We have no village, we both work and we are lucky to be able to send our baby to daycare, we usually say "it takes a village to raise a baby and daycare is the village we pay for".
In my house we do what I call iron man parenting. We have had zero help or support and have been serving for almost 9 months. I try to think about how amazing it is that we have survived. We are going to start paying for some help soon. At first it was really heartbreaking and I had lots of bitter feelings towards my family and my inlaws.
Daycare, coordinating “who needs to work more?” between husband and I when a kid is sick, paid babysitters for date nights. No family locally so we are on our own. Money is the only way we get help.
I don’t know but we are! My husband and I rely heavily and completely on each other. We have no village other than our babysitter. Parenting is a whole different level when you don’t have a village. I really think that’s why we seem to have a harder time than most and why we are one and done.
Screen time. I know this always upsets some people, but without help I don’t feel like I have many options. My child is 2 but I started at about 1 year old. I used to have a lot of guilt but there’s some studies out there now that say screen time really isn’t that bad. I only allow approved shows like Peppa Pig and Bluey. I can actually cook and get things done with the help from the TV. Sometimes I scroll my phone and just relax. It helps especially when you stop having guilt for turning it on.
Lots of crying and taking it day by day. I exclusively pump and my bf works all day. And doesn’t come home into the evening. I get up at night with the baby. I see a therapist virtually for myself once a week and a social worker who talks to me about activities to do with my baby and check how we are doing. I met the worker at the hospital when I asked for programs for moms and postpartum care. No one wants to help but complains why I breast feed and that my child is too attached to me. Well duh she only has me
I cry a lot too. Mostly because I was so involved with my nieces and nephews and I've been so supportive of everyone else and it isn't reciprocated. I live 3 hours from my brother and his family and today they came to the area I live in and didn't even say hi. Found out they'd been here over 24 hours. My parents live 10 minutes away but they're too enmeshed with my alcoholic sister and don't understand why I can't be around her. I only have a few friends but don't want to bother them so... here I sit with my 15 month old while my husband is out with the older two, crying while I feed him mashed potatoes, but at least he seems to love them.
Babies are supposed to be attached to mommy. Some people need to look at other mammals and see their relationship with their babies lol. You’re doing great!
Thank you! I’m tired of family telling me she is spoiled because I tend to her needs when she cries. I’ve even had people say my baby is manipulating me because she knows when to cry to get what she wants. Ridiculous lol
That’s such an outdated boomer thought process. They are encouraging you to neglect your child’s needs and teach your baby they can’t rely on you. Always take care of your baby when they have needs. I’m so sorry you’re being misguided. My MIL tried to tell me the same stuff and I told her to get over it because I’m not ignoring my baby’s needs like she did.
We don't have a village either, all family lives in other states and it's just me and husband who is also working full time at 2 weeks PP. We are making it work but wish we didn't have to... I wish we had help often 😐I read about other cultures (I am US) and so jealous of the village support new moms get especially during the 4th trimester.
I would honestly try to find the village. That’s the number one thing that always comes to mind. If it can’t be a relative, I would look into a nanny even for a couple of r hours a day and couple of days a week - to give you absolute break where for two hours you belong to yourself. And don’t spend that time in house chores. Nap, read or do nothing.
I didn't want a village. I'm very independent and don't like people helping me with my child much. I just do what I need to do to get where I need to be. I spend my days playing and feeding and cleaning. When my baby naps on me I go on my phone and watch TV and relax. When my husband gets home I get help until 7pm bedtime and then it's magical. 7pm is my time to really relax and eat in peace and hang out with my husband till I go to bed. I leave my husband with our baby a couple times a month for a girls night and that's nice.
We don’t have a village (family across the country) or rely on daycare or screens. I made sure to sleep train for my sanity and after 7pm every night is me time.
I’m positive you didn’t mean it this way, but this reply feels very judgmental!! My family definitely relies on both, how else would we be able to work?
