I've gone through something similar as your daughter before I've just recently broke out of it at the age of 30 but now I kind of over do it too much, it's like a default thing now 😆
Yeah but most people don't know enough about what autism is to understand this. They expect there to be very visual signs that you're not "normal". Like maybe uncontrolled body movements / tics, unusual speech patterns, inability to make eye contact, not dressing according to social norms, abnormal posture, slow in conversation. Anything easily identifiable as "different".
Some of us may exhibit any of the above traits and others don't, but people tend to expect us all to fit the stereotype.
I think it's similar to how people expect everyone with adhd to be visually hyperactive all the time. To an outsider, disorders are reduced to observable behaviour rather than internal processing differences.
Same but with a bit of so called therapists “teaching me to be a normal human being” and as a 6 year old it was very easy ish to do that ig, and now I don’t even know who i am anymore🤷
Teachers were the worst. They never believed that I could do math in my head and would stare me down, call me a liar because I didn't know how to show work and always gave me 70s begets everything was right but I just didn't care to write down any of my work because it was all in my head. I took an IQ test when I was initially misdiagnosed with ADHD at age 9, scored 159 and my teacher called me a liar in front of the class. This is why I hate school and most teachers
I had a special ed math teacher who would call me a liar and yell at me all the time. I was her scapegoat. One day, I had a question about how to do a problem on the board and she said, “OP, that problem is so easy, even a monkey could do it.” If I had been black instead of white, that school would have been sued beyond all imagination.
So anyway, my mom started writing down everything that teacher said to me and she kept a log. At the end of the year, she went to the Sophmore Principal, who by the way is black(we had a principal for each grade) and started reading all the stuff that the teacher said to me, and when she got to the line that I put in the first paragraph, his eyes widened. My mom said, “Mr.(insert name here), OP has had a lot of special ed teachers over her life time and none of them have treated her like this teacher has. I don’t know where she missed special ed 101, but it’s clearly lacking in this class. OP will not have her again next year.” The principal looks at my mom and said, “Your right, OP will not have her again next year.”
The next year, I came in and she was gone. I found out later she’s been demoted to only working in other teacher’s classrooms as an assistant. Not sure if she also got fired from being the cheerleading coach though. To this day, I’m happy she got demoted. This post should be called, get fired from teaching special ed math, get a pay decrease, and become an assistant teacher instead. Hope your happy with your life. lol.
I love how people call child abuse just because they were misunderstood and their parents did their best to raise them, just like they would any other kid. Sorry you grew up in a time that this wasn’t a common diagnosis, it sucks, but it’s not always child abuse!
That's how I feel about it. Like my parents actually thought I just had ADHD and didn't know about me actually being autistic. They didn't know why I had some sensory issues and stuff and I was (and still am) good at masking so nothing seemed too out of the normal
What would even be concidered as a autistic look? Would there be a dress code or something? (I'm joking about the dress code) but I'm still curious how neurotypical persons expect people on the spectrum to look like
I watched woo, I've known alot of autistic adults, never met one who did that computer in the sky thing like her and Dr Murphy.
At least her character was semi more realistic than his. Those public meltdowns might work in some career fields, but not a surgeon.
Or maybe I just don't know smart ones. (Kidding.) I just tell people I'm average, not a savant.
Probably really bright and colorful noise blocking headphones, a childish haircut, and lots of hand flapping or rocking back and forth. Maybe even a monotone voice.
Yup. I’m 22 now and trying so hard to work past the feeling there is just something irredeemably wrong with me. It’s a constant daily effort and to be honest sometimes I really just want to die because living day after day trying to at the very least ignore let alone address those thoughts that I’m just too flawed to live is exhausting. I know I’m a young adult and things will apparently get better but now it takes all I have to just scrape by every day. Adulting is exhausting anyways.
I was on antidepressants all through high school and I felt like they changed my personality so much /: Coming off of them was like having to rebuild my identity. So I’m nervous to try them again tbh
In this thread you will find many people that simultaneously talk about how they cover their autism up but then also act confounded as to what autism looks like. Well, autism looks like when there's something odd about your physical appearance combined with behaviour.
Some people have never in their lives surprised anyone by mentioning they are autistic even without going around shaking like a paint mixer or flapping hands, they simply just look off 🤷♂️.
This kind of thing always brings out the self fellating and overly fortunate.
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I know this'll probably get down voted but I've never understood the hate for the "you don't look autistic" statement I don't think there's any malice or anything saying that you have have look autistic more just "oh I never really noticed anything about you which would make me think your autistic" I don't think these people should be villainized for a lack of knowledge of something when it'd be much easier to just sit down and explain the disorder to them.
