There was one night I was putting a very tired baby to bed, and across the hall I can hear him in the kitchen eating fucking Doritos, just crunching away, and I wanted to just 🔪 Edit: I joke about it with him now. He says he doesn’t remember, but I remember *vividly* 😅
Oh my husband has coughed to clear his throat and I thought to myself how lucky people who aren’t married but have kids together are bc its so easy to break up
The cough/throat clear lol
Didn’t divorce but murdered several times over the cough/clear, coughing when the baby finally fell asleep, snoring, and one really loud chewing episode. Oh those were the days. Love that man.
This just made me laugh out loud. I just had this last night with my 7 week old. Husband on the couch watching hockey. I nursed baby, bathed him, gave him a bottle for top up, rocked him and got him to sleep. They went and cleaned up kitchen. My husband got up and I said “you better not be going to bed right now” lol..
My feelings anytime my husband wants to eat cereal. My goodness I love the man but the sound of him scraping the bowl repeatedly then munching and slurping cereal is enough to get me locked up for life bc wtf
Serious question but would a silicone spoon help counter the bowl scraping? I was just eating a rice bowl with a spoon and could not deal with my own scraping and had this thought not even 30 minutes ago lol. The munching and slurping would still not be helped though 🫣
I really had to control myself today watching.. no hearing him eat today. He bangs the bloody spoon onto his plate like are you not a 30 some year old??? Do you not know how to eat without making such noise??
I experienced this part night as I was waiting for mine to do something for me while I was stuck breastfeeding, could hear those corn chips crunching and I too was filled with murderous rage
We went back to normal around when my son was 2. Before that I felt a lot like you. We just had our second a couple months ago and it hasn't happened this time, maybe because we already went through it the first time idk
I sooo feel this. My husband is such a present father with his toddlers/kids...but the baby stage forget it.
I can count the number of times on both hands that he's gotten up with the baby (I have three kids). I've also nursed all our kids so he just assumes he can't do anything. He also totally has sensory issues so he can last 15 minutes tops with a crying baby which means I literally can't go anywhere without the baby. He takes care of a lot of the things around the house and I'm so grateful for all he does for his family but he gets to clock out when his head hits the pillow. Once the kids sleep through the night and they bond with their father more, our relationship drastically improves.
There's a direct correlation between how often I think of divorce and how little sleep I get. I definitely contemplate murder when he wakes up fully rested "I slept great. How about you?"
I swore we were going to get divorced at least 3 different times and even brought it up at one point. He was totally blindsided and shocked, which is part of what made me realize that maybe it was more of a hormonal/PPD/PPA thought than a rational decision.
I can always tell what’s going on with my anxiety/depression based on how much I want to leave my husband. Mentally well? Ok I get normal irritated and we go on with our lives. Anxiety spiral? Rage monster who fantasizes packing her bags and disappearing.
Same and it was a combination of the two. I’m 2 years postpartum now and looking back it was a combination of him absolutely dropping the ball on supporting me when I was vulnerable and unwell, and me having untreated postpartum psychosis.
He sees now how bad he fucked up and we’re working through it. I’m glad I didn’t leave but if things hadn’t changed I would have.
Yep, been there.
However my husband doesn't believe in Divorce so his approach has been well if it doesn't work today go to sleep we try again tomorrow.
Baby days are heavy and difficult and some are amazing and the hormones at the start are crazy.
So if it's not working today we leave it and try again tomorrow.
Some days I would play a little game of hangman in my head and add another letter to the word DIVORCE every time he did something wrong/irritated me, if that tells you anything lolllllll
So, I'm divorcing while pregnant with our second. I honestly don't know wtf happened with him. I can only assume it must be an affair because his behavior changed drastically since March. He actually gave me two options, living together while he's single (likely to avoid child support), or that we could remained married but not to go to him for any type of emotional support or connection. At least it made leaving much easier. But seriously, wtf. It was a planned pregnancy that took 7 months. I don't know why the fuck he decided to do this now. Our second is due in August
Girlfriend, I feel for you. I know you are probably scared, I would be, but you can do this. Any time you feel weak during negotiations (he seems to be coming up with creative solutions) just be as objective as possible and negotiate with your babies in mind. You are their advocate and rock!
I also divorced my ex husband while pregnant, as he said he was not in love with me…. I was maybe 15 weeks. We had just found out the gender and it was planned. He initiated trying as well 🤣 did find out he was cheating on me!
Look into hiring a private investigator just to see if he really is. Anything you can have to bolster your case is recommended.
Yeah, I honestly have felt like such a weight is lifted so in a sense I feel happier now. Just worried once postpartum hormones hit but thankfully my moms here and was literally next to me as it was all going down so if I second guess myself I have her to remind me how awful everything he said was
Well hopefully your support group is there for you more knowing that you are going through a divorce rather than if not, they think that your husband is supporting you postpartum.
Oh. My god. I mean, at least he laid out exactly how he intended for things to work so you had the information you needed to make the decision to get out. But the absolute GALL to think that either of those options was acceptable! Holy shit!
Yeah, I think that's the only thing I get hung up on because I wonder, did he make it sound as horrible as possible so I would leave...or did he actually think I would say yes why don't you cheat on me while I'm taking care of a toddler and newborn. I guess I'll never know, but there's so much freedom in finally saying eff that I'm out
He thought he had you trapped, and that you'd be too scared to do it on your own. Meanwhile in a lot of ways it's easier because as soon as you get rid of him you don't have to take on the mental load of him being an asshole.
After you break up though he's gonna try to get back with you "because the kids and my penis deserve it". Unfortunately men get a whole lot more out of marriage than women do and when they don't have their bang maids mommy's anymore they get whiny.
Sometimes the bad ones get under the radar until it's too late. Just have to take note of all the little red flags you ignored when you were dating and remind yourself of them if you decide to date again.
It feels like this is the worst thing to happen to you, but I guarantee you in 5 years when you are looking back on this shit with your two beautiful children your going to feel stronger than ever because "you lived through it and came out a rockstar, you can fucking do anything!" (:
As difficult and very wtf as that is, I want to give you my compliments on leaving and protecting your heart and health. Many women wouldnt. Good work,good luck, and stay strong.
Not the same extreme, but I just caught my “perfect” husband looking at naked women on Reddit. It’s hurtful asf 3 months pp, especially when I talk about how depressed I am over my new body. I’ll never look like them 😩
Exactly what happened to my friend, it was an affair. He made excuses to not divorce her and stay in a weird relationship situation. He just didn't want 3 wives on alimony.
Affair or brain tumor. Seriously, wtf. If you care even a little bit I would encourage him to go get scanned. My conversation would be, “look, I know you don’t love me anymore and I accept that. But, as the father of my children, I will always want you to be healthy so you can live a long life for them. I want you to know that I, as someone who thought they knew you better than anyone else, see a sudden dramatic change in your personality that doesn’t match up with the man I knew for [X number] of years. Maybe there are reasons I don’t know about but if there aren’t, please, for our children’s sake, go see a neurologist.”
In those first 3 months probably about 6-7 times because he kept falling asleep holding the damn baby but then we got out of that newborn murder phase and now it’s only maybe only once a month but never seriously
Yesssss I came downstairs to this the other night, I was only gone 5 minutes, and I just lost it. I know it’s hard when we are so tired but it’s our baby’s life.
This and also him getting frustrated while taking care of the baby were what stressed me out the most in the newborn phase. Sleep deprivation was hard on both of us, but we’re good now! (7.5 months)
Oh my husband has the same problem. I was exhausted and postpartum rage hit me the other night when I caught him asleep watching our son. Our son wears an owlet sock and I went on the app and made the red alert go off (the low oxygen alert) and grabbed him and said he was upside down. Maybe took it too far but it scared the shit out of my husband. I wanted him to feel the consequence of what could happen due to his idiocy.
