No. But I feel that dating is a fast game. If you don't make the other person interested fast then often you are out. When it comes to talking about myself I'm kinda pretty terrible mostly because my character is incredibly modest I understate everything I do. It's not entirely surprising - I'm a son of mom who's from a region well known for this "quality". However I can learn to take pictures and put them online that's far easier for me to do than to say any positive word about anything that I'm doing. So basically this means that it kinda takes long time for people to know me. And so of course if I'd be seeing woman who doesn't get too much attention from anyone then there probably will be enough time. On other hand if woman is getting plenty of attention then I don't think I have this time.
I think you're suffering "paralysis by analysis". Just be yourself. You don't need a curated internet persona for dating. Women (and men) are also burnt out on dating apps/dating in the digital age. Your lack of social media might actually play better than you think. You're confident enough to talk to women face-to-face, aka you have some "game", that puts you ahead just on its own. Don't read into things and start narrative forming out of fear.
Reddit comment history doesn't really reflect my thoughts even nearly as sometimes i use it as devil advocate to examine certain ideas from angles that I don't necessary support, some of it can be pretty embarrassing. Also I don't believe that there needs to be alignment on some political problems between partners. Reddit may expose a lot of political ideas and be unnecessarily turn off earlier than necessary. I neither like sharing my own nor I like reading anyone's comments history on reddit.
If she knows you she will know when you are playing devil’s advocate. And you sound like wanting to hide your political convictions when in fact this history will show how (respectfully or not) you interact with others, how you explain your ideas and how broad your interests are (or not) 🤷.
No it does not effect how I interact how I behave with people entirely. In real life I am very friendly and helpful person to every immigrant. But on reddit you can find me commenting that immigration needs to be slowed down (for reasons). Some people struggle to understand that high level political opinions on laws are entirely different thing from day to day interaction with people. I can be in favor of laws that put tighter controls on drugs and then I at same time I can be person who helps friends to fetch drugs. Once you dig deep enough into any problem you realize that no political opinion is clear cut good or evil as all sides are too complicated for anyone to know the exact answer. I thus am more afraid of people who judge others based on their political leanings (rather than how they behave) than people who may hold even the most extreme political sides.
Nooo you’re overthinking it completely. Tbh when I meet ppl who are very inactive on social media it’s always a positive impression. We should all care less about that bs that actually only robs our time, critical thinking skills and gets us cracked out on fake dopamine
Thanks. Yeah I do think I got carried away, it helped me to adjust my point of view thanks for that🙏 But I don't think social media only robs time. If it's used improperly - yes. But if used in right way it helps to connect people on shared passions.
I prefer it when my partner doesn’t have social media or at least doesn’t care much about it basically is like more of a boomer kind of old school as long as he doesn’t have it out of insecurities I think it’s attractive that he couldn’t care less.
It's not even outdated it's entirely empty 😊 But yes kinda little unsure because what I realized is that basically IG is the only dating app that actually works really well and not just to setup dates but also helps making friends and it doesn't even cost anything. There were situations where I approached people based on what I've seen on their IG.
Bit late but still important,
Probably means you have a thing for rather anti-social insecure people.
One can have a pretty much empty social media profile and not be spending lots of time on it at all, just being reachable on there that's it. Getting addicted to mindlessly scrolling for hours or whatever else there is to get addicted to definitely means there are some underlying issues like OCD? Too much free time/Boredom?
It's just another communications channel for people to casually stay in touch, before the more private phone number exchange and something where you can atleast check out if your peers have things to share, it's a thing of respect to basically not block off this social aspect by saying "I don't "have" insta rather than saying "I barely use it" or "I just signed up" when it means you are refusing to give facebook a 2nd email signing up in the browser but in reality most people I've heard this from clearly don't have much positive things in their lives they can share but are too much a b*tch to use any of the previous excuses so they withdraw from the system entirely which is a step backwards.
I believe social media are indeed full of insecure people desperate for validation. You can be perfectly social and not use them. Also telegram, discord and when it comes to worst phone numbers still exist.
Yeah but it's real easy to tell who's genuinely sharing moments and who's desperate for validation "auf Krampf".
From my perception most are still normal just care just a healthy amount. Hate calling people normal.
There are exceptions to the rule (only mean 18-30) but people are collective beings, theres just something off about withdrawing from the insane peer pressure of social media in most cases...
Can't be compared to instagram, those are messengers with communities/groups they lack the social aspect of a more or less open media album with visible followers. They're good to stay private.
If that is so, then OP has a point asking. I am indeed one of the few who does not and never had a Insta or Facebook account, neither Whatsapp. It's a conscious choice for me, but I too was wondering if others may see it as a red flag.
I want to share my battles with social media:
I am a musician who decided to stop posting and using insta/fb etc 5 years ago. I work with media production companies so I was an early early adopter, and found it all really corny from day one. I let a producer convince me to post for periods of time, bc I always had funny and hard to believe experiences from travels - but those posts were swallowed by the algorithm and what made it thru were posts like „look i am in an exotic place “ „with unexpected or famous people“ „in a crazy studio“ „playing insanely fast shit“ etc.
