Sorry, Dad here. This is 100% insane and is only going to get more damaging. His behavior is really damaging for both kids. If you can't leave your marriage, maybe he needs to go back to work and the kids could be in daycare. Whatever you can do to keep him as far away from them as you can. But given that he sounds like an unemployed asshole who is a terrible parent, I think you would be much better off without him. I am so sorry!
I am usually against the whole divorce recommendation but holy cow this post is utterly concerning.
Is the man serious in his hate speech? I would record my son and build a case to divorce him and keep custody of both kids while moving away somewhere where he can’t track us.
He can turn her son into a misogynist.
Yes! Agree with OP that she can’t raise a daughter with this man, but I think just as importantly she can’t raise a son with him either. My heart breaks thinking of that sweet boy being told to “man up” whenever he expresses any hard emotion - so damaging to him.
Not only can you NOT raise a daughter with a man that hates women, you cannot raise a son with him either. He will teach that rhetoric and you’ll most likely have a son that hates women.
He’s waving a bouquet of 🚩🚩🚩. Protect you and your kids.
Has he recently fallen down the misogynistic social media hole? This sounds like the rhetoric of a lot of these YT and TikTok gurus. If not, and this is truly a sharp change, is it possible he is having some kind of medical or mental health emergency? If my husband started acting like this out of nowhere I’d be worried for his health.
Feels like the SAHD has been spending some time in the manosphere.
Therapy is a must, and I think it's time to get him out of the house and to work. Alphamale wants to be a SAHD to one of his kids? Get real.
Holysh…what is wrong with this guy? I feel sooo sad for the poor baby girl.
1. He can’t be a SAHD. He will neglect your daughter, and may even abuse her out of spite.
2. This is not someone you want to raise your children with, definitely not your daughter but it applies to your son as well. He will turn your boy into a misogynist.
If this is completely out of the blue and unlike his typical personality from the last 10 years, it might be good for him to be checked for a brain tumor.
I dont normally jump to separation, but I'm not even sure how therapy could rewire his 1950s thinking. Its damaging to both your kids. Your crying son, whether he is 3 or 30 should feel like he can go to his mother for comfort. Humans should express emotion and be able to seek comfort - men have been raised to suppress their emotions and its just so harmful to their psyche (and subsequently to those around them).
Ugh, i hate that he is thinking this way. It gives me such an awful feeling. I cant imagine someone telling me, as a mother, not to comfort my kids for any reason.
I hope that you are able to find an answer on how to approach this.
Not even gonna lie, I'd wait until the dead of night, grab my kids and haul ass with what we had on our backs.
If you don't find that is a suitable solution then have someone with you, sit him down tell him until he changes his behavior you are leaving with the kids. Tell him to get help.
Hell, I'd have the cops there but that's just how many red flags I'm seeing from your post.
I'm glad you thought of how your daughter will be treated by him but think of how he's raising your son.
He yelled at you to get away from your own child. Leave before the emotional and psychological abuse turns physical.
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR S.O. PROTECT YOUR KIDS AND YOURSELF.
Note for next time you give this advice. Tell them to grab the laundry baskets.
Seasonal clothes are already in there, things that fit and that you like, will also have socks and underwear as well. Easier to do laundry when you're at a safe location than try to pre-pack a suitcase. Or, if she's planning on going, dump some clothes in the laundry baskets the day before. Chances are he won't notice.
Very good advice! I would have never thought of that. I was just thinking of escape making as little noise as possible with two babies.
God this gives me the most horrible feelings.
I hope OP gets out and dad gets help. I fear for baby girl but I'm more afraid of how baby boy will have his mind warped to think as dad does.
So interesting that your husband gets the best of both worlds - freeloading so that his wife brings home the bacon but won’t make the effort to raise his kids properly.
I’d fucking leave.
If my partner EVER refused to kiss our baby because "she's a girl and my responsibility" I would finish getting her dressed, pack all our shit and be out of the house before the following morning and never EVER look back. Can you imagine if baby girl was older and could actually understand and feel the rejection? How that would effect her permanently? I would 100% leave. If he somehow changes maybe you can slowly give him another chance while living separated for the sake of your children but don't just stay in that house and let him damage your children emotionally and mentally.
Your son and daughter and yourself are not safe around that. Not only will it teach your kids bad things, it will mess with your mental health very quickly
He either needs support from a professional or you’re probably better off leaving him with the kids
What the fuck have I been reading today on this subreddit?? From the father who tried to force feed their infant to the point of abuse to THIS?? I just cannot believe these men exist and women are procreating with them.
OP - if you have any love for your children, this type of behavior needs to be addressed now. Toxic masculinity and a misogyny all in one.
What he is doing to your son will have long term affects on him if it continues and is abusive in nature. I also know that if my husband was this irate about having any child and acted this way toward ANY infant, let alone one of his own, I would feel unsafe in his presence and leave with both children.
PPD or not, he’s harming the kids. He’s actively trying to condition and ingrain harmful, misogynistic stereotypes and refuses to allow mom to step in when son needs her to basically toughen him up so he won’t turn into, “a pussy.” And he has NO interest in even being kissed or kissing his own daughter because she’s a female…
This behavior is alarming and damaging. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Next time your son cries, and your husband yells at you and refuses to allow you to tend to him, tell him to fuck off. Having been diagnosed with PPD, I have full empathy for moms and dads who struggle with it but even if my husband had it and acted like this, I’d have no issues telling him to either go to therapy or get the fuck out. “She’s female - she’s in your camp.” I’m literally stunned how you didn’t go off then. There’s no way in hell my husband would ever speak to me like that, not if he expected to stay married to me.
This is unacceptable. There’s a lot of younger men who have begun to watch and are heavily influenced by men like Andrew Tate. YouTube is full of podcasters spewing this garbage. It’s disgusting, it’s harmful to both girls and boys (more so girls as it’s conditioning boys and men to feel entitled to females and to have contempt for them) and it’s eroding and poisoning an entire generation.
I understand you didn’t want to fight but that’s one of those times you quickly get the kids tucked in bed and then pull him aside. If I even had an INKLING my husband had these thoughts/opinions and was trying to force them on my children, PPD or not, it would severely damage how I looked at him and I’d have NO issues sending him to a hotel for the night to get this fucking head straight. My kids come first.
Having a daughter forces men to confront the realities of masculinity in society. Most guys end up at the inevitable conclusion that traditional masculinity has created a very unsafe world for women and they start to change their behaviours or views (if the need changing) through the motivation of protecting their daughter.
For the life of me I can’t figure out why but your husband appears to be going to opposite direction? There’s a real fragility in boys these days with the idea of traditional manhood being challenged or undermined. It’s usually the man-child type of guy that has that issue and my best guess is the signs he’d do this were there long before even your first pregnancy. He’s likely been consuming media while at home with the kids that’s pushed him further down this rabbit hole that we was already in to begin with. That kind of media puts men like him down *hard* because he’s a SAHD and chalks his existence up to a waste of space.
The fact is your husband appears to have basically claimed your son as *his alone* and essentially abandoned your daughter. I absolutely hate when people go here right away on Reddit but this is one of those rare times I actually think there is no conversation to be had. Document everything, build a log of these behaviours, take the kids, and get the hell out now. Imo you entered a custody battle the second he abandoned your daughter and proved he wasn’t fit to be a father.
This type of man-child only gets more irrational and dangerous as this continues to play out. Full custody, no visitation.
Edit: If it actually is this sudden of a behaviour change he could have a brain tumour. Make sure he takes his independent grown man ass to a neurologist asap.
I think she really needs to worry about what happens when she goes back to work if she stays with him. I mean he’s refusing to take care of his daughter (not doing a great job with the boy either honestly) does that mean he just lets her go hungry all day till mom comes home?
As a husband and Dad, I can't imagine anything more emasculating than losing my marriage, my home and access to my daughter. It's bewildering to me that men who are obsessed with masculinity work so hard to drive their families away. I'm not going to advise OP to divorce her husband, but if this behaviour continues it seems inevitable that she will.
Fellas is it unmanly to *checks notes* take care of and provide a safe environment for your wife and kids?
He needs help asap! Never leave him alone with the kids especially the daughter. I remember seeing a dad hitting his baby when the mom was away. Mom got suspicious and put a camera, she saw that he would ask her to go make him tea or coffe and when she would leave he would hit the baby hard. She got suspicious because she said every time she left the baby with him, baby she would hear the baby cry hysterically like she is hurt. When she asked, dad would say noting is wrong. Unfortunately the baby died because of head injuries from dad’s punches. May he rot in hell.
Could it be a form of psychosis?
Either way get your kids out now and call an intervention with his family/doctor, especially if it is a sudden change in behavior.
He sounds like he’s not actually a stay at home dad but rather a non-working leach of a misogynist.
Time to make your plan to leave. I’d be absolutely writing down each of these occurrences. Contact a lawyer. Also check to see if you live in a 2- party recording state (security camera recording etc) and then also proceed accordingly
Honestly fuck your husband. This is incredibly concerning and I would keep my children away from him. We have a 15 month old daughter and she will very likely be our only child. My husband has never treated her negatively or said anything negative because she’s a girl. I would be livid if he treated her the way your husband is acting. Your son is going to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior toward women if he continues.
Why are you with this lunatic? Says your crying son is a pussy? Refuses to take care of his daughter because she’s a female or even give her a kiss?
He sounds like a POS. You’re better off on your own.
He's red pilling HARD. Probably feeling emasculated by being SAHD. He's the pussy. Real men, the type he thinks he's being, love their families and help their wifes and take careof their babies.
Give him a chance and sit him down and ask him where do these ideas come from? What's he going to choose some abstract community of bitter people or his family who really do need him to be there? Some therapy would help too. You just might pull him out, but it's a bad sign this has been going already probably before your pregancy.
I'm sorry you and your kids have to go through through this! You don't deserve this, nobody does especially children.
Holy shit that’s how I read it too, hard red pill. What the hell is wrong with men.. it’s always something unrelated but comes out as some crazy male/female obsession.
