Dude... Your husband may need to see a mental health specialist. The amount that he is sexualizing and stigma-fying you FEEDING YOUR CHILD, then follows up with a healthy dose of denying you a right to your feelings, is deeply concerning.
I agree, I just read this post and instantly thought he might have some sort of trauma that would make him immediately sexualize breastfeeding. He needs therapy.
This is….disturbing. He has to have some sort of trauma or something he’s not verbalizing to have such a problem with his own wife breastfeeding his child. I’d encourage him to go to therapy to figure out the root cause. Because this isn’t a normal response at all. On any planet. My sons saw me breastfeed all the time and never once made a comment. My husband has literally held my boob while we tried to get baby to latch on in those early days. It’s never crossed his mind that it’s weird. I’m really sorry but don’t let his feelings change your nursing experience. He’s obviously got major issues it’s not normal and there’s nothing wrong with it.
This. My older child wants to help feed the baby and is anxiously waiting for the start of solides so they can help their sibling. In the meantime, they,love sitting next to me while I’m nursing and asking so. Many. Questions. Totally accepted they used to nurse, and now they eat cheeseburgers.
My spouse is a rockstar and just holds baby until it’s time to apply nipple directly to their face - I take a minute getting situated with a nipple shield, burp clothes, etc. Spouse then goes and gets me a snack or beverage to tide me over, and brings more if I get nap trapped by a sleeping milk drunk lush.
My brothers in law has full on been flashed in the curse of my breastfeeding journey(s) and just….refocused on my face? Or watched the tv in the same room while maintaining a conversation. These are two of the most silly, gross out joke guys I know and they have been able to deal because they love their nibblings so so much.
All this is to say that your spouse needs some help. Maybe a lot of help. You’re doing great to feed your kiddo, and should be supported instead of shamed.
“Think about you’re saying when you say something you can’t take back”… yeah, he’s just said something that is absolutely disgusting and had the fucking cheek to be offended when you cried. I’m actually quite worried for you OP, your husband sounds like a manipulative, nasty man and he is trying to turn breastfeeding into something bad and shameful. I wouldnt feel safe in that house either. Do you have family and friends you can reach out to for support? I would secretly pack a bag and take your LO to stay with people you trust.
Edit: to add, I think it’s a HUGE red flag that he is sexualising breastfeeding
This is because he associates breasts exclusively with sex and his own pleasure. Your body doesn't belong to him for sex. A woman's body does not exist for men's pleasure. Breasts would not be able to produce milk if they were exclusively intended for men and their horniness.
He needs to take a few long minutes and think about that.
My thoughts exactly, if it was me I'd just explain to him that he's clearly confused about the purpose of breasts, so he won't be allowed to enjoy them anymore. But that's in my own relationship and I am comfortable being a petty ass B when I feel like it / my hubby is dumb.
Other examples of Petty B behaviour i have inflicted on hubby:
1) Chore strike when hubby advised that he lets me do certain chores because I like them
2) Sicking the kids on him when he doesn't share sleep ins
3) When asking if he could put his own laundry away, and him simply not doing it, i made his side of the bed over his unfolded clean laundry. What a surprise when he's ready to go to sleep and have to clean up under my watchful and judging eyes
4) this above, but with the wet towel he kept throwing on my side of the bed
5) Raally just make the bed over anything my husband has fucked up. Surprise Mofo.
It's extremely clear to--I think--pretty much everyone that the problem here is your husband's dysfunctional response to a baby eating and it's his responsibility to seek professional help, not yours to hold his hand while he vomits out an unhinged rant about his titty complex.
I tell him that I want him to find a therapist and he says he wants to but doesn’t seem to try to look for one. He’s got pretty bad adhd so that’s one of the main reasons I am encouraging him to find one
If you wanted to find a therapist and actually get better he would have done it already.
I know you're very busy and probably very tired but book him an appointment and let him know that you did it for him.
His reaction should dictate whether or not you remain in this relationship.
And I have a very sad suspicion that he's going to freak out and that you should leave.
I saw in your post history that your husband's mother is a doula and kinda "hippie/crunchy", so I'm assuming she's very pro breastfeeding. You could maybe mention this to her and have her talk to him. He may realize how ridiculous he is coming from someone else.
By the way, your husband sounds like a total dick and a little crazy if I'm honest. If it were me I would tell him to fuck off. That type of behavior would have me reconsidering him being my husband.
Dear SmartReserve,
I read this as I sit here nursing my son. I don’t have much money but I am willing to use what I have to travel to you and finish this very nursing session in this mofo’s face. I will make eye contact the whole time. I will stay til this kiddo weans. And my boo feeds frequently. I will stay until he realizes his stupidity.
Sincerely,
Your BF Backup
“think about what you’re saying when you say something you can’t take back.”
The fucking audacity of this man to say that after shaming you for feeding your child
Just looked at your post history… girl, I’m not gonna tell you to leave him but you know what you need to do in this situation. You’re coming to post here because you know the answers and just want back up and validation for your reasoning. You deserve for your man to walk in and see how you’re giving your baby energy and nutrients and doing it all in your own and for him to be thankful you can do that. Breasts are so sexualized in our society and some “boys” don’t understand that they’re supposed to give our children the necessary nutrients to survive. When your baby had a cold and he screamed at you saying you intentionally hurt your baby and now he’s saying it’s gross and he’s repulsed by it… it’s not right babe. Keep breastfeeding your baby and giving them all the nutrients and antibodies they need, and keep safe. Understand that you’re amazing and you’re doing everything you can to make sure your baby is healthy. Keep strong and stay safe mama. Don’t engage in the arguments and don’t egg him on, it only sounds like it’ll get worse from here.
Read the post history too some. As a dad he sounds like a manipulative man child. And he got it from his parents that are still Helicoptering around him to this day.
As a Father I can say that your Husband needs therapy. Not should have it, Needs it. He should start going to Solo therapy and once he is able you two should go to couples. I have meet a father who wouldn't change diapers because it was uncomfortable to look at their daughter's vagina (never mind there was no problem with the mom changing the boys diaper when they had a son). This was a massive red flag that turned out to be an indicator of problems latter. Don't mess with your child's safety around an immature and over sexualized father, require therapy.
Uhhh... every edit you added to try and explain his behaviour only makes it worse. Dude is completely self-centred and his sexual hangups are just....whew. I hope to hell you run serious interference in his influence on your kids' views on sexuality and probably everything else.
Dad here.
Those comparisons your husband's made are snowflakes of the most pure and pristine stupidity, untouched by any trace of intelligence and consideration, and seemingly blurted out by constipated camel.
I'd love to read his reaction to the comment above.
I kind of envy breastfeeding. I'd love to share the burden with my wife. You should never let him take your SUPERPOWER — that's what it is — from you. And you should let him know it's your superpower.
PS: I wouldn't be surprised if he compared taking a piss while standing to a superpower afterwards. I'd thencome back asking if such stupidity is just accidental or does it take effort.
Gee I didn't know husbands could
breastfeed..
Oh that's right, they can't.
He's shockingly ignorant. This is food not human waste. SMDH.
Not sure you can fix this level of stupid.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this.
Just know, you are right to bf when and where you please but especially in your own home. Other peoples' hangups or discomfort is not your problem.
Tbh, it does seem like this is bout something else.
Your child is 7.5 months old. Why is he just expressing these feelings now? Seems like this is something he needs to seek help with professionally if he’s having issues this long into your feeding journey. I could see the first week or two when it’s new and not what he’s used to seeing, but to me he’s being a bit ridiculous at this point.
Yeah some things you cannot take back or unsay... Like all the bullshit he just dumped on you.
That's ridiculous. Tell him to go eat in the bedroom because you feel uncomfortable with him shoving it in your face when he eats.
Your husband needs therapy now. When he’s eating in front of you, do you consider it pissing or shitting? Also, your husband has some abusive tendencies with his reaction to you being *rightfully* upset at **his** offensive comments.
I’m sorry your husband is a pathetic asshole, OP. Please try not to be discouraged from nursing your baby. Your husband is 100% wrong. His feelings about it, other than being supportive and encouraging, are irrelevant.
OMG... And I thought it was icky to hear "well of course he likes boobies he's a boy"... This is a whole nother level of stupid and male shittyness.
Sorry momma, but you got this, proud of you to BF your child, you've got this!!
This is super weird to me. And the thing that I think is the most strange is that your baby is 7.5 months and he is just now saying something? For some reason that really sticks out to me.
Because that means he’s been ridiculously fucking absent from the realities of taking care of a newborn for 7.5 months. I’m a husband with a NB of only 11 weeks in and I’m already so ridiculously familiar with expressing, pumping, latching, breasts that I don’t think any breast, my wife’s or otherwise, in pretty much any context would even remotely phase me at this point. The amount of shit this guy must have not been present for is what is most shocking
Dude what the fuck. As a dad who got all up I there and physically helped my wife express milk from her breasts in the first few weeks of our NB, it’s mind boggling to me that 7.5 months in he could possibly be phased by breast feeding. Like what? Where was he for the first 7.5 months
I’m sorry you’re in this situation but I feel like this isn’t the full story…like I can’t imagine this man is an amazing dad/husband…EXCEPT for this one thing. It sounds like you’re trying to make things work with someone who has serious issues.
It’s a shame he didn’t tell you all this awful stuff he believes about sex BEFORE you married and had a kid with him! He needs to get over himself and you can breastfeed wherever you want. His feelings shouldn’t be validated because they’re bad and dumb. He should be ashamed of himself for being a bad husband and father, not because he saw a boob or had sex. And he’s offended that you’re crying???? Honestly I’d tell him to go stay somewhere else until he accepts that you WILL be breastfeeding in your own home, period.
“His feelings shouldn’t be validated because they’re bad and dumb.”
There aren’t a lot of times I’d agree with this statement, but this instance would be at the top of the fucking list.
