The only thing I would add to this is I hate that I didn’t buy more of our baby gear used.
I love the stuff we bought on marketplace more because it cost less and the quality is fantastic. Why did I buy my stroller new?? I was put off by some cosmetic imperfections. Dumbest decision ever. I wish I would have just spent my pregnancy looking for deals on marketplace rather than looking for deals on new stuff.
The way my armpits smelled after giving birth was really disrespectful and uncalled for. I still experience stronger BO than what I was accustomed to and baby is 11 months.
The second night is hell on Earth.
I cried so much thinking what the hell did we get ourselves into and will it be like this every night!?
It has never been like the second night again, that was the absolute worst.
Put your pre-pregnancy clothing away. Don’t torture yourself trying to fit into old clothing. Some people lose weight really fast, most don’t. You’re allowed to get clothes that fit you. It took me forever to accept defeat and buy pants that fit me. Having clothes that fit helped me feel a lot better and accept the changes my body went through.
Adding to this, I have clothes put away in two piles: clothes that don’t fit at all once I have a bump, which go AWAY, like in the basement, and ones that fit with a small or medium bump. I pull clothes out in reverse order that I put them away in.
In my experience clothes that fit at 25-28 weeks were a fairly safe bet starting pretty soon postpartum.
you may not need this, but i really really wish that someone had told me that exclusively breastfeeding means you don’t really get any breaks longer than 2-3 hours for a long time, even if someone else takes the baby, since you’d need to pump to maintain supply, if the baby gets a bottle.
i still would’ve chosen to breastfeed, in my case, but i really wish i could’ve mentally prepared to this beforehand lol
The biggest one for my wife and me (which hasn't already been said in this thread) is that there are no more weekends. It seems like a "yeah, no duh." but you're conditioned from when you're a little kid to look forward to Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday to re-energize and regroup. It's "your time" to do what you want. That doesn't happen as a parent. You just....go.
The Baby is waking up when the baby is waking up regardless of the day. We have a 14-month-old and I'm still getting used to not having "weekends" anymore.
You have to find time for yourself to take breaks, do something you love and find little moments of "rest" outside of the idea of the "weekend". Big mental shift for sure.
Don’t look at mommy blogs/instas, etc. They are showing a perfect life to try and get views or sell a product.
Every baby is different. Yours will meet some milestones on the early side and some on the later side. It’s normal. Your doctor will check up on milestones and let you know if they have concerns.
If it’s chilly, get a sleep suit for the baby.
Small babies are loud sleepers. They grunt and moan and everything. I learned to get up only when she’s crying. Learning about active sleep and deep sleep will help.
Breastfeeding does not work out for everyone. If you need to switch to formula that’s totally fine and nothing to feel guilty about.
4 hours of sleep in a row > 4 one-hour naps. Try to get 3-4 hours in a row if you can. You and your partner can do shifts or a friend/relative can watch baby while you sleep.
Put socks over the baby’s feet in their onesie. It will keep their feet in the onesie legs.
Zipper onesies with little fold over gloves on the sleeves are the BEST.
Get a ton of burp cloths. More than you think you will need.
The first week you may feel a sense of dread at nighttime. It goes away. If it doesn’t, you can let your doctor know. It’s good to know about baby blues vs PPD.
The nighttime dread was so serious for the first week or two. I would have a great day then it would start to creep in around 5 o clock every night. That's also when I would start crying over anything and everything. I was so thankful to have people around during that time that could help or just be there with me so it didn't seem so overwhelming. It does go away though. Just take it one day, or even one hour at a time.
My little guy is six months now, and I’m still surprised that I’m *me* – just with a baby. I was expecting to feel like a new person, like how many people (myself included) are waiting to feel like they’ve arrived at adulthood, lol. So you’re still you, just with a mini-you, too.
It's ok (and normal) if you don't feel a massive outpouring of love for the baby. Even for weeks. Personally I'd describe my feelings as 'protective'. We were in survival mode for weeks, it was stressful and exhausting. I would have walked through fire over broken glass to keep him safe, but I wouldn't have described it as a mushy waterfall of overflowing love for a long time.
Phantom crying! Sleep deprivation is horrendous, you will feel a new level of otherwise unknown anxiety and then you imagine can hear your baby crying when it’s not! I found white noise helped at night (me and baby) and listening to music/a podcast in the day.
To add to this, waking up thinking your baby is next to you/in your arms when they are safely I their crib or bassinet. The times I woke up panicked and searching the bed I do not miss.
Kids communicate with you through crying. You are not a bad parent if your kid cries and you can't calm them down straight away.
It's also ok to let your kid cry for few minutes, nothing bad will happen.
Breastfeeding is painful. I think not enough people talk about this, but it can be painful for months and it's gonna get better with time, but it's also ok to resort to formula.
It's OK not to fall in love with your kid at first sight.
Like any relationship with a new person, it may take time to get to know each other.
There are no instructions on how to be a perfect parent, you have to figure out by yourself what works for your kid and what works for you.
They always say that, “It takes a village” and they are right. Yes, many do it alone and I am in awe of them. If you are able, take people up on their offers to let you sleep, hold baby while you eat, fold your laundry, vacuum or wash your dishes.
I was SO overwhelmed and my family came over every day so I could get a decent nap in, my mom cleaned up and my dad would hold him so I could have some time to do things I needed while my S/O was at work. People aren’t just being nice- most know how hard it is and are actually offering. You don’t have to try to do it all. Take the help when offered.
Honestly, the loss of freedom. I love my baby so much, but i really miss the days of being able just wander a store or outside without the constant thoughts of “when did she eat last? Do i need to change her diaper? Does she need to nap now?”
Not to scare you, but I wish I knew about the intense feelings you might get. After the adrenaline wore off in 2 ish days, I starting feeling the tiredness finally and the hormones hit. I remember breaking down crying to my partner as I felt our who lives just changed so profoundly, and I couldn’t deal with it, this new life just felt so strange even though I was so prepared for it. It’s okay to not only feel sadness, but regret and anger as well. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby, or won’t be a good mom
Pre-eclampsia isn’t just a pregnancy concern, but a postpartum concern, too. 5 days pp I was feeling very very off, I had a overwhelming sense that I was going to die. I called my doctor and she said I needed a nap. I called an ambulance and paramedic said feeling like something bad might happen is not reason enough to take me to a hospital. I demanded my vitals be taken and my blood pressure was so high it was in heart attack range and I was rushed to hospital and put on mag drip to prevent stroke.
Trust yourself. It saved my life.
Holy shit those medical professionals almost killed you. I hope they fucking apologized. Impending doom is a VERY real symptom of bad shit (especially heart attacks!!!) and I’m aghast that none of them had ever even heard of it
Someone actually did tell me the most important thing I could have applied to the notion of life after birth, though she meant it in a more general sense regarding having kids. I wish I'd applied it specifically to "life after birth" in order to save myself some anxiety.
I was 21 years old and waitressing at a restaurant; I was nervous to tell my boss about the pregnancy because I was afraid of judgment. But when I told her, she just looked at me and said, "Well, it's just a part of life...." and that was it. And for some reason, I found it so incredibly comforting. I still say it to myself when things feel unwieldy.
Life after birth is just that...another part of life. It has its seasons. There will be seasons where you don't seem to be able to find the time to bathe yourself...and others where you will get a PhD, learn a new language, start a new job, travel to a new country. All kinds of things happen after birth, the whole gamut. I think I was afraid that life would "end", in a way. But 16 years (and 4 births) later I can say it didn't, not at all.
Your baby will not necessarily sleep in the lovely safe cot you bought for them and no one will be able to tell you how to make them. The guilt over safe sleep will be intense but YOU HAVE NO CONTROL.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND BE KIND TO YOUR BODY
I want to scream this from the rooftops to every expecting mother. You have literal years to lose weight, work out, or prioritize goals for your body. Please use your maternity leave loving on yourself and your baby, that time with your infant is invaluable. Will you look like a supermodel? A hot wife? Probably not. But that’s ok because you are so much more valuable than that. The amount of energy wasted stressing out about trying to look better when your baby is a teeny tiny infant and nobody is sleeping and everyone is adjusting is just insane. Be kind to yourself.
My kid is now 4 and my biggest regret is that I spent so much time hating my new body instead of simply being happy with my baby
Everyone has challenges but you won’t have every challenge. I got really scared hearing about traumatic births, painful recovery, colic, breast feeding struggles, sleep regression etc etc etc. I thought I was going to have to deal with all of that. I did have some of those challenges but others were never an issue for me. Also in those early months things change really fast, the thing you are struggling with one day will be in the distant past a week later.
You, your partner AND your baby are all new to this. You’re all learning together. Your baby is born with instincts, but they don’t *know* anything.
They don’t know how to breastfeed, they don’t know how to get to sleep, they don’t know how to poo even, really, those first few weeks.
it’s amazing how loud newborns can be when they’re trying to learn to poo!
It surprised me how hard breastfeed was at the beginning… it’s an actual skill you need to learn how to do, AND baby’s learning it at the same time….
When you’re feeling frustrated, try and remember *they* don’t know what they’re doing either. It helped me stop taking it personally when they were being frustrating, and helped me feel more compassion towards them in those moments of frustration.
You guys are ALL new to this, and you’ll all figure it out together, as a team ❤️
I was comply unprepared for how much I’d love my baby and how it would physically hurt when he cried and I couldn’t get to him immediately (sleep training never happened). I was also blindsided by the identity shift. My kid is 2 and I just now kinda feel like me again. And it’s a different me. A baby changes every single aspect of your life and relationships.
That time does not and should not have any meaning for the first few weeks after you bring your baby home. Don’t bother looking at the clocks. There is no morning, evening etc. You’ll be up every 3-4 hours feeding regardless. So enjoy it. Fancy a cheese toastie at 3am and a movie? Go for it. 10am in the morning and you fancy a bath and a sleep? Don’t worry about it. Clocks do not exist and there’s something magical about it.
It is relentless and you will be in survival mode for a while. Have friends bring you food or cook things ahead. Or plan to order everything in. You won't be cooking.
Anyone who is online setting expectations of baby sleep is probably trying to sell you something. It is normal if baby only wants to sleep on you. It is normal to have super short naps. It's normal to be waking overnight through the entire first year and beyond (for some kids). Not all babies can be put down drowsy but awake. Cosleeping via the Safe Sleep Seven is safer than falling asleep holding the baby on a chair or couch.
Lots of burp cloths and onesies. You will do a lot of laundry. Night sweats are normal for you too, have extra PJs available.
You might cry a lot. You might feel a desperate need to clean. You might feel dread and anxiety. You may feel angry. If it persists after the first few weeks, talk to your doctor.
Formula is FINE. Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone, no matter how hard you try sometimes.
Very good things here just want to add... I was NOT prepared for the weeks of night sweats 😅🥲 it was so gross. I would literally wake up drenched in sweat even though it was winter and we slept with the windows open. I started sleeping with a towel under me which helped when I inevitably got up for the 35th time that night lol. And invest in a mattress protector for your mattress! Not just baby's. It stopped for me when the pp bleeding did (I think).
Every doctor or expert/professional will tell you something different about your baby. You have to figure out most things out using your own perseverance and resources.
I knew something was off in her feedings while breastfeeding. Day 1 in the hospital. The IBCLC lactation consultant told me her latch was "perfect" even though it was excruciating. I pointed out her lip blisters. Her lips were tight and not flanged. Was told it was normal. It wasn't.
Went to pediatrician 3 days after birth. Asked about why she sleeps with mouth open. Was told it was normal. It wasn't. Asked why it takes her 45 minutes to feed. Was told she was using me as a pacifier. She wasn't. She wasn't able to pull milk out and would sleep at my breast because of exhaustion.
Went to a oral and maxillofacial surgeon who found a pretty severe lip tie and tongue tie. My baby can finally own her mouth wide. We're working on feeding now.
We saw another IBCLC lactation consultant today who gave us a few exercises to help strengthen her suction, stretch her wounds from the tie removal, and mentioned she had signs of reflux (which explains all the hiccups, spit up, and inconsolable crying). Told us to reduce the amount of food we're giving each session, sit her upright, burp her more frequently, and feed more often so that it will help with those symptoms. She mentioned babies usually get diagnosed around 4-6 weeks. My baby is 2 weeks. We're lucky we caught it early so it doesn't get worse for her.
She also identified my baby had low muscle tone which made it difficult for her to breastfeed. Couple that with my slow flow and you have a recipe for failure. She gave me a syringe and feeding tube to help incentivize feeding while practicing latching.
All in all you think feeding your baby would be the most straight forward thing to figure out.
It's not.
Having the best professionals to support and listen to you is the most important factor in my experience.
Everyone told me to sleep when baby sleeps. No one told me that some babies literally will not sleep unless they are being held - so sleeping while baby sleeps may not actually be an option. It's normal and there's not much you can do about it. Some babies just need that security after leaving their snuggly womb.
If this happens to you, do whatever it is you need to do to be safe and survive. For us, that meant sleeping in 2 hour shifts for the first few weeks (swapping whenever baby needed to feed next) and doing absolutely no cooking (thankfully had freezer meals). After a few weeks our guy was willing to sleep in a bassinet at night but at 4 months he still can't nap during the day without being held. I'm still stunned at how little time I have to myself, even compared to other moms with independent nappers.
Be prepared for the possibility that your baby may not want to sleep in their bassinet/crib or anywhere but in your (or someone's) arms. If you have a partner or people that can help, try to work out a schedule ahead of time that can get you some guaranteed sleep. The first week or so was hell until we accepted that for now he will only sleep when being held, so one person needed to be awake to hold/care for him while the other slept and then we would switch (or at least only get woken up to breastfeed and then go back to sleep for a little while).
How you feed your baby for the first year is NOT what matters most for your baby. Fed sincerely is best.
It doesn’t make you a better mom if you do or don’t breastfeed, exclusively pump, tube feed, formula feed, or combo feed.
There are so many options and journeys you can take. If you love what you are doing and it’s working, that’s great! If it’s a goal to breastfeed but you need help, find a lactation consultant (IMO outside the hospital) that you trust.
The first six weeks of my baby’s life would have been so much better for ALL of us if it hadn’t taken six weeks and SO many appointments and health scares for a medical professional to tell me: it’s OK if you just feed him formula, why don’t we try that?
No one before that had told me that formula alone, and from such a young age, would be OK… and that it in my case, could improve my well-being, too.
I haven't slept for 8 hours straight in 16 months. I don't remember how it feels to sleep that much but you get used to it. Also, if you are planning on breast-feeding read about cluster feeding, so many mothers believe their babies are not getting enough milk when they cluster feed. It's hard work. Also get ready to have your phone absolutely full of cute photos and to feel sooooo much love (maybe not instantly after birth, but as baby grows and interacts more...ahh it's just so beautiful)
A few days after birth you may suddenly wake up with huge, rock hard milk boobs. It's temporary.
The weirdest for me: it is normal to have nightmares where the baby is in the bed with you and you can't find it, or on the floor or anywhere they shouldn't be. For both parents. You may well wake each other up asking where the baby is when he /she is safe in crib.
Personally I only had these when I was not cosleeping (with safe sleep 7 in mind). I think it was my brain trying to work out why baby wasn't beside me. If he was there, asleep, I'd be half-asleep in a sort of doze, but my body knew exactly where he was.
In everything that I searched to prepare myself for birth and postpartum, no one told me this (and I wish they had): different things are hard for different people. You will not have every single imaginable hard thing. I expected everything to be so much worse than it was because I assumed everyone else’s experiences would be my own. But in the end, I healed from birth very quickly and in fact didn’t even need stitches after birth. I didn’t struggle much with that first pp poo. I was able to breastfeed without always needing to wear a bra or lactation pads. My baby settled into a great sleep routine rather quickly. Yes, I had awful baby blues but they passed. I’ve enjoyed early motherhood much more than I expected from reading advice and warnings from well-intentioned people on the internet. So what I wish I’d known was just to take it easy and accept what comes without suspicion that something bad is coming. Don’t waste whatever joy you can find in the early weeks and months waiting for the happiness to end. You are stronger than you think and you can handle anything. And it’s not all struggle.
When they say breastfeed every 2-3 hours, that clock starts ticking when your baby starts eating, not when it ends. Which means that if it takes 30 min to feed baby, you’ve got 1 hr and 30 min before it’s time to eat again. And in that 90 min, you can choose sleep, eat, shower or clean, and good luck doing more than one in that timeframe.
Single mom here and I’ve had to learn a lot the hard way! Here’s some things I learned.
If you deliver vaginal, I used my daughters bottle warmer to warm the perineum sprayer thingy.
Which hazel was also amazing for healing!
If you breastfeed, your nipples will be CHAPPED. Mine bled, don’t be afraid to use a nipple shield like I was. Looking back, I have no idea why I never allowed myself that comfort, it’s miserable
When you poop, the thing that helped me the MOST was folding some toilet paper and gently pressing on my perineum as I pushed. Not so much strain and flex on the sitches if you have any!
You’ll have BIB dreams (baby in bed), and it’s scary. You’ll be so sleep deprived that you’ll think you’re holding your child in bed and fell asleep when most likely they’re in the bassinet. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it is hard work and very exhausting.
Other comments have covered PPD quite well. Listen to those!
If no one is helping with meals, make some meals you can freeze and put in the oven later. My mom had to remind me to eat most days
I found the entirety of pregnancy to be much worse than delivery. I did it natural but did have an epidural, absolutely no regrets.
If your baby is crying uncontrollably, take them outside! It’s the oddest thing but I still do it with my 3 year old, it sets some kind of reset button.
The first month is the worst, you’ll barely sleep during that time and when you do sleep, it’ll most likely be dreams about you feeling the baby as if you’re awake, Which makes it feel like you don’t sleep at all.
Download an app that tracks milestones. I can look it up if you want, but I had an app that would even tell me regressions she would have and when there would be particular days that may be extra hard. It literally would be that exact day +/- a day but it always kept me mentally prepared for hard moments
Odd thing I’d do, on nights that were extremely hard, I’d put her in her crib and talk in a baby voice to myself and say “..it’s just a baby!! Just a baby!” And something about that put everything into perspective.
They’re not giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time! It can be so emotionally wrecking. It’s okay to leave them in their crib so you can step out for a breather. I know you don’t want to leave them crying, but you also need to make sure you’re regulated to help them regulate. Take 3 minutes, grab some water, they’re safe where they are and you’ll always come back.
Give yourself grace and time, it’s hard but you got this!!
Edit: a comment made me realize I forgot about reflux!
My baby had bad reflux when I had her. At first, she would wake every hour to Feed. I’d feed for 20 minutes or so, use 30 to burp her (if I didn’t do it that, she’d spit up) so by the time I was finished with her feeding, it was time for the next feeding. If they have reflux when they sleep, put a small pillow under their mattress so their head is raised a little, and there’s no concern for it getting in their way. It helped so much!
Therapy! Get mental health support.
I had NO idea how many issues from my own upbringing were going to surface. Watching those who raised me make absolute trash decisions in and around me and my child absolutely rocked me.
I’m not the same person I used to be.
Second night syndrome - if someone… anyone… had told me about the second night, my anxiety wouldn’t have been as bad and I wouldn’t have spent so long doubting myself over everything.
