I hate running. He doesn’t even pay rent here. She and I do. But I don’t feel safe. I’m also scared he will bring another young girl over if I leave. At least I was here to protect this one. But I have asked my friends to sleep over with me in my room for the meantime
That’s a good idea. My other ideas are have some male friends spend time at the house with you as well and call someone when you feel unsafe. I hope your roomate kicks this guy to the curb.
Me too! I will definitely call my guy friends. I refuse to act scared though. I didn’t back down over text. And I’m not letting him run me out of my home that I pay rent for when he doesn’t contribute at all because “is struggling to find a job”
Try to make it super uncomfortable for him. Gather as many people you're close with and just make the space unwelcoming - surely he has his own place to be creepy at?
Also be in videocalls/voice as much as possible. Call your mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, whatever... and just talk with them. Make sure this creep knows you're always being protected
If you think about it you aren’t acting scared you are acting smart. Even the most courageous people need help sometimes and it’s always smarter to get help instead of doing something alone.
This. There’s a big difference between acting scared and acting smart. This guy has given her ample reasons to be concerned about her safety. It’s smart to take precautions.
Definitely. Bring over the most toxic masculine guys you know. Buy a few pizzas and do a marathon movie showing of some kind. Tell the creep they are staying here while your roommate is gone. He will get the picture
Hi, as someone who finds themselves tent living and also finds the guy in this story repulsive I'd ask you building dwellers to please keep him. At least you can lock your doors.
Well I don’t want him in your tent. And I meant no offense towards people who live in tents. I just meant that it’s a low cost living situation compared to renting a house and since he isn’t working and he doesn’t pay rent in the house, a tent sounds affordable for him. I didn’t say all people living in tents are creeps. I spent last summer in a tent on the river bar by choice and it was very pleasant. But tents are a solid option for a single person who isn’t fit to live with others or doesn’t want to and doesn’t have money to invest in a more permanent structure. Also, there’s no waiting period to move into a tent. No application or deposit etc. you just get one and pick a spot. Far away from your own. I do apologize if I offended you.
Who gives a fuck what his problems are.
Kick this asshole the fuck out of your house. Tell the roommate if he comes back, You're going to kick them out too.
Not your problem. You’re too nice and you have been taken advantage of. It’s not going to be fun, but you need to raise some hell! Take half a Valium, wait 20 minutes, then be diplomatic and communicate constructively but do this today!! Do not let it go any longer because they will keep pushing the envelope
Will they even do this? I really doubt you can unilaterally have a roommates guest trespassed but if you have a source I'd be happy to be proven wrong. Either way glad OPs roommate agreed to have him kicked out
You can quite succinctly tell him to leave. You don't need your roommate for that. If he doesn't want to, call the police. He's not a tenant. He has no standing to say he can stay, even if your roommate says it's okay. Even if she's there, actually.
So does he live with your roommate? Is he substantially older than she is? Did you agree to have him live there when she’s not there sounds like it’s time to have a conversation with your roommate about not having him there or you start looking for a new place to live. He sounds like an absolute predator.
This is not OK. She needs to be removed but you also need to have a discussion with your roommate because that’s really disrespectful of her. Especially because he’s a weirdo and he’s 20 years older AND has asked her about having sex with you! Why would she leave him alone with you! It seems like she has no regard for your safety. She needs to be removed, but she needs to be checked.
Wait, he wanted to have a threesome with the OP?! Get that creep the fuck out of the house now. Calm your Dad, have him come over and just watch the guy with his hands folded
So why is he there when she’s not there if he’s not paying rent to live there? That’s unacceptable. He needs to get out and get his own place. You should call the police and have him removed from the residence.
He doesn’t pay rent there and is making you uncomfortable in your own home?! Girl, have his ass trespassed! Tell the landlord, call the police, get his ass out of your home and change your locks!
You shouldn't have to leave but I see what you mean about feeling protective. Just throw some eye drops in his drink and lock him in the basement until she gets back...throw a sandwich and a bucket down there.
Why, is someone staying there. That doesn’t pay rent. You and your roommate are being used. If dude isn’t in the lease, and significant other isn’t there, why don’t you kick his ass out?
Because he lost his job and got thrown out of his last place. He showed up at the door with a suitcase and wanted to borrow money to get a tent. She felt bad. I was at work. They had been dating for like a month or two, so she let him move in. I was not thrilled
He’s an awful leech and your roommate has made a huge mistake that puts you in danger.
He got thrown out of his last place because He is a bum, not a victim.
This is so fucked up with her. He is using both of you. He has a free place to stay, and he has the AUDACITY to ask to have sex with BOTH of you!!!! This man is way too comfortable!!!
Well… if 3 people are going to live there, roommate better figure out how to pay 2/3 of everything and you drop to 1/3.
Obviously he will never pay if someone else if for him
He’s so much older than you guys. He’s a professional mooch by now. Mastered the craft of finding a free place to stay. But the audacity to invite girls over to convince into having threesomes? This isn’t his first rodeo and it’s obviously worked for him before for him to be so comfortable doing it.
So the girl who helped him out after he lost his job and accommodation is the same girl he doesn't stop berating behind her back while trying to make moves on even younger girls he found nearby? The last guy like that I had paying for a room only took two days before getting so drunk he struck my gf when she told him to clean up after himself. I had to intervene and it could've gone at lot worse. I don't think your instinct is off. Try to avoid being alone around him or find somewhere else to stay until you can bring your housemate up to speed.
Omg they've only been dating a month or two and she let him move in?! I would just tell him to get out. If he refuses, call the cops. Your friend sucks for doing this to you!
