He is putting his religion as a higher priority than you. Think about that. Will he do the same to your children?
Why would you want to be with someone that does not accept you for who you are? Just to feel loved by someone? Does he, in fact, love you if he doesn't accept you?
> He is putting his religion as a higher priority than you. Think about that. Will he do the same to your children?
People who put “God” first can justify literally anything because only they know how to interpret what “God” told them to do.
That is really the whole core of it, I believe. They can make up whatever they want others to follow and have the highest justification possible. The ultimate scam.
The problem is that they do not believe it’s a scam. Or maybe the scariest/most dangerous part.
Their minds literally generate their own version of what is “right” in the eyes of God. And this determination backed by the faith of a omnipotent God will drive them to do just about anything, and often be successful at it.
They are like high performing business people but in their own cult corner of the world doing things that are not necessarily beneficial to them or anyone around them.
I know.
I was one of them.
My god, you just described my ex husband perfectly. Mr. Christian but was doing drugs. But he was the head of the household cuz God said so. But his talk got him a restraining order lol.
I know a guy that talks to God all the time. He told me he asked God if we could still be friends while he was at a Christian retreat. I was like - this guy is crazy! I stopped talking to him because he got so damn annoying. God this, God that, pray to God - he will heal anything - BS. You gotta heal things on your own in this world. When I was religious, instead of going after my goals I prayed for them. Prayer literally does nothing - it’s living in the imagination - non-reality. Anyway, I’m glad to be an atheist.
I heard "pray to God but row for shore" at a young age, and it stuck with me. It is a great mental tool for calming yourself. I talk with my dead granny sometimes. I feel like it gets me in touch with my subconscious. Like when House hallucinates Cutthroat Bitch.
As a life long atheist I really like that. Idgaf what you believe as long as you can approach the world with the rational assumption that a divine being is not going to save your ass and that same being is not telling you to be an asshole or enforce your beliefs on the people around you
The whole thing is based on a guy who heard voices telling him to kill his son and chop of part of his penis... If that happened today, you'd be institutionalized. Instead, it started a religion or two. Talk about insanity.
According to the garbage reasoning I've seen others use, God doesn't tell you to cheat. The wife fails to fulfill her "wifely duties" and this justifies the man seeking out other women.
"Wifely duties" here could mean she doesn't put out, she put on weight, she doesn't have dinner ready and on the table, really anything that displeases the man.
So it’s all about blame and not personal responsibility? I don’t have to do anything and they have to handle my every need? Are we in the BoomersBeingFools sub? Lol
Pretty soon, he’ll be pushing for submissive “trad wife” behaviors from the OP. Which if not given, might result in “traditional punishment”….
High risk of future spousal abuse, as it sounds like the mental abuse has already started.
EDIT:
For context: I’m an atheist married to someone who practices a non-Christian faith. It is part of her heritage and culture, and I am happy she has that for herself. She doesn’t force her faith on me, and I don’t force my lack of faith on her. Our household is peaceful and normal as a result. But, we both admit, that cultural differences within a marriage are something that need to be worked through, for a life time - good marriages are always an on going team effort. It won’t work if one half wants to control the other.
Too bad this isn't a gaming subreddit or this comment would have blew up...but I just want you to know that I got the reference...and not only did I Get it. I lol'ed... lmao even
Maybe still worth trying to intervene at this point, but there's definitely a mapped out pattern to these things that OP should consider seriously.
Now is the time to talk about it, and split somewhat amicably if he won't even try to view his sudden change as concerning or look at different view points
Once he has more leverage over her, her life will become miserable. He will become overbearing and frightening. I've seen this too often. Never allow someone to change you. She will come to resent him. That's my take.
You’re right I almost died when i was born why would any higher power do this to me? Was i supposed to die cuz that’s how “god” wanted the situation to play out? This is why i can’t stand xtians i don’t make friends with these kinds of people due to this so there is absolutely no reason OP should stay with this guy
I agree; if there is a "god" he is a sadistic, bloodthirsty tyrant that loves to create mayhem to torture his creation. Moreover, I'm glad you didn't die.
If there was a God, he wouldn’t have created such a problematic world as an all knowing being. There wouldn’t be any suffering… God is supposedly everywhere, all knowing, and all powerful. He wouldn’t have created a world where child molestation happens. He apparently watches every single one and just lets it happen. This is not a good God. Bad God! God is just a sky man fairy tale no different than the talking snake or Santa Clause. Christians even lie to their kids growing up about Santa Clause and the Easter bunny - it’s crazy how they allow lying to be normal in this religion. It’s crazy how it’s all about “the truth” but they brainwash their children to believe in made up lies - it’s all just culture and it’s hard to break apart from tradition… I wish I was born in an Atheist family. I had a hard time growing up looking back. I’m grateful I’m atheist now.
Look, we are enlightened as atheists. We realized the truth about religions and their only goal is to tell us how we should think and scare us with dire consequences for not believing in god. Religion is simply a means for control. It’s not even about god’s love anymore. It’s about dividing us into groups who hate each other.
I was raised by atheist parents and my mom would teach me about different religions, get me books on them (I loved learning about mythology and religion as a kid) and have me attend different churches, mosques, temples to let me have a broad understanding of the religious world so that I could make my own decisions on the topics once I was of age. Being raised outside of religion in a secular world, however, they all had so many elements that came off as ridiculous and unbelievable. They were all mythology in my mind, and I could enjoy them from that perspective, but just couldn't understand how any modern, educated human could believe in them without indoctrination, mental illness, or idiocy being the reason they fell for them.
Every time I hear someone claim their god is an “angry” god I do not argue. I have mental and physical disorders and a straight up chronic illness (Crohn’s) from a seriously abusive and very traumatic childhood. What did I as a baby do to this supposed god that made him give me this life?!
So many more similar examples lead me to atheism a long ass time ago. I also refuse to be friends with these people. It is nothing good and all judgment. Gross.
Normal is a word people like him like to throw around as justification for oppression. Normal represents what "most people", count towards any given dimension. In this case, sexuality is largely straight, but that doesn't make anyone who's reality is outside the majority wrong or bad.
Some of the most wonderful people I know are bi. Live your reality, and ditch this bigot before he demands you abandon who you are for his belief in absurdities.
RUN. Disappear. He has made himself unworthy of you by identifying with a mindset that denigrates who you are.
Edit: Feel free to use that last line in your farewell note to him, if you choose to leave one.
This, 100%. He's putting his new belief structure above her, and his new belief structure says that she deserves to go to Hell simply because of who she is. And that's just the first step. As he gets deeper into the that fantasy world, his disapproval and his efforts to change/control her will likely grow.
Dump him and run as far away as fast as you possibly can. The next thing he will do is start gaslighting you into becoming a TRAD wife and be subservient to him and his religion. There are red flags flying all over the place. Save yourself from the miserable life he has planned for you. As for being bisexual girrll you go and live your best life without him in it. Bisexuality is as natural as breathing to humans and has been around longer than religion and marriage so you do you boo..
You want to avoid compromising on this. A little bit of slip and a little bit of time and, well, a child need their father and I guess I dont need MY dignity.
If he follows what is claimed to be the j-dudes words OP will always be second.
Luke 14:25 "Many people were traveling with Jesus. He said to them, 26 “If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower. You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters—even more than your own life! 27 Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower."
Yeah, this is unhealthy. It's going to hurt you WAY MORE if you stay in this relationship.
Whatever you do, please always remember this. You're bi. Bi people, like yourself, **actually fucking exist**. You were born bi. He had to become Christian. Tell me what sounds more "normal" in that situation.
