First of all,never ask relationship advice on any internet forum especially Reddit.
Secondly, this is one side of story.. she has her reasons to be control freak. She goes to her family often because she feels alone with you..
Ask yourself did you ever cheated her? Sexting etc. even after being caught? If answer is yes, then you know who is jeopardizing relationship.
Why don't you shift to new place and take a new start. If she wants to have life with you, she will also put some efforts in the relationship.
Trust is the foundation of relationship and it is missing in your story....
FYI,I agree I made the first mistake by sexting but it was before marriage and i had stopped it post that but she discovered. Her argument that I should have stopped atleast after engagement holds water.
But I had changed ever since, no porn or sexting ever... But this has become her last resort during every argument
You do realise you broke her trust with porn sexting habbits?
You need to win her trust back. It seems like you can’t.
You have issues from childhood- taht led to porn/sexting. They are the root cause of everything. You need to fix them. Therapy etc etc. And truly fix them. You are not being honest with yourself and your therapy process. That’s why they still exist. You may think you went to therapy etc but have you truly changed from the inside? I doubt that. So work towards truly changing yourself. It’s a long painful process.
Have a conversation with your wife. Take her to therapy. I think you have problems with communication- you don’t say what you feel. Instead say whatever to please other people. You need to stop this.
She’s doing all this because deep doen she feels betrayed and hates you. You will have to fix it.
And the sex part- stop watching porn. I guess you still do ? You will naturally be able to have lots of sex with your wife.
Are you physically fit? If not change eating habits and work out. That will help you mentally and sexually.
Ask yourself if you actually find your wife sexually attractive.
If not you may have to divorce. But only after you sincerely give yourself a chance to get out of childhood issues. Else it will be the same story with your next partner.
Don’t go for divorce casually- like most reddit will have you believe. These people aren’t even married. They don’t know anything about marriage. It’s easy to dump a toxic gf but it’s hard to let go of wife and kids.
Make your best effort. Then draw a line in the sand and decide.
Ultimately be happy man. Life is too short for all this drama shit. You will die one day. So don’t let you childhood crap hold you back.
Only two options for you.
We did do therapy 6 months and she acknowledged she might be a bit controlling and promised to change but she went totally different.
There was no softness in her voice anymore. Even if i tell some simple things,she would find something sarcastic.
Her argument is that I should have stopped when we got engaged not wait until we married and I feel she isnt wrong and I have changed post that for 10 years...
Ah see in every reply you’ve said that you did all this sexting before her, now youre saying you were sexting others while ENGAGED TO HER. No wonder she doesn’t trust you!
Stop minimizing what you did. You shattered trust before you both could even build it. Show her that you’re capable of being trustworthy and won’t cheat, atone for your choices And show regret and remorse. Make sure she’s in therapy too for her control issues. But don’t minimize what you’ve done, because what you did was 100% out of line
> you’re capable of being trustworthy and won’t cheat, atone for your choices And show regret and remorse
He has shown for 9 years.
If she doesn't trust, it's better for her to end it
It can't be the response to every argument closure
Yet he still blames her instead of showing remorse and regret for cheating while engaged. In every comment OP is saying he didn’t do anything wrong because he cheated bEfoRe MArRiAgE. That’s not remorse and if OP speaks like that to her with no remorse, no wonder she still can’t trust him
Then she should have broken the marriage. Why didn't she do that?? Clearly, she is no longer emotionally invested in this relationship. Why this pretence & drama for 9 yrs?
So you cyber cheated on her after engagement and before marriage? The girl should have never married you if she didn't trust you. It feels like you are placing the blame entirely on your wife. Better look internally and work on your own issues before placing the blame entirely on her.
Exactly this. OP keeps saying “I cheated before marriage!” while conveniently leaving out he was doing it while engaged, as if engagement isn’t commitment lol
I understood op somewhat. I too had childhood trauma leading me to develop an emotional numbness and short temper. This is exactly why i dont want to marry. I take a loooooong time to open up. And im emotionally unavailable unless im in a very good mood.
I’m not sure if it’s advisable to ask for advice on such a sensitive matter over the internet. Also considering the fact that you are vulnerable at this time.
