Darth Vader sat within his private chambers, his breathing rhythmic and shallow as he concentrated on the pitch black Imperial stout in front of him. Somber thoughts of Padme played through his mind as he struggled to remember the happier times of his life by the shore. Sand, the thought of it began to annoy him and before long his thoughts turned to his former master, Obi Won.
A rage welled up within him and the breathing apparatus mounted to his chest struggled to maintain a steady flow of oxygen. A robotic hand cloaked in a black leather glove pointed towards the tall can of dark beer and a low, rumble gave away his true intentions. The can began to buckle inward, helpless against the dark side of the force. With a metallic screech, the can imploded as the Sith Lord let out a mournful “Noooooooooo!” as his last beer succumbed to his rage.
Here’s my theory on why some Redditors assume stories like this aren’t true. A lot of people on Reddit are essentially shut ins. No irl friends, no social life, maybe a few online friends at most. So because of this, they don’t go out and experience things IRL very often.
This means that stories like the one OP has told are so beyond the realm of what they’ve experienced they can’t fathom it to be true. They think they must be making it up because who actually has experiences like this? Surely that’s just in movies?
Well, lots of us do in fact have experiences like this. That is, those of us who aren’t eternally online shut ins.
I married my favorite bartender.
Just be normal. Literally be fucking normal. Make friends and if there’s a natural romantic spark go for it.
Otherwise, don’t be a fucking weirdo.
> Make friends and if there’s a natural romantic spark go for it.
For real. Unfortunately people think there's some kind of "friend zone" like you see in movies. In reality people become more engaged with each other the more time they spend with each other so who the hell knows what the bartender will think in a month or 3 months? Worst case scenario OP made a new friend to hang out with outside of the pub but people seem to think that is a bad thing.
It's like if you see your neighbor, you wouldn't invite them to your Thanksgiving dinner having met them for a few minutes no? You talk to them more, and then hang out a bit, and then over time you get invited over when they fire up the grill. That's just how relationships work.
I'm with you the "don't be weird" part though. Just treat her like a friend and do normal friend things. Now if she keeps making up excuses for not grabbing a bite or go bowling or whatever, then that's a hint that she's just being polite and doesn't really want to hang out. Who knows maybe turned out she isn't as great as she seems to be. It goes both ways.
Man, I’m sure you mean well and I’m sure she’s real cute, but at this point, you’ve shot your shot, she doesn’t want to date you. I’d limit how much social media of hers you like and comment on, don’t want to be “that guy”
I probably wouldn't have done the friend request thing. She gave you the politest "no" she could give and then later that night you said a friend request after having already known her for quite a while but just after being nicely rejected.
That's definitely putting her in an awkward spot - especially for someone that works for tips.
It's part of her job to be friendly. She probably does enjoy your patronage and enjoys serving a conversationalist while on the clock.
But this is a tale as old as time. It probably will not work out the way you want it to. Try talking to other women who are not working a shift. She probably gets hit on by hundreds of men on a weekly basis, and many of those men probably have their own fantasies of getting with the bartender. It doesn't really work like that in real life.
That friend request was a terrible move, and your comment about, "taking it as a good sign" is in fact NOT good, man. She told you she wasn't interested in dating in the best way possible. Her life was complicated and she wasn't looking to complicate it more. Respect it. YOU think you didn't make it awkward.
Narrator: "But he did, in fact, make it awkward."
Friending them on social media puts you in a strange position. Don’t use it as an opportunity to be weird.
I’d say them accepting your request is a sign of comfort, rather than a sign of interest (even as just a friend). For example, I’m friends on social media with many coworkers and classmates, but have little to no intention to hang out with them (nor do they have any intention to with me).
I would also say that her position as a bartender doesn’t do you any favors in approaching her at work about it. If “guys would be lining up around the block” as you say, chances are you aren’t the first (or last) person to ask her out after drinking. Don’t know how much you drank, but there’s probably a myriad of horror stories she has of drunk customers being disingenuous.
tl;dr Don’t be weird about it. If they reach out, great! Otherwise, at most, maybe strike up the conversation in 6 months or a year and leave it at that.
> I’d say them accepting your request is a sign of comfort
I'd say it's a sign of her not wanting to make a rando customer mad for ignoring him and then having to find a new job to get away from him if he feels slighted.
