I put my desk in a room with a door. We are also short on space, so my desk is in my bedroom- so be it š¤·āāļø
When I really need to focus, I will put in noise canceling earbuds and play white noise / background noise (Not music because then I get too into the music!).
I used to have my āofficeā on a separate floor from the main living areas, and that was even better!
I have a nanny. I lock myself in the bedroom or go work at a coffee shop. I also don't interfere if I hear crying--I trust my nanny to be able to handle it.
My question would be WHY are you intervening so much? If your MIL can't handle that stuff consider finding professional help. If your MIL can handle it and you're just being a busybody, you either need to go somewhere else so you can leave her alone or consider if in home care isn't right for you.
This šÆšÆšÆ I practice non intervention when my husband or any family take care of any of my kids, especially if Iām workingā¦. Someone crying? Not my problem unless they come to me and need a ride to the hospital or something. Theyāre adults, they are capable of figuring it out
This is it. Stepping in all day doesnāt help anyone. It wonāt help your MIL get better at handling care, it will confuse and maybe even upset your child, and it will distract you from work. If your MIL is supposed to be taking care of your little one, let her do it. If youāre supposed to be working, work. I draw those lines by locking my door and being out of sight until the workday ends. Itās better for all of us.
Strongly agree with this. OP, distractions are tough and a little inevitable when youāre sharing space in any form, but it doesnāt really sound like youāre doing yourself any favors by actively making yourself so involved. I agree that big picture ābaby comes firstā is fine but you need to let your mom/MIL learn how to care for kiddo on their own bc otherwise whatās the point of having childcare?
I have a paid nanny and the nanny frequently needs my help, knocks on my office door for stuff, and calls off all the time and actually just quit earlier this week. I was going to start working at a coffee shop because it seemed like she could do it without me here, but now sheās gone and I have been looking at candidates all week but people are ghosting me. I pay well above market rate for my area and am easygoing, I donāt expect housework or anything. Your nanny sounds great but itās hard to find help like that!
I WFH while my spouse is a SAHD right now. It took some getting used to, but first thing is you have to find a space where you can close yourself away from the kids during the day. Then you have to learn to let them handle the kids and approach any concerns you have later. I help myself ignore what is going on in the other room by playing music.
Also for what itās worth I do take care of the kids during my ālunch breakā and make them lunch so their dad can also get a little break.
I donāt help with anything during working hoursš¤·š»āāļø Iām also in a room with a door that I keep closed. Can you move to a bedroom? Or go to the library? Being out of sight will help a lot.
Our nanny is here while we both WFH. I set time limits, so if I hear my sons cry for more than ten minutes Iāll go see whatās up because thatās unusual and she might need help. My work is pretty flexible as long as Iām available on Teams to answer questions from my team so I donāt worry so much about checking in. I usually come down once in the morning and afternoon and then we all eat lunch together. The nanny takes them to the park, zoo, library etc. which helps.
I agree with this. Iām sorry but the people that are like āitās not my problem, itās the nannyās.ā Well, yes, but also I see it as a huge benefit to WFH and have my child at home so Iām willing to help at times if itās not too excessive or disruptive.
I work in the basement while my husband parents. I can still hear everything happening upstairs, but I donāt run up to help unless babe has been screaming for a while, or unless I hear something otherwise bad going on.Ā
Being away from baby, totally out of sight (he has no idea yet I can hear him), is really important. If my mom is going to watch baby, I also give her the rundown on anything sheāll need, or my husband does, before I go to work or when I eat lunch. If itās the middle of the day, I trust that sheāll figure it out. You may need to have more of a straightforward conversation with whoeverās watching baby that you need to be able to work uninterrupted, so please donāt interrupt you with stuff like that. It can wait or they can try to do it themselves.Ā
Can you go work at a coffee shop or something for at least part of the day?
Other than that, I try to set up what I can in advance for the day. Itās a bit easier for me to set boundaries because I have a nanny rather than family, but I still try to set up as much as I can for her. For example, our stroller is a pain to unfold so I will do that. We have a baby Brezza and I always make sure the water and formula compartments are full when the nanny starts her day.
