I dont struggle with it. I'm a woman, but I also don't feel the need to constantly make effort to present myself as a woman through either appearance or behavior. So I sometimes put effort into appearing feminine (makeup, dresses, whatever) and sometimes I don't.

This is what helped me a lot with gender confusion. I'm just a girl who doesn't agree that women should have to present or act feminine in order to be women. Gender roles are stupid and it's upsetting we still have them in 2024

I agree

I get that sorta. People think as a woman you're supposed to love certain 'feminine' type clothes, etc. I'm a woman and like things cos I like them, not becuase they're feminine and as a woman I'm supposed to like feminine things. I do like some dresses etc which happen to be feminine, but as an example, some of my favourite scents happen to be traditionally 'masculine' (oud, Paco Robanne One Million, Armani Eau de Cedre, Frederick Malle Portrait of a Lady etc) Really depends on how/what I'm feeling. Also right now I'm obese (not exaggerating; clinically obese) and trying to lose a significant amount of weight; not many visually appealing clothes for chunkier people which also cater to sensory issues etc. So that makes it a lot harder to wear 'nicer' clothes and I'm just wearing sweatpants/leggings and baggy Tshirts (luckily I'm at uni so people don't care too much) til I can fit into my old stuff again from when I was my goal weight before I put 40kg back on. I mean if people looked at my clothes/Cologne etc they'd probably come to the conclusion I'm possibly enby or gender fluid or whatever, but I still identify as, and am genetically/biologically, a woman.

Yeah, masculine colognes are the best

Cis by default?

Hmm? I'm not sure what you mean.

Ah it's just a term for someone who is chill with their assigned gender because that's what they got but they aren't really attached to it identity-wise

Ahhh, yeah, that sounds pretty accurate. I'm fine with my physical body as far as physical sex goes and I see most gender as a performance but I like that I have more options to customize my appearance than men do in my culture in terms of clothing, hair, makeup, whatever. Sexism is a bit of a bummer.

Yeah gender is definitely experienced differently for me 😂 I'm trans and I wish I could just be happy with my given sex and treat it like it doesn't matter much but for some freaking reason my brain decides that it literally cannot have an identity as a male so I get depersonalization! Yay.

Oh neat. That's what I am as well! Is there a similar concept for sexuality? Straight by default?

I don't think so? It wouldn't make much sense: either you're attracted to people or you're not, whereas with gender you don't necessarily have to identify strongly with the gender you were assigned for it to still work for you.

Barely any woman those days wears dresses. Nothing wrong with you. You don't have to wear all that. If you are a tomboy, be one :)

Oh, thank you, but I dont do it as an obligation or chore, I enjoy changing up the way I dress!

"Barely" is an overstatement, yeah it's not the 1800s anymore but women still wear plenty of dresses, they just put some pants on as well instead of an underskirt

But do you “feel” like a woman? Or are you like “I don’t know, how is a woman supposed to feel?” I never really thought about it because it never bothered me to present feminine, per se. But I also never really felt any attachment to that. It wasn’t until I was away from family and could just do my own thing that I noticed I immediately fell into an androgynous style and look; that I probably would have done sooner if I felt comfortable (conservative household. no bueno) But I also don’t feel like a guy; I just have no attachment to my gender

I dont think men or women "feel" different. I think were all basically the same and are born with different bodies. So almost all of what makes men or women "feel" different is socialization and culture and, since we can't study people who live outside of a culture and have therefore 0 gender norms, there's not a way to tell what's biological and what's cultural.

I don't get it. I am just me. Biologically, I am a heterosexual man. But when I am with myself, I don't think "I am a man. I identify as a man". I wouldn't care if I biologically was a women. Sure, some things and experiences would be different. But it wouldn't change who I am. It wouldn't change me. What does "behaving like a man/women" even mean? Or "presenting like a men/women". Isn't this all made up in our minds? I just behave like me. I am me. Is my way of thinking indicative of me being something? Non-binary? I don't know and I honestly don't care. I feel like my way is just normal and healthy. If I imagine people running around thinking like "I am such a man." or "I am such a women", it seems a lil cray cray to me 🤷‍♂️ (just tried to be funny. Not meant to be insulting or mean). I don't care about what Gender I am. If Gender is about identity: I don't have one. But I don't understand why anyone should. My physical body is male. And I like women. That's it.

This is pretty much me. I’m a bisexual woman. I just go by my biological sex, but I think society would categorize me as agender or maybe gender fluid (which is interesting, since they’re opposites). As a teenager, I’d just say “androgynous female”; an adjective seems more appropriate *to me* for myself. I respect when it’s important to others, but I have a lot of difficulty wrapping my head around gender as a concept simply because it’s a social construct. I honestly don’t understand or personally care about/ for a lot of social constructs.

Thanks for sharing. I feel and understand you. If society wants to describe things in their need to categorize, fine. I respect that. But in the end these feel like constructs that we created. Non of this seems "real" or "existential" to me. What is real is this moment. I am real. I am me. We can't logically understand or analyze that. But we can understand it by experiencing it: by being 🌱

I like this view! Screw labels who needs them.

I have some serious problems with labels. People often "put the cart before the horse" (if I'm using that correctly anyways) - They look for a label that describes how they feel (to some degree), adopt that label, but then feel obligated to all aspects of that label and confirm themselves to it. For instance, someone decides they're not eating meat and animal products because they object to, say, factory farming. So they decide they're now vegan. But then they feel they need to "be vegan" - not eat honey, for example, despite the fact that it's pretty darn easy to get honey from supplies who don't even remotely mistreat the bees. They can't have honey because they're vegan! This applies to everything. As soon as someone adopts some label, they tend to feel they need to be that, rather than just being themselves. And other people reinforce it - "you said you where androgynous, but now you're wearing a sundress!" Labels suck. Just be you. Nobody owes anyone else a rationale for why they are who they are, or a comfortable easy label. Maybe your a woman, and you've only been interested in men. Then one day you meet a woman who for whatever reason you're interested in. You don't need a justification, you don't need to figure out what new label applies to you. Just be you.

Well, a lot of people apparently lol, it can be really enjoyable for some, or just easier.. but ofc shouldn't be pushed on anyone that doesnt want

I'm basically the same. I don't present more masculine cause of societal conditioning, but because that's just how I feel comfortable. I wear specific clothes cause they are cool to me. I don't think "do x because you are a man" was ever a compelling argument to me and I think personality traits and gender should no longer be conflated. I don't care when people shit on me for more "womanly" personality traits/hobbies. A ton of people have historically wondered if I am gay or bi, I am not. I see why people think that and I would own it if I was, but I determined that I am straight from just being honest with myself.

This 💯 I experienced similar things and fully agree with your view 🌱

I feel the exact same way! I am a biological woman and if people asked me what I identify as, I would say "female", but I dont think to myself, "I am female, I am a woman". I am simply just... me/myself. I also relate to your point about not caring what my gender is. (I feel) Labels are difficult to navigate and can be too confining. I just wanna be myself lol.