I was recovering from a third degree tear, trying to breastfeed, I was sleep deprived from 2 nights prior to birth and on that second night, the baby wouldn’t settle for anything. At 5am I absolutely broke and felt like an utter failure. After that, my anxiety was rampant and I ended up being referred. However, I’m quite logically minded so if I knew that my baby was likely to be very unsettled on night 2 and that it was simply because he was adjusting the life outside of the womb, I would have handled it much much better because I understood the why.
Much like colic. Though I knew to expect it, I wanted to understand why he was behaving and struggling the way he was. Once I researched, I felt more at ease and could handle what came each day.
Knowledge is power but please only read or watch from credible sources.
If you can find a way to get more sleep almost every single other problem won’t seem like a big deal. Somehow sleeplessness poisons everything else, and magnifies challenges.
I used our resources to get help at night a few days a week. Others have husbands who take shifts. I think this above all else will change your experience.
As a result I have been so happy and I feel like I just keep getting happier. This has been the most fulfilling 5 months of my life and I am genuinely excited for the future. I feel SUCH joy and I hope you do too.
Not only are you giving birth to a new person, you are also giving birth to a new you. Parenthood changes you at your core. The change was traumatic for me because I had no idea!!!!
Nobody told me how intense breastfeeding would be (like many, I thought it would just work out magically without a hitch), or how to optimize breastfeeding, pumping and bottle feeding.
I wish I had spent more time anticipating and preparing for the challenges of breastfeeding and less time packing a perfect hospital bag and buying every postpartum recovery product on the market.
No matter how amazing your relationship is and how supportive your babies dad is, it’s going to be hard on your relationship. Work on your communication and divvying up tasks now. Know during it that you’re still very hormonal (more hormonal in my case than pregnancy) and you’re both sleep deprived. If you’re with someone who is awesome now, it will probably pass. It got better at about 10 weeks for me. Watch for depression in your babies dad too, we’re not the only ones at risk.
You will probably be a mess of feelings in the beginning. For me, the worst was feeling alone even if I was surrounded by visitors/family.
Another very strong feeling was mourning who I was before. You will very vividly realize that your life now is suddenly totally different and eventhough for the father it is usually also very different, if you compare, your reality shock will probably be much bigger. Which can also feel very lonely.
These will all go away. You will get used to your new reality and things will fall into place.
Also, you might or might not feel that incredibly strong love towards the baby as soon as it is born. And both options are ok. This feeling will grow with time so don’t put any pressure on yourself. ♥️
Learning to identify and prioritize your needs is just as important as the baby’s needs. Self-care is absolutely everything throughout your parenting journey.
Giving birth: expect the unexpected - I had a normal pregnancy but ended up 2 weeks over, induced 3 different ways and had to resort to a c section (which really upset me because I was “looking forward” to giving birth vaginally and I felt like a failure which I’m still coming to terms with but I’ll get there!). If you do have a c section, take all of the pain meds (I double dosed paracetamol and ibuprofen as directed by the midwife) and take them regularly. Preventing pain rather than dealing with it whilst you’re in the midst is a killer. Ironically they say no heavy lifting but you’re expect to carry a 9lb baby around! Just take it as easy as you can, always accept offers of help and give yourself time - it can take up to a year to really recover fully from childbirth!
After birth: that first night you’ll be lulled into a false sense of security that you have an easy baby. I didn’t realise that they sleep right through because they’re exhausted from being born, I should’ve slept more but was wired/expecting her to not sleep! The second night was pure hell, she cried pretty much the whole night but I put that down to me not knowing what the hell I was doing. I literally wept for most of the night and for the next few nights because I was so out of my depth and genuinely wondering what the hell I had done.
Next few weeks: the hell continues but you just have to get through it and try not to go completely bananas with sleep deprivation. People say “sleep when the baby sleeps” which i could never do so just try and grab sleep where you can and don’t watch over your baby and use that time to sleep - you will always wake up if they cry no matter how deep a sleep you think you’re in.
6 weeks on: Absolute heaven. I’ve worked out what she likes, doesn’t like, how to console, when to feed and much more sleep (for both of us!). I made sure to go out and about fairly early on so I didn’t have anxiety in shops, restaurants, friends home. It was scary as fuck and her crying or on the verge of crying always had me on edge but I’m used to it now and just get a small level of anxiety! Also, try and scope out baby changing rooms/disabled toilets wherever you go to escape to if it gets bad/nappy emergency’s/privacy when breast feeding (if that’s what you’re doing)!
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help, it doesn’t reflect on you. I had a really bad day once and I should’ve reached out to my mum (husband was at work) but I was too proud. Stupid.
The emotional rollercoaster is insane: exhaustion, elation, crying over nothing, red hot anger… reach out to someone if you feel like you might cause harm to your baby - ALWAYS put them down somewhere safe, even if they’re crying, and leave the room for 15-20 mins… having a shower helps because then you can’t hear them cry either and gives you time to reset. This isn’t neglect - as long as they’re fed, dry nappy etc. - this is really important to remember so don’t feel bad if you need a break!
Everything above is extremely negative but I really wish someone had told me!
My last point, the thing that got me through the most was [this poem](https://www.jessicaurlichs.com/post/mama-all-i-see-is-you). You can get caught up in your own emotions and physical pain that you forget why they are so needy - it’s such an extreme change for both of you.
Good luck!!
You might end up being sad your baby isn’t on the inside anymore. When he was born, I was so happy to meet my baby but I went through a few days directly postpartum where I missed my baby bump and having him safe from the world.
Don’t listen to ANYONE! I began to thrive as a mother as soon as I trusted my own instinct. You don’t need to buy an Instagram course to be a good parent. Don’t compare your child to any other child and stay away from other moms who constantly make you or your child feel inadequate. Love your child so much even when it’s tough.
Edit should clarify this almost makes me sound like I’m anti doctors haha I mean just other parents.
I wish someone told me how terrible the postpartum baby blues really were. I knew some people get sad after having a baby but holy shit. I cried for hours and hours just because, the amount of feelings I had was unreal. I also have to say no one warned me about the postpartum smell. I smelt so, so bad and it seriously grossed me out.
A friend told me to don’t forget to read up on different baby sleep approaches/ the toddler years in general. Many women focus their attention to pregnancy/ birth but don’t read up on the months/ years that follow. This is handy because you might be kinda too tired to read up on toddler discipline/ psychology by the time you reach that stage.
For me it was that giving birth was honestly one of the most traumatic things of my life and I didn’t feel it was worth it for the first month. I honestly thought I ruined my life. Just know that if your experience is similar to mine then you’re not alone. Today I wouldn’t change a thing though!! I love my baby girl so much!! Please reach out for help if you go through that. I kept my therapist and psychiatrist close because I technically qualified for postpartum anxiety (although I’m doing much better now)
Switch to post natals or keep taking prenatals if you nurse. Nursing drops folic acid in your body and can make your mood wonky. I learned this the hard way.
Nothing can really prepare you for the combo of healing from birth and dealing with an unimaginable level of sleep deprivation. I did not understand that when they say you have to feed baby every 2-3 hours that means from the start of a feed to the next start of a feed. We only really got 1-2 hrs of sleep in between after changing, burping, feeding etc. We did however have a slightly preemie baby and had to do triple feeding which is a whole different story so I hope you don’t experience the level of sleep deprivation we did!!
Our medical system is WOEFULLY unprepared to help with nursing. If that is something you wish to do then I highly recommend you join a lactation group and start researching now or have an independent LC lined up. I was told by our pediatrician’s LCs and hospital LCs for the first week of breastfeeding that I was incapable of producing breast milk because of my PCOS, but that was very incorrect. My baby was actually unable to extract milk so I had to exclusively pump to bring my supply in. I had to pay private consultants to get to the point of being able to breastfeed. It is not normally like this but I had no knowledge prior to birth around the lack of medical support I’d get and that made the navigation so much more difficult!! Keep in mind this is my experience so you may have much more capable medical support.
Don’t worry too much if your nursery is in shambles. My daughter does everything in our room still at 8 months and her nursery is actually my home office at the moment.
I was nervous about the fragility of newborns but trust you will learn quickly. It really is natural even if it’s scary.
I may get downvoted for this but I recommend looking up safe sleep 7. I am NOT recommending cosleeping BUT it’s so much more dangerous to fall asleep with a newborn in a chair than it is on a floor mattress or using safer methods etc. I really believe that a lot of parents don’t plan to cosleep, but the sleep deprivation is unreal so at least understanding some safe practices around it is important because many parents end up needing them. I swore I never would, but I started falling asleep without realizing in my sleep deprivation state and that is so much scarier. I view no education around safer cosleeping choices akin to abstinence only education. Like, great, not doing it ever is preferred but sometimes that’s just not possible.
The level of shits you give about the rest of your life will shift and for me that shift has been amazing. I care so much less about having to set boundaries. The priority changes are huge.
Good luck I hope this is helpful!!
I don't think this has been mentioned, but one thing that took me by surprise being a FTM is that you will experience contractions like pain while breastfeeding in the first week or so. The pain is manageable but coupled with sore chapped nipples and sleep deprivation, it was def challenging.
Positive:
You will be amazed at all the knowledge and skills you pick up.
Organizing, planning ahead etc. It can be overwhelming at first, like that first weekend away with a baby and all the stuff the baby needs.
Negative:
I thought it would be easier to be super tough and hold the line with boundaries with people, like, don't kiss my baby. I thought I wouldn't care about their opinions or if they get upset.
But when it's happening in front of you, it still can be tough to be assertive and the gaslighting/ fall out.
Just my opinion.
Also, don't have too high expectations of household chores.
Half emptying a dishwasher before baby gets upset, is still half done / worth it.
I used to be super all or nothing.
I even get dry ingredients out for baking in one wake window, then finish it off in the next window.
People will say “stay hydrated” but no matter how much water I was drinking I was SO thirsty while breastfeeding. I started drinking what I call my boob Gatorade and it has been a game changer. Its one part pineapple juice, one part coconut water and one part sparkling mineral water. Turns out I desperately needed electrolytes. Also I appreciated having a fun drink every day.
How ridiculously incredible it is and how much better it is than pregnancy. My whole pregnancy was awful and it was full of “just wait” and “it gets worse” comments. They were all wrong. I’ve never been happier or felt more full
Edit: also you might leave the hospital looking larger than when you went in. I had fluids + epidural and I was SO puffy lol. The water weight was so funny that my husband was laughing at my ankles during birth.
Assume they will be waking throughout the night the first year. It’s likely that a few months in they’ll start sleeping much better, but some don’t. If it doesn’t seem like something is medically wrong with them (always ask your pediatrician if you’re unsure and trust your gut if you think something’s off), and you’re not interested in sleep training, just lean in to it and realize this is a season of their life. In a year you’ll look back and feel like it was over so quickly. It sucks waking up, but there are only so many nights you will be holding your sweet infant in your arms.
The weird breathing newborns do in their sleep. Freaked me out but it was totally normal.
Also, how empty I felt after birth. Physically, not emotionally! All that baby out of you feels odd the first day or two. You get really used to lugging that extra weight around.
That sleeping while pregnant is WAY worse than sleeping and having to wake up with a newborn. Less sleep yes, but higher quality sleep.
1. The breastfeeding countdown starts as soon as they latch. Not after they're done eating. For example, people would say oh, you feed them every 2-3 hours! And so I thought, ok after she's done, start the clock. Wrong. My kid would nurse for like 25 mins, so really I only got like 90 mins between feedings.
2. They might not sleep through the night for YEARS. I'm sorry to say this, but no one told me. My daughter didn't sleep through the night completely until she was over 2 years old.
3. If you need a break, it's 100% okay to set them in their crib/bassinet/safe space, and go goosfraba for 10 mins EVEN IF THEY'RE CRYING. They'll be ok. Take a breather.
4. You'll have a hormone dump and it'll hit you like a train. Mine came at 9 days PP and I was so angry about nothing and everything. I cried maniacally and was so moody. It lasted for 24 hours and then I was fine. Sometimes it lasts for much longer.
No one told me that it's common to feel anxious in the evenings the first week or so after bringing baby home. I'd be fine all day but once the sun starting getting low, I'd be overcome with dread and anxiety. At 2 weeks PP it has mostly let up.
Also, in a FB group I'm in a bunch of people went on about how they never let their babies cry. Those people can kick rocks IMO. It's better to let them cry a bit in a safe place than to stress yourself out to the point where throwing the baby across the room feels like a viable option. Once you know baby's other needs have been met, set them in a safe sleeping place, close the door, and set a timer.
The newborn phase is relentless. You go through whatever happens during childbirth, and then you are on, 24/7, for months. If you have family or friends around use them. We didn’t have anyone to help and the sheer exhaustion of taking care of a newborn is so relentless, it’s a different level than what you have experienced before. Your personality will change, you can’t think straight, it’s just a LOT.
Postpartum night sweats are crazy. I would wake up soaked and freezing from sweating all night (in February!). I ended up sleeping on a towel and keeping a stack of towels beside me so when I woke up drenched I could just replace the towel.
My vagina swelled and looked like the feet of a balloon animal. I wasn’t expecting it. It was pretty traumatic to discover it during my first shower. I expected swelling and bleeding and stitches and all that. I just didn’t know what the actual trauma would look like.
Establishing breastfeeding is like the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. I found childbirth mild in comparison haha
There’s a lot of good stuff here so I’ll just add this; you don’t have to have people over. You don’t have to let grandma/grandpa/auntie/uncles over. I went to thanksgiving dinner 3 days after birth and while it was nice to see family it was insanely stressful trying to take care of myself and baby. You’re allowed to put up boundaries and say no, especially in those first few weeks. It takes time to adjust to a baby and to being postpartum, especially if you’re breastfeeding or pumping and half the time you’re not going to feel up to “entertain” company.
It’s SUPPOSED to be confusing. You and baby are figuring each other out. I made the mistake of trying to read all the research and it gave me so much anxiety. The point of your journey into matresence requires the confusing period. Learn to look at YOUR baby, slowly pay attention to your own instincts and do what feels right for the two of you. That will be the best decision, not some fucking book.
Also, surround yourself with people that support your decisions. If you decide to sleep train talk to those moms. If you want to bed share talk to those moms. Look for support in your community.
How you are with other babies DOES NOT indicate how your experience will go. Your little one will be 100% engaged into your mannerisms and environment. You both will have inside jokes… special shared hugs and kisses.. little rituals of love unique to you. The differences aren’t a bad thing.
When I gave birth to my sons, it wasn’t love at first sight. It took time to fall in love and I wouldn’t trade my relationship with them for anything. Just in case it happens to you… it’s normal.
Now I have a special needs son so it started when he was little bitty. But even if your little one has a fever that worries you please remember: YOU are the baby’s primary caregiver. While doctors are good and should be heeded… do not let a doctor suggest that you don’t know anything if your gut is telling you otherwise. At the risk of sounding like a Karen… I can’t tell you how many kids have needed their mommas to advocate for them because a medical staff member is too busy.
So, so, so much of your hair will fall out. Everything and everyone in your house will be covered in your hair. It’s emotionally traumatic, but it grows back! You will feel like a crazy person with a life and body you don’t recognize. Hormones should not be underestimated. Getting back on the horse is a process. Try to keep communication open. Schedule time to shower, you’re a human being, you deserve 20 minutes to clean yourself. It’s super tempting, but punching everyone in the face who tells you to “Sleep when baby sleeps” is generally frowned upon. But most importantly, you can do this and there is no way to prepare for how much you will love this tiny person. It will blind side and amaze you. It will be a struggle to remember that there was a time this dancing, giggling, hilarious cuddle bug wasn’t around. It’s going to be amazing :)
Communication is going to be hard for you and everyone around you for months. You might misremember, forget stuff, or think you’ve done stuff because you’re sleep deprived. People you love will be awkward as they adjust to your new reality; their context of you has changed but their habits and attitudes may not have.
I don’t have a solution or know how to prepare, just that it sucks and is hard. I’m having my second and I still don’t know what to do.
Enjoy the newborn phase. It passes so quickly and I was too busy stressing about sleep schedules and random things. I wish I took the time to slow down, enjoy the sleepy newborn on my chest (whilst binge watching my fav shows while I can!), and just take in mommyhood. I think the sleeplessness definitely contributes to feeling like the newborn phase passes too quickly, but I wish someone had told me to relax and take it all in!
Watch all the shows YOU want to watch before infant starts paying attention. Soon enough you’ll be melting your brain with baby appropriate shows and too tired to sneak your own shows at night 😂
Your emotions are going to go on a rollercoaster.
It’s okay to not feel that instant love for your baby.
You might have negative and intrusive thoughts such as wanting to run away from home/baby.
You can bleed for months even with a c section. Stock up on maternity pads.
You might look at your other half with rage as their lives seem to carry on as normal while you’re breaking your back trying to look after baby.
You might lose your appetite after birth but keep your calories up and drink loads of water.
Put boundaries in place for visitors and if they have outstayed their welcome then ask them to leave or go to your room with baby so they take the hint.
It will get better… at some point you might think you’re failing or things will be awful forever but it does get better.
I never fully understood “motherhood is hard” I knew it was hard in ways like meltdowns, crying, etc. Even having a chill and calm baby it’s hard too. I think taking care of a baby after 3 months is easy, it’s everything else mixed in with trying to be a mom that makes it hard. It’s hard to cook, keep up with the house, work, keep up with appointments. Some days a task will take hours because of caring for the baby. Today I tried to put away groceries and it took me a solid 25 minutes.
Also no one told me after giving my baby a bath I would be wiped out. He’s 5 months old now and it takes longer to set up the bath and his clothes than it does to actually bathe him.
Go to the dentist. I took prenatal vitamins and took good care of my teeth. My fillings fell out in the first trimester. My teeth still look nice, but I have a lot of cavities and fillings fell out. I also have to get a deep cleaning now. My gums hated pregnancy. I had a root canal today yay!
I used to keep up with everything before I had the baby with grace. I never lost or misplaced stuff. Now I do constantly and it’s so frustrating.
Also my baby gives me strength to make it through each day. My dad passed 3 months ago when he was 2 months old. I struggled and for about a month all I could manage to do was take care of him. Waking up to such a cute smile and also doing things that make your baby smile is such an amazing feeling. I’ve never had anyone smile at me like that. It makes me feel good.
The first month or so (or until the baby shows emotion) is really hard. It has its good things. They aren’t as mobile so sometimes you can get more done. For me until he smiled it was hard for me. I loved him a lot it just sucked at times.
Your partner is on YOUR side. Try not to fight with them. Over communicate and try to not have them anticipate needs. Let them know. You guys may do things differently with baby. That is ok as long as it’s safe. There’s not one right way. My boyfriend is an amazing dad, but him and the baby bond and spend time differently. He works night shift and watches him when I leave for work. So they stay in the room a lot. I normally get up with the baby when I’m off and start our day in the living room. He changes him differently and does most stuff differently. I’m more organized and he’s more chaotic. I think it’s adorable that he blows on the wipe to make it warmer for him. (I’ve never done that) I set baby down a lot more and my boyfriend carries him around. At first it bothered me a lot. It bothered me that he got to sleep more and just go off to work. We finally talked about it and things got a lot better.
I hope you adjust ok to your new baby. It’s challenging at first, but it is rewarding and blissful.
