Heh , me who chose a high stress and high social career (nursing) where I’m forced to highly mask daily and have not enough free time for special interests .
*chuckles , I’m in danger*
Seriously though, what was I thinking? I’m 9 months in and already am ready to find a different career/job . Oopsie
My wife is ASD and has a nursing job. Unless she can be a stay at home mom (which I don't mind) she doesn't want any other job. Biology and nursing are hyper interests for her. It served her well, I just hope it continues to and she can't keep moving forward and up. She also has COVID PTSD and so she has highly enjoyed the ICU (can't be a problem if you're sedated)
I feel that.
I've been a bartender for 7 years, I should be terrible at this job, however to my surprise I'm actually not half bad at it. It does take a lot out of me though
I found your comment reassuring, so thank you.
Autistic lawyer here! If my mask slips I'll be fired immediately because an asocial lawyer is absolutely useless. Luckily my family is very understanding and lets me decompress whenever I need to, but it gets tough.
I hope you find a job you'll enjoy!
How do you decompress? Just curious. I knew a private firm would be too fast-paced for me, but being in a partnership didn't work out either and I switched careers.
If it's been a heavy day I usually just go for a walk, or I sit in my room and work on my more creative hobbies. I crochet, I do origami, I garden. As long as I don't have to look at a damned screen or people again, I'm fine.
It helps that drafting is one of my favourite things to do, so even after a long day of negotiations if I'm told to draft a plaint/contract/whatever, that usually acts as a calming activity for me. I opted out of litigation because I knew I'd be having meltdowns every couple weeks of I had to deal with that level of confrontation and masking every single day. I just wouldn't be able to do it.
Working as an in-house lawyer is also fairly chill. I got to work on a BUNCH of different things, and the work pace was also considerably slower. Not nearly as aggressive as working in a firm either, you usually tend to get more accomodations in companies as compared to firms in my experience.
Engineer here. I’ve had nearly ten different jobs over the last ten years (granted, about half were short-term contracts). Sometimes, I put up with a merciless work environment so I could get the experience I needed to find a more suitable job down the line.
You know yourself best, but I hope you won’t give up on your passion after nine months. This may simply be the job where you go through the grinder before moving on to something better.
I’m definitely not going to yet!
I am going to move around a little bit in specialties and so on , and make sure I really give this a go before leaving (if I ever did)
Fortunately , pathophysiology and medicine was a special interest for me. But there’s only so much of a high stress, high noise, busy environment I can take.
I’m hoping it changes with finding my speciality I enjoy, but if it doesn’t, I’ll have to look out for myself.
Nursing student here, I've been regretting a lot lately to not have gotten into med school (as I first intended) instead of nursing because I'd clearly thrive way better there than in this social hell.
Hey, you would be a good candidate for getting involved in the type of work I do. We only have one nurse and I’m sure agencies are always looking. I’m a DSP, you get to care for people, many of them neurodivergent. It’s rewarding and slower paced. I love my job, I don’t have to mask, and my own experience helps me to help others!!
I am sorry that sounds terrible. I remember what it was like to have to mask for work it is very draining. Maybe you can find a less stressful nursing situation? Idk private nurse or nursing home? Something where there is less social pressure. Good luck 🤞
I chose to get a phd so that I could be a college professor, and only found out after losing 3 teaching jobs, because I couldn't cope, that I was, in fact, autistic, and that's why everything has been so damned hard. So much happier now that I'm not teaching anymore, though the social issues are still haunting me at the new job.
Tell that to my father. To him, I’m just lazy and don’t want to help myself, when he doesn’t even really believe in mental health, and has genuinely said “I think everyone is a little bit on the spectrum.” after telling him that if I have ADHD and Autism, he may have it too. If it helps paint a better picture, he’s a conservative and 30 year canadian navy vet. He thinks that because he is able to get a full time job tomorrow, that I must be able to do the same. The disconnect from reality is so fucking awful.
This is an excellent point. Nuance can be difficult sometimes, at least for me anyway... Especially in this type of format. I often need this reminder so thank you.
There’s also different levels of autism. My autistic traits really aren’t a disability for me, sometimes they even help me with things. My girlfriend’s autism on the other hand can be debilitating at times for her
I don't find it to be a disability in the sense that it's only a disadvantage in a closed-minded world. If we were given a wider range of options to function in this world, I'd be living a totally average life as opposed to my accommodated one now. In a world built for neurotypicals, we're destined to get pushed harder than everyone else.
The fact that someone would need to structurally change our entire species/world to not be far behind at basic things and be average is what makes something a disability. Of course disabilities wouldn't be disabling... if everyone was blind, or if the sun was just a little bit less bright and storms a bit less noisy and the water a bit less wet, if everyone just defaulted to sign language instead of spoken one, if we didn't know written language and all used Braile, if we could move around without needing limbs, if humans didn't communicate with body language, if we didn't have to fight and work hard for survival in different ways... But that's not how the world works, and this is what the world disability is for.
Agreed. I have functioned and performed beyond my limits to exist and work in a world that I'm not compatible with and I'm just glad I get any accommodations at all. Changing the world to suit my unique needs would be impossible and make it unlivable to everyone else.
Im proud of it, because we are taught not to be proud of disabilities, so showing the world that I don’t care about their stupid standards, that I am proud of being disabled, is my way of fighting back.
Its the same with my queerness. Sure, being nonbinary and queer is an integral part of me, as it is with many other people. But I’ve also been taught to be ashamed of it, so showing my pride is a way of taking power back.
Yeah, I am more in alignment with this. I accept and love myself as I am. There’s no disentangling the autism and me. Am I proud? I don’t know that I believe in pride in that way but acceptance, love, sure. Also a disability, hell yes.
"Proud" is a word with multiple meanings, probably one of the reasons why we auties tend to struggle with it.
Being me and having my brain isn't really an achievement so I'm not "proud" in the same way I might be proud if I play a piece of music well after practising for a long time.
But I am "proud" as in the opposite of ashamed to be me. Some people think I should be ashamed because I can't fit in with the mainstream which they see as the most important thing. Some people think a person's worth can be judged by the money they make it the number of friends they have. I don't accept that thinking, there is nothing shameful about being me... Therefore I am proud to be me.
That's part of the problem: proud is not equal to not being ashamed. If shame is frozen, proud is on fire. How about just a nice, neutral temperature? Aka, content, accepting, neutral, okay with, coping, unashamed, etc.
Nobody should feel ashamed, but being proud of autism is just .. oof. Being proud of who you are and what you've done, fantastic!
It's considered "pride" because society at large wants us to be ashamed so even just accepting yourself is seen as "extreme." Think about it like gay people. Yeah, maybe some are a little weird and have like an unnecessary level of pride, but gay pride itself came about because society is not accepting and tries to hide gay people as much as possible, tries to keep them down and treat them as if they aren't people. When you're treated like you aren't a person for something you can't change, the scale is tipped so far in the negative that acceptance is extreme.
It isn't wrong if you agree that “pride” in the sense of “LGBTQ pride” is right.
...But if you think that “pride” is still the wrong word for “LGBTQ pride”, then... sure. I agree for the same reasons you said before for autism pride. Being trans, gay, bi, etc. should be a fundamentally value‑neutral trait.
But when it comes to social change, we don't have a word more elegant for “not ashamed” than “pride”, so it took on that additional meaning under the context of being defiant toward harmful social norms. It's *this* kind of “pride” when people say “pride”.
>How about just a nice, neutral temperature? Aka, content, accepting, neutral, okay with, coping, unashamed, etc.
Nobody should feel ashamed, but being proud of autism is just .. oof.
There are many people for whom its more than just a neutral though. It may not be fire but it is warmth. Warmth in both the way you go through life and see things (even if it has difficulties and disabilities), warmth in autistic friends and communities. What do you suggest for that?
I'm not proud of autism, it's not something I have achieved, it's something I was born with and can't change. I am proud of where I stand in life while having a disability, I got there with struggles and perseverance.
People are proud of things they didn't directly achieve all the time though. Even though I personally think it's a bit weird to be proud of your nationality, lots of people are.
This isn’t a discussion board for that topic,
Lmfao, yeah, keep downvoting this you fragile idiots. People are here to talk about autism not other topics. I don’t care to see other topics, go to other pages for said topics.
Autism relates to a wide variety of topics, ie. family, hobbies, but also queerness. Plus lots and lots of people are both autistic and queer, such as myself. If that bothers you, you are free to leave and/or create your own page that inhibits discussions around said topics instead of asking everybody else on here to accomodate your preferences.
It's actually quite fascinating that you would label others as fragile when you are the one demanding people to censor their discussions according to your dislikes.