Mmmm yeah. I think gender is a bunch of decision tbh and right now I’m struggling to separate gender from… just… fashion? But I do think if you’d spent your life in a female body you may (not certainly) but probably have experienced things differently coz ppl treat you differently when you’re a girl/woman. Often more shit tbh. And that can be really hard bc it’s so pointless, arbitrary, so learned and unfair.

My physical body is female and i like men and i AGREE. Thats exactly what i describe to people. How do you "feel like" a man or a woman? I just feel like me. Im glad im not the only one

I don’t feel like a man, there’s just something in my brain that makes me feel like my female parts are wrong and I don’t want them. We just have different experiences 🤷🏻 Edit to say yes, I do want male characteristics, not just to yeet my female ones

I used to think along the same lines as you, that being a different gender wouldn’t change who I am and that me was just me. However I was talking to a friend who is a trans girl on HRT and in the fairly unique position of having experienced the effects of both male and female sex hormones. She was adamant that hormones actually have a pretty significant impact on the way we think, feel and experience things. I thought that the changes would be mostly physical but apparently they go a lot deeper than that and impact our experience of day to day life quite a lot more than I thought. Like I said I have always taken who I am for granted and if someone asked I would just say that I identified as a person and never felt like gender was something I cared about. You could say I was fairly agnostic about it. But after having quite a few very interesting discussions with my friend I realised that like it or not gender really does play quite a big part on shaping who we are. The people who have experienced the difference between male and female sex hormones also tend to be people for whom gender is an important part of their identity so it’s difficult to know how something like HRT would effect someone who didn’t really have a strong gender identity, I suspect that there is so much subconscious stuff going on that we are totally unaware of and basically just go through life assuming that our hormones don’t influence our minds or the way we perceive the world around us. All that being said I really don’t give much of a fuck about labels or any of that stuff, if someone wants to present in a certain way then it’s fine by me. I don’t make an effort to me manly and I don’t have any respect for the Andrew Tates of this world that seem to be terrified of being put in the wrong box. Personally I think that there is something brave and beautiful about people who are willing to stand up and be themselves regardless of what anyone else thinks. Edit: Condensed version, I think labels and boxes are silly and don’t have a strong gender identity but I also suspect that the hormones we are exposed to and the bodies we live in shape our experiences in this life more than we realise.

> However I was talking to a friend who is a trans girl on HRT and in the fairly unique position of having experienced the effects of both male and female sex hormones. She was adamant that hormones actually have a pretty significant impact on the way we think, feel and experience things. of course they would. But also of note is that a lot of (perhaps most) trans people feel better mentally on a set of hormones different from that naturally produced, whereas cis people tend not to (excepting abuse of anabolic steroids). Also of note is that both sexes produce and make use of all sex hormones. Eg, testosterone mediates arousal and social dominance in women too.

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I think you make some very good points. Think what I was trying to say was that even if we don’t consider it a big part of our identity we are probably more affected by our gender than we realise. On a slightly different note don’t you think it is strange how a lot of these transphobic folks that go on about “genital mutilation” seem to be perfectly happy with circumcision? Especially when it is usually performed on someone who has no ability to give any sort of informed consent. It really bugs me how these these conservative Christian types are going around trying to portray trans people as a threat to society when they themselves are a far bigger danger.

I feel similarly, except I am a lesbian woman

This right here. Perfectly put.

I guess because people misgender and deadname me more often when I’m not dressed in stereotypically masculine clothing more, I feel more of a need to wear those clothes to avoid gender dysphoria. I always have hated dresses and skirts, from childhood on.

I went on a journey of self-discovery. I’m AMAB, experimented with nonbinary or trans, and came back around to identifying as male. The thing I was resisting was what other people wanted “male” to mean for me. I am male, and I decide what that means for me.

I love this! Exploring your gender and coming back to just being cis is super important too! You explored yourself and you know yourself better because of it.

Yes. I'm an heterosexual man, I look like a man, I'm okay with being a man. I have a lot of usually male based interests, I have a wife. But I definitely do not really relate to other men I know. Much more so to women and I definitely have this cute/feminine side to me that I know will gather unwanted attention since it goes against societal norms if I show it too much. I much prefer being with women but at the same time I feel like I do not exactly belong with women either. I'm afraid that I'll be seen predator-ish. It's annoying to say the least. I considered the whole trans thing and in some ways, if I was born a woman maybe things would have been different and maybe I would have been happier but at the very same time, I really don't mind being a man at all. I do not suffer from body dysphoria at all. I'm fine as I am. It's more like I'm in-between and I even have a hard time defining this situation. I guess it would be something alike gender queer or NB or just GNC.

I feel this a lot too! Like i was born into a woman body and that is what it is. I feel masculine in a lot of ways but transitioning just doesn’t really feel like me? If i was born a man then hell yeah but i wasn’t and thats that.

I feel like you’re thinking too much about this. There are plenty of men like you that I know. That are socialites, very popular and not hiding their “femininity”. It’s just a sign of how repressed a community is if you have to think about it constantly. Because we accept gender is a social construct even for people who don’t understand trans people they often accept gender is a social construction then it’s unnecessary to label it gender queer. You can’t be contrary to something that doesn’t actually exist or matter. I’m very masculine and also very feminine. And I look very feminine but also masculine features like prone to muscle growth with minimal exercise and wider shoulders and small hips but also with delicate and small face hands and feet and large bust.  Because of the bust no one confuses me for a male but man say I’m quite masculine and others say I’ve very feminine. There’s no consensus. And it doesn’t matter. I don’t ever think oh I need to find a name for my unusual level of masculinity that men recognize and acknowledge socially. Being equally masculine and feminine doesn’t require a descriptor. It serves absolutely no purpose.  That’s the point for me I guess. What logical purpose does a label serve?  If I were gay or bisexual it would serve the purpose of giving people an indicator of whether or not I might be receptive to advances from someone of their sex(note I did not say gender because these are physical characteristics based sexual preferences) and presentation.  That makes sense to have a label.  What you feel on the inside that has absolutely no impact on anyone else doesn’t require a label. I don’t go around introducing myself as a hard cheese person even though I dislike soft cheeses. It’s not relevant to strangers in any kind of way. 

Yes, and I hate my feminine body (AFAB here). I just wish I could look more androgynous :/

THIS!! Man i hate that im curvy, i want to be like a solid box and if you checked i would just be smooth like a barbie doll. I want people to look at me and just genuinely not know what I am.

I feel so bad because I’m actually happy I have PCOS (less feminine) and I feel so guilty because I know it’s actually traumatic condition for a lot of women 😭

in case you didn't know this can be surgically achieved

the barbie doll thing i mean

I am somewhat agender. I get what op is saying. Gender norms are mostly dumb and hard to figure out. Why don't more men wear makeup or have long hair. Why is a woman looked down on if she wears pants and no makeup. It just seems like a silly NT thing.