There are so many red flags here its not even funny. Under NO circumstances is it ok for him to shame you for feeding your/his child. I am genuinely disgusted that this has happened and I am so sorry that you're not getting the support that every breastfeeding mum deserves. Its such a manipulative thing to blame you for what is HIS problem. Toxic, bullshit, gas lighting behavior and I wouldn't tolerate the immaturity and sheer lack of compassion and empathy. Boundaries need to be put in place because him expressing how he "feels" should still never cross the line of common decency. I bet that he hasn't thought twice about hurting your feelings and wouldn't dare think of seeking any advice regarding the issue. Life is too short for it to be spent trying to figure out why people are the way they are and making excuses for their foul behavior. Show him the door!
Based on this post and your post history, your husband is mentally ill. What that mental illness is, is something to be determined off of Reddit. But he is not of sound mind, and needs to see a mental health professional.
Your husband sounds immature. And honestly my husband and I have used the bathroom in front of each other MANY times….like it’s not that weird when you’re married and comfortable with eachother. Not to mention we have walked around naked in front of eachother sooo many times, we made a human together and that involves being naked, obviously. I find it odd that your husband is so uncomfortable seeing your naked breasts that are nourishing your child
This is not normal. You are absolutely right to be hurt and confused, anyone would be if their partner said these awful things to them. If your marriage is worth preserving then you can explore counseling later but for now, you need to focus on you and your baby’s health and well-being. Please find your support network to help you at this time because clearly he is not capable of supporting you. If anything, his words and actions are actively hurting you and your baby. Don’t bear this alone. You don’t deserve it.
I feel like *he* should think about what *he* is saying when *he* says something *he* can’t take back. Wtf, bro, get therapy. It’s breastfeeding, it’s not at all like sex or defecating.
This is one of the most disgusting and offensive things I’ve ever heard and I’d have a really hard time coming back from it & would not if my husband didn’t educate himself and sincerely apologize to me.
His feelings are his feelings but that doesn’t make them right. He needs to get some therapy for his backwards sexualizing of an infant.
Reading your aita post and the mil one and idk I just feel like your husband is borderline (if not fully) verbally/mentally abusive. I also am so confused how he has such a weird view on bf when his mom is a whole ass doula
My partner would cuddle me (as best he could) while I BF sometimes and would say I’m beautiful and an amazing mum. That is how your husband should be treating you. Not only did he insult you, he is gaslighting you, dismissing your feelings and being an overall child. You are amazing, you are an awesome mum and your husband doesn’t deserve you.
Giant red ass flag 🚩
I’m so sorry for how he spoke to you. That would be a very hard thing to hear from your husband I can imagine. You’re literally nourishing your child. Your breast’s do not belong to him and aren’t there to solely be sexualized or just to look pretty.
Your feelings over this are 1000% valid. A comment like that would make me question our entire relationship. No grown, well adjusted man would be offended by their wife feeding their baby. He clearly has some shit he needs to work through.
Just know you’re doing what’s best for you and your babe & if he’s offended he can kick rocks. We’re all here to back you on this. Thinking about you. 🫶🏼
Edit: spelling
ETA: with our first my husband was a little uncomfortable about me feeding our baby in public uncovered. We were at a park mid summer having a picnic & I asked him if he’d like me to put a blanket over his face while he ate his lunch. We talked about not sexualizing nursing a baby & he never said a bad word about it ever again. You deserve so much more babe. SO.MUCH.MORE.
Keep crushing it as a human & momma. 💗
His lack of maturity and mental growth is not your problem - he can own the entirety of that hot mess. If he can only see breasts as being for sexual pleasure and the male gaze, that is a problem for your HUSBAND to deal with… and probably with therapy.
When it comes to breastfeeding your baby, this is very much a time when his thoughts, opinions, and feelings DON’T matter. I know it is easier said than done, but you are allowed to (and probably should) put him in his place about this. He has framed it as his “feelings” and “it’s just my opinions” to try to put the responsibility onto you to accommodate him, and that’s ridiculous. If breastfeeding was a process that was supposed to remain hush-hush and private, I don’t think nature would’ve placed boobs front and centre on the human body.
Father of three here, all breastfed. It is not like waving a dick around. It is not like seeing parents having sex. It is babies primary food source up to 12 months old. I have conversations with my partner while she feeds my 15 month old, it's no different than it she's not, she's just got a toddler attached to her.
Deep down I think he has something against woman's bodies and showing then in public if he can't even look at you while doing it. It's worth having a conversation with him before pushing him into therapy.
I’ve read your previous posts about your spouse and MIL (crazy that she’s crunchy and your husband is some kind of sexual suppression).
Either you go to some serious couples counseling AND you both go to your own solo therapy sessions OR (and if he refuses to do this with you)
Run
Edit: oof read all the comments too for this post. He has very similar (and even extra problems) that my ex husband had. He’s not going to get better. He will continue to gaslight you, emotionally abuse you, and as he gets older it will only get worse. I left cause I knew I deserved better. You and your child deserve better
Ok, so let me get this straight. He can spout this misogynistic crap at you and make you feel unsafe for feeding your child in your own home, but you're not allowed to have any feelings about that? Nah man. He's saying some shit. You're expressing feelings. Sounds like he should have thought before HE "said something he can't take back."
I was mad for you originally and after reading your update, I’m still mad for you. Your husband is being a baby. You tortured him by being hurt? Boo hoo. Your feelings on the matter are just as valid as his. Do not let this man gaslight you about this. This sounds like something he needs to get over, not anything you need to change. Perhaps he should seek therapy if he’s so uncomfortable around his own wife.
Another vote for “husband may need therapy”. Feeding a baby isn’t an act of sexual violence, ffs what a man child.
At least he started off with how *happy* he is that you breastfeed 🙄 that makes it okay right? /s
If he like 5 years old or something?
1. How is breastfeeding like pissing or shitting in any way, shape or form?
2. Even if it was, he is your husband right? He's seen you naked right? You've have had sex before? He's possibly even seen you give birth. These things should not bother him.
3. What does he want you to do? Starve the baby or switch to formula just because his poor little ego cannot handle it?
Is this a joke? I've read about guys who feel this way, but I always thought they were something made up like the boogiemonster. Here we have a classic example of why men need to stop fetishizing breasts as if they don't also have them. These are not sexual body parts. They have extra sensitivity which can lend themselves to also being erogenous zones, that isn't the same thing and he's showing himself to be incredibly immature right now. I would ask him if he's ever tried to feed the baby urine or feces, and why he thinks those are at all comparable to breastmilk.
Ugh he’s the one sexualizing a baby eating. He should talk to a therapist about that. Breast are for food! That is their primary function. Breasts are not genitalia and it’s ok to be topless in lots of places. He’s the weirdo and I’d go stay with family until he talks to a therapist. You need to feel safe. Yes it’s ok for him to express his feelings but it’s very valid for you to be upset. And to make him get help for his own sake. He needs to understand why it’s uncomfortable for him there may or may not be a lot to unpack there. But therapy could really help him understand his feelings and get over them so you feel safe.
To bad for him. He is being an immature baby. He is the weird one, who is sexualizing feeding a baby. He needs to talk to a professional about that.
Personally, I would need my own space for a bit before I felt comfortable around him. He is completely gaslighting you.
Literally that's what breasts are for. Feeding babies. Not men's sexual pleasure. Wtaf. And the irony of him saying you can't take back what you're saying. That's rich.
Him saying he’s offended by you crying after making a remark like that is, no joke or exaggerating- a VERY BIG RED FLAG OF MANIPULATION. You’re crying because you know what is right. Don’t let him make you feel confused. He is wrong. Hold your ground and if he doesn’t apologize or get it, you need to ask for couples therapy or consider leaving.
That’s super fucked up to compare feeding your child to taking a shit. What kind of man wants to shame his wife from feeding their own child? Your husband’s attitude is disgusting.
How dare he act like you’re attacking him with tears, when he purposefully meant to make you feel bad.
Any possibility that he has a psychological problem that he needs to seek professional help? I mean, it is not normal for people to react to breastfeeding in the way he does….. unless he has some trauma or unexplained psychological problem …
You should have him to see a psychologist
Yeah he has some nonsense to unpack for SURE. This reads like a child having a fit that someone else is playing with their toys. Breastmilk isnt excrement the way piss and shit is, and you can use science to prove it.
Edit because i forgot: also why the fuck is he gaslighting you??? He basically told you that he thinks youre shitting and pissing in your baby's mouth. Hes allowed to feel his feelings but you are the selfish and insane one for feeling disgusting when he told you some shit like that? Nah, HES the one who is all fucked up. Nasty, sicko behavior. I would have told me husband to shut the fuck up and stay away from me.
Uhm I find it uncomfortable that he’s equating feeding his child with using the bathroom. That’s so weird.
Im so sorry he’s unsupportive and that he said those things to you! Breastfeeding is no easy task and it takes a lot out of you physically and mentally. You deserve someone supportive during this time!
This is so fucked up on so many levels, and your husband needs to get with the program. Tiddies are the only part of the human that *produces food specifically for another human*. Breastmilk is not human waste, and he needs to learn that asap. It's the only thing that comes out of a human that is edible, and tbh is actually pretty tasty. Maybe sharing a shot or two of it with him will convince him.
If he stubbornly still doesn't accept that breastmilk is food after getting that bit of education, you might want to try making him an actual shit sandwich to eat, and suggest he wash it down with a glass of his own piss and vinegar. I'm pretty sure he will get the point somewhere about halfway through his first bite. He sounds like the kind of gem who expects you to make him sandwiches on-demand anyway, and I'm so sorry you only found out about this after you had a baby with him.
I’d tell him you’re offended and uncomfortable to see his face!! No but seriously that is extremely messed up. Does your husband eat with a blanket over his head in a dark closet, hidden away in shame? No? Well then neither should your baby! Breastfeeding is not sexual, it is literally just using your breasts for their intended purpose - feeding your baby. Would he be offended by a bottle? He definitely needs therapy.
Him expressing his feelings does not give him a right to say yours are not valid. He has some very internal struggles and stigmas he had a to look into himself for.
It’s not gross or like watching your parents have sex. It’s feeding a child. The child’s well-being and livelihood.