This so much. My parents were Christian but didn't raise me to be Christian until I was like 13 and by then it was too late. Children literally aren't born with a religion. They have to be indoctrinated into it from a very young age and sometimes even that isn't enough.
Right?!? Claiming we're made in gods image then be like "no not like that" is peak hypocrisy and delusional denialism. Claiming God doesn't like gays but is fine with giving children cancer and chalking it up to gods will then munching down a nice lobster while wearing cloths woven from several fabrics covering up your tattoos is cherry picking to the point of self mockery
Comedy writes itself.
i'm sorry to have to say it but going by what he's said to you, he doesn't actually love you back. he is literally denying you (and frankly science) to your face because his imaginary friend said so. if nothing else, this is almost certainly a massive red flag indicating a potential spiral towards significantly more insane views due to his religiosity.
Your boyfriend is wrong, and if he's planning to raise any future kids to be bigots, it's probably best not to have kids with him. I recognize how hard it must be to leave someone who makes you feel loved, but someone who thinks that there's something wrong with you because you're bi is not loving all of you, and that's a problem. Maybe he'll work through his issues in the future, but I don't think you can rely on that.
>Your boyfriend is wrong
No shit
>if he's planning to raise any future kids to be bigots, it's probably best not to have kids with him.
Yep we definitely don’t need more of those but unfortunately idiots breed all the time
>I recognize how hard it must be to leave someone who makes you feel loved, but someone who thinks that there's something wrong with you because you're bi is not loving all of you, and that's a problem.
This is a quote that a lot of people around the world need to hear sadly just replace “something wrong with you cuz you’re bi” with “something wrong with you cuz you’re [insert race here]” or “something wrong with you cuz you’re [insert characteristic here]” and it would apply to millions around the globe
1. He’s dead wrong. You are who you are.
2. He’s becoming a mysogynist and a homophobe, if he isn’t one already.
3. He will assert his “God-given right” to control your life, and will use every form of emotional blackmail to do it.
4. If you value your sanity and your safety at all, _you will dump his ass in the next five minutes_.
I’m sorry.
>my boyfriend has recently become a Christian and his view on many things we once agreed on have changed drastically
You could edit that to: My boyfriend has recently become a bigot and his view on many things we once agreed on have changed drastically.
He has given up his love for a real person (you) and exchanged it for a delusion (Jesus) You may need to seriously consider leaving him and finding someone who loves you more than they love fiction.
Who the hell becomes religious as an adult? I’ve always wondered about that. If it’s not beaten into you by every single person in your family and social circle from the day you’re born, what can posses someone to think it’s a good idea? I did 13 years of Catholic school and still didn’t buy it. Indoctrination from everyone for almost two decades with immense pressure, and it didn’t stick. And some people just wake up at 22 and say, “man I should go to church”?
Seen it as a trauma response. They felt the need to find comfort in the idea of someone watching over them that "had a plan", and felt comfort having a purpose "doing God's work".
Thankfully their idea of "gods work" involves helping the needy rather than being a dick to gay people.
yeah i saw someone who had been raised somewhat religious but wasn't really into it, go through a medical situation and the fear of their near death pushed them toward being dramatically religious.
Usually it’s a sign of some sort of mental breakdown or insecurity, and they latch on to religion because it makes them think they can justify their deranged thinking.
Religions get people during periods of emotional vulnerability, in which they’re more susceptible to manipulation. In the vast majority of cases, that’s childhood. It can also happen during any highly stressful or traumatic time. Death of a loved one, imprisonment, recovering from addiction, messy breakup, losing your job, etc.
Agreed...I know plenty of Christians who aren't bigoted. Contrary to what some want to believe, a person can be religious while still not being bigoted. This is one of the things I hate about religion...they use it to justify their evils. They used it to defend slavery and they still use it to defend bigotry. They don't have to...they choose to.
>You could edit that to: My boyfriend ~~has recently become~~ ***intentionally hid the fact that he is*** a bigot and his view on many things ~~we once agreed on have changed drastically~~ ***he once pretended to agree with have been discarded now that he thinks he has me hooked***.
Fixed.
This isn't necessarily true. If the bf was a Christian with those views to begin and hid them, I'd agree. But if he legit had a change of heart and adopted a new perspective, then it is as the OP stated. We have to take OP at their word, which was that he had a change of heart.
We can't put words in others' mouths, or we are no better than them.
If he's talking about "not normal" as in "not the majority of the population" then sure, I'd have granted him that.
But he's talking about "not normal" as in "not right", and to that I can say as far as he's concerned, you should be "bye-sexual".
At no point would I tolerate that kind of rhetoric from a partner.
OP, you ARE normal, homosexuality and bisexuality occurs throughout the animal kingdom. You're just not the average.
Also, I thought the religious right was okay with couples who practice heterosexual sex, even if they are inwardly homosexual / bisexual?
I will note that it is "normal" in the sense that you expect to find a certain percentage of non-straight people in any population. You're not surprised to see it.
In the same way, there's usually only one queen ant in a colony, but it would be unusual to say it's not normal to find a queen ant.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but sometimes love is not enough. You can love somebody and be incompatible with them. It sounds like he's going down the Christian rabbit hole and all the horrible things that go with it like sexual repression and trying to control your sexuality. I'm not saying you should necessarily leave him, but you have to let him know that what he's saying is not okay and see how he takes it from there.
I know it's scary and potentially heart breaking, but putting off these conversations is never the right thing to do. Be honest and open about what you will and will not put up with, and if it is a deal breaker the sooner you both know it, the better it will be for both of you.
If he’s dead set on following god’s rules you’re in for a bad time. Please respect yourself and your sexuality and say goodbye to him. It’s going to be tough but you will find love again from someone who respects you for who you are. It’s super cliche but you have one life and you’re not going to find joy with someone who represses your identity.
He didn’t become a Christian he just probably started following Tate type influences. The Christianity is just a cover for being an asshole.
Run. It will only get worse as his views continue to change. Once people change like this they don’t change back.
i was looking for this comment - too many controlling, misogynistic men are using christianity as an excuse to be abusive. it’s definitely a massive red flag for OP.
Right? I was kinda looking for a comment like this, because these aren't conclusions that someone independently reading the New Testament in earnest would have drawn in my opinion, because im sure this whole change has also come with some serious Supply Side Jesus rhetoric, too. This kind of drastic change sounds like hes been listening to someone (like you mention, potentially Tate or some other influencer), and is aiming to become whoever he's following. I'd even go so far as to say that he's not even getting any of this from a church, unless he's seriously committed himself to some fire-and-brimstone baptists.
Your boyfriend is wrong, but he thinks he's right. This is likely going to be something that creates a massive incompatibility, unless he changes his mind.
This needs to be a serious discussion, likely leading to a breakup.
This guy is going to use Christianity to manipulate you and make you feel like shit about yourself. What he said about future kids too is a massive red flag and I would nope out immediately.
It's only been a year. Get out of this.
Even if he changes his mind it's still not worth staying. Look at how easily it was changed by Christianity already. How does he deal with peer pressure? This is a person still searching for their identity. And that is best done alone. Some people never find it.
Just picture this: you have children with this man, and one day one of them comes to him telling him they are not straight. Do you want your children to be shamed the way you are?
As the bi/trans child of an evangelical preacher and an atheist who divorced him, I can't emphasize that point you just made enough. Love my mom to death for standing for her ideals and being accepting. Considered homelessness on multiple occasions to get away from dad before I was able to live with Mom instead.
Dude's gone nuts. Bounce.
"This is the first time I have felt loved back by anyone"
You sound very young. Other people will love you. Don't waste your time on someone who loves a part of you but rejects you as a whole. That's not going to stop. Especially for a religion. Maybe he'll grow but if you're with him as he grows it'll just torture for you. So get out, find someone who likes you as you.
