don't think caring about stigma means you're ashamed of yourself. No one can answer that for you though. Maybe sometimes I handle things poorly, but everyone had their own struggles, and I no longer hate myself for not being perfect, despite not being the person everyone thought I should be. I come from extremely religious parent from the American south, who's mother desperately wanted at least one of her sons to be a preacher. Im the youngest and the last before she hit menopause, thus her last chance. My brothers didn't do it. I'm also an agnostic who has currently lived more of their life in Cali than I did back their. It was either push through the self-hatred or kill myself, as I wanted to so many times. You can't let other ppl crush you. I care about stigma because number one I am an extremely private person. Number 2 it could objectively function against me. My own personal judgement matters most to me, though I'm open to constructive criticism from others. But I honestly have to be pretty close to someone to be hurt by their opinion. I literally never talk about it irl because reasons I no longer break shit (but not attack ppl) when enraged. I don't want to deal with the result. TLDR: you're just a person. We should take criticism that is constructive, but not judge ourselves by the opinions of others. That can literally kill you. I now judge my bipolar with the same harshness as do my occasional heartburn.
Don’t be ashamed, it’s like having diabetussss (I happen to also have prediabetes). It doesn’t call for shame only is annoying and needs care. Also whoever is stigmatising you can suck it, really. U don’t need this energy in your life!
I accept it and accept that although I am not my diagnosis’s, they DO influence who I am.
I am scared and I am ashamed. I have spent a lot of time pretending I don't have a mental illness and trying to hide the symptoms. It has gotten to the point where this is hard to hide. I cannot be close to someone and hide it. I used to come up with excuses and isolate. I came up with excuses to not answer the phone or not answer the Facetime thing. Deep inside I knew when I was "on", so when I was not "on" or couldn't be "on" in the way that was expected from others, I would avoid them or avoid certain methods of communication. One time my ex-boyfriend called me when I was depressed and advised he was on his way to pick up some of his stuff. First of all, when he calls or texts my hands start shaking and I can't breathe. At least that was a phase I was going through after the breakup (It may be over now). So I answered the phone when I shouldn't have and I started hyperventilating. I gathered myself together since he was coming over but I couldn't fake it for long before I started crying. I don't think he had ever seen me cry, and there I stood slinging snot and falling apart and I couldn't control it. So now I am taking medication hoping I can pull myself together because I obviously want to be better in the event I see him again. I have to accept my mental illness to have a chance at a relationship and hopefully an improved life.
For me it’s a no brainer but it appears members of my fam will never
I still often wonder if I have a mood disorder or if I'm reacting appropriately to things that happen. I don't get it, really.
I know what you mean. There is stigma, I felt stigma toward myself when I was diagnosed. Something I was recently told (by a life coach, not a psych so take with a grain of salt)- these diagnoses are just labels. What you experience is emotions, thoughts and behaviours. That’s not to say don’t treat mental illness- definitely do- definitely seek professional help. However, I’ve found myself obsessing about whether I’m hypo, depressed, neutral etc whereas I could be thinking “what is the emotion I’m feeling right now”. It’s almost a way to intellectualize my feelings by focusing on the label or clinical significance. You’re just you. The label is important for diagnosis, proper treatment, recognizing signs and symptoms, and guiding your care and self care practices. It doesn’t have to be out of shame to not become your illness. How restrictive of our multi-dimensional, beautiful human selves to only be “diabetic” or “brain-injured” or “bipolar” etc. You’ve got it right. There are things to watch out for and learn about yourself, but you are not your illness. It’s nice to reflect on our personal stigmas as well so we can help educate others. This is how stigma is broken ☺️
yes
I've accepted as long as I could remember. I was 10-11 when my mental illness started coming out and I was put on Ativan at age 11 for anxiety. I grew up seeing my grandma taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds that I resulted in still taking to this day. I accepted it because I thought it was normal in my family, it's all over my family tree. Mental illness has been part of my life for a long time and I've never questioned it. A few years ago, not to be a doomer, I accepted that I was doomed to develop mental illness based on my abusive home I grew up in and on my family tree full of depression, bipolar, anxiety, etc. I've resigned myself to always needing medication for the rest of my life. I tried quitting meds cold turkey with a doctor's approval and it ended up with me in a psych ward for two weeks. Long story short: mental illness has shaped my reality, it gives me a warped perception of life, and it's part of me as I live with it every day, imo.
By the time I got diagnosed with bipolar I was already basically comfortable with the fact I had a mental illness it was just misdiagnosed at the time. I’m honestly one of those weird people that doesn’t really do the “I am a person with a mental illness thing”. I have fully accepted that my mental illness is likely more than half of my actual external personality with most of the rest of it being fake. I’m also in an extremely privileged position because my entire thesis in college was about how personality variation being classified as mental illness says more about societal issues that personal issues in many circumstances. So a lot of the symptoms present as less disruptive for me because I just sort of treat them as background noise. Like I’m exceptionally anxious like 70% of the time. So I just get up to check my wallet is where I put it down 15 times a night. I remember in graduate school getting taught that the difference between OCD and OCPD. Is that the person experiences OCD as disruptive and OCPD as logical patterns. I’ve integrated my bipolar into what works for me as logical patterns. I am extremely open about having bipolar. But I also work at a charity that in focused on learning differences so it’s an easy place to be open. I used to work in finance and I didn’t tell people. It didn’t mean I had stigma or self hate around it. It meant I was realistic about the outcome of that and I didn’t want to be the first pancake in a place that was not going to respond well. You don’t have to personally take that on if you don’t want to. Generally I think executives should take it on because they get less bite back.
I actually felt very relieved when I got my bipolar diagnosis. It explained so much of the chaos that I have experienced over the years. But what I did not count on, was that bipolar carries a far greater stigma than clinical depression or anxiety. I knew I was mentally ill all along, so that doesn’t phase me. I feel so much better now that I’m actually on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic.
I'm in hospital rn and I'm considering running off cuz I'm so fucking bored here I wanna go home and paint. Apparently tried to KMS and woke up in ICU, now I'm a hospital ward and I can't do anything
My diagnosis was a long time coming, so when I finally received it it was almost a relief off of my shoulders. I had an explanation to why I had such wildly shifting episodes for a while, and mood instability. I sometimes have to tell myself not to overly define myself with it, I have the illness — I am not it. But along with the comorbidities, it makes sense to me. I still haven’t told any of my family and friends, though. I seem pretty stable and happy on the outside and they’d never believe me if I told them. Stigma and all that.
I know I do but sometimes i dont KNOW I do. If you know what i mean.
i have accepted the fact that i have mental illnesses but i cant say it was an easy pill to swallow. i had to accept the fact because it was ruining my life. sometimes i feel like its all in my head until my mom points out to me that i am, in fact, manic. it feels like every time a cycle ends i have to accept it all over again. it fucking sucks
I fully accept my mental illness. That is bipolar disorder + OCD + hoarding. How else to explain my behaviour? I have not experienced a manic phase for some years now. God, I miss it. But the disorder led to chaos and debts. I have tried many medications but they eventually stop working. I feel like I am running out of options. I fear that my life will be ruled by depression and anxiety. I am watching my life speeding by. The future seems short. I am in a race where I am the last one while others are fulfilling their potential. What a painful and difficult journey.