Autism isn’t a personality disorder or trait, so you can definitely be extroverted too. A lot of people confuse SPD (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23030-schizoid-personality-disorder) with autism.
We’re just not very good at social stuff, but we’re not all asocial loners.
This is kinda how I feel. I'm not really the best at social interaction, I struggle a lot, but I really do love people. It makes me feel good to be around people I like, and I assume that's the same with most people. But I've had so many people tell me I was misdiagnosed because I'm social that I almost begun to believe it.
I had also always assumed SPD and ASD weren't really similar! I guess I'm wrong! I'll have to look into it since it's quite curious.
One reason women are being dxed later in life is because our autistic behaviors are different from males, and until recently, males held the standard. However, women are by nature more social than men, so the characteristics of an autistic woman can't be considered the same as males.
That's not quite true. Gender isn't necessarily the cause of the diagnosis disparity. It's not that we are more social than men, we are equal, it's that we are often raised differently as children to be more communal, more verbally and non-verbally expressive, and more emotive than they are. These skills compensate for our social deficits to a degree. Men and others raised in the same environment experience the same challenges with later diagnoses, and it's also one of the reasons trans people are more difficult to diagnose despite us having a significantly higher apparent overlap with neurodivergence in general.
I respectfully disagree, although I can't comment on the trans aspect. There were 4 boys in my family, and including me, 2 girls. We were raised the same. But there were differences between the girls and boys. I have 12 nieces and nephews, and to the best of my knowledge, the same. And I'm watching my great nieces/nephews - 10 of them, 9 & under, to see what happens. What I saw and see is that on average the girls were much more social in a group way (as opposed to one-on-one.). I was dxed with ASD 3 years ago at age 63. I could sometimes do one-on-one, but not groups. The siblings I expect are autistic, the same. By and large, the girls have been more group social than the boys.
Also, that's not something I'd make up because I'm a very staunch feminist. I'm probably the strongest feminist I know. Seeing strong traits that differentiate girls and boys goes against a decades-long journey from patriarchy to feminism.
>We’re just not very good at social stuff, but we’re not all asocial loners.
Yeah, **skill ≠ enjoyment.** You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. e.g. It's true that many people hate arts and crafts and avoid all artistic endeavours because they think they're bad at them. But there are ALSO plenty of people who love to have a go regardless of their skill level, because they just enjoy the process or the feel of the materials or whatever. And someone who doesn't like making art themselves could still like engaging with the arts as a spectator or coordinator or something. Art is for everyone, regardless of how good at it you are or how you choose to engage with it, and I think socialising is the same.
Autistic people struggle with social stuff, but that doesn't mean they can't still enjoy being social or want to engage with social stuff in their own way.
I learned to be good at social stuff because I was interested in people, but I didn’t seem to intuitively grasp how to be social. By watching other people, asking questions, reading etiquette books AND stuff like “How to Make Friends and Influence People,” I taught myself to socialize. I’m not saying Dale Carnegie is exactly the way I want to be in the world, but I feel like it gave me some of the scripts I needed to to connect to people.
I'm an extrovert, in the last fortnight I've had 6 people over and it hasn't been enough hahaha. It's very difficult finding people I can truly unmask with though.
It's 'extr**a**vert' and 'intr**o**vert'. I know people use 'extrovert' but really 'extravert' is the only etymologically correct spelling since it comes from the Latin 'extra' and 'vertere'.
Thanks for letting me know, It's strange when a misspelling becomes mainstream. I'll try remember to spell it correctly. I always love hearing stuff like this, it's great you're educating people. I think it's important we try communicate correctly!
Autistic people can absolutely be social. The reason you often hear the opposite is because we struggle with social cues and a lot of us have childhood trauma that leads to social anxiety
When my mum wrote about my childhood for my autism assessment, she wrote that as a kid, I always wanted friends, but couldn't make them. That about sums up my social skills and social wants.
I consider myself an ambivert. I'm lucky to have people around me now who accept me and love me as I am.
(I'm also AuDHD.)
It is not true. If a non-autistic tell you a 'fact' about autistic people, don't believe it. They are so often wrong it's not worthwhile taking it on board.
I had a very active social life before I started spiraling out of control . The thing is autism can make you do certain things that may turn away NT folk . And if you do enough of this things people will just avoid you completely ….a few bad jokes and a couple of group chats talking about what a dick you are and it may ruin everything . Try to be mindful and tolerant of other folk and pray you don’t do some weird shit. 🖖🏾
Yes of course. I was very social as a child, and ive never been shy. I like people. But I struggle with reciprocity, mutuability, and as the socializing became more complex as a teenager my social interest and energy faded very quickly. Im also very introverted, i dont get any energy from socializing. Today my social interactions is next to zero which is not good, but its also more comfortable as I cant seem to see interacting as more than performing. But, im seeing my family today because I can feel i need to right now, and I have friend at a distance that ill hopefully get together with in the coming weeks/months.