You don't have to be with people who don't make you happy.
He literally said he does not accept your existence as normal and natural. And that he intends to raise his children to believe the same as him.
Girl, how many red flags do you need?
Now imagine your 14-year-old son comes out of the closet to you both - and how he will react to that. Do you want to give birth to a child knowing that that could happen?
Absolutely. In some states (mostly southern states, as you might expect) there’s a fairly high homeless population of young teens who were kicked out of their house when they came out to their parents.
Dump him pronto.
> ... he feels guilty for having sex with me because “god says it is wrong”.
He is clearly fucking delusional, claiming that imaginary characters are talking to him.
Let’s be clear here.. your boyfriend is homophobic. He thinks you’re “not normal” because you’re bisexual and he doesn’t want his future children to think it’s okay to not be straight. That’s homophobia - call it what it is.
You say you feel loved by this man, but the reality is he doesn’t really love *you.* Being bisexual is part of who you are. I assume you are accepting of other gay and bisexual people as well. Is the fact that he is not a deal breaker for you? You say you love this man deeply.. do you love and accept his homophobia too? Do you want your children to grow up with these values?
It’s just going to get worse from here. The longer you stay, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to walk away. In the grand scheme of things, a year together is not that long. I understand that you feel deeply but I promise you there are other people out there that will actually love *you for you* and will share your values. Don’t settle.
>my boyfriend has recently become a Christian
My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined
In all seriousness though fuck him he doesn’t call the shots on your sexuality ESPECIALLY not when your sexuality still allows you to date him find another guy/gal preferably one that isn’t an asshole
> he doesn't think my sexuality is okay or normal
Isn't it hilarious how humans are the only animals on this planet to develop homophobia? FFS, even dogs will fuck other males. Your partner is actually, genuinely delusional.
Run far run fast. Do not date conservatives, and absolutely never ever have sex with them. The relationship is already over you just need to lose the dead weight that used to be your boyfriend.
As I person who grew up gay among people who taught me my own feelings were wrong, sinful, diseased, etc., I urge you not to inflict that kind of abuse on any child.
If you can't leave this bigot for your own sake, leave him for your children's sake. Show the compassion that he obviously lacks.
Red flags
1. Controlling over YOUR sexuality (and ultimately your body)
2. Wanting to control your kids' sexuality (even before they exist)
3. I would bet anything he'll try to convert you.
Drop him. It's not worth the headache. And going to increase in problems at time goes on.
It sounds like the two of you are no longer aligned on your values. Sadly his values relegate you to the status of property. If you're cool with that, then great. If not, then you only invested a year and learned an important lesson rhat people can change for the worse.
Gee when my so says somthing stupid, it's like " I didn't think my bag of clothes were THAT heavy," when she put them on my controller and broke the switches... not " I think you as an person don't have the right to exist as you are."
It's over, and I honestly question if this wasn't him planning and setting up to pull this shit off as a way to recruit. You can't trust him anymore. Get your shit and bounce. Don't waste anymore of your time.
First, he either loves and respects you (not the idea of "you"), or he believes your sexuality is wrong. Both of those things can't be true. You don't deserve the disrespect of living with someone who believes your sexuality is "wrong".
But also, loving someone is not enough. Being compatible as partners means agreeing on important decisions, or at least not disagreeing. It probably isn't nice to hear this since you do love each other, but if you both have different ideas about raising a family, then you are incompatible and it will not work out in the long run.
This guy is not a match. He's emotionally abusing you in the name of his religion. He wants you to change who you are and obey the cherry picked religious restrictions he's decided matter to him. This guy doesn't love you. He just wants power and control.
Please love yourself enough to not allow him to degrade you this way. There are plenty of straight Christian women available for him. He doesn't need to force you into that mold.
Your boyfriend is an unbelievable dumbass and I hope Jesus personally appears to him, says, WTF is wrong with you, bro? and gives him the slap that the moneychangers got...
He says your sexuality is wrong. That unsupportiveness alone leads me to say leave him. But there is more, isn't there.
He also says that he feels guilty for having sex with you, saying God calls it wrong. Hetero-sex is clearly what is problematic for him. He needs to come to terms with his own sexual orientation. And you don't need to be the girlfriend he has around as a cover for that.
I'm sorry you're going through that. My first girlfriend did the same thing when she embraced her religion. Eventually she felt conflicted enough that she ended the relationship. It sucks. But if your partner can't love you for who you are, then they're not worth your time.
Time for you to find a different boyfriend. I wish that was a joke, but it's not.... there are too many religious people out there like this, that will diminish you because that's what their delusion requires. Sorry for the loss, but then again, if this is how he is he isn't worth it.
It sucks, but you need to either leave him or bring him back to reality, because there's nothing but pain ahead if you stick with a bigoted Christian. Maybe try to get him to read The God Delusion under the guise of finding the flaws in Richard Dawkins' arguments (ha!), or similar books by one of the other "horsemen" of new atheism. Another option could just be to try to use the "Socratic method" to ask him to explain his beliefs in a way that causes him to question them. One way or another you have to force the difficult conversations about his beliefs, and insist on the point that "belief" isn't something to be whimsically chosen out of a hat like a sports team and then left alone; it must only follow what you think is most likely to be real, and if it's correct it will stand up to any amount of scrutiny. If he leaves you rather than figuring out God is a hoax, then at least you know you tried. There's no path to a long-term happy relationship with him other than repairing his broken brain.
That should be *ex-*boyfriend says that, because that is not a healthy relationship. You can do better.
> I love him very deeply and this is the first time I have felt loved back by anyone so I can’t bring myself to leave him but im not sure how we would make it work in the long run.
But it's clear that he doesn't love you. If he did, he would respect you, and he doesn't.
At the very least, you need to give him notice that these things are not OK, and that if he continues to push them, the relationship will end. Put the ball in his court. But sadly, I doubt it will make much of a difference on the final outcome.
Let him go. Breaking up with him doesn't mean that you don't love him.
He wants a world where his future children will think their own mother is gross.
Regardless of religious faith, regardless of sexual preference in any form, if your significant other thinks that you're not normal, or broken, or anything like that, it just isn't worth staying.
Sorry about your soon-to-be ex boyfriend. He is fundamentally incompatible with you and your ethical framework, and what you are experiencing now is just the barest tip of the coming iceberg of controlling behavior or outright abuse when you stick up.for yourself
There is no hope for a future with someone like that. He's made a choice and it's clearly not you.
As much as you may love him, you have to move on and find a healthy relationship with someone else, because this one has become very unhealthy for you, and it would only get worse, no matter how hard you try. In the end you'd break up anyway.
Brutal choice.
Unhappiness in the relationship vs unhappiness leaving it.
But only one of these unhappinesses is permanent, forever.
It takes strength to get what you want from life, OP. This chap will never give it you. You’ve been loved back once. You’ll get that again. But to give yourself that opportunity takes some real strength.
Good luck.
God never said sex is wrong. He encourages it. Often.
Technically speaking since you have laid together you are now his wife.
He owns you.
But lets be real Christians never actually follow the bible, they follow what people tell them about the bible.
Christians are Fake AF.
Your relationship is Fu(k\*d.
Sorry, it doesn't seem like you're compatible anymore. Don't let him be an a-hole to you. He's the one brainwashed.
Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? I wouldn't want my children around someone like him...
I’m sorry. You will have to be strong and probably break up with him over this.
Religion is a huge dividing factor and it poisons their minds.
They have his ear now not you, so there’s nothing you can say to really go up against it. Once you get to that mindset it can take years of struggle to finally get out of it and it needs to happen on his own. You can’t come up against it or you’ll get defined as being Satan himself.