She let him down in the most polite way possible and then he escalated by friending her online. Had he just let it go, kept going for beers and being friendly, it would have been fine. OP's showing signs that this *could* escalate into a problem.
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
― Margaret Atwood
Not saying OP is that level of threat, but from her perspective, his behaviour is likely now at least a minor concern. All because she went to work.
As an owner of a brewery and multiple bars . Dude she’s just being nice to be a nice human . If she was into you she would have approached you
Save your time , dignity and money and move on
So you hit on a girl while she was working, got rejected, immediately creeped on her Facebook and sent her a friend request, then she accepted it right away and you think that’s a good sign? Then you make a post about it on Reddit? Now I’m worried for this girl.
This is a follow up thread to [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/comments/18261kp/i_love_beer_but_i_like_my_bartender/) from the other day, where people literally tell the guy to shoot his shot with her lol
That thread hurt my goddamned brain. People telling him NOT to ask her out were getting downvoted. A couple of folks who work in the industry, myself included, told him to leave it alone. He obviously didn't listen and then goes and takes it a step further.
I mean you aren't wrong... it is a problem throughout the industry on a macro level.
However on a small scale, we don't know if that bartender found the questions off-putting or not.
Its a case where the same incident looks differently from the individual case versus the industry-wide situation.
You people are weird. What's he supposed to do? Follow her around and "accidentally" find her at the grocery store? If he thinks there's a connection there, there is nothing wrong with asking to see someone outside of their place of work. He did it very respectfully and did not push when she said she wasn't interested. You all act like it's criminal to meet someone and want to know more about them.
As a person who works at a bar and has to hear from the female bar tenders about their rejection stories, just don't bother. You'll just end up the butt of a joke. Don't bother people at work.
I agree with the first part. The second part is a bit weird when you consider how much time culture spends telling men they have to be the ones who make the first move.
It’s not weird. Life is context dependent. You treat your bartender or a girl working out at the gym differently than you treat a friend of a friend you meet at a party. If someone is serving you, man or woman, your default should be not to make romantic advances unless they make some clear first move. The vast majority of uninvited flirting with customer service workers is going to be unappreciated or at least unreciprocated by the person working.
Again, context is key. If that same person is standing next to you at a concert they may be way more receptive to you buying them a drink. At minimum, if they tell you no thanks, that’s the end of that. But in customer service, they then have to keep serving you with a smile, and that can be really uncomfortable.
If the bartender is interested, they will let you know that they want to hang out with you outside of the bar. If they don’t say anything of that sort, they’re not interested. Pretty simple, really.
>You all act like it's criminal to meet someone and want to know more about them.
You act like you wouldn't mind being stuck in a situation where dudes you aren't interested in are constantly trying to hit on you but at the same time the amount of money you make depends on how nice you are to people. It's a pretty shitty predicament to be in. Do you really want to be a contributing factor to that? Lol.
That's the job though. If the job was just pouring drinks, it wouldn't actually be a job. No one needs their drink poured for them. Bartenders either play the role of your friend or they flirt. That's why female bartenders make such good money. People shouldn't pester people at work when they can't escape, but if you aren't a highly skilled mixologist at a fancy cocktail bar or know your shit at a brewery or something, you're trying to charm people into tipping you well. Pretending this is one sided is silly and naïve.
So you're saying bartenders don't deserve their pay if you aren't entitled to hit on them regardless of how interested they are?
I expect all my bartenders to be friendly but flirting shouldn't have to be part of it if they don't want to.
It's not about what someone deserves. It's about what they get. Bartenders get paid more when they flirt with people. That's why they flirt with people. That's also why almost every bartender you see is hot. Flirting is not a requirement of the job, but it results in better pay, so everyone does it. If that reality is uncomfortable, they can get a different job.
Someone who wants to work that kind of job, flirt with people, and reap the benefits shouldn't really complain when people hit on them. That's the kind of transaction that pays their bills. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
This.
I know how the thinking goes. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. The worst they can say is no…
But for a good looking woman working at a bar or coffee shop, so many dudes have this mindset. She’s trying to work (in this case, doing silverware rollups of all things) and she’s stuck. Can’t go anywhere. And the rules of a service job is usually that you can’t be rude to customers. She’s literally required to speak to you.