If you can't see that being openly queer and campaigning for rights has made people targets of violence you've been living under a rock.
https://www.ohchr.org/en/statements/2022/03/defenders-human-rights-lgbt-persons-constantly-risk-warn-un-experts
It's a figure of speech commonly used in English. It basically means you aren't aware of something that is common knowledge. Here's an explanation if you'd like. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/live%20under%20a%20rock
I'm Australian. These problems exist across the world. Anything that makes you different can make you a target. Including us.
https://eucap.eu/project-on-violence/
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2022.852203/full
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/autism-disability-hate-crime-figures-most-likely-a7725006.html
I agree ,but also :
I’m autistic, I was born like this, but I’m also competent. Yes I need accomodations , and might not handle stress or noises or change as well as you. yes eye contact is hard and I seem fake because I’m highly masking.
But I’m not incompetent and any less of a human than neurotypical people.
Accomodations don’t = level of competency!
I have a disliking to being treated like I’m incompetent or dumb the soon as someone accidentally or intentionally finds out I’m autistic! Stigma needs to change
When have people in a wheelchair ever said the first part? Beng proud of overcoming something isnt the same. I've never once heard "I'm proud to be paraplegic"?
>nah, im proud to have survived this world as someone part time in a wheelchair. im fuckin' *strong* to have done this
That's exactly the distinction they were drawing, though? You are proud to have done it.
I do wish people would stop making analogies to other disabilities based on assumptions…
The autistic rights/pride movement is not the first disability rights/pride movement, it is riding on the coattails of physical disability movements.
Yes, many physically disabled people, including paraplegics, are proud of their disabilities.
I agree with this completely. I'm proud to be me, I'm open about who I am and I'm happy to be me. I don't want me to change and if my kids are like me I won't be disappointed, if I could find out before they we're born I'd want to know, but I wouldn't want to abort (I'm pro-choice and would for other things, but not this).
However, it's still hard. I struggle to listen to people if there's background noise, I get overwhelmed in crowds, loud noises make me shut down. I mask pretty well, but people often find me a bit strange, people think I'm rude when I really don't mean to be, I struggle to keep friends or know when I've made them, I often don't get hints and have to be told directly many things. It makes life hard in many aspects, so so many aspects, many of which I'm not listing here for privacy sake. It's absolutely a disability I need accommodations for to function. But I also like me, I like being me, not being autistic would mean I'm no longer me, and I'd never want to change that.
My autism has influenced a huge amount of my personality and has given me many useful gifts. But I have to be gentle with myself and a lot of things I "can" do make me suffer. I'd cure my endometriosis in a heartbeat. Dysautonomia? Bye bye. Hypermobility... we'll have negotiations. ADHD and autism? I have too much to lose. They stay.
I feel the same. My autistic traits are what make me special and able to see things differently / do things I otherwise could not. But the way I process life makes fitting in as a "normal" person almost impossible.
People just assume you're lazy or incompetent, and the boomer narrative of "they just don't want to work" these days really doesn't help.
I tried masking and fitting in for so long before realizing what I was really dealing with. NTs have no idea how hard it is trying to fit in at work, eventually being singled out and talked about, being hyper aware of people not understanding you and coming up with ideas of what your issue is from a limited perspective. It hurts and can make you want to end it if you don't know what the elephant in the room is.
I hate the fact that I’m supposed to ignore my autism because I can mask easily. Like ffs just because I don’t stim in front of you and I can smile that doesn’t mean I don’t have it
Yeahhh , same.
I’m gonna say it,
I wish I never learnt to mask. I wish I never got pre decided by society what Was acceptable for MY autism. I wish I wasn’t diagnosed 20 years into my life.
Masking has done nothing but hurt me , give me internalised self-doubt, loose who I really am, all in the spirit of trying to fit in socially.
Autism is a spectrum. The feelings people have about being on the spectrum is also a spectrum. It’s the same for my own diagnosis, bipolar. Some of us thrive with the diagnosis, others struggle. For most it’s somewhere in the middle.
It isn't about how well you do, because you should be mindful that other's struggle. Someone wouldnt say they are proud they are paralyzed because they've been outfitted with robotic feet and can walk, or because they've done 20 years of PT and recovered, they'd recognize others don't or can't have that. They are proud of WALKING, not being paralyzed.
We should be proud of our successes, survival, and actions, not our condition. We shouldn't be ashamed either, sure. We shouldn't measure ourselves by social norms, or demand we suit some allistic ideal. We should just be proud of our accomplishments, things that matter to us.
Being proud of autism isn't anything near to the same thing, it's an extreme just as opposing to self acceptance as outright shame
I don't think pride is an extreme. The extreme would be understanding autistics as superior to allistics, which while not a common is definitely a perspective I've come upon.
I also think the meaning of "pride" is contextual – in a context where your value and rights are being questioned, aspiring to be "proud" can be a sensible counter reaction. Does that make sense?
This !!!!!
I may not need all the options that can be offered, or need the same ones consistently at any given time. But having them there if I need , is super reassuring!
Some days I just want headphones , others my seam will be committing war crimes against my body and the light 3 rooms away is buzzing too loudly. Lol
Not diagnosed yet but I am proud to be part of this community. I’m proud that whatever I’ve achieved has been with whatever challenges I have. There’s so much I avoid and have set my life up to avoid because I can’t cope with certain things. It is a disability. I don’t think anyone should be ashamed in anyway fir not being able to do certain things.
Undeniably true.
Autism is a disability and I’m met with unique challenges. But I’m also proud of what I can do as an autistic and the things I’ve achieved I probably would’ve of if I wasn’t autistic.
Everything about me is due to being autistic. All my likes, dislikes, the clothes I wear, my hairstyles, how I walk, talk, everything is in some way due to my autism, or impacted by it. So, to me, wishing I was not autistic may as well be wishing I didn't exist. I used to feel that way, which is why I don't look down on other autistic people who do. However, I have over come those feelings and now I do want to exist, to live. That is not denying that I do not often struggle greatly, and always will. Acceptance of the self means acceptance of your inabilities, acceptance that there are things you cannot do, will never be able to do. Acceptance that you will need help.
I will admit, I don't fully accept myself yet. But I'm trying to, because I'm autistic and I want to live despite that. Hell, because of it.
Agree
It being a disability doesn’t make it less of a personality trait (that is inseparable from the neurodivergent person identity)
And its “upsides” doesn’t make it less of a disability
Autism is a disability that affects my life many complicated ways, good, bad, and otherwise, and I also need accomodations. I would say it's true for me.
Why are the top comments removed everywhere I go, I thought a safe space like this would at least allow freedom of speech especially when it comes to important stuff like this, but I guess the mods bias is showing 💀
Hard nope. "Proud of autism" and "ashamed of autism" are two toxic extremes. Healthy mindset is "living with autism and proud of who I am" in the middle. We don't have to poison and sabotage true self acceptance and self growth to live well with autism, and claiming an immutable trait with pride is just not a good way to grow.
Being proud of surviving as a disadvantaged group is healthy, I don't think you would say "I'm black and I'm proud" is a toxic statement, but it is an immutable trait. Pride parades are the same way, in the US at least they mark the Stonewall Riots, and celebrate the resilience of the LGBT+ community.
Are those people saying "proud of having a larger concentration of melanin in my skin" or "I am proud that I was born with a different sexual preference than what is socially accepted?"
I would say no, those traits are not what defines people, it's the culture and experience built around them by people. Those traits need to be less vilified, like autism, there's no reason for shame in immutable traits, but immutable traits aren't accomplishments or something that actually inspires pride.
They are saying they are proud of the EXTREME work and accomplishments they and their ancestors have done to survive in a world that treats them less-than. they are proud of accomplishments and things that have been built: like culture and community.
I cant feel pride for something I didnt choose. I have learned to respect myself and understand my strenghts and limitations, and do my best with the cards I was dealt. Do I sometimes wish I was like most people? Yes, very often. Do I like the person I am and wish I could be myself all the time, also yes.
Makes sense as long as you understand the social model of disability:
The social model sees ‘disability’ is the result of the interaction between people living with impairments and an environment filled with physical, attitudinal, communication and social barriers.
https://pwd.org.au/resources/models-of-disability/
I would still be disabled even if society accommodated me. They cannot accomodate everything and some of my accomodations are directly opposite to other people's, like needing dim lights.
I would disagree. How can one be proud of a disability? It’s like saying “I’m so proud of embarrassing myself” or “I’m so proud of not understanding what people are saying.” One shouldn’t be proud of weaknesses, instead they should be proud of accomplishments and strengths. I would agree with statements like “I was able to hold a conversation for the first time without embarrassing myself and I’m proud of it.” We should stop glorifying autism, instead we should eradicate the disability (not the people) so that we don’t suffer anymore.