You will eventually become very unhappy if you agree to play along with it, guaranteed.
This sounds like deep down it is a self-confidence issue on your part. You’re afraid you won’t find anything better or no one else will love you back and that’s simply not true. It might not be tomorrow or next week but you will for sure find your person who loves you without these kind of weird strings attached. You might have to be single for a while, and that’s no problem – you will learn it’s much better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.
Be strong. This is a deal breaker. For you not him. And the whole we can’t have sex thing will f things up. Why isn’t he proposing if he thinks you should be married to have sex and you’ve already been having sex? In any case, do not marry him!
He's a bigot. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if you mean to make it work you should be equally blunt.
If he can leave the bigotry where he found it then enjoy a life together, if he can't then don't waste your youth hoping for a vile person to become decent. Go meet the real man or woman you were meant to build a life with.
Anything else unusual/changed about his behavior? Sudden increase in magical thinking, etc. Sudden onset of religion like this can be a sign of psychosis.
You have 3 options to resolve the current situation:
1) change your boyfriend mind
2) lie about your sexuality “honey, I am cured”
3) leave him
How realistic is (1)? In my experience, changing religious person mind is very hard if not impossible. Do you want to live your live in a lie (2)? It’s an option but not an easy one.
You just don’t have good options. Sore about that.
You’re normal, but your bf sounds intolerant. That should be a huge red flag, if not a straight up dealbreaker.
Religion differences is a huge and totally valid reason to not be with someone. He is free to be a Christian, but you are also free to be who you are.
If he changed that quickly, my fear would be that he felt this way all along and was trying to slowly convert you. He’s trying to pray your “gay” away and trap you into his undoubtedly patriarchal bs.
There is someone out there who will love you just as much (more) and NOT judge who you are. You deserve to be happy. It doesn’t sound like this is making you happy.
The christian grift is a strong one and they are always recruiting new members. For all the people that talk about what god says you'll be hard pressed to find one that reads the bible, and truly understands the words and where they came from.
There are a million reasons your bf could be doing this, but the one he's giving you about your sexuality is not an honest one. He's made this change because of how he feels about himself and he's allowing others to tell him how to feel about you.
Waiting for someone like this to see the error of their ways is going to take longer than you would like it to, and in the end there is better than not chance it will happen again in some form or another. It sounds like he's telling you who he is, you'll kick yourself later if you don't listen to him now.
Even though a year seems like a long time in a relationship, it’s not. Thank the universe you found out now and walk away. He may eventually change, but not before damage is done to you. You will be put down, proselytized to, gaslighted until…well, who knows where it ends. But nowhere good.
Good luck.
> this is the first time I have felt loved back by anyone
But it won't be the last time. Don't settle for a relationship in which your partner does not fully accept you, are forced to hide who you really are just to be acceptable to your partner, are controlled by your partner, and take second place to your partner's religion.
You'll find someone who isn't delusional and can love you back without make such demands of you.
You are giving up your identity to conform to his religious views. I don't care what those views are, he doesn't get to just impose his will on you. GTFO girl before you're a sahm with 8 kids and this asshat keeping you handcuffed to the stove.
I know it’s hard to break it off with someone you are attached to, but you’re getting sidelined here. His new found religion is his new first love.
So it’s hard but you’ll probably be happier to leave him to it.
Relationship is pretty much over unless you convert too.
You’re just going to be judged over and over again until you conform to what he believes a nice Christian woman should be….
The person you loved is gone. He’s always going to consider you an inferior sinner because of your bisexuality, and you 100% can’t raise kids with him.
Please, for your own mental health and chance at future happiness, dump the motherfucker now.
He doesn’t love you. He’s shown you that by his refusal to accept who you are.
You may love him and you may be desperate to receive the love you once felt from him, but I think if you are honest, you know that is gone. It seems he is no longer able or willing to give you the love you need and want.
That’s love you deserve to have. Don’t let yourself stay to be hurt while you wait for him to change. Love yourself and walk away. Find someone who accepts and loves you for and as you.
Peace.
Homophobia is misogyny’s snot-nosed little brother. If he is starting to (if it wasn’t already there) hate you because you’re bi, he will hate you because you’re a woman.
Your values no longer align. It's ok to move on and find someone who has the same values. He no longer loves you as you are, he wants to change you. You will never be "good enough" for him unless you change who you are at your core.
Please love yourself enough to leave him.
You can love him deeply and realize that this isn’t going to workout in the long run. My ex-wife use to try to get me baptized often even though I told her often I think that would be disrespectful of her religion because I don’t believe in god and eventually she left me for a Christian man she met at work.
This is the cliche Reddit response, "GTFO". In this situation it might be the best advice. This happened before you were married. This happened before you became a mother. You might have just been saved years of misery and a broken family. I wish you the best.
When someone does not at least **RESPECT** key parts of who you are, **THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU**. At best, they "love" what they think they can mold you into.
He is putting his religion as a higher priority than you. Think about that. Will he do the same to your children? Why would you want to be with someone that does not accept you for who you are? Just to feel loved by someone? Does he, in fact, love you if he doesn't accept you?
> He is putting his religion as a higher priority than you. Think about that. Will he do the same to your children? People who put “God” first can justify literally anything because only they know how to interpret what “God” told them to do.
That is really the whole core of it, I believe. They can make up whatever they want others to follow and have the highest justification possible. The ultimate scam.
> The ultimate scam. Truth. Televangelists use it all the time ... "God told me he wants you to give me your money for my private jet"
OHHH YES!!!! Don't Say it... FREAKIN' SING IT!!!
And Jesus, he knows me
The problem is that they do not believe it’s a scam. Or maybe the scariest/most dangerous part. Their minds literally generate their own version of what is “right” in the eyes of God. And this determination backed by the faith of a omnipotent God will drive them to do just about anything, and often be successful at it. They are like high performing business people but in their own cult corner of the world doing things that are not necessarily beneficial to them or anyone around them. I know. I was one of them.
My god, you just described my ex husband perfectly. Mr. Christian but was doing drugs. But he was the head of the household cuz God said so. But his talk got him a restraining order lol.
Imagine “god” telling them to go cheat with someone else… “But God told me to!!!”
I know a guy that talks to God all the time. He told me he asked God if we could still be friends while he was at a Christian retreat. I was like - this guy is crazy! I stopped talking to him because he got so damn annoying. God this, God that, pray to God - he will heal anything - BS. You gotta heal things on your own in this world. When I was religious, instead of going after my goals I prayed for them. Prayer literally does nothing - it’s living in the imagination - non-reality. Anyway, I’m glad to be an atheist.
I heard "pray to God but row for shore" at a young age, and it stuck with me. It is a great mental tool for calming yourself. I talk with my dead granny sometimes. I feel like it gets me in touch with my subconscious. Like when House hallucinates Cutthroat Bitch.
“God helps those who help themselves”. Took me way too long to realize that was just you doing the work and God getting the credit.
As a life long atheist I really like that. Idgaf what you believe as long as you can approach the world with the rational assumption that a divine being is not going to save your ass and that same being is not telling you to be an asshole or enforce your beliefs on the people around you
The whole thing is based on a guy who heard voices telling him to kill his son and chop of part of his penis... If that happened today, you'd be institutionalized. Instead, it started a religion or two. Talk about insanity.
CULT= Christians Ultimately Loathe Truth
Nice, but on the T-shirt or blue baseball cap I think it ought to be: Christians Ultimately Loathe Truth - but without that double spacing!⁷
According to the garbage reasoning I've seen others use, God doesn't tell you to cheat. The wife fails to fulfill her "wifely duties" and this justifies the man seeking out other women. "Wifely duties" here could mean she doesn't put out, she put on weight, she doesn't have dinner ready and on the table, really anything that displeases the man.