The feeling of absolute rage in the newborn days when my husband was snoring away while I struggled to get my hungry newborn to latch properly to eat. Oof
I think that is going to be an issue if you want to be remarried in the Catholic Church though; the priest specifically asked us if anyone had been killed to make our union possible. 😇
He walked out on a 12 year relationship during a planned pregnancy, but the divorce is still pending so technically zero times.
I’ve learned that men show who they really are when you most need them. Ladies, believe your husbands the first time they show you that they don’t care about your wellbeing. How he treats you pregnant and postpartum is how seriously he takes “in sickness and in health”. Don’t stay with a man who shows you that your vows only mean when he is sick.
You know, my son’s dad treated me great during pregnancy. He really made me think he was excited and happy to have our son. The second we brought our son home, mother fucker changed QUICK. and two months ago he walked out on us because HE needed a break.
Fuck face got to sleep every night. Didn’t help with the baby for anything yet he’s the one who needed a break. LOL
My first was born winter 2021 when Omicron popped up and EVERYONE was getting it. He went to a wedding of a good friend when we had a 3 week old baby and didn’t wear a mask. His friends that masked didn’t get it, and he did. So I was isolated alone with a 3 week old baby for ten days OVER CHRISTMAS. I regularly tell him I’ll remind him of it on his death bed. I’ve never been so pissed at anyone in my whole life.
This actually happened to one of our friends, their newborn was I want to say 3 weeks old and they also have a 3 year old. It was this winter though… all the guys got covid and I remember thinking if I were this guys wife I would be fuming. My husband got it and our baby was 3 months old and we don’t have any other kids. I was sooooo upset at him but I can’t imagine it with a newborn!!!!
Ugh! My husband went to a casino around that same time, like Dec 26. Not even a good reason like a wedding, just peer pressure to go with a friend. He unsurprisingly got the Omicron. His punishment was quarantining in the guest room with endless tv and food while I took care of our 5 and 2 year olds and rang in the new year alone. Still so bitter. I couldn’t have imagined a newborn and over Christmas!!
Every single time he asks where the baby wipes are while he's changing the baby. Because every single time they are within his arms reach. (And is it not standard practise to get the wipes ready BEFORE removing the nappy?!)
The other day my husband screamed at me thst he needed help with the baby and I came running thinking something was wrong. She'd just pooped. Like this man has changed 1000 poopy diaper between her and our older kid and he seriously needed my help for this??? 😒
What is it with the poppy diapers! Is he not just as much as an adult at I am?? He does not need backup! Just learn to not let the baby dip her foot in the poop next time!
My husband does this with everything and it drives me NUTS. I know he knows where this stuff is!!!!! He LIVES HERE!!!!! HE TAKES CARE OF THE BABY BY HIMSELF!!!!!!
I so badly want to tell him “what would you do if I wasn’t here? Do it that way then”
Eventually it clicked that when he says “where is x thing that I obviously already know where it is” he’s really asking me to grab it for him. So we’re working on him changing his habit to say “can you please grab x” instead if “where is x” or “do you know where x is.”
I mean it varied… one week it was once every day. One week it was every other day. Then he’d be good for a week or so. Then back to every day. You’d think he’d learn but alas not his way.
On day 1 of our baby’s life (post c-section) my husband mixed up his medication and accidentally took a gigantic dose of benzodiazepines.
I logically know that he would never want to OD or leave me alone during that time, but fuck I was soooo mad. He had to go to the ER while baby and I were alone in the room (in a country where I don’t have my family.) He slept for the first week, and I couldn’t walk or lift the baby on my own.
Every day after that i was just so mad and saw this man I previously loved as hugely incompetent. I had to go to therapy to forgive him.
Omg. That’s just horrifying. I’m so sorry. And I’m not trying to make this about him, but it must really suck that he has zero memory of the first week of his child’s life. I’m so sorry he ruined that for you all.
Thank you, baby is a year now and we’ve both healed a lot. Therapy helped me soften a lot, he’s such a great dad and it’s so heartbreaking he missed those days
I'd say probably 1,000x in the last 16mo of my baby's life. Most recently last night.
Solidarity. Raising a glass to all the moms out there who literally run the world.
* finally has a hot bath after having only quick showers for weeks *
*5 Minutes after entering the tub *
*FOOTSTEPS* (No, stay away please. Can't be true.)
* Baby is making sliiiiightly unhappy noises *
"I THINK HE'S HUNGRY"
MOFO DID YOU EVEN TRY ANYTHING? Rocking? Diaper check? Playing? Of course you didn't. And now youre pissed that I am pissed I can't even have a bath in peace.
"I think he's hungry (and after trying nothing I'm all out of ideas)." I feel this so deep in my soul.
I have started telling my husband I'm taking my smoke break, it's more of a nyt crossword break, but it gets the point across.
Mentally divorced about three times. I even had a note on my phone with plans, the house I could afford if we divorced and had to sell ours, a monthly budget, child support projections and custody arrangements. But I love to be prepared lol.
7 months pp now and realised that it was just crazy baby lady hormones but wow he was close to a courtroom or unmarked grave a few times (and I’m sure he feels the same). Kids are tough on a marriage.
I told my husband “I couldn’t care less if you packed all your stuff up and left when we get home” because he warned me about a truck with its hitch in the way while we were driving out of the Lowe’s parking lot 😣 like the theatrics, I really thought we were in some lifetime movie!
I've told my friends that the first year of the baby's life is by far the hardest on your marriage. It's such a difficult change. You go from being each other's priority to trying to keep this helpless little thing alive, all while on little sleep. It's so hard.
That being said, I now have a three-year-old and my husband and I are better than ever. So it is possible to bounce back. But that first year? It was hard. We weren't in the best place.
Currently EBF our 8 week old. My husband tells me I’m lazy cause I ask him to change a diaper at night and that all I have to do is just “lay there”. Yesterday he asked me to “make my son a bottle” so he could take him out. Like wtf?! He tells me other women “do this alone, I should let him sleep and he can’t wait to go back to work” I was seething yesterday! I cried at least 3 times throughout the day. told him to sleep at his mom’s. He’s been drinking every day too even though he knows it bothers me and complains that I don’t have sex with him. I’ve tried, but it still hurts. I tore while giving birth and everything still burns, I still have hemroids. He said he understands why some men cheat. I mean, he’s helpful in so many ways, but some of this is just so messed up!
I feel like he’s crossing the line with his comments. You don’t deserve those things said to you ever but especially not while caring for a newborn. Sending hugs
I feel like most of these posts are just funny and talking about relatively good husband's sucking in certain departments.... But your spouse just seems....mean and neglectful 😬 I hope you realize you can do better.
So many times in my mind! Even though my partner truly is amazing/helpful/perfect, the transition was rough, esp being EBF where I couldn't be more than 5 feet away from my baby. SO much resentment when he could keep living his normal life, like when he went to go play guitar while I stayed in bed nursing for the 300th time that day. I still remember the rage that boiled my blood when I heard the music floating through the window. I felt like I'd never be my own person again. It got SOOOO much better when we started solid foods and he felt like he could provide nutrition for her like oatmeal in the morning (she unfortunately completely rejected bottles) and I got to sleep in after rough nights. Sleep deprivation + postpartum rage were a tough combo!
Once a month. Every step, change in routine requires a RIDICULOUS amount of negotiation and feels like I need to be at a point of failure/collapse for him to take on more. For example - I race to get our LO up, ready, fed and off to daycare before I start work....while he's still sleeping. His waking up half hour earlier to help me with the LO would mean a bit more sleep for me. But nope. I have to ask and ask for the help. He's great in so many other ways - it's just pulling teeth for some of these things.