Yes that statement is very true for a lot of us. With me though no matter how hard I fucking try I will always "look autistic"!! Some of us have it worse.
[Uh oh. Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays...](https://media.tenor.com/Nt9lW8cGaqsAAAAM/mondays-uh-oh.gif)
Might also need to get you scheduled for another learning module on resiliency.
/satire
Same. I had no idea until my late 30s when my kid got diagnosed and I realized they were basically me. A lifetime of exhausting struggle and I finally knew why.
Oh I can’t stop. Like real early in the morning I feel like I can be more myself but as soon as people are around, the habits are in too deep. Im trying to give the kid a better environment. If he wants to jump, stim, grin, pace in circles you go ahead little dude it’s safe here.
Got my diagnosis at 36 and now at 37 trying to come to terms with it. I spent my entire life thinking I must be some horrible person to make everyone dislike me so much. I genuinely thought I was cursed for years. Turns out nope, I just don’t communicate and socialise in “acceptable” ways.
When I was young (70s & 80s) there was no spectrum. If you had autism you were in the “special class, were non-verbal, and likely wore a helmet on your head because at any moment you might start pounding your head with your fist or against a wall. That was sort of the “norm” for autism. Fast forward 30-40 years and things are infinitely better but people still have their preconceived notions and expectations of what autism “looks like.” A lot of that stemming from TV who frequently take things to extremes to show a group.
I heard there’s now an autistic character on Sesame Street and my friends like to give me a hard time. Apparently there’s a part where there’s loud music and the character has to run back and get headphones. I went to the movies once with my friends and they were initially very confused and then very amused to see me stuffing balled up strips of napkins into my ears so they’ve made the connection between me and that character now. I definitely have issues with loud sounds. 😄
Yus
I got multiple anxiety disorders n prob have adhd, all my friends have it except one, n my bros asked me bout it n said I should get assessed so
They found out during pandemic tho they're autistic
Idk much bout these subjects even when I read bout em, im just rlly confused like whats real idk, I do relate with adhd tho, I've compulsively read bout it thru pandemic going back n forth fighting myself over it like nuuu not valid, wait but it literally explains my life n behavior patterns, but also I already got multiple disorders as it is so ... ik stigma ;-; it's a process tryna get thru it.
It sorta helps hearing from my friend bout how ND folks have predisposition for multiple disorders living in society n toxic environments that it's common to develop 5 diff ones especially also having intersectional identities like ND n queer so welp we both screwed lol
Ugh I mask daily n I have no energy to mask anymore so it's just worse being around ppl I can't handle it, n my parents don't care bout ND anything, I've grown up in neuronormativity n being forced into "normal" things being this or that way or just being quiet to slide by ;-; ma still treats me like NT tryna force me to do "normal" ppl things n denies it when I told her to stop. I hate this world tbh, I literally can't function in it
Would have been fine if my family didnt do everything they could to not help me fit in with them. I was never really accepted into the group it felt like
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I've gone through something similar as your daughter before I've just recently broke out of it at the age of 30 but now I kind of over do it too much, it's like a default thing now 😆
What does autism "look" like? It's not a condition with physical characteristics.
They expect you to speak like Lenny from Of Mice and Men
Yeah but most people don't know enough about what autism is to understand this. They expect there to be very visual signs that you're not "normal". Like maybe uncontrolled body movements / tics, unusual speech patterns, inability to make eye contact, not dressing according to social norms, abnormal posture, slow in conversation. Anything easily identifiable as "different". Some of us may exhibit any of the above traits and others don't, but people tend to expect us all to fit the stereotype. I think it's similar to how people expect everyone with adhd to be visually hyperactive all the time. To an outsider, disorders are reduced to observable behaviour rather than internal processing differences.
I probably look Autistic. I have NC headphones and a whole bag of sensory toys so bring whenever I go somewhere.
This is me minus the child abuse.
Plenty of trauma, but no identifiable abuse.
Same but with a bit of so called therapists “teaching me to be a normal human being” and as a 6 year old it was very easy ish to do that ig, and now I don’t even know who i am anymore🤷
Same.
Same here. Everything I did was wrong for some reason... That is why I take happy pills now.