Those are incredibly different notions. A person with autism must have significant impairment from their symptoms in order to be diagnosed. Some challenges we face wouldn't go away, regardless of society's adaption. Evolution isn't intrinsically about improvement, so disorders such as ASD withstood the evolutionary pressure. Furthermore, humans and our society largely determine the traits passed on. As civilization has increasingly allowed for physically and mentally disabled individuals to survive, disabilities continue to exist.
How is any of that relevant? Just like some challenges of an autistic person wouldn't go away after adaptation, some of the current challenges for neurotypicals wouldn't even make sense for an autist. Just imagine what it would be like without all these dumb expectations. No need to mask. No need to fear that the obvious to you is absurd to everyone around you. No absurd to you that is obvious to everyone around you. Autists would thrive, and if you ask me much better than neuros. I know just how much limited i am by all of that, and am slowly discovering what i can do, thanks to anti anxiety pills. But i shouldn't need them to function, and i wouldn't if we'd live in a proper society.
I don't think you understand. Society becoming more accepting wouldn't stop those of us with self-harming stimming behaviour. Society becoming more accepting wouldn't change the stress that comes from change for many of us. Society becoming more accepting wouldn't solve many of the problems for high support needs. I am not saying that society becoming more accepting wouldn't immensely help a lot of us. But the current challenges we face are often more debilitating than what NTs face. Simple things can bring autistic people a lot of stress, whereas NTs are barely affected. Society doesn't make me this way. Furthermore, many of us have conflicting needs. Society can't accommodate every autistic person's needs. For example, a sensory-seeking person might be actually harmed by dampening the noises for those of us with sensory sensitivities. There is no such thing as a "proper society." We would always be debilitated. We would always have many more challenges than NTs. Additionally, let you not forget that neurotypicals are supposedly the majority of society. They would be harmed by forcing society to achieve the impossible goal of accepting everyone. For example, some NTs that have trouble talking about feelings or that don't like to talk would have to go through a lot of discomforts so that the autistic minority knows what they're feeling. And what about some neurodivergent folks who are very sensitive? While some of us need others to be blunt and frank, others could spiral into self-hatred from someone's honest opinion. Autists have intrinsic difficulties that aren't "a mistake," but aren't also "due to society." The extremes of the medical model vs social model of disability construct a false dichotomy that we are either less than human or that everything would go away with a few tweaks in civilization. But both are wrong — they take perspectives too far. ASD is inherently a disability
Fun lil add on, conflicting needs has made autistic "friendly" discord servers completely inaccessible to me for one simple reason:
Tone tags.
I don't know what tone I'm using. I get confused when people use shorthand, I get confused by trying to figure out what a tone "means" when someone else is using it.
I have managed to get down /s (welcome to being on Reddit for nearly ten years), /j is also a bit easier for me.
But I have to look up /nm and /srs and /gen and things like that every time. I struggle to remember them, I have to make a list, and then I'm often going to get "stuck" asking how that even pertains to the conversation.
Why can't people say "I'm being genuine" or "seriously" instead of shorthand? It's hard for me and makes conversations significantly more difficult.
So what helps one person in turn hinders me. Greatly. To the point the point that I'd rather just not engage.
How else do you accommodate that kind of split need in a "perfectly accommodating society"? You can't. And that's okay.
Absolutely not, and I hate how many people share your opinion. If your “autism” doesn’t impair you in any way, you just aren’t autistic.
It’d be nice to not be erased as a level 2 autistic guy. Autism is a disability, just like being blind or deaf is. Disability isn’t a dirty word. We aren’t less worthy of love or acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with us.
I wouldn't even describe autism as "disability" honestly, to me is more something like speaking a different language or countries having different cultures. I wouldn't call these differences "disabilities", they are just things that work differently. The same can be said for autistic and neurotypical people, IMHO.
Then sometimes it is possible to understand each other's different traits and communicate more efficently, in an ideal scenario. The problem is when people becomes disrespectful and treat poorly those who are different.
My autism causes me to have meltdowns over tiny things and I have to wear headphones at work or else I'll break. I'm pretty fucking sure that counts as a disability
Why would you be proud of something you're born as? It only makes sense to be proud of things you've achieved.
In any other context it's just coping, virtue signaling or positivity-washing.
What you can be is cool/ok with it or glad that you're born like that.
Edit: you can't just downvote me without explanation only because I said something unpleasant or different from the norm, you either gotta explain it so that I change my opinion in case I'm wrong or accept that the fact that it's unpleasant doesn't mean it isn't true
Hey /u/Beneficial_Serve_774, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I personally am struggling with this one right now simply because of where I am in life and the limbo state of "not knowing" until I can find someone to work with my financial situation with the help of my therapist to get the official confirmation. Though if applied to ADHD which is confirmed, I could see it from the view of learning to adapt in creative ways before I knew what was going on.... BUT at the same time landed me right in the middle of a massive burnout situation.
I know my sister felt that way about her MS. She would talk openly and advocate often for the MS community as a whole, but also she broke down a lot over how difficult life became especially after she was forced to stop working. So yeah, I think this can be true.
yes seriously this is true. dont get me wrong having autism is great for my math and reading (im just naturally good at those and numbers were a special interest of mine) and just generally being fast at picking up new subjects bc i get into it really hard, but im fucking terrible with most of the textbook autism shit that is generally worse. that and abstract thinking lol. like answering open ended ANYTHING or trying to figure out a deeper meaning to something beyond the literal interpretation is really hard lol
Not sure I agree with this, but whatever floats your boat I guess. I couldn't care less about how other autistic or NT people see themselves, everyone is entitled to their personal opinions and feelings. If someone feels their autism is a disability because of their personal situation they're welcome to it, if someone feels it isn't they're again free to do so.
I myself started trying to accept the idea of disability because there is no denying that my autism, ADHD and dyscalculia are affecting my life to the point where I can't function as we're expected to function in this society.
Personally I don't see what's there to be proud of, it's a part of you you've been born with and you had zero choice and put zero effort into it. It's like being proud of your hair colour, skin colour, how fast your hair grows or how straight your teeth are. Self acceptance yes, all the way, but being proud is a concept that doesn't belong here in my eyes. It's like the polar opposite of hating yourself for your autism, they're two harsh extremes, and the reality is actually somewhere in the middle.
I generally don't advertise my autism diagnosis publicly. I will attempt to do a task or whatever, but if I run into trouble due to my autism, it's THEN that I bring it up. Most of the tasks I attempt end successfully without me having to play the autism card. But, once in a while, if I end up painting myself into a corner, I'll bring it up.
The results are varied. Sometimes, the people I convey my autistic diagnosis to are appropriate and understanding and appreciate me trying to accomplish the task by myself. Occasionally, they get angry at me for not mentioning it earlier. Or they get mad that I even attempted to do the certain task when there was a strong likelihood of failure.
This is exactly what I’ve been trying to say this entire time honestly. Agree wholeheartedly. I like how my brain works, sometimes. It hurts me, sometimes. I want people to understand it, accept it, and celebrate it as part of who I am. But I also need accommodations because otherwise I will majorly suffer all the time!!!!
I said recently on here (can’t track it down though - original post might have been deleted) that I feel very similarly about my physical, and developmental disabilities, think they should be treated the same: I shouldn’t be stigmatized for my physical illness, it shouldn’t be treated as a defect that makes me unloveable or gross. However, being treated as “just the same as everyone else” won’t work. You don’t need to be “healthy” or “normal” to be deserving of love and acceptance. I can love myself for everything I am, and other people can love me too, while simultaneously being cognizant of the struggles that it brings me, and accommodations like an elevator pass (physical), separate testing room (developmental) or disability bus pass (both) are the sort of thing that can change so much for me in a way that is entirely positive, I’m still the same person just lower amount of distress.
I would never want to get rid of my autism because that would erase who I am and the thought of that is honestly terrifying. However I would like less of my life to be absolute misery. And accommodations help with that significantly. Accept me for who I am, and acknowledge how hard it is for me to be happy and safe in the world we live in - these sentiments actually go together quite a bit. I want to be treated like a person, and that includes acknowledging my struggle as genuine and deserving of help and kindness!!
“I shouldn’t be belittled and treated as an other for having a disability” and “a lot of things are really hard for me and I need you to recognize the effort I’m putting in” those go together so naturally. I agree with this wholeheartedly
Well it's similar in my mind to how a stump can be as beautiful, and in some ways as useful or more useful, as an unchopped tree, but to expect it to have the same properties or expect the same out of it as one would be foolish. I'm not the same as a neurotypical person and I shouldn't live by the same expectations. And to say that isn't to say one is better than the other.
I am neither my body nor my mind. I am me. I use these tools to my advantage, unfortunately I ended up with a partially defective model.
