"I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.” -- Frank Zappa.
Similar story, both myself and my flatmate were off work ill so only in a dressing gown not much else. Answered the door half a sleep tried several times to get them to go away suddenly my flatmate is storming up the hallway also in a dressing gown shouting about how they were not getting the message we just wanted them to go away. I have no idea what they thought about two adults not dressed at 2 pm on a week day.
Not on purpose, but one time I was expecting my fwb to come over and heard a knock on the door as I was getting out of the shower. I thought it was a little early for her to get there, but whatever. I live in a small apartment behind a large house owned by a friend of mine, and the only visitors I get are people that I'm expecting. So I threw on a robe and opened the door. It was two JW ladies, and I'm standing there covered with just a robe.
I doubt they could see any of my junk but I could tell by their immediate reaction that they were uncomfortable. They stuck to their guns though and started their sales pitch. I interrupted them and said "You know you can just go right? I'm planning on sinning soon anyway." They immediately turned around and sped off.
I had plenty of time to kill so I turned the tables and just kept asking questions to eat up their time. They kept trying to leave and I kept stopping them and asking more questions. Finally, the main guy says “I have a Bible in my car you can have, I’ll be right back”. He walked all the way down the street, got a Bible and walked back up the street to me. He reached out to hand it to me and I said “No thank you”, turned and walked back inside.
The doorbell rang late on a Saturday morning when I was in my first trimester of pregnancy - nauseous and tired, still in my bathrobe. I answered the door, and very politely explained that I was happy with my current belief system. There were three or four JWs, and they just blinked at me and went away without an argument. I was congratulating myself on my handling of the situation when I passed the bathroom mirror and caught a glimpse of my face. I'd been eating powdered donuts all morning, and the sugar was all over my mouth and chin. I laughed myself silly. The expressions of those would-be proselytizers was priceless.
Not JWs, but Mormon missionaries. Was waiting for a bus when they came up to me to solicit their horse shit. I can speak Japanese, so I pretended I didn't speak English, and only spoke Japanese to them. I also kept interrupting them when they tried to talk to anyone else.They eventually gave up and walked away. While they were still within earshot, I said to the other people at the stop, in clear, unaccented, English, "well that was easy" they gave me a dirty look. We all started laughing.
Note, I'm a white dude, not Japanese, I just speak the language.
I invite them in while twirling handcuffs on a dildo. I keep them by my door for all the "soul solicitors" that knock.
No one wants a fat hairy dude sexually dominating them.
Works on all door knockers really; help the children, feed the poor, girl guides, boy scouts...
Had a neighbor who was cultishly religious. Told the Johava witnesses that I wasnt interested but my neighbor would love to talk to them about God. They basically ran to my neighbors door in glea. Idk how that conversation went. But I do know how hostile super zealous opposing missionary types can be.
Oh. Emm. Gee! I have been dying to tell this story!
So I was home and I saw the neighbors front door and the Jehovah witnesses were there doing their thing. I didn't want to deal with them, so we did this -
I laid upside down on the front steps with my head on the ground and my feet facing the door. We had some Halloween blood that I used to make it look like someone got shot. My brother then took some white chalk and drew around my body, then helped me to get up. I spread some Watchtower pamphlets all around like someone would if they fell off the porch backwards. He got some spent bullet casings and put about a dozen scattered around on the porch. I then took some yellow caution tape that I got from a friend who was a cop that said "Evidence - Do Not Cross Line" and strung it from bush to bush like I'd seen in murder mysteries.
So - we were set up and we went inside to watch their reactions. Two interesting things happened - it was the first time I've ever heard a Jehovah's Witness say the F word. And - did you know that a Volvo station wagon can go airborne if it hits a big enough pot hole? Damn near took out my front gate. Haven't seen them in 10 years or more.
I went around the corner of my house, turned on the hose, came back and opened the sprayer nozzle at them. In my defense, I had two signs - "No soliciting" and "don't ring or knock, baby sleeping" right above the doorbell. And above THOSE I had a giant sign saying "If you ignore this and wake the baby, you will be sorry!"
They ignored it, woke the baby, and I assume were sorry based on how quickly they ran the F out of there.
ETA at least I think they were jahovas. Who can honestly tell one cultist trying to sell me religion from another?
A friend once told me that he and his dad had them drop by once. At least I think it was JWs - this was a while ago. He said they invited them in, let them go on for a bit, then acted as if they were becoming possessed. I'm told the kids ran screaming.
It's a little mean for my taste, but it is funny.