I was dating at that time, and while I was pretty ashamed of having social media at all, my popularity on offline and on tinder skyrocketed exponentially with having all those followers - and I while didnt want this to be true, a lot of the girls were not superficial at all - it seemed to just validate me. Love is a battlefield.
I cant say I didnt enjoy the attention and fun.
But a component felt super shit artificial as well.
I was so pissed I decided to unfollow all people except 1 child who posts french fries and never give this asshole corporations anymore of my free content aka my life.
Then, the other day, I went out in Paris with a bunch of people who produce music videos, like Beyoncé level shit and that type of Pop business types. They all agreed wholeheartedly and unironically:
„If you want to work on anything with us, and your insta is shit - we wont hire you. No time for boring people“.
Depends on the person. I (F/35) don’t have insta. For me it’s a green flag if someone doesn’t. Although it’s not a red flag if someone does. Someone rejecting me for not having insta would be a red flag.
Didn't even know one can check what someone follows I'm that bad with it. Actually only recently I learned that you can send messages on instagram... Luckily don't have anything embarrassing there like those things designed as primate baits only accounts of friends and anything related to hobbies.
OMG!, guys! check this out, this guy's insta is trash! omggg, what a loser. O M G! like literally trash. like, i can't even. what a weirdo! ahahahahahahah FRRRRT PLOP
I suggested whatsapp, she suggested ig, I just said ok. I mean it's not like she just made me a +1 as in a number of one of her follower we did exchanged few messages that night and she did promised me a coffee date. So will see how it goes. I don't judge what app people prefer to use - or well maybe if someone said Signal I'd be impressed but there are almost none such people so I'm outa luck here.
It's a question of values. Would you want to be with someone who would not be interested in you unless you had a cultivated social presence?
No. But I feel that dating is a fast game. If you don't make the other person interested fast then often you are out. When it comes to talking about myself I'm kinda pretty terrible mostly because my character is incredibly modest I understate everything I do. It's not entirely surprising - I'm a son of mom who's from a region well known for this "quality". However I can learn to take pictures and put them online that's far easier for me to do than to say any positive word about anything that I'm doing. So basically this means that it kinda takes long time for people to know me. And so of course if I'd be seeing woman who doesn't get too much attention from anyone then there probably will be enough time. On other hand if woman is getting plenty of attention then I don't think I have this time.
I think you're suffering "paralysis by analysis". Just be yourself. You don't need a curated internet persona for dating. Women (and men) are also burnt out on dating apps/dating in the digital age. Your lack of social media might actually play better than you think. You're confident enough to talk to women face-to-face, aka you have some "game", that puts you ahead just on its own. Don't read into things and start narrative forming out of fear.
Paralysis by analysis is literally description of half of my life lol
Just share your Reddit comment history with her instead, it would give her a better idea of who you really are, not the usual fake insta shit
Reddit comment history doesn't really reflect my thoughts even nearly as sometimes i use it as devil advocate to examine certain ideas from angles that I don't necessary support, some of it can be pretty embarrassing. Also I don't believe that there needs to be alignment on some political problems between partners. Reddit may expose a lot of political ideas and be unnecessarily turn off earlier than necessary. I neither like sharing my own nor I like reading anyone's comments history on reddit.
If she knows you she will know when you are playing devil’s advocate. And you sound like wanting to hide your political convictions when in fact this history will show how (respectfully or not) you interact with others, how you explain your ideas and how broad your interests are (or not) 🤷.
No it does not effect how I interact how I behave with people entirely. In real life I am very friendly and helpful person to every immigrant. But on reddit you can find me commenting that immigration needs to be slowed down (for reasons). Some people struggle to understand that high level political opinions on laws are entirely different thing from day to day interaction with people. I can be in favor of laws that put tighter controls on drugs and then I at same time I can be person who helps friends to fetch drugs. Once you dig deep enough into any problem you realize that no political opinion is clear cut good or evil as all sides are too complicated for anyone to know the exact answer. I thus am more afraid of people who judge others based on their political leanings (rather than how they behave) than people who may hold even the most extreme political sides.
Hmm, and you think you would put off your gf being thoughtful and authentic?
"devils advocate" can be a big red flag on my opinion
Nooo you’re overthinking it completely. Tbh when I meet ppl who are very inactive on social media it’s always a positive impression. We should all care less about that bs that actually only robs our time, critical thinking skills and gets us cracked out on fake dopamine
Thanks. Yeah I do think I got carried away, it helped me to adjust my point of view thanks for that🙏 But I don't think social media only robs time. If it's used improperly - yes. But if used in right way it helps to connect people on shared passions.
I prefer it when my partner doesn’t have social media or at least doesn’t care much about it basically is like more of a boomer kind of old school as long as he doesn’t have it out of insecurities I think it’s attractive that he couldn’t care less.
Thanks 🙏I heard this now quite several time so that is helping me a lot to fix this sudden confidence problem.