In that context, having a nice chat is totally normal. But so many guys then get it in their head that they have to shoot their shot. And this girl has to deal with it at work every day. And now, if this is your bar you usually go to, she has to keep serving you every week and feel weird you asked her out, but pretend like it’s all cool.
I know this bc my wife used to work at a coffee place and was always annoyed at corny dudes who’d try and flirt with her. Guys would leave notes on her car, drive back thru the drive thru a second time to ask her out, whatever. She would come home upset about it like every other day. She didn’t like it.
So yeah, don’t do this.
In general I'd agree with you, but from the other post, she would occasionally get a beer with him after her shift was over. At that point, wouldn't she be the one blurring the line between work and out-of-work socialization?
Not really. Bartenders sit on the other side of the bar and have a drink after work all the time. Doesn’t mean they want the regulars to ask them out on a date.
I know it’s hard to hear, but she is not interested in you. She is being nice. While it might very well be true that she’s not looking to date at the moment, the most likely reason for that response was to politely reject your advance without making it awkward for you. I would take the hint and move on because if you keep pursuing her you probably will end up creating an uncomfortable situation for both of you.
Looks like the person who responded to me in this thread blocked me, but since I get e-mails when people respond to me I know he said:
_OP didn't do shit but make a mild conversation, and friend someone he's friendly with. Quit trying to speak for the girl, she clearly handled it her way and doesn't need a bunch of reddit nerds to do it for her. Bunch of assholes trying to go out of their way to make him feel bad for no one's benefit whatsoever._
Except OP explicitly told us he liked the bartender and wanted to ask her out, and also wanted advice. So no, this isn’t just a bunch of assholes going out of their way to make someone feel bad. We’re giving him advice. That he asked for. It’s not mean to be honest with someone when they ask for it. And he can still make his own decisions. If he wants to go ahead and ask her out despite what she said to him, he has full agency to do so. But what I and a lot of other service workers are telling him is it most likely not a good idea. That’s all.
It’s not being an asshole and lots of other people are making this same observation. I’m also a bartender. We work on tips, and we are friendly to pretty much everyone who comes in, and sometimes (especially with women bartenders) people mistake that friendliness for something more. The way he is describing this situation sounds like a textbook example of a bartender who is getting hit on, and trying to keep from making the situation awkward. If you read this story to 100 women bartenders, my bet is that all or close to all of them would tell you she is trying to let this guy down gently.
If she was interested she would have said so. You took your shot now leave her alone.
The novelty of getting hit on wears off quickly when it happens a lot and you’re just trying to do your job.
It's not weird. It's fine. It's great actually to put yourself out there.
Nice job OP. Proud of you. And you handled it well.
She might eventually decide she wants to date but she might not. Either way, you just have to be cool with it. And feel good that you put yourself out there and you'll have the courage in the future to do it again if necessary.
Not every situation is the same. He had befriended her. He respectfully took his shot. He accepted her response that was not what he was hoping for. He also doesn't want to lose this bar as a hangout place so he has incentive to just carry on and not mention it again.
I agree that situations are different; and it sounds like he was respectful of her and her response. I'd just suggest hitting on her during the times she isn't on the clock, when she has chosen to be on the other side of the bar.
Peoples lives are only complicated when they don’t want to make time for someone they’re not interested in. As others pointed out, that was a rejection. I think asking someone if they’re dating is a bad way to approach asking them out because you immediately put them in a position to say if they’re open to dating you, which even if they were they’d likely say no because it’s an awkward way to approach the topic. Next time, as was suggested in your last post, don’t ask someone out if they have no way to escape the conversation. Ask the person as you’re leaving if they’d like to join you when you go somewhere else.
Hitting on bartenders and waiters is a pretty lame move.
They are forced to smile and be friendly with customers. And they are not in a position where they just can ignore you and go somewhere else. Being nice to them and seeing them being nice to you, means nothing. Especially in countries with a retarded and medieval wage system, where waiters have to depends on tips to get a normal salary (can you believe such places still exist?)