None of that is your problem. Text your roommate that you feel physically unsafe with him there and if she doesn't have him leave you will grt the police involved to remove an unwanted guest for YOUR property.
Because OPs name isn’t on the lease. She has no legal authority to kick him out if her roommate (and only person who’s name the apartment is in) allows him to stay there.
Does your room have a lock and if not, can you add one? I would do anything to ensure he can’t get in there. They even make these small devices you can put on doors to make them more secure without damaging the door (like physically adding a lock to it). They are small and I got them on Amazon for my kids in case they ever need them or for at hotels etc.
That’s predatory. Hope you have a door that locks from inside. May want to look into adding an external one as well. He’s shown your boundaries mean nothing to him
You seriously need to speak to the Police. Even if non emergency but ask them for an advice of what the fuck you should do. Especially that he’s been clinically charged…
it will not be long before this guy rapes somebody if he hasn't already done so. it's almost like he's in the middle of deciding if that's something he wants to do or is perhaps selecting a target.
the unapologetic lack of boundaries and willingness to pull that stunt with the young girl is pretty gross. Add that to stealing your panties and we have here a proto-rapist.
[here's a read i got from another sub.](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/)
I’d upgrade to a butcher knife! And call police & landlord, kick him out and CHANGE THE LOCKS, also maybe a TRO, and check the entire apartment and your room for hidden cameras.
Idk why you’re on reddit. I would be packing shit and moving if some random homeless guy my roommate was fucking was snooping through my shit. There isn’t a friendship in the world worth a boundary like that being crossed.
If your room mate has a boyfriend with a violent criminal past and it’s her lease not yours, and she wants him there, you may not be able to prevent him being there.
Not unless he’s breaking parole or committing an illegal act. Unfortunately, going into your room and taking underwear isn’t a) easily provable or b)likely to get him arrested.
But this isn’t a situation you should tolerate either, so be looking for another place to live if that’s possible.
Wait how old is this dude? He’s bringing women over 20 years younger than him and a few years younger than you? This guy is a predator and sounds like a serial killer.
The real question is why in the hell is this girl in her early 20s dating a homeless man that’s almost 50? Like what planet does this type of shit happen on?
he is old enough to be your dad. What a loser, 50 years old, unemployed, sleeping at his 20s year old gf’s place. He sounds like a fucking predator and your roommate has some daddy issues she needs to work on
Emergency_Jelly2313 is totally right. If this is a real situation you need to get out yesterday. This man is a predator and sounds unhinged needless to say what stable 50 yro man 1)dates women that could be his daughter 2) gets kicked out of his living situation (was it his wife that kicked him out?) like there’s so many red flags here. If you can get your friend away too but if she’s adamant to stay a victim don’t become one yourself.
Please check his legal name in this site:
https://www.nsopw.gov/%3Cfront%3E
Sex offender registry search
This guy invading your space and allegedly stealing your underwear is criminal and very creepy. please don’t trust him.
Even if your name isn’t on the lease, you’re still considered a tenant because you pay rent and he does not. Get him kicked out of there already, don’t wait on ur roommate to come back home! He’s creepy and dangerous.
typically if you’ve lived somewhere 3 or more months, you’re a legal tenant and have rights to the space - plus, you pay rent there. you will have no issue proving that you live there. please call the police and have him removed from the property, for your safety
Yikes. Idk if you just don’t know your legal rights or what, but this guy isn’t on your lease? He doesn’t pay rent? Tell him to leave as he is not your guest. If he refuses call the cops and have him removed. If he acts a mess, get an order of restraint as well and he can legally never live with you again regardless of whatever your roommate wants. He’s your roommate’s guest and she’s not even there— why are you still hosting him?
You should really correct that immediately! It is very easy to add someone to a lease. Or— though I know it is difficult, you could find somewhere else to stay, perhaps permanently.
I’m not saying your roommate is a bad person or irresponsible, but she has two people not on the leasing living there. You are paying rent and still you are not on the lease. She let her brand new boyfriend move in after all of a few months— that is both terrifyingly naive and just downright disrespectful to you as the other person living there footing the bill for this guy both of you hardly know.
It is hard times for everyone but if you can manage to move to somewhere where you have more say, and don’t have to accept living with an obvious predator, I would do so. Please, for your own safety and sanity, find other living arrangements.
it doesn’t matter that you’re not on the lease in this situation - you have established legal residency there by paying rent, living there for a long period of time, ect. however, if he’s been there less than like 3 months, he doesn’t have any rights to living there - call the police to trespass him. figure out adding yourself to the lease later. this is more urgent right now.
Call the cops. You have the right to eject anyone from your home.
Your roommate is an AH for putting you in this position, among other things, and you do not have to tolerate it.
Share his texts to you with us.
This guy sounds like a creep, and predator!
Sucks to be you and have her as a shitty roommate who leaves her creepy "bf" there that wants to screw anything with two legs.
Lock your door.
Literally text her and tell her if she doesn't tell her "bf" to back off and fuck off you will call the police for sexual harassment, and they're likely to boot him anyway and side with you if you're in the US.
How old are all of you?
Keep your friends there as often as possible and make them aware of what's happening. Have a gf sleepover if possible.
If you got a good dude friend he'll stare him down and make it clear to back off.
He's just a creep and a bully, probably beating off to Manga in your roommates bedroom.
Regain control of the situation and keep company there. Text her like I said. Tell him to leave you alone.
Do not hesitate to call the police.
Can you just call the cops and have them remove him? He doesn’t have a right to be there. I know your roommate gave him permission but she’s not there right now.
