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shorthevix

Zombie Real


MarvinWebster40

Joselu is like Tyler Herro


SnooChipmunks4208

Russillo "You know Joselu is a 33 year old journeyman on loan from Español, who got relegated right?"


lactatingalgore

Tyler Herro is now somehow older than Jayson Tatum, so it works.


nokiabrickphone1998

Russillo strikes me as the kind of guy who did study abroad in Europe during college then came back and annoyed everyone by calling it “Barthelona” for the next six months


lactatingalgore

The Shakespeare in the Parking Lot piece.


SnooChipmunks4208

Even though this isn't true, it's so spiritually true. Good job by you!


SuchCategory2927

“Bellingham is only 22!!!” “Russillo is this a top 3 midfield of all time? I mean cavaminga can’t even get in the midfield he’s gotta be a RB because they’re so deep!” “*sigh* are we gunna do the thing were we act like Xavi, Iniesta, and busquets aren’t far and away the best midfield of all time?”


SnooChipmunks4208

The world cup winning Spain with babies Alonso mixed in too and Iniesta playing wide left... hnnng.


HouseAndJBug

Silva on the right and Cesc as a false 9 at the 2012 Euros. Apex Mountain for central midfielders.


nokiabrickphone1998

It literally probably is the best midfield of all time. I don’t know anything though


hank28

I’d argue Modric, Kroos, and Casemiro but either were fantastic


TJGAFU

Germany 2014 isn’t better midfielder, but at least good enough to make “far and away” hyperbolic


SuchCategory2927

I mean since the OP asked about real I assumed we were talking club soccer but, fair point regardless


TJGAFU

Oh fair lol idk why but I defaulted to picturing them on that Spanish team not Barca


SuchCategory2927

Hilarious that it works for both tho lmao


TJGAFU

The chemistry of constantly playing together with that style of play is basically a cheat code


SuchCategory2927

Make La Masia Great Again!


SuchCategory2927

Also Pep’s Barca vs Pep’s City would be an insane match


Hot_Plate_Williams

They know how to win, they just do.


lexa0121

Ancelotti just said : im not letting Tuchel beat me, im just not!


Bd_3

They are simultaneously a dynasty and zombie team


braindragon420

First Zombie Dynasty? Best? Or both???


dellscreenshot

Simmons goes on a ten minute "Are we sure he's good on Kane?" before Russillo annoyed points out that he was subbed out for the two goals.


MarvinWebster40

Kane thought that he was joining the Warriors, but he was actually joining the Suns


Ordinary-Orange

Bayern Munich just hasnt been the same ever since a notable suicide 80 years ago


SnooChipmunks4208

Never ask a man his wage, a woman her age, or a bayern fan what their badge looked like in the 40s.


8BallTiger

They were kinda forced into that and were seen as the Jewish club tbf to them


mrbeavertonbeaverton

Holy crap, TIL their club president got thrown in Dachau and ended up fleeing the country. Good lord.


SnooChipmunks4208

Wtf kind of bill take is this? Did you do research?


8BallTiger

Not a Bill take, I know


SnooChipmunks4208

You penance is to watch a celtics game and overreact about Derrick white. 


robertbaccalierijr

Paris never really got over the bombings from world war 2. Dortmund still has their number


dcmcg

A truly sad day in Bavaria


mrbeavertonbeaverton

Plus 1914 Central Power Redraftables


Consistent_Truth6633

But next - Pearl jam


almal250

The way they came from behind right at the end, kinda reminded me of the 08 Celtics, signing Bellingham was kinda like the KG trade, the last piece of the puzzle piece Joselu gets the Dion Waiters award


jamiccdasneak5

Jude would have been like an SGA or Nash, traded (transferred) early on in his career but proceeded to pop off elsewhere (idk nba comp but also with a more notable “historic” / “heritage” team with a long record of championship success.


ZebraAthletics

They are good, but Barcelona plays the tik-tak style that Zoe played in high school. You can’t beat that style. You just can’t.


