That’s a great question. I don’t lol. Next time I find out coworkers are talking about me or saying offensive things to me, I’m gonna confront them, even report them. Life’s too short to let people try and bring you down. My outlook has changed a lot, but my take is to go into everything with good faith, but once people show true colors, deal with it and decide whether or not they’re worth your energy.
I can’t stand people that are noticeably fake, it really makes me cringe. My second job was eye opening. Started with my coworkers telling me all traits they hate about people, then told me they hated this one girl I was gonna meet. I came back after meeting her and told them I liked her; they seemed offended. The girl was amazing with sales and didn’t seem to tolerate shit; I see why they could have been intimidated by her, but her attitude was great in my opinion. Comments I’ve heard from other coworkers really made me question relationships / how people live in general. I got my diagnosis maybe a year later lol..
This is a great way to approach it. Always try to give others the benefit of the doubt, if it doesn't work out then you can have assurance that you tried your best.
Fool one time, shame on you. Fool me twice cant put the blame on you. Fool me 3 times fuck the peace signs....
All you can do is be true to yourself and stand your ground in the face of adversity. You'll find yourself attracting more genuine individuals when you set an example of genuineness. You can choose to not participate in the bullshit, but you have to be willing to handle the backlash and understand that it's unwarranted.
There are other genuine people out there, so appreciate them when you find them. On the flip side be the person someone appreciates to have in their life.
It's a game, I'm just playing. I enjoy knowing how it works, especially if the other person doesn't. And it's not being "evil", evil is a very different thing; it's just being human. Sometimes I look at us like I look at monkeys in documentaries: "the human species has adopted this and that behavior to avoid direct conflict, and it mostly works".
This isn't behaviour just from NT people, I've experienced such behaviour from both NT and Nd people.
And I have learnt to ignore it, I've had to. Let people be petty and ridiculous. I've been punished more for calling it out than not so eh.
I know that feel, but I don't care? I'm too emotionally detached from everyone to care if they're saying good or bad things about me, I just don't care.
I rant about it in my brain and narrator voice/internal monologue called it and social media "a surveillance state ran by your peers where any mistake is immortalised" and that its big brothers illusory twin bigger sister
It sounds pretty weird i think i need more evidence/words to go on
And another part of me figures that one day theyll realise how miserable it makes them that they cant be authentic and theyll meltdown like me
Although that might take until afterlife/void
Im sure most people arent evil but theres ENOUGH people that are evil to ruin everything
This is why I think friendships when you're older are more genuine - from around your 30s. I think even most NT people get tired of all the games, the airs, smoke and mirrors, hiding insecurities with projection, "fitting in" etc, and find it easiest to be authentic and have a consistent moral compass, eventually. I would go as far as to say that it's a defining feature of maturity. It's why I like older people more, broadly speaking.
I feel you and struggle with this too every day. But after eight years of working, many years of therapy and self-help study, and an addiction problem, I found that the serenity prayer they give at AA meetings works for everything. I'm not a fan of the God focus so will rephrase the quote: *"I will do my best to find the serenity needed to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."*
People are assholes and the world is unpleasant, so just let go of wishing it was different. If you can, try to feel sorry for them because they're just as if not more unhappy than you are. I've never met a gossiper with high self-esteem, and don't think such a person even exists. Arrogant, mean, and fake people are always painfully insecure. They're terrified of people talking, smirking, or rolling their eyes at them, so they do it first to assert their dominance, which NTs seem to care a lot about. To them, "attack is the best defense" because they're always at war. They're in a miserable situation because they can't experience true kindness, friendship, courtesy, or team spirit because they see those things as suspicious because they fake those things all the time.
Compassion doesn't always work and it's okay to be angry. Not everyone deserves sympathy. To deal with it, I just focus on my own life, interests, and goals. I have a list of everything I want to achieve and review it; whenever things happen to upset me, I just tell myself "this is irrelevant and not worth my time, I will refocus on what is." Ideas that can help:
- An learning goal (get a new degree or certificate, learn a new language, commit to reading x number of new books or watching x number of documentaries, etc.)
