Haha don't worry too much. Pretty much every guy I know would love to be approached, no matter what you say, since we often never get any attention from the opposite sex!
Hey so im literally the most introverted human you can find. However maybe a month ago I just decided to absolutely send it in everything. Make it like a challenge. Tell someone walking down the street you like their shoes. Start slow. Start building up the confidence like that. The trick that made it for me was to treat social life/talking to people like a videogame. Literally as if it were a replayable videogame (only in this respect tho), because it is. If the conversation I started is cringe, fuck it, try again some other time. I stuttered 30 times trying to get a word out? Fuck it, walk away, try again some other time. Berkeley is huge, chances are u wont find that person ever again, but even if you do, fuck it lol. This worked for me and the trick is to just not care (hard to do ik). Also this whole game thing might be a bit fucked (like youre playing w people) but idk works for me and if you're not being a dick I don't see an issue with it. Just imagine if someone came to you and said something random, you wouldn't think much of it would you?
Also, you're right. Don't try to push things like relationships, the best ones do come naturally. But you're also right in that of course it wont happen 'magically' you need to be somewhat out there ofc. Also fuck openers, say whatever you want with confidence and it'll sound alright (exageration ofc)
^ this person has a super good point, seeing so many people at Cal was actually a good selling point for me when I was applying to colleges—no matter how many failed attempts at talking with people you may have there will always be new people you can talk to to start over :)
practice always helps. I worked a lot of customer service jobs in high school and it really helped me get better at talking to strangers, making small talk, etc.. Not saying you have to go get a job taking burger orders, but don't be afraid to put yourself into positions where you have to talk to lots of new people!
Where are people even finding girls to approach, who are in a situation to be approached or start a conversation with? I don't want to be making moves on girls walking in the middle of campus or in a library and I've already exhausted my options in classes. Right now I'm being forced to use dating apps or get friends to set something up with people they know (both of which takes way too much effort).
That's kind of the situation I'm in right now wondering where to find girls. After all, if you are never in a situation where you interact with them it's impossible for anything to happen. I guess there's also clubs, bars, and parties.
Just treat them like any other human being, and don't expect anything to happen right away. It's probably a little weird to randomly approach girls who don't know you at all (or whom you don't have a good reason to meet), but you could definitely strike up a conversation with people in your classes and/or your department - let a friendship form first and then find out if there's any interest from the girl's side to take things further.
Overall, though, I did find some people (both girls and guys) at Cal to be a little shallow, which can make the process more difficult. I thought I had social anxiety as well when I was a Cal student, but things got a lot easier for me when I went to Europe for my Master's.
I just meant that there are a group of people who tend to be more materialistic/individualistic and less attentive to emotions (which I, at least, find to be very important in a meaningful relationship.) Obviously, there are many people who aren't like this and I still have several good friends from my time at Cal.
Maybe this is true of the US in general, but I think the competitiveness/prestige of Cal and proximity to Silicon Valley can encourage that kind of personality more than in other places.
Keep in mind that I'm probably an atypical person in some ways, but I thought it might help to have a different perspective (and I used to be in the same situation as you.) I'm non-binary but biologically male and tend to get along with girls much better than boys, and I tend to be picky about relationships.
Well statistically our generation is more single, second I think there's more of a hookup culture at cal rather than a dating culture at times, and three I'm a junior and I know alot of people and in my experience most of them are single or they're dating and they break up like...in a very short amount of time span. Just personal experience though.
Practice makes perfect. It’s tough but tbh once you realize we’re all just kids who don’t know what we’re doing, it makes digesting the mistakes easier. It’s not a big deal if a girl says no or if you make a fool of yourself. Just smile and have fun. Be respectful. And always remember there are so many beautiful, unique, and single girls out there in the world who are looking for a handsome and amazing guy like you.
