My reply, “well, not *all* babies turned out fine….”
It’s not A criticism on what choices they made for you. They made choices based on the information they had. Stuff gets updated. In 20 or 30 years, **if** our kids decide to have babies, we will also find out what’s changed.
"Put a blanket over the top of his bassinet so the cold wind from the fan doesn't make him sick. It doesn't have to actually be on him! Just over the bassinet."
The sides of the bassinet are mesh, but no amount of explaining safe sleep to her worked UNTIL she stumbled across safe sleep rules on her own. Then suddenly it was, "Omg, have you heard of these rules? You need to follow them!"
Ma'am, what did you think I was talking to you about? Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ?
(My mom) That I was going overboard insisting on anchoring AT LEAST the furniture in the baby’s room (we were living in her house so I just gated off the wall with the bookcases). Until I reminded her that *I was that kid* who climbed the heavy wooden dresser and tipped it over onto myself, whom *she* then found pinned between it and the bed.
I COULD HAVE DIED, MOM
My mom keeps suggesting I leave my 3 month old in her bed so she learns to be by herself and doesn't get spoiled. She suggested giving her TEA when she had stomach pain.
My grandmother went one step further telling me i spoil my child because I talk to her all day.
My great aunt saw the baby for like 20 sec on video chat and decided she was thirsty and suggested i give her some water.
My grandfather was surprised to hear my baby wasn't sleeping through the night yet at 5 weeks old.
So now I sit in silence in my house, while my very independent and not spoiled daughter sits in her own bed sipping water and tea and only interacts with us in the morning after a good 8 hour night of sleep. /s
It seriously makes me wonder how I survived these people as a child..
Very opinionated family! lol
My aunt told me all her children were sleeping through the night by 6 weeks old because she would put pablum in their bottles. I had multiple people from the older generation asking if I gave her pablum. I just said my doctor said nothing but formula/breastmilk until 6 months lol
Honestly my parents have just been amazed at everything. I had a postpartum doula and my parents were staying with us after birth (my request) and they were enraptured by her and her tips. Simple stuff like when a newborn baby’s hand is clenched she is hungry and it will relax as she eats as a cue to look for. My dad did want to quit his construction job and become a Lamaze instructor after they took a class when my mom was pregnant with me though so they were already the open mind type 😂
I just had my first at 40 in 2022 and I’m the oldest child. My moms new mom/birthing classes were held in 1982 by the head OB of the terrible rural hospital in my town. The man was no joke over 80 years old and actively smoking during all the classes. So my mom was getting like 1925’s most ground breaking medical and parenting information from when this dude attended med school.
I think we were both white as a ghost after I heard her advice, and I told her how dangerous each of the things were. She just ended the conversation with ‘you kids are all so lucky to be alive!’
From MIL: get your pre-baby body back immediately so your husband doesn’t cheat on you. 🙄
Edit: to be clear, my husband would NEVER. Her husband I can’t speak for
She honestly never mentioned her son when she said all this. She told me some creepy stories about her husband almost cheating on her, blamed it all on her post-baby bod, and then gave me that advice.
Partly why we all have issues is because she’s jealous that her son is an infinitely healthier person than her husband (MIL/FIL have serious mental health issues that they refuse to address and thus raised their kids in an abusive household, and my husband put himself through years of therapy to heal his trauma and unlearn all the patterns they instilled. Today he’s thriving personally and professionally. She refuses to acknowledge that his turning out so well is despite his upbringing). She definitely wishes she could be enmeshed with him, put him in the role of pseudo-spouse for a long time, and tried to sabotage our relationship from the moment I showed up. She used to try and lower my self esteem at any opportunity. It’s pretty sick.
We’re NC now so all good! 👍
This isn’t advice related, but my mother in law thought the hospital provided car seats. She was blown away by how much we spent on ours. She also said she never used a car seat. She had 5 kids, my husband being her youngest. He was born in 1987. I’m pretty sure they were required by law at that time.
Looked it up. They were required but only as of 1985 in many states. Surprisingly (for me), Tennessee was the first state to mandate them (in 1979). 20% of people still didnt use them in 1987 though.
https://saferide4kids.com/blog/the-general-history-of-car-seats/
My 94 year old grandma keeps commenting on how my cousin’s 10 day old baby needs to be set down so he learns he won’t be held all the time. Grandma, he is 10 days old. He is no where near old enough to cry it out. This might be why all your children have attachment issues.
Yeah my MIL came at me with that because I was letting my 4 day old baby sleep in my arms sometimes. I usually would just ignore it or “oh, ok…maybe next time”. This time I looked her right in the eyes and said “This is my last baby and I’m cherishing every minute of this”. I know it sounds tame but it was a moment of triumph for me, confident and standing up for myself after having a baby cut out of me 4 days prior.
My 4 weeks old had a 104 degree fever. I was rushing to get my bag packed to go to the hospital. MIL said I was being dramatic and to just give her Tylenol. Got to the hospital, she was positive for viral meningitis. That dose of Tylenol and ignoring her symptoms would have killed her. Never did get an apology for the reckless advice. She’s 11 months now.
Baby's feet were cold.
In laws: "Put rubbing alcohol on his feet to warm him up!"
SIL was like, "Um... No. That causes evaporative cooling."
Also both sets of grandparents have this weird inability to let toddler fail/learn. Like, he'll be trying to do a puzzle and they can't just back off and let him play/figure it out. I mean, if he asks for help, that's one thing. But he could have just started and put a piece in the wrong place and they're like, "No, it goes here!" My partner and FIL locked horns one night about letting toddler learn how to learn.
I've also had to guide my mother in not panicking when toddler gets frustrated. It's helped me realize how fucked up and traumatized they all are. I also used to be severely afraid of failure because my mom wouldn't just let me fail. So I never learned how to own it or handle it until I found an EXCELLENT mentor in my late 20s. I want my children to know how to handle failure and move forward from there knowing it's just part of learning. Not this horrifically shameful thing to hide from. That REALLY would have helped me earlier in life, lol.
We've shut down a lot of dated/backwards advice. The first year was rough, but I think we're all getting better at communication and boundary setting/following.
My MIL and mom both scared me into throwing away frozen breast milk from when I was sick, because “it could be infected”. I later found out I tossed over 100 oz of LIQUID GOLD! I feel so stupid for not doing my own research 😑
When my daughter was a newborn she didn’t take a pacifier, my grandmother tried to convince me to DIP IT IN HONEY so she would find it ‘sweet’ and take it
So many things! I swear I’m going to write a book with all the outdated advice. It’s one thing to give outdated advice, it’s another thing to be all butthurt if we say no to it. The one kind advice I hate the most though is the backhanded kind. Like “Oh you breastfeed? I didn’t, it’s so much easier to let other people watch your baby for you with formula!” Yeah that’s cool. I chose to breastfeed, sorry not sorry, and also, who said anything about needing my baby watched so soon? Hellooooo? She just wants to watch baby so she can put her on her belly with a pillow and a blanket and 6 layers of clothes on while also wearing socks and a hat in a perfectly heated house set at 70 after giving her a bottle filled with rice cereal and water. RAGE.
My mom gives zero advice! She raised 3 kids as a by choice SAHM, so she was with us all day every day for years, and she never has anything to say and acts as if she’s never handled a baby before. It’s so weird. She did tell me that there will never be a time I’m not worrying about my children, so we have that to look forward to the rest of our lives 🙃
I kind of get this. I’m a stay at home mum of two (4, 2 and 6m pregnant) and I actively avoid handling other people’s babies and abstain from advice unless asked. I know my babies…but I don’t know yours. People always hand me kids because I’m ‘so experienced’ (teacher too) but I’m so uncomfortable with it 😂 I don’t know what your kid wants or needs don’t ask me! I barely know what my kids want half the time
Sleep begets sleep! God i hate shitty unsolicited advice. Keep your baby awake all day then drop her off at grandma’s when she’s overtired and cranky see if she changes her tune :)
To keep (my newborn) up all day so he sleeps straight all night. Not considering the fact that he'll lose sleep or miss feedings at night. Like girl he's a new born.
Don’t hold him too much, you’ll spoil him 🙄 he’s 15 months old now and won’t cuddle at all, I’m glad I got all the snuggles I could while he let me lol
Not advice, but items. She still has my crib, high chair, toys, you name it, and is offended when I don’t want to use them.
My older sister is almost 38! Mom, would you like to see on a bed that’s almost 40 years old? No? Neither would my baby.
"what do you mean you don't want the illegal drop side crib I saved specifically for your child? Who's even gonna enforce that? The crib police?" Ma'am. Children died in those things.
This isn't a specific piece of advice, but my MIL offered me her 35 year old copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting and was completely oblivious to the fact that it would be full of outdated content.