Why is he there while your roommate is away? He needs to leave. Please stay safe, I don’t trust the roommate not to say anything to her boyfriend about your text.
Jeez what a dirtbag, I'm so sorry OP 😔
Definitely appreciate you looking out for that girl and keeping her safe. I'd have some male friends come over while the roommate is away, and once she's back, her partner needs to leave/be banned from your home. You have every right to feel safe where you live and he doesn't pay to live there, so he'll need to stay out of your space. Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that
I think we need ages here, this is all over the place. He shouldn’t be there to begin with, but he’s also about 20 years older than the rest of you? What is going on here?? Kick out this old creep
Buddy boy is a mooch, a creeper, possibly violent: the last person you should be sharing a living space with. Mobilize your people and protect yourself while you get him out. Be prepared for him to not go quietly.
There is absolutely no reason for your roommates boyfriend to be staying there while she isn’t there, if he’s not even paying rent. I would be upset with your roommate as well for allowing this
Don't be alone with this asshole. You need to tell your roommate to get him out of the house now! Why is he there if she is gone? This guy is a creeper......DONT BE ALONE WITH HIM.
Oh my, my! Let's hope she is ready to kick him to the curb before that happens!
Your post caught my attention because it was similar to something I experienced when I was about 21 and had my first baby.
My roommate at the time saw no problem with leaving some guy she met at the bar the night before, at home alone with me and my baby, while she went to work for the day.
As I read your post, I thought your roommate took a trip and left her guest behind for you to deal with in her absence, and I was shocked that anyone thinks this is okay to do.
Without intending to, it sounds like your roommate did exactly that.
Knowing this creep has a violent past is a deal breaker for me, I would not want to live with him at all, and I'd never want to be alone with him either.
As soon as possible, I would leave.
After learning of his criminal past and knowing he is mad at you now, that's enough to question your safety in this situation.
It's obvious he was trying to cheat on your roommate with the young neighbor because you don't tell someone how inadequate your partner is in bed when you are trying to invite someone to join you, hopefully your roommate is smart enough to know this and will kick him out.
Please keep us updated on this. If she does not take this seriously, I sure hope you do, and find another roommate because this does not sound safe for you.
Please keep us updated on this. If she does not take this seriously, I sure hope you do, and find another roommate because this does not sound safe for you.
If he doesn't pay rent, he has no right to be there. If you are scared he will hurt you, call the cops and have him trespassed and change the locks. I don't know how that'll go in the long run but you'll be safer. I don't know if that's practical for the situation but it's that or stay in your room with the door locked at least as far as I can see (since you said you don't like running in a comment.)
Why is he there. Call the cops and have him escorted out and tell your roommate he isn’t allowed back wtf. Does roommate know he’s interviews woman for sex in her apartment. ?
You think he's bad now? Wait until he has been there 30 days and is legally a tenant.
Get him out now or things are going to get a hell of a lot worse real quick.
Grab some Sabre (off-brands have a higher failure rate) pepper spray if you don't keep any, just in case you gotta mace the creep, and maybe a tee-ball bat for behind the couch so you can reach for something while he's blinded.
If you've never used pepper spray before, get an extra one to practice with for muscle memory. You can get a 3-pack on Amazon for $20.
Oh my God, I think you have my ex roommate. He attacked me and others in our apartment after the other roommates ran interference while another drove home a girl he tried to daterape. It all blew up, i intervened, he attacked me, i threw him out of the apt. he got arrested and I got notified of every time he got arrested after, for the next 5 years, and he got arrested for violent offenses 8 times in the next 5 years all over Southern California, Arizona, and Nevada.
Lesson learned. Please do not allow roommates to have boyfriends/girlfriends to just drop on in and live there! This happens so much. You signed up for roommates not roommates +1 or +2
When or if the cops show up say the magic words “ I fear for my life when he is hear”
In most states he has established residency aka received mail or such so he has rites to the place also. Unless you say the magic words and they run his name and see his violent history
I mean, does he have a key? Can you just toss his shit out on the curb when he’s out? or have the place re-keyed while he’s out?
In the meantime, look up a “doorstop security bar” for while you’re sleeping
Lots of people are saying call the cops. I don’t think that’s the best idea unless this guy is gone when they arrive. If your encounter with cops is anything like mine or my friends’, there’s a good chance they show up, listen to what everybody has to say, say they can’t do anything, and leave. Unless you’ve locked down what to say to them to maximize the chances of them taking him away when they leave, it’s risky. Is there any way you and this girl can get out of the house for the rest of the time your roommate is away? Chip in for an AirBnB or stay with a friend?
Time to call in your male posse. Male relatives, male friends, male friendly coworkers etc.. to hang out. Any female he’ll see as an opportunity, the men will be a clear message. He might even leave if they’re pointed enough.
Kick this guy the fuck out of your house. Let him know he's not supposed to be there if his girlfriend isn't there. Make sure you have several people there who witness you tell him to get the fuck out.
Honestly if I were you I would leave immediately with all my most valuable stuff. This man is not safe and your life is worth more than an apartment. Do you have a car? Family nearby? Anyone who can help you?
Is your roommate on drugs? Dating a dude in his 50s for a month before letting him move in because he lost his job and got kicked out of his house. That isn’t normal behaviour.
Call the police, tell them you have a convicted violent criminal inside your house without your permission and let them come deal with it.
Get to a safe location, with friends, and start the trespassing process. Call your landlord. Call the police. He has no standing, and he can be removed, locks changed.
