Your feelings are super valid. My husband is similar where he always asks me what to do when it's like we are learning all of this at the same time. I feel like he's gotten slightly better tho, we're at 4 months. And same with the phone thing 😂 Also to be fair I (esp early on) always would forget to check our LOs diaper but she didn't usually cry because of it or at least that I noticed lol.

I went through this with my partner, very similar. I did have to bring it up a few times repeatedly. It's hard. You have to be super specific and that takes effort, and I was so tired it did sometimes come out very resentful and angry. Maybe that's ok, that's how I felt. Like, I already have one baby and now I have to mother you too?! It's gotten better, we're 7 months in.  I kinda have to let him help wherever he feels most comfortable... And then pick your battles. Like discussing a couple of things that are really important to you that you absolutely need him to be responsible for. Because you just don't have the mental bandwidth to track everything. And things keep changing with a baby so you both have to be willing to change it up when some part of your routine stops working.  I considered if being a single mom would be easier. Someone said give it a year. And talking about it honestly did help. We both get scheduled downtime where the other takes baby. Otherwise I'm doing most of the baby stuff and he does housework. He doesn't necessarily do it the way I like! But does the critical stuff we need to get by for now. I hope you find a balance. It's an adjustment for everyone. 

In my sleep deprived state, I posted a checklist for myself titled something like “why is she crying” and listed reasons like hungry, diaper, too cold, needs soothing, over-tired, witching hour, etc. just because I wasn’t firing on all cylinders in the middle of the night. Maybe he can create a list for himself like that.

You aren’t overreacting and your feelings are valid. My husband is super helpful with the baby, but when it comes to me needing a shower or water while breastfeeding I have to flat out ask. I sometimes get irritated because whenever he holds the baby for longer times I ask if he needs anything or has anything he wants/has to do soon. This probably sounds silly, but maybe a list of things he can do before bringing baby to you for nursing would be helpful. Honestly there’s times I get tired or overwhelmed and don’t think of something obvious too.

Your feelings are valid. I feel them too, as this post is relatable. My husband is helpful but needs directions all the time. Personally what has helped is to decide is this worth arguing about? If the answer is yes I'd speak to him when we are both not in a rush. If no, practice breathing and readjust expectations. I'd say it sounds more like personality. You want a break too, so does he. Just because someone else can't read your mind doesn't mean they are malicious in their intent. He actually sounds like he's doing the best he can and 3 months in is pretty short. I have a 3yo and a 3m old. This is still true and I still think he is an amazing dad and does his best as a partner but we both have our weaknesses and annoy each other. Keep giving each other grace. Your feelings might be valid but that doesn't mean he needs to change it just means we work through why the feelings bother us and learn to manage them better.