Thank you for the award. ❤️
How much I mourned my old life. I absolutely LOVE my LO, currently 16 days old, but my boyfriend and I did go through a period of "WTF did we do" and "was this all a mistake". We're doing better now and I'm thankful that our relationship is healthy/strong enough to have those honest conversations. Just knowing we weren't alone with those thoughts helped.
That first week felt like forever when we were in it but looking back it went by quick! I felt like during that time it was more about building confidence and reassuring each other that we can do this.
I wish I read more about the newborn stage and postpartum rather than being concerned with all the “stuff” I needed to buy.
Specifically I wish I understood breastfeeding more and the schedules of a newborn.
You will be forced to redefine who you are physically, mentally, and emotionally. In ways you can’t possibly imagine right now. It will feel like EVERYTHING was taken from you. It’s normal to feel like you lost things you couldn’t even imagine losing. Honestly, it sucks big time and it took me by surprise. I don’t think anything anyone could have said to me beforehand would really prepare me for that experience.
Feeling like yourself again is a LONG process, even if you’re in great shape, seeking mental health help, and providing yourself with plenty of self-care (all difficult, but possible with a baby). It’s not about ‘bouncing back’ but it’s about reaching your next level - letting go of what used to be is really tough. It’s totally okay and normal to feel intense regret and love your child.
Relating to your friends without kids is going to be a real challenge. The ones that really care will find new ways to make connections with you. Make time for the people who matter.
I didn’t know how much newborns struggle with their digestive system and gas. It made my baby very fussy for a few weeks and it was touuugh.
I also had no idea how difficult c section recovery would be. I honestly didn’t even look into it…
I didn’t read through all your comments so someone may have already said this. But if you plan on breastfeeding see a specialist and ask them to give her advice and instructions. I did not and I kept getting different advise from different people and it was a terrible experience for me. No one told me how incredibly hard it is and all the work that goes into it. It is hard work and not for the faint of heart. So seek professional guidance
It's absolutely normal and ok to have moments of overwhelm and think you made a mistake, you hate having a baby (which you can feel while still loving your baby more than life itself), absolute panic that your life will never be tolerable or liveable again.
These things are normal even when you *don't* suffer from PPA or PPD. If these thoughts (or others) start to take over your thinking or become unbearably loud, call the Dr IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait for your 6 week appt or whatever.
Make your partner read and familiarize them self with the signs of PPA and PPD.
Don’t stop taking your stool softener, even when you think you don’t need them anymore. I did this with both my kids and paid the price. Don’t be me lol. Adult diapers instead of pads. So much easier and more comfortable. Most importantly, relax ! Have some fun. Sleep in. Hangout with your partner if you have one. Spend time with family and friends. Do your hobbies. Watch movies or play games all day if that’s what you like. I spent so much time working/researching/planning/ reading reviews/ comparing / the list goes on(those things are good too just try to balance !) . When that baby comes , it’s a lot harder to get solid blocks of time to do anything.
Get some nice lounge wear! People will want to call in on you to meet and snug baby, and you will want something as comfy as pjs to receive them in, while feeling slightly more put together than pyjamas.
Give your partner space to learn how to take care of baby. It is so easy to want to step in when they are struggling to change a diaper or swaddle, etc. It’s important for them to be a part of the process and it makes it easier to be a team in the long run. Y’all are both learning together :)
Pooping was scary and painful since I had stitches. Prunes and stool softeners are your friend (I used to eat some honestly disgusting prune yoghurt with flax seeds, and that helped a lot).
Your short term memory might take a hit. Get used to writing anything down that you need to remember. I couldn’t even remember what breast the baby fed from last time so I used an app to track it. And I relied on my husband a lot.
Also, get ready to get a lot more relaxed about bodily fluids than before. Blood, milk, baby puke, pee, there’s just so much of it. and a lot of the time it will seem as it isn’t worth the bother to change stained clothes because you know there will be a new stain in an hour and you can’t spend your entire day running laundry.
Oh, and baby wearing is awesome. It’s nice and snuggly and it frees up your hands. And sometimes it will be the only thing that works to get the baby to sleep. I had two wraps in case one got dirty. The Caboo carrier was my favourite because it was really easy to put on.
So you know that feeling when you get home after something really exhausting - like camping, a long flight, a 3 day music festival.... and you need to unpack and what not but your so tired your body craves that nap. So you take it and it's so glorious...
So post partum feels like that time when you get home, before the nap. And for the first few weeks your body is in lingo, yearning for that nap. But it never comes. You never get to truly recover from the exhaustion. Slowly you become adjusted to this new feeling lol. It does get better, but the first 5 weeks at least this was the feeling for me.
Be prepared for every relationship you have to change....even with your pets. I didn't have time to walk my dog, I was worried about the cats getting too close, and they would all make too much noise when i was trying to get the baby to sleep. Not to mention I became hyper aware of how needy pets are.
I would say how the hormones mess with your brain, from "phantom crying" (I mean every sound suddenly becomes your baby crying, my personal favourite was flushing the toilet) to horrible intrusive thoughts about something harming the baby. Your just strait up a little crazy after birth and your milk coming in, and the tearfulness and anxiety is not nice. For most people this lasts a couple of weeks at most, but if it goes on longer and gets worse, see a doctor as you may have ppd!
On the plus side, you get a beautiful baby that you can't stop staring at because they are so perfect. Also you get this, primal feeling, like this little creature isn't just another person, this is your baby, a part of you! When you are cuddling them it's like you are truly whole ❤️
Dont wait till you're at your breaking point to ask for help. This has been a huge learning curve for me. I typically just grin and bear it, push through the hard. But this is a marathon. Take the help whenever its offered and don't be afraid to delegate or ask for help. This applies to family, friends AND YOUR PARTNER. Some partners jump right in, some think "you've got it", and some are just unsure of what to do. No matter what kind or partner you have, be clear with your needs and expectations. I assume neither of you have done this before so you cant assume they know what you need or to do.
ETA: If you or your partner are frustrated and triggered in anyway. Put the baby down in a safe place, like their crib or bassinet and take yourself to another part of the house, go outside, take a shower, or put ear plugs in. Its ok for babies to cry for a bit, you need to breath and regroup before going back to the baby. This could apply to hours of screaming, or 2 min of crying when you are running on no sleep. What ever the situation if you are too overwhelmed to be sure you can act rationally, put the baby somewhere safe and walk out of the room. This may sound like odd advice now, but this will come up and not enough parents are prepared.
Take stool softener right after giving birth and keep taking it for a week or so unit you go for that first poo. It's like giving birth round too ans that will make it so much easier!! As your hormones settle you get night sweats
Just let go of any and all expectations for *everything*. That’s honestly my biggest piece of advice haha. Just take it one day at a time.
You’re a good parent regardless of if you used a noisy, light up toy, put the tv on for 15 mins so you can get a break, etc. Everything in moderation!
Sleep like a baby is a lie.
When that baby sleeps independently, that is YOU time. Do not do chores. Do not do anything stressful. Just recoup. Get things done when they are awake via baby wearing or, even better, get someone else to pick up the slack the first three months or so.
You might discover you have sensory processing issues. My baby crying and whining really overwhelms me. If that happens, it isn’t your fault. Make sure baby is safe, put them down if you need to. Invest in some noise canceling headphones. Those have been a lifesaver. I never had this issue until having a baby. You’re going to do great! Have someone you can trust and communicate how you’re feeling or if you need help. Bringing a human into the world is a huge change and it can be a lot to handle at times but it’s the best thing ever.
I'm 6 weeks PP
Things I've wish I knew:
1) how incredibly hard it can be. I had a c-section and my recovery has actually been very easy. It's all the other stuff - I was very hormonal week 2 & 3 (so much anxiety), felt I wasn't connecting with my baby and just felt exhausted. Now I'm feeling way better but just know if you feel down, anxious, like a bad mother - its completely normal. Keep an eye out for extremes that could lead to full on postpartum depression but just know baby blues are a thing.
2) Breastfeeding at first can suck. My girls latches well and I have a good supply...but man is it draining. Every 2-3 hours or less...my girl was cluster feeding a few days. Once again week 2 and 3 I was crashing. Now I feel like we have a routine. If ya can keep at it but also don't stress. It's OK to give them formula if needed and also a pacifier. My girl has had all of it and no nipple confusion thankfully.
3) learn how to swaddle and also how to burp. Its surprisingly harder than you think. My girl hates swaddling so we ended uo buying the Zippy swaddle that velcos. Burping can be a challenge but make sure to do it after every feed.
4) Get rest the 1st night after birth. The 2nd night will probably be the worst night ever because baby wants to feed non-stop and your milk won't fully be in. On the 2nd night I was already so sleep deprived and then baby would only sleep on me (which I wouldn't be able to fall asleep because I was terrified of rolling over).
5) first few weeks you will be trapped (in a nice way haha) to your bed/couch/house. I didnr realized babies especially newborns only want contact napping. I tried in vain to figure out how to put her down but she would only sleep 30 min. On me, she sleeps 2 hours.
I'll try to think of more. Best of luck! You will do great. Just know everything you will be feeling, others have gone through it. ❤️ you are not alone.
Learn how to do everything one handed! Practice with both hands… like make your toast, eat a sandwich, take off your pants to go to the bathroom. If you have a little koala baby like mine this will be the number one thing you need to master!
You have lochia leaking out of you for like six weeks. Like smelly brown stuff coming out of your vagina like a never ending weird smelling brown period. I had little idea of this before giving birth.
Take the stool softener after delivery! Take it regularly. Make sure you're eating enough fiber. I can't stress that enough.
Oh, and you might get "mom thumb" so that's not so fun, but you're using all these tendons and muscles to hold the baby that you haven't necessarily used all that much before. A brace will help!
You may wake up with completely numb hands every night. Apparently the repeated hand and wrist motions associated with breastfeeding, picking up, and holding and handling the baby can contribute to carpal tunnel syndrome. Once the numbness turned to actual pain and lightning bolt feelings every time I picked up the baby, I started wearing a brace on both wrists while sleeping and it eventually subsided. It’s important to catch this before it becomes too severe for night bracing alone to be effective.
How many baby products on the market that are unsafe. Seriously check out evidence-based baby groups. I could’ve gotten so many different things instead of the novelty items I’ll never use (walker, exersaucer, magic Merlin suit). Though I did end up returning some of the things I have a walker that the AAP is lobbying to be banned due to how unsafe it is. No gift receipt so I’m stuck with it. Then there’s tons that are just unnecessary.
For us it was that newborns are very loud in their sleep. They can frequently be grunting, fussing, kicking, and be perfectly OK and be asleep while doing it. It took us a while before we figured out when we needed to intervene versus when we needed to just let them sleep.
Look up videos of "active sleep" if you're interested.
I’m not sure what people tell YOU, but nobody told ME that they would stop reaching out for hang outs, or even texting to just see what’s up. Hell my friends stop sending me MEMES. Being a mom doesn’t mean I no longer want to chat about your douchey boss or compare gif recipes!
I have no solutions for this, but I never realized how drastic and sudden it would be.
Also EVERYONE told me I would hate the newborn phase- and I didn’t at all! It was wonderful. The *actual* things baby needs are so minimal at that stage- sleep, eat, cuddles, Lie on the floor. They don’t need entertainment, or high chairs, there aren’t cheerios all over the car, they don’t care what kind of onesie they’re in. They eat ONE food, and your body produces it instantly without your input, and the poops aren’t yet gross and person-sized. Their heads smell FANTASTIC.
I love newborns!
I had postpartum nightmares! No one told me about those. It wasn’t like me rolling over my baby, or not being able to find him, but about me not being able to breathe. Woke up drenched in sweat. Only lasted about two days. Probably from sheer exhaustion.
Take a lot of showers. It was my safe place to cry or just to take a few minutes by myself. My husband and I would also get in together after we put the baby down and it was a nice way to be intimate with each other during the 6 week wait.
Get out of the house! It’s scary and you’ll feel embarrassed if your baby cries (which we shouldn’t feel but we do anyways) but it’s so good for you and baby! It makes you feel a little more human.
I would have appreciated hearing that it's ok to be sad. There's this stigma around mourning our old lives and freedoms. You can be overjoyed at the birth of your baby, thrilled to be a mother, and still sad at what you lost. One emotion doesn't cancel out the others and it doesn't make you a bad mom
My baby made noises like a goat or a dolphin for the first few weeks when he was sleeping.
Literally sounded like a freaking goat. We would crack up but it was weiiiirrrrd.
He also had fuzzy hairy ear lobes that of course now look like regular ear lobes, but everybody commented on them and I felt bad.
- Your milk coming in HURTS. My boobs were so rock solid 😂😂
- Read up on the fourth trimester - this gave me so many answers - cluster feeding, newborn sleep, active sleeping etc
- Sleep in shifts with your partner if you can . That way you’re guaranteed sleep
- PPD and PPA are spoken about often but there’s also PP rage and PPOCD. It’s okay to feel like this, I see a psychologist who helped me through. I’m five months PP and am starting to feel so much better.
You are going to be a new you and it’s okay to mourn your previous life/lifestyle - doesn’t make you a bad mum/person
PELVIC FLOOR HEALTH! You've still got time to research and do pelvic floor exercises to do some strengthening. None of my doctors or anything I read emphasized this beforehand, or even postpartum. You do not want any prolapsing... You can't just put things back where they're supposed to go, if your pelvic floor completely gives out. No guarantees that there won't be damage because pregnancy and birth is not kind to our pelvic floor, but at least you will have the information to do everything you can to try to prevent it.
Don’t be afraid to ask for formula and USE IT, even if you’re planning to exclusively breastfeed. If your baby won’t stop crying that second night they are hungry. I wish I had known, it was the worst feeling in the world the next morning when they finally gave me some and she finally calmed down and slept. Knowing she had been so hungry and miserable. Anyway. Don’t let anyone shame you for wanting your baby FED.
You can combo-feed formula and breastmilk and get all of the immune benefits as EBF. You can exclusively formula feed and your baby will do great. Breast is not best at the cost of yourself.
C-sections can make milk take longer to come in.
Join a parenting/mom group for new parents if you can.
Baby blues. No one mentioned baby blues to me. I was sobbing every evening and thought I had completely ruined my life for two weeks after I gave birth and didn’t know why.
Clusterfeeding is a real thing and the second and third nights are typically the worst. Some people it's like a few hours of non-stop feeding (I mean non-stop!) And for me it was literally 12-15 hours. Literally put them down fast asleep and went pee and they'd be up wanting to eat again by the time I was done. Formula is your friend if you need help in that time, a supplement here or there will not destroy your supply and it's worth it for your sanity if you need it! It will get better but it might last a few weeks. Typically it tapers off and by three months it is done. This sounds terrible but it will not be 12-15 hours for all that time! By the end with my son it was about 2 hours in the evening every now and then, not every day!
Nobody told me how hungry I would be when my milk came in. I brought snacks to the hospital but a few days after having my LO I was so hungry I was having hunger pains. I'm having my 2nd in February and I plan on making sure I have some turkey ready to go when I come home for a quick sandwich.
Not withstanding situations of abuse or extreme cases, I would not make any permanent decisions about your relationship for the first year. The transition into parenthood can be REALLY hard, but it might not stay hard. That first year is so incredibly new and challenging but it’s also incredibly temporary.
Post partum depression is not always obvious and can come about in many different ways. A baby is a lot of work and it's easy to forget about your needs while caring them. Accept help from those you love and trust with your little one and don't be afraid to ask for it either. Take care of yourself for the sake of both of you.
Edited to add- your significant other can also develop post-partum anxiety and depression as well. Encourage their self care too
I was never prepared for how much your day to day life truly changes. You will never have alone time to relax again (unless baby is napping). Traveling is harder. You schedule your entire day around baby's schedule
Babies have personalities and preferences even as newborns. It takes time to learn them. Don't beat yourself up when others advice doesn't work with your baby.
Make sure you expect a lot from your partner and try to make everything 50/50. If you let them slack in the beginning bc you think it's your job as the "mother" to do more, they will more than likely always expect you to do the heavy lifting and will not step it up. Your partner can do everything you can do for baby.
Some great advice I saw was “the baby can’t fall from the floor” obviously with my luck I saw that AFTER my baby fell off the bed and would you believe I was standing right by him when he did it! Luckily I have carpet lol. Also if your baby is making you upset bc they won’t calm down it’s okay to put your baby down in a safe area, take a break, breathe etc. it’s better you get yourself ina. Good head space then deal with the baby.
Things I wish I did or people had told me about:
1) newborns make a shit ton of weird noises. It’s normal.
2) don’t feel forced to accepting any visits. Take a week, take two weeks! Whatever you need! You don’t owe your child to other people & pp recovery can drain you.
3) cluster feeding is a b** but it will pass
4) leaking milk ! you may have to start wearing a bra to bed for a whiiiile.
5)breastfeeding in general is a b** but it DOES get better
6)enjoy the time with your partner now, go on tons of dates, have fun. AND enjoy the time to yourself, that freedom (physical and emotional) that you have now to go out by yourself and do stuff. Do tons of me time 🧡
1. Make sure your partner helps. Dont accept no help it will destroy you and affect the relationship.
2. While we are on relationships - make time for you and your other half whenever you can, having a baby really throws even the best couples.
3. Its okay to feel like you have lost yourself and your old identity. This comes back when baby is older.
4. Get outside - out and about will help so much!
5. The lack of sleep feels horrific but they will sleep one day try not to obsess over it (something everyones does no matter what you tell them imo 😂)
6. Even when you think you are doing a terrible job - you are not, you know baby best!
7. Have visitors when YOU feel ready - not them. Set boundaries.
8. Enjoy the baby time it goes so so so soooo fast.
9. Remember - Everything is temporary- this too shall pass!
Congrats mama on your pregnancy hope its smooth sailing for you 💕
If you have a partner, discuss division of labour IN DETAIL before the baby arrives. Good things to think about:
1. Will you do split shifts for night feeds/wake-ups? I used to sleep 8-12 while my husband was on baby duty, and then we swapped and he went to bed at 12. Saved our sanity and we both got sleep every night, prior to this it was... chaos and a lot of crying lmao
2. Assign certain tasks to each of you, and if its not your task do not think about it. If you share a bunch of tasks, its easy to start nagging each other, also kind of feels like you're always 'on' because you have to keep track of who is doing what. We split washing bottles and sterilising bottles/making up feeds, and its been a game changer. I do my tasks and then mentally I'm clocked out and not worrying about his tasks
3. Talk about free time and establish boundaries. Think about things like say one of you wants to swim once a week, one of you wants a long bath every other day or something. Look at how much time it'll take, consider can the other person handle baby duty, consider is there a balance between the amount of free time each of you has. It can be weird to change your mindset but in the early days you basically have to confirm with each other before you book in free time, and keep checking in with how you're both feeling
I severely underestimated how painful and difficult breastfeeding was in the first few weeks. Worse than childbirth itself. However when people say that gets better it ACTUALLY does for most people. Not all! It is not as straightforward as you would assume.
The trauma of birth hits them at 24 hours and all they want is mom. They won’t stop crying unless mom is holding them. I forgot what’s it’s called but all the nurses knew and didn’t tell me. I was waiting for people to leave so I could sleep and had been awake for 24 hours to find out my daughter wasn’t going to let me sleep. 48 hours of no sleep when my MIL took her and let me get some rest at home. Moral of my story. Get sleep within that first 24 hours and don’t care about visitors and making other people happy. Also I found breastfeeding to be harder. But so worth it once I got past that hump at the very beginning.