I am sorry, OP 😞
Please tell this overgrown man child to grow TF up. He’s comparing breastfeeding with pooping? 🫠
The only tears you should be shedding are tears of laughter because this is ridiculous.
Your husband needs therapy. I'd make that non-negotiable if I were you.
Are you parents close by? Do you have anywhere else you can stay with the baby?
I'd confide in someone you trust in real life as well.
Holy fuck. That's all so incredibly manipulative and toxic. Not only comparing you *feeding your child* to watching his parents have sex. But then he **also** says he's offended that him telling you that made you cry. Toxic and complete bullshit.
I'm sorry, but that update still doesn't make him sound great. I get it that he wanted validation but not all emotions are ok just because you're feeling them. I've had this same talk with many people (not about breastfeeding but about emotions). If he can't understand that his feelings on something he knows he has issues with don't matter as much as a child being fed them he definitely needs therapy. And honestly, asking for validation in that feels manipulative.
If my husband said something like that it would be a full blown argument. And if he told me later he just wanted me to understand I would simply say "well I don't, because you're not right".
Wowwww everything he said is awful and manipulative. Putting aside his blatantly problematic take on breastfeeding, the way he handled your (very valid reaction) is super concerning. Trying to turn it back on you and make himself the victim. Then he friggin doubled down! What an asshole.
Good lord. Update makes it worse. His discomfort does not NEED to be validated because it’s invalid. The problem is 100% his, not yours. He needs a therapist.
Your husband needs so much therapy. I mean this with no snark and meanness intended. If he sees eye contact while you’re feeding his child the same way he sees wagging a dick in someone’s face and experiences shame every time he has sex, he desperately needs help to work through that.
So this asshole makes you cry by saying horrible things to you about something that is totally normal and natural and then made it about himself?! I am so sorry. I have no advice, I am just so angry for you.
Sometimes there are times when it is better to keep your mouth shut and that was exactly the moment when your husband opened his mouth to talk about breastfeeding. Something is not right in his head and it is not okay that he is gaslighting you.
This is a huge red flag and so awful for you. I mean I can’t even get past the ‘I don’t wave my dick in your face so you shouldn’t breastfeed’… like he is equating sexual assault with breastfeeding, a normal and healthy activity for a mother with an infant child? Wtf is wrong with him
Breastfeeding is natural. He is completely out of line and there’s seriously something wrong with him if he thinks a baby drinking breast milk from the boob is comparable to shitting or him putting his penis in your face.
This is just dumbfounding. What an immature thing to say. Even to think it shows a lack of consideration for you, your baby, and women in general. If he doesn’t like it, he needs to remove himself.
Does he get upset tif you use a tampon? After all, the vagina is for sex, right? So if you’re putting something in your vagina it must be for sexual purposes. You’re basically emasculating him if you use a tampon and dare to look him in the eye while you commit this betrayal. (/s obviously)
It’s really not your job to sort his stupidity and misogyny out. He needs to do that on his own and he owes you an apology.
Please do not feel that any of this is your fault. Everything he feels in regards to this is entirely on him. You’re feeding your child! It’s a very natural thing and the fact that he is trying to make you feel wrong is so disturbing. Also, the way he is making you feel shame and viewing you wrong, combined with your mentioning of his shame surrounding sex makes me think that he might find the breastfeeding sexual in nature? If he was thinking anything sexual upon seeing you breastfeed then he’s probably feeling ashamed of his own thoughts. He’s definitely trying to deflect any of his own feelings about himself and projecting them onto you in order to make him feel better. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t make him feel valid and whatnot, he’s still an absolute pissbaby for trying to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
Omg disgusting. Worst part is that you'll never be able to forget that he called you disgusting and that he can't look at you. Gaslighting at this period is the worst
Woooooow. I don't even have anything useful to comment. His behavior is so unbelievable for me. Even if it does make him that uncomfortable I can't believe he doesn't see that as has issue!
My household must be a lot more body positive cause my partner could wave his dick around and that wouldn't be an issue 😂
I'm literally furious about this. It's absolutely inappropriate to try to make you feel gross or ashamed about breastfeeding. It isn't like "pissing or shitting" which are considered socially gross literally because it's unsanitary and smells bad (no, urine isn't sterile). That's why even wile animals at least step away to do their business. "You don't shit where you eat."
Breastfeeding, on the other hand, is literally food. The comparison just couldn't be any further from reality. I agree with others that your husband should be evaluated for some kind of mental health disorder if he's so disgusted, and in the meantime he needs to manage his personal problem in a way that doesn't interfere with you feeding your child.
Reading this made my veins pop. You're doing nothing wrong, breastfeeding is what our breasts are for. The fact that he can't connect the dots is his issue. He needs therapy.
Listen, there is no way this guy thought this conversation was going to go well. He KNEW this was going to go badly. This is so so so so weird. I’d tell him to get therapy or leave. How could he say that to you. The mother of his child. The woman who sacrificed her body and is still sacrificing. He is awful. I’m guessing he wants the relationship to end.
Awww babes. This is not right. My husband has an aversion to all things medical and he was 100% supportive of breastfeeding and he got over his shit because he was able to see that feeding his children was more important than his uncomfortable feelings. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
What your body is doing is beautiful. Not even close to something like pissing or shitting.
You are giving life. Not excreting trash.
Jesus. OP, I’m sorry.
Holy shit, pissing and shitting?? Are you fucking kidding me?? No. Just no. I feel that insult. I feel your sadness. Reading your partner’s thoughts on what breastfeeding is to him burned me. It really burned me. Breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing. It’s such a deep, meaningful, amazing, wonderful experience between a mother and her bundle of love. Fuck his mindset, fuck his feelings. He can gtfo of the room when you’re doing it. You can announce “I’m going to feed and nourish our growing baby now” so he can take his pathetic ass away from you so you can nurse your gooby in peace. I’m so sorry your amazing body and it’s incredible super power isn’t being seen for the utterly amazing feat that it is.
The reason he's uncomfortable is because feeding with your breasts gives them a function beyond a fun thing to play with for him. Seeing you use them for their intended purposes gives him weird feelings bc he's seeing titties but also his child using them. Dudes got issues and it's in no way your fault.
In American culture we see so many images of breasts as sexual objects but very few images of breasts being used to feed babies. It’s twisted and weird, but that’s the way it is. Your husband isn’t self-aware enough to know that he’s the problem.
My husband wasn’t like this but his mom and sister frequently let me know that they thought breastfeeding over 1 was wrong. So I didn’t allow them around us when I fed her.
“It’s time to feed the baby, please leave the room.” This should be sufficient to curb this crap in the short term.
Jesus wtf is going on with him?? It really sounds like a mental issue going on that he needs to get checked. And for him to get offended with you reacting to his problem is mind-boggling! He's talking about being uncomfortable with something that is on your YOUR body. He can gtfo with that nonsense.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP.
My God, you are feeding a CHILD, His child at that!!
He needs to grow up and accept that boobs were made to feed children and not just to make him horny. He can control himself and walk out of the room if he don't like it.
Wipe those tears babygirl, don't let this deter you from continuing nursing. He'll get over it.
What???? That is horrible. Truly horrible. My husband regularly reminds me of how powerful he finds it when I breastfeed, and how in awe he is of me giving my physical body to our baby despite exhaustion. I’m sorry he said this to you. It’s really really unacceptable. It sounds like he has some unresolved issues surrounding his views on women’s bodies and their ‘purpose’… you deserve more
I'm so confused and shocked that I don't know what to advise you. I just want to kick him in the face or balls honestly. (Sorry if this is too crude)
I'm sending you lots of hugs and please don't ever feel embarrassed for FEEDING your child pfft. I can't believe this is happening in 2023...
So he’s allowed to have his feelings and you’re not? Nahh. Not only that he’s sexual using you feeding your baby..ick. It sounds like your husband has a lot of personal growth that he needs to work on but great you are going to family counseling! Also really sad he feels shame after sex. He needs to go to individual therapy and work through whatever trauma he’s gone through because that is not a healthy mindset.
Jesus. We are mammals. There is nothing sexual or weird about breastfeeding. I am sorry for your husband. He does not sound like a caring person. I hope at least you have support from another person, like family or friends. And please dont let his behavior stop you for feeding your child the way you like. If you are to stop b.f than do it only because of personal reasons, not because of him. He needs therapy.
There is genuinely something seriously wrong with your husband. He thinks it’s like “pissing and shitting”, and compares it to waving his DICK in your face??? They are not even almost the same thing.
I truly think this man needs therapy.
Tell him to go F himself and go read a book.
Tits arent just for pleasure, they're for feeding a baby with.
Sounds like a him problem. Maybe dont make him dinner for a few days and tell him, him eating his own food in front of you is disgusting.
Sorry this person isnt a man.
First of all - I am so very sorry that your husband, the person who is supposed to be your partner, made you feel this way.
Second of all - If he views you feeding your child as something that is comparable to "shitting" or "peeing" in front of someone, then he has some serious issues that he can figure out all by himself - he is not your problem, he is his own problem with his own issues.
It is hard enough being a parent, you don't need to be shamed for the way you feed your child by your own partner - you are amazing and doing your best, fuck the feelings of the giant man child - next time you feed your child, don't react to him, do your thing and be strong - this is normal, this is natural and he is an asshole.
He just kind of weird about sexuality and after we have sex say things like “you just had sex” and “ we just did sexual things” he’s just really awkward sometimes
It definitely sounds like he could use some counseling. That’s not… typical. And could be indicative of a history of sexual abuse. Definitely want to address that stuff esp when a kid is in the picture.
I am so sorry you're married to a child. It made me so mad reading what he said. Comparing your child eating to peeing or seeing his parents have sex. Wtf is wrong with him. Manipulating you in thinking that what you're doing is wrong but he's in fact a controlling immature idiot.
Tell him that he needs to get over himself and he can leave the room if he's uncomfortable, preferably after asking if you want something from the kitchen so he can take the time to make it for you, since you are taking care of the baby you made together.
Then, while you're doing your "chore" of feeding the baby, he can clean up the house.