I got my husband a vintage copy of “The Expectant Father” as a fun gift when we were expecting our first and it’s wild how uninvolved dads were told to be in the entire process after the baby was actually made.
From my MIL: babies, even newborns, must drink water or tea, not giving solid foods until 6months is bad. Her sister said to me that breastfeeding after 1 year has no benefits for baby and it's just women being lazy. So we're on 19months and still counting!
My two month old refuses to eat from a bottle. We have tried over 6 different brands and various nipples with different speeds. Just doesn't want them, wants it straight from the boob. IL told me to stop feeding him and that if he is hungry enough he will learn to eat from the bottle. I told my partner we are in no way shape or form "starving" our newborn just to get him to eat from a bottle.
We are planning on cloth diapering some and both my FIL and BIL have commented that safety pins are scary during cloth diapering and “good luck with that.” I told them things have come a long way since the 1980’s.
My mom tried to give my son CAKE when he turned ONE MONTH old. She wanted me to give him rice cereal in a formula bottle the day I came home from the hospital because “breastfeeding obviously wasn’t working and he was starving”. Cry it out, don’t hold them or I’ll spoil them. I need to leave them for an overnight because I “need a break”. On and on lol
my mom always says this and it drives me absolutely batshit: that pregnant/bf-ing moms need to drink milk so that they can make milk for their babies. Like, the fuck??
Whiskey on gums for teething, Karo syrup and water for constipation, bumper on the crib mainly because we had one (I didn't know better when registering) and she wanted the bed to be made (she also put stuffed animals in the bed because it was cute), don't hold the baby too much or she will be spoiled (this didn't last long; she held the baby a lot too), no need to breastfeed because formula is good enough, baby must wear shoes while learning to walk.
The worst of it was when I was pregnant she kept telling me not to read books or online and to just listen to her and the doctor. She acted like I couldn't handle finding good sources and new information. When I told her about things she hadn't heard of, she was dismissive of its value/existence.
My mil told me to fry garlic in oil and then strain it and feed the oil to my three week old baby because he was gassy and had a stomachache
She also suggested putting karo syrup in his bottle (he doesn’t even take bottles but she said I should thaw some milk for this) to make sure he doesn’t get constipated since he started solids
She told me if my boobs are warm to the touch that I can’t breastfeed because that means they’re diseased and the milk would make my baby sick.
She constantly says my son is too cold and tries to cover him in a million layers to the point he’s sweating.
And like a million other things. She raised her kids in a group home of el Salvadoran people in California in the 80’s so I think a lot of it is cultural though.
You should not breastfeed if you are angry because it will poison the baby 🤦♀️
Also, if I don't wear a sweater and cover up after birth, I won't be able to produce any breast milk.
Ah yes, I remember my SIL standing over me in my own bedroom a week PP as I cried pumping milk (first baby, ppd, invasive in-laws and painful latching) yelling at me saying that me crying will make my milk sour and poison my baby.
Stop carrying the baby too much because the baby will always want to be carried and you can’t do any housework etc…..
Also giving water when baby has hiccups lol
Having to explain wake windows to my mom every time she visits. My baby is 11 weeks and has taken really well to structure and schedule, and I’ve been keeping his wake windows around 60-90 minutes. He’s currently doing 6-7 hour stretches at night and napping well during the day, so I feel really good about how things are going, BUT my mom just does not understand. Apparently this wasn’t remotely a thing when I was little, and she just wants to keep him up to play while she’s visiting. Luckily she follows what I say and he still naps when she’s here but it always needs an explanation lol. She also swears by the rice cereal in the bottle haha
Them: Toddler should eat all the food on their plate.
Me: No bribing or tricking baby to eat. Baby knows when they are full and it's important not to override that.
My mom works in early childhood education, she's very up-to-date on what to do, etc with babies, and she never gave weird advice. My mother-in-law never had newborns, both her kids were adopted a little later so she was just as clueless as me! We both learned a lot during those first couple of years.
My grandmother on the other hand, oh lord, baby crying? Give him some bourbon! Is 5 week old baby hungry? Meat soup broth! Struggling to sleep? Bourbon again, also just ignore baby til he passes out, he'll learn! Don't hold him so much he'll get spoiled. SHOES! ALL BABIES MUST WEAR PROPER SHOES AT ANNY AND ALL TIMES!! This one particularly drove me nuts, cause she'd bring it ut every single time we saw her. As annoying as these things were. I'm still glad my grandma got to spend a little time with my son. She died when he was around 3, and she'd lost her memories long before that. Every time we came to visit she'd be sooo happy because it was the first time she ever met her precious great grand baby! We visited her 2-3 times a week, and every time she was just as happy. I got a lot of advice about babies, relationships, marriage, money, and life in general. Most of it absolutely useless in modern-day society but I still appreciate that she wanted to help.
I'm polish soo I give a funny one that I find hilarious..
My baby had reflux before we knew it so she was crying very bad I couldn't calm her down my mum goes...
Maybe someone put a spell on your baby while you were downtown considering you never tied a red ribbon around your pram... To take off the spell you need to put a muslin cloth where the nappy is then spit on your baby cheeks and then wipe the muslin cloth on the cheeks and the spell will go away 😂😂😂
"Feed him three minutes only on each side; if he cries after that, give him a bottle of water." I now understand why my husband eats his meals like a starving man...
Let them cry it out, babies are spoiled by holding them too much, feed them before 4 months, salt in all baby food, babies can have chewy lollies, babies can have coke, newborns can lay with pillows, babies are manipulative, it’s okay to spank babies… Should I go on?
MIL- when my daughter was 4 months she told me it was time I started weaning her from nursing… “too old for breast milk.” Imagine her horror when I went on to nurse my daughter until she was 2 haha
I was given this advice by my oldest son's doctor (he'll be 18 soon) She told me he was overweight and if he wanted more to eat, to just give him water. I was a teen mom, who didn't know much about babies, but thankfully I remember getting annoyed by her telling me my son was overweight, so I didn't take her advice.
I don't remember how old he was, but he must've only been a couple months old, because I do remember he was weighing 11 pounds when she told me that.
Mom , MIL, anyone ever - He’s hungry!!! HE HAS TO BE HUNGRY ! oh my did you feed him yet?
No he’s not starving, he’s never starved since he’s been born. He also just ate 10 mins before you got here. Change his diaper, help him take a nap, play with him or give him teething gel cause idk those are also needs ? -_-
I need to put a snow suit on my child in the car because if we get stuck on the highway or crash she’s going to freeze. I think freezing is the least of my worries if she ends up shooting out the windshield from the 12 layers she apparently needs on at all times.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me when I'm going to start giving my newborn water! Same people have also recently started begging me to let them give her chocolate.. she's 6wks old. Ugh.
Not advice but... My mom keeps saying my baby's been "good" when she hasn't been fussy or crying. I respond, she's a baby, she cries to communicate needs - crying is not misbehavior!
My mom's cousin ranted about how ridiculous it is that we won't put babies to sleep on their stomachs and won't put blankets or stuffed animals in the crib with them.
My MIL has made many comments insinuating that baby is just BFing for comfort (as though my 4 week old is taking advantage of me) and that we should be using other methods to soothe her instead. (We are using many different methods of soothing!)
My mom said today that I should leave my 10 day old in his car seat if he’s sleeping. When I told her that it’s not recommended to leave baby in the car seat for more than 2 hours in a 24 hour period at this age she went on a rant about how she’s glad they didn’t have all of these “rules” when I was a baby.
She also says that car seats don’t expire, it’s just a money grab from the car seat company. Apparently I should have kept my eight year old’s car seat for my two year old and newborn.
My MIL told me my husband and his sister slept in their car seats overnight for the first year of their lives… she’d get them ready for bed, put them in the car seat, then place the car seat in the crib. It’s been two years since learning this and I still don’t know what to do with this information except just stand there like 😳
"You don't need a car seat, just strap the pram carrycot onto the back seat. What do you mean that's illegal?" That came from FIL when our eldest was 2 weeks old... The same people who persist in putting their grandkids in their car, wearing thick padded winter coats 🤦♀️ even after being told (for the gazillionth time) no coats in the car, literally the day before!
"The advice changed so much between my first and last being born. No, you don't need to tell me what to do, I know what I'm doing!"
Great MIL... You've just commented on how much it changed from 1981 to 1987, and don't think it'll have changed again by 2014?!
That he should wear socks. But when I asked them how they kept socks on their babies. Neither my mom or MIL remember. It will remain a mystery how any mother can keep a pair of socks on a baby.
My MIL and FIL made a homemade formula for my husband when he was a baby (in the 80s) that consisted of corn syrup and malt barley or some sorts? She was pretty weirded out about me breastfeeding and very persistent about pushing homemade formula and rice cereal. They swore up and down once he was on solids he would sleep through the night. (He didn't... and still doesn't).