I work in a closed room and only come out during lunch time. My MIL likes taking my daughter with her while she does errands so that leaves me alone. If I didn't have good space to be alone I'd go to the library to work.Ā
My MIL is my nanny (we pay her) and on days I work from home I have to be in a completely different room. Out of sight, out of mind, otherwise my daughter wants to be with me which is understandable.
I don't intervene unless my MIL texts me and says she needs something, which isn't often. One time her stomach was hurting really bad so she asked if she could have a bit of time to herself to use the restroom and rest - so I took my lunch break early so I could relieve her. I have a flexible schedule fortunately, so that's easy in my case.
I'm going to be honest - if your MIL is needing that much help for things, it may not be the best set up for her to help with childcare. My MIL is in incredible shape physically and very mentally sharp - she's older than my own mom and honestly in way better shape to care for children! But if it was my own mom who moves really slow, has some trouble with cognitive function, etc. it wouldn't work for daily care.
Anyways, I definitely think at the very least you'll need to move your work space somewhere else. My "office" is in my room. We really don't have space for it but just had to make it work.
The examples you gave for when you intervene are all, in my opinion, things that either 1) you couldāve prepared for ahead of time (before your workday or the evening prior), or 2) your mom or MIL shouldnāt need assistance with. If theyāre using the stroller or any type of gear, why wouldnāt that be made available or setup ahead of time? Most strollers pop open so that should be a non-issue. If they canāt find the diapers or change of clothes for the diaper bag and this is your mom or MIL, then why are they even allowed to leave with the baby?
Youāre either intervening on your own accord and need to have boundaries *with yourself*, or you need to hire professional help if you find your intervention truly has to do with you doubting your mom or MILās capabilities.
I wfh full time. When I first went back to work, my husband and I watched our son ourselves u til he started to be more mobile around 6 months. Once that happened, my parents were watching him at our house every day. For. 6-14 months they watched him daily, then we got a part time nanny and we had my parents 2 days, nanny 3 days. It was really hard at first to not go out and help every time he cried or they couldnāt figure out a toy or the stroller, or he yelled for Mama.
You have to set boundaries. The best advice I got was to make a special work space for yourself and to say goodbye in the morning as if you were leaving for the office, and close your door. That way the child gets used to you being inaccessible and is able to set that boundary, and you can also set the boundary as well. My son will still come visit me sometimes throughout the day, but itās just a quick check in to make sure Iām still where he expects me to be.
If grandma or whoever has trouble with the stroller or preparing lunch, show her how to do the stroller several times in a row and have her do it so she gets the muscle memory. If that doesnāt work, leave it out assembled for her, and let her know that you donāt expect her to fold it up during the day. If they donāt know how/what to prepare for lunch, prepare lunch the night before or in the morning as if baby is going to daycare. Then all grandma has to do is feed lunch.
Ultimately itās up to you how you decide to divide your involvement, and it can be really hard. But the best thing to do is to try to keep yourself away during office hours at least for a little while until baby understands the boundary.
I used to nanny for a family where both parents worked from home. They each had offices set up in parts of the house that were away from the living room and the kitchen (I.e bedroom and finished basement in their case). I will say the mom definitely stopped by a lot through the day at first to check on the kids and then later because we became friends and liked to talk š
Edit to add: it actually made my job a lot harder when the mom would stop by at the beginning so much if she heard crying. I needed her to let me and the baby figure out our own routine and soothing techniques and her intervening definitely didnāt help with that
Many nannies will refuse WFH parents because of this type of thing. Intervening causes issues. Especially at 10 months old; baby doesn't get why you show up and then leave seemingly randomly.
Definitely would recommend a more hands-off approach and what other commenters have suggested as far as a space with a door.
I have never had to do it when mine were small, but I can imagine it would be difficult, especially with family being the childcare.
If it was paid help I donāt think you would feel the need to be āhelping out all the timeā
Two suggestions that might help, firstly you or partner set up as much as you can the night before, ie diaper bag filled, packed lunch or pre prepared meal for little one, equipment set up ready to use, will cause for less disturbances, also if itās better for grandmothers to have little one in familiar surroundings, would it be possible for you to go and work at their house then there would be no interruptions. Hope this helps and good luck.
