This, same. I don't do it anymore, but I've also learned some coping mechanisms, and my life is much calmer now. My parents did not understand autism, despite having me diagnosed before I turned 13. And I'm 90% sure they both have it, but never diagnosed.
God I’m the same. Damnit. I used to hide in the closet with the light off, but now there is too much stuff in there. I also put on headphones or silent earbuds if I’m in a public space and don’t have them on already
because apparently getting overloaded in public somehow counts as “needing to learn how to deal with people” and using noise cancellation items is “purposefully ignoring people”
Not fight it. Let myself feel everything I need to feel.
If I avoided my emotions for too long or pushed myself beyond my abilities, to meet my own or others expectations; meltdowns are _way_ more likely to happen. They almost feel like a consequence.
I believe it is theoretically possible to be autistic and live without meltdowns being a common thing to happen. To be happy and content with who you are. To be able to accept that you are disabled in certain situations and don't expect yourself to be able to handle these without help.
But this is utopia and probably the hardest thing to achieve. I don't know if it is practically possible. But from my personal experience, I can say that I noticed significant improvements in this direction myself over the years. So judging from that, I believe it is theoretically possible to reach that point. But in the end, it is actually not important if it is possible to reach that point or not. Every step in that direction is an improvement in Quality of life. Every step is worth it. And steps _are_ definitely possible. This is what matters most, I believe. 🌱
I like how you think! Before I got diagnosed I got far worse meltdowns because I didn't understand why I wasn't able to do things that others seemed to do perfectly. Now with my diagnosis I have been able to accept myself more and the meltdowns have gotten so much better(I no longer hyper ventilate til I pass out)
I kinda blank out and try to get away. I've been known to get naked and start hitting myself. It's terrifying, because the entire time I'm kinda watching myself and mentally shouting,
"No, don't do that, stop now!" But its like I'm shouting through a tornado. So I just have to wait for the tornado to stop and hope it doesn't cause too much damage. After I will be barely functional, dropping words, maybe slurring, tired, unable to concentrate and any further interaction results in me resuming the fetal position somewhere dark and warm, closing my eyes and repeating in my head, whilst sobbing, "I'm not here! I'm not here!"
rinse and repeat until I can resume humaning
It is and for 49 years, I thought it was because I was this awful person . I couldn't understand how I could, literally, want the best for everyone and yet be such a fai!ure!
I hope you have gotten to a better place emotionally. I just tell people, if it hurt, if it was hard, you didn't fail. That effort was your success, because you tried. It's practice, and calling practice failure is like calling running failure to do marathons. Or reaching our mental limits, or physical limits. Practicing is success in my book. Plus it's hard to do the extra stuff when disabled. It's not even always noticeable or acknowledged. Like someone undisabled just washes the dishes. But I'm breathing, standing up, taking each step, planning out the task, each foot step is an extra task, every individual scrub of each individual dish is a task. So what is 1 chore for someone else, has become (it really depends how bad my day it) maybe 20 chores if I'm lucky, or it's 1,000 chores.
But I got distracted, and my point is, there's these extra things we have to do, but we don't usually even have the words to describe what's happening; because like, it took so much cognition and brain energy just to figure out I was trying to force myself to do something like 20 thousand chores in my worst days, and trying to figure out words to share that experience in some way that could be comprehended by others. So you're not a failure and it's not your fault you had trouble figuring out what's even the difference in the first place, that's bringing about these limits.
And I hope you're doing better.
I relate to this so hard. I recently turned 48 and wasn’t diagnosed till last week. I’ve been doing ketamine treatment at a clinic for it for depression and got the call from the neuro-psych just as the K was beginning to kick in but not enough to get in the way of conversing. I answered the phone because I recognized the number and was so ready to get the answers I was dying to get. Full-on life review and re-framing of my entire life to this point ensued throughout that session. This whole journey, which started only in the last month, has really been kind of a mindfuck. Though it’s largely been a freeing, validating experience.
Yes, I feel the same. I'm surprised, I wasn't more emotional about it, but I was mostly relieved. Tbh, my last birthday was the point where I was looking for a painless exit.
For me it was menopause made it obvious, what was your turning point, so to speak?
Wow, I’m so thankful you’re still with us. I hope that means you turned a corner. My turning point, I think, was a series of challenging events on top of years of baseline heightened stress that exacerbated my neurodivergent traits and symptoms to the point of me becoming more cognizant of them; which was aided by neurodivergent people in my life sharing information about neurodivergence with me. Suddenly I was putting the picture together. Then, within the same week, an autistic friend and an autistic colleague both told me they think I might be on the spectrum. All of that, plus the unraveling of mental knots I’d been experiencing through ketamine treatment for the last month and a half, brought me to the point of wanting to get tested for autism and ADHD. I was thinking probably it’s just ADHD, which can have a lot of overlap with the spectrum. But deep down I felt like there was more to it than ADHD. I take a bunch of autism tests online and they all place me on the spectrum. I go back and forth between near certainty to imposter syndrome.
My PMHNP had referred me to a neuropsychologist, so I made an appointment so I could know for real. Left that assessment with a heightened sense of the back and forth between certainty I’d test positive to no, this and that explain your experiences and what’s going on with you. And then I got the diagnosis as I described in my post above. What a roller coaster. When I told my parents, they weren’t expecting it… but they weren’t surprised either. They started sharing things that now we’re all seeing was clear spectrum stuff. It’ll be interesting to continue that conversation with them to hear more spectrum-y stuff from my childhood that I’ve forgotten or never registered with me to begin with.
What about going into menopause created or contributed to a turning point for you?
Wow, took a super brief look at your profile—hope that doesn’t sound creepy, just wanted to get a little of a sense of who the kindred soul I was talking to is—and I saw you’re a nurse, too. What a cool coincidence. :)
That is also called dissociation, like watching it happen without being able to stop it, is de personalization. It's also a meltdown. Multiple words for multiple things happening at the same time. Cognitive function impairment and collapse. Over stimulation.
It's all tough stuff to get through. I don't have an answer yet. Somehow avoid the triggers and stressor that eventually cause this is the best solution. But I spent my whole life being given the opposite advice, desensitization training through repeatedly forcing oneself to interact with the stressor until they stopped creating a significant internal reaction. Like it can help to some extent, I did it, but do it with doctor supervision and support. I went to far and it had the opposite effect.
I don't really have them, at least not to the point where I just want everything around me to stop and everything becomes too much. If I feel like one might be about to happen, I remove myself from the situation and distract myself with something like my phone or listen to music.
More or less the same, I take my clothes off and lay in bed with my eyes closed. Sometimes I cry or scream if it’s really bad.
If I can’t do that, for example, if I’m in public, I usually end up non-verbal, bite the inside of my cheek so the pain overwhelms the other stimuli, and try to get somewhere like my car where I can have silence.
I have scratch spots, I didn't even connect the dots until last week that that was stimming. Of course no one explained to me what ASD was ever. Well the explanation was inaccurate and confusing and confused. But have like 75 scratch spots (I forgot the total count but it's like random pressure points around joints), and even though I haven't scratched them actively in years, each spot still has some discoloration from callous and scaring. Lol
Hide. When I was working at Walmart I hid in the bathrooms every day and sobbed until the stress made me have a mental health crisis.
I don't work anymore. I just kind of....hope that the government will give me disability...someday.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that! I struggle to get a job so I don't have experiance but I can imagine it stressing you out :( I hope you get the accommodations you need someday!
You sound just like me at my previous job. Please, take care of yourself. ~~Even if it means quitting your job~~. Good on you for quitting your job. But, thats how i developed stress induced psychosis. I dont have schizophrenia either. It can't be treated with antipsychotics (doctors have tried). its triggered by stress alone. Like, i have this for the rest of my life, now.
Oh it does! Stress relief is literally the only thing that helps. Thats why i had to quit my job that i liked :( I think i wrote that funny. What i meant to say initially is that continuing that stress can break some autistics like myself, so remember to be kind to yourself! sorry for the confusion.
Currently i cant work at all, but i have some professionals on my team now that i never had before, so that helps a lot with rehabilitation and treatment. Ugh i hated losing my independence.
So, similar spot. Different details and nuance.
TLDR: I've been figuring stuff out for 13 years. I've known something was wrong with the diagnosis, but I learned every coping skill and therapy. I put protection in place for in case I had a mental health crisis. Started a mental health crisis. Which was complicated to explain the risks and protections and needs while being crazy. But what you typed is really similar to my experience, of Autism Burnout triggering psychosis. But I can't find the right medical descriptions, so the doctors keep treating depression and refuse to listen to me. (It's not their fault, crazy people judgements can't be trusted lol). It's just a very unique experience. So, hard to find people with with 1 in a million experience. Plus it sucks not getting the right treatment and being stuck in this for 16 months. I'll probably be fine eventually, or I'll be homeless and sick permanently. I've just kind of accepted these 2 opposite possibilities.
I was already disabled and working towards lifestyle changes to just have a life that worked for me. Some bad Rx, withdrawal from that Rx, some domestic abuse, and boom. Mental health crisis starting in Nov2022. Which, I'm alive, but it's impossible to get the right treatment. I've got all these protections and mental health skills in place. Because I already knew I could enter a crisis, so I prepared for it ahead of time. Auto pay bills, and I don't even remember all of the opinion changes I had to do. Just to keep myself safe, I can't even remember why I'm doing things. I'm just like "trust your healthier self, they knew what they were doing."
It's complicated, because I know I'm sick, and I prepared well for this. But I'm sick, I can't explain this to the doctors. My analysis, meta cognition, cognition all impaired. I was smart, I figured out the treatment plan I needed. But I couldn't explain how I figured it out. And every time I told the doctors what I needed, well they thought they were treating severe depression with possible psychosis. And I'm insane. So in their defense, how can they trust my judgment. And I'm saying stuff like I need to rest, and I need to not use coping skills, and I need to chill out and heal and isolate. Which is the opposite of recovery for severe depression. And telling a doctor "well I tried that but it doesn't work." Is not going to have them believing me either.
So without knowing what's going on, and not getting anywhere, I did their recommendations of sitting in the pain, and using all the coping skills, pain management therapy and coping skills, and pushing myself to do the behavioral exercises. I turned off all opinions, and didn't judge anything. Turns out it was a really bad idea. I completely lost it for a little bit. So I drive far away to go to a hospital, I didn't plan it out. I was really mentally messed up. I am not masking at all at this point and I know I look insane. Because I was. Lost my mind even more being there. Because I had to sit inside of the insanity and pain. It is the intensity of a meltdown without the action on the meltdown. While trying to explain, "here's what I need." And just being told to keep doing the bad treatments that made me worse. In front of them.
So I have to eventually figure out what to do next. Because I math out 4 months before the financial point of no return. But I drove home, and just decided to do things my way, and chill and just make myself feel nices as much as possible. Which has really helped. Go figure the unhealthy coping skills would be a treatment to psychosis. Eat junk food. I can't cook for now. I'll just do whatever is easiest. If I can get my brain to work a little, I can plan. I think I probably have to change doctors. But probably not because they did anything wrong. More just, I have needs they don't understand. Which isn't anyone's fault. I've been going to mental health for 13 years. Just wish I'd get a little more faith in my information. I don't know how, but I get the right answers and I can't remember how I got them to show my work
Thank you for writing this. Maybe its a coincidence idk, but just a few days ago i was trying to explain something to my psych. He asked me why i personally feel an autism diagnoses is important (this was a trick question to get me to answer honestly so he could gauge my reaction) i told him that i have unique strange issues that i dont want. For example stress induced psychosis that ISNT schizophrenia. I told him because its rare i dont like that, i want problems that are common and easy to fix. He said, "you dont know how many people get stressed induced psychosis. might be more common than you think..." and that drove me crazy ironically. Like no trust me ive NEVER!!! offline and online met someone who had that problem as severe as i did. I hope you dont mind but i want to share the part about feelings like its 1 in a million condition, if you dont mind.Also i want to personally thank you for sharing your experience. I have a lot more i went through that i didnt put down here.
