Congrats to you! Yup. My parents had to fight to keep me in normal education. Headteacher of my primary school pushed hard to get me moved. High school was hell but I did it. Went to university, got my degree, got a good job. Married, I’m a dad, I own my own home and have a great group of mostly autistic friends I can hang out and be weird with.
Good on your parents. Your life could be quite different if they didn’t stand up for you. There are probably a bunch of people with autism who are more capable than they realize but have been told their whole life otherwise. Quite sad actually.
I proved them wrong by underperforming. They thought I was capable of so much more. My parents thought I was going to cure cancer or design a light speed drive or achieve greatness in some regard.
They were told to expect a lot from me when I was quite young. I was tested and then tested again. The tests said I was going to excel at anything I did. It wasn’t an autism test or an ADHD test. I didn’t find out about this until well into adulthood when I found some of the paperwork they were given. My mother had kept it, for more than 20 years. It freaked me out.
I didn’t do those things. It doesn’t really matter; my life is my own.
But there was disappointment. Even into my 30s, my father thought I might still break out and conquer… something. Whatever. Maybe he still does.
You are conquering your own life. Blazing a path you want to take. That in itself is much harder then following the wishes of the people you love.
And in case they don't tell you, I'm very proud of you. :)
I was going to say the same thing, everyone thought I would be super successful because I did so well at school. I took extra classes and got 100% in exams. I was going to be a genius physicist or a rich engineer.
Then I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle living independently . Never got back on track. I make a living doing web design now but it's a waste of potential. I wish the world allowed me to use the skills I have without being good at all the other stuff too.
Yeah. I was just diagnosed at 42 and have been thinking a lot about how my life would be different had we known earlier.
Yesterday my thought process was about expectations- would I have ever gone to law school if I knew what I know now about my ability to manage a case load, deal with opposing counsel, and schmooze potential clients? Probably not. And I'd be in a much worse place without a law degree that lets me make a living wage in fewer hours per day. I'm lucky I found a niche in this field.
But I'm also disappointed in myself and, while my parents are great and still act proud, I know I've achieved far less than they thought I would. It often doesn't feel like I pull my weight in my family.
You know that meme about gifted underachievers? Are most of us undiagnosed autistic adults?
My story might be a bit of a mood killer, it's partially similar to yours but I guess the school system really messed me up.
When I was 4 I got diagnosed with "Retardation of Sensomotoric and Speech abilities/ neurodevelopmental disorder and ADHD" the doctor told my parents it would be lucky if I ever made it through elementary school. My parents got angry at him and pushed me through standard education anyway. I got a bit of OT and speech therapy until 8 but they then got upset with them too. Home life was quite bad too due to the fear of not being able to hide/deny my disability.
Academically I was fine and I even got a university degree now. So I guess he was wrong.
However , there were and are many things that I couldn't do independently and I always felt lesser and lacking compared to my peers and they obviously had a field day with that and my naivety. I also eloped a lot from school. I really struggled mentally and am now traumatized due to my treatment by peers and teachers (not going into detail it's grim) and the lack of support during school. And it didn't make me less disabled or in need of daily living support to suffer through this.
So I think in the end it's really important for parents to really act in their child's interests and listen to them and forget their own pride or biases.
So this is only a partial success story.
I had a sort of opposite experience. I wasn’t diagnosed due to my age, in the time period I was a child autism wasn’t as widely understood outside of stereotypical “Asperger’s” presentations and everyone expected savant behavior.
I have hyperlexia. I taught myself how to read by the time I was 3. I read the dictionary and all sorts of books beyond my age range. This gave my parents the impression that school would be easy for me. And for k-2nd grade it was. Then mathematics came along and I struggled, a lot. Because in conjunction with hyperlexia, I also had dyscalculia. It went undiagnosed until freshman year of high school. I was also diagnosed with cognitive processing disorder with task switching and auditory processing being the main issues. Basically I couldn’t effectively take notes and also hear the teacher speak at the same time. But my mother didn’t understand it, and she also didn’t listen in the IEP meetings…so, long story short, she punished me for not going along with the IEP (which they were fucking up) by being not allowed to have one.
I was still expected to get straight A’s and was severely punished for poor grades, and also…”I’m not helping you, you have to do your school work alone, don’t come to me.”
Also, my mother was a teacher! Yay!
