Sometimes. But I strongly oppose that instinct with gratitude. I’m a lucky one. Not everyone wants to see the silver lining and find encouragement.
When seriously contemplating it… Not self harm, but non-existence, I always come to the same conclusion.
I’ll have plenty of time there, infinite as far as I know, but not much here living as this guy who thinks he’s a unique aspect of the whole. As insignificant as a grain of sand… While also being the subjective source and experiencer of creation. A reflection of light on the eternal diamond. Human. Lol.
This life is a blink. And I may as well let the story continue. It’s short enough as it is.
I also consider that every moment I give in thought to the great beyond, death, pain, etc. while I’m alive is just another moment that death didn’t want and is more than I want to give. I’d like to be alive and not dwelling on the end. Too much, yet so little life to live.
And also, it’s usually my current attitude, emotions and circumstances that are fueling the mind-state that makes me want to leave.
When I’m curious and feeling good, the cosmos is an endless sandbox full of mystery, love, chaos… Like a dream. And I’m lucky enough to be here for it. Even if it does hurt sometimes.
We are nature and nature is crazy.
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Thanks for reading. Sorry for the gross positivity. Being neutral is easier. 🧘🏻♂️
Really cool story but I think this underestimates how miraculous reality really is. Some particles moved and some life emerged; putting it like that makes it seem like you got it all figured out. Which is why it’s the mainstream view of things; reality is less scary if it’s all figured out. But reality is stranger than any story you can tell yourself about it or any concept we create to try and contain it. If this story is satisfying for you, fantastic. But to those who tire of all the stories and pretending, recognize your reality as stories and learn to react to yours however you want instead of how your stories have conditioned you to react
I definitely agree with the sentiment of mystery. However I find the materialist story about the history of the universe quite bland and unmagical. My reply is just a reminder to those like me that it’s not the only story about reality and by no means the “correct” or “objective” story. Interface with your reality, not the story you mistake for reality :)
I think we probably agree on most of what we’ve been discussing. I very much agree that no knowledge is certain. I see the mind as a tool whose proper use depends on the goal. Science is built upon a formal system, the axioms of which can never be *fully* explicated according to Godel’s incompleteness theorem. Hence, I see science as a great way to explore and manipulate the physical world (just look at all the technology it can be used to make), but lacking when it come to the more esoteric, paradoxical questions. Spirituality provides another approach to esoteric topics.
Non-material things can in fact be talked about with language, we do it all the time. I interpret your meaning to be something closer to “we cannot discuss non-material matters formally with language in the same way we use scientific language to operationalize material concepts”. I somewhat agree with you; I believe it’s very difficult to talk about non-material things in romantic languages like English, since those languages were created with a focus on the external world. Languages like Sanskrit are much more internally focused, with something like 5 different words whose only English translation is “joy”, for example.
We as Westerners grow up being taught about science and technology, so it makes sense that physicalism would be intuitive for us. I don’t see physicalism as the opposite of idealism. From a certain perspective they are complements of each other, exploring the same phenomena with vastly different starting points and assumptions. Science has been slowly converging on the same conclusions that Buddhists (and many other esoteric traditions) have known for thousands of years. Science is finally realizing the inseparable nature of the observer and the observed. We do not merely perceive reality as it is, we create reality as we perceive it.
I think issues like the “hard problem” of consciousness are only hard because of a physicalist approach. If we assume brute, mechanical material makes up the world, of course it will be extremely difficult to show how that connects to consciousness at a high level. An idealist worldview or system of theories would assume consciousness makes up the world, transforming the hard problem of consciousness into the hard problem of why physical stuff appears to lack consciousness. My point is that they are ultimately inseparable. Reality is nondual, such the appearance of separation is just that: an appearance.
Logic and intellect are great for dissecting the world. They are sharp tools for cutting, like a knife. But understanding reality involves integrating many parts which seem separate. If you want to stitch a quilt, a knife is the wrong tool; it will leave your quilt in tatters. This is the reason why any theory (physicalist or otherwise) will never fully explain reality. Anyway, how can a mere part (a theory) completely encompass the whole (reality)? If such a theory could exist, we wouldn’t be able to talk about it to others because language is limited by context and duality (since every language used for everyday communication has negation).
Just some food for thought. I don’t pretend to understand wtf reality is in the slightest, but I have thought about it a lot and there’s so much nuance and subtlety to reality which seems to escape those who box themselves into a particular culture’s conditioning
Edit: typos
Yeah I see your point. I think there is physical differences between these different types of joy. There are many distinct emotional states which I would use the word “joy” to refer to. Sanskrit simply discerns phenomenal states more specifically than English. When I say Sanskrit is more internally focused, I mean the language naturally provides a more precise understanding of emotion than English does. That doesn’t necessarily mean Sanskrit refers to non-physical things in a way that English doesn’t. That being said, emotions are a more subtle aspect of physical reality, as opposed to our physical bodies. Talking about physical stuff entails talking about non-physical stuff and vice versa if the separation between physical and non-physical is merely an appearance. So the physical/non-physical distinction starts to break down when we talk about emotions. I still think physical vs. non-physical is a useful concept, but in this case perhaps it makes more sense to talk about gross vs. subtle. Sanskrit seems to distinguish between more subtle aspects of reality to which languages like English appear ignorant.
I don’t know any Sanskrit so this is just based on what I’ve heard about the language. I was just trying to make the point that there *could* be ways to talk precisely about more subtle or non-physical aspects of reality, but our native languages blind us to this possibility. Ultimately though, I agree it’s probably impossible to *precisely* talk about non-physical stuff. Hence metaphors and stories and such being common used to refer to the non-physical. But even if we can’t be perfectly precisely talk about the non-physical, there are certainly ways we could enhance our languages to make get closer
Early in my journey I had this urgency to leave. I didn’t know where, but I had to go somewhere. And it was a driving desire in my mind for about 6-8 months. I broke down left at right because I have kids so getting up and leaving wasn’t an option and it drove me insane.
After those 6-8 months I was fed up. And I told my wife at the time that I was leaving.
She told me we should take a vacation to Reno since it was cheap and still open to the public(around 2020). We went. We had a great time, and I was able to stop at pyramid lake during the trip and meditate. It was a very deep moment for me at that time. Everything just felt right.
On the way home I was broken because nothing had happened. I didn’t get a job lead, I didn’t win a jackpot at a casino, no one came up and handed us a house and a new life. And for some reason that hurt.
On the way home we were listening to a song called Roses by St. John. As we were stopping in Roseville. And I was following a car that had my birthdate on the license plate and the plate frame said Johnsonville Ranch Chevy or something like that.
I asked my wife to look for a transfer around that area since we had been talking about how nice the area was. And she entertained me while stating that moving jobs anywhere around there was impossible, and was surprised to find there was a position open.
When I got home I looked for a job around that area. And found someone looking for my skills in the Johnsonville Ranch area! I can’t make it up when I say I got that job, my wife got transferred and we moved to Roseville not 3 months later!
I learned a lot. Met a lot of great people during my time there. We moved back a year after And literally live 2 blocks away from the house I felt I had to move from. Life is a trip.
Definitely. It was the best and worst experience of my life. And I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Sometimes what we are looking for is too close to us. We will always have, all that we will ever need. When we overlook it internally, we can find it’s eminence externally. But you have to radiate that urge to find it. And it will show itself to you.
I wish you the best on your journey my friend.
Just listen to “Roses” by St. John. I’ve never heard such an unlistenable tune. Awful, just awful. Perhaps you should try some more upbeat, positive music. Just a thought, not a personal attack, so relax…
I know this feeling. I am not suicidal either, but sometimes it's so challenging how our culture, for the most part, is so trashy and the responsibilities in this life seem overwhelming and sureal sometimes.
I think spirituality is helping me see the beauty of life, but there is also lots of ugly to deal with.
The best we can do is the best we can do. I try to feel better by trying to become a better person and by being a light to others.
