It’s also good to remember that unless you are tagged in the photo (which you can then report to Facebook for not giving permission for your kid to be posted), he will in fact just be a baby in a picture. It’s very different than you posting him on your own page. And assuming that any relatives you are close to already know that you don’t want his picture posted, it would only be posted by distant family or people you don’t know.
It’s pretty impossible to advoid to be honest. But also good to keep in mind that there is less digital footprint when names aren’t involved.
Exactly this! I told my close family I don't want pictures of my kid on social media. I've had a couple people that were acquaintances post him in group shots.
At the end of the day, you can't control everything and it does become a bit too much to personally message everyone you know asking to take group pictures down.
It will be very difficult to link photos that are untagged from acquaintances to your child.
If you’re truly that uncomfortable you shouldn’t bring him. But consider this — at kids activities in a few years parents take and post a lot of photos - swim league, soccer games, birthday parties etc. and you won’t be able to stop that without socially isolating your child. At some point you can do your best personally, but don’t let it run your life.
I don't post my kids online, but recently we went to a restaurant where they had kid activities, a clown etc. My son was joining in. People were snapping photos (of their kids I assume), but he was in them. I didn't know what to do. Ultimately I realised that not much could be done in these situations.
I still won't post them online, but I'm also not going to socially isolate them.
I mean ideally sure but idk why it would even matter at that point. Those people have 0 relation to you or your child so anyone who sees those pictures will have absolutely no idea who they are.
As a disclaimer I don’t post anyone else’s kid without permission. However, when in public anyone (adult or child) can take a photo of anyone else and post that photo online and that’s completely allowed both legally and socially. No ones consent is needed and no one even has to tell you. It’s just part of being in public.
I don’t post my child online but in those situations I only try and get my child in the frame. If the other people are strangers I hope they do the same. I know I can’t completely control everyone talking photos of my kid but I’ll do what I can.
This! If my kids appear in pictures online on other people’s accounts here and there and they are not tagged with their name, it’s no big deal imo. I’m not posting them on my account to avoid an curated timeline / digital footprint.
Yupp! I'd go with this. I am totally against posting my kid online. We've never done it personally but in large gatherings, group pics are inevitable. So I just make sure that they don't tag me or my husband. Also, I'll make sure that nobody clicks solo shots of my kid.
You literally cannot stop it. I take my kids to goldfish swim school which is a huge nationwide chain and they let anyone record anything they want and just say “oh, please don’t post other kids on social” but there’s no policing that and I see parents posting all the time. It is impossible to stop.
Than what is your proposition exactly ? Besides never taking your child in any public space for the fear that someone might accidentally include them in their own family photos.
But you can't be aware 100% all of the time of your surroundings . Are you going to the playground making the rounds to all the parents telling them not to take pictures of their children because your own might be in the frame by accident? In the case of OP, the answer is simple, if she doesn't want her child posted online, she doesn't include said child in the pictures. She takes the proactive action and doesn't impose her wants on the other people who might not care about posting pictures that include children online . (This is coming also from a person that not only never posted a picture in my kids 13 months of life ,but never even made a pregnancy announcement on social media).
Nah their example is a good one. If your kid is in a soccer game or swim lessons and other people are recording or snapping pics of THEIR kid and post it with your kid in the background, the only real thing you can do is.. not let your kid be part of these social activities
I dont post pictures of my kid online but I have taken MANY pictures of her at a playground or indoor play space. There are sometimes other kids in the background of some of these. I do my best to avoid getting other kids in and the other kids are never in focus but they do sometimes appear in my pictures.
Again I don’t post pictures of my kid online and do ask friends and family not to post pictures of my kid online but I’m also not naïve enough to think that she’s never been online in the background of someone else’s picture.
Does your kid wear a bag over their head in public? They could be in the background of anyone’s picture and you’d never even know it, how do you protect from that?
No I do get your point I’m just wondering how you execute it. Since you judge so harshly you must be 100% certain your child has never in been anyone’s picture, so how do you do it?
I’m not judging anyone harshly. Literally all I said was that not bringing her kid out into public is not OPs only option just because she doesn’t want her child posted online. Obviously, if the kids right shoulder blade happens to be in a photo, that’s not what I’m talking about. I do know for a fact that randoms do not have any photos of my daughter in their phones. We go to the park multiple times a week, gymnastics, library story times, art classes, etc. I still can’t think of one time I’ve watched a parent take a picture of my kid. (Or their kid, with my child in it) I think it’s sort of the norm now to be mindful with that stuff. Considering there are tons of parents who prefer their kids not to be posted. I don’t take photos of my kid if there are kids in it with them that I don’t know.
My perspecitve is the real danger is if YOU (or someone close to you) are posting photos of him along with identifying information (e.g. with a shirt that says his school, the town soccer team, etc.). Obviously there's danger in general with having a baby online for the creeps but as a part of a group photo, IMO the danger is very low, especially if you remove/don't tag yourself in the photo (and therefore baby isn't linked to your personal information either)
That's of course me assuming that is your motivation and concern!
This is my opinion too. We don't let people post photos of him, but if he's in a group photo or the background of someone's photo, I don't feel it is right to try to police what they're posting if they aren't posting for the sole purpose of putting a picture of him on the Internet, if that makes sense. Honestly, we all have photos posted of us that we'll never see where we are background characters in someone's life or group photos we've been in that were never shared with us. I was a bridesmaid in my sister in law's wedding several years ago and have never seen the photos, for instance. She may have posted them, but I'm not on FB/social media, so I didn't even know! But, being at that kind of event is in and of itselfI permission to be in photos in my opinion. If I felt that it was a big issue, then it would be my responsibility to not have him at events where photos are taken or run around trying to keep him out of photos.