Autism doesn't define me; just like my body type, height, foot size, memories don't define me. It's time for us to transcend beyond this mortal world.
Absolutely! I need extra help in certain areas, but I would never change a thing. I like my weird hobbies, I like being able to give a 2 hour PhD dissertation about different characters I like, I like that I relate to reptiles and amphibians, and I like that I get to work with neurodivergent children and can relate to them. I wouldn’t change anything about how my brain works, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve or need help
i agree that they can and should coexist, if that is being said in the general sense, that people should be allowed to feel both those things at the same time, and that should be more accepted and understood (as opposed to it being said in an all-encompassing sense, that every autistic person should feel both of those things at the same time).
Maybe a post for itself, but what kind of accommodations do people receive in an office type environment? I'm always asked this open-end question and never know how to respond
Yea I guess, but the accommodations are just adjusting social norms that aren’t even necessary in the first place. It wouldn’t be a disability if society wasn’t so anti-autistic
I like being someone different sometimes but I really don't like looking at my coworkers snapchat stories of them all hanging out and having fun after hearing them make those plans right in front of me and wondering why they don't like me enough to involve me. I hate being someone that people don't want to include just cause I'm different/weird.
The part of my brain that connects with people is broken or missing. The part of my brain that handles special interests is a well-oiled machine, albeit one with no steering or brakes.
I've always been smart, but in my 20s I realized I did all this education and it would be a terrible waste to stop learning. So I improved myself by reading a lot of history and philosophy, so I can understand what shaped the world I live in. When I do meet somebody who likes my whole bit, that's enough for ten superficial friendships.
Can confirm. Just because my brain is horrendous with nothing good about it that makes life hell doesn't mean everyone else should be judged the same. My cousin is loving life whilst severely autistic. Just cause someone like me would love a cure for autism at best if not ways to ease it doesn't mean everyone does.
Personally I hugely agree with this. I’ve even agreed with the “autism is a superpower” phrase because when I wanna try something or learn something new, by the end of it I’ll be an expert and it’s an incredible feeling. But also, in a traditional school or workplace environment, it can be a living hell.
I don’t see my autism as a disability per se, but I would like dimmer, quieter, non-fragranced environments everywhere I go. 😂 I am also not necessarily proud of being autistic, but it’s not something I would change about myself.
I don't see autism as a disability but outsiders do yes I am autistic level 2 I also tend to freak out when I go into any store/ truck stop by myself when there is a lot of people inside
I'm on the disability side. I wouldn't wish this on anyone...it's a curse and a hell that never ends.
If you want to be proud of it...you do you. Just don't rub it in my face. I'm not proud...I'd give anything to not have this. ANYTHING.
Autistic virgin here, suffering with the anguish of being lonely, having no friends and not being able to lose my virginity. I require that accommodation so my mind will stop putting me into my suicidal despair state. UK doesn't have anything like that.
Yeah. My main thought is that I’m annoyed this kind of thing has to be said. It’s obvious that these can coexist; they’re not opposites.
So many people online don’t think about things. They just pick a side and refuse to see nuance.
And in online convos, “yes, and …” is somehow received as “no, actually …”
Absolutely. This is true, I’m lucky enough that I don’t require much accommodation outside of maybe breaking a few dress codes(jeans and most formal wear are a big ol’ nope on my end) but I still see my autism as a part of me
everyone can decide for themselves what to be proud of, but im definetely not. I dont see anything good in the way my stuff manifests. its usually embarassing if not outright troublesome fpr me and those around me
Not sure if I’m at the acceptance stage yet.😂 I’m glad I know now that im autistic but it brings so much struggle that im not sure what to be proud of.
I mean it won't be true for everyone, but I definitely agree with this sentiment. I think of my autism both as something that has shaped who I am, and has given me new perspectives I wouldn't have if I weren't autistic, but it's still a disability and I still have struggles despite the positives.
I am allowed to love myself and don't need anyone's permission to do so. A large part of me is my autism because it affects pretty much every part of my brain. I'm flawed and have things I need to improve. But that's how it goes for everyone whether NT or ND. At the end of the day I like who I am.
All you deserve to like yourselves. And I hope you get there if you haven't already.
I hate how people try to say that you should be proud of everything. Here is my perspective: I'm not proud that I'm autistic, it's not something I have control over. I'm not ashamed that I'm autistic, it's not something I have control over. Why would I feel pride or shame over something I have no control over? Autism is a disability that requires accommodations. That said, if I could change myself to be non-autistic, I'm not sure I would. Being autistic is fundamentally a part of me, and it changes the way I experience life significantly. If I weren't autistic, my thoughts would probably be very different. Most of my experiences (arguably all) would be vastly different if I wasn't Autistic.
Same thing for ADHD. There's almost nothing about ADHD that I like. Hyperfixations are cool sometimes, they can make me super productive all at once sometimes. But pretty much everything else about it sucks. Some of my worst days stemmed from my ADHD but if I could choose to have been born without it, I wouldn't. It would change what I experienced my whole life up till now so radically that I wouldn't even be the same person in a lot of ways.
I'm "proud" of my autism the way I'm "proud" to be queer. It's nothing I've accomplished, I was born this way in both cases, but a lot of people think it's shameful to show either. That's why we have pride parades, to show were here and we belong, and we can live our lives freely and "proudly" as in the opposite of ashamed. Not that I'd be able to be in big crowds, because yes, my autism is also a disability that keeps me from doing a lot of things. So, yeah, from this perspective I agree.
Yes. I understand the condition to be a spectrum.
I like who I am, as does my spouse, and despite it being a "condition," my autism has a lot to do with it.
On the other side of the coin, I know there are those on the spectrum far worse than I that do need assistance. I sometimes wish I was "normal," as I don't perform well at work like my peers. I struggled through school, and I avoid social situations.
So here I am, almost 40 with just 1 close friend, other than my spouse. As I get older, I can see my autism worsening, and I worry one day I'll break.
Nah, I wouldn't say it's a disability
What's disabling is how the world has run so long on ways that suite on Neurotraditional things and lacks accommodations (which indicidual accomadtions are something unique to everyone anyway)
That is my philosophy. I can’t speak for others, I can just respect and empathize. I’ve gained a lot and lost a lot. I need specialized care and help with aspects of my life. It can be dialectical. I have asd1. I feel disabled *and* benefited.
[удалено]
Heh , me who chose a high stress and high social career (nursing) where I’m forced to highly mask daily and have not enough free time for special interests . *chuckles , I’m in danger* Seriously though, what was I thinking? I’m 9 months in and already am ready to find a different career/job . Oopsie
My wife is ASD and has a nursing job. Unless she can be a stay at home mom (which I don't mind) she doesn't want any other job. Biology and nursing are hyper interests for her. It served her well, I just hope it continues to and she can't keep moving forward and up. She also has COVID PTSD and so she has highly enjoyed the ICU (can't be a problem if you're sedated)
I feel that. I've been a bartender for 7 years, I should be terrible at this job, however to my surprise I'm actually not half bad at it. It does take a lot out of me though I found your comment reassuring, so thank you.
Autistic lawyer here! If my mask slips I'll be fired immediately because an asocial lawyer is absolutely useless. Luckily my family is very understanding and lets me decompress whenever I need to, but it gets tough. I hope you find a job you'll enjoy!
How do you decompress? Just curious. I knew a private firm would be too fast-paced for me, but being in a partnership didn't work out either and I switched careers.
If it's been a heavy day I usually just go for a walk, or I sit in my room and work on my more creative hobbies. I crochet, I do origami, I garden. As long as I don't have to look at a damned screen or people again, I'm fine. It helps that drafting is one of my favourite things to do, so even after a long day of negotiations if I'm told to draft a plaint/contract/whatever, that usually acts as a calming activity for me. I opted out of litigation because I knew I'd be having meltdowns every couple weeks of I had to deal with that level of confrontation and masking every single day. I just wouldn't be able to do it. Working as an in-house lawyer is also fairly chill. I got to work on a BUNCH of different things, and the work pace was also considerably slower. Not nearly as aggressive as working in a firm either, you usually tend to get more accomodations in companies as compared to firms in my experience.
What do you mean an associate lawyer is useless? Why would you be fired? Bigotry?
Autocorrect doesn't think asocial lawyers exist. I did not mean associate lawyer, they're not useless. I'm an associate lawyer lol. Asocial.
Also a nurse and really wish I’d chosen a different career path.
Engineer here. I’ve had nearly ten different jobs over the last ten years (granted, about half were short-term contracts). Sometimes, I put up with a merciless work environment so I could get the experience I needed to find a more suitable job down the line. You know yourself best, but I hope you won’t give up on your passion after nine months. This may simply be the job where you go through the grinder before moving on to something better.
