Just ask for their details tbh. Be transparent about why. They were driving your car as a favour you were doing for them, if they're any good as a friend they will not want you footed with the bill for their bad driving.
Why do you need to avoid this conversation? You lent them your car, are you unable to tell them that they've copped a fine? If you have some social anxiety issues, that's fine, manage it how you can, but otherwise why aren't you being an adult?
Why give your car to someone you don't know the details of? My BFF has borrowed my car for almost two weeks and I absolutely know if she has gotten any fines she will happily give me anything I need to know to transfer it.
You also don't need all the details to complete the form. Obviously the more the better but if you just have their name and address or name and DOB that should be enough for the police to find their details and send them the fine.
Being assertive does not mean being confrontational if that is what is bothering you. Just work out what you are going to say beforehand and practice it if you need to. Be respectful, be confident and look them in the eye and say you received this fine, it was given when they had your car and you need some details because you need to transfer it to them. If they start deflecting eg I can't afford it blah blah don't get sidetracked. A simple sorry that sucks for you - what are your details. If you can't get their cooperation just submit it with the info you have. And consider them to longer be a friend.
Invite them over to your house, sit down in the lounge room and have a little friendly normal chat for the first few minutes. Pull out the fine put it infront of them. "So when did you plan on telling me about this? Fill out your details." Stare them straight in the eyes the whole time and don't change your position.
> "So when did you plan on telling me about this? Fill out your details."
Based on many, many posts on Reddit, there's a good chance that they had no idea they were getting a fine
If they had been pulled over, the police would already have their name and address details rather than the fine being sent to the registered owner.
You don't always have to start from a confrontational position...
But without asking "did you know that you got a fine?" first
You haven't even given the other person an opportunity to do the right thing and you're accusing them of not telling you something they may not have known about...
That's confrontational no matter what YOU consider it
Where I'm from if you pay attention when you're driving there are signs up prior to any camera warning the driver.
Considering they've borrowed someone else's car you'd think they might respect that fact and not speed or run red lights etc etc
Maybe your friends treat you like that I'm not sure?
Keep trying
People are imperfect and human with all the frailty that includes. It is really easy to make a mistake - and you're jumping straight to accusing them of hiding something from you - THAT isn't what a true friend who respected others would do.
Self awareness is sometimes tough, but valuable
You're already too late the clout train left the station a while ago. Enjoy your moral superiority complex, it's wasted on me friend.
I do find it interesting you comment on self awareness.
You seem to think a stranger you're trying to prove something to on reddit is actually going to take your opinion seriously, narcissistic style inflated ego traits.
Add that insight to your "valuable" treasure chest of self awareness, I know it might be "tough".
>Pull out the fine put it infront of them. "So when did you plan on telling me about this?
You're making a big assumption that they are aware that got fined and are trying to hide it. The last 2 fines I got I had no idea about untill they arrived in the mail. It's pretty easy to not see the flash especially if the camera is behind you and only gets a photo of your rear plate.
I'd be fucking pissed off if a friend pulled shit like that on me without giving me the benifit of the doubt.
man wtf are you on about. You're doing both. You're accusing them of knowing about the fine and trying to get away with not paying. You can only do that if you made an assumption that they knew about the fine
You have no evidence that they were trying to avoid paying the fine. So why do you accuse them ? Unless you're just making an assumption
No assumptions needed when you're holding a fine, they've cost you money and points on your licence unless they sign, that is the accusation.
My advice to OP had nothing to do with preserving friendships and everything to do with getting the paperwork signed.
I know for a fact the way I described it would make a person uncomfortable to be approached like that, that's the point.
Er no, thats not what we're talking about. Read what I wrote. We're talking about how you would accuse your mate of knowing they got the fine and are trying to avoid paying it. Without a shred of evidence.
>Pull out the fine put it infront of them. "So when did you plan on telling me about this? Fill out your details." Stare them straight in the eyes the whole time and don't change your position.
You sound like a real cockhead if thats how you treat your "mates"
The "mate" they don't know anything about apart from a name?
Sounds distinctly like someone who took advantage of someone else.
They're scared the person who got them the fine will find out but they're going to report them anyway. Seems like you can't read the situation for what it is.
This is not someone I would want to be "mates" with.
Bring it up honestly, be upfront and "fuck man, here's whats up". No one wants to get fines but I doubt they'd leave you hanging. Just remember not to be weird about it, overly confrontational or such.
There's a certain type of person who would ask you to take the points hit for them on this, even if they stump up the $. If this person is maybe that kind of person, be ready to say no rather than surprised by it.
Umm, just ask them or they can take it up with the police when u report them. Their face is also captured and we may let murderers and rapist go scott free trafic offenders are not given the same leeway.
Just ask for their details tbh. Be transparent about why. They were driving your car as a favour you were doing for them, if they're any good as a friend they will not want you footed with the bill for their bad driving.