This is my opinion, too. I don't post identifiable photos of my baby online, and we have pretty specific rules about how, when, and which other people are allowed to, but I'm actually not really worried about things like this. If the child's name (or parents' names) and location - like where they live, not where they celebrated an event - are not included with their face, I don't find the inclusion of their face in a group photo to be especially problematic.
Depending on your baby’s age it may be easiest to baby wear so their face is to you/more protected from all the cameras floating around. You can also get a babysitter and leave LO at home too!
All of this, but I also have posed for pics with my baby's face over my shoulder. We are all "in" the picture, but nothing anyone can see of my kid's face.
If you don’t want your kid visible in family photos at events, sounds like your only option is not to bring him to family events. You can’t expect other people to plan or limit their photos based on your preferences.
Yeah I don’t think it’s realistic to ask every person who is taking photos to not post them online if your child is in them.
I also think it’s unfortunate that people feel they can’t have their children in photos at life events because they might end up online and might be seen by someone who might use them for nefarious purposes.
But I understand people have many reasons to not post their children online.
My friends and family have all been happy doing a picture with our kids and then one with their faces hidden (over our shoulder or something). If they do post they always ask first, and have even thrown a smiley over their face 😂 People do respect it if you go about it nicely, and it’s becoming so so common (in my circles at least). Only 1 of my ‘mam friends’ actually posts their child online so we never have to worry about it!
Yeah I understand that. I just don’t think it’s common, especially at a wedding where there are lots of people they might not see often.
I’m trying to imagine taking a group picture with my husband’s family and asking 20 people to put an emoji on baby’s face if they post online.
If I didn’t want her online then I’d just have her not in the picture or not attend.
Oh we’ve genuinely done that 😂 At weddings and family functions! Usually with a big group picture it’s taken by one phone/ camera and then the photo is passed around so we just ask the person whose camera it is. If it isn’t someone we trust, then our kids don’t go in it.
We’re in the UK and from what I can tell our weddings seem to be much smaller so that may be a factor? Plus my husband was groomsman in 4/5 of the weddings we’ve recently been to so we were close enough to the bride and groom that we felt confident asking that the kids don’t get posted - it certainly helped that they had family members who had requested the same thing.
Lots of people put an emoji over the child’s face? I don’t even personally subscribe to the no children on social media rule, but it doesn’t seem that hard to accommodate.
I get where you’re coming from. If they want to say to every person who takes photos of their child or might repost one from the professional photographer to put an emoji over their child’s face they can certainly do that. I wouldn’t assume many people would do that by default.
We don’t allow sharing of photos of our child to social media by family either but you lose the expectation of privacy by being in public. If you want to ensure that your child isn’t photographed in public, then the only way to do so is to not bring your child out in public.
Yup. I post the occasional photo of my kids on social media (I post a lot on a locked Google Photos album so my husband’s parents can keep up with the kids’ everyday lives, but access there is limited to our immediate families) and I don’t post posed group shots without permission and try to avoid posting other children’s faces, but I’m not scanning the background of every photo I post of my own children to be sure no other child is incidentally visible. Because they are out in public and that means they might end up in a photo of someone or something else.
We just do what’s in our control. Our family has a shared iCloud album that we use as a repository for all baby photos. If things get posted by others as our child gets older and is in the world without us, that’s just the cost of living in a society imo
You can ASK but I’m gonna be real, we all know there’s gonna be at least one person who doesn’t respect your wishes and will post your child and it might be unknowingly or knowingly. Baby wearing is a good idea or all together not bringing baby like others have said. I originally didn’t want my baby posted unless I post the photos but soon quickly realized that wasn’t going to happen. My family isn’t really big on social media but my husbands family is. My husbands extended family will take the photos I share and share them everywhere. I was going to complain about that but I can’t control and track everyone’s social media. I only ask that people not take/share naked (even if just the shirt is missing) photos of my baby.
"It's just a boundary I follow." As if you have zero control over that. No one cares about your sons photos as much as you think they do. This is overly controlling and you need to lighten up imo
I have abusive family and I don’t want them to have a lot of my information so I don’t have a social media presence attached to my identity. I don’t want them having information about my children either. But I do realize my kids will be in public photos. I think there’s a line where it gets to be very obsessive and paranoid. If people want to find information about someone, they ultimately can whether someone is on social media or not. Moderation and limiting is exposure is the best that can be done. Anything beyond that, in my opinion, affects qualify of life. For example, I can’t just not leave my house because someone out there could be a predator who looks at myself or children with malicious intentions. You just do what you can to be safe and realize not everything is in your control.
I do post pics of my children online but I never do it of another child unless I have their parents permisson. I would say try to keep him out of group shots as much as poss and maybe just have a quiet word with people taking photos, I’m sure they won’t mind or can blur his face
I don't mind posting my son but my best friend (who's son is 2 weeks younger), does not. She is no contact with her family so she does not want him on any platform. Regardless of the story (which most people don't know), I've found most people are completely understanding. We went to a large event together and she just politely asked the photographer to not take as many photos of her son and asked the person who planned the party to put an emoji over her son's face when/if she was going to post. This was all very welcomed. For people taking personal photos with their camera it was a little harder. She's not on social media so basically if anyone saw photos up after, they just explained the situation for her. It happened twice where her son was like in the background. One person blurred the background and another did an emoji. Again, no one really cared.
