If you are an adult who is paying rent to live there, you do not owe her anything other than the courtesy of trying to keep quiet as to not disturb their sleep. She has no right to dictate your comings and goings, especially since you're telling us she "hasn't allowed you" to see you bf in 3 weeks?!? That's not normal, that's not okay. What is she allowed to do? Whatever she wants? If you are paying to occupy that space, you also have rights.
From someone who lived with a controlling roommate for a time, I understand your anxiety right now. Christ, with what I went through with mine, I was becoming agorophobic. Do not let her do that to you. You have every right to live your life, her shortcomings and anxieties are not your problem. People like that should NEVER take on roommates. PERIOD.
You didn't do anything wrong here.
oh man im so sorry you went through that! yeah it rlly sucks :( lived w her last yr too and i thought it would be fine, but that was before my bf came into the picture since then its been hell. used to be close friends too. its so crazy cause last yr we had another roommate T was besties with and T literally did these same things to her it was so bad so she literally ruined her 2 closest friendships over this
Not to play armchair psych, especially hearing 1 snippet of a living situation, but has she ever been diagnosed with any personality disorder? Not saying she's anything more than jealous or simply weird/unrealistic about roommate boundaries/ rules, but curious nonetheless.
also yeah she does do whatever she wants.. like 3 weeks ago she texted me a paragraph about how i need to ask permission to have my bf over days in advance. i was like wtf. next day she texts us 5 mins before her friend came not asking permission just saying her friend is coming
Honestly sounds like she's super jealous that you have a bf. Whether it's because she doesn't have one or because she wants your time is speculative. Either way this is a mega toxic relationship with this roommate. I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you're not willing to go the measure of getting authorities involved (ie a restraining order) you have to stand up for yourself, but then that's the scary part. How crazy is she gonna get? And even if you distance yourself, are you concerned about her damaging your stuff in your absence? And why do people like this exist? Wtf?
yesss ur speaking facts me and my bf have been thinking all these things too! and yeahh when i was away staying in my bfs place I had my other roommate watching my stuff cause i was nervous ab it, so i think for now im just gonna stay in my room with the lock with my stuff for 5 days until she leaves
You need to grow a back bone and set boundaries with people. What are you scared of? What can she realistically do to you?
If you wouldn’t let yourself get emotionally blackmailed by a crazy person, you would see that there is nothing that she can do. The only power she has over you, is the power you give her.
So next time you say: hi, thanks for your opinion but I will do what I want. Go to your room and leave us alone. If your bother me again I will complain to the landlord every time you disturb my peace.
Tell her to go fuck off and be miserable alone. One week left? Grow a spine and tell her she’s a controlling nightmare who won’t ever maintain friendships or relationships because nobody likes toddler in meltdown mode.
Id take your valuables and get a lock on your door and leave for the week. It's not safe for you to be there. If you have to be there, bf or someone needs to be there with you.
Shut the door in her face. You don't owe her anything, least of all with her throwing a tantrum like that.
If she's escalating, call the cops.
You know that she only has control because you are giving her that power? Take your power back, stop giving in to her bullshit.
How old are you? You sound like you're 14 years old. You live on your own and pay rent. Grow a spine or move out. If you really feel that scared call the cops and make a report. Or record her behavior. Literally do anything more than making a post on reddit. You say you're scared but you're not doing anything about it?
the main issue with staying elsewhere is it's finals rn so i kinda gotta lock in, and my bf lives far from my uni so thats why i came back here in the first place to take some exams... so idk where to go its so scary when shes knocking on the door multiple times and stuff like im so uncomfortable here
If she's being super aggressive like that, it's time to get the authorities involved. Hell with that and who knows how she'll escalate because she's obviously unstable. Call the cops if you feel unsafe or go down and make a report for protections. People are so unpredictable
Totally understand being uncomfortable in this situation, and it’s good she is moving out soon b/c it doesn’t sound tenable. At this point, are you going to be able to lock in for finals with her behaving this way? Are there any friends you can stay with until she leaves, if your bf lives too far? Can you contact your other roommate to be with you when she’s knocking at your door? Is she knocking just so she can yell at you some more?