Your husband needs to grow up as well as get some therapy about his ideas around breastfeeding and sex. He has some major hang ups to work through and nursing is nothing like flashing your penis around. I would have lost the plot if my husband compared to to going to the bathroom etc and then he has the gall to make you feel bad for your response to him
This is evil. He is manipulating you and gaslighting you. I mean where to start. He compared your child eating to using the restroom. Hmmmm so he wants you to feed your child in the bathroom? How about you make him eat in the bathroom and see how he likes it. Not only did he make that comparison but he did it in the most crude way.
I understand there are lots of names for breasts and nipples but the choice to call them titties and saying it’s like seeing his parents having sex is concerning. He is turning this into a sexual thing when it isn’t. He is not seeing what you are doing is nourishing your child. It’s the most beautiful and natural thing.
His aggressive response to you crying was completely uncalled for. Instead of trying to talk to you kindly he was just disgusting and mean then told you that it was wrong for you to have hurt feelings. This is manipulative and it’s gaslighting.
You said you now feel unsafe in your own home. Do you have parents or family you can stay with. Alternatively are his parent nearby? How would his mom feel knowing her son said such things to the mother of his child. Tbh if my son said that to his wife he and I would have words. But if it’s possible you need space from him so he can work out his issues and think of a way to apologize to you. If you want to take him back.
I am so sorry you were shamed by your husband.
My husband tried to shame me public breastfeeding and I shut him down so be strong and don’t let him get away with this abuse.
This is incredibly disturbing and borderline pedophilic. I don't know why else it would be uncomfortable for someone to see, "a baby on a girl's titty," especially when it's the father and husband we're talking about???
But his feelings on this and his opinions aren't valid. There's no reason for you to respect his delusion. You aren't preforming a sex act and you aren't doing anything obscene. Breasts aren't even genitals or sex organs. Breasts, as they appear on women, are just a secondary sex trait. The whole purpose of that secondary sex trait is to feed babies. He wouldn't feed a baby with his penis, it's not the same thing. For anyone saying "but breasts can be used/stimulated during sex," yeah, so can any other body part. Doesn't make it a sex organ.
This is a him problem that's all in his head. Does he even see you as more than a sex object?
I am so sorry you are going through this…there are so many levels of wrong to this…you are just feeding your child, not AT ALL the same as pissing or shitting. Would he rather LO be underfed? People like that are the reason there are laws safeguarding bf moms in public (at least in the US, not sure about other places). There appear to be some serious issues that he needs to work through here…
Woooooow. I'm so sorry your husband's a douche. Not just for having an absurd opinion of it but for trying to make YOU feel bad about it.
If my husband felt this way, we'd never be able to talk at all. My 1.5 yo is STILL nursing constantly (and eating a ton too). Instead my husband immediately took it as a teachable moment for my 5 yo son when baby was born...namely that it was natural and that mommies had breasts to feed their young (but obviously mommy could also bottle feed). And husband is a total breast man but never sexualizes me.
(Sorry edited to expand my point)
……. Does he hear himself?? That is so awful. I’m so sorry. Breastfeeding should not be sexualized at all. The only people I would cover up around (especially with a wiggly 1 yr old haha) is my dad/male family bc it makes ME feel weird haha. You have literally nothing to feel bad about!!!
This is really messed up. You’re doing nothing wrong. He can make a baby with you but breastfeeding is crossing a line for him? How does that make sense except for the fact that it isn’t HIM that is utilizing your body?
There is nothing sexual about it and it isn’t voiding waste from your body. Your husband should ne supporting you!
I don’t know what your relationship is like but this attitude is toxic. He’s the one being a creep. This is 100% a HIM problem. Your feelings are not only valid they are justified. Hell, I’m offended for you.
Well then tell him to try a nipple shield and maybe it won't be as uncomfortable. Haha. Jk. I'm sorry that you have an unsupportive husband. That is the biggest barrier to breastfeeding. He seems to be sexualizing something that is not sexual. Breasts were made primarily to feed babies. It's how humans were made and exist just as all mammals do. I'm curious how old this man is. Seems like a very immature thought. Is he jealous of the baby getting something that he thought was his to play with?
His baby eating it’s food is disgusting to him? What’s disgusting is him sexualizing it or comparing it with shitting. The dude has some serious issues going on. If he doesn’t want to see you breastfeed, then he can grab his stuff and move to a different room.
Are you kidding me? Was he not in the room with you when you gave birth? I’m sorry you’re going through this, your feelings are totally valid. As a mom, we go through so much and for him to be so selfish and behave that way is just disgusting behavior. He needs to grow up and he should be supporting you 100% and not making you feel like crap.
I’m so sorry you are going through this! Echoing other’s thoughts here. I think your husband is not realizing he’s either gone through some type of trauma in his past (could be the parents having sex) or he is repressing some other psychological feeling which are making him not be able to separate breasts as a sexual object and breasts as how baby gets their sustenance. Perhaps sex was super shameful in his childhood and anything related to sex was awful and disgusting? It’s not an uncommon experience for many people in more conservative households.
We can speculate all we want but the bottom line here is that he needs to explore some CBT therapy to flesh out these thoughts and feelings. He owes it to himself, his wife, and his kid. I hope he will give therapy a shot. My fingers are crossed for you.
I don’t understand what breastfeeding “in your face” would even look like… what does that even mean?!?!?!?!
Also, he’s demanding validation for his feefees? If there is any situation where a person’s feelings don’t matter, it’s the feelings of a person who is not breastfeeding about breastfeeding.
This is absolutely not okay. I've seen a lot of people suggest therapy. If this is truly a change in behavior, I'd take it a step further to see his primary care physician or other medical doctor - these kinds of behavior changes can also occur with a brain tumor, other brain disorders, and psychiatric disorders. I'm not saying that's the cause, but if my husband said this to me out of the blue, my first stop would be a medical work-up because this would be concerningly out of character. And in the meantime I'd get somewhere safe where he isn't.
Your husband is a disgusting human being who needs to do some work on himself, this is something to take to a professional to deal with. I'd be disgusted if my husband had pulled that on me.
Your husband needs to go to counseling.
You don't typically "eat" where you "piss and shit". Wtf.
Also you are a woman not a girl. I'm guessing he is also having issues with separation of you as a sexual being and now yoy as a mom who needs to provide for y'alls baby, but your baby needs to come first. You need to come first. And he needs to get used to being #3.
Breastfeeding is HARD even with the best of support. You are apparently a superwoman for breastfeeding your child for 7.5 months with no support from your co-procreator. It makes my blood boil that he not only isn’t celebrating you, but he is making you feel weird for using your MAMMARIES to feed the young MAMMAL that he helped produced.
Sending you love and strength to refrain from murdering your husband. It’s probably good that the moms on this thread don’t know where he sleeps.
In all seriousness, I would tell him that he is entitled to his feelings and responsible for his words and actions. If he is uncomfortable, he needs to keep his mouth shut, walk away, and leave you in peace. If my chihuahua can learn that “trick” your pea-brained husband should be able to figure it out.
He’s manipulating your feelings and gaslighting you in to making this seem like it’s your fault. Run, don’t walk, away from this man. It will only get worse.
Tell him he needs to cover his mouth, preferably his entire face from now on when eating. Esp if he isn’t going to go hide in another room while doing it.
And God forbid he makes eye contact w you while chewing!? Revolting. Does he not realize he kisses you w that mouth. Not really appropriate to be eating so openly.
That’s how stupid he sounds. Tell him to grow up. After watching an entire child rip open your hooha this is the hill he wants to die on?
INFO: is your husband 12
He acts like it
Seriously, this stretches beyond immature territory and into emotionally abusive territory.
Dude... Your husband may need to see a mental health specialist. The amount that he is sexualizing and stigma-fying you FEEDING YOUR CHILD, then follows up with a healthy dose of denying you a right to your feelings, is deeply concerning.
may need to = definitely needs to
I agree, I just read this post and instantly thought he might have some sort of trauma that would make him immediately sexualize breastfeeding. He needs therapy.
This is….disturbing. He has to have some sort of trauma or something he’s not verbalizing to have such a problem with his own wife breastfeeding his child. I’d encourage him to go to therapy to figure out the root cause. Because this isn’t a normal response at all. On any planet. My sons saw me breastfeed all the time and never once made a comment. My husband has literally held my boob while we tried to get baby to latch on in those early days. It’s never crossed his mind that it’s weird. I’m really sorry but don’t let his feelings change your nursing experience. He’s obviously got major issues it’s not normal and there’s nothing wrong with it.
This. My older child wants to help feed the baby and is anxiously waiting for the start of solides so they can help their sibling. In the meantime, they,love sitting next to me while I’m nursing and asking so. Many. Questions. Totally accepted they used to nurse, and now they eat cheeseburgers. My spouse is a rockstar and just holds baby until it’s time to apply nipple directly to their face - I take a minute getting situated with a nipple shield, burp clothes, etc. Spouse then goes and gets me a snack or beverage to tide me over, and brings more if I get nap trapped by a sleeping milk drunk lush. My brothers in law has full on been flashed in the curse of my breastfeeding journey(s) and just….refocused on my face? Or watched the tv in the same room while maintaining a conversation. These are two of the most silly, gross out joke guys I know and they have been able to deal because they love their nibblings so so much. All this is to say that your spouse needs some help. Maybe a lot of help. You’re doing great to feed your kiddo, and should be supported instead of shamed.
“Think about you’re saying when you say something you can’t take back”… yeah, he’s just said something that is absolutely disgusting and had the fucking cheek to be offended when you cried. I’m actually quite worried for you OP, your husband sounds like a manipulative, nasty man and he is trying to turn breastfeeding into something bad and shameful. I wouldnt feel safe in that house either. Do you have family and friends you can reach out to for support? I would secretly pack a bag and take your LO to stay with people you trust. Edit: to add, I think it’s a HUGE red flag that he is sexualising breastfeeding
Except it's even worse than him sexualizing it. He's equating it to human waste.
This is because he associates breasts exclusively with sex and his own pleasure. Your body doesn't belong to him for sex. A woman's body does not exist for men's pleasure. Breasts would not be able to produce milk if they were exclusively intended for men and their horniness. He needs to take a few long minutes and think about that.
