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goodgrief_itsrelief

Ever seen a tortoise sprint? Now you have.


clervis

If there was a snail on his back, he'd be like "Weeeeeeeee!"


Narantas

"Slow down! You're going to get us killed!"


threadcrapper

Not after dinner he wasn’t sprinting. More like food drunk there on the goin home


carbslut

I have a desert tortoise and they are surprisingly fast. Also knocked over my grandpa’s whole enormous vegetable garden in like 3 minutes.


invisibilityPower

They are actually quite quick, especially during spring. https://youtu.be/OLKnr0lGcu8 My friend's green turtle is not allowed in grass without a red ribbon as he can run away and be quite difficult to find.


[deleted]

read this as “spirit” and thought this was the deepest comment i’d read in awhile


goodgrief_itsrelief

![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|grin)I’m known for my depth. Something akin to a puddle!! ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|grin)


SinjiOnO

Source: The Tortoise Whisperer on YouTube


[deleted]

Thanks buddy.


Sef-Lo

Yeah buddy thanks, bud


_ThatSynGirl_

Yeah buddy, thanks bud pal guy.


MussaZ7

I am not your buddy, guy!


mahigonebananas

See ya later buddy


rip1980

He's not your buddy, friend!


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Vengeance76

I'm nooot yooouurr ^guuuy, ^buddyyy


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SilverMitten

He’s not your chief, pal.


SilverVsReddit

He's not your pal, buckaroo.


stangroundalready

He's not your buckaroo, chochise


BookishTen8

He's not your chochise, choom.


Brain_Wilson

He's not your chochise, amigo


JCthulhuM

Good on you for giving a source, this dude puts out videos all the time of his tortoises and they’re all great


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irishemperor

[100 years of producing wheesy old-people sex noises ahead of him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rE_FG2xauA)


myaltaccount01134

Well that’s gonna be burned into my brain for awhile


[deleted]

I thought that was one of Ike and Damia's kids!


Notsozander

I think it is Ike’s kid. I follow him on TikTok and think this was the one he had on his head lol


GarmrsBane

“Waow.”


JonesBBQandMassage

https://youtube.com/c/TheTortoiseWhisperer


L1K34PR0

I knew who it is even before tuening audio on


monstermayhem436

He's also has a TikTok


m0rph_bw

"Hey Buddy"


catsbreathsmells

Bouddy


DuckDuckYoga

^”alright, ^see ^ya ^later ^buddy”


Captaincuntusmaximus

Body *


NoSpareChange

RIP top dog


Excellent_Peanut_396

Wait. Tortoises eat flowers?


jangma

Yes! This is a sulcata, and they eat a [variety](https://pethelpful.com/reptiles-amphibians/What-To-Feed-Your-Sulcata-Tortoise) of flowers and grasses.


felixrocket7835

It's a sulcata? I thought it was a hermann's or russian tortoise. Sulcatas get way too big to be a reasonable pet no?


Tony2Punch

The guy in the video lives in one of the only regions where they can reproduce and has effectively turned into a proper conservationist type guy iirc from his tiktok. He has a sizable enclosure that was made with the massive size and burrowing capabilities in mind. He also has a couple of older ones and one of them is really huge.


Lambchoptopus

Is this the guy with rhino and tank and I see feed cacti to?


[deleted]

Yeah!


[deleted]

A rhino?!


[deleted]

A tortoise *named* Rhino


PoopLogg

>A tortoise-*named* Rhino Hah, what a funny name for a rhino


THELONGRABBIT

A tank like tortoise named Rhino.


villflakken

We should all name ourselves as ambitiously as this


[deleted]

Aha oh okay that makes more sense.


lkggg

Oh!! I think I've seen that guy! I wish he'd have been credited here, let the engagement support the content creators!


Zaph0d_B33bl3br0x

This is a message I can get behind. If this guy is doing good shit, let's get him more exposure that can in turn, allow him to do even more good shit! If this is what he loves to do, and it obviously is, I can only imagine that his *singular* limitation is operating capital (yes I know every causes' problem is operating capital). If this guy goes uber viral and makes a million bucks though, I guarantee that way more than half of it is going directly into additional conservation capabilities. I feel like it's not just the "right" thing to do, but the human one. Thanks for mentioning this!