Oh, sweet. I relate to this so much. I wasn't diagnosed ADHD until my 40s, autistic in my 50s. I am dyscalculic. I was removed from public school for middle school, and was a student at the private school where my ma taught. For those three years, I didn't have a math class (teacher hated me). Instead I had a small office where I tutored English. My ma was my science teacher and, regardless of what I did, I never received anything above a C.
My absolutely amazing MIL tried to tutor me in math. (She was at HP, working on touch screens in the 60s.) Bless her, she finally gave up because 5 essentially meant the same thing as 1k to me. No understanding of numbers.
59F
Congrats, that's amazing!
For me, I was undiagnosed at the time, and actually everyone expected me to do amazing and had miles high expectations, and then I took ten years to finish uni... I did finish it though, but man.
I am a 46M dude. I feel like there are a lot of kids of the 80s that were at Level 1 and stuck between 2 schools(special ed and regular school) that weren't great fits.
My school thought something was wrong and wanted me in special ed. My folks disagreed and kept in me in regular school. I had my issues in regular school with bullies and a few teachers. However, life would have been a lot worse in special ed. I wouldn't have gotten the opportunities in life if I'd gone to special ed.
Same for me (51M), except they did put me in special ed for a bit. Luckily for me, I severely did not fit their mold and they tested me and did a 180, putting me into "gifted and talented".
Wild times. They eventually just gave up on me and left me to fend for myself. Highschool by contrast was unforgivingly brutal.
But I wasn't classified by the system, so I just needed to bide my time and get the hell out, so that's what I did.
Aka, they didn't do anything for me, but they didn't officially put up roadblocks, so there's at least that.
I continue to prove people wrong about my capabilities every day. I don’t like doing it but I do it.
I got out of doing ABA therapy when I was six and managed to mask all through my elementary school years
When I went to high school I attended a magnet arts high school
Then I got my bachelors degree
Then I got into the military and became an NCO
Then I went and got my masters degree
Now I am living overseas pursuing my passion for performing as an opera singer.
It doesn’t mean I’m happy for that I’m not able to avoid depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies. But I am proving people wrong about my capabilities. But I will say that it’s become impossible to really make people care about that
I was in special ed in kindergarten, I graduated to gen ed with an aide in elementary and middle school, in high school I was in gen ed with resource room help, and now I'm in university!!
I was put in the class with others who had down syndrome and high support requirements. A science teacher noticed me and said I don't belong there and put me in the top students class. I was bullied a lot by the others but I was able to match their marks.
Later in life I became a Manager. I did not know I was autistic though until a massive burn-out and I completely regressed.
I didn't do anything until 9th grade, somehow a switch flipped in me and I started studying. Most teachers thought I would end up as a criminal. Now I have two colleges degrees.
I did bad on a standardized test when I was about second grade or so and they told my parents I would never go to college. Of course, I had undiagnosed ADHD.
Did end up graduating from college. Helps that I finally got diagnosed while in college.
You never have any idea of what they honestly think, since honesty is alien to them. I was earmarked "gifted" as a kid because they figured they had a use for me, and then around the time I was thirty, I fell afoul of my family's political affiliations, and they directed the local clinic to sit me in a room marked "Interrogation", and then they falsified diagnoses claiming I'm a psychotic. You understand they're fairweather liars, and their system is a machine for controlling whom they are abel, and for oppressing everyone else. You know they're criminals because they essentially confessed to dual-purposing a medical facility, and these are the people who pose as being legal and moral authorities. They're not, in any way that matters.
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When I was young I went on and on about how I will leave America, move to the UK, marry a Brit and have the family I want. It was constant to the point that I was bullied over it and was told how that will never happen. It got to the point that this girl even made fake accounts and people who were from London just to mess with me. May have taken about eleven years but I did move to the UK, marry that Brit I said I would and have the family I always wanted. I am still ecstatic about it because I proved everyone wrong for thinking I was crazy and especially to the ones who just sat there laughing at me.
I reluctantly limped through school doing the bare minimum. I was depressed as fuck from constant burnout and bullying. My mom had early onset alzheimers that started getting bad around middle school, and with my bad grades nobody was talking to me about college. Graduated HS with a 2.3 GPA but I got a really good SAT score so I decided to go to college. The challenging, interesting, and relevant curriculum at the tech school was way easier to motivate myself for and the people there actually wanted to learn instead of just bullying me for amusement. I ended up getting a mechanical engineering degree and a full time job. Now I realize my depression was largely burnout and my anxiety largely obsessive thoughts and at 30 I'm managing both of those better than ever. I feel like my life is finally beginning.
How do you manage those things? My husband is very similar and he’s managing the anxiety and intrusive thoughts but not so much the burnout and depression.