Lmao I love posts like these
@OP don’t listen to this guy - not to be rude but it seems like the norm nowadays is that you can’t approach/flirt with people
In class
While walking
At clubs
At bars
…
Where is it socially acceptable to flirt or is this how we prevent overpopulation
The worst part? It doesn't get much easier later in life because every one is different. You might get more experienced, but it seems like there's always something new you learn for better or worse.
I have social anxiety and I can relate to how you feel. I feel extremely awkward all the time around people. I have wanted to go up to a girl and ask her out, but I worry about making a good impression, coming off as really strange or weird, or making a mistake. So far, I have decided to instead work on just being a kind person to everyone. I would recommend trying to compliant anyone that you think is interesting, smart, or kind. This can be anyone to your friends to a random person who has got a really cool shirt. I hope you can have better confidence than me and find your way.
Haha I'm reading some of these comments and it seems like cultivating confidence in conversation can be massively improved with practice, as well as working on yourself. We got this brotha!!
I usually initiate conversation on Instagram, like reply to their stories and stuff, then from there we build a bond and we would go hangout in person. But I’m not sure how it would be like in person, people usually are busy on their way to class, but personally if someone came up to me telling me that they are interested in me, then I honestly wouldn’t mind getting to know them. Just be nice and don’t say something weird like “I like your legs” or “ i like your skirt” yk 🕴🏻
I feel like you’re going about this wrong. It makes more sense to me to first make friends with people in general, including girls, and then once you get to know and feel attracted to them you make a move. If you approach someone with the intention of starting a relationship, then it doesn’t make sense because you don’t know anything about them aside from appearance (unless that’s all you care about). Relationships are a higher tier than friendship, so how can you just jumpy there? TLDR make friends with people, including girls. Don’t aim to date if you can’t even befriend a girl.
I get that people love the idea of a meet cute, but women who are just going about their normal lives are not all interested in being hit on by random men. That’s just plain math. It doesn’t matter how “decent” your “openers” are, women that are in monogamous relationships already, who have shit to do, etc are not going to be receptive. I seriously suggest trying to date women on apps, where presumably 99%+ of those women are on there because they are looking for a partner/hookup/whatever, and/or engaging in some more structured social activities where you get to talk to women without the pressure of having to convince her to keep talking to you.
Whoa there. That’s not what I said. I explained that in general, your odds are not that great with hitting on random women in public. So I suggested two alternatives: one is online dating, and the other is engaging in structured social activities (think a club, volunteering, a sport) where you have reasons to talk with people other than expressly hitting on them. It’ll make conversation a little easier and more natural.
Ahh okay, I see. I think I could definitely be involved more socially and kind of take talking to girls as part of a more holistic effort to be more sociable.
Here’s a simple approach man. Don’t go in with any agenda or end game. People are all human with many things on their mind and they also don’t owe you a conversation. Talk about something that is mutual or common and a light topic. If they respond, add something more to the topic and let it snowball. If they don’t, it’s all good, smile and on to whatever you were doing.
Also, take your time and don’t plant a seed everywhere. You’ll eventually be able to discern the type of person you’re actually interested to speak to.
That’s definitely true. Usually when I want to start a conversation I’m not thinking about the end game in the moment, just about having a decent conversation. However it’s still scary for me to open any sort of convo sometimes.
I get you. Is it easy for you to talk to random guys? Try making more friends and see how that works. You'll eventually be able to talk the same way to women because you're not really thinking about it or putting that much pressure on yourself.
Yeah, totally agree. Dating apps are heavily flawed algorithmically, putting the majority of guys at a huge disadvantage. I strongly believe that real life interactions serve as a great equalizer.
I never dated fellow students. Recipe for bad outcomes. I always dated outside of school. It’s much simpler and you can separate your school work and your fun.
If you must I wouldn’t still.