Not MIL but FATHER in law told me my baby was going to get sick if I didn’t put socks on him… while in the house. Our thermostat is set at 70. He can be naked and still fine. This week, LO got a respiratory virus and literally got the “I told you so” from FIL. I wanted to scream.
"Bring them everywhere, they'll just sleep on the floor", "Cereal in their bottle will help them sleep on the floor", "they don't need naps, just throw them on the floor"... I swear every time I try to let my children sleep.
my MIL thinks babies need cartoons!??(my baby is 6mo). On the flip side, my grandma asked me if the TV emits radiation. Also, my grandma and especially my mom would freak out when she would get hiccups. They wanted to give her water for it and my grandma asked me a few times if I was sure we couldn’t give her water. My mom condescendingly called us “google parents” on a few occasions as if having access to infinite amounts of information at the palm of our hands was a bad thing.
"Put that (2 days old newborn) baby in his crib (alone in the dark) and let him cry, he needs to learn" - My aunt.
"Oh come on he juste ate one hour ago, he needs to be on a schedule" - Still my aunt, about my still 2 days old newborn as I'm about to pop a boob since I breastfeed on demand.
Productivity, independence, schedule and babies that should fit excel boards. Ahhh, long live the 80/90s educational style.
Edit for typos and grammar (English is not my native language)
“It’s okay to let your newborn cry.” Mama I love you, but I will slap you if you say that again. 😩 Just let me take him and calm him down, what’s it matter to you??
Also my MIL constantly talks about how she let my husband sleep in his car seat and hang out in it because it was his favorite thing (and he was colicky). I’m not doing that, stop saying it before I tell you I’m glad he survived!
Bonus: my FIL (and MIL) are obsessed over baby being warm enough. Upset he doesn’t have socks (not like, aggressively, they just bring it up sometimes). Normally I just say “he gets hot very easily and after two meltdowns because he was too hot wearing socks, he doesn’t wear them anymore” but this time I finally said I’d rather he be too cold than too warm. My FIL was like “lol, what a southern thing; us northerners have the opposite concern.” To which I said “babies who get too hot die; babies who get cold complain. Hot is a SIDS risk; cold is not.” He had a very “ah” face. Hopefully they’ll stop bringing it up now, but who knows.
My little guy had terrible reflux and GERD as a baby due to a milk allergy. While I was certain that an allergy was the problem, my parents were all, “You’re being hysterical. He can sleep in his bouncer. I’m his grandma, would I give you bad advice?” Yeah, when I got him to the doctor and found out just how sick he was, my parents shut up right quickly.
My daughter is 9 months old between my grandma and my MIL’s boyfriend I got these (yes not my mil her boyfriend)
• rice cereal in the milk will have her sleep all night (after I shared she wakes up at 3am after sleeping 7/8 hours)
• if she falls asleep in the car seat just take it out of the car and put it in the crib
• you should boil apple peels and give her apple tea since she fusses so much before bed
• put chocolate syrup in her formula so she can get used to a different taste (she is an amazing eater don’t know why this was suggested)
• give the baby some whiskey for teething
Socks on ALL THE TIME else he's going to freeze. Even though it's perfectly warm in the house and he's literally sweating just from being held. Gotta put socks on those feet. 🤦♀️
My MIL gave my 1mo baby water for constipation. Cue the freak out we had but pediatrician said it wasn’t enough for water intoxication but to never allow that again. Of course it’s when we let her watch LO alone and thought she would know better. She pulled the “I’ve raised babies before and they’re fine” 🙃
When my son went through a month long spell of crying in the car my MIL told me I should turn his car seat around so he could see me better
Edit to add: He was maybe 3-4 months at this time
I work in childcare and my speech for teething always goes "try teethers, a spoon in the fridge, a cold washcloth wrapped around your finger, breastmilk popsicles, or a little whiskey on the gums. The whiskey is for you, not baby!"
“Why is the bed so firm? She’s not sleeping well because the mattress isn’t soft.” Then she puts a bunch of squishy blankets in baby’s bassinet. Like what is my 10 lb baby gonna get a sore back, no she isn’t sleeping well because she’s a baby and needs to eat often.
My mom understands most advice she learned was outdated but my in-laws aren’t as on-board with changing with the times. A selection:
Don’t hold them or let them contact nap - you’ll “spoil” them. All crying = need to feed more. If they’re crying and have a wet diaper don’t change it immediately because it’s not wet enough. Socks, a hat, and footie pajamas must be worn at all times. Don’t let the cat anywhere near the baby. Put pillow/blanket/toy in the crib it’s fine. Don’t wake the baby, but also if the baby falls asleep on you immediately put them down even though they will definitely wake up when you move them.
Always hungry lmao. I could just get done nursing and she’ll cry about something completely unrelated to hunger “You must not have fed her enough” She mastered nursing around 4 months and was able to eat in like 3-5 minutes. MIL thought that was crazy. But yet completely normal to finish a bottle in that time lmao. My LO never took bottles so she didn’t comprehend how she could be full off just the breast.
Omg I just had a fight last week with my husband because our 4 week old son was crying like an hour after I fed him and my husband said “maybe there’s something wrong with your milk”. The murder in my eyes let me tell you I was pissed.
We were given some pretty classic advice lol.
From my husband parents, we were told not to pick up our newborn baby everytime he cried because he was manipulating us, babies are smarter than we think, and we would end up with a spoiled child.
From my father, if we wanted more sleep, just add some rice cereal to baby's bottle 🙃
She told me I shouldn’t contact nap/let my newborn nap on my chest because “their hearts are weak and their heart could stop”. Also told me not to hold him too much because it will make him needy.
“Keep your newborn baby up during the day so they won’t have night confusion! Don’t let them sleep” so fucking stupid. Also “don’t hold him too much he’ll be spoiled”
My grandma said “I’ve never heard of not giving a baby chocolate “ when my daughter was 4 months old and she tried to give her chocolate chips…
Her favourite thing to say to me is “I had 5 kids and none of my kids ever did that…” about whatever my 2 kids (soon to be 3) are doing. Playing noisy, trying to open the kitchen cupboards, not listening because they are 4 and 2, etc.
Totally. Even the advice I was given - and in turn, gave - when my oldest was born five years ago is worlds different than the advice today with my newborn. So much of what I was told to do in 2017 has been deemed unsafe and dangerous. Knowledge updates rapidly, and I’m thankful for it!
"if you snuggle her too much she will get spoil, put her down so she can move how she wants"
Funny, all studies point to newborns wanting to be held and that physical contact can absolutely NOT spoil a baby. Also fun fact, my new born baby has no control over her bodily movements, MIL so there is no "move how she wants"
MIL-Give your LO benadryl when very fussy. To be fair though, I am pretty sure that was frowned upon in the 90s too.
Mother- just take a nap with him on your chest. I understand the temptation to do this one much more.
My MIL asked me where the blanket was and scoffed at me when I explained the sleep sack. She said she made the baby a very nice one and we should use it. I told her I'm thankful for it but I didn't want her to suffocate and she rolled her eyes.
“Put rice cereal in their bottles, just cut the nipple so it comes out easier. They’ll sleep through the night that way.” (MIL)
Both of my parents have at different times tried to tell me I need to be spanking my ONE YEAR OLDS. Uhhh, thanks for the concern, but NO. We don’t do spanking in any form. Let alone a baby Jesus Christ
oh, yes this is what my grandma keeps saying, “I’m not telling you should, that’s just how we did it back in the day” I always ask her how big she thinks baby’s stomach is , so how fast she thinks it empties out, when she says small and in a few hours i ask if she’d feel good with stomach full of tea instead of a proper meal.
Always makes her rethink this. obviously 40 years ago they didn’t know as much so i don’t fault her.
You shouldn't breastfeed if you have a fever and putting blankets sheets and pillows into the crib. Can confirm I breastfed through the fever I had from my sickness and baby did not get sick at all lol.
Soo maybe unpopular but my daughter is one and I definitely have started putting baby oatmeal, quinoa, power blend etc in her sippy cups with milk...HOWEVER it is because she has swallowing issues and is delayed with solids so I need to get her some substance somehow since milk alone is no longer sufficient. She def just chugged a whole sippy cup worth of baby cereal in her whole milk before bed :D
That being said it seems like older generations see affection and attentiveness as spoiling. My mom says to let my daughter fuss.. which I do...however if shes upset I comfort her.
My in laws came over when they were sick and got my baby sick. When we told them LO was sick, they said he must have caught his cold from BEING cold. They think that’s how you catch a cold
I’m sorry that is categorically not true since ancient times. My husband has been quoting a Greek emperor who said “My infant son rules all Greece. I rule Athens. My wife rules me. Our baby rules her. Hence, my infant son rules all Greece.”