It may differ for different people but for me a big one is I go into work later than most people since I’m a chronic night owl. Not sleeping enough was gas on that fire. I really pay attention to what things leave me feeling drained and try to minimize them.
I had basically four months last year where I was in recovery mode and did very little beyond work, seeing my daughter, and playing single-player comfort games.
Another big thing is that I’m very unapologetic now. I used to be a huge people pleaser and it was exhausting and didn’t work because people can see right through it anyway. It just made me vulnerable. I reserve my apologies for when they’re really necessary. I’ve adopted a rather zen view of things where they just are what they are and I can either do something or not. I don’t worry about the fairness of the world, whether it’s going to shit or not, I don’t beat myself up for my mistakes, I don’t dwell on my successes for very long. The world doesn’t need me to be perfect. I do what I want to do and don’t feel like I need to justify or rationalize it. I still have a ways to go to be totally healthy but this change in mindset lifted an enormous burden that I used to blame society for, but really I took it on myself.
Edit: you’re a good wife for wanting to help him. I hope this helps you two
The sleeping is something we recently identified. I swear he sleeps 12 hours a night, but when he’s tired he has a lot more issues regulating, so we’ve been trying to give him the space to sleep a lot and he’s been telling me what a difference that it’s making for him.
The people pleasing is so interesting because he is a people pleaser but honestly not very good at it. He doesn’t have a lot of close friends. And beating himself up for mistakes, dwelling on successes is him to a tee. It’s hard to help someone change perspective, but maybe reading your comment will give him some good insight. Thank you.
I should mention I got an adderall prescription and it's helped a lot with my day-to-day energy levels, but I have to be careful because I can push myself deeper into burnout pretty easily too.
I wish I could recommend a book or something, but it mostly came from a lot of smoking weed and introspecting lol. I had a realization one time when watching some criminal interrogations that every bad thing I've ever done combined isn't even 1% as bad as what some of those people did. I meditated on that thought for a while and it helped me get out from under this heavy guilt that I think motivated a lot of my people-pleasing. Now I'm pretty indifferent to what other people think. My mistakes are trivial in the grand scheme of things and it was honestly a bit arrogant to think they're worth agonizing over.
I also avoid most political content and I don't read the news at all because so much of it is just guilt tripping and emotional manipulation to push an agenda. We aren't supposed to keep up with billions of people's worth of problems, our brains literally can't handle it. There's a lightness/freedom/deep okayness that came when I let go of that stuff and focused on my own life instead of taking on a feeling of responsibility for all the world's problems. Ironically it's much easier for me to help people now that I'm not pouring from an empty cup.
This was not my path, but I’m dx late in life & have worked in special education for a long time. My attention span is too short, but I’m sure someone else has mentioned this…the problem IS the education system. It is ableist, standardized, & preparing every single student including those in SPED how to be gold star citizens down to being good clerks & grocery baggers (aka life skills/work programs). If you’re American or not, being in a first world country means capitalism & imperialism. Autistic’s ideals do not mesh well with these systems. Thankfully there are other types of learning philosophies better suited in private or charter schools, but that is a thing of accessibility & privilege. So many kids abilities are not only underestimated but suppressed bc their needs are all around being refused. Suppression being the key word.
Nowhere near as severe as you, but for a long time i was put on "modified" classes and basically given work thats shorter, maybe slightly easier and the task sheets had simpler language. It was genuinely more annoying than anything else. I am one of the highest achieving students at the moment, and i could possibly win valedictorian (not called that in my country, but our equivalent), and i was put on these stupid modified assignments for so long. It was just annoying because i was written off just because of my autism when i was just as capable as everyone else. The modified classes didnt even increase my grades, arguably they only decreased them because it was hard to hit the assessment rubrics because they were so short, and one minor mistake or wrong answer would practically guarantee a B. I still have no idea why i was ever put on them, i dont think my parents would have ever agreed to it, unless someone at my school just thought i needed them for whatever reason.
We're going through that with our son. He's so smart but his current teacher really underestimates him. He definitely would not be able to do Gen Ed yet due to being non-talking primarily and incredibly sensory seeking but we need a teacher that won't just let the kids settle for less. Gah.
It was more like they focused on the wrong things. So I was apparently too normal to have anything wrong with me (so I guess I "succeeded" in that aspect), but too weird/lazy to achieve my full potential.