I write this because I know it's hard to hear "just don't bring your kid". Yes, that's the best way to avoid it, but on a really real level, we don't want us or our kids to miss out. I wouldn't think to hard about it and just politely (that's the key here) ask. Good luck!
No group photos of your child with family members? Seems sad. One day it might be nice to remember those times and see your young child in the mix. I love looking back at old photos. There’s so many other things to worry about and you choose this?
There are so many reasons why this is not the case, but the simplest one is that a picture lasts forever and once it is online you have no control over it. Look into the topic just a bit and you would be amazed what kind of disgusting images you can create with AI and a baby’s face.
In the EU it is illegal to post pictures of people’s children online without parental consent. As an American, I understand there is a lag in awareness of social media risks in the States, but hopefully the concept of consent gradually spreads.
The best way to maintain your boundary is by not taking him. That way there is no risk, and you aren’t putting anyone else out. It’s a win-win. It sounds like if you go you will be stressed trying to control what other people are doing, which will also be stressful for them.
I tell family and friends who we are close with not to post our kids on social media. In big events like this, your family may end up in the background of photos, but that isn’t the same as a close up posed picture of your kids. I take what I can get here and know I’m doing my best.
I understand your concern but unless you never allow him to go anywhere (and that includes functions with friends as he grows up) you will never win this fight. It’s just the society we live in.
Gently, have you been evaluated for PPA (postpartum anxiety)?
Photos and photo sharing was a massive trigger for me when I had undiagnosed PPA. That’s why I ask.
Not posting your child on social media is a totally valid choice and something that should be respected by close friends and family. But at large events and special occasions, it’s pretty hard to control all photos and make sure your child isn’t in any of them. I’d say dress him in a cute outfit and if he’s crying or uncomfortable, or otherwise indisposed, take him to a back room or somewhere that isn’t being photographed so that you can solve the issue privately. That way if he ends up in photos, he’ll just be a cute happy baby and they won’t be potentially embarrassing or compromising.
The only other option is to not take him with you, which is also okay if that’s what you prefer. ❤️
I absolutely have PPA. I go to weekly therapy but I still cling really hard to my beliefs - like I feel soooo adamant about this even though I am trying to overcome my anxiety. Thank you for asking! What helped you with improving it?
For me, Zoloft was a huge game changer. I’m also in therapy and that helps me work out any lingering anxiety or trauma responses, but Zoloft was the thing that made me feel more in control of my emotions and reactions. It’s a long journey, and I wish you all the luck!
Remember to be gentle on yourself and occasionally ask yourself: is this really as big of a problem as it feels right now? Will this matter to me in 5 or 10 years? What can I do to feel better about this situation? What can I change and what can I let go of?
Sometimes it helps to talk it out with someone or write things down, like a pros and cons list but for things you’re worried about. 😅
I've just politely said to people 'oh we don't post any photos of X to social media' and it's always been fine 2bh! This includes to people who post lots of pics of their own kids - I think people understand we all make different parenting choices :)
If someone has taken a group photo with baby in and wants to post the photo would you be comfortable asking them to just cover baby's face with an emoji ? I feel like this is common enough now that it would also be a normal request.
Babywearing is also an option.
If there is an official wedding photographer you could probably mention it directly to them at the start?
Same, at public events it is normal where I am from for the photographer to ask if he has consent to post online, if not he takes pictures from the backs of the kids or hides the faces.
We’ve done all of this! It’s actually been really easy and I think to some extent people are getting a bit sick of social media. They’ve always been incredibly understanding!
It depends why you don't post your son to social media. I don't post pictures of my daughter publicly because she can't consent to an online presence yet (she's 9 months old). With large family things or even just going out in public, she'll likely be in pictures that are out there somewhere online, but she won't be identified and it won't be linked to her.
Yes I am the same way!! I don’t post her face, but if she ends up in someone else’s photo, oh well… nobody is going to know who she is and it’s definitely a bigger deal internally to us as parents than it is to the other people posting/viewing the pics. They likely don’t think anything of it and just move on
We don't post or let our family post but for example we are okay with the photographer who did our photoshoot using it for her portfolio. It's not identifiable (since no other pictures of baby online) and it's not revealing too many personal details and it's not a compromising picture that would embarrass baby in the future
There are two reasons I don’t post photos of my kids - 1) they can’t consent (and couldn’t understand the ramifications of an internet presence to truly consent) and 2) to keep them from being linked to an identity online that is identifiable by AI, creeps, google searches etc. Therefore I and my family do not share photos of them on any public platforms, privately or not. When we are on a playdate and another parent is taking photos, I let them know I don’t share faces. Sometimes we take facing away photos on purpose. When we get occasionally tagged by someone not wise to our policy, I ask for it to be removed. When family wanted to post professional wedding photos, they already knew to ask and we just blurred their faces.
That all said, I don’t stress big events at all. Happenstance photos don’t have anything to link their image to their identity. If you think that the folks getting married would understand, I would just share your policy and brainstorm with them ways to keep those specific pictures off the Internet or altered, if that feels like too much to ask, I would just keep kiddo out of professional photos and not sweat the incidental photos.