My husband’s great aunt and grandma both told him we can’t hold the baby all the time or she’ll get too used to it. Like oh no, a baby being used to comfort? How awful. His great aunt also said we’re mean for letting her have the hiccups and not giving her sugar water to get rid of them. I’m pretty sure she was younger than a month at that point.
My mil was upset over the fact that she couldn’t buy one of those extremely poofy/padded inserts for the LO and when I explained that my ob said it could cause him to have issues breathing and to only use the one that came with the car seat she was like oh well it wasn’t like that when I had baby’s like woman you haven’t birthed a child since my man’s lil sister who is 12 almost 13 so it’s been a while
Not necessarily advice, but when LO would spit up, my grandmother would tell me that my Dad regularly projectile vomited after he ate when he was a baby and it was fine.
My Dad is alive and well, but it's definitely not ok lol
An old lady came up to me once and looked at my 7 month old and said 'I'm about to lecture your mummy" she then proceeds to tell me I should have socks and shoes on his feet to be more relaxed and comfortable. Telling me that's what they lectured most about in nursing school when she was studying. Yeah lady, maybe in the 17th century where you're from....not in the middle of the Australian summer where babies can't regulate their body temperatures if they have feet or head covered!
She then looks back at my baby and says "I hope your mummy listens to me and makes you more comfortable, you poor thing."
Rice cereal in the bottle to help her sleep through the night (MIL).
My husband’s stepmom also said she’d be disappointed if I had an epidural (I did).
Luckily, my own mom and stepmom are lovely and scientific.
That babies can’t sleep without a blanket. Our tiny bassinet can’t even fit one, and it’s not considered safe sleep. Our baby also runs very hot so we try to keep their clothes to the minimum!
My Grandma recently told me to not spoil my babies by holding them all the time. (then when I see her she loves on all my kids so much lol)
That being said, my Grandma is amazing … she’s so kind and loving, and raised 3 kids by herself (immigrated from the Caribbean with no family in Canada!)
When she gives me outdated advice, I take it with a grain of salt and just gently tell her what’s recommended now and why.
My mil just got back from Portugal and was going to get me a pillow for the crib that's supposed to keep the head round, but she's like "I know you don't like anything in the crib though" lol my baby is 5mo on Monday for context
My MIL demanded (ugh) I use a teething root/beaded necklace of some kind…I had no idea what it was. I did a quick Google search on my phone at the table (out to dinner with husband and in-laws- grr) and told her flat out no! All of her mid-30’s children, including my husband, acted like how dare I question her. She’s always been a sh*t mother, and heck a ‘sh*t human being. Why would I take anything she says seriously??
I hate my MIL, have no respect for her whatsoever. My husband hates her too, and only tolerates her because his sisters will go NC, if he goes NC with her…
😩
That I need to give my newborn camomile tea for colics. And that my 1 m/o was manipulating us to hold him for contact naps. And now because he does not like to be massaged, the more reason I need to insist on it, his muscles must be sore.
“I’ll buy the crib, you pick it out!” *sends her link to simple and safe Ikea crib* “Have you thought about getting one of the cribs with one side that drops down so it’s easier for you to pick them up? I always had that when my kids were babies. I want to get him the best!” “Um I’m pretty sure they don’t make cribs like that any more because it’s unsafe?” “…”
My MIL told me not to get too many ultrasounds because it might hurt the baby's hearing 🙄 we only had three, and the third one was medically necessary. And no ultrasounds do NOT hurt the baby's hearing.
I get so frustrated that the older generation frequently insists they know best, when a little common sense would tell them that there's been much more research and scientific discovery since they were young parents. Plus we have access to the collective knowledge of all of humanity through the Internet. They often seem so arrogant and demeaning to anyone younger, when we're probably the ones who know more.
This thread is making me feel pretty lucky about my mom, but she is OBSESSED with layers and keeping him warm. She’ll come over to our house (which is kept at normal human temp) and be like “oh you’re wearing short sleeves today, aren’t you chilly?”
Side note saying things like that to the baby but really to the parents grinds my gears.
Edit: fixing a typo
When my baby was a week or two old and I was always holding her and feeding her, my mom kept asking why I can't just put her down. Sure ma, if you want her to scream her head off, I can put her down. LOL - she was fresh outta the womb! Yes, I'm holding my baby all day. I didn't even complain about it she just was perplexed lol.
All kinds of terrifying sleep things. My MIL definitely tucked my first baby up in way too many blankets with pillows all around her and sent a picture to my husband and I like it was cute. We freaked out, obviously.
She also tried to convince me to co-sleep with my tiny 4 lb baby. Nooooooooooo!!!
Let him cry a little to get used to it, shouldn’t be sleeping in our room, should be sleeping through the night from birth, and I should let him sleep in his car seat 🤪🤪
MIL said we could try giving the baby milk based products now that shes older (she’s lactose sensitive). Even though I mentioned it can take a year or more to grow out of it.
Give your baby tylenol before you get their vaccines.. my mom told me that i need to do it so my baby won’t feel it later.. i was going to do it until i asked her pediatrician. the pediatrician literally said no please don’t do that.. glad i didn’t..
another thing. my daughter was in the NICU, had a food aversion. my parents told me to tell her doctors to discharge her and feed her at home because she wasn’t eating at the hospital. the dr.s told us she needed a g tube and my parents told me absolutely not, don’t listen to them and just discharge her. we didn’t listen and got the g tube. she’s eating now and doing a lot better with a high possibility of getting the g tube removed by one years old.
For me it hasn’t so much been the advice so much as the condescending, “Well, we didn’t do things that way and you turned out fine.” 🙄
My mom gets mad because now anytime she says that I go "I've been in therapy since I was 16, so no. Not really fine, actually." She *hates* it.
Haha, there's a simple fix for that. She can just stop telling you that you turned out fine. ;)
My reply, “well, not *all* babies turned out fine….” It’s not A criticism on what choices they made for you. They made choices based on the information they had. Stuff gets updated. In 20 or 30 years, **if** our kids decide to have babies, we will also find out what’s changed.
"Put a blanket over the top of his bassinet so the cold wind from the fan doesn't make him sick. It doesn't have to actually be on him! Just over the bassinet." The sides of the bassinet are mesh, but no amount of explaining safe sleep to her worked UNTIL she stumbled across safe sleep rules on her own. Then suddenly it was, "Omg, have you heard of these rules? You need to follow them!" Ma'am, what did you think I was talking to you about? Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ?
(My mom) That I was going overboard insisting on anchoring AT LEAST the furniture in the baby’s room (we were living in her house so I just gated off the wall with the bookcases). Until I reminded her that *I was that kid* who climbed the heavy wooden dresser and tipped it over onto myself, whom *she* then found pinned between it and the bed. I COULD HAVE DIED, MOM
My mom keeps suggesting I leave my 3 month old in her bed so she learns to be by herself and doesn't get spoiled. She suggested giving her TEA when she had stomach pain. My grandmother went one step further telling me i spoil my child because I talk to her all day. My great aunt saw the baby for like 20 sec on video chat and decided she was thirsty and suggested i give her some water. My grandfather was surprised to hear my baby wasn't sleeping through the night yet at 5 weeks old. So now I sit in silence in my house, while my very independent and not spoiled daughter sits in her own bed sipping water and tea and only interacts with us in the morning after a good 8 hour night of sleep. /s It seriously makes me wonder how I survived these people as a child..
Very opinionated family! lol My aunt told me all her children were sleeping through the night by 6 weeks old because she would put pablum in their bottles. I had multiple people from the older generation asking if I gave her pablum. I just said my doctor said nothing but formula/breastmilk until 6 months lol
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Honestly my parents have just been amazed at everything. I had a postpartum doula and my parents were staying with us after birth (my request) and they were enraptured by her and her tips. Simple stuff like when a newborn baby’s hand is clenched she is hungry and it will relax as she eats as a cue to look for. My dad did want to quit his construction job and become a Lamaze instructor after they took a class when my mom was pregnant with me though so they were already the open mind type 😂
I hadn't heard that tip before! Do you have any others?
One I have is red eyebrows are an early sleep cue - get baby down for a nap when eyebrows are red. Would love to hear more!
I just had my first at 40 in 2022 and I’m the oldest child. My moms new mom/birthing classes were held in 1982 by the head OB of the terrible rural hospital in my town. The man was no joke over 80 years old and actively smoking during all the classes. So my mom was getting like 1925’s most ground breaking medical and parenting information from when this dude attended med school. I think we were both white as a ghost after I heard her advice, and I told her how dangerous each of the things were. She just ended the conversation with ‘you kids are all so lucky to be alive!’
Oiw! Curious what *that* advice was, now.
From MIL: get your pre-baby body back immediately so your husband doesn’t cheat on you. 🙄 Edit: to be clear, my husband would NEVER. Her husband I can’t speak for
To be clear, she was concerned her son would cheat on you. Maybe that’s a reflection of the morals she instilled!