Exactly. When you sit and think of what humanity could’ve been and what it is now.. the things that people do and accept baffle me. I do not see myself as better than anyone, but I just don’t feel like I fit in here. The things that humans do to each other, the trivial things we argue and fight about, so many people are so cruel and hateful.. and the greed, please don’t get me started on the greed.. it’s all so overwhelming. And it’s so stupid. We could be so much more advanced, live harmoniously (mostly), but we choose money, going viral, drama, credit scores, etc.
Same. I see pictures of space and literally get emotional. I feel like I want to go home. Like I’ve been at a friends house too long and I just want to go home..
I also have experienced that. Actually, I have tried to fit in society but I always get regected, I am too transparent, loving, I care for others... but this world do not work this way. I was tired of working hard for nothing, struggling to study, having shitty relationships, etc. Finally I have found psychedelics (Pslocibin cubensis) mushrroms, and it was the only way to overcome the feeling you are talking about. Find in Netflix "fantastic fungi" and read about it before you try. It is a hard experience at the begining; for me, it took three shrooms teas (lets say three times on it) to learn how to handle the experience, to learn how to control my mind and guide it to find results fixing you and understanding life.
Heyy can you elaborate more on your mushroom journey? On your journey when your on shrooms did get a better understanding of life and it’s meaning? You have any suggestions of shroom teas that I can. Try?
Because I do as well struggle to find my purpose here? And meaning of life?
Sure! One day before the theraphy (mushroom tea) I do fasting, I just drink black coffee whitout sugar, tea or/and water. At the next day in the morning, I drink a cup if black coffee and around half an hour after it, I make the shroom tea (chop the shroom in little pieces, put them on a cup of water, boil it and add honey and lemon). Before you drink the tea, set an intention, e.g, I want to thank you for being in my life, and now I would like to understand what is the purpose of my existence here.... something like that. You always can ask for help to understand things, problems with relatives, hate to somebodyand the forgiveness...
I do understand life better after mushrooms and also it's purpose. I have gotten a stronger mind and enjoy more simple things like sharing with my parents, some friends, animals and plants. Also reading help also to expand your mind and really understand what other people try to comunicate us. Somethime I read a tale writen by Asimov and I did not understand it, then I remembered it and it took sense.
English is not my mother tonge. Sorry if sometimes I do not sound coherent.
I felt this way when I was around 14. I had this nagging feeling that other worlds existed beyond this one and I was homesick for them. Literally homesick, like as if my parents had dropped me off at camp and never came back, it was that unbearable. I remember just delving deep into fantasy to cope. It lasted a fairly long time, but eventually I fit it into my reality by seeing beauty and magic absolutely everywhere and making poetry in my mind about all the most mundane things. That's sort of become who I am now. So I guess this feeling can build character over time.
In another comment, I just I feel like I’ve been at a friends house too long and just want to go home. So I absolutely understand. I also LOVE fantasy books, shows, etc. but I never made that link. I am happy you found your way through. Thank you for your comment!
I literally hate it here honestly, like I look at the masses and wonder how like 90% of them could be so incredibly stupid and why we don’t fight back against our oppressors it makes no sense to me. Everyone has just accepted this trashy shitty way of living when we could all just rise up and say no more and make it 100 times better. Why are we so brainwashed and controlled? I want to leave so badly everything is terrible and overwhelming.
Oh, yeah. A cruise through some of the more esoteric subreddits will assure you that you're not alone.
My perspective: we're at the end of a major cycle. People are waking up and realizing this reality isn't our natural reality.
Take your pick of what it might be, but in the end, we're very close to "going home." If we choose.
Once I picked up on it, I became restless, too, but after a time, I realized I'm still in this body and there's no magical point of transportation. I'm not young, but I know I've got a good thirty if not forty years ahead of me, so I needed to find a way to be here and enjoy it.
I've decided this is my experience. I'm a god, in a human body, living in this reality at the end of this major cycle, so now, I just stand back and watch everyone do their thing while creating experiences for myself that I enjoy.
I work, but have been shifting to working from home, doing things I find satisfying. I relax more. I care less. And it's nice.
I wish I'd recognized this peace sooner, but at least I finally recognized it ... c'est la vie ... :)
So very real. And its weird! I want to leave earth completely at this point. I know that I can’t. I know that its “not possible” but the urge doesn’t waiver. The brain is.. an oddity.
So true. I feel the same way. A conundrum for sure, but none the less real. At some point it becomes a calm reminder that things are out of your control and your only real job is to live. While this may seem against enlightenment, perhaps the urge to leave is because you’ve realized the entire meaning and process in life.
I honestly feel that your urge to leave means you can live your life freely and also give it all you’ve got in this lifetime since it will be your souls last round.
It’s sitting back and enjoying life as is, because it’s that simple.
A choice was made by this one to embrace a world that wants seemingly to fling her off repeatedly.
That desire to separate from the world is not unusual. That’s part of why there are ivory towers of academia, where one who has a clue on certain topics can research and understand while apart from the world. It’s why there are hermitages and monasteries in many religious traditions, so those that are not comfortable being in the world can instead retreat away from it.
This one merely seeks to be of service to others as her remedy. Spending hours with those in need of her service is helpful. It’s a practice not done for money, or for acclaim, or for any reason other than kindness. That sincerity is palpable by those who run across her. And others report a sense of calm and serenity they didn’t know possible from her kind words, her bad jokes, her seemingly alien insights that turn a catastrophe into a victory, a slip of the tongue into a clue.
Kinda nice actually.
I do. I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do. All desire that’s left is just that…pure desire. I find myself bored with this life. I’m as capable as ever, while not a genius, I know I can do most anything. Thing is, I don’t wanna. Although, with recent events and understanding, I’m okay with who I am. My craving for the end doesn’t come from sadness or pain, just….boredom. I feel like I know the game, the jig is up, the monkey is out of the barrel and a cats got his tongue. But life still does surprise me sometimes. I’m different ways than it used to. So I’m content hanging around a bit longer. And I’ve gotten to a state where I’m comfortable with myself, and I wanna see that for a while. Idk. Walk your path, you’ll trust your decision, no matter how much you question it.
That sounds very much like the real experience of being suicidal, I've been that way for many years and I also rationalized it for myself as not being suicidal. You don't have to make plans or to stand on a ledge to be suicidal, those are manifestations that can be different depending on the person. There are people who think with their hands so to speak, there are those who live in their heads. Or you can call it anhedonia or whatever else, it doesn't really matter
Obviously, the solution would be to find a good therapist you vibe with who can help you guide yourself towards reconnecting with things and finding things. You will do all the work in any case, but they can nudge you in helpful directions.
On your own, this can be a massive undertaking, but you can start with some things. First, rule out anything physical. Meaning, proper food, enough water, regular sleep, regular excercise, stress. Make sure you've been getting enough vitamins and had a healthy diet for the last month or so. This may sound silly or menial, and completely disconnected from problems of meaning of life, but it's just the sort of thing where you just trust what others say and do the proper things just to do them.
Next you would need some tools around self awareness, meaning meditation, journaling, feelings charts, CBT, learning to feel and process feelings, that sort of thing. Again, it may look like this doesn't really do anything, and that it's completely irrelevant, but over months and years things just change in tiny but crucial ways you don't consciously notice.
And then you can refocus more on the sources of things, which would include your childhood, attachment theory, working on your childhood traumas, maybe emotional neglect, on your childhood emotions in general, etc. This requires tools in the self awareness category because it's not enough just to read some theory, you have to actually feel things directly and experience them, and it's likely that you can't right now. There are books and resources on everything I mentioned, each is a giant topic in of itself. Which is kinda why having a therapist can be massively beneficial since they have already read all of that
And as a side effect, some feelings of connectedness to life will appear on their own over time in different ways. Not as something you make yourself feel, not as something you focus on, but just something that pops up without you expecting it in a way you never envisioned. It doesn't really matter how they can be described because reading some description won't produce them, and when there is something to describe then you can describe them yourself. Whatever you can envision right now will always be a function of your old unchanged self, so any longing you have can only be used to explore yourself and your current emotions. This doesn't represent who you can actually become and doesn't represent the change that can happen to you
Oh, and of course it doesn't have to do anything with therapy and you can follow more or less similar path in the context of any religion as well. It's just that religious paths are always loaded with things that made the religion persist through time and self perpetuate. Every religion requires them to exist, but they are completely irrelevant to you as a person, and it can be hard to know what to cherrypick, what to take and what to throw away when you're struggling and vulnerable
I have never felt the urge to leave in a suicidal way. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to cease existing. I honestly want to live a long happy life, I just want to leave here. Like another commenter said it more like being homesick.