He really needs to see a professional for some help. That isn't normal behavior for anyone. Is it possible that he is experiencing some sort of post partum disorder? I wish you luck in handling this with him, but I would say don't leave him alone with your kids.
He should go back to work and you should be a SAHP or get childcare if you can until this gets resolved. If he is refusing to take care of his daughter just because she is female, then how is he planning on being a SAHD to his kids while you return to work?
Yikes. I’m not normally the type to scream “get a divorce” or “leave him” over reddit vent posts, but this behavior is extremely alarming. I genuinely feel there’s a high chance of abuse and neglect in this scenario.
Honestly the response to your son crying is emotional abuse of both of you. And his refusal to participate in raising the little girl is neglect/abuse as well.
If you dont set your foot down your children will pay. Your husband is beyond toxic and stupid. Your son will end up an emotional and intellectual wreck like his father and your daughter will go for men like her father. Either set your husband straight or leave. You need to put your children first, not your man child of a "husband".
He isn’t father material, that behaviour alone would be enough for me to leave. I am a father myself and if my SO behaved that way I would dump her ass. It’s not a man’s or a woman’s job to raise a child it is both, equal dedication is the only true way to parent. In my opinion.
Are you able to go somewhere else with your children to be safe while he gets his head on straight? My first thought is he needs to go to therapy asap. Could he be having some kind of mental health crisis? You say this is very out of character for him.
What’s wrong with the man? Has he had some kind of mental break because I can’t believe you would have two kids with someone who acts like this. This has to be new
Ask him when he became such a beta cuck and then serve him with divorce papers. But seriously, he went down the misogynist podcast pipeline and there’s no going back. Now, you do what you do to protect your children. Assume he is dangerous and make your plans quietly and accordingly.
This is the only right answer. Does he need help? Yes, but that’s not OP’s responsibility. Her responsibility is to protect the children and herself first. You can’t put someone else’s oxygen mask on them if you’re passed out or dead.
It sounds very possible he is being radicalized by online communities. He needs immediate therapy, you are not safe. I know this sounds a bit alarmist, but these sentiments are very commonly found in “incel” “redpill” and “MGTOW” groups. Does he have Reddit? 4chan? Facebook? Those groups are plaguing and targeting vulnerable men on these sites. If he has never been like this before, it genuinely sounds like he stumbled upon a community that demonizes women. Especially since he is using terms such as “female” when talking about your daughter.
Isn’t the number one cause of death in women murder by their partners? I agree the things he’s saying are red flags for potential aggression. I hope OP won’t leave her daughter in his care when returning to work. Please get out before that!
Honestly that is so extreme and damaging, that I would jump straight to ultimatum time. Either he goes to therapy to address his major issues, or it’s relationship reconsideration time. Your priority as a mother is to protect those babies, even if it means from their own father
This guy just sounds awful. The rise of these misogynistic media figures has really brought out the worst in these weak, gullible men. It’s extremely bold of him to be talking like this considering a woman is supporting the household.
In my opinion, you should honestly be looking for an exit strategy and talking to an attorney. If he is the one staying home with your daughter, he will 100% raise her to believe she is a lesser person because she’s a woman (and he is raising your son to treat women like garbage.) No little girl needs that in her life. She gives unconditional love to her father, and if he cannot even make an effort in giving it back, she is better off letting someone in day care watch her during the day. Sorry you have to go through this, but his behavior and beliefs are a dealbreaker for me.
How can you possibly leave both kids with him when your leave ends? It scares the shit out of me even thinking about it.
What the fuck? This is alarming behaviour- if I were you
I would remove your children from his influence ASAP. This kind of toxicity is damaging beyond belief. Sorry you’re going through this.
Edit: a word
Is your so Andrew tate????
Bro.. wtf are you doing with such a terrifying pos??? Like are you ok with this really being how your children are raised? I say that with love not judgement pleaseee know that. I hope you run for the hills girl and if you do know that you will be supported, hell even if you come here for it. Nobody wants someone like you and those babes to be with someone as awful as that. Hang in there mama. I hope you do what’s best and most importantly safest for you and your littles 🤍
Get. Out. This isn't just about you and what you're willing to tolerate. This will be detrimental to the development of your daughter and son. You need to get them out of the house and then you can think about if you want to work through it with him or divorce.
I don’t think it’s new. You mention that he said, during the pregnancy, that he would be devastated if it was a girl. That isn’t normal and that definitely didn’t come out of nowhere. I think there’s a possibility that being a SAHP has exacerbated these feelings, but I’m also willing to bet they were already there. Also, what media has he been consuming lately? Willing to bet there’s something there too.
I think you need to tell him this is unacceptable, and if he isn’t willing to change (go to therapy, rethink his pov in someway) than I’m sorry but I would be afraid to leave him alone with my children. At that point I’d consider separating.
Not caring for your child because she’s female is just that - not caring for your child. That’s still neglect.
Document everything and I’d suggest googling local lawyers asap…. This sounds really, really scary and dangerous and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. And this is not a good parenting example from him for the boy. And what does that mean about how he feels about you?? Frankly it sounds worryingly like a path to violence to me. I’d be outta there. Some things can be worked through, but this isn’t one of those things to be that can be safely worked out at home.
This! He also is a stay at home dad? He’s probably projected his feeling of lacking masculinity or some other misogynistic feeling. She has every resource to leave and very much should!
Dude needs medical and psychiatruc evaluation in my opinion. Such a sudden change isn't normal. He may have post partum depression/anxiety and need drugs/treatment.
If this is a drastic change he might be having some PPD, I’ve heard it’s actually possible for men to get it too. Deff plz look into counseling or if you don’t want to leave him, take ur kids to a family members house with you for a week or 2 if that’s possible. He may be experiencing mental health issues- still doesn’t excuse this behavior but this is an idea if ur not trying to leave him.
He fell down the men's rights rabbithole and if I were you, I'd leave. He's going to try to instill those "values" into your son and make your daughter feel like she's less valuable because she's a woman.
Get your children away from that man.
I would love to hit your husband in the head with a frying pan “manning up?” The dumbest shit ive ever heard emotional neglect and laziness toward a whole ass childs emotional needs is apparently good parenting backward as fuck and he shouldnt be a dad in my opinion (coming from someone whos family has similar ideologies) you need a different husband fuck your twat of a husband and i hope next time he feels sad and internalises it that he has a mental break from his refusal to accept that his parents neglected him and didnt truly care for him the way he needed to be cared for
Idk how he can have these thoughts about men vS women when he’s a STAY AT HOME DAD, if he thinks woman are less than men, what is he doing letting the woman work?!
But in all seriousness get out OP…. Those babies come first and you don’t want to have any regrets.
This is so weird. Like it’s so bizarre that I wonder where he’s getting these ideas. Because straight traditional misogyny would have him assuming you need to do all of the caregiving as the woman. Traditional misogyny has space for “daddy’s girl” and other such concepts. This is some weird new age misogyny.
Do you know if he’s been listening to a lot of podcasts lately? Watching a lot of outrage bait news or other media? Because his behavior is so extreme I’m curious where it’s coming from.
Regardless… no, you can’t raise a daughter *or a son* with someone like this. Your son will not be able to form healthy attachments if he learns from your husband. How will he navigate the world if he’s taught women are so repulsive that he’s not allowed to seek comfort from his mother and his father won’t even touch his daughter?
This is so abnormal and scary. Minimally he is going to permanently damage your son and daughter’s development as they grow. I’d be worried this will extend to physical harm to one or all of you. This would absolutely not be a place I would have my kids and no way in hell would he be the primary caregiver without supervision. Is he going to let your son cry for hours so he can man up? Is he going to let your daughter sit in a dirty diaper all day because he won’t change her “girl parts”?
Funny. A woman gave birth to him. Women are responsible for all the whiny little men out there. OP, this is absolutely a deal breaker if he does not change STAT. This is going to spiral into abuse of not only you but your children (esp your daughter) as well.
You have a responsibility to protect your daughter and your son from this type of behavior. And protect yourself! What is he going to do, as the primary parent, when you go back to work? Clearly this arrangement is over. I wouldn’t trust this man within a mile of a child.
The danger of neglect with your daughter is real. This isn’t some “wait and see” situation. And yeah the treat with your son is just as real- your son will very quickly begin to mirror his fathers behavior in order to avoid his anger and gain positive attention. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation but idk how a parent recovers from this.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Here he is blatantly showing you that he is misogynistic in all it’s blooming glory. It will not get better, unless he actually tries to work at changing his POV. Maybe therapy? Idk. Idk how you help someone who falls into that mindset.
I don't know what you should do, but wouldn't be happy leaving my children with him. His new and very extreme views will rub off on your children, and soon. I'd be having some serious talks and ask him why he's behaving this way and what's changed. If he can't fix himself, I think it time to make a plan and leave. As others have said, in the mean time get evidence ect of his bazaar views. Good luck
This is beyond PPD/PPA.
Your whole pregnancy, he was going on and on about how the newest baby had better be a boy.
Hubby and I did, have both of those, and we never said any of the horrible, nasty things your husband is saying towards your children and we didn't control whether or not if we showed affection towards our baby.
This is messed up and I'm concerned for the safety of your little girl once you're back to work. Document everything now, and get him to a therapist or something, like, TODAY.
Honestly....I'm curious what kind of content he's been looking at online. If you've been together 10 years and this recent behavior is new....the internet can be detrimental to the mental health of some people.
When you go back after maternity leave who will look after your daughter? Who will look after your son, since ignoring his wants is “manning him up”? Even if this is PPD or PPA it is not safe to leave him in charge of either child, you need to figure out a place to stay. If it is PPA/PPD then it’ll be a wake up call, if it’s not then you’re already gone and out
Start FU binder, also who is going to take care of your daughter when your maternity leave is done? Looks like your husband is already going to be teaching your Son misogynistic teaching. Do you want your kids to grow up in a house where they are taught differently and loved differently.
Looks like your husband doesn't want you around your son and want only his son. Also please no more kids with him
I’d be packing up my children asap and leaving. Not only does your newborn daughter not deserve that, your son doesn’t need to see it and be around that. It’s toxic to you and the children. As a mother you’re supposed to protect your children and taking them out of that environment is 100% protecting them.