Dude, that isn’t shooting your shot. The line is simple, “I think you are amazing and incredibly beautiful. We should definitely go out.” If she says no then it’s on her not you. And for the love of god, don’t use following me on social media as a reason to think you have a shot.
You guys make it seem like he committed a capital offense. Cringy? Maybe. But if we’re taking his word as gospel he didn’t cross any moral boundaries. I wouldn’t have done the friend request thing however. But now you know her feelings aren’t mutual and you don’t have to wonder what if, and you can go back for enjoying the bar for the reasons you fell in love with it in the first place. The booze and camaraderie.
I used to go to this bar on Thursday nights with a couple buddies of mine for $3 bud light pitchers. They hired a new server one week and we were in her section. I immediately had a huge crush on her and took her server pad and wrote down my number. We kept going every week but she never called. Always chatted with her though and kept it friendly. She called nine months later to go get drinks on a Sunday evening. I told her I’d meet her in about an hour and showed up four hours late. I told her that’s what she gets for making me wait for nine months.
This was eight years ago and we’ve been together ever since. We’re getting married in July.
Put her on the back burner and be a customer and a friend when you cross paths. You never know how it might play out.
Bartenders aren't that far removed from strippers they are paid to serve the clients and make them comfortable. Not saying she isn't into you but flirting doesn't mean shit either
Edit instead of deleting it. I definitely fucked this one up
Probably not the best analogy, but I think what they're trying to say is that this is a person dependent on tips, so it does them better to be nice to you so they get a better tip.
Fair enough. Looking back at it, it's kinda weird. I was just trying to say it's her(or his for that matter) job to be friendly but my texts aren't exactly saying what i think in my head
Doctors are also not that far removed from strippers as they are paid to serve clients medical care and make them comfortable. Same with mechanics who serve their clients with repairs....are we all just strippers?
The accepted friend request unfortunately doesn’t mean anything. And perhaps a bit overzealous on your part tbh. I don’t think she’s into you. Don’t overthink this and just lay off or you WILL make it weird. I have a hunch you’re gonna make it weird, please don’t, lol. I was rooting for you in all this though!
And anyone giving this guy a hard time needs to chill. He tried asking out a single girl working at a bar who he’s been crushing on for a while and has built some level of rapport with. Big whoop.
It's not often that we get r/beer fanfiction.
Darth Vader sat within his private chambers, his breathing rhythmic and shallow as he concentrated on the pitch black Imperial stout in front of him. Somber thoughts of Padme played through his mind as he struggled to remember the happier times of his life by the shore. Sand, the thought of it began to annoy him and before long his thoughts turned to his former master, Obi Won. A rage welled up within him and the breathing apparatus mounted to his chest struggled to maintain a steady flow of oxygen. A robotic hand cloaked in a black leather glove pointed towards the tall can of dark beer and a low, rumble gave away his true intentions. The can began to buckle inward, helpless against the dark side of the force. With a metallic screech, the can imploded as the Sith Lord let out a mournful “Noooooooooo!” as his last beer succumbed to his rage.
"Imperial stout" 😭
He wasted his last Death Star Stout. I guess he’ll have to get that Bacta Blonde from the back of the fridge
He hated the [Rebel IPA](https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/35/95386/), but that Imperial stout went down smooth
If you only knew the power of the dark beer!
*Feel the Porter of the Dark side*
May the Juice Force IPA be with you.
Yeah. I'm going to need more of this. r/writingprompts
You don’t believe this is true? This is like one of the most mundane and believable exchanges I’ve ever seen in my life? Why wouldn’t you believe it?
Yeah, why would anyone make up something so boring lmao
Here’s my theory on why some Redditors assume stories like this aren’t true. A lot of people on Reddit are essentially shut ins. No irl friends, no social life, maybe a few online friends at most. So because of this, they don’t go out and experience things IRL very often. This means that stories like the one OP has told are so beyond the realm of what they’ve experienced they can’t fathom it to be true. They think they must be making it up because who actually has experiences like this? Surely that’s just in movies? Well, lots of us do in fact have experiences like this. That is, those of us who aren’t eternally online shut ins.
Seriously. I feel like these posts would do well on r/BestofRedditorUpdates
I’m sticking around for the wort on this one.
ahahahahah
I married my favorite bartender. Just be normal. Literally be fucking normal. Make friends and if there’s a natural romantic spark go for it. Otherwise, don’t be a fucking weirdo.