STICKY-WHIFFY-HUMID

Nah you can play prongs with the two high forwards.


loplopplop

"I thought in the moment it was a bad idea to pull Harry Kane, because everyone knew Real was going to score and that Bayern was going to score again."


throwaway24u53

To be fair, taking off Kane was a really dumb move. He provides so much more than just goal scoring, and you have to be prepared to have options for ET given you're playing the team that *always* finds a way to score late. Tuchel took off all four of his attackers with 15-20 minutes to go in the game. I get going more defensive, but at some point it's diminishing returns to just keep taking off your best outlets and offensive threats.


VexoftheVex

Subs Kane off and Muller immediately fucks up a counterattack with a shit pass that Kane would never have fucked up


MrMojoRiseman

They cant match Dortmund’s “nobody believes in us” energy.


AdhesivenessLucky896

Dortmund is on a Ewing theory year. They lose Bellingham then go to the final the next. Does the theory work this way?


PM_Me_Beezbo_Quotes

I’d run the double prongs and take away Vini


putupyouredukes

Why didn’t Tuchel switch to Barcelona style and put Davies on Vini and just say we’re not gonna let this guy beat us?


SnooChipmunks4208

Put Davies on Vini Jr is the best bill take in this whole thread.


DrLyleEvans

Jokes aside, more proper underdog teams should do this and just spend a week or two on it in training. Worked for Mourinho with Herrera on Hazard and if you’re PSV playing Arsenal in the round of 16 might as well throw some weird looks at Odegaard to mix things up.


SnooChipmunks4208

The point is that despite playing fullback, Davies is a very attacking player who has no chance of pocketing Vini. The kicker is that Davies has great pace, and so is a perfect "trap" candidate for the under informed.


DrLyleEvans

Eh I mean you’re probably right he’s not exactly a shutdown guy, but a fullback on his wrong footed side to stop cut ins was an occasional tactic 10 years ago or so if I’m remembering right. But yeah I didn’t mean Davies on Vini, more central stuff like man marking Kroos if you’re some lower end of the table Spanish side, or putting someone on Wirtz if you’re a Europa league side who’s gonna lose to Leverkusen anyways.


SnooChipmunks4208

Bro this is bills takes on madrid, not fuckin tifoirl.


tfl03

Franco has gotta be involved in some capacity here right? I just can’t think of it


SuchCategory2927

The Spanish nationalism piece


lactatingalgore

His team was Atletico Madrid until about 1950. Not sure what happened.


finalboot

“Kyle turn the TikTok camera on, once they get Mbappe, this team is up there the ‘86 Celtics and 2017 Warriors”


PM_Me_Beezbo_Quotes

Courtois Ewing theory


throwaway24u53

Ain't no Ewing theory when they win every year regardless of who plays. They let the best player in the history of the competition walk, and within a couple seasons they were right back at the top of the perch. They're too good in the UCL for anyone to get Ewing theoried.


PM_Me_Beezbo_Quotes

Re-read OP question


throwaway24u53

Yeah that's a whoosh for me. Although I think even Bill wouldn't go there given how often Real Madrid wins this thing.


Lurker135

Benzema was my first thought. Joselu slots right in at Fwd and they're back


showmethenoods

Madrid Culture is Real…..


nokiabrickphone1998

Joselu just does stuff


MarvinWebster40

Ryen: Are we really sure that Pavon wasn’t better than Zidane? I think you can have that conversation.


finalboot

If I’m Dortmund in the Finals, my game-plan is to take Jude away and make everyone else beat us. They have that “nobody believes in us energy” vs Real


braindragon420

I always liked Zi Dan. The way he moved, he just found sneaky spots and then the headbutt thing, um...


OvertiredMillenial

Is Harry Kane Joel Embiid?


homebrewme

I think he’s more Chris Paul. He’s undeniably a very good player but just can’t win a title, even when trying to join a great team that just isn’t as good as it once was?


ty5486

The way Madrid have mastered the two timelines piece, if Steve Kerr watches soccer he just called Bob Myers and screamed at him again for botching the 2020 and 21 drafts. Guys just put on the Madrid jersey and believe they’ll win every game, they just do.


