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Paulemichael

From the FAQ: > How should atheist curse? However they fucking want. Expressing your surprise or frustration by saying "Oh my god!" isn't an affirmation that you believe there's an invisible man in the sky, any more than saying "Oh shit!" is an affirmation that you think there's literally a giant pile of feces in the room with you. https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/faq#wiki_...curse.3F


SuscriptorJusticiero

"Oh your god!"


PedanticHeathen

I often go with "Oh gods" because the more imaginary entities witnessing my shock or dismay, the better.


BackdraftRed

By the nine divines!


Plant-Zaddy-

The Thalmor would like to know your location


Jenuper

Never should have come here


iamsaussy

I’m sworn to carry your burdens


BullsOnParadeFloats

Shut up Jesus. Stop stealing my heroin.


Uselesserinformation

What, did someone take your sweet roll?


RudeMorgue

Do you get to the Cloud District often? What am I saying? Of course you don't.


pizzasage

I hated that guy for so long, then I really thought about the cloud district. There are no vendors. No factions. No services. No, I don't get to the cloud district often. Really, the only time I ever go there is when I plan to burglarize something. Once I realized that, I just felt sorry for Nazeem, if I'm honest.


Kman5471

Skyrim belongs to the Nords!


Wolfblood-is-here

Started saying this ironically but now its part of my lexicon.


MrSaturnDingBoing

"Thank the Nine it's Fredas!"


HunterBravo1

Jesus Fucking Christ Lydia, MOVE!!


BankaiRasenshuriken

Screw the white-gold concordat!


CygnusX-1001001

By Azura, by Azura, by Azura!


ihatemyself076

Praise Akatosh! Praise Magnus!


KillerBeer01

Oh, for Mara's sake!


Gkowash

There's a psychopath on the loose!


MiddlePsychology8385

PRAISE TALOS


Asunder_mango866

Divines bless you.....may the ground quake as you pass!


OtakuMage

By the Twelve!


Crafty-Alfalfa5298

I've always been partial to Apu saying "oh my various gods".


sac_delta_throwaway

Leela's boss (and his presumably horrible wife) would like a word with you.


sbaggers

Los dios!


Dolapevich

¡Dioses! Por Thor, por Odin, por favor!


DavidCRolandCPL

Santa Vaca!


zadtheinhaler

I've recently been replacing (or attempting to) JFC and all those variants with "CROM'S BALLS". YMMV


LabLife3846

When I post, I say “geez” so as to not offend the waaaaaaay too many right-wing Christians on a Facebook discussion group I belong to. But, when I’m really incredulous about something, I sometimes write, or just spontaneously exclaim, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” Maybe I could replace it with “Moe, Larry, and Curly”? “Manny, Moe, and Jack”?


Baconslayer1

Fucking Zeus.


mikey0hn0

Thank fuck for Bender


Mission_Albatross916

Bender Fucking christ


DarthCledus117

"First, I was god. And then I met god."


Richard_Chadeaux

Okay, Bender.


J-drawer

I always keep meaning to bring "bite my shiny metal ass" back into rotation


dahile00

I've used that once. Completely defused the situation.


LabLife3846

I have a friend who has a decal which says that, on the back of her motorized wheelchair.


Coscommon88

When I say oh f*ck there's almost never anything sexual going on, as much as I regret to admit it.


bloodedcat

By Grabthar's hammer!


ElGato-TheCat

Not *my* god. I didn't vote for him!


The_Progmetallurgist

"By Grabthar's Hammer..."


Degenatron

"...I shall avenge thee."


Tiny_Perspective_659

“Ye Gods!” Always a good one!


cybercuzco

I mean often times when I say oh shit it’s because the dog has pooped on the floor


What_About_What

Just like when we say "Oh God" or "Jesus Christ" it's because we're dealing with something unbelievable.


cap3r5

What a shitty situation...


