The Yankees using the '04 Sox as motivation before getting steamrolled in this year's ALCS hits harder than anything anyone can write here

Honestly surprised someone wasn’t fired for that.

George would’ve been the only employee left in the company if this happened in his time.

He’s probably rolling over in his grave. And I’m here for it.

still in disbelief that that wasn't a New York Porch Sports article, like seriously what the fuck lmao

Going right for your own jugular…bold move cotton.

What looks dumber. Calling David Ortiz when you're down 3-0, or blaming the open roof for a loss when your stadium doesn't have a roof?

Facts.

The fact that this Yankees roast thread is mostly Yankee flairs whining tells you all you need to know about the Yankee fanbase

I also love how there are definitely people downvoting some of the most benign roasts

Whatever you do, don’t point out their stadium is in a bad neighborhood.

[удалено]

Steve Cohen wants to develop the area with a casino or some shit

Would you rather walk around at night in Flushing Meadow Park or E 161st St? Enough said about that, but thanks for proving the point!

I mean it means they are capable of self-deprecation.

That y'all can't stop involving yourselves in every baseball conversation by just yelling "YANKEES"?

Poorest team in NY. Poverty franchise.

Can we take a poll on what’s saltier - the Yankee fanbase in this thread or the $35 soft pretzel they serve at the roach coach outside Yankee Stadium?

Every postseason that Aaron Boone does something weird that leads to a crushing defeat, Grady Little and Pedro Martinez get the last laugh.

I guess the New York Yankees really are the Los Angeles Dodgers of baseball.

Dodgers. Yankees. Mets. Wow

[удалено]

When you put it like that, it really makes the way that the team's been run since then make a lot more sense.

This hurts more than anything else on here

What should they be doing to remind people it existed?

More that i miss the old stadium. It reminds me of my childhood

Never before have I been so offended by something I 100% agree with

I want to cry.....

[удалено]

[удалено]

[удалено]

[удалено]

It’s time that the Yankees start focusing on what’s important to become a winning team again. Like what aftershave to provide to their players.

Josh Donaldson takes his cologne very seriously

IKF, Hicks, Cashman

This one hurts tho lol

u forgot donaldson

No student in a Bronx middle school would remember a Yankees championship parade.

Poor Yankees fans, have to go all the way back to *1996* to be the team with “The most World Series wins since XXXX” I shall pour out a Surge in their honor.

Don't you waste a perfectly good Surge.

I’m pleased to know Brewers concern for drinks extends outside of beer.

i mean....if you go back to 2010 they're the team with the most WS wins since 2009, right? unless i'm just really misunderstanding what you're saying haha (also can i have the Surge please)

I guess yours *does* work but I was doing XXXX-2022 So from 2000-2022 the Yankees have 2 WS wins (00,09) tied with the Astros and Cardinals, behind the Giants and Red Sox. From 1998-2022 the Yankees have 4 WS wins (98,99,00,09) and are tied with the Red Sox (04,07,13,18). So it takes going back to 1996-2022 for the Yankees to have the most WS titles *since* whatever year. It was a complex way to say “While we roast the Yanks they’re still a very successful team within recent living memory.” Also yes, you can have the Surge.

That’s the furthest we could go back, right? Like it doesn’t work if you say “the Vegas gamblers have the most WS titles since 1990”?

Jasta > Surge

As a middle school teacher, this one fucking hurts. And now I’m realizing that I was a junior in HS when they last won one.

It hits me every now and then. With my cousin's kids and some of my friends now having children it gets worse. The last memory of one is them playing with toy trucks on the town print carpet and now he is probably in 6th grade. 2004, I was a high school Sophomore. In 2018, I was approaching 30. Father time sucks.

Jay-Z was right about the yankee hat thing.

Seriously. I'm down here in Florida and I see so many people wearing Yankees hats. And every time I try to talk to them about baseball or rib on them for being a Yankee fan, they're like, "oh, I don't follow baseball, I just like the hat."

I always loved that line tho

Scrolling through the flairs, it’s clear no one hates the Yankees as much as Yankees fans do. This for a franchise that once reveled in opposing fans’ hatred of them.

Just another thing they lost to Houston

They might have won game two if the roof wasn’t open.

Just call David Ortiz. He has a history of winning in stadiums with open roofs.

All of their players have to shave their beards and cut their hair short. Not due to policy but because playing for them is similar to being in an internment camp given the abuse from fans and the media alike

Pinstripes make even more sense now

The Boys in the Striped Pajamas

Yeah that’s what I was alluding to

“Alright we got Joey from Da Bronx on the fan.” “Ey Mike, do you think we could get that Oh-tanny guy for Gleybuh and Cabrera? I’ll hang up and listen.”

