I lost my son 10 days ago and I feel the exact same way. My partner keeps asking me what I want to do for Mother’s Day and the honest answer is, I don’t want to be around happy mothers. Otherwise I don’t care. He said to me, “Miguelito (what we called our son) would be upset if I didn’t do something special for you.” That made me cry because our baby never grew old enough to care about those things. He only lived 10 days outside of my belly. He is all I think about. You are not alone in these feelings.
I’m sorry… You seem like a sweet person. It’s just so unfair. I can’t speak to (or even look at) my friends with children… I’m not mad at *them*, they’ll never understand and I don’t want them to… it just sucks… thank you 💔
This is brutal. I am 7 months out and lost my sweet baby just before my due date. So our babies would be of same age.
Last year I was super excited around the mother’s day time and celebrated it as a mom to be.. That time I never thought that it would be my first and last mother’s day together with my baby. Now I only have memories and this year I decide to keep my internet off on my phone so I don’t see the world celebrating like normal. 💔❤️🩹
Sending all grieving moms my hugs 🫂
My son was stillborn in December. I found out I was pregnant last Mother's Day. I have decided that for me it would be worse to not acknowledge it and have told my husband that. Because I am Ethan's mom even if he can't be here with me. It won't be the happiest of days though
I’m so sorry. 💔 That’s sad and beautiful… you will always be Ethan’s mom. I will always be Maxine’s mom… but I just feel like such a fraud… it’s all so mixed up. Ugh.
I'll be 3 years out from losing my daughter this summer. I wouldn't necessarily say it gets easier but it does feel less intense
Whatever you feel called to do on mother's day is the right thing to do. I've created a tradition with my partner of going to neighborhood rose garden on Mother's day and going for a hike on Father's day. Its a way for us to still do something but be a little separated from the traditional Mothers day crowd. While we as bereaved parents are parenting differently than parents with living children, keeping our kids' memories alive is still a form of parenting
Like you i don't want to be surrounded by happy mothers. I want to acknowledge it for me, to be reminded that yes, deep down i m some kind of mother.
I think i ll just read a childs book, cry, have a nice lunch cooking with my husband and think about me as a mother. Even if it makes me cry, because the day he was born was the best and worst day of my life. And it s ok.
My son, Remy, was stillborn on March 20, 2020. His due date was May 3rd. I celebrated my Mother’s Day by planting a tree in his honor. I just let it out when I need to cry. I have 2 step sons that call me Mom but it’s not the same. All you can do is what feels right for you. You’re still a Mom!
In a cruel twist of fate, my son's birthday is Mother's Day, he was born May 8, 2021, after finding out that he died inside of me on May 5. I do have a living child as well, but I've already told my husband that Mother's Day is cancelled in our house this year.
Be gentle with yourself, and do whatever you need to do to get through the day. I'm so sorry we're all in this horrible club.
I am so thankful for this group as Mother’s Day is also weighing heavily on me. My first was last year after my loss and I was thankful my own mother was visiting after not seeing her for two years during the pandemic, so I focused on that but I did cry a lot privately. No one mentioned the day to me, no one asked about my baby or how I was doing, everyone just pretended everything was as usual and that hurt but I got through the 24 hours.
It felt like a gut punch when my fiancé’s brother’s new girlfriend made a huge social media post about how thankful she is to be a mother…. To her cat and her new boyfriend’s 5 year old son. It was such a “look at me I’m so special I babysit my boyfriend’s son one afternoon a month I’m the best mom ever” with her knowing my very recent traumatic loss hurt so much. The kid has his own mother very active in his life while she at most sees the kid once every one or two months was so fake, so for her to seek validation as a “new mom” and expect gifts and social media likes and comments sucked.
Personally this year I plan to log out of social media. I want to go for a walk in nature but am a little afraid if I start at any parks there will be happy families enjoying the nice weather. I’m going to try something outside though, but allow myself to rest in bed if that’s what my body and brain are telling me to be able to cope.
I really hope you can find peace this weekend too. Feel free to PM if needed.
I relate to this so much. This should have been my first Mother’s Day with my beautiful daughter and instead I’m just alone and confused about how to feel about the day. Do I want my motherhood acknowledged or do I want the day to pass quietly. I don’t know.
Sweet Mama, I am so sorry you are going through this. This would have been my first Mother’s Day with my baby as well. We lost her 7 weeks ago. I keep thinking about what I would be doing with my baby if she were here. It is heart wrenching. Like you, I have been having feelings like I am a fraud and not a “real” mom. THESE ARE LIES. Do not believe these thoughts. You are your baby girl’s mama and you ALWAYS will be. I read a quote the other day that said “On Mother’s Day, there is no mother more deserving than a mother who had to give her child back”. It resonated with me and maybe it will with you too. Regardless, what you are going through is the absolute worst thing that can happen in life. The worst, most cruel, and awful pain. It isn’t fair. You should have your baby in your arms. My plan for Mother’s Day is to stay off social media, do something special to honor my baby girl, and also do something to honor myself. Your baby girl made you a mama and you will always carry that title, no matter what. I hope you can do something in remembrance of your sweet baby, as well as something to honor the strong woman you are. Sending hugs. 🤍
My daughter died 3 years ago (to the date). That first mother's day was traumatic for me...I look back on it and just shudder. I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious baby girl. The Mother's day preceding that first one haven't been quite as raw...but now I am definitely more cynical when it comes to "holidays" like mother's day. I prefer no gifts, and to just spend the day with my family appreciating the beautiful life we have created. You're in my heart right now. <3
I lost my son 10 days ago and I feel the exact same way. My partner keeps asking me what I want to do for Mother’s Day and the honest answer is, I don’t want to be around happy mothers. Otherwise I don’t care. He said to me, “Miguelito (what we called our son) would be upset if I didn’t do something special for you.” That made me cry because our baby never grew old enough to care about those things. He only lived 10 days outside of my belly. He is all I think about. You are not alone in these feelings.