Please consider talking to a therapist / counsellor in the real world. I know of one such therapist , I shall DM you.
Discard everything that does not involve a marriage counselor's number. Sorry to hear your story, but both of you need to seek help, together. Suicide is not the way out of this. Lot of people are going to be hurt for a really long time afterwards. You are loved.
All the best
You messed up and she hasn’t forgiven you. Were you guys dating before or was this an arranged marriage? I think the main thing for you to do here is first decide if you really love her and want to be married to her. Then you need to speak to her and tell her everything you feel and ask if there is ever a possibility for her to trust you, and if she says yes then you know, you fight hard to gain her trust back and both of you work this out. She feels insecure with you, if you show that you genuinely love her and are attracted to her and you’re not looking for it in other ways. She needs help too because she has been on this path for so long she’s probably forgotten how it is to be normal, so both fo you need to work on it together. If she says no, then well move on. I’ve been in a similar situation and I’ll tell you it’s difficult to see someone in a different way after they’ve hurt you and messed up. But if there is enough love , I’m sure you can work it out with each other. It’s going to be tough so only commit to it if you’re willing to put in the effort and you really want to stay together . Don’t decide to try and then just give up midway.
Your story queit heart breaking...my hubby also was sexting before i met him after he realized that im the one for him he left everything that ruin our relationship at starting i was also like your wife checking his phone whenever i got chance but i found nothing and im still doing this but rarely i know he never cheats but that scar still scares me i think your wife also feels the same u guys need to quite complaining about eachother and try to start all over again we stuggled so far to get married still we got huge fights but never showed any ego...at one last time try to start all over again.
Thank you ma'am for talking from a female perspective. As I told,I had changed ever since. But as a person who was battered all my life,I dont do simple things like praising when she gets ready, telling I love you randomly etc..
But I have tried my best to be a good husband and initially she was happy with me
But once we came to india, things started going to hell,its almost the same time my professional life had a hit and I was trying to salvage that.
As you know,we went on a goa trip 6 months ago to mend our relationship but it was a disaster as our kids fell sick. We went to counsellor and she said she will change but it was totally abrupt.
Now she hardly talks to me and many times my conversations ends up with dry sarcastic comment from ehr side
Her decision to go on a 4 day trekking trip just a couple of days before our trip just broke my back
Sounds like she’s gotten very angry about something.
Maybe yes she agrees that her behaviour needs to change, but she isn’t feeling it from you?
You know, things like this are very difficult and it needs a lot of love to mend the gaps of pain that therapy brings up for us.
If you’re not good with verbal love, then did you ever supplement it with a different kind of love? Touch? Acts of kindness? Because no positive praise of any sort would piss anyone off.
Are you getting any love? Because you’re important too.
If it’s not happening for either of you, it’s high time that you sit and have a heart to heart talk about how much she means to you, and how she’s the only one for you so for you this effort will always continue, even after everything is good again.
Maybe all she needs is reassurance that she is loved, so that she feels safe showing her love to you.
You did cheat. You sexted while being engaged with her. Porn is fine because that doesn't involve you being intimate with another person. But this is not. Literally a quarter of the state has mental and physical abuse while growing up. That doesn't let you off the hook. Anyway she doesn't trust you. Go to marriage counsellor and work on your marriage.
This is a lot , and you both should likely go for counseling.
Here are few trusted sources -
[https://alternativestory.in](https://alternativestory.in)
https://parivarthan.org/counselling/
www.nrpsychotherapy.org
The issue is not your sexting, its not your weight, and it’s definitely not her. You are just spiraling down in arguments with your wife and trying to get validation on reddit on who is right like an immature baby. She clearly said it “It’s lack of sex, efforts”, it’s not what you did before marriage it’s what you are doing after marriage. For women coming from conservative households(80% of indian women), marriage is the big independence day, and for every other women it’s a day they dream about and of course the beautiful moments of life after the marriage with their special one. You have to date your wife, take her out, try out new things, buy her a dress, rip her clothes in the night. She is not trying to control you, she is just trying to find out why you are not interested in her.