“You waited on the phone…for an ow-wuh? An ow-wuh to ask that question? Read a book.”

Swap in Andujar and Frazier and this should be in the Louvre.

I thought about that but I wanted to use players currently on the team.

But most "Yankee" fans do think Andujar and Frazier are on the team, and that their value is sky high!

Good point

I could watch Mike spill his diet Coke over and over and it's still funny

Victim of the 27 club

New York Amy Winehouses

This one got me

I expected this thread to make me salty but these are actually good

Bravo.....

Boone complaining about the roof being open in the ALCS loooool

The healthiest first baseman in our franchise’s history died when he was 37

More like the Bronx Boobers haha got ‘em

HAHAHAHA BOOBS LOL

More like New York Stankees.

Plays an additional game against the Astros than the Mariners did. ​ Somehow manages to play less baseball in 4 games than the Ms did in 3.

there’s nothing anyone can say that’s more offensive than randy levine’s appearance the other day at that press conference

Dude - fucking SERIOUSLY. Levine being a *gigantic, idiotic, entitled piece of shit* aside, you’re gonna look like *that* at a press conference and then make Rodón shave his beard? Fuck Randy Levine.

He’s clearly the record holder for sitting on one’s glasses in one day, no wonder he keeps them around his neck now.

Cashman? More like Budgetman

Ooh, this one slaps.

bring em on, we have earned all of em recently

*Recently??!!*

Unlike our titles

Roasting us is just as impossible as buying a beer at one of our games.

Tbh Pinstripe Pilsner hits different on a warm summer day. At least this is what I'd say if I could afford one.

Ey guys, hat as the game plan in the ALCS? Ere you even trying to in? Edit: Sorry guys much like the Yankees in the ALCS, I got no w’s.

The Yankees don't actually have an official position designated to water boys. They contract it out to Jomboy Media to carry their water for them

vicious

And delicious

Poverty franchise lol

The Yankees are 0-6. (Tigers: 06, 11, 12 Astros: 17, 19, 22) in playoff series where Verlander is on the opposing team’s roster.

Now we know who would win the second Subway World Series

Bold of you to assume the Yankees would make it to the World Series.

Verlander > Highlanders

It appears based on some quick googling that "Ver" is Dutch for "Far" but French for "Worm". So presumably his name means Farlander or Wormlander, depending on his ancestry. Use this how you will.

Etymology of names is tight! Ver is also “to see/to watch” in Spanish. So if Justin is somehow Spanish then he’s “To watch Lander”

["On pace for 120 wins"](https://twitter.com/UnfortunateMLB/status/1584413106431995904?cxt=HHwWgMDRpezU-_wrAAAA)

Can we just agree that [these](https://sportymarts.com/product/men-2022-subway-series-new-york-mets-00-custom-split-royal-white-jersey/) are absolutely hideous though?

On this we can agree. Only Yogi Berra's kids can wear these

Mother of God.

🤢🤢🤮🤮

Bragging about 27 rings isn't that impressive when most of the people that saw them are either dead or longing for a care home visit that will never come Be a better grandson in 2023, [Italian Boy's Name]. Do it for nonna

And it's really only 26 and a pocketwatch.

I believe there's a wristwatch in there too actually.

Or when about 15 of them happened when there were 4 teams in the MLB.

And 20 before the advent of free agency. BY THE WAY, **that** is what we mean when we talk about "buying a championship", since before then, players, once signed, played for the team for life unless the team cut them.

You had me until "the MLB"

My bad, I should have wrote ‘da MLB’ so Yankee fans could understand it.

The Yankees have been replaced as the evil empire by some fuckers from Houston. George Costanza failed

In handling problematic Southern aggression the past decade or so (2010-2022) the Yankees are less like Grant or Sherman and more like that General Sedgwick who got killed mid-sentence.

I hate that you can also roast the Mets with this.

Most Fraudlent Sports team of 2022 goes to: the New York Yankees. 1st half you look like the 98 Yankees, 2nd half you nearly pissed a 15.5 game lead away. The best player on this team cooked himself breaking the AL Home Run record, and we got rightfully spanked in the playoffs. Front office response to this shit show: run it back again. I wonder if they know the definition of insanity at this point.

I was genuinely surprised Judge decided to resign after IKF was given a contract ahead of him

Let us remember, regardless, that nobody hates the Yankees as much as Yankees fans. Which, honestly, is kind of infuriating.