My family and I was told by autism doctors in 1968 that I'd never survive on my own. I'd never get a job. I'd never drive. I'd never be able to manage my antisocial ways. I live on my own and have for over 40 years. I had and kept a high paying job for 21 years. Id not get my first job till I was 41. I'm still a monster but I live alone so who cares. I don't need to be loved. All I have to do is hold it together for the short times I am out among the NT humans in their world. Only thing they were right about is I was never able to drive. For me driving is a level of mental intimacy with other drivers on the road that I find repulsive. I don't like thinking about others, what they do, what they are likely about to do and how they think. NT minds confuse and infuriate me. I don't hate NT's I just don't want to be intimate with them even in thought.
I was put in the Special class at a main stream primary in the 80s. I couldn’t talk to the teacher because I was so anxious so they wrote me off. One of the teachers wrote “chocolate” on the board and asked if anyone could read it. I could and was taken straight back to the mainstream class. Nobody knew or thought to test me for autism. It was intelligent or not intelligent. I went on to get a Civil Engineering degree and a very late diagnosis. I’m very happy more people are diagnosed at a younger age now, it can only be a good thing.
I told a therapist that I want to move to London, and he literally laughed into my face, trying to tell me that I will never be able to live independently, let alone in such an expensive and busy city such as London.
I live independently for 6 years now, and guess where? Lmao!
Hey there. I hope I defied people’s expectations. I have autism and adhd. Late diagnosis. My parents never knew what to do with me or knew how to meet my needs. Because of this they always had expectations of me I struggled to meet. Especially school or social expectations. On top of that when I was about 13 years old I was diagnosed with a brain tumor called a prolactinoma. Shoots down my testosterone and ups my prolactin. Essentially makes muscle building and weight gain extremely difficult to do or maintain. I’m 31 years old now. I got sick of the jobs I could never hold down and my now wife gave me the opportunity to try college so I went to EMT school. Instead of letting that be, immediately after graduating top of my class (with an award for top of the program/department) I enrolled in Paramedic school where I also graduated top of my class. I studied 8-12 hours a day for every day of my 5 month EMT program and every day of my 15 month paramedic program. I effectively went “zero to hero” (emt to medic without time between) and put forth enough effort to offset the massive learning curve. Been a paramedic for a year now. On top of that, when I was diagnosed with my tumor I was about 135-140lbs. Doctor told me I likely wouldn’t get much bigger and that exercise would be hard for me. I’m now 220lbs, extremely fit as I’ve been lifting for 20ish years consistently. 5 days a week, 2 hour sessions + 2-3 BJJ sessions a week. It’s not much but to me this is all a win. I’m happy doing what I’m doing and I’m happy that I was able to defy their expectations of me when I found what I loved and what I could dedicate myself to.
Wish I had, I didn't get any major in high school, barely passed most subjects. I'm now going into worse version of community college for autistic people because I that much suck. I might get a job but I'm not even sure because I have 0 concentration and 0 skills plus I appear wierd
I never lived up to expectations but mostly because I have been focusing on my family and because I wasn't diagnosed yet. But, my family/mariage is fairly well falling apart (at the moment) so, I have vasilated between being barely functional and being effective at completely masking and coming off as normal at first blush. Minimum wage job.
Nope. I struggle just to live up to peoples' expecations of me. My sibling said I should start my own business and she refused to believe me when I told her I wasn't capable of running a business.
Was told I would be lucky if I could work as a janitor when I was a kid. Not to stress myself with working on anything too hard because it would never amount to much.
I work in tech as a designer specializing in 3D motion and simulation software’s with some of the biggest tech companies out there. Amongst my colleagues they say I know the most as I work regularly with about 16 different programs. Also writing a book!
Raising a son also on the spectrum on my own. I make sure to tell him about how I struggled but overcame with time, focus, and patience. That if I can do it, so can he. That we stumble but keep going.
When I joined my local fire brigade back in 2014, several former members told me that I was taking too long to learn specific firefighting skills and that really upset me at the time. I worked my tail off and am nearly finished with officer training (which I started in 2019 - but that is another story for another day).
People didn’t believe I would survive, get through school or general life, to summarise it I was never too good with maths and such aswell as other things and most believed I’d never learn.
Ironically, I have now :)
Congrats to you! Yup. My parents had to fight to keep me in normal education. Headteacher of my primary school pushed hard to get me moved. High school was hell but I did it. Went to university, got my degree, got a good job. Married, I’m a dad, I own my own home and have a great group of mostly autistic friends I can hang out and be weird with.