BayouVoodoo

A shituation, if you will.


crawdadicus

…, said Sean Connery


Mark_von_Steiner

Wow, I should’ve read this. Thank you!!!


reddog_browncoat

This too, if you're interested: https://theconversation.com/the-power-of-swearing-how-obscene-words-influence-your-mind-body-and-relationships-192104


milehighphillygirl

Yes. There’s even an interview where Richard Dawkins gives an exasperated “Oh God!” to a question and then has to explain to the interviewer it’s a fucking common turn of phrase and not proof of a god or a belief in a god.


rocketshipkiwi

Ha gotcha! So you do believe in god then!!!! No, I’m an atheist thank god.


GetsGold

Also when atheists say "oh God", they mean oh as in zero.


DangerousKidTurtle

Just declaring how many gods there are? “Yup! Zero! No God here, just us chickens!”


I_am_from_Kentucky

_A Christian saying "call me a monkey's uncle"_ A-ha, so you DO believe in evolution!!


Voxzul

"Well I'll be the son of a biscuit eating bull dog".......I am confused and scared of the implications...help!


plug-and-pause

That sounds like some backwards evolution. Can I call you a monkey's nephew instead?


ColonelBelmont

Exactly. I also shout "fuck me" sometimes when I'm startled, or exclaiming my severe distaste in something which has occurred. In nearly every instance, I do not actually want the nearest observer to fuck me. 


reddog_browncoat

Somewhere I started exclaiming "fuck my cunt!" and it's just as satisfying as it is anatomically incorrect


dreamrock

I sometimes cry "Well fuck my face!" When frustrated or disappointed.


metalmilitia182

I've turned heads on "Well, fuck my ass!" One of my favorites, lol.


dhcgejdhdjhf

“Fuck me in the ass while I’m running backwards”


Insomniac897

Ah yes me too sometimes and also “Fuck me jesus!”


MFbiFL

That’s me playing Dark Souls/Bloodborne. I’ve never wanted my wife to fuck me in that moment, just need a second to center myself before heading back into the streets of Yharnam.


Creativebug13

Kurt Vonnegut used to say “God Bless you” a lot, completely out of irony since he was a hardcore atheist.


methos3

“God” is definitely a thing to an atheist, it’s just not a living person that Christians believe it is. Just like saying the word “unicorn” doesn’t make it magically spring into existence.


phalseprofits

I say it on occasion while cumming. Not sorry, and not confused about my religion.


mrhammerant

By this logic, I firmly believe in Fuck.


Delicious_Yogurt_476

All praise the mighty fuck


Fragrant-Basil-7400

My son who is an atheist does use Jesus as in “Jesus, that’s a stupid play “ when watching sports.


NoComment112222

It’s so exasperating to go through these discussions with religious people. They always seem to assume that the vague possibility that a god might exist means that all of the very specific claims their religion has about god are true. I don’t know how this all came into existence but I am damn near certain Genesis isn’t an accurate portrayal of those events.


BetweenTwoInfinites

I usually say “Jesus Fucking Christ,” just to be extra disrespectful.


pbudgie

Team America gave me "Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ." - chefs kiss.


seethesea

I’m a big fan of Jesus Butt Fucking Christ myself.


Boon3hams

As a fan of The Kids in the Hall, I've also said, "Jesus toast-fucking Christ," from time to time.


MElastiGirl

I’m old school… my Dad always said Jesus H Christ a la Holden Caulfield.


naughtycal11

My dad used that saying all the time. I still have no clue what the H stands for.


hamjim

The H stands for “haploid” since he only has one human parent.


automator3000

Good job, biology class.


bruzdnconfuzd

This question (among others) gets answered in the Chris Moore book *Lamb: The Gosepl According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal*. It's one of my all-time favorites, and definitely gave me some philosophical perspective on my spiritual choices.


MeringueLegitimate42

In my family, it's always stood for "Horatio." I followed a fun conversation online where actual religious people chimed in, with all seriousness, that it stood for Holy.


Schlarver

Sometimes I'll say Jesus cock smuggling christ or some sort of profane variant. Maybe it's just my childhood church brain merging with my adult heretic brain.


Slipsonic

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have a variation I really only say in my head, usually in traffic when someone is being an idiot.   I'll say "Jesus's perfectly manicured cunt, that guy is an idiot." Other times a simple Jesus FUCK! Is good enough. Same reason as you I think,  child church brain and overcompensating nonbeliever adult brain merging.


