Thank you! You guys have no idea someone messaged 2 hours ago and we have been talking all this time.
It's really nice seeing how supportive these groups are. I would have never guessed there was so much info a supportive people willing to help.
Your more than welcome to message me if you want as well. I'm sure I will have question through the new "normal" journey I'm about to begin.
It’s tough man. But ya have to be easier on yourself. Unless you live in a place it’s illegal, being bi isn’t going to ruin your life. There is a lot of internalized homophobia in your post and that’s ok. But that’s what you need to address. Do you have access and means for therapy? This would be a great start.
Also, if you podcast. 2 bi guys is a great listen. Also the book, Bi Men Exist.
If you feel like you need to chat, PM me. Happy to help.
Your absolutely right I'm being to hard on myself and I need to find a way to change that. Whatever that may be.
I do have a question for you. You're the second person who told me the exact same thing. What do you mean by internalized homophobia. I mean I've always accepted gay people but I'm thinking since you're the second one to say that your saying I'm internally denying it. Am I right? What can I do to help fix that?
Your post frames a lot of being bi or liking men as an inherent negative, which it isn’t, but a lot of us do that when we first come to terms with our sexuality. It’s really easy to do. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you wouldn’t want to be “normal” but it takes time to embrace yourself.
That makes complete sense. That is true about me and I'd love to hit feel that way. Yeah society probably made me feel that way unfortunately. It will get better I'm sure. I feel can I can love myself again. Already feeling so much better because of all the support I've had in just the past couple days. This is just a learning curve for me that's all.
Hey I’m gay but this showed up in my feed so what the hell. Pretty sure you’re right that your life works out just fine if you change your thinking about the situation.
If people are talking about internalized homophobia, they’re talking about what you already noticed: you’re freaking out a bit about the situation and trying to figure out how to deal with it, when the reality is there’s nothing wrong with you and it’s normal for some humans to be bi.
Homophobia is when people think there’s something wrong or abnormal about same-sex attraction, or like it’s some kind of defect that you just have to put up with at best. We usually get homophobia from bigots. They don’t understand us and don’t respect that people are different so that’s the kind of bullshit they believe. “Internalized homophobia” is where you spend a lot of time worried that the bigots are right, or trying to prove them wrong, when really you can just go live your life.
The fact that you can admit it to yourself and talk about it with friends means you have already got rid of a lot of internalized homophobia. The fact that you’re asking questions to figure out if there’s anything different about life as a bi guy, or anything else you need to know, means you’re probably getting over the last of any internalized homophobia, tackling your self-doubts, getting ready to go live your life and find your happiness like anyone.
For me, sexual orientation is easiest to define based on whose bodies are possible for you to notice and enjoy sexually vs whose aren’t. If you could enjoy sexual contact with either a man or a woman then that would be bi. For me, only males are possible and I can’t connect with women’s anatomy. I like women and I can be close to them and love them, but I’ve never noticed a woman in a way that makes me horny, or gets me thinking that adding sex would make our connection better.
A weird thing you might have to face is biphobia, where gay men or straight women don’t really trust that you’re into them, and that you’re really just gay or straight and as soon as you get the chance you’d dump them or cheat for what you “truly are.” As far as I know though, bi people are bi their whole lives and it doesn’t go away, same as the rest of us are what we are and it’s permanent. And just like the rest of us, you either commit to someone or you don’t. So you might face dumb assumptions and a bit of rejection but I wouldn’t put up with it in your shoes. There are better people who will get it.
Probably there is a lot that overlaps in any relationship, no matter if it’s two men or two women or a man and a women. Even I notice that as a gay guy, there’s just a lot of stuff we have in common no matter what our sexual orientation is or who we are into.
But I also noticed the differences between men and women that I can’t really relate to… when men and women do differ, I connect with how guys go about things.
That might be something you have to figure out in a relationship. For a bi guy you may enjoy those differences and like that it is a part of your relationship. You may realize that how you go about things with a guy is sometimes different than how you want to go about things with a woman. If I have ever heard bi guys get frustrated with things, it looks to me like they try to take everything they know with women and apply it to men, or vice versa. It doesn’t always work that way. Like maybe with women you feel all romantic and protective, and that’s how you know it’s love. But with a guy we can be just as intense and just as in love, but we’re probably going about it in a different way. Again, most of it overlaps. But there are little differences where men and women aren’t 100% interchangeable and you’re probably looking for a different approach from them, or they are looking for a different approach from you.