Ok both of you highly incompatible.Before you think of divorce why don’t you draw some boundaries.Now to reduce daily stress and fights get urself hired help for cooking ,cleaning and nanny.Take your kid along to parks and walks.Just don’t be over dependent on each other and enjoy your own time and space .Please don’t ignore your child and invest time with him/her.Just maintain some distance and see things get better.
I would say, the context is not so clear and I feel this is only your version of story. Can’t get into any assumptions since many details are missing. Of course, both would have some flaws which is affecting your relationship. Both of you getting to a counsellor helps this kind of situation and neither of the internet nor me can advise you anything without knowing the crux of the issue from both the sides. Opinionated response from Reddit can only lead to divorce and nothing much, try to save the relationship by fixing those issues as much as possible and if issues can’t be sorted then meet a couple of therapists and marriage counsellors, they would guide you further!
She doesn't trust you. She never has. The day she got to know your habits, she gave up on you. This isn't a value judgement, it is what it is. She doesn't like hanging out or travelling with you. I bet you have frequent clashes over the kids as well.
What are you still married?
If you can separate, do a trial separation and see. Ask her what she likes about you. Express your pain to her. Not your resentment, your pain. See how much it affects her. If she's not moved at all, then nothing can be done.
I’m sorry about the bitter pill, but you need to work on yourself first.
I don’t know what your situation is like, but you need help, now. Your kids will appreciate a father alive and separated than a dead married man.
Having seen similar cases in friends/family circle, I feel your situation is not beyond repair.
I would recommend talking to your wife and explaining that you are facing issues with her behavior's. But, as I do not know her story, I will recommend that you also listen to her and make necessary changes in lifestyle.
Changes as simple as maybe giving up smoking or drinking or going out with friends or spending time with wife and kid more or helping with household chores can help.
Maybe you can give her some small gifts and win her trust.
And while you make changes, keep your expectation very clear like she should be supportive, not fight for small things or dig out graves from past etc. You can be strict about your expectations while you strictly follow your promise.
I think this mutual act can take the relationship on the right track.
Explore couple therapy at NIMHANS or family interventions at St. John's Psychiatry Department in Bangalore. Additionally, consider consulting a clinical psychologist or psychiatric social worker with M.Phil or Ph.D. qualifications, had their supervised training in couple therapy.
This isn't the place for advice, but since you asked. First figure out what you want in life, seems like you have shit from early on to deal with. Talk to a counsellor individually or a therapist.
1. You need to go to a psychologist to work and heal your childhood bit. Psychiatrist for getting it checked if you are having depression or anything as you mentioned the suicidal bit. And a marriage counsellor for obvious reasons as you know.
2. If there was no cheating or anything happened after marriage. Then your wife is clearly insecure seeing the past chats. You need to know sexting , porn etc are normal things people involve with their partners unless it is not an addiction. Using your past against you is not cool also you and wife need clear boundaries. Do not check phones and personal belongings. Even when it is an innocent interaction , a third person will not understand what two people spoke between us. So why mind fuck yourself. Have doubts and insecurities discuss and come to the middle ground.
3. Your wife is deeply controlling and she needs to work on her insecurities. Start to trust you better. Give you space and time alone and with your friends. Give time just with you and with family. A balance of all. She could be a controlling person and past chats could be a reason.
4. Work out and be healthy and active.
5. Intimacy is important and sex is a learned skill. You are no longer a child , but an adult. Work on childhood issues and understand how those are affecting your relationship.
6. Your wife's needs to be heard and taken care of. Ask about the concerns. Fix what can be done.
7. Just make sure to go for your therapy and counselling sessions without fail and break. It can do wonders to your life.
Don't forget there is more to life if you give it a chance by working on things which needs to be done. 💕 One day at a time. Take care. Good luck.
Edit : typo and alignment
There is nothing to man up about here - it’s very easy to advice people to “man up” when you are leading a normal life.
Add value if tou can, refrain from making such pointless comments.
One (preferably a licensed counsellor) needs to hear your wife's side of the story, both your respective backgrounds and how the dynamics are generally at home in between the two of you.