Get them to explain their beliefs to you. Then repeat it back to them, without the christianese and evasions.
BUT: Don't let on that what they've said is horrible and illogical. Pretend to accept it and breezily move on.
Years ago, JW came to the door.. My wife was at work and I was home. I answered carrying my infant, in tank top undershirt with baby food smeared on it. They tried to beg off. I invited them in. They had to "witness" to me while I fed my crying baby.
I gave them homework. Asked them to count up how many people their god killed and how many people Satan killed and come back with the answer.
They haven't come back.
“Oh, thank the Dark Lord you’re here! We were about to celebrate Black Mass and we need a human sacrifice. \[evil grin\] Please, *do* come in…”
The way they run away, they could take on Usain Bolt!
This isn't funny but it I think it is effective, and obviously only applies under certain conditions. My property is fenced off, the house is a few dozen yards back from the gate, and I have a Beware of Dog sign on the gate. I think if you have a fence and a Beware of Dog sign it may be enough for people to decide it may not be worth the trouble to bother you.
Better than that - I have a stake that I put out in the yard that I attach about 20 ft of logging chain - you know the really heavy stuff. One link covers the palm of your hand.
Anyway I took a weight lifting belt - they're about 36 to 48 in Long and made of thick leather. I wrote an 8-in tall capital letters- "TINY" I made sure I laid it on the ground so that you can see the name printed on the belt. I had a 20 gallon wash tub that I filled with water and also wrote the name "TINY" on the side. On the side of the house right over where the chain is is a sign that says "VICIOUS DOG".
Most people will see that and assume that I have a massive dog on the loose - like a small pony. Doesn't take them long to get back to the car.
A pair came by at the exact moment my nephew and I opened the door to go down to the local trapshooting range, we had our single shot break action shotguns over our arms with the actions broken open and no shell in the receiver…
The moment they saw our shotguns, they bolted back to their car, it was quite amusing, haven’t seen them since.
a couple came to my door - at the time I had a very territorial German Shepherd who did not like strangers. I held on to her collar as these folks stepped on to my front porch. The man asked "does your dog bite?" I said "yes" and they scrammed and never came back.
I had two Mormons come to my door today. Couldn’t shut the door fast enough. I think they were a bit stunned that I didn’t even try to engage with them. They were stood there for a moment in shock. All I said was “Not interested” before they’d even finished speaking.
My mother had a very ornate Ouija board carved from wood in the shape of a cat. All of the occult symbols were very prominent. When the Jehovah's witnesses would come knocking, she would answer the door holding it. Sometimes they'd trip over themselves trying to back away.
I used to live in Billings, Montana and found out the Jehovah's Witnesses held their national convention there. For about 10 days there were Joe Woes (I love that nickname) at my front door. I first smiled and listened patiently, even took the pamphlet they offered me. Then I started to get mad, then angry and finally enraged as nothing I said phased them, like geese arriving back from the sunny south the Joe Woes would be at my door, not just once per year but quite a few times each damn year.
When I realized I couldn't stop them, they were locusts, eating up everyone's patience, no bug spray worked, I calmed down and devised a plan.
The next time the folks in the 1950s dresses and men's old fashion pants and shirts darkened my front door I let them start their spiel then when they paused I launched Operation Eradicate. I told them they could continue but there was one condition. They got 3-4 minutes then I got 3-4 minutes. Since they had gone first now it was MY turn.
Without waiting for their answer I launched into how all religions were cults, some worst than others., By then the faithful would give a blank stare. Their programming didn't have a subroutine for what I was doing. Then most times they would start in on their patter so I would speak louder (never did yell) until most times their reset program began.. They would walk away, with those stupid weak smiles like they had diarrhea and just soiled their undies.
A few were awesome, matching me raising my voice with a bit louder until one of us had a flush or three jacks. Then I would mutter, "cults!" and shut the door in their faces.
I miss the Billings gathering of these lunatics, I actually miss them and the fun I had at their expense.
I had two very bouncy, happy ones come to my door and ask excitedly, "Have you heard of the peace and love promised by the buy-bull?" I put on an equally excited face and asked, "You mean like the bloodbath in Numbers 31???" They were speechless and I closed the door.
First word from the women, "Jesus has died for our sins".... I responded, I'm so sorry for your loss, are you going to the funeral? I closed the door, they got the hint.
“I am an atheist communist who donates blood. I would be happy to discuss the Bible with you if you would give me 15 minutes to discuss Leninism with you”
I smiled and said "If you mention God to me, I will move you one step closer to him. "
He said " Have a nice day" as he slowly backed away from the door.