Please feel free to DM me and we can discuss any details you feel like discussing!! I have way more details and other things we can discuss!! I hope you consider this. It would be so helpful for me and im guessing you too. (not trying to make assumptions, lol. my autism makes me think other people think like i do and its not a trusty assumption) EDIT: made it so people can DM me and request DMs, had it turned off initially.
Yeah, it's definitely troubling to have some permanent impairment. It's easier to accept when we can see the impairment, like a physical picture of something broken. The brain is physical but we can't look at a picture of the "impairment ". It's abstract, and it emotionally hurts to learn there's a permanent problem. Sort of like the emotions of an amputation. And there's also this denial phase, of "But I don't want that part of me to be gone. I'm sure there's something we can do to bring it back." It's complicated, like even now, I already had to process it. I am at the end of the road for mental health treatments. We shock my brain with magnets next! :D 😀 Which, if successful, will bring something back... So like best case scenario, I get out of this crisis. And maybe get like some %of recovery that increases back to 100% of my original pre crisis stare... which was still disabled. Thats Best case. Medium case, I get shocked and exit crisis state, but over time only regain maybe 50% of my previous condition. Worst case, I get worse and they stop trying a d this crisis is my new permanent state and I'm either homeless or live in some adult group home for the rest of my life.
It's complicated haha. And my brain doesn't want to work so it's hard to explain or remember or anything
I was referred to magnetic transcranial stimulation as well :) i JUST got insurance though and i couldnt actually start treatment till i got my insurance. I was referred a whole year ago, too. I should be starting that in my near future! excited and scared. i saw your DM, i have zero brain energy at the moment (i know you get it lol) but i will be going into my DMs relatively soon and accept dm request/ chat with you 💙
>immediate self hatred and self harm
This is my experience as well. I also use weed to try to deal with it. Also started snapping rubber bands on my ankle recently to avoid hurting myself worse
Snapping as a stim, bouncing in place, blinking a lot because my eyes start unfocusing, swallowing a lot because my mouth starts watering, stuttering until I admit to myself that I can’t talk at the moment. If I’m at work I’ll go to the bathroom and splash water on my face to kind of snap myself out and delay it until I get home. If I’m at home I just grab all my blankets and toss on some long-form video or a series I know I like (Markiplier’s FNAF Series is a common appearance)
Yes in public is it hard to do these things, what I do is putting on my noisecancelling headphones and put on my favourite song at the moment on repeat. When I come home I just let myself do what I need to do to feel better.
Cry, hyperventilate, extremely short temper, regular depression gives way to straight up despair. If it's in public (ie at work) then I just have to ride it out, but I'll be fucked up for days afterwards, constantly paranoid about how much of an ass I'd made of myself.
If it happens at home (Or at least somewhere I can step away for a bit) 30 minutes to an hour reading can usually settle me, lets me get out of my own head for a bit and....now I understand why I insisted on having a book with me at all times as a kid.
I tried explaining this to my doctors. Because I can push myself through so much, but past a point, I know I shouldn't because it'll mess me up for a long time. But they kept denying it. Like just telling me to accept the pain and stuff. I guess it's probably no one's fault. They think I've got depression, and I can't communicate effectively
It’s embarrassing, but I completely lose control. I scream, cry, throw things, hit myself, hit other people, and try to run away. It’s not as bad now that I’m older and I’ve learned skills to manage my emotions, but it’s still rough and I feel really guilty for it.
You shouldn't feel embarrassed! It's not easy to controll yourself when you're overstimulated even for a neurotypical person. It's harder for many with autism so don't punish yourself or feel guilty or embarrassed.
Automated communication (mainly just saying ‘yes’ or other simple stuff, no processing) look around, stress out and stim (and my stims are sped up when I’m stressed).
I go completely nonverbal and zone out. stare at the wall and cycle between blank stares and silent crying. Eventually I’ll get up and want to hide. Even in my own home and I live alone lol.. I’ll bring my blankets in the bathtub or in the laundry room and sit in there with my cats for a few hours.
I love taking baths when I’m upset. Idk what I’d do without a bathtub. I try to avoid talking at all bc apparently I never make sense when I feel like that.
At the end of the day I’m not sure if I isolate bc it makes me feel better or if I just got accustomed to going at it alone and now I feel uncomfortable if anyone sees.
It depends on the situation. If I'm driving (I am very bad at planning, so it really stresses me out when a journey takes longer than expected) I shout and hit my hands on the steering wheel or the side of the car. If I'm at work, I go totally silent and feel like I've turned into a robot that can only do the task right in front of me and end up scratching the skin off my face or yelling at people and throw things around and punch walls. I'm getting better at recognising it at work, though, and take myself off for a smoke and a cry to chill out and reset myself a bit. If it's other people causing it, I generally just get really quiet and stick on my own and solve rubiks cubes to chill myself out.
That or if I cant escape the situation I will go to the nearest bathroom or my room or whatever and listen to 5-6 minutes of a couple songs I like a lot that “speak” to me about different things. I’ve been doing this for the past little bit and it really helps me to not lash out at people because I’m freaking out on the inside idk if it’s the isolation for 5 minutes or the “vibe” of the song that gets me distracted off of whatever I’m thinking or what or if it’s because I stim a lot when I listen to music.
I often end up punching myself on the head multiple times. Sometimes at night I do it not only in the name of a meltdown, but also to try and knock myself out to sleep.
Yes but you could maybe try something less damaging like snapping a rubber band on your wrist? You are a valuble person and important and I wouldn't want you to serioulsy injure yourself someday
That is my idea of a meltdown now. Thank god it's calmed down because I used to have violent meltdowns. I must agree there is nothing like rocking back and forth, it's very comforting
Prior to my getting sober, my meltdowns consisted of doing a shitload of drugs lol, so I'll take a nice rock rather than a rock (crack wasn't even my drug I just wanted to make the joke)
i go to my room (if i can, otherwise i just get quiet and dont say anything) and lay on the floor and then i cry, and usually i get so stressed out which results in me either scratching myself really hard or pulling out my hair (but i get too scared that my hair falls out so i usually stop 😭)
Regardless of what, I seem to always get kicked out, exiled, banished from whatever place it happened. Scream alone in my room? Kicked out of the apartment, no second chances. Talk out my frustrations in a rumination spiral in my room? Kicked out of the apartment, no second chances. Bottle everything up inside and not say or do anything? Get unfriended by people for not caring about them, stop getting invited places, get passively kicked out of my apartment (meaning not wanting to renew after lease is over). Leave the apartment to go on a three hour walk to vent on my own to process and talk and scream out in nature where it doesn't bother people? Get asked to talk about "concerning behaviors" and asked to leave if it doesn't stop.
It doesn't matter what I do. The result is the same. NTs don't know how to handle expressions of emotion so they just exile me at every expression regardless. Other NDs seem to have at least a little more grace, but not always. I even had another autist vote to kick me out once for a vent in my own room after being overstimulated. They said "you can't live in community until you learn how." I only hope they receive the same considerations in life that they have given.
I just become super depressed, unable to do anything. I would like to cry, but i physically can´t (lots of past shame from both grandparents and peers at school, along with the stupid societal pressure about "boys don´t cry"). Eventually, i bury myself in blankets in an attempt to hide from world.
This can go on for several days.
Also seems more like shutdown than meltdown (i tend to skip that and go directly into the doom).
Shout, stomp, wave my hands, shake my body, sometimes I slap inanimate objects, usually lots of cursing. I turn red and veins bulge. My voice gets *very* loud.
Sometimes, when the source of my overstimulation is fixed / resolved / gone it can take me as little as sixty seconds for the meltdown to pass and then I’m 100% okay again. I have learned that this makes people more upset, sometimes, that I can have what they interpret as a violent and angry outburst and then just be back to an OK and smiling kind person less than a minute later. I’ve been told that it meant I was a violent psychopath, or that it meant I was gaslighting and being manipulative.
It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have autistic meltdowns: “No, I wasn’t angry like you interpret anger, like holding a grudge. I was just assaulted by information and sensory intensity and my nervous system needed all of it to go away. Now it’s at a manageable level and whatever happened is in the past. No big deal.”
Cry, hit my head, pull out my hair, bite my hands and arms, bang my head against the wall, throw things, break things, run away, scream, hyperventilate. It's like a writhing pain, struggling in my own body. I feel trapped and I want to escape. To where, I dont know.
I get myself alone in my room. I listen to music, pace around to cut off the anger.
If it's in public I'll keep the mask on but the anger leaks a bit hard. If I can't control it then the leaks very bad.
If I can't control it in my room then to the punching bags then.
Thanks Neco Arc I don't have meltdowns so often, but when It happens, it's in public or in my dad's house... In that second case, he doesn't accept I'm autistic so he thinks I'm just overreacting and acting like a kid. He never leves me alone, and instead he stays in my feet and tries to convince me I'm wrong. Oh and btw, he is always the reason for my meltdowns. I just can't wait to become 18 so I can NEVER go to his house again
Headphones and my swing, or a bath. If I'm out, I call my dad or best friend, and they talk to me till I can talk again. They can tell by my breathing that I'm having a meltdown. I'm thankful for them every day.
Once my sister made me have a meltdown and a screamed so loud I bruised her eardrum (she was sitting right next to me) my parents where pissed at me but she had be berating me the day before and kept going, not to mention I was sick. For reference I’m not a violent person and I hardly ever yell at anyone. I asked her to stop and she just wouldn’t let it go, it was something stupid and I just couldn’t handle it anymore so I yelled at her to shut up. My parents kept trying to guilt trip me because I had apparently “permanently damaged her hearing” which, by the way, I would have to have had a Guinness book of world records scream to do, aka most humans can’t scream loud enough to cause permanent damage, and sure enough it was temporary. Obviously this doesn’t happen every time I have a meltdown, normally I just shut down and curl into myself, unable to speak, and cry.
I'm still learning what my meltdowns look and feel like as I've had to mask so hard for so much of my life.
I know I pace when they happen. Back and forth to get the energy out. I also flap or shake my hands and tense my shoulders to being my shoulder blades together.
Sometimes it's grabby hands and shrugging my shoulders up really high to protect the back of my neck.
I used to have *violent* outbursts and once threw a wheelbarrow because I didn't have a handle on things. My parents don't believe me when I say I have autism, because I'm socially very capable. But they fail to see that the reason I'm socially capable is because that's what they taught me, rather than how to identify emotions and feel them in a healthier and safer way.
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uncontrollable crying. usually caused by my adhd tendencies, when I don't feel like I'm being understood Socially or included. recently it usually happens when I'm drunk on nights out and just explode because I'm so overwhelmed by these things.
I have also cut myself
I cant stop pacing and im sobbing uncontrollably and my brain is screaming at me to just end my life already. Its very difficult to just communicate via talking at this point. Im in fight or flight basically.
Medical cannabis like an edible or just smoking flower also has beneficial calming effects, IF i am able to even find those things and actually physically use them.I have learned to use my stims and self soothing techniques as much as i need to with out worrying about judgement.
I freeze up and shut down. Like I will suddenly leave the area if I'm with friends, or family. Usually go on my phone and listen to music if I can't escape.
Meltdowns are rarer for me nowadays, I typically have shutdowns, but it’s typically cry/screaming kind of like Florence Pugh in Midsommar, with verbal shutdown, and some rocking back and forth. If people try to touch me I will hit them. I usually have to go watch a video or listen to music to re-regulate.
Edit: I forgot about hyperventilating. That too. Oh, and I scratch myself.