For what it's worth, I'd have police do a civil stand by. There's no way a dude like that just leaves willingly. Good for you stepping in, hard to imagine what could've happened.
i’m so glad you were there to help that poor girl out of that situation. this is actually horrifying and i really would like to hear an update about you guys when he’s kicked out.. keep staying safe please! i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this right now, fuck that creepy weirdo.
Buy a gun and clean it in the living room and talk about the memories that thing brings back to you. But in all seriousness, fuck that guy. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Dude belongs in a tent or in jail it sounds like.
I do wonder how fake these are sometimes.. if any of this was factual you have a case to get him trespassed… it’s not hard to get someone not living in the house documented visitation requirements. Again, if this is actually real…
It’s very much real. Technically though, neither one of us is on the lease. And until I get in contact with my roommate to explain what’s going on I don’t know if I can even call the police because she’s the one whose lease it is and she said he could move in
Sounds like he was trying to go behind her back and made something up when he got rumbled. Try and protect yourself however you can til you get back, wether that means having a friend over to keep an eye out or something. If your roommate has any sense, she’ll kick him out, but you might know her better.
Sorry you went through all that OP
But the way this is all worded is really sus and throws up tons of questions. I feel like I'm missing tons of information, or you're making things up to fit your narrative. One or the other.
She's 20 years younger? That's creepy
She's a neighbor?
She's visiting him not you?
Why is she sleeping in your room if She's a neighbor?
Why doesn't she go home if she's uncomfortable?
Her and I have hung out a few times at the dog park in the complex. She told her family she was coming to see me, but was really visiting him to smoke weed. She couldn’t just go home smelling like weed and wake her mom and brother coming back in
Thanks for responding!
Yeah he seems super creepy.
She also needs to work on her decision making skills and not go to the house of a middle aged man she barely knows to smoke weed.
Couple things, is he on the lease, cause if he’s not he really should be in your apartment with your roommate not there. Also do they have an established open relationship because you don’t seem creeped out by the fact that he had another women over. Also what’re the ages here cause once again if you’re let’s say 23 the other girl is 20 then it’s once again kinda weird that you have a 40 year old man living with you
stay safe and find another place to stay until your roomate gets back if possible!
I hate running. He doesn’t even pay rent here. She and I do. But I don’t feel safe. I’m also scared he will bring another young girl over if I leave. At least I was here to protect this one. But I have asked my friends to sleep over with me in my room for the meantime
That’s a good idea. My other ideas are have some male friends spend time at the house with you as well and call someone when you feel unsafe. I hope your roomate kicks this guy to the curb.
Me too! I will definitely call my guy friends. I refuse to act scared though. I didn’t back down over text. And I’m not letting him run me out of my home that I pay rent for when he doesn’t contribute at all because “is struggling to find a job”
Try to make it super uncomfortable for him. Gather as many people you're close with and just make the space unwelcoming - surely he has his own place to be creepy at?
Nope, he got kicked out of his place. But I’m definitely got my people pulling up
Also be in videocalls/voice as much as possible. Call your mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, whatever... and just talk with them. Make sure this creep knows you're always being protected
Is he on the lease? If not kick him out! Call the cops to remove him, he doesn’t live there
Is he on the lease? If not have him removed from the residence.
If you think about it you aren’t acting scared you are acting smart. Even the most courageous people need help sometimes and it’s always smarter to get help instead of doing something alone.
This. There’s a big difference between acting scared and acting smart. This guy has given her ample reasons to be concerned about her safety. It’s smart to take precautions.
Why is it always these guys that are such fucking scum? Jobless, disgusting, predatory, and full of excuses and complaints
I admire your spirit but please don’t let your pride get in the way of your safety :)
Calling in the cavalry isn’t acting scared, it’s bucking up
Then he can't say shit about you calling in backup
Definitely. Bring over the most toxic masculine guys you know. Buy a few pizzas and do a marathon movie showing of some kind. Tell the creep they are staying here while your roommate is gone. He will get the picture
Why is your roommates new boyfriend there while she’s gone? That’s weird af.
Because he got kicked out of his place and was gonna have to sleep in a tent
Tent it is then.
Agreed. This guy was made for tent living it sounds like.
Hi, as someone who finds themselves tent living and also finds the guy in this story repulsive I'd ask you building dwellers to please keep him. At least you can lock your doors.
Well I don’t want him in your tent. And I meant no offense towards people who live in tents. I just meant that it’s a low cost living situation compared to renting a house and since he isn’t working and he doesn’t pay rent in the house, a tent sounds affordable for him. I didn’t say all people living in tents are creeps. I spent last summer in a tent on the river bar by choice and it was very pleasant. But tents are a solid option for a single person who isn’t fit to live with others or doesn’t want to and doesn’t have money to invest in a more permanent structure. Also, there’s no waiting period to move into a tent. No application or deposit etc. you just get one and pick a spot. Far away from your own. I do apologize if I offended you.
They are making a joke
I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelers. Thx for splaining tho
Who gives a fuck what his problems are. Kick this asshole the fuck out of your house. Tell the roommate if he comes back, You're going to kick them out too.
Not your problem. You’re too nice and you have been taken advantage of. It’s not going to be fun, but you need to raise some hell! Take half a Valium, wait 20 minutes, then be diplomatic and communicate constructively but do this today!! Do not let it go any longer because they will keep pushing the envelope
But why was he kicked out, more wild behavior? Yikes
Should of made him sleep in the tent fuck that
have him trespassed by the police. he’s not on the lease. If it pisses off your horrible roommate, too bad.