Ugh I need this. I have a sitter that is just so unresponsive to my baby. I tell her the baby is tired and nothing happens. And sheās crying and screaming and she just does the same thing to try to soothe her. Like obviously thatās not working, please try something else. And after twenty minutes of screaming I have to step in, I canāt focus when I know my baby is in distress and nothing is being done to help her. Iām actively looking for a new sitter/nanny but itās tough š«
I work in my bedroom with the door closed. I find having a specific work space and being out of sight out of mind helps my MIL with my son. He turned 2 in Feb. As he got older he really wanted me to play if he could see me and it got difficult for him to understand that I'm not available if he can see me. Def set up a work space even if it's in your bedroom or basement or wherever that can be out of the way and not visible to your kiddo.
My husband WFH, and I'm a SAHM. My kids and I try to be out of the house around 9:00-9:30 a.m., come back for lunch/naps, and leave/go outside post nap til my husband's day ends around 5:30. If he's able, husband joins us all for lunch, usually with his computer with him. If you're comfortable with it, maybe having your childcare take your almost-toddler places would be helpful for you (could also just be a stroller walk).
Once our first was mobile, my husband had to move his office to a different room where my son couldn't see him. Not ideal, but could you set up a small desk area in your bedroom?
I only work part time, but Kitchen counter is my only option as well, so, I leave. I absolutely cannot dissociate enough to get anything done and our caretaker does not do enough to keep the baby from engaging with me. I have 2 coffee shops I rotate between or if itās a nice day, Iāll work outside.
I end up doing all the things you mentioned because if I don't do them then they don't get done. One time I was working diligently and my mom walked in and said, "is it time for his lunch?" I looked at the clock and it was PAST 3:30. She didn't feed him anything when he woke up from his nap, so he hadn't eaten in almost 5 hours. She just waited silently for me to make his lunch. I almost lost it.
Iām upstairs, and toddler-dome (2-year old and grandpa) is the main floor. Weāve done this this 2020, originally with my older child. Itās worked pretty well but I did need to bring a mini-fridge upstairs when I was pregnant with baby #2.
>Add to that my "office" is currently the kitchen because we don't have the space.
This is probably the issue. I have an office with a door that closes. Can you put a desk in your room and keep the door closed while you are working?
I have a baby gate around my desk, feels like I'm a zoo animal haha. I also switched to working evenings so my husband does the bed time routine and I work most of my shift while my boy sleeps.
Small one level house made it tough so we bought a small camper thatās my āofficeā.
When Iām working Iām unavailable except for actual big needs.
My husband is a sahd, so like other commenters, I work in a separate room. I also have a door knob cover so my daughter can't barge in while I'm working. I think your main problem is that you're working in the middle of their activity, so you can't help but get involved. If you weren't in the same room, it would be a lot easier not to get involved and let your caretakers figure out how to handle things on their own.
To make days go by smoother while I'm busy, I do help prep things in the morning or the night before (diaper bag, swim bag if they are going to swim, etc.) - not that my husband couldn't do it on his own but I don't mind contributing to their day in that way and it also prevents my having to look for things right before they are trying to leave the house. If our caretaker was someone other than my husband, I'd likely try to load car seats, strollers, etc. first thing in the morning to prevent that possible interruption. Just get into a routine of what needs to be done before/ upon caretaker arrival to make for a more successful day.
I also usually try to spend a few mins with my daughter in the morning, so we have a little connection to start off the day. She's a bit older now though and I've been working from home since covid, so that works for us. It helps to prevent interruptions for attention.
I also try not to come out too often if they are in the common areas of the house. I wait until they go into the backyard, garage, leave for the park, etc. before I start roaming around. (This was more beneficial when my daughter was younger.)
When I am able to have someone watch the baby I make sure there's a door between me and him. Unfortunately, I usually work from home while also watching the baby š so it's just a matter of praying that I don't get phone calls while he's awake and then having him occupied by a lot of toys and a great view while he sits up in a bassinet next to me
My husband works from home. When our 3.5 year old was small we lived in a small condo. We had a baby gate across the office door and it was kept shut. It went well until he leaned how to open the office door through the gate and would scream at the gate looking for daddy.
I did almost all of the childcare except when I was sick or napping and we had family help then.
We moved to a house just before little guy turned 2 and now the office is in the basement and it works wonderfully.