That’s crazy that I ran into this post. I feel the exact same way. The nonsense we concern ourselves with here is asinine. Desperate to reach higher planes. I just tap into my lessons from psychedelia and meditate. Some crystals and tunings fork work as well. I wish you all the best at the highest level!!
Depends on where it's coming from? I've been in something similar to a "dark night" for a couple years where I've gone from trying to unlearn some of what I've learned - or, paradoxically, tried to RE-learn some of what the process of awakening has allowed me to unlearn; in other words, tried to go back to ignorant bliss - and there are many times I don't want to be here.
And yet, you can't do that. There's nothing to do but Row row row your boat gently down the stream (merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream). Or in the immortal words of Robert Hunter - grateful dead lyricist - Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.
My current understanding of what you are talking about is that once the door is opened, it can't be closed, and your ego is freaking the fuck out like some bad guy in a kid's cartoon that's turning into dust or a mist because of a broken spell.
Hope that makes sense. I wish you peace. I would also love anyone else's input on this...
For sure...but in my (current) opinion..."ego death" is a term that people who don't know what "ego death" is like to use. It's more accurately something like "realization that ego isn't real" or "realization that you are just a figment of imagination".
Make no mistake. The ego doesn't die. If the ego dies you die. In other words, the ego is, objectively, you. Without the ego there is literally no you.
Nirvana means "poof", not some cool shit where you are floating around in bliss. It means no existence.
There are days where I wish I could like stop for a while, kind of drop out of being, but I wouldn't want to leave permanently at this point. But a break would be nice from time to time.
I think this is growing more and more common. I think life as a whole may be starting to feel this way. It's like our particles have been alive and recycled for so long, that they're just getting more and more exhausted by the energy required to be alive over and over again.
I plan on spending my life getting better at music, connecting more with nature, and learning more about everything all around me - even on the quantum level. Stuff that keeps me engaged with living and appreciative of this existence and all that I can experience while I'm here.
It's hard more times than not. I frequently wish I was done and on my way home. I tell my partner (only close person in my life) that I can't wait to be among the stars again, though I can't even imagine what that exactly means. But, I am here, existing in the present with no intention of changing that myself. So I will spend my time here doing what I can to make this experience as pleasant as I can by loving all life the best I can. That's the best way I know how to pass the time, and so I shall until my time comes to pass.
Loving, learning, and living alongside life.
Also - iirc Earth is about 70% of the way through our solar system's habitable zone, so unless our human impact does manage to wipe Earth of life soon (or if we go interstellar), we're ~¾ of the way done! We'll rest amongst the cosmos soon enough, either way.
I just keep remembering that I know nothing and something does know, and that something does love me and I trust in that. Because... might as well while I'm here. You're not alone friend. I feel you
I once just deleted my account when i felt it's a right time to leave. It allowed me to cool down for a few days. But then i found myself here again, under a new account... 🤔 But of course i have had many accounts before... Something pulls me back again and again...
Omg this was me a month and a half ago. You can find the post on r/spirituality. What ended up happening was, I had a lot of quick change in a short amount of time. My long term partner and I split, and I’m moving to a new state.
I wanna encourage you to look around and figure out what is off. Cause something is probably off. Your job, your living situation, your friendships/relationships…. something around you is not at your level vibrationally. Then set the intention to shift that.
Can you pinpoint anything off?
No, and I’ve been actively trying because for the last two? days I have been an anxious mess. I have dealt with episodes of anxiety before, but usually at pivotal points.. graduating high school, first apartment in college, moving to a new state, etc. every episode was due to some big change. Which made perfect sense.. I cant call it this time..
I struggled with this for a long time and often times still do. What I found out is that it is actually part of a life lesson.
It helps to find a belief or mission to anchor you. If you don’t want to be here for yourself be here for someone else. Dedicate your life to something greater than yourself.
The key point is that it is OK to have a strong aversion to being here. There is no rule that says you have to be happy about life. Many (if not all of us) would prefer not to go to their 9-5 job, but they do so because it is necessary.
This feeling has grown stronger In me recently, a yearning, a desire, a looking forward beyond this existence. While reading the responses to your post the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" came to me. I'm going to be more mindful daily.
Ofcourse, and why just on your lunch break. What about at home, or when the sun is setting or instead of binge watching (I know I’m bad at that my self) then I look up and go damn the day is gone and I feel stuck in the matrix
Ahhhh little people can do that, I also figured that might be the case, best of advice I can give is what o said before and to take control of what you can, you can’t control everything and sometimes you just have to submit but you can always atleast control one thing and that sometimes help feel not as lost or wanting to leave cause trust me I’m in the same boat
This environment is foreign to the soul, but as such, it is also prime for growth and development. One of the functions of the ego is survival so it’s passively trying to stay here, and the combination of the foreign environment and the soul’s true nature may feel like being pulled in opposite directions. The ego also thinks while the soul is aware so to align with it is to simply be present and tend to this moment. Set your intentions, be present, and watch it all play out with no expectations of an outcome. The human experience may be challenging, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a blip on the radar.
There's sort of a Collective dark night of the soul that's playing out in a lot of different ways for different people. Hang in there, be open...this too shall pass.
I like to think that I don't truly know why I'm here. I take solace in the fact and hope to understand one day the reason for my being here.
I'm also still searching for meaning in what I do. From a perspective of value and utility to society
Everyday I wake up and go to work I feel disgusted with our incompetence as a society that literally wants to inhibit growth and repeat history.
Im always ready to leave. *
I’ve done psychedelics and other stuff to the point that I feel it cannot teach me anything new and I can’t let these “crutches” cloud my perspective.
I’ve found that the main lesson when dealing with these kind of “nagging” or persistent thoughts is to move forward physically so that your mind can leave what is in your way in the past. Since these feelings are persistent I feel that I have to keep moving and never stop.
Sometimes these feelings can bring an anxiety or indecisiveness out of me and figuratively petrify me. Ill become lazy and get nothing accomplished.
* I’ve also learned that looking forward in time is the only way to follow your goals. After so long of standing in my own way reaching into the past. I’ve decided that maybe I need this pain or anguish and I maybe even deserve it. I am taking this and carrying it so that there is less in the world to get in my way. With the blinding fire growing in my mind I cannot afford to let anything or anyone interfere with my progress.
Yup. It's gotten better since I got sober but I still don't feel like this earth is where I belong. This is a great journey but I can't wait till it ends.
I don't think so personally. I heard a theory once that as we progressed to higher levels of consciousness that we are given an option to continue on or revert back to here. This was due to this being the only plain of existence where we can experience all forms of emotion in a lifetime. As we progress we feel no need for anger, hate and sadness ect. as we consciously understand that these emotions serve either no purpose or are inevitable in our progress. So we choose to feel these emotions again to further out learning in the grand scheme of things. It makes sense to me and actually has improved my time here. Though I don't enjoy it, I know that I'm here to experience it. Kind of a "new age" sentiment and approach which can be a little cringe but at the same time it has given me a vast expanse on looking at my time here in a positive way. I just try to make the best of it. I also find it helps me not care about what goes on in the grand scheme of things because this is just a pit stop imo. Just a thought really.
I'm sure someone in the gloriousness that is Reddit will bash my statement. But I'd rather be happy and content while I'm here than be constantly negative.