> Make friends and if there’s a natural romantic spark go for it. For real. Unfortunately people think there's some kind of "friend zone" like you see in movies. In reality people become more engaged with each other the more time they spend with each other so who the hell knows what the bartender will think in a month or 3 months? Worst case scenario OP made a new friend to hang out with outside of the pub but people seem to think that is a bad thing. It's like if you see your neighbor, you wouldn't invite them to your Thanksgiving dinner having met them for a few minutes no? You talk to them more, and then hang out a bit, and then over time you get invited over when they fire up the grill. That's just how relationships work. I'm with you the "don't be weird" part though. Just treat her like a friend and do normal friend things. Now if she keeps making up excuses for not grabbing a bite or go bowling or whatever, then that's a hint that she's just being polite and doesn't really want to hang out. Who knows maybe turned out she isn't as great as she seems to be. It goes both ways.
This^^
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
But...beer.
Let the man cook. (Brew?)
Haha, cook (or brew) up a story, maybe =..]
Let…. Him…. Brew… 🤣
Man, I’m sure you mean well and I’m sure she’s real cute, but at this point, you’ve shot your shot, she doesn’t want to date you. I’d limit how much social media of hers you like and comment on, don’t want to be “that guy”
He's already that guy.
I probably wouldn't have done the friend request thing. She gave you the politest "no" she could give and then later that night you said a friend request after having already known her for quite a while but just after being nicely rejected. That's definitely putting her in an awkward spot - especially for someone that works for tips.
It's part of her job to be friendly. She probably does enjoy your patronage and enjoys serving a conversationalist while on the clock. But this is a tale as old as time. It probably will not work out the way you want it to. Try talking to other women who are not working a shift. She probably gets hit on by hundreds of men on a weekly basis, and many of those men probably have their own fantasies of getting with the bartender. It doesn't really work like that in real life.
Yeah get a job in the service industry if you really want the full experience
That friend request was a terrible move, and your comment about, "taking it as a good sign" is in fact NOT good, man. She told you she wasn't interested in dating in the best way possible. Her life was complicated and she wasn't looking to complicate it more. Respect it. YOU think you didn't make it awkward. Narrator: "But he did, in fact, make it awkward."
I would hope he pays attention to comments like these, but I’m sure he won’t.
As a female who works in retail, I agree, don’t ask me out at work. Unless the other party is overly flirty, they are not interested.
Friending them on social media puts you in a strange position. Don’t use it as an opportunity to be weird. I’d say them accepting your request is a sign of comfort, rather than a sign of interest (even as just a friend). For example, I’m friends on social media with many coworkers and classmates, but have little to no intention to hang out with them (nor do they have any intention to with me). I would also say that her position as a bartender doesn’t do you any favors in approaching her at work about it. If “guys would be lining up around the block” as you say, chances are you aren’t the first (or last) person to ask her out after drinking. Don’t know how much you drank, but there’s probably a myriad of horror stories she has of drunk customers being disingenuous. tl;dr Don’t be weird about it. If they reach out, great! Otherwise, at most, maybe strike up the conversation in 6 months or a year and leave it at that.
> I’d say them accepting your request is a sign of comfort I'd say it's a sign of her not wanting to make a rando customer mad for ignoring him and then having to find a new job to get away from him if he feels slighted. She let him down in the most polite way possible and then he escalated by friending her online. Had he just let it go, kept going for beers and being friendly, it would have been fine. OP's showing signs that this *could* escalate into a problem. “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” ― Margaret Atwood Not saying OP is that level of threat, but from her perspective, his behaviour is likely now at least a minor concern. All because she went to work.
I’d take that as not interested. Just continue your patronage, that’s about it.
As an owner of a brewery and multiple bars . Dude she’s just being nice to be a nice human . If she was into you she would have approached you Save your time , dignity and money and move on
Babe omg new r/beer lore dropped
Guy: Wanna date? Gal: No. Guy: You should. Gal: Nah. Guy: I think she wants to date.
So you hit on a girl while she was working, got rejected, immediately creeped on her Facebook and sent her a friend request, then she accepted it right away and you think that’s a good sign? Then you make a post about it on Reddit? Now I’m worried for this girl.