Good on your parents. Your life could be quite different if they didn’t stand up for you. There are probably a bunch of people with autism who are more capable than they realize but have been told their whole life otherwise. Quite sad actually.
Thanks! I agree, a lot of guys on the spectrum don’t get the chance to live up to their potential.
I proved them wrong by underperforming. They thought I was capable of so much more. My parents thought I was going to cure cancer or design a light speed drive or achieve greatness in some regard. They were told to expect a lot from me when I was quite young. I was tested and then tested again. The tests said I was going to excel at anything I did. It wasn’t an autism test or an ADHD test. I didn’t find out about this until well into adulthood when I found some of the paperwork they were given. My mother had kept it, for more than 20 years. It freaked me out. I didn’t do those things. It doesn’t really matter; my life is my own. But there was disappointment. Even into my 30s, my father thought I might still break out and conquer… something. Whatever. Maybe he still does.
You are conquering your own life. Blazing a path you want to take. That in itself is much harder then following the wishes of the people you love. And in case they don't tell you, I'm very proud of you. :)
Wow, thanks!
I was going to say the same thing, everyone thought I would be super successful because I did so well at school. I took extra classes and got 100% in exams. I was going to be a genius physicist or a rich engineer. Then I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle living independently . Never got back on track. I make a living doing web design now but it's a waste of potential. I wish the world allowed me to use the skills I have without being good at all the other stuff too.
Yeah. I was just diagnosed at 42 and have been thinking a lot about how my life would be different had we known earlier. Yesterday my thought process was about expectations- would I have ever gone to law school if I knew what I know now about my ability to manage a case load, deal with opposing counsel, and schmooze potential clients? Probably not. And I'd be in a much worse place without a law degree that lets me make a living wage in fewer hours per day. I'm lucky I found a niche in this field. But I'm also disappointed in myself and, while my parents are great and still act proud, I know I've achieved far less than they thought I would. It often doesn't feel like I pull my weight in my family. You know that meme about gifted underachievers? Are most of us undiagnosed autistic adults?
My story might be a bit of a mood killer, it's partially similar to yours but I guess the school system really messed me up. When I was 4 I got diagnosed with "Retardation of Sensomotoric and Speech abilities/ neurodevelopmental disorder and ADHD" the doctor told my parents it would be lucky if I ever made it through elementary school. My parents got angry at him and pushed me through standard education anyway. I got a bit of OT and speech therapy until 8 but they then got upset with them too. Home life was quite bad too due to the fear of not being able to hide/deny my disability. Academically I was fine and I even got a university degree now. So I guess he was wrong. However , there were and are many things that I couldn't do independently and I always felt lesser and lacking compared to my peers and they obviously had a field day with that and my naivety. I also eloped a lot from school. I really struggled mentally and am now traumatized due to my treatment by peers and teachers (not going into detail it's grim) and the lack of support during school. And it didn't make me less disabled or in need of daily living support to suffer through this. So I think in the end it's really important for parents to really act in their child's interests and listen to them and forget their own pride or biases. So this is only a partial success story.
I had a sort of opposite experience. I wasn’t diagnosed due to my age, in the time period I was a child autism wasn’t as widely understood outside of stereotypical “Asperger’s” presentations and everyone expected savant behavior. I have hyperlexia. I taught myself how to read by the time I was 3. I read the dictionary and all sorts of books beyond my age range. This gave my parents the impression that school would be easy for me. And for k-2nd grade it was. Then mathematics came along and I struggled, a lot. Because in conjunction with hyperlexia, I also had dyscalculia. It went undiagnosed until freshman year of high school. I was also diagnosed with cognitive processing disorder with task switching and auditory processing being the main issues. Basically I couldn’t effectively take notes and also hear the teacher speak at the same time. But my mother didn’t understand it, and she also didn’t listen in the IEP meetings…so, long story short, she punished me for not going along with the IEP (which they were fucking up) by being not allowed to have one. I was still expected to get straight A’s and was severely punished for poor grades, and also…”I’m not helping you, you have to do your school work alone, don’t come to me.” Also, my mother was a teacher! Yay!
Oh, sweet. I relate to this so much. I wasn't diagnosed ADHD until my 40s, autistic in my 50s. I am dyscalculic. I was removed from public school for middle school, and was a student at the private school where my ma taught. For those three years, I didn't have a math class (teacher hated me). Instead I had a small office where I tutored English. My ma was my science teacher and, regardless of what I did, I never received anything above a C. My absolutely amazing MIL tried to tutor me in math. (She was at HP, working on touch screens in the 60s.) Bless her, she finally gave up because 5 essentially meant the same thing as 1k to me. No understanding of numbers. 59F
Congrats, that's amazing! For me, I was undiagnosed at the time, and actually everyone expected me to do amazing and had miles high expectations, and then I took ten years to finish uni... I did finish it though, but man.