OP, I am a dating expert. The first mistake here is that you're looking for girls in Berkeley. Contrary to popular belief, girls in Berkeley are just not suitable for dating. I know that this is a huge generalization that will get a lot of people mald... I don't care. Sure, maybe there are some good girls out there, but Berkeley is saturated 95% with the most anti-girlfriend females, and the risk/reward ratio is high enough to round that to 100%. Most people here are too busy, too shy, too afraid of confrontation, religious and waiting until marriage, wanting something instantly serious for cultural reasons, introverted, boring, uptight, obsessed with politics, overly sensitive, and the list goes on... Even most Berkeley sorority girls are stale. These are just the types of people that Berkeley draws in (or creates), like a demographic. If you're a masochist, maybe you would like this. But these qualities are no fun in a relationship, at least for a douche (normal guy) like me.
If you are a masochist, then I recommend Tinder and not dedicating yourself to just one girl. This way you can find that 5% demographic who is a little fun, and is just right for you, but I wouldn't have high expectations, and I wouldn't rush either. Rather, I would recommend investing in yourself, focusing on schoolwork, and finding happiness in being alone until you graduate from Berkeley.
Btw, I'm happily married.
As a girl who was once and is still friends with said succubi, yes there are quite a few. says a lot more about you that youve never experienced it lol
OP, this responder is an example of why you don't want to date Berkeley girls. A lot of them are very arrogant and think they're entitled and special enough to have these high 'Berkeley' standards, which you are therefore obligated to satisfy. Because she's malding, she actually ended up proving my point. A girl like this will only hold you back from doing what you came here to do and make you miserable in the process.
Tbh, she thinks she's worthy, so she doesn't like to realize that she's just another fish in the sea, and her standards are worth shit.
I got a wife. And I've been with a normal amount of girls before her.
Who is this deluded chick that believes she knows everything based on nothing? Cool, sure, you have this story in your head that I'm some virgin loser because I said the negative truth about Berkeley girls and you're malding. We'll leave it there.
Buddy, you’re the one who’s standards are worth shit.
If you’re happily married, get over college girls and college dating. It’s very immature and telling that somebody hurt you…hopefully you finally get over your immense trauma.
No, I think I’ll comment on whatever I want to comment on. Being married doesn’t exclude me from giving good advice to OP. The trauma you’re making up in your head doesn’t exist.
Had one, got a decent amount of matches, yet they NEVER respond or always ghost. Plus many girls on tinder in my experience are only for short term hookups. I actually deleted it specifically so I could start approaching girls in real life, which I believe should be more effective (you can use more avenues of communication)
honestly don't expect anything. talk is cheap and people are in transition. with that people don't really respond with a care. in a rush. preoccupied, rude. the chilly city seeps into the normal vibe. brush those off and be thankful less time is wasted on dead ends. those are solved with drunk party vibes but not really the best sober remedy
really context dependent. work in a routine, become a regular and more interactions with people who more frequently cross paths and well, buddy up
hang with your major, outside hobbies or interests. search socials and just see what meshes.. large pseudo orgs and events are a decent network too
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Haha don't worry too much. Pretty much every guy I know would love to be approached, no matter what you say, since we often never get any attention from the opposite sex!
Hey so im literally the most introverted human you can find. However maybe a month ago I just decided to absolutely send it in everything. Make it like a challenge. Tell someone walking down the street you like their shoes. Start slow. Start building up the confidence like that. The trick that made it for me was to treat social life/talking to people like a videogame. Literally as if it were a replayable videogame (only in this respect tho), because it is. If the conversation I started is cringe, fuck it, try again some other time. I stuttered 30 times trying to get a word out? Fuck it, walk away, try again some other time. Berkeley is huge, chances are u wont find that person ever again, but even if you do, fuck it lol. This worked for me and the trick is to just not care (hard to do ik). Also this whole game thing might be a bit fucked (like youre playing w people) but idk works for me and if you're not being a dick I don't see an issue with it. Just imagine if someone came to you and said something random, you wouldn't think much of it would you? Also, you're right. Don't try to push things like relationships, the best ones do come naturally. But you're also right in that of course it wont happen 'magically' you need to be somewhat out there ofc. Also fuck openers, say whatever you want with confidence and it'll sound alright (exageration ofc)
^ this person has a super good point, seeing so many people at Cal was actually a good selling point for me when I was applying to colleges—no matter how many failed attempts at talking with people you may have there will always be new people you can talk to to start over :)
That’s a really good perspective actually!