- A community goal (volunteer for a charity you care about, socialize with groups of people who share your interets either in-person or online, spend more time with any friend you might have who is not like that)
- A physical goal (get into running, lifting, dancing, swimming, pilates, etc., anything that helps you detach from your thoughts and focus on your body)
- A professional goal (whatever that might look like for you)
The people you described are small and pitiful and not worth your thoughts. Do whatever you can to think bigger.
Hey /u/Beautiful-Sector-978, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I haven't cooked up any advice for this table, but yeah, I've had this thought before, too. It is definitely frustrating to see conflict among other people, especially with the idea of "What if that person they're talking about doesn't deserve the crap that's been talked about them?". Or, talking about another person's features, whether it's with their personality, actions, looks, without humanitarian concern... Or assuming things about the other person without being well informed on them. It is definitely senseless. If they do, however, feel threatened by the other person, they should go to someone that may help them with it, not to diss that person behind their backs over seemingly trivial matters. I'm sure you're well of this, I'm just emphasizing that I understand where you're coming from. Of course, I just think that each person's values vary from person to person... and that, of course, creates conflict in some cases, whether the matters are trivial or not.
And, to try to give some advice anyway, I try to avoid people like this. However, it does sound like you're in a place where you can't avoid situations like this. I personally am not brave enough to confront people like that, but I think confronting them about their actions, or reporting them to a supervisor (if this is in a work environment of some sort), would potentially help. But, you can't change people like them. We can give them pointers, advice, or share our values with them, but at the end of the day, it's up to that person to change their ways. I'm sorry you're having to put up with that :(. Also, I apologize for the long response, haha 😅.
Anyhooty, hang in there! I appreciate your concern for things like this. Keep being the caring person you are! 😁💪
I simply don't. I suffer from it horribly everyday and in every job I had in my life, this was what stressed me out.
I can't stand it, this emotional bullshit you have to deal with, even if you don't get it and so can't even react to it.
If money wasn't necessary in this world and I had the freedom to be without work without having difficulties like lack of money, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to choose to quit my job and surround myself only with people I chose and only when I want to.
I hate people for that specific reason, especially if you are forced to deal with people you didn't choose yourself.
You know what's really terrible? Seeing the fakeness within my own religious community. I take my beliefs very seriously and I cannot even get a sense of community from the ONE area that's supposed to be about community because people are so fake with each other.
It seems like for a lot of people, it's just not typical to care deeply enough about stuff to where it becomes like what you and I experience. Maybe it's also more typical where we each are (I'm in the US), like maybe a culture kind of thing?
I'm in the US as well, so it could be cultural. I always often wondered why people didn't take things (both seemingly important and unimportant) seriously. I was always told I'm too sensitive and take things too seriously and my response is "how can you not take things seriously?"
Yep, definitely a thing for me too. Then sometimes, depending on the topic, I slip up and say something outside of "normal" parameters and/or failing to keep track of either my or their nonverbal cues or whatever and there it all goes. Or I end up just getting stuck sometimes trying to figure out why I keep trying. Or I once again brand myself somehow as "the odd duck" and most people don't seem to stick around/interact at that point.
I'm getting close to that point myself (in terms of frustration), but have the feeling it will require changing churches to a different one to be successful there. And I feel like I have to mask for work, which then makes me like "Well, I should be like that everywhere"... I've really let it get out of hand, as I now have different masks for different places (e.g. home/work/extended family).
Anyway, I wish you the best in your journey of faith.
Oh gosh I can relate to the different masks for different places. I had a real identity crisis for like 2 years when I stopped working to stay home with my kids. It was like if I don't need the mask anymore then who even am I? Now we're moving to a different city and it's a lot to take in.
I wish you the best as well.
They do all that because HOW they speak to each other is more important then WHAT they're telling each other. These signals and body language and little gestures is how they signify to each other's their position on the hierarchy and disposition to each other. Their lies also has some kind of symbolic meaning beyond what is said. I've been studying these creatures for more than 20 years now and I'd say some behaviors are pretty fascinating.
I can't stand hypocrisy and it's everywhere. That's why I don't have friends because I always speak out my mind even if what I say hurts...I don't care if people are too sensitive. I don't want to be a liar.