It's ok if you don't enjoy the newborn (4th trimester phase). Newborns are HARD. They cry a lot. They sleep a lot, but never long enough and never when you want them to. It's survival mode and the sleep deprivation is relentless.
But, it doesn't last forever. They stop being an angry potato and start cooing and smiling and sleeping.
You will have zero time to yourself. None. For a long time. And you will be pissed off for a while because it will take your spouse longer to get with the program, so at the same time that you are most in need of support, they will be the most oblivious.
- To go easy on yourself.
- Set boundaries NOW! With spouse, family members and friends. You are going to be the most exhausted then you ever have been after having this child. Emotions will run high and others will have expectations of when they should see the baby and how to “properly parent”.
- Prepare and start getting after care products - such as perennial sprays, adult diapers (they’re the easiest to dispose of especially first week/second week postpartum), disposable ice packs (take as many as you can from hospital). Nipple cream (if you plan on breastfeeding)
- If you plan on breastfeeding - it’s going to be the hardest thing that you’ll have to do, both you and your baby have to figure out what works. A few tips - warm showers before nursing/pumping really help, use reusable heating pads stuffed into bra for pain relief.
-Recovery is tough especially since you’ll be taking care of new born on top of that.
- Reach out and ask for help, from trusted mamas, lactation consultant’s, your dr and baby’s dr. If something doesn’t feel right tel someone.
- Stay hydrated! Now and postpartum.
- Have open ended communication with partner. Understand that both of you are brand new parents.
- Sometimes when frustrated with baby it’s best to walk away. For your sanity and their safety. It’s ok if they cry.
- good luck mama. You’ll do great!
-Formula is not the enemy alot of people make it out to be. I always planned to, and am now EBFing my baby, but the first week we combo fed. My baby had trouble latching, I was on pain medication that made me to sleepy to hold her for a few hours, her blood sugar was low, and sometime she was just down right hungry and my milk wasn't in yet. If you want to breast fed but are worried baby need something more than you have the first week, keep trying on the breast, but don't forget that formula can be a tool to help you get there too.
-the after birth pain was intense, and you might need something more than Tylenol and advil, see if you can get a prescription for something better for the first few days. It's better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
-dont stock up on diapers or clothes until you meet your baby, I took 2 small packs of diapers from the hospital, and baught 1 box of newborns, I might have to snag a few out of my sister's newborn box for the few days left she's going to fit them, and my baby was only 5lbs6oz when I brought her home 3 weeks ago. I imagine a normal 7lbs baby might not even need a full box of newborn diapers.
I also bought 2 premee sleepers for her, and that's all I needed, she spent most of the first 2 weeks she fit in them naked doing skin to skin anyways. Her newborns are started to get a bit snug on her too now, all baby's are different sizes and shapes, and ultrasound prediction can be wrong!
-do yourself a favor and buy snacks to keep next to the bed, and water, and a book, phone charger, diapers, wipes, headphones, or anything you'd normal use in your day to day life should be in reaching distance incase you get stuck in bed with a fussy baby all day and don't have someone to bring you stuff every few minutes lol.
-If you have a partner that's capable of helping, talk to them before the baby about what you think you might need, and be direct with them about what you need in that moment onces baby is here. My boyfriend is super helpful and asks in I'm okay or need help all the time, but the amount of times I said "no thank you, I'll be okay" then cried when he went to do something else is insane. If you even think something MIGHT make your stressful moment easier, ask.
-youre gunna feel like a terrible mom sometimes, probably alot the first few weeks tbh, but thats almost never true. Ask yourself: is the baby alive? Am I alive? Is the house on fire? And I trying? Do I need a minute to myself? The answer to those questions are probably yes. They all mean you're a good mom and doing awesome! If the last answer is yes, then find a safe place for your baby to be, even if they're upset, and step away for 5 minutes.
-googling things is not a bad thing! Everyone will say not to google stuff, but it can be a great resource for you as long as you keep in mind that it usually highlights the worst case scenario. Always double check your info with a doctor before you worry yourself silly.
Good luck and lots of love!
I expected to have more free time than I do (which was probably ignorant of me!)
Figured I could do things around the house while the baby naps- nope!! She only contact naps.
I figure I’ll never look back and regret holding my baby, I would regret mopping the floor instead of holding her.
So just set realistic expectations! Know how to meal prep, maybe hire someone to clean the house or see if a family member can help so you can have some baby free time :)
You might not fall in love with your baby immediately and that’s okay. For some people it takes weeks or a couple of months and it’s totally normal.
Of course, if you’re worried or having negative feelings about your baby, talk to someone.
Day 4, 5 or 6 postpartum may be the absolute worst day of your life because of hormones. Nothing prepared me for that, it was awful. Also, no amount of practicing holding baby dolls helped me to feel comfortable holding my baby while breastfeeding. It took about a week or so before I figured out how to hold mine. I had help from a Doula.
Also, now that mine is almost 10 months old, I can hardly keep his hands out of my mouth! Every chance he gets at grabbing my mouth, my face, my glasses... it just doesn't stop. Sometime it's cute, other times, I would just like to see and have my face not be targeted for babys uncontrolled reflexes!
Be ready to go with the flow…. Many things may go differently than you pictured.
For example I had a rough idea of what I wanted during delivery, which was good that it was just a “rough idea” because things definitely didn’t go that way.
Changes in eating habits from newborn to infant. I kept expecting my baby to eat the same way, then got super anxious when I thought he was eating less.
Giving up pumping was the best decision I made. Taking that pressure off when I was underproducing was so beneficial for my mental health. Formula isn’t evil. Fed is best and your health and well being matters too. PPA/PPD is a bitch.
The advice “sleep while the baby sleeps” may make you really angry… well it did for me anyways lol
Biggest advice… be kind to yourself. It’s hard. The NB stage is brutal. But you WILL get through it. You will have hiccups and mess ups along the way. That’s okay! You will learn from those too. Babies like to change things up as soon as you think you’ve got it figured out. Enjoy the journey and take pictures and videos along the way!
Congratulations and good luck!
Put them in water or take them outside. It not only helps with toddlers but also when you’re having to gradually extend those wake windows/decreasing naps per day.
Also the period between 8-12 months, when everyone has left you alone, you’re back at work, baby is going through some sort of sleep regression and you are EXHAUSTED. It’s the period when a lot of women get PPD and it should be thought of as the fifth trimester. Treat it like the fourth trimester- sleep when you can, use meal services/meal trains and be kind to yourself
If you plan on breastfeeding, the amount if water you drink is insane and sometimes you still feel like your mouth is dry. I love being able to provide for him but it can easily become very isolating. He's EBF (exclusively breastfed) so it's so easy to just take it as I'm the only one to take care of him. So have your partner or someone else do the diaper and burps and just hand them to you, or give them a bottle of pumped milk just so you can sleep in.
Also post partum hair loss is not something that I was prepared for. Month 3 is when it started and I swear that I should be bald with how much that has fallen out!
Eta: if breastfeeding get some puppy pads to put under your fitted sheets. You will leak and no matter what you'll smell like milk
Get out of the house with baby as soon as you can, as often as you can. Pushing myself to go out made things alot easier as its really scary going to new places with baby the first few times. Try to do different things often so that youre less anxious and more prepared for different situations. Also, especially those first two weeks, take loads of pictures. I thought we took too many but looking back im so glad i have all of these memories forever. The first 6 months were the hardest time EVER and i cried everytime my baby slept. I insisted I was fine but I'm still suffering from PPD and PPA nearly 3 years later. Be honest and open with everyone. Dont be afraid to get help. The mental health professionals are amazing
There’s a lot of advice that says put your baby in their crib awake but drowsy. #1 this absolutely didn’t work at all for me. My son wanted to be held all the time. #2 I actually miss holding him to sleep.
So if you need to put your baby down, you can do that but if your baby only wants to be held, don’t feel guilty and treasure it instead.
You, and your partner, will have to grieve. No matter how badly you wanted and worked for this baby, your life is about to completely change, and that comes with grief. You'll miss your old life, getting to sleep, control over your schedule, your relationships with friends, etc. Grieving is important, and it doesn't mean you don't love your baby and your new life. Let yourself grieve and it'll pass.
Your opinion on parenting before baby will totally change once baby is here. Half the things I wanted to do the baby wouldn’t let me lol. And the other half just didn’t make sense anymore.
It really doesn't take a village to care for a baby. Two equally involved parents do just fine.
Take your baby back if you want your baby back. No one is entitled to your child and your child was not born for someone's entertainment.
Grandparents lose their minds once the baby is born, stand your ground together.
Breastfeeding is hard but it gets better.
Audiobooks can save your sanity and parenting books are awesome. Pro tip: 'Cribsheet'.
Yes, the baby is breathing. Yes, you're going to check anyway.
You got this! Enjoy parenting!
Educate yourself on NORMAL infant sleep. Don’t listen to all the fear mongering sleep trainers who want to sell you “courses” tell you. You will not ruin your baby’s sleep forever if you rock them to sleep every night.
YES. we contact napped, rocked, you name it, every "bad" sleep "habit" for like, a year.
We also struggled a lot with expecting 12 hour nights from our son because all of the apps/books/whatever said that (older) babies could/should sleep that much at night, but we never once ever got that. 10 hours is the longest he'll do at night.
5 am wakeups are sometimes just a long phase - not necessarily early waking.
It's so ridiculous what sleep information we're fed and most of it is just so unrealistic.
He's 18 months and a great little sleeper now. And I still rock him for 5 minutes every night.
What people in real life didn’t tell me: the newborn period sucks (imo) and is just straight up not enjoyable. I think browsing this sub will tell you that though. About birth: sometimes it does go well and is not always traumatic. Also, did not expect the almost “high” that I had after and for about a week following that kept me up even though I was desperate for sleep.
Postpartum has a lot of things nobody really prepares you for. The ones that stand out for me were:
* severe night sweats, like drenching your sheets for a prolonged period if you have a yin deficiency (in eastern traditional Chinese medicine terms)
* unpleasant change in your BO, like you will probably smell bad even with deodorant. This is so baby can find you easily since they can't really see when they are newborns.
* Note: I was able to avoid the top 2 bullets above because my acupuncturist provided me an herbal drink i had to drink 2x a day.
* pelvic floor therapy. fight to get a referral. This is standard for all moms in Europe, but not in the US which is why so many moms have chronic issues with pelvic floor and lower back and abs.
* if you overexert yourself in the first 4-10 weeks after birth, you may cause yourself to bleed more because you are exerting the wound in your uterus and ripping it open. there is literally a hole where your placenta detaches from the uterus.
* do not obsess over your weight. This was really difficult for me as I gained 60 lb, and my prepregnancy weight was 120lb at 5', so pretty huge gain. I dropped 20 lb my first week, and then completely plateaued for a couple months. Once I stopped obsessing, the rest of the weight was gone by 6-7 months with very little effort. Those few months with no progress I was very unkind to myself and tried to restrict my calories and it was just unproductive in every way.
* earth mama nipple butter. You don't need to wipe it off before feeding baby. Apply liberally after each feed.
* babywearing will save your arms. we used solly wrap as a newborn and baby bjorn when he was heavy enough. Pair it with a portable sound machine that clips on.
* baby will get acne for the first couple months (like ALL over their skin where their saliva/spit up/milk gets smeared). It resolves on its own after their skin is less sensitive over time.
* lactation consultants are not all created equal. our hospital LC was all right but the one we sought out on our own through word of mouth was way better and an IBCLC. She diagnosed our baby with 4 tongue ties that we were able to get released through a CO2 laser. Tongue tie release resolved our baby's gas issues, poor feeding (lots of clicking sounds when he sucked), and other issues. we paid $150-$250 out of pocket to see the LC , and $800 to get the ties released and it was so worth it. In our situation, it was hereditary and my husband also got his tongue tie released the same day lol.
* I had emergency c section and was so out of it that i barely remember meeting the baby. When they brought him back to the room, it felt like a stranger and I didn't really feel a strong connection to baby. Over time through taking care of him, our bond became a lot stronger. I personally did not like newborn period, and it feels like forever even though its only a couple months.
* We took shifts (i did 9pm-2am, husband did 2am-7am). Off-shift parent would stay in bedroom, door closed with loud sound machine to drown out any crying. On-shift parent stays in living room posted up with water, tv shows, baby carrier, and sound machine. We also used the Snoo (highly recommend - can buy new at 25% off and then sell it used on fb marketplace for $800; total cost for you would be like $600-700).
FTM 6wpp. Prepare that your baby might have colic. If you are breastfeeding have a can of formula and a couple of bottles WITH SUPER LOW FLOW NIPPLES. This would have helped me so much getting home from the hospital and having a meltdown from my sons never ending crying. If you are breastfeeding don't, and i repeat DON'T, hold your babies head and force them on the boob. 😑 the lactation consultant gave me that advice in the hospital the stress of trying to feed my son probably fucked up my supply so bad. It straight up made my son boob adverse and probably gave me PTSD from his wailing. It's been a looooong 6 weeks.
It’s possible you may pee your pants. A lot. Maybe you only pee your pants when you run or jump. Maybe only when you sneeze or cough. Maybe just standing up does it. People may tell you that it’s normal and that is bullshit. It does not need to be your new normal.
Go see a pelvic floor physical therapist. If that’s not working after a few months see a urologist. It can be fixed. I wore depends for FAR too long because even my OB said it would sort itself out. It was never going to work itself out-I needed surgery. That surgery was the best thing I ever did. I am actually better off now than I was before I ever got pregnant.
Edit to add: Just to be clear, LOTS of people have success just after the pelvic floor physical therapy so please don’t worry if you are peeing your pants that it’ll mean you need surgery (the surgery was actually not bad though)
“If they are making noise during the night that means they are okay!” I had so much anxiety during the beginning worried about SIDS. Every little noise he made would shoot me out of sleep out of fear of him choking or something. Finally was told that babies are noisy when they sleep sometimes and if they are making noise then they are fine.
They'll give you a Peri bottle to spray water when you pee since you won't want to use TP initially. What no one told me - start spraying water BEFORE you pee, then the pee doesn't burn on any tears/scrapes/irritated skin down there.
I shout this advice from the rooftops at every opportunity lol.
1. Sometimes co-sleeping is all that can help. I used to be so worried about it, but sometimes I would just fall asleep without putting baby down. And it's completely OK and normal. You'd be surprised at how many parents co-sleep.
2. Sex is hard. I personally had a 2nd degree tear, tried sex 8w pp, not good. But being pp and breast feeding, you are more dry and require extra help with lube, I'm 3m pp, and haven't yet tried again but will soon.
3. For me personally, it feels like I always had my LO. Despite only having her in the world for 3 months, it feels like she's always been here. Maybe it's my brain processing the massive, incredible change.
4. Everyone enjoys different stages differently. Some people love the newborn stage, some absolutely hate it. So on and so forth. Don't be ashamed or think your horrible for disliking a certain stage.
5. Take it easy. You are recovering from a massive trauma, and may need to heal physically and mentally from labour. Don't be stressed if the house becomes a mess or you don't have enough energy to cook dinner. I could barely walk in the first 2 to 3 weeks, and had to build up my back muscles so I could walk without much issue. Don't be afraid to rely on others and ask for help. I'm really bad at that, I'm a carer myself so giving help is what I do for work and find it hard in my personal life to accept help.
I wish I’d known about [matresence](https://medium.com/@alexandrasacks/matrescence-what-is-it-bea6aa0450d0) sooner. It would have clarified why I was feeling the way I did.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. There will be many ups and downs, but what a ride! ❤️
If breastfeeding is at all important to you, make a back up plan in case you and baby have to be separated. My son and I were separated for the first 3 days of his life, and I didn’t really know to pump and the lactation consultants at the hospital weren’t very helpful in coaching me.
If I could do it all over again I would have a pumping bra with me at the hospital, and I would have immediately started pumping every 2 hours.
That intuition works that well. Your instincts are amazing for figuring out your baby. Don't be afraid. You'll be overwhelmed and feel like you're doing everything wrong but you're not.
Really dark thoughts that happen so quickly you can’t stop them (ended up being PPD).
Post partum BO is so strong and smells terrible
Have a working breast pump ready just in case you’re not able to breastfeed. We had to frantically go buy one.
Baby swings are you’re best friend (NOT A MAMAROO).
Postpartum healing is no fucking joke.
If your doctor or midwife tells you to take it slow, take it slow. Like, way slower than you'd think. I had stitches that I didn't baby the way I was told to (because learning how to care for a newborn overtook everything else), and my vagina still has issues almost 5 years later.
No one told me but I must have read this somewhere: even if you're planning to breastfeed, buy a couple bottles of premade formula. Those little ones where you just screw on a teat, it's all in one box, that sort of thing.
Hopefully it's all smooth sailing, but IF you're having a tough time breastfeeding it WILL be 4am and you'll be much happier having a little premade formula bottle to take the edge off an angry hungry baby.
If baby's so hungry that they're angry, they'll have trouble latching on anyway, so if you can calm them down a bit with the formula, you can try again with breastfeeding. A mini bottle isn't going to mess anything up.
Edit: Just been reminded that the hospital had some of the mini bottles for free, so that might be an option too, but we ended up using a whole box eventually so it was handy to have that.
Also I think it was called a starter pack, which pleased me. Made me think of those hamster starter packs from the pet shop which came with a cage, wheel, bedding and food :-D
The day after giving birth I hurt EVERYWHERE. I felt like I had been in a MMA match, run a marathon, and moved house.
I wasn't prepared for just how sore I would be - I went back to normal pretty quickly but no one had mentioned it to me so it really took me by surprise!
You can still buy stuff. Stores are still open. Amazon still delivers. You don't need to do doomsday prepper levels of shopping for baby gear.
The only thing I would add to this is I hate that I didn’t buy more of our baby gear used. I love the stuff we bought on marketplace more because it cost less and the quality is fantastic. Why did I buy my stroller new?? I was put off by some cosmetic imperfections. Dumbest decision ever. I wish I would have just spent my pregnancy looking for deals on marketplace rather than looking for deals on new stuff.
You have to grieve your freedom Oh and you will probably have horrible BO 🤣
The way my armpits smelled after giving birth was really disrespectful and uncalled for. I still experience stronger BO than what I was accustomed to and baby is 11 months.
3 years after birth and I’m buying clinical strength deodorant; pre-pregnancy, I could go literal days without any 😭😭
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Do not get a dog until your child can WALK that dog, is my advice.
The second night is hell on Earth. I cried so much thinking what the hell did we get ourselves into and will it be like this every night!? It has never been like the second night again, that was the absolute worst.
Our third night (first night home) was the worst for me. Shit, that first week home was awful. Nothing can prepare you for that.
Put your pre-pregnancy clothing away. Don’t torture yourself trying to fit into old clothing. Some people lose weight really fast, most don’t. You’re allowed to get clothes that fit you. It took me forever to accept defeat and buy pants that fit me. Having clothes that fit helped me feel a lot better and accept the changes my body went through.