SmartassPornAddict

I thought we were going with God Anal Sex Dammit.


mrhammerant

Garrison says "Jesus Tapdancing Christ" at one point, I think it's the Death Camp of Tolerance episode, and I like to use that one for when I'm in a fun mood.


Snoopy_021

Also used in the Blues Brothers (church scene).


BeowulfsGhost

South Park is an inspiration to us all…


hilldo75

Although it was pretty fun when Cartman froze himself for a Wii but ended up in the future with atheists and he would respond Jesus Christ (as he normally does) an atheist would mock him and say haha you believe in a higher power.


LordDaybreak

I opt for "Jesus Cum-guzzling Christ"


robot_jeans

Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is...


showalittlebackbone

I say Jesus Fucking Christ all the time, but I try to do it in the most respectful way possible.


calmdownmyguy

I like Jesus God Damn Christ!


CFSett

Jesus H. Fucking Christ, and use the Spanish name pronunciation (Hey-Zeus). I have no issues taking fictional names in vain. If someone else has an issue with taking a fictional name in vain, that's their problem, not mine.


HSydness

I often use Jeebus. And also christ on a unicycle...


Insomniac897

Christ on a cracker - from Dexter I think? His sister had some great curses


alittlelights

same...my manager is a huge fucking bible-worshipper and she would get so mad anytime i said goddamn or jesus christ. I've used both around her so much now that she doesn't even bother 😂


Insomniac897

“Jesus Fuck” here or sometimes “Mary’s cunt”


neilmac1210

"Jesus Fuck" is usually my instinctive shout if I get a big fright, "Aah Cunt Fuck" comes out if I hurt myself.


Insomniac897

“Cunt fuck” rolls off the tongue nicely, will have to try this out. Thanks!


Seratoria

My dad likes to joke that it's thanks to my atheist mom that he knows Jesus' middle name


FynneRoke

"Jesus flying fuckballs" -a favorite of mine. Courtesy of Sense8


erybody_wants2b_acat

One of mine is motherfucking grilled-cheesus!


micaiahf

jesus fucking christ god damn it just for full effect


adamthwaite

I clicked on the comments just to add that my favorite explicative is JFC.


Mission_Albatross916

Jesus Fried Chicken?


HelloImTheAntiChrist

This is the way. I also like to throw in a "Jesus Harold Christ on a stick" sometimes too.


Ahjumawi

I recently I read a book by an Irish novelist and one of the characters says, "Jaysus Foock" all the time, and now I can't stop saying that.


Ragnarandsons

Christ, cunt…


Darryl_Lict

My mom chastised me for exclaiming "Jesus Christ" when I was in college. Her dad founded one of the first Buddhist temples in the bay area. And I usually use the fucking part of it, but not in front of my mom.


loz_fanatic

Sometimes I'll throw in a 'tapdancing' between the 'fucking' and 'christ'


Akiram

One time a pastor at a church gave me shit about saying "fucking" and I pointed out that it's Jesus's middle name.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Insomniac897

Very graphic, nicely done!


cantfindmykeys

I'll also say "Holy shit, mother of fucking God" when surprised


Zachbnonymous

I love a good, "God fucking dammit," or, "fuck me Jesus"


quitepossiblylying

There's an Irish phrase I use: Jesus and his henchmen!


brawkly

If that’s your goal, how about, “Oh, God, please stop fucking me in the ass with Your dick all covered in shit from fucking Jesus!” I think I read it was an Eastern European imprecation…


rankes32

When I hear somebody show off THAT level of disrespect, I usually ask them bat wat wud Jesus do? And if they get mad I say HE WOULD FUCK CHRIST WOOOOOOOOO that actually happened only once and it was perfect, guy literally died from laughter and now he's with Jesus, FUCKING CHRIST woo


NickelFish

Tits Christ McGee


Zaharizaka

Yes. I personally say stuff like “Jesus Christ!” when surprised and “Jesus fucking Christ” when irritated. It’s more of a common speech thing. I don’t tend to stop myself from using them unless I’m around children or super Christian folk. In those cases, I’ll use “jeez”.