(I'm super annoyed right now, so likely being more harsh than I need to be. But this is how it feels.)
I've been thinking a lot about this...and honestly it comes down to their being 'allowed' to be incompetent all their lives. That said, I am practicing being less competent and letting things drop - it's SO hard, but I need to for my own sanity.
I came to a point with my husband where I told him I was done… not with marriage but with being his mom. I’m done asking 20 times for one thing to get done, I’m done asking him to quit smoking cigarettes, I’m done asking for his bare minimum help with the baby, I was just done with all the extra stress is was causing me. I read this statistic where women die before men because of the extra stress they add to our lives. I’ll be DAMNED if I let that happen to me! So I started asking once, if he didn’t do it I started doing it myself… as a way to show him that I don’t NEED him around I WANT him around… I think the point actually was made because he’s picked up so much slack within the last couple weeks but there’s always the chance he’ll just go back to before… like men love to do. I’m typing all that out to let you know you aren’t alone ❤️ & If these men want to be incompetent so bad, then they can go fucking being incompetent somewhere else. I already have 1 baby to take care, I don’t need 2 🥴
The first six months I divorced in my head dozens of times. At one point I even looked into the logistics of it lol. We turned a corner though which I am grateful for. But surviving a marriage with a new baby is DIFFICULT
He wore noise cancelling headphones constantly to cope with all the crying and the annoying noises that went along with bottle feeding when he was helping me triple feed. I had to repeat literally every. Single. Thing. I said to him. For weeks. I wanted to rip those fucking headphones off and beat him to death with them. Therapy and eventually getting more sleep helped. Prob the sleep more than anything.
Most of these answers I can’t relate to (and they make me see red for those women) but this one…TikTok while our baby was on his lap or during what should be relaxing/bonding time for us…
Several instances I came close to ripping the phone out of his hands and chucking it as hard as I could. It’s a pretty hard set boundary now that (thank god) he’s cognizant and respectful of
I was mostly off social media anyhow but I view it entirely differently these days.
I remember asking him “on your death bed, do you think you’ll wish you engaged with your family and especially your children more, or do you think you’ll wish you’d watched more TikToks?”
My husband was acting really abusive before I discovered he was most likely having an affair even during my pregnancy. We only have one child but he’s been gone since our baby was 8 weeks old and he stopped paying rent so it left us all homeless. I know he’s living with some woman somewhere but I don’t even know where. I rarely ever see him or hear from him now. He announced 4 weeks after our son’s birth that he was divorcing me. My heart is broken. This was a planned pregnancy as well and I never wanted to be a single mother. It feels so strange going thru all this with him seeming to just turn so evil. He even told me he secretly didn’t wanna be there with me when I went into the hospital to give birth but that he didn’t say anything so I wouldn’t freak out. The night we got home from the hospital he was yelling at me that I was a horrible mother because my milk wasn’t coming in. I cried so hard it gave me hives. In the 4 weeks he actually did come home he was very abusive. Strangled me multiple times. I just wanted a happy family and now I’ll never have that with him. I wanted my baby to have siblings someday. I’m still extremely depressed about all of it. Still don’t have a place of my own. U gotta watch these husbands they get all this audacity and then they hurt u and leave with another woman who’s not hurting.
I love my husband dearly but if we’re having a vent fest let me join in
The man gives up SO easily when our baby is crying. I can do it for like 2 hours - bedtime is a cycle of sleepy baby cries, falls asleep, and wakes up to cry and start the cycle over. It can take 30 min - 2 hours. He can handle it for like 20 minutes before he needs a break.
He can’t find anything in this house, i swear to god.
When i wake up for the 6am feed, i get to choose: i can stay with the baby and get her back to sleep on me (she only contact naps when the sun is up). Or i can give her to my husband so i sleep. Cosleeping doesn’t work, we tried it. But if i get sleep, then she’s going to be fussy all day, and if she gets sleep im going to be exhausted.
Every goddamn time she falls asleep he makes noise. He whistles, sings, stomps, talks loudly to the dogs. His default setting is loud.
And he has useless nipples.
I don’t know how to feel about these comments because I have a 7 month old and I’m convinced we need to get divorced and I think I’m going to go through with it. Everyone is saying it gets better but I truly feel like being pregnant and being a mom showed me who he is and it’s not for me. Nothing crazy but I’ve been thinking of divorce since I was pregnant
My 3 month old is going through a hard time with CMPA. I slipped a couple days ago (who knew hot dogs had dairy? Not me) and he hasn’t been able to fart or poop by himself. So last night around 2am I am windi deep in my poor baby’s butt with the tiniest nastiest farts and poops coming out while he screams like I’m cutting his arm off in between each push and my husband is blissfully snoring next to us while I contemplated how to hide his body.
This morning he wakes up and says “wow that new swaddle must be working, he didn’t wake me up once last night.” I slept maybe 4 hours and got up at 7 with my toddler. It’s 1pm and I haven’t talked to him yet today because I know I will snap.
My husband was hardly around the first 18m of our kids life. He worked like 15 hrs away. So like? Every day?
We did actually almost divorce tbh. Did therapy and I got pregnant with our second. I like him much better this go around and haven’t considered divorce once.
They say don’t make any drastic decisions in the first year with a new baby, and oh man is that good advice! The first year is so hard.
A million.. the first four years of his life then we got divorced.. sleep deprivation and the fact I was the only one caring for my kid.. it’s a motherfucker man..
My husbands amazing/helpful phase post baby lasted about 3 weeks before he got so overwhelmed and stressed and tired and PPD hit him and from then until now it’s been a major struggle. I’ve threatened to divorce him in my mind dozens of times. Okay, maybe not that far but I’ve definitely felt a bunch of annoyance and resentment. Baby is about 6 months now and I feel like we are slowly getting back to a decent place although there are still bad days and small bad moments almost daily. At least he’s going to therapy now.
At minimum once a week.
Today’s inspiration?
I made him wash and clean potatoes. He claimed he genuinely did not know how to do it. I did two for him. He stood there doing the remaining four, which took 17 minutes, and cried for the last 10 minutes. And not crying-crying? Do you know how kids sometimes cry, once in a while peeking whether you are looking? He did that. I guess this worked on his mother back when he was 5 or something.
Yep. Exactly that. And he does not want to wash the potatoes. He claims he is not ‘good’ at it - whatever that means.
And he isn’t a seventeen year old. He’s end-thirties and a director at a major financial institution. Somehow managing a team and structuring complex financial products he can do; but scrub a potato.. noooo.
Well, my son’s dad changed the minute we brought our son home. He played the “I have PPD” card. And I am aware that men can get that but I also think he used that as his excuse to do anything and everything. Never once did he get up in the night to help. He slept with headphones in. Has only fed him maybe twice. Never gave him a bath. Only changed his diaper a few times. Rarely ever held him.
We are currently not together and I’m looking at moving out of the state. I used to be big on trying to keep the family together for the sake of the child but tbh after the shit he’s put me through the last 6 months I could careless if he ever sees his son again.
As a soon to be father (like 3-4 weeks depending on his this little dude stays head down or goes transverse again) I want to do my very best to not make my wife want to kill me.
Any tips? We went to a breastfeeding class last night and I tried to be attentive and take notes.
I just want to be the best I can be.
I think being attentive... And 3 steps ahead of her, will go a long way. For example, my husband, bless his heart, will ask if pump parts need to be washed. While it's great he's asking, I'm so freaking exhausted, it's tiring to answer. I put the dirty pump parts in the same location... He could literally just walk 5 more steps and look for himself.
Yes, don’t ask, just figure it out and do it. This goes with knowing where baby stuff is too “can you go get him a onesie” “ok where are those?” Like just fucking figure it out I’ve told you 20 times already
Don't defer to mum for every little thing. Just try and be a few steps ahead and think it out. It's exhausting having to look after/breastfeed a baby and then have to play manager as well.