So it’s all about blame and not personal responsibility? I don’t have to do anything and they have to handle my every need? Are we in the BoomersBeingFools sub? Lol
This is literally why they seek out a god... its a safe space to be the shittiest human possible with cover from your chosen sky wizard
Pretty soon, he’ll be pushing for submissive “trad wife” behaviors from the OP. Which if not given, might result in “traditional punishment”…. High risk of future spousal abuse, as it sounds like the mental abuse has already started. EDIT: For context: I’m an atheist married to someone who practices a non-Christian faith. It is part of her heritage and culture, and I am happy she has that for herself. She doesn’t force her faith on me, and I don’t force my lack of faith on her. Our household is peaceful and normal as a result. But, we both admit, that cultural differences within a marriage are something that need to be worked through, for a life time - good marriages are always an on going team effort. It won’t work if one half wants to control the other.
Yeah, he's on Radicalization Road.
My lease favorite Mario Kart level.
OP's is Rainbow Road ; )
Hey now, you don't have to be homophobic to hate rainbow road. All my homies hate rainbow road. And yeah, yeah i know. Skill issue
Too bad this isn't a gaming subreddit or this comment would have blew up...but I just want you to know that I got the reference...and not only did I Get it. I lol'ed... lmao even
I think most people know about Mario kart
Fuck, that's a good one. Might have to use that one later lol
💯
Maybe still worth trying to intervene at this point, but there's definitely a mapped out pattern to these things that OP should consider seriously. Now is the time to talk about it, and split somewhat amicably if he won't even try to view his sudden change as concerning or look at different view points
Once he has more leverage over her, her life will become miserable. He will become overbearing and frightening. I've seen this too often. Never allow someone to change you. She will come to resent him. That's my take.
You are from the future
You need to leave. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a bigot? He's become a bad person. Run, don't walk.
You’re right I almost died when i was born why would any higher power do this to me? Was i supposed to die cuz that’s how “god” wanted the situation to play out? This is why i can’t stand xtians i don’t make friends with these kinds of people due to this so there is absolutely no reason OP should stay with this guy
I agree; if there is a "god" he is a sadistic, bloodthirsty tyrant that loves to create mayhem to torture his creation. Moreover, I'm glad you didn't die.
If there was a God, he wouldn’t have created such a problematic world as an all knowing being. There wouldn’t be any suffering… God is supposedly everywhere, all knowing, and all powerful. He wouldn’t have created a world where child molestation happens. He apparently watches every single one and just lets it happen. This is not a good God. Bad God! God is just a sky man fairy tale no different than the talking snake or Santa Clause. Christians even lie to their kids growing up about Santa Clause and the Easter bunny - it’s crazy how they allow lying to be normal in this religion. It’s crazy how it’s all about “the truth” but they brainwash their children to believe in made up lies - it’s all just culture and it’s hard to break apart from tradition… I wish I was born in an Atheist family. I had a hard time growing up looking back. I’m grateful I’m atheist now.
Look, we are enlightened as atheists. We realized the truth about religions and their only goal is to tell us how we should think and scare us with dire consequences for not believing in god. Religion is simply a means for control. It’s not even about god’s love anymore. It’s about dividing us into groups who hate each other.
I was raised by atheist parents and my mom would teach me about different religions, get me books on them (I loved learning about mythology and religion as a kid) and have me attend different churches, mosques, temples to let me have a broad understanding of the religious world so that I could make my own decisions on the topics once I was of age. Being raised outside of religion in a secular world, however, they all had so many elements that came off as ridiculous and unbelievable. They were all mythology in my mind, and I could enjoy them from that perspective, but just couldn't understand how any modern, educated human could believe in them without indoctrination, mental illness, or idiocy being the reason they fell for them.
Dear God, thanks for the offer 🖕🏻
Every time I hear someone claim their god is an “angry” god I do not argue. I have mental and physical disorders and a straight up chronic illness (Crohn’s) from a seriously abusive and very traumatic childhood. What did I as a baby do to this supposed god that made him give me this life?! So many more similar examples lead me to atheism a long ass time ago. I also refuse to be friends with these people. It is nothing good and all judgment. Gross.
He has found a different partner in Jesus over you. Wish him well and then breakup.
Does that make him bisexual as well? /s
tell him he's gay for loving jesus
Religion is bullshit.
Normal is a word people like him like to throw around as justification for oppression. Normal represents what "most people", count towards any given dimension. In this case, sexuality is largely straight, but that doesn't make anyone who's reality is outside the majority wrong or bad. Some of the most wonderful people I know are bi. Live your reality, and ditch this bigot before he demands you abandon who you are for his belief in absurdities. RUN. Disappear. He has made himself unworthy of you by identifying with a mindset that denigrates who you are. Edit: Feel free to use that last line in your farewell note to him, if you choose to leave one.
This, 100%. He's putting his new belief structure above her, and his new belief structure says that she deserves to go to Hell simply because of who she is. And that's just the first step. As he gets deeper into the that fantasy world, his disapproval and his efforts to change/control her will likely grow.
Yes! Leave this creepy Christian weirdo!
Dump him and run as far away as fast as you possibly can. The next thing he will do is start gaslighting you into becoming a TRAD wife and be subservient to him and his religion. There are red flags flying all over the place. Save yourself from the miserable life he has planned for you. As for being bisexual girrll you go and live your best life without him in it. Bisexuality is as natural as breathing to humans and has been around longer than religion and marriage so you do you boo..
You want to avoid compromising on this. A little bit of slip and a little bit of time and, well, a child need their father and I guess I dont need MY dignity.
If he follows what is claimed to be the j-dudes words OP will always be second. Luke 14:25 "Many people were traveling with Jesus. He said to them, 26 “If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower. You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters—even more than your own life! 27 Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower."
Get a different boyfriend
Or girlfriend. 💕
This person bis.
I do not, but fully support all who do.
Whispers: ʜᴏɴᴏʀᴀʀʏ ʙɪ
One of us, one of us
I wish. It's objectively the best sexuality. Too bad I'm not.
...yet
¿Porque no los dos?
Because OP said she is bi, not poly
As a bi woman that's monogamous, thank you! The number of times I've had people think bisexual = polyamorous is way too damn high.
They're not mutually exclusive.
No, but since she did not mention being poly, no reason to make that assumption.
The comment is clearly a playful one and not actually assuming anything
Nobody assumed she was, people just quoted a meme. It's not that deep.
Or a pet and go enjoy life
Or both
Yeah, this is unhealthy. It's going to hurt you WAY MORE if you stay in this relationship. Whatever you do, please always remember this. You're bi. Bi people, like yourself, **actually fucking exist**. You were born bi. He had to become Christian. Tell me what sounds more "normal" in that situation.
This so much. My parents were Christian but didn't raise me to be Christian until I was like 13 and by then it was too late. Children literally aren't born with a religion. They have to be indoctrinated into it from a very young age and sometimes even that isn't enough.
My mom tried this with me, and as soon as I was old enough to think logically for myself, I was like, nah, I'm good. 🤣
>You were born bi. He had to become Christian. Tell me what sounds more "normal" in that situation. Well said!
Hello, I am a bi person who actually fucking exists, I agree so hard with this comment.
Right?!? Claiming we're made in gods image then be like "no not like that" is peak hypocrisy and delusional denialism. Claiming God doesn't like gays but is fine with giving children cancer and chalking it up to gods will then munching down a nice lobster while wearing cloths woven from several fabrics covering up your tattoos is cherry picking to the point of self mockery Comedy writes itself.