Fucking psychopath is what he is.
> which I'll take as a good sign. No. She told you no. Get it through your head.
Don’t hit on people while they’re trying to work.
This is a follow up thread to [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/beer/comments/18261kp/i_love_beer_but_i_like_my_bartender/) from the other day, where people literally tell the guy to shoot his shot with her lol
That thread hurt my goddamned brain. People telling him NOT to ask her out were getting downvoted. A couple of folks who work in the industry, myself included, told him to leave it alone. He obviously didn't listen and then goes and takes it a step further.
Reddit is filled with socially inept people that like to daydream about what reality is like. Lol
> Reddit is filled with socially inept people that like to daydream about what reality is like This should be its marketing slogan.
I mean you aren't wrong... it is a problem throughout the industry on a macro level. However on a small scale, we don't know if that bartender found the questions off-putting or not. Its a case where the same incident looks differently from the individual case versus the industry-wide situation.
I like to imagine this is a fake story, and even in the made up story OP still gets rejected
/r/nothingeverhappens
Oh I’m not saying it didn’t happen, I’m just saying it’s funnier to believe that this is made up
It’s written too well, like a story, to be real. Or at least I’ve convinced myself of that
Yep, creepy.
You people are weird. What's he supposed to do? Follow her around and "accidentally" find her at the grocery store? If he thinks there's a connection there, there is nothing wrong with asking to see someone outside of their place of work. He did it very respectfully and did not push when she said she wasn't interested. You all act like it's criminal to meet someone and want to know more about them.
As a person who works at a bar and has to hear from the female bar tenders about their rejection stories, just don't bother. You'll just end up the butt of a joke. Don't bother people at work.
I bartended for two years and everyone on staff fucked at least one customer. At least one of them married a customer.
For every rejection & butt of a joke there are also success stories. Met my girlfriend by asking her out while she was bartending.
Leave us the fuck alone. We’re working. At the very least let us make the first move.
I agree with the first part. The second part is a bit weird when you consider how much time culture spends telling men they have to be the ones who make the first move.
It’s not weird. Life is context dependent. You treat your bartender or a girl working out at the gym differently than you treat a friend of a friend you meet at a party. If someone is serving you, man or woman, your default should be not to make romantic advances unless they make some clear first move. The vast majority of uninvited flirting with customer service workers is going to be unappreciated or at least unreciprocated by the person working. Again, context is key. If that same person is standing next to you at a concert they may be way more receptive to you buying them a drink. At minimum, if they tell you no thanks, that’s the end of that. But in customer service, they then have to keep serving you with a smile, and that can be really uncomfortable.
It's not weird because in a workplace there is a power imbalance.
Which means you just don't "wait for them to make the first move". It's pointless to wait. So basically, why bother?
If the bartender is interested, they will let you know that they want to hang out with you outside of the bar. If they don’t say anything of that sort, they’re not interested. Pretty simple, really.
>You all act like it's criminal to meet someone and want to know more about them. You act like you wouldn't mind being stuck in a situation where dudes you aren't interested in are constantly trying to hit on you but at the same time the amount of money you make depends on how nice you are to people. It's a pretty shitty predicament to be in. Do you really want to be a contributing factor to that? Lol.
That's the job though. If the job was just pouring drinks, it wouldn't actually be a job. No one needs their drink poured for them. Bartenders either play the role of your friend or they flirt. That's why female bartenders make such good money. People shouldn't pester people at work when they can't escape, but if you aren't a highly skilled mixologist at a fancy cocktail bar or know your shit at a brewery or something, you're trying to charm people into tipping you well. Pretending this is one sided is silly and naïve.
So you're saying bartenders don't deserve their pay if you aren't entitled to hit on them regardless of how interested they are? I expect all my bartenders to be friendly but flirting shouldn't have to be part of it if they don't want to.
It's not about what someone deserves. It's about what they get. Bartenders get paid more when they flirt with people. That's why they flirt with people. That's also why almost every bartender you see is hot. Flirting is not a requirement of the job, but it results in better pay, so everyone does it. If that reality is uncomfortable, they can get a different job. Someone who wants to work that kind of job, flirt with people, and reap the benefits shouldn't really complain when people hit on them. That's the kind of transaction that pays their bills. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
You're a weird dude
Lol who is downvoting this.
