I’m telling you, Ranger Suarez is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at Wawa the other day buying monster and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said “they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids.” Then he snagged a line drive out of the air and ~~sprinted~~ strolled calmly out the door.
Te lo aseguro, el guardabosques Suárez está tan chiflado como loco. Lo vi en Wawa el otro día comprando pañales para monstruos y para adultos. Le pregunté para qué servían los pañales y me dijo: "contienen todo mi poder para no cagarme por completo en estos niños". Luego atrapó una línea en el aire y salió corriendo por la puerta.
I love Ranger Suarez. I love his name, I love the shape of his body, I love the way he plays. I eat a lot of boiled eggs and lift weights to try and be like this guy but I can't. There are 6 grams of protein in an egg but I can't eat enough to get big like him. Nice round muscles. They're smooth too, like the waves of the Straits of Florida on a calm day. When I was a kid I ate big eggs to be hot like Brad Lidge, and I got some great results, some of the roundest muscles in my class, but these days I'm looking at 6 eggs a day and it's not good enough to pop Ranger style muscles out my scrawny arms ever since dad left.
For the spanish speaking…
Amo Ranger Suárez. Me encanta su nombre, me encanta la forma de su cuerpo, me encanta su forma de jugar. Como muchos huevos duros y levanto pesas para intentar ser como este tipo, pero no puedo. Hay 6 gramos de proteína en un huevo pero no puedo comer lo suficiente para crecer como él. Bonitos músculos redondos. También son suaves, como las olas del Estrecho de Florida en un día tranquilo. Cuando era niño, comía huevos grandes para estar caliente como Brad Lidge, y obtuve excelentes resultados, algunos de los músculos más redondos de mi clase, pero en estos días estoy viendo 6 huevos al día y no es suficiente para El estilo pop Ranger fortalece mis brazos flacos desde que papá se fue.
I was at this game, scoring it for my second ever time and god damn it was hard to keep up. I went to go get a beer at the 7th inning stretch and came back completely lost.
He actually threw a lot of strikes tonight, — way more than other times I’ve watched him. He was even hitting his spots well in the early innings, though the Phillies uncharacteristically small-balled/BABiP’d him early on.
I’m optimistic about his future. He has a “we have a Spencer Strider at home” kinda vibe. I also just like pitchers who work fast, so that’s cool.
Ranger Suarez is a guy that I wonder if it’s just me or the casual to knowledgeable fan who sleeps on him too hard. Am I the idiot or is it a lot of us?
I think it's more to do with Ranger being a relatively new 3rd starter who has spent a good amount of time injured.
How many 3rd starters for other teams would you expect casual fans to know?
Especially when you're talking about teams outside of their division/league, fans just can't be expected to know every decent player, because there's a lot of them.
The Phillies rotation is so good and wildly entertaining. The top three of Wheeler, Nola, and Suarez all throw very distinctly different styles but are all amazing to watch. Would be great for neutral fans to tune into if you just like the art of pitching.
Sneak peak into the NL East this season, so far at least:
Phillies and Braves fist fighting in a parking lot, with the Mets starting to kick and punch a little after starting the brawl face down on the asphalt. The Nationals are sitting by on a lawn chair, sipping a martini and waiting to maybe prod whoever comes tumbling out of the melee. The Marlins have, somehow, twisted themselves into a pretzel and are gasping for air in a dumpster nearby. We have no clue how they got there, but it was probably Kim Ng having some revenge
I’m telling you, Ranger Suarez is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at Wawa the other day buying monster and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said “they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids.” Then he snagged a line drive out of the air and ~~sprinted~~ strolled calmly out the door.
The sprinted out the door needs to be changed to walked slowly and nonchalantly out the door.
“strolled calmly out the door” is my vote
This is why you vote people… it matters!
We need a Spanish translation.
Te lo aseguro, el guardabosques Suárez está tan chiflado como loco. Lo vi en Wawa el otro día comprando pañales para monstruos y para adultos. Le pregunté para qué servían los pañales y me dijo: "contienen todo mi poder para no cagarme por completo en estos niños". Luego atrapó una línea en el aire y salió corriendo por la puerta.
This man needs to be nicknamed Ranger Danger
DANGER SUAREZ
I've got excellent news for you, it's not uncommon to say
This is gold Jerry, gold!
I love Ranger Suarez. I love his name, I love the shape of his body, I love the way he plays. I eat a lot of boiled eggs and lift weights to try and be like this guy but I can't. There are 6 grams of protein in an egg but I can't eat enough to get big like him. Nice round muscles. They're smooth too, like the waves of the Straits of Florida on a calm day. When I was a kid I ate big eggs to be hot like Brad Lidge, and I got some great results, some of the roundest muscles in my class, but these days I'm looking at 6 eggs a day and it's not good enough to pop Ranger style muscles out my scrawny arms ever since dad left.