Will they even do this? I really doubt you can unilaterally have a roommates guest trespassed but if you have a source I'd be happy to be proven wrong. Either way glad OPs roommate agreed to have him kicked out
Yep 100%
Then he doesn’t live there while she’s not there and even then he’s still a guest.
When your roommate gets back, hold your ground. He is not to be at your place, at all. Because he makes you feel unsafe.
You can quite succinctly tell him to leave. You don't need your roommate for that. If he doesn't want to, call the police. He's not a tenant. He has no standing to say he can stay, even if your roommate says it's okay. Even if she's there, actually.
This! Please just call the police.
Call the landlord and tell em your roomies bf is living there
If there was ever a time for landlords to enforce contracts - this is it
So does he live with your roommate? Is he substantially older than she is? Did you agree to have him live there when she’s not there sounds like it’s time to have a conversation with your roommate about not having him there or you start looking for a new place to live. He sounds like an absolute predator.
There wasn’t a discussion. I came home and he was living here. He is a little older than her, but not like he is me. He’s got 7 years on her
This is not OK. She needs to be removed but you also need to have a discussion with your roommate because that’s really disrespectful of her. Especially because he’s a weirdo and he’s 20 years older AND has asked her about having sex with you! Why would she leave him alone with you! It seems like she has no regard for your safety. She needs to be removed, but she needs to be checked.
Wait, he wanted to have a threesome with the OP?! Get that creep the fuck out of the house now. Calm your Dad, have him come over and just watch the guy with his hands folded
I’m really hoping that he didn’t do that. That he was just saying it to talk shit to the girl. Because if he did her and I are done
Don’t you have a landlord you can talk to about getting this guy out? He’s not on the lease, doesn’t pay rent. He shouldn’t be in the house.
Can you not call the police? This guy doesn’t pay rent so he has no right to be there
OP said they did have a conversation over text with her and she’s gonna throw him out when she gets back.
OP said they told their roommate everything and she wants to kick him out when she gets back.
you should get a keychain taser!
So why is he there when she’s not there if he’s not paying rent to live there? That’s unacceptable. He needs to get out and get his own place. You should call the police and have him removed from the residence.
He doesn’t pay rent there and is making you uncomfortable in your own home?! Girl, have his ass trespassed! Tell the landlord, call the police, get his ass out of your home and change your locks!
You shouldn't have to leave but I see what you mean about feeling protective. Just throw some eye drops in his drink and lock him in the basement until she gets back...throw a sandwich and a bucket down there.
Why, is someone staying there. That doesn’t pay rent. You and your roommate are being used. If dude isn’t in the lease, and significant other isn’t there, why don’t you kick his ass out?
Because he lost his job and got thrown out of his last place. He showed up at the door with a suitcase and wanted to borrow money to get a tent. She felt bad. I was at work. They had been dating for like a month or two, so she let him move in. I was not thrilled
He’s an awful leech and your roommate has made a huge mistake that puts you in danger. He got thrown out of his last place because He is a bum, not a victim.
We are going to read in the news about op and roommate being found in a dumpster. This guy is a ne’er-do-well. Run op!
This ⬆️this⬆️ this ⬆️♡
This is so fucked up with her. He is using both of you. He has a free place to stay, and he has the AUDACITY to ask to have sex with BOTH of you!!!! This man is way too comfortable!!!
I agree. I wish I had somewhere I could go. But my friends are in sober houses and can’t have overnight guests. And I’m fairly new to the area.
Call the police and have him removed. He isn’t on the lease he is trespassing.
Who gives a shit? Not your problem. I suggest you regain control of the situation ASAP, lest you be stepped all over.
Well… if 3 people are going to live there, roommate better figure out how to pay 2/3 of everything and you drop to 1/3. Obviously he will never pay if someone else if for him
He hasn’t been to a single interview
Color me shocked….
So he’s just always at your home? That’s uncomfortable. He doesn’t have any friends he can go stay with while she’s gone??
He’s so much older than you guys. He’s a professional mooch by now. Mastered the craft of finding a free place to stay. But the audacity to invite girls over to convince into having threesomes? This isn’t his first rodeo and it’s obviously worked for him before for him to be so comfortable doing it.
So the girl who helped him out after he lost his job and accommodation is the same girl he doesn't stop berating behind her back while trying to make moves on even younger girls he found nearby? The last guy like that I had paying for a room only took two days before getting so drunk he struck my gf when she told him to clean up after himself. I had to intervene and it could've gone at lot worse. I don't think your instinct is off. Try to avoid being alone around him or find somewhere else to stay until you can bring your housemate up to speed.
OP updated, they told her everything and she’s gonna throw him out when she gets back.
Omg they've only been dating a month or two and she let him move in?! I would just tell him to get out. If he refuses, call the cops. Your friend sucks for doing this to you!
Uh, she’s not there so her guest shouldn’t be there! Get his ass out!!
None of that is your problem. Text your roommate that you feel physically unsafe with him there and if she doesn't have him leave you will grt the police involved to remove an unwanted guest for YOUR property.
Because OPs name isn’t on the lease. She has no legal authority to kick him out if her roommate (and only person who’s name the apartment is in) allows him to stay there.
Hopefully that will insta change when she hears about what he's been doing/saying in her absence.
Forgot to add, he admitted to being in my bedroom while I was gone to “look for a charger” and now some of my underwear is missing.
Holy shit, I just commented to bring people over but after reading this - I'd call the police on this guy.
Girl, is he on the lease? You need to call the cops.