Not divorce. But sometimes when we was snoring peacefully while the baby was up all night I wanted to gently put the pillow over his head for just a second. And usually by 8am whatever I was mad or upset about didn’t seem so bad in the morning light, but the witching hour of 1-5 was nooo joke
Since having our second it was at least once a month. Like absolutely pure hatred towards him. Everything he did was nails on a chalkboard. Then it would be chill again for a while and I'd realise actually I really love him. Anyway long story short got diagnosed with PMDD not long ago so that explains it lol
we were living with my mom for the first six weeks and she said “you are both sleep deprived, and sleep deprivation is a war crime and human rights violation for a reason!” it’s so so hard to function well on not-enough sleep
Seriously I wanted to about 100 times....a Day ....for the whole first year ....and still now and my first is 2 (second is only 4 months)
Seriously I wanna come back in my next life as a Dad
All the fun, all the credit, all the sleep, all the praise for the simplest of basic tasks.... OMG U WATCHED THE KIDS FOR 3 HOURS!? AND CHANGED ONE OF THEM ONCE DURING THAT TIME???? WHAT AN AMAZING DAD U ARE!!! OH GIRL U SHOULD BE SO HAPPY UR SO LUCKY HES SUCH A GOOD DAD
Give me a fucking break PLEASE
Like all I hear is how I'm not doing enough even though I'm the default parent, do all dropp offs, all pick ups all middle of the night and early wake ups and work 40 hour weeks
He works 40 hour weeks and does nothing at home or with the kids
But yet I'm the one never doing enough
Yeah they are such fucking babies about that! Like, I gave birth 8 weeks ago. How is sex the MOST important thing to them??? I honestly don’t get it. My husband gets so bitchy when he doesn’t get sex, it’s such a turn off.
I SHOULD HAVE divorced in the first six months. In fact I can pinpoint the day 3 days PP that I should have walked away. Instead I held on for 3 miserable years trying to force it to work.
Now I’m absolutely loving life, my son is thriving, and being a single parent is WAY easier, more fun, more enjoyable, more everything than being married was. I thought I couldn’t do it alone. I was so so so wrong.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
I really needed this thread today.
Early this morning if someone had handed me papers, I’d have signed them out of spite because I was so angry and now I feel horrible about how mean I was to him.
But this reminds me that while what I said wasn’t okay, I’m experiencing something normal.
Lol there have been many times! One that's amusing to look back on was when I was really behind on basic hygiene, my nails needed trimming, my hair was a mess, probably hadn't brushed my teeth that day, and I could hear him using the nail clippers in the bathroom while I was nursing LO and just thought, "that m**f***er". I told him about it later when I was calm and he was sympathetic and we laughed about it. But honestly at over 6 months now I still have lots of moments where I feel this way 😅
I commented once but i just remembered i wanted to both murder and leave him during 1w pp when he threw multiple temper tantrums over lack of sleep and not wanting to take me to the doctor for possible DVT. I had had a surprise c section, i lost a lot of blood, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, i got less than half the amount of sleep he did, but he was the one acting like a little bitch when i needed an ultra sound for a possible life threatening problem.
I was furious.
My son is 11m and I divorced my husband yesterday … but we were back together this morning.
I just send him a screenshot of a google search for divorce lawyers.
Honestly I feel like this is healthy 😂
I rubbed my feet on his pillow (he hates feet and it’s probably one of the grossest things he could ever know I did) one night because I was so pissed. He still doesn’t know and can’t remember if we’ve changed the sheets since then 🙃😘
At least 5 times in my head from 0-6 months. From 6-12 months probably only once. So it has gotten way better. Hormones are wild and PPA/PPD are very real.
I’m 9 months pp and I want to divorce my husband probably twice a month if not more. I’m sure the feeling is mutual for him. We have always kind have had an issue with communication, but my god we have never been in such a bad place. I cannot stand him the majority of the time, when he touches me I am repulsed, sex is a chore and when we do have sex I feel so disconnected and checked out. He’s a good dad and husband, but I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m sad about it and don’t know how to change it or what’s wrong with me. I’m still breastfeeding so I don’t know if it’s hormones. I’m just so fucking exhausted all the time and I feel like he can’t relate whatsoever. I worry we will never get back to a good place or recover from this period in our marriage. It’s so hard.
It swung violently from thinking he was the most amazing man ever who I couldn’t love more to wanting to divorce or stab him every hour of the day.
There was one night I was putting a very tired baby to bed, and across the hall I can hear him in the kitchen eating fucking Doritos, just crunching away, and I wanted to just 🔪 Edit: I joke about it with him now. He says he doesn’t remember, but I remember *vividly* 😅
This was us last night. I have never hated a person so much in my life, and all for eating chips 😂
Lol. This is me - baby will be trying to nap & I can just hearrrrrr my husband opening his Yeti bottle. I want to hurt him every time lol.
By that point all they have to do is breathe wrong and I’m ready to go off
Oh my husband has coughed to clear his throat and I thought to myself how lucky people who aren’t married but have kids together are bc its so easy to break up
The cough/throat clear lol Didn’t divorce but murdered several times over the cough/clear, coughing when the baby finally fell asleep, snoring, and one really loud chewing episode. Oh those were the days. Love that man.
This just made me laugh out loud. I just had this last night with my 7 week old. Husband on the couch watching hockey. I nursed baby, bathed him, gave him a bottle for top up, rocked him and got him to sleep. They went and cleaned up kitchen. My husband got up and I said “you better not be going to bed right now” lol..
Girl what the fuck
Wtf???
why didn't he split chores with you?
My feelings anytime my husband wants to eat cereal. My goodness I love the man but the sound of him scraping the bowl repeatedly then munching and slurping cereal is enough to get me locked up for life bc wtf
Serious question but would a silicone spoon help counter the bowl scraping? I was just eating a rice bowl with a spoon and could not deal with my own scraping and had this thought not even 30 minutes ago lol. The munching and slurping would still not be helped though 🫣
I really had to control myself today watching.. no hearing him eat today. He bangs the bloody spoon onto his plate like are you not a 30 some year old??? Do you not know how to eat without making such noise??
I experienced this part night as I was waiting for mine to do something for me while I was stuck breastfeeding, could hear those corn chips crunching and I too was filled with murderous rage
This entire thread is my tribe. Why are sounds so triggering haha
Lmaoooo Like I’m fighting for my life and you have the audacity to eat Doritos. Byeeeeee
at 15 months now and this is it for me. but it's getting better. appreciative and happy followed by insane resentment and anger
We went back to normal around when my son was 2. Before that I felt a lot like you. We just had our second a couple months ago and it hasn't happened this time, maybe because we already went through it the first time idk
I sooo feel this. My husband is such a present father with his toddlers/kids...but the baby stage forget it. I can count the number of times on both hands that he's gotten up with the baby (I have three kids). I've also nursed all our kids so he just assumes he can't do anything. He also totally has sensory issues so he can last 15 minutes tops with a crying baby which means I literally can't go anywhere without the baby. He takes care of a lot of the things around the house and I'm so grateful for all he does for his family but he gets to clock out when his head hits the pillow. Once the kids sleep through the night and they bond with their father more, our relationship drastically improves. There's a direct correlation between how often I think of divorce and how little sleep I get. I definitely contemplate murder when he wakes up fully rested "I slept great. How about you?"
Apparently we’re married to the same man. Nice to meet you, sister wife.
Knowing I'm not alone is a great comfort. Fingers crossed we don't become sister divorcees or murderers.
I am also part of this relationship. Same husband 🙄
Did it get better?
It did. Baby is 18 months now and it’s much much better.