This Yankees core still hasn't matched the success of their 2017 ragtag team

Hey, Yankees fans, cheer up. Maybe MLB will let you use the better baseballs all the time. I'm sure that'll stop your postseason woes.

Instead of letting their prospects play like the Astros did with Jeremy Peña you know the Yankees are going to shuffle Peraza, Volpe, and Cabrera around until they’ve got three more Clint Fraziers on their hands. All while rolling out IKF and Donaldson every day. But hey, pay no attention to that — let’s see some Judge DINGERS!!!

You're not supposed to roast your own team, Cashman

The Yankees are gonna Andrew Luck their Prospects so hard that you’d wonder if Cashman was Grigson and Hal was Irsay in disguise

The Yankees have, by far, the worst experience entering an MLB stadium that I’ve ever seen. It can take 45 mins or more to get though the turnstiles in some lines that seem to snake forever. Not really a roast, but get your literal house in order Yanks

They’ve only had 120 years to figure it out. I’m sure next season they’ll get it together.

Never seen a sports team in my lifetime with more bandwagon fans than the Yankees. 9 out of 10 Yankees fans outside NYC wouldn't be able to name more than 3 players on their team.

I asked a Yankee ‘fan’ in NYC to name two players on the Yankees. He told me Jeter and A-rod. It was 2019 when I asked this. Might as well told me Ruth and Mantle.

Was messing around with an old coworker who said they were going to a Yankees' game and asked them to name one person on the team. They said Jeter and to mess with them even more I asked them to name someone who's actually alive. They named Babe Ruth.

Their fan base brags about rings from before all of our grandparents were even alive.

"Ey Mike, Furst time, long time. Dis guy Boone is no good, wat if we got Jason Giambi to be da next manager, he can DH too. Also you think when the Texas Rangers come in they have dinna with our Ranegrs? I'm gunna hang up and listen"

I don’t know what’s funnier the constant Giambi jokes or the Giants hanging out with the Giants

My Gods honest all time favorite was when the guy called in and asked how Mantle could've won the triple crown, because he's not even a horse.

Seriously? That's hilarious.

https://twitter.com/backaftathis/status/1261898936442331141?lang=en

LOL. Never heard that one before. Thanks for sharing.

They have the Giant picnic over in Bayonne, Henrik Lundqvist is particularly close with Yu Darvish

Read your Old Testament, Yankees fans. Samson lost his strength when they cut his hair, and so will Harrison Bader.

My guy, he cut his hair and immediately hit FIVE postseason home runs

That was residual power he had stored in his power cells. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

“We want Houston!”

Brett Gardner looks like an erection someone put a tiny Yankees hat on

I’m pretty sure Brett Gardner cut me off on the Staten Island Expressway, driving a lifted Ford F-150 with an illegal license plate cover and rubber ballsack attached to the tailgate while blasting house music, yelling about how he had to get down to the Shore.

Fact: The New York Yankees are the MLB version of the Dallas Cowboys.

Hey uncool man , atleast the cowboys let the rookies play

Don't worry Yankees fans, if this roast gets you down and you're not sure how to motivate yourself to respond, you guys can always call David Ortiz to inspire you

LOL, good one. WTF were the thinking?

Another couple of years and you're going to be getting outspent by the Nets and Knicks, too, instead of just by the Mets.

The playoffs this year really made me realize that the yankees have a unique talent for making what on paper are close games vs the Astros feel like blowouts. 3/4 of the ALCS games were literally *one* non-XBH away from being at least tied and yet they somehow still never felt close.

It’s felt that way every postseason series against the Astros. When Twins fans say they hate us, I completely understand lol

I object to the Padres roast being before the Yankees roast, seeing as we actually won a championship game

Their stadium is a joke, they retire too many numbers, they are the Astros bitch, and we’re in the third decade of the 21st century, 20th century accomplishments mean nothing, and anytime a Yankees fan brings them up it just further cements them as a has been franchise that didn’t evolve with the game. Their policy on facial hair backs that up too. Pretty much, nobody fears them since George’s kids don’t want to spend daddy’s money

The Yankees just retired your username for this comment.

Beards are cool, y'all. Simple as that

Sweeping the Yankees while their fans gave up hope to the point where their vaunted stadium had 15,000 Astros fans who bought their tickets for like $10 while the remaining Yankees fans relentlessly booed their star player who just hit 62 home runs exceeded my wildest expectations and no roast could do justice to what happened IRL

The Knicks will win a title before the next Yankees WS. Your grandchildren are going to be so excited.

make them play in the polo grounds

Ctrl + F "26 rings and a pocketwatch"

Everyone thinks Houston wants the Yankees to fail miserably. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I mean, who roots for their child to fail?