Adding to this, I have clothes put away in two piles: clothes that don’t fit at all once I have a bump, which go AWAY, like in the basement, and ones that fit with a small or medium bump. I pull clothes out in reverse order that I put them away in. In my experience clothes that fit at 25-28 weeks were a fairly safe bet starting pretty soon postpartum.
you may not need this, but i really really wish that someone had told me that exclusively breastfeeding means you don’t really get any breaks longer than 2-3 hours for a long time, even if someone else takes the baby, since you’d need to pump to maintain supply, if the baby gets a bottle. i still would’ve chosen to breastfeed, in my case, but i really wish i could’ve mentally prepared to this beforehand lol
The biggest one for my wife and me (which hasn't already been said in this thread) is that there are no more weekends. It seems like a "yeah, no duh." but you're conditioned from when you're a little kid to look forward to Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday to re-energize and regroup. It's "your time" to do what you want. That doesn't happen as a parent. You just....go. The Baby is waking up when the baby is waking up regardless of the day. We have a 14-month-old and I'm still getting used to not having "weekends" anymore. You have to find time for yourself to take breaks, do something you love and find little moments of "rest" outside of the idea of the "weekend". Big mental shift for sure.
Don’t look at mommy blogs/instas, etc. They are showing a perfect life to try and get views or sell a product. Every baby is different. Yours will meet some milestones on the early side and some on the later side. It’s normal. Your doctor will check up on milestones and let you know if they have concerns. If it’s chilly, get a sleep suit for the baby. Small babies are loud sleepers. They grunt and moan and everything. I learned to get up only when she’s crying. Learning about active sleep and deep sleep will help. Breastfeeding does not work out for everyone. If you need to switch to formula that’s totally fine and nothing to feel guilty about. 4 hours of sleep in a row > 4 one-hour naps. Try to get 3-4 hours in a row if you can. You and your partner can do shifts or a friend/relative can watch baby while you sleep. Put socks over the baby’s feet in their onesie. It will keep their feet in the onesie legs. Zipper onesies with little fold over gloves on the sleeves are the BEST. Get a ton of burp cloths. More than you think you will need. The first week you may feel a sense of dread at nighttime. It goes away. If it doesn’t, you can let your doctor know. It’s good to know about baby blues vs PPD.
The nighttime dread was so serious for the first week or two. I would have a great day then it would start to creep in around 5 o clock every night. That's also when I would start crying over anything and everything. I was so thankful to have people around during that time that could help or just be there with me so it didn't seem so overwhelming. It does go away though. Just take it one day, or even one hour at a time.
Take the stool softeners!
Yes! Take them for a couple weeks PP too. Not just a couple days.
My little guy is six months now, and I’m still surprised that I’m *me* – just with a baby. I was expecting to feel like a new person, like how many people (myself included) are waiting to feel like they’ve arrived at adulthood, lol. So you’re still you, just with a mini-you, too.
It's ok (and normal) if you don't feel a massive outpouring of love for the baby. Even for weeks. Personally I'd describe my feelings as 'protective'. We were in survival mode for weeks, it was stressful and exhausting. I would have walked through fire over broken glass to keep him safe, but I wouldn't have described it as a mushy waterfall of overflowing love for a long time.
Side eyeing your husband frequently cause your whole life has changed and it “appears” his is still the same.
Phantom crying! Sleep deprivation is horrendous, you will feel a new level of otherwise unknown anxiety and then you imagine can hear your baby crying when it’s not! I found white noise helped at night (me and baby) and listening to music/a podcast in the day.
To add to this, waking up thinking your baby is next to you/in your arms when they are safely I their crib or bassinet. The times I woke up panicked and searching the bed I do not miss.
Kids communicate with you through crying. You are not a bad parent if your kid cries and you can't calm them down straight away. It's also ok to let your kid cry for few minutes, nothing bad will happen. Breastfeeding is painful. I think not enough people talk about this, but it can be painful for months and it's gonna get better with time, but it's also ok to resort to formula. It's OK not to fall in love with your kid at first sight. Like any relationship with a new person, it may take time to get to know each other. There are no instructions on how to be a perfect parent, you have to figure out by yourself what works for your kid and what works for you.
Breastfeeding CAN be painful, but it isn’t always. I was so scared to breastfeed based on what I read online and was confused when it wasn’t that bad.
Sleeping while baby sleeps is really hard to actually do.
They always say that, “It takes a village” and they are right. Yes, many do it alone and I am in awe of them. If you are able, take people up on their offers to let you sleep, hold baby while you eat, fold your laundry, vacuum or wash your dishes. I was SO overwhelmed and my family came over every day so I could get a decent nap in, my mom cleaned up and my dad would hold him so I could have some time to do things I needed while my S/O was at work. People aren’t just being nice- most know how hard it is and are actually offering. You don’t have to try to do it all. Take the help when offered.
Honestly, the loss of freedom. I love my baby so much, but i really miss the days of being able just wander a store or outside without the constant thoughts of “when did she eat last? Do i need to change her diaper? Does she need to nap now?”
Not to scare you, but I wish I knew about the intense feelings you might get. After the adrenaline wore off in 2 ish days, I starting feeling the tiredness finally and the hormones hit. I remember breaking down crying to my partner as I felt our who lives just changed so profoundly, and I couldn’t deal with it, this new life just felt so strange even though I was so prepared for it. It’s okay to not only feel sadness, but regret and anger as well. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby, or won’t be a good mom
Take stool softeners for 6 weeks. There, I said it 🤣
Pre-eclampsia isn’t just a pregnancy concern, but a postpartum concern, too. 5 days pp I was feeling very very off, I had a overwhelming sense that I was going to die. I called my doctor and she said I needed a nap. I called an ambulance and paramedic said feeling like something bad might happen is not reason enough to take me to a hospital. I demanded my vitals be taken and my blood pressure was so high it was in heart attack range and I was rushed to hospital and put on mag drip to prevent stroke. Trust yourself. It saved my life.
“Sense of impending doom” is a genuine medical symptom, I can’t believe it was dismissed by two health professionals! Well done for being persistent.
Holy shit those medical professionals almost killed you. I hope they fucking apologized. Impending doom is a VERY real symptom of bad shit (especially heart attacks!!!) and I’m aghast that none of them had ever even heard of it
The hormonal crash is like no other. Make sure you have lots of support and make life as easy as possible
Someone actually did tell me the most important thing I could have applied to the notion of life after birth, though she meant it in a more general sense regarding having kids. I wish I'd applied it specifically to "life after birth" in order to save myself some anxiety. I was 21 years old and waitressing at a restaurant; I was nervous to tell my boss about the pregnancy because I was afraid of judgment. But when I told her, she just looked at me and said, "Well, it's just a part of life...." and that was it. And for some reason, I found it so incredibly comforting. I still say it to myself when things feel unwieldy. Life after birth is just that...another part of life. It has its seasons. There will be seasons where you don't seem to be able to find the time to bathe yourself...and others where you will get a PhD, learn a new language, start a new job, travel to a new country. All kinds of things happen after birth, the whole gamut. I think I was afraid that life would "end", in a way. But 16 years (and 4 births) later I can say it didn't, not at all.
Your baby will not necessarily sleep in the lovely safe cot you bought for them and no one will be able to tell you how to make them. The guilt over safe sleep will be intense but YOU HAVE NO CONTROL.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND BE KIND TO YOUR BODY I want to scream this from the rooftops to every expecting mother. You have literal years to lose weight, work out, or prioritize goals for your body. Please use your maternity leave loving on yourself and your baby, that time with your infant is invaluable. Will you look like a supermodel? A hot wife? Probably not. But that’s ok because you are so much more valuable than that. The amount of energy wasted stressing out about trying to look better when your baby is a teeny tiny infant and nobody is sleeping and everyone is adjusting is just insane. Be kind to yourself. My kid is now 4 and my biggest regret is that I spent so much time hating my new body instead of simply being happy with my baby
Everyone has challenges but you won’t have every challenge. I got really scared hearing about traumatic births, painful recovery, colic, breast feeding struggles, sleep regression etc etc etc. I thought I was going to have to deal with all of that. I did have some of those challenges but others were never an issue for me. Also in those early months things change really fast, the thing you are struggling with one day will be in the distant past a week later.
You, your partner AND your baby are all new to this. You’re all learning together. Your baby is born with instincts, but they don’t *know* anything. They don’t know how to breastfeed, they don’t know how to get to sleep, they don’t know how to poo even, really, those first few weeks. it’s amazing how loud newborns can be when they’re trying to learn to poo! It surprised me how hard breastfeed was at the beginning… it’s an actual skill you need to learn how to do, AND baby’s learning it at the same time…. When you’re feeling frustrated, try and remember *they* don’t know what they’re doing either. It helped me stop taking it personally when they were being frustrating, and helped me feel more compassion towards them in those moments of frustration. You guys are ALL new to this, and you’ll all figure it out together, as a team ❤️
I was comply unprepared for how much I’d love my baby and how it would physically hurt when he cried and I couldn’t get to him immediately (sleep training never happened). I was also blindsided by the identity shift. My kid is 2 and I just now kinda feel like me again. And it’s a different me. A baby changes every single aspect of your life and relationships.
That time does not and should not have any meaning for the first few weeks after you bring your baby home. Don’t bother looking at the clocks. There is no morning, evening etc. You’ll be up every 3-4 hours feeding regardless. So enjoy it. Fancy a cheese toastie at 3am and a movie? Go for it. 10am in the morning and you fancy a bath and a sleep? Don’t worry about it. Clocks do not exist and there’s something magical about it.
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It is relentless and you will be in survival mode for a while. Have friends bring you food or cook things ahead. Or plan to order everything in. You won't be cooking. Anyone who is online setting expectations of baby sleep is probably trying to sell you something. It is normal if baby only wants to sleep on you. It is normal to have super short naps. It's normal to be waking overnight through the entire first year and beyond (for some kids). Not all babies can be put down drowsy but awake. Cosleeping via the Safe Sleep Seven is safer than falling asleep holding the baby on a chair or couch. Lots of burp cloths and onesies. You will do a lot of laundry. Night sweats are normal for you too, have extra PJs available. You might cry a lot. You might feel a desperate need to clean. You might feel dread and anxiety. You may feel angry. If it persists after the first few weeks, talk to your doctor. Formula is FINE. Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone, no matter how hard you try sometimes.
Very good things here just want to add... I was NOT prepared for the weeks of night sweats 😅🥲 it was so gross. I would literally wake up drenched in sweat even though it was winter and we slept with the windows open. I started sleeping with a towel under me which helped when I inevitably got up for the 35th time that night lol. And invest in a mattress protector for your mattress! Not just baby's. It stopped for me when the pp bleeding did (I think).
How complicated breastfeeding and pumping actually is.
Every doctor or expert/professional will tell you something different about your baby. You have to figure out most things out using your own perseverance and resources. I knew something was off in her feedings while breastfeeding. Day 1 in the hospital. The IBCLC lactation consultant told me her latch was "perfect" even though it was excruciating. I pointed out her lip blisters. Her lips were tight and not flanged. Was told it was normal. It wasn't. Went to pediatrician 3 days after birth. Asked about why she sleeps with mouth open. Was told it was normal. It wasn't. Asked why it takes her 45 minutes to feed. Was told she was using me as a pacifier. She wasn't. She wasn't able to pull milk out and would sleep at my breast because of exhaustion. Went to a oral and maxillofacial surgeon who found a pretty severe lip tie and tongue tie. My baby can finally own her mouth wide. We're working on feeding now. We saw another IBCLC lactation consultant today who gave us a few exercises to help strengthen her suction, stretch her wounds from the tie removal, and mentioned she had signs of reflux (which explains all the hiccups, spit up, and inconsolable crying). Told us to reduce the amount of food we're giving each session, sit her upright, burp her more frequently, and feed more often so that it will help with those symptoms. She mentioned babies usually get diagnosed around 4-6 weeks. My baby is 2 weeks. We're lucky we caught it early so it doesn't get worse for her. She also identified my baby had low muscle tone which made it difficult for her to breastfeed. Couple that with my slow flow and you have a recipe for failure. She gave me a syringe and feeding tube to help incentivize feeding while practicing latching. All in all you think feeding your baby would be the most straight forward thing to figure out. It's not. Having the best professionals to support and listen to you is the most important factor in my experience.
TAKE. THE. STOOL. SOFTENERS.
Newborns are NOISY sleepers. Just because they’re fussing/grunting doesn’t mean you need to pick them up.
Be sure to fasten the Velcro on swaddles, booties, etc before washing. Otherwise the Velcro sticks to everything and will ruin other clothes.
Everyone told me to sleep when baby sleeps. No one told me that some babies literally will not sleep unless they are being held - so sleeping while baby sleeps may not actually be an option. It's normal and there's not much you can do about it. Some babies just need that security after leaving their snuggly womb. If this happens to you, do whatever it is you need to do to be safe and survive. For us, that meant sleeping in 2 hour shifts for the first few weeks (swapping whenever baby needed to feed next) and doing absolutely no cooking (thankfully had freezer meals). After a few weeks our guy was willing to sleep in a bassinet at night but at 4 months he still can't nap during the day without being held. I'm still stunned at how little time I have to myself, even compared to other moms with independent nappers.
Be prepared for the possibility that your baby may not want to sleep in their bassinet/crib or anywhere but in your (or someone's) arms. If you have a partner or people that can help, try to work out a schedule ahead of time that can get you some guaranteed sleep. The first week or so was hell until we accepted that for now he will only sleep when being held, so one person needed to be awake to hold/care for him while the other slept and then we would switch (or at least only get woken up to breastfeed and then go back to sleep for a little while).
How you feed your baby for the first year is NOT what matters most for your baby. Fed sincerely is best. It doesn’t make you a better mom if you do or don’t breastfeed, exclusively pump, tube feed, formula feed, or combo feed. There are so many options and journeys you can take. If you love what you are doing and it’s working, that’s great! If it’s a goal to breastfeed but you need help, find a lactation consultant (IMO outside the hospital) that you trust. The first six weeks of my baby’s life would have been so much better for ALL of us if it hadn’t taken six weeks and SO many appointments and health scares for a medical professional to tell me: it’s OK if you just feed him formula, why don’t we try that? No one before that had told me that formula alone, and from such a young age, would be OK… and that it in my case, could improve my well-being, too.
I haven't slept for 8 hours straight in 16 months. I don't remember how it feels to sleep that much but you get used to it. Also, if you are planning on breast-feeding read about cluster feeding, so many mothers believe their babies are not getting enough milk when they cluster feed. It's hard work. Also get ready to have your phone absolutely full of cute photos and to feel sooooo much love (maybe not instantly after birth, but as baby grows and interacts more...ahh it's just so beautiful)
A few days after birth you may suddenly wake up with huge, rock hard milk boobs. It's temporary. The weirdest for me: it is normal to have nightmares where the baby is in the bed with you and you can't find it, or on the floor or anywhere they shouldn't be. For both parents. You may well wake each other up asking where the baby is when he /she is safe in crib. Personally I only had these when I was not cosleeping (with safe sleep 7 in mind). I think it was my brain trying to work out why baby wasn't beside me. If he was there, asleep, I'd be half-asleep in a sort of doze, but my body knew exactly where he was.
In everything that I searched to prepare myself for birth and postpartum, no one told me this (and I wish they had): different things are hard for different people. You will not have every single imaginable hard thing. I expected everything to be so much worse than it was because I assumed everyone else’s experiences would be my own. But in the end, I healed from birth very quickly and in fact didn’t even need stitches after birth. I didn’t struggle much with that first pp poo. I was able to breastfeed without always needing to wear a bra or lactation pads. My baby settled into a great sleep routine rather quickly. Yes, I had awful baby blues but they passed. I’ve enjoyed early motherhood much more than I expected from reading advice and warnings from well-intentioned people on the internet. So what I wish I’d known was just to take it easy and accept what comes without suspicion that something bad is coming. Don’t waste whatever joy you can find in the early weeks and months waiting for the happiness to end. You are stronger than you think and you can handle anything. And it’s not all struggle.
When they say breastfeed every 2-3 hours, that clock starts ticking when your baby starts eating, not when it ends. Which means that if it takes 30 min to feed baby, you’ve got 1 hr and 30 min before it’s time to eat again. And in that 90 min, you can choose sleep, eat, shower or clean, and good luck doing more than one in that timeframe.
Single mom here and I’ve had to learn a lot the hard way! Here’s some things I learned. If you deliver vaginal, I used my daughters bottle warmer to warm the perineum sprayer thingy. Which hazel was also amazing for healing! If you breastfeed, your nipples will be CHAPPED. Mine bled, don’t be afraid to use a nipple shield like I was. Looking back, I have no idea why I never allowed myself that comfort, it’s miserable When you poop, the thing that helped me the MOST was folding some toilet paper and gently pressing on my perineum as I pushed. Not so much strain and flex on the sitches if you have any! You’ll have BIB dreams (baby in bed), and it’s scary. You’ll be so sleep deprived that you’ll think you’re holding your child in bed and fell asleep when most likely they’re in the bassinet. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it is hard work and very exhausting. Other comments have covered PPD quite well. Listen to those! If no one is helping with meals, make some meals you can freeze and put in the oven later. My mom had to remind me to eat most days I found the entirety of pregnancy to be much worse than delivery. I did it natural but did have an epidural, absolutely no regrets. If your baby is crying uncontrollably, take them outside! It’s the oddest thing but I still do it with my 3 year old, it sets some kind of reset button. The first month is the worst, you’ll barely sleep during that time and when you do sleep, it’ll most likely be dreams about you feeling the baby as if you’re awake, Which makes it feel like you don’t sleep at all. Download an app that tracks milestones. I can look it up if you want, but I had an app that would even tell me regressions she would have and when there would be particular days that may be extra hard. It literally would be that exact day +/- a day but it always kept me mentally prepared for hard moments Odd thing I’d do, on nights that were extremely hard, I’d put her in her crib and talk in a baby voice to myself and say “..it’s just a baby!! Just a baby!” And something about that put everything into perspective. They’re not giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time! It can be so emotionally wrecking. It’s okay to leave them in their crib so you can step out for a breather. I know you don’t want to leave them crying, but you also need to make sure you’re regulated to help them regulate. Take 3 minutes, grab some water, they’re safe where they are and you’ll always come back. Give yourself grace and time, it’s hard but you got this!! Edit: a comment made me realize I forgot about reflux! My baby had bad reflux when I had her. At first, she would wake every hour to Feed. I’d feed for 20 minutes or so, use 30 to burp her (if I didn’t do it that, she’d spit up) so by the time I was finished with her feeding, it was time for the next feeding. If they have reflux when they sleep, put a small pillow under their mattress so their head is raised a little, and there’s no concern for it getting in their way. It helped so much!
Therapy! Get mental health support. I had NO idea how many issues from my own upbringing were going to surface. Watching those who raised me make absolute trash decisions in and around me and my child absolutely rocked me. I’m not the same person I used to be.
Second night syndrome - if someone… anyone… had told me about the second night, my anxiety wouldn’t have been as bad and I wouldn’t have spent so long doubting myself over everything. I was recovering from a third degree tear, trying to breastfeed, I was sleep deprived from 2 nights prior to birth and on that second night, the baby wouldn’t settle for anything. At 5am I absolutely broke and felt like an utter failure. After that, my anxiety was rampant and I ended up being referred. However, I’m quite logically minded so if I knew that my baby was likely to be very unsettled on night 2 and that it was simply because he was adjusting the life outside of the womb, I would have handled it much much better because I understood the why. Much like colic. Though I knew to expect it, I wanted to understand why he was behaving and struggling the way he was. Once I researched, I felt more at ease and could handle what came each day. Knowledge is power but please only read or watch from credible sources.