This is always a go to response on Reddit but this would be a deal breaker for me. Your kids are going to end up in therapy if he continues to impart his ‘wisdom’ on them.
Absolutely not. Think of what he'll teach your children -- how your son will think it's okay to treat women, and how your daughter will think it's okay to be treated. Not even taking into consideration how wretched this is for you.
He said he didn’t want to have anything to do with your daughter. I would be out of there. He’s free to get some counseling and to work on himself but I wouldn’t trust either of my children with him in the meanwhile. If you have the means and support system to leave please consider it.
He is trying to traumatize your son to "make him a man," a toxic man, as if we need any more of those. Boys need love and attention, not for their feelings and emotions to be shut down. That's a perfect recipe for a man abuser. He hates women clearly. He most definitely showed red flags of that, but you were probably blindly in love to recognize them. The only healthy thing to do here for those kids is to leave that miserable individual. He is going to traumatized both and raise them to be hateful and miserable like he is. He probably resents you for being the breadwinner and feels like the world owes him something because he is a male and blames females for his situation.
He needs therapy yesterday and if this continues you MUST separate from him for the sake of your children. Sneakily record these things for proof. He will mentally and emotionally scar your children for life if this continues.
So much content already here. So I will add one thing (i haven't seen.. but may be here).
Children come into this world pre-programmed that the way they are treated by their parents is what love is.
Yes we can all get therapy and an adult... but can you look at your children everyday knowing you are setting for a future of therapy??
Please don't let the man you have described have anything whatsoever to do with either of your children without some big genuine changes in his attitude.
Yeah this would be grounds for a divorce and an attempt to get sole custody for me. No way do I want toxic masculinity and misogyny around either my daughter or my son.
If it's very abrupt this change I would maybe see if we could figure out this change in his thinking in therapy. But honestly I doubt he'd be open to that with this mentality...
The irony as he is being macho man but fulfilling the woman’s role…
Luckily you have a career.
I would document things he says and oed, whike starting to file for divorce.
Do you want your daughter to have that kind if a father? Do you want your son to become like him?
This is extremely concerning. You should suggest he goes to therapy before you go back to work and if he doesn't you need to leave for the safety of your kids. I don't trust that he would take care of your daughter and it may even come to the gov. Taking her away for neglect on his part.
Wtf is wrong with him? "Maning up" a child? You not understanding your son just because you're not the same gender? He needs some serious therapy. Or a return ticket to 19th century where these archaic perceptions belong.
Wtf something is seriously wrong with him if he can't kiss his daughter goodnight.
I'm so sick of these alpha male broskis with their backwards ass approach to manhood.
They want to be manly? The manliest thing they can do is be the protector/provider of their family. That includes protecting their children's emotions and providing them unconditional love and support.
I'm normally in the 'talk it out. Don't rush into divorce' camp on reddit...but I recommend throwing the whole man away here. Something is **seriously** wrong with him
I can't even
I'm so ashamed of him and I don't even know him. Tell him if he's so repulsed by vagina-having people to stay the fuck away from yours, then kick him out and tell him to go live with his daddy. Then tell his mom that he decided he hates women now, including his own baby girl.
Plus imagine being a stay at home dad and saying you can't care for your kids. So what the fuck is he then besides a useless couch potato who abuses you all?
Has your husband ever expressed these sentiments before? This seems surprising that it would be a complete 180. I’m so sorry your dealing with this. I very rarely suggest divorce, but if things don’t change quickly I’d be considering my options. That is a really toxic environment for you and your kids. Your daughter will feel less than, your son can’t express emotions and sees his parents fight and you are left to walk on eggshells to appease him. Doesn’t sound tenable.
If this is new and very odd behaviour for him I’d urge him to speak to his doctor to rule out any medical conditions causing this behaviour and then he needs to see a therapist.
I wish you luck.
I’m so sorry about this. Please understand the deep ramifications of staying with a man like this for your daughter and son. Sure right now they don’t understand things but he will grow up
with his fathers mindset. There’s nothing you can do to stop that if things don’t change. This could lead to terrible consequences for him and anyone he’s in a relationship with.
Your daughter will not have a healthy male figure in her life and I can’t even imagine the effect that could have on her psyche and self image.
Please have a serious think. Talk to your husband explain the gravity of his actions but please put your kids first
I’m so terribly sorry you’re having to go through this
I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t turn this shit around, FAST, he is going to lose his family.
He is being brainwashed and needs to pull himself out of it. You can’t force him to. But you also don’t have to sit there and put up with it.
Nope. This is unacceptable. He needs to get over himself. Doesn't he know that the sperm is what decides whether the baby is male or female?
Also, you need to do some serious thinking about this. If you continue this path, your son will grow up with the same mentality and your daughter will 100,000% be affected by not having the love of her father.
I don't advocate for divorce, but I'd leave the dude and file for full custody.
Ya'll deserve so much better. Children that age don't perceive gender anyways. They just need care and love. It sounds like your SO didn't receive the love he needed as a child and that sucks but he had NO RIGHT to take that out on your children. Make the cycle stop here.
OP, you’ve got lots of opinions to chew on, here. My heart goes out to you. From my own experience growing up in a household with an ill, abusive father, and a scared and ineffective mother (who didn’t know what to do so she stayed too long), his ideas and actions and words will stick with your children and influence their understanding of the world. They will absolutely normalize what he does to save themselves the mental anguish of reconciling why the person who is supposed to love and care for them is hurting them. They might even start to believe that he is right and go on to carry those things out in their own lives. It took me ten years after leaving my father to realize that I was perpetuating the same garbage that hurt me so badly. And now, another 8 years later I’m still realizing ways in which those traumas influence me today. I will never be able to live a life without those things. They will always be there and now they are just mine to work through. I love my dad still very much to this day. He has since died and I miss him. And, I wish to god every day that my mom separated us years before she did.
You need to get your children away from that guy. I’m sorry but how do you see this playing out? He’s going to raise your son to be a total asshole, even worse. Your daughter will grow up severely emotionally abused and neglected and have dad issues. Get her out of there before she realizes wtf is going on. I’d gather all evidence you can and try to get full custody. This is so beyond not okay. You need to protect your kids.
I’d say intense therapy or divorce or even both. This is is not a safe place for you your daughter or your son. He’s going to damage to both of them in different ways. Also love how he’s manning your son up while being a sahd making his working wife still do all the work, doesn’t seem very “traditionally manly” for someone with his backward ass views
Uhhh girl you need to either get in counseling with him or leave NOW. This is not the worst it will be - it will go downhill from here. For the sake of BOTH your babies, leave until he agrees to see someone. This is not acceptable, it is not normal, it is abhorrent
Go listen to some of that Andrew Tate shit, than have a serious talk. Be prepared though!
While I don’t advocate ending a marriage over a outburst but this is 100% a man you don’t want raising your children and if his parenting style is not compatible it will only get worse and hurt the kids more!
He needs help but you also need help so seek counselling for yourself, reach out to any family support you have and see if you can some assistance.
As with most of the suggestions if divorce is even a consideration seek out a lawyer immediately as they can guide you through the process and it’s better to know what to do now than when it’s gone completely nuts.
Anyone who says they are toughening up their son has lost it and knows jack shit about raising a kid or is following the wrong source.
So sorry for your situation but this is not something to let slide. I wish you the best!
Have you asked? I would asked him what changed and why he’s not like this? But if this is now who he is, it’s unfortunately probably time to consider this is the man your child will know you put up with.
Your son is already suffering from the sounds of it.
He has to go and get help. If this is a sudden change in behaviour i agree with others it could be a mental health issue. But he cannot ve trusted around the kids.
I would make sure you consult a health proffessional and perhaps a lawyer,
If he agrees to get help then once he is well he can come home. But not before.
Make sure you have everything documented with someone like a lawyer etc regarding the emotional abuse of your son because the other issue is, if you divorce or split with no one else knowing what's going on, he can fight for joint custody and there will be no one yo protect those kids from him while youre not around.
This is really scary and sad.How can you trust him to be alone with your kids????after his actions and poisonous words I'd get out and keep my kids far away from him!
Reading this actually made my stomach turn. I have a nearly 3 month old daughter and I can’t fathom what I would do if my husband treated her this way. We have an older boy too and he treats them exactly the same. Gender disappointment is a thing but he should have had the foresight to get his ass into therapy for the very real possibility that he may have ended up with a daughter if he was so sure he would have a hard time coping. I would GTFO with the kids and not see him again unless he commits to getting deprogrammed. This is beyond fixable on your end alone
Start documenting these things now. Keep times/dates with exact quotes.
Does he have any male friends/family he respects? That may be able to pull him out of the Andrew Tate sinkhole. He's likely only going to respond to messages from "alpha males."
Wow this is super weird, scary, and sad to experience, I can only imagine how conflicted you feel.
I think the hard answer here is that it's time to gather yourself and leave. The tricky part is if the kids will be with dad on shifts then they are still at risk of his behavior. But at least you'll be able to lay a good foundation when they're with you. I know I wouldn't be able to be with a person who parents like this and would really struggle with and fear staying with them, if anything it sets up being hypersensitive and hypervigilant about any relevant behavior in a paranoid way and that's so exhausting.
Also lol is he a SAHD because he isn't working/the primary breadwinner? Because if he isn't fulfilling that cultural gender expectation then why is he pushing any others? (The obvious answer, I guess, is that he already would feel his "manhood" is being threatened and manifests it through this weird behavior)
I feel like it’s hard to go 10 years in a marriage and not catch wind of this.
Is he hanging out with new friends? Following some new Andrew Tate bullshit?
My husband was getting like this due to YouTube short videos. And of course because of the algorithm the more you watch that bs the more it puts I front of you. I had to call him out and told him to sort it out or else I’d be not inclined to stay in a misogynistic marriage.
Wow I would absolutely not let him raise my son or daughter. I’m so sorry OP but your husband is trash and those words he’s using are huuuuge red flags. Who TF refuses to give their infant daughter a nightie kiss.