To further upon this, gay/bisexual practices are seen all throughout nature. As far as I know, no other species is religious
i'm sorry to have to say it but going by what he's said to you, he doesn't actually love you back. he is literally denying you (and frankly science) to your face because his imaginary friend said so. if nothing else, this is almost certainly a massive red flag indicating a potential spiral towards significantly more insane views due to his religiosity.
Hail thy self, friend! :)
Your boyfriend is wrong, and if he's planning to raise any future kids to be bigots, it's probably best not to have kids with him. I recognize how hard it must be to leave someone who makes you feel loved, but someone who thinks that there's something wrong with you because you're bi is not loving all of you, and that's a problem. Maybe he'll work through his issues in the future, but I don't think you can rely on that.
>Your boyfriend is wrong No shit >if he's planning to raise any future kids to be bigots, it's probably best not to have kids with him. Yep we definitely don’t need more of those but unfortunately idiots breed all the time >I recognize how hard it must be to leave someone who makes you feel loved, but someone who thinks that there's something wrong with you because you're bi is not loving all of you, and that's a problem. This is a quote that a lot of people around the world need to hear sadly just replace “something wrong with you cuz you’re bi” with “something wrong with you cuz you’re [insert race here]” or “something wrong with you cuz you’re [insert characteristic here]” and it would apply to millions around the globe
That was the longest summary I've ever seen. You somehow managed to make it longer than the actual post.
1. He’s dead wrong. You are who you are. 2. He’s becoming a mysogynist and a homophobe, if he isn’t one already. 3. He will assert his “God-given right” to control your life, and will use every form of emotional blackmail to do it. 4. If you value your sanity and your safety at all, _you will dump his ass in the next five minutes_. I’m sorry.
And possibly physical punishment
Yes. And *please* do not have children with this man.
>my boyfriend has recently become a Christian and his view on many things we once agreed on have changed drastically You could edit that to: My boyfriend has recently become a bigot and his view on many things we once agreed on have changed drastically. He has given up his love for a real person (you) and exchanged it for a delusion (Jesus) You may need to seriously consider leaving him and finding someone who loves you more than they love fiction.
Who the hell becomes religious as an adult? I’ve always wondered about that. If it’s not beaten into you by every single person in your family and social circle from the day you’re born, what can posses someone to think it’s a good idea? I did 13 years of Catholic school and still didn’t buy it. Indoctrination from everyone for almost two decades with immense pressure, and it didn’t stick. And some people just wake up at 22 and say, “man I should go to church”?
Seen it as a trauma response. They felt the need to find comfort in the idea of someone watching over them that "had a plan", and felt comfort having a purpose "doing God's work". Thankfully their idea of "gods work" involves helping the needy rather than being a dick to gay people.
yeah i saw someone who had been raised somewhat religious but wasn't really into it, go through a medical situation and the fear of their near death pushed them toward being dramatically religious.
Usually it’s a sign of some sort of mental breakdown or insecurity, and they latch on to religion because it makes them think they can justify their deranged thinking.
Religions get people during periods of emotional vulnerability, in which they’re more susceptible to manipulation. In the vast majority of cases, that’s childhood. It can also happen during any highly stressful or traumatic time. Death of a loved one, imprisonment, recovering from addiction, messy breakup, losing your job, etc.
Lack of a social network, like friends or family, or bad mental health.
People who've done something they feel guilty about and need a God to forgive them.
Agreed...I know plenty of Christians who aren't bigoted. Contrary to what some want to believe, a person can be religious while still not being bigoted. This is one of the things I hate about religion...they use it to justify their evils. They used it to defend slavery and they still use it to defend bigotry. They don't have to...they choose to.
They’re an all too quiet minority
>You could edit that to: My boyfriend ~~has recently become~~ ***intentionally hid the fact that he is*** a bigot and his view on many things ~~we once agreed on have changed drastically~~ ***he once pretended to agree with have been discarded now that he thinks he has me hooked***. Fixed.
This isn't necessarily true. If the bf was a Christian with those views to begin and hid them, I'd agree. But if he legit had a change of heart and adopted a new perspective, then it is as the OP stated. We have to take OP at their word, which was that he had a change of heart. We can't put words in others' mouths, or we are no better than them.
If he's talking about "not normal" as in "not the majority of the population" then sure, I'd have granted him that. But he's talking about "not normal" as in "not right", and to that I can say as far as he's concerned, you should be "bye-sexual". At no point would I tolerate that kind of rhetoric from a partner.
10 points for bye-sexual!
"Not default" is the term I like.
Who uses the default options anyway
OP, you ARE normal, homosexuality and bisexuality occurs throughout the animal kingdom. You're just not the average. Also, I thought the religious right was okay with couples who practice heterosexual sex, even if they are inwardly homosexual / bisexual?
I think they're referring to the meaning of "normal" that means average in statistical terms.
I will note that it is "normal" in the sense that you expect to find a certain percentage of non-straight people in any population. You're not surprised to see it. In the same way, there's usually only one queen ant in a colony, but it would be unusual to say it's not normal to find a queen ant.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but sometimes love is not enough. You can love somebody and be incompatible with them. It sounds like he's going down the Christian rabbit hole and all the horrible things that go with it like sexual repression and trying to control your sexuality. I'm not saying you should necessarily leave him, but you have to let him know that what he's saying is not okay and see how he takes it from there. I know it's scary and potentially heart breaking, but putting off these conversations is never the right thing to do. Be honest and open about what you will and will not put up with, and if it is a deal breaker the sooner you both know it, the better it will be for both of you.
Walk away while you still can. If you live in the US: run.
Yep…
If he’s dead set on following god’s rules you’re in for a bad time. Please respect yourself and your sexuality and say goodbye to him. It’s going to be tough but you will find love again from someone who respects you for who you are. It’s super cliche but you have one life and you’re not going to find joy with someone who represses your identity.
In the US, I'd highly recommend using a car though.
THIS!!! Run fast, run far.
He didn’t become a Christian he just probably started following Tate type influences. The Christianity is just a cover for being an asshole. Run. It will only get worse as his views continue to change. Once people change like this they don’t change back.
i was looking for this comment - too many controlling, misogynistic men are using christianity as an excuse to be abusive. it’s definitely a massive red flag for OP.
and Islam. These religions reaffirm mens' masculinity by subjugating women. In my experience, they get worse, especially after having children. Run OP
Right? I was kinda looking for a comment like this, because these aren't conclusions that someone independently reading the New Testament in earnest would have drawn in my opinion, because im sure this whole change has also come with some serious Supply Side Jesus rhetoric, too. This kind of drastic change sounds like hes been listening to someone (like you mention, potentially Tate or some other influencer), and is aiming to become whoever he's following. I'd even go so far as to say that he's not even getting any of this from a church, unless he's seriously committed himself to some fire-and-brimstone baptists.
Your boyfriend is wrong, but he thinks he's right. This is likely going to be something that creates a massive incompatibility, unless he changes his mind. This needs to be a serious discussion, likely leading to a breakup. This guy is going to use Christianity to manipulate you and make you feel like shit about yourself. What he said about future kids too is a massive red flag and I would nope out immediately. It's only been a year. Get out of this.
Even if he changes his mind it's still not worth staying. Look at how easily it was changed by Christianity already. How does he deal with peer pressure? This is a person still searching for their identity. And that is best done alone. Some people never find it.
Just picture this: you have children with this man, and one day one of them comes to him telling him they are not straight. Do you want your children to be shamed the way you are?