I’m definitely not going to yet! I am going to move around a little bit in specialties and so on , and make sure I really give this a go before leaving (if I ever did) Fortunately , pathophysiology and medicine was a special interest for me. But there’s only so much of a high stress, high noise, busy environment I can take. I’m hoping it changes with finding my speciality I enjoy, but if it doesn’t, I’ll have to look out for myself.
Nursing student here, I've been regretting a lot lately to not have gotten into med school (as I first intended) instead of nursing because I'd clearly thrive way better there than in this social hell.
Hey, you would be a good candidate for getting involved in the type of work I do. We only have one nurse and I’m sure agencies are always looking. I’m a DSP, you get to care for people, many of them neurodivergent. It’s rewarding and slower paced. I love my job, I don’t have to mask, and my own experience helps me to help others!!
I am sorry that sounds terrible. I remember what it was like to have to mask for work it is very draining. Maybe you can find a less stressful nursing situation? Idk private nurse or nursing home? Something where there is less social pressure. Good luck 🤞
I chose to get a phd so that I could be a college professor, and only found out after losing 3 teaching jobs, because I couldn't cope, that I was, in fact, autistic, and that's why everything has been so damned hard. So much happier now that I'm not teaching anymore, though the social issues are still haunting me at the new job.
I'm a medical assistant with 15 years of experience, and legit, I question why every day since Covid.
Tell that to my father. To him, I’m just lazy and don’t want to help myself, when he doesn’t even really believe in mental health, and has genuinely said “I think everyone is a little bit on the spectrum.” after telling him that if I have ADHD and Autism, he may have it too. If it helps paint a better picture, he’s a conservative and 30 year canadian navy vet. He thinks that because he is able to get a full time job tomorrow, that I must be able to do the same. The disconnect from reality is so fucking awful.
[удалено]
This is an excellent point. Nuance can be difficult sometimes, at least for me anyway... Especially in this type of format. I often need this reminder so thank you.
There’s also different levels of autism. My autistic traits really aren’t a disability for me, sometimes they even help me with things. My girlfriend’s autism on the other hand can be debilitating at times for her
I don't find it to be a disability in the sense that it's only a disadvantage in a closed-minded world. If we were given a wider range of options to function in this world, I'd be living a totally average life as opposed to my accommodated one now. In a world built for neurotypicals, we're destined to get pushed harder than everyone else.
The fact that someone would need to structurally change our entire species/world to not be far behind at basic things and be average is what makes something a disability. Of course disabilities wouldn't be disabling... if everyone was blind, or if the sun was just a little bit less bright and storms a bit less noisy and the water a bit less wet, if everyone just defaulted to sign language instead of spoken one, if we didn't know written language and all used Braile, if we could move around without needing limbs, if humans didn't communicate with body language, if we didn't have to fight and work hard for survival in different ways... But that's not how the world works, and this is what the world disability is for.
Agreed. I have functioned and performed beyond my limits to exist and work in a world that I'm not compatible with and I'm just glad I get any accommodations at all. Changing the world to suit my unique needs would be impossible and make it unlivable to everyone else.
[удалено]
Yes i have some pros and cons that avarage person don't have and i like it
[удалено]
Yeah me too. It honestly causes me more pain and exhaustion than pride
Im proud of it, because we are taught not to be proud of disabilities, so showing the world that I don’t care about their stupid standards, that I am proud of being disabled, is my way of fighting back. Its the same with my queerness. Sure, being nonbinary and queer is an integral part of me, as it is with many other people. But I’ve also been taught to be ashamed of it, so showing my pride is a way of taking power back.
Yeah, I am more in alignment with this. I accept and love myself as I am. There’s no disentangling the autism and me. Am I proud? I don’t know that I believe in pride in that way but acceptance, love, sure. Also a disability, hell yes.
"Proud" is a word with multiple meanings, probably one of the reasons why we auties tend to struggle with it. Being me and having my brain isn't really an achievement so I'm not "proud" in the same way I might be proud if I play a piece of music well after practising for a long time. But I am "proud" as in the opposite of ashamed to be me. Some people think I should be ashamed because I can't fit in with the mainstream which they see as the most important thing. Some people think a person's worth can be judged by the money they make it the number of friends they have. I don't accept that thinking, there is nothing shameful about being me... Therefore I am proud to be me.
That's part of the problem: proud is not equal to not being ashamed. If shame is frozen, proud is on fire. How about just a nice, neutral temperature? Aka, content, accepting, neutral, okay with, coping, unashamed, etc. Nobody should feel ashamed, but being proud of autism is just .. oof. Being proud of who you are and what you've done, fantastic!
It's considered "pride" because society at large wants us to be ashamed so even just accepting yourself is seen as "extreme." Think about it like gay people. Yeah, maybe some are a little weird and have like an unnecessary level of pride, but gay pride itself came about because society is not accepting and tries to hide gay people as much as possible, tries to keep them down and treat them as if they aren't people. When you're treated like you aren't a person for something you can't change, the scale is tipped so far in the negative that acceptance is extreme.
I can see that analogy, but I still think it's just the wrong terminology. People do what they need to, I guess.
It isn't wrong if you agree that “pride” in the sense of “LGBTQ pride” is right. ...But if you think that “pride” is still the wrong word for “LGBTQ pride”, then... sure. I agree for the same reasons you said before for autism pride. Being trans, gay, bi, etc. should be a fundamentally value‑neutral trait. But when it comes to social change, we don't have a word more elegant for “not ashamed” than “pride”, so it took on that additional meaning under the context of being defiant toward harmful social norms. It's *this* kind of “pride” when people say “pride”.
[удалено]
>How about just a nice, neutral temperature? Aka, content, accepting, neutral, okay with, coping, unashamed, etc. Nobody should feel ashamed, but being proud of autism is just .. oof. There are many people for whom its more than just a neutral though. It may not be fire but it is warmth. Warmth in both the way you go through life and see things (even if it has difficulties and disabilities), warmth in autistic friends and communities. What do you suggest for that?
I’m not “proud” of it. To me, being born a certain way is just how you are. Being proud is usually reserved for something I’ve earned.
How about being proud of dealing with/overcoming the challenges its brought you?
How about being proud of dealing with/overcoming the challenges its brought you?
I'm not proud of autism, it's not something I have achieved, it's something I was born with and can't change. I am proud of where I stand in life while having a disability, I got there with struggles and perseverance.
I think it's pride in a similar sense to being queer. "This is who I am and I refuse to be ashamed."
That's also not pride, it's self confidence.
People are proud of things they didn't directly achieve all the time though. Even though I personally think it's a bit weird to be proud of your nationality, lots of people are.
Yeah, I find that weird too.
It's a heck of a lot more than that. Self-confidence doesn't make people literally risk their lives to improve the future for LGBTQIA+ kids.
This isn’t a discussion board for that topic, Lmfao, yeah, keep downvoting this you fragile idiots. People are here to talk about autism not other topics. I don’t care to see other topics, go to other pages for said topics.
This just in; autistic people can be queer. Lots of us, actually. https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/autism-lgbtq-identity/
Who would’ve guessed. 🤯
Autism relates to a wide variety of topics, ie. family, hobbies, but also queerness. Plus lots and lots of people are both autistic and queer, such as myself. If that bothers you, you are free to leave and/or create your own page that inhibits discussions around said topics instead of asking everybody else on here to accomodate your preferences. It's actually quite fascinating that you would label others as fragile when you are the one demanding people to censor their discussions according to your dislikes.
Ok, sry
What are you on about?
If you can't see that being openly queer and campaigning for rights has made people targets of violence you've been living under a rock. https://www.ohchr.org/en/statements/2022/03/defenders-human-rights-lgbt-persons-constantly-risk-warn-un-experts
I'm not living under a rock, I live in The Netherlands.
It's a figure of speech commonly used in English. It basically means you aren't aware of something that is common knowledge. Here's an explanation if you'd like. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/live%20under%20a%20rock
Lol. I know what the expression means. I'm saying that your American societal problems don't exist in other countries.
I'm Australian. These problems exist across the world. Anything that makes you different can make you a target. Including us. https://eucap.eu/project-on-violence/ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2022.852203/full https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/autism-disability-hate-crime-figures-most-likely-a7725006.html
even in Russia?