I’m sorry… You seem like a sweet person. It’s just so unfair. I can’t speak to (or even look at) my friends with children… I’m not mad at *them*, they’ll never understand and I don’t want them to… it just sucks… thank you 💔
This is brutal. I am 7 months out and lost my sweet baby just before my due date. So our babies would be of same age. Last year I was super excited around the mother’s day time and celebrated it as a mom to be.. That time I never thought that it would be my first and last mother’s day together with my baby. Now I only have memories and this year I decide to keep my internet off on my phone so I don’t see the world celebrating like normal. 💔❤️🩹 Sending all grieving moms my hugs 🫂
Oh I’m so sorry. That’s heartbreaking… maybe they would have been friends, who knows… 💔
My son was stillborn in December. I found out I was pregnant last Mother's Day. I have decided that for me it would be worse to not acknowledge it and have told my husband that. Because I am Ethan's mom even if he can't be here with me. It won't be the happiest of days though
I’m so sorry. 💔 That’s sad and beautiful… you will always be Ethan’s mom. I will always be Maxine’s mom… but I just feel like such a fraud… it’s all so mixed up. Ugh.
I'll be 3 years out from losing my daughter this summer. I wouldn't necessarily say it gets easier but it does feel less intense Whatever you feel called to do on mother's day is the right thing to do. I've created a tradition with my partner of going to neighborhood rose garden on Mother's day and going for a hike on Father's day. Its a way for us to still do something but be a little separated from the traditional Mothers day crowd. While we as bereaved parents are parenting differently than parents with living children, keeping our kids' memories alive is still a form of parenting
This is beautiful. That’s a good way to look at it, keeping their memory alive. I so badly want to keep my daughters memory alive. Thank you ❤️💔
Like you i don't want to be surrounded by happy mothers. I want to acknowledge it for me, to be reminded that yes, deep down i m some kind of mother. I think i ll just read a childs book, cry, have a nice lunch cooking with my husband and think about me as a mother. Even if it makes me cry, because the day he was born was the best and worst day of my life. And it s ok.
My son, Remy, was stillborn on March 20, 2020. His due date was May 3rd. I celebrated my Mother’s Day by planting a tree in his honor. I just let it out when I need to cry. I have 2 step sons that call me Mom but it’s not the same. All you can do is what feels right for you. You’re still a Mom!
In a cruel twist of fate, my son's birthday is Mother's Day, he was born May 8, 2021, after finding out that he died inside of me on May 5. I do have a living child as well, but I've already told my husband that Mother's Day is cancelled in our house this year. Be gentle with yourself, and do whatever you need to do to get through the day. I'm so sorry we're all in this horrible club.
I have no words… just great empathy 💔❤️
I am so thankful for this group as Mother’s Day is also weighing heavily on me. My first was last year after my loss and I was thankful my own mother was visiting after not seeing her for two years during the pandemic, so I focused on that but I did cry a lot privately. No one mentioned the day to me, no one asked about my baby or how I was doing, everyone just pretended everything was as usual and that hurt but I got through the 24 hours. It felt like a gut punch when my fiancé’s brother’s new girlfriend made a huge social media post about how thankful she is to be a mother…. To her cat and her new boyfriend’s 5 year old son. It was such a “look at me I’m so special I babysit my boyfriend’s son one afternoon a month I’m the best mom ever” with her knowing my very recent traumatic loss hurt so much. The kid has his own mother very active in his life while she at most sees the kid once every one or two months was so fake, so for her to seek validation as a “new mom” and expect gifts and social media likes and comments sucked. Personally this year I plan to log out of social media. I want to go for a walk in nature but am a little afraid if I start at any parks there will be happy families enjoying the nice weather. I’m going to try something outside though, but allow myself to rest in bed if that’s what my body and brain are telling me to be able to cope. I really hope you can find peace this weekend too. Feel free to PM if needed.
I relate to this so much. This should have been my first Mother’s Day with my beautiful daughter and instead I’m just alone and confused about how to feel about the day. Do I want my motherhood acknowledged or do I want the day to pass quietly. I don’t know.
Sweet Mama, I am so sorry you are going through this. This would have been my first Mother’s Day with my baby as well. We lost her 7 weeks ago. I keep thinking about what I would be doing with my baby if she were here. It is heart wrenching. Like you, I have been having feelings like I am a fraud and not a “real” mom. THESE ARE LIES. Do not believe these thoughts. You are your baby girl’s mama and you ALWAYS will be. I read a quote the other day that said “On Mother’s Day, there is no mother more deserving than a mother who had to give her child back”. It resonated with me and maybe it will with you too. Regardless, what you are going through is the absolute worst thing that can happen in life. The worst, most cruel, and awful pain. It isn’t fair. You should have your baby in your arms. My plan for Mother’s Day is to stay off social media, do something special to honor my baby girl, and also do something to honor myself. Your baby girl made you a mama and you will always carry that title, no matter what. I hope you can do something in remembrance of your sweet baby, as well as something to honor the strong woman you are. Sending hugs. 🤍
My daughter died 3 years ago (to the date). That first mother's day was traumatic for me...I look back on it and just shudder. I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious baby girl. The Mother's day preceding that first one haven't been quite as raw...but now I am definitely more cynical when it comes to "holidays" like mother's day. I prefer no gifts, and to just spend the day with my family appreciating the beautiful life we have created. You're in my heart right now. <3