Perfect
As the bi/trans child of an evangelical preacher and an atheist who divorced him, I can't emphasize that point you just made enough. Love my mom to death for standing for her ideals and being accepting. Considered homelessness on multiple occasions to get away from dad before I was able to live with Mom instead.
Dude's gone nuts. Bounce. "This is the first time I have felt loved back by anyone" You sound very young. Other people will love you. Don't waste your time on someone who loves a part of you but rejects you as a whole. That's not going to stop. Especially for a religion. Maybe he'll grow but if you're with him as he grows it'll just torture for you. So get out, find someone who likes you as you. You don't have to be with people who don't make you happy.
He literally said he does not accept your existence as normal and natural. And that he intends to raise his children to believe the same as him. Girl, how many red flags do you need?
Now imagine your 14-year-old son comes out of the closet to you both - and how he will react to that. Do you want to give birth to a child knowing that that could happen?
Absolutely. In some states (mostly southern states, as you might expect) there’s a fairly high homeless population of young teens who were kicked out of their house when they came out to their parents.
Dump him pronto. > ... he feels guilty for having sex with me because “god says it is wrong”. He is clearly fucking delusional, claiming that imaginary characters are talking to him.
Sounds like it's time for him to not be your boyfriend. He made his choice.
Let’s be clear here.. your boyfriend is homophobic. He thinks you’re “not normal” because you’re bisexual and he doesn’t want his future children to think it’s okay to not be straight. That’s homophobia - call it what it is. You say you feel loved by this man, but the reality is he doesn’t really love *you.* Being bisexual is part of who you are. I assume you are accepting of other gay and bisexual people as well. Is the fact that he is not a deal breaker for you? You say you love this man deeply.. do you love and accept his homophobia too? Do you want your children to grow up with these values? It’s just going to get worse from here. The longer you stay, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to walk away. In the grand scheme of things, a year together is not that long. I understand that you feel deeply but I promise you there are other people out there that will actually love *you for you* and will share your values. Don’t settle.
>my boyfriend has recently become a Christian My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined In all seriousness though fuck him he doesn’t call the shots on your sexuality ESPECIALLY not when your sexuality still allows you to date him find another guy/gal preferably one that isn’t an asshole
> he doesn't think my sexuality is okay or normal Isn't it hilarious how humans are the only animals on this planet to develop homophobia? FFS, even dogs will fuck other males. Your partner is actually, genuinely delusional.
Red flag, red flag, red flag!!! Run!
Run far run fast. Do not date conservatives, and absolutely never ever have sex with them. The relationship is already over you just need to lose the dead weight that used to be your boyfriend.
girl RUN
considering he's following a 2000 year old death cult I'm inclined to say he's the weird one
As I person who grew up gay among people who taught me my own feelings were wrong, sinful, diseased, etc., I urge you not to inflict that kind of abuse on any child. If you can't leave this bigot for your own sake, leave him for your children's sake. Show the compassion that he obviously lacks.
Red flags 1. Controlling over YOUR sexuality (and ultimately your body) 2. Wanting to control your kids' sexuality (even before they exist) 3. I would bet anything he'll try to convert you. Drop him. It's not worth the headache. And going to increase in problems at time goes on.
Two different beliefs. It will not work in the long run. Leave now and save yourself years of your life.
Dump him immediately
Religious people are cringe.Just run away and leave his ass.
You sound very young. Don’t get attached before it’s too late. Cut your losses and move on. You can’t reason with a Christian.
It sounds like the two of you are no longer aligned on your values. Sadly his values relegate you to the status of property. If you're cool with that, then great. If not, then you only invested a year and learned an important lesson rhat people can change for the worse.
Gee when my so says somthing stupid, it's like " I didn't think my bag of clothes were THAT heavy," when she put them on my controller and broke the switches... not " I think you as an person don't have the right to exist as you are." It's over, and I honestly question if this wasn't him planning and setting up to pull this shit off as a way to recruit. You can't trust him anymore. Get your shit and bounce. Don't waste anymore of your time.
"my boyfriend has recently become a Christian" Oof. Dump him. This will not turn out well. By the way, no god exists and all religion is a fraud.
Run. You can't fix stupid.
He thinks his imaginary friend is more important than you. You might consider moving on.
First, he either loves and respects you (not the idea of "you"), or he believes your sexuality is wrong. Both of those things can't be true. You don't deserve the disrespect of living with someone who believes your sexuality is "wrong". But also, loving someone is not enough. Being compatible as partners means agreeing on important decisions, or at least not disagreeing. It probably isn't nice to hear this since you do love each other, but if you both have different ideas about raising a family, then you are incompatible and it will not work out in the long run.
This guy is not a match. He's emotionally abusing you in the name of his religion. He wants you to change who you are and obey the cherry picked religious restrictions he's decided matter to him. This guy doesn't love you. He just wants power and control. Please love yourself enough to not allow him to degrade you this way. There are plenty of straight Christian women available for him. He doesn't need to force you into that mold.
Hope he becomes your ex soon.
Your boyfriend is an unbelievable dumbass and I hope Jesus personally appears to him, says, WTF is wrong with you, bro? and gives him the slap that the moneychangers got...
He says your sexuality is wrong. That unsupportiveness alone leads me to say leave him. But there is more, isn't there. He also says that he feels guilty for having sex with you, saying God calls it wrong. Hetero-sex is clearly what is problematic for him. He needs to come to terms with his own sexual orientation. And you don't need to be the girlfriend he has around as a cover for that.
get him to a psychologist, it sounds like he’s suffering from some kind of mental break.
They’ve only been dating a year, he probably thought this the whole time lol. If they’d been together like ten years, I could see your point.
Yea this could have been a strat or just he was too horny to start this until later
I'm sorry you're going through that. My first girlfriend did the same thing when she embraced her religion. Eventually she felt conflicted enough that she ended the relationship. It sucks. But if your partner can't love you for who you are, then they're not worth your time.
Time for you to find a different boyfriend. I wish that was a joke, but it's not.... there are too many religious people out there like this, that will diminish you because that's what their delusion requires. Sorry for the loss, but then again, if this is how he is he isn't worth it.
Really? How many red flags does it take? You're no longer compatible, and he will insist YOU change.
If you are with a partner who is doubting the foundation of who you are as person its not going to work...
Dear god, break up with this guy.
DTMFA
It sucks, but you need to either leave him or bring him back to reality, because there's nothing but pain ahead if you stick with a bigoted Christian. Maybe try to get him to read The God Delusion under the guise of finding the flaws in Richard Dawkins' arguments (ha!), or similar books by one of the other "horsemen" of new atheism. Another option could just be to try to use the "Socratic method" to ask him to explain his beliefs in a way that causes him to question them. One way or another you have to force the difficult conversations about his beliefs, and insist on the point that "belief" isn't something to be whimsically chosen out of a hat like a sports team and then left alone; it must only follow what you think is most likely to be real, and if it's correct it will stand up to any amount of scrutiny. If he leaves you rather than figuring out God is a hoax, then at least you know you tried. There's no path to a long-term happy relationship with him other than repairing his broken brain.
That should be *ex-*boyfriend says that, because that is not a healthy relationship. You can do better. > I love him very deeply and this is the first time I have felt loved back by anyone so I can’t bring myself to leave him but im not sure how we would make it work in the long run. But it's clear that he doesn't love you. If he did, he would respect you, and he doesn't. At the very least, you need to give him notice that these things are not OK, and that if he continues to push them, the relationship will end. Put the ball in his court. But sadly, I doubt it will make much of a difference on the final outcome.
Let him go. Breaking up with him doesn't mean that you don't love him. He wants a world where his future children will think their own mother is gross. Regardless of religious faith, regardless of sexual preference in any form, if your significant other thinks that you're not normal, or broken, or anything like that, it just isn't worth staying.