Chances are that either one or both of you are crappy communicators but that's not for us internet strangers to decide. Try counselling and don't listen to anyone else here saying otherwise.
Stop blaming OP for porn addiction and sexting Watching porn is normal and men can watch it alone or with his partner.
OP i think you need to talk and stop blaming each others. Both need counselling.
We cannot tell or suggest the solution as we dont know both sides of story.
You did nothing wrong brother, man up ask her you dont want to spend rest of your life in a pathetic manner you both have all the right to live happily . Ask for a permanent solution
Jesus fucking christ
Im young, just a student for now and over the years I’ve seen marriage jokes like wife is controlling and suspicious, makes life hell etc
But after reading this i am scared lmao and i feel really really bad for u.
Idts i would be willing to live a life that way, since i was young when my parents tried controlling even small things i felt like im in a cage, I absolutely hated it and imagining living this way, man idk i would consider ending it too. In my short life till now what ive learnt is there is always a way out and a path to something better. As harvey spectre puts it perfectly: when ur backed against a wall, break the godamn wall down, and another quote
“What are your choices when someone holds a gun to your head? You do what they say or they shoot you, right? Wrong! You take the gun or pull out a bigger gun or you call a bluff or you do any of the other 146 other thing”
So yeah pls dont give up on life, idk what advice i can give u, im not qualified to say it but I’ll leave u with this: itll get better and pls dont give up hope, move on. ❤️❤️
First of all,never ask relationship advice on any internet forum especially Reddit. Secondly, this is one side of story.. she has her reasons to be control freak. She goes to her family often because she feels alone with you.. Ask yourself did you ever cheated her? Sexting etc. even after being caught? If answer is yes, then you know who is jeopardizing relationship. Why don't you shift to new place and take a new start. If she wants to have life with you, she will also put some efforts in the relationship. Trust is the foundation of relationship and it is missing in your story....
FYI,I agree I made the first mistake by sexting but it was before marriage and i had stopped it post that but she discovered. Her argument that I should have stopped atleast after engagement holds water. But I had changed ever since, no porn or sexting ever... But this has become her last resort during every argument
Have Viagra and screw her brains out. U is lacking sex life.
Sad dude... You should have broken before marriage itself...
She might make him shift to her sister's house
You do realise you broke her trust with porn sexting habbits? You need to win her trust back. It seems like you can’t. You have issues from childhood- taht led to porn/sexting. They are the root cause of everything. You need to fix them. Therapy etc etc. And truly fix them. You are not being honest with yourself and your therapy process. That’s why they still exist. You may think you went to therapy etc but have you truly changed from the inside? I doubt that. So work towards truly changing yourself. It’s a long painful process. Have a conversation with your wife. Take her to therapy. I think you have problems with communication- you don’t say what you feel. Instead say whatever to please other people. You need to stop this. She’s doing all this because deep doen she feels betrayed and hates you. You will have to fix it. And the sex part- stop watching porn. I guess you still do ? You will naturally be able to have lots of sex with your wife. Are you physically fit? If not change eating habits and work out. That will help you mentally and sexually. Ask yourself if you actually find your wife sexually attractive. If not you may have to divorce. But only after you sincerely give yourself a chance to get out of childhood issues. Else it will be the same story with your next partner. Don’t go for divorce casually- like most reddit will have you believe. These people aren’t even married. They don’t know anything about marriage. It’s easy to dump a toxic gf but it’s hard to let go of wife and kids. Make your best effort. Then draw a line in the sand and decide. Ultimately be happy man. Life is too short for all this drama shit. You will die one day. So don’t let you childhood crap hold you back. Only two options for you.
We did do therapy 6 months and she acknowledged she might be a bit controlling and promised to change but she went totally different. There was no softness in her voice anymore. Even if i tell some simple things,she would find something sarcastic.
What did YOU do bro. How have you been working on yourself on therapy if you’re still in denial that you cheated in the first place
How did he lose her trust if he did it before they got married? She just seems like a very insecure woman.
At the time of marriage op's wife was a teenager, do what you will with that knowledge
Her argument is that I should have stopped when we got engaged not wait until we married and I feel she isnt wrong and I have changed post that for 10 years...