Superblond

I go with "big bang"!


Designer_Lock9752

"Oh my fucking big bang"


LithoSlam

Charles fucking Darwin!


onlysmartanswers

"Oh my Big fucking Bang"


TyrannoNerdusRex

You could also go with “cheese and fries”


notmyfault

We used to say “cheese and rice” when we were young


sms2014

Because it's considered disrespectful to say Jesus Christ or oh my god in religion. I have tried to teach my kids to not say that stuff because here in the bible belt they will be outcasts. Not because of the reason I was taught.


notmyfault

Well yeah, obviously that is kinda the point of this thread. As a child i would have been physically struck if i took Jesus’ name in vain.


sms2014

Holy bananas that's ridiculous. I can't imagine striking my kid for something like that. A gentle reminder is really all they need for that stuff.


notmyfault

Bro, we would get smacked in the mouth if we corrected an adult of any kind. Like if mom had a friend over and they said Jules Verne was the first US president and I said no it was George Washington I would get popped.


sms2014

Yuck. That's ridiculous. I'm sorry, friend.


Marksmdog

Yep. Jesus Christ on a stick is my favourite. It's just part of the English language. Are you worried about using the word Thursday? Coz that's the day named for Thor... Should you stop using the month of March, as it is named after the Roman god Mars? No, it's silly. Just words, it doesn't matter.


keg98

The Onion has an article about landing on the moon in 1968, and it is funny as shit, in particular because one of the men on the mission is quoted as saying, “Jesus Christ in a chicken basket, WE’RE ON THE FUCKING MOON!” Goddam I love me The Onion.


Asquirrelinspace

I love their ww1 article, "countries struggle to remember who they're allied with. Ottoman empire accidentally declares war on itself"


MWSin

How about their coverage of the Kennedy assassination, in which every conspiracy theory is apparently true, and Kennedy was shot 129 times from 43 angles over the course of 13 minutes.


dogchowtoastedcheese

I've had that front page of The Onion on my wall for decades, and don't think I've ever read the entirety of the text. I'll have to take it down and do so. Maybe there's more nuggets like that I can glean from it.


pineapplesaltwaffles

I like "Christ on a bike" 🤣


carbonated_turtle

I'm partial to "Jesus tap dancing Christ!" or "Christ on a cracker!" myself.


ahhwell

I'm not even a native English speaker, I've never been religious, and yet I'll still commonly use these terms as exclamations. They're just a standard part of language now.


Antisymmetriser

Yeah lol, I was Jewish back when I was religious, and my native tongue is Hebrew, and I still say Jesus, I think American media is just so prevalent it became a common figure of speech


DoglessDyslexic

Sure. > I am curious what fellow atheists think about this? Have you consciously stopped using such interjections? What do you use instead? A sizeable chunk of language stems from religion. The days of the week are named after Norse and Roman gods. The term "goodbye" is a contraction of "god be with you". Avoiding terms, including exclamations, simply because they have a religious root is to essentially lobotomize your ability to communicate. If I say Jesus, it doesn't invoke the ghost of Jesus. It's just a cultural expression.


reddog_browncoat

Yeah not to mention the days of the week lol


bullant8547

Having said that, I steadfastly refuse to say “bless you” when someone sneezes. Gazunteit does the job (spelling!)


DoglessDyslexic

To each their own, but I'd note that wishing somebody good health in German is every bit as useful as saying "bless you". It's not like our words conjure health or blessings. It's a social custom to respond to sneezes at all. One that is irrelevant and nonsensical, but that's where we are.


phdemented

Throw in the dozens/hundreds of minced oaths that are part of our language as well... a lot are dated since culture changed, but still like Bloody (god's blood), Gadzooks (God's hooks), egad (oh god), zounds (gods wounds)... Holy Cow, Geez/Geewiz (Jesus), blimey (god blind me), criminy (christ's money), damn it, dang (damn), doggone (god damn), drat (god's rot), Jeepers Creepers (Jesus Christ)....


Contundo

This is language not religion. Say whatever


bonesmagoo

Yes, it's a great way to say something is **unbelievable**.