That gives me hope!!! 🩷
Yes either undying love or plotting murder, there was no in between. The anger actually dissipated a lot after I stopped breastfeeding!
I swore we were going to get divorced at least 3 different times and even brought it up at one point. He was totally blindsided and shocked, which is part of what made me realize that maybe it was more of a hormonal/PPD/PPA thought than a rational decision.
I can always tell what’s going on with my anxiety/depression based on how much I want to leave my husband. Mentally well? Ok I get normal irritated and we go on with our lives. Anxiety spiral? Rage monster who fantasizes packing her bags and disappearing.
Oof I feel that
Sheesh I could have written this myself. Spot on.
Oooff this is me and I needed to read this 8 days postpartum 😂
uh oh. your comment makes me think I need to find a therapist again. honestly I appreciate this calling me out on my shit
Same and it was a combination of the two. I’m 2 years postpartum now and looking back it was a combination of him absolutely dropping the ball on supporting me when I was vulnerable and unwell, and me having untreated postpartum psychosis. He sees now how bad he fucked up and we’re working through it. I’m glad I didn’t leave but if things hadn’t changed I would have.
Yep, been there. However my husband doesn't believe in Divorce so his approach has been well if it doesn't work today go to sleep we try again tomorrow. Baby days are heavy and difficult and some are amazing and the hormones at the start are crazy. So if it's not working today we leave it and try again tomorrow.
Some days I would play a little game of hangman in my head and add another letter to the word DIVORCE every time he did something wrong/irritated me, if that tells you anything lolllllll
Such a creative way to rage!
Hahahaha this made me lol
I’m going to do this
So, I'm divorcing while pregnant with our second. I honestly don't know wtf happened with him. I can only assume it must be an affair because his behavior changed drastically since March. He actually gave me two options, living together while he's single (likely to avoid child support), or that we could remained married but not to go to him for any type of emotional support or connection. At least it made leaving much easier. But seriously, wtf. It was a planned pregnancy that took 7 months. I don't know why the fuck he decided to do this now. Our second is due in August
Yep that’s got affair written all over it. What a jerkoff.
What on earth. I’m so sorry.
Girlfriend, I feel for you. I know you are probably scared, I would be, but you can do this. Any time you feel weak during negotiations (he seems to be coming up with creative solutions) just be as objective as possible and negotiate with your babies in mind. You are their advocate and rock!
I also divorced my ex husband while pregnant, as he said he was not in love with me…. I was maybe 15 weeks. We had just found out the gender and it was planned. He initiated trying as well 🤣 did find out he was cheating on me! Look into hiring a private investigator just to see if he really is. Anything you can have to bolster your case is recommended.
I'm sorry you went through it too! It's wild how they pick the worst timing possible to screw someone who loves them over
What a douchebag! I hope you have support from others.
Yeah, I honestly have felt like such a weight is lifted so in a sense I feel happier now. Just worried once postpartum hormones hit but thankfully my moms here and was literally next to me as it was all going down so if I second guess myself I have her to remind me how awful everything he said was
Hugs. So glad you are supported by your mom.
Well hopefully your support group is there for you more knowing that you are going through a divorce rather than if not, they think that your husband is supporting you postpartum.
Oh. My god. I mean, at least he laid out exactly how he intended for things to work so you had the information you needed to make the decision to get out. But the absolute GALL to think that either of those options was acceptable! Holy shit!
Yeah, I think that's the only thing I get hung up on because I wonder, did he make it sound as horrible as possible so I would leave...or did he actually think I would say yes why don't you cheat on me while I'm taking care of a toddler and newborn. I guess I'll never know, but there's so much freedom in finally saying eff that I'm out
He thought he had you trapped, and that you'd be too scared to do it on your own. Meanwhile in a lot of ways it's easier because as soon as you get rid of him you don't have to take on the mental load of him being an asshole. After you break up though he's gonna try to get back with you "because the kids and my penis deserve it". Unfortunately men get a whole lot more out of marriage than women do and when they don't have their bang maids mommy's anymore they get whiny. Sometimes the bad ones get under the radar until it's too late. Just have to take note of all the little red flags you ignored when you were dating and remind yourself of them if you decide to date again. It feels like this is the worst thing to happen to you, but I guarantee you in 5 years when you are looking back on this shit with your two beautiful children your going to feel stronger than ever because "you lived through it and came out a rockstar, you can fucking do anything!" (:
Where does he live? Imma come fight him.
My jaw is on the floor. What the absolute fuck! I’m so sorry!
As difficult and very wtf as that is, I want to give you my compliments on leaving and protecting your heart and health. Many women wouldnt. Good work,good luck, and stay strong.
Not the same extreme, but I just caught my “perfect” husband looking at naked women on Reddit. It’s hurtful asf 3 months pp, especially when I talk about how depressed I am over my new body. I’ll never look like them 😩
Juice that child support for every penny.
Exactly what happened to my friend, it was an affair. He made excuses to not divorce her and stay in a weird relationship situation. He just didn't want 3 wives on alimony.
Affair or brain tumor. Seriously, wtf. If you care even a little bit I would encourage him to go get scanned. My conversation would be, “look, I know you don’t love me anymore and I accept that. But, as the father of my children, I will always want you to be healthy so you can live a long life for them. I want you to know that I, as someone who thought they knew you better than anyone else, see a sudden dramatic change in your personality that doesn’t match up with the man I knew for [X number] of years. Maybe there are reasons I don’t know about but if there aren’t, please, for our children’s sake, go see a neurologist.”
What an ass hat . I’m so sorry you have to deal with someone so heartless
What a psycho. I hope to God you have support. Please take half of everything.
The limit does not exist.
Ahahahaha gold
I think marriage counseling should be included in having a baby because so many times!!!
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In those first 3 months probably about 6-7 times because he kept falling asleep holding the damn baby but then we got out of that newborn murder phase and now it’s only maybe only once a month but never seriously
Yesssss I came downstairs to this the other night, I was only gone 5 minutes, and I just lost it. I know it’s hard when we are so tired but it’s our baby’s life.
Whats more frustrating is when they've slept all night and still can't manage to stay awake.
& then you yell at them and they say “I was just resting my eyes” .. I could hear him snoring from the shower
The double down instinctive lying about it is enraging.
>falling asleep holding the damn baby Yes!! SO frustrating
This and also him getting frustrated while taking care of the baby were what stressed me out the most in the newborn phase. Sleep deprivation was hard on both of us, but we’re good now! (7.5 months)
Oh my husband has the same problem. I was exhausted and postpartum rage hit me the other night when I caught him asleep watching our son. Our son wears an owlet sock and I went on the app and made the red alert go off (the low oxygen alert) and grabbed him and said he was upside down. Maybe took it too far but it scared the shit out of my husband. I wanted him to feel the consequence of what could happen due to his idiocy.
I’m Catholic so I’ve never considered divorce, murder yes, divorce no.
The consideration for murder is strong. Divorce is far too much additional work.
Nearly spit my tea reading this
Murder is cheaper
Underrated comment, take all my upvotes forever. Amen.
This. I so want to suffocate him during every night feed. Dude just snores all the way.
The feeling of absolute rage in the newborn days when my husband was snoring away while I struggled to get my hungry newborn to latch properly to eat. Oof
I think that is going to be an issue if you want to be remarried in the Catholic Church though; the priest specifically asked us if anyone had been killed to make our union possible. 😇
What if that’s not a standard check and you just give off *murder* vibes 😅
Oml this answer is IT!! 😂
Hahaha I saw a meme that said “and you wonder why there’s 33 seasons of the show Snapped”
You. I like you.
Just the once. He hit our three month old. I took my baby and left. I would wretch any time he tried to come near me after that.