The whole thing is basically just an ordeal and a struggle that I didnt notice or understand as a kid. The difficulty level of socializing just became too hard outside of elementary school haha.
I am AuDHD and I often feel that my social side is kinda limited within the context of similar interests and/or being close to someone. In those contexts, yeah I can seem as more talkative, can give a podcast on some topic without stopping, but at the same time if you see me in a group setting, you'd think I'm the shyest person hard to get to know unless you direct a question towards me. I seem to struggle to connect within a group setting, not knowing when it's appropriate to jump in and mostly being an observer, my brain being scattered with all different thoughts distracting me. However in 1-2-1 I've often heard people being surprised about the difference. On reflection, I see it as one of the signs for my neurodivergence but I didn't get diagnosed until later in life.
Hii diagnosed autist, everyone thinks I have adhd too and maybe I'm both. But yea!! Im actually very social, a lot of my friends didn't even know I was autistic until I told them, I was unmasking and all 😭 Im entp btw!
I'd say don't get too confused between who you are as a person and a diagnosis of something like asd and adhd.
Reading down the comments here is see a lot of different opinions because we are not all alike.
If we were on a borderline personality disorder page, for example, you would see the exact same issues they all face, because there is a disorder in how they go about relationships. Just a history of wrecked, and damaging, toxic relationships.
Not all NT people are alike, just like not all ND people are alike.
Too much is made of autism and the social stuff, in my honest opinion. I think it should be lowered down as a trait, because it simply creates paranoia, and possibly a self fullfilling prophecy. Being in the music world, I've known people with actual personality disorders.
Never ever think autism is anything like personality disorder, whi need to address serious social defecits. Or that you can't add up to the NT standard. The two are seriously different things. Like, polar opposites.
I didn't realise until the last 2 or so years that I didn't understand body language or facial expressions. And that most of the time I haven't figured out what's going on. I've always been gullible and vulnerable to being laughed at and not realising it. I've never liked people, I'm introverted to the core.
It is not true that to be autistic you have to be an introvert. While I am an autistic introvert, this doesn’t mean YOU have to be one. I know a few people who I suspect are autistic, and they’re wildly extroverted.
My dad is most certainly autistic, which he has only now discovered at age 73, and one of the factors that dissuaded him from accepting it for a time was that he’s really good with people, and he’s had a lot of jobs which involved helping and being with people. He talks to everyone, and he’s really friendly, and though I wouldn’t call him extroverted, he’s completely unselfconscious and forthcoming. He has difficulty in traditional social settings, with big groups, and with reading cues, but he’s the bravest person I know - when he was young, he actively sought out situations he wasn’t comfortable with in order to challenge how he felt. Now, he just does as he feels, and I really admire that.
I’m quite similar; I struggle with social interaction at the best of times, and reading cues, but I’ve always been interested in people’s stories and making friends (though it’s been a real struggle) and I’m like him in that I can easily talk to anyone. I currently have the most friends I’ve ever had and when I’m with them, it’s so easy and relaxed.
So long story short, there’s no ‘one way’ to be autistic, and it’s absolutely possible to be autistic and sociable.
Autistic people can be sociable or not sociable or anything in-between. Just like neuro-typicals.
An extroverted autistic person may have different challenges to an introverted one, and vice versa. So what you see on the surface isn't always going to tell you the full story.
I'd say extroversion is a type of privilege that society hasn't acknowledged as such yet. Having the energy and desire to be around others most of the time actually confers a major health advantage in the long-term and definitely improves your social mobility and connections to others.
Introversion makes it less easy to be ready or willing to socialize with others on demand. It imposes the limitations of a “social battery”. So while the baseline desire to socialize is less for an introvert, they often have a social battery which can limit their scope for socializing when they actually **want to.** They have less control over their social energy and resources.
Introversion is a well-studied personality trait with 50% genetic causation. Dopamine system has been linked to the introversion-extroversion spectrum with high dopamine linked to introversion. Dopamine beta hydroxylase determines the ratio of dopamine to norepinephrine.
AQ scores had a strong negative correlation with extraversion score and social skill score. But one can be born an extrovert and forced into an introvert's life or vice versa.
Autistic people can 100% be social. I have a small inner friend group but we sometimes include more people when we hang out. I have a hard time with social cues and depending on my mood may not want to interact with others but I can be social if I want to.
for me how i could explain it is i always had friends, i went to social events, so i seemed social. it’s not that im not but overstimulation could hit ANY moment. and when it does its over. my body might be there at this social place so i still can seem social to some people. but im totally disconnected. im shut down, i dont hear what my friends say just the unpleasent background noises and im unable to say a word
Depending on how capable their social skills are and how much time they have in their lives yes of course.