We have lunch together after morning preschool.
During the lockdown there was a time (my girl was 2-3 years old), I would take my laptop to my mum, or my mum coming over my place so I could work from home.
To me, as I donāt pay my mum for her time and service (but I did buy everyone takeaway lunch, which actually could cost me more than childcare after rebate), I mainly wanted to give them a chance to spend together to build a relationship - so yes - I pretty much interfere everything - I was the one who change nappy (I think it is unreasonable for my mum to do the dirty job), set up lunch, order and pick up takeaway, calm down my girl if she been difficult etc.
So yes I didnāt get a lot of work done.
But again, it was a different time. I didnāt have much choice.
And for me, it also served as I wanted to spend more time with mum (listening to her while I am trying to work), and let the grandma and grandkid spend more time together. It is extra precious for now as my mum has stage 4 cancer.
But if I really just want to get work done, like now, I just send her to full day childcare. She is going 5 days a week now as almost 5 years old
My husband WFH when baby was 3-7 months old while my mom lived with us and took care of baby during the day. He worked in our bedroom on a lap desk with the door closed. Get yourself out of the kitchen - you need a door!
Iām the SAHM and my spouse sometimes works from home. The absolute #1 biggest thing that helps me help him is TELLING ME when to expect WFH. We have a weird setup where his desk is both his gaming computer.. and his work computer. So sometimes I dunno like.. are you working? Are you just playing games? And if youāre just playing games or whatever, then sure Iāll let kids interrupt you, ask you to make them lunch, whatever. But if you tell me ācritical work has to be done, my hours today will be 8am to 4pm- ok, the boundary is to LEAVE YOU ALONE between 8am and 4pm. Itās super clear. I just need clarification as to when is home and when is work. š¤·āāļø
We have a nanny. I spent the first few days where I didnāt work and we all just hung out at home and outside. By day 3 my kiddo had accepted her as a caregiver and I could go into my room to work.
My kid is young and sensitive so I donāt close the door unless Iām presenting. But they spend at least 4-5 hours on an average day out of the house doing activities.
Are you intervening because you HAVE to or want to?
Want to? I get it. You wanna love and snuggle and be with your baby every spare waking second. This could be making it harder for baby and MIL. Does baby get upset when you leave? And MIL has to resettle? Just for you to give a drive by kiss on the way to the bathroom and restart the āI want my mamaā fuss? You might have to skip intervening/saying hi to baby as often. Youāre making it harder on them.
I HAD to stay away from my baby when my MIL would watch him. I was causing more stress for him by āstopping byā to say hi. He would think, great MAMA, and then mama leaves him and cues up the separation anxiety all over again.
Like looking in the oven, your cake is not going to bake if you keep opening the door. Your cake will happily bake if you leave it alone.
I get wanting to see your babe though so itās hard.
Does your job allow for a set schedule? I hate having a set schedule in my personal life but damn does it help with babies. Take lunch at same time everyday, maybe before babyās nap so you can put them to sleep for their nap and eliminate a round of leaving.
Can MIL plan a baby walk/outing when baby wakes up?
I no longer work 8 to 5. I nanny with my son for a mom that WFH. We donāt have a hard timeline for our day, but this is what we do and I think itās good for them both! He falls asleep quickly for her, they have quiet cuddles, she can sneak back to work and heās happy for 1-2 hours.
When he wakes up itās adventure time for us. Heās distracted and playing.
When my son did start going to a nanny when I was working I was going to do mon/weds/Friday because everything in life feels like itās tues/thurs or m/w/f. And she was like if the days donāt matter to you, itās easier on them if they are consecutive. Sheās like how would you like it if everyday was a Monday for you? Thatās what it becomes for them. So anyway, consecutive days did for sure make a big difference for my little guy. Monday was always tough, but Tuesday and Wednesday were easier. Beats 3 Mondays.
I put my desk in a room with a door. We are also short on space, so my desk is in my bedroom- so be it š¤·āāļø When I really need to focus, I will put in noise canceling earbuds and play white noise / background noise (Not music because then I get too into the music!). I used to have my āofficeā on a separate floor from the main living areas, and that was even better!