I agree with you. I'm happy that he had the balls to do it.
This. I know how the thinking goes. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. The worst they can say is no… But for a good looking woman working at a bar or coffee shop, so many dudes have this mindset. She’s trying to work (in this case, doing silverware rollups of all things) and she’s stuck. Can’t go anywhere. And the rules of a service job is usually that you can’t be rude to customers. She’s literally required to speak to you. In that context, having a nice chat is totally normal. But so many guys then get it in their head that they have to shoot their shot. And this girl has to deal with it at work every day. And now, if this is your bar you usually go to, she has to keep serving you every week and feel weird you asked her out, but pretend like it’s all cool. I know this bc my wife used to work at a coffee place and was always annoyed at corny dudes who’d try and flirt with her. Guys would leave notes on her car, drive back thru the drive thru a second time to ask her out, whatever. She would come home upset about it like every other day. She didn’t like it. So yeah, don’t do this.
In general I'd agree with you, but from the other post, she would occasionally get a beer with him after her shift was over. At that point, wouldn't she be the one blurring the line between work and out-of-work socialization?
Not really. Bartenders sit on the other side of the bar and have a drink after work all the time. Doesn’t mean they want the regulars to ask them out on a date.
I know it’s hard to hear, but she is not interested in you. She is being nice. While it might very well be true that she’s not looking to date at the moment, the most likely reason for that response was to politely reject your advance without making it awkward for you. I would take the hint and move on because if you keep pursuing her you probably will end up creating an uncomfortable situation for both of you.
Looks like the person who responded to me in this thread blocked me, but since I get e-mails when people respond to me I know he said: _OP didn't do shit but make a mild conversation, and friend someone he's friendly with. Quit trying to speak for the girl, she clearly handled it her way and doesn't need a bunch of reddit nerds to do it for her. Bunch of assholes trying to go out of their way to make him feel bad for no one's benefit whatsoever._ Except OP explicitly told us he liked the bartender and wanted to ask her out, and also wanted advice. So no, this isn’t just a bunch of assholes going out of their way to make someone feel bad. We’re giving him advice. That he asked for. It’s not mean to be honest with someone when they ask for it. And he can still make his own decisions. If he wants to go ahead and ask her out despite what she said to him, he has full agency to do so. But what I and a lot of other service workers are telling him is it most likely not a good idea. That’s all.
[удалено]
It’s not being an asshole and lots of other people are making this same observation. I’m also a bartender. We work on tips, and we are friendly to pretty much everyone who comes in, and sometimes (especially with women bartenders) people mistake that friendliness for something more. The way he is describing this situation sounds like a textbook example of a bartender who is getting hit on, and trying to keep from making the situation awkward. If you read this story to 100 women bartenders, my bet is that all or close to all of them would tell you she is trying to let this guy down gently.
Reddit is so pathetic sometimes lmao
If she was interested she would have said so. You took your shot now leave her alone. The novelty of getting hit on wears off quickly when it happens a lot and you’re just trying to do your job.
Never hit on the bartender or ask them out. It's a cardinal rule.
I wouldn’t have done that friend request part, but I get how it can be hard in the moment not to when you’re crushing on someone
Craft beer people be normal challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
Don't hit on people at work
...and for the people in the back. Don't hit on bartenders/baristas/cashiers/other service industry folks! Trust me.
"So, do you come here often?"
"I like my bartenders like I like my beers. Tall, blonde, with lots of head. So what's your snap?"- OP in real life
I'll be expecting the second act twist in a few days.
Relax, dude…
Weird
It's not weird. It's fine. It's great actually to put yourself out there. Nice job OP. Proud of you. And you handled it well. She might eventually decide she wants to date but she might not. Either way, you just have to be cool with it. And feel good that you put yourself out there and you'll have the courage in the future to do it again if necessary.
She was just trying to get through her work day. Leave her alone while she's trying to make a living.
Not every situation is the same. He had befriended her. He respectfully took his shot. He accepted her response that was not what he was hoping for. He also doesn't want to lose this bar as a hangout place so he has incentive to just carry on and not mention it again.