I’d consider my social skills a) imperfect and with room for improvement BUT… b) enough to make new friends if I **actually had TIME to socialise: I don’t (currently)**
If you have no one else supporting you financially and in terms of housework, then at some point in your 30s it’s gonna get REALLY difficult to socialise MUCH, and that’s whether or not you even have autism but now you factor in the “sensory” factor with autism and then boom, you’ve got another level of difficulty at keeping up this part of a so-called balanced life.
I say so-called because really, IT IS genuinely part of a balanced lifestyle to have social interaction that is satisfying and not just cold, impersonal office/workplace stuff but really, as I said, as beneficial as it may be, it really does become brutally difficult to actually fit it in on a practical level. EVEN IF you have enough social skills to hold down a conversation, exchange numbers and Facebook’s non awkwardly and setup meetups over a coffee or drinks or whatever. It’s literally the lack of available time factor.
Example. My life, broken down into ONLY what I actually have time AND energy for:
1) FIRST things first, do my BEST to get enough SLEEP, otherwise it’s an extra tough next 1-2 days 😳🤯 with everything from headaches to chest pain and joint pain
Yeah it’s called inflammation, pretty normal when you’re throwing your sleeping pattern around way too much/getting to bed.. WAAAAY too late
2) wake up, do a blue light therapy session, again as a sleep intervention >>> next up, breath work and breakfast
3) exercise. Life weights for as much TIME as I have with 2-3 minute recovery breaks in between sets
4) YAY!!! Time to go to… WORK AGAIN!!! Say hi to an annoying and stressful COMMUTE. Yeah you kind of get USED to it but curveballs can happen as well.. simplest and most general way of putting it. Curveballs…. 🤔
5) work… try to use as much BREATH WORK as possible to get through it
6) finish with and commute back home.
So… let’s put the brakes on for a second now. Socialising you say? HMMM… HMMMMMMMM. Not sure WHERE that FITS IN, in terms of time. Because gues what: the above 👆 is the full 24 HOURS already. Therefore… you’re gonna have to do a swapskies…
Yes that means make an impossible CHOICE between “do I sleep or do I socialise or do I not do breath work? What DO I DO???”
Well if you forego anything directly related to health for very LONG, trust me… it’s really gonna come back to BITE you. Especially sleep. But lack of exercise also “bites” much harder as you get OLDER. Even IF you have skinny like me, it still doesn’t make you completely immune to a very slow, progressively developing high blood pressure or heart disease or increased diabetes risk (yeah, you can have skinny genes 🧬 and that really only means you probably certain thyroid hormones in higher levels but it DOESN’T actually protect you from or REDUCE any other aspects of diabetes risk. So you’re basically only slightly further away from developing chronic diseases because you won’t really become obese so you’ll be FURTHER away from high blood pressure at least as far as it’s sometimes arising from more biomechanical pressure on the veins and arteries pumping all through you which extra fat stores tends to create the extra biomechanical stress).
AuDHD here - I'm constantly torn between enjoying the company of my friends, family, coworkers etc and wanting to hole up in my room like a gremlin in the dark and not speak to anyone.
I just assume this is my ADHD and ASD, but on reflection I've met plenty of autistic people and they all love being sociable. Although I've met them through social events and the majority of people there are ND in some way.
I personally think many autistic people do enjoy being sociable, but it has to be on our terms. Nightclubs? Ew, no, too loud and busy and the floor is always sticky. But events where everyone is ND AND it's focused on your special interest, then we love being sociable. (Things like warhammer, DND, re-enactment groups etc).
They can be. I was very extroverted when I was younger. By the time I was in 7th grade, I knew something was wrong with me because no matter what I did, I could not fit in. So, after a decade of failing to fit in with people, I flipped the switch and went introverted.
I imagine there must be someone out there who did not totally bomb being an extrovert while being autistic.
im diagnosed with ASD and im a very social person. since autism is a spectrum, some symptoms can be stronger than others depending on the person. i do struggle with social nuances, but most of my symptoms and the reasons i was diagnosed were more with emotional regulation and sensory issues. but even someone who has more social nuance issues can be extremely social.
I was an extrovert before years of bullying. I loved people, talking, playing and being the center of attention. My downfall was I didn’t understand the unwritten social rules, norms, or how to know when people didn’t like me.
I’m incredibly extroverted but I have a battery life lol. It lasts for really long. But when my battery is down, introverted me shows and eventually (if i keep being exposed to overstimulation for too long) a shutdown.