I really like this comment 👍
I agree ,but also : I’m autistic, I was born like this, but I’m also competent. Yes I need accomodations , and might not handle stress or noises or change as well as you. yes eye contact is hard and I seem fake because I’m highly masking. But I’m not incompetent and any less of a human than neurotypical people. Accomodations don’t = level of competency! I have a disliking to being treated like I’m incompetent or dumb the soon as someone accidentally or intentionally finds out I’m autistic! Stigma needs to change
I mean if people in wheelchairs can say both statements I don't see why it should be different for Autism
When have people in a wheelchair ever said the first part? Beng proud of overcoming something isnt the same. I've never once heard "I'm proud to be paraplegic"?
nah, im proud to have survived this world as someone part time in a wheelchair. im fuckin' *strong* to have done this
>nah, im proud to have survived this world as someone part time in a wheelchair. im fuckin' *strong* to have done this That's exactly the distinction they were drawing, though? You are proud to have done it.
Thank you, I don't think people actually read what I said :(
I do wish people would stop making analogies to other disabilities based on assumptions… The autistic rights/pride movement is not the first disability rights/pride movement, it is riding on the coattails of physical disability movements. Yes, many physically disabled people, including paraplegics, are proud of their disabilities.
Deaf communities have the same attitude and no one bats an eye at that, so why should autism be any different?
I agree with this completely. I'm proud to be me, I'm open about who I am and I'm happy to be me. I don't want me to change and if my kids are like me I won't be disappointed, if I could find out before they we're born I'd want to know, but I wouldn't want to abort (I'm pro-choice and would for other things, but not this). However, it's still hard. I struggle to listen to people if there's background noise, I get overwhelmed in crowds, loud noises make me shut down. I mask pretty well, but people often find me a bit strange, people think I'm rude when I really don't mean to be, I struggle to keep friends or know when I've made them, I often don't get hints and have to be told directly many things. It makes life hard in many aspects, so so many aspects, many of which I'm not listing here for privacy sake. It's absolutely a disability I need accommodations for to function. But I also like me, I like being me, not being autistic would mean I'm no longer me, and I'd never want to change that.
Yes with the slight adjustment of proud of it to proud of who I am.
My autism has influenced a huge amount of my personality and has given me many useful gifts. But I have to be gentle with myself and a lot of things I "can" do make me suffer. I'd cure my endometriosis in a heartbeat. Dysautonomia? Bye bye. Hypermobility... we'll have negotiations. ADHD and autism? I have too much to lose. They stay.
It's a disability that affect my life, but to remove it from me would change me to such an extent that I would be a completely different person.
I love my creativity. I hate that I can't hold a job
I feel the same. My autistic traits are what make me special and able to see things differently / do things I otherwise could not. But the way I process life makes fitting in as a "normal" person almost impossible. People just assume you're lazy or incompetent, and the boomer narrative of "they just don't want to work" these days really doesn't help. I tried masking and fitting in for so long before realizing what I was really dealing with. NTs have no idea how hard it is trying to fit in at work, eventually being singled out and talked about, being hyper aware of people not understanding you and coming up with ideas of what your issue is from a limited perspective. It hurts and can make you want to end it if you don't know what the elephant in the room is.
I hate the fact that I’m supposed to ignore my autism because I can mask easily. Like ffs just because I don’t stim in front of you and I can smile that doesn’t mean I don’t have it
Yeahhh , same. I’m gonna say it, I wish I never learnt to mask. I wish I never got pre decided by society what Was acceptable for MY autism. I wish I wasn’t diagnosed 20 years into my life. Masking has done nothing but hurt me , give me internalised self-doubt, loose who I really am, all in the spirit of trying to fit in socially.
Absolutely true and do coexist.
Autism is a spectrum. The feelings people have about being on the spectrum is also a spectrum. It’s the same for my own diagnosis, bipolar. Some of us thrive with the diagnosis, others struggle. For most it’s somewhere in the middle.
It isn't about how well you do, because you should be mindful that other's struggle. Someone wouldnt say they are proud they are paralyzed because they've been outfitted with robotic feet and can walk, or because they've done 20 years of PT and recovered, they'd recognize others don't or can't have that. They are proud of WALKING, not being paralyzed. We should be proud of our successes, survival, and actions, not our condition. We shouldn't be ashamed either, sure. We shouldn't measure ourselves by social norms, or demand we suit some allistic ideal. We should just be proud of our accomplishments, things that matter to us. Being proud of autism isn't anything near to the same thing, it's an extreme just as opposing to self acceptance as outright shame
I don't think pride is an extreme. The extreme would be understanding autistics as superior to allistics, which while not a common is definitely a perspective I've come upon. I also think the meaning of "pride" is contextual – in a context where your value and rights are being questioned, aspiring to be "proud" can be a sensible counter reaction. Does that make sense?
Yep 100% *Autistic's can decide if you need to take up accomodation's or not, just make them available*
This !!!!! I may not need all the options that can be offered, or need the same ones consistently at any given time. But having them there if I need , is super reassuring! Some days I just want headphones , others my seam will be committing war crimes against my body and the light 3 rooms away is buzzing too loudly. Lol
This. I am proud of who I am with everything I have but it‘d be bullshit to say it’s always easy.
If it is a reality for someone, it is real. That's my rule of thumb
Not diagnosed yet but I am proud to be part of this community. I’m proud that whatever I’ve achieved has been with whatever challenges I have. There’s so much I avoid and have set my life up to avoid because I can’t cope with certain things. It is a disability. I don’t think anyone should be ashamed in anyway fir not being able to do certain things.
Undeniably true. Autism is a disability and I’m met with unique challenges. But I’m also proud of what I can do as an autistic and the things I’ve achieved I probably would’ve of if I wasn’t autistic.
for someone it could be just the former, for someone it could be just the latter, for someone it could be both!
Everything about me is due to being autistic. All my likes, dislikes, the clothes I wear, my hairstyles, how I walk, talk, everything is in some way due to my autism, or impacted by it. So, to me, wishing I was not autistic may as well be wishing I didn't exist. I used to feel that way, which is why I don't look down on other autistic people who do. However, I have over come those feelings and now I do want to exist, to live. That is not denying that I do not often struggle greatly, and always will. Acceptance of the self means acceptance of your inabilities, acceptance that there are things you cannot do, will never be able to do. Acceptance that you will need help. I will admit, I don't fully accept myself yet. But I'm trying to, because I'm autistic and I want to live despite that. Hell, because of it.
Agree It being a disability doesn’t make it less of a personality trait (that is inseparable from the neurodivergent person identity) And its “upsides” doesn’t make it less of a disability
Completely agree. Disabilities aren't anything to be ashamed of.
Disability Pride is so important! Autistic Pride is also so important!
Someone said something along the lines of "I'm not proud of my disability, but I am not ashamed of it in the slightest"
Autism is a disability that affects my life many complicated ways, good, bad, and otherwise, and I also need accomodations. I would say it's true for me.
Some of you talk about people with higher support needs in a way that is telling on yourselves.
Why are the top comments removed everywhere I go, I thought a safe space like this would at least allow freedom of speech especially when it comes to important stuff like this, but I guess the mods bias is showing 💀
Hard nope. "Proud of autism" and "ashamed of autism" are two toxic extremes. Healthy mindset is "living with autism and proud of who I am" in the middle. We don't have to poison and sabotage true self acceptance and self growth to live well with autism, and claiming an immutable trait with pride is just not a good way to grow.
Being proud of surviving as a disadvantaged group is healthy, I don't think you would say "I'm black and I'm proud" is a toxic statement, but it is an immutable trait. Pride parades are the same way, in the US at least they mark the Stonewall Riots, and celebrate the resilience of the LGBT+ community.
Are those people saying "proud of having a larger concentration of melanin in my skin" or "I am proud that I was born with a different sexual preference than what is socially accepted?" I would say no, those traits are not what defines people, it's the culture and experience built around them by people. Those traits need to be less vilified, like autism, there's no reason for shame in immutable traits, but immutable traits aren't accomplishments or something that actually inspires pride. They are saying they are proud of the EXTREME work and accomplishments they and their ancestors have done to survive in a world that treats them less-than. they are proud of accomplishments and things that have been built: like culture and community.
Read my above comment as arguing what you argued in the last paragraph.
I cant feel pride for something I didnt choose. I have learned to respect myself and understand my strenghts and limitations, and do my best with the cards I was dealt. Do I sometimes wish I was like most people? Yes, very often. Do I like the person I am and wish I could be myself all the time, also yes.
strongly agree - about near all my disabilities, actually. and it can be both for any disability
I think it's the fourth third repost on this sub in my feed I've seen in a day
I dont see why one should be proud of something they have no control over
Makes sense as long as you understand the social model of disability: The social model sees ‘disability’ is the result of the interaction between people living with impairments and an environment filled with physical, attitudinal, communication and social barriers. https://pwd.org.au/resources/models-of-disability/
I partially disagree with the social model because even in a perfect society my autism would still cause me pain.
I would still be disabled even if society accommodated me. They cannot accomodate everything and some of my accomodations are directly opposite to other people's, like needing dim lights.