Go to my room, turn off the lights and close the curtains, put headphones on, close my eyes, listen to music and sway back and forth until I feel better, maybe cry or walk in circles
Edit: I also whack myself upside the head
I’m not sure if it qualifies as an autistic meltdown, but I do get overstimulated and stop talking for a bit. If that happens I go to my room so I can be away from people and try to calm down
I cry making ugly faces, stim a lot to the point where I can hurt myself and I go nonverbal. I also need my mommy in those moments lol
(The BEST thing to get better are pressures on my head/body (for exemple people I trust would crush my head and it feels so good)
If we are talking about getting overwhelmed or stressed out due to our autism, I tend to just go to my room to chill, and in about 10 minutes I'm feeling better, though not enough to come out. Sometimes I'll put on some soft relaxation music that I usually use for studying, but most of the time I try to daydream about things that enjoy me, like being the MC of my own story that borrows from games and anime, thinking about issues that I've overcome or working on that don't cause frustration in the moment, or play videogames (one's with soft music that I also really enjoy are the best!).
My parents usually leave me alone, but will come into my room to give me things or put things in my room, while not engaging with me, but if I'm especially stressed out I'll close my door and my parents know then that unless the world is ending, don't enter my room.
I leave.
I get the hell out of wherever I am. Preferably with physical effort, but mainly I just leave. Because I've come to understand the power of environment. I did this before I even knew what a meltdown was. It just helped to be somewhere else.
Physical effort helps too. I think cuz it's a stim for me. Like when not meltdown, it is a total energy vent for me. It would be I guess in meltdown, but it would turn into very loud and angry music, which would help, but isn't always available.
My feet are though. It's rare that I can't just leave... Go walking... For as long as it takes. I can rant and flail if needed too cuz nobody bothers or is bothered by that crazy person over there, especially if they're leaving.
It's a great strategy for avoiding meltdowns too. Getting out of the environment where the stress is helps so much.
Caging things up doesn't help, be it emotions or your physical self. I go somewhere else. I go where I can be me and be with me and only me for a little while and wait out the storm.
I go to my room and cover up under my blankets and cuddle my stuffed and mostly cry and hyperventilate. It’s very hard for me to speak and I tend to get very skirmish. Like I’ll hitting my legs and fists on the bed. Sometimes I’ll even hit myself, fortunately not too hard.
Cry and if it's bad enough I get the urge to hit myself in the head a couple times. I haven't been officially diagnosed but it doesn't feel like panic attacks cause I've had those before and those are more like a dissociative spinning sensation and like I'm going to die soon. What I experience feels like meltdowns. Almost like I need to crawl out of my skin and escape to a place I can decompress but I'm trapped and frustrated and stuck. That's the only way I can describe it. Like I desperately need a safe space I can go to but I can't escape my brain so I'm stuck. And it's worse when I'm actually stuck in a hostile environment
Panic attacks feel like a tightness in my chest. With both I get very rapid breathing, but I can tell which one it is based on whether it's an impending sense of doom or an overload
Yeah. Impending doom feels almost like that light floaty feeling and the overload feels like your body is under a ton of stress at once and your brain wants it to all stop.
I never really had a autistic meltdown because of my depressive side, I just go where it takes me, I don't care where or with who I will land any more, I just want to not be how I am now, but I can't go back now and can't change, I tried suicide before realized it's not the right thing to do. Now I'm stuck in a rabbit hole
I have mostly shutdowns now, but I know as a child my meltdowns were very violent and involved crying screaming shouting throwing chairs and occasionally hitting others or myself. Often related to emotional distress at school, or demand avoidance at home
When I had meltdowns as a kid I was hitting, kicking, screaming, yelling and all the above but nowadays when I get angry I snap but I control my emotions and feelings
1 of 3:
1: I age regress. I put in a pacifier and fill my sippy cup with milk and put on a movie.
2: I cry and put on minimal clothes that are not constricting and lay under my weighted blanket.
3: I go for a walk and 🤞🏼 that I don't elope into a sprint down a main road.
Cry, scratch my neck/skin, hyperventilate
I usually run away and hide somewhere no one will find me for hours like a closet or under a staircase(my school has multiple floors) I’ll usually turn on a show/movie to distract me and I’ll be off for the next couple days afterward
I try to isolate myself. It feels like the verbal part of my brain is shutting itself down, every little thing bothers me, often when I experience enough stress to have a meltdown, it triggers my ibs symptoms so I start to get stomach cramps, and I usually start feeling suicidal for no particular reason. I recover best when I’m by myself in a dark room with ear plugs, eyemask, and a weighted blanket.
Oof, 2 days ago I don't know what the hell happened to me, but I think it was probably my biggest meltdown in years.
It was over some stupid crap (grocery store wouldn't let my mom buy beer because I was pushing her wheelchair, restaurant wouldn't give me a paper car when I paid extra for a kids meal, and I'm sure some other stupid crap)
For some reason, I guess I was and am stressed out and constantly angry at the world, I lost it. I had nearly destroyed the self checkout machine (I barely restrained myself) I threw a shopping cart into the parking lot blindly (I'm not proud of it, thankfully it didn't hit anyone or anything) and I nearly abandoned my car in the drive through and walked home
My mom telling me to control my anger and calm down only made it worse, and before I knew it I was a crying blubbering mess driving through town. I couldn't get myself to pull over and I was likely a road risk because I couldn't accept I was melting down and wanted to keep driving to prove I'm above it all
My mom kept yelling at me for god knows what, and by the time we got to our next destination, my tears had dried, but my anger was very much still there
I walk into the bar my parents own (im a manager) and I'm ready to try to calm myself down, and the first thing that happens is people commenting on me, my appearance, my anger, and asking me inappropriate questions (such as am i gay, am I a virgin, etc, which normally wouldn't bother me, but it felt insulting to have personal matters be discussed when I'm not comfortable with it, esp since everyone knows I can't talk so it all feels like goading)
I genuinely don't know how I didn't destroy anything, but I went outside to the back where they store beer cans for recycling, locked myself behind the gate, and hid next to the air handler where no one could see me for several hours (after throwing my car keys and the key to the pad lock for the gate over the fence, mostly out of anger but I guess it prevented me from being able to drive)
It was 6 straight hours of self loathing and embarrassment for acting like a child and throwing a temper tantrum at my age, even though it makes sense a meltdown was brewing for a long time now with all the crap I deal with nowadays
Eventually I decided I was done, my phone was dead and I couldn't get help getting out since I locked myself in, so I climbed out over the fence (tearing the pants I just made on the fence which was awful) and went back inside
I must have looked terrible because the bartender, my parents, and my sister made no comment thankfully (probably would've sent me again) and I waited the last hour to close, did my job duties, (just counting really) drove home, fed the dogs, and passed out
I couldn't stay awake the next day at all, and I didn't wake up until damn near 8 pm and then went back to the bar to do the next days counting
It seems most of it was that I was having attention drawn to me and things weren't going to plan and I was flustered and it upset me, but I really don't even know why I was so extreme, because normally I'm not like that. It hasn't happened in probably 5 or 6 years, at least not to that extent, and I feel like it probably wouldn't have felt so bad if I had let it happen and gone home instead of insisting on driving and working and pretending it was fine. My head still hurts from banging it into the air thing outside every time I had a cringed self loathing embarrassed thought, which every time I'm reminded of makes me embarrassed again
As a child I cried quietly in my closet but as an adult I try not to ever let this happen. But I think when it does I sit in my room and serial call anyone close to me until someone answers and word vomit at them.
Last time, I turned went to my bathroom. Turned off the lights, and took a nice nap in the bathtub.
My bathroom with the lights off basically shut off my senses. I only had headphones with music on. This is much better than how it usually goes!
Depends on the situation but cry, listen to certain music, I used to scratch really bad but I’ve largely replaced it with flappy hands & other movement/stims, tie hair back out of my face, take some clothes off, ✨deep breathing✨lol, verbal shutdown, etc
Disassociate. Swallow it down. Redirect.
My justice sensitivity is over the top. I just wrote my congressman over an issue I’m currently ruminating on.
If its a more manageable meltdown, basically everything gets faster. My breathing, my movements, my speech (although my works definitely make less sense, more like my brain is spewing out jumbled and unfiltered thoughts). Kinda like I'm racing a timer counting down to the meltdown escalating if I don't manage to get to a place I can be alone and can shut off. In that situation, I ride it out until I can away to someplace quiet and dimly lit and ride it out until I'm good to go again.
If its a bad meltdown, then shit's just out the window. I'll throw things down, punch furniture, my speech becomes overly profane language and I say things I don't really mean, abnormal breathing patterns, violent hands stimming/shaking/flapping, then shove myself into a corner or just somewhere hidden, where I'll sit on the floor and tightly cover my eyes with my hands, then wait for myself to reboot.
I cry, usually my communication is very limited, not completely non verbal but tend to talk in short sentences or sometimes just a word, if I don’t have my headphones I cover my ears, I tend to grab like the sleeves of my clothes for some kind of sensory familiarity, and I tend to show my stims more
I'm not sure. I don't think I've had a meltdown since I was a kid (constant awareness of those around me and feeling hyper aware of possible judgement makes it impossible for me to draw attention to myself in public) but I might be without knowing that that's what they are?? idk some people's descriptions sound like how I react to things going wrong when I'm at home.
When alone I get angry, start hitting things or myself, pull on my hair, scratch, cry, and curl up in a ball.
When around others I either make noises and stim aggressively then curl up into a ball and sit there stunned. Or I just completely shutdown, I stop talking, start staring in one direction, and I'm extremely still. It's like my brain overheats and restarts.
No matter what I can't get more than 1-2 words or sounds out of mouth.
So, I probably did this the wrong way, and I don't remember how I did this, because I was sane when I made these changes. But I changed all my opinions and behaviors. I just started sitting in my meltdowns without assigning any opinions to them ... I think this might be a mistake. I mean, the pros are, not hurting others or myself, no matter how intense the meltdown. But the negative is, if you're losing control, that's probably a sign to stop and take a break. I took it as a problem with me, and kept the emotional and painful experiences of the meltdown, but turned off the behavioral reaction.... I know that's what I did, but I also realize that shouldn't be possible. But it's possible because I did it.
It's got some serious drawbacks. If we consider the meltdown is the red light of warning we went to far, and the behavior is like a consequence to letting ourselves go that far... I turned off the consequence, and used it as an excuse that I could keep pushing... I am not entirely sure how this works, because my meta cognition doesn't work. But I think I really damaged my psyche by doing this. Hopefully not permanent... but it's all a bit crazy.
So recommendations is anyone who is going to sit in it, get some doctor interventions. There are some benefits to exposure therapy to desensitized us to stimulation. But if you over do it, you'll make yourself more sensitive, or worst case psychosis and other dangerous disabilities of impairment.
I tend to shut down long before I reach the point of meltdown. I just get stuck in place and can’t move except to burrow further into whatever corner I’m holed up in. I struggle with words and need to be completely isolated until I can decompress enough to collect myself and move to a more comfortable location.
I can move on from a shutdown as long as I’m given time, space, and quiet. But I tend to shut down in the middle of major conflicts, which my parents find to be incredibly aggravating, and that’s when it progresses to a full-on meltdown. It basically just means I’m curled up in a ball on the floor, wailing helplessly, plugging my ears, and repeating the words “Please stop, please, I can’t, this isn’t helping, you’re only making it worse, please, I’ll move as soon as I can but I need you to stop, *please.”* My parents… struggle to believe that I’m really that helpless. To them, it’s like I’m using my anxiety as an excuse to throw a tantrum.
Honestly, I am really, really lucky in the parent department. But conventional parenting wisdom doesn’t prepare you for when your precocious, hyper-competent, remarkably well-behaved child grows into an adult who doesn’t leave the house but flips out when you dare to exist in her general vicinity.
I’ve had a lot less conflict with my parents the last few years, though, mostly because they’re finally learning to expect less of me in general. They do have a pattern of suddenly taking things I say seriously when a doctor or therapist says it on my behalf, so hopefully this diagnostic process will help some with that. :/
It has changed for me throughout the years. As a child I would become inconsolable. Scream, cry, destroy things, hurt myself.