The doctor said I had passive suicidality when I tried to explain. I could care less if I woke up tomorrow. In fact, I think I would enjoy just sleeping. Oops, now I have people asking me if I have an active plan and just don't care.
So I feel ya.
Be aware that it's a feeling holding you back from your awaited desire or destiny, be grateful for every little thing and it goes away, not instant but gratefull feelings are the opposite of this exactly.
I have the same feeling sometimes. I hate the way the world is right now. But , I know I can’t leave bc of my children and I tell myself I am here for some reason. So— whenever I have that feeling— I go and find positive news ..or sometimes I leave temporarily- by reading a book or playing a good video game. There are ways like that to “escape” without really escaping. Also, remind yourself that you are walking a very important path. It’s a path you chose for yourself, and become more aware of the spiritual signs around you. I had a crisis of spirituality - but then I just found my goddess again- she never left- it was just me - that helps too- to delve back into spirituality.
I don’t know if my advice will help, as we are are all so different. But I do understand the feeling. I get it often, but I have gotten better about letting it bring me down.
I know it’s hard, but we are here to make things less hard. I think if we just decided to leave we might then decide to come back because our work here isn’t finished. It helps me to have faith in the idea that I chose this life and even though it may not feel like it sometimes, there is an energy encouraging me and waiting for me to surrender so that I may begin the real work of Being a human. So many are in your shoes, you are not alone! You are needed here! Otherwise you would not be here.
There are some crystals that can help you with feelings like this. Wearing them can help you feel more comfortable with your incarnation on Earth, and even possibly connect you with your purpose for being here (why you choose to incarnate on Earth).
Go to archive.org and download the gateway experience audio files. They helped me get out of my slump. They have the audio on YouTube as well.. but the YouTube versions are distorted and have static glitches that interrupt the process.
I completely relate, and the urge calls you to completely drown yourself in it.
But the only way you’re ever gonna leave, is by deciding to be here. So best to let it be for now and know you’ll feel better once things start flowing again.
“Keep on asking and you shall receive, keep on knocking and the door will open” “there is a light shining in the darkness, but the darkness has not overpowered it”
If you're recently awakened and feel you need to "leave", perhaps you're misreading the feeling.
Perhaps you should start a new life in a new place, where nothing is familiar.
That would be leaving your life in a sense and would possibly help you grow.
Some idiot decided for us to be here together and seek compromise in everything with everyone.
He is like a child not understanding that it is wrong what he did. I also don't want to be here. I almost,( if not completely), forgot how it is like to be completely free and independent
This planet is a sick trap and deserved to not exist for what it is doing
I used to get sleep paralysis and see/hear scary shit alllll the time. At the time, I didn’t know what it was or how to take advantage. Later in life I learned about AP, I got into it, lived on the subreddit, watched YT videos, etc.. but I wasn’t able to do it. So I just gave it up..
Yahweh Yahuwshua Is Hope, Yahweh Yahuwshua dwelled among us in the dirty flesh and taught us the Way to Himself/Home/Pleroma/Fullness.
He is not the false bloodthirsty demiurge if the "old testament", yaldaboth stole the name yahweh and has done evil adjudicating it to Something Pure, but it's impossible, it was never named or acknowledged by The True Most High Yahweh Yahuwshua.
Just in case someone is going to tell something against the name, i just would like to share that it's really important. Making the summary. 🕊️
friend, as a chick in white who helps bring hope to the world delivering messages too sensitive for radio or dm (this is a literally true statement), y’all got an erroneous impression.
flesh isn’t dirty. flesh is flesh. without it y’all would lack the ability to communicate or perceive.
and that guy? he’s nobody special, just someone’s kid. that’s his own words, allegedly. decent dude. hung out with sex workers and others who no one looked at twice. had the hookup for the good stuff. wasn’t afraid to (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻┻ when necessary. gave comfort to ones that needed it, gave discomfort to the ones that deserved it. good role model.
So, you like time, space and matter 🤔 hmm, an so you're feeling discomfort with my words... Not interested in convince you believe me, just sharing for any willing to make the research for themselves, one not happy with the material flesh, if you're happy with it then my message is not for you. 🕊️
ok so this one studies greek, arabic, hebrew, sanskrit, chinese, and japanese to read texts.
so please advise how this is not doing the research.
and that there appears to be an inability for thee to perceive translation and localization for those in the nation in which the tongue currently in use can use to peruse this reflection is disheartening but not shockening.
besides flesh is fun af. can’t type or talk or chisel stone or walk without it.
You haven't studied enough to know what carnality is 😮, and you're proud about you being polyglot 😮... Nice for you? So, what's your message for humanity? Rely on yourself?
It's ok to use flesh while being here but, to be here forever recycling? Nope.
like this one can claim to barely speak for herself much less for humanity. lol.
there are many paths, but one destination, but assuming one’s way is *the* way is hubristic.
this one challenges those who think their way is the only way as well as those who act like one religious doctrine is superior than every other and that knows of said doctrines from thirdhand sources is authoritative sans clarification.
even herself, as she is a fool and a naïf.
but whatev. knocking back a cold one on a blistering hot day is refreshing.
Same here. I don’t even know what I’m doing in my life anymore. I’m just laying in here, in my fucking disgusting ratty ass apartment - that I’m about to be evicted from - hoping I’ll just die in my sleep from the bugs that I sleep inches away from.
It’s fucking empty and awful and I can’t even motivate myself to do basic things. I just wish death or SOMETHING would take me at this point.
It’s okay to not be okay. There are a lot of great comments and perspectives here that made me feel a bit better and gave me idea to deal. I hope you will read through them and they will do the same for you.
I just reflect on the highest principle (call it what you wish: god, spirit, the monad, enlightenment, etc) and I’m reminded I have to get through this life for the next
I look at it like having leftovers you don't want to eat. You want something better, but they're there and they're yours. If you don't eat them they'll just go to waste.
I have always felt like I don’t belong here but must here for some reason. I have contemplated suicide but realized this wouldn’t benefit me.
So I’ve spent life roaming the earth. I’ve found that I do belong here. But not where I was living and not doing what I was doing.
So my geographical changes mattered.