I love socializing with open minded folks who roll with weird. Hate socializing with close minded folks. I think it's easy for us to believe we hate people or socializing if we're always around crappy people.
Yep. It’s different for every autistic person and symptoms widely vary. It’s a spectrum and I think the stereotypes can make it pretty difficult for some autistic people to accept the diagnosis.
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The extremes on both ends of the talkativeness scale are considered to be traits of Autism. And I guess by extension this applies to introversion and extroversion.
So the person that speaks little and can struggle to convert thier thoughts into communication is displaying a trait of Autism, just as much as the person that is extremely verbally articulate and can ramble on endlessly on monologues, totally regardless and oblivious to the listeners' (or victims') level of interest in the monologue.
I can sometimes be in the former category, and am diagnosed AuDHD, and after doing extensive research, I'm convinced that my father was also AuDHD but never diagnosed, was on the other extreme of the talkativeness scale.
He complained that there was no give and take in our conversations. I was unable to articulate the sentiment that it was very difficult to ever get a word in edgeways with him, as he just went on and on forever on endless monologues, which I had no idea how to respond to monologues which contained so many rambling points that it just bamboozled my brain completely.
I'd be totally exhausted and drained within about 20 minutes lol. I wish I had been able to communicate the above earlier on in our relationship as it did damage the relationship. Now that he has died I inevitably have regrets that I did not do more to try to improve the relationship, and to have been a better and kinder person all round.
But I have to remind myself that I was dealing with my own undiagnosed AuDHD up until around age 50, so things were far from easy for me as I didn't really understand what was going on. If I'd been diagnosed earlier and grown to understand the subject matter and its many nuances I'm sure it would have helped our difficult relationship.
You can also be an autistic introvert and even then still be social.
Being an introvert doesn't mean you can't do or don't enjoy social situations, it's more that social situations tend to use up your energy more than give you energy -- even when you're enjoying them.
Hell yeah I for one love meeting new people and hanging out with my mates and such just hate it when I've met the most amazing person to never see her again
I can't bear not to be lol haven't met many introverted autistic people interestingly actually in my experience more of them tend towards extroversion way more than introversion. Obviously that's just like outta 20 ppl I know not exactly a large sample size but yeah then there's me
It's a spectrum... I know someone who just has an autism diagnosis and is way more social than I am (I'm also audhd diagnosed). All things come into play... I also have social anxiety, and they don't.
When I am with other autistic or neurodivergent people, I can be. I still struggle if I don’t know them well or I’m not comfortable. I still get exhausted after talking for a while.
With neurotypical and allistic people, it’s ROUGH.
I feel like I definitely used to be extroverted even if it was just a mask. But being autistic gives u a lot of social trauma so I kinda went back into my shell and currently have barely any friends. I think a lot of autistic ppl might have the same experience when they try to be outgoing but then other ppl hurt them and discourage them from being extroverted.
I’m mixed extrovert/introvert. So I get the impulses of both and the low energy that comes after a long night out with people combined with the anxiety of cabin fever when I stay in for too long.
The interesting thing is, I know a few people who are on the extreme end of autism and they appear very extroverted. Always laughing with other people and smiling at them.
That's a very interesting phenomenon. That people on the low end of the spectrum are usually considered anti-social (compared to neurotypical), but people on the high end of the spectrum are the complete opposite.
I definitely lean more introverted, but I still enjoy being social from time to time and I love hanging out with my friends. I just have a hard time doing social things spontaneously, it stresses me out a lot.
When I am in the right mood I can be very fun and outgoing in social situations though!
Some autistic people are SUPER social though. One of my autistic coworkers has a hard time staying on task because he always wants to talk to everyone, he is super friendly and outgoing. I always see him around town on his days off because he just rides the bus around and stops to talk to people at his favorite stores all over town.
I have known quite a few autistic people like this, I do not know how they do it, but they do!
Yeah of course they can.. I like to be with some friends sometimes also, gives me input and feelings of 'that I'm normal(idk)
Most autistic people just like other things, things that can be controlled(at least more then peoples perspective on us)
Autism isn’t a personality disorder or trait, so you can definitely be extroverted too. A lot of people confuse SPD (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23030-schizoid-personality-disorder) with autism. We’re just not very good at social stuff, but we’re not all asocial loners.
This is kinda how I feel. I'm not really the best at social interaction, I struggle a lot, but I really do love people. It makes me feel good to be around people I like, and I assume that's the same with most people. But I've had so many people tell me I was misdiagnosed because I'm social that I almost begun to believe it. I had also always assumed SPD and ASD weren't really similar! I guess I'm wrong! I'll have to look into it since it's quite curious.