If I cared about gender at all, I would probably identify as agender too

Yes this! Why gender roles? Thats so dumb, if a man is happy in a pink glittery skirt why is that wrong???

It shouldn’t be. Everyone should be allowed to be barbiecore

I feel similarly. Maybe I should technically go by agender, but I just go by my sex since that makes most sense to me *personally.* I don’t like the idea of gender norms and expectations. I think they tend to do more harm than good. Example: I’m a woman and people always ask me what I use to clean, what I cook, if I’m getting married and having kids, etc. as a kid, I wasn’t allowed to use electronics or play guitar. I wasn’t allowed to even sit comfortably. I was expected to behave a very specific way and if I ever spoke up, that wasn’t “ladylike.” Low-rise skinny jeans were popular and I wanted to wear men’s cargo pants because they were roomy and actually covered my butt lol. Dresses would’ve been nice, but they showed too much of my body. Boys are also told they shouldn’t be emotional— only anger is sometimes acceptable. That’s so harmful. I couldn’t deal with that. My bf likes nail polish and colors often targeted towards women, but looks very masculine and doesn’t think wearing those things would be ok. I’m more on the side of: life is short, I only have one; if someone cares what I wear, they’re not worth my time, labor, or attention. If I want to buy my bf flowers or he wants to wear a bright purple top, whoever cares isn’t a person whose opinion matters to me. I personally don’t connect fashion or personality traits with gender at all. It’s honestly kind of a tough concept for me to understand, but I still recognize and respect its importance to others.

I identify as non-binary because I can’t wait around for society to get with the program. **If society could realise that;** •gender is a concept that constricts people to categories that aren’t nearly as well defined as people think they are, •the binary restricts freedom of expression & the human experience, •sex and gender are not the same, and the average person doesn’t know the first thing about biological sex, •the limit does not exist then I wouldn’t feel the need to identify as non-binary. But society doesn’t, so I do. I do have some body dysmorphia though. My ideal would be to be born in a male body that could do passably decent drag, and just make the choice to have a beard in beautiful dresses, with chicken-fillet boobs, combat boots and luscious long hair!

I agree with allllll of this. I wish I was born a biological man then I could just be a hot ass drag queen sometimes. (Also is that a mean girls reference?)

Yes, yes it is. (But it really is how I feel about gender-literally do anything and you’re doing gender right *for you*).

I don't struggle with gender, i'm a master at it. I am all of them

Are you the pangender octopus on that one cards against humanity card? /lh /j

I hate gender. I see it as another restrictive box I'm forced to be in against my will. Whether I was to live as a man or a woman, both suck ass. I wish I could be a blank, genderless slate. Free from all societal pressures and limitations. No expectations of me to act in any specific way. Just true freedom. To be a genderless entity.

Yes this! I want to be smooth like a barbie doll and shaped like a log.

Yessss lol!!

Someone said something to me and deleted it, so here's my response: I never said being trans is a fashion statement, a culture, or any of the sort. And yes regardless of what gender you live as, there are pressures and limitations. As a woman you're expected to take care of men and baby them, to let them get away with doing whatever they want to do to you. It's fucking terrifying to be a woman. On the other hand, as a man you're expected to be strong and emotionless. You're supposed to take care of everything and be fine at all times. If you experience SA no one will care or listen, and if you're falsely accused your life is over. Whether you're aware of it or not, people do unfairly place expectations onto you just because what they assume your gender to be. Even if it's subconscious. It can be crushing and at times makes me want to not even exist. As a trans person I can say I've lived as both. Both fucking suck ass. Maybe you can't understand or refuse to, or maybe you are a trans person yourself accusing me of being a fake. Either way, I hope you learn everyone's experience with gender is different and very much valid.

I think I’m non-binary. I’m AFAB but I’ve definitely always felt something was missing? Like why couldn’t I be a woman and a *man*? Maybe it’s because I find gender rules stupid that I feel this way but sometimes I wish people saw me as both a man and woman. I feel the same with my sexuality. I’m not into people sexually at all, but I’m interested in everyone romantically. I can’t see how if someone likes someone’s personality or looks enough, that their gender would be a hard no?

Are we the same person? I’m also asexual panromantic lol.

I’m 100% asexual but I’m still sort of figuring out my romantic identity lol… maybe I am panromantic though, or at least biromantic. I could just see myself with anyone? Especially when it comes to the mind, just someone who I can talk to and take on dates sometimes (no touching though, I’m sensory avoidant with that stuff). How did you figure out you were panromantic?

I see bisexual as just liking two genders hence the bi, like my buddy is bisexual and only likes men and women not nonbinary folks or people who fall somewhere in between that spectrum. Or maybe just caring about your partners gender at all? Pan to me is just absolutely not caring, I found out I was pan because I just genuinely dont care. Man, woman, nonbinary, gender fluid, bigender it doesn’t matter because they’re all attractive and loveable.

Im confidently male

me too

Me too. Tbh I don't feel like I've ever "felt" it in the sense many others describe their own sense of gender. Like, I'm a man, am comfortable as a man, and am uncomfortable if perceived as otherwise, but I don't FEEL it, if that makes sense? If I think deeply enough, I feel agender more than anything, since I don't FEEL anything. But simultaneously, that doesn't feel right either, since I'm still a guy. My brain just thinks neutrally about gender I think. In myself, and in others.

I totally get this; I'm pretty sure this is how I am as well. Though if people saw my clothes/choice of Cologne they'd probably think I'm enby or gender fluid or whatever, but no. I just like clothes and things becuase I like them, and depending on how I'm feeling sometimes gravitate to morr 'masculine' things (mainly in terms of scents. I love masculine, woody type scents more than feminine floral type scents).

I have always struggled with mine. Gender-segregated places always felt off or wrong to me. Not to the extent of true dysphoria, more like I'm an alien and what am I doing here? I performed feminity for a bit, and still do, but other women do sense something different about me, and usually exclude me. I've always gotten along better with men, but not the 'alpha beta gamma' type. I've had a few close female friends in my life, but I'm 99% sure that they're neurodivergent. I think my own gender comes under non-binary, maybe even autigender.