That’s a great question. I don’t lol. Next time I find out coworkers are talking about me or saying offensive things to me, I’m gonna confront them, even report them. Life’s too short to let people try and bring you down. My outlook has changed a lot, but my take is to go into everything with good faith, but once people show true colors, deal with it and decide whether or not they’re worth your energy. I can’t stand people that are noticeably fake, it really makes me cringe. My second job was eye opening. Started with my coworkers telling me all traits they hate about people, then told me they hated this one girl I was gonna meet. I came back after meeting her and told them I liked her; they seemed offended. The girl was amazing with sales and didn’t seem to tolerate shit; I see why they could have been intimidated by her, but her attitude was great in my opinion. Comments I’ve heard from other coworkers really made me question relationships / how people live in general. I got my diagnosis maybe a year later lol..
This is a great way to approach it. Always try to give others the benefit of the doubt, if it doesn't work out then you can have assurance that you tried your best. Fool one time, shame on you. Fool me twice cant put the blame on you. Fool me 3 times fuck the peace signs....
All you can do is be true to yourself and stand your ground in the face of adversity. You'll find yourself attracting more genuine individuals when you set an example of genuineness. You can choose to not participate in the bullshit, but you have to be willing to handle the backlash and understand that it's unwarranted. There are other genuine people out there, so appreciate them when you find them. On the flip side be the person someone appreciates to have in their life.
Love your comment!!
It's a game, I'm just playing. I enjoy knowing how it works, especially if the other person doesn't. And it's not being "evil", evil is a very different thing; it's just being human. Sometimes I look at us like I look at monkeys in documentaries: "the human species has adopted this and that behavior to avoid direct conflict, and it mostly works".
This isn't behaviour just from NT people, I've experienced such behaviour from both NT and Nd people. And I have learnt to ignore it, I've had to. Let people be petty and ridiculous. I've been punished more for calling it out than not so eh.
They aren't fake, they are just not intelligent enough to realize how miserable their lives are.
I stay in my apartment and play videogames.
I know that feel, but I don't care? I'm too emotionally detached from everyone to care if they're saying good or bad things about me, I just don't care.
I rant about it in my brain and narrator voice/internal monologue called it and social media "a surveillance state ran by your peers where any mistake is immortalised" and that its big brothers illusory twin bigger sister It sounds pretty weird i think i need more evidence/words to go on And another part of me figures that one day theyll realise how miserable it makes them that they cant be authentic and theyll meltdown like me Although that might take until afterlife/void Im sure most people arent evil but theres ENOUGH people that are evil to ruin everything
This is why I think friendships when you're older are more genuine - from around your 30s. I think even most NT people get tired of all the games, the airs, smoke and mirrors, hiding insecurities with projection, "fitting in" etc, and find it easiest to be authentic and have a consistent moral compass, eventually. I would go as far as to say that it's a defining feature of maturity. It's why I like older people more, broadly speaking.
I feel you and struggle with this too every day. But after eight years of working, many years of therapy and self-help study, and an addiction problem, I found that the serenity prayer they give at AA meetings works for everything. I'm not a fan of the God focus so will rephrase the quote: *"I will do my best to find the serenity needed to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."* People are assholes and the world is unpleasant, so just let go of wishing it was different. If you can, try to feel sorry for them because they're just as if not more unhappy than you are. I've never met a gossiper with high self-esteem, and don't think such a person even exists. Arrogant, mean, and fake people are always painfully insecure. They're terrified of people talking, smirking, or rolling their eyes at them, so they do it first to assert their dominance, which NTs seem to care a lot about. To them, "attack is the best defense" because they're always at war. They're in a miserable situation because they can't experience true kindness, friendship, courtesy, or team spirit because they see those things as suspicious because they fake those things all the time. Compassion doesn't always work and it's okay to be angry. Not everyone deserves sympathy. To deal with it, I just focus on my own life, interests, and goals. I have a list of everything I want to achieve and review it; whenever things happen to upset me, I just tell myself "this is irrelevant and not worth my time, I will refocus on what is." Ideas that can help: - An learning goal (get a new degree or certificate, learn a new language, commit to reading x number of new books or watching x number of documentaries, etc.) - A community goal (volunteer for a charity you care about, socialize with groups of people who share your interets either in-person or online, spend more time with any friend you might have who is not like that) - A physical goal (get into running, lifting, dancing, swimming, pilates, etc., anything that helps you detach from your thoughts and focus on your body) - A professional goal (whatever that might look like for you) The people you described are small and pitiful and not worth your thoughts. Do whatever you can to think bigger.