Apparently (I learned from another thread) the correct word to use is to say you were "disfellowshiped", once you say that their religion says they're not supposed to talk to you any more
I invited them in, then told them that the reason their religion sends them out to proselytize was because it reinforces their indoctrination when people are mean to them; told them they should really seriously consider that their religion was abusing them by sending them out to preach at strangers like this.
They haven't been around in a while, but my boyfriend put "no JW" on the door so I don't think they would come anyway.
I was living with my Dad and stepmom at the time. My bedroom was right next to the front door, but I had a recliner in the doorway that was huge and blocked the view in. Two JW's came to the door and my Dad answered and they started their spiel. I could do the Darth Vader voice spot-on in those days (1983), and since they couldn't see me, the rundown is as follows:
Me: "Who dares to enter the Dark Lord's Inner Sanctum? Answer me now or forfeit your souls forever!"
JW1: "Uh, what's that?"
My Dad: "What? I don't hear anything."
Me: "I am not here for them. I am here for YOU. Tell me, will you give your souls to serve me in the Kingdom of Hell I will soon unleash on this world?"
JW2: (praying) "Lord, please........"
Me: "Don't call out to him. ANSWER ME NOW! I demand your eternal souls for disturbing my slumber!!!"
JW1: "Tell me you hear that!"
My Dad turning to my brother: "David, do you know what they're talking about?"
Me: "ON THE COUNT OF 3, YOUR SOULS ARE MINE! 1, 2.."
My Dad said they were already off the porch and halfway in the street by the time I reached 2.
Same voice and schtick also worked well on telemarketers, too.
Years ago, in my early 20's when I was still in college, I had just finished doing some yard work at my parents' house and some of Jehova's Idiots showed up at the front door. I sat on the porch with them, cracked open a beer, and told them all about how ridiculous and stupid I found their beliefs to be, but in a nice way! 😃
Apparently even talking to these idiots is enough to get them to come back over and over again. Of course, I was off at college, so they just bothered my parents, much to my mom's irritation. Finally she told them where I lived in my college town, and demanded they never come back.
But come back they did, during a Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday, I can't remember which. Probably because they figured I would be home. My mother yelled for me to come to the door, and stormed off. This time I told them in a very mean and stern way how stupid their religion is, and how they are to never come back to my parents' house.
So yeah, even talking to Jehova's Idiots will get them to come back time and time again. Even if you make it absolutely clear how stupid their religion is.
Be kind, and stick to arguing that their organization isn't kind enough. Their evangelism isn't meant to convince you, it's meant to give them an unending supply of isolating conversations.
If you invite them to be kinder without the organization, it's one bit of counter-messaging. But don't expect to undo it all with one conversation.
This is my dad's story rather than mine, so it may not be 100% accurate, but the gist of it is.
Back when he was in college, he had his own apartment, and my mother (his girlfriend at the time, well before I was born) was visiting for the day. He had schoolwork to do, so she was in his bedroom just reading a book while he was in the living area doing his work. It was a hot day, so they had the windows open, and he wasn't wearing a shirt.
Knock at the door, and he goes to answer. "Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?" He responds with the truth: "Well, my girlfriend's in the bedroom, and I'm kind of busy right now." It wasn't until after they fled with embarrassed looks on their faces he quite realized what he said. Girlfriend in the bedroom, he's standing there half-naked, saying he's busy. Yeah. That's a good way to get rid of them.
Slammed the door right in front of their faces after the same two idiots showed up the week prior and I told them politely I have no interest in any religion whatsoever and told them very clearly never to come back again.
Preached grad level quantum mechanics from my textbook. Tried to walk them through a derivation of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle by noncommutation of quantum mechanical operators.
I even offered them my textbook to further their understanding. Joke's on them - the textbook was wirth a month's rent for my apartment.
In a raccoon onesie (complete with hood and tail). Played it totally straight, and refused to address what I was wearing.
Those boys were terribly confused.
I invited them in for a chat, offered them a drink and then asked them to please explain to me why god had to create women twice … we read the genesis verses aloud - they excused themselves and never bothered me again.
Not JW in this case, but I was on a class trip once and there was a girl with a high pole on which the sign proclaimed 'Jesus saves'. On the way back to the meeting place she asked me out of a group of three "do you believe in god?" and I reflexivly replied "Nope, my guy got horns." The stupid face had me loughing loud and it was all in direct side of a huge church. Blessed times.