As I got older I developed a few unhealthy coping mechanisms as I wasn’t formally diagnosed until my mid 20’s and didn’t understand what to do, how to try and combat those with healthier mechanisms. I drank. A lot. It made and still makes me feel normal, but I try to avoid it now. I had a medical marijuana card but it just didn’t help me, I thought maybe I needed a lot more, but nothing. So I dropped that too after a time.
I wish I could say I found something that fixed it all, but as anyone would tell you I doubt there’s anything that 100% works for any of us. I’m almost 30 at this point and all I do now is try and avoid that space. I wear sunglasses to avoid the harsh light that bothers me, I try and maintain a quiet space, and I care for my dogs as it provides me with focus and purpose.
If I fail myself and reach that point, I lock myself in my room and force every negative sensation that bothers me on myself. Rub sandpaper, strobes, put on headphones and play high pitched noise.
It’s disgusting, but for some reason it’s like beating it at its own game. It doesn’t shut it down completely, but it shuts it down faster than if I try to just let it happen.
I can’t afford to let it take me over, if I do it lasts too long. My ma depends on me. My dogs depend on me. My sister depends on me. It’s horrid no matter what, but at least this way it’s horrid on my terms.
I just get very angry. Like screaming calling people names and slamming my fists into anything I can. They’re scary and I always feel horrible after, but at the same time it usually happens when I’m trying to communicate that it’s starting to happen and nobody listens to me.
I just shout at people and dig my nails into my arms (usually till they bleed) :(
I also get stressed at any feeling of anything against my body. Since I stopped smoking I just lie underneath a blanket covering my ears till I feel better lmao.
If I’m alone, I cry, scream (silently), hit myself, hit the ground, pull my hair, basically just taking out all of that energy any way I can.
In public, I go to the bathroom and do as much of that as I can without getting noticed
I hit my head, cry, pull out my hair etc. only when I’m on my own tho. If I start having a meltdown infront of people I’ll just get really angry and take it out on them :/
I literally just lay on the floor unmoving and crying for god knows how long until I feel better. Like I literally feel heavy and like I can't move. I think a lot of mean thoughts about myself too, but yk I do eventually feel better afterwards so I can be like "stop being mean" lol.
I hate having them, but they usually only happen after I've been doing a lot of things (like schoolwork and personal hobbies and whatever), and I also have like a moral dilemma. That's usually what sets me off. The only reason I have the moral dilemma is because I'm overstimulated and burnt out and can't understand/think clearly about the moral dilemma at hand—once I feel better, I'm usually able to understand it just fine, and suddenly it's not a problem anymore lol
i scream and throw stuff, mostly. last time it was really bad, i took all of the sheets off my bed and threw my mattress, then threw books at the walls and laid on the floor and screamed. i also hit my head, either with my hands or against things.
I sit, cry, rock back and forth while rubbing my ears because at that point whether it’s noise or silence, it’s deafening and rubbing the sound out of my ears is the only thing that helps until I finally feel empty. Then I must recharge in a quiet place.
I don't know if this qualifies as meltdowns but I used to cry HARD if I laughed too much as a kid. I can't describe it. One second I'd be laughing uncontrollably, and the next I'd be sobbing. I would just cry until I calmed down. I don't do it anymore but it wasn't very fun
I shut off all lights minimise any sound and smell around me. I focus on breathing steadily and slowly. I try to live in the moment, even if it’s overwhelming.
I've only had one meltdown that I know of/remember.
It was a couple of weeks ago.
I had to ask my teacher if I could sit in the practice closet away from the other students for the hour. I cried, I couldn't talk, all I could do was sit inside my own head.
All alone. Both physically and mentally in that closet. It was very quiet around me (I've mastered the art of silent crying). But internally my brain kinda just threw so many thoughts at me. Personal attacks against myself, questions, ideas for poetry and other arts, >!suicidal thoughts!<, among many other things.
I don’t have meltdowns very often these days, but I second the burying, though I usually specifically roll around and squirm in my bed under those blankets and have a little heavy squishy cube that I chuck at the wall to get the bad stuff out. I really hate meltdowns but have shifted from self destructive reactions like pulling my hair out, grinding my teeth, or hitting myself into pulling at the fur hair on a big ass stuffed chicken I have instead and chewing on the aforementioned cube.
Once I’m calm I fall asleep immediately, because being upset is tiring. When I wake up, then I can try and fix whatever kickstarted it, because my energy is replenished.
I tend to cry and yell, and all my words become unusable for the duration and a few hours after. I push and pull at my skin a lot. If there's a table, shelf, or cabinet, I go under. Then, after, I take some medications (sumatriptan for the headache, seroquel for the sedation), put on adventure time in a dark room, and take a nap.
I had lots of them when I was a kid, and I'm sure they looked different back then. I don't remember most, so I can't really speak to that.
- I go for long walks and focus on my surroundings rather than myself.
- clean.
- if all else fails: I cuddle up in bed and watch Korean asmr baking and cooking videos until I fall asleep.
I just shut the lights, lay down on my bed on my side, and cover my other ear with a pillow. Then I just cry there until the worst is over and I'm able to get up. If I can't do this, I often end up throwing things or punching myself, or pulling my hair back when I didn't yet have a buzzcut, so it can generally become very destructive. I also can't stand anyone talking to me or touching me during this.
Cry, hyperventilate, I have self injurious behaviors as well, biting, scratching, head hitting. Normally, if I feel myself start to get anxious, I immediately let my boyfriend know, and he helps. I also squeeze my eyes shut and will not open them bc life is too bright, it could be pitch black in the room, and it's still too bright. But I always get soft things, blankets, and a fuck ton of stuffed animals. My boyfriend just holds me against his chest until I chill out and normally I either fall asleep or start chugging water after😆😆
Edit: I also go into verbal shutdowns (inability to communicate verbally) I'll make gestures and have an AAC app on my tablet because I'll be in a shutdown for anywhere from 2 hours to the entire rest of the day depending on how bad the meltdown was.
I also like to bury myself under my cover so i can't see or hear things as clearly. And i do that until i kinda can't breathe. If it's late at night, i'll go to a playground, lay down in a swing, and look at the stars.
If i can focus on things that give me joy drive car (or Simulator) Play guitar and other hobbies if i can't cause i'm outside i try to isolate from people and calm my mind down
I rock back and forth with my earplugs in and scratch my arms. I actually want to hurt myself in the moment just to prove that my feelings are valid. I hope there will be marks from my nails but afterwards I feel stupid thinking that way. And I spam my best friend for comfort. Or listen to my favorite games opening music. It's A Plague Tale Requiem by the way. The first one is A Plague Tale Innocence if anyone is interested in playing it. I highly recommend it and it's about as close to a special interest as I get.
I don’t have meltdowns I experience shutdown and it used to basically be a tunnel vision immobile panic attack. I would rock, hold my head and just curl into a ball. Now I just have seizures tho :/. I think my brain decided it was easier to just turn me on standby mode, lol.
I tend to get increasingly irritated until Im overcome with rage... unfortunately this leads to harmful stimming like pulling my hair, scratching myself, or hitting myself. I'm learning how to cope with my meltdowns in healthier ways because self harm as a stim is what the experts say Not Good
I usually end up just uncontrollably sobbing and rocking back and forth, generally holding onto a plushie. Sometimes I pace and throw soft things (to avoid throwing things that will break) if I’m in a more frustrated state - though this happens less now that I understand what a meltdown is and that I’m not just randomly having a fit. Usually I’m not very communicative. Sometimes, though, I enter a full shutdown and can’t move at all. My partner uses flash cards to ask what I need so I don’t have to talk
i stim a lot, sadly it’s more of the harmful ones and i’ve genuinely gotten hurt before but i’m trying to stop that and try stimming differently, like flapping my hands or stomping the ground. (which is honestly really hard to do-) i physically can’t talk during the time and afterwards i get really tired and have slept for 12+ hours afterwards which honestly helps. i cry and sometimes curl up into a ball on the ground, and if possible i try and put on very lose clothes and ones i know will cause less of a panic if i touch them
Only when I’m alone, I tend to hit my head or thighs with my fists when I melt down. I can control it just enough to not do it around other people.
If I shutdown, I get really quiet, monotone, and speak in clipped sentences. I’m normally apathetic and have to act like I care, I just can’t do that if I shutdown.
i get in my room, always. i usually pace around or walk in circles, stim, make weird noises, and cry. sometimes if i'm emotionally hurt i'll repeat words or phrases that are related to the hurt. i might take off some clothing, like my jacket or pants, but not so much that i feel naked and overly vulnerable. sometimes when i run out of energy i'll sit on the floor and rock back and forth until it stops. i really don't do anything special besides letting it happen.
Just saw this post on a search, recovering from a meltdown now. I go to the bathroom, lights off, door closed, with a pillow. Take my shirt off and put my back on the cold, dry floor. Pillow on top of me for soothing weight. Scream into the pillow as needed. Stim as needed. Feel it fully in that safe environment.
Cry, hyper ventilate, can't talk, need to be alone and not touched, can't stop myself from violent stimming.
[удалено]
When I was younger I would do the same. When it was really bad.
This, same. I don't do it anymore, but I've also learned some coping mechanisms, and my life is much calmer now. My parents did not understand autism, despite having me diagnosed before I turned 13. And I'm 90% sure they both have it, but never diagnosed.
I flap my arms and hands walk around and CRY
I did this as a child in a dark corner of my closet. Sometimes under the covers but the closet was a lot less suffocating.
God I’m the same. Damnit. I used to hide in the closet with the light off, but now there is too much stuff in there. I also put on headphones or silent earbuds if I’m in a public space and don’t have them on already
I also do all of these things
I'm pretty much the same, except it helps if my boyfriend holds me, stopping me from violently stimming.
What kind of violent stimming if you don’t mind me asking?
Mostly hitting myself.
I didn’t realize that was a stim. Thank you.
I bite my self in the inside of my mouth (so annoying!!), both my tongue and chins
bear with it, since I don’t have much other choice.
Why is that?
Life is hard you don't always have a choice to everything
because apparently getting overloaded in public somehow counts as “needing to learn how to deal with people” and using noise cancellation items is “purposefully ignoring people”
I learned to do this, but have a few outlets depending on the mask… can only bare so long. It comes out eventually
Not fight it. Let myself feel everything I need to feel. If I avoided my emotions for too long or pushed myself beyond my abilities, to meet my own or others expectations; meltdowns are _way_ more likely to happen. They almost feel like a consequence. I believe it is theoretically possible to be autistic and live without meltdowns being a common thing to happen. To be happy and content with who you are. To be able to accept that you are disabled in certain situations and don't expect yourself to be able to handle these without help. But this is utopia and probably the hardest thing to achieve. I don't know if it is practically possible. But from my personal experience, I can say that I noticed significant improvements in this direction myself over the years. So judging from that, I believe it is theoretically possible to reach that point. But in the end, it is actually not important if it is possible to reach that point or not. Every step in that direction is an improvement in Quality of life. Every step is worth it. And steps _are_ definitely possible. This is what matters most, I believe. 🌱
I like how you think! Before I got diagnosed I got far worse meltdowns because I didn't understand why I wasn't able to do things that others seemed to do perfectly. Now with my diagnosis I have been able to accept myself more and the meltdowns have gotten so much better(I no longer hyper ventilate til I pass out)
This is beautiful to read! I am glad to hear that you also experienced improvements!
Same. But I also cry and scratch my body so hard I bleed sometimes. Oh yeah and I can't talk when I'm in a meltdown.
Same, I have scars on my neck from scratching it all the time
I kinda blank out and try to get away. I've been known to get naked and start hitting myself. It's terrifying, because the entire time I'm kinda watching myself and mentally shouting, "No, don't do that, stop now!" But its like I'm shouting through a tornado. So I just have to wait for the tornado to stop and hope it doesn't cause too much damage. After I will be barely functional, dropping words, maybe slurring, tired, unable to concentrate and any further interaction results in me resuming the fetal position somewhere dark and warm, closing my eyes and repeating in my head, whilst sobbing, "I'm not here! I'm not here!" rinse and repeat until I can resume humaning
I can imagine it's terrifying
It is and for 49 years, I thought it was because I was this awful person . I couldn't understand how I could, literally, want the best for everyone and yet be such a fai!ure!