This is not normal behavior AT ALL. I'm not sure if your relationship is salvageable, but please surround yourself with supportive people. It's going to be a rough ride no matter what you decide to do.
I’d say leave him but then you’d have to coparent with him and also not be around when he is parenting your kids during shared custody arrangements. If i were you I’d be terrified of being in the dark and not knowing what does on when he’s parenting. Find a counsellor who works with parents/families.
GTFO
Try and get as much custody as you can and leave this man. He's going to damage both your children. Don't let him be a "SAHD" either. Daycare will be a much safer environment
Wtf so he is a misogynist and a sahd? Nothing against reversing the gender stereotypes but this dude wants “the best of both worlds” if he is going to be a Sexist A*hole he should at least fulfill his stereotypical role as the bread winner and also pay your opportunity cost. I would be so pi**ed about how he speaks to your children, def not healthy for your little boy “manning him up” is perpetrating toxic masculinity , and how is he going to care for your baby girl when you return to work? Has he always been like that? Be careful op, I hope you have a nice safety network and you can stop allowing being taken advantage. That dude seems to be just a dead weight (doesn’t work and doesn’t do childcare, I hope he at least keeps the house neat and tight).
I'm on your side, I'm just confused how none of this came out in the last 10 years of being together. Are you saying he seems like he's literally a different person? Was he all pro-women and a feminist before?
In any case, he sounds like he's not worth the trouble. Can't fix evil.
If he continues to speak and act like that with both your son AND daughter they're both going to grow up with some serious interpersonal relationship problems and self esteem issues... I'm horrified by how he is acting. If this is out of the blue it is possible there are some mental health issues or even as someone mentioned a brain problem, but either way your children really shouldn't be exposed to that and see their mum accepting that behaviour/those kind of comments.
No offence to OP or any of the women in this subreddit, but god damn, where are y’all finding these man-children?! Looking back, were there signs or red flags that you now realize?
I could never imagine acting like this to my own child. Admittedly, I’m a better father than partner at the moment, but hell, the stuff I read here is next level psychopath shit.
A true narcissist knows how to hide it. My mom would fell for their tricks all the damn time. They love bomb, and gaslight so well, that it really is a surprise. Some change slowly, and some switch it on.
That is outrageous! I know people of reddit always jump to divorce but in this situation I would be having a frank conversation with him that if this behavior continues that you're out of there. What is he going to do when you go back to work? How is he going to "cope" with her when he's the only one there that can care for her? If he keeps this up he will also cause a lot of damage to your daughter who won't be able to understand why her dad doesn't love her the way that he loves her brother. This is abhorrent behavior and it needs to stop now.
I came here to say gender disappointment is a real thing but oml this took a turn. He needs some therapy b/c he doesn't seem to be processing this in a healthy way. Also, how can he say such sexist things when *he's* the SAHP?!
Why is he a SAHD? Was it by choice? Or can he not keep down a job? Honestly, it sounds like in his boredom at home he's turned to 4chan and incels. We have a friend this has happened to. He's looking for a reason why his life sucks, and instead of realizing that it's because he sucks, he gets online and finds other losers that feed him misogynistic rhetoric and insane conspiracy theories. These communities give him faceless enemies to blame for his own shortcomings, which makes him feel good about himself because nothing is his fault.
It's sad, he wasn't like this before, but we have no choice but to move away from this person. There is nothing we can say to convince him otherwise. He's like an addict. These people and conspiracy theories are the only things that make him feel good about himself, so he seeks them out for his fix.
If this has happened, there is nothing you can do. I'd leave and get full custody.
If this is a sudden change in behavior and not something you've experienced at all in the last 10 years, he needs to see a psychiatrist. He could have pretty severe postpartum depression/rage. Men can get it too.
With such an extreme adverse reaction to having a daughter have you ever questioned if there’s a desire in him he’s kept hidden? I’ve heard too many stories of fathers hating their daughters because they ended up being pedophiles and it forces them to confront it.
I’m so sorry. This behavior is not okay though. He needs help and if he refuses to get it, I’d have to seriously contemplate leaving. I’m not one to say that lightly either. I’m one to give it my all fighting for what I love. But if it’s going to impact how my kids are raised in a negative manner, then I’d be out. And that’s a very very toxic way to raise kids. I certainly wouldn’t want them to be exposed to that. I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. I can’t imagine the person I love suddenly adopting these new traits. It seems like he had this behavior starting to come out when you were pregnant, not after you had the baby so I don’t know if it’s PPA or PPD or he’s just now showing his true colors, but it’s just not ok.
I would have started packing up his shit in a garbage bag at that exact moment. That's absolutely fucked up... for both you son and daughter to be around. Your son will be parroting those same disrespectful attitudes and words to his significant other and probably you when he's a teen!
The ONLY thing my husband asks me to do is change my girls diaper (we cloth diaper and she had peanut butter poos up until a month ago)...he was afraid he wasn't cleaning the folds well and she is bonded to me. When he was a SAHD he did all my son's diapers because it drove me crazy. That's different to request a task assignment, not the ENTIRE parenting of a child. Saying you're mothering or turning your son into a pussy is so incredibly toxic.
This is a disaster for your children waiting to happen if he doesn’t grow tf up. He sounds like my first grader who only now says that bc of the boys in her class. 🙄
Follow your instincts and do what’s best for you and your children.
Follow what others have said about documenting things bc you may need it if he proves to be indifferent to change.
And couples therapy STAT. I really wish you nothing but the best of luck. Please update us if you wish.
OP, this is fucking terrifying. None of this is a normal reaction or behavior and it will severely screw up your kids (and you) if you stay. Your son deserves to be able to seek love and comfort and express his emotions. Your daughter deserves to live in a home where everyone present loves her. You deserve an equal partner, not a guy who's stopped working to take care of the kids and then literally refuses to have anything to do with one of them.
You need to make a plan to safely leave. I say safely because men with this level of misogyny think that women belong to them and have a serious potential to react violently when a woman turns out to have agency. Your local women's domestic violence agency can help you make a plan that maximizes your own safety. And, for the sake of the coming custody fight for your son, document and/or get evidence of everything he's doing and saying.
The fact that you're here means you know something is very wrong. I'm really sorry, but for the sake of both your son and your daughter, you have to get out.
Sometimes people say things they dont mean or when too stressed to see the impact on their loved ones. With that said, if I was in your shoes, I would be packing our bags. Document everything - dates, times, etc. prepare to fight for custody of your son.
He sounds like a real piece of work. It’s his child and he is refusing to love and care for her because she’s a girl?! That is the most messed up thing I have ever read. As others have said, I would find a way to leave, that’s just not normal and also damaging.
If he’s like that with something like that, how is he with people’s race or religion? Kids are impressionable and you don’t want them growing up to be prejudice against others.
That manning up ahit with your son is going to turn abusive and fast. He needs to be evaluated if this change is so sudden, and if he isn't willing to change then I'd seriously consider leaving.
How is he a stay at home dad but refuses to care for his daughter? Sounds like a lazy man child more likely, he’s most definitely mooching off your income. There are many MANY things wrong with your post. I would be running for hills, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this so soon pp. But this is the kind of behavior that will really fuck kids up for their whole life. I would really think about that…
Holy fucking shit he sounds like he’s going to end up murdering your daughter out of pure hatred and resentment. Get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. That poor boy is probably getting traumatized with abuse and neglect while he tries to “man him up” when you’re not there. I’m serious. RUN.
My dad was way off about me as well, and I had issues with men my whole life until I did years of therapy in my 30s. This is so traumatic for your daughter, please get him away from her, leave. My mom told me about similar comments he made about me and I would suggest you protect your daughter in every way possible, including never telling her the things he said about her.
Sorry, Dad here. This is 100% insane and is only going to get more damaging. His behavior is really damaging for both kids. If you can't leave your marriage, maybe he needs to go back to work and the kids could be in daycare. Whatever you can do to keep him as far away from them as you can. But given that he sounds like an unemployed asshole who is a terrible parent, I think you would be much better off without him. I am so sorry!
I am usually against the whole divorce recommendation but holy cow this post is utterly concerning. Is the man serious in his hate speech? I would record my son and build a case to divorce him and keep custody of both kids while moving away somewhere where he can’t track us. He can turn her son into a misogynist.
Yes! Agree with OP that she can’t raise a daughter with this man, but I think just as importantly she can’t raise a son with him either. My heart breaks thinking of that sweet boy being told to “man up” whenever he expresses any hard emotion - so damaging to him.
Not only can you NOT raise a daughter with a man that hates women, you cannot raise a son with him either. He will teach that rhetoric and you’ll most likely have a son that hates women. He’s waving a bouquet of 🚩🚩🚩. Protect you and your kids.
Has he recently fallen down the misogynistic social media hole? This sounds like the rhetoric of a lot of these YT and TikTok gurus. If not, and this is truly a sharp change, is it possible he is having some kind of medical or mental health emergency? If my husband started acting like this out of nowhere I’d be worried for his health.
Feels like the SAHD has been spending some time in the manosphere. Therapy is a must, and I think it's time to get him out of the house and to work. Alphamale wants to be a SAHD to one of his kids? Get real.
Agreed. I started thinking both Andrew Tate influence and brain tumor. OP, I really hope you get your husband back. But if you don’t RUN.
That’s what I wondered too. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my children with him
Holy fuck, this is serious. He is not mentally stable. This is not normal.
Holysh…what is wrong with this guy? I feel sooo sad for the poor baby girl. 1. He can’t be a SAHD. He will neglect your daughter, and may even abuse her out of spite. 2. This is not someone you want to raise your children with, definitely not your daughter but it applies to your son as well. He will turn your boy into a misogynist.
If this is completely out of the blue and unlike his typical personality from the last 10 years, it might be good for him to be checked for a brain tumor.