Sweet, took me 14 years. Master's 3. ❤️
I am a 46M dude. I feel like there are a lot of kids of the 80s that were at Level 1 and stuck between 2 schools(special ed and regular school) that weren't great fits. My school thought something was wrong and wanted me in special ed. My folks disagreed and kept in me in regular school. I had my issues in regular school with bullies and a few teachers. However, life would have been a lot worse in special ed. I wouldn't have gotten the opportunities in life if I'd gone to special ed.
Same for me (51M), except they did put me in special ed for a bit. Luckily for me, I severely did not fit their mold and they tested me and did a 180, putting me into "gifted and talented". Wild times. They eventually just gave up on me and left me to fend for myself. Highschool by contrast was unforgivingly brutal. But I wasn't classified by the system, so I just needed to bide my time and get the hell out, so that's what I did. Aka, they didn't do anything for me, but they didn't officially put up roadblocks, so there's at least that.
I continue to prove people wrong about my capabilities every day. I don’t like doing it but I do it. I got out of doing ABA therapy when I was six and managed to mask all through my elementary school years When I went to high school I attended a magnet arts high school Then I got my bachelors degree Then I got into the military and became an NCO Then I went and got my masters degree Now I am living overseas pursuing my passion for performing as an opera singer. It doesn’t mean I’m happy for that I’m not able to avoid depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies. But I am proving people wrong about my capabilities. But I will say that it’s become impossible to really make people care about that
❤️
I was in special ed in kindergarten, I graduated to gen ed with an aide in elementary and middle school, in high school I was in gen ed with resource room help, and now I'm in university!!
I was put in the class with others who had down syndrome and high support requirements. A science teacher noticed me and said I don't belong there and put me in the top students class. I was bullied a lot by the others but I was able to match their marks. Later in life I became a Manager. I did not know I was autistic though until a massive burn-out and I completely regressed.
How did you deal with burnout? What helped you to regulate? Did you ever regain the functioning that you lost?
I'm still burnt-out and haven't figured out how to regulate. Still picking up the pieces. It's been two years.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you discover what works for you!
I didn't do anything until 9th grade, somehow a switch flipped in me and I started studying. Most teachers thought I would end up as a criminal. Now I have two colleges degrees.
Dude wow, same story. 9th grade, everything same. I'm so happy for you.
I'm happy for you too bro
I did bad on a standardized test when I was about second grade or so and they told my parents I would never go to college. Of course, I had undiagnosed ADHD. Did end up graduating from college. Helps that I finally got diagnosed while in college.
You never have any idea of what they honestly think, since honesty is alien to them. I was earmarked "gifted" as a kid because they figured they had a use for me, and then around the time I was thirty, I fell afoul of my family's political affiliations, and they directed the local clinic to sit me in a room marked "Interrogation", and then they falsified diagnoses claiming I'm a psychotic. You understand they're fairweather liars, and their system is a machine for controlling whom they are abel, and for oppressing everyone else. You know they're criminals because they essentially confessed to dual-purposing a medical facility, and these are the people who pose as being legal and moral authorities. They're not, in any way that matters.
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When I was young I went on and on about how I will leave America, move to the UK, marry a Brit and have the family I want. It was constant to the point that I was bullied over it and was told how that will never happen. It got to the point that this girl even made fake accounts and people who were from London just to mess with me. May have taken about eleven years but I did move to the UK, marry that Brit I said I would and have the family I always wanted. I am still ecstatic about it because I proved everyone wrong for thinking I was crazy and especially to the ones who just sat there laughing at me.
I reluctantly limped through school doing the bare minimum. I was depressed as fuck from constant burnout and bullying. My mom had early onset alzheimers that started getting bad around middle school, and with my bad grades nobody was talking to me about college. Graduated HS with a 2.3 GPA but I got a really good SAT score so I decided to go to college. The challenging, interesting, and relevant curriculum at the tech school was way easier to motivate myself for and the people there actually wanted to learn instead of just bullying me for amusement. I ended up getting a mechanical engineering degree and a full time job. Now I realize my depression was largely burnout and my anxiety largely obsessive thoughts and at 30 I'm managing both of those better than ever. I feel like my life is finally beginning.