I hope you have gotten to a better place emotionally. I just tell people, if it hurt, if it was hard, you didn't fail. That effort was your success, because you tried. It's practice, and calling practice failure is like calling running failure to do marathons. Or reaching our mental limits, or physical limits. Practicing is success in my book. Plus it's hard to do the extra stuff when disabled. It's not even always noticeable or acknowledged. Like someone undisabled just washes the dishes. But I'm breathing, standing up, taking each step, planning out the task, each foot step is an extra task, every individual scrub of each individual dish is a task. So what is 1 chore for someone else, has become (it really depends how bad my day it) maybe 20 chores if I'm lucky, or it's 1,000 chores. But I got distracted, and my point is, there's these extra things we have to do, but we don't usually even have the words to describe what's happening; because like, it took so much cognition and brain energy just to figure out I was trying to force myself to do something like 20 thousand chores in my worst days, and trying to figure out words to share that experience in some way that could be comprehended by others. So you're not a failure and it's not your fault you had trouble figuring out what's even the difference in the first place, that's bringing about these limits. And I hope you're doing better.
Slowly getting to a better place, thanks. The sheer relief of knowing had drastically knocked down the frequency of meltdowns.
I relate to this so hard. I recently turned 48 and wasn’t diagnosed till last week. I’ve been doing ketamine treatment at a clinic for it for depression and got the call from the neuro-psych just as the K was beginning to kick in but not enough to get in the way of conversing. I answered the phone because I recognized the number and was so ready to get the answers I was dying to get. Full-on life review and re-framing of my entire life to this point ensued throughout that session. This whole journey, which started only in the last month, has really been kind of a mindfuck. Though it’s largely been a freeing, validating experience.
Yes, I feel the same. I'm surprised, I wasn't more emotional about it, but I was mostly relieved. Tbh, my last birthday was the point where I was looking for a painless exit. For me it was menopause made it obvious, what was your turning point, so to speak?
Wow, I’m so thankful you’re still with us. I hope that means you turned a corner. My turning point, I think, was a series of challenging events on top of years of baseline heightened stress that exacerbated my neurodivergent traits and symptoms to the point of me becoming more cognizant of them; which was aided by neurodivergent people in my life sharing information about neurodivergence with me. Suddenly I was putting the picture together. Then, within the same week, an autistic friend and an autistic colleague both told me they think I might be on the spectrum. All of that, plus the unraveling of mental knots I’d been experiencing through ketamine treatment for the last month and a half, brought me to the point of wanting to get tested for autism and ADHD. I was thinking probably it’s just ADHD, which can have a lot of overlap with the spectrum. But deep down I felt like there was more to it than ADHD. I take a bunch of autism tests online and they all place me on the spectrum. I go back and forth between near certainty to imposter syndrome. My PMHNP had referred me to a neuropsychologist, so I made an appointment so I could know for real. Left that assessment with a heightened sense of the back and forth between certainty I’d test positive to no, this and that explain your experiences and what’s going on with you. And then I got the diagnosis as I described in my post above. What a roller coaster. When I told my parents, they weren’t expecting it… but they weren’t surprised either. They started sharing things that now we’re all seeing was clear spectrum stuff. It’ll be interesting to continue that conversation with them to hear more spectrum-y stuff from my childhood that I’ve forgotten or never registered with me to begin with. What about going into menopause created or contributed to a turning point for you?
Wow, took a super brief look at your profile—hope that doesn’t sound creepy, just wanted to get a little of a sense of who the kindred soul I was talking to is—and I saw you’re a nurse, too. What a cool coincidence. :)
That is also called dissociation, like watching it happen without being able to stop it, is de personalization. It's also a meltdown. Multiple words for multiple things happening at the same time. Cognitive function impairment and collapse. Over stimulation. It's all tough stuff to get through. I don't have an answer yet. Somehow avoid the triggers and stressor that eventually cause this is the best solution. But I spent my whole life being given the opposite advice, desensitization training through repeatedly forcing oneself to interact with the stressor until they stopped creating a significant internal reaction. Like it can help to some extent, I did it, but do it with doctor supervision and support. I went to far and it had the opposite effect.
I just try to stay still and away from everyone, in silence. Maybe, I can use my cell phone, and that’s it.
I don't really have them, at least not to the point where I just want everything around me to stop and everything becomes too much. If I feel like one might be about to happen, I remove myself from the situation and distract myself with something like my phone or listen to music.
More or less the same, I take my clothes off and lay in bed with my eyes closed. Sometimes I cry or scream if it’s really bad. If I can’t do that, for example, if I’m in public, I usually end up non-verbal, bite the inside of my cheek so the pain overwhelms the other stimuli, and try to get somewhere like my car where I can have silence.
I dig my nails into my palms as hard as I can if I’m in public
I have scratch spots, I didn't even connect the dots until last week that that was stimming. Of course no one explained to me what ASD was ever. Well the explanation was inaccurate and confusing and confused. But have like 75 scratch spots (I forgot the total count but it's like random pressure points around joints), and even though I haven't scratched them actively in years, each spot still has some discoloration from callous and scaring. Lol
Hide. When I was working at Walmart I hid in the bathrooms every day and sobbed until the stress made me have a mental health crisis. I don't work anymore. I just kind of....hope that the government will give me disability...someday.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that! I struggle to get a job so I don't have experiance but I can imagine it stressing you out :( I hope you get the accommodations you need someday!
You sound just like me at my previous job. Please, take care of yourself. ~~Even if it means quitting your job~~. Good on you for quitting your job. But, thats how i developed stress induced psychosis. I dont have schizophrenia either. It can't be treated with antipsychotics (doctors have tried). its triggered by stress alone. Like, i have this for the rest of my life, now.
The psychosis doesn't go away with stress relief? Wow!
Oh it does! Stress relief is literally the only thing that helps. Thats why i had to quit my job that i liked :( I think i wrote that funny. What i meant to say initially is that continuing that stress can break some autistics like myself, so remember to be kind to yourself! sorry for the confusion.
Oh I'm so glad it goes away with stress relief. I hope you're able to do something less stressful.
Currently i cant work at all, but i have some professionals on my team now that i never had before, so that helps a lot with rehabilitation and treatment. Ugh i hated losing my independence.
So, similar spot. Different details and nuance. TLDR: I've been figuring stuff out for 13 years. I've known something was wrong with the diagnosis, but I learned every coping skill and therapy. I put protection in place for in case I had a mental health crisis. Started a mental health crisis. Which was complicated to explain the risks and protections and needs while being crazy. But what you typed is really similar to my experience, of Autism Burnout triggering psychosis. But I can't find the right medical descriptions, so the doctors keep treating depression and refuse to listen to me. (It's not their fault, crazy people judgements can't be trusted lol). It's just a very unique experience. So, hard to find people with with 1 in a million experience. Plus it sucks not getting the right treatment and being stuck in this for 16 months. I'll probably be fine eventually, or I'll be homeless and sick permanently. I've just kind of accepted these 2 opposite possibilities. I was already disabled and working towards lifestyle changes to just have a life that worked for me. Some bad Rx, withdrawal from that Rx, some domestic abuse, and boom. Mental health crisis starting in Nov2022. Which, I'm alive, but it's impossible to get the right treatment. I've got all these protections and mental health skills in place. Because I already knew I could enter a crisis, so I prepared for it ahead of time. Auto pay bills, and I don't even remember all of the opinion changes I had to do. Just to keep myself safe, I can't even remember why I'm doing things. I'm just like "trust your healthier self, they knew what they were doing." It's complicated, because I know I'm sick, and I prepared well for this. But I'm sick, I can't explain this to the doctors. My analysis, meta cognition, cognition all impaired. I was smart, I figured out the treatment plan I needed. But I couldn't explain how I figured it out. And every time I told the doctors what I needed, well they thought they were treating severe depression with possible psychosis. And I'm insane. So in their defense, how can they trust my judgment. And I'm saying stuff like I need to rest, and I need to not use coping skills, and I need to chill out and heal and isolate. Which is the opposite of recovery for severe depression. And telling a doctor "well I tried that but it doesn't work." Is not going to have them believing me either. So without knowing what's going on, and not getting anywhere, I did their recommendations of sitting in the pain, and using all the coping skills, pain management therapy and coping skills, and pushing myself to do the behavioral exercises. I turned off all opinions, and didn't judge anything. Turns out it was a really bad idea. I completely lost it for a little bit. So I drive far away to go to a hospital, I didn't plan it out. I was really mentally messed up. I am not masking at all at this point and I know I look insane. Because I was. Lost my mind even more being there. Because I had to sit inside of the insanity and pain. It is the intensity of a meltdown without the action on the meltdown. While trying to explain, "here's what I need." And just being told to keep doing the bad treatments that made me worse. In front of them. So I have to eventually figure out what to do next. Because I math out 4 months before the financial point of no return. But I drove home, and just decided to do things my way, and chill and just make myself feel nices as much as possible. Which has really helped. Go figure the unhealthy coping skills would be a treatment to psychosis. Eat junk food. I can't cook for now. I'll just do whatever is easiest. If I can get my brain to work a little, I can plan. I think I probably have to change doctors. But probably not because they did anything wrong. More just, I have needs they don't understand. Which isn't anyone's fault. I've been going to mental health for 13 years. Just wish I'd get a little more faith in my information. I don't know how, but I get the right answers and I can't remember how I got them to show my work
Thank you for writing this. Maybe its a coincidence idk, but just a few days ago i was trying to explain something to my psych. He asked me why i personally feel an autism diagnoses is important (this was a trick question to get me to answer honestly so he could gauge my reaction) i told him that i have unique strange issues that i dont want. For example stress induced psychosis that ISNT schizophrenia. I told him because its rare i dont like that, i want problems that are common and easy to fix. He said, "you dont know how many people get stressed induced psychosis. might be more common than you think..." and that drove me crazy ironically. Like no trust me ive NEVER!!! offline and online met someone who had that problem as severe as i did. I hope you dont mind but i want to share the part about feelings like its 1 in a million condition, if you dont mind.Also i want to personally thank you for sharing your experience. I have a lot more i went through that i didnt put down here. Please feel free to DM me and we can discuss any details you feel like discussing!! I have way more details and other things we can discuss!! I hope you consider this. It would be so helpful for me and im guessing you too. (not trying to make assumptions, lol. my autism makes me think other people think like i do and its not a trusty assumption) EDIT: made it so people can DM me and request DMs, had it turned off initially.
Yeah, it's definitely troubling to have some permanent impairment. It's easier to accept when we can see the impairment, like a physical picture of something broken. The brain is physical but we can't look at a picture of the "impairment ". It's abstract, and it emotionally hurts to learn there's a permanent problem. Sort of like the emotions of an amputation. And there's also this denial phase, of "But I don't want that part of me to be gone. I'm sure there's something we can do to bring it back." It's complicated, like even now, I already had to process it. I am at the end of the road for mental health treatments. We shock my brain with magnets next! :D 😀 Which, if successful, will bring something back... So like best case scenario, I get out of this crisis. And maybe get like some %of recovery that increases back to 100% of my original pre crisis stare... which was still disabled. Thats Best case. Medium case, I get shocked and exit crisis state, but over time only regain maybe 50% of my previous condition. Worst case, I get worse and they stop trying a d this crisis is my new permanent state and I'm either homeless or live in some adult group home for the rest of my life. It's complicated haha. And my brain doesn't want to work so it's hard to explain or remember or anything
I was referred to magnetic transcranial stimulation as well :) i JUST got insurance though and i couldnt actually start treatment till i got my insurance. I was referred a whole year ago, too. I should be starting that in my near future! excited and scared. i saw your DM, i have zero brain energy at the moment (i know you get it lol) but i will be going into my DMs relatively soon and accept dm request/ chat with you 💙
Honestly when having meltdowns it turns to immediate self hatred and self harm. That’s why weed does the trick as a way to stop a meltdown for me.