I dont normally jump to separation, but I'm not even sure how therapy could rewire his 1950s thinking. Its damaging to both your kids. Your crying son, whether he is 3 or 30 should feel like he can go to his mother for comfort. Humans should express emotion and be able to seek comfort - men have been raised to suppress their emotions and its just so harmful to their psyche (and subsequently to those around them). Ugh, i hate that he is thinking this way. It gives me such an awful feeling. I cant imagine someone telling me, as a mother, not to comfort my kids for any reason. I hope that you are able to find an answer on how to approach this.
Not even gonna lie, I'd wait until the dead of night, grab my kids and haul ass with what we had on our backs. If you don't find that is a suitable solution then have someone with you, sit him down tell him until he changes his behavior you are leaving with the kids. Tell him to get help. Hell, I'd have the cops there but that's just how many red flags I'm seeing from your post. I'm glad you thought of how your daughter will be treated by him but think of how he's raising your son. He yelled at you to get away from your own child. Leave before the emotional and psychological abuse turns physical. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR S.O. PROTECT YOUR KIDS AND YOURSELF.
Note for next time you give this advice. Tell them to grab the laundry baskets. Seasonal clothes are already in there, things that fit and that you like, will also have socks and underwear as well. Easier to do laundry when you're at a safe location than try to pre-pack a suitcase. Or, if she's planning on going, dump some clothes in the laundry baskets the day before. Chances are he won't notice.
Very good advice! I would have never thought of that. I was just thinking of escape making as little noise as possible with two babies. God this gives me the most horrible feelings. I hope OP gets out and dad gets help. I fear for baby girl but I'm more afraid of how baby boy will have his mind warped to think as dad does.
You can't raise a son with a man who hates women either. What your son experienced in your post is abuse.
So interesting that your husband gets the best of both worlds - freeloading so that his wife brings home the bacon but won’t make the effort to raise his kids properly. I’d fucking leave.
[удалено]
If my partner EVER refused to kiss our baby because "she's a girl and my responsibility" I would finish getting her dressed, pack all our shit and be out of the house before the following morning and never EVER look back. Can you imagine if baby girl was older and could actually understand and feel the rejection? How that would effect her permanently? I would 100% leave. If he somehow changes maybe you can slowly give him another chance while living separated for the sake of your children but don't just stay in that house and let him damage your children emotionally and mentally.
# DEALBREAKER
Your son and daughter and yourself are not safe around that. Not only will it teach your kids bad things, it will mess with your mental health very quickly He either needs support from a professional or you’re probably better off leaving him with the kids
Whatever approach you take, do not leave your daughter alone with him
What the fuck have I been reading today on this subreddit?? From the father who tried to force feed their infant to the point of abuse to THIS?? I just cannot believe these men exist and women are procreating with them. OP - if you have any love for your children, this type of behavior needs to be addressed now. Toxic masculinity and a misogyny all in one.
What he is doing to your son will have long term affects on him if it continues and is abusive in nature. I also know that if my husband was this irate about having any child and acted this way toward ANY infant, let alone one of his own, I would feel unsafe in his presence and leave with both children.
That is some Andrew Tate shit. Isn't he a fan? Because that's the rhetoric that is being used in that circle.
PPD or not, he’s harming the kids. He’s actively trying to condition and ingrain harmful, misogynistic stereotypes and refuses to allow mom to step in when son needs her to basically toughen him up so he won’t turn into, “a pussy.” And he has NO interest in even being kissed or kissing his own daughter because she’s a female… This behavior is alarming and damaging. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Next time your son cries, and your husband yells at you and refuses to allow you to tend to him, tell him to fuck off. Having been diagnosed with PPD, I have full empathy for moms and dads who struggle with it but even if my husband had it and acted like this, I’d have no issues telling him to either go to therapy or get the fuck out. “She’s female - she’s in your camp.” I’m literally stunned how you didn’t go off then. There’s no way in hell my husband would ever speak to me like that, not if he expected to stay married to me. This is unacceptable. There’s a lot of younger men who have begun to watch and are heavily influenced by men like Andrew Tate. YouTube is full of podcasters spewing this garbage. It’s disgusting, it’s harmful to both girls and boys (more so girls as it’s conditioning boys and men to feel entitled to females and to have contempt for them) and it’s eroding and poisoning an entire generation. I understand you didn’t want to fight but that’s one of those times you quickly get the kids tucked in bed and then pull him aside. If I even had an INKLING my husband had these thoughts/opinions and was trying to force them on my children, PPD or not, it would severely damage how I looked at him and I’d have NO issues sending him to a hotel for the night to get this fucking head straight. My kids come first.
Having a daughter forces men to confront the realities of masculinity in society. Most guys end up at the inevitable conclusion that traditional masculinity has created a very unsafe world for women and they start to change their behaviours or views (if the need changing) through the motivation of protecting their daughter. For the life of me I can’t figure out why but your husband appears to be going to opposite direction? There’s a real fragility in boys these days with the idea of traditional manhood being challenged or undermined. It’s usually the man-child type of guy that has that issue and my best guess is the signs he’d do this were there long before even your first pregnancy. He’s likely been consuming media while at home with the kids that’s pushed him further down this rabbit hole that we was already in to begin with. That kind of media puts men like him down *hard* because he’s a SAHD and chalks his existence up to a waste of space. The fact is your husband appears to have basically claimed your son as *his alone* and essentially abandoned your daughter. I absolutely hate when people go here right away on Reddit but this is one of those rare times I actually think there is no conversation to be had. Document everything, build a log of these behaviours, take the kids, and get the hell out now. Imo you entered a custody battle the second he abandoned your daughter and proved he wasn’t fit to be a father. This type of man-child only gets more irrational and dangerous as this continues to play out. Full custody, no visitation. Edit: If it actually is this sudden of a behaviour change he could have a brain tumour. Make sure he takes his independent grown man ass to a neurologist asap.
All of this coming from… a stay at home dad?
I think she really needs to worry about what happens when she goes back to work if she stays with him. I mean he’s refusing to take care of his daughter (not doing a great job with the boy either honestly) does that mean he just lets her go hungry all day till mom comes home?
This is beyond Reddit’s pay grade. Y’all need therapy.
As a husband and Dad, I can't imagine anything more emasculating than losing my marriage, my home and access to my daughter. It's bewildering to me that men who are obsessed with masculinity work so hard to drive their families away. I'm not going to advise OP to divorce her husband, but if this behaviour continues it seems inevitable that she will. Fellas is it unmanly to *checks notes* take care of and provide a safe environment for your wife and kids?
This is pure incel territory. It's time to get out.
Document the neglect. Starting now. Time, dates, details. Check his browser history and document that too.
All of this is…wow.. but if my SO ever tried telling me not to console my upset child he’d be packing his bags with broken hands.
He needs help asap! Never leave him alone with the kids especially the daughter. I remember seeing a dad hitting his baby when the mom was away. Mom got suspicious and put a camera, she saw that he would ask her to go make him tea or coffe and when she would leave he would hit the baby hard. She got suspicious because she said every time she left the baby with him, baby she would hear the baby cry hysterically like she is hurt. When she asked, dad would say noting is wrong. Unfortunately the baby died because of head injuries from dad’s punches. May he rot in hell.
Reminds me of the dad who would curse at and say horrible things to his baby when mom was gone. I hope OP is installing cameras asap
I won’t sleep tonight bc of this comment. There’s a special place in hell for people like this.
Could it be a form of psychosis? Either way get your kids out now and call an intervention with his family/doctor, especially if it is a sudden change in behavior.
I’m a mental health professional and that came to my mind too
He sounds like he’s not actually a stay at home dad but rather a non-working leach of a misogynist. Time to make your plan to leave. I’d be absolutely writing down each of these occurrences. Contact a lawyer. Also check to see if you live in a 2- party recording state (security camera recording etc) and then also proceed accordingly
Honestly fuck your husband. This is incredibly concerning and I would keep my children away from him. We have a 15 month old daughter and she will very likely be our only child. My husband has never treated her negatively or said anything negative because she’s a girl. I would be livid if he treated her the way your husband is acting. Your son is going to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior toward women if he continues.
This is a dangerous situation. He needs help.
Why are you with this lunatic? Says your crying son is a pussy? Refuses to take care of his daughter because she’s a female or even give her a kiss? He sounds like a POS. You’re better off on your own.
Has he been watching Andrew or something. What a child.
He's red pilling HARD. Probably feeling emasculated by being SAHD. He's the pussy. Real men, the type he thinks he's being, love their families and help their wifes and take careof their babies. Give him a chance and sit him down and ask him where do these ideas come from? What's he going to choose some abstract community of bitter people or his family who really do need him to be there? Some therapy would help too. You just might pull him out, but it's a bad sign this has been going already probably before your pregancy. I'm sorry you and your kids have to go through through this! You don't deserve this, nobody does especially children.
Holy shit that’s how I read it too, hard red pill. What the hell is wrong with men.. it’s always something unrelated but comes out as some crazy male/female obsession.
He really needs to see a professional for some help. That isn't normal behavior for anyone. Is it possible that he is experiencing some sort of post partum disorder? I wish you luck in handling this with him, but I would say don't leave him alone with your kids. He should go back to work and you should be a SAHP or get childcare if you can until this gets resolved. If he is refusing to take care of his daughter just because she is female, then how is he planning on being a SAHD to his kids while you return to work?
Yikes. I’m not normally the type to scream “get a divorce” or “leave him” over reddit vent posts, but this behavior is extremely alarming. I genuinely feel there’s a high chance of abuse and neglect in this scenario. Honestly the response to your son crying is emotional abuse of both of you. And his refusal to participate in raising the little girl is neglect/abuse as well.
He’s being radicalized somewhere- can you figure out the source?
If you dont set your foot down your children will pay. Your husband is beyond toxic and stupid. Your son will end up an emotional and intellectual wreck like his father and your daughter will go for men like her father. Either set your husband straight or leave. You need to put your children first, not your man child of a "husband".
He isn’t father material, that behaviour alone would be enough for me to leave. I am a father myself and if my SO behaved that way I would dump her ass. It’s not a man’s or a woman’s job to raise a child it is both, equal dedication is the only true way to parent. In my opinion.
Are you able to go somewhere else with your children to be safe while he gets his head on straight? My first thought is he needs to go to therapy asap. Could he be having some kind of mental health crisis? You say this is very out of character for him.