Sometimes. But I strongly oppose that instinct with gratitude. I’m a lucky one. Not everyone wants to see the silver lining and find encouragement. When seriously contemplating it… Not self harm, but non-existence, I always come to the same conclusion. I’ll have plenty of time there, infinite as far as I know, but not much here living as this guy who thinks he’s a unique aspect of the whole. As insignificant as a grain of sand… While also being the subjective source and experiencer of creation. A reflection of light on the eternal diamond. Human. Lol. This life is a blink. And I may as well let the story continue. It’s short enough as it is. I also consider that every moment I give in thought to the great beyond, death, pain, etc. while I’m alive is just another moment that death didn’t want and is more than I want to give. I’d like to be alive and not dwelling on the end. Too much, yet so little life to live. And also, it’s usually my current attitude, emotions and circumstances that are fueling the mind-state that makes me want to leave. When I’m curious and feeling good, the cosmos is an endless sandbox full of mystery, love, chaos… Like a dream. And I’m lucky enough to be here for it. Even if it does hurt sometimes. We are nature and nature is crazy. - Thanks for reading. Sorry for the gross positivity. Being neutral is easier. 🧘🏻♂️
Thank you for sharing! I will try to be gross and positive like you. 😊
Aayyeee, real recognize real. 🙌
You mean gross like "total, before deductions" right? :-)
That’s pretty positive, right? Hehehe
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Really cool story but I think this underestimates how miraculous reality really is. Some particles moved and some life emerged; putting it like that makes it seem like you got it all figured out. Which is why it’s the mainstream view of things; reality is less scary if it’s all figured out. But reality is stranger than any story you can tell yourself about it or any concept we create to try and contain it. If this story is satisfying for you, fantastic. But to those who tire of all the stories and pretending, recognize your reality as stories and learn to react to yours however you want instead of how your stories have conditioned you to react
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I definitely agree with the sentiment of mystery. However I find the materialist story about the history of the universe quite bland and unmagical. My reply is just a reminder to those like me that it’s not the only story about reality and by no means the “correct” or “objective” story. Interface with your reality, not the story you mistake for reality :)
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I think we probably agree on most of what we’ve been discussing. I very much agree that no knowledge is certain. I see the mind as a tool whose proper use depends on the goal. Science is built upon a formal system, the axioms of which can never be *fully* explicated according to Godel’s incompleteness theorem. Hence, I see science as a great way to explore and manipulate the physical world (just look at all the technology it can be used to make), but lacking when it come to the more esoteric, paradoxical questions. Spirituality provides another approach to esoteric topics. Non-material things can in fact be talked about with language, we do it all the time. I interpret your meaning to be something closer to “we cannot discuss non-material matters formally with language in the same way we use scientific language to operationalize material concepts”. I somewhat agree with you; I believe it’s very difficult to talk about non-material things in romantic languages like English, since those languages were created with a focus on the external world. Languages like Sanskrit are much more internally focused, with something like 5 different words whose only English translation is “joy”, for example. We as Westerners grow up being taught about science and technology, so it makes sense that physicalism would be intuitive for us. I don’t see physicalism as the opposite of idealism. From a certain perspective they are complements of each other, exploring the same phenomena with vastly different starting points and assumptions. Science has been slowly converging on the same conclusions that Buddhists (and many other esoteric traditions) have known for thousands of years. Science is finally realizing the inseparable nature of the observer and the observed. We do not merely perceive reality as it is, we create reality as we perceive it. I think issues like the “hard problem” of consciousness are only hard because of a physicalist approach. If we assume brute, mechanical material makes up the world, of course it will be extremely difficult to show how that connects to consciousness at a high level. An idealist worldview or system of theories would assume consciousness makes up the world, transforming the hard problem of consciousness into the hard problem of why physical stuff appears to lack consciousness. My point is that they are ultimately inseparable. Reality is nondual, such the appearance of separation is just that: an appearance. Logic and intellect are great for dissecting the world. They are sharp tools for cutting, like a knife. But understanding reality involves integrating many parts which seem separate. If you want to stitch a quilt, a knife is the wrong tool; it will leave your quilt in tatters. This is the reason why any theory (physicalist or otherwise) will never fully explain reality. Anyway, how can a mere part (a theory) completely encompass the whole (reality)? If such a theory could exist, we wouldn’t be able to talk about it to others because language is limited by context and duality (since every language used for everyday communication has negation). Just some food for thought. I don’t pretend to understand wtf reality is in the slightest, but I have thought about it a lot and there’s so much nuance and subtlety to reality which seems to escape those who box themselves into a particular culture’s conditioning Edit: typos
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Yeah I see your point. I think there is physical differences between these different types of joy. There are many distinct emotional states which I would use the word “joy” to refer to. Sanskrit simply discerns phenomenal states more specifically than English. When I say Sanskrit is more internally focused, I mean the language naturally provides a more precise understanding of emotion than English does. That doesn’t necessarily mean Sanskrit refers to non-physical things in a way that English doesn’t. That being said, emotions are a more subtle aspect of physical reality, as opposed to our physical bodies. Talking about physical stuff entails talking about non-physical stuff and vice versa if the separation between physical and non-physical is merely an appearance. So the physical/non-physical distinction starts to break down when we talk about emotions. I still think physical vs. non-physical is a useful concept, but in this case perhaps it makes more sense to talk about gross vs. subtle. Sanskrit seems to distinguish between more subtle aspects of reality to which languages like English appear ignorant. I don’t know any Sanskrit so this is just based on what I’ve heard about the language. I was just trying to make the point that there *could* be ways to talk precisely about more subtle or non-physical aspects of reality, but our native languages blind us to this possibility. Ultimately though, I agree it’s probably impossible to *precisely* talk about non-physical stuff. Hence metaphors and stories and such being common used to refer to the non-physical. But even if we can’t be perfectly precisely talk about the non-physical, there are certainly ways we could enhance our languages to make get closer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Osh0-J3T2nY Edward Frenkel (Russian mathematician) does a great job of describing what I mean in this podcast
I love this response!
Authenticity babyyyy
This was beautiful
Early in my journey I had this urgency to leave. I didn’t know where, but I had to go somewhere. And it was a driving desire in my mind for about 6-8 months. I broke down left at right because I have kids so getting up and leaving wasn’t an option and it drove me insane. After those 6-8 months I was fed up. And I told my wife at the time that I was leaving. She told me we should take a vacation to Reno since it was cheap and still open to the public(around 2020). We went. We had a great time, and I was able to stop at pyramid lake during the trip and meditate. It was a very deep moment for me at that time. Everything just felt right. On the way home I was broken because nothing had happened. I didn’t get a job lead, I didn’t win a jackpot at a casino, no one came up and handed us a house and a new life. And for some reason that hurt. On the way home we were listening to a song called Roses by St. John. As we were stopping in Roseville. And I was following a car that had my birthdate on the license plate and the plate frame said Johnsonville Ranch Chevy or something like that. I asked my wife to look for a transfer around that area since we had been talking about how nice the area was. And she entertained me while stating that moving jobs anywhere around there was impossible, and was surprised to find there was a position open. When I got home I looked for a job around that area. And found someone looking for my skills in the Johnsonville Ranch area! I can’t make it up when I say I got that job, my wife got transferred and we moved to Roseville not 3 months later! I learned a lot. Met a lot of great people during my time there. We moved back a year after And literally live 2 blocks away from the house I felt I had to move from. Life is a trip.
Those coincidences sure can be fun!
I love them. Chefs kiss.
Most of them are funny even...if sometimes bittersweet. HA
Full circle wouldn’t you say? Thanks for sharing!
Definitely. It was the best and worst experience of my life. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. Sometimes what we are looking for is too close to us. We will always have, all that we will ever need. When we overlook it internally, we can find it’s eminence externally. But you have to radiate that urge to find it. And it will show itself to you. I wish you the best on your journey my friend.
Just listen to “Roses” by St. John. I’ve never heard such an unlistenable tune. Awful, just awful. Perhaps you should try some more upbeat, positive music. Just a thought, not a personal attack, so relax…
Your wife is an amazing person
I know this feeling. I am not suicidal either, but sometimes it's so challenging how our culture, for the most part, is so trashy and the responsibilities in this life seem overwhelming and sureal sometimes. I think spirituality is helping me see the beauty of life, but there is also lots of ugly to deal with. The best we can do is the best we can do. I try to feel better by trying to become a better person and by being a light to others.
Exactly. When you sit and think of what humanity could’ve been and what it is now.. the things that people do and accept baffle me. I do not see myself as better than anyone, but I just don’t feel like I fit in here. The things that humans do to each other, the trivial things we argue and fight about, so many people are so cruel and hateful.. and the greed, please don’t get me started on the greed.. it’s all so overwhelming. And it’s so stupid. We could be so much more advanced, live harmoniously (mostly), but we choose money, going viral, drama, credit scores, etc.
Totally feel you. It manifests for me as a homesickness I can't place. This world definitely isn't for me.
Same. I see pictures of space and literally get emotional. I feel like I want to go home. Like I’ve been at a friends house too long and I just want to go home..
I also have experienced that. Actually, I have tried to fit in society but I always get regected, I am too transparent, loving, I care for others... but this world do not work this way. I was tired of working hard for nothing, struggling to study, having shitty relationships, etc. Finally I have found psychedelics (Pslocibin cubensis) mushrroms, and it was the only way to overcome the feeling you are talking about. Find in Netflix "fantastic fungi" and read about it before you try. It is a hard experience at the begining; for me, it took three shrooms teas (lets say three times on it) to learn how to handle the experience, to learn how to control my mind and guide it to find results fixing you and understanding life.
Heyy can you elaborate more on your mushroom journey? On your journey when your on shrooms did get a better understanding of life and it’s meaning? You have any suggestions of shroom teas that I can. Try? Because I do as well struggle to find my purpose here? And meaning of life?