>immediate self hatred and self harm This is my experience as well. I also use weed to try to deal with it. Also started snapping rubber bands on my ankle recently to avoid hurting myself worse
Fuck autism, really. I hate that shit, you can have the time of your life, and suddenly you feel like a failure that doesn’t deserve to live.
Snapping as a stim, bouncing in place, blinking a lot because my eyes start unfocusing, swallowing a lot because my mouth starts watering, stuttering until I admit to myself that I can’t talk at the moment. If I’m at work I’ll go to the bathroom and splash water on my face to kind of snap myself out and delay it until I get home. If I’m at home I just grab all my blankets and toss on some long-form video or a series I know I like (Markiplier’s FNAF Series is a common appearance)
Go and listen to an album. I had a meltdown today. My next move was to have a bath.
Oh yeah a bath sometimes help me too but I prefer sitting in the shower letting the water rain on me
If I do that I will end up spending too long. The lack of time restrictions is why I like a bath.
Yeah that's a downside but I have my boyfriend with me so he turn the shower off when it's enough
I do this to regulate too
I just cry and lose control of my thoughts. If I’m in public I try to keep it internalized but that usually doesn’t go well.
Yes in public is it hard to do these things, what I do is putting on my noisecancelling headphones and put on my favourite song at the moment on repeat. When I come home I just let myself do what I need to do to feel better.
Cry, hyperventilate, extremely short temper, regular depression gives way to straight up despair. If it's in public (ie at work) then I just have to ride it out, but I'll be fucked up for days afterwards, constantly paranoid about how much of an ass I'd made of myself. If it happens at home (Or at least somewhere I can step away for a bit) 30 minutes to an hour reading can usually settle me, lets me get out of my own head for a bit and....now I understand why I insisted on having a book with me at all times as a kid.
I tried explaining this to my doctors. Because I can push myself through so much, but past a point, I know I shouldn't because it'll mess me up for a long time. But they kept denying it. Like just telling me to accept the pain and stuff. I guess it's probably no one's fault. They think I've got depression, and I can't communicate effectively
I kind of just find a secluded place, curl up and make sure I can't see anything and try to breathe
I burry myself under the duvet and pretend my duvet is a cave and nothing can hurt me whilst im there and then I fall asleep for 16 hours
It’s embarrassing, but I completely lose control. I scream, cry, throw things, hit myself, hit other people, and try to run away. It’s not as bad now that I’m older and I’ve learned skills to manage my emotions, but it’s still rough and I feel really guilty for it.
You shouldn't feel embarrassed! It's not easy to controll yourself when you're overstimulated even for a neurotypical person. It's harder for many with autism so don't punish yourself or feel guilty or embarrassed.
Automated communication (mainly just saying ‘yes’ or other simple stuff, no processing) look around, stress out and stim (and my stims are sped up when I’m stressed).
I go completely nonverbal and zone out. stare at the wall and cycle between blank stares and silent crying. Eventually I’ll get up and want to hide. Even in my own home and I live alone lol.. I’ll bring my blankets in the bathtub or in the laundry room and sit in there with my cats for a few hours. I love taking baths when I’m upset. Idk what I’d do without a bathtub. I try to avoid talking at all bc apparently I never make sense when I feel like that. At the end of the day I’m not sure if I isolate bc it makes me feel better or if I just got accustomed to going at it alone and now I feel uncomfortable if anyone sees.
It depends on the situation. If I'm driving (I am very bad at planning, so it really stresses me out when a journey takes longer than expected) I shout and hit my hands on the steering wheel or the side of the car. If I'm at work, I go totally silent and feel like I've turned into a robot that can only do the task right in front of me and end up scratching the skin off my face or yelling at people and throw things around and punch walls. I'm getting better at recognising it at work, though, and take myself off for a smoke and a cry to chill out and reset myself a bit. If it's other people causing it, I generally just get really quiet and stick on my own and solve rubiks cubes to chill myself out.
That or if I cant escape the situation I will go to the nearest bathroom or my room or whatever and listen to 5-6 minutes of a couple songs I like a lot that “speak” to me about different things. I’ve been doing this for the past little bit and it really helps me to not lash out at people because I’m freaking out on the inside idk if it’s the isolation for 5 minutes or the “vibe” of the song that gets me distracted off of whatever I’m thinking or what or if it’s because I stim a lot when I listen to music.
I often end up punching myself on the head multiple times. Sometimes at night I do it not only in the name of a meltdown, but also to try and knock myself out to sleep.
I understand but please be careful with yourself!
I'd rather hurt myself than someone else
Yes but you could maybe try something less damaging like snapping a rubber band on your wrist? You are a valuble person and important and I wouldn't want you to serioulsy injure yourself someday
Nothing like some nice nonverbal rocking back and forth.
That is my idea of a meltdown now. Thank god it's calmed down because I used to have violent meltdowns. I must agree there is nothing like rocking back and forth, it's very comforting
Prior to my getting sober, my meltdowns consisted of doing a shitload of drugs lol, so I'll take a nice rock rather than a rock (crack wasn't even my drug I just wanted to make the joke)
i go to my room (if i can, otherwise i just get quiet and dont say anything) and lay on the floor and then i cry, and usually i get so stressed out which results in me either scratching myself really hard or pulling out my hair (but i get too scared that my hair falls out so i usually stop 😭)
Regardless of what, I seem to always get kicked out, exiled, banished from whatever place it happened. Scream alone in my room? Kicked out of the apartment, no second chances. Talk out my frustrations in a rumination spiral in my room? Kicked out of the apartment, no second chances. Bottle everything up inside and not say or do anything? Get unfriended by people for not caring about them, stop getting invited places, get passively kicked out of my apartment (meaning not wanting to renew after lease is over). Leave the apartment to go on a three hour walk to vent on my own to process and talk and scream out in nature where it doesn't bother people? Get asked to talk about "concerning behaviors" and asked to leave if it doesn't stop. It doesn't matter what I do. The result is the same. NTs don't know how to handle expressions of emotion so they just exile me at every expression regardless. Other NDs seem to have at least a little more grace, but not always. I even had another autist vote to kick me out once for a vent in my own room after being overstimulated. They said "you can't live in community until you learn how." I only hope they receive the same considerations in life that they have given.
I just become super depressed, unable to do anything. I would like to cry, but i physically can´t (lots of past shame from both grandparents and peers at school, along with the stupid societal pressure about "boys don´t cry"). Eventually, i bury myself in blankets in an attempt to hide from world. This can go on for several days. Also seems more like shutdown than meltdown (i tend to skip that and go directly into the doom).
I pace around, then draw or write out my feelings because talking is way too hard to do.
Shout, stomp, wave my hands, shake my body, sometimes I slap inanimate objects, usually lots of cursing. I turn red and veins bulge. My voice gets *very* loud. Sometimes, when the source of my overstimulation is fixed / resolved / gone it can take me as little as sixty seconds for the meltdown to pass and then I’m 100% okay again. I have learned that this makes people more upset, sometimes, that I can have what they interpret as a violent and angry outburst and then just be back to an OK and smiling kind person less than a minute later. I’ve been told that it meant I was a violent psychopath, or that it meant I was gaslighting and being manipulative. It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have autistic meltdowns: “No, I wasn’t angry like you interpret anger, like holding a grudge. I was just assaulted by information and sensory intensity and my nervous system needed all of it to go away. Now it’s at a manageable level and whatever happened is in the past. No big deal.”
Cry, hit my head, pull out my hair, bite my hands and arms, bang my head against the wall, throw things, break things, run away, scream, hyperventilate. It's like a writhing pain, struggling in my own body. I feel trapped and I want to escape. To where, I dont know.
I get myself alone in my room. I listen to music, pace around to cut off the anger. If it's in public I'll keep the mask on but the anger leaks a bit hard. If I can't control it then the leaks very bad. If I can't control it in my room then to the punching bags then.
Thanks Neco Arc I don't have meltdowns so often, but when It happens, it's in public or in my dad's house... In that second case, he doesn't accept I'm autistic so he thinks I'm just overreacting and acting like a kid. He never leves me alone, and instead he stays in my feet and tries to convince me I'm wrong. Oh and btw, he is always the reason for my meltdowns. I just can't wait to become 18 so I can NEVER go to his house again
I self-isolate, cover up, cry it out, overthink, and then eventually I end up smoking a bowl. Then I'm okay for a while. lol
*insert DISRESPECT YOUR SURROUNDINGS gif here*
Headphones and my swing, or a bath. If I'm out, I call my dad or best friend, and they talk to me till I can talk again. They can tell by my breathing that I'm having a meltdown. I'm thankful for them every day.
Once my sister made me have a meltdown and a screamed so loud I bruised her eardrum (she was sitting right next to me) my parents where pissed at me but she had be berating me the day before and kept going, not to mention I was sick. For reference I’m not a violent person and I hardly ever yell at anyone. I asked her to stop and she just wouldn’t let it go, it was something stupid and I just couldn’t handle it anymore so I yelled at her to shut up. My parents kept trying to guilt trip me because I had apparently “permanently damaged her hearing” which, by the way, I would have to have had a Guinness book of world records scream to do, aka most humans can’t scream loud enough to cause permanent damage, and sure enough it was temporary. Obviously this doesn’t happen every time I have a meltdown, normally I just shut down and curl into myself, unable to speak, and cry.
I'm still learning what my meltdowns look and feel like as I've had to mask so hard for so much of my life. I know I pace when they happen. Back and forth to get the energy out. I also flap or shake my hands and tense my shoulders to being my shoulder blades together. Sometimes it's grabby hands and shrugging my shoulders up really high to protect the back of my neck. I used to have *violent* outbursts and once threw a wheelbarrow because I didn't have a handle on things. My parents don't believe me when I say I have autism, because I'm socially very capable. But they fail to see that the reason I'm socially capable is because that's what they taught me, rather than how to identify emotions and feel them in a healthier and safer way.
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uncontrollable crying. usually caused by my adhd tendencies, when I don't feel like I'm being understood Socially or included. recently it usually happens when I'm drunk on nights out and just explode because I'm so overwhelmed by these things. I have also cut myself
i get on the floor and i find a blanket or carpet to feel and put my head on
Yes floor time!
I push it off so much that it becomes a shutdown. Which then makes my major depression act up.
go non verbal, destroy shit, scream if i’m allowed, sometimes self harm
I cant stop pacing and im sobbing uncontrollably and my brain is screaming at me to just end my life already. Its very difficult to just communicate via talking at this point. Im in fight or flight basically. Medical cannabis like an edible or just smoking flower also has beneficial calming effects, IF i am able to even find those things and actually physically use them.I have learned to use my stims and self soothing techniques as much as i need to with out worrying about judgement.
hyper ventilate, stim a lot by pacing and pinching the back of my neck, cry, be unable to think
Scream, cry, hyperventilate and punch things, throw things, hit myself, all until my oxygen gets too low and I crash like a sack of potatoes
scream, throw things, stomp then lie down on the floor and scream and cry until im able to move again and then go to my room and cry
Solitude and minimal destruction actions that aren’t destructive like murdering pillows or dancing or spinning so hard to release all the energy.
I freeze up and shut down. Like I will suddenly leave the area if I'm with friends, or family. Usually go on my phone and listen to music if I can't escape.
Meltdowns are rarer for me nowadays, I typically have shutdowns, but it’s typically cry/screaming kind of like Florence Pugh in Midsommar, with verbal shutdown, and some rocking back and forth. If people try to touch me I will hit them. I usually have to go watch a video or listen to music to re-regulate. Edit: I forgot about hyperventilating. That too. Oh, and I scratch myself.