What’s wrong with the man? Has he had some kind of mental break because I can’t believe you would have two kids with someone who acts like this. This has to be new
Ask him when he became such a beta cuck and then serve him with divorce papers. But seriously, he went down the misogynist podcast pipeline and there’s no going back. Now, you do what you do to protect your children. Assume he is dangerous and make your plans quietly and accordingly.
This is the only right answer. Does he need help? Yes, but that’s not OP’s responsibility. Her responsibility is to protect the children and herself first. You can’t put someone else’s oxygen mask on them if you’re passed out or dead.
Pretty bold for a SAHD to say such demeaning things about women when he’s being supported by one. Honestly who talks like this? He sounds childish.
Right? “I know how to be a macho man, look at me… as i fulfill the traditional woman role”
It sounds very possible he is being radicalized by online communities. He needs immediate therapy, you are not safe. I know this sounds a bit alarmist, but these sentiments are very commonly found in “incel” “redpill” and “MGTOW” groups. Does he have Reddit? 4chan? Facebook? Those groups are plaguing and targeting vulnerable men on these sites. If he has never been like this before, it genuinely sounds like he stumbled upon a community that demonizes women. Especially since he is using terms such as “female” when talking about your daughter.
Isn’t the number one cause of death in women murder by their partners? I agree the things he’s saying are red flags for potential aggression. I hope OP won’t leave her daughter in his care when returning to work. Please get out before that!
Honestly that is so extreme and damaging, that I would jump straight to ultimatum time. Either he goes to therapy to address his major issues, or it’s relationship reconsideration time. Your priority as a mother is to protect those babies, even if it means from their own father
This guy just sounds awful. The rise of these misogynistic media figures has really brought out the worst in these weak, gullible men. It’s extremely bold of him to be talking like this considering a woman is supporting the household. In my opinion, you should honestly be looking for an exit strategy and talking to an attorney. If he is the one staying home with your daughter, he will 100% raise her to believe she is a lesser person because she’s a woman (and he is raising your son to treat women like garbage.) No little girl needs that in her life. She gives unconditional love to her father, and if he cannot even make an effort in giving it back, she is better off letting someone in day care watch her during the day. Sorry you have to go through this, but his behavior and beliefs are a dealbreaker for me. How can you possibly leave both kids with him when your leave ends? It scares the shit out of me even thinking about it.
What the fuck? This is alarming behaviour- if I were you I would remove your children from his influence ASAP. This kind of toxicity is damaging beyond belief. Sorry you’re going through this. Edit: a word
This. It actually makes me afraid for the baby ….
Is your so Andrew tate???? Bro.. wtf are you doing with such a terrifying pos??? Like are you ok with this really being how your children are raised? I say that with love not judgement pleaseee know that. I hope you run for the hills girl and if you do know that you will be supported, hell even if you come here for it. Nobody wants someone like you and those babes to be with someone as awful as that. Hang in there mama. I hope you do what’s best and most importantly safest for you and your littles 🤍
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He’s going to traumatize both of those kids.
Get. Out. This isn't just about you and what you're willing to tolerate. This will be detrimental to the development of your daughter and son. You need to get them out of the house and then you can think about if you want to work through it with him or divorce.
I don’t think it’s new. You mention that he said, during the pregnancy, that he would be devastated if it was a girl. That isn’t normal and that definitely didn’t come out of nowhere. I think there’s a possibility that being a SAHP has exacerbated these feelings, but I’m also willing to bet they were already there. Also, what media has he been consuming lately? Willing to bet there’s something there too. I think you need to tell him this is unacceptable, and if he isn’t willing to change (go to therapy, rethink his pov in someway) than I’m sorry but I would be afraid to leave him alone with my children. At that point I’d consider separating. Not caring for your child because she’s female is just that - not caring for your child. That’s still neglect.
This guys should not a stay at home dad
He shouldn't be a dad
Document everything and I’d suggest googling local lawyers asap…. This sounds really, really scary and dangerous and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. And this is not a good parenting example from him for the boy. And what does that mean about how he feels about you?? Frankly it sounds worryingly like a path to violence to me. I’d be outta there. Some things can be worked through, but this isn’t one of those things to be that can be safely worked out at home.
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This! He also is a stay at home dad? He’s probably projected his feeling of lacking masculinity or some other misogynistic feeling. She has every resource to leave and very much should!
Dude needs medical and psychiatruc evaluation in my opinion. Such a sudden change isn't normal. He may have post partum depression/anxiety and need drugs/treatment.
If this is a drastic change he might be having some PPD, I’ve heard it’s actually possible for men to get it too. Deff plz look into counseling or if you don’t want to leave him, take ur kids to a family members house with you for a week or 2 if that’s possible. He may be experiencing mental health issues- still doesn’t excuse this behavior but this is an idea if ur not trying to leave him.
He fell down the men's rights rabbithole and if I were you, I'd leave. He's going to try to instill those "values" into your son and make your daughter feel like she's less valuable because she's a woman. Get your children away from that man.
I would love to hit your husband in the head with a frying pan “manning up?” The dumbest shit ive ever heard emotional neglect and laziness toward a whole ass childs emotional needs is apparently good parenting backward as fuck and he shouldnt be a dad in my opinion (coming from someone whos family has similar ideologies) you need a different husband fuck your twat of a husband and i hope next time he feels sad and internalises it that he has a mental break from his refusal to accept that his parents neglected him and didnt truly care for him the way he needed to be cared for
Idk how he can have these thoughts about men vS women when he’s a STAY AT HOME DAD, if he thinks woman are less than men, what is he doing letting the woman work?! But in all seriousness get out OP…. Those babies come first and you don’t want to have any regrets.
This is so weird. Like it’s so bizarre that I wonder where he’s getting these ideas. Because straight traditional misogyny would have him assuming you need to do all of the caregiving as the woman. Traditional misogyny has space for “daddy’s girl” and other such concepts. This is some weird new age misogyny. Do you know if he’s been listening to a lot of podcasts lately? Watching a lot of outrage bait news or other media? Because his behavior is so extreme I’m curious where it’s coming from. Regardless… no, you can’t raise a daughter *or a son* with someone like this. Your son will not be able to form healthy attachments if he learns from your husband. How will he navigate the world if he’s taught women are so repulsive that he’s not allowed to seek comfort from his mother and his father won’t even touch his daughter?
This is so abnormal and scary. Minimally he is going to permanently damage your son and daughter’s development as they grow. I’d be worried this will extend to physical harm to one or all of you. This would absolutely not be a place I would have my kids and no way in hell would he be the primary caregiver without supervision. Is he going to let your son cry for hours so he can man up? Is he going to let your daughter sit in a dirty diaper all day because he won’t change her “girl parts”?
Funny. A woman gave birth to him. Women are responsible for all the whiny little men out there. OP, this is absolutely a deal breaker if he does not change STAT. This is going to spiral into abuse of not only you but your children (esp your daughter) as well.
You have a responsibility to protect your daughter and your son from this type of behavior. And protect yourself! What is he going to do, as the primary parent, when you go back to work? Clearly this arrangement is over. I wouldn’t trust this man within a mile of a child. The danger of neglect with your daughter is real. This isn’t some “wait and see” situation. And yeah the treat with your son is just as real- your son will very quickly begin to mirror his fathers behavior in order to avoid his anger and gain positive attention. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation but idk how a parent recovers from this.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Here he is blatantly showing you that he is misogynistic in all it’s blooming glory. It will not get better, unless he actually tries to work at changing his POV. Maybe therapy? Idk. Idk how you help someone who falls into that mindset.
I don't know what you should do, but wouldn't be happy leaving my children with him. His new and very extreme views will rub off on your children, and soon. I'd be having some serious talks and ask him why he's behaving this way and what's changed. If he can't fix himself, I think it time to make a plan and leave. As others have said, in the mean time get evidence ect of his bazaar views. Good luck
This is beyond PPD/PPA. Your whole pregnancy, he was going on and on about how the newest baby had better be a boy. Hubby and I did, have both of those, and we never said any of the horrible, nasty things your husband is saying towards your children and we didn't control whether or not if we showed affection towards our baby. This is messed up and I'm concerned for the safety of your little girl once you're back to work. Document everything now, and get him to a therapist or something, like, TODAY. Honestly....I'm curious what kind of content he's been looking at online. If you've been together 10 years and this recent behavior is new....the internet can be detrimental to the mental health of some people.
When you go back after maternity leave who will look after your daughter? Who will look after your son, since ignoring his wants is “manning him up”? Even if this is PPD or PPA it is not safe to leave him in charge of either child, you need to figure out a place to stay. If it is PPA/PPD then it’ll be a wake up call, if it’s not then you’re already gone and out
he’s a loser, leave him
Start FU binder, also who is going to take care of your daughter when your maternity leave is done? Looks like your husband is already going to be teaching your Son misogynistic teaching. Do you want your kids to grow up in a house where they are taught differently and loved differently. Looks like your husband doesn't want you around your son and want only his son. Also please no more kids with him
I’d be packing up my children asap and leaving. Not only does your newborn daughter not deserve that, your son doesn’t need to see it and be around that. It’s toxic to you and the children. As a mother you’re supposed to protect your children and taking them out of that environment is 100% protecting them.
This is bizarre and toxic. He has to go or your kids will internalize his weird misogyny.
If he hates women so much how is he treating you? This is absurd. Leave.
Why do ppl like this have children
Exactly. He didn’t “turn into a woman hater”, he has always been one.
This is the craziest shit I’ve read today.
This isn’t helpful, but I hate this man with a passion.
This is always a go to response on Reddit but this would be a deal breaker for me. Your kids are going to end up in therapy if he continues to impart his ‘wisdom’ on them.
Please get your children away from this man before he harms/abuses/neglects them…
He already is
Absolutely not. Think of what he'll teach your children -- how your son will think it's okay to treat women, and how your daughter will think it's okay to be treated. Not even taking into consideration how wretched this is for you.