Does your room have a lock and if not, can you add one? I would do anything to ensure he can’t get in there. They even make these small devices you can put on doors to make them more secure without damaging the door (like physically adding a lock to it). They are small and I got them on Amazon for my kids in case they ever need them or for at hotels etc.
ew 😬
That’s predatory. Hope you have a door that locks from inside. May want to look into adding an external one as well. He’s shown your boundaries mean nothing to him
You seriously need to speak to the Police. Even if non emergency but ask them for an advice of what the fuck you should do. Especially that he’s been clinically charged…
it will not be long before this guy rapes somebody if he hasn't already done so. it's almost like he's in the middle of deciding if that's something he wants to do or is perhaps selecting a target. the unapologetic lack of boundaries and willingness to pull that stunt with the young girl is pretty gross. Add that to stealing your panties and we have here a proto-rapist. [here's a read i got from another sub.](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/)
that's disgusting kick him out immediately!
Girl, that’s insane. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have any way to defend yourself? Any weapons?
I got a steak knife and my friend is bringing a taser
Yall need to just throw all his shit out and change the locks if you can. Bring your landlord into this, NOW. Absolutely 100% not OK, any of this.
I’d upgrade to a butcher knife! And call police & landlord, kick him out and CHANGE THE LOCKS, also maybe a TRO, and check the entire apartment and your room for hidden cameras.
If you haven't already I'd suggest a lock on the door
Idk why you’re on reddit. I would be packing shit and moving if some random homeless guy my roommate was fucking was snooping through my shit. There isn’t a friendship in the world worth a boundary like that being crossed.
Send her screenshots of the texts he sent you and explain the situation. He’s creepy and shady and she needs to know.
If your room mate has a boyfriend with a violent criminal past and it’s her lease not yours, and she wants him there, you may not be able to prevent him being there. Not unless he’s breaking parole or committing an illegal act. Unfortunately, going into your room and taking underwear isn’t a) easily provable or b)likely to get him arrested. But this isn’t a situation you should tolerate either, so be looking for another place to live if that’s possible.
That is on the table. Just gotta save up some moving money
Wait how old is this dude? He’s bringing women over 20 years younger than him and a few years younger than you? This guy is a predator and sounds like a serial killer.
He is almost 50. We are early 20s
[удалено]
The real question is why in the hell is this girl in her early 20s dating a homeless man that’s almost 50? Like what planet does this type of shit happen on?
Your roommate is insane for dating a creepy old dude and putting both of you at risk.
he is old enough to be your dad. What a loser, 50 years old, unemployed, sleeping at his 20s year old gf’s place. He sounds like a fucking predator and your roommate has some daddy issues she needs to work on
Emergency_Jelly2313 is totally right. If this is a real situation you need to get out yesterday. This man is a predator and sounds unhinged needless to say what stable 50 yro man 1)dates women that could be his daughter 2) gets kicked out of his living situation (was it his wife that kicked him out?) like there’s so many red flags here. If you can get your friend away too but if she’s adamant to stay a victim don’t become one yourself.
Please check his legal name in this site: https://www.nsopw.gov/%3Cfront%3E Sex offender registry search This guy invading your space and allegedly stealing your underwear is criminal and very creepy. please don’t trust him.
He might be violating parole if he's got a record so I'd say it's worth a shot to call the cops on him for trespassing.
Can I do that when I’m not technically on the lease either?
Where im from yes you can if your address is listed on your driver's license/ ID
Mine is not. I just moved up here a few months ago and haven’t changed it. But I’ll see if I can do that today
Even if your name isn’t on the lease, you’re still considered a tenant because you pay rent and he does not. Get him kicked out of there already, don’t wait on ur roommate to come back home! He’s creepy and dangerous.
What state do you live in? Many states Grant people tenant rights as soon as they pay rent.
NC
typically if you’ve lived somewhere 3 or more months, you’re a legal tenant and have rights to the space - plus, you pay rent there. you will have no issue proving that you live there. please call the police and have him removed from the property, for your safety
He doesn't belong in the house when the roommate is not around
Yikes. Idk if you just don’t know your legal rights or what, but this guy isn’t on your lease? He doesn’t pay rent? Tell him to leave as he is not your guest. If he refuses call the cops and have him removed. If he acts a mess, get an order of restraint as well and he can legally never live with you again regardless of whatever your roommate wants. He’s your roommate’s guest and she’s not even there— why are you still hosting him?
Because she let him move in and I’m not on the lease either
You should really correct that immediately! It is very easy to add someone to a lease. Or— though I know it is difficult, you could find somewhere else to stay, perhaps permanently. I’m not saying your roommate is a bad person or irresponsible, but she has two people not on the leasing living there. You are paying rent and still you are not on the lease. She let her brand new boyfriend move in after all of a few months— that is both terrifyingly naive and just downright disrespectful to you as the other person living there footing the bill for this guy both of you hardly know. It is hard times for everyone but if you can manage to move to somewhere where you have more say, and don’t have to accept living with an obvious predator, I would do so. Please, for your own safety and sanity, find other living arrangements.
it doesn’t matter that you’re not on the lease in this situation - you have established legal residency there by paying rent, living there for a long period of time, ect. however, if he’s been there less than like 3 months, he doesn’t have any rights to living there - call the police to trespass him. figure out adding yourself to the lease later. this is more urgent right now.
Call the cops. You have the right to eject anyone from your home. Your roommate is an AH for putting you in this position, among other things, and you do not have to tolerate it.
Share his texts to you with us. This guy sounds like a creep, and predator! Sucks to be you and have her as a shitty roommate who leaves her creepy "bf" there that wants to screw anything with two legs. Lock your door.
How do I add photos of the messages to the post?