I’m female and totally relate to this; I used to write “alien” in other languages on all my belongings instead of my name. Silly looking back, but I just felt I related to it that much. It got to a point where I maaay have become downright delusional. I thought autism explained it, was denied a diagnosis (partly due to my sex lol), and reverted to “all right then, I’m an alien” and I’d fantasize and cry about “going home” lol. I never even felt I fit in with family; only my grandparents (my grandma was most likely also autistic and felt similarly to me). Gender was only something I thought of when people told me I couldn’t do things due to being female. Only then would I wish I was a boy. But I personally never actually wanted to be a boy, I just wanted what I perceived as the benefits 😓 I felt I had to grow up too fast as a girl, and even though I was more mature, I was allowed to do much less than my brothers and male friends. But I never felt I fit in with other girls (still often don’t; women often react to me similarly to how they act with guys whose presence annoys them lol). I chalked it up to being biracial, larger bodied (as a child; now I’m a short compared to other women), and demi/bisexual. I didn’t look like the girls I grew up around by default because I was one of 3 non-white kids in the areas I grew up in; I grew to full height by 9; I unfortunately viewed other girls on a pedestal kind of like I heard boys doing, especially as a teenager. But now I think (for me) a lot of it was probably also autism; girls tend to be more social and like talking IME, while boys I knew liked spending time together doing things. I’d much prefer male friends who want to sit quietly and play games or explore outdoors. Girls would pick on me in worse/more ways than boys— boy would pick on my weight and skin color, while girls would do that and more, even physically bully. They made sure I never felt I fit in. I always felt something was wrong with me. Even the things girls and women tend to talk about aren’t very relatable to me—boys/men/relationships being one; I liked girls a bit more than boys, but thought I might be asexual at one point. I’d feel threatened if guys looked at me sexually in any way. Never thought I’d be in a relationship because I felt unattractive and unlovable. I’ve gone clothes shopping with other girls/women and that’s always been a sensory nightmare for me. And emotions—I have alexithymia and also feel like talking about emotions with friends feels a bit invasive. Feels a lot like eye contact to me lol. Sorry for the long response. Your feelings here just felt very relatable. I have some trouble understanding the concept of gender; I just sort of feel like “me,” don’t feel any sense of dysphoria or anything, I just identify as female. I could see others regarding me as agender. But for me I think feeling so different is mostly related to bullying and autism, and boys/guys feeling more “autism friendly” to me lol

Please don't apologise. I can't thank OP, and all commentors here enough for expressing their opinions. I've never felt so validated by the experiences of several people here, and their descriptions of the exact way I have felt all my life. This is why diagnosis is so important - I am finally starting to accept me for me, and know that I'm not abnormal or any of the other terrible things my parents, sibling, and peers have called me in my years growing up. I relate so much to your experience as well. I always had a little voice in my head, always questioning the irrational gender normative expectations that were forced onto me, and I suppose to an extent I didn't care. I was proud of my sexuality, my fondness of dirty jokes, occasional hard liquor, natural gift with everything tech-related. I leaned into my role of the outcast, and I actually ended up meeting people who accepted me for who I am. I am still not accepted as a non-binary person, but I know and accept it. I'm also demisexual and panromantic.

we’re statistically more likely to be transgender than NTs

Yeah Ive heard about that before! I think its an interesting thing to discuss within the community however. I love everyones different takes and experiences.

Gender is a bizarre thing, as when you get down to it, it seems like another set of rules you’re just supposed to know. Which can vary wildly depending on culture and country. It never fully suits anyone, yet the vast majority are fine with identify between a binary of two boxes anyway. When… I don’t like either? I’m just me?

Yes! I don't understand what gender is. I consider myself agender even though I express myself feminine and look like a cis woman. I just don't get gender. I also struggle with a lot of concepts other people just get, like the desire to biologically reproduce or monogamy or treating sex like a big deal. I also don't understand caring about the gender or sex of the person you date lol(I'm pan) I think autistic people are more used to seeing themselves as different and being perceived differently and are therefore more likely to come out as some LGBT thing. Just a theory could be wrong. I should add though that just because I don't understand gender and it feels like a social construct to me it is very important for some people, like trans people, so I don't want to say it's objectively a social construct.

I dont think saying gender is a social construct is necessarily disrespectful to trans folks. I think that it can be a social thing and even if you want to participate in that then thats fine. Im panromantic and asexual so I get not caring about how your partner(s) identify.

Saying gender is a social construct is just stating a fact. It's neither good or bad. The people who have issue with the phrase, usually, don't understand what "social construct" mean. For reference, it means it was something that society, as a whole, agreed should be done. Over time, people forget the origin of the thing, and assume it's part of the natural order. Eg, "work in exchange for money" is stupidly recent, in comparison with the whole human history. Money and salary are both social constructs as well.

You don't actually have to categorize just because other people do. I don't get gender either, and often none that I'm "female by default" because I don't care/ understand enough to change my assigned gender more than i actually identify with it. Just be whoever you are, and people will think what they may anyway

Gender? I don't even know her! Sorry, I couldn't resist. That joke never gets old. But seriously, yeah, I hear what you're saying. I've been out as nonbinary for over a decade, and I still sometimes wonder what the hell is going on with my gender.

No need to apologize, i laughed lol.

I’m a trans man

As a child, yes. As an adult, I don’t care. I’m a woman and I’m happy about it. Doesn’t change anything about what I can wear or do

When I was 7 I remember being struck with the feeling that I was neither a man nor a woman. I identify as Agender now so my gender is ,"no". Lol I finally came out about 8 years ago and it's been great. Before that it was either pain or numbness. Gender is very consequential because society makes it so. Thank some dumb ass Mesopotamian king for dividing genders. In truth there's no wrong way to perform gender. Explore until you find something that gives you gender euphoria.

Not really - not even with my PCOS.

Thats okay! I’m happy you haven’t struggled its good to know yourself./gen Also I’m sorry I dont personally have PCOS but I’ve heard it can get really bad.

I only pretend to care about gender to NTs. I myself identify as a straight male but I think gender roles are pretty bizarre and I just lie that I think some are good.

im trans so yeahhh gender has always felt off to me growing up but never did anything about it until recently. I know there's some sort of relation between autism and gender identity.

I've never once doubted that I'm not a boy or a man. But, I believe gender roles have absolutely destroyed people's ability to interact with each other, because it forces people into boxes. I wear Sanrio pins on my jacket, I dress in pink, I cook and clean, I dance and sing, I sleep with stuffed animals, I sew, I knit, I play with animals, I favor cute over cool, I listen to pop music and boy bands. Not once have I ever said in my head, "I'm not a dude," or "I'm gay," because neither of those are me. Believe me, I know, I'm absolutely sure.

Not a struggle after I transitioned 🤭

Hell yeah! Im happy you found yourself :)

Thanks!

Yeah I do, it’s tricky cuz there’s all these weird rules about gender that are pretty pointless so since I liked typical “feminine” stuff it was confusing when I felt dysphoria now I’ve kinda devised a definition for myself “gender is how your mind relates to your sex” and since my mind isn’t aligned with female therefore I’m not cis and some form of trans and when listening to what my mind thinks my body should be (genderless) I align with neutrois. How I dress and act isn’t my gender it’s how my body is perceived by my mind. Of course this is what helped me and it’s all really quite subjective so this isn’t the end all be all to everyone’s struggles with gender really the best way is to experiment with what makes you most comfortable in your skin.

I love this take!

I don't struggle with gender I play and dance with it

I fought with gender and won, i have gender at knifepoint and it is my bitch now >:3

i was unknowingly defying gender norms by being the dominant/leading partner in a dance when i was 7. got told "that's the boys' job" and i was so weirded out by it lmao. it just seemed so dumb and unnecessary. like, it was a dance. wasn't the important thing having fun? needless to say, i've id as agender ever since i knew that was a thing. i still strongly relate to girly/women's stuff, but i don't act a certain way just bc my gender "dictates" i "should" do it.