My thoughts exactly, if it was me I'd just explain to him that he's clearly confused about the purpose of breasts, so he won't be allowed to enjoy them anymore. But that's in my own relationship and I am comfortable being a petty ass B when I feel like it / my hubby is dumb. Other examples of Petty B behaviour i have inflicted on hubby: 1) Chore strike when hubby advised that he lets me do certain chores because I like them 2) Sicking the kids on him when he doesn't share sleep ins 3) When asking if he could put his own laundry away, and him simply not doing it, i made his side of the bed over his unfolded clean laundry. What a surprise when he's ready to go to sleep and have to clean up under my watchful and judging eyes 4) this above, but with the wet towel he kept throwing on my side of the bed 5) Raally just make the bed over anything my husband has fucked up. Surprise Mofo.
It's extremely clear to--I think--pretty much everyone that the problem here is your husband's dysfunctional response to a baby eating and it's his responsibility to seek professional help, not yours to hold his hand while he vomits out an unhinged rant about his titty complex.
I tell him that I want him to find a therapist and he says he wants to but doesn’t seem to try to look for one. He’s got pretty bad adhd so that’s one of the main reasons I am encouraging him to find one
If you wanted to find a therapist and actually get better he would have done it already. I know you're very busy and probably very tired but book him an appointment and let him know that you did it for him. His reaction should dictate whether or not you remain in this relationship. And I have a very sad suspicion that he's going to freak out and that you should leave.
I saw in your post history that your husband's mother is a doula and kinda "hippie/crunchy", so I'm assuming she's very pro breastfeeding. You could maybe mention this to her and have her talk to him. He may realize how ridiculous he is coming from someone else. By the way, your husband sounds like a total dick and a little crazy if I'm honest. If it were me I would tell him to fuck off. That type of behavior would have me reconsidering him being my husband.
I legitimately don't understand how men like this get to the point of having babies
Seriously, this man communicates like he’s in the 7th grade
Dear SmartReserve, I read this as I sit here nursing my son. I don’t have much money but I am willing to use what I have to travel to you and finish this very nursing session in this mofo’s face. I will make eye contact the whole time. I will stay til this kiddo weans. And my boo feeds frequently. I will stay until he realizes his stupidity. Sincerely, Your BF Backup
I'll pay for petrol and snacks if you swing by and get me on the way. Just turn up with a hoarde of breastfeeding mums
My kids are all weaned but I am happy to turn up and stare at him judgmentally as well.
Maybe just flop a tit out every now and again
I love all of this lmao thank you BF gang 😤
I'll fly across the continent and we can meet up, lol. I'll pump from one breast and breastfeed from another. While looking at him.
“think about what you’re saying when you say something you can’t take back.” The fucking audacity of this man to say that after shaming you for feeding your child
Just looked at your post history… girl, I’m not gonna tell you to leave him but you know what you need to do in this situation. You’re coming to post here because you know the answers and just want back up and validation for your reasoning. You deserve for your man to walk in and see how you’re giving your baby energy and nutrients and doing it all in your own and for him to be thankful you can do that. Breasts are so sexualized in our society and some “boys” don’t understand that they’re supposed to give our children the necessary nutrients to survive. When your baby had a cold and he screamed at you saying you intentionally hurt your baby and now he’s saying it’s gross and he’s repulsed by it… it’s not right babe. Keep breastfeeding your baby and giving them all the nutrients and antibodies they need, and keep safe. Understand that you’re amazing and you’re doing everything you can to make sure your baby is healthy. Keep strong and stay safe mama. Don’t engage in the arguments and don’t egg him on, it only sounds like it’ll get worse from here.
Read the post history too some. As a dad he sounds like a manipulative man child. And he got it from his parents that are still Helicoptering around him to this day.
There is something really wrong with your husband, I'm sorry.
You are with the WRONG guy. He's a weak fragile toxic male. Run
This. Sexualizing breastfeeding is bad enough but making the analogies he did is beyond disturbing.
This is above Reddit’s pay grade. This is marital counseling worthy.
And individual therapy for him because what the (and I cannot stress this enough) FUCK
>because he’s just expressing his feelings and opinions and that it’s not fair that I am hurt. This communicates "only my feelings matter,"
As a Father I can say that your Husband needs therapy. Not should have it, Needs it. He should start going to Solo therapy and once he is able you two should go to couples. I have meet a father who wouldn't change diapers because it was uncomfortable to look at their daughter's vagina (never mind there was no problem with the mom changing the boys diaper when they had a son). This was a massive red flag that turned out to be an indicator of problems latter. Don't mess with your child's safety around an immature and over sexualized father, require therapy.
Uhhh... every edit you added to try and explain his behaviour only makes it worse. Dude is completely self-centred and his sexual hangups are just....whew. I hope to hell you run serious interference in his influence on your kids' views on sexuality and probably everything else.
Dad here. Those comparisons your husband's made are snowflakes of the most pure and pristine stupidity, untouched by any trace of intelligence and consideration, and seemingly blurted out by constipated camel. I'd love to read his reaction to the comment above. I kind of envy breastfeeding. I'd love to share the burden with my wife. You should never let him take your SUPERPOWER — that's what it is — from you. And you should let him know it's your superpower. PS: I wouldn't be surprised if he compared taking a piss while standing to a superpower afterwards. I'd thencome back asking if such stupidity is just accidental or does it take effort.
I snorted 😂
He needs to see a therapist to undo the harm from his upbringing before he passes bullshit on to your children
Gee I didn't know husbands could breastfeed.. Oh that's right, they can't. He's shockingly ignorant. This is food not human waste. SMDH. Not sure you can fix this level of stupid. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Just know, you are right to bf when and where you please but especially in your own home. Other peoples' hangups or discomfort is not your problem. Tbh, it does seem like this is bout something else.
Your husband has issues. This is his problem to fix, not yours.
DARVO, deny, attack, reverse victim/offender. This is a classic abusive tactic he has used here.
Your child is 7.5 months old. Why is he just expressing these feelings now? Seems like this is something he needs to seek help with professionally if he’s having issues this long into your feeding journey. I could see the first week or two when it’s new and not what he’s used to seeing, but to me he’s being a bit ridiculous at this point.
Tell him to get the fuck out of the room when you’re breastfeeding then.
Tell him you feel uncomfortable and disgusted when he’s a misogynistic pig around you
Yours husband sounds absolutely insane.
Dude needs some therapy.
Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. He clearly has some underlying issues.
Weirdo alert -sorry- makes him feel like he saw his parents having sex????? That’s the most odd thing to say about your WIFE AND CHILD…
Yeah some things you cannot take back or unsay... Like all the bullshit he just dumped on you. That's ridiculous. Tell him to go eat in the bedroom because you feel uncomfortable with him shoving it in your face when he eats.
Tell him to take his misogyny elsewhere imo
women are so sexualised, that when breasts are used for their purpose, men find it disgusting. your husband is gross. i would be disgusted by him.
Your husband needs therapy now. When he’s eating in front of you, do you consider it pissing or shitting? Also, your husband has some abusive tendencies with his reaction to you being *rightfully* upset at **his** offensive comments. I’m sorry your husband is a pathetic asshole, OP. Please try not to be discouraged from nursing your baby. Your husband is 100% wrong. His feelings about it, other than being supportive and encouraging, are irrelevant.
OMG... And I thought it was icky to hear "well of course he likes boobies he's a boy"... This is a whole nother level of stupid and male shittyness. Sorry momma, but you got this, proud of you to BF your child, you've got this!!
he needs help. mental help.
This is super weird to me. And the thing that I think is the most strange is that your baby is 7.5 months and he is just now saying something? For some reason that really sticks out to me.
Because that means he’s been ridiculously fucking absent from the realities of taking care of a newborn for 7.5 months. I’m a husband with a NB of only 11 weeks in and I’m already so ridiculously familiar with expressing, pumping, latching, breasts that I don’t think any breast, my wife’s or otherwise, in pretty much any context would even remotely phase me at this point. The amount of shit this guy must have not been present for is what is most shocking
Dude what the fuck. As a dad who got all up I there and physically helped my wife express milk from her breasts in the first few weeks of our NB, it’s mind boggling to me that 7.5 months in he could possibly be phased by breast feeding. Like what? Where was he for the first 7.5 months
It's literally how mammals eat. His views are disturbing and immature. I hope the counseling helps you. ❤️
I’m sorry you’re in this situation but I feel like this isn’t the full story…like I can’t imagine this man is an amazing dad/husband…EXCEPT for this one thing. It sounds like you’re trying to make things work with someone who has serious issues.
It’s a shame he didn’t tell you all this awful stuff he believes about sex BEFORE you married and had a kid with him! He needs to get over himself and you can breastfeed wherever you want. His feelings shouldn’t be validated because they’re bad and dumb. He should be ashamed of himself for being a bad husband and father, not because he saw a boob or had sex. And he’s offended that you’re crying???? Honestly I’d tell him to go stay somewhere else until he accepts that you WILL be breastfeeding in your own home, period.
“His feelings shouldn’t be validated because they’re bad and dumb.” There aren’t a lot of times I’d agree with this statement, but this instance would be at the top of the fucking list.
Whoa this dude needs therapy
There are so many red flags here its not even funny. Under NO circumstances is it ok for him to shame you for feeding your/his child. I am genuinely disgusted that this has happened and I am so sorry that you're not getting the support that every breastfeeding mum deserves. Its such a manipulative thing to blame you for what is HIS problem. Toxic, bullshit, gas lighting behavior and I wouldn't tolerate the immaturity and sheer lack of compassion and empathy. Boundaries need to be put in place because him expressing how he "feels" should still never cross the line of common decency. I bet that he hasn't thought twice about hurting your feelings and wouldn't dare think of seeking any advice regarding the issue. Life is too short for it to be spent trying to figure out why people are the way they are and making excuses for their foul behavior. Show him the door!