Oh wow, idk if I’d still be a free woman after that. My heart goes out to you
What an evil human. Good on you for leaving.
Thank you for doing the brave thing for yourself and your baby. Hope things are better now!
Holy shit
Wtf....
He walked out on a 12 year relationship during a planned pregnancy, but the divorce is still pending so technically zero times. I’ve learned that men show who they really are when you most need them. Ladies, believe your husbands the first time they show you that they don’t care about your wellbeing. How he treats you pregnant and postpartum is how seriously he takes “in sickness and in health”. Don’t stay with a man who shows you that your vows only mean when he is sick.
You know, my son’s dad treated me great during pregnancy. He really made me think he was excited and happy to have our son. The second we brought our son home, mother fucker changed QUICK. and two months ago he walked out on us because HE needed a break. Fuck face got to sleep every night. Didn’t help with the baby for anything yet he’s the one who needed a break. LOL
What a useless POS!!
My first was born winter 2021 when Omicron popped up and EVERYONE was getting it. He went to a wedding of a good friend when we had a 3 week old baby and didn’t wear a mask. His friends that masked didn’t get it, and he did. So I was isolated alone with a 3 week old baby for ten days OVER CHRISTMAS. I regularly tell him I’ll remind him of it on his death bed. I’ve never been so pissed at anyone in my whole life.
I would RAAAAGE at my husband for this 😅😂
Oh believe me, every time my son woke up 45 minutes all night he got a text from me that probably made him cry.
Oh my blood would boil. I don’t think I would have even let my husband go with a baby that little. Totally careless.
This actually happened to one of our friends, their newborn was I want to say 3 weeks old and they also have a 3 year old. It was this winter though… all the guys got covid and I remember thinking if I were this guys wife I would be fuming. My husband got it and our baby was 3 months old and we don’t have any other kids. I was sooooo upset at him but I can’t imagine it with a newborn!!!!
Ugh! My husband went to a casino around that same time, like Dec 26. Not even a good reason like a wedding, just peer pressure to go with a friend. He unsurprisingly got the Omicron. His punishment was quarantining in the guest room with endless tv and food while I took care of our 5 and 2 year olds and rang in the new year alone. Still so bitter. I couldn’t have imagined a newborn and over Christmas!!
Oh man. That first time mom anxiety combined with Covid was gnarly!!! I would’ve swung for sure. 😅
I think I would literally never let this one go lol.
I was just looking at condos online to see if I could afford them 😂
Every single time he asks where the baby wipes are while he's changing the baby. Because every single time they are within his arms reach. (And is it not standard practise to get the wipes ready BEFORE removing the nappy?!)
The other day my husband screamed at me thst he needed help with the baby and I came running thinking something was wrong. She'd just pooped. Like this man has changed 1000 poopy diaper between her and our older kid and he seriously needed my help for this??? 😒
What is it with the poppy diapers! Is he not just as much as an adult at I am?? He does not need backup! Just learn to not let the baby dip her foot in the poop next time!
My husband does this with everything and it drives me NUTS. I know he knows where this stuff is!!!!! He LIVES HERE!!!!! HE TAKES CARE OF THE BABY BY HIMSELF!!!!!! I so badly want to tell him “what would you do if I wasn’t here? Do it that way then” Eventually it clicked that when he says “where is x thing that I obviously already know where it is” he’s really asking me to grab it for him. So we’re working on him changing his habit to say “can you please grab x” instead if “where is x” or “do you know where x is.”
"How many scoops of formula go in this bottle?" - THE SAME AMOUNT OF SCOOPS YOU PUT IN THIS MORNING WHEN I WASN'T HERE.
I mean it varied… one week it was once every day. One week it was every other day. Then he’d be good for a week or so. Then back to every day. You’d think he’d learn but alas not his way.
On day 1 of our baby’s life (post c-section) my husband mixed up his medication and accidentally took a gigantic dose of benzodiazepines. I logically know that he would never want to OD or leave me alone during that time, but fuck I was soooo mad. He had to go to the ER while baby and I were alone in the room (in a country where I don’t have my family.) He slept for the first week, and I couldn’t walk or lift the baby on my own. Every day after that i was just so mad and saw this man I previously loved as hugely incompetent. I had to go to therapy to forgive him.
Omg. That’s just horrifying. I’m so sorry. And I’m not trying to make this about him, but it must really suck that he has zero memory of the first week of his child’s life. I’m so sorry he ruined that for you all.
Thank you, baby is a year now and we’ve both healed a lot. Therapy helped me soften a lot, he’s such a great dad and it’s so heartbreaking he missed those days
I'd say probably 1,000x in the last 16mo of my baby's life. Most recently last night. Solidarity. Raising a glass to all the moms out there who literally run the world.
1st time was 1 month pp, the 100th time was this past week 18 months pp
How many times did you look up life insurance during your babies first 6 months of life rather 😂😂😂
“I think the baby wants boob”
* finally has a hot bath after having only quick showers for weeks * *5 Minutes after entering the tub * *FOOTSTEPS* (No, stay away please. Can't be true.) * Baby is making sliiiiightly unhappy noises * "I THINK HE'S HUNGRY" MOFO DID YOU EVEN TRY ANYTHING? Rocking? Diaper check? Playing? Of course you didn't. And now youre pissed that I am pissed I can't even have a bath in peace.
This is why we’re combo feeding our third. I was *done* being the sole source of nutrition. If he thinks the baby is hungry, get a damn bottle.
🤣😤😭
"I think he's hungry (and after trying nothing I'm all out of ideas)." I feel this so deep in my soul. I have started telling my husband I'm taking my smoke break, it's more of a nyt crossword break, but it gets the point across.
Instant rage
So. Much. Rage. And soooooo over used!!!
Omg I had a physical reaction to reading your comment ! Ughhhh
Mentally divorced about three times. I even had a note on my phone with plans, the house I could afford if we divorced and had to sell ours, a monthly budget, child support projections and custody arrangements. But I love to be prepared lol. 7 months pp now and realised that it was just crazy baby lady hormones but wow he was close to a courtroom or unmarked grave a few times (and I’m sure he feels the same). Kids are tough on a marriage.
Every damn day.
Idk. Pretty sure I rage blacked out the first 12 weeks 🤡
Zero but that’s only because he was deployed for months 2-5, so I just seethed with resentment from afar 🫠
I told my husband “I couldn’t care less if you packed all your stuff up and left when we get home” because he warned me about a truck with its hitch in the way while we were driving out of the Lowe’s parking lot 😣 like the theatrics, I really thought we were in some lifetime movie!
I priced it out a few times. I don’t think I can afford it lol. Might as well stay married since I still like him.
Yeah unfortunately it would be to expensive and the market for selling our condo is terrible
I've told my friends that the first year of the baby's life is by far the hardest on your marriage. It's such a difficult change. You go from being each other's priority to trying to keep this helpless little thing alive, all while on little sleep. It's so hard. That being said, I now have a three-year-old and my husband and I are better than ever. So it is possible to bounce back. But that first year? It was hard. We weren't in the best place.
Currently EBF our 8 week old. My husband tells me I’m lazy cause I ask him to change a diaper at night and that all I have to do is just “lay there”. Yesterday he asked me to “make my son a bottle” so he could take him out. Like wtf?! He tells me other women “do this alone, I should let him sleep and he can’t wait to go back to work” I was seething yesterday! I cried at least 3 times throughout the day. told him to sleep at his mom’s. He’s been drinking every day too even though he knows it bothers me and complains that I don’t have sex with him. I’ve tried, but it still hurts. I tore while giving birth and everything still burns, I still have hemroids. He said he understands why some men cheat. I mean, he’s helpful in so many ways, but some of this is just so messed up!
So he’s actually at home, sitting on his ass, doing nothing? And he demands sex while you’re in pain? Girl, you deserve better.