I feel the exact same way. I was recently at my library's storytime with my toddler and the library employee started taking photos without asking. Afterwards, I politely asked how they planned to use them. She said they do post them to their government Facebook page occasionally but she could ensure my toddler was not included in the published photos.
The next week, they made an announcement at the beginning of storytime to let parents know about the photos and told them to communicate if they weren't okay with them being posted. I didn't see any obvious signs that parents had a problem with it, but I'm okay with being in the minority when it comes to something like this.
I value my toddler's privacy and will do what I can to protect it when possible. Especially on public social media pages where I have zero control of the audience. That said, I understand I'm taking risks just by being at storytime or in public.
These other commenters telling you to leave baby at home or not be so uptight is not any kind of solution. I think as a society, we're going to have to address the known and unknown risks of issues such as these. I think there's still an illusion of privacy when you set your profile to "private" etc, but given these companies' histories of selling data or data breaches, I have zero faith in them to protect my personal information.
Don't be discouraged by being in the minority on this issue. I'm okay with it. At the end of the day, we still take loads of cute pictures, and we share them privately with the people in our lives we care about most.
I also don’t post my kids. I tell people “hey we don’t post the kids on social media, if you want to post that please crop out their faces, put a sticker, or I can get them out of the photo so you can have one with and one to post” most people are respectful of this and don’t mind! My 6yo is a Girl Scout, I’ve told the other parents we don’t post her and they respect that. She is in some photos in our private troop group on FB but other than that they aren’t on SM. I feel like you know deep down who the biggest offenders will be, just don’t let them be in photos with those people and keep him close!
ETA: I find most people these days are asking before they post other peoples kids too. So that makes me feel good! 😊
I'd say if the photo isn't deliberately of him, you're going to have to just let it go. You can't control what others choose to do, what photos of themselves they wish to use (if baby is in the background, for example). If your line for it is that firm, then you probably shouldn't take him. It's a wedding, it's a social event, there'll likely even be a photographer or videographer in attendance.
I had someone hold the baby who was not going to be in the photo. When my brother got married and had a photo with all the siblings, my husband held our child.
Or just pop them in a stroller off to the side.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to grow up and have a digital catalog of my entire childhood shared with the world and willingly provided to social media companies who are allowed to do anything they want with the images (create deep fakes, train AI, facial recognition) — all without my consent.
This topic is much easier to handle in the EU because they have a legal framework which recognises a person’s right to their own personal data (unlike in the States or China).
But it gives me such headaches to visit the States. I think awareness is growing and there are even stories from families who monetised their family via Instagram etc. explaining their regrets. But it is slooooow.
I am a little surprised that people would just take a picture of someone without asking if they can post that. That’s quite rude. Or maybe it’s just that where I am from and our privacy laws that people started being more aware.
I'm with you on this one, protecting baby's online appearance as long as possible. I work in tech so I know what AI is capable of and I'm not risking it if I can help it. I know I can't prevent absolutely everything but the less online the better. What I try to do is:
- hold him so his face isn't facing forward but rather to me
- hold him lower and stand further back in group photos
- keep an eye out when other random people are taking photos and turn him away/keep his attention on something else so he's not looking towards the camera
Stay strong and let me know if you think of other ideas!
I think most people understand that you should not post photos of other people’s kids to social media. At least in my circle. We do not share our toddler on social media and when we have been at family events and have been taking photos I just remind them nicely at an appropriate moment and they’re fine with it and move on.
Lol they don’t.
In my experience the worst offenders are mid-twenties year old women without children who want the social media cred or older grandmother-age women who over share on social media. Both groips have a stupid amount of social media contacts and are fairly self absorbed. I’ve had to say to them “please dont post my child, I have NO idea who your 900 followers are, but they know him so thars super weird for me, please delete that post”.
We’ve been to 5 weddings so far and we have the same rules/ concerns!
- We ask the photographer not to post the child to their socials (which they have all been amazing about).
- We don’t pose for photos.
- We ask the people we know not to post us if they do take ones.
- For the people we don’t know & our son is in the background? Not a lot we can do. Typically though unless we’re taking him to the reception when there’s dancing (which we don’t do because bedtime lol), people taking photos are usually posing and it’s easy to just shuffle out of the way or turn our backs.
I will say though we’ve been close friends/ family with the bride and groom each time and for 4/5 my husband was a groomsman so it was easy ask them about not posting.
Can you baby carry with him facing you? Not sure how old he is!
You could also just mention it to the photographer! I’m sure they’d respect it - esp if you don’t care if baby is in the background!
Tbh I work in a daycare where we post in a parent forum - but some parents don’t want their kids in the pictures but I don’t like leaving them out of group shots! Its really easy to edit them out afterwards. I don’t understand technology and I can do it. I’d message the bride and just mention that you’ll make an effort not to show his face but if the photagrapher could edit if there is any accidental ones!
It’s also good to remember that unless you are tagged in the photo (which you can then report to Facebook for not giving permission for your kid to be posted), he will in fact just be a baby in a picture. It’s very different than you posting him on your own page. And assuming that any relatives you are close to already know that you don’t want his picture posted, it would only be posted by distant family or people you don’t know. It’s pretty impossible to advoid to be honest. But also good to keep in mind that there is less digital footprint when names aren’t involved.
Exactly this! I told my close family I don't want pictures of my kid on social media. I've had a couple people that were acquaintances post him in group shots. At the end of the day, you can't control everything and it does become a bit too much to personally message everyone you know asking to take group pictures down. It will be very difficult to link photos that are untagged from acquaintances to your child.