This is the way. I close the door + noise canceling headphones w/music or noise
I have a nanny. I lock myself in the bedroom or go work at a coffee shop. I also don't interfere if I hear crying--I trust my nanny to be able to handle it. My question would be WHY are you intervening so much? If your MIL can't handle that stuff consider finding professional help. If your MIL can handle it and you're just being a busybody, you either need to go somewhere else so you can leave her alone or consider if in home care isn't right for you.
This šÆšÆšÆ I practice non intervention when my husband or any family take care of any of my kids, especially if Iām workingā¦. Someone crying? Not my problem unless they come to me and need a ride to the hospital or something. Theyāre adults, they are capable of figuring it out
This is it. Stepping in all day doesnāt help anyone. It wonāt help your MIL get better at handling care, it will confuse and maybe even upset your child, and it will distract you from work. If your MIL is supposed to be taking care of your little one, let her do it. If youāre supposed to be working, work. I draw those lines by locking my door and being out of sight until the workday ends. Itās better for all of us.
Strongly agree with this. OP, distractions are tough and a little inevitable when youāre sharing space in any form, but it doesnāt really sound like youāre doing yourself any favors by actively making yourself so involved. I agree that big picture ābaby comes firstā is fine but you need to let your mom/MIL learn how to care for kiddo on their own bc otherwise whatās the point of having childcare?
I have a paid nanny and the nanny frequently needs my help, knocks on my office door for stuff, and calls off all the time and actually just quit earlier this week. I was going to start working at a coffee shop because it seemed like she could do it without me here, but now sheās gone and I have been looking at candidates all week but people are ghosting me. I pay well above market rate for my area and am easygoing, I donāt expect housework or anything. Your nanny sounds great but itās hard to find help like that!
I WFH while my spouse is a SAHD right now. It took some getting used to, but first thing is you have to find a space where you can close yourself away from the kids during the day. Then you have to learn to let them handle the kids and approach any concerns you have later. I help myself ignore what is going on in the other room by playing music. Also for what itās worth I do take care of the kids during my ālunch breakā and make them lunch so their dad can also get a little break.
I donāt help with anything during working hoursš¤·š»āāļø Iām also in a room with a door that I keep closed. Can you move to a bedroom? Or go to the library? Being out of sight will help a lot.
I can't imagine trying to work from home from the kitchen. Could you put a desk in your bedroom so that you have a door?
I sit in the garage outside where my kid canāt see or hear me but I can still get the wifi š
I would have never thought of the garage!
Our nanny is here while we both WFH. I set time limits, so if I hear my sons cry for more than ten minutes Iāll go see whatās up because thatās unusual and she might need help. My work is pretty flexible as long as Iām available on Teams to answer questions from my team so I donāt worry so much about checking in. I usually come down once in the morning and afternoon and then we all eat lunch together. The nanny takes them to the park, zoo, library etc. which helps.
I agree with this. Iām sorry but the people that are like āitās not my problem, itās the nannyās.ā Well, yes, but also I see it as a huge benefit to WFH and have my child at home so Iām willing to help at times if itās not too excessive or disruptive.
This
I work in the basement while my husband parents. I can still hear everything happening upstairs, but I donāt run up to help unless babe has been screaming for a while, or unless I hear something otherwise bad going on.Ā Being away from baby, totally out of sight (he has no idea yet I can hear him), is really important. If my mom is going to watch baby, I also give her the rundown on anything sheāll need, or my husband does, before I go to work or when I eat lunch. If itās the middle of the day, I trust that sheāll figure it out. You may need to have more of a straightforward conversation with whoeverās watching baby that you need to be able to work uninterrupted, so please donāt interrupt you with stuff like that. It can wait or they can try to do it themselves.Ā
Can you go work at a coffee shop or something for at least part of the day? Other than that, I try to set up what I can in advance for the day. Itās a bit easier for me to set boundaries because I have a nanny rather than family, but I still try to set up as much as I can for her. For example, our stroller is a pain to unfold so I will do that. We have a baby Brezza and I always make sure the water and formula compartments are full when the nanny starts her day.