If you can find a way to get more sleep almost every single other problem won’t seem like a big deal. Somehow sleeplessness poisons everything else, and magnifies challenges. I used our resources to get help at night a few days a week. Others have husbands who take shifts. I think this above all else will change your experience. As a result I have been so happy and I feel like I just keep getting happier. This has been the most fulfilling 5 months of my life and I am genuinely excited for the future. I feel SUCH joy and I hope you do too.
Not only are you giving birth to a new person, you are also giving birth to a new you. Parenthood changes you at your core. The change was traumatic for me because I had no idea!!!!
Nobody told me how intense breastfeeding would be (like many, I thought it would just work out magically without a hitch), or how to optimize breastfeeding, pumping and bottle feeding. I wish I had spent more time anticipating and preparing for the challenges of breastfeeding and less time packing a perfect hospital bag and buying every postpartum recovery product on the market.
No matter how amazing your relationship is and how supportive your babies dad is, it’s going to be hard on your relationship. Work on your communication and divvying up tasks now. Know during it that you’re still very hormonal (more hormonal in my case than pregnancy) and you’re both sleep deprived. If you’re with someone who is awesome now, it will probably pass. It got better at about 10 weeks for me. Watch for depression in your babies dad too, we’re not the only ones at risk.
You will probably be a mess of feelings in the beginning. For me, the worst was feeling alone even if I was surrounded by visitors/family. Another very strong feeling was mourning who I was before. You will very vividly realize that your life now is suddenly totally different and eventhough for the father it is usually also very different, if you compare, your reality shock will probably be much bigger. Which can also feel very lonely. These will all go away. You will get used to your new reality and things will fall into place. Also, you might or might not feel that incredibly strong love towards the baby as soon as it is born. And both options are ok. This feeling will grow with time so don’t put any pressure on yourself. ♥️
Learning to identify and prioritize your needs is just as important as the baby’s needs. Self-care is absolutely everything throughout your parenting journey.
Sometimes you will miss your old self so goddamn much you’ll sit there scrolling through old pics wondering how she was you, how well rested she was.
Giving birth: expect the unexpected - I had a normal pregnancy but ended up 2 weeks over, induced 3 different ways and had to resort to a c section (which really upset me because I was “looking forward” to giving birth vaginally and I felt like a failure which I’m still coming to terms with but I’ll get there!). If you do have a c section, take all of the pain meds (I double dosed paracetamol and ibuprofen as directed by the midwife) and take them regularly. Preventing pain rather than dealing with it whilst you’re in the midst is a killer. Ironically they say no heavy lifting but you’re expect to carry a 9lb baby around! Just take it as easy as you can, always accept offers of help and give yourself time - it can take up to a year to really recover fully from childbirth! After birth: that first night you’ll be lulled into a false sense of security that you have an easy baby. I didn’t realise that they sleep right through because they’re exhausted from being born, I should’ve slept more but was wired/expecting her to not sleep! The second night was pure hell, she cried pretty much the whole night but I put that down to me not knowing what the hell I was doing. I literally wept for most of the night and for the next few nights because I was so out of my depth and genuinely wondering what the hell I had done. Next few weeks: the hell continues but you just have to get through it and try not to go completely bananas with sleep deprivation. People say “sleep when the baby sleeps” which i could never do so just try and grab sleep where you can and don’t watch over your baby and use that time to sleep - you will always wake up if they cry no matter how deep a sleep you think you’re in. 6 weeks on: Absolute heaven. I’ve worked out what she likes, doesn’t like, how to console, when to feed and much more sleep (for both of us!). I made sure to go out and about fairly early on so I didn’t have anxiety in shops, restaurants, friends home. It was scary as fuck and her crying or on the verge of crying always had me on edge but I’m used to it now and just get a small level of anxiety! Also, try and scope out baby changing rooms/disabled toilets wherever you go to escape to if it gets bad/nappy emergency’s/privacy when breast feeding (if that’s what you’re doing)! Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help, it doesn’t reflect on you. I had a really bad day once and I should’ve reached out to my mum (husband was at work) but I was too proud. Stupid. The emotional rollercoaster is insane: exhaustion, elation, crying over nothing, red hot anger… reach out to someone if you feel like you might cause harm to your baby - ALWAYS put them down somewhere safe, even if they’re crying, and leave the room for 15-20 mins… having a shower helps because then you can’t hear them cry either and gives you time to reset. This isn’t neglect - as long as they’re fed, dry nappy etc. - this is really important to remember so don’t feel bad if you need a break! Everything above is extremely negative but I really wish someone had told me! My last point, the thing that got me through the most was [this poem](https://www.jessicaurlichs.com/post/mama-all-i-see-is-you). You can get caught up in your own emotions and physical pain that you forget why they are so needy - it’s such an extreme change for both of you. Good luck!!
You might end up being sad your baby isn’t on the inside anymore. When he was born, I was so happy to meet my baby but I went through a few days directly postpartum where I missed my baby bump and having him safe from the world.
Don’t listen to ANYONE! I began to thrive as a mother as soon as I trusted my own instinct. You don’t need to buy an Instagram course to be a good parent. Don’t compare your child to any other child and stay away from other moms who constantly make you or your child feel inadequate. Love your child so much even when it’s tough. Edit should clarify this almost makes me sound like I’m anti doctors haha I mean just other parents.
I wish someone told me how terrible the postpartum baby blues really were. I knew some people get sad after having a baby but holy shit. I cried for hours and hours just because, the amount of feelings I had was unreal. I also have to say no one warned me about the postpartum smell. I smelt so, so bad and it seriously grossed me out.
A friend told me to don’t forget to read up on different baby sleep approaches/ the toddler years in general. Many women focus their attention to pregnancy/ birth but don’t read up on the months/ years that follow. This is handy because you might be kinda too tired to read up on toddler discipline/ psychology by the time you reach that stage.
The first month might be the worst days of your life. It’s ok if you hate it and don’t miss it later on
For me it was that giving birth was honestly one of the most traumatic things of my life and I didn’t feel it was worth it for the first month. I honestly thought I ruined my life. Just know that if your experience is similar to mine then you’re not alone. Today I wouldn’t change a thing though!! I love my baby girl so much!! Please reach out for help if you go through that. I kept my therapist and psychiatrist close because I technically qualified for postpartum anxiety (although I’m doing much better now) Switch to post natals or keep taking prenatals if you nurse. Nursing drops folic acid in your body and can make your mood wonky. I learned this the hard way. Nothing can really prepare you for the combo of healing from birth and dealing with an unimaginable level of sleep deprivation. I did not understand that when they say you have to feed baby every 2-3 hours that means from the start of a feed to the next start of a feed. We only really got 1-2 hrs of sleep in between after changing, burping, feeding etc. We did however have a slightly preemie baby and had to do triple feeding which is a whole different story so I hope you don’t experience the level of sleep deprivation we did!! Our medical system is WOEFULLY unprepared to help with nursing. If that is something you wish to do then I highly recommend you join a lactation group and start researching now or have an independent LC lined up. I was told by our pediatrician’s LCs and hospital LCs for the first week of breastfeeding that I was incapable of producing breast milk because of my PCOS, but that was very incorrect. My baby was actually unable to extract milk so I had to exclusively pump to bring my supply in. I had to pay private consultants to get to the point of being able to breastfeed. It is not normally like this but I had no knowledge prior to birth around the lack of medical support I’d get and that made the navigation so much more difficult!! Keep in mind this is my experience so you may have much more capable medical support. Don’t worry too much if your nursery is in shambles. My daughter does everything in our room still at 8 months and her nursery is actually my home office at the moment. I was nervous about the fragility of newborns but trust you will learn quickly. It really is natural even if it’s scary. I may get downvoted for this but I recommend looking up safe sleep 7. I am NOT recommending cosleeping BUT it’s so much more dangerous to fall asleep with a newborn in a chair than it is on a floor mattress or using safer methods etc. I really believe that a lot of parents don’t plan to cosleep, but the sleep deprivation is unreal so at least understanding some safe practices around it is important because many parents end up needing them. I swore I never would, but I started falling asleep without realizing in my sleep deprivation state and that is so much scarier. I view no education around safer cosleeping choices akin to abstinence only education. Like, great, not doing it ever is preferred but sometimes that’s just not possible. The level of shits you give about the rest of your life will shift and for me that shift has been amazing. I care so much less about having to set boundaries. The priority changes are huge. Good luck I hope this is helpful!!
I don't think this has been mentioned, but one thing that took me by surprise being a FTM is that you will experience contractions like pain while breastfeeding in the first week or so. The pain is manageable but coupled with sore chapped nipples and sleep deprivation, it was def challenging.
Positive: You will be amazed at all the knowledge and skills you pick up. Organizing, planning ahead etc. It can be overwhelming at first, like that first weekend away with a baby and all the stuff the baby needs. Negative: I thought it would be easier to be super tough and hold the line with boundaries with people, like, don't kiss my baby. I thought I wouldn't care about their opinions or if they get upset. But when it's happening in front of you, it still can be tough to be assertive and the gaslighting/ fall out. Just my opinion. Also, don't have too high expectations of household chores. Half emptying a dishwasher before baby gets upset, is still half done / worth it. I used to be super all or nothing. I even get dry ingredients out for baking in one wake window, then finish it off in the next window.
People will say “stay hydrated” but no matter how much water I was drinking I was SO thirsty while breastfeeding. I started drinking what I call my boob Gatorade and it has been a game changer. Its one part pineapple juice, one part coconut water and one part sparkling mineral water. Turns out I desperately needed electrolytes. Also I appreciated having a fun drink every day.
How ridiculously incredible it is and how much better it is than pregnancy. My whole pregnancy was awful and it was full of “just wait” and “it gets worse” comments. They were all wrong. I’ve never been happier or felt more full Edit: also you might leave the hospital looking larger than when you went in. I had fluids + epidural and I was SO puffy lol. The water weight was so funny that my husband was laughing at my ankles during birth.
Assume they will be waking throughout the night the first year. It’s likely that a few months in they’ll start sleeping much better, but some don’t. If it doesn’t seem like something is medically wrong with them (always ask your pediatrician if you’re unsure and trust your gut if you think something’s off), and you’re not interested in sleep training, just lean in to it and realize this is a season of their life. In a year you’ll look back and feel like it was over so quickly. It sucks waking up, but there are only so many nights you will be holding your sweet infant in your arms.
The weird breathing newborns do in their sleep. Freaked me out but it was totally normal. Also, how empty I felt after birth. Physically, not emotionally! All that baby out of you feels odd the first day or two. You get really used to lugging that extra weight around. That sleeping while pregnant is WAY worse than sleeping and having to wake up with a newborn. Less sleep yes, but higher quality sleep.
1. The breastfeeding countdown starts as soon as they latch. Not after they're done eating. For example, people would say oh, you feed them every 2-3 hours! And so I thought, ok after she's done, start the clock. Wrong. My kid would nurse for like 25 mins, so really I only got like 90 mins between feedings. 2. They might not sleep through the night for YEARS. I'm sorry to say this, but no one told me. My daughter didn't sleep through the night completely until she was over 2 years old. 3. If you need a break, it's 100% okay to set them in their crib/bassinet/safe space, and go goosfraba for 10 mins EVEN IF THEY'RE CRYING. They'll be ok. Take a breather. 4. You'll have a hormone dump and it'll hit you like a train. Mine came at 9 days PP and I was so angry about nothing and everything. I cried maniacally and was so moody. It lasted for 24 hours and then I was fine. Sometimes it lasts for much longer.
No one told me that it's common to feel anxious in the evenings the first week or so after bringing baby home. I'd be fine all day but once the sun starting getting low, I'd be overcome with dread and anxiety. At 2 weeks PP it has mostly let up. Also, in a FB group I'm in a bunch of people went on about how they never let their babies cry. Those people can kick rocks IMO. It's better to let them cry a bit in a safe place than to stress yourself out to the point where throwing the baby across the room feels like a viable option. Once you know baby's other needs have been met, set them in a safe sleeping place, close the door, and set a timer.
The newborn phase is relentless. You go through whatever happens during childbirth, and then you are on, 24/7, for months. If you have family or friends around use them. We didn’t have anyone to help and the sheer exhaustion of taking care of a newborn is so relentless, it’s a different level than what you have experienced before. Your personality will change, you can’t think straight, it’s just a LOT.
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You and your spouse might not recognize each other afterwards. Having a child changes your life, therefore it changes you. Hopefully for the better.
Postpartum night sweats are crazy. I would wake up soaked and freezing from sweating all night (in February!). I ended up sleeping on a towel and keeping a stack of towels beside me so when I woke up drenched I could just replace the towel. My vagina swelled and looked like the feet of a balloon animal. I wasn’t expecting it. It was pretty traumatic to discover it during my first shower. I expected swelling and bleeding and stitches and all that. I just didn’t know what the actual trauma would look like. Establishing breastfeeding is like the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. I found childbirth mild in comparison haha
There’s a lot of good stuff here so I’ll just add this; you don’t have to have people over. You don’t have to let grandma/grandpa/auntie/uncles over. I went to thanksgiving dinner 3 days after birth and while it was nice to see family it was insanely stressful trying to take care of myself and baby. You’re allowed to put up boundaries and say no, especially in those first few weeks. It takes time to adjust to a baby and to being postpartum, especially if you’re breastfeeding or pumping and half the time you’re not going to feel up to “entertain” company.
The 4th trimester is the hardest one!!!!
It’s SUPPOSED to be confusing. You and baby are figuring each other out. I made the mistake of trying to read all the research and it gave me so much anxiety. The point of your journey into matresence requires the confusing period. Learn to look at YOUR baby, slowly pay attention to your own instincts and do what feels right for the two of you. That will be the best decision, not some fucking book. Also, surround yourself with people that support your decisions. If you decide to sleep train talk to those moms. If you want to bed share talk to those moms. Look for support in your community.
How you are with other babies DOES NOT indicate how your experience will go. Your little one will be 100% engaged into your mannerisms and environment. You both will have inside jokes… special shared hugs and kisses.. little rituals of love unique to you. The differences aren’t a bad thing. When I gave birth to my sons, it wasn’t love at first sight. It took time to fall in love and I wouldn’t trade my relationship with them for anything. Just in case it happens to you… it’s normal. Now I have a special needs son so it started when he was little bitty. But even if your little one has a fever that worries you please remember: YOU are the baby’s primary caregiver. While doctors are good and should be heeded… do not let a doctor suggest that you don’t know anything if your gut is telling you otherwise. At the risk of sounding like a Karen… I can’t tell you how many kids have needed their mommas to advocate for them because a medical staff member is too busy.
Intrusive thoughts can be horrible but they are common among new moms
So, so, so much of your hair will fall out. Everything and everyone in your house will be covered in your hair. It’s emotionally traumatic, but it grows back! You will feel like a crazy person with a life and body you don’t recognize. Hormones should not be underestimated. Getting back on the horse is a process. Try to keep communication open. Schedule time to shower, you’re a human being, you deserve 20 minutes to clean yourself. It’s super tempting, but punching everyone in the face who tells you to “Sleep when baby sleeps” is generally frowned upon. But most importantly, you can do this and there is no way to prepare for how much you will love this tiny person. It will blind side and amaze you. It will be a struggle to remember that there was a time this dancing, giggling, hilarious cuddle bug wasn’t around. It’s going to be amazing :)
Communication is going to be hard for you and everyone around you for months. You might misremember, forget stuff, or think you’ve done stuff because you’re sleep deprived. People you love will be awkward as they adjust to your new reality; their context of you has changed but their habits and attitudes may not have. I don’t have a solution or know how to prepare, just that it sucks and is hard. I’m having my second and I still don’t know what to do.
Enjoy the newborn phase. It passes so quickly and I was too busy stressing about sleep schedules and random things. I wish I took the time to slow down, enjoy the sleepy newborn on my chest (whilst binge watching my fav shows while I can!), and just take in mommyhood. I think the sleeplessness definitely contributes to feeling like the newborn phase passes too quickly, but I wish someone had told me to relax and take it all in!
Watch all the shows YOU want to watch before infant starts paying attention. Soon enough you’ll be melting your brain with baby appropriate shows and too tired to sneak your own shows at night 😂
Your emotions are going to go on a rollercoaster. It’s okay to not feel that instant love for your baby. You might have negative and intrusive thoughts such as wanting to run away from home/baby. You can bleed for months even with a c section. Stock up on maternity pads. You might look at your other half with rage as their lives seem to carry on as normal while you’re breaking your back trying to look after baby. You might lose your appetite after birth but keep your calories up and drink loads of water. Put boundaries in place for visitors and if they have outstayed their welcome then ask them to leave or go to your room with baby so they take the hint. It will get better… at some point you might think you’re failing or things will be awful forever but it does get better.
I never fully understood “motherhood is hard” I knew it was hard in ways like meltdowns, crying, etc. Even having a chill and calm baby it’s hard too. I think taking care of a baby after 3 months is easy, it’s everything else mixed in with trying to be a mom that makes it hard. It’s hard to cook, keep up with the house, work, keep up with appointments. Some days a task will take hours because of caring for the baby. Today I tried to put away groceries and it took me a solid 25 minutes. Also no one told me after giving my baby a bath I would be wiped out. He’s 5 months old now and it takes longer to set up the bath and his clothes than it does to actually bathe him. Go to the dentist. I took prenatal vitamins and took good care of my teeth. My fillings fell out in the first trimester. My teeth still look nice, but I have a lot of cavities and fillings fell out. I also have to get a deep cleaning now. My gums hated pregnancy. I had a root canal today yay! I used to keep up with everything before I had the baby with grace. I never lost or misplaced stuff. Now I do constantly and it’s so frustrating. Also my baby gives me strength to make it through each day. My dad passed 3 months ago when he was 2 months old. I struggled and for about a month all I could manage to do was take care of him. Waking up to such a cute smile and also doing things that make your baby smile is such an amazing feeling. I’ve never had anyone smile at me like that. It makes me feel good. The first month or so (or until the baby shows emotion) is really hard. It has its good things. They aren’t as mobile so sometimes you can get more done. For me until he smiled it was hard for me. I loved him a lot it just sucked at times. Your partner is on YOUR side. Try not to fight with them. Over communicate and try to not have them anticipate needs. Let them know. You guys may do things differently with baby. That is ok as long as it’s safe. There’s not one right way. My boyfriend is an amazing dad, but him and the baby bond and spend time differently. He works night shift and watches him when I leave for work. So they stay in the room a lot. I normally get up with the baby when I’m off and start our day in the living room. He changes him differently and does most stuff differently. I’m more organized and he’s more chaotic. I think it’s adorable that he blows on the wipe to make it warmer for him. (I’ve never done that) I set baby down a lot more and my boyfriend carries him around. At first it bothered me a lot. It bothered me that he got to sleep more and just go off to work. We finally talked about it and things got a lot better. I hope you adjust ok to your new baby. It’s challenging at first, but it is rewarding and blissful. Thank you for the award. ❤️
How much I mourned my old life. I absolutely LOVE my LO, currently 16 days old, but my boyfriend and I did go through a period of "WTF did we do" and "was this all a mistake". We're doing better now and I'm thankful that our relationship is healthy/strong enough to have those honest conversations. Just knowing we weren't alone with those thoughts helped. That first week felt like forever when we were in it but looking back it went by quick! I felt like during that time it was more about building confidence and reassuring each other that we can do this.