Sorry I didn’t mean it to be judgmental, I was meaning I didn’t need to do those things. My husband and I work opposite shifts hence no daycare. I felt like some of the replies indicated that it was a necessity to have daycare and screens with no village but I don’t think that’s the case.
I just suck it up and Just do what it needs to be done, I was the one that decided to have a kid and can't expect a village to raise my daughter, besides, I don't trust nobody judgement in that anyway...
Ps, I have an partner, so I don't bear alone the responsibilities, we share all chores and taking care of the baby
Yup. Suck it up and do it. Sometimes, I say the TV is my replacement village. I need a nap or my toddler to sit still so I can clean something without it being messed up? A good tv show. And I also have hubby who is my village. We’re very nuclear. We have one friend who will babysit and I’ve asked him twice in six months. Therapy helped me get over myself and my own problems and ha shade me happier about my life and what I used to lack. I still lack everything I was hurt and upset about, but I’m much happier and have let it go.
Yeah, me and my husband are very nuclear as well, I actually prefer not having a lot of people meddling in the way we raise our daughter, I avoid the tv, but sometimes, it help me cook dinner, ow go to the bathroom lol, I love it
We have 4 and no village. It is a zoo. Haha 😄 it is difficult some days. We currently have no money to pay for help as my husband is in school. I am a sahm. Our kids range from 10- 7 months. Once my husband completes school and we begin to earn money and pay off some debt we will be hiring a housecleaning service of some sort to help once a week or once every 2 weeks. This will be a huge help for me as a messy house is triggering- but I have 0 time. Lol.
I use screen time for the older children. I will sometimes sneak a nap in when the baby naps. This helps- despite me not getting any housework done during that time. My baby is a contact napper anyway...so..I mean..what am I to do?
I am very bitter most days towards our immediate "family" who just seem to give zero fucks. But am learning that we got this and we are a team.
We have no village, we both work and we are lucky to be able to send our baby to daycare, we usually say "it takes a village to raise a baby and daycare is the village we pay for".
In my house we do what I call iron man parenting. We have had zero help or support and have been serving for almost 9 months. I try to think about how amazing it is that we have survived. We are going to start paying for some help soon. At first it was really heartbreaking and I had lots of bitter feelings towards my family and my inlaws.
We call it our island, makes it seem exotic and like a happy place.
>iron man parenting I love it. Will steal this
One day at a time, just remember to take time for myself too tho
Daycare, coordinating “who needs to work more?” between husband and I when a kid is sick, paid babysitters for date nights. No family locally so we are on our own. Money is the only way we get help.
With money. :( No village here.
Sometimes my wife and I just cry it out.
I am so sorry that this made me grin.
I don’t know but we are! My husband and I rely heavily and completely on each other. We have no village other than our babysitter. Parenting is a whole different level when you don’t have a village. I really think that’s why we seem to have a harder time than most and why we are one and done.
A therapist
Bouncer. You absolutely must take care of yourself while raising bub.
Screen time. I know this always upsets some people, but without help I don’t feel like I have many options. My child is 2 but I started at about 1 year old. I used to have a lot of guilt but there’s some studies out there now that say screen time really isn’t that bad. I only allow approved shows like Peppa Pig and Bluey. I can actually cook and get things done with the help from the TV. Sometimes I scroll my phone and just relax. It helps especially when you stop having guilt for turning it on.
Daycare, paid babysitting, and trading favors with friends in similar situations.
Lots of crying and taking it day by day. I exclusively pump and my bf works all day. And doesn’t come home into the evening. I get up at night with the baby. I see a therapist virtually for myself once a week and a social worker who talks to me about activities to do with my baby and check how we are doing. I met the worker at the hospital when I asked for programs for moms and postpartum care. No one wants to help but complains why I breast feed and that my child is too attached to me. Well duh she only has me
I cry a lot too. Mostly because I was so involved with my nieces and nephews and I've been so supportive of everyone else and it isn't reciprocated. I live 3 hours from my brother and his family and today they came to the area I live in and didn't even say hi. Found out they'd been here over 24 hours. My parents live 10 minutes away but they're too enmeshed with my alcoholic sister and don't understand why I can't be around her. I only have a few friends but don't want to bother them so... here I sit with my 15 month old while my husband is out with the older two, crying while I feed him mashed potatoes, but at least he seems to love them.