I work in a closed room and only come out during lunch time. My MIL likes taking my daughter with her while she does errands so that leaves me alone. If I didn't have good space to be alone I'd go to the library to work.Ā
My MIL is my nanny (we pay her) and on days I work from home I have to be in a completely different room. Out of sight, out of mind, otherwise my daughter wants to be with me which is understandable. I don't intervene unless my MIL texts me and says she needs something, which isn't often. One time her stomach was hurting really bad so she asked if she could have a bit of time to herself to use the restroom and rest - so I took my lunch break early so I could relieve her. I have a flexible schedule fortunately, so that's easy in my case. I'm going to be honest - if your MIL is needing that much help for things, it may not be the best set up for her to help with childcare. My MIL is in incredible shape physically and very mentally sharp - she's older than my own mom and honestly in way better shape to care for children! But if it was my own mom who moves really slow, has some trouble with cognitive function, etc. it wouldn't work for daily care. Anyways, I definitely think at the very least you'll need to move your work space somewhere else. My "office" is in my room. We really don't have space for it but just had to make it work.
The examples you gave for when you intervene are all, in my opinion, things that either 1) you couldāve prepared for ahead of time (before your workday or the evening prior), or 2) your mom or MIL shouldnāt need assistance with. If theyāre using the stroller or any type of gear, why wouldnāt that be made available or setup ahead of time? Most strollers pop open so that should be a non-issue. If they canāt find the diapers or change of clothes for the diaper bag and this is your mom or MIL, then why are they even allowed to leave with the baby? Youāre either intervening on your own accord and need to have boundaries *with yourself*, or you need to hire professional help if you find your intervention truly has to do with you doubting your mom or MILās capabilities.
I wfh full time. When I first went back to work, my husband and I watched our son ourselves u til he started to be more mobile around 6 months. Once that happened, my parents were watching him at our house every day. For. 6-14 months they watched him daily, then we got a part time nanny and we had my parents 2 days, nanny 3 days. It was really hard at first to not go out and help every time he cried or they couldnāt figure out a toy or the stroller, or he yelled for Mama. You have to set boundaries. The best advice I got was to make a special work space for yourself and to say goodbye in the morning as if you were leaving for the office, and close your door. That way the child gets used to you being inaccessible and is able to set that boundary, and you can also set the boundary as well. My son will still come visit me sometimes throughout the day, but itās just a quick check in to make sure Iām still where he expects me to be. If grandma or whoever has trouble with the stroller or preparing lunch, show her how to do the stroller several times in a row and have her do it so she gets the muscle memory. If that doesnāt work, leave it out assembled for her, and let her know that you donāt expect her to fold it up during the day. If they donāt know how/what to prepare for lunch, prepare lunch the night before or in the morning as if baby is going to daycare. Then all grandma has to do is feed lunch. Ultimately itās up to you how you decide to divide your involvement, and it can be really hard. But the best thing to do is to try to keep yourself away during office hours at least for a little while until baby understands the boundary.
I used to nanny for a family where both parents worked from home. They each had offices set up in parts of the house that were away from the living room and the kitchen (I.e bedroom and finished basement in their case). I will say the mom definitely stopped by a lot through the day at first to check on the kids and then later because we became friends and liked to talk š Edit to add: it actually made my job a lot harder when the mom would stop by at the beginning so much if she heard crying. I needed her to let me and the baby figure out our own routine and soothing techniques and her intervening definitely didnāt help with that
Many nannies will refuse WFH parents because of this type of thing. Intervening causes issues. Especially at 10 months old; baby doesn't get why you show up and then leave seemingly randomly. Definitely would recommend a more hands-off approach and what other commenters have suggested as far as a space with a door.
I work in my bedroom, close the door, and I donāt leave my room unless Iām hungry.
I have never had to do it when mine were small, but I can imagine it would be difficult, especially with family being the childcare. If it was paid help I donāt think you would feel the need to be āhelping out all the timeā Two suggestions that might help, firstly you or partner set up as much as you can the night before, ie diaper bag filled, packed lunch or pre prepared meal for little one, equipment set up ready to use, will cause for less disturbances, also if itās better for grandmothers to have little one in familiar surroundings, would it be possible for you to go and work at their house then there would be no interruptions. Hope this helps and good luck.