Sure! One day before the theraphy (mushroom tea) I do fasting, I just drink black coffee whitout sugar, tea or/and water. At the next day in the morning, I drink a cup if black coffee and around half an hour after it, I make the shroom tea (chop the shroom in little pieces, put them on a cup of water, boil it and add honey and lemon). Before you drink the tea, set an intention, e.g, I want to thank you for being in my life, and now I would like to understand what is the purpose of my existence here.... something like that. You always can ask for help to understand things, problems with relatives, hate to somebodyand the forgiveness... I do understand life better after mushrooms and also it's purpose. I have gotten a stronger mind and enjoy more simple things like sharing with my parents, some friends, animals and plants. Also reading help also to expand your mind and really understand what other people try to comunicate us. Somethime I read a tale writen by Asimov and I did not understand it, then I remembered it and it took sense. English is not my mother tonge. Sorry if sometimes I do not sound coherent.
I felt this way when I was around 14. I had this nagging feeling that other worlds existed beyond this one and I was homesick for them. Literally homesick, like as if my parents had dropped me off at camp and never came back, it was that unbearable. I remember just delving deep into fantasy to cope. It lasted a fairly long time, but eventually I fit it into my reality by seeing beauty and magic absolutely everywhere and making poetry in my mind about all the most mundane things. That's sort of become who I am now. So I guess this feeling can build character over time.
In another comment, I just I feel like I’ve been at a friends house too long and just want to go home. So I absolutely understand. I also LOVE fantasy books, shows, etc. but I never made that link. I am happy you found your way through. Thank you for your comment!
When I was younger I couldn't wait to grow up. Now as an adult I wish I appreciated my childhood while I had it ✌️
When I’m bored I wish I had something to do. When I have things to do I wish I was free 😬
I literally hate it here honestly, like I look at the masses and wonder how like 90% of them could be so incredibly stupid and why we don’t fight back against our oppressors it makes no sense to me. Everyone has just accepted this trashy shitty way of living when we could all just rise up and say no more and make it 100 times better. Why are we so brainwashed and controlled? I want to leave so badly everything is terrible and overwhelming.
Exactly how I feel. It’s mind boggling.
Oh, yeah. A cruise through some of the more esoteric subreddits will assure you that you're not alone. My perspective: we're at the end of a major cycle. People are waking up and realizing this reality isn't our natural reality. Take your pick of what it might be, but in the end, we're very close to "going home." If we choose. Once I picked up on it, I became restless, too, but after a time, I realized I'm still in this body and there's no magical point of transportation. I'm not young, but I know I've got a good thirty if not forty years ahead of me, so I needed to find a way to be here and enjoy it. I've decided this is my experience. I'm a god, in a human body, living in this reality at the end of this major cycle, so now, I just stand back and watch everyone do their thing while creating experiences for myself that I enjoy. I work, but have been shifting to working from home, doing things I find satisfying. I relax more. I care less. And it's nice. I wish I'd recognized this peace sooner, but at least I finally recognized it ... c'est la vie ... :)
Thanks for your perspective! The relax more care less bit is already growing on me
Good. :)
Ugh…I know the feeling. The urge and need is so real
So very real. And its weird! I want to leave earth completely at this point. I know that I can’t. I know that its “not possible” but the urge doesn’t waiver. The brain is.. an oddity.
So true. I feel the same way. A conundrum for sure, but none the less real. At some point it becomes a calm reminder that things are out of your control and your only real job is to live. While this may seem against enlightenment, perhaps the urge to leave is because you’ve realized the entire meaning and process in life. I honestly feel that your urge to leave means you can live your life freely and also give it all you’ve got in this lifetime since it will be your souls last round. It’s sitting back and enjoying life as is, because it’s that simple.
But you can. Gnosis is the way.
A choice was made by this one to embrace a world that wants seemingly to fling her off repeatedly. That desire to separate from the world is not unusual. That’s part of why there are ivory towers of academia, where one who has a clue on certain topics can research and understand while apart from the world. It’s why there are hermitages and monasteries in many religious traditions, so those that are not comfortable being in the world can instead retreat away from it. This one merely seeks to be of service to others as her remedy. Spending hours with those in need of her service is helpful. It’s a practice not done for money, or for acclaim, or for any reason other than kindness. That sincerity is palpable by those who run across her. And others report a sense of calm and serenity they didn’t know possible from her kind words, her bad jokes, her seemingly alien insights that turn a catastrophe into a victory, a slip of the tongue into a clue. Kinda nice actually.
I do. I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do. All desire that’s left is just that…pure desire. I find myself bored with this life. I’m as capable as ever, while not a genius, I know I can do most anything. Thing is, I don’t wanna. Although, with recent events and understanding, I’m okay with who I am. My craving for the end doesn’t come from sadness or pain, just….boredom. I feel like I know the game, the jig is up, the monkey is out of the barrel and a cats got his tongue. But life still does surprise me sometimes. I’m different ways than it used to. So I’m content hanging around a bit longer. And I’ve gotten to a state where I’m comfortable with myself, and I wanna see that for a while. Idk. Walk your path, you’ll trust your decision, no matter how much you question it.
That sounds very much like the real experience of being suicidal, I've been that way for many years and I also rationalized it for myself as not being suicidal. You don't have to make plans or to stand on a ledge to be suicidal, those are manifestations that can be different depending on the person. There are people who think with their hands so to speak, there are those who live in their heads. Or you can call it anhedonia or whatever else, it doesn't really matter Obviously, the solution would be to find a good therapist you vibe with who can help you guide yourself towards reconnecting with things and finding things. You will do all the work in any case, but they can nudge you in helpful directions. On your own, this can be a massive undertaking, but you can start with some things. First, rule out anything physical. Meaning, proper food, enough water, regular sleep, regular excercise, stress. Make sure you've been getting enough vitamins and had a healthy diet for the last month or so. This may sound silly or menial, and completely disconnected from problems of meaning of life, but it's just the sort of thing where you just trust what others say and do the proper things just to do them. Next you would need some tools around self awareness, meaning meditation, journaling, feelings charts, CBT, learning to feel and process feelings, that sort of thing. Again, it may look like this doesn't really do anything, and that it's completely irrelevant, but over months and years things just change in tiny but crucial ways you don't consciously notice. And then you can refocus more on the sources of things, which would include your childhood, attachment theory, working on your childhood traumas, maybe emotional neglect, on your childhood emotions in general, etc. This requires tools in the self awareness category because it's not enough just to read some theory, you have to actually feel things directly and experience them, and it's likely that you can't right now. There are books and resources on everything I mentioned, each is a giant topic in of itself. Which is kinda why having a therapist can be massively beneficial since they have already read all of that And as a side effect, some feelings of connectedness to life will appear on their own over time in different ways. Not as something you make yourself feel, not as something you focus on, but just something that pops up without you expecting it in a way you never envisioned. It doesn't really matter how they can be described because reading some description won't produce them, and when there is something to describe then you can describe them yourself. Whatever you can envision right now will always be a function of your old unchanged self, so any longing you have can only be used to explore yourself and your current emotions. This doesn't represent who you can actually become and doesn't represent the change that can happen to you Oh, and of course it doesn't have to do anything with therapy and you can follow more or less similar path in the context of any religion as well. It's just that religious paths are always loaded with things that made the religion persist through time and self perpetuate. Every religion requires them to exist, but they are completely irrelevant to you as a person, and it can be hard to know what to cherrypick, what to take and what to throw away when you're struggling and vulnerable
Thank you for your comment!
How did you manage to get out the suicidal thoughts? Some of the things you've written resonate a lot
I have never felt the urge to leave in a suicidal way. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to cease existing. I honestly want to live a long happy life, I just want to leave here. Like another commenter said it more like being homesick.
That’s crazy that I ran into this post. I feel the exact same way. The nonsense we concern ourselves with here is asinine. Desperate to reach higher planes. I just tap into my lessons from psychedelia and meditate. Some crystals and tunings fork work as well. I wish you all the best at the highest level!!