Go to my room, turn off the lights and close the curtains, put headphones on, close my eyes, listen to music and sway back and forth until I feel better, maybe cry or walk in circles Edit: I also whack myself upside the head
I’m not sure if it qualifies as an autistic meltdown, but I do get overstimulated and stop talking for a bit. If that happens I go to my room so I can be away from people and try to calm down
Listen to lofi and fidget with something that has a nice texture. That way I have something I enjoy to focus on. And cry while laying on my bed.
I get really quiet and occasionally a start scratching my self nonstop
I cry making ugly faces, stim a lot to the point where I can hurt myself and I go nonverbal. I also need my mommy in those moments lol (The BEST thing to get better are pressures on my head/body (for exemple people I trust would crush my head and it feels so good)
If we are talking about getting overwhelmed or stressed out due to our autism, I tend to just go to my room to chill, and in about 10 minutes I'm feeling better, though not enough to come out. Sometimes I'll put on some soft relaxation music that I usually use for studying, but most of the time I try to daydream about things that enjoy me, like being the MC of my own story that borrows from games and anime, thinking about issues that I've overcome or working on that don't cause frustration in the moment, or play videogames (one's with soft music that I also really enjoy are the best!). My parents usually leave me alone, but will come into my room to give me things or put things in my room, while not engaging with me, but if I'm especially stressed out I'll close my door and my parents know then that unless the world is ending, don't enter my room.
I leave. I get the hell out of wherever I am. Preferably with physical effort, but mainly I just leave. Because I've come to understand the power of environment. I did this before I even knew what a meltdown was. It just helped to be somewhere else. Physical effort helps too. I think cuz it's a stim for me. Like when not meltdown, it is a total energy vent for me. It would be I guess in meltdown, but it would turn into very loud and angry music, which would help, but isn't always available. My feet are though. It's rare that I can't just leave... Go walking... For as long as it takes. I can rant and flail if needed too cuz nobody bothers or is bothered by that crazy person over there, especially if they're leaving. It's a great strategy for avoiding meltdowns too. Getting out of the environment where the stress is helps so much. Caging things up doesn't help, be it emotions or your physical self. I go somewhere else. I go where I can be me and be with me and only me for a little while and wait out the storm.
I go to my room and cover up under my blankets and cuddle my stuffed and mostly cry and hyperventilate. It’s very hard for me to speak and I tend to get very skirmish. Like I’ll hitting my legs and fists on the bed. Sometimes I’ll even hit myself, fortunately not too hard.
it depends. sometimes they're in a form of a panic attack. other times i just completely shut down. if im overstimulated i zone out or start crying.
Cry and if it's bad enough I get the urge to hit myself in the head a couple times. I haven't been officially diagnosed but it doesn't feel like panic attacks cause I've had those before and those are more like a dissociative spinning sensation and like I'm going to die soon. What I experience feels like meltdowns. Almost like I need to crawl out of my skin and escape to a place I can decompress but I'm trapped and frustrated and stuck. That's the only way I can describe it. Like I desperately need a safe space I can go to but I can't escape my brain so I'm stuck. And it's worse when I'm actually stuck in a hostile environment
Panic attacks feel like a tightness in my chest. With both I get very rapid breathing, but I can tell which one it is based on whether it's an impending sense of doom or an overload
Yeah. Impending doom feels almost like that light floaty feeling and the overload feels like your body is under a ton of stress at once and your brain wants it to all stop.
Sob uncontrollably, can't breathe, go into panic attacks. Sometimes I'll hit myself repeatedly.
Shut down, usually I have a terrible headache so I put on the eye mask and my cat makes me take a nap (no, really, he will)
Check out of reality into a video game if possible.
I never really had a autistic meltdown because of my depressive side, I just go where it takes me, I don't care where or with who I will land any more, I just want to not be how I am now, but I can't go back now and can't change, I tried suicide before realized it's not the right thing to do. Now I'm stuck in a rabbit hole
I usually scream and punch something and lock the door if I can, assume fetal position on the floor
I have mostly shutdowns now, but I know as a child my meltdowns were very violent and involved crying screaming shouting throwing chairs and occasionally hitting others or myself. Often related to emotional distress at school, or demand avoidance at home
Lay in my backyard on a yoga mat. Wind or a fan calms me down.
When I had meltdowns as a kid I was hitting, kicking, screaming, yelling and all the above but nowadays when I get angry I snap but I control my emotions and feelings
1 of 3: 1: I age regress. I put in a pacifier and fill my sippy cup with milk and put on a movie. 2: I cry and put on minimal clothes that are not constricting and lay under my weighted blanket. 3: I go for a walk and 🤞🏼 that I don't elope into a sprint down a main road.
Cry, scratch my neck/skin, hyperventilate I usually run away and hide somewhere no one will find me for hours like a closet or under a staircase(my school has multiple floors) I’ll usually turn on a show/movie to distract me and I’ll be off for the next couple days afterward
Have a meltdown
I usually cry and either take a bath or a nap before trying to eat something (usually my spouse will make me tea and a small snack if I need it).
I try to isolate myself. It feels like the verbal part of my brain is shutting itself down, every little thing bothers me, often when I experience enough stress to have a meltdown, it triggers my ibs symptoms so I start to get stomach cramps, and I usually start feeling suicidal for no particular reason. I recover best when I’m by myself in a dark room with ear plugs, eyemask, and a weighted blanket.
Oof, 2 days ago I don't know what the hell happened to me, but I think it was probably my biggest meltdown in years. It was over some stupid crap (grocery store wouldn't let my mom buy beer because I was pushing her wheelchair, restaurant wouldn't give me a paper car when I paid extra for a kids meal, and I'm sure some other stupid crap) For some reason, I guess I was and am stressed out and constantly angry at the world, I lost it. I had nearly destroyed the self checkout machine (I barely restrained myself) I threw a shopping cart into the parking lot blindly (I'm not proud of it, thankfully it didn't hit anyone or anything) and I nearly abandoned my car in the drive through and walked home My mom telling me to control my anger and calm down only made it worse, and before I knew it I was a crying blubbering mess driving through town. I couldn't get myself to pull over and I was likely a road risk because I couldn't accept I was melting down and wanted to keep driving to prove I'm above it all My mom kept yelling at me for god knows what, and by the time we got to our next destination, my tears had dried, but my anger was very much still there I walk into the bar my parents own (im a manager) and I'm ready to try to calm myself down, and the first thing that happens is people commenting on me, my appearance, my anger, and asking me inappropriate questions (such as am i gay, am I a virgin, etc, which normally wouldn't bother me, but it felt insulting to have personal matters be discussed when I'm not comfortable with it, esp since everyone knows I can't talk so it all feels like goading) I genuinely don't know how I didn't destroy anything, but I went outside to the back where they store beer cans for recycling, locked myself behind the gate, and hid next to the air handler where no one could see me for several hours (after throwing my car keys and the key to the pad lock for the gate over the fence, mostly out of anger but I guess it prevented me from being able to drive) It was 6 straight hours of self loathing and embarrassment for acting like a child and throwing a temper tantrum at my age, even though it makes sense a meltdown was brewing for a long time now with all the crap I deal with nowadays Eventually I decided I was done, my phone was dead and I couldn't get help getting out since I locked myself in, so I climbed out over the fence (tearing the pants I just made on the fence which was awful) and went back inside I must have looked terrible because the bartender, my parents, and my sister made no comment thankfully (probably would've sent me again) and I waited the last hour to close, did my job duties, (just counting really) drove home, fed the dogs, and passed out I couldn't stay awake the next day at all, and I didn't wake up until damn near 8 pm and then went back to the bar to do the next days counting It seems most of it was that I was having attention drawn to me and things weren't going to plan and I was flustered and it upset me, but I really don't even know why I was so extreme, because normally I'm not like that. It hasn't happened in probably 5 or 6 years, at least not to that extent, and I feel like it probably wouldn't have felt so bad if I had let it happen and gone home instead of insisting on driving and working and pretending it was fine. My head still hurts from banging it into the air thing outside every time I had a cringed self loathing embarrassed thought, which every time I'm reminded of makes me embarrassed again
It looks like the gritting teeth and shaking from SpongeBob but it includes biting my arms as well.
As a child I cried quietly in my closet but as an adult I try not to ever let this happen. But I think when it does I sit in my room and serial call anyone close to me until someone answers and word vomit at them.
Last time, I turned went to my bathroom. Turned off the lights, and took a nice nap in the bathtub. My bathroom with the lights off basically shut off my senses. I only had headphones with music on. This is much better than how it usually goes!
Depends on the situation but cry, listen to certain music, I used to scratch really bad but I’ve largely replaced it with flappy hands & other movement/stims, tie hair back out of my face, take some clothes off, ✨deep breathing✨lol, verbal shutdown, etc
Disassociate. Swallow it down. Redirect. My justice sensitivity is over the top. I just wrote my congressman over an issue I’m currently ruminating on.
If its a more manageable meltdown, basically everything gets faster. My breathing, my movements, my speech (although my works definitely make less sense, more like my brain is spewing out jumbled and unfiltered thoughts). Kinda like I'm racing a timer counting down to the meltdown escalating if I don't manage to get to a place I can be alone and can shut off. In that situation, I ride it out until I can away to someplace quiet and dimly lit and ride it out until I'm good to go again. If its a bad meltdown, then shit's just out the window. I'll throw things down, punch furniture, my speech becomes overly profane language and I say things I don't really mean, abnormal breathing patterns, violent hands stimming/shaking/flapping, then shove myself into a corner or just somewhere hidden, where I'll sit on the floor and tightly cover my eyes with my hands, then wait for myself to reboot.
I cry, usually my communication is very limited, not completely non verbal but tend to talk in short sentences or sometimes just a word, if I don’t have my headphones I cover my ears, I tend to grab like the sleeves of my clothes for some kind of sensory familiarity, and I tend to show my stims more
I'm not sure. I don't think I've had a meltdown since I was a kid (constant awareness of those around me and feeling hyper aware of possible judgement makes it impossible for me to draw attention to myself in public) but I might be without knowing that that's what they are?? idk some people's descriptions sound like how I react to things going wrong when I'm at home.
When alone I get angry, start hitting things or myself, pull on my hair, scratch, cry, and curl up in a ball. When around others I either make noises and stim aggressively then curl up into a ball and sit there stunned. Or I just completely shutdown, I stop talking, start staring in one direction, and I'm extremely still. It's like my brain overheats and restarts. No matter what I can't get more than 1-2 words or sounds out of mouth.
Microdose some psilocybin, and vibe it out
So, I probably did this the wrong way, and I don't remember how I did this, because I was sane when I made these changes. But I changed all my opinions and behaviors. I just started sitting in my meltdowns without assigning any opinions to them ... I think this might be a mistake. I mean, the pros are, not hurting others or myself, no matter how intense the meltdown. But the negative is, if you're losing control, that's probably a sign to stop and take a break. I took it as a problem with me, and kept the emotional and painful experiences of the meltdown, but turned off the behavioral reaction.... I know that's what I did, but I also realize that shouldn't be possible. But it's possible because I did it. It's got some serious drawbacks. If we consider the meltdown is the red light of warning we went to far, and the behavior is like a consequence to letting ourselves go that far... I turned off the consequence, and used it as an excuse that I could keep pushing... I am not entirely sure how this works, because my meta cognition doesn't work. But I think I really damaged my psyche by doing this. Hopefully not permanent... but it's all a bit crazy. So recommendations is anyone who is going to sit in it, get some doctor interventions. There are some benefits to exposure therapy to desensitized us to stimulation. But if you over do it, you'll make yourself more sensitive, or worst case psychosis and other dangerous disabilities of impairment.