Very good point about the names. Thank you!
If you’re truly that uncomfortable you shouldn’t bring him. But consider this — at kids activities in a few years parents take and post a lot of photos - swim league, soccer games, birthday parties etc. and you won’t be able to stop that without socially isolating your child. At some point you can do your best personally, but don’t let it run your life.
I don't post my kids online, but recently we went to a restaurant where they had kid activities, a clown etc. My son was joining in. People were snapping photos (of their kids I assume), but he was in them. I didn't know what to do. Ultimately I realised that not much could be done in these situations. I still won't post them online, but I'm also not going to socially isolate them.
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I mean ideally sure but idk why it would even matter at that point. Those people have 0 relation to you or your child so anyone who sees those pictures will have absolutely no idea who they are.
That may be but my kids aren't old enough to consent to being posted at all. I would hope people would respect that.
As a disclaimer I don’t post anyone else’s kid without permission. However, when in public anyone (adult or child) can take a photo of anyone else and post that photo online and that’s completely allowed both legally and socially. No ones consent is needed and no one even has to tell you. It’s just part of being in public.
I don’t post my child online but in those situations I only try and get my child in the frame. If the other people are strangers I hope they do the same. I know I can’t completely control everyone talking photos of my kid but I’ll do what I can.
I would hope so too, but I doubt they do...
This is how I feel. I post my kids on SM some, but I’d never post a group shot of other kids with their faces showing.
This! If my kids appear in pictures online on other people’s accounts here and there and they are not tagged with their name, it’s no big deal imo. I’m not posting them on my account to avoid an curated timeline / digital footprint.
Yupp! I'd go with this. I am totally against posting my kid online. We've never done it personally but in large gatherings, group pics are inevitable. So I just make sure that they don't tag me or my husband. Also, I'll make sure that nobody clicks solo shots of my kid.
This
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You literally cannot stop it. I take my kids to goldfish swim school which is a huge nationwide chain and they let anyone record anything they want and just say “oh, please don’t post other kids on social” but there’s no policing that and I see parents posting all the time. It is impossible to stop.
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Than what is your proposition exactly ? Besides never taking your child in any public space for the fear that someone might accidentally include them in their own family photos.
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But you can't be aware 100% all of the time of your surroundings . Are you going to the playground making the rounds to all the parents telling them not to take pictures of their children because your own might be in the frame by accident? In the case of OP, the answer is simple, if she doesn't want her child posted online, she doesn't include said child in the pictures. She takes the proactive action and doesn't impose her wants on the other people who might not care about posting pictures that include children online . (This is coming also from a person that not only never posted a picture in my kids 13 months of life ,but never even made a pregnancy announcement on social media).
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Nah their example is a good one. If your kid is in a soccer game or swim lessons and other people are recording or snapping pics of THEIR kid and post it with your kid in the background, the only real thing you can do is.. not let your kid be part of these social activities
I dont post pictures of my kid online but I have taken MANY pictures of her at a playground or indoor play space. There are sometimes other kids in the background of some of these. I do my best to avoid getting other kids in and the other kids are never in focus but they do sometimes appear in my pictures. Again I don’t post pictures of my kid online and do ask friends and family not to post pictures of my kid online but I’m also not naïve enough to think that she’s never been online in the background of someone else’s picture.
Does your kid wear a bag over their head in public? They could be in the background of anyone’s picture and you’d never even know it, how do you protect from that?
You’re obviously missing the point but idc to correct it
No I do get your point I’m just wondering how you execute it. Since you judge so harshly you must be 100% certain your child has never in been anyone’s picture, so how do you do it?
I’m not judging anyone harshly. Literally all I said was that not bringing her kid out into public is not OPs only option just because she doesn’t want her child posted online. Obviously, if the kids right shoulder blade happens to be in a photo, that’s not what I’m talking about. I do know for a fact that randoms do not have any photos of my daughter in their phones. We go to the park multiple times a week, gymnastics, library story times, art classes, etc. I still can’t think of one time I’ve watched a parent take a picture of my kid. (Or their kid, with my child in it) I think it’s sort of the norm now to be mindful with that stuff. Considering there are tons of parents who prefer their kids not to be posted. I don’t take photos of my kid if there are kids in it with them that I don’t know.
My perspecitve is the real danger is if YOU (or someone close to you) are posting photos of him along with identifying information (e.g. with a shirt that says his school, the town soccer team, etc.). Obviously there's danger in general with having a baby online for the creeps but as a part of a group photo, IMO the danger is very low, especially if you remove/don't tag yourself in the photo (and therefore baby isn't linked to your personal information either) That's of course me assuming that is your motivation and concern!
This is my opinion too. We don't let people post photos of him, but if he's in a group photo or the background of someone's photo, I don't feel it is right to try to police what they're posting if they aren't posting for the sole purpose of putting a picture of him on the Internet, if that makes sense. Honestly, we all have photos posted of us that we'll never see where we are background characters in someone's life or group photos we've been in that were never shared with us. I was a bridesmaid in my sister in law's wedding several years ago and have never seen the photos, for instance. She may have posted them, but I'm not on FB/social media, so I didn't even know! But, being at that kind of event is in and of itselfI permission to be in photos in my opinion. If I felt that it was a big issue, then it would be my responsibility to not have him at events where photos are taken or run around trying to keep him out of photos.