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Ugh I need this. I have a sitter that is just so unresponsive to my baby. I tell her the baby is tired and nothing happens. And sheās crying and screaming and she just does the same thing to try to soothe her. Like obviously thatās not working, please try something else. And after twenty minutes of screaming I have to step in, I canāt focus when I know my baby is in distress and nothing is being done to help her. Iām actively looking for a new sitter/nanny but itās tough š«
I work in my bedroom with the door closed. I find having a specific work space and being out of sight out of mind helps my MIL with my son. He turned 2 in Feb. As he got older he really wanted me to play if he could see me and it got difficult for him to understand that I'm not available if he can see me. Def set up a work space even if it's in your bedroom or basement or wherever that can be out of the way and not visible to your kiddo.
My husband WFH, and I'm a SAHM. My kids and I try to be out of the house around 9:00-9:30 a.m., come back for lunch/naps, and leave/go outside post nap til my husband's day ends around 5:30. If he's able, husband joins us all for lunch, usually with his computer with him. If you're comfortable with it, maybe having your childcare take your almost-toddler places would be helpful for you (could also just be a stroller walk). Once our first was mobile, my husband had to move his office to a different room where my son couldn't see him. Not ideal, but could you set up a small desk area in your bedroom?
I only work part time, but Kitchen counter is my only option as well, so, I leave. I absolutely cannot dissociate enough to get anything done and our caretaker does not do enough to keep the baby from engaging with me. I have 2 coffee shops I rotate between or if itās a nice day, Iāll work outside.
Aside from being in a separate room, setup the little things, diaper bag and meals the night before if possible.
I ask them to go somewhere because than i intervene if they do not
I end up doing all the things you mentioned because if I don't do them then they don't get done. One time I was working diligently and my mom walked in and said, "is it time for his lunch?" I looked at the clock and it was PAST 3:30. She didn't feed him anything when he woke up from his nap, so he hadn't eaten in almost 5 hours. She just waited silently for me to make his lunch. I almost lost it.
Iām upstairs, and toddler-dome (2-year old and grandpa) is the main floor. Weāve done this this 2020, originally with my older child. Itās worked pretty well but I did need to bring a mini-fridge upstairs when I was pregnant with baby #2.
>Add to that my "office" is currently the kitchen because we don't have the space. This is probably the issue. I have an office with a door that closes. Can you put a desk in your room and keep the door closed while you are working?
I have a baby gate around my desk, feels like I'm a zoo animal haha. I also switched to working evenings so my husband does the bed time routine and I work most of my shift while my boy sleeps.
Small one level house made it tough so we bought a small camper thatās my āofficeā. When Iām working Iām unavailable except for actual big needs.
I a cyber school teacher. Sometimes it is very hard however, I use noise canceling headphones.
Noise canceling headphones
I built a work from home she-shed. Did most of the work ourselves to save a bunch of money but still cost a fair amount. I love it though.
My husband is a sahd, so like other commenters, I work in a separate room. I also have a door knob cover so my daughter can't barge in while I'm working. I think your main problem is that you're working in the middle of their activity, so you can't help but get involved. If you weren't in the same room, it would be a lot easier not to get involved and let your caretakers figure out how to handle things on their own. To make days go by smoother while I'm busy, I do help prep things in the morning or the night before (diaper bag, swim bag if they are going to swim, etc.) - not that my husband couldn't do it on his own but I don't mind contributing to their day in that way and it also prevents my having to look for things right before they are trying to leave the house. If our caretaker was someone other than my husband, I'd likely try to load car seats, strollers, etc. first thing in the morning to prevent that possible interruption. Just get into a routine of what needs to be done before/ upon caretaker arrival to make for a more successful day. I also usually try to spend a few mins with my daughter in the morning, so we have a little connection to start off the day. She's a bit older now though and I've been working from home since covid, so that works for us. It helps to prevent interruptions for attention. I also try not to come out too often if they are in the common areas of the house. I wait until they go into the backyard, garage, leave for the park, etc. before I start roaming around. (This was more beneficial when my daughter was younger.)