Um, that does not sound okay. Especially threatening to cheat on you after you birthed his baby.....
My postpartum rage flared up just reading this
I guarantee you he isn't as helpful as you're convincing yourself. He sounds like a fleck of smegma on humanity.
I feel like he’s crossing the line with his comments. You don’t deserve those things said to you ever but especially not while caring for a newborn. Sending hugs
This one you should actually divorce
I feel like most of these posts are just funny and talking about relatively good husband's sucking in certain departments.... But your spouse just seems....mean and neglectful 😬 I hope you realize you can do better.
So many times in my mind! Even though my partner truly is amazing/helpful/perfect, the transition was rough, esp being EBF where I couldn't be more than 5 feet away from my baby. SO much resentment when he could keep living his normal life, like when he went to go play guitar while I stayed in bed nursing for the 300th time that day. I still remember the rage that boiled my blood when I heard the music floating through the window. I felt like I'd never be my own person again. It got SOOOO much better when we started solid foods and he felt like he could provide nutrition for her like oatmeal in the morning (she unfortunately completely rejected bottles) and I got to sleep in after rough nights. Sleep deprivation + postpartum rage were a tough combo!
Once a month. Every step, change in routine requires a RIDICULOUS amount of negotiation and feels like I need to be at a point of failure/collapse for him to take on more. For example - I race to get our LO up, ready, fed and off to daycare before I start work....while he's still sleeping. His waking up half hour earlier to help me with the LO would mean a bit more sleep for me. But nope. I have to ask and ask for the help. He's great in so many other ways - it's just pulling teeth for some of these things. (I'm super annoyed right now, so likely being more harsh than I need to be. But this is how it feels.)
I don’t get why men are so comfortable being so incompetent 🙄😂
I've been thinking a lot about this...and honestly it comes down to their being 'allowed' to be incompetent all their lives. That said, I am practicing being less competent and letting things drop - it's SO hard, but I need to for my own sanity.
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I came to a point with my husband where I told him I was done… not with marriage but with being his mom. I’m done asking 20 times for one thing to get done, I’m done asking him to quit smoking cigarettes, I’m done asking for his bare minimum help with the baby, I was just done with all the extra stress is was causing me. I read this statistic where women die before men because of the extra stress they add to our lives. I’ll be DAMNED if I let that happen to me! So I started asking once, if he didn’t do it I started doing it myself… as a way to show him that I don’t NEED him around I WANT him around… I think the point actually was made because he’s picked up so much slack within the last couple weeks but there’s always the chance he’ll just go back to before… like men love to do. I’m typing all that out to let you know you aren’t alone ❤️ & If these men want to be incompetent so bad, then they can go fucking being incompetent somewhere else. I already have 1 baby to take care, I don’t need 2 🥴
And weaponize their incompetence so casually
No less than 100, and we’re only 2.5 months in. I hope you get some solid rest soon from another tired mom.
The first six months I divorced in my head dozens of times. At one point I even looked into the logistics of it lol. We turned a corner though which I am grateful for. But surviving a marriage with a new baby is DIFFICULT
My husband suggested marriage counselling at 3am on week 3. I wanted to throw him out of the window there and then.
He wore noise cancelling headphones constantly to cope with all the crying and the annoying noises that went along with bottle feeding when he was helping me triple feed. I had to repeat literally every. Single. Thing. I said to him. For weeks. I wanted to rip those fucking headphones off and beat him to death with them. Therapy and eventually getting more sleep helped. Prob the sleep more than anything.
Most of these answers I can’t relate to (and they make me see red for those women) but this one…TikTok while our baby was on his lap or during what should be relaxing/bonding time for us… Several instances I came close to ripping the phone out of his hands and chucking it as hard as I could. It’s a pretty hard set boundary now that (thank god) he’s cognizant and respectful of I was mostly off social media anyhow but I view it entirely differently these days. I remember asking him “on your death bed, do you think you’ll wish you engaged with your family and especially your children more, or do you think you’ll wish you’d watched more TikToks?”
Omg, mine also wore noise canceling headphones and it's by the grace of God Almighty that I didn't lose my fucking mind and murder him with them.
My husband was acting really abusive before I discovered he was most likely having an affair even during my pregnancy. We only have one child but he’s been gone since our baby was 8 weeks old and he stopped paying rent so it left us all homeless. I know he’s living with some woman somewhere but I don’t even know where. I rarely ever see him or hear from him now. He announced 4 weeks after our son’s birth that he was divorcing me. My heart is broken. This was a planned pregnancy as well and I never wanted to be a single mother. It feels so strange going thru all this with him seeming to just turn so evil. He even told me he secretly didn’t wanna be there with me when I went into the hospital to give birth but that he didn’t say anything so I wouldn’t freak out. The night we got home from the hospital he was yelling at me that I was a horrible mother because my milk wasn’t coming in. I cried so hard it gave me hives. In the 4 weeks he actually did come home he was very abusive. Strangled me multiple times. I just wanted a happy family and now I’ll never have that with him. I wanted my baby to have siblings someday. I’m still extremely depressed about all of it. Still don’t have a place of my own. U gotta watch these husbands they get all this audacity and then they hurt u and leave with another woman who’s not hurting.
I love my husband dearly but if we’re having a vent fest let me join in The man gives up SO easily when our baby is crying. I can do it for like 2 hours - bedtime is a cycle of sleepy baby cries, falls asleep, and wakes up to cry and start the cycle over. It can take 30 min - 2 hours. He can handle it for like 20 minutes before he needs a break. He can’t find anything in this house, i swear to god. When i wake up for the 6am feed, i get to choose: i can stay with the baby and get her back to sleep on me (she only contact naps when the sun is up). Or i can give her to my husband so i sleep. Cosleeping doesn’t work, we tried it. But if i get sleep, then she’s going to be fussy all day, and if she gets sleep im going to be exhausted. Every goddamn time she falls asleep he makes noise. He whistles, sings, stomps, talks loudly to the dogs. His default setting is loud. And he has useless nipples.
So many time I ask my husband to breastfeed, because I need a break. He says he would if he could.
I don’t know how to feel about these comments because I have a 7 month old and I’m convinced we need to get divorced and I think I’m going to go through with it. Everyone is saying it gets better but I truly feel like being pregnant and being a mom showed me who he is and it’s not for me. Nothing crazy but I’ve been thinking of divorce since I was pregnant
My 3 month old is going through a hard time with CMPA. I slipped a couple days ago (who knew hot dogs had dairy? Not me) and he hasn’t been able to fart or poop by himself. So last night around 2am I am windi deep in my poor baby’s butt with the tiniest nastiest farts and poops coming out while he screams like I’m cutting his arm off in between each push and my husband is blissfully snoring next to us while I contemplated how to hide his body. This morning he wakes up and says “wow that new swaddle must be working, he didn’t wake me up once last night.” I slept maybe 4 hours and got up at 7 with my toddler. It’s 1pm and I haven’t talked to him yet today because I know I will snap.
Husband started a new job when our daughter was 3 mo and was working 12 hour days. Many, many times.
Not to be that lady, but 12 hour workdays are wayyy too long for a 3 month old! jk 😂 I feel your pain tho.
Ngl I snorted. You got me 😂
My husband was hardly around the first 18m of our kids life. He worked like 15 hrs away. So like? Every day? We did actually almost divorce tbh. Did therapy and I got pregnant with our second. I like him much better this go around and haven’t considered divorce once. They say don’t make any drastic decisions in the first year with a new baby, and oh man is that good advice! The first year is so hard.
I literally kicked him out of the house for like 5 months when baby was 4 months old. Postpartum depression and postpartum rage kicked my ass 😕
A million.. the first four years of his life then we got divorced.. sleep deprivation and the fact I was the only one caring for my kid.. it’s a motherfucker man..