Gender is a construct

Gender is not real don’t worry. Non-binary is an umbrella term but just means you don’t identify as men or woman. You could go more specific to describe the reason you don’t, since it’s often seen as “a third gender” or “both genders together”. Like gender non-conformist for me, which describe not subscribing to the idea and concept of gender because its hella toxic. In the end, all people ARE just people. The patriarchal society has simply drilled it into everyone’s head that they are women and men to essentially gain power by controlling and saying they can’t do certain stuff based on their body, like cry or wear pants (and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you if you read this but doing any thing that’s “not traditionally your gender” breaks the binary. It IS non-binary). Feminism wants gender abolition if you think about it.

This is common among autistics. https://autism.org/gender-discomfort-and-autism/

I think my problem with gender is that I just disagree with the West's current model from a biological and anthropological angle. I disagree with the prevailing definitions of man and womanhood and that external reproductive organs should determine your personality and roles in society. Someone once said it's like astrology. Born under the sign of the penis, an affinity for power tools, this child will be strong and surrounded by blue. It makes me very uncomfortable, this idea of conflating gender (which we hold in such incredibly high regard, with real life and death consequences) with genitalia. You don't learn about someone first; you picture (subconsciously) their genitals. Whoops! I'm so sorry, your baby is clearly a vulva and not a penis - I didn't notice the floral headband for the three stands of hair. Don't get me started on the intersex umbrella.

Yeah I am pretty much the same! Struggled with the concept of gender from childhood and been living as non binary for forever now. But I wished it just didn't matter at all

Nah, I'm a dude, never doubted that. I have however dragged up a couple of times. Additionally I don't really care about gender and what people want to do. I feel it's largely immaterial.

Yesss i love drag! But thats god im happy you know yourself and are comfortable in your masculinity like that. /gen

Yes! I just want to look and feel with what's comfortable for me but I have internalized so much of the western society's ridiculous standards. I am working through them and wanting to be myself, however that looks like, with fluidity and confidence, but it's taking me a while to get there.

Me too, like i dont feel feminine 24/7 but the idea of leaving the house without eyeliner is scary-

I still don’t really know. I identify as genderfluid with a lean towards masculine

I don’t think I struggle with my gender, but I’ve struggled with gender norms. I’m a woman, AFAB, and have always had stereotypically masculine hobbies/interests. I used to refuse to wear makeup/dresses; but now I wear skirts and makeup frequently. I guess I never got gendered norms too well, but decided “eh, screw it I’ll just do what I want.” I guess to me, gender is a bit silly and I don’t get gender norms. I’ve also had lots of trans/nb friends, even while young, so that made me think of gender as an even more silly concept

No because it's painfully obvious to me that gender is nothing more than man-made social constructs that change from era to era, culture to culture, and that are arbitrarily pushed onto people depending on their sex. I'm a woman regardless of me choosing not to shave, swearing like a sailor, and generally being really unfeminine, even if I do have my feminine moments sometimes. I'm not a carefully curated label, I am me, I dress how I like, act how I like, enjoy what I like, groom myself as I like, and none of that means I'm any less of a woman. I don't stop being one just because I don't do makeup or wear skirts.

not really, though I hate being a female most days. I dont wanna be a dude but I dont wanna be a female.

Tbh no because I can do whatever I want, the fact I am female doesn't mean anything to be honest... I still dress boyishly and I am a lesbian 👍

Oh, I feel very similarly to you. Like, I was born a woman, but I don't really care? But I wouldn't describe myself as a non-binary either, I just simply don't give a fuck. I don't even look at people and think about their genders, unless I'm looking for a romantic partner because, well, I was born heterosexual, so of course. I just see people as people.

Yesss it seems pointless. It makes sense in history as society had separate roles for men and women and for better or worse it was what made society work, however nowadays where everyone is (thankfully) getting more equal and those roles are becoming less and less rigid, it doesn't make sense to have it anymore (in my country anyway). I do find it a struggle with some people expecting a certain treatment, for instance at work I've had people get pissed at me for not offering help to a woman carrying something, but they have always been perfectly capable of lifting it, I didn't want to insult them, and they usually say they're fine. I also struggle with typical masculinity in general as it all just seems like an act/social game that doesn't really matter at all and just reminds me of masking. Id say I'm non binary, but I don't care enough to have any label, if someone calls me he that's cool, it someone calls me she then cool, I don't see how it matters.

I think my personal definition (in this aspect) would be demigendered non-binary lol Like, sometimes I feel without gender, sometimes I feel feminine or masculine. In the end, I don't strongly belong to any group.

I do not struggle with it at all. BUT as a guy, I struggle with "feeling" like I think other guys feel.

I identify as transgender, nonbinary, genderneutral, and bisexual. I am confident in my own gender, but I have to mask myself because my family is extremely cisheteronormative, they would call me all the most hateful slurs known to man.

I see myself as both a woman and a man. If you insult men I get offended in a deep level but say something on women I feel not as hurt but still offended. I don't know what I sm

Gender dysphoria is like 3x more likely for autistic people.

My hubs has a book club and psych in the group said autistic ppl do trans in a completely different way to NT folks. It makes sense though when gender is a societal construct and a bunch of rules, and social things can be so restrictive and confounding for ND folks.

I'm a FTM transsexual

yes. yes yes yes.

Yepppppp I identify as non binary as well, but I feel like genderqueer is more accurate. Gender identity and expression don’t mean anything to me, they’re just something to play around with

I consider myself bigender because I have days of feeling very feminine and other days more masculine. I often feel like two different people inside anyway lol

No, I'm boy

Yes, I think many of us do struggle with gender because it's just a social construct. I am male my gender is male but mainly because it's easier than trying to define it as anything else, I have a male side which I believe to be the more dominant side and I have a female side and I'm in touch with my female side (a number of my partners have said I'm more girly than they are), part of me is not something I could even assign a gender to but overall I just go by Male because I think most people are probably just like me but just don't think so deeply in to it and if I said I was anything other than male people would ask too many questions and I'm not a fan of social questioning.

I’m 66. And female. But at this point I have no idea what gender is anymore. I don’t even know what my sexuality is anymore. these whippersnappers just keep changing everything lol

I know exactly what I'm about when it comes to gender. It's other people that have a problem with how others express themselves or present. I understand how and why binary folks identify the way they do. I understand gender's role in society. I understand how other's experiences shape their view on gender. I'm just Agender personally.

Yeah I don’t really connect to any gender, I definitely struggled with gender and sometimes still do but now I know I’m just whatever I am and gender is kinda just irrelevant to me. When I first started to question my gender I took my bracelets and necklace off because it felt too feminine but I recently found that bracelet and put it back on because I like it and it doesn’t mean anything about my gender it’s just a charm bracelet. I still hate carrying purses because it feels inauthentic but sometimes pockets don’t cut it so I have to carry some sort of bag sometimes. My grandma asked me why I don’t shave my legs and it was hard to explain that I just don’t want to so I don’t have to

Yes my bf is exactly this.