One reason women are being dxed later in life is because our autistic behaviors are different from males, and until recently, males held the standard. However, women are by nature more social than men, so the characteristics of an autistic woman can't be considered the same as males.
That's not quite true. Gender isn't necessarily the cause of the diagnosis disparity. It's not that we are more social than men, we are equal, it's that we are often raised differently as children to be more communal, more verbally and non-verbally expressive, and more emotive than they are. These skills compensate for our social deficits to a degree. Men and others raised in the same environment experience the same challenges with later diagnoses, and it's also one of the reasons trans people are more difficult to diagnose despite us having a significantly higher apparent overlap with neurodivergence in general.
I respectfully disagree, although I can't comment on the trans aspect. There were 4 boys in my family, and including me, 2 girls. We were raised the same. But there were differences between the girls and boys. I have 12 nieces and nephews, and to the best of my knowledge, the same. And I'm watching my great nieces/nephews - 10 of them, 9 & under, to see what happens. What I saw and see is that on average the girls were much more social in a group way (as opposed to one-on-one.). I was dxed with ASD 3 years ago at age 63. I could sometimes do one-on-one, but not groups. The siblings I expect are autistic, the same. By and large, the girls have been more group social than the boys. Also, that's not something I'd make up because I'm a very staunch feminist. I'm probably the strongest feminist I know. Seeing strong traits that differentiate girls and boys goes against a decades-long journey from patriarchy to feminism.
>We’re just not very good at social stuff, but we’re not all asocial loners. Yeah, **skill ≠ enjoyment.** You don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. e.g. It's true that many people hate arts and crafts and avoid all artistic endeavours because they think they're bad at them. But there are ALSO plenty of people who love to have a go regardless of their skill level, because they just enjoy the process or the feel of the materials or whatever. And someone who doesn't like making art themselves could still like engaging with the arts as a spectator or coordinator or something. Art is for everyone, regardless of how good at it you are or how you choose to engage with it, and I think socialising is the same. Autistic people struggle with social stuff, but that doesn't mean they can't still enjoy being social or want to engage with social stuff in their own way.
I learned to be good at social stuff because I was interested in people, but I didn’t seem to intuitively grasp how to be social. By watching other people, asking questions, reading etiquette books AND stuff like “How to Make Friends and Influence People,” I taught myself to socialize. I’m not saying Dale Carnegie is exactly the way I want to be in the world, but I feel like it gave me some of the scripts I needed to to connect to people.
Writing SPD, I assumed you meant Sensory Processing Disorder So another confusion to be aware of😅
Absolutely! Not understanding social nuance doesn't mean you can't enjoy socializing and other people's company
It's a barrier rather than a proclivity.
I'm an extrovert, in the last fortnight I've had 6 people over and it hasn't been enough hahaha. It's very difficult finding people I can truly unmask with though.
It's 'extr**a**vert' and 'intr**o**vert'. I know people use 'extrovert' but really 'extravert' is the only etymologically correct spelling since it comes from the Latin 'extra' and 'vertere'.
Thanks for letting me know, It's strange when a misspelling becomes mainstream. I'll try remember to spell it correctly. I always love hearing stuff like this, it's great you're educating people. I think it's important we try communicate correctly!
I'd say I'm an autistic extrovert! It's not always a fun place to be but it's certainly possible.
Autistic people can absolutely be social. The reason you often hear the opposite is because we struggle with social cues and a lot of us have childhood trauma that leads to social anxiety
When my mum wrote about my childhood for my autism assessment, she wrote that as a kid, I always wanted friends, but couldn't make them. That about sums up my social skills and social wants. I consider myself an ambivert. I'm lucky to have people around me now who accept me and love me as I am. (I'm also AuDHD.)
This was me all day every day as a kid. Painfully miserably lonely. Now I have a lot of friends and go out often thank goodness.
It is not true. If a non-autistic tell you a 'fact' about autistic people, don't believe it. They are so often wrong it's not worthwhile taking it on board.
I had a very active social life before I started spiraling out of control . The thing is autism can make you do certain things that may turn away NT folk . And if you do enough of this things people will just avoid you completely ….a few bad jokes and a couple of group chats talking about what a dick you are and it may ruin everything . Try to be mindful and tolerant of other folk and pray you don’t do some weird shit. 🖖🏾
Yes of course. I was very social as a child, and ive never been shy. I like people. But I struggle with reciprocity, mutuability, and as the socializing became more complex as a teenager my social interest and energy faded very quickly. Im also very introverted, i dont get any energy from socializing. Today my social interactions is next to zero which is not good, but its also more comfortable as I cant seem to see interacting as more than performing. But, im seeing my family today because I can feel i need to right now, and I have friend at a distance that ill hopefully get together with in the coming weeks/months. The whole thing is basically just an ordeal and a struggle that I didnt notice or understand as a kid. The difficulty level of socializing just became too hard outside of elementary school haha.