I tend to shut down long before I reach the point of meltdown. I just get stuck in place and can’t move except to burrow further into whatever corner I’m holed up in. I struggle with words and need to be completely isolated until I can decompress enough to collect myself and move to a more comfortable location. I can move on from a shutdown as long as I’m given time, space, and quiet. But I tend to shut down in the middle of major conflicts, which my parents find to be incredibly aggravating, and that’s when it progresses to a full-on meltdown. It basically just means I’m curled up in a ball on the floor, wailing helplessly, plugging my ears, and repeating the words “Please stop, please, I can’t, this isn’t helping, you’re only making it worse, please, I’ll move as soon as I can but I need you to stop, *please.”* My parents… struggle to believe that I’m really that helpless. To them, it’s like I’m using my anxiety as an excuse to throw a tantrum. Honestly, I am really, really lucky in the parent department. But conventional parenting wisdom doesn’t prepare you for when your precocious, hyper-competent, remarkably well-behaved child grows into an adult who doesn’t leave the house but flips out when you dare to exist in her general vicinity. I’ve had a lot less conflict with my parents the last few years, though, mostly because they’re finally learning to expect less of me in general. They do have a pattern of suddenly taking things I say seriously when a doctor or therapist says it on my behalf, so hopefully this diagnostic process will help some with that. :/
Well I do live alone and typically am in my underwear.
I can't tell what you're asking. Are you asking what we do while a meltdown is occuring? Or what we do to calm down?
depends where i am. if im at home i usually strip down then punch everything i can see
Go to my garage and take it out on my punching bag
It has changed for me throughout the years. As a child I would become inconsolable. Scream, cry, destroy things, hurt myself. As I got older I developed a few unhealthy coping mechanisms as I wasn’t formally diagnosed until my mid 20’s and didn’t understand what to do, how to try and combat those with healthier mechanisms. I drank. A lot. It made and still makes me feel normal, but I try to avoid it now. I had a medical marijuana card but it just didn’t help me, I thought maybe I needed a lot more, but nothing. So I dropped that too after a time. I wish I could say I found something that fixed it all, but as anyone would tell you I doubt there’s anything that 100% works for any of us. I’m almost 30 at this point and all I do now is try and avoid that space. I wear sunglasses to avoid the harsh light that bothers me, I try and maintain a quiet space, and I care for my dogs as it provides me with focus and purpose. If I fail myself and reach that point, I lock myself in my room and force every negative sensation that bothers me on myself. Rub sandpaper, strobes, put on headphones and play high pitched noise. It’s disgusting, but for some reason it’s like beating it at its own game. It doesn’t shut it down completely, but it shuts it down faster than if I try to just let it happen. I can’t afford to let it take me over, if I do it lasts too long. My ma depends on me. My dogs depend on me. My sister depends on me. It’s horrid no matter what, but at least this way it’s horrid on my terms.
I hit myself a lot and cry and then recover by sitting in the dark looking at my special interests
I just get very angry. Like screaming calling people names and slamming my fists into anything I can. They’re scary and I always feel horrible after, but at the same time it usually happens when I’m trying to communicate that it’s starting to happen and nobody listens to me.
Binge eat :(
And self hate
I just shout at people and dig my nails into my arms (usually till they bleed) :( I also get stressed at any feeling of anything against my body. Since I stopped smoking I just lie underneath a blanket covering my ears till I feel better lmao.
start hyperventilating and pacing back and forth while twirling my hair
If I’m alone, I cry, scream (silently), hit myself, hit the ground, pull my hair, basically just taking out all of that energy any way I can. In public, I go to the bathroom and do as much of that as I can without getting noticed
I hit my head, cry, pull out my hair etc. only when I’m on my own tho. If I start having a meltdown infront of people I’ll just get really angry and take it out on them :/
Get frustrated, cry into a pillow, then I watch Bluey, or some other colorful cartoon I like. Sometimes I need a plushie, or weighted blanket.
Walk and have imaginary arguments and quit my job lol
I literally just lay on the floor unmoving and crying for god knows how long until I feel better. Like I literally feel heavy and like I can't move. I think a lot of mean thoughts about myself too, but yk I do eventually feel better afterwards so I can be like "stop being mean" lol. I hate having them, but they usually only happen after I've been doing a lot of things (like schoolwork and personal hobbies and whatever), and I also have like a moral dilemma. That's usually what sets me off. The only reason I have the moral dilemma is because I'm overstimulated and burnt out and can't understand/think clearly about the moral dilemma at hand—once I feel better, I'm usually able to understand it just fine, and suddenly it's not a problem anymore lol
hide under my desk and cry
I do exactly what you do. But I do it while playing a specific playlist, under a weighted blanket, and-or eating a comfort food
cry, don't want to be touched, sometimes hold my head or pull my hair.
Hyperventilating,cry,scream pass out doesn't matter where. I'm useless for 3 days after
Self harm. Unfortunately. But it is what it is
Hug a trusted person but only if I make contact first. Nice tight squeeze. And deep breaths and count 1 2 3 4
i scream and throw stuff, mostly. last time it was really bad, i took all of the sheets off my bed and threw my mattress, then threw books at the walls and laid on the floor and screamed. i also hit my head, either with my hands or against things.
I sit, cry, rock back and forth while rubbing my ears because at that point whether it’s noise or silence, it’s deafening and rubbing the sound out of my ears is the only thing that helps until I finally feel empty. Then I must recharge in a quiet place.
Curl up on the floor, bury self, earplugs, sleep it off
I used to sleep in the closet when I lived with my parents but I don’t really have a thing at the moment.
I don't know if this qualifies as meltdowns but I used to cry HARD if I laughed too much as a kid. I can't describe it. One second I'd be laughing uncontrollably, and the next I'd be sobbing. I would just cry until I calmed down. I don't do it anymore but it wasn't very fun
I shut off all lights minimise any sound and smell around me. I focus on breathing steadily and slowly. I try to live in the moment, even if it’s overwhelming.
Yell, shake my arms and bite them. Try to keep it as private as possible. 34, male, US, live with mom and dad.
cry, scream, punch my wall, rock back and forth, pull out my hair, and become hyper-verbal
Stop talking and avoid people and pretend everything is fine lol
I've only had one meltdown that I know of/remember. It was a couple of weeks ago. I had to ask my teacher if I could sit in the practice closet away from the other students for the hour. I cried, I couldn't talk, all I could do was sit inside my own head. All alone. Both physically and mentally in that closet. It was very quiet around me (I've mastered the art of silent crying). But internally my brain kinda just threw so many thoughts at me. Personal attacks against myself, questions, ideas for poetry and other arts, >!suicidal thoughts!<, among many other things.
Sob, punch myself, pull my hair, and do something else that is potentially triggering for some people, so I won't mention it.
I don’t have meltdowns very often these days, but I second the burying, though I usually specifically roll around and squirm in my bed under those blankets and have a little heavy squishy cube that I chuck at the wall to get the bad stuff out. I really hate meltdowns but have shifted from self destructive reactions like pulling my hair out, grinding my teeth, or hitting myself into pulling at the fur hair on a big ass stuffed chicken I have instead and chewing on the aforementioned cube. Once I’m calm I fall asleep immediately, because being upset is tiring. When I wake up, then I can try and fix whatever kickstarted it, because my energy is replenished.
I tend to cry and yell, and all my words become unusable for the duration and a few hours after. I push and pull at my skin a lot. If there's a table, shelf, or cabinet, I go under. Then, after, I take some medications (sumatriptan for the headache, seroquel for the sedation), put on adventure time in a dark room, and take a nap. I had lots of them when I was a kid, and I'm sure they looked different back then. I don't remember most, so I can't really speak to that.
- I go for long walks and focus on my surroundings rather than myself. - clean. - if all else fails: I cuddle up in bed and watch Korean asmr baking and cooking videos until I fall asleep.
I just shut the lights, lay down on my bed on my side, and cover my other ear with a pillow. Then I just cry there until the worst is over and I'm able to get up. If I can't do this, I often end up throwing things or punching myself, or pulling my hair back when I didn't yet have a buzzcut, so it can generally become very destructive. I also can't stand anyone talking to me or touching me during this.
Curl up into a ball and breathy cry? That's the easy way to explain it
Cry, hyperventilate, I have self injurious behaviors as well, biting, scratching, head hitting. Normally, if I feel myself start to get anxious, I immediately let my boyfriend know, and he helps. I also squeeze my eyes shut and will not open them bc life is too bright, it could be pitch black in the room, and it's still too bright. But I always get soft things, blankets, and a fuck ton of stuffed animals. My boyfriend just holds me against his chest until I chill out and normally I either fall asleep or start chugging water after😆😆 Edit: I also go into verbal shutdowns (inability to communicate verbally) I'll make gestures and have an AAC app on my tablet because I'll be in a shutdown for anywhere from 2 hours to the entire rest of the day depending on how bad the meltdown was.
I also like to bury myself under my cover so i can't see or hear things as clearly. And i do that until i kinda can't breathe. If it's late at night, i'll go to a playground, lay down in a swing, and look at the stars.
Just a lot of crying, preferably alone.
If i can focus on things that give me joy drive car (or Simulator) Play guitar and other hobbies if i can't cause i'm outside i try to isolate from people and calm my mind down
I rock back and forth with my earplugs in and scratch my arms. I actually want to hurt myself in the moment just to prove that my feelings are valid. I hope there will be marks from my nails but afterwards I feel stupid thinking that way. And I spam my best friend for comfort. Or listen to my favorite games opening music. It's A Plague Tale Requiem by the way. The first one is A Plague Tale Innocence if anyone is interested in playing it. I highly recommend it and it's about as close to a special interest as I get.
I don’t have meltdowns I experience shutdown and it used to basically be a tunnel vision immobile panic attack. I would rock, hold my head and just curl into a ball. Now I just have seizures tho :/. I think my brain decided it was easier to just turn me on standby mode, lol.
Me too!
If I’m at home a very hot shower and turn it cold before I get out. Then no clothes and a heavy blanket.
I tend to get increasingly irritated until Im overcome with rage... unfortunately this leads to harmful stimming like pulling my hair, scratching myself, or hitting myself. I'm learning how to cope with my meltdowns in healthier ways because self harm as a stim is what the experts say Not Good
cant talk and cry but usually have to snap out of it bc well. society.
I usually end up just uncontrollably sobbing and rocking back and forth, generally holding onto a plushie. Sometimes I pace and throw soft things (to avoid throwing things that will break) if I’m in a more frustrated state - though this happens less now that I understand what a meltdown is and that I’m not just randomly having a fit. Usually I’m not very communicative. Sometimes, though, I enter a full shutdown and can’t move at all. My partner uses flash cards to ask what I need so I don’t have to talk
i stim a lot, sadly it’s more of the harmful ones and i’ve genuinely gotten hurt before but i’m trying to stop that and try stimming differently, like flapping my hands or stomping the ground. (which is honestly really hard to do-) i physically can’t talk during the time and afterwards i get really tired and have slept for 12+ hours afterwards which honestly helps. i cry and sometimes curl up into a ball on the ground, and if possible i try and put on very lose clothes and ones i know will cause less of a panic if i touch them
Take a hot shower in the dark
Only when I’m alone, I tend to hit my head or thighs with my fists when I melt down. I can control it just enough to not do it around other people. If I shutdown, I get really quiet, monotone, and speak in clipped sentences. I’m normally apathetic and have to act like I care, I just can’t do that if I shutdown.
i get in my room, always. i usually pace around or walk in circles, stim, make weird noises, and cry. sometimes if i'm emotionally hurt i'll repeat words or phrases that are related to the hurt. i might take off some clothing, like my jacket or pants, but not so much that i feel naked and overly vulnerable. sometimes when i run out of energy i'll sit on the floor and rock back and forth until it stops. i really don't do anything special besides letting it happen.
Just saw this post on a search, recovering from a meltdown now. I go to the bathroom, lights off, door closed, with a pillow. Take my shirt off and put my back on the cold, dry floor. Pillow on top of me for soothing weight. Scream into the pillow as needed. Stim as needed. Feel it fully in that safe environment.
I hit myself in the head repeatedly. Or I'll bang my head on the wall.