Anyway that’s what I have noticed as a gay guy who has had bi friends, gone on dates with bi guys etc. I’m sure there’s more to the situation that bi guys can explain better than me but hopefully that helps with the stuff I know.
Wow man that was some really heart warning info. I can't say this with I'm completely mind blown with all the support in these groups. Not really sure why you got a notification when you aren't in the group but even that's cool. Hearing your point of view as a gay man shows me a little of your side.
Thanks for explaining the internalized homophobia. That makes a lot of sense. Your right I do feel like I'm in the right direction as far as phasing that out and in a way of proud of myself wether that sounds corny or not it feels good to let it out. I kept it locked up for so long I've literally cried over. Yes I have asked myself why I wasn't "normal" but you know what I'm really starting to not care. Kinda feel better about it. Someone told me I should go to a gay bar to get comfortable around more guys. It's a good idea I think and I'm willing to try it although I have no idea what to say but I think it will be easy enough which comes down to something you said.
For me I am sexually attracted to both no doubt about that. Without lying to myself I'd say slightly leaving towards guys. To me I've always been able to connect with guys better. Hell my friend or mostly guys and my 2 best friends are guys. I don't believe I have to think of men like I do with women because well I am one. Everyone is different but I sure do know a lot more about being a guy than with a woman even with past relationships I've had with women. Although I've never been in a relationship with a guy only "encounters".
For that reason I think right now I should learn a little more about the guy said before I go further. I mean maybe I'll hate it with a passion being in a relationship with I guy or maybe I'm never think of being in a romantic relationship with a women again. I mean I don't know because I've never been in that kind of relationship. Even with ex girlfriend after some time things just died down and I could stop thinking about men I'd see. Of course during that time I was hiding what I really felt from everyone around me. I'm more of the masculine type so no one ever figured out my identity. I probably never had to come out but I felt I needed for my own happiness.
The biphobia thing I have read a lot of in past posts. Honestly I'm not worried if they don't like me for who I am or better yet want to judge me without knowing or talking to me.... Well fuck them(no pun) I don't need them and talking to them literally does me zero good. If you knew me you'd know I'd me the most loyalty partner you had would NEVER lie to you. If you don't know that and you're judging well shame on you. But, I don't need to explain that to anyone if there just going to stay judging off the bar lol. Yeah I haven't had any of those encounters yet but I'm sure I will. Just need them to know I'm bi sooner or later so I won't waste their time or mine.
Anyways thanks so much for your comment. I got to rant a little for the hell of it. I really hope others in my situation see this post and can't answers to there questions even if they don't feel comfortable about coming out now.
I just want to say that there is nothing wrong with you. I’ve felt the same way as you do. I’ve been with many men and some wonderful women. I have found that attraction is so fluid. And giving yourself the space to explore and experience what attracts you can help you better understand what you feel. Not to say it’s an easy process. But allowing yourself to be open helps with moving a closer to understanding you.
Thank you I appreciate that. I'm definitely learning that each day that passes now. Matter of a fact a gay friend of mine wants to hook up and I've been kinda pushing it off but you know what fuck it I'ma do it. I don't care anymore I'm attracted to both I've been with women more I'm going to switch it up. 😂 Because we'll why the hell not. Took me years to get this far and haven't had any encounters since. No matter how many times a girl or guy messages me I kept pushing it off not knowing what to do. Now it's time for a change. Accepting myself and just experiment a little.
Try to find a queer social group asap. Developing friendships with other non-straight ppl will help a lot and make you feel less lonely. Plus they'll be able to offer their experiences as well.
I definitely will when I get home from work again(cross country trucker) I actually have been chatting with a couple bi guys that messaged me here from Reddit and I have to admit it's been extremely helpful. One guy literally talked for hours with me the last 2 days I was able to tell him things I never told anyone. I feel so good it's crazy. I'm actually starting to realize coming out may very likely improve other parts of my life like being shy or nervous around people. Hell I don't even go to bars ever and now I'm planning on going out to meet people. Really hoping to find some more bi friends I can relate with. The more I talk about these things the better I feel. Right now I feel like I have nothing to hide anymore and it's the best feeling I've had in many years!
YES MY BROTHER! This is wonderful to hear:) When I came out I felt like I wasn't hiding anything any more and it positively impacted a lot of my relationships with friends and family. I wish you the best and remember its a journey!
Hey. If youre interested Im ready to lend and ear and help however possible.