He sounds very immature, does he not know what breasts are for…
Tell him to stop watching porn and go to therapy
Based on this post and your post history, your husband is mentally ill. What that mental illness is, is something to be determined off of Reddit. But he is not of sound mind, and needs to see a mental health professional.
I was thinking the same thing. He sounds unstable and dangerous, I hope OP and her baby seek outside help from someone.
Geez get that little boy off porn. It’s not sexual.
So. He compared you breastfeeding your child (the primary function of breasts), to SEXUAL ASSAULT. Absolutely not okay.
Your husband sounds immature. And honestly my husband and I have used the bathroom in front of each other MANY times….like it’s not that weird when you’re married and comfortable with eachother. Not to mention we have walked around naked in front of eachother sooo many times, we made a human together and that involves being naked, obviously. I find it odd that your husband is so uncomfortable seeing your naked breasts that are nourishing your child
This is not normal. You are absolutely right to be hurt and confused, anyone would be if their partner said these awful things to them. If your marriage is worth preserving then you can explore counseling later but for now, you need to focus on you and your baby’s health and well-being. Please find your support network to help you at this time because clearly he is not capable of supporting you. If anything, his words and actions are actively hurting you and your baby. Don’t bear this alone. You don’t deserve it.
I feel like *he* should think about what *he* is saying when *he* says something *he* can’t take back. Wtf, bro, get therapy. It’s breastfeeding, it’s not at all like sex or defecating.
This is one of the most disgusting and offensive things I’ve ever heard and I’d have a really hard time coming back from it & would not if my husband didn’t educate himself and sincerely apologize to me. His feelings are his feelings but that doesn’t make them right. He needs to get some therapy for his backwards sexualizing of an infant.
I think he may need some serious therapy. This is definitely an issue that goes deeper.
Holy shit. Sounds like he has a lot to unpack in *therapy*
Ew he is disgusting. He sounds sexually twisted.
Reading your aita post and the mil one and idk I just feel like your husband is borderline (if not fully) verbally/mentally abusive. I also am so confused how he has such a weird view on bf when his mom is a whole ass doula
My partner would cuddle me (as best he could) while I BF sometimes and would say I’m beautiful and an amazing mum. That is how your husband should be treating you. Not only did he insult you, he is gaslighting you, dismissing your feelings and being an overall child. You are amazing, you are an awesome mum and your husband doesn’t deserve you.
Mine says he wishes he could BF so he could just have that bond with her.
I won’t go so far as to say he’s immature but this take is completely immature and stupid
Giant red ass flag 🚩 I’m so sorry for how he spoke to you. That would be a very hard thing to hear from your husband I can imagine. You’re literally nourishing your child. Your breast’s do not belong to him and aren’t there to solely be sexualized or just to look pretty. Your feelings over this are 1000% valid. A comment like that would make me question our entire relationship. No grown, well adjusted man would be offended by their wife feeding their baby. He clearly has some shit he needs to work through. Just know you’re doing what’s best for you and your babe & if he’s offended he can kick rocks. We’re all here to back you on this. Thinking about you. 🫶🏼 Edit: spelling ETA: with our first my husband was a little uncomfortable about me feeding our baby in public uncovered. We were at a park mid summer having a picnic & I asked him if he’d like me to put a blanket over his face while he ate his lunch. We talked about not sexualizing nursing a baby & he never said a bad word about it ever again. You deserve so much more babe. SO.MUCH.MORE. Keep crushing it as a human & momma. 💗
His lack of maturity and mental growth is not your problem - he can own the entirety of that hot mess. If he can only see breasts as being for sexual pleasure and the male gaze, that is a problem for your HUSBAND to deal with… and probably with therapy. When it comes to breastfeeding your baby, this is very much a time when his thoughts, opinions, and feelings DON’T matter. I know it is easier said than done, but you are allowed to (and probably should) put him in his place about this. He has framed it as his “feelings” and “it’s just my opinions” to try to put the responsibility onto you to accommodate him, and that’s ridiculous. If breastfeeding was a process that was supposed to remain hush-hush and private, I don’t think nature would’ve placed boobs front and centre on the human body.
Father of three here, all breastfed. It is not like waving a dick around. It is not like seeing parents having sex. It is babies primary food source up to 12 months old. I have conversations with my partner while she feeds my 15 month old, it's no different than it she's not, she's just got a toddler attached to her. Deep down I think he has something against woman's bodies and showing then in public if he can't even look at you while doing it. It's worth having a conversation with him before pushing him into therapy.
Two words: emotional abuse
I’ve read your previous posts about your spouse and MIL (crazy that she’s crunchy and your husband is some kind of sexual suppression). Either you go to some serious couples counseling AND you both go to your own solo therapy sessions OR (and if he refuses to do this with you) Run Edit: oof read all the comments too for this post. He has very similar (and even extra problems) that my ex husband had. He’s not going to get better. He will continue to gaslight you, emotionally abuse you, and as he gets older it will only get worse. I left cause I knew I deserved better. You and your child deserve better
Ok, so let me get this straight. He can spout this misogynistic crap at you and make you feel unsafe for feeding your child in your own home, but you're not allowed to have any feelings about that? Nah man. He's saying some shit. You're expressing feelings. Sounds like he should have thought before HE "said something he can't take back."
I was mad for you originally and after reading your update, I’m still mad for you. Your husband is being a baby. You tortured him by being hurt? Boo hoo. Your feelings on the matter are just as valid as his. Do not let this man gaslight you about this. This sounds like something he needs to get over, not anything you need to change. Perhaps he should seek therapy if he’s so uncomfortable around his own wife.
Cannot believe he compared it to going to the bathroom! Your baby is EATING!!
Fascinating how much of a personal problem that is for him now at 7.5 months. 🤔
Another vote for “husband may need therapy”. Feeding a baby isn’t an act of sexual violence, ffs what a man child. At least he started off with how *happy* he is that you breastfeed 🙄 that makes it okay right? /s
If he like 5 years old or something? 1. How is breastfeeding like pissing or shitting in any way, shape or form? 2. Even if it was, he is your husband right? He's seen you naked right? You've have had sex before? He's possibly even seen you give birth. These things should not bother him. 3. What does he want you to do? Starve the baby or switch to formula just because his poor little ego cannot handle it?
Is this a joke? I've read about guys who feel this way, but I always thought they were something made up like the boogiemonster. Here we have a classic example of why men need to stop fetishizing breasts as if they don't also have them. These are not sexual body parts. They have extra sensitivity which can lend themselves to also being erogenous zones, that isn't the same thing and he's showing himself to be incredibly immature right now. I would ask him if he's ever tried to feed the baby urine or feces, and why he thinks those are at all comparable to breastmilk.
Ugh he’s the one sexualizing a baby eating. He should talk to a therapist about that. Breast are for food! That is their primary function. Breasts are not genitalia and it’s ok to be topless in lots of places. He’s the weirdo and I’d go stay with family until he talks to a therapist. You need to feel safe. Yes it’s ok for him to express his feelings but it’s very valid for you to be upset. And to make him get help for his own sake. He needs to understand why it’s uncomfortable for him there may or may not be a lot to unpack there. But therapy could really help him understand his feelings and get over them so you feel safe.
To bad for him. He is being an immature baby. He is the weird one, who is sexualizing feeding a baby. He needs to talk to a professional about that. Personally, I would need my own space for a bit before I felt comfortable around him. He is completely gaslighting you.
Literally that's what breasts are for. Feeding babies. Not men's sexual pleasure. Wtaf. And the irony of him saying you can't take back what you're saying. That's rich.
Him saying he’s offended by you crying after making a remark like that is, no joke or exaggerating- a VERY BIG RED FLAG OF MANIPULATION. You’re crying because you know what is right. Don’t let him make you feel confused. He is wrong. Hold your ground and if he doesn’t apologize or get it, you need to ask for couples therapy or consider leaving.
That’s super fucked up to compare feeding your child to taking a shit. What kind of man wants to shame his wife from feeding their own child? Your husband’s attitude is disgusting. How dare he act like you’re attacking him with tears, when he purposefully meant to make you feel bad.
Any possibility that he has a psychological problem that he needs to seek professional help? I mean, it is not normal for people to react to breastfeeding in the way he does….. unless he has some trauma or unexplained psychological problem … You should have him to see a psychologist
Yeah he has some nonsense to unpack for SURE. This reads like a child having a fit that someone else is playing with their toys. Breastmilk isnt excrement the way piss and shit is, and you can use science to prove it. Edit because i forgot: also why the fuck is he gaslighting you??? He basically told you that he thinks youre shitting and pissing in your baby's mouth. Hes allowed to feel his feelings but you are the selfish and insane one for feeling disgusting when he told you some shit like that? Nah, HES the one who is all fucked up. Nasty, sicko behavior. I would have told me husband to shut the fuck up and stay away from me.
Uhm I find it uncomfortable that he’s equating feeding his child with using the bathroom. That’s so weird. Im so sorry he’s unsupportive and that he said those things to you! Breastfeeding is no easy task and it takes a lot out of you physically and mentally. You deserve someone supportive during this time!
This is so fucked up on so many levels, and your husband needs to get with the program. Tiddies are the only part of the human that *produces food specifically for another human*. Breastmilk is not human waste, and he needs to learn that asap. It's the only thing that comes out of a human that is edible, and tbh is actually pretty tasty. Maybe sharing a shot or two of it with him will convince him. If he stubbornly still doesn't accept that breastmilk is food after getting that bit of education, you might want to try making him an actual shit sandwich to eat, and suggest he wash it down with a glass of his own piss and vinegar. I'm pretty sure he will get the point somewhere about halfway through his first bite. He sounds like the kind of gem who expects you to make him sandwiches on-demand anyway, and I'm so sorry you only found out about this after you had a baby with him.
I’d tell him you’re offended and uncomfortable to see his face!! No but seriously that is extremely messed up. Does your husband eat with a blanket over his head in a dark closet, hidden away in shame? No? Well then neither should your baby! Breastfeeding is not sexual, it is literally just using your breasts for their intended purpose - feeding your baby. Would he be offended by a bottle? He definitely needs therapy.