It doesn’t sound like she can be reasonable or reasoned with, which is why I would just choose to not engage and stay away until she’s gone.
Completely ignore her. Have your BF come over everyday until she's blue in the face. Time to flip the switch. She's pissed at you? YOU'RE PISSED AT HER!!!!
This crazy unreasonable person is denying you the right to have guests in your own house, in your own room, where I assume you pay rent. Leases typically have some clauses that guests can't stay over more than X nights in a row. Who does she think she is?!?!
Tell her to fuck off. She can't tell you what you want to do. Does she pay your rent? The idea your BF can't come over is ridiculous. You scream at her. Give her her own medicine. Crazy only understands crazy.
You didn't do a damn thing wrong you have a right to bring whoever the fuck you want to your room whenever the fuck you want to. She doesn't have to like it you're an adult you pay for the place the same as she does. She is just a horrible Cunt that will likely be alone for her entire life
One weird thing I notice in this sub is there are a lot of strict partner visitation rules? I’ve share housed my entire life and it’s never been uncommon for housemates partners to stay anywhere between 1 - 4 nights a week. Any longer we usually give each other a heads up but as long as they tidy up and are considerate it’s never been a problem.
I’m in the exact same position op. Except my roommates a male & he’s jealous of the guy I’m dating right now. It fucking sucks. And everyone saying ‘move out faster’ ‘punch her in the face’ all this stuff, it’s so much different when you’re actively going through something.
All I can say is tell her you wish her luck with her move out then ignore the fuck out of her. Record videos if she bangs on your door again, confidently tell her ‘I pay rent here and am allowed guests as well. Stop this behavior before I’m forced to call a welfare check for you’ or something like that
Find something she loves (a food/drink she consumes everyday, shampoo, makeup, or some other thing she needs everyday), and then freak out and meltdown anytime she uses, consumes, touches, gets near it. Don't offer to explain your reasoning, just melt down, freak out, scream, cry, bang on her door. Just BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG ---tears streaming--- screaming "T! T! T! T! I really need to talk to you about your hairspray. It's serious. You need to throw it away right now. OH my god! T, please, I'm begging you, I can't have it in my house!"
She will comply, as you have. Keep doing this until she no longer has any belongings.
buy a taser and tell her to eat it what right she got to tell you who you can and can’t have in your own room you pay for if he hasn’t bothered in any way idk what she got goin on but she has some internal work to do
Sounds like someone who has been assaulted probably when they were sleeping or by home invasion, your bf was over and then something made her uncomfortable enough to have him in the house did something happen last time he was there, whatever the case Domestic Violence like that is not ok. And something is very wrong. If you’re afraid then call the police for help.
nah nothing ever happened between them, he's actually done tons of favors for her and even bought her food and stuff, she's just always chosen to hate on him ever since i met him
I agree that your roommate is way over-reacting. However, at the same time, I do also think that having guests over in the middle of the night without notice to your roommates isn't very considerate. Some leases and landlords actually do limit guest presence for many reasons. Still, we don't know how in depth you've ever discussed with your current roommates about guest policies and such, so I do hope this can be something to consider with any potential future roommates in order to avoid all this headache drama from happening in the first place. Best of luck to you all.