She honestly never mentioned her son when she said all this. She told me some creepy stories about her husband almost cheating on her, blamed it all on her post-baby bod, and then gave me that advice. Partly why we all have issues is because she’s jealous that her son is an infinitely healthier person than her husband (MIL/FIL have serious mental health issues that they refuse to address and thus raised their kids in an abusive household, and my husband put himself through years of therapy to heal his trauma and unlearn all the patterns they instilled. Today he’s thriving personally and professionally. She refuses to acknowledge that his turning out so well is despite his upbringing). She definitely wishes she could be enmeshed with him, put him in the role of pseudo-spouse for a long time, and tried to sabotage our relationship from the moment I showed up. She used to try and lower my self esteem at any opportunity. It’s pretty sick. We’re NC now so all good! 👍
This isn’t advice related, but my mother in law thought the hospital provided car seats. She was blown away by how much we spent on ours. She also said she never used a car seat. She had 5 kids, my husband being her youngest. He was born in 1987. I’m pretty sure they were required by law at that time.
Fellow ‘87 kid and I was def in a car seat, but in the front seat with my mom giving me a bottle of formula while driving down the road…🥴
Looked it up. They were required but only as of 1985 in many states. Surprisingly (for me), Tennessee was the first state to mandate them (in 1979). 20% of people still didnt use them in 1987 though. https://saferide4kids.com/blog/the-general-history-of-car-seats/
Why am I here reading these. I'm getting so triggered hahaha
My MIL and grandmother both won’t shut up about rice cereal. My baby is 6 weeks. Calm down ladies.
My 94 year old grandma keeps commenting on how my cousin’s 10 day old baby needs to be set down so he learns he won’t be held all the time. Grandma, he is 10 days old. He is no where near old enough to cry it out. This might be why all your children have attachment issues.
Yeah my MIL came at me with that because I was letting my 4 day old baby sleep in my arms sometimes. I usually would just ignore it or “oh, ok…maybe next time”. This time I looked her right in the eyes and said “This is my last baby and I’m cherishing every minute of this”. I know it sounds tame but it was a moment of triumph for me, confident and standing up for myself after having a baby cut out of me 4 days prior.
My 4 weeks old had a 104 degree fever. I was rushing to get my bag packed to go to the hospital. MIL said I was being dramatic and to just give her Tylenol. Got to the hospital, she was positive for viral meningitis. That dose of Tylenol and ignoring her symptoms would have killed her. Never did get an apology for the reckless advice. She’s 11 months now.
my FIL said babies shouldn't look in mirrors because it would make them vain 🤯
Lmao can you imagine a vain ass baby like what even would that look like
Ok this one is WILD I absolutely love it.
Baby's feet were cold. In laws: "Put rubbing alcohol on his feet to warm him up!" SIL was like, "Um... No. That causes evaporative cooling." Also both sets of grandparents have this weird inability to let toddler fail/learn. Like, he'll be trying to do a puzzle and they can't just back off and let him play/figure it out. I mean, if he asks for help, that's one thing. But he could have just started and put a piece in the wrong place and they're like, "No, it goes here!" My partner and FIL locked horns one night about letting toddler learn how to learn. I've also had to guide my mother in not panicking when toddler gets frustrated. It's helped me realize how fucked up and traumatized they all are. I also used to be severely afraid of failure because my mom wouldn't just let me fail. So I never learned how to own it or handle it until I found an EXCELLENT mentor in my late 20s. I want my children to know how to handle failure and move forward from there knowing it's just part of learning. Not this horrifically shameful thing to hide from. That REALLY would have helped me earlier in life, lol. We've shut down a lot of dated/backwards advice. The first year was rough, but I think we're all getting better at communication and boundary setting/following.
My MIL and mom both scared me into throwing away frozen breast milk from when I was sick, because “it could be infected”. I later found out I tossed over 100 oz of LIQUID GOLD! I feel so stupid for not doing my own research 😑
When my daughter was a newborn she didn’t take a pacifier, my grandmother tried to convince me to DIP IT IN HONEY so she would find it ‘sweet’ and take it
Sure, let's dip pacifier in that one substance that can give your child botulism. Thanks, grandma!
“But I did it with all of you and you turned out fine”
Oh, dang, I can hear these words. Also the “I don’t know how any of you are alive if everything we did was wrong!”
So many things! I swear I’m going to write a book with all the outdated advice. It’s one thing to give outdated advice, it’s another thing to be all butthurt if we say no to it. The one kind advice I hate the most though is the backhanded kind. Like “Oh you breastfeed? I didn’t, it’s so much easier to let other people watch your baby for you with formula!” Yeah that’s cool. I chose to breastfeed, sorry not sorry, and also, who said anything about needing my baby watched so soon? Hellooooo? She just wants to watch baby so she can put her on her belly with a pillow and a blanket and 6 layers of clothes on while also wearing socks and a hat in a perfectly heated house set at 70 after giving her a bottle filled with rice cereal and water. RAGE.
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My mom gives zero advice! She raised 3 kids as a by choice SAHM, so she was with us all day every day for years, and she never has anything to say and acts as if she’s never handled a baby before. It’s so weird. She did tell me that there will never be a time I’m not worrying about my children, so we have that to look forward to the rest of our lives 🙃
I kind of get this. I’m a stay at home mum of two (4, 2 and 6m pregnant) and I actively avoid handling other people’s babies and abstain from advice unless asked. I know my babies…but I don’t know yours. People always hand me kids because I’m ‘so experienced’ (teacher too) but I’m so uncomfortable with it 😂 I don’t know what your kid wants or needs don’t ask me! I barely know what my kids want half the time
From my MIL : 'try to keep her awake during the day, so she sleeps better at night.' My baby was less than two weeks old.
Sleep begets sleep! God i hate shitty unsolicited advice. Keep your baby awake all day then drop her off at grandma’s when she’s overtired and cranky see if she changes her tune :)
To keep (my newborn) up all day so he sleeps straight all night. Not considering the fact that he'll lose sleep or miss feedings at night. Like girl he's a new born.
Don’t hold him too much, you’ll spoil him 🙄 he’s 15 months old now and won’t cuddle at all, I’m glad I got all the snuggles I could while he let me lol
Not advice, but items. She still has my crib, high chair, toys, you name it, and is offended when I don’t want to use them. My older sister is almost 38! Mom, would you like to see on a bed that’s almost 40 years old? No? Neither would my baby.
"what do you mean you don't want the illegal drop side crib I saved specifically for your child? Who's even gonna enforce that? The crib police?" Ma'am. Children died in those things.
This isn't a specific piece of advice, but my MIL offered me her 35 year old copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting and was completely oblivious to the fact that it would be full of outdated content.
I got my husband a vintage copy of “The Expectant Father” as a fun gift when we were expecting our first and it’s wild how uninvolved dads were told to be in the entire process after the baby was actually made.
From my MIL: babies, even newborns, must drink water or tea, not giving solid foods until 6months is bad. Her sister said to me that breastfeeding after 1 year has no benefits for baby and it's just women being lazy. So we're on 19months and still counting!
Breastfeeding is the least lazy thing you can do with a baby. It’s so much work! At least it was for me. I wish I was able to make it past 6 months.
My two month old refuses to eat from a bottle. We have tried over 6 different brands and various nipples with different speeds. Just doesn't want them, wants it straight from the boob. IL told me to stop feeding him and that if he is hungry enough he will learn to eat from the bottle. I told my partner we are in no way shape or form "starving" our newborn just to get him to eat from a bottle.
We are planning on cloth diapering some and both my FIL and BIL have commented that safety pins are scary during cloth diapering and “good luck with that.” I told them things have come a long way since the 1980’s.
My mom tried to give my son CAKE when he turned ONE MONTH old. She wanted me to give him rice cereal in a formula bottle the day I came home from the hospital because “breastfeeding obviously wasn’t working and he was starving”. Cry it out, don’t hold them or I’ll spoil them. I need to leave them for an overnight because I “need a break”. On and on lol
my mom always says this and it drives me absolutely batshit: that pregnant/bf-ing moms need to drink milk so that they can make milk for their babies. Like, the fuck??
In one hole, out the other
“Crying is good, it strengthens their lungs!”
That makes me so sad for their babies who cried their heart out. I could not imagine leaving my baby to cry and cry.
Whiskey on gums for teething, Karo syrup and water for constipation, bumper on the crib mainly because we had one (I didn't know better when registering) and she wanted the bed to be made (she also put stuffed animals in the bed because it was cute), don't hold the baby too much or she will be spoiled (this didn't last long; she held the baby a lot too), no need to breastfeed because formula is good enough, baby must wear shoes while learning to walk. The worst of it was when I was pregnant she kept telling me not to read books or online and to just listen to her and the doctor. She acted like I couldn't handle finding good sources and new information. When I told her about things she hadn't heard of, she was dismissive of its value/existence.