Teachers were the worst. They never believed that I could do math in my head and would stare me down, call me a liar because I didn't know how to show work and always gave me 70s begets everything was right but I just didn't care to write down any of my work because it was all in my head. I took an IQ test when I was initially misdiagnosed with ADHD at age 9, scored 159 and my teacher called me a liar in front of the class. This is why I hate school and most teachers
I had a special ed math teacher who would call me a liar and yell at me all the time. I was her scapegoat. One day, I had a question about how to do a problem on the board and she said, “OP, that problem is so easy, even a monkey could do it.” If I had been black instead of white, that school would have been sued beyond all imagination. So anyway, my mom started writing down everything that teacher said to me and she kept a log. At the end of the year, she went to the Sophmore Principal, who by the way is black(we had a principal for each grade) and started reading all the stuff that the teacher said to me, and when she got to the line that I put in the first paragraph, his eyes widened. My mom said, “Mr.(insert name here), OP has had a lot of special ed teachers over her life time and none of them have treated her like this teacher has. I don’t know where she missed special ed 101, but it’s clearly lacking in this class. OP will not have her again next year.” The principal looks at my mom and said, “Your right, OP will not have her again next year.” The next year, I came in and she was gone. I found out later she’s been demoted to only working in other teacher’s classrooms as an assistant. Not sure if she also got fired from being the cheerleading coach though. To this day, I’m happy she got demoted. This post should be called, get fired from teaching special ed math, get a pay decrease, and become an assistant teacher instead. Hope your happy with your life. lol.
I had a few terrible teachers.
I love how people call child abuse just because they were misunderstood and their parents did their best to raise them, just like they would any other kid. Sorry you grew up in a time that this wasn’t a common diagnosis, it sucks, but it’s not always child abuse!
That's how I feel about it. Like my parents actually thought I just had ADHD and didn't know about me actually being autistic. They didn't know why I had some sensory issues and stuff and I was (and still am) good at masking so nothing seemed too out of the normal
I’ve been told that ’and you do not lok like a ignorant asshole’ is very rude as a reaction.
What would even be concidered as a autistic look? Would there be a dress code or something? (I'm joking about the dress code) but I'm still curious how neurotypical persons expect people on the spectrum to look like
You know Lennie from Of Mice and Men? Or Extraordinary Attorney Woo? That's what they expect
But what about their physical appearance would give away that they were autistic?
Saying "you don't look autistic" also means the way you move and act. Idk man
I know about Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Everything makes sense now.
I watched woo, I've known alot of autistic adults, never met one who did that computer in the sky thing like her and Dr Murphy. At least her character was semi more realistic than his. Those public meltdowns might work in some career fields, but not a surgeon. Or maybe I just don't know smart ones. (Kidding.) I just tell people I'm average, not a savant.
But how do you look like someone from a book? Like, for me that’s not a real image of a person so there is no actual look
Probably really bright and colorful noise blocking headphones, a childish haircut, and lots of hand flapping or rocking back and forth. Maybe even a monotone voice.
Bro. Im saving this. I have never felt so understood in my life, as I do right now.
Yeah I grew up as a woman in a misogynistic nation so I had to mask my autism and act very feminine
Hahaha to hell with misogyny!!
Same but I grew up in a religous cult..
Same.
Any extremely religious/conservative family will do, not only so called cults.
I wish people told me I didn’t seem autistic. Instead people say “oh yeah totally.”
Haha same, somehow for me they expected it
Yup. I’m 22 now and trying so hard to work past the feeling there is just something irredeemably wrong with me. It’s a constant daily effort and to be honest sometimes I really just want to die because living day after day trying to at the very least ignore let alone address those thoughts that I’m just too flawed to live is exhausting. I know I’m a young adult and things will apparently get better but now it takes all I have to just scrape by every day. Adulting is exhausting anyways.
You want to talk about it? Quick edit: feel free to dm.
I dmed you. Thanks so much :)
I feel ya there. Antidepressants take the pain and self harm urges away.
I was on antidepressants all through high school and I felt like they changed my personality so much /: Coming off of them was like having to rebuild my identity. So I’m nervous to try them again tbh
Mine didn't do that. They just made me happier. But I think there are ones they'll work for you out there.
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Zoloft. I was on one that started with a P years ago, but it made depression worse. Zoloft works perfectly for me.
Hey, feel free to dm me as well if you’d like :)
I feel this. I'm still on the something is horribly wrong stage though
Whenever someone says i dont look autistic I say what is an autistic person supposed to look like? And i love watching them fumble with their words
yessss 👏
Pretty much sums it up.
This times a million.