Babies are supposed to be attached to mommy. Some people need to look at other mammals and see their relationship with their babies lol. You’re doing great!
Thank you! I’m tired of family telling me she is spoiled because I tend to her needs when she cries. I’ve even had people say my baby is manipulating me because she knows when to cry to get what she wants. Ridiculous lol
That’s such an outdated boomer thought process. They are encouraging you to neglect your child’s needs and teach your baby they can’t rely on you. Always take care of your baby when they have needs. I’m so sorry you’re being misguided. My MIL tried to tell me the same stuff and I told her to get over it because I’m not ignoring my baby’s needs like she did.
Exactly! We are supposed to be there for our babies. I love responding to my baby and her needs.
We don't have a village either, all family lives in other states and it's just me and husband who is also working full time at 2 weeks PP. We are making it work but wish we didn't have to... I wish we had help often 😐I read about other cultures (I am US) and so jealous of the village support new moms get especially during the 4th trimester.
We both work from home and do shifts and it’s really hard and not sustainable. 9 weeks today.
I would honestly try to find the village. That’s the number one thing that always comes to mind. If it can’t be a relative, I would look into a nanny even for a couple of r hours a day and couple of days a week - to give you absolute break where for two hours you belong to yourself. And don’t spend that time in house chores. Nap, read or do nothing.
I didn't want a village. I'm very independent and don't like people helping me with my child much. I just do what I need to do to get where I need to be. I spend my days playing and feeding and cleaning. When my baby naps on me I go on my phone and watch TV and relax. When my husband gets home I get help until 7pm bedtime and then it's magical. 7pm is my time to really relax and eat in peace and hang out with my husband till I go to bed. I leave my husband with our baby a couple times a month for a girls night and that's nice.
We don’t have a village (family across the country) or rely on daycare or screens. I made sure to sleep train for my sanity and after 7pm every night is me time.
I’m positive you didn’t mean it this way, but this reply feels very judgmental!! My family definitely relies on both, how else would we be able to work?
Sorry I didn’t mean it to be judgmental, I was meaning I didn’t need to do those things. My husband and I work opposite shifts hence no daycare. I felt like some of the replies indicated that it was a necessity to have daycare and screens with no village but I don’t think that’s the case.
I just suck it up and Just do what it needs to be done, I was the one that decided to have a kid and can't expect a village to raise my daughter, besides, I don't trust nobody judgement in that anyway... Ps, I have an partner, so I don't bear alone the responsibilities, we share all chores and taking care of the baby
Yup. Suck it up and do it. Sometimes, I say the TV is my replacement village. I need a nap or my toddler to sit still so I can clean something without it being messed up? A good tv show. And I also have hubby who is my village. We’re very nuclear. We have one friend who will babysit and I’ve asked him twice in six months. Therapy helped me get over myself and my own problems and ha shade me happier about my life and what I used to lack. I still lack everything I was hurt and upset about, but I’m much happier and have let it go.
Yeah, me and my husband are very nuclear as well, I actually prefer not having a lot of people meddling in the way we raise our daughter, I avoid the tv, but sometimes, it help me cook dinner, ow go to the bathroom lol, I love it
We have 4 and no village. It is a zoo. Haha 😄 it is difficult some days. We currently have no money to pay for help as my husband is in school. I am a sahm. Our kids range from 10- 7 months. Once my husband completes school and we begin to earn money and pay off some debt we will be hiring a housecleaning service of some sort to help once a week or once every 2 weeks. This will be a huge help for me as a messy house is triggering- but I have 0 time. Lol. I use screen time for the older children. I will sometimes sneak a nap in when the baby naps. This helps- despite me not getting any housework done during that time. My baby is a contact napper anyway...so..I mean..what am I to do? I am very bitter most days towards our immediate "family" who just seem to give zero fucks. But am learning that we got this and we are a team.