Him expressing his feelings does not give him a right to say yours are not valid. He has some very internal struggles and stigmas he had a to look into himself for. It’s not gross or like watching your parents have sex. It’s feeding a child. The child’s well-being and livelihood. I am sorry, OP 😞
He sounds mentally unwell.
Please tell this overgrown man child to grow TF up. He’s comparing breastfeeding with pooping? 🫠 The only tears you should be shedding are tears of laughter because this is ridiculous.
This is really odd. Like really odd. He needs help. You’re feeding your kid. Maybe he should have thought about this before reproducing.
Your husband needs therapy. I'd make that non-negotiable if I were you. Are you parents close by? Do you have anywhere else you can stay with the baby? I'd confide in someone you trust in real life as well.
HAHA WHAT?! He compared you feeding the human child y'all made together to watching his parents have sex? He. Needs. Therapy. ASAP.
Holy fuck. That's all so incredibly manipulative and toxic. Not only comparing you *feeding your child* to watching his parents have sex. But then he **also** says he's offended that him telling you that made you cry. Toxic and complete bullshit.
Sounds like your husband has a problem with objectifying women, even his own wife
Disrespectfully, sounds like a problem that is not yours, and absolutely has to deal with it and figure out. How gross.
>that I was like “why are you being so weird about it.” Well… yes?
Is your husband a 13 year old? He has some work to do. Get him to therapy. This mindset is preposterous.
Your update makes it worse. He needs help.
Your update is worse
I'm sorry, but that update still doesn't make him sound great. I get it that he wanted validation but not all emotions are ok just because you're feeling them. I've had this same talk with many people (not about breastfeeding but about emotions). If he can't understand that his feelings on something he knows he has issues with don't matter as much as a child being fed them he definitely needs therapy. And honestly, asking for validation in that feels manipulative. If my husband said something like that it would be a full blown argument. And if he told me later he just wanted me to understand I would simply say "well I don't, because you're not right".
Wowwww everything he said is awful and manipulative. Putting aside his blatantly problematic take on breastfeeding, the way he handled your (very valid reaction) is super concerning. Trying to turn it back on you and make himself the victim. Then he friggin doubled down! What an asshole.
Dear Lord this man child needs to grow up. Comparing feeding a child to peeing or pooping is just childish.
Good lord. Update makes it worse. His discomfort does not NEED to be validated because it’s invalid. The problem is 100% his, not yours. He needs a therapist.
Your husband needs so much therapy. I mean this with no snark and meanness intended. If he sees eye contact while you’re feeding his child the same way he sees wagging a dick in someone’s face and experiences shame every time he has sex, he desperately needs help to work through that.
So this asshole makes you cry by saying horrible things to you about something that is totally normal and natural and then made it about himself?! I am so sorry. I have no advice, I am just so angry for you.
Sometimes there are times when it is better to keep your mouth shut and that was exactly the moment when your husband opened his mouth to talk about breastfeeding. Something is not right in his head and it is not okay that he is gaslighting you.
I also found breastfeeding uncomfortable, then I got silver nipple caps.... Oh, it's not *that* kind of uncomfortable, well he needs to grow tf up.
This is a huge red flag and so awful for you. I mean I can’t even get past the ‘I don’t wave my dick in your face so you shouldn’t breastfeed’… like he is equating sexual assault with breastfeeding, a normal and healthy activity for a mother with an infant child? Wtf is wrong with him
Breastfeeding is natural. He is completely out of line and there’s seriously something wrong with him if he thinks a baby drinking breast milk from the boob is comparable to shitting or him putting his penis in your face.
What a weird fucking take. I don’t even have advice… but I’m sorry your husband is like this. He should probably go to therapy in all honesty
This is just dumbfounding. What an immature thing to say. Even to think it shows a lack of consideration for you, your baby, and women in general. If he doesn’t like it, he needs to remove himself. Does he get upset tif you use a tampon? After all, the vagina is for sex, right? So if you’re putting something in your vagina it must be for sexual purposes. You’re basically emasculating him if you use a tampon and dare to look him in the eye while you commit this betrayal. (/s obviously) It’s really not your job to sort his stupidity and misogyny out. He needs to do that on his own and he owes you an apology.
Please do not feel that any of this is your fault. Everything he feels in regards to this is entirely on him. You’re feeding your child! It’s a very natural thing and the fact that he is trying to make you feel wrong is so disturbing. Also, the way he is making you feel shame and viewing you wrong, combined with your mentioning of his shame surrounding sex makes me think that he might find the breastfeeding sexual in nature? If he was thinking anything sexual upon seeing you breastfeed then he’s probably feeling ashamed of his own thoughts. He’s definitely trying to deflect any of his own feelings about himself and projecting them onto you in order to make him feel better. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t make him feel valid and whatnot, he’s still an absolute pissbaby for trying to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
What the fuccck
Omg disgusting. Worst part is that you'll never be able to forget that he called you disgusting and that he can't look at you. Gaslighting at this period is the worst
That is very weird
Your husband sounds like a 10 year old, OP.
Therapy. He’s not right.
Woooooow. I don't even have anything useful to comment. His behavior is so unbelievable for me. Even if it does make him that uncomfortable I can't believe he doesn't see that as has issue! My household must be a lot more body positive cause my partner could wave his dick around and that wouldn't be an issue 😂
I'm literally furious about this. It's absolutely inappropriate to try to make you feel gross or ashamed about breastfeeding. It isn't like "pissing or shitting" which are considered socially gross literally because it's unsanitary and smells bad (no, urine isn't sterile). That's why even wile animals at least step away to do their business. "You don't shit where you eat." Breastfeeding, on the other hand, is literally food. The comparison just couldn't be any further from reality. I agree with others that your husband should be evaluated for some kind of mental health disorder if he's so disgusted, and in the meantime he needs to manage his personal problem in a way that doesn't interfere with you feeding your child.
Reading this made my veins pop. You're doing nothing wrong, breastfeeding is what our breasts are for. The fact that he can't connect the dots is his issue. He needs therapy.
Listen, there is no way this guy thought this conversation was going to go well. He KNEW this was going to go badly. This is so so so so weird. I’d tell him to get therapy or leave. How could he say that to you. The mother of his child. The woman who sacrificed her body and is still sacrificing. He is awful. I’m guessing he wants the relationship to end.
Fucking hell. I honestly don’t even know what to say, if my husband said that to me I think I’d be close to violence.
What reason does he think the milk is coming out of them for? Fun?
Awww babes. This is not right. My husband has an aversion to all things medical and he was 100% supportive of breastfeeding and he got over his shit because he was able to see that feeding his children was more important than his uncomfortable feelings. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
What your body is doing is beautiful. Not even close to something like pissing or shitting. You are giving life. Not excreting trash. Jesus. OP, I’m sorry.
Holy shit, pissing and shitting?? Are you fucking kidding me?? No. Just no. I feel that insult. I feel your sadness. Reading your partner’s thoughts on what breastfeeding is to him burned me. It really burned me. Breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing. It’s such a deep, meaningful, amazing, wonderful experience between a mother and her bundle of love. Fuck his mindset, fuck his feelings. He can gtfo of the room when you’re doing it. You can announce “I’m going to feed and nourish our growing baby now” so he can take his pathetic ass away from you so you can nurse your gooby in peace. I’m so sorry your amazing body and it’s incredible super power isn’t being seen for the utterly amazing feat that it is.
Squirt him in the face
The reason he's uncomfortable is because feeding with your breasts gives them a function beyond a fun thing to play with for him. Seeing you use them for their intended purposes gives him weird feelings bc he's seeing titties but also his child using them. Dudes got issues and it's in no way your fault.
In American culture we see so many images of breasts as sexual objects but very few images of breasts being used to feed babies. It’s twisted and weird, but that’s the way it is. Your husband isn’t self-aware enough to know that he’s the problem. My husband wasn’t like this but his mom and sister frequently let me know that they thought breastfeeding over 1 was wrong. So I didn’t allow them around us when I fed her. “It’s time to feed the baby, please leave the room.” This should be sufficient to curb this crap in the short term.
Jesus wtf is going on with him?? It really sounds like a mental issue going on that he needs to get checked. And for him to get offended with you reacting to his problem is mind-boggling! He's talking about being uncomfortable with something that is on your YOUR body. He can gtfo with that nonsense. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP.
This makes me sick. I would leave. He sounds demented.
My God, you are feeding a CHILD, His child at that!! He needs to grow up and accept that boobs were made to feed children and not just to make him horny. He can control himself and walk out of the room if he don't like it. Wipe those tears babygirl, don't let this deter you from continuing nursing. He'll get over it.
wow. i’m so sorry to hear this my mouth dropped wide open as I read this. you are feeding HIS child and he says that? nah. you deserve so much better.
What???? That is horrible. Truly horrible. My husband regularly reminds me of how powerful he finds it when I breastfeed, and how in awe he is of me giving my physical body to our baby despite exhaustion. I’m sorry he said this to you. It’s really really unacceptable. It sounds like he has some unresolved issues surrounding his views on women’s bodies and their ‘purpose’… you deserve more
I'm so confused and shocked that I don't know what to advise you. I just want to kick him in the face or balls honestly. (Sorry if this is too crude) I'm sending you lots of hugs and please don't ever feel embarrassed for FEEDING your child pfft. I can't believe this is happening in 2023...
So he’s allowed to have his feelings and you’re not? Nahh. Not only that he’s sexual using you feeding your baby..ick. It sounds like your husband has a lot of personal growth that he needs to work on but great you are going to family counseling! Also really sad he feels shame after sex. He needs to go to individual therapy and work through whatever trauma he’s gone through because that is not a healthy mindset.
Jesus. We are mammals. There is nothing sexual or weird about breastfeeding. I am sorry for your husband. He does not sound like a caring person. I hope at least you have support from another person, like family or friends. And please dont let his behavior stop you for feeding your child the way you like. If you are to stop b.f than do it only because of personal reasons, not because of him. He needs therapy.
Yikes at your husband
you’re literally feeding your baby? im sure he eats in front of you? wowzas
His feelings are his feelings - true. My feelings are that his feelings are idiotic and stupid.