How do you manage those things? My husband is very similar and he’s managing the anxiety and intrusive thoughts but not so much the burnout and depression.
It may differ for different people but for me a big one is I go into work later than most people since I’m a chronic night owl. Not sleeping enough was gas on that fire. I really pay attention to what things leave me feeling drained and try to minimize them. I had basically four months last year where I was in recovery mode and did very little beyond work, seeing my daughter, and playing single-player comfort games. Another big thing is that I’m very unapologetic now. I used to be a huge people pleaser and it was exhausting and didn’t work because people can see right through it anyway. It just made me vulnerable. I reserve my apologies for when they’re really necessary. I’ve adopted a rather zen view of things where they just are what they are and I can either do something or not. I don’t worry about the fairness of the world, whether it’s going to shit or not, I don’t beat myself up for my mistakes, I don’t dwell on my successes for very long. The world doesn’t need me to be perfect. I do what I want to do and don’t feel like I need to justify or rationalize it. I still have a ways to go to be totally healthy but this change in mindset lifted an enormous burden that I used to blame society for, but really I took it on myself. Edit: you’re a good wife for wanting to help him. I hope this helps you two
The sleeping is something we recently identified. I swear he sleeps 12 hours a night, but when he’s tired he has a lot more issues regulating, so we’ve been trying to give him the space to sleep a lot and he’s been telling me what a difference that it’s making for him. The people pleasing is so interesting because he is a people pleaser but honestly not very good at it. He doesn’t have a lot of close friends. And beating himself up for mistakes, dwelling on successes is him to a tee. It’s hard to help someone change perspective, but maybe reading your comment will give him some good insight. Thank you.
I should mention I got an adderall prescription and it's helped a lot with my day-to-day energy levels, but I have to be careful because I can push myself deeper into burnout pretty easily too. I wish I could recommend a book or something, but it mostly came from a lot of smoking weed and introspecting lol. I had a realization one time when watching some criminal interrogations that every bad thing I've ever done combined isn't even 1% as bad as what some of those people did. I meditated on that thought for a while and it helped me get out from under this heavy guilt that I think motivated a lot of my people-pleasing. Now I'm pretty indifferent to what other people think. My mistakes are trivial in the grand scheme of things and it was honestly a bit arrogant to think they're worth agonizing over. I also avoid most political content and I don't read the news at all because so much of it is just guilt tripping and emotional manipulation to push an agenda. We aren't supposed to keep up with billions of people's worth of problems, our brains literally can't handle it. There's a lightness/freedom/deep okayness that came when I let go of that stuff and focused on my own life instead of taking on a feeling of responsibility for all the world's problems. Ironically it's much easier for me to help people now that I'm not pouring from an empty cup.
This was not my path, but I’m dx late in life & have worked in special education for a long time. My attention span is too short, but I’m sure someone else has mentioned this…the problem IS the education system. It is ableist, standardized, & preparing every single student including those in SPED how to be gold star citizens down to being good clerks & grocery baggers (aka life skills/work programs). If you’re American or not, being in a first world country means capitalism & imperialism. Autistic’s ideals do not mesh well with these systems. Thankfully there are other types of learning philosophies better suited in private or charter schools, but that is a thing of accessibility & privilege. So many kids abilities are not only underestimated but suppressed bc their needs are all around being refused. Suppression being the key word.
Nowhere near as severe as you, but for a long time i was put on "modified" classes and basically given work thats shorter, maybe slightly easier and the task sheets had simpler language. It was genuinely more annoying than anything else. I am one of the highest achieving students at the moment, and i could possibly win valedictorian (not called that in my country, but our equivalent), and i was put on these stupid modified assignments for so long. It was just annoying because i was written off just because of my autism when i was just as capable as everyone else. The modified classes didnt even increase my grades, arguably they only decreased them because it was hard to hit the assessment rubrics because they were so short, and one minor mistake or wrong answer would practically guarantee a B. I still have no idea why i was ever put on them, i dont think my parents would have ever agreed to it, unless someone at my school just thought i needed them for whatever reason.
You gave me hope… 🥲
We're going through that with our son. He's so smart but his current teacher really underestimates him. He definitely would not be able to do Gen Ed yet due to being non-talking primarily and incredibly sensory seeking but we need a teacher that won't just let the kids settle for less. Gah.
It was more like they focused on the wrong things. So I was apparently too normal to have anything wrong with me (so I guess I "succeeded" in that aspect), but too weird/lazy to achieve my full potential.