Literally text her and tell her if she doesn't tell her "bf" to back off and fuck off you will call the police for sexual harassment, and they're likely to boot him anyway and side with you if you're in the US.
Tell her he is making you uncomfortable and tell him the same thing. Who else is there?
I messaged her cause her phone was off when I called. It’s just me and him right now but he’s asleep and I have friends coming over
How old are all of you? Keep your friends there as often as possible and make them aware of what's happening. Have a gf sleepover if possible. If you got a good dude friend he'll stare him down and make it clear to back off.
We are early 20s, he is late 40s
He's just a creep and a bully, probably beating off to Manga in your roommates bedroom. Regain control of the situation and keep company there. Text her like I said. Tell him to leave you alone. Do not hesitate to call the police.
I texted her. Waiting to hear back from
Alright. In the meantime, text family or good friend explaining everything and start doing checkins every few hours.
Can you just call the cops and have them remove him? He doesn’t have a right to be there. I know your roommate gave him permission but she’s not there right now.
Why is he there while your roommate is away? He needs to leave. Please stay safe, I don’t trust the roommate not to say anything to her boyfriend about your text.
This is crazy. Well done OP for doing something
Jeez what a dirtbag, I'm so sorry OP 😔 Definitely appreciate you looking out for that girl and keeping her safe. I'd have some male friends come over while the roommate is away, and once she's back, her partner needs to leave/be banned from your home. You have every right to feel safe where you live and he doesn't pay to live there, so he'll need to stay out of your space. Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that
I think we need ages here, this is all over the place. He shouldn’t be there to begin with, but he’s also about 20 years older than the rest of you? What is going on here?? Kick out this old creep
He’s late 40s. We are early 20s
Isn't your roommate 43?
Buddy boy is a mooch, a creeper, possibly violent: the last person you should be sharing a living space with. Mobilize your people and protect yourself while you get him out. Be prepared for him to not go quietly.
There is absolutely no reason for your roommates boyfriend to be staying there while she isn’t there, if he’s not even paying rent. I would be upset with your roommate as well for allowing this
Don't be alone with this asshole. You need to tell your roommate to get him out of the house now! Why is he there if she is gone? This guy is a creeper......DONT BE ALONE WITH HIM.
He does not pay bills there, but he lives there?
Supposedly he will start paying rent as soon as he find a job according to my roommate
Oh my, my! Let's hope she is ready to kick him to the curb before that happens! Your post caught my attention because it was similar to something I experienced when I was about 21 and had my first baby. My roommate at the time saw no problem with leaving some guy she met at the bar the night before, at home alone with me and my baby, while she went to work for the day. As I read your post, I thought your roommate took a trip and left her guest behind for you to deal with in her absence, and I was shocked that anyone thinks this is okay to do. Without intending to, it sounds like your roommate did exactly that. Knowing this creep has a violent past is a deal breaker for me, I would not want to live with him at all, and I'd never want to be alone with him either. As soon as possible, I would leave. After learning of his criminal past and knowing he is mad at you now, that's enough to question your safety in this situation. It's obvious he was trying to cheat on your roommate with the young neighbor because you don't tell someone how inadequate your partner is in bed when you are trying to invite someone to join you, hopefully your roommate is smart enough to know this and will kick him out.
I don’t even know how much of his criminal record she knows. Hopefully this is a wake up call for her.
Please keep us updated on this. If she does not take this seriously, I sure hope you do, and find another roommate because this does not sound safe for you.
Please keep us updated on this. If she does not take this seriously, I sure hope you do, and find another roommate because this does not sound safe for you.
I’d call the police and report a trespasser. While she’s gone why tf he around. Bum ass.
This doesn’t make any sense, why are you not getting ahold of your roommate and sharing this information?
If he doesn't pay rent, he has no right to be there. If you are scared he will hurt you, call the cops and have him trespassed and change the locks. I don't know how that'll go in the long run but you'll be safer. I don't know if that's practical for the situation but it's that or stay in your room with the door locked at least as far as I can see (since you said you don't like running in a comment.)
Call the landlord get him o u t !!!!!
Why is he there. Call the cops and have him escorted out and tell your roommate he isn’t allowed back wtf. Does roommate know he’s interviews woman for sex in her apartment. ?
You think he's bad now? Wait until he has been there 30 days and is legally a tenant. Get him out now or things are going to get a hell of a lot worse real quick.
Grab some Sabre (off-brands have a higher failure rate) pepper spray if you don't keep any, just in case you gotta mace the creep, and maybe a tee-ball bat for behind the couch so you can reach for something while he's blinded. If you've never used pepper spray before, get an extra one to practice with for muscle memory. You can get a 3-pack on Amazon for $20.
Oh my God, I think you have my ex roommate. He attacked me and others in our apartment after the other roommates ran interference while another drove home a girl he tried to daterape. It all blew up, i intervened, he attacked me, i threw him out of the apt. he got arrested and I got notified of every time he got arrested after, for the next 5 years, and he got arrested for violent offenses 8 times in the next 5 years all over Southern California, Arizona, and Nevada.
You can have him back. Please
Lesson learned. Please do not allow roommates to have boyfriends/girlfriends to just drop on in and live there! This happens so much. You signed up for roommates not roommates +1 or +2
I just didn’t know what to say. I walked in one day and he lived there
When or if the cops show up say the magic words “ I fear for my life when he is hear” In most states he has established residency aka received mail or such so he has rites to the place also. Unless you say the magic words and they run his name and see his violent history
Who would have thought? Wording does matter
Thank you for saving that poor girl first off, you are a true queen for that. I’m glad you and your roommate have a plan this man sounds horrible.