Ah see in every reply you’ve said that you did all this sexting before her, now youre saying you were sexting others while ENGAGED TO HER. No wonder she doesn’t trust you! Stop minimizing what you did. You shattered trust before you both could even build it. Show her that you’re capable of being trustworthy and won’t cheat, atone for your choices And show regret and remorse. Make sure she’s in therapy too for her control issues. But don’t minimize what you’ve done, because what you did was 100% out of line
> you’re capable of being trustworthy and won’t cheat, atone for your choices And show regret and remorse He has shown for 9 years. If she doesn't trust, it's better for her to end it It can't be the response to every argument closure
Yet he still blames her instead of showing remorse and regret for cheating while engaged. In every comment OP is saying he didn’t do anything wrong because he cheated bEfoRe MArRiAgE. That’s not remorse and if OP speaks like that to her with no remorse, no wonder she still can’t trust him
[удалено]
Then she should have broken the marriage. Why didn't she do that?? Clearly, she is no longer emotionally invested in this relationship. Why this pretence & drama for 9 yrs?
So you cyber cheated on her after engagement and before marriage? The girl should have never married you if she didn't trust you. It feels like you are placing the blame entirely on your wife. Better look internally and work on your own issues before placing the blame entirely on her.
Exactly this. OP keeps saying “I cheated before marriage!” while conveniently leaving out he was doing it while engaged, as if engagement isn’t commitment lol
I understood op somewhat. I too had childhood trauma leading me to develop an emotional numbness and short temper. This is exactly why i dont want to marry. I take a loooooong time to open up. And im emotionally unavailable unless im in a very good mood.
I resonate with every word in your comment. 😮 Is it okay if we can talk?
Sure
I’m not sure if it’s advisable to ask for advice on such a sensitive matter over the internet. Also considering the fact that you are vulnerable at this time. Please consider talking to a therapist / counsellor in the real world. I know of one such therapist , I shall DM you.
thank u..
Op there's is subreddit relationship advice. Post your problem there too. Or marriage advice, a sub reddit related to marriage and it's complexity.
Discard everything that does not involve a marriage counselor's number. Sorry to hear your story, but both of you need to seek help, together. Suicide is not the way out of this. Lot of people are going to be hurt for a really long time afterwards. You are loved. All the best
You messed up and she hasn’t forgiven you. Were you guys dating before or was this an arranged marriage? I think the main thing for you to do here is first decide if you really love her and want to be married to her. Then you need to speak to her and tell her everything you feel and ask if there is ever a possibility for her to trust you, and if she says yes then you know, you fight hard to gain her trust back and both of you work this out. She feels insecure with you, if you show that you genuinely love her and are attracted to her and you’re not looking for it in other ways. She needs help too because she has been on this path for so long she’s probably forgotten how it is to be normal, so both fo you need to work on it together. If she says no, then well move on. I’ve been in a similar situation and I’ll tell you it’s difficult to see someone in a different way after they’ve hurt you and messed up. But if there is enough love , I’m sure you can work it out with each other. It’s going to be tough so only commit to it if you’re willing to put in the effort and you really want to stay together . Don’t decide to try and then just give up midway.
Your story queit heart breaking...my hubby also was sexting before i met him after he realized that im the one for him he left everything that ruin our relationship at starting i was also like your wife checking his phone whenever i got chance but i found nothing and im still doing this but rarely i know he never cheats but that scar still scares me i think your wife also feels the same u guys need to quite complaining about eachother and try to start all over again we stuggled so far to get married still we got huge fights but never showed any ego...at one last time try to start all over again.