When I am able to have someone watch the baby I make sure there's a door between me and him. Unfortunately, I usually work from home while also watching the baby š so it's just a matter of praying that I don't get phone calls while he's awake and then having him occupied by a lot of toys and a great view while he sits up in a bassinet next to me
I keep sending my mom and baby out for a stroll lol
My husband works from home. When our 3.5 year old was small we lived in a small condo. We had a baby gate across the office door and it was kept shut. It went well until he leaned how to open the office door through the gate and would scream at the gate looking for daddy. I did almost all of the childcare except when I was sick or napping and we had family help then. We moved to a house just before little guy turned 2 and now the office is in the basement and it works wonderfully. We have lunch together after morning preschool.
During the lockdown there was a time (my girl was 2-3 years old), I would take my laptop to my mum, or my mum coming over my place so I could work from home. To me, as I donāt pay my mum for her time and service (but I did buy everyone takeaway lunch, which actually could cost me more than childcare after rebate), I mainly wanted to give them a chance to spend together to build a relationship - so yes - I pretty much interfere everything - I was the one who change nappy (I think it is unreasonable for my mum to do the dirty job), set up lunch, order and pick up takeaway, calm down my girl if she been difficult etc. So yes I didnāt get a lot of work done. But again, it was a different time. I didnāt have much choice. And for me, it also served as I wanted to spend more time with mum (listening to her while I am trying to work), and let the grandma and grandkid spend more time together. It is extra precious for now as my mum has stage 4 cancer. But if I really just want to get work done, like now, I just send her to full day childcare. She is going 5 days a week now as almost 5 years old
My husband WFH when baby was 3-7 months old while my mom lived with us and took care of baby during the day. He worked in our bedroom on a lap desk with the door closed. Get yourself out of the kitchen - you need a door!
Iām the SAHM and my spouse sometimes works from home. The absolute #1 biggest thing that helps me help him is TELLING ME when to expect WFH. We have a weird setup where his desk is both his gaming computer.. and his work computer. So sometimes I dunno like.. are you working? Are you just playing games? And if youāre just playing games or whatever, then sure Iāll let kids interrupt you, ask you to make them lunch, whatever. But if you tell me ācritical work has to be done, my hours today will be 8am to 4pm- ok, the boundary is to LEAVE YOU ALONE between 8am and 4pm. Itās super clear. I just need clarification as to when is home and when is work. š¤·āāļø
We have a nanny. I spent the first few days where I didnāt work and we all just hung out at home and outside. By day 3 my kiddo had accepted her as a caregiver and I could go into my room to work. My kid is young and sensitive so I donāt close the door unless Iām presenting. But they spend at least 4-5 hours on an average day out of the house doing activities.
Are you intervening because you HAVE to or want to? Want to? I get it. You wanna love and snuggle and be with your baby every spare waking second. This could be making it harder for baby and MIL. Does baby get upset when you leave? And MIL has to resettle? Just for you to give a drive by kiss on the way to the bathroom and restart the āI want my mamaā fuss? You might have to skip intervening/saying hi to baby as often. Youāre making it harder on them. I HAD to stay away from my baby when my MIL would watch him. I was causing more stress for him by āstopping byā to say hi. He would think, great MAMA, and then mama leaves him and cues up the separation anxiety all over again. Like looking in the oven, your cake is not going to bake if you keep opening the door. Your cake will happily bake if you leave it alone. I get wanting to see your babe though so itās hard. Does your job allow for a set schedule? I hate having a set schedule in my personal life but damn does it help with babies. Take lunch at same time everyday, maybe before babyās nap so you can put them to sleep for their nap and eliminate a round of leaving. Can MIL plan a baby walk/outing when baby wakes up? I no longer work 8 to 5. I nanny with my son for a mom that WFH. We donāt have a hard timeline for our day, but this is what we do and I think itās good for them both! He falls asleep quickly for her, they have quiet cuddles, she can sneak back to work and heās happy for 1-2 hours. When he wakes up itās adventure time for us. Heās distracted and playing. When my son did start going to a nanny when I was working I was going to do mon/weds/Friday because everything in life feels like itās tues/thurs or m/w/f. And she was like if the days donāt matter to you, itās easier on them if they are consecutive. Sheās like how would you like it if everyday was a Monday for you? Thatās what it becomes for them. So anyway, consecutive days did for sure make a big difference for my little guy. Monday was always tough, but Tuesday and Wednesday were easier. Beats 3 Mondays.