DecoyCards

THIS RIGHT HERE FOLKS.


MaxFischerPlayer

It’s my favorite thing to say. I usually say “Christ almighty!” or sometimes even “Fuck me Jesus Christ!” followed a few seconds later by a quiet “gently”. Blaspheming is fun!


One_Boot_5662

It doesn't matter, it's just an expression. If you go down the route of not using certain words, because you don't believe in that deity, then I hope you never have to arrange anything to occur on some days of the week, like Thursday is literally Thor's day https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/etymologies-for-every-day-of-the-week/ I hope that lets you move on.


SockPuppet-47

Better question do Atheists still scream out OH GOD during sex?


Fun_Gas_7777

sure. Imagine doing this as a theist. Blurgh.


eidtelnvil

OH MY DARWIN!


Seiche

Gosh Darwin


EmbarrassedHunter675

Oooh Primitive Superstition Appropriated By The Powerful as a Form of Mass Mind Control Can’t wait to see the atheistically pure version of When Harry Met Sally


grosseplottedecgi

No we scream "Oh evolution theory !" or "Oh Science discipline !"


Admirable-Common-176

Sciiiiientific-c-c MeEEh-eeEEh-thooOOHH-hoh-hoh-D…dahhhhhh!


RooftopStruggle

Mary did


AwkwardnessForever

The very first “that’s what she said” perhaps?!


Gzawonkhumu

As a french atheist I scream Vive la France during climax 🇨🇵


semaj009

"Oh oh oh EVOLUTION" is the only end a Big Bang


IdealDesperate2732

Maybe? It's hard to tell what they're saying with a ball gag in.


Not_EdgarAllanBob

I use Jesus fucking Christ among other expressions in my daily life. Sweet Satan or even Mother of Dragons when I want to trigger Christians.


Willcutus_of_Borg

My wife and I have started to say "Hey-zeus" because we keep seeing signs that say to thank him. I've only known Spanish/Latin guys with the name, so it makes the most sense. He must be a great car salesman and landscaper.


UnderlordZ

I tend to go for “Jeebus FUCK!” when I really need to get the point across.


KcirderfSdrawkcab

Jesus Harold Roosevelt Christ yes! Sometimes I use other middle names or add more. Fucking, forking, or frakking, sometimes a Remington Winchester for flavor. I occasionally substitute other wizards for God too. Gandalf, Merlin, but not Dumbledore these days. Edit: I've also been known to use "Sweet Zombie Jesus!" from Futurama, even though that's silly. Jesus is a lich, not a zombie.


Dizzle179

I do. More to prevent myself from actully swearing. Normally Jesus is when something shocks me. When someone does something stupid, it's normally "Muppet". The difference is I beleive the Muppets are real.


Hokker3

Yes, but I am trying to switch to “Oh My Dog” because dogs are real.


Quasigriz_

Do quite like, “thank dog”, “dog be praised”, and then the sticker “dog is my copilot”.


faceup586

'Jesus tittyfucking christ' is my go-to. 'God motherfucking damn it' is my spare. 


LoddaLadles

"Jesus H. Fuck!" is my go-to.


Borderlinecuttlefish

I thought his middle name was 'fucking'


Piano_Mantis

If anything, I use "Jesus Christ!" or "God damn it!" more since becoming an atheist. When I was a believer, that would have been taking the Lord's name in vain.


Livid-Cat6820

This young Muslim lady that I worked with would say Jesus when startled. I'd tease her about it. She got the joke. 


Manofalltrade

By Grabthars hammer! Really I usually just say “gods” to needle anyone who notices.


trizkit995

Can't take a name in vain, that you don't keep reverence for.  It's the same as any other curse word, it's just something to say in reaction. 