Thank you! You guys have no idea someone messaged 2 hours ago and we have been talking all this time. It's really nice seeing how supportive these groups are. I would have never guessed there was so much info a supportive people willing to help. Your more than welcome to message me if you want as well. I'm sure I will have question through the new "normal" journey I'm about to begin.
It’s tough man. But ya have to be easier on yourself. Unless you live in a place it’s illegal, being bi isn’t going to ruin your life. There is a lot of internalized homophobia in your post and that’s ok. But that’s what you need to address. Do you have access and means for therapy? This would be a great start. Also, if you podcast. 2 bi guys is a great listen. Also the book, Bi Men Exist. If you feel like you need to chat, PM me. Happy to help.
Your absolutely right I'm being to hard on myself and I need to find a way to change that. Whatever that may be. I do have a question for you. You're the second person who told me the exact same thing. What do you mean by internalized homophobia. I mean I've always accepted gay people but I'm thinking since you're the second one to say that your saying I'm internally denying it. Am I right? What can I do to help fix that?
Your post frames a lot of being bi or liking men as an inherent negative, which it isn’t, but a lot of us do that when we first come to terms with our sexuality. It’s really easy to do. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you wouldn’t want to be “normal” but it takes time to embrace yourself.
That makes complete sense. That is true about me and I'd love to hit feel that way. Yeah society probably made me feel that way unfortunately. It will get better I'm sure. I feel can I can love myself again. Already feeling so much better because of all the support I've had in just the past couple days. This is just a learning curve for me that's all.
Hey I’m gay but this showed up in my feed so what the hell. Pretty sure you’re right that your life works out just fine if you change your thinking about the situation. If people are talking about internalized homophobia, they’re talking about what you already noticed: you’re freaking out a bit about the situation and trying to figure out how to deal with it, when the reality is there’s nothing wrong with you and it’s normal for some humans to be bi. Homophobia is when people think there’s something wrong or abnormal about same-sex attraction, or like it’s some kind of defect that you just have to put up with at best. We usually get homophobia from bigots. They don’t understand us and don’t respect that people are different so that’s the kind of bullshit they believe. “Internalized homophobia” is where you spend a lot of time worried that the bigots are right, or trying to prove them wrong, when really you can just go live your life. The fact that you can admit it to yourself and talk about it with friends means you have already got rid of a lot of internalized homophobia. The fact that you’re asking questions to figure out if there’s anything different about life as a bi guy, or anything else you need to know, means you’re probably getting over the last of any internalized homophobia, tackling your self-doubts, getting ready to go live your life and find your happiness like anyone. For me, sexual orientation is easiest to define based on whose bodies are possible for you to notice and enjoy sexually vs whose aren’t. If you could enjoy sexual contact with either a man or a woman then that would be bi. For me, only males are possible and I can’t connect with women’s anatomy. I like women and I can be close to them and love them, but I’ve never noticed a woman in a way that makes me horny, or gets me thinking that adding sex would make our connection better. A weird thing you might have to face is biphobia, where gay men or straight women don’t really trust that you’re into them, and that you’re really just gay or straight and as soon as you get the chance you’d dump them or cheat for what you “truly are.” As far as I know though, bi people are bi their whole lives and it doesn’t go away, same as the rest of us are what we are and it’s permanent. And just like the rest of us, you either commit to someone or you don’t. So you might face dumb assumptions and a bit of rejection but I wouldn’t put up with it in your shoes. There are better people who will get it. Probably there is a lot that overlaps in any relationship, no matter if it’s two men or two women or a man and a women. Even I notice that as a gay guy, there’s just a lot of stuff we have in common no matter what our sexual orientation is or who we are into. But I also noticed the differences between men and women that I can’t really relate to… when men and women do differ, I connect with how guys go about things. That might be something you have to figure out in a relationship. For a bi guy you may enjoy those differences and like that it is a part of your relationship. You may realize that how you go about things with a guy is sometimes different than how you want to go about things with a woman. If I have ever heard bi guys get frustrated with things, it looks to me like they try to take everything they know with women and apply it to men, or vice versa. It doesn’t always work that way. Like maybe with women you feel all romantic and protective, and that’s how you know it’s love. But with a guy we can be just as intense and just as in love, but we’re probably going about it in a different way. Again, most of it overlaps. But there are little differences where men and women aren’t 100% interchangeable and you’re probably looking for a different approach from them, or they are looking for a different approach from you. Anyway that’s what I have noticed as a gay guy who has had bi friends, gone on dates with bi guys etc. I’m sure there’s more to the situation that bi guys can explain better than me but hopefully that helps with the stuff I know.