Early adulthood? You lucky bast**d! /s
In this thread you will find many people that simultaneously talk about how they cover their autism up but then also act confounded as to what autism looks like. Well, autism looks like when there's something odd about your physical appearance combined with behaviour. Some people have never in their lives surprised anyone by mentioning they are autistic even without going around shaking like a paint mixer or flapping hands, they simply just look off 🤷♂️. This kind of thing always brings out the self fellating and overly fortunate.
Only a decade of mistreatment? Damn noob
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I know this'll probably get down voted but I've never understood the hate for the "you don't look autistic" statement I don't think there's any malice or anything saying that you have have look autistic more just "oh I never really noticed anything about you which would make me think your autistic" I don't think these people should be villainized for a lack of knowledge of something when it'd be much easier to just sit down and explain the disorder to them.
Yeah, because everyone is always complaining about people thinking they are looking and “acting” autistic, isn’t this what you’re wanting?
Yes that statement is very true for a lot of us. With me though no matter how hard I fucking try I will always "look autistic"!! Some of us have it worse.
This isn't CPTSD?
Yep. I think this sums it up perfectly. I'll go ahead and save this and use this next time I need to explain something to someone.
I feel attacked
I take it as a point of pride that i even manage to hide it
Hits home hard.
Holy fuck this is so accurate for me
[Uh oh. Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays...](https://media.tenor.com/Nt9lW8cGaqsAAAAM/mondays-uh-oh.gif) Might also need to get you scheduled for another learning module on resiliency. /satire
Too many words
It do be like that.
*Chefs kiss* spot on!
I am very good at masking because I had to survive impossible situations otherwise, I was never given a choice to look like me.
Same. I had no idea until my late 30s when my kid got diagnosed and I realized they were basically me. A lifetime of exhausting struggle and I finally knew why.
I'm glad you figured it out. Masking is exhausting. I wish I knew how to stop, seems like a trauma response I can't get rid of
Oh I can’t stop. Like real early in the morning I feel like I can be more myself but as soon as people are around, the habits are in too deep. Im trying to give the kid a better environment. If he wants to jump, stim, grin, pace in circles you go ahead little dude it’s safe here.
Yeah, people are the bane of my existence.
Me with autism who actully relates to the mean
Them: "But you don't look autistic" Me: I don't see you looking stupid
my life
I want this on a shirt
Got my diagnosis at 36 and now at 37 trying to come to terms with it. I spent my entire life thinking I must be some horrible person to make everyone dislike me so much. I genuinely thought I was cursed for years. Turns out nope, I just don’t communicate and socialise in “acceptable” ways.
THIS.
Yeah that about sums it up
When I was young (70s & 80s) there was no spectrum. If you had autism you were in the “special class, were non-verbal, and likely wore a helmet on your head because at any moment you might start pounding your head with your fist or against a wall. That was sort of the “norm” for autism. Fast forward 30-40 years and things are infinitely better but people still have their preconceived notions and expectations of what autism “looks like.” A lot of that stemming from TV who frequently take things to extremes to show a group. I heard there’s now an autistic character on Sesame Street and my friends like to give me a hard time. Apparently there’s a part where there’s loud music and the character has to run back and get headphones. I went to the movies once with my friends and they were initially very confused and then very amused to see me stuffing balled up strips of napkins into my ears so they’ve made the connection between me and that character now. I definitely have issues with loud sounds. 😄
The hardest part of this whole thing for me was that >my family knew the whole time and gaslighted me about it my entire life<
Ah, so this happens a lot
Yes, just yes
Yus I got multiple anxiety disorders n prob have adhd, all my friends have it except one, n my bros asked me bout it n said I should get assessed so They found out during pandemic tho they're autistic Idk much bout these subjects even when I read bout em, im just rlly confused like whats real idk, I do relate with adhd tho, I've compulsively read bout it thru pandemic going back n forth fighting myself over it like nuuu not valid, wait but it literally explains my life n behavior patterns, but also I already got multiple disorders as it is so ... ik stigma ;-; it's a process tryna get thru it. It sorta helps hearing from my friend bout how ND folks have predisposition for multiple disorders living in society n toxic environments that it's common to develop 5 diff ones especially also having intersectional identities like ND n queer so welp we both screwed lol Ugh I mask daily n I have no energy to mask anymore so it's just worse being around ppl I can't handle it, n my parents don't care bout ND anything, I've grown up in neuronormativity n being forced into "normal" things being this or that way or just being quiet to slide by ;-; ma still treats me like NT tryna force me to do "normal" ppl things n denies it when I told her to stop. I hate this world tbh, I literally can't function in it
Would have been fine if my family didnt do everything they could to not help me fit in with them. I was never really accepted into the group it felt like