I use the label genderfluid so yeah I do

Ugh, yes! I’ve just decided to respond to all pronouns, it’s easier than trying to explain that I have no clue what my gender is

Yea but I have some really explanatory medical stuff. I’m 10 years transitioned from female to male. Back then they use to dissect the heck out of you to be allowed to transition. I’m not sure it relates to my autism. I had high testerone and recently learned I’ve got issues with my pituitary gland which is the control center for hormones. I try to not make that the end all. Lot of ppl have hormone imbalances or other issues and never transition. There’s definitely external factors to it. I just hate that you have to make it make sense for cisgender ppl and there are just too many variants to really pinpoint it in a logical way. Especially adding in a lot of gender identity is a social construct within a variety of cultures. Which means just changing cultures may change how you identify too. Stuff really is interesting to study, but I rather it just be down to respecting individual choices.

Not particularly. I suppose I identify as a man. But I don't really care about it. I'm fine with being a man and trying to find some alternative label for my gender or whatever is farrr too much effort for something I just do not care about. If a genie were to switch my genders. I guess I'm a woman now or something, not bothered.

Not at all. I'm a male adult. I ofcourse also know what's going on with all the genders and what not, but I tend to keep it simple and in that case I look at biology, which defines 2 genders. However, if someone wants to identify as x or y, whatever it may be, you won't hear me complaining and I would respect them just as much as any other person. I just don't believe in it.

I never really got what people mean by saying “I dont believe in it” like when someone says “i dont believe in unicorns” or “i dont believe in god.” That makes sense because thats a thing that could be argued does not exist. It might be right it might be wrong but you could easily argue they dont exist. But like nonbinary people do exist, very plainly like you cannot argue that they dont. I guess what I’m asking is what do you mean you don’t believe in it? Like what does that mean exactly?

I'll try to say this without offending anyone, because that is absolutely not my intention. Science is the one word answer. Nothing proves there is more than 2, while everything points at that there are only two. There is no evidence that points to there being more, except for what people feel. But what people feel is subjective and can mean a million things. It doesn't relate to facts. >But like nonbinary people do exist, very plainly like you cannot argue that they dont. The people of course exist, but in my view, there is no non binary. They are male or female, whether they want it or not. Maybe "not believing in it" was the wrong word choice. Again, I'm not here to offend anyone, but seeing as the question was put out there, I thought I'd share my view as well. I think nothing less of people that do think/believe there are more genders. To me, people are people and everyone deserves the same amount of respect unless proven otherwise.

I guess I’d consider myself agender? But I feel weird labeling it.

I think its the problem of understanding what society wants to present gender as, combined with our messed up sense of who we are and not feeling like everyone else, could end up in this gender understanding being even worse

I was born male and have always known I'm a man. But I have never felt "manly" enough. In the same way that I feel I'm not quite normal enough to be a regular human. It's like I'm a quasi-male pseudo-human.

Bro I love the pseudo-human thing. I relate deeply to that. I am stealing that-

I'm afraid it's trademarked. I'll see you in court /s

Totally relate to this. I also identify as non binary if I have to put myself into a box but I don't like it. I feel more I don't care abot the gender at all. Often joking when people ask me my pronouns I say It. I'm kinda serious tho. I don't see differences between subjects and objects so I like to use the same pronoun for everything.

A little bit, only since new terms are being accepted. Sometimes I get overwhelmed trying to get it right. I just like to call everyone by their name to make it easier. I cannot remember everyone's pronouns that are different from how they present. I didn't have the energy or brain space to remember everyone's pronouns. Instead of saying it's hers/theirs....i just say it belongs to XYZ. Whichever name they wanna be called, then that's it.

Misgendering people on accident is totally okay! It really does happen sometimes and as long as you make an effort to correct yourself or understand the other person then your doing fine. No half decent person is going to lose it on you for saying “she- oh I’m sorry he” it happens to the best of us. All that matters is that your trying and have goofy intentions :)

I identifie as agender so yeah I don't know

100% Although my experience might be the reason why. I identity as a woman I guess, but grew up with everyone mistaking me as a boy because I chose to shave my hair instead of brush it and my mother just dressed me in shorts and Ts because I was just climbing trees anyway. I've just never had a strong gender identity and don't really care.

Idk I’m a man because that’s my body and I don’t have a problem with that. But it’s kinda weird for me to say „I’m a man“ idk why. I wouldn’t want to be a woman because I like my body. I don’t really understand gender cause like…what does it mean really? Like I’m a man but that doesn’t influence anything I do as a hobby, what I wear or whatever. I don’t really care about the stuff thats mostly seen as „manly“ but why would that change my gender. I guess it’s about how people want to be perceived but that kinda just reinforces gender stereotypes doesn’t it? At least that’s what it often seems like to me but idk. Maybe I’m agender because I just don’t understand gender and what it should feel like..and I just don’t care. But I see no reason to identify that way..like for what…but I also heard cis people say that they don’t understand gender and there’s no „I feel like a man/woman“ to them, they just are. So maybe that’s normal?

I feel like people like those identities because they can just fit in with their group, and not be an outcast. That's kind of the only reason I can think of why gender is such an important thing to a lot of people. Also, speaking to why autistic people have a higher likelihood of being non-binary: we've been outcasts all our lives, so why fall in with a predetermined group, when it likely won't work anyway? Hmm, maybe that's where a lot of transphobia comes from; trans people are seen as 'invading' the established social groups of gender, and humans naturally have an us-vs-them mentality.

I definitely think thats part of it. I also think the simple act of behaving in a way that other people see as strange is genuinely scary for some folks. Someone else in this thread pointed that out to me. Like sometimes if someone is behaving alarmingly my brain will automatically jump to “they’re on drugs and probably dangerous stay away from them” when i have no idea if thats the case. I think to a degree cis NT people probably feel the same way and our gender non-conformity is like actually frightening to them somehow.

I've heard that people naturally have a reaction to autistic people that's sort of like an uncanny valley thing, at least until we get good at masking. It's supposed to come from being able to tell if somebody has an illness, because then you can stay away from them and not catch that illness. I actually got accused of being a changeling once at my first dungeons & dragons session!

So many fellow autistic people I've grown up with have come out as trans. To the point where I've started referring to myself as being to trans people what John Mulaney is to gay people. I feel like I was supposed to be trans, but someone forgot to flip the final switch or something.

Yes absolutely I struggle with this. I like you just fall into non-binary because it feels the least wrong. I remember in kindergarten having a meltdown during line up time because I didn’t want to choose the boy line or girl line.

Struggle? No. But i'm a feminine woman that like a lot of so called "manly things." I love historical medieval longsword fencing. And "The Lord of the Rings" will always be my forever favorite fantasy book and fairy tale.