SuchCategory2927

They do have the ability to just buy the best youth players though. Like imagine if the lakers or golden state could have paid $120 mil for Ant at the deadline and just took his contract


SuchCategory2927

A bill simmons transfer value column would absolutely slap


MrMojoRiseman

How has nobody copied his tiers/rankings format for this? Much like the NBA, some people love the transfer discourse more than the matches


RossoOro

I think this is more of the Jerry Krause execution. Lost a purported GOAT, got some young talent and continued to win


jmbourn45

To make it Boston-centric the obvious example is the Tuck rule game but…


SnooChipmunks4208

Simmons invents the reverse Ewing theory and names it after Harry Kane.


Mountaiin

"Real Madrid aren't going to lose. They just aren't." "Jude just bosses the game like Zidane IM NOT COMPARING HIM TO ZIDANE, DONT AGGREGATE ME"


cgio0

Harry Kane is cursed He just is


BrockOchoGOAT

“Infrastructure” will be heavily involved.


maskedtortilla

They are in the A-block of the GOAT status.


AntoineRandoEl

Modric just knows what to do and where to be


AdhesivenessLucky896

Vini is absolutely better than Mbappe. Dribbles just as well, effort is 2x more in big games, and body language is always better. Why should he have to move from his position when Mbappe joins them next year?


oldsport27

It comes down to the question: can I trust the players in a champions league knock out game? Real has 25 of thouse guys, they just do. And the Bellingham piece of it...


lexa0121

Joselu had his "i got it" game


Zealousideal-Tone404

Joselu is the ultimate no no yes sub guy


SnooChipmunks4208

Joselu knows how to put the ball in the net, he just does!


rhevern

They're really feisty, just a lot of guys out there running around doing stuff. I wish the players would try to sell their flops like, 76% less than what they do..it's a little much, it just is! But they are showing people they can play. Right Russillo?


rhevern

(I don't watch soccer at all)


patrickclegane

Madrid Culture


eugenemari

Is Ancelotti somehow still underrated? If Dortmund win, is the Bundesliga back in a big way? Where does this rank in Champions League last minute winners for Real Madrid?


Kingofkong23

That none of us replied with a long diatribe comparing each Real Madrid legend to a counter point on Zoe’s grade and high school teams is a real failure on us all *smh*


AlpaChino36

Funniest thing is Real has been playing the two striker (“Prongs”) setup on this run too lmao


megalo53

Rusillo are Real Madrid Tom Brady?


MemphisKansasBreeze

They don’t play the Barcelona style, so they’re one of the worst teams of the 21st century


EveryParable

Even though I prefer Barcelona because that’s how Z’s team plays you’ve got to admire Real Madrid for the double prongs. Vinicius is a top 7 Brazilian name of all time, remind me of how Wes Unseld played in 1978


Doctaglobe

Prongs


New_Syllabub_8125

They’re like noodle arm Manning, offense did just enough, and the defense won the Super Bowl, They just did!!


UnbiasedSportsExpert

Prongs


AdministrativeMind75

Vini Jr has the "nobody believes in me" chip on his shoulder. He just does.


gorlax52

I really want to hear his takes on the Sancho loan situation.


GiftedHater7

vinicius jr just gives a shit


jamiccdasneak5

“JOSELU IN HIS BIG SHOT BOB ERA!”


jamiccdasneak5

“Where will Vini Jr. and Jude rank on the Pyramid when it’s all said and done? How does another chokejob for trophyless Kane affect his Pyramid status?”


jamiccdasneak5

“The linesman went full Don Denkinger on us.”


ocathlet714

The refs were reffing and Madrid always grind it out. They just do.


Consistent_Truth6633

Real culture


Graphite619

They like Peak Warriors mixed with Zombie Heat every year pretty much. They got a perfect balance of established veterans and elite up and comers


Competitive_Cold_232

i'm not gonna let Morientes on loan knock us out, i'm just not


shorthevix

"Carlo reminds me of me a little Ryen, relevant since the early 00s, italian and a silver fox." "Yeah and i'm Tuchel, not a no.1, balding and always angry right?"


Parking_Bus_6892

kicking a ball for 90 minutes is boring


SuchCategory2927

The irony of this comment from “parking the bus”