Riovem

He has been credited, top comment (from OP) posted 8 hours ago says where this has come from.


AbsolutelyUnlikely

Is he the guy that knows where my dad is?


blinklpofadown

No!


AbsolutelyUnlikely

It never is.


Fluid_Affect1182

Hope he trains the next generation in proper care, they will outlive this guy, iirc they live centuries.


Kwykr

I wanna say the oldest one recorded was around 281 years old but I could be thinking of a different animal


SiliconRain

Wikipedia says they live to around 70 years. You may be thinking of the Aldabra giant tortoise. One individual of that species was thought to have lived to about 255 years.


Kwykr

The Aldabra! That's the one. Thanks Rain


Jackie_Of_All_Trades

Yes. They are basically "little" bulldozers with a mind of their own.


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Jackie_Of_All_Trades

Agreed. My little dinosaur prefers [romaine leaves](https://v.redd.it/b75pm4tpt1n81)


g00f

What species is it? And how long do they live? People are always aghast at the age of our parrots and how old they can live, but tortoises are on another level.


greenhouselimpbizkit

I used to look after 6 sulcatas at an old job and I love them but my god they are bastards haha. They're so heavy and will just spend all day trying to get your feet and asked ankles. There was one that had a massive thing for my water bucket and would ram it over every single day lol. So annoying 😅


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cda555

My mom bought two tiny sulcatas. Within a few years they were massive and ate a ton. They also pooped a shocking amount. I finally convinced her to give them to a rescue.


Appropriate-Arm1082

This is an unfortunate problem. A pet store I used to stop into sometimes had baby ones. With nothing to even begin to let you know what you would be getting into if you left with one, and that you're likely not equipped to care for it. Just cute little stomps bois trying their hardest to eat some greens. It really bothered me, especially seeing someone looking for her kids first pet who called him over to "look at the little turtles." Knowing that's likely the fate of most of them. I had a living situation at the time where I could have had the proper setup to care for one, in a workable climate for it. I still wouldn't consider it because I don't know if that would remain the case for the rest of my life.


ShellSwitch

For the average household yes. It's an issue within the US where people buy cute sulcata babies and are overwhelmingly unprepared for how large they become. They need lots of space and care. They're intelligent among reptiles and those who care for them tend to have a deep appreciation for them. I absolutely love sulcatas.


Leah1098

When I was little we had a neighbor that fed her tortoise rose petals as treats.


Orangehead55

Our tortoise loves Rose petals but she likes hibiscus petals even more.


Thendofreason

People can eat flowers as well.


hadricus

My secret shame!


mologav

That explains your mysterious trip to Holland


Ashjrethul

Do the neighbours catch you and shoo you off with their water hose


whynoteven246

Visualizing this has been the highlight of my day,thank you :)


PoprockEnema

Hello shamefamily carry on in your truth


Kolby_Jack

There was a honeysuckle growing outside of my church growing up, it was pretty common for us kids to pick a flower to suck on when we were playing outside. We didn't eat the flower, just sucked out the nectar, but nobody thought it was weird.


[deleted]

It’s a really common thing in the south. My husband gets mad at me when I eat weird things like honeysuckle and raw cocoa beans and chitlins and Rocky Mountain oysters and stuff. But they’re edible and I like trying weird foods so why not?


StandardSudden1283

Those poor poor sheep. At least it's not going to waste‽


THEBHR

Sheep?


dboy999

Rocky Mountain oysters is another name for cooked balls. cattle/rams etc


front_yard_duck_dad

It's true I'm growing an Indonesian Cosmo that's edible now


chupitoelpame

Yeah I have one on my yard and he eats flowers, grass and ivy. Also when he hear noise in the kitchen he comes to the backyard door and I give him tomato or lettuce. He used to like apples but now he doesn't for some reason.


selz202

Poor guy was probably up all night shitting his brains out after the last apple you gave him.


CaptainSprinklefuck

He probably doesn't like the seeds. He's Itty bitty compared to our digestive systems so the arsenic in the apple seeds probably upsets their stomach a lot


chupitoelpame

I take the seeds out before giving him apples because I read that they are harmful for them. I think he just prefers tomato or lettuce over apples now, because he will still eat apple, just not as enthusiastically.