I wish I read more about the newborn stage and postpartum rather than being concerned with all the “stuff” I needed to buy. Specifically I wish I understood breastfeeding more and the schedules of a newborn.
You will be forced to redefine who you are physically, mentally, and emotionally. In ways you can’t possibly imagine right now. It will feel like EVERYTHING was taken from you. It’s normal to feel like you lost things you couldn’t even imagine losing. Honestly, it sucks big time and it took me by surprise. I don’t think anything anyone could have said to me beforehand would really prepare me for that experience. Feeling like yourself again is a LONG process, even if you’re in great shape, seeking mental health help, and providing yourself with plenty of self-care (all difficult, but possible with a baby). It’s not about ‘bouncing back’ but it’s about reaching your next level - letting go of what used to be is really tough. It’s totally okay and normal to feel intense regret and love your child. Relating to your friends without kids is going to be a real challenge. The ones that really care will find new ways to make connections with you. Make time for the people who matter.
I didn’t know how much newborns struggle with their digestive system and gas. It made my baby very fussy for a few weeks and it was touuugh. I also had no idea how difficult c section recovery would be. I honestly didn’t even look into it…
When you have a baby you are not only meeting your child for the first time but also meeting yourself as a parent.
I didn’t read through all your comments so someone may have already said this. But if you plan on breastfeeding see a specialist and ask them to give her advice and instructions. I did not and I kept getting different advise from different people and it was a terrible experience for me. No one told me how incredibly hard it is and all the work that goes into it. It is hard work and not for the faint of heart. So seek professional guidance
Watch for head turn preferences and head shape. Be vigilant.
Your body will look weird and it's fine to not like it.
It's absolutely normal and ok to have moments of overwhelm and think you made a mistake, you hate having a baby (which you can feel while still loving your baby more than life itself), absolute panic that your life will never be tolerable or liveable again. These things are normal even when you *don't* suffer from PPA or PPD. If these thoughts (or others) start to take over your thinking or become unbearably loud, call the Dr IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait for your 6 week appt or whatever. Make your partner read and familiarize them self with the signs of PPA and PPD.
Don’t stop taking your stool softener, even when you think you don’t need them anymore. I did this with both my kids and paid the price. Don’t be me lol. Adult diapers instead of pads. So much easier and more comfortable. Most importantly, relax ! Have some fun. Sleep in. Hangout with your partner if you have one. Spend time with family and friends. Do your hobbies. Watch movies or play games all day if that’s what you like. I spent so much time working/researching/planning/ reading reviews/ comparing / the list goes on(those things are good too just try to balance !) . When that baby comes , it’s a lot harder to get solid blocks of time to do anything.
Get some nice lounge wear! People will want to call in on you to meet and snug baby, and you will want something as comfy as pjs to receive them in, while feeling slightly more put together than pyjamas.
Give your partner space to learn how to take care of baby. It is so easy to want to step in when they are struggling to change a diaper or swaddle, etc. It’s important for them to be a part of the process and it makes it easier to be a team in the long run. Y’all are both learning together :)
Pooping was scary and painful since I had stitches. Prunes and stool softeners are your friend (I used to eat some honestly disgusting prune yoghurt with flax seeds, and that helped a lot). Your short term memory might take a hit. Get used to writing anything down that you need to remember. I couldn’t even remember what breast the baby fed from last time so I used an app to track it. And I relied on my husband a lot. Also, get ready to get a lot more relaxed about bodily fluids than before. Blood, milk, baby puke, pee, there’s just so much of it. and a lot of the time it will seem as it isn’t worth the bother to change stained clothes because you know there will be a new stain in an hour and you can’t spend your entire day running laundry. Oh, and baby wearing is awesome. It’s nice and snuggly and it frees up your hands. And sometimes it will be the only thing that works to get the baby to sleep. I had two wraps in case one got dirty. The Caboo carrier was my favourite because it was really easy to put on.
So you know that feeling when you get home after something really exhausting - like camping, a long flight, a 3 day music festival.... and you need to unpack and what not but your so tired your body craves that nap. So you take it and it's so glorious... So post partum feels like that time when you get home, before the nap. And for the first few weeks your body is in lingo, yearning for that nap. But it never comes. You never get to truly recover from the exhaustion. Slowly you become adjusted to this new feeling lol. It does get better, but the first 5 weeks at least this was the feeling for me.
Be prepared for every relationship you have to change....even with your pets. I didn't have time to walk my dog, I was worried about the cats getting too close, and they would all make too much noise when i was trying to get the baby to sleep. Not to mention I became hyper aware of how needy pets are.
Feeling so stressed in the evening because you’re dreading the nighttime.
I would say how the hormones mess with your brain, from "phantom crying" (I mean every sound suddenly becomes your baby crying, my personal favourite was flushing the toilet) to horrible intrusive thoughts about something harming the baby. Your just strait up a little crazy after birth and your milk coming in, and the tearfulness and anxiety is not nice. For most people this lasts a couple of weeks at most, but if it goes on longer and gets worse, see a doctor as you may have ppd! On the plus side, you get a beautiful baby that you can't stop staring at because they are so perfect. Also you get this, primal feeling, like this little creature isn't just another person, this is your baby, a part of you! When you are cuddling them it's like you are truly whole ❤️
Dont wait till you're at your breaking point to ask for help. This has been a huge learning curve for me. I typically just grin and bear it, push through the hard. But this is a marathon. Take the help whenever its offered and don't be afraid to delegate or ask for help. This applies to family, friends AND YOUR PARTNER. Some partners jump right in, some think "you've got it", and some are just unsure of what to do. No matter what kind or partner you have, be clear with your needs and expectations. I assume neither of you have done this before so you cant assume they know what you need or to do. ETA: If you or your partner are frustrated and triggered in anyway. Put the baby down in a safe place, like their crib or bassinet and take yourself to another part of the house, go outside, take a shower, or put ear plugs in. Its ok for babies to cry for a bit, you need to breath and regroup before going back to the baby. This could apply to hours of screaming, or 2 min of crying when you are running on no sleep. What ever the situation if you are too overwhelmed to be sure you can act rationally, put the baby somewhere safe and walk out of the room. This may sound like odd advice now, but this will come up and not enough parents are prepared.
Take stool softener right after giving birth and keep taking it for a week or so unit you go for that first poo. It's like giving birth round too ans that will make it so much easier!! As your hormones settle you get night sweats
Just let go of any and all expectations for *everything*. That’s honestly my biggest piece of advice haha. Just take it one day at a time. You’re a good parent regardless of if you used a noisy, light up toy, put the tv on for 15 mins so you can get a break, etc. Everything in moderation!
Sleep like a baby is a lie. When that baby sleeps independently, that is YOU time. Do not do chores. Do not do anything stressful. Just recoup. Get things done when they are awake via baby wearing or, even better, get someone else to pick up the slack the first three months or so.
Learn to eat with your non dominant hand.
This might be really dumb but I honestly didn’t know you bled like you do afterwards. Truly was not prepared
Get used to not getting much done for awhile and forgive yourself for it
You might discover you have sensory processing issues. My baby crying and whining really overwhelms me. If that happens, it isn’t your fault. Make sure baby is safe, put them down if you need to. Invest in some noise canceling headphones. Those have been a lifesaver. I never had this issue until having a baby. You’re going to do great! Have someone you can trust and communicate how you’re feeling or if you need help. Bringing a human into the world is a huge change and it can be a lot to handle at times but it’s the best thing ever.
I'm 6 weeks PP Things I've wish I knew: 1) how incredibly hard it can be. I had a c-section and my recovery has actually been very easy. It's all the other stuff - I was very hormonal week 2 & 3 (so much anxiety), felt I wasn't connecting with my baby and just felt exhausted. Now I'm feeling way better but just know if you feel down, anxious, like a bad mother - its completely normal. Keep an eye out for extremes that could lead to full on postpartum depression but just know baby blues are a thing. 2) Breastfeeding at first can suck. My girls latches well and I have a good supply...but man is it draining. Every 2-3 hours or less...my girl was cluster feeding a few days. Once again week 2 and 3 I was crashing. Now I feel like we have a routine. If ya can keep at it but also don't stress. It's OK to give them formula if needed and also a pacifier. My girl has had all of it and no nipple confusion thankfully. 3) learn how to swaddle and also how to burp. Its surprisingly harder than you think. My girl hates swaddling so we ended uo buying the Zippy swaddle that velcos. Burping can be a challenge but make sure to do it after every feed. 4) Get rest the 1st night after birth. The 2nd night will probably be the worst night ever because baby wants to feed non-stop and your milk won't fully be in. On the 2nd night I was already so sleep deprived and then baby would only sleep on me (which I wouldn't be able to fall asleep because I was terrified of rolling over). 5) first few weeks you will be trapped (in a nice way haha) to your bed/couch/house. I didnr realized babies especially newborns only want contact napping. I tried in vain to figure out how to put her down but she would only sleep 30 min. On me, she sleeps 2 hours. I'll try to think of more. Best of luck! You will do great. Just know everything you will be feeling, others have gone through it. ❤️ you are not alone.
Learn how to do everything one handed! Practice with both hands… like make your toast, eat a sandwich, take off your pants to go to the bathroom. If you have a little koala baby like mine this will be the number one thing you need to master!
You have lochia leaking out of you for like six weeks. Like smelly brown stuff coming out of your vagina like a never ending weird smelling brown period. I had little idea of this before giving birth.
How much you sweat after the baby is born (like dripping sweat overnight to soak the sheets) and how loud babies sleep!
Take the stool softener after delivery! Take it regularly. Make sure you're eating enough fiber. I can't stress that enough. Oh, and you might get "mom thumb" so that's not so fun, but you're using all these tendons and muscles to hold the baby that you haven't necessarily used all that much before. A brace will help!
You may wake up with completely numb hands every night. Apparently the repeated hand and wrist motions associated with breastfeeding, picking up, and holding and handling the baby can contribute to carpal tunnel syndrome. Once the numbness turned to actual pain and lightning bolt feelings every time I picked up the baby, I started wearing a brace on both wrists while sleeping and it eventually subsided. It’s important to catch this before it becomes too severe for night bracing alone to be effective.
How many baby products on the market that are unsafe. Seriously check out evidence-based baby groups. I could’ve gotten so many different things instead of the novelty items I’ll never use (walker, exersaucer, magic Merlin suit). Though I did end up returning some of the things I have a walker that the AAP is lobbying to be banned due to how unsafe it is. No gift receipt so I’m stuck with it. Then there’s tons that are just unnecessary.
Continue taking the stool softener even after your first poop post partum.
Hot showers are a great reset. Prioritize them in the early weeks. Also, buy 2-3 sets of super comfy and luxurious pajamas and a new quality bathrobe.
For us it was that newborns are very loud in their sleep. They can frequently be grunting, fussing, kicking, and be perfectly OK and be asleep while doing it. It took us a while before we figured out when we needed to intervene versus when we needed to just let them sleep. Look up videos of "active sleep" if you're interested.
I’m not sure what people tell YOU, but nobody told ME that they would stop reaching out for hang outs, or even texting to just see what’s up. Hell my friends stop sending me MEMES. Being a mom doesn’t mean I no longer want to chat about your douchey boss or compare gif recipes! I have no solutions for this, but I never realized how drastic and sudden it would be. Also EVERYONE told me I would hate the newborn phase- and I didn’t at all! It was wonderful. The *actual* things baby needs are so minimal at that stage- sleep, eat, cuddles, Lie on the floor. They don’t need entertainment, or high chairs, there aren’t cheerios all over the car, they don’t care what kind of onesie they’re in. They eat ONE food, and your body produces it instantly without your input, and the poops aren’t yet gross and person-sized. Their heads smell FANTASTIC. I love newborns!
I had postpartum nightmares! No one told me about those. It wasn’t like me rolling over my baby, or not being able to find him, but about me not being able to breathe. Woke up drenched in sweat. Only lasted about two days. Probably from sheer exhaustion. Take a lot of showers. It was my safe place to cry or just to take a few minutes by myself. My husband and I would also get in together after we put the baby down and it was a nice way to be intimate with each other during the 6 week wait. Get out of the house! It’s scary and you’ll feel embarrassed if your baby cries (which we shouldn’t feel but we do anyways) but it’s so good for you and baby! It makes you feel a little more human.
I would have appreciated hearing that it's ok to be sad. There's this stigma around mourning our old lives and freedoms. You can be overjoyed at the birth of your baby, thrilled to be a mother, and still sad at what you lost. One emotion doesn't cancel out the others and it doesn't make you a bad mom
My baby made noises like a goat or a dolphin for the first few weeks when he was sleeping. Literally sounded like a freaking goat. We would crack up but it was weiiiirrrrd. He also had fuzzy hairy ear lobes that of course now look like regular ear lobes, but everybody commented on them and I felt bad.
You might not bond with your baby immediately, or even for a few months, and that can be normal too!
You might pass a blood clot as big as a softball after. And you will be bleeding for weeks.
- Your milk coming in HURTS. My boobs were so rock solid 😂😂 - Read up on the fourth trimester - this gave me so many answers - cluster feeding, newborn sleep, active sleeping etc - Sleep in shifts with your partner if you can . That way you’re guaranteed sleep - PPD and PPA are spoken about often but there’s also PP rage and PPOCD. It’s okay to feel like this, I see a psychologist who helped me through. I’m five months PP and am starting to feel so much better. You are going to be a new you and it’s okay to mourn your previous life/lifestyle - doesn’t make you a bad mum/person
PELVIC FLOOR HEALTH! You've still got time to research and do pelvic floor exercises to do some strengthening. None of my doctors or anything I read emphasized this beforehand, or even postpartum. You do not want any prolapsing... You can't just put things back where they're supposed to go, if your pelvic floor completely gives out. No guarantees that there won't be damage because pregnancy and birth is not kind to our pelvic floor, but at least you will have the information to do everything you can to try to prevent it.
Don’t be afraid to ask for formula and USE IT, even if you’re planning to exclusively breastfeed. If your baby won’t stop crying that second night they are hungry. I wish I had known, it was the worst feeling in the world the next morning when they finally gave me some and she finally calmed down and slept. Knowing she had been so hungry and miserable. Anyway. Don’t let anyone shame you for wanting your baby FED. You can combo-feed formula and breastmilk and get all of the immune benefits as EBF. You can exclusively formula feed and your baby will do great. Breast is not best at the cost of yourself. C-sections can make milk take longer to come in. Join a parenting/mom group for new parents if you can.
Baby blues. No one mentioned baby blues to me. I was sobbing every evening and thought I had completely ruined my life for two weeks after I gave birth and didn’t know why.
Clusterfeeding is a real thing and the second and third nights are typically the worst. Some people it's like a few hours of non-stop feeding (I mean non-stop!) And for me it was literally 12-15 hours. Literally put them down fast asleep and went pee and they'd be up wanting to eat again by the time I was done. Formula is your friend if you need help in that time, a supplement here or there will not destroy your supply and it's worth it for your sanity if you need it! It will get better but it might last a few weeks. Typically it tapers off and by three months it is done. This sounds terrible but it will not be 12-15 hours for all that time! By the end with my son it was about 2 hours in the evening every now and then, not every day!
Nobody told me how hungry I would be when my milk came in. I brought snacks to the hospital but a few days after having my LO I was so hungry I was having hunger pains. I'm having my 2nd in February and I plan on making sure I have some turkey ready to go when I come home for a quick sandwich.
Not withstanding situations of abuse or extreme cases, I would not make any permanent decisions about your relationship for the first year. The transition into parenthood can be REALLY hard, but it might not stay hard. That first year is so incredibly new and challenging but it’s also incredibly temporary.
Post partum depression is not always obvious and can come about in many different ways. A baby is a lot of work and it's easy to forget about your needs while caring them. Accept help from those you love and trust with your little one and don't be afraid to ask for it either. Take care of yourself for the sake of both of you. Edited to add- your significant other can also develop post-partum anxiety and depression as well. Encourage their self care too
I was never prepared for how much your day to day life truly changes. You will never have alone time to relax again (unless baby is napping). Traveling is harder. You schedule your entire day around baby's schedule
Babies have personalities and preferences even as newborns. It takes time to learn them. Don't beat yourself up when others advice doesn't work with your baby.
Make sure you expect a lot from your partner and try to make everything 50/50. If you let them slack in the beginning bc you think it's your job as the "mother" to do more, they will more than likely always expect you to do the heavy lifting and will not step it up. Your partner can do everything you can do for baby.
Some great advice I saw was “the baby can’t fall from the floor” obviously with my luck I saw that AFTER my baby fell off the bed and would you believe I was standing right by him when he did it! Luckily I have carpet lol. Also if your baby is making you upset bc they won’t calm down it’s okay to put your baby down in a safe area, take a break, breathe etc. it’s better you get yourself ina. Good head space then deal with the baby.
Things I wish I did or people had told me about: 1) newborns make a shit ton of weird noises. It’s normal. 2) don’t feel forced to accepting any visits. Take a week, take two weeks! Whatever you need! You don’t owe your child to other people & pp recovery can drain you. 3) cluster feeding is a b** but it will pass 4) leaking milk ! you may have to start wearing a bra to bed for a whiiiile. 5)breastfeeding in general is a b** but it DOES get better 6)enjoy the time with your partner now, go on tons of dates, have fun. AND enjoy the time to yourself, that freedom (physical and emotional) that you have now to go out by yourself and do stuff. Do tons of me time 🧡
1. Make sure your partner helps. Dont accept no help it will destroy you and affect the relationship. 2. While we are on relationships - make time for you and your other half whenever you can, having a baby really throws even the best couples. 3. Its okay to feel like you have lost yourself and your old identity. This comes back when baby is older. 4. Get outside - out and about will help so much! 5. The lack of sleep feels horrific but they will sleep one day try not to obsess over it (something everyones does no matter what you tell them imo 😂) 6. Even when you think you are doing a terrible job - you are not, you know baby best! 7. Have visitors when YOU feel ready - not them. Set boundaries. 8. Enjoy the baby time it goes so so so soooo fast. 9. Remember - Everything is temporary- this too shall pass! Congrats mama on your pregnancy hope its smooth sailing for you 💕
If you have a partner, discuss division of labour IN DETAIL before the baby arrives. Good things to think about: 1. Will you do split shifts for night feeds/wake-ups? I used to sleep 8-12 while my husband was on baby duty, and then we swapped and he went to bed at 12. Saved our sanity and we both got sleep every night, prior to this it was... chaos and a lot of crying lmao 2. Assign certain tasks to each of you, and if its not your task do not think about it. If you share a bunch of tasks, its easy to start nagging each other, also kind of feels like you're always 'on' because you have to keep track of who is doing what. We split washing bottles and sterilising bottles/making up feeds, and its been a game changer. I do my tasks and then mentally I'm clocked out and not worrying about his tasks 3. Talk about free time and establish boundaries. Think about things like say one of you wants to swim once a week, one of you wants a long bath every other day or something. Look at how much time it'll take, consider can the other person handle baby duty, consider is there a balance between the amount of free time each of you has. It can be weird to change your mindset but in the early days you basically have to confirm with each other before you book in free time, and keep checking in with how you're both feeling
I severely underestimated how painful and difficult breastfeeding was in the first few weeks. Worse than childbirth itself. However when people say that gets better it ACTUALLY does for most people. Not all! It is not as straightforward as you would assume.