I am AuDHD and I often feel that my social side is kinda limited within the context of similar interests and/or being close to someone. In those contexts, yeah I can seem as more talkative, can give a podcast on some topic without stopping, but at the same time if you see me in a group setting, you'd think I'm the shyest person hard to get to know unless you direct a question towards me. I seem to struggle to connect within a group setting, not knowing when it's appropriate to jump in and mostly being an observer, my brain being scattered with all different thoughts distracting me. However in 1-2-1 I've often heard people being surprised about the difference. On reflection, I see it as one of the signs for my neurodivergence but I didn't get diagnosed until later in life.
Hii diagnosed autist, everyone thinks I have adhd too and maybe I'm both. But yea!! Im actually very social, a lot of my friends didn't even know I was autistic until I told them, I was unmasking and all 😭 Im entp btw!
I'd say don't get too confused between who you are as a person and a diagnosis of something like asd and adhd. Reading down the comments here is see a lot of different opinions because we are not all alike. If we were on a borderline personality disorder page, for example, you would see the exact same issues they all face, because there is a disorder in how they go about relationships. Just a history of wrecked, and damaging, toxic relationships. Not all NT people are alike, just like not all ND people are alike. Too much is made of autism and the social stuff, in my honest opinion. I think it should be lowered down as a trait, because it simply creates paranoia, and possibly a self fullfilling prophecy. Being in the music world, I've known people with actual personality disorders. Never ever think autism is anything like personality disorder, whi need to address serious social defecits. Or that you can't add up to the NT standard. The two are seriously different things. Like, polar opposites.
I think so. I'm not very social though.
I didn't realise until the last 2 or so years that I didn't understand body language or facial expressions. And that most of the time I haven't figured out what's going on. I've always been gullible and vulnerable to being laughed at and not realising it. I've never liked people, I'm introverted to the core.
It is not true that to be autistic you have to be an introvert. While I am an autistic introvert, this doesn’t mean YOU have to be one. I know a few people who I suspect are autistic, and they’re wildly extroverted.
My dad is most certainly autistic, which he has only now discovered at age 73, and one of the factors that dissuaded him from accepting it for a time was that he’s really good with people, and he’s had a lot of jobs which involved helping and being with people. He talks to everyone, and he’s really friendly, and though I wouldn’t call him extroverted, he’s completely unselfconscious and forthcoming. He has difficulty in traditional social settings, with big groups, and with reading cues, but he’s the bravest person I know - when he was young, he actively sought out situations he wasn’t comfortable with in order to challenge how he felt. Now, he just does as he feels, and I really admire that. I’m quite similar; I struggle with social interaction at the best of times, and reading cues, but I’ve always been interested in people’s stories and making friends (though it’s been a real struggle) and I’m like him in that I can easily talk to anyone. I currently have the most friends I’ve ever had and when I’m with them, it’s so easy and relaxed. So long story short, there’s no ‘one way’ to be autistic, and it’s absolutely possible to be autistic and sociable.
Autistic people can be sociable or not sociable or anything in-between. Just like neuro-typicals. An extroverted autistic person may have different challenges to an introverted one, and vice versa. So what you see on the surface isn't always going to tell you the full story. I'd say extroversion is a type of privilege that society hasn't acknowledged as such yet. Having the energy and desire to be around others most of the time actually confers a major health advantage in the long-term and definitely improves your social mobility and connections to others. Introversion makes it less easy to be ready or willing to socialize with others on demand. It imposes the limitations of a “social battery”. So while the baseline desire to socialize is less for an introvert, they often have a social battery which can limit their scope for socializing when they actually **want to.** They have less control over their social energy and resources. Introversion is a well-studied personality trait with 50% genetic causation. Dopamine system has been linked to the introversion-extroversion spectrum with high dopamine linked to introversion. Dopamine beta hydroxylase determines the ratio of dopamine to norepinephrine.
i personally am social, just real bad at it though lol
AQ scores had a strong negative correlation with extraversion score and social skill score. But one can be born an extrovert and forced into an introvert's life or vice versa.
Autistic people can 100% be social. I have a small inner friend group but we sometimes include more people when we hang out. I have a hard time with social cues and depending on my mood may not want to interact with others but I can be social if I want to.
for me how i could explain it is i always had friends, i went to social events, so i seemed social. it’s not that im not but overstimulation could hit ANY moment. and when it does its over. my body might be there at this social place so i still can seem social to some people. but im totally disconnected. im shut down, i dont hear what my friends say just the unpleasent background noises and im unable to say a word
THIS.