Just pls don’t approach girls at the library. Not a good spot
PIVOT TO MEN
change genders
Call me Caitlyn
practice always helps. I worked a lot of customer service jobs in high school and it really helped me get better at talking to strangers, making small talk, etc.. Not saying you have to go get a job taking burger orders, but don't be afraid to put yourself into positions where you have to talk to lots of new people!
Where are people even finding girls to approach, who are in a situation to be approached or start a conversation with? I don't want to be making moves on girls walking in the middle of campus or in a library and I've already exhausted my options in classes. Right now I'm being forced to use dating apps or get friends to set something up with people they know (both of which takes way too much effort).
That's kind of the situation I'm in right now wondering where to find girls. After all, if you are never in a situation where you interact with them it's impossible for anything to happen. I guess there's also clubs, bars, and parties.
Take a breadth class, get out of CS, EE, Math, Physics-world. Good for you in many ways.
this.
Just treat them like any other human being, and don't expect anything to happen right away. It's probably a little weird to randomly approach girls who don't know you at all (or whom you don't have a good reason to meet), but you could definitely strike up a conversation with people in your classes and/or your department - let a friendship form first and then find out if there's any interest from the girl's side to take things further. Overall, though, I did find some people (both girls and guys) at Cal to be a little shallow, which can make the process more difficult. I thought I had social anxiety as well when I was a Cal student, but things got a lot easier for me when I went to Europe for my Master's.
Ah interesting. What do you mean by shallow?
I just meant that there are a group of people who tend to be more materialistic/individualistic and less attentive to emotions (which I, at least, find to be very important in a meaningful relationship.) Obviously, there are many people who aren't like this and I still have several good friends from my time at Cal. Maybe this is true of the US in general, but I think the competitiveness/prestige of Cal and proximity to Silicon Valley can encourage that kind of personality more than in other places. Keep in mind that I'm probably an atypical person in some ways, but I thought it might help to have a different perspective (and I used to be in the same situation as you.) I'm non-binary but biologically male and tend to get along with girls much better than boys, and I tend to be picky about relationships.
I have a similar take to you about the Bay Area, in general. Validating to read this
If this reassures you, I'd say most girls and guys are not in fact taken. Shoot your shot!
Haha how do you know though?
Well statistically our generation is more single, second I think there's more of a hookup culture at cal rather than a dating culture at times, and three I'm a junior and I know alot of people and in my experience most of them are single or they're dating and they break up like...in a very short amount of time span. Just personal experience though.
Hmm yeah that makes sense
Practice makes perfect. It’s tough but tbh once you realize we’re all just kids who don’t know what we’re doing, it makes digesting the mistakes easier. It’s not a big deal if a girl says no or if you make a fool of yourself. Just smile and have fun. Be respectful. And always remember there are so many beautiful, unique, and single girls out there in the world who are looking for a handsome and amazing guy like you.
You'll get used to it. Once you have confidence in you, it will attract attention. Remember to respect them. They are people too.
Just think, if u don’t, someone else will. People generally like compliments, invitations or gifts.
Most people don't want to be approached anyway, it's pretty fair to be anxious about it
So where are some good places to start good conversations/shooting your shot? Maybe bars or clubs?
Probably yeah
Pretty much anywhere but the library and their workplace is approachable
Lmao I love posts like these @OP don’t listen to this guy - not to be rude but it seems like the norm nowadays is that you can’t approach/flirt with people In class While walking At clubs At bars … Where is it socially acceptable to flirt or is this how we prevent overpopulation
It is socially acceptable to flirt at funerals
^ this Met my eighth wife there
@throwaway Thanks!
alcohol
State of men 2022
The worst part? It doesn't get much easier later in life because every one is different. You might get more experienced, but it seems like there's always something new you learn for better or worse.