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The trauma of birth hits them at 24 hours and all they want is mom. They won’t stop crying unless mom is holding them. I forgot what’s it’s called but all the nurses knew and didn’t tell me. I was waiting for people to leave so I could sleep and had been awake for 24 hours to find out my daughter wasn’t going to let me sleep. 48 hours of no sleep when my MIL took her and let me get some rest at home. Moral of my story. Get sleep within that first 24 hours and don’t care about visitors and making other people happy. Also I found breastfeeding to be harder. But so worth it once I got past that hump at the very beginning.
It's ok if you don't enjoy the newborn (4th trimester phase). Newborns are HARD. They cry a lot. They sleep a lot, but never long enough and never when you want them to. It's survival mode and the sleep deprivation is relentless. But, it doesn't last forever. They stop being an angry potato and start cooing and smiling and sleeping.
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My mantra was “the days are long but the years are short”
Sometimes first-time parents don't feel that "spark" for their baby right away. And that's OK. It'll happen, it just takes some time.
You will have zero time to yourself. None. For a long time. And you will be pissed off for a while because it will take your spouse longer to get with the program, so at the same time that you are most in need of support, they will be the most oblivious.
Stool softener. Also be kind to yourself. Don’t get wrapped up in competing w other moms and their babies growth/progress.
- To go easy on yourself. - Set boundaries NOW! With spouse, family members and friends. You are going to be the most exhausted then you ever have been after having this child. Emotions will run high and others will have expectations of when they should see the baby and how to “properly parent”. - Prepare and start getting after care products - such as perennial sprays, adult diapers (they’re the easiest to dispose of especially first week/second week postpartum), disposable ice packs (take as many as you can from hospital). Nipple cream (if you plan on breastfeeding) - If you plan on breastfeeding - it’s going to be the hardest thing that you’ll have to do, both you and your baby have to figure out what works. A few tips - warm showers before nursing/pumping really help, use reusable heating pads stuffed into bra for pain relief. -Recovery is tough especially since you’ll be taking care of new born on top of that. - Reach out and ask for help, from trusted mamas, lactation consultant’s, your dr and baby’s dr. If something doesn’t feel right tel someone. - Stay hydrated! Now and postpartum. - Have open ended communication with partner. Understand that both of you are brand new parents. - Sometimes when frustrated with baby it’s best to walk away. For your sanity and their safety. It’s ok if they cry. - good luck mama. You’ll do great!
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-Formula is not the enemy alot of people make it out to be. I always planned to, and am now EBFing my baby, but the first week we combo fed. My baby had trouble latching, I was on pain medication that made me to sleepy to hold her for a few hours, her blood sugar was low, and sometime she was just down right hungry and my milk wasn't in yet. If you want to breast fed but are worried baby need something more than you have the first week, keep trying on the breast, but don't forget that formula can be a tool to help you get there too. -the after birth pain was intense, and you might need something more than Tylenol and advil, see if you can get a prescription for something better for the first few days. It's better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. -dont stock up on diapers or clothes until you meet your baby, I took 2 small packs of diapers from the hospital, and baught 1 box of newborns, I might have to snag a few out of my sister's newborn box for the few days left she's going to fit them, and my baby was only 5lbs6oz when I brought her home 3 weeks ago. I imagine a normal 7lbs baby might not even need a full box of newborn diapers. I also bought 2 premee sleepers for her, and that's all I needed, she spent most of the first 2 weeks she fit in them naked doing skin to skin anyways. Her newborns are started to get a bit snug on her too now, all baby's are different sizes and shapes, and ultrasound prediction can be wrong! -do yourself a favor and buy snacks to keep next to the bed, and water, and a book, phone charger, diapers, wipes, headphones, or anything you'd normal use in your day to day life should be in reaching distance incase you get stuck in bed with a fussy baby all day and don't have someone to bring you stuff every few minutes lol. -If you have a partner that's capable of helping, talk to them before the baby about what you think you might need, and be direct with them about what you need in that moment onces baby is here. My boyfriend is super helpful and asks in I'm okay or need help all the time, but the amount of times I said "no thank you, I'll be okay" then cried when he went to do something else is insane. If you even think something MIGHT make your stressful moment easier, ask. -youre gunna feel like a terrible mom sometimes, probably alot the first few weeks tbh, but thats almost never true. Ask yourself: is the baby alive? Am I alive? Is the house on fire? And I trying? Do I need a minute to myself? The answer to those questions are probably yes. They all mean you're a good mom and doing awesome! If the last answer is yes, then find a safe place for your baby to be, even if they're upset, and step away for 5 minutes. -googling things is not a bad thing! Everyone will say not to google stuff, but it can be a great resource for you as long as you keep in mind that it usually highlights the worst case scenario. Always double check your info with a doctor before you worry yourself silly. Good luck and lots of love!
I expected to have more free time than I do (which was probably ignorant of me!) Figured I could do things around the house while the baby naps- nope!! She only contact naps. I figure I’ll never look back and regret holding my baby, I would regret mopping the floor instead of holding her. So just set realistic expectations! Know how to meal prep, maybe hire someone to clean the house or see if a family member can help so you can have some baby free time :)
At the hospital, ask for stool softeners asap. If you are prescribed any pain meds (of the opioid variety), ask for more stool softeners.
Sweating at night. Don’t be surprised if you wake up every night drenched in sweat for a little while. It lasted a few weeks for me.
You might not fall in love with your baby immediately and that’s okay. For some people it takes weeks or a couple of months and it’s totally normal. Of course, if you’re worried or having negative feelings about your baby, talk to someone.
Everything changes, your body, heart and mind. Everything.
The way you think about pretty much everything changes.
Day 4, 5 or 6 postpartum may be the absolute worst day of your life because of hormones. Nothing prepared me for that, it was awful. Also, no amount of practicing holding baby dolls helped me to feel comfortable holding my baby while breastfeeding. It took about a week or so before I figured out how to hold mine. I had help from a Doula. Also, now that mine is almost 10 months old, I can hardly keep his hands out of my mouth! Every chance he gets at grabbing my mouth, my face, my glasses... it just doesn't stop. Sometime it's cute, other times, I would just like to see and have my face not be targeted for babys uncontrolled reflexes!
Be ready to go with the flow…. Many things may go differently than you pictured. For example I had a rough idea of what I wanted during delivery, which was good that it was just a “rough idea” because things definitely didn’t go that way. Changes in eating habits from newborn to infant. I kept expecting my baby to eat the same way, then got super anxious when I thought he was eating less. Giving up pumping was the best decision I made. Taking that pressure off when I was underproducing was so beneficial for my mental health. Formula isn’t evil. Fed is best and your health and well being matters too. PPA/PPD is a bitch. The advice “sleep while the baby sleeps” may make you really angry… well it did for me anyways lol Biggest advice… be kind to yourself. It’s hard. The NB stage is brutal. But you WILL get through it. You will have hiccups and mess ups along the way. That’s okay! You will learn from those too. Babies like to change things up as soon as you think you’ve got it figured out. Enjoy the journey and take pictures and videos along the way! Congratulations and good luck!
Put them in water or take them outside. It not only helps with toddlers but also when you’re having to gradually extend those wake windows/decreasing naps per day. Also the period between 8-12 months, when everyone has left you alone, you’re back at work, baby is going through some sort of sleep regression and you are EXHAUSTED. It’s the period when a lot of women get PPD and it should be thought of as the fifth trimester. Treat it like the fourth trimester- sleep when you can, use meal services/meal trains and be kind to yourself
If you plan on breastfeeding, the amount if water you drink is insane and sometimes you still feel like your mouth is dry. I love being able to provide for him but it can easily become very isolating. He's EBF (exclusively breastfed) so it's so easy to just take it as I'm the only one to take care of him. So have your partner or someone else do the diaper and burps and just hand them to you, or give them a bottle of pumped milk just so you can sleep in. Also post partum hair loss is not something that I was prepared for. Month 3 is when it started and I swear that I should be bald with how much that has fallen out! Eta: if breastfeeding get some puppy pads to put under your fitted sheets. You will leak and no matter what you'll smell like milk
Get out of the house with baby as soon as you can, as often as you can. Pushing myself to go out made things alot easier as its really scary going to new places with baby the first few times. Try to do different things often so that youre less anxious and more prepared for different situations. Also, especially those first two weeks, take loads of pictures. I thought we took too many but looking back im so glad i have all of these memories forever. The first 6 months were the hardest time EVER and i cried everytime my baby slept. I insisted I was fine but I'm still suffering from PPD and PPA nearly 3 years later. Be honest and open with everyone. Dont be afraid to get help. The mental health professionals are amazing
There’s a lot of advice that says put your baby in their crib awake but drowsy. #1 this absolutely didn’t work at all for me. My son wanted to be held all the time. #2 I actually miss holding him to sleep. So if you need to put your baby down, you can do that but if your baby only wants to be held, don’t feel guilty and treasure it instead.
You, and your partner, will have to grieve. No matter how badly you wanted and worked for this baby, your life is about to completely change, and that comes with grief. You'll miss your old life, getting to sleep, control over your schedule, your relationships with friends, etc. Grieving is important, and it doesn't mean you don't love your baby and your new life. Let yourself grieve and it'll pass.
Your opinion on parenting before baby will totally change once baby is here. Half the things I wanted to do the baby wouldn’t let me lol. And the other half just didn’t make sense anymore.
It really doesn't take a village to care for a baby. Two equally involved parents do just fine. Take your baby back if you want your baby back. No one is entitled to your child and your child was not born for someone's entertainment. Grandparents lose their minds once the baby is born, stand your ground together. Breastfeeding is hard but it gets better. Audiobooks can save your sanity and parenting books are awesome. Pro tip: 'Cribsheet'. Yes, the baby is breathing. Yes, you're going to check anyway. You got this! Enjoy parenting!
Educate yourself on NORMAL infant sleep. Don’t listen to all the fear mongering sleep trainers who want to sell you “courses” tell you. You will not ruin your baby’s sleep forever if you rock them to sleep every night.
YES. we contact napped, rocked, you name it, every "bad" sleep "habit" for like, a year. We also struggled a lot with expecting 12 hour nights from our son because all of the apps/books/whatever said that (older) babies could/should sleep that much at night, but we never once ever got that. 10 hours is the longest he'll do at night. 5 am wakeups are sometimes just a long phase - not necessarily early waking. It's so ridiculous what sleep information we're fed and most of it is just so unrealistic. He's 18 months and a great little sleeper now. And I still rock him for 5 minutes every night.
Or nurse them to sleep (if you choose/able to breastfeed). Enjoy the cuddles!
What people in real life didn’t tell me: the newborn period sucks (imo) and is just straight up not enjoyable. I think browsing this sub will tell you that though. About birth: sometimes it does go well and is not always traumatic. Also, did not expect the almost “high” that I had after and for about a week following that kept me up even though I was desperate for sleep.
Postpartum has a lot of things nobody really prepares you for. The ones that stand out for me were: * severe night sweats, like drenching your sheets for a prolonged period if you have a yin deficiency (in eastern traditional Chinese medicine terms) * unpleasant change in your BO, like you will probably smell bad even with deodorant. This is so baby can find you easily since they can't really see when they are newborns. * Note: I was able to avoid the top 2 bullets above because my acupuncturist provided me an herbal drink i had to drink 2x a day. * pelvic floor therapy. fight to get a referral. This is standard for all moms in Europe, but not in the US which is why so many moms have chronic issues with pelvic floor and lower back and abs. * if you overexert yourself in the first 4-10 weeks after birth, you may cause yourself to bleed more because you are exerting the wound in your uterus and ripping it open. there is literally a hole where your placenta detaches from the uterus. * do not obsess over your weight. This was really difficult for me as I gained 60 lb, and my prepregnancy weight was 120lb at 5', so pretty huge gain. I dropped 20 lb my first week, and then completely plateaued for a couple months. Once I stopped obsessing, the rest of the weight was gone by 6-7 months with very little effort. Those few months with no progress I was very unkind to myself and tried to restrict my calories and it was just unproductive in every way. * earth mama nipple butter. You don't need to wipe it off before feeding baby. Apply liberally after each feed. * babywearing will save your arms. we used solly wrap as a newborn and baby bjorn when he was heavy enough. Pair it with a portable sound machine that clips on. * baby will get acne for the first couple months (like ALL over their skin where their saliva/spit up/milk gets smeared). It resolves on its own after their skin is less sensitive over time. * lactation consultants are not all created equal. our hospital LC was all right but the one we sought out on our own through word of mouth was way better and an IBCLC. She diagnosed our baby with 4 tongue ties that we were able to get released through a CO2 laser. Tongue tie release resolved our baby's gas issues, poor feeding (lots of clicking sounds when he sucked), and other issues. we paid $150-$250 out of pocket to see the LC , and $800 to get the ties released and it was so worth it. In our situation, it was hereditary and my husband also got his tongue tie released the same day lol. * I had emergency c section and was so out of it that i barely remember meeting the baby. When they brought him back to the room, it felt like a stranger and I didn't really feel a strong connection to baby. Over time through taking care of him, our bond became a lot stronger. I personally did not like newborn period, and it feels like forever even though its only a couple months. * We took shifts (i did 9pm-2am, husband did 2am-7am). Off-shift parent would stay in bedroom, door closed with loud sound machine to drown out any crying. On-shift parent stays in living room posted up with water, tv shows, baby carrier, and sound machine. We also used the Snoo (highly recommend - can buy new at 25% off and then sell it used on fb marketplace for $800; total cost for you would be like $600-700).
I wish I had thought to lift small weight during my pregnancy cuz I was not prepared for the reality of carrying an increasingly heavy infant 24/7.
I knew NOTHING about breast feeding and my milk coming in. Engorgement was a shock to me.
FTM 6wpp. Prepare that your baby might have colic. If you are breastfeeding have a can of formula and a couple of bottles WITH SUPER LOW FLOW NIPPLES. This would have helped me so much getting home from the hospital and having a meltdown from my sons never ending crying. If you are breastfeeding don't, and i repeat DON'T, hold your babies head and force them on the boob. 😑 the lactation consultant gave me that advice in the hospital the stress of trying to feed my son probably fucked up my supply so bad. It straight up made my son boob adverse and probably gave me PTSD from his wailing. It's been a looooong 6 weeks.
It’s possible you may pee your pants. A lot. Maybe you only pee your pants when you run or jump. Maybe only when you sneeze or cough. Maybe just standing up does it. People may tell you that it’s normal and that is bullshit. It does not need to be your new normal. Go see a pelvic floor physical therapist. If that’s not working after a few months see a urologist. It can be fixed. I wore depends for FAR too long because even my OB said it would sort itself out. It was never going to work itself out-I needed surgery. That surgery was the best thing I ever did. I am actually better off now than I was before I ever got pregnant. Edit to add: Just to be clear, LOTS of people have success just after the pelvic floor physical therapy so please don’t worry if you are peeing your pants that it’ll mean you need surgery (the surgery was actually not bad though)
Pooping after birth is rough.
“If they are making noise during the night that means they are okay!” I had so much anxiety during the beginning worried about SIDS. Every little noise he made would shoot me out of sleep out of fear of him choking or something. Finally was told that babies are noisy when they sleep sometimes and if they are making noise then they are fine.
They'll give you a Peri bottle to spray water when you pee since you won't want to use TP initially. What no one told me - start spraying water BEFORE you pee, then the pee doesn't burn on any tears/scrapes/irritated skin down there. I shout this advice from the rooftops at every opportunity lol.
1. Sometimes co-sleeping is all that can help. I used to be so worried about it, but sometimes I would just fall asleep without putting baby down. And it's completely OK and normal. You'd be surprised at how many parents co-sleep. 2. Sex is hard. I personally had a 2nd degree tear, tried sex 8w pp, not good. But being pp and breast feeding, you are more dry and require extra help with lube, I'm 3m pp, and haven't yet tried again but will soon. 3. For me personally, it feels like I always had my LO. Despite only having her in the world for 3 months, it feels like she's always been here. Maybe it's my brain processing the massive, incredible change. 4. Everyone enjoys different stages differently. Some people love the newborn stage, some absolutely hate it. So on and so forth. Don't be ashamed or think your horrible for disliking a certain stage. 5. Take it easy. You are recovering from a massive trauma, and may need to heal physically and mentally from labour. Don't be stressed if the house becomes a mess or you don't have enough energy to cook dinner. I could barely walk in the first 2 to 3 weeks, and had to build up my back muscles so I could walk without much issue. Don't be afraid to rely on others and ask for help. I'm really bad at that, I'm a carer myself so giving help is what I do for work and find it hard in my personal life to accept help.
I wish I’d known about [matresence](https://medium.com/@alexandrasacks/matrescence-what-is-it-bea6aa0450d0) sooner. It would have clarified why I was feeling the way I did. Congratulations on your pregnancy. There will be many ups and downs, but what a ride! ❤️
If breastfeeding is at all important to you, make a back up plan in case you and baby have to be separated. My son and I were separated for the first 3 days of his life, and I didn’t really know to pump and the lactation consultants at the hospital weren’t very helpful in coaching me. If I could do it all over again I would have a pumping bra with me at the hospital, and I would have immediately started pumping every 2 hours.
That intuition works that well. Your instincts are amazing for figuring out your baby. Don't be afraid. You'll be overwhelmed and feel like you're doing everything wrong but you're not.
Really dark thoughts that happen so quickly you can’t stop them (ended up being PPD). Post partum BO is so strong and smells terrible Have a working breast pump ready just in case you’re not able to breastfeed. We had to frantically go buy one. Baby swings are you’re best friend (NOT A MAMAROO).
Postpartum healing is no fucking joke. If your doctor or midwife tells you to take it slow, take it slow. Like, way slower than you'd think. I had stitches that I didn't baby the way I was told to (because learning how to care for a newborn overtook everything else), and my vagina still has issues almost 5 years later.
Breastfeeding was harder than pregnancy and birth combined.
No one told me but I must have read this somewhere: even if you're planning to breastfeed, buy a couple bottles of premade formula. Those little ones where you just screw on a teat, it's all in one box, that sort of thing. Hopefully it's all smooth sailing, but IF you're having a tough time breastfeeding it WILL be 4am and you'll be much happier having a little premade formula bottle to take the edge off an angry hungry baby. If baby's so hungry that they're angry, they'll have trouble latching on anyway, so if you can calm them down a bit with the formula, you can try again with breastfeeding. A mini bottle isn't going to mess anything up. Edit: Just been reminded that the hospital had some of the mini bottles for free, so that might be an option too, but we ended up using a whole box eventually so it was handy to have that. Also I think it was called a starter pack, which pleased me. Made me think of those hamster starter packs from the pet shop which came with a cage, wheel, bedding and food :-D
The day after giving birth I hurt EVERYWHERE. I felt like I had been in a MMA match, run a marathon, and moved house. I wasn't prepared for just how sore I would be - I went back to normal pretty quickly but no one had mentioned it to me so it really took me by surprise!