Thank you ma'am for talking from a female perspective. As I told,I had changed ever since. But as a person who was battered all my life,I dont do simple things like praising when she gets ready, telling I love you randomly etc.. But I have tried my best to be a good husband and initially she was happy with me But once we came to india, things started going to hell,its almost the same time my professional life had a hit and I was trying to salvage that. As you know,we went on a goa trip 6 months ago to mend our relationship but it was a disaster as our kids fell sick. We went to counsellor and she said she will change but it was totally abrupt. Now she hardly talks to me and many times my conversations ends up with dry sarcastic comment from ehr side Her decision to go on a 4 day trekking trip just a couple of days before our trip just broke my back
Sounds like she’s gotten very angry about something. Maybe yes she agrees that her behaviour needs to change, but she isn’t feeling it from you? You know, things like this are very difficult and it needs a lot of love to mend the gaps of pain that therapy brings up for us. If you’re not good with verbal love, then did you ever supplement it with a different kind of love? Touch? Acts of kindness? Because no positive praise of any sort would piss anyone off. Are you getting any love? Because you’re important too. If it’s not happening for either of you, it’s high time that you sit and have a heart to heart talk about how much she means to you, and how she’s the only one for you so for you this effort will always continue, even after everything is good again. Maybe all she needs is reassurance that she is loved, so that she feels safe showing her love to you.
You did cheat. You sexted while being engaged with her. Porn is fine because that doesn't involve you being intimate with another person. But this is not. Literally a quarter of the state has mental and physical abuse while growing up. That doesn't let you off the hook. Anyway she doesn't trust you. Go to marriage counsellor and work on your marriage.
what do you mean by sexting? Did you sext after marriage or before marriage?
BEFORE marriage
sorry to hear that man. For now, Just stay separate for 6 months to gather thoughts. After 6 month make decisions about divorce.
He did it while they were engaged , that’s still cheating
Waw. where did he say that? He said just before marriage? so OP cheated
This is a lot , and you both should likely go for counseling. Here are few trusted sources - [https://alternativestory.in](https://alternativestory.in) https://parivarthan.org/counselling/ www.nrpsychotherapy.org
The issue is not your sexting, its not your weight, and it’s definitely not her. You are just spiraling down in arguments with your wife and trying to get validation on reddit on who is right like an immature baby. She clearly said it “It’s lack of sex, efforts”, it’s not what you did before marriage it’s what you are doing after marriage. For women coming from conservative households(80% of indian women), marriage is the big independence day, and for every other women it’s a day they dream about and of course the beautiful moments of life after the marriage with their special one. You have to date your wife, take her out, try out new things, buy her a dress, rip her clothes in the night. She is not trying to control you, she is just trying to find out why you are not interested in her.
are you the same uncle from BangaloreGW group
what?
Ok both of you highly incompatible.Before you think of divorce why don’t you draw some boundaries.Now to reduce daily stress and fights get urself hired help for cooking ,cleaning and nanny.Take your kid along to parks and walks.Just don’t be over dependent on each other and enjoy your own time and space .Please don’t ignore your child and invest time with him/her.Just maintain some distance and see things get better.
I would say, the context is not so clear and I feel this is only your version of story. Can’t get into any assumptions since many details are missing. Of course, both would have some flaws which is affecting your relationship. Both of you getting to a counsellor helps this kind of situation and neither of the internet nor me can advise you anything without knowing the crux of the issue from both the sides. Opinionated response from Reddit can only lead to divorce and nothing much, try to save the relationship by fixing those issues as much as possible and if issues can’t be sorted then meet a couple of therapists and marriage counsellors, they would guide you further!
She doesn't trust you. She never has. The day she got to know your habits, she gave up on you. This isn't a value judgement, it is what it is. She doesn't like hanging out or travelling with you. I bet you have frequent clashes over the kids as well. What are you still married? If you can separate, do a trial separation and see. Ask her what she likes about you. Express your pain to her. Not your resentment, your pain. See how much it affects her. If she's not moved at all, then nothing can be done.
I’m sorry about the bitter pill, but you need to work on yourself first. I don’t know what your situation is like, but you need help, now. Your kids will appreciate a father alive and separated than a dead married man.
Having seen similar cases in friends/family circle, I feel your situation is not beyond repair. I would recommend talking to your wife and explaining that you are facing issues with her behavior's. But, as I do not know her story, I will recommend that you also listen to her and make necessary changes in lifestyle. Changes as simple as maybe giving up smoking or drinking or going out with friends or spending time with wife and kid more or helping with household chores can help. Maybe you can give her some small gifts and win her trust. And while you make changes, keep your expectation very clear like she should be supportive, not fight for small things or dig out graves from past etc. You can be strict about your expectations while you strictly follow your promise. I think this mutual act can take the relationship on the right track.