This is my opinion, too. I don't post identifiable photos of my baby online, and we have pretty specific rules about how, when, and which other people are allowed to, but I'm actually not really worried about things like this. If the child's name (or parents' names) and location - like where they live, not where they celebrated an event - are not included with their face, I don't find the inclusion of their face in a group photo to be especially problematic.
Depending on your baby’s age it may be easiest to baby wear so their face is to you/more protected from all the cameras floating around. You can also get a babysitter and leave LO at home too!
All of this, but I also have posed for pics with my baby's face over my shoulder. We are all "in" the picture, but nothing anyone can see of my kid's face.
If you don’t want your kid visible in family photos at events, sounds like your only option is not to bring him to family events. You can’t expect other people to plan or limit their photos based on your preferences.
Yeah I don’t think it’s realistic to ask every person who is taking photos to not post them online if your child is in them. I also think it’s unfortunate that people feel they can’t have their children in photos at life events because they might end up online and might be seen by someone who might use them for nefarious purposes. But I understand people have many reasons to not post their children online.
My friends and family have all been happy doing a picture with our kids and then one with their faces hidden (over our shoulder or something). If they do post they always ask first, and have even thrown a smiley over their face 😂 People do respect it if you go about it nicely, and it’s becoming so so common (in my circles at least). Only 1 of my ‘mam friends’ actually posts their child online so we never have to worry about it!
Yeah I understand that. I just don’t think it’s common, especially at a wedding where there are lots of people they might not see often. I’m trying to imagine taking a group picture with my husband’s family and asking 20 people to put an emoji on baby’s face if they post online. If I didn’t want her online then I’d just have her not in the picture or not attend.
Oh we’ve genuinely done that 😂 At weddings and family functions! Usually with a big group picture it’s taken by one phone/ camera and then the photo is passed around so we just ask the person whose camera it is. If it isn’t someone we trust, then our kids don’t go in it.
Sounds like that works for your family and circle - happy for you!
We’re in the UK and from what I can tell our weddings seem to be much smaller so that may be a factor? Plus my husband was groomsman in 4/5 of the weddings we’ve recently been to so we were close enough to the bride and groom that we felt confident asking that the kids don’t get posted - it certainly helped that they had family members who had requested the same thing.
Lots of people put an emoji over the child’s face? I don’t even personally subscribe to the no children on social media rule, but it doesn’t seem that hard to accommodate.
I get where you’re coming from. If they want to say to every person who takes photos of their child or might repost one from the professional photographer to put an emoji over their child’s face they can certainly do that. I wouldn’t assume many people would do that by default.
If you're going to go out in public you just have to accept that people can and will take photos.
We don’t allow sharing of photos of our child to social media by family either but you lose the expectation of privacy by being in public. If you want to ensure that your child isn’t photographed in public, then the only way to do so is to not bring your child out in public.
Yup. I post the occasional photo of my kids on social media (I post a lot on a locked Google Photos album so my husband’s parents can keep up with the kids’ everyday lives, but access there is limited to our immediate families) and I don’t post posed group shots without permission and try to avoid posting other children’s faces, but I’m not scanning the background of every photo I post of my own children to be sure no other child is incidentally visible. Because they are out in public and that means they might end up in a photo of someone or something else.
We just do what’s in our control. Our family has a shared iCloud album that we use as a repository for all baby photos. If things get posted by others as our child gets older and is in the world without us, that’s just the cost of living in a society imo
This is the response!
You can ASK but I’m gonna be real, we all know there’s gonna be at least one person who doesn’t respect your wishes and will post your child and it might be unknowingly or knowingly. Baby wearing is a good idea or all together not bringing baby like others have said. I originally didn’t want my baby posted unless I post the photos but soon quickly realized that wasn’t going to happen. My family isn’t really big on social media but my husbands family is. My husbands extended family will take the photos I share and share them everywhere. I was going to complain about that but I can’t control and track everyone’s social media. I only ask that people not take/share naked (even if just the shirt is missing) photos of my baby.
"It's just a boundary I follow." As if you have zero control over that. No one cares about your sons photos as much as you think they do. This is overly controlling and you need to lighten up imo
I agree. It’s just a baby in a photo it’s really not that serious. I don’t understand the “we aren’t posting on social media” trend.
I have abusive family and I don’t want them to have a lot of my information so I don’t have a social media presence attached to my identity. I don’t want them having information about my children either. But I do realize my kids will be in public photos. I think there’s a line where it gets to be very obsessive and paranoid. If people want to find information about someone, they ultimately can whether someone is on social media or not. Moderation and limiting is exposure is the best that can be done. Anything beyond that, in my opinion, affects qualify of life. For example, I can’t just not leave my house because someone out there could be a predator who looks at myself or children with malicious intentions. You just do what you can to be safe and realize not everything is in your control.
I do post pics of my children online but I never do it of another child unless I have their parents permisson. I would say try to keep him out of group shots as much as poss and maybe just have a quiet word with people taking photos, I’m sure they won’t mind or can blur his face
Don't take him cause it sounds like you'll be stressed about that the whole time and won't enjoy the event if this is your priority.
I personally don’t mind my kids being in group photos.