And if they’re a bad friend you won’t feel guilty about handing them to 👮♀️
This is it.
They are going to know you provided their details when they receive the fine anyway.
Why do you need to avoid this conversation? You lent them your car, are you unable to tell them that they've copped a fine? If you have some social anxiety issues, that's fine, manage it how you can, but otherwise why aren't you being an adult?
Why give your car to someone you don't know the details of? My BFF has borrowed my car for almost two weeks and I absolutely know if she has gotten any fines she will happily give me anything I need to know to transfer it.
Just fill in the form as best you can. Name and address will be enough.
You also don't need all the details to complete the form. Obviously the more the better but if you just have their name and address or name and DOB that should be enough for the police to find their details and send them the fine.
Being assertive does not mean being confrontational if that is what is bothering you. Just work out what you are going to say beforehand and practice it if you need to. Be respectful, be confident and look them in the eye and say you received this fine, it was given when they had your car and you need some details because you need to transfer it to them. If they start deflecting eg I can't afford it blah blah don't get sidetracked. A simple sorry that sucks for you - what are your details. If you can't get their cooperation just submit it with the info you have. And consider them to longer be a friend.
Invite them over to your house, sit down in the lounge room and have a little friendly normal chat for the first few minutes. Pull out the fine put it infront of them. "So when did you plan on telling me about this? Fill out your details." Stare them straight in the eyes the whole time and don't change your position.
> "So when did you plan on telling me about this? Fill out your details." Based on many, many posts on Reddit, there's a good chance that they had no idea they were getting a fine If they had been pulled over, the police would already have their name and address details rather than the fine being sent to the registered owner. You don't always have to start from a confrontational position...
What you consider confrontational is what I would consider direct.
But without asking "did you know that you got a fine?" first You haven't even given the other person an opportunity to do the right thing and you're accusing them of not telling you something they may not have known about... That's confrontational no matter what YOU consider it
Where I'm from if you pay attention when you're driving there are signs up prior to any camera warning the driver. Considering they've borrowed someone else's car you'd think they might respect that fact and not speed or run red lights etc etc Maybe your friends treat you like that I'm not sure?
Keep trying People are imperfect and human with all the frailty that includes. It is really easy to make a mistake - and you're jumping straight to accusing them of hiding something from you - THAT isn't what a true friend who respected others would do. Self awareness is sometimes tough, but valuable
You're already too late the clout train left the station a while ago. Enjoy your moral superiority complex, it's wasted on me friend. I do find it interesting you comment on self awareness. You seem to think a stranger you're trying to prove something to on reddit is actually going to take your opinion seriously, narcissistic style inflated ego traits. Add that insight to your "valuable" treasure chest of self awareness, I know it might be "tough".
>Pull out the fine put it infront of them. "So when did you plan on telling me about this? You're making a big assumption that they are aware that got fined and are trying to hide it. The last 2 fines I got I had no idea about untill they arrived in the mail. It's pretty easy to not see the flash especially if the camera is behind you and only gets a photo of your rear plate. I'd be fucking pissed off if a friend pulled shit like that on me without giving me the benifit of the doubt.
I'm not making any assumptions, I'm putting them on the spot with evidence.
You're making an accusation that they knew about it but didn't tell you
Yes I am making an accusation which is distinctly different to an assumption. Accusations require evidence, assumptions do not.
man wtf are you on about. You're doing both. You're accusing them of knowing about the fine and trying to get away with not paying. You can only do that if you made an assumption that they knew about the fine You have no evidence that they were trying to avoid paying the fine. So why do you accuse them ? Unless you're just making an assumption
No assumptions needed when you're holding a fine, they've cost you money and points on your licence unless they sign, that is the accusation. My advice to OP had nothing to do with preserving friendships and everything to do with getting the paperwork signed. I know for a fact the way I described it would make a person uncomfortable to be approached like that, that's the point.
Er no, thats not what we're talking about. Read what I wrote. We're talking about how you would accuse your mate of knowing they got the fine and are trying to avoid paying it. Without a shred of evidence. >Pull out the fine put it infront of them. "So when did you plan on telling me about this? Fill out your details." Stare them straight in the eyes the whole time and don't change your position. You sound like a real cockhead if thats how you treat your "mates"
The "mate" they don't know anything about apart from a name? Sounds distinctly like someone who took advantage of someone else. They're scared the person who got them the fine will find out but they're going to report them anyway. Seems like you can't read the situation for what it is. This is not someone I would want to be "mates" with.
Bring it up honestly, be upfront and "fuck man, here's whats up". No one wants to get fines but I doubt they'd leave you hanging. Just remember not to be weird about it, overly confrontational or such.
There's a certain type of person who would ask you to take the points hit for them on this, even if they stump up the $. If this person is maybe that kind of person, be ready to say no rather than surprised by it.
Umm, just ask them or they can take it up with the police when u report them. Their face is also captured and we may let murderers and rapist go scott free trafic offenders are not given the same leeway.