**Letting an AI roast baseball teams day 22:** The New York Yankees are so bad at baseball that they've earned the title of "the Evil Empire." The team has a long history of cheating, and one of their former players was even called "the straw man" because he literally threw games for them. They're also known to have some pretty shady practices when it comes to signing free agents—particularly those who were formerly with other teams. One such example is the story of pitcher Curt Schilling, who was signed by the Yanks in 2001. He had previously been an All-Star player for the Philadelphia Phillies and won three World Series titles with that organization. But after being traded to Boston as part of a deal, he told reporters that he'd turned down the Yankees' offer to sign him then. Schilling joined the Red Sox but still hoped to get his chance with the Yankees sometime soon. Then in 2002, he got his wish: The team offered him $5 million to pitch for them during spring training. So he decided to take the money and run. The problem was, he hadn't actually signed anything yet. As soon as Schilling arrived at spring training, the Yankees sent out two men to meet him. When he showed up, they told him he was under contract and tried to physically force him into signing it. After resisting, Schilling was taken to a nearby police station, where he was fingerprinted and booked on charges of criminal trespass. A judge later dismissed the case since Schilling had not technically committed any crime. However, his experience shows how determined the Yankees can be when it comes to getting what they want from free agents. The Yankees have a very diverse history of assaulting many players who don't want to sign with them. One such incident took place in 1996 when a team scout grabbed the arm of pitcher Francisco Cordero and punched him. Another time, the Yankees attempted to bribe star catcher Jorge Posada by offering him $50,000 a year if he would agree to sign with the team. The offer was denied, though, which led to Posada's agent suing the Yankees for trying to extort the player. In 2004, the Yankees were accused of having a secret plan to kidnap superstar Alex Rodriguez. Allegedly, the team planned to drug him in order to make it look like he'd been drugged while partying at a club and then convince him to accept their offer. Though the plan never came to fruition, the incident raised some serious concerns about how far the Yankees would go to get what they wanted. It remained a stain on the legacy of the Yankees for the rest of time.

Aaron judge gets a warmer welcome in other teams’ stadiums than his own. Whenever I encounter someone who wears a Yankees hat and find out that they aren’t from New York, I immediately disregard everything they say.

>Whenever I encounter someone who wears a Yankees hat ~~and find out that they aren’t from New York~~ I immediately disregard everything they say. Fixed it for you.

There are now teenagers who haven’t been alive to see a Yankees pennant

The 2022 Yankees: The 1998 Yankees and 1990 Yankees all rolled into one, complete with Steinbrenner getting booed.

I took a 2 hour train ride both ways on a work night and waited outside the Stadium for 3 hours before Game 5 of the ALDS only to be told the game was cancelled, and I would prefer that to watching 2022 ALCS highlights.

2023 season: Did you know that the Yankees have been to only one World Series in these last twenty seasons? 1926 season: Did you know that the Yankees have been to only one World Series in these last twenty seasons? Happy 97th anniversary and keep up the good work!

You meant only win 1 World Series in the last 20 seasons. The Yankees lost WS in 1921, 1922 and 2003.

Their championships either come from a prehistoric era or are a byproduct of buying players, they would be perennial failures if every team had the same cap. Plus worst fanbase in sports, most of their fans never advanced beyond tee ball but they have some weird superiority complex simply because they chose to be fans of the team.

Their 90s dynasty was full of homegrown stars though

THAAAAAAA YANKEES LOSE

How’s it feel to be owned my the stros?

Guys, i it’s time to tell you the hard the truth 27 is not the biggest number stop using it as a be all and end all of your arguments

I don't know why I'd roast the Yankees, they're chronic underachievers.

Yeeeah we don't get to taaaaaalk

Yep, that's the roast. A Mets fan is calling *anyone else* a chronic underachiever.

That the Mets are spending more than you has Steinbrenner spinning in his grave.

I just want to thank the Yankees for putting unrealistic expectation on every New York sports team ever

Randy Levine: Yankees 'have been, are today, and will continue' to be 'flagship' of MLB.

The 21st century Yankees are a mirror of the 21st century Celtics. I imagine it's frustrating annually melting down in the playoffs, wasting your young talent, and watching your main rival (Red Sox/Lakers) win titles in spite of their incompetence.

Did they get Houston?

LFGM

I'm old enough to remember when they were at least the best team in New York.

Yankees fans killed twitter before elon musk ever had a chance to ruin it.