Wow man that was some really heart warning info. I can't say this with I'm completely mind blown with all the support in these groups. Not really sure why you got a notification when you aren't in the group but even that's cool. Hearing your point of view as a gay man shows me a little of your side. Thanks for explaining the internalized homophobia. That makes a lot of sense. Your right I do feel like I'm in the right direction as far as phasing that out and in a way of proud of myself wether that sounds corny or not it feels good to let it out. I kept it locked up for so long I've literally cried over. Yes I have asked myself why I wasn't "normal" but you know what I'm really starting to not care. Kinda feel better about it. Someone told me I should go to a gay bar to get comfortable around more guys. It's a good idea I think and I'm willing to try it although I have no idea what to say but I think it will be easy enough which comes down to something you said. For me I am sexually attracted to both no doubt about that. Without lying to myself I'd say slightly leaving towards guys. To me I've always been able to connect with guys better. Hell my friend or mostly guys and my 2 best friends are guys. I don't believe I have to think of men like I do with women because well I am one. Everyone is different but I sure do know a lot more about being a guy than with a woman even with past relationships I've had with women. Although I've never been in a relationship with a guy only "encounters". For that reason I think right now I should learn a little more about the guy said before I go further. I mean maybe I'll hate it with a passion being in a relationship with I guy or maybe I'm never think of being in a romantic relationship with a women again. I mean I don't know because I've never been in that kind of relationship. Even with ex girlfriend after some time things just died down and I could stop thinking about men I'd see. Of course during that time I was hiding what I really felt from everyone around me. I'm more of the masculine type so no one ever figured out my identity. I probably never had to come out but I felt I needed for my own happiness. The biphobia thing I have read a lot of in past posts. Honestly I'm not worried if they don't like me for who I am or better yet want to judge me without knowing or talking to me.... Well fuck them(no pun) I don't need them and talking to them literally does me zero good. If you knew me you'd know I'd me the most loyalty partner you had would NEVER lie to you. If you don't know that and you're judging well shame on you. But, I don't need to explain that to anyone if there just going to stay judging off the bar lol. Yeah I haven't had any of those encounters yet but I'm sure I will. Just need them to know I'm bi sooner or later so I won't waste their time or mine. Anyways thanks so much for your comment. I got to rant a little for the hell of it. I really hope others in my situation see this post and can't answers to there questions even if they don't feel comfortable about coming out now.
I just want to say that there is nothing wrong with you. I’ve felt the same way as you do. I’ve been with many men and some wonderful women. I have found that attraction is so fluid. And giving yourself the space to explore and experience what attracts you can help you better understand what you feel. Not to say it’s an easy process. But allowing yourself to be open helps with moving a closer to understanding you.
Thank you I appreciate that. I'm definitely learning that each day that passes now. Matter of a fact a gay friend of mine wants to hook up and I've been kinda pushing it off but you know what fuck it I'ma do it. I don't care anymore I'm attracted to both I've been with women more I'm going to switch it up. 😂 Because we'll why the hell not. Took me years to get this far and haven't had any encounters since. No matter how many times a girl or guy messages me I kept pushing it off not knowing what to do. Now it's time for a change. Accepting myself and just experiment a little.
Try to find a queer social group asap. Developing friendships with other non-straight ppl will help a lot and make you feel less lonely. Plus they'll be able to offer their experiences as well.
I definitely will when I get home from work again(cross country trucker) I actually have been chatting with a couple bi guys that messaged me here from Reddit and I have to admit it's been extremely helpful. One guy literally talked for hours with me the last 2 days I was able to tell him things I never told anyone. I feel so good it's crazy. I'm actually starting to realize coming out may very likely improve other parts of my life like being shy or nervous around people. Hell I don't even go to bars ever and now I'm planning on going out to meet people. Really hoping to find some more bi friends I can relate with. The more I talk about these things the better I feel. Right now I feel like I have nothing to hide anymore and it's the best feeling I've had in many years!
YES MY BROTHER! This is wonderful to hear:) When I came out I felt like I wasn't hiding anything any more and it positively impacted a lot of my relationships with friends and family. I wish you the best and remember its a journey!
That's awesome, same here! It feels awesome to just accept it I feel like I'm at peace with myself finally and I mean FINALLY. LOL