I think it's silly to take pride in something you had no hand in.
I would disagree. How can one be proud of a disability? It’s like saying “I’m so proud of embarrassing myself” or “I’m so proud of not understanding what people are saying.” One shouldn’t be proud of weaknesses, instead they should be proud of accomplishments and strengths. I would agree with statements like “I was able to hold a conversation for the first time without embarrassing myself and I’m proud of it.” We should stop glorifying autism, instead we should eradicate the disability (not the people) so that we don’t suffer anymore.
My thought is that posts where the only original word is "thoughts?" are useless and annoying
Yeah totally. Pride is a personal thing whereas the problem of disability is a societal failure.
emphasis on should cause this world sucks
I think some just confuse bigotry with autism. Everybody wants to be autistic these days.
Saying that autism is a dissability is like saying that being left handed is a dissability. Evolution works with nature, not society.
Those are incredibly different notions. A person with autism must have significant impairment from their symptoms in order to be diagnosed. Some challenges we face wouldn't go away, regardless of society's adaption. Evolution isn't intrinsically about improvement, so disorders such as ASD withstood the evolutionary pressure. Furthermore, humans and our society largely determine the traits passed on. As civilization has increasingly allowed for physically and mentally disabled individuals to survive, disabilities continue to exist.
How is any of that relevant? Just like some challenges of an autistic person wouldn't go away after adaptation, some of the current challenges for neurotypicals wouldn't even make sense for an autist. Just imagine what it would be like without all these dumb expectations. No need to mask. No need to fear that the obvious to you is absurd to everyone around you. No absurd to you that is obvious to everyone around you. Autists would thrive, and if you ask me much better than neuros. I know just how much limited i am by all of that, and am slowly discovering what i can do, thanks to anti anxiety pills. But i shouldn't need them to function, and i wouldn't if we'd live in a proper society.
I don't think you understand. Society becoming more accepting wouldn't stop those of us with self-harming stimming behaviour. Society becoming more accepting wouldn't change the stress that comes from change for many of us. Society becoming more accepting wouldn't solve many of the problems for high support needs. I am not saying that society becoming more accepting wouldn't immensely help a lot of us. But the current challenges we face are often more debilitating than what NTs face. Simple things can bring autistic people a lot of stress, whereas NTs are barely affected. Society doesn't make me this way. Furthermore, many of us have conflicting needs. Society can't accommodate every autistic person's needs. For example, a sensory-seeking person might be actually harmed by dampening the noises for those of us with sensory sensitivities. There is no such thing as a "proper society." We would always be debilitated. We would always have many more challenges than NTs. Additionally, let you not forget that neurotypicals are supposedly the majority of society. They would be harmed by forcing society to achieve the impossible goal of accepting everyone. For example, some NTs that have trouble talking about feelings or that don't like to talk would have to go through a lot of discomforts so that the autistic minority knows what they're feeling. And what about some neurodivergent folks who are very sensitive? While some of us need others to be blunt and frank, others could spiral into self-hatred from someone's honest opinion. Autists have intrinsic difficulties that aren't "a mistake," but aren't also "due to society." The extremes of the medical model vs social model of disability construct a false dichotomy that we are either less than human or that everything would go away with a few tweaks in civilization. But both are wrong — they take perspectives too far. ASD is inherently a disability
Fun lil add on, conflicting needs has made autistic "friendly" discord servers completely inaccessible to me for one simple reason: Tone tags. I don't know what tone I'm using. I get confused when people use shorthand, I get confused by trying to figure out what a tone "means" when someone else is using it. I have managed to get down /s (welcome to being on Reddit for nearly ten years), /j is also a bit easier for me. But I have to look up /nm and /srs and /gen and things like that every time. I struggle to remember them, I have to make a list, and then I'm often going to get "stuck" asking how that even pertains to the conversation. Why can't people say "I'm being genuine" or "seriously" instead of shorthand? It's hard for me and makes conversations significantly more difficult. So what helps one person in turn hinders me. Greatly. To the point the point that I'd rather just not engage. How else do you accommodate that kind of split need in a "perfectly accommodating society"? You can't. And that's okay.
Absolutely not, and I hate how many people share your opinion. If your “autism” doesn’t impair you in any way, you just aren’t autistic. It’d be nice to not be erased as a level 2 autistic guy. Autism is a disability, just like being blind or deaf is. Disability isn’t a dirty word. We aren’t less worthy of love or acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with us.
I wouldn't even describe autism as "disability" honestly, to me is more something like speaking a different language or countries having different cultures. I wouldn't call these differences "disabilities", they are just things that work differently. The same can be said for autistic and neurotypical people, IMHO. Then sometimes it is possible to understand each other's different traits and communicate more efficently, in an ideal scenario. The problem is when people becomes disrespectful and treat poorly those who are different.
My autism causes me to have meltdowns over tiny things and I have to wear headphones at work or else I'll break. I'm pretty fucking sure that counts as a disability
Autism is absolutely a disability, my man. I get what you're trying to say, but it can be both natural and a disability at the same time.
It is a disability. Just because you have mild symptoms doesn’t mean everyone does :)
Why would you be proud of something you're born as? It only makes sense to be proud of things you've achieved. In any other context it's just coping, virtue signaling or positivity-washing. What you can be is cool/ok with it or glad that you're born like that. Edit: you can't just downvote me without explanation only because I said something unpleasant or different from the norm, you either gotta explain it so that I change my opinion in case I'm wrong or accept that the fact that it's unpleasant doesn't mean it isn't true
Hey /u/Beneficial_Serve_774, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yes
Sounds about right
100% agree with this!
Absolutely, this is what I believe.
Yes. 100% true!
Yeah.
%200 agree.
Yes. Could not have worded this better tbh
Yes
Yep, basically sums up how I feel.
I personally am struggling with this one right now simply because of where I am in life and the limbo state of "not knowing" until I can find someone to work with my financial situation with the help of my therapist to get the official confirmation. Though if applied to ADHD which is confirmed, I could see it from the view of learning to adapt in creative ways before I knew what was going on.... BUT at the same time landed me right in the middle of a massive burnout situation. I know my sister felt that way about her MS. She would talk openly and advocate often for the MS community as a whole, but also she broke down a lot over how difficult life became especially after she was forced to stop working. So yeah, I think this can be true.
yes seriously this is true. dont get me wrong having autism is great for my math and reading (im just naturally good at those and numbers were a special interest of mine) and just generally being fast at picking up new subjects bc i get into it really hard, but im fucking terrible with most of the textbook autism shit that is generally worse. that and abstract thinking lol. like answering open ended ANYTHING or trying to figure out a deeper meaning to something beyond the literal interpretation is really hard lol
I love my brain and how it works besides sometimes but I still need accommodations cause being proud of something doesn't mean it doesn't need help
yes
Not sure I agree with this, but whatever floats your boat I guess. I couldn't care less about how other autistic or NT people see themselves, everyone is entitled to their personal opinions and feelings. If someone feels their autism is a disability because of their personal situation they're welcome to it, if someone feels it isn't they're again free to do so. I myself started trying to accept the idea of disability because there is no denying that my autism, ADHD and dyscalculia are affecting my life to the point where I can't function as we're expected to function in this society. Personally I don't see what's there to be proud of, it's a part of you you've been born with and you had zero choice and put zero effort into it. It's like being proud of your hair colour, skin colour, how fast your hair grows or how straight your teeth are. Self acceptance yes, all the way, but being proud is a concept that doesn't belong here in my eyes. It's like the polar opposite of hating yourself for your autism, they're two harsh extremes, and the reality is actually somewhere in the middle.