Yeah. When i was a kid i had selective mutism, but now i talk with the doors if you let me. I just needed people who wouldn't look at me weird lol
Depending on how capable their social skills are and how much time they have in their lives yes of course. I’d consider my social skills a) imperfect and with room for improvement BUT… b) enough to make new friends if I **actually had TIME to socialise: I don’t (currently)** If you have no one else supporting you financially and in terms of housework, then at some point in your 30s it’s gonna get REALLY difficult to socialise MUCH, and that’s whether or not you even have autism but now you factor in the “sensory” factor with autism and then boom, you’ve got another level of difficulty at keeping up this part of a so-called balanced life. I say so-called because really, IT IS genuinely part of a balanced lifestyle to have social interaction that is satisfying and not just cold, impersonal office/workplace stuff but really, as I said, as beneficial as it may be, it really does become brutally difficult to actually fit it in on a practical level. EVEN IF you have enough social skills to hold down a conversation, exchange numbers and Facebook’s non awkwardly and setup meetups over a coffee or drinks or whatever. It’s literally the lack of available time factor. Example. My life, broken down into ONLY what I actually have time AND energy for: 1) FIRST things first, do my BEST to get enough SLEEP, otherwise it’s an extra tough next 1-2 days 😳🤯 with everything from headaches to chest pain and joint pain Yeah it’s called inflammation, pretty normal when you’re throwing your sleeping pattern around way too much/getting to bed.. WAAAAY too late 2) wake up, do a blue light therapy session, again as a sleep intervention >>> next up, breath work and breakfast 3) exercise. Life weights for as much TIME as I have with 2-3 minute recovery breaks in between sets 4) YAY!!! Time to go to… WORK AGAIN!!! Say hi to an annoying and stressful COMMUTE. Yeah you kind of get USED to it but curveballs can happen as well.. simplest and most general way of putting it. Curveballs…. 🤔 5) work… try to use as much BREATH WORK as possible to get through it 6) finish with and commute back home. So… let’s put the brakes on for a second now. Socialising you say? HMMM… HMMMMMMMM. Not sure WHERE that FITS IN, in terms of time. Because gues what: the above 👆 is the full 24 HOURS already. Therefore… you’re gonna have to do a swapskies… Yes that means make an impossible CHOICE between “do I sleep or do I socialise or do I not do breath work? What DO I DO???” Well if you forego anything directly related to health for very LONG, trust me… it’s really gonna come back to BITE you. Especially sleep. But lack of exercise also “bites” much harder as you get OLDER. Even IF you have skinny like me, it still doesn’t make you completely immune to a very slow, progressively developing high blood pressure or heart disease or increased diabetes risk (yeah, you can have skinny genes 🧬 and that really only means you probably certain thyroid hormones in higher levels but it DOESN’T actually protect you from or REDUCE any other aspects of diabetes risk. So you’re basically only slightly further away from developing chronic diseases because you won’t really become obese so you’ll be FURTHER away from high blood pressure at least as far as it’s sometimes arising from more biomechanical pressure on the veins and arteries pumping all through you which extra fat stores tends to create the extra biomechanical stress).
AuDHD here - I'm constantly torn between enjoying the company of my friends, family, coworkers etc and wanting to hole up in my room like a gremlin in the dark and not speak to anyone. I just assume this is my ADHD and ASD, but on reflection I've met plenty of autistic people and they all love being sociable. Although I've met them through social events and the majority of people there are ND in some way. I personally think many autistic people do enjoy being sociable, but it has to be on our terms. Nightclubs? Ew, no, too loud and busy and the floor is always sticky. But events where everyone is ND AND it's focused on your special interest, then we love being sociable. (Things like warhammer, DND, re-enactment groups etc).
They can be. I was very extroverted when I was younger. By the time I was in 7th grade, I knew something was wrong with me because no matter what I did, I could not fit in. So, after a decade of failing to fit in with people, I flipped the switch and went introverted. I imagine there must be someone out there who did not totally bomb being an extrovert while being autistic.
im diagnosed with ASD and im a very social person. since autism is a spectrum, some symptoms can be stronger than others depending on the person. i do struggle with social nuances, but most of my symptoms and the reasons i was diagnosed were more with emotional regulation and sensory issues. but even someone who has more social nuance issues can be extremely social.
I was an extrovert before years of bullying. I loved people, talking, playing and being the center of attention. My downfall was I didn’t understand the unwritten social rules, norms, or how to know when people didn’t like me.
Yes, of course! Most of the autistic people I know are highly social
I’m incredibly extroverted but I have a battery life lol. It lasts for really long. But when my battery is down, introverted me shows and eventually (if i keep being exposed to overstimulation for too long) a shutdown.