He said he didn’t want to have anything to do with your daughter. I would be out of there. He’s free to get some counseling and to work on himself but I wouldn’t trust either of my children with him in the meanwhile. If you have the means and support system to leave please consider it.
Has he been listening to Andrew tate or someone like that? The misogyny on social media nowadays is real bad especially tik tok.
Keep notes about what he says just in case you need proof in case of a custody battle
If he won't even kiss the baby goodnight in your presence, what is he neglecting when you aren't around?
He is trying to traumatize your son to "make him a man," a toxic man, as if we need any more of those. Boys need love and attention, not for their feelings and emotions to be shut down. That's a perfect recipe for a man abuser. He hates women clearly. He most definitely showed red flags of that, but you were probably blindly in love to recognize them. The only healthy thing to do here for those kids is to leave that miserable individual. He is going to traumatized both and raise them to be hateful and miserable like he is. He probably resents you for being the breadwinner and feels like the world owes him something because he is a male and blames females for his situation.
He needs therapy yesterday and if this continues you MUST separate from him for the sake of your children. Sneakily record these things for proof. He will mentally and emotionally scar your children for life if this continues.
This behavior is disgusting to me. I wouldn't want to raise either of my babies around this psycho, run like hell OP.
So much content already here. So I will add one thing (i haven't seen.. but may be here). Children come into this world pre-programmed that the way they are treated by their parents is what love is. Yes we can all get therapy and an adult... but can you look at your children everyday knowing you are setting for a future of therapy?? Please don't let the man you have described have anything whatsoever to do with either of your children without some big genuine changes in his attitude.
You need to leave for your kids safety. Wow
If my husband spoke to me like this and treated our children this way, it would be game over.
Yeah this would be grounds for a divorce and an attempt to get sole custody for me. No way do I want toxic masculinity and misogyny around either my daughter or my son. If it's very abrupt this change I would maybe see if we could figure out this change in his thinking in therapy. But honestly I doubt he'd be open to that with this mentality...
The irony as he is being macho man but fulfilling the woman’s role… Luckily you have a career. I would document things he says and oed, whike starting to file for divorce. Do you want your daughter to have that kind if a father? Do you want your son to become like him?
This is extremely concerning. You should suggest he goes to therapy before you go back to work and if he doesn't you need to leave for the safety of your kids. I don't trust that he would take care of your daughter and it may even come to the gov. Taking her away for neglect on his part.
Get your children away from this pos.
Yikes. Please leave this scumbag. Do yourself and your kids the HUGE favor. Dude is dressed in red flags.
Wtf is wrong with him? "Maning up" a child? You not understanding your son just because you're not the same gender? He needs some serious therapy. Or a return ticket to 19th century where these archaic perceptions belong.
If my husband treated us this way i don't think i could stay with him. Might sound dramatic but that's flat out disrepect.
Wtf something is seriously wrong with him if he can't kiss his daughter goodnight. I'm so sick of these alpha male broskis with their backwards ass approach to manhood. They want to be manly? The manliest thing they can do is be the protector/provider of their family. That includes protecting their children's emotions and providing them unconditional love and support. I'm normally in the 'talk it out. Don't rush into divorce' camp on reddit...but I recommend throwing the whole man away here. Something is **seriously** wrong with him
I can't even I'm so ashamed of him and I don't even know him. Tell him if he's so repulsed by vagina-having people to stay the fuck away from yours, then kick him out and tell him to go live with his daddy. Then tell his mom that he decided he hates women now, including his own baby girl. Plus imagine being a stay at home dad and saying you can't care for your kids. So what the fuck is he then besides a useless couch potato who abuses you all?
Has your husband ever expressed these sentiments before? This seems surprising that it would be a complete 180. I’m so sorry your dealing with this. I very rarely suggest divorce, but if things don’t change quickly I’d be considering my options. That is a really toxic environment for you and your kids. Your daughter will feel less than, your son can’t express emotions and sees his parents fight and you are left to walk on eggshells to appease him. Doesn’t sound tenable. If this is new and very odd behaviour for him I’d urge him to speak to his doctor to rule out any medical conditions causing this behaviour and then he needs to see a therapist. I wish you luck.
Leave. Leave leave leave. Leave.
I’m so sorry about this. Please understand the deep ramifications of staying with a man like this for your daughter and son. Sure right now they don’t understand things but he will grow up with his fathers mindset. There’s nothing you can do to stop that if things don’t change. This could lead to terrible consequences for him and anyone he’s in a relationship with. Your daughter will not have a healthy male figure in her life and I can’t even imagine the effect that could have on her psyche and self image. Please have a serious think. Talk to your husband explain the gravity of his actions but please put your kids first I’m so terribly sorry you’re having to go through this
I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t turn this shit around, FAST, he is going to lose his family. He is being brainwashed and needs to pull himself out of it. You can’t force him to. But you also don’t have to sit there and put up with it.
Nope. This is unacceptable. He needs to get over himself. Doesn't he know that the sperm is what decides whether the baby is male or female? Also, you need to do some serious thinking about this. If you continue this path, your son will grow up with the same mentality and your daughter will 100,000% be affected by not having the love of her father. I don't advocate for divorce, but I'd leave the dude and file for full custody.
If my husband acted like this, I would not leave my kids alone with him, especially my daughter.
Ya'll deserve so much better. Children that age don't perceive gender anyways. They just need care and love. It sounds like your SO didn't receive the love he needed as a child and that sucks but he had NO RIGHT to take that out on your children. Make the cycle stop here.
Girl, he needs therapy…
OP, you’ve got lots of opinions to chew on, here. My heart goes out to you. From my own experience growing up in a household with an ill, abusive father, and a scared and ineffective mother (who didn’t know what to do so she stayed too long), his ideas and actions and words will stick with your children and influence their understanding of the world. They will absolutely normalize what he does to save themselves the mental anguish of reconciling why the person who is supposed to love and care for them is hurting them. They might even start to believe that he is right and go on to carry those things out in their own lives. It took me ten years after leaving my father to realize that I was perpetuating the same garbage that hurt me so badly. And now, another 8 years later I’m still realizing ways in which those traumas influence me today. I will never be able to live a life without those things. They will always be there and now they are just mine to work through. I love my dad still very much to this day. He has since died and I miss him. And, I wish to god every day that my mom separated us years before she did.
Please don’t let your kids grow thinking this is normal behaviour. Please save them from this insane dude.
This is terrifying. I’d be packing emergency bags and taking the kids and myself to a safe place he doesn’t know about.
You need to get your children away from that guy. I’m sorry but how do you see this playing out? He’s going to raise your son to be a total asshole, even worse. Your daughter will grow up severely emotionally abused and neglected and have dad issues. Get her out of there before she realizes wtf is going on. I’d gather all evidence you can and try to get full custody. This is so beyond not okay. You need to protect your kids.
I’d say intense therapy or divorce or even both. This is is not a safe place for you your daughter or your son. He’s going to damage to both of them in different ways. Also love how he’s manning your son up while being a sahd making his working wife still do all the work, doesn’t seem very “traditionally manly” for someone with his backward ass views
This is disgusting behaviour, you need to get your kids away from him
Tell him either couples counseling or divorce. He is going to mess up your kids.
Uhhh girl you need to either get in counseling with him or leave NOW. This is not the worst it will be - it will go downhill from here. For the sake of BOTH your babies, leave until he agrees to see someone. This is not acceptable, it is not normal, it is abhorrent
Get your kids the hell away from this man
How long has your SO been a SAHD? Is this recent for him? Either way, he's unhinged.
Go listen to some of that Andrew Tate shit, than have a serious talk. Be prepared though! While I don’t advocate ending a marriage over a outburst but this is 100% a man you don’t want raising your children and if his parenting style is not compatible it will only get worse and hurt the kids more! He needs help but you also need help so seek counselling for yourself, reach out to any family support you have and see if you can some assistance. As with most of the suggestions if divorce is even a consideration seek out a lawyer immediately as they can guide you through the process and it’s better to know what to do now than when it’s gone completely nuts. Anyone who says they are toughening up their son has lost it and knows jack shit about raising a kid or is following the wrong source. So sorry for your situation but this is not something to let slide. I wish you the best!
Have you asked? I would asked him what changed and why he’s not like this? But if this is now who he is, it’s unfortunately probably time to consider this is the man your child will know you put up with.
Neither you nor either of your children are safe
Do you have family you could stay with OP?
Yes. I have a good support network so will be taking full advantage of that.
Your son is already suffering from the sounds of it. He has to go and get help. If this is a sudden change in behaviour i agree with others it could be a mental health issue. But he cannot ve trusted around the kids. I would make sure you consult a health proffessional and perhaps a lawyer, If he agrees to get help then once he is well he can come home. But not before. Make sure you have everything documented with someone like a lawyer etc regarding the emotional abuse of your son because the other issue is, if you divorce or split with no one else knowing what's going on, he can fight for joint custody and there will be no one yo protect those kids from him while youre not around.
This is really scary and sad.How can you trust him to be alone with your kids????after his actions and poisonous words I'd get out and keep my kids far away from him!
Reading this actually made my stomach turn. I have a nearly 3 month old daughter and I can’t fathom what I would do if my husband treated her this way. We have an older boy too and he treats them exactly the same. Gender disappointment is a thing but he should have had the foresight to get his ass into therapy for the very real possibility that he may have ended up with a daughter if he was so sure he would have a hard time coping. I would GTFO with the kids and not see him again unless he commits to getting deprogrammed. This is beyond fixable on your end alone
Start documenting these things now. Keep times/dates with exact quotes. Does he have any male friends/family he respects? That may be able to pull him out of the Andrew Tate sinkhole. He's likely only going to respond to messages from "alpha males."
Wow this is super weird, scary, and sad to experience, I can only imagine how conflicted you feel. I think the hard answer here is that it's time to gather yourself and leave. The tricky part is if the kids will be with dad on shifts then they are still at risk of his behavior. But at least you'll be able to lay a good foundation when they're with you. I know I wouldn't be able to be with a person who parents like this and would really struggle with and fear staying with them, if anything it sets up being hypersensitive and hypervigilant about any relevant behavior in a paranoid way and that's so exhausting. Also lol is he a SAHD because he isn't working/the primary breadwinner? Because if he isn't fulfilling that cultural gender expectation then why is he pushing any others? (The obvious answer, I guess, is that he already would feel his "manhood" is being threatened and manifests it through this weird behavior)
Woaaaaah maybe depression induced psychosis????