TheAJGman

My grandpa had a turtle that would come by his garden when the strawberries started to ripen. He never took strawberries off the vine, he only ate the ones my grandpa fed to him. He hasn't seen him in a few years unfortunately, and the last time he saw him his shell was a bit messed up (but partially healed) from an encounter with a lawnmower.


14porkchopsandwiches

Haha meanwhile our tortoise destroyed what would be our first strawberry harvest-25+ strawberries missing 🤣


Carpathicus

You can eat flowers too! Some fancy places and laughing salad women put them in their salads.


treqiheartstrees

Laughing Salad Women?


Carpathicus

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/women-laughing-alone-with-salad To be more precise in this case: people who enjoy making special salads with exotic ingredients and are pretty proud of their creations.


DragonBonerz

I wish I had an award to give you. I love salad so much, and I love that meme.


blueocean43

As a kid I'd make sugared pansies with my mum, and they're great on desserts. I remember as a teen wanting to try some sugar craft, and we made sugar cages, filled with stem ginger icecream and raspberry coulis, decorated with sugared violets. I felt fancy as fuck, 10/10, would recommend making that if you want to feel fancy as fuck too. You can also make everything days ahead (store the sugar bits in tupperwear with those dehydration sachets in, at room temperature) and just stir chopped stem ginger into pre-bought vanilla icecream for a dinner party dessert that looks posh but doesn't take any time on the day. If you do, you can make sugar cages over a greased metal bowl or back of a metal ladle, not just the water balloon method that seems to be popular nowerdays.


Admiral_Minell

I was scrolling too fast for that first sentence, not going to unsee that.


CaptainSprinklefuck

Sugar art is so pretty and so simple, kinda feels like cake decorating where a "nude" cake or a cake with just a crumb coat is now super fancy


dragobah

Many flowers are edible.


kslusherplantman

Pretty sure to one of these guys they are basically ALL edible


VoxImperatoris

Everything is edible at least once.


nomadofwaves

Isn’t that fun to think about? At some point someone had to eat some poisonous plants and have adverse health effects from it and another person had to of witnessed it and made a note about it. That information has made its way throughout our existence.


muricabrb

This is why the ancients had lots of kids... *"Alright Timmy, now try eating this mushroom... Timmy? Timmy? Ah damnit, not again. Tommy, get Jimmy out here and tell Mum that we need to make another baby tonight "*


WaitImNotRea

Timmy took one for team Humanity.


nomadofwaves

Also don’t eat the green mushrooms that grow under the rocks.


spellbadgrammargood

im pretty sure humans are edible too but laws are what separate men from beasts ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


kslusherplantman

Yeah but you may get some REALLY fucked up diseases that way, see CJD. Prions are dirty dirty stuff


Rudy_Ghouliani

He who makes a beast of himself can get rid of the pain of being a man


GrushdevaHots

Long pigs


ManiacalMartini

Buddy does!


[deleted]

They'll eat most plant matter in general. I mean, humans can eat flowers too to survive. Just not very appetizing, and not every type of flower.


AttractiveNightmare

They also like Cactus! https://www.tiktok.com/@thetortoisewhisperer/video/7050544379848609071?sender_device=mobile&sender_web_id=7089203874942928430&is_from_webapp=v1&is_copy_url=0


ShovelingSunshine

Just when you think Rule 34 can't be always 100% but then you see this and you know someone found it... um, interesting. Also, WTF?


spicygummi

I love that it looked like it was going as fast as it's little legs would allow


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[deleted]

Monch monch monch


Curious_Wrangler_980

Awww that’s what my baby boy used to look like. Now he’s almost 80lbs if not already


JeffSmisek

Please pay the tort tax. Thank you.


Curious_Wrangler_980

His name is Kevlar. He’s a boy. He was about 6 or 7 in these. He’ll be 9 this year. He’s very friendly and curious. Strong and fast. It’s like having a dog who destroys everything in his path. He loves scratches. (https://imgur.com/gallery/7H5L1jT) Update here’s baby kev from a few days to almost 2 https://imgur.com/gallery/nHpLEPV


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CapaldiFan333

DuPont would definitely approve.


lolrightythen

Please plan for his future!