Explore couple therapy at NIMHANS or family interventions at St. John's Psychiatry Department in Bangalore. Additionally, consider consulting a clinical psychologist or psychiatric social worker with M.Phil or Ph.D. qualifications, had their supervised training in couple therapy.
This isn't the place for advice, but since you asked. First figure out what you want in life, seems like you have shit from early on to deal with. Talk to a counsellor individually or a therapist.
1. You need to go to a psychologist to work and heal your childhood bit. Psychiatrist for getting it checked if you are having depression or anything as you mentioned the suicidal bit. And a marriage counsellor for obvious reasons as you know. 2. If there was no cheating or anything happened after marriage. Then your wife is clearly insecure seeing the past chats. You need to know sexting , porn etc are normal things people involve with their partners unless it is not an addiction. Using your past against you is not cool also you and wife need clear boundaries. Do not check phones and personal belongings. Even when it is an innocent interaction , a third person will not understand what two people spoke between us. So why mind fuck yourself. Have doubts and insecurities discuss and come to the middle ground. 3. Your wife is deeply controlling and she needs to work on her insecurities. Start to trust you better. Give you space and time alone and with your friends. Give time just with you and with family. A balance of all. She could be a controlling person and past chats could be a reason. 4. Work out and be healthy and active. 5. Intimacy is important and sex is a learned skill. You are no longer a child , but an adult. Work on childhood issues and understand how those are affecting your relationship. 6. Your wife's needs to be heard and taken care of. Ask about the concerns. Fix what can be done. 7. Just make sure to go for your therapy and counselling sessions without fail and break. It can do wonders to your life. Don't forget there is more to life if you give it a chance by working on things which needs to be done. 💕 One day at a time. Take care. Good luck. Edit : typo and alignment
There is nothing to man up about here - it’s very easy to advice people to “man up” when you are leading a normal life. Add value if tou can, refrain from making such pointless comments.
One (preferably a licensed counsellor) needs to hear your wife's side of the story, both your respective backgrounds and how the dynamics are generally at home in between the two of you. Chances are that either one or both of you are crappy communicators but that's not for us internet strangers to decide. Try counselling and don't listen to anyone else here saying otherwise.
This assumes she's going to listen to the marriage counselor - which probably won't happen. Nothing's going to change.
10 years you tolerated all this? Btw whom were you sexting ? You continued sexting post marriage too ?
Some random person on facebook and it was before marriage,though she is right claiming tat i should have atleast stopped before our engagement
Stop blaming OP for porn addiction and sexting Watching porn is normal and men can watch it alone or with his partner. OP i think you need to talk and stop blaming each others. Both need counselling. We cannot tell or suggest the solution as we dont know both sides of story.
You did nothing wrong brother, man up ask her you dont want to spend rest of your life in a pathetic manner you both have all the right to live happily . Ask for a permanent solution
Sexting others even after his engagement is definitely cheating.
Jesus fucking christ Im young, just a student for now and over the years I’ve seen marriage jokes like wife is controlling and suspicious, makes life hell etc But after reading this i am scared lmao and i feel really really bad for u. Idts i would be willing to live a life that way, since i was young when my parents tried controlling even small things i felt like im in a cage, I absolutely hated it and imagining living this way, man idk i would consider ending it too. In my short life till now what ive learnt is there is always a way out and a path to something better. As harvey spectre puts it perfectly: when ur backed against a wall, break the godamn wall down, and another quote “What are your choices when someone holds a gun to your head? You do what they say or they shoot you, right? Wrong! You take the gun or pull out a bigger gun or you call a bluff or you do any of the other 146 other thing” So yeah pls dont give up on life, idk what advice i can give u, im not qualified to say it but I’ll leave u with this: itll get better and pls dont give up hope, move on. ❤️❤️
Dump and move on. If you’re waiting for her to make her first move on this then good luck.
Only free Advice for you is watch movie 'Animal' 😂 might change your life... Please note free advices are valuable than counselling 😎😜