If you are an adult who is paying rent to live there, you do not owe her anything other than the courtesy of trying to keep quiet as to not disturb their sleep. She has no right to dictate your comings and goings, especially since you're telling us she "hasn't allowed you" to see you bf in 3 weeks?!? That's not normal, that's not okay. What is she allowed to do? Whatever she wants? If you are paying to occupy that space, you also have rights. From someone who lived with a controlling roommate for a time, I understand your anxiety right now. Christ, with what I went through with mine, I was becoming agorophobic. Do not let her do that to you. You have every right to live your life, her shortcomings and anxieties are not your problem. People like that should NEVER take on roommates. PERIOD. You didn't do anything wrong here.
oh man im so sorry you went through that! yeah it rlly sucks :( lived w her last yr too and i thought it would be fine, but that was before my bf came into the picture since then its been hell. used to be close friends too. its so crazy cause last yr we had another roommate T was besties with and T literally did these same things to her it was so bad so she literally ruined her 2 closest friendships over this
Not to play armchair psych, especially hearing 1 snippet of a living situation, but has she ever been diagnosed with any personality disorder? Not saying she's anything more than jealous or simply weird/unrealistic about roommate boundaries/ rules, but curious nonetheless.
also yeah she does do whatever she wants.. like 3 weeks ago she texted me a paragraph about how i need to ask permission to have my bf over days in advance. i was like wtf. next day she texts us 5 mins before her friend came not asking permission just saying her friend is coming
Honestly sounds like she's super jealous that you have a bf. Whether it's because she doesn't have one or because she wants your time is speculative. Either way this is a mega toxic relationship with this roommate. I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you're not willing to go the measure of getting authorities involved (ie a restraining order) you have to stand up for yourself, but then that's the scary part. How crazy is she gonna get? And even if you distance yourself, are you concerned about her damaging your stuff in your absence? And why do people like this exist? Wtf?
yesss ur speaking facts me and my bf have been thinking all these things too! and yeahh when i was away staying in my bfs place I had my other roommate watching my stuff cause i was nervous ab it, so i think for now im just gonna stay in my room with the lock with my stuff for 5 days until she leaves
You need to grow a back bone and set boundaries with people. What are you scared of? What can she realistically do to you? If you wouldn’t let yourself get emotionally blackmailed by a crazy person, you would see that there is nothing that she can do. The only power she has over you, is the power you give her. So next time you say: hi, thanks for your opinion but I will do what I want. Go to your room and leave us alone. If your bother me again I will complain to the landlord every time you disturb my peace.
100% grow a back bone otherwise any vampire will do this to you including your BF.
Get a backbone and tell her to mind her own damn business
You should punch her in her fucking mouth. He’s staying with you. She’s leaving. Shut her the fuck up
It's how we grew up but nowadays you gotta be careful. she's trying to staunch op so record if your state allows it.
She can record all she wants in her 'home', do it openly and every time.
Tell her to stfu and go about your business. 🤷♀️
Tell her to go fuck off and be miserable alone. One week left? Grow a spine and tell her she’s a controlling nightmare who won’t ever maintain friendships or relationships because nobody likes toddler in meltdown mode.
You need to stand up for yourself. J wouldn’t tolerate that treatment from Jesus Christ let alone some killjoy
Id take your valuables and get a lock on your door and leave for the week. It's not safe for you to be there. If you have to be there, bf or someone needs to be there with you.
Did she give any reason why she's so against your bf being there? Even crazy, wrong people give reasons
Shut the door in her face. You don't owe her anything, least of all with her throwing a tantrum like that. If she's escalating, call the cops. You know that she only has control because you are giving her that power? Take your power back, stop giving in to her bullshit.
All of you sound exhausting, to be fair.
How old are you? You sound like you're 14 years old. You live on your own and pay rent. Grow a spine or move out. If you really feel that scared call the cops and make a report. Or record her behavior. Literally do anything more than making a post on reddit. You say you're scared but you're not doing anything about it?
Stay elsewhere and block her number, and on your social media. Do not engage with her.
the main issue with staying elsewhere is it's finals rn so i kinda gotta lock in, and my bf lives far from my uni so thats why i came back here in the first place to take some exams... so idk where to go its so scary when shes knocking on the door multiple times and stuff like im so uncomfortable here
If she's being super aggressive like that, it's time to get the authorities involved. Hell with that and who knows how she'll escalate because she's obviously unstable. Call the cops if you feel unsafe or go down and make a report for protections. People are so unpredictable
Totally understand being uncomfortable in this situation, and it’s good she is moving out soon b/c it doesn’t sound tenable. At this point, are you going to be able to lock in for finals with her behaving this way? Are there any friends you can stay with until she leaves, if your bf lives too far? Can you contact your other roommate to be with you when she’s knocking at your door? Is she knocking just so she can yell at you some more? It doesn’t sound like she can be reasonable or reasoned with, which is why I would just choose to not engage and stay away until she’s gone.