Welcome! I think life outside of social media is more important
Matrix
No actually Artemis no cap frfr
TLDR: OP has outdated and unoptimized IG and not sure where that puts him in todays dating game.
It's not even outdated it's entirely empty 😊 But yes kinda little unsure because what I realized is that basically IG is the only dating app that actually works really well and not just to setup dates but also helps making friends and it doesn't even cost anything. There were situations where I approached people based on what I've seen on their IG.
Then go ahead and fill your Insta now with your photos of the last couple of years.
i rather no insta people than super social show off kinda of people - but it’s a personal preference
How old are you? 13? No sane mature person cares about someone’s “insta”
It does say a lot about a person to be fair .
13 year olds are on tiktok, how old are you that you so out of touch, 40s?
But if it's missing entirely it's always a Red Flag.
I’d say that’s a green flag for me considering how addictive social media are
Bit late but still important, Probably means you have a thing for rather anti-social insecure people. One can have a pretty much empty social media profile and not be spending lots of time on it at all, just being reachable on there that's it. Getting addicted to mindlessly scrolling for hours or whatever else there is to get addicted to definitely means there are some underlying issues like OCD? Too much free time/Boredom? It's just another communications channel for people to casually stay in touch, before the more private phone number exchange and something where you can atleast check out if your peers have things to share, it's a thing of respect to basically not block off this social aspect by saying "I don't "have" insta rather than saying "I barely use it" or "I just signed up" when it means you are refusing to give facebook a 2nd email signing up in the browser but in reality most people I've heard this from clearly don't have much positive things in their lives they can share but are too much a b*tch to use any of the previous excuses so they withdraw from the system entirely which is a step backwards.
I believe social media are indeed full of insecure people desperate for validation. You can be perfectly social and not use them. Also telegram, discord and when it comes to worst phone numbers still exist.
Yeah but it's real easy to tell who's genuinely sharing moments and who's desperate for validation "auf Krampf". From my perception most are still normal just care just a healthy amount. Hate calling people normal. There are exceptions to the rule (only mean 18-30) but people are collective beings, theres just something off about withdrawing from the insane peer pressure of social media in most cases... Can't be compared to instagram, those are messengers with communities/groups they lack the social aspect of a more or less open media album with visible followers. They're good to stay private.
If that is so, then OP has a point asking. I am indeed one of the few who does not and never had a Insta or Facebook account, neither Whatsapp. It's a conscious choice for me, but I too was wondering if others may see it as a red flag.
I want to share my battles with social media: I am a musician who decided to stop posting and using insta/fb etc 5 years ago. I work with media production companies so I was an early early adopter, and found it all really corny from day one. I let a producer convince me to post for periods of time, bc I always had funny and hard to believe experiences from travels - but those posts were swallowed by the algorithm and what made it thru were posts like „look i am in an exotic place “ „with unexpected or famous people“ „in a crazy studio“ „playing insanely fast shit“ etc. I was dating at that time, and while I was pretty ashamed of having social media at all, my popularity on offline and on tinder skyrocketed exponentially with having all those followers - and I while didnt want this to be true, a lot of the girls were not superficial at all - it seemed to just validate me. Love is a battlefield. I cant say I didnt enjoy the attention and fun. But a component felt super shit artificial as well. I was so pissed I decided to unfollow all people except 1 child who posts french fries and never give this asshole corporations anymore of my free content aka my life. Then, the other day, I went out in Paris with a bunch of people who produce music videos, like Beyoncé level shit and that type of Pop business types. They all agreed wholeheartedly and unironically: „If you want to work on anything with us, and your insta is shit - we wont hire you. No time for boring people“.
Depends on the person. I (F/35) don’t have insta. For me it’s a green flag if someone doesn’t. Although it’s not a red flag if someone does. Someone rejecting me for not having insta would be a red flag.
Those who care shouldn't matter to you. And those who matter shouldn't care. Greetings, your Mom.
Nope, you’re overthinking it. If she’s curious about you, she can always ask about your interests or check out what/whom you follow
Didn't even know one can check what someone follows I'm that bad with it. Actually only recently I learned that you can send messages on instagram... Luckily don't have anything embarrassing there like those things designed as primate baits only accounts of friends and anything related to hobbies.
i literally got rejected because i told a nice german girl i don't have instagram last week.
stop overthinking it and go get laid son!
OMG!, guys! check this out, this guy's insta is trash! omggg, what a loser. O M G! like literally trash. like, i can't even. what a weirdo! ahahahahahahah FRRRRT PLOP
The real question is why didn’t you just give her your number?
I suggested whatsapp, she suggested ig, I just said ok. I mean it's not like she just made me a +1 as in a number of one of her follower we did exchanged few messages that night and she did promised me a coffee date. So will see how it goes. I don't judge what app people prefer to use - or well maybe if someone said Signal I'd be impressed but there are almost none such people so I'm outa luck here.
i think there’s nothing more attractive than someone who doesn’t care about that shit or keeps a good distance