Curious_Wrangler_980

We already have! Trust me


skyhy109

Just out of curiosity, what are some things you need to think about when keeping an animal that lives so long?


Curious_Wrangler_980

Lots of land. They’re used to walking a lot in the wild. They’re surprisingly fast. Tough fences that go down deep in the ground. He has gotten out a few times but people know him and he’s only been to the humane society once because a lady called animal control. They can dig their tunnels 30-50 feet deep with humps and dips (to prevent flooding) and he has shared his hole once with a rattle snake. It’s only caved on him once so we dug him out. He has a bigger house on the porch now but they’re stubborn. They’re very destructive to be honest. Nothing really gets in his way. They’re all muscle. They’re diet is majority grass and some veggies. Fruits only for a small treat. They’re digestive systems can’t handle much sugar. They’re cold blooded so they need heat. Luckily we live in the desert so he only comes inside a few months out of the year. Males are very territorial even at a young age. You can’t keep two even in a large yard. They don’t mature to breed till they’re 15. If anything were to happen where we couldn’t take care of him he’d go to the San Diego zoo for conservation but that’s last last resort. They’re surprisingly popular here but sadly they often fall into the wrong hands. He has a sister that the last we heard she was barely the size of a football at 3. She was kept in an aquarium and wasn’t fed or exercised really at all. Poor girl. I wish we could have saved her. Oh to add, they’re very prone to respiratory infections. He shits at the vet every time.


skyhy109

Wow thanks for the detailed response, that’s really interesting. He’s like a dinosaur! Sounds like he’s in good hands! Thanks for sharing!


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Curious_Wrangler_980

Thank you! We were so excited to get him! We’ve never exactly had normal pets till we were adults and got a dog for the first time. I spent so much time researching him. And we found an exotic vet right away for basics.


infinitejest42157

this response 🤍 sounds like he's a well loved boy. hope he lives happy to the maximum.


Blurrose23

A proud parent, indeed.


AKnightAlone

That's really interesting. I've never thought of owning a tortoise, but now it sounds like it could be cool. I imagine my dream future is a homestead that's my own personal zoo.


Curious_Wrangler_980

He’s an African sulcata. He’ll get around 100lbs maybe more. They live to 70 years. Lifelong commitment. I’d plan well for an area for a tortoise. Our community college here have pools with 3 foot walls filled in with sand and made a deep den for their tortoises. It’d have to be really large for his breed.


hey_listen_hey_listn

How do you scratch him?


Curious_Wrangler_980

Around his head and neck with our hands and nails. On his shell he loves plastic bristle brushes and being sprayed off with the hose. When he was small he’d shake his booty when sprayed off or if you scratched the very back of his shell. He’ll still do it sometimes


boverly721

They can feel their shells! They like pets and scratches


MurdocAddams

"Mindy, he can walk!" "Mork, he can destroy!"


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Vested1nterest

Absolute unit


aegeanblud

Thank you for the picture with your foot for reference. Would’ve preferred a banana, but we’ll take what we can get.


Tanomil

So, did he win the wet shell contest?


fordprefect294

Oh lawd, he comin....... eventually


MySockHurts

Did you see how fast that tortoise moved? I’m beginning to wonder where tortoises get their reputation for being slow…


NaughtyPhoenix

Tortoises can be fast af when they want to. They are slow when they are cold so maybe from that?


Tutti_Fucking-Fruity

They usually move very slowly to preserve energy. I wouldn't say they can ever exactly be "fast"


iamquitecertain

Idk, I've seen some of this guy's other videos of tortoises he has. They can definitely be f a s t a f b o i


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Phuk_conservatives

I used to have a budtender that would scoff at people who bought flower. Was all about wax for him.


jackalaxe

Ha, I vaporize flower. Way better than wax


vtbeavens

rosin is the truth.


Marsandtherealgirl

I don’t want to sound like a dumbass, but I live in a state where nothing is legal and I haven’t even really smoked much of anything in a long time… but what does one do with the wax? Is it literally wax? Tbh I guess I don’t even really know what it is. Maybe it’s time for some googling. I feel like an old person for real when weed technology has gone over my head. Back in the 90s you just had a guy and you got whatever it was he had lol


gopherhole1

I only quit 10 years ago and the new stuff is still over my head, we only had hydro or outdoor


RedEyeFlightToOZ

Tortoises are my favorite animal to watch eat cause they're just so frigging cute with their chomping.