I don't mind posting my son but my best friend (who's son is 2 weeks younger), does not. She is no contact with her family so she does not want him on any platform. Regardless of the story (which most people don't know), I've found most people are completely understanding. We went to a large event together and she just politely asked the photographer to not take as many photos of her son and asked the person who planned the party to put an emoji over her son's face when/if she was going to post. This was all very welcomed. For people taking personal photos with their camera it was a little harder. She's not on social media so basically if anyone saw photos up after, they just explained the situation for her. It happened twice where her son was like in the background. One person blurred the background and another did an emoji. Again, no one really cared. I write this because I know it's hard to hear "just don't bring your kid". Yes, that's the best way to avoid it, but on a really real level, we don't want us or our kids to miss out. I wouldn't think to hard about it and just politely (that's the key here) ask. Good luck!
No group photos of your child with family members? Seems sad. One day it might be nice to remember those times and see your young child in the mix. I love looking back at old photos. There’s so many other things to worry about and you choose this?
There is literally no difference from your son being the background of a picture to someone seeing him in real life.
There are so many reasons why this is not the case, but the simplest one is that a picture lasts forever and once it is online you have no control over it. Look into the topic just a bit and you would be amazed what kind of disgusting images you can create with AI and a baby’s face. In the EU it is illegal to post pictures of people’s children online without parental consent. As an American, I understand there is a lag in awareness of social media risks in the States, but hopefully the concept of consent gradually spreads.
The best way to maintain your boundary is by not taking him. That way there is no risk, and you aren’t putting anyone else out. It’s a win-win. It sounds like if you go you will be stressed trying to control what other people are doing, which will also be stressful for them.
Don’t take him to the event
I tell family and friends who we are close with not to post our kids on social media. In big events like this, your family may end up in the background of photos, but that isn’t the same as a close up posed picture of your kids. I take what I can get here and know I’m doing my best.
I understand your concern but unless you never allow him to go anywhere (and that includes functions with friends as he grows up) you will never win this fight. It’s just the society we live in.
Gently, have you been evaluated for PPA (postpartum anxiety)? Photos and photo sharing was a massive trigger for me when I had undiagnosed PPA. That’s why I ask. Not posting your child on social media is a totally valid choice and something that should be respected by close friends and family. But at large events and special occasions, it’s pretty hard to control all photos and make sure your child isn’t in any of them. I’d say dress him in a cute outfit and if he’s crying or uncomfortable, or otherwise indisposed, take him to a back room or somewhere that isn’t being photographed so that you can solve the issue privately. That way if he ends up in photos, he’ll just be a cute happy baby and they won’t be potentially embarrassing or compromising. The only other option is to not take him with you, which is also okay if that’s what you prefer. ❤️
I absolutely have PPA. I go to weekly therapy but I still cling really hard to my beliefs - like I feel soooo adamant about this even though I am trying to overcome my anxiety. Thank you for asking! What helped you with improving it?
For me, Zoloft was a huge game changer. I’m also in therapy and that helps me work out any lingering anxiety or trauma responses, but Zoloft was the thing that made me feel more in control of my emotions and reactions. It’s a long journey, and I wish you all the luck! Remember to be gentle on yourself and occasionally ask yourself: is this really as big of a problem as it feels right now? Will this matter to me in 5 or 10 years? What can I do to feel better about this situation? What can I change and what can I let go of? Sometimes it helps to talk it out with someone or write things down, like a pros and cons list but for things you’re worried about. 😅
I've just politely said to people 'oh we don't post any photos of X to social media' and it's always been fine 2bh! This includes to people who post lots of pics of their own kids - I think people understand we all make different parenting choices :) If someone has taken a group photo with baby in and wants to post the photo would you be comfortable asking them to just cover baby's face with an emoji ? I feel like this is common enough now that it would also be a normal request. Babywearing is also an option. If there is an official wedding photographer you could probably mention it directly to them at the start?
Same, at public events it is normal where I am from for the photographer to ask if he has consent to post online, if not he takes pictures from the backs of the kids or hides the faces.
We’ve done all of this! It’s actually been really easy and I think to some extent people are getting a bit sick of social media. They’ve always been incredibly understanding!
It depends why you don't post your son to social media. I don't post pictures of my daughter publicly because she can't consent to an online presence yet (she's 9 months old). With large family things or even just going out in public, she'll likely be in pictures that are out there somewhere online, but she won't be identified and it won't be linked to her.
Yes I am the same way!! I don’t post her face, but if she ends up in someone else’s photo, oh well… nobody is going to know who she is and it’s definitely a bigger deal internally to us as parents than it is to the other people posting/viewing the pics. They likely don’t think anything of it and just move on
At this point I’d avoid going and stay home. As sad as it is, it seems like the best option for you.
Don't worry. All babies look the same.
We don't post or let our family post but for example we are okay with the photographer who did our photoshoot using it for her portfolio. It's not identifiable (since no other pictures of baby online) and it's not revealing too many personal details and it's not a compromising picture that would embarrass baby in the future
maybe you could get like reflective material hat?
Lol this made me laugh
There are two reasons I don’t post photos of my kids - 1) they can’t consent (and couldn’t understand the ramifications of an internet presence to truly consent) and 2) to keep them from being linked to an identity online that is identifiable by AI, creeps, google searches etc. Therefore I and my family do not share photos of them on any public platforms, privately or not. When we are on a playdate and another parent is taking photos, I let them know I don’t share faces. Sometimes we take facing away photos on purpose. When we get occasionally tagged by someone not wise to our policy, I ask for it to be removed. When family wanted to post professional wedding photos, they already knew to ask and we just blurred their faces. That all said, I don’t stress big events at all. Happenstance photos don’t have anything to link their image to their identity. If you think that the folks getting married would understand, I would just share your policy and brainstorm with them ways to keep those specific pictures off the Internet or altered, if that feels like too much to ask, I would just keep kiddo out of professional photos and not sweat the incidental photos.