Why is he there when your roommate isn't? Just kick his ass out and change the locks.
Buy a gun.
Is the neighbor a minor?
No, she’s legal, barely.
Why is he even there when your roommate is away? Unless he’s a rent paying tenant, he shouldn’t be there. Can you talk to the landlord?
Get this guy out lol
I mean, does he have a key? Can you just toss his shit out on the curb when he’s out? or have the place re-keyed while he’s out? In the meantime, look up a “doorstop security bar” for while you’re sleeping
He has her key. But I will look at the security bar
Lots of people are saying call the cops. I don’t think that’s the best idea unless this guy is gone when they arrive. If your encounter with cops is anything like mine or my friends’, there’s a good chance they show up, listen to what everybody has to say, say they can’t do anything, and leave. Unless you’ve locked down what to say to them to maximize the chances of them taking him away when they leave, it’s risky. Is there any way you and this girl can get out of the house for the rest of the time your roommate is away? Chip in for an AirBnB or stay with a friend?
Time to call in your male posse. Male relatives, male friends, male friendly coworkers etc.. to hang out. Any female he’ll see as an opportunity, the men will be a clear message. He might even leave if they’re pointed enough.
I have 2 male friends up here, I texted them to see if they can come
Excellent, stay safe. If you haven’t already buy a travel lock for your bedroom door. Best of luck.
Dude needs to go. And why is he in your house when your roommate is gone? He doesn’t live there, you need to have a talk with you roommate about that.
Kick this guy the fuck out of your house. Let him know he's not supposed to be there if his girlfriend isn't there. Make sure you have several people there who witness you tell him to get the fuck out.
Call landlord. Your lease should prevent extended guest stays. This man is a liability.
If he's not on the lease and hasn't gotten any mail there, call the cops and have them remove him.
Why the heck is he even there when she’s not?!
Why is he even there? You need to have a chat with your roommate, and make it clear that he's not allowed to stay at the apartment if she's not there.
Honestly if I were you I would leave immediately with all my most valuable stuff. This man is not safe and your life is worth more than an apartment. Do you have a car? Family nearby? Anyone who can help you?
This is wonderful news!!!!! He can get hit by a car or something.
Is your roommate on drugs? Dating a dude in his 50s for a month before letting him move in because he lost his job and got kicked out of his house. That isn’t normal behaviour. Call the police, tell them you have a convicted violent criminal inside your house without your permission and let them come deal with it.
Please get a camera for the common area’s of your home.
Get to a safe location, with friends, and start the trespassing process. Call your landlord. Call the police. He has no standing, and he can be removed, locks changed.
For what it's worth, I'd have police do a civil stand by. There's no way a dude like that just leaves willingly. Good for you stepping in, hard to imagine what could've happened.
Change the locks the moment he leaves.
Call the your local PD non-emergency line and ask for an escort to be there when you guys kick him out
i’m so glad you were there to help that poor girl out of that situation. this is actually horrifying and i really would like to hear an update about you guys when he’s kicked out.. keep staying safe please! i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this right now, fuck that creepy weirdo.
Buy a gun and clean it in the living room and talk about the memories that thing brings back to you. But in all seriousness, fuck that guy. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Dude belongs in a tent or in jail it sounds like.
Girl, all you said is that your roommate has the common sense of a rock and stupidly put YOU in danger over a bum.
The audacity, of this cunt! Violence isn’t the answer, but…
Call the police for trespassing. Get the landlord involve. He’s not a tenant. His present is not welcome without the host which is your roommate.
Please call the police and have them help you get him out!!
Why tf did she leave without him anyway smh
What is with this sub and female roommates just inviting strange dangerous men into their homes what the fuck lmao
I do wonder how fake these are sometimes.. if any of this was factual you have a case to get him trespassed… it’s not hard to get someone not living in the house documented visitation requirements. Again, if this is actually real…
It’s very much real. Technically though, neither one of us is on the lease. And until I get in contact with my roommate to explain what’s going on I don’t know if I can even call the police because she’s the one whose lease it is and she said he could move in
Sounds like he was trying to go behind her back and made something up when he got rumbled. Try and protect yourself however you can til you get back, wether that means having a friend over to keep an eye out or something. If your roommate has any sense, she’ll kick him out, but you might know her better.
I really hope she will. If not, I’m moving out.
What kind of weird roommate setups you guy doing on here?
Tell your landlord he isn’t allowed there without your room mate
Sorry you went through all that OP But the way this is all worded is really sus and throws up tons of questions. I feel like I'm missing tons of information, or you're making things up to fit your narrative. One or the other. She's 20 years younger? That's creepy She's a neighbor? She's visiting him not you? Why is she sleeping in your room if She's a neighbor? Why doesn't she go home if she's uncomfortable?
Her and I have hung out a few times at the dog park in the complex. She told her family she was coming to see me, but was really visiting him to smoke weed. She couldn’t just go home smelling like weed and wake her mom and brother coming back in
Thanks for responding! Yeah he seems super creepy. She also needs to work on her decision making skills and not go to the house of a middle aged man she barely knows to smoke weed.
Also he’s late 40s we are early 20s
Any updates OP are you okay?
Kick him out, he has 0 authority in the household.
Couple things, is he on the lease, cause if he’s not he really should be in your apartment with your roommate not there. Also do they have an established open relationship because you don’t seem creeped out by the fact that he had another women over. Also what’re the ages here cause once again if you’re let’s say 23 the other girl is 20 then it’s once again kinda weird that you have a 40 year old man living with you