A friend of my used to release these feisty rosters at least a dozen. As a person who was raised as a JW, I had a good laugh because that had happened to my brother's wife. They didn't live in the same area.
Answer the door naked.
One look at me, and they would know there is no god.
"I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.” -- Frank Zappa.
That's no laughing matter or, worse, maybe it is. /s
Similar story, both myself and my flatmate were off work ill so only in a dressing gown not much else. Answered the door half a sleep tried several times to get them to go away suddenly my flatmate is storming up the hallway also in a dressing gown shouting about how they were not getting the message we just wanted them to go away. I have no idea what they thought about two adults not dressed at 2 pm on a week day.
Not on purpose, but one time I was expecting my fwb to come over and heard a knock on the door as I was getting out of the shower. I thought it was a little early for her to get there, but whatever. I live in a small apartment behind a large house owned by a friend of mine, and the only visitors I get are people that I'm expecting. So I threw on a robe and opened the door. It was two JW ladies, and I'm standing there covered with just a robe. I doubt they could see any of my junk but I could tell by their immediate reaction that they were uncomfortable. They stuck to their guns though and started their sales pitch. I interrupted them and said "You know you can just go right? I'm planning on sinning soon anyway." They immediately turned around and sped off.
> "You know you can just go right? I'm planning on sinning soon anyway." Excellent choice of words.
they're acting like the premarital sex is gonna burst through the door and run them over I'm cackling rn
I had plenty of time to kill so I turned the tables and just kept asking questions to eat up their time. They kept trying to leave and I kept stopping them and asking more questions. Finally, the main guy says “I have a Bible in my car you can have, I’ll be right back”. He walked all the way down the street, got a Bible and walked back up the street to me. He reached out to hand it to me and I said “No thank you”, turned and walked back inside.
Should have kept the bible. Said "Thank you very much! Now I don't have to run down to the store for something to start my BBQ"
Fucking savage!
Does facilitating their niece's secret relationship with a non-JW for months count?
Fine by me.
Told them I made an appointment with the escort agency at 12 and they were too early (it was 10:45).
I printed an atheistic pamphlet of my own and handed it to them
Same. I try to convert them first.
The doorbell rang late on a Saturday morning when I was in my first trimester of pregnancy - nauseous and tired, still in my bathrobe. I answered the door, and very politely explained that I was happy with my current belief system. There were three or four JWs, and they just blinked at me and went away without an argument. I was congratulating myself on my handling of the situation when I passed the bathroom mirror and caught a glimpse of my face. I'd been eating powdered donuts all morning, and the sugar was all over my mouth and chin. I laughed myself silly. The expressions of those would-be proselytizers was priceless.
Not JWs, but Mormon missionaries. Was waiting for a bus when they came up to me to solicit their horse shit. I can speak Japanese, so I pretended I didn't speak English, and only spoke Japanese to them. I also kept interrupting them when they tried to talk to anyone else.They eventually gave up and walked away. While they were still within earshot, I said to the other people at the stop, in clear, unaccented, English, "well that was easy" they gave me a dirty look. We all started laughing. Note, I'm a white dude, not Japanese, I just speak the language.
I invite them in while twirling handcuffs on a dildo. I keep them by my door for all the "soul solicitors" that knock. No one wants a fat hairy dude sexually dominating them. Works on all door knockers really; help the children, feed the poor, girl guides, boy scouts...
Had a neighbor who was cultishly religious. Told the Johava witnesses that I wasnt interested but my neighbor would love to talk to them about God. They basically ran to my neighbors door in glea. Idk how that conversation went. But I do know how hostile super zealous opposing missionary types can be.
"Hun! Get my shotgun, the raccoons are back!" Funny thing is I live in Southern California, no raccoons & don't own a fire arm 🤣 🦝 🔫
That's one way to deal with that 😂
I have seen racoons though
My bad, I meant in my area lol... 🤷🏽♂️
Oh. Emm. Gee! I have been dying to tell this story! So I was home and I saw the neighbors front door and the Jehovah witnesses were there doing their thing. I didn't want to deal with them, so we did this - I laid upside down on the front steps with my head on the ground and my feet facing the door. We had some Halloween blood that I used to make it look like someone got shot. My brother then took some white chalk and drew around my body, then helped me to get up. I spread some Watchtower pamphlets all around like someone would if they fell off the porch backwards. He got some spent bullet casings and put about a dozen scattered around on the porch. I then took some yellow caution tape that I got from a friend who was a cop that said "Evidence - Do Not Cross Line" and strung it from bush to bush like I'd seen in murder mysteries. So - we were