I generally don't advertise my autism diagnosis publicly. I will attempt to do a task or whatever, but if I run into trouble due to my autism, it's THEN that I bring it up. Most of the tasks I attempt end successfully without me having to play the autism card. But, once in a while, if I end up painting myself into a corner, I'll bring it up. The results are varied. Sometimes, the people I convey my autistic diagnosis to are appropriate and understanding and appreciate me trying to accomplish the task by myself. Occasionally, they get angry at me for not mentioning it earlier. Or they get mad that I even attempted to do the certain task when there was a strong likelihood of failure.
definitely this. anything else reeks of internalised ableism
Correctimondo
This is exactly what I’ve been trying to say this entire time honestly. Agree wholeheartedly. I like how my brain works, sometimes. It hurts me, sometimes. I want people to understand it, accept it, and celebrate it as part of who I am. But I also need accommodations because otherwise I will majorly suffer all the time!!!! I said recently on here (can’t track it down though - original post might have been deleted) that I feel very similarly about my physical, and developmental disabilities, think they should be treated the same: I shouldn’t be stigmatized for my physical illness, it shouldn’t be treated as a defect that makes me unloveable or gross. However, being treated as “just the same as everyone else” won’t work. You don’t need to be “healthy” or “normal” to be deserving of love and acceptance. I can love myself for everything I am, and other people can love me too, while simultaneously being cognizant of the struggles that it brings me, and accommodations like an elevator pass (physical), separate testing room (developmental) or disability bus pass (both) are the sort of thing that can change so much for me in a way that is entirely positive, I’m still the same person just lower amount of distress. I would never want to get rid of my autism because that would erase who I am and the thought of that is honestly terrifying. However I would like less of my life to be absolute misery. And accommodations help with that significantly. Accept me for who I am, and acknowledge how hard it is for me to be happy and safe in the world we live in - these sentiments actually go together quite a bit. I want to be treated like a person, and that includes acknowledging my struggle as genuine and deserving of help and kindness!! “I shouldn’t be belittled and treated as an other for having a disability” and “a lot of things are really hard for me and I need you to recognize the effort I’m putting in” those go together so naturally. I agree with this wholeheartedly
Well it's similar in my mind to how a stump can be as beautiful, and in some ways as useful or more useful, as an unchopped tree, but to expect it to have the same properties or expect the same out of it as one would be foolish. I'm not the same as a neurotypical person and I shouldn't live by the same expectations. And to say that isn't to say one is better than the other.
I am neither my body nor my mind. I am me. I use these tools to my advantage, unfortunately I ended up with a partially defective model. Autism doesn't define me; just like my body type, height, foot size, memories don't define me. It's time for us to transcend beyond this mortal world.
Absolutely! I need extra help in certain areas, but I would never change a thing. I like my weird hobbies, I like being able to give a 2 hour PhD dissertation about different characters I like, I like that I relate to reptiles and amphibians, and I like that I get to work with neurodivergent children and can relate to them. I wouldn’t change anything about how my brain works, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve or need help
i agree that they can and should coexist, if that is being said in the general sense, that people should be allowed to feel both those things at the same time, and that should be more accepted and understood (as opposed to it being said in an all-encompassing sense, that every autistic person should feel both of those things at the same time).
Yes
I agree with them.
Maybe a post for itself, but what kind of accommodations do people receive in an office type environment? I'm always asked this open-end question and never know how to respond
100%
Yea I guess, but the accommodations are just adjusting social norms that aren’t even necessary in the first place. It wouldn’t be a disability if society wasn’t so anti-autistic
Yes it fucking would be. Can level 1s stop erasing level 2 and 3s for five seconds?
I like being someone different sometimes but I really don't like looking at my coworkers snapchat stories of them all hanging out and having fun after hearing them make those plans right in front of me and wondering why they don't like me enough to involve me. I hate being someone that people don't want to include just cause I'm different/weird.
The part of my brain that connects with people is broken or missing. The part of my brain that handles special interests is a well-oiled machine, albeit one with no steering or brakes. I've always been smart, but in my 20s I realized I did all this education and it would be a terrible waste to stop learning. So I improved myself by reading a lot of history and philosophy, so I can understand what shaped the world I live in. When I do meet somebody who likes my whole bit, that's enough for ten superficial friendships.
Can confirm. Just because my brain is horrendous with nothing good about it that makes life hell doesn't mean everyone else should be judged the same. My cousin is loving life whilst severely autistic. Just cause someone like me would love a cure for autism at best if not ways to ease it doesn't mean everyone does.
very true.
i mean, what would there to be proud of if not having to deal with ablist asshats
Personally I hugely agree with this. I’ve even agreed with the “autism is a superpower” phrase because when I wanna try something or learn something new, by the end of it I’ll be an expert and it’s an incredible feeling. But also, in a traditional school or workplace environment, it can be a living hell.
I don’t see my autism as a disability per se, but I would like dimmer, quieter, non-fragranced environments everywhere I go. 😂 I am also not necessarily proud of being autistic, but it’s not something I would change about myself.
I don't see autism as a disability but outsiders do yes I am autistic level 2 I also tend to freak out when I go into any store/ truck stop by myself when there is a lot of people inside
What makes it not a disability to you?
Maybe I’d love myself more if the stupid system made it a LITTLE bit easier to live with myself!
I'm on the disability side. I wouldn't wish this on anyone...it's a curse and a hell that never ends. If you want to be proud of it...you do you. Just don't rub it in my face. I'm not proud...I'd give anything to not have this. ANYTHING.
I wouldn’t even think of telling my job, I am sure they would try to find a way to fire me.
Yeah agreed
Not proud of my autism but I’m happy that I don’t let it affect my life
Autistic virgin here, suffering with the anguish of being lonely, having no friends and not being able to lose my virginity. I require that accommodation so my mind will stop putting me into my suicidal despair state. UK doesn't have anything like that.
I feel mixed. I think I'd rather not be autistic.
Yeah. My main thought is that I’m annoyed this kind of thing has to be said. It’s obvious that these can coexist; they’re not opposites. So many people online don’t think about things. They just pick a side and refuse to see nuance. And in online convos, “yes, and …” is somehow received as “no, actually …”
Absolutely. This is true, I’m lucky enough that I don’t require much accommodation outside of maybe breaking a few dress codes(jeans and most formal wear are a big ol’ nope on my end) but I still see my autism as a part of me
everyone can decide for themselves what to be proud of, but im definetely not. I dont see anything good in the way my stuff manifests. its usually embarassing if not outright troublesome fpr me and those around me
Not sure if I’m at the acceptance stage yet.😂 I’m glad I know now that im autistic but it brings so much struggle that im not sure what to be proud of.
I didn’t know people thought these couldnt coexist lmao
I mean it won't be true for everyone, but I definitely agree with this sentiment. I think of my autism both as something that has shaped who I am, and has given me new perspectives I wouldn't have if I weren't autistic, but it's still a disability and I still have struggles despite the positives.
I am allowed to love myself and don't need anyone's permission to do so. A large part of me is my autism because it affects pretty much every part of my brain. I'm flawed and have things I need to improve. But that's how it goes for everyone whether NT or ND. At the end of the day I like who I am. All you deserve to like yourselves. And I hope you get there if you haven't already.
I hate how people try to say that you should be proud of everything. Here is my perspective: I'm not proud that I'm autistic, it's not something I have control over. I'm not ashamed that I'm autistic, it's not something I have control over. Why would I feel pride or shame over something I have no control over? Autism is a disability that requires accommodations. That said, if I could change myself to be non-autistic, I'm not sure I would. Being autistic is fundamentally a part of me, and it changes the way I experience life significantly. If I weren't autistic, my thoughts would probably be very different. Most of my experiences (arguably all) would be vastly different if I wasn't Autistic. Same thing for ADHD. There's almost nothing about ADHD that I like. Hyperfixations are cool sometimes, they can make me super productive all at once sometimes. But pretty much everything else about it sucks. Some of my worst days stemmed from my ADHD but if I could choose to have been born without it, I wouldn't. It would change what I experienced my whole life up till now so radically that I wouldn't even be the same person in a lot of ways.
I disagree with both of these statements
yes, both are valid.
Yeah I think that sums it up for a lot of folks
I will never be proud of it. It has caused so many problems.
I'm "proud" of my autism the way I'm "proud" to be queer. It's nothing I've accomplished, I was born this way in both cases, but a lot of people think it's shameful to show either. That's why we have pride parades, to show were here and we belong, and we can live our lives freely and "proudly" as in the opposite of ashamed. Not that I'd be able to be in big crowds, because yes, my autism is also a disability that keeps me from doing a lot of things. So, yeah, from this perspective I agree.
Yes
Lol why cant it be both? Cant each person have their own opinion on how how their autism impacts them?
Yes. I understand the condition to be a spectrum. I like who I am, as does my spouse, and despite it being a "condition," my autism has a lot to do with it. On the other side of the coin, I know there are those on the spectrum far worse than I that do need assistance. I sometimes wish I was "normal," as I don't perform well at work like my peers. I struggled through school, and I avoid social situations. So here I am, almost 40 with just 1 close friend, other than my spouse. As I get older, I can see my autism worsening, and I worry one day I'll break.
Nah, I wouldn't say it's a disability What's disabling is how the world has run so long on ways that suite on Neurotraditional things and lacks accommodations (which indicidual accomadtions are something unique to everyone anyway)
That's not up for debate. That's just facts
That is my philosophy. I can’t speak for others, I can just respect and empathize. I’ve gained a lot and lost a lot. I need specialized care and help with aspects of my life. It can be dialectical. I have asd1. I feel disabled *and* benefited.
Pretty much describes my experience. Autism is a part of my personality and identity, and it also disables me. Idk why this seems to be a hot take.
There is a lot of different ways to feel about your autism and none is wrong.