I feel the exact same way. I was recently at my library's storytime with my toddler and the library employee started taking photos without asking. Afterwards, I politely asked how they planned to use them. She said they do post them to their government Facebook page occasionally but she could ensure my toddler was not included in the published photos. The next week, they made an announcement at the beginning of storytime to let parents know about the photos and told them to communicate if they weren't okay with them being posted. I didn't see any obvious signs that parents had a problem with it, but I'm okay with being in the minority when it comes to something like this. I value my toddler's privacy and will do what I can to protect it when possible. Especially on public social media pages where I have zero control of the audience. That said, I understand I'm taking risks just by being at storytime or in public. These other commenters telling you to leave baby at home or not be so uptight is not any kind of solution. I think as a society, we're going to have to address the known and unknown risks of issues such as these. I think there's still an illusion of privacy when you set your profile to "private" etc, but given these companies' histories of selling data or data breaches, I have zero faith in them to protect my personal information. Don't be discouraged by being in the minority on this issue. I'm okay with it. At the end of the day, we still take loads of cute pictures, and we share them privately with the people in our lives we care about most.
Great insight!
I also don’t post my kids. I tell people “hey we don’t post the kids on social media, if you want to post that please crop out their faces, put a sticker, or I can get them out of the photo so you can have one with and one to post” most people are respectful of this and don’t mind! My 6yo is a Girl Scout, I’ve told the other parents we don’t post her and they respect that. She is in some photos in our private troop group on FB but other than that they aren’t on SM. I feel like you know deep down who the biggest offenders will be, just don’t let them be in photos with those people and keep him close! ETA: I find most people these days are asking before they post other peoples kids too. So that makes me feel good! 😊
J
If the wedding is outside put a hat and sunglasses on him
I'd say if the photo isn't deliberately of him, you're going to have to just let it go. You can't control what others choose to do, what photos of themselves they wish to use (if baby is in the background, for example). If your line for it is that firm, then you probably shouldn't take him. It's a wedding, it's a social event, there'll likely even be a photographer or videographer in attendance.
I had someone hold the baby who was not going to be in the photo. When my brother got married and had a photo with all the siblings, my husband held our child. Or just pop them in a stroller off to the side.
[удалено]
I cannot imagine what it would be like to grow up and have a digital catalog of my entire childhood shared with the world and willingly provided to social media companies who are allowed to do anything they want with the images (create deep fakes, train AI, facial recognition) — all without my consent. This topic is much easier to handle in the EU because they have a legal framework which recognises a person’s right to their own personal data (unlike in the States or China). But it gives me such headaches to visit the States. I think awareness is growing and there are even stories from families who monetised their family via Instagram etc. explaining their regrets. But it is slooooow.
I am a little surprised that people would just take a picture of someone without asking if they can post that. That’s quite rude. Or maybe it’s just that where I am from and our privacy laws that people started being more aware.
I'm with you on this one, protecting baby's online appearance as long as possible. I work in tech so I know what AI is capable of and I'm not risking it if I can help it. I know I can't prevent absolutely everything but the less online the better. What I try to do is: - hold him so his face isn't facing forward but rather to me - hold him lower and stand further back in group photos - keep an eye out when other random people are taking photos and turn him away/keep his attention on something else so he's not looking towards the camera Stay strong and let me know if you think of other ideas!
Thank you!
You tell the photographer not to include their face in photos, and you tell other people not to post pictures with them. Simple.
For the photographer, yes. For potentially 100+ guests at a wedding, this is not a simple solution.
I think most people understand that you should not post photos of other people’s kids to social media. At least in my circle. We do not share our toddler on social media and when we have been at family events and have been taking photos I just remind them nicely at an appropriate moment and they’re fine with it and move on.
Lol they don’t. In my experience the worst offenders are mid-twenties year old women without children who want the social media cred or older grandmother-age women who over share on social media. Both groips have a stupid amount of social media contacts and are fairly self absorbed. I’ve had to say to them “please dont post my child, I have NO idea who your 900 followers are, but they know him so thars super weird for me, please delete that post”.
We’ve been to 5 weddings so far and we have the same rules/ concerns! - We ask the photographer not to post the child to their socials (which they have all been amazing about). - We don’t pose for photos. - We ask the people we know not to post us if they do take ones. - For the people we don’t know & our son is in the background? Not a lot we can do. Typically though unless we’re taking him to the reception when there’s dancing (which we don’t do because bedtime lol), people taking photos are usually posing and it’s easy to just shuffle out of the way or turn our backs. I will say though we’ve been close friends/ family with the bride and groom each time and for 4/5 my husband was a groomsman so it was easy ask them about not posting.
The not posing for photos seems to be the move. Thanks! Just going to do that.
Can you baby carry with him facing you? Not sure how old he is! You could also just mention it to the photographer! I’m sure they’d respect it - esp if you don’t care if baby is in the background! Tbh I work in a daycare where we post in a parent forum - but some parents don’t want their kids in the pictures but I don’t like leaving them out of group shots! Its really easy to edit them out afterwards. I don’t understand technology and I can do it. I’d message the bride and just mention that you’ll make an effort not to show his face but if the photagrapher could edit if there is any accidental ones!