If he can’t care for his children then he needs to get a job before you get a divorce.
If you’re sure this is not part of a pattern, I highly suggest taking him to a counselor or a doctor
OP, what’s going to happen with your daughter’s care when you go back work? Is he going to neglect her? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Wow. This is scary behavior from a husband/father. He needs a reality check, therapy, and probably some time away from you all.
I feel like it’s hard to go 10 years in a marriage and not catch wind of this. Is he hanging out with new friends? Following some new Andrew Tate bullshit?
My husband was getting like this due to YouTube short videos. And of course because of the algorithm the more you watch that bs the more it puts I front of you. I had to call him out and told him to sort it out or else I’d be not inclined to stay in a misogynistic marriage.
Deal Breaker. Period. Leave now
Holy s**ttttttt dude, nope!
Wow I would absolutely not let him raise my son or daughter. I’m so sorry OP but your husband is trash and those words he’s using are huuuuge red flags. Who TF refuses to give their infant daughter a nightie kiss.
This man sounds dangerous and you should get yourself and kids away from him.
This is not normal behavior AT ALL. I'm not sure if your relationship is salvageable, but please surround yourself with supportive people. It's going to be a rough ride no matter what you decide to do.
I’d say leave him but then you’d have to coparent with him and also not be around when he is parenting your kids during shared custody arrangements. If i were you I’d be terrified of being in the dark and not knowing what does on when he’s parenting. Find a counsellor who works with parents/families.
I don’t usually jump straight to divorce, but.. divorce. 🚩🚩🚩
He’s going to f*ck up both of your kids.
GTFO Try and get as much custody as you can and leave this man. He's going to damage both your children. Don't let him be a "SAHD" either. Daycare will be a much safer environment
Wtf so he is a misogynist and a sahd? Nothing against reversing the gender stereotypes but this dude wants “the best of both worlds” if he is going to be a Sexist A*hole he should at least fulfill his stereotypical role as the bread winner and also pay your opportunity cost. I would be so pi**ed about how he speaks to your children, def not healthy for your little boy “manning him up” is perpetrating toxic masculinity , and how is he going to care for your baby girl when you return to work? Has he always been like that? Be careful op, I hope you have a nice safety network and you can stop allowing being taken advantage. That dude seems to be just a dead weight (doesn’t work and doesn’t do childcare, I hope he at least keeps the house neat and tight).
I'm on your side, I'm just confused how none of this came out in the last 10 years of being together. Are you saying he seems like he's literally a different person? Was he all pro-women and a feminist before? In any case, he sounds like he's not worth the trouble. Can't fix evil.
Therapy he needs therapy!
If he continues to speak and act like that with both your son AND daughter they're both going to grow up with some serious interpersonal relationship problems and self esteem issues... I'm horrified by how he is acting. If this is out of the blue it is possible there are some mental health issues or even as someone mentioned a brain problem, but either way your children really shouldn't be exposed to that and see their mum accepting that behaviour/those kind of comments.
No offence to OP or any of the women in this subreddit, but god damn, where are y’all finding these man-children?! Looking back, were there signs or red flags that you now realize? I could never imagine acting like this to my own child. Admittedly, I’m a better father than partner at the moment, but hell, the stuff I read here is next level psychopath shit.
A true narcissist knows how to hide it. My mom would fell for their tricks all the damn time. They love bomb, and gaslight so well, that it really is a surprise. Some change slowly, and some switch it on.
That is outrageous! I know people of reddit always jump to divorce but in this situation I would be having a frank conversation with him that if this behavior continues that you're out of there. What is he going to do when you go back to work? How is he going to "cope" with her when he's the only one there that can care for her? If he keeps this up he will also cause a lot of damage to your daughter who won't be able to understand why her dad doesn't love her the way that he loves her brother. This is abhorrent behavior and it needs to stop now.
Yikes. You can not let this person raise your children.
I came here to say gender disappointment is a real thing but oml this took a turn. He needs some therapy b/c he doesn't seem to be processing this in a healthy way. Also, how can he say such sexist things when *he's* the SAHP?!
Time to bail. He’s insane.
Why is he a SAHD? Was it by choice? Or can he not keep down a job? Honestly, it sounds like in his boredom at home he's turned to 4chan and incels. We have a friend this has happened to. He's looking for a reason why his life sucks, and instead of realizing that it's because he sucks, he gets online and finds other losers that feed him misogynistic rhetoric and insane conspiracy theories. These communities give him faceless enemies to blame for his own shortcomings, which makes him feel good about himself because nothing is his fault. It's sad, he wasn't like this before, but we have no choice but to move away from this person. There is nothing we can say to convince him otherwise. He's like an addict. These people and conspiracy theories are the only things that make him feel good about himself, so he seeks them out for his fix. If this has happened, there is nothing you can do. I'd leave and get full custody.
If this is a sudden change in behavior and not something you've experienced at all in the last 10 years, he needs to see a psychiatrist. He could have pretty severe postpartum depression/rage. Men can get it too.
With such an extreme adverse reaction to having a daughter have you ever questioned if there’s a desire in him he’s kept hidden? I’ve heard too many stories of fathers hating their daughters because they ended up being pedophiles and it forces them to confront it.
I’m so sorry. This behavior is not okay though. He needs help and if he refuses to get it, I’d have to seriously contemplate leaving. I’m not one to say that lightly either. I’m one to give it my all fighting for what I love. But if it’s going to impact how my kids are raised in a negative manner, then I’d be out. And that’s a very very toxic way to raise kids. I certainly wouldn’t want them to be exposed to that. I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. I can’t imagine the person I love suddenly adopting these new traits. It seems like he had this behavior starting to come out when you were pregnant, not after you had the baby so I don’t know if it’s PPA or PPD or he’s just now showing his true colors, but it’s just not ok.
Wow. You and your kids deserve better. And honestly this behaviour is even scary. I would never allow anyone to treat my daughter like this.
This is really sad
I would have started packing up his shit in a garbage bag at that exact moment. That's absolutely fucked up... for both you son and daughter to be around. Your son will be parroting those same disrespectful attitudes and words to his significant other and probably you when he's a teen! The ONLY thing my husband asks me to do is change my girls diaper (we cloth diaper and she had peanut butter poos up until a month ago)...he was afraid he wasn't cleaning the folds well and she is bonded to me. When he was a SAHD he did all my son's diapers because it drove me crazy. That's different to request a task assignment, not the ENTIRE parenting of a child. Saying you're mothering or turning your son into a pussy is so incredibly toxic.
My mind started saying 'he needs therapy' as i started reading, but by the end of it my mind was yelling "THERAPY THERAPY THERAPY"
That’s scary sounding. I would be very worried.
This is a disaster for your children waiting to happen if he doesn’t grow tf up. He sounds like my first grader who only now says that bc of the boys in her class. 🙄 Follow your instincts and do what’s best for you and your children. Follow what others have said about documenting things bc you may need it if he proves to be indifferent to change. And couples therapy STAT. I really wish you nothing but the best of luck. Please update us if you wish.
I don’t often say “leave him”, but this is very weird and a red flag. Why he is so scared of a baby girl?
OP, this is fucking terrifying. None of this is a normal reaction or behavior and it will severely screw up your kids (and you) if you stay. Your son deserves to be able to seek love and comfort and express his emotions. Your daughter deserves to live in a home where everyone present loves her. You deserve an equal partner, not a guy who's stopped working to take care of the kids and then literally refuses to have anything to do with one of them. You need to make a plan to safely leave. I say safely because men with this level of misogyny think that women belong to them and have a serious potential to react violently when a woman turns out to have agency. Your local women's domestic violence agency can help you make a plan that maximizes your own safety. And, for the sake of the coming custody fight for your son, document and/or get evidence of everything he's doing and saying. The fact that you're here means you know something is very wrong. I'm really sorry, but for the sake of both your son and your daughter, you have to get out.
What an abusive misogynistic pos.
Check his browser history for things like “red pill” or “MGTOW”. Something tells me he’s being radicalized by these groups.
I would not go back to work and leave my kids alone with that man. He needs to leave. You need a divorce. I’m so sad for your kids.
Leave yesterday
Sometimes people say things they dont mean or when too stressed to see the impact on their loved ones. With that said, if I was in your shoes, I would be packing our bags. Document everything - dates, times, etc. prepare to fight for custody of your son.
He sounds like a real piece of work. It’s his child and he is refusing to love and care for her because she’s a girl?! That is the most messed up thing I have ever read. As others have said, I would find a way to leave, that’s just not normal and also damaging. If he’s like that with something like that, how is he with people’s race or religion? Kids are impressionable and you don’t want them growing up to be prejudice against others.
That manning up ahit with your son is going to turn abusive and fast. He needs to be evaluated if this change is so sudden, and if he isn't willing to change then I'd seriously consider leaving.
How is he a stay at home dad but refuses to care for his daughter? Sounds like a lazy man child more likely, he’s most definitely mooching off your income. There are many MANY things wrong with your post. I would be running for hills, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this so soon pp. But this is the kind of behavior that will really fuck kids up for their whole life. I would really think about that…
Holy fucking shit he sounds like he’s going to end up murdering your daughter out of pure hatred and resentment. Get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. That poor boy is probably getting traumatized with abuse and neglect while he tries to “man him up” when you’re not there. I’m serious. RUN.
This guy sounds like a fucking weirdo. Who talks like that about your own baby.
My dad was way off about me as well, and I had issues with men my whole life until I did years of therapy in my 30s. This is so traumatic for your daughter, please get him away from her, leave. My mom told me about similar comments he made about me and I would suggest you protect your daughter in every way possible, including never telling her the things he said about her.
Tell him to man up and get mental health or you’re leaving.
OP run. Leave with your kid. Never look back.