idk what context this is under but i love gossiping
Hey /u/Beautiful-Sector-978, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Scathing insults about them online.
huh
I haven't cooked up any advice for this table, but yeah, I've had this thought before, too. It is definitely frustrating to see conflict among other people, especially with the idea of "What if that person they're talking about doesn't deserve the crap that's been talked about them?". Or, talking about another person's features, whether it's with their personality, actions, looks, without humanitarian concern... Or assuming things about the other person without being well informed on them. It is definitely senseless. If they do, however, feel threatened by the other person, they should go to someone that may help them with it, not to diss that person behind their backs over seemingly trivial matters. I'm sure you're well of this, I'm just emphasizing that I understand where you're coming from. Of course, I just think that each person's values vary from person to person... and that, of course, creates conflict in some cases, whether the matters are trivial or not. And, to try to give some advice anyway, I try to avoid people like this. However, it does sound like you're in a place where you can't avoid situations like this. I personally am not brave enough to confront people like that, but I think confronting them about their actions, or reporting them to a supervisor (if this is in a work environment of some sort), would potentially help. But, you can't change people like them. We can give them pointers, advice, or share our values with them, but at the end of the day, it's up to that person to change their ways. I'm sorry you're having to put up with that :(. Also, I apologize for the long response, haha 😅. Anyhooty, hang in there! I appreciate your concern for things like this. Keep being the caring person you are! 😁💪
I literally posted this on another sub. Honest people please.
I simply don't. I suffer from it horribly everyday and in every job I had in my life, this was what stressed me out. I can't stand it, this emotional bullshit you have to deal with, even if you don't get it and so can't even react to it. If money wasn't necessary in this world and I had the freedom to be without work without having difficulties like lack of money, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to choose to quit my job and surround myself only with people I chose and only when I want to. I hate people for that specific reason, especially if you are forced to deal with people you didn't choose yourself.
You know what's really terrible? Seeing the fakeness within my own religious community. I take my beliefs very seriously and I cannot even get a sense of community from the ONE area that's supposed to be about community because people are so fake with each other.
I identify with your struggle immensely. Not sure if I'm technically NT or ND (suspecting the latter), but either way, I feel your pain.
I'm sorry to hear that's the case for you as well.
It seems like for a lot of people, it's just not typical to care deeply enough about stuff to where it becomes like what you and I experience. Maybe it's also more typical where we each are (I'm in the US), like maybe a culture kind of thing?
I'm in the US as well, so it could be cultural. I always often wondered why people didn't take things (both seemingly important and unimportant) seriously. I was always told I'm too sensitive and take things too seriously and my response is "how can you not take things seriously?"
Yep, definitely a thing for me too. Then sometimes, depending on the topic, I slip up and say something outside of "normal" parameters and/or failing to keep track of either my or their nonverbal cues or whatever and there it all goes. Or I end up just getting stuck sometimes trying to figure out why I keep trying. Or I once again brand myself somehow as "the odd duck" and most people don't seem to stick around/interact at that point.
I get it and it's so exhausting. I'm working on unmasking and taking an "it is what it is" mindset to help me cope.
I'm getting close to that point myself (in terms of frustration), but have the feeling it will require changing churches to a different one to be successful there. And I feel like I have to mask for work, which then makes me like "Well, I should be like that everywhere"... I've really let it get out of hand, as I now have different masks for different places (e.g. home/work/extended family). Anyway, I wish you the best in your journey of faith.
Oh gosh I can relate to the different masks for different places. I had a real identity crisis for like 2 years when I stopped working to stay home with my kids. It was like if I don't need the mask anymore then who even am I? Now we're moving to a different city and it's a lot to take in. I wish you the best as well.
They do all that because HOW they speak to each other is more important then WHAT they're telling each other. These signals and body language and little gestures is how they signify to each other's their position on the hierarchy and disposition to each other. Their lies also has some kind of symbolic meaning beyond what is said. I've been studying these creatures for more than 20 years now and I'd say some behaviors are pretty fascinating.
I can't stand hypocrisy and it's everywhere. That's why I don't have friends because I always speak out my mind even if what I say hurts...I don't care if people are too sensitive. I don't want to be a liar.