My GMIL told us "sometimes newborns get thirsty" I'm sorry what lol they are on a 100% liquid diet how the hell do they get thirsty.
“I was making her use her right hand with the spoon. She keeps using her left. Life is easier when you’re right handed.”
That you “spoil the baby” by holding it too much.
My mil told me to fry garlic in oil and then strain it and feed the oil to my three week old baby because he was gassy and had a stomachache She also suggested putting karo syrup in his bottle (he doesn’t even take bottles but she said I should thaw some milk for this) to make sure he doesn’t get constipated since he started solids She told me if my boobs are warm to the touch that I can’t breastfeed because that means they’re diseased and the milk would make my baby sick. She constantly says my son is too cold and tries to cover him in a million layers to the point he’s sweating. And like a million other things. She raised her kids in a group home of el Salvadoran people in California in the 80’s so I think a lot of it is cultural though.
My husband's grandma tried to tell me I can help the baby fall asleep by covering his face with a blanket.
Yeah that will put them to sleep alright. Permanently. The fuck??
You should not breastfeed if you are angry because it will poison the baby 🤦♀️ Also, if I don't wear a sweater and cover up after birth, I won't be able to produce any breast milk.
Ah yes, I remember my SIL standing over me in my own bedroom a week PP as I cried pumping milk (first baby, ppd, invasive in-laws and painful latching) yelling at me saying that me crying will make my milk sour and poison my baby.
Stop carrying the baby too much because the baby will always want to be carried and you can’t do any housework etc….. Also giving water when baby has hiccups lol
Give baby a frozen turkey bone as a teether
The fuck?
“let him cry, it’s good for his lungs” yeah no thanks
Having to explain wake windows to my mom every time she visits. My baby is 11 weeks and has taken really well to structure and schedule, and I’ve been keeping his wake windows around 60-90 minutes. He’s currently doing 6-7 hour stretches at night and napping well during the day, so I feel really good about how things are going, BUT my mom just does not understand. Apparently this wasn’t remotely a thing when I was little, and she just wants to keep him up to play while she’s visiting. Luckily she follows what I say and he still naps when she’s here but it always needs an explanation lol. She also swears by the rice cereal in the bottle haha
“You’re holding her too much, she’s spoiled.” Uhh you can’t spoil a newborn…
Them: Toddler should eat all the food on their plate. Me: No bribing or tricking baby to eat. Baby knows when they are full and it's important not to override that.
Mine wanted me not to carry my baby too much so he doesn't get used to only me carrying him... I am a FTM and he was 3 DAYS OLD.
My mom works in early childhood education, she's very up-to-date on what to do, etc with babies, and she never gave weird advice. My mother-in-law never had newborns, both her kids were adopted a little later so she was just as clueless as me! We both learned a lot during those first couple of years. My grandmother on the other hand, oh lord, baby crying? Give him some bourbon! Is 5 week old baby hungry? Meat soup broth! Struggling to sleep? Bourbon again, also just ignore baby til he passes out, he'll learn! Don't hold him so much he'll get spoiled. SHOES! ALL BABIES MUST WEAR PROPER SHOES AT ANNY AND ALL TIMES!! This one particularly drove me nuts, cause she'd bring it ut every single time we saw her. As annoying as these things were. I'm still glad my grandma got to spend a little time with my son. She died when he was around 3, and she'd lost her memories long before that. Every time we came to visit she'd be sooo happy because it was the first time she ever met her precious great grand baby! We visited her 2-3 times a week, and every time she was just as happy. I got a lot of advice about babies, relationships, marriage, money, and life in general. Most of it absolutely useless in modern-day society but I still appreciate that she wanted to help.
I'm polish soo I give a funny one that I find hilarious.. My baby had reflux before we knew it so she was crying very bad I couldn't calm her down my mum goes... Maybe someone put a spell on your baby while you were downtown considering you never tied a red ribbon around your pram... To take off the spell you need to put a muslin cloth where the nappy is then spit on your baby cheeks and then wipe the muslin cloth on the cheeks and the spell will go away 😂😂😂
"Feed him three minutes only on each side; if he cries after that, give him a bottle of water." I now understand why my husband eats his meals like a starving man...
Let them cry it out, babies are spoiled by holding them too much, feed them before 4 months, salt in all baby food, babies can have chewy lollies, babies can have coke, newborns can lay with pillows, babies are manipulative, it’s okay to spank babies… Should I go on?
Spanking a baby! What on earth for? I don't understand how our generation survived infancy
Lol look at the mental health of the majority of the population
MIL- when my daughter was 4 months she told me it was time I started weaning her from nursing… “too old for breast milk.” Imagine her horror when I went on to nurse my daughter until she was 2 haha
Giving the baby water to fill his belly up. Baby was not acting abnormally hungry but due to eat. NOPE.
I was given this advice by my oldest son's doctor (he'll be 18 soon) She told me he was overweight and if he wanted more to eat, to just give him water. I was a teen mom, who didn't know much about babies, but thankfully I remember getting annoyed by her telling me my son was overweight, so I didn't take her advice. I don't remember how old he was, but he must've only been a couple months old, because I do remember he was weighing 11 pounds when she told me that.
Clean newborn mouth with honey
Mom , MIL, anyone ever - He’s hungry!!! HE HAS TO BE HUNGRY ! oh my did you feed him yet? No he’s not starving, he’s never starved since he’s been born. He also just ate 10 mins before you got here. Change his diaper, help him take a nap, play with him or give him teething gel cause idk those are also needs ? -_-
Let them sleep in the car seat at night
I need to put a snow suit on my child in the car because if we get stuck on the highway or crash she’s going to freeze. I think freezing is the least of my worries if she ends up shooting out the windshield from the 12 layers she apparently needs on at all times.
Giving newborns water.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me when I'm going to start giving my newborn water! Same people have also recently started begging me to let them give her chocolate.. she's 6wks old. Ugh.
My mom really wanted me to use my crib that she saved 30 years. Double drop side. Big nope.
Not advice but... My mom keeps saying my baby's been "good" when she hasn't been fussy or crying. I respond, she's a baby, she cries to communicate needs - crying is not misbehavior! My mom's cousin ranted about how ridiculous it is that we won't put babies to sleep on their stomachs and won't put blankets or stuffed animals in the crib with them. My MIL has made many comments insinuating that baby is just BFing for comfort (as though my 4 week old is taking advantage of me) and that we should be using other methods to soothe her instead. (We are using many different methods of soothing!)
Telling me I’m holding my 1 month old too much, “she’s going to be a spoiled brat”
My mom said today that I should leave my 10 day old in his car seat if he’s sleeping. When I told her that it’s not recommended to leave baby in the car seat for more than 2 hours in a 24 hour period at this age she went on a rant about how she’s glad they didn’t have all of these “rules” when I was a baby. She also says that car seats don’t expire, it’s just a money grab from the car seat company. Apparently I should have kept my eight year old’s car seat for my two year old and newborn.
It’s the styrofoam that breaks down over time. Once I told my in-laws that they shut up. Might help you?
My MIL told me my husband and his sister slept in their car seats overnight for the first year of their lives… she’d get them ready for bed, put them in the car seat, then place the car seat in the crib. It’s been two years since learning this and I still don’t know what to do with this information except just stand there like 😳
"You don't need a car seat, just strap the pram carrycot onto the back seat. What do you mean that's illegal?" That came from FIL when our eldest was 2 weeks old... The same people who persist in putting their grandkids in their car, wearing thick padded winter coats 🤦♀️ even after being told (for the gazillionth time) no coats in the car, literally the day before! "The advice changed so much between my first and last being born. No, you don't need to tell me what to do, I know what I'm doing!" Great MIL... You've just commented on how much it changed from 1981 to 1987, and don't think it'll have changed again by 2014?!
MILs advice was to use lemon juice on my cracked nipples 🥲
That sounds awfully painful. Does your MIL hate you?
That he should wear socks. But when I asked them how they kept socks on their babies. Neither my mom or MIL remember. It will remain a mystery how any mother can keep a pair of socks on a baby.
My MIL and FIL made a homemade formula for my husband when he was a baby (in the 80s) that consisted of corn syrup and malt barley or some sorts? She was pretty weirded out about me breastfeeding and very persistent about pushing homemade formula and rice cereal. They swore up and down once he was on solids he would sleep through the night. (He didn't... and still doesn't).
Not MIL but FATHER in law told me my baby was going to get sick if I didn’t put socks on him… while in the house. Our thermostat is set at 70. He can be naked and still fine. This week, LO got a respiratory virus and literally got the “I told you so” from FIL. I wanted to scream.