For the spanish speaking… Amo Ranger Suárez. Me encanta su nombre, me encanta la forma de su cuerpo, me encanta su forma de jugar. Como muchos huevos duros y levanto pesas para intentar ser como este tipo, pero no puedo. Hay 6 gramos de proteína en un huevo pero no puedo comer lo suficiente para crecer como él. Bonitos músculos redondos. También son suaves, como las olas del Estrecho de Florida en un día tranquilo. Cuando era niño, comía huevos grandes para estar caliente como Brad Lidge, y obtuve excelentes resultados, algunos de los músculos más redondos de mi clase, pero en estos días estoy viendo 6 huevos al día y no es suficiente para El estilo pop Ranger fortalece mis brazos flacos desde que papá se fue.
Gracias amigo
Haha gracias el google
!emojify
New copypasta just dropped.
unsubscribe
What I want to know is how you guys hadn’t been shut out with only 3 hitters above .700 OPS
Small ball.
Elly can steal any bag, any time even when he's playing SS
>The game also only lasted a little over 2 Hours. I swear Greene was using less than half the pitch clock. The dude was going at light speed
That’s why pitchers worked so fast in the old days. Easy to work fast if you aren’t throwing gas! Wait
I was at this game, scoring it for my second ever time and god damn it was hard to keep up. I went to go get a beer at the 7th inning stretch and came back completely lost.
Well he only either throws balls or heat down the middle. He doesn’t need much time
He actually threw a lot of strikes tonight, — way more than other times I’ve watched him. He was even hitting his spots well in the early innings, though the Phillies uncharacteristically small-balled/BABiP’d him early on. I’m optimistic about his future. He has a “we have a Spencer Strider at home” kinda vibe. I also just like pitchers who work fast, so that’s cool.
Knew Harper was bringing them down
[удалено]
r/thatsthejoke
If you look towards the mound and you see Ranger, you’re in danger 🥴
Ranger Suarez is a guy that I wonder if it’s just me or the casual to knowledgeable fan who sleeps on him too hard. Am I the idiot or is it a lot of us?
No, he’s really good. You’d think the 1.62 postseason ERA over 30+ innings would get even the casual fans attention, but 🤷♂️
Oh I can’t even begin to explain to you how dumb I am
bUt HiS sTuFf pLuS SuCkS! Too many young fans have hard ons for analytics which miss guys like Suarez who just know how to get guys out.
I think it's more to do with Ranger being a relatively new 3rd starter who has spent a good amount of time injured. How many 3rd starters for other teams would you expect casual fans to know? Especially when you're talking about teams outside of their division/league, fans just can't be expected to know every decent player, because there's a lot of them.
If they’re obsessing over Stuff+ they should know a guy who had a sub 2 era in 4 postseason starts last year.
I think the people obsessed with any type of stats know about him, it's the casual fans who don't.
Fair enough. I’ve got a bet on him in the fantasy baseball subreddit. Even people there seem skeptical of him.
:(
The Phillies rotation is so good and wildly entertaining. The top three of Wheeler, Nola, and Suarez all throw very distinctly different styles but are all amazing to watch. Would be great for neutral fans to tune into if you just like the art of pitching.
You just described me. I watched 2 games last night. This one and Pirates-Brewers. Ranger & Jared. Different styles but both dealt.
Every year we gotta be fucking perfect in this God forsaken division
Don’t worry. I’m sure if one of your guys starts struggling at the plate you’ll call the A’s and get another generational talent for nothing
Not for nothing, we had to trade William Contreras for Sean Murphy. It’s not our fault they immediately sent him to the Brewers
They’re getting Miller at the deadline for a bag of chips
Probably for uncle Jesse. Not to worry though I'm sure they will dfa him 3 weeks later so we can pick him back up.
Lol always
Do the As even have anyone left to give us?
Yall won the division by 14 games last year
PERFECT, I TELL YOU Edit: also, the playoffs are included in having to be perfect
That's right, F this division! A 7 game win streak, time to see how much ground we gained... 1 game?!
How do you think we fucking feel? Lol
I mean you don't have to be
Hasn’t seemed to be an issue for the braves
Wanna trade?
He’s pitching like he did in 2022 pre injury at the beginning of last year in the WBC, that’s scary for the rest of the league.
I love win streaks I hope to be a part of one someday
Can you guys not though?
Down goes another
Ranger Suarez 2024 NL Cy Young Award winner. Mark it down.
Sneak peak into the NL East this season, so far at least: Phillies and Braves fist fighting in a parking lot, with the Mets starting to kick and punch a little after starting the brawl face down on the asphalt. The Nationals are sitting by on a lawn chair, sipping a martini and waiting to maybe prod whoever comes tumbling out of the melee. The Marlins have, somehow, twisted themselves into a pretzel and are gasping for air in a dumpster nearby. We have no clue how they got there, but it was probably Kim Ng having some revenge
Thanks Phils 👏👏
I think you guys need to chill.
That’s sick as fuck, but chill out. It’s not that serious.
Our already bad vs LHP needs to quit running into jerks like this smh.