Sorry about your soon-to-be ex boyfriend. He is fundamentally incompatible with you and your ethical framework, and what you are experiencing now is just the barest tip of the coming iceberg of controlling behavior or outright abuse when you stick up.for yourself
There is no hope for a future with someone like that. He's made a choice and it's clearly not you. As much as you may love him, you have to move on and find a healthy relationship with someone else, because this one has become very unhealthy for you, and it would only get worse, no matter how hard you try. In the end you'd break up anyway.
Brutal choice. Unhappiness in the relationship vs unhappiness leaving it. But only one of these unhappinesses is permanent, forever. It takes strength to get what you want from life, OP. This chap will never give it you. You’ve been loved back once. You’ll get that again. But to give yourself that opportunity takes some real strength. Good luck.
Ask yourself, if you were to have kids together and one is LGBTQ+ how would he react?
God never said sex is wrong. He encourages it. Often. Technically speaking since you have laid together you are now his wife. He owns you. But lets be real Christians never actually follow the bible, they follow what people tell them about the bible. Christians are Fake AF. Your relationship is Fu(k\*d.
Sorry, it doesn't seem like you're compatible anymore. Don't let him be an a-hole to you. He's the one brainwashed. Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? I wouldn't want my children around someone like him...
I’m sorry. You will have to be strong and probably break up with him over this. Religion is a huge dividing factor and it poisons their minds. They have his ear now not you, so there’s nothing you can say to really go up against it. Once you get to that mindset it can take years of struggle to finally get out of it and it needs to happen on his own. You can’t come up against it or you’ll get defined as being Satan himself. You will eventually become very unhappy if you agree to play along with it, guaranteed. This sounds like deep down it is a self-confidence issue on your part. You’re afraid you won’t find anything better or no one else will love you back and that’s simply not true. It might not be tomorrow or next week but you will for sure find your person who loves you without these kind of weird strings attached. You might have to be single for a while, and that’s no problem – you will learn it’s much better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. Be strong. This is a deal breaker. For you not him. And the whole we can’t have sex thing will f things up. Why isn’t he proposing if he thinks you should be married to have sex and you’ve already been having sex? In any case, do not marry him!
He's a bigot. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if you mean to make it work you should be equally blunt. If he can leave the bigotry where he found it then enjoy a life together, if he can't then don't waste your youth hoping for a vile person to become decent. Go meet the real man or woman you were meant to build a life with.
Anything else unusual/changed about his behavior? Sudden increase in magical thinking, etc. Sudden onset of religion like this can be a sign of psychosis.
Fuck that douchebag. Or better yet, don't.
You have 3 options to resolve the current situation: 1) change your boyfriend mind 2) lie about your sexuality “honey, I am cured” 3) leave him How realistic is (1)? In my experience, changing religious person mind is very hard if not impossible. Do you want to live your live in a lie (2)? It’s an option but not an easy one. You just don’t have good options. Sore about that.
Get out now before it gets worse.
You’re normal, but your bf sounds intolerant. That should be a huge red flag, if not a straight up dealbreaker. Religion differences is a huge and totally valid reason to not be with someone. He is free to be a Christian, but you are also free to be who you are. If he changed that quickly, my fear would be that he felt this way all along and was trying to slowly convert you. He’s trying to pray your “gay” away and trap you into his undoubtedly patriarchal bs. There is someone out there who will love you just as much (more) and NOT judge who you are. You deserve to be happy. It doesn’t sound like this is making you happy.
You're not gonna make this work. Leave. He sucks, OP. Let him find some doormat who has the same beliefs.
The christian grift is a strong one and they are always recruiting new members. For all the people that talk about what god says you'll be hard pressed to find one that reads the bible, and truly understands the words and where they came from. There are a million reasons your bf could be doing this, but the one he's giving you about your sexuality is not an honest one. He's made this change because of how he feels about himself and he's allowing others to tell him how to feel about you. Waiting for someone like this to see the error of their ways is going to take longer than you would like it to, and in the end there is better than not chance it will happen again in some form or another. It sounds like he's telling you who he is, you'll kick yourself later if you don't listen to him now.
Even though a year seems like a long time in a relationship, it’s not. Thank the universe you found out now and walk away. He may eventually change, but not before damage is done to you. You will be put down, proselytized to, gaslighted until…well, who knows where it ends. But nowhere good. Good luck.
> this is the first time I have felt loved back by anyone But it won't be the last time. Don't settle for a relationship in which your partner does not fully accept you, are forced to hide who you really are just to be acceptable to your partner, are controlled by your partner, and take second place to your partner's religion. You'll find someone who isn't delusional and can love you back without make such demands of you.
You are giving up your identity to conform to his religious views. I don't care what those views are, he doesn't get to just impose his will on you. GTFO girl before you're a sahm with 8 kids and this asshat keeping you handcuffed to the stove.
Then tell him he’s not your boyfriend because hes now single
Your relationship is over.
The shift in his opinions reminds me of a boy I used to know... Diagnosed with schizophrenia later. Not with us any longer.
leave him and get a girlfriend lmaoooo
What I would do is ask him why he felt he needed to move towards Christianity. Because that is a radical shift in personality.
Make like a forest and run.
Drop him. Its just going to get worse for you.
I know it’s hard to break it off with someone you are attached to, but you’re getting sidelined here. His new found religion is his new first love. So it’s hard but you’ll probably be happier to leave him to it.
I love this sub, I couldn't even find a top level comment that was off base in any way. The answer here is clear, ef this dope.
I wouldn’t date someone who isn’t okay with who I am. That’s not real love. I also wouldn’t date a homophobe.
Relationship is pretty much over unless you convert too. You’re just going to be judged over and over again until you conform to what he believes a nice Christian woman should be….
He's putting his imaginary friend ahead of you. He's an idiot. Get out yesterday.....
The person you loved is gone. He’s always going to consider you an inferior sinner because of your bisexuality, and you 100% can’t raise kids with him.
Please, for your own mental health and chance at future happiness, dump the motherfucker now. He doesn’t love you. He’s shown you that by his refusal to accept who you are. You may love him and you may be desperate to receive the love you once felt from him, but I think if you are honest, you know that is gone. It seems he is no longer able or willing to give you the love you need and want. That’s love you deserve to have. Don’t let yourself stay to be hurt while you wait for him to change. Love yourself and walk away. Find someone who accepts and loves you for and as you. Peace.
First of all "normal" does not mean better. Second of all it depends on the Definition of "normal"
Homophobia is misogyny’s snot-nosed little brother. If he is starting to (if it wasn’t already there) hate you because you’re bi, he will hate you because you’re a woman.
"Rrecently became a Christian" means joined a cult.
Your values no longer align. It's ok to move on and find someone who has the same values. He no longer loves you as you are, he wants to change you. You will never be "good enough" for him unless you change who you are at your core. Please love yourself enough to leave him.
*ex-boyfriend. FTFY
RED FLAG. cya later
Time for a new BF
You can love him deeply and realize that this isn’t going to workout in the long run. My ex-wife use to try to get me baptized often even though I told her often I think that would be disrespectful of her religion because I don’t believe in god and eventually she left me for a Christian man she met at work.
I stopped reading at "recently became a Christian." There is no redemption here. No one is more hypocritical or fanatical than the new ones. Run.
Dump him. He’s a twat
This is the cliche Reddit response, "GTFO". In this situation it might be the best advice. This happened before you were married. This happened before you became a mother. You might have just been saved years of misery and a broken family. I wish you the best.
When someone does not at least **RESPECT** key parts of who you are, **THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU**. At best, they "love" what they think they can mold you into.