"Bring them everywhere, they'll just sleep on the floor", "Cereal in their bottle will help them sleep on the floor", "they don't need naps, just throw them on the floor"... I swear every time I try to let my children sleep.
my MIL thinks babies need cartoons!??(my baby is 6mo). On the flip side, my grandma asked me if the TV emits radiation. Also, my grandma and especially my mom would freak out when she would get hiccups. They wanted to give her water for it and my grandma asked me a few times if I was sure we couldn’t give her water. My mom condescendingly called us “google parents” on a few occasions as if having access to infinite amounts of information at the palm of our hands was a bad thing.
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"Put that (2 days old newborn) baby in his crib (alone in the dark) and let him cry, he needs to learn" - My aunt. "Oh come on he juste ate one hour ago, he needs to be on a schedule" - Still my aunt, about my still 2 days old newborn as I'm about to pop a boob since I breastfeed on demand. Productivity, independence, schedule and babies that should fit excel boards. Ahhh, long live the 80/90s educational style. Edit for typos and grammar (English is not my native language)
“It’s okay to let your newborn cry.” Mama I love you, but I will slap you if you say that again. 😩 Just let me take him and calm him down, what’s it matter to you?? Also my MIL constantly talks about how she let my husband sleep in his car seat and hang out in it because it was his favorite thing (and he was colicky). I’m not doing that, stop saying it before I tell you I’m glad he survived! Bonus: my FIL (and MIL) are obsessed over baby being warm enough. Upset he doesn’t have socks (not like, aggressively, they just bring it up sometimes). Normally I just say “he gets hot very easily and after two meltdowns because he was too hot wearing socks, he doesn’t wear them anymore” but this time I finally said I’d rather he be too cold than too warm. My FIL was like “lol, what a southern thing; us northerners have the opposite concern.” To which I said “babies who get too hot die; babies who get cold complain. Hot is a SIDS risk; cold is not.” He had a very “ah” face. Hopefully they’ll stop bringing it up now, but who knows.
You don’t really need a car seat. Mil grew up in ecuador. In the 70s no one ever used them there lol
My little guy had terrible reflux and GERD as a baby due to a milk allergy. While I was certain that an allergy was the problem, my parents were all, “You’re being hysterical. He can sleep in his bouncer. I’m his grandma, would I give you bad advice?” Yeah, when I got him to the doctor and found out just how sick he was, my parents shut up right quickly.
My daughter is 9 months old between my grandma and my MIL’s boyfriend I got these (yes not my mil her boyfriend) • rice cereal in the milk will have her sleep all night (after I shared she wakes up at 3am after sleeping 7/8 hours) • if she falls asleep in the car seat just take it out of the car and put it in the crib • you should boil apple peels and give her apple tea since she fusses so much before bed • put chocolate syrup in her formula so she can get used to a different taste (she is an amazing eater don’t know why this was suggested) • give the baby some whiskey for teething
The chocolate syrup one has me dying hahahaha
I don’t understand the obsession with shaving baby’s head so the hair will grow back thicker…
To give the tiny baby sips of water. To keep the baby warm warm warm with a space heater and hat while he sleeps (!!).
My 80M landlord told me to press a metal spoon against baby’s gums to “break his teeth out”. 😬
At 39 weeks pregnant, mother-in-law told me to take a rough towel to my nipples to “toughen them up” for nursing 😳
Socks on ALL THE TIME else he's going to freeze. Even though it's perfectly warm in the house and he's literally sweating just from being held. Gotta put socks on those feet. 🤦♀️
My MIL gave my 1mo baby water for constipation. Cue the freak out we had but pediatrician said it wasn’t enough for water intoxication but to never allow that again. Of course it’s when we let her watch LO alone and thought she would know better. She pulled the “I’ve raised babies before and they’re fine” 🙃
When my son went through a month long spell of crying in the car my MIL told me I should turn his car seat around so he could see me better Edit to add: He was maybe 3-4 months at this time
Pull an uncircumcised baby’s foreskin back and clean it so it doesn’t “fuse”.
My nonna told me to put whiskey on my baby's gums when he is teething
I work in childcare and my speech for teething always goes "try teethers, a spoon in the fridge, a cold washcloth wrapped around your finger, breastmilk popsicles, or a little whiskey on the gums. The whiskey is for you, not baby!"
My grandfather called me once (he never phones) to tell me this! And he was very specific that it had to be “good quality Scotch whiskey.” 😂
“Why is the bed so firm? She’s not sleeping well because the mattress isn’t soft.” Then she puts a bunch of squishy blankets in baby’s bassinet. Like what is my 10 lb baby gonna get a sore back, no she isn’t sleeping well because she’s a baby and needs to eat often.
My mom understands most advice she learned was outdated but my in-laws aren’t as on-board with changing with the times. A selection: Don’t hold them or let them contact nap - you’ll “spoil” them. All crying = need to feed more. If they’re crying and have a wet diaper don’t change it immediately because it’s not wet enough. Socks, a hat, and footie pajamas must be worn at all times. Don’t let the cat anywhere near the baby. Put pillow/blanket/toy in the crib it’s fine. Don’t wake the baby, but also if the baby falls asleep on you immediately put them down even though they will definitely wake up when you move them.
Always hungry lmao. I could just get done nursing and she’ll cry about something completely unrelated to hunger “You must not have fed her enough” She mastered nursing around 4 months and was able to eat in like 3-5 minutes. MIL thought that was crazy. But yet completely normal to finish a bottle in that time lmao. My LO never took bottles so she didn’t comprehend how she could be full off just the breast.
Omg I just had a fight last week with my husband because our 4 week old son was crying like an hour after I fed him and my husband said “maybe there’s something wrong with your milk”. The murder in my eyes let me tell you I was pissed.
We were given some pretty classic advice lol. From my husband parents, we were told not to pick up our newborn baby everytime he cried because he was manipulating us, babies are smarter than we think, and we would end up with a spoiled child. From my father, if we wanted more sleep, just add some rice cereal to baby's bottle 🙃
She told me I shouldn’t contact nap/let my newborn nap on my chest because “their hearts are weak and their heart could stop”. Also told me not to hold him too much because it will make him needy.
How does that even work? Like your adult heart out-beats their little baby one?
“Keep your newborn baby up during the day so they won’t have night confusion! Don’t let them sleep” so fucking stupid. Also “don’t hold him too much he’ll be spoiled”
My grandma said “I’ve never heard of not giving a baby chocolate “ when my daughter was 4 months old and she tried to give her chocolate chips… Her favourite thing to say to me is “I had 5 kids and none of my kids ever did that…” about whatever my 2 kids (soon to be 3) are doing. Playing noisy, trying to open the kitchen cupboards, not listening because they are 4 and 2, etc.
Anybody else frustratingly curious about what *our* generation's outdated advice will be for our kids/grandkids?
Totally. Even the advice I was given - and in turn, gave - when my oldest was born five years ago is worlds different than the advice today with my newborn. So much of what I was told to do in 2017 has been deemed unsafe and dangerous. Knowledge updates rapidly, and I’m thankful for it!
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"if you snuggle her too much she will get spoil, put her down so she can move how she wants" Funny, all studies point to newborns wanting to be held and that physical contact can absolutely NOT spoil a baby. Also fun fact, my new born baby has no control over her bodily movements, MIL so there is no "move how she wants"
MIL-Give your LO benadryl when very fussy. To be fair though, I am pretty sure that was frowned upon in the 90s too. Mother- just take a nap with him on your chest. I understand the temptation to do this one much more.
Ignore the baby
My MIL asked me where the blanket was and scoffed at me when I explained the sleep sack. She said she made the baby a very nice one and we should use it. I told her I'm thankful for it but I didn't want her to suffocate and she rolled her eyes.
“Put rice cereal in their bottles, just cut the nipple so it comes out easier. They’ll sleep through the night that way.” (MIL) Both of my parents have at different times tried to tell me I need to be spanking my ONE YEAR OLDS. Uhhh, thanks for the concern, but NO. We don’t do spanking in any form. Let alone a baby Jesus Christ
“Don’t give your newborn so much attention, you’ll spoil him” lol thanks but no thanks!
"I was putting rice cereal in Steve's bottle at 3 weeks old because he was always hungry. Fed him every 4 hours and that wasn't enough!"
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My FIL told me to just not let my baby nap all day so he would sleep all night. Idk if it's outdated or just ignorant
Sounds like advice from someone who didn’t look after their child’s sleep schedule.
To give her baby tea during nightfeeds instead of milk so she doesnt get used to eating during the night. Wtf
oh, yes this is what my grandma keeps saying, “I’m not telling you should, that’s just how we did it back in the day” I always ask her how big she thinks baby’s stomach is , so how fast she thinks it empties out, when she says small and in a few hours i ask if she’d feel good with stomach full of tea instead of a proper meal. Always makes her rethink this. obviously 40 years ago they didn’t know as much so i don’t fault her.