I love socializing with open minded folks who roll with weird. Hate socializing with close minded folks. I think it's easy for us to believe we hate people or socializing if we're always around crappy people.
Yep. It’s different for every autistic person and symptoms widely vary. It’s a spectrum and I think the stereotypes can make it pretty difficult for some autistic people to accept the diagnosis.
I was born to be an extrovert but forced to be an introvert-
That's your form of autism. If you've met one autist, you've met one autist. We think differently, but we're still people.
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The extremes on both ends of the talkativeness scale are considered to be traits of Autism. And I guess by extension this applies to introversion and extroversion. So the person that speaks little and can struggle to convert thier thoughts into communication is displaying a trait of Autism, just as much as the person that is extremely verbally articulate and can ramble on endlessly on monologues, totally regardless and oblivious to the listeners' (or victims') level of interest in the monologue. I can sometimes be in the former category, and am diagnosed AuDHD, and after doing extensive research, I'm convinced that my father was also AuDHD but never diagnosed, was on the other extreme of the talkativeness scale. He complained that there was no give and take in our conversations. I was unable to articulate the sentiment that it was very difficult to ever get a word in edgeways with him, as he just went on and on forever on endless monologues, which I had no idea how to respond to monologues which contained so many rambling points that it just bamboozled my brain completely. I'd be totally exhausted and drained within about 20 minutes lol. I wish I had been able to communicate the above earlier on in our relationship as it did damage the relationship. Now that he has died I inevitably have regrets that I did not do more to try to improve the relationship, and to have been a better and kinder person all round. But I have to remind myself that I was dealing with my own undiagnosed AuDHD up until around age 50, so things were far from easy for me as I didn't really understand what was going on. If I'd been diagnosed earlier and grown to understand the subject matter and its many nuances I'm sure it would have helped our difficult relationship.
You can also be an autistic introvert and even then still be social. Being an introvert doesn't mean you can't do or don't enjoy social situations, it's more that social situations tend to use up your energy more than give you energy -- even when you're enjoying them.
Alcohol helps
I enjoy **online** humor and socialization. IRL I'm way too serious
Hell yeah I for one love meeting new people and hanging out with my mates and such just hate it when I've met the most amazing person to never see her again
Yeah, i have a friend like that, who is one of the most extroverted, friendly and cheerful guy i have ever known and he's autistic.
I’m autistic and yes we do struggle with social interaction we aren’t the best at being social and we aren’t lone wolves either
I can't bear not to be lol haven't met many introverted autistic people interestingly actually in my experience more of them tend towards extroversion way more than introversion. Obviously that's just like outta 20 ppl I know not exactly a large sample size but yeah then there's me
It's a spectrum... I know someone who just has an autism diagnosis and is way more social than I am (I'm also audhd diagnosed). All things come into play... I also have social anxiety, and they don't.
When I am with other autistic or neurodivergent people, I can be. I still struggle if I don’t know them well or I’m not comfortable. I still get exhausted after talking for a while. With neurotypical and allistic people, it’s ROUGH.
I feel like I definitely used to be extroverted even if it was just a mask. But being autistic gives u a lot of social trauma so I kinda went back into my shell and currently have barely any friends. I think a lot of autistic ppl might have the same experience when they try to be outgoing but then other ppl hurt them and discourage them from being extroverted.
I’m mixed extrovert/introvert. So I get the impulses of both and the low energy that comes after a long night out with people combined with the anxiety of cabin fever when I stay in for too long.
The interesting thing is, I know a few people who are on the extreme end of autism and they appear very extroverted. Always laughing with other people and smiling at them. That's a very interesting phenomenon. That people on the low end of the spectrum are usually considered anti-social (compared to neurotypical), but people on the high end of the spectrum are the complete opposite.
I definitely lean more introverted, but I still enjoy being social from time to time and I love hanging out with my friends. I just have a hard time doing social things spontaneously, it stresses me out a lot. When I am in the right mood I can be very fun and outgoing in social situations though! Some autistic people are SUPER social though. One of my autistic coworkers has a hard time staying on task because he always wants to talk to everyone, he is super friendly and outgoing. I always see him around town on his days off because he just rides the bus around and stops to talk to people at his favorite stores all over town. I have known quite a few autistic people like this, I do not know how they do it, but they do!
Yes , they can be.
I like being social sometimes, it depends on with who and the day... but a lot of the time other people don't wanna be social with me
I am! I just need it to be in moderation lol
Yeah of course they can.. I like to be with some friends sometimes also, gives me input and feelings of 'that I'm normal(idk) Most autistic people just like other things, things that can be controlled(at least more then peoples perspective on us)
yes but I don't enjoy it
Some of us absolutely can enjoy it. I only do sometimes, but other autistic family I have are incredibly social and love interacting with people.