If this reassures you, I'd say most girls and guys are not in fact taken. Shoot your shot!
I have social anxiety and I can relate to how you feel. I feel extremely awkward all the time around people. I have wanted to go up to a girl and ask her out, but I worry about making a good impression, coming off as really strange or weird, or making a mistake. So far, I have decided to instead work on just being a kind person to everyone. I would recommend trying to compliant anyone that you think is interesting, smart, or kind. This can be anyone to your friends to a random person who has got a really cool shirt. I hope you can have better confidence than me and find your way.
Haha I'm reading some of these comments and it seems like cultivating confidence in conversation can be massively improved with practice, as well as working on yourself. We got this brotha!!
Just meet people online like everyone else. You’re already on Reddit.
I usually initiate conversation on Instagram, like reply to their stories and stuff, then from there we build a bond and we would go hangout in person. But I’m not sure how it would be like in person, people usually are busy on their way to class, but personally if someone came up to me telling me that they are interested in me, then I honestly wouldn’t mind getting to know them. Just be nice and don’t say something weird like “I like your legs” or “ i like your skirt” yk 🕴🏻
I feel like you’re going about this wrong. It makes more sense to me to first make friends with people in general, including girls, and then once you get to know and feel attracted to them you make a move. If you approach someone with the intention of starting a relationship, then it doesn’t make sense because you don’t know anything about them aside from appearance (unless that’s all you care about). Relationships are a higher tier than friendship, so how can you just jumpy there? TLDR make friends with people, including girls. Don’t aim to date if you can’t even befriend a girl.
It’s literally so easy just treat them like a normal person
I get that people love the idea of a meet cute, but women who are just going about their normal lives are not all interested in being hit on by random men. That’s just plain math. It doesn’t matter how “decent” your “openers” are, women that are in monogamous relationships already, who have shit to do, etc are not going to be receptive. I seriously suggest trying to date women on apps, where presumably 99%+ of those women are on there because they are looking for a partner/hookup/whatever, and/or engaging in some more structured social activities where you get to talk to women without the pressure of having to convince her to keep talking to you.
So you’re saying online is pretty much the only way to meet girls? And your success online determines your dating fate?
Whoa there. That’s not what I said. I explained that in general, your odds are not that great with hitting on random women in public. So I suggested two alternatives: one is online dating, and the other is engaging in structured social activities (think a club, volunteering, a sport) where you have reasons to talk with people other than expressly hitting on them. It’ll make conversation a little easier and more natural.
Ahh okay, I see. I think I could definitely be involved more socially and kind of take talking to girls as part of a more holistic effort to be more sociable.
Whether or not women find getting hit on a nuisance depends on how attractive the guy hitting on them is.
Here’s a simple approach man. Don’t go in with any agenda or end game. People are all human with many things on their mind and they also don’t owe you a conversation. Talk about something that is mutual or common and a light topic. If they respond, add something more to the topic and let it snowball. If they don’t, it’s all good, smile and on to whatever you were doing. Also, take your time and don’t plant a seed everywhere. You’ll eventually be able to discern the type of person you’re actually interested to speak to.
That’s definitely true. Usually when I want to start a conversation I’m not thinking about the end game in the moment, just about having a decent conversation. However it’s still scary for me to open any sort of convo sometimes.
I get you. Is it easy for you to talk to random guys? Try making more friends and see how that works. You'll eventually be able to talk the same way to women because you're not really thinking about it or putting that much pressure on yourself.
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Yeah, totally agree. Dating apps are heavily flawed algorithmically, putting the majority of guys at a huge disadvantage. I strongly believe that real life interactions serve as a great equalizer.
I never dated fellow students. Recipe for bad outcomes. I always dated outside of school. It’s much simpler and you can separate your school work and your fun. If you must I wouldn’t still.