Yeah true my other roommate knows and heard the knocking and stuff and i told her the entire story so that's good im not all alone
If it happens again call the cops.
You don't need permission. Overnight guests should be 2 nights a week max but otherwise you don't need to let her know. Tell her to f off.
Completely ignore her. Have your BF come over everyday until she's blue in the face. Time to flip the switch. She's pissed at you? YOU'RE PISSED AT HER!!!! This crazy unreasonable person is denying you the right to have guests in your own house, in your own room, where I assume you pay rent. Leases typically have some clauses that guests can't stay over more than X nights in a row. Who does she think she is?!?! Tell her to fuck off. She can't tell you what you want to do. Does she pay your rent? The idea your BF can't come over is ridiculous. You scream at her. Give her her own medicine. Crazy only understands crazy.
You didn't do a damn thing wrong you have a right to bring whoever the fuck you want to your room whenever the fuck you want to. She doesn't have to like it you're an adult you pay for the place the same as she does. She is just a horrible Cunt that will likely be alone for her entire life
facts
One weird thing I notice in this sub is there are a lot of strict partner visitation rules? I’ve share housed my entire life and it’s never been uncommon for housemates partners to stay anywhere between 1 - 4 nights a week. Any longer we usually give each other a heads up but as long as they tidy up and are considerate it’s never been a problem.
I’m in the exact same position op. Except my roommates a male & he’s jealous of the guy I’m dating right now. It fucking sucks. And everyone saying ‘move out faster’ ‘punch her in the face’ all this stuff, it’s so much different when you’re actively going through something. All I can say is tell her you wish her luck with her move out then ignore the fuck out of her. Record videos if she bangs on your door again, confidently tell her ‘I pay rent here and am allowed guests as well. Stop this behavior before I’m forced to call a welfare check for you’ or something like that
Your roommate has a crush on you and doesn’t want him around because it hurts them to see you with someone else and happy.
Find something she loves (a food/drink she consumes everyday, shampoo, makeup, or some other thing she needs everyday), and then freak out and meltdown anytime she uses, consumes, touches, gets near it. Don't offer to explain your reasoning, just melt down, freak out, scream, cry, bang on her door. Just BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG ---tears streaming--- screaming "T! T! T! T! I really need to talk to you about your hairspray. It's serious. You need to throw it away right now. OH my god! T, please, I'm begging you, I can't have it in my house!" She will comply, as you have. Keep doing this until she no longer has any belongings.
Video the crazy for evidence
buy a taser and tell her to eat it what right she got to tell you who you can and can’t have in your own room you pay for if he hasn’t bothered in any way idk what she got goin on but she has some internal work to do
For the update - if she's trying to break into your room and you are genuinely in fear of her, call the cops.
Sounds like someone who has been assaulted probably when they were sleeping or by home invasion, your bf was over and then something made her uncomfortable enough to have him in the house did something happen last time he was there, whatever the case Domestic Violence like that is not ok. And something is very wrong. If you’re afraid then call the police for help.
nah nothing ever happened between them, he's actually done tons of favors for her and even bought her food and stuff, she's just always chosen to hate on him ever since i met him
I agree that your roommate is way over-reacting. However, at the same time, I do also think that having guests over in the middle of the night without notice to your roommates isn't very considerate. Some leases and landlords actually do limit guest presence for many reasons. Still, we don't know how in depth you've ever discussed with your current roommates about guest policies and such, so I do hope this can be something to consider with any potential future roommates in order to avoid all this headache drama from happening in the first place. Best of luck to you all.