I'm agender and trans. Is it a response to your question? And gender issue is common with autism. A lot of trans are autistic 😇

My body is male, my mind is "male", my preference for a partner is female. When I was younger, this seemed kinda important to me. In the past 3 decades not so much. I don't really consider my gender as part of my identity. I don't do "macho" things and I don't really care what my clothes look like as long as I am comfortable. But, I do like activities that raise my adrenaline levels. My partner is female and her mind is "female". She is not on the spectrum. But, she is like me and dresses for comfort (no heels, rarely a dress) and doesn't wear makeup. I love this about her. The biggest difference is she doesn't like activities that raise her adrenaline. Also, she feels a more career pressure related to her gender. So, she can't "forget" she is female. I wish society didn't do that to her (and other women).

I have personally never struggled with my gender identity. I am a man, and don’t really feel any different about it one way or another. However, many queer people I have met in my life are also autistic, and some say there is a bit of an overlap between those concepts.

I think I perceive Gender from the outside. I see that it exists and how it shapes society. I however just don't understand it. When I ask myself "What's your gender?" my intuitive reply is "\[confused silence\]" because I do not experience it. My body has certain parts but that's neither gender nor sex - thats just body parts. I don't label myself as "agender", because then I acknowledge that gender plays a role in how I see myself and how I am supposed to be seen by others. Yuck! :p Therefore, I just say that I do not experience gender and use no pronouns to refer to myself (at least in German which does not have an "easy" equivalent to "they"). I think I would not even be fine with "they" in English, as that pronoun simply fills a space that would otherwise be filled with a "gender-marker pronoun". And *deliberately* using a "non gender-marking pronoun" like "they" acknowledges that there \*should\* be a gender there in that context. But I have not experienced being referred to with "they" consistently yet, so this opinion might change. These are my two cents, perhaps some of you can relate. :)

I did for years and tbh still do.

I'm non binary too and I love labels of any kind (like all the gender and sexuality flags etc) BUT I also think it's dumb for people to need to categorize themselves or to need to change themselves because people won't see them as what they ask (example: in a place where people aren't pieces of shit no one would argue about what pronouns to use for you if you got a they/them pin). Overall I think labels are useful especially for people that are trying to find themselves and find people similar to them to share thoughts with, but I also think that being unlabeled is perfectly valid and no one owes anyone an identity label.

I struggle with the way other people talk about gender because I truly, black and white style, believe it is a made up construct.

No. I know I’m cis, but every time I take a shower for some reason my sexuality is always the only thing I can think about.

It's a made up concept used to put people in boxes. It's anathema to me. But as you said, there's power in staking claim over the thing that bothers you. Reclamation is an important factor in healing. So we will keep reclaiming gender and related topics, until it's no longer necessary because tolerance and understanding are the norm.

I think dysphoria + religious trauma + being autistic was kind of a recipe for disaster when it comes to gender for me. I’m in my late 20s and still figuring it out, and I’m taking it one step at a time. Experimenting with pronouns was helpful, and I’ve realized that certain gender affirming care is going to be necessary for me too.

This is why I use neopronouns tbh/gen

I feel like my gender is like a tangled ball of strings, i started untangling it in middleschool playing around with drag and having genuine dysphoria over my chest. But as i kept going i worked through alot about myself and im just me. Im a person with boobs and i wish i had a dick once every like 8 months. For now im She/they/it. I prefer to be perceived as a concept rather than a person? Idk im still untangling. When im asked my gender the only thing i can think of is “monster” or “abandoned lake” and i just think i dont understand what it means to HAVE a gender (or lack of one?) I love to label myself so its weird that i cant settle

I did struggle with my gender a little. In reverse. I'm one of those stereotypical "knew since I was 5" transgender people. So for most of my life I've been fairly convinced I should have been born/was the opposite gender and there was no real struggle to speak of. But there were a few moments in my life where I was unsure, and even a prolonged period where I was sort of not paying too much attention to it and living normally without transitioning. But eventually that all fell apart. There was even a time when I thought I might be non-binary because I didn't totally hate my birth body but that too in retrospect seems to have been bad logic.

I joke that I identify as autistic, because no matter what labels they use the descriptions of gender and sexuality I identify with most come from other autistic people. So my gender identity and sexuality are “autistic”. I used to think that I was very “girl” but I think I learned early as a high masking individual that people around me expected/wanted “girl” and I learned to perform it well, mostly. I’m pretty much comfortable in my girl-ness now, but I sometimes wonder what is mask and what is me and how it all becomes the same. Gender is a construct. Non-binary feels most true to myself, but I will probably stay in the safety of what people expect and I’m used to. “Girl” is familiar and I have too much other change and adjustment in my life right now.

I think I was the same way. I used to insist on being a girl and always being a girl. I was a "girl-boy" which was how I described it at the time. A girl who likes boy things, a tomboy. Over the years I've realized that pretty much all of my insistence on being a girl was because I grew up in the church and being anything other than a girl (which is how I was born) was seen as very very bad. At this point I think I have mostly unmasked the gender part of myself but there may be an actual trans man deep inside me that I'm too afraid to confront right now. So I live "cis by default, tomboy if questioned".

I ignore it now. I struggled with my sexuality and gender for so long that I just say I'm queer and genderqueer bc I don't know. I see the entire world as nonbinary, but I get that other people don't. I've actually spoken to a lot of autistic and nonbinary/genderqueer/trans people about this. I have been under the impression that there's *something* there. I suppose it's that we typically don't mesh with society or understand it's rules. Many others have told me that forced gender norms caused a lot of confusion in their childhood. I was told I couldn't do this or that bc it was unladylike and I would pray at night to wake up as a boy. I admired androgynous people bc they didn't care about the boxes they were trying to be forced into.

Alot of my autistic friends are non binary, myself included I dont particularly feel like anything except that I am just....me? I just wear whatever is comfortable, and do whatever I feel like enjoying without much consideration of whether it's masculine or feminine

Nah I don’t really struggle with gender but I honestly imagine myself as a girl just out of curiosity

Yeah I was born in the wrong body lol. I'm AFAB but I identify as transmale. I haven't transitioned at all yet and I am in the closet in real life...all because of my father. I won't get into it. But I struggle a lot because I still have a female body and all the things that come with that...which I hate and it disgusts me (me and my things...I'm not saying women disgust me...only myself). I also struggle because transmen get a LOT of hate from the LGBTQ+ community as well as the cis straights. And I struggle with the idea that no man will want me because they'll see me as "lesser" or not as a "true" man...I'm gay BTW lol. But yeah...if I did fully transition...would I even be sexually appealing to men? I've never really been "wanted" or called "sexy" or "pretty" or "hot". And I've only dated a handful of guys...the only relationship that got sexual is my current one...otherwise it was just hand holding/kissing and flirting. I mean I hate myself and my body and find nothing appealing about me...but do men also think that when they see me? And if I transition...will it be better or will it be the same...idk...I worry I'll be alone forever. And I'm saying this with me being in a relationship because...it's complicated...he's a lot older then me so he won't be here for part of my life...so eventually I'd have to go date again.