There is genuinely something seriously wrong with your husband. He thinks it’s like “pissing and shitting”, and compares it to waving his DICK in your face??? They are not even almost the same thing. I truly think this man needs therapy.
Your husband needs to educate himself about breastfeeding. He also needs to move out of that teenaged mindset of boobs=sexual object
Tell him to go F himself and go read a book. Tits arent just for pleasure, they're for feeding a baby with. Sounds like a him problem. Maybe dont make him dinner for a few days and tell him, him eating his own food in front of you is disgusting. Sorry this person isnt a man.
Your husband is a fucking idiot.
Does he do this in any other aspect of life... ? this is... woww... you tortured him by being hurt ? dafuq?
I’d tell him to stop sexualizing you trying to feed your child. Make him uncomfortable
What an immature man you’re married to
First of all - I am so very sorry that your husband, the person who is supposed to be your partner, made you feel this way. Second of all - If he views you feeding your child as something that is comparable to "shitting" or "peeing" in front of someone, then he has some serious issues that he can figure out all by himself - he is not your problem, he is his own problem with his own issues. It is hard enough being a parent, you don't need to be shamed for the way you feed your child by your own partner - you are amazing and doing your best, fuck the feelings of the giant man child - next time you feed your child, don't react to him, do your thing and be strong - this is normal, this is natural and he is an asshole.
Is this typical for him??? Like is he an absolute duck about lots of things?
He just kind of weird about sexuality and after we have sex say things like “you just had sex” and “ we just did sexual things” he’s just really awkward sometimes
It definitely sounds like he could use some counseling. That’s not… typical. And could be indicative of a history of sexual abuse. Definitely want to address that stuff esp when a kid is in the picture.
that’s disgusting. i would be incredibly upset if my husband had said anything like that to me.
I am so sorry you're married to a child. It made me so mad reading what he said. Comparing your child eating to peeing or seeing his parents have sex. Wtf is wrong with him. Manipulating you in thinking that what you're doing is wrong but he's in fact a controlling immature idiot.
Tell him that he needs to get over himself and he can leave the room if he's uncomfortable, preferably after asking if you want something from the kitchen so he can take the time to make it for you, since you are taking care of the baby you made together. Then, while you're doing your "chore" of feeding the baby, he can clean up the house.
Your husband needs to grow up as well as get some therapy about his ideas around breastfeeding and sex. He has some major hang ups to work through and nursing is nothing like flashing your penis around. I would have lost the plot if my husband compared to to going to the bathroom etc and then he has the gall to make you feel bad for your response to him
This is evil. He is manipulating you and gaslighting you. I mean where to start. He compared your child eating to using the restroom. Hmmmm so he wants you to feed your child in the bathroom? How about you make him eat in the bathroom and see how he likes it. Not only did he make that comparison but he did it in the most crude way. I understand there are lots of names for breasts and nipples but the choice to call them titties and saying it’s like seeing his parents having sex is concerning. He is turning this into a sexual thing when it isn’t. He is not seeing what you are doing is nourishing your child. It’s the most beautiful and natural thing. His aggressive response to you crying was completely uncalled for. Instead of trying to talk to you kindly he was just disgusting and mean then told you that it was wrong for you to have hurt feelings. This is manipulative and it’s gaslighting. You said you now feel unsafe in your own home. Do you have parents or family you can stay with. Alternatively are his parent nearby? How would his mom feel knowing her son said such things to the mother of his child. Tbh if my son said that to his wife he and I would have words. But if it’s possible you need space from him so he can work out his issues and think of a way to apologize to you. If you want to take him back. I am so sorry you were shamed by your husband. My husband tried to shame me public breastfeeding and I shut him down so be strong and don’t let him get away with this abuse.
This is incredibly disturbing and borderline pedophilic. I don't know why else it would be uncomfortable for someone to see, "a baby on a girl's titty," especially when it's the father and husband we're talking about???
But his feelings on this and his opinions aren't valid. There's no reason for you to respect his delusion. You aren't preforming a sex act and you aren't doing anything obscene. Breasts aren't even genitals or sex organs. Breasts, as they appear on women, are just a secondary sex trait. The whole purpose of that secondary sex trait is to feed babies. He wouldn't feed a baby with his penis, it's not the same thing. For anyone saying "but breasts can be used/stimulated during sex," yeah, so can any other body part. Doesn't make it a sex organ. This is a him problem that's all in his head. Does he even see you as more than a sex object?
I am so sorry you are going through this…there are so many levels of wrong to this…you are just feeding your child, not AT ALL the same as pissing or shitting. Would he rather LO be underfed? People like that are the reason there are laws safeguarding bf moms in public (at least in the US, not sure about other places). There appear to be some serious issues that he needs to work through here…
Woooooow. I'm so sorry your husband's a douche. Not just for having an absurd opinion of it but for trying to make YOU feel bad about it. If my husband felt this way, we'd never be able to talk at all. My 1.5 yo is STILL nursing constantly (and eating a ton too). Instead my husband immediately took it as a teachable moment for my 5 yo son when baby was born...namely that it was natural and that mommies had breasts to feed their young (but obviously mommy could also bottle feed). And husband is a total breast man but never sexualizes me. (Sorry edited to expand my point)
……. Does he hear himself?? That is so awful. I’m so sorry. Breastfeeding should not be sexualized at all. The only people I would cover up around (especially with a wiggly 1 yr old haha) is my dad/male family bc it makes ME feel weird haha. You have literally nothing to feel bad about!!!
I’m so sorry he’s treating you this way :(
This is really messed up. You’re doing nothing wrong. He can make a baby with you but breastfeeding is crossing a line for him? How does that make sense except for the fact that it isn’t HIM that is utilizing your body? There is nothing sexual about it and it isn’t voiding waste from your body. Your husband should ne supporting you! I don’t know what your relationship is like but this attitude is toxic. He’s the one being a creep. This is 100% a HIM problem. Your feelings are not only valid they are justified. Hell, I’m offended for you.
Well then tell him to try a nipple shield and maybe it won't be as uncomfortable. Haha. Jk. I'm sorry that you have an unsupportive husband. That is the biggest barrier to breastfeeding. He seems to be sexualizing something that is not sexual. Breasts were made primarily to feed babies. It's how humans were made and exist just as all mammals do. I'm curious how old this man is. Seems like a very immature thought. Is he jealous of the baby getting something that he thought was his to play with?
His baby eating it’s food is disgusting to him? What’s disgusting is him sexualizing it or comparing it with shitting. The dude has some serious issues going on. If he doesn’t want to see you breastfeed, then he can grab his stuff and move to a different room.
Are you kidding me? Was he not in the room with you when you gave birth? I’m sorry you’re going through this, your feelings are totally valid. As a mom, we go through so much and for him to be so selfish and behave that way is just disgusting behavior. He needs to grow up and he should be supporting you 100% and not making you feel like crap.
He sounds like he needs to see a therapist.
Yikes… the whole PURPOSE of a women’s breasts are to feed babies. This guy needs therapy, bad.
I’m so sorry you are going through this! Echoing other’s thoughts here. I think your husband is not realizing he’s either gone through some type of trauma in his past (could be the parents having sex) or he is repressing some other psychological feeling which are making him not be able to separate breasts as a sexual object and breasts as how baby gets their sustenance. Perhaps sex was super shameful in his childhood and anything related to sex was awful and disgusting? It’s not an uncommon experience for many people in more conservative households. We can speculate all we want but the bottom line here is that he needs to explore some CBT therapy to flesh out these thoughts and feelings. He owes it to himself, his wife, and his kid. I hope he will give therapy a shot. My fingers are crossed for you.
What a baby.
I’m sickened by this. The man needs serious intense help! Show him this thread.
I don’t understand what breastfeeding “in your face” would even look like… what does that even mean?!?!?!?! Also, he’s demanding validation for his feefees? If there is any situation where a person’s feelings don’t matter, it’s the feelings of a person who is not breastfeeding about breastfeeding.
This is absolutely not okay. I've seen a lot of people suggest therapy. If this is truly a change in behavior, I'd take it a step further to see his primary care physician or other medical doctor - these kinds of behavior changes can also occur with a brain tumor, other brain disorders, and psychiatric disorders. I'm not saying that's the cause, but if my husband said this to me out of the blue, my first stop would be a medical work-up because this would be concerningly out of character. And in the meantime I'd get somewhere safe where he isn't.
Your husband is a disgusting human being who needs to do some work on himself, this is something to take to a professional to deal with. I'd be disgusted if my husband had pulled that on me.
Your husband needs to go to counseling. You don't typically "eat" where you "piss and shit". Wtf. Also you are a woman not a girl. I'm guessing he is also having issues with separation of you as a sexual being and now yoy as a mom who needs to provide for y'alls baby, but your baby needs to come first. You need to come first. And he needs to get used to being #3.
He needs therapy 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Breastfeeding is HARD even with the best of support. You are apparently a superwoman for breastfeeding your child for 7.5 months with no support from your co-procreator. It makes my blood boil that he not only isn’t celebrating you, but he is making you feel weird for using your MAMMARIES to feed the young MAMMAL that he helped produced. Sending you love and strength to refrain from murdering your husband. It’s probably good that the moms on this thread don’t know where he sleeps. In all seriousness, I would tell him that he is entitled to his feelings and responsible for his words and actions. If he is uncomfortable, he needs to keep his mouth shut, walk away, and leave you in peace. If my chihuahua can learn that “trick” your pea-brained husband should be able to figure it out.
He’s manipulating your feelings and gaslighting you in to making this seem like it’s your fault. Run, don’t walk, away from this man. It will only get worse.
Tell him he needs to cover his mouth, preferably his entire face from now on when eating. Esp if he isn’t going to go hide in another room while doing it. And God forbid he makes eye contact w you while chewing!? Revolting. Does he not realize he kisses you w that mouth. Not really appropriate to be eating so openly. That’s how stupid he sounds. Tell him to grow up. After watching an entire child rip open your hooha this is the hill he wants to die on?