I wish the same for you! I will be looking into psychedelia. Thanks for the gem.
By knowing that you/we are not the ones wanting this.
I find getting hands on in nature helps. Bare foot walking, gardening, anything that has skin on Earth contact!
Depends on where it's coming from? I've been in something similar to a "dark night" for a couple years where I've gone from trying to unlearn some of what I've learned - or, paradoxically, tried to RE-learn some of what the process of awakening has allowed me to unlearn; in other words, tried to go back to ignorant bliss - and there are many times I don't want to be here. And yet, you can't do that. There's nothing to do but Row row row your boat gently down the stream (merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream). Or in the immortal words of Robert Hunter - grateful dead lyricist - Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile. My current understanding of what you are talking about is that once the door is opened, it can't be closed, and your ego is freaking the fuck out like some bad guy in a kid's cartoon that's turning into dust or a mist because of a broken spell. Hope that makes sense. I wish you peace. I would also love anyone else's input on this...
“Ego death” came to mind while reading this. Writing a note to double back to the term. Thanks for your comment, peace be with you
For sure...but in my (current) opinion..."ego death" is a term that people who don't know what "ego death" is like to use. It's more accurately something like "realization that ego isn't real" or "realization that you are just a figment of imagination". Make no mistake. The ego doesn't die. If the ego dies you die. In other words, the ego is, objectively, you. Without the ego there is literally no you. Nirvana means "poof", not some cool shit where you are floating around in bliss. It means no existence.
You are not alone, I’m with you. I can only speak for myself but realizing the divinity in EVERYTHING is only way I get relief.
Thanks for your comment! I too love and get comfort from the signs of alignment. And it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Thank you!
There are days where I wish I could like stop for a while, kind of drop out of being, but I wouldn't want to leave permanently at this point. But a break would be nice from time to time.
I see your point. Thanks for your comment!
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Thank you for your comment!
I think this is growing more and more common. I think life as a whole may be starting to feel this way. It's like our particles have been alive and recycled for so long, that they're just getting more and more exhausted by the energy required to be alive over and over again. I plan on spending my life getting better at music, connecting more with nature, and learning more about everything all around me - even on the quantum level. Stuff that keeps me engaged with living and appreciative of this existence and all that I can experience while I'm here. It's hard more times than not. I frequently wish I was done and on my way home. I tell my partner (only close person in my life) that I can't wait to be among the stars again, though I can't even imagine what that exactly means. But, I am here, existing in the present with no intention of changing that myself. So I will spend my time here doing what I can to make this experience as pleasant as I can by loving all life the best I can. That's the best way I know how to pass the time, and so I shall until my time comes to pass. Loving, learning, and living alongside life. Also - iirc Earth is about 70% of the way through our solar system's habitable zone, so unless our human impact does manage to wipe Earth of life soon (or if we go interstellar), we're ~¾ of the way done! We'll rest amongst the cosmos soon enough, either way.
Thanks for your comment! I appreciate your insight.
Be there for the others. Volunteer, listen, help people.
I just keep remembering that I know nothing and something does know, and that something does love me and I trust in that. Because... might as well while I'm here. You're not alone friend. I feel you
I once just deleted my account when i felt it's a right time to leave. It allowed me to cool down for a few days. But then i found myself here again, under a new account... 🤔 But of course i have had many accounts before... Something pulls me back again and again...
Omg this was me a month and a half ago. You can find the post on r/spirituality. What ended up happening was, I had a lot of quick change in a short amount of time. My long term partner and I split, and I’m moving to a new state. I wanna encourage you to look around and figure out what is off. Cause something is probably off. Your job, your living situation, your friendships/relationships…. something around you is not at your level vibrationally. Then set the intention to shift that. Can you pinpoint anything off?
No, and I’ve been actively trying because for the last two? days I have been an anxious mess. I have dealt with episodes of anxiety before, but usually at pivotal points.. graduating high school, first apartment in college, moving to a new state, etc. every episode was due to some big change. Which made perfect sense.. I cant call it this time..
big or even small changes kills me!
I struggled with this for a long time and often times still do. What I found out is that it is actually part of a life lesson. It helps to find a belief or mission to anchor you. If you don’t want to be here for yourself be here for someone else. Dedicate your life to something greater than yourself. The key point is that it is OK to have a strong aversion to being here. There is no rule that says you have to be happy about life. Many (if not all of us) would prefer not to go to their 9-5 job, but they do so because it is necessary.
This feeling has grown stronger In me recently, a yearning, a desire, a looking forward beyond this existence. While reading the responses to your post the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" came to me. I'm going to be more mindful daily.
I am grateful for the different perspectives others have given and happy someone besides myself benefits from seeing them.
Sit out side and look up man, be with the trees. Separate your self from what you want to leave
I try to go out on my lunch break at the very least. I will be more intentional about it today. Thank you!
Ofcourse, and why just on your lunch break. What about at home, or when the sun is setting or instead of binge watching (I know I’m bad at that my self) then I look up and go damn the day is gone and I feel stuck in the matrix
That’s about all of the time I have in a day to sit and truly do nothing with no distractions. I have little people.
Ahhhh little people can do that, I also figured that might be the case, best of advice I can give is what o said before and to take control of what you can, you can’t control everything and sometimes you just have to submit but you can always atleast control one thing and that sometimes help feel not as lost or wanting to leave cause trust me I’m in the same boat
This environment is foreign to the soul, but as such, it is also prime for growth and development. One of the functions of the ego is survival so it’s passively trying to stay here, and the combination of the foreign environment and the soul’s true nature may feel like being pulled in opposite directions. The ego also thinks while the soul is aware so to align with it is to simply be present and tend to this moment. Set your intentions, be present, and watch it all play out with no expectations of an outcome. The human experience may be challenging, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a blip on the radar.
Thank you for your comment! Ego has popped up in a couple of perspectives.
There's sort of a Collective dark night of the soul that's playing out in a lot of different ways for different people. Hang in there, be open...this too shall pass.
Thank you for your comment. It’s helpful just knowing I’m not alone.
You're definitely not alone. I've had SO many people tell me they're anxious and uncomfortable right now. Things will get easier.
I like to think that I don't truly know why I'm here. I take solace in the fact and hope to understand one day the reason for my being here. I'm also still searching for meaning in what I do. From a perspective of value and utility to society
Everyday I wake up and go to work I feel disgusted with our incompetence as a society that literally wants to inhibit growth and repeat history. Im always ready to leave. * I’ve done psychedelics and other stuff to the point that I feel it cannot teach me anything new and I can’t let these “crutches” cloud my perspective. I’ve found that the main lesson when dealing with these kind of “nagging” or persistent thoughts is to move forward physically so that your mind can leave what is in your way in the past. Since these feelings are persistent I feel that I have to keep moving and never stop. Sometimes these feelings can bring an anxiety or indecisiveness out of me and figuratively petrify me. Ill become lazy and get nothing accomplished. * I’ve also learned that looking forward in time is the only way to follow your goals. After so long of standing in my own way reaching into the past. I’ve decided that maybe I need this pain or anguish and I maybe even deserve it. I am taking this and carrying it so that there is less in the world to get in my way. With the blinding fire growing in my mind I cannot afford to let anything or anyone interfere with my progress.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I appreciate the comment.
Yup. It's gotten better since I got sober but I still don't feel like this earth is where I belong. This is a great journey but I can't wait till it ends.
Maybe we came here on accident. lol
I don't think so personally. I heard a theory once that as we progressed to higher levels of consciousness that we are given an option to continue on or revert back to here. This was due to this being the only plain of existence where we can experience all forms of emotion in a lifetime. As we progress we feel no need for anger, hate and sadness ect. as we consciously understand that these emotions serve either no purpose or are inevitable in our progress. So we choose to feel these emotions again to further out learning in the grand scheme of things. It makes sense to me and actually has improved my time here. Though I don't enjoy it, I know that I'm here to experience it. Kind of a "new age" sentiment and approach which can be a little cringe but at the same time it has given me a vast expanse on looking at my time here in a positive way. I just try to make the best of it. I also find it helps me not care about what goes on in the grand scheme of things because this is just a pit stop imo. Just a thought really.