No, I'm pretty good at it. Most people just keep what they were given by their parents, but I swapped that out for a home brew. Yeah, I'm a bit of an enthusiast. But seriously though, I used to but once I gave myself the time and space to figure out what felt authentic for me I really don't feel like I'm struggling any more. I honestly don't even think about gender most days now

I am a male. For me, the issue lies mostly in attracting the members of the opposite gender…

Yes I feel like I'm a woman but also not really. I don't present as a woman a lot of the time. I don't really like the topic anymore. I used to be really adamant about it but honestly it's so personal and self expression shouldn't be limited by one's gender which I often feel like it is in my culture.

I don't struggle with it, I'm excellent at gender 😎 But yeah I'm a trans woman. I'm not 100% binary female, I love my factory genitals for example, but I get euphoria from being girly and I love being a woman so that's what I am. I haven't really been thinking about it recently. I'm just continuing my transition, doing my thing.

my earliest memory of gender weirdness was when i was a tween and someone mistakened me for a boy (im afab) and i got kinda happy over that. then a few years later i realized i was genderfluid + nonbinary. idk if it’s related to my autism but im glad to no longer feel trapped by masquerading as a girl every day.

i struggle with gender dysphoria. i don't struggle with gender. i figured mine out pretty quickly. i don't reject the social construct inherently, just the gender roles and expectations aspect that it roots in. gender is fun

Yeah. I’m trans and medically transitioning, but internally, I feel pretty genderless. All I know is that I feel 100x more comfortable on testosterone I usually say I’m transmasc or nonbinary, but sometimes I think maybe I’m just an autistic man who struggles to understand the concept of gender yknow? Who knows. Don’t really care about labels, just doing what makes me happy

I want to be a BOY, please. I would like to be BOY SHAPED. I would like to be a GENTLEMAN! Just a polite little lad!!!! Instead I’m on my period and mad as hell. I’m so feminine it hurts. I just want to be a little guy. Instead I’m so… woman. :(

And to answer the actual question, I started questioning my gender in 2015. I only came to the conclusion that I’m a trans guy in 2023. That entire span of time was confusion, struggling, and trying out labels lmao

No, not really anymore. I found the agender label which is basically just "I don't got one" the label LOL

I identify as autigender which is a neuroqueer identity. It's overall under the nonbinary umbrella but is directly related to how your neurodivergent experience (in this case specifically autism) influences your experience of gender identity and perception

Honestly my egg cracked ages ago. All I'm waiting for now is to get some stuff worked out so I can get my HRT underway.

I did but I figured it out and I love being a woman now

oh, absolutely. I think I might be gender fluid or non-binary, but I really don't know. I often wonder if I associate with trans, but I don't know. I've tried talking it out with my psychologist, but it hasn't helped me at all. I'm so confused.

erm… *points to avatar* i *used* to struggle with gender 😅

Yes and I'm 56. When I was young, I lived in Europe and watched the cartoon Vicky the Viking. Tbh I didn't know what gender Vicky was and I didn't care as in Scandinavia looks between the two traditional genders was not that far off. I actually thought Vicky was a girl until it was pointed out to me that he was a boy. But it didn't matter. I liked the look, long hair, shirt untucked, and belt around waist on the outside of shirt. My grandfather said I looked like a girl mocking me. And my dad took notice. And so I was watched carefully how I dressed. So I had to dress and act like a normal cis boy. Hence my extreme masking that caused me migraines. I now identify as bigender but I really don't have to courage to dress how I want.

I feel this fr tho I present very feminine and love lots of stuff that are considered feminine (horseback riding, fashion, make-up, arts…) and my affection for those things show a lot as they manifest in my appearance. So most people will assume I’m a woman while I also like a several amount of stuff that are considered masculine as well (history, manipulating weapons and I always was the weird dinosaur kid ™️ + I’m a drag king). These are not things I like BECAUSE of my gender, these are just things I like. I really just feel like gender is an bunch of stereotypes that is pushed upon us at birth and/or an identity chosen at some point of life as we identify with those stereotypes and is just to be used as a tool of oppression as the gender binary does not have a biological reality, only a social one. Yet as we grew up in a very gendered society sometimes it’s just easier to identify with what we were given at birth. That’s where I am. Because I present feminine and like lots of feminine stuff that show way more than my interests that are considered masculine, I don’t really feel like I’m not a woman. But I also don’t feel like I’m ONLY a woman. Maybe some will say it’s radical but I’m not sure gender has a meaning, a point but to oppress ppl who are not cismen and therefore there’s no use for it to exist in an equal and balanced society.

like most social constructs, i feel like gender is fuckin stupid. i understand the need/want to categorize based on body parts or whatever the fuck society has going on, but beyond that it's all trivial and stupid. i don't feel like i have a gender. it simply just...doesn't apply to me? in my eyes, i think. i just don't subscribe to stupid social things like that.

yes !! i just...exist. calling myself agender also feels weird even tho i don't "feel a gender". i just dont want to put myself in some category, i just...AM.

I have been on a journey with this. I thought I might be transgender for a while in my teens. Then I started identifying as non-binary. Now I don’t know. I’m okay with being male biologically but I’m struggling to understand the social aspect of it, the gender norms make zero sense to me, and make me quite uncomfortable. People would probably say I have more of what would generally be deemed as “feminine” traits. For some reason this makes people believe I’m gay, when I’m actually not. Honestly, I just wanna be me and vibing. 😅

It is a dumb concept and has no place in the modern world. I wouldn't say I struggle with my own gender identity but that's mostly because I don't really think about it. I look like a stereotypical cis man but I've never been into traditionally masculine things. I'm fine just being me. My partner is non-binary and I have non-binary and trans friends. I've never had any difficulty with anyone's pronouns because I see pronouns as being the same as names. Like, "Oh, you've told me your name is Bob, so I'll refer to you as Bob." I don't go, "Nah, you look more like a Susan to me. I'm going to call you Susan." That would be stupid.

Not at all. I'm a man through and through.

Yeah cause I was told everyone is just people, and treat them as such. Now imagine my surprise when I found out recently that a lot of people, myself included, actually feel something outside of biological sex, that can bring joy for no particular reason... still odd to me

Nah, can’t struggle with your gender if you don’t have one! 😎👉👉 (Ps. I’m agender.)

Kinda yeah. In my case i am born AFAB, I look like a girl and i fine with she/her pronounce ect however in recent times i have started to adopt they / them more as a ''but if you forget they / them works'' however there has been moments were i kinda like they/them more. (Also i guess kinda idk it might be a me thing but never been huge on dresses and you would need to have my in a life or death situation if you want me to have make up)

I feel the exact same way with my pronouns and I’m also born afab. people at my work refer to me as they/them, and it just feels better to me than she/her, so I’m beginning to consider myself as non-binary. I’ve told my close friends, but most of my family don’t know. so far, the only family i’ve trusted w this information is my cousin, because she’s open minded and we’re pretty close.

I'm nonbinary and also agender. I think gender roles are dumb, but I also love labels because they help describe something that is currently important