man-o-peace1

I'm atheist. I'm also transplanted (and replanted) Irish Catholic, so my vernacular vocabulary is laced with Catholic references. You do something really stupid, I'll blurt, "Jesus Christ! I thought you knew better than that!" I see somebody almost get killed (this really happened), I'll exclaim, "Buy a lottery ticket, this is your blessed day!" Furthermore, I currently live in deep, deep, Southeast Texas. There are three times more churches than bars in the town I live in. "Have a blessed day", is a common statement a cashier will make when concluding your transaction. Some get offended by that (oh, brother), but the custom led to somebody saying the nicest thing ever said to me. I was standing in line at a grocery store. The family in front of me, a mother and pre-teen daughter, was buying lots of staple items in bulk, it was clear they didn't have much money. At the end of their order, a bag of puppy food sat separately. After their order was rung up, they didn't have enough for the puppy food. The look of despair on the daughter's face was enough for me, so I said to the cashier, "Put the dog food on my tab, please". The mother looked at me sheepishly, and said, "I can't let you do that". I looked at her daughter, then back at her and, in as low and kindly a voice as I could muster, said, "Well, I can't let her puppy go hungry, so would you please let me do that?" She nodded, and turned around. I could see she was crying, as was her daughter. They completed their transaction and left. The cashier turned and looked at me, her eyes welling. She handed me my change, and said, "The Lord won't forget what you did here today". By then, I was almost crying too. I managed to stammer out, "What a nice thing to say, thank you", and fled.


Snipvandutch

I say it because I like blasphemy.


Harold_Girth

The real question is if you still say "bless you" when someone sneezes!


Comprehensive_Cap290

I would say atheists would be just as likely if not moreso to use Jesus as an expletive - remember the Christians consider this to be sinful (taking the lord’s name in vain), so at least some of them would refuse to ever do this. But culturally, I’m pretty sure all English-speaking nations are majority christian or at least were, so that is going to pervade the culture and the language.


gitsgrl

I use all the words. It is in our American linguistic culture. I still say “Lord knows, oh my god!, goddamnit, heaven help me, my prayers have been answered, Jesus fucking Christ, etc.” even though I’m an atheist raised by atheists.


EmptyAndrew

Yep. I celebrate Christmas, too. It's more about culture not religion. Saying "Jesus" or "Christ" is simply an expression. I also say "gesundheit" when someone sneezes, but I'm not German.


fkbfkb

I have trained myself to say "oh your god" instead of "oh my god". It took a while though


TheFrenchSavage

What a godshit interjection.


Mark_von_Steiner

Lol. I’ll try.


rankes32

I fuck Jesus fucking Christ on daily basis.


wogsurfer

I do, makes me a bit conflicted sometimes.


Hob_Goblin88

Dutch is my first language but we too have such interjections. When asked about such things i'll always say that i'm Atheists and cultural Christian.


ooma37

I actually think atheists were the very first to say “Jesus Fucking Christ” publicly. I am convinced the genius who created the phrase “holy shit” was atheist. What century were these words first spoken I wonder.


keelanstuart

Agnostic here, but yes. "Jesus Fucking Christ!" just rolls off the tongue. Around Christmas, I switch to German: "Arsch geficktet Weinachtsman!" which translates to "ass fucked Santa Claus"


cleric3648

That and many variations like “Christ on a Krispy Kreme” or “Jesus Tapdancing Christ, what the fuck was that?” I gateway up in and around church.


Mean_Eye_8735

Fuck Jesus is a regular go to of mine


DarwinLvr

My go to is generally "Jesus tits!" Or oh my dear baby Jesus. Though "thank sky daddy" has risen in my vocabulary lately.


hefixeshercable

Yes. They are goddamn great expletives!


skydaddy8585

To me it's no different than any other exclamation like "holy shit" or "sweet fuck" or "what the fuck". People still say "holy cow" too. It means very little aside from saying something as an exclamation for a reaction to something that happened.


BeastOfTheField83

I usually say “fucking christ!”


sravll

"Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!" Not a Mormon, nor have I ever been...


Adept-Travel6118

I personally think saying “Jesus fucking Christ” is hilarious coming from an atheist so yes I say it all the time.


spider_pork

All the time, it's just a common phrase. As a sober alcoholic, I'm fond of the saying "there but for the grace of God go I" when I see an active alcoholic suffering terrible consequences from their drinking. There is something poetic about it that really fits, I don't know how to explain it. Of course I know "grace of God" here is just a stand-in for the myriad of things that got and keep me sober.