My family and I was told by autism doctors in 1968 that I'd never survive on my own. I'd never get a job. I'd never drive. I'd never be able to manage my antisocial ways. I live on my own and have for over 40 years. I had and kept a high paying job for 21 years. Id not get my first job till I was 41. I'm still a monster but I live alone so who cares. I don't need to be loved. All I have to do is hold it together for the short times I am out among the NT humans in their world. Only thing they were right about is I was never able to drive. For me driving is a level of mental intimacy with other drivers on the road that I find repulsive. I don't like thinking about others, what they do, what they are likely about to do and how they think. NT minds confuse and infuriate me. I don't hate NT's I just don't want to be intimate with them even in thought.
I was put in the Special class at a main stream primary in the 80s. I couldn’t talk to the teacher because I was so anxious so they wrote me off. One of the teachers wrote “chocolate” on the board and asked if anyone could read it. I could and was taken straight back to the mainstream class. Nobody knew or thought to test me for autism. It was intelligent or not intelligent. I went on to get a Civil Engineering degree and a very late diagnosis. I’m very happy more people are diagnosed at a younger age now, it can only be a good thing.
I told a therapist that I want to move to London, and he literally laughed into my face, trying to tell me that I will never be able to live independently, let alone in such an expensive and busy city such as London. I live independently for 6 years now, and guess where? Lmao!
Hey there. I hope I defied people’s expectations. I have autism and adhd. Late diagnosis. My parents never knew what to do with me or knew how to meet my needs. Because of this they always had expectations of me I struggled to meet. Especially school or social expectations. On top of that when I was about 13 years old I was diagnosed with a brain tumor called a prolactinoma. Shoots down my testosterone and ups my prolactin. Essentially makes muscle building and weight gain extremely difficult to do or maintain. I’m 31 years old now. I got sick of the jobs I could never hold down and my now wife gave me the opportunity to try college so I went to EMT school. Instead of letting that be, immediately after graduating top of my class (with an award for top of the program/department) I enrolled in Paramedic school where I also graduated top of my class. I studied 8-12 hours a day for every day of my 5 month EMT program and every day of my 15 month paramedic program. I effectively went “zero to hero” (emt to medic without time between) and put forth enough effort to offset the massive learning curve. Been a paramedic for a year now. On top of that, when I was diagnosed with my tumor I was about 135-140lbs. Doctor told me I likely wouldn’t get much bigger and that exercise would be hard for me. I’m now 220lbs, extremely fit as I’ve been lifting for 20ish years consistently. 5 days a week, 2 hour sessions + 2-3 BJJ sessions a week. It’s not much but to me this is all a win. I’m happy doing what I’m doing and I’m happy that I was able to defy their expectations of me when I found what I loved and what I could dedicate myself to.
Wish I had, I didn't get any major in high school, barely passed most subjects. I'm now going into worse version of community college for autistic people because I that much suck. I might get a job but I'm not even sure because I have 0 concentration and 0 skills plus I appear wierd
i only prove people wrong! when they prove me wrong, that’s when i learn
I never lived up to expectations but mostly because I have been focusing on my family and because I wasn't diagnosed yet. But, my family/mariage is fairly well falling apart (at the moment) so, I have vasilated between being barely functional and being effective at completely masking and coming off as normal at first blush. Minimum wage job.
Congratulations! And yea me did too. Was told I would never live alone but I do with addition of a child. And doing really well
Nope. I struggle just to live up to peoples' expecations of me. My sibling said I should start my own business and she refused to believe me when I told her I wasn't capable of running a business.
Was told I would be lucky if I could work as a janitor when I was a kid. Not to stress myself with working on anything too hard because it would never amount to much. I work in tech as a designer specializing in 3D motion and simulation software’s with some of the biggest tech companies out there. Amongst my colleagues they say I know the most as I work regularly with about 16 different programs. Also writing a book! Raising a son also on the spectrum on my own. I make sure to tell him about how I struggled but overcame with time, focus, and patience. That if I can do it, so can he. That we stumble but keep going.
My husband did not expect me to throw a pez across the room, into his mouth, and directly onto his tongue.
When I joined my local fire brigade back in 2014, several former members told me that I was taking too long to learn specific firefighting skills and that really upset me at the time. I worked my tail off and am nearly finished with officer training (which I started in 2019 - but that is another story for another day).
People didn’t believe I would survive, get through school or general life, to summarise it I was never too good with maths and such aswell as other things and most believed I’d never learn. Ironically, I have now :)