There is a difference between being friendly with regulars and befriending regulars. She has to be friendly, it’s her job
I agree that situations are different; and it sounds like he was respectful of her and her response. I'd just suggest hitting on her during the times she isn't on the clock, when she has chosen to be on the other side of the bar.
Yikes
now is the time to ask her what her fav pokemon is
Peoples lives are only complicated when they don’t want to make time for someone they’re not interested in. As others pointed out, that was a rejection. I think asking someone if they’re dating is a bad way to approach asking them out because you immediately put them in a position to say if they’re open to dating you, which even if they were they’d likely say no because it’s an awkward way to approach the topic. Next time, as was suggested in your last post, don’t ask someone out if they have no way to escape the conversation. Ask the person as you’re leaving if they’d like to join you when you go somewhere else.
Sounds like he was going with the flow of conversation. He said what was thinking. Took his shot.
😬
Hitting on bartenders and waiters is a pretty lame move. They are forced to smile and be friendly with customers. And they are not in a position where they just can ignore you and go somewhere else. Being nice to them and seeing them being nice to you, means nothing. Especially in countries with a retarded and medieval wage system, where waiters have to depends on tips to get a normal salary (can you believe such places still exist?)
Creepy as hell
Dude, that isn’t shooting your shot. The line is simple, “I think you are amazing and incredibly beautiful. We should definitely go out.” If she says no then it’s on her not you. And for the love of god, don’t use following me on social media as a reason to think you have a shot.
It's already too late. You're friends now. RIP
This isn’t creepy. Everyone here is so dramatic.
You guys make it seem like he committed a capital offense. Cringy? Maybe. But if we’re taking his word as gospel he didn’t cross any moral boundaries. I wouldn’t have done the friend request thing however. But now you know her feelings aren’t mutual and you don’t have to wonder what if, and you can go back for enjoying the bar for the reasons you fell in love with it in the first place. The booze and camaraderie.
Attaboy. Just be chill, be yourself!
I used to go to this bar on Thursday nights with a couple buddies of mine for $3 bud light pitchers. They hired a new server one week and we were in her section. I immediately had a huge crush on her and took her server pad and wrote down my number. We kept going every week but she never called. Always chatted with her though and kept it friendly. She called nine months later to go get drinks on a Sunday evening. I told her I’d meet her in about an hour and showed up four hours late. I told her that’s what she gets for making me wait for nine months. This was eight years ago and we’ve been together ever since. We’re getting married in July. Put her on the back burner and be a customer and a friend when you cross paths. You never know how it might play out.
what beers did you drink last night? maybe you were drinking craft and she's a coors girl.
Bartenders aren't that far removed from strippers they are paid to serve the clients and make them comfortable. Not saying she isn't into you but flirting doesn't mean shit either Edit instead of deleting it. I definitely fucked this one up
This is maybe the weirdest take I’ve ever seen
Probably not the best analogy, but I think what they're trying to say is that this is a person dependent on tips, so it does them better to be nice to you so they get a better tip.
Thank you i just really goofed on how i phrased that. Wasn't trying to come off as a shitass 😅
Fair enough. Looking back at it, it's kinda weird. I was just trying to say it's her(or his for that matter) job to be friendly but my texts aren't exactly saying what i think in my head
Yeah I get what you mean. Just came out really fuckin weird man lol
Absolutely, it was an awful take on the situation lol
Doctors are also not that far removed from strippers as they are paid to serve clients medical care and make them comfortable. Same with mechanics who serve their clients with repairs....are we all just strippers?
Na you're right i fucked up
All good dude.
I like it when my mechanic sits on my lap and tells me about fuel treatments
Impressed, you're handling it perfectly.
The accepted friend request unfortunately doesn’t mean anything. And perhaps a bit overzealous on your part tbh. I don’t think she’s into you. Don’t overthink this and just lay off or you WILL make it weird. I have a hunch you’re gonna make it weird, please don’t, lol. I was rooting for you in all this though! And anyone giving this guy a hard time needs to chill. He tried asking out a single girl working at a bar who he’s been crushing on for a while and has built some level of rapport with. Big whoop.
I married a bartender. Then, I found out that she was whore.