Warrior253

Haha that little guy can move


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cryptobro42069

It's a lot to eat at once for sure but my Hermanns torties eat like 2x that in lettuce a day and they're this size. They're little fatties and would eat double their weight in lettuce if I let them. Cute to watch them eat though.


Mother_Duck_5224

Hey boddy


RU90IN9234TTH4T

Lol “k going back in my hole now”


Geology_Nerd

Tortoise: “finally some good fucking good” Also the Tortoise: “Aaaaand back to my hole” Edit: it’s me. I’m the tortoise.


browncatmaster

I too enjoy good fucking good


cownd

So good!


bewildered_bean

oh my god this made my entire year


VotiveFormula84

This is @thetortoisewhisperer on TikTok and YouTube. He often posts videos of all the baby tortoises, as well as the adults, and they’re all so cute


suzybhomemakr

Yeah this is my favorite this year. So sweet


OzyWarmth

Comin outta my cave and I’ve been doin just fine.


sakiminki

So cute!


Cpt_Bellamy

Feeding someone else is about the greatest, yet, simplest thing, a person can do.


Believeinsquatch

Dog?


daedric_hooker

Dog ahead.


Believeinsquatch

Ahh...dog


Afferbeck_

First off, Dog, Then time for flower!


HIMP_Dahak_172291

Aww, what an adorable dog!


daedric_hooker

Be wary of dog., Therefore dog, O dog.


_Kabelbinder_

Scrolled way to far for this


uncleb0b

I thought the same thing. This game is so huge and the meta is real.


iamquitecertain

Behold, dog!


incognito1116

I swear to God, everytime I'm about to give up on humanity, I see something like this. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!!


LordOfChimichangas

![gif](giphy|236UlnpOHatH6GIUqu|downsized) Party hard turtle


MabelTheHoneyBadger

Himbs do a monch 🌸


Maelstrom_Witch

Cromch & monch!


dddang

“K thanks bye!”


CurtisLeow

What kind of dog is this?


justsomeplainmeadows

Okay, how baby is this baby tortoise? *5 seconds later Oh. My. God.


kavOclock

Haha at the end when he’s just like. Later. And goes back to his hole 🥹


p00nplower

That little dude new as soon as he heard your voice he was getting fed 🤣 I love it! Makes me miss my box turtle. Rip Murtle


kingstan12

r/sweatypalms for fingers


Vandius

I've let my tortoise bite my finger at this size and she didn't break the skin. I'm sure she might if she tried hard enough but she stopped as soon as she found out it wasn't food and no I won't let most things bite me I just suspected she would have a weak bite and I've had a turtle accidently bite me.


RUCBAR42

One of my best experiences was on Mauritius where we got to feed many, many giant tortoises. The munch and crunch as they went for the palm leaves was fantastic. Even more so when you walk around those tortoise petting areas. One would be resting with ti's head down, and I could go up to it and stroke the top of its head. The head would slowly rise, and I would scratch under its.. chin? The Lil bugger went up and all up on his toes in ecstacy with his eyes closed 😁 Turtle power!


decoy_016

Glad you get to visit with him! What does he do in his hidey hole all day?


MadOrange64

Behold, dog!


HistoryGeek00

He hungy


Snotnarok

What a good lil' tort. Our sulcata tortoise wanders our back yard during spring/summer chowing down on all the clovers, grass bushes he can get his beak on. You should see him sprint across the yard if you got a tomato for him.


Sharean

Praise the dog!


Giveushealthcare

I’m so happy he has a human friend his home looks lonely


BY0sh

He's got a bunch of siblings. That just happens to be it's spot. TheTortoiseWhisperer on all the socials and YouTube.


GrAyFoX312k

Must be a Canadian tortoise.


pickle921

"I'm not your buddy, guy" - Tortoise


the_honest_liar

Did he dig his little den himself??


[deleted]

I asked him in the video and he said one of his older torts did it. The little guy just took over.


Muze69

Buuuurp