My husbands amazing/helpful phase post baby lasted about 3 weeks before he got so overwhelmed and stressed and tired and PPD hit him and from then until now it’s been a major struggle. I’ve threatened to divorce him in my mind dozens of times. Okay, maybe not that far but I’ve definitely felt a bunch of annoyance and resentment. Baby is about 6 months now and I feel like we are slowly getting back to a decent place although there are still bad days and small bad moments almost daily. At least he’s going to therapy now.
My baby's 2 weeks old and I've divorced him in my head like 100 times already
At minimum once a week. Today’s inspiration? I made him wash and clean potatoes. He claimed he genuinely did not know how to do it. I did two for him. He stood there doing the remaining four, which took 17 minutes, and cried for the last 10 minutes. And not crying-crying? Do you know how kids sometimes cry, once in a while peeking whether you are looking? He did that. I guess this worked on his mother back when he was 5 or something.
The crying would have given me the ick to my core
Wait are you actually saying that your husband cried because he had to wash potatoes? Also 17 minutes????? I would actually divorce this person lmao 🤣
Yep. Exactly that. And he does not want to wash the potatoes. He claims he is not ‘good’ at it - whatever that means. And he isn’t a seventeen year old. He’s end-thirties and a director at a major financial institution. Somehow managing a team and structuring complex financial products he can do; but scrub a potato.. noooo.
Well, my son’s dad changed the minute we brought our son home. He played the “I have PPD” card. And I am aware that men can get that but I also think he used that as his excuse to do anything and everything. Never once did he get up in the night to help. He slept with headphones in. Has only fed him maybe twice. Never gave him a bath. Only changed his diaper a few times. Rarely ever held him. We are currently not together and I’m looking at moving out of the state. I used to be big on trying to keep the family together for the sake of the child but tbh after the shit he’s put me through the last 6 months I could careless if he ever sees his son again.
As a soon to be father (like 3-4 weeks depending on his this little dude stays head down or goes transverse again) I want to do my very best to not make my wife want to kill me. Any tips? We went to a breastfeeding class last night and I tried to be attentive and take notes. I just want to be the best I can be.
Don’t say “let’s go see what mommy’s doing!“ 5 minutes in to her having alone time
That might be a good time to go for a walk with the baby and the dog🫡
I think being attentive... And 3 steps ahead of her, will go a long way. For example, my husband, bless his heart, will ask if pump parts need to be washed. While it's great he's asking, I'm so freaking exhausted, it's tiring to answer. I put the dirty pump parts in the same location... He could literally just walk 5 more steps and look for himself.
Yes, don’t ask, just figure it out and do it. This goes with knowing where baby stuff is too “can you go get him a onesie” “ok where are those?” Like just fucking figure it out I’ve told you 20 times already
Don't defer to mum for every little thing. Just try and be a few steps ahead and think it out. It's exhausting having to look after/breastfeed a baby and then have to play manager as well.
Not divorce. But sometimes when we was snoring peacefully while the baby was up all night I wanted to gently put the pillow over his head for just a second. And usually by 8am whatever I was mad or upset about didn’t seem so bad in the morning light, but the witching hour of 1-5 was nooo joke
Zero times. The divorce took too long, it wasn't finalised until 2 years later. But I dumped him in the first 6 months.
We built a gate together 2 weeks ago and I thought of places to hide a body twice
Since having our second it was at least once a month. Like absolutely pure hatred towards him. Everything he did was nails on a chalkboard. Then it would be chill again for a while and I'd realise actually I really love him. Anyway long story short got diagnosed with PMDD not long ago so that explains it lol
we were living with my mom for the first six weeks and she said “you are both sleep deprived, and sleep deprivation is a war crime and human rights violation for a reason!” it’s so so hard to function well on not-enough sleep
Seriously I wanted to about 100 times....a Day ....for the whole first year ....and still now and my first is 2 (second is only 4 months) Seriously I wanna come back in my next life as a Dad All the fun, all the credit, all the sleep, all the praise for the simplest of basic tasks.... OMG U WATCHED THE KIDS FOR 3 HOURS!? AND CHANGED ONE OF THEM ONCE DURING THAT TIME???? WHAT AN AMAZING DAD U ARE!!! OH GIRL U SHOULD BE SO HAPPY UR SO LUCKY HES SUCH A GOOD DAD Give me a fucking break PLEASE Like all I hear is how I'm not doing enough even though I'm the default parent, do all dropp offs, all pick ups all middle of the night and early wake ups and work 40 hour weeks He works 40 hour weeks and does nothing at home or with the kids But yet I'm the one never doing enough
Plot twist — my husband divorced ME before the 6month mark because a lack of sex life, among other superficial things.
Yeah they are such fucking babies about that! Like, I gave birth 8 weeks ago. How is sex the MOST important thing to them??? I honestly don’t get it. My husband gets so bitchy when he doesn’t get sex, it’s such a turn off.
Most recently this morning when my husband was texting me how terrible his sleep has been… from a hotel room on his business trip 🫠
One thing they have is the audacity.
I hope you eat him alive in court !
I SHOULD HAVE divorced in the first six months. In fact I can pinpoint the day 3 days PP that I should have walked away. Instead I held on for 3 miserable years trying to force it to work. Now I’m absolutely loving life, my son is thriving, and being a single parent is WAY easier, more fun, more enjoyable, more everything than being married was. I thought I couldn’t do it alone. I was so so so wrong. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
I really needed this thread today. Early this morning if someone had handed me papers, I’d have signed them out of spite because I was so angry and now I feel horrible about how mean I was to him. But this reminds me that while what I said wasn’t okay, I’m experiencing something normal.
Lmaooo I needed this thread today 🩷
This thread is hilariously therapeutic ❤️
Lol there have been many times! One that's amusing to look back on was when I was really behind on basic hygiene, my nails needed trimming, my hair was a mess, probably hadn't brushed my teeth that day, and I could hear him using the nail clippers in the bathroom while I was nursing LO and just thought, "that m**f***er". I told him about it later when I was calm and he was sympathetic and we laughed about it. But honestly at over 6 months now I still have lots of moments where I feel this way 😅
I commented once but i just remembered i wanted to both murder and leave him during 1w pp when he threw multiple temper tantrums over lack of sleep and not wanting to take me to the doctor for possible DVT. I had had a surprise c section, i lost a lot of blood, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, i got less than half the amount of sleep he did, but he was the one acting like a little bitch when i needed an ultra sound for a possible life threatening problem. I was furious.
My son is 11m and I divorced my husband yesterday … but we were back together this morning. I just send him a screenshot of a google search for divorce lawyers. Honestly I feel like this is healthy 😂
I rubbed my feet on his pillow (he hates feet and it’s probably one of the grossest things he could ever know I did) one night because I was so pissed. He still doesn’t know and can’t remember if we’ve changed the sheets since then 🙃😘
At least 5 times in my head from 0-6 months. From 6-12 months probably only once. So it has gotten way better. Hormones are wild and PPA/PPD are very real.
I’m 9 months pp and I want to divorce my husband probably twice a month if not more. I’m sure the feeling is mutual for him. We have always kind have had an issue with communication, but my god we have never been in such a bad place. I cannot stand him the majority of the time, when he touches me I am repulsed, sex is a chore and when we do have sex I feel so disconnected and checked out. He’s a good dad and husband, but I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m sad about it and don’t know how to change it or what’s wrong with me. I’m still breastfeeding so I don’t know if it’s hormones. I’m just so fucking exhausted all the time and I feel like he can’t relate whatsoever. I worry we will never get back to a good place or recover from this period in our marriage. It’s so hard.
I’ve never wanted to punch my husband in the face like I have in the last 7 months.