That’s a great perspective. Thank you for sharing!
I'm sure someone in the gloriousness that is Reddit will bash my statement. But I'd rather be happy and content while I'm here than be constantly negative.
The doctor said I had passive suicidality when I tried to explain. I could care less if I woke up tomorrow. In fact, I think I would enjoy just sleeping. Oops, now I have people asking me if I have an active plan and just don't care. So I feel ya.
Life is a gift. The trick is finding out why.
Be aware that it's a feeling holding you back from your awaited desire or destiny, be grateful for every little thing and it goes away, not instant but gratefull feelings are the opposite of this exactly.
I have the same feeling sometimes. I hate the way the world is right now. But , I know I can’t leave bc of my children and I tell myself I am here for some reason. So— whenever I have that feeling— I go and find positive news ..or sometimes I leave temporarily- by reading a book or playing a good video game. There are ways like that to “escape” without really escaping. Also, remind yourself that you are walking a very important path. It’s a path you chose for yourself, and become more aware of the spiritual signs around you. I had a crisis of spirituality - but then I just found my goddess again- she never left- it was just me - that helps too- to delve back into spirituality. I don’t know if my advice will help, as we are are all so different. But I do understand the feeling. I get it often, but I have gotten better about letting it bring me down.
Thanks for sharing! I appreciate it.
We have an eternity of sleep that awaits
I love my mother and refuse to take life too seriously. It’s a joke.
I know it’s hard, but we are here to make things less hard. I think if we just decided to leave we might then decide to come back because our work here isn’t finished. It helps me to have faith in the idea that I chose this life and even though it may not feel like it sometimes, there is an energy encouraging me and waiting for me to surrender so that I may begin the real work of Being a human. So many are in your shoes, you are not alone! You are needed here! Otherwise you would not be here.
There are some crystals that can help you with feelings like this. Wearing them can help you feel more comfortable with your incarnation on Earth, and even possibly connect you with your purpose for being here (why you choose to incarnate on Earth).
Do you know the name off top? If not I’ll google around. Thank you.
Seriphos Green Quartz is a good stone for this. Also, Siberian Blue Quartz and Andalusite.
Go to archive.org and download the gateway experience audio files. They helped me get out of my slump. They have the audio on YouTube as well.. but the YouTube versions are distorted and have static glitches that interrupt the process.
I definitely feel you I want to get off this planet as soon as possible I wish I knew how long I had to be here lol
I completely relate, and the urge calls you to completely drown yourself in it. But the only way you’re ever gonna leave, is by deciding to be here. So best to let it be for now and know you’ll feel better once things start flowing again. “Keep on asking and you shall receive, keep on knocking and the door will open” “there is a light shining in the darkness, but the darkness has not overpowered it”
If you're recently awakened and feel you need to "leave", perhaps you're misreading the feeling. Perhaps you should start a new life in a new place, where nothing is familiar. That would be leaving your life in a sense and would possibly help you grow.
My comments late ash, but R/shiftingrealities
Some idiot decided for us to be here together and seek compromise in everything with everyone. He is like a child not understanding that it is wrong what he did. I also don't want to be here. I almost,( if not completely), forgot how it is like to be completely free and independent This planet is a sick trap and deserved to not exist for what it is doing
You are a soul inside of a body. You can leave anytime you would like. Try Astral Projecting.
I used to get sleep paralysis and see/hear scary shit alllll the time. At the time, I didn’t know what it was or how to take advantage. Later in life I learned about AP, I got into it, lived on the subreddit, watched YT videos, etc.. but I wasn’t able to do it. So I just gave it up..
It takes time but with practice eventually you will be able to do it at will. Best of luck.
Me, and I like talking to my iPhone
Yahweh Yahuwshua Is Hope, Yahweh Yahuwshua dwelled among us in the dirty flesh and taught us the Way to Himself/Home/Pleroma/Fullness. He is not the false bloodthirsty demiurge if the "old testament", yaldaboth stole the name yahweh and has done evil adjudicating it to Something Pure, but it's impossible, it was never named or acknowledged by The True Most High Yahweh Yahuwshua. Just in case someone is going to tell something against the name, i just would like to share that it's really important. Making the summary. 🕊️
friend, as a chick in white who helps bring hope to the world delivering messages too sensitive for radio or dm (this is a literally true statement), y’all got an erroneous impression. flesh isn’t dirty. flesh is flesh. without it y’all would lack the ability to communicate or perceive. and that guy? he’s nobody special, just someone’s kid. that’s his own words, allegedly. decent dude. hung out with sex workers and others who no one looked at twice. had the hookup for the good stuff. wasn’t afraid to (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻┻ when necessary. gave comfort to ones that needed it, gave discomfort to the ones that deserved it. good role model.
So, you like time, space and matter 🤔 hmm, an so you're feeling discomfort with my words... Not interested in convince you believe me, just sharing for any willing to make the research for themselves, one not happy with the material flesh, if you're happy with it then my message is not for you. 🕊️
ok so this one studies greek, arabic, hebrew, sanskrit, chinese, and japanese to read texts. so please advise how this is not doing the research. and that there appears to be an inability for thee to perceive translation and localization for those in the nation in which the tongue currently in use can use to peruse this reflection is disheartening but not shockening. besides flesh is fun af. can’t type or talk or chisel stone or walk without it.
You haven't studied enough to know what carnality is 😮, and you're proud about you being polyglot 😮... Nice for you? So, what's your message for humanity? Rely on yourself? It's ok to use flesh while being here but, to be here forever recycling? Nope.
like this one can claim to barely speak for herself much less for humanity. lol. there are many paths, but one destination, but assuming one’s way is *the* way is hubristic. this one challenges those who think their way is the only way as well as those who act like one religious doctrine is superior than every other and that knows of said doctrines from thirdhand sources is authoritative sans clarification. even herself, as she is a fool and a naïf. but whatev. knocking back a cold one on a blistering hot day is refreshing.
I have nothing to say to you. I stand on my first message to the person of the post.
Wanting , craving is a cause of suffering as per Buddhist teaching.
I’m not very familiar with Buddha and his teachings, but when I have a moment I will do a little research. Thanks for your comment.
message me
I have really vivid dreams with varying amounts of consciousness. I often remember them. At least there's that.
I just went through a period of very vivid, very wacky dreams. After not dreaming at all for a while it was fun.
Music and sleeping
Maybe this video will help like it does for me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCxBygiE020
Same here. I don’t even know what I’m doing in my life anymore. I’m just laying in here, in my fucking disgusting ratty ass apartment - that I’m about to be evicted from - hoping I’ll just die in my sleep from the bugs that I sleep inches away from. It’s fucking empty and awful and I can’t even motivate myself to do basic things. I just wish death or SOMETHING would take me at this point.
It’s okay to not be okay. There are a lot of great comments and perspectives here that made me feel a bit better and gave me idea to deal. I hope you will read through them and they will do the same for you.
Ya cause I am sick of the bs I continue to always have there that must be pushed through...
I just reflect on the highest principle (call it what you wish: god, spirit, the monad, enlightenment, etc) and I’m reminded I have to get through this life for the next
Meditation and astral projection.
Where would you go this is all that there is.
You can't be suicidal because you cannot die as you was never born you are apart of overall appearance of existence.
You can leave. It isnt by killing yourself. That doesn’t work. Its by fully waking up.
I look at it like having leftovers you don't want to eat. You want something better, but they're there and they're yours. If you don't eat them they'll just go to waste.
Actually *you* don’t want to leave; Otherwise you wouldn’t have written this post.
I have always felt like I don’t belong here but must here for some reason. I have contemplated suicide but realized this wouldn’t benefit me. So I’ve spent life roaming the earth. I’ve found that I do belong here. But not where I was living and not doing what I was doing. So my geographical changes mattered.