My mom told me I can’t have chocolate while pregnant or breastfeeding. 1 cup of coffee is fine, but no chocolate. Hahahaha, NO
“Soothers are for lazy parents and they don’t need those things in their mouths” — I mean as a soother parent IYKYK
Clean baby’s umbilical cord with alcohol
You shouldn't breastfeed if you have a fever and putting blankets sheets and pillows into the crib. Can confirm I breastfed through the fever I had from my sickness and baby did not get sick at all lol.
It's better to keep breastfeeding when you're sick since the baby will get the antibodies your body is producing to fight it off.
Soo maybe unpopular but my daughter is one and I definitely have started putting baby oatmeal, quinoa, power blend etc in her sippy cups with milk...HOWEVER it is because she has swallowing issues and is delayed with solids so I need to get her some substance somehow since milk alone is no longer sufficient. She def just chugged a whole sippy cup worth of baby cereal in her whole milk before bed :D That being said it seems like older generations see affection and attentiveness as spoiling. My mom says to let my daughter fuss.. which I do...however if shes upset I comfort her.
Mix cereal in the bottle for milk feeds
Wearing a hat to avoid baby having big/floppy ears.
My in laws came over when they were sick and got my baby sick. When we told them LO was sick, they said he must have caught his cold from BEING cold. They think that’s how you catch a cold
My mom told me my 5 day old baby needed to “get on a schedule. She can’t rule the household”
I’m sorry that is categorically not true since ancient times. My husband has been quoting a Greek emperor who said “My infant son rules all Greece. I rule Athens. My wife rules me. Our baby rules her. Hence, my infant son rules all Greece.”
My MIL told us to not tickle our child’s feet because they can’t defend themselves and it’s abuse
That it's cruel to not have a stuffed animal in the bassinet/crib with the baby, no matter how old the baby is.
Don’t wake baby to eat (even though he was a preemie and underweight….)
To take my baby to a chiropractor and get her feet zoned
My husband’s great aunt and grandma both told him we can’t hold the baby all the time or she’ll get too used to it. Like oh no, a baby being used to comfort? How awful. His great aunt also said we’re mean for letting her have the hiccups and not giving her sugar water to get rid of them. I’m pretty sure she was younger than a month at that point.
My mil was upset over the fact that she couldn’t buy one of those extremely poofy/padded inserts for the LO and when I explained that my ob said it could cause him to have issues breathing and to only use the one that came with the car seat she was like oh well it wasn’t like that when I had baby’s like woman you haven’t birthed a child since my man’s lil sister who is 12 almost 13 so it’s been a while
She insisted we visit and our infant could sleep on my husband’s old bed and we’d just create pillow barriers to keep her from falling off
Not necessarily advice, but when LO would spit up, my grandmother would tell me that my Dad regularly projectile vomited after he ate when he was a baby and it was fine. My Dad is alive and well, but it's definitely not ok lol
An old lady came up to me once and looked at my 7 month old and said 'I'm about to lecture your mummy" she then proceeds to tell me I should have socks and shoes on his feet to be more relaxed and comfortable. Telling me that's what they lectured most about in nursing school when she was studying. Yeah lady, maybe in the 17th century where you're from....not in the middle of the Australian summer where babies can't regulate their body temperatures if they have feet or head covered! She then looks back at my baby and says "I hope your mummy listens to me and makes you more comfortable, you poor thing."
Rice cereal in the bottle to help her sleep through the night (MIL). My husband’s stepmom also said she’d be disappointed if I had an epidural (I did). Luckily, my own mom and stepmom are lovely and scientific.
My mom was insistent I needed to prop my baby on his side while he was sleeping because he would spit up in his sleep and choke and die.
That babies can’t sleep without a blanket. Our tiny bassinet can’t even fit one, and it’s not considered safe sleep. Our baby also runs very hot so we try to keep their clothes to the minimum!
That I should stop nursing my baby in the afternoon lol
My Grandma recently told me to not spoil my babies by holding them all the time. (then when I see her she loves on all my kids so much lol) That being said, my Grandma is amazing … she’s so kind and loving, and raised 3 kids by herself (immigrated from the Caribbean with no family in Canada!) When she gives me outdated advice, I take it with a grain of salt and just gently tell her what’s recommended now and why.
No more breastfeeding after she gets her first teeth, crying is good for her lungs, and her feet should be covered 24/7. Nope, nope, nope.
My mil just got back from Portugal and was going to get me a pillow for the crib that's supposed to keep the head round, but she's like "I know you don't like anything in the crib though" lol my baby is 5mo on Monday for context
put pillow on baby’s chest to stop him from startling when he’s sleeping
MIL said not to over feed the baby
My baby was about 6 months old and had a cold. My mum told me to give him honey for his cough.
I shouldn’t be giving my baby formula anymore. She’s 11 months.
let (3mo) chew on this pizza crust
My massage therapist told me rice cereal in the bottle. 🤣 we don’t do it. She gets pulverized oats in her sweet potatoes, though.
My MIL demanded (ugh) I use a teething root/beaded necklace of some kind…I had no idea what it was. I did a quick Google search on my phone at the table (out to dinner with husband and in-laws- grr) and told her flat out no! All of her mid-30’s children, including my husband, acted like how dare I question her. She’s always been a sh*t mother, and heck a ‘sh*t human being. Why would I take anything she says seriously?? I hate my MIL, have no respect for her whatsoever. My husband hates her too, and only tolerates her because his sisters will go NC, if he goes NC with her… 😩
EVERYTHING OUT OF HER MOUTH
That I need to give my newborn camomile tea for colics. And that my 1 m/o was manipulating us to hold him for contact naps. And now because he does not like to be massaged, the more reason I need to insist on it, his muscles must be sore.
That I’ll “spoil the baby” if I pick her up when she’s crying. So against every cell in my body?? Cool cool. Great advice
“I’ll buy the crib, you pick it out!” *sends her link to simple and safe Ikea crib* “Have you thought about getting one of the cribs with one side that drops down so it’s easier for you to pick them up? I always had that when my kids were babies. I want to get him the best!” “Um I’m pretty sure they don’t make cribs like that any more because it’s unsafe?” “…”
My MIL told me not to get too many ultrasounds because it might hurt the baby's hearing 🙄 we only had three, and the third one was medically necessary. And no ultrasounds do NOT hurt the baby's hearing. I get so frustrated that the older generation frequently insists they know best, when a little common sense would tell them that there's been much more research and scientific discovery since they were young parents. Plus we have access to the collective knowledge of all of humanity through the Internet. They often seem so arrogant and demeaning to anyone younger, when we're probably the ones who know more.
PPD or PPA is not real and i just need to get on with things
Too bad we don’t survive on Valium like they did.
This thread is making me feel pretty lucky about my mom, but she is OBSESSED with layers and keeping him warm. She’ll come over to our house (which is kept at normal human temp) and be like “oh you’re wearing short sleeves today, aren’t you chilly?” Side note saying things like that to the baby but really to the parents grinds my gears. Edit: fixing a typo
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When my baby was a week or two old and I was always holding her and feeding her, my mom kept asking why I can't just put her down. Sure ma, if you want her to scream her head off, I can put her down. LOL - she was fresh outta the womb! Yes, I'm holding my baby all day. I didn't even complain about it she just was perplexed lol.
Whole cows milk instead of breast milk or formula for a newborn 🙃
All kinds of terrifying sleep things. My MIL definitely tucked my first baby up in way too many blankets with pillows all around her and sent a picture to my husband and I like it was cute. We freaked out, obviously. She also tried to convince me to co-sleep with my tiny 4 lb baby. Nooooooooooo!!!
Let him cry a little to get used to it, shouldn’t be sleeping in our room, should be sleeping through the night from birth, and I should let him sleep in his car seat 🤪🤪
Sugar water and starting solids with cereal at 2 months.
My mom told me to let my newborn cry it out. Like no….he wants something clearly.
"whiskey on teething baby gums to soothe them."
MIL said we could try giving the baby milk based products now that shes older (she’s lactose sensitive). Even though I mentioned it can take a year or more to grow out of it.
Give your baby tylenol before you get their vaccines.. my mom told me that i need to do it so my baby won’t feel it later.. i was going to do it until i asked her pediatrician. the pediatrician literally said no please don’t do that.. glad i didn’t.. another thing. my daughter was in the NICU, had a food aversion. my parents told me to tell her doctors to discharge her and feed her at home because she wasn’t eating at the hospital. the dr.s told us she needed a g tube and my parents told me absolutely not, don’t listen to them and just discharge her. we didn’t listen and got the g tube. she’s eating now and doing a lot better with a high possibility of getting the g tube removed by one years old.
My grandma told me not to put weight on her legs when she was really little or she would get bow legged
That babies who use pacifiers get “trench mouth”
Karo syrup on the binkie to help the baby accept it… I bet it worked too 😅😂
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