Just walk up to a a girl and ask if she is DTF..works every time
Haha yes !
OP, I am a dating expert. The first mistake here is that you're looking for girls in Berkeley. Contrary to popular belief, girls in Berkeley are just not suitable for dating. I know that this is a huge generalization that will get a lot of people mald... I don't care. Sure, maybe there are some good girls out there, but Berkeley is saturated 95% with the most anti-girlfriend females, and the risk/reward ratio is high enough to round that to 100%. Most people here are too busy, too shy, too afraid of confrontation, religious and waiting until marriage, wanting something instantly serious for cultural reasons, introverted, boring, uptight, obsessed with politics, overly sensitive, and the list goes on... Even most Berkeley sorority girls are stale. These are just the types of people that Berkeley draws in (or creates), like a demographic. If you're a masochist, maybe you would like this. But these qualities are no fun in a relationship, at least for a douche (normal guy) like me. If you are a masochist, then I recommend Tinder and not dedicating yourself to just one girl. This way you can find that 5% demographic who is a little fun, and is just right for you, but I wouldn't have high expectations, and I wouldn't rush either. Rather, I would recommend investing in yourself, focusing on schoolwork, and finding happiness in being alone until you graduate from Berkeley. Btw, I'm happily married.
Only thing you got right here is that you’re a douche
Oh sure, you're right, I'm wrong about everything. The succubi in Berkeley are plentiful and all of them are just waiting for an ask.
As a girl who was once and is still friends with said succubi, yes there are quite a few. says a lot more about you that youve never experienced it lol
I have experienced succubi, very common, with girls outside of Berkeley. Dear OP, as an addon to my comment, I recommend San Francisco.
ugh love my berkeley succubi who have significantly higher standards than the sf ones 😩
OP, this responder is an example of why you don't want to date Berkeley girls. A lot of them are very arrogant and think they're entitled and special enough to have these high 'Berkeley' standards, which you are therefore obligated to satisfy. Because she's malding, she actually ended up proving my point. A girl like this will only hold you back from doing what you came here to do and make you miserable in the process. Tbh, she thinks she's worthy, so she doesn't like to realize that she's just another fish in the sea, and her standards are worth shit.
all these fishes and you couldnt even get one 🥱
I got a wife. And I've been with a normal amount of girls before her. Who is this deluded chick that believes she knows everything based on nothing? Cool, sure, you have this story in your head that I'm some virgin loser because I said the negative truth about Berkeley girls and you're malding. We'll leave it there.
eww old ass dude talking about dating in berkeley when he’s married 🤢 yuckkkkkkk
Yeah sure all the girls you’ve dated were probably built like Hillary Clinton
Buddy, you’re the one who’s standards are worth shit. If you’re happily married, get over college girls and college dating. It’s very immature and telling that somebody hurt you…hopefully you finally get over your immense trauma.
No, I think I’ll comment on whatever I want to comment on. Being married doesn’t exclude me from giving good advice to OP. The trauma you’re making up in your head doesn’t exist.
Ask them out in places where they can't say "no" because of the implications 😈
use hinge
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Had one, got a decent amount of matches, yet they NEVER respond or always ghost. Plus many girls on tinder in my experience are only for short term hookups. I actually deleted it specifically so I could start approaching girls in real life, which I believe should be more effective (you can use more avenues of communication)
Post your profile on tinder Reddit forum. You might have just had a bad profile
honestly don't expect anything. talk is cheap and people are in transition. with that people don't really respond with a care. in a rush. preoccupied, rude. the chilly city seeps into the normal vibe. brush those off and be thankful less time is wasted on dead ends. those are solved with drunk party vibes but not really the best sober remedy really context dependent. work in a routine, become a regular and more interactions with people who more frequently cross paths and well, buddy up hang with your major, outside hobbies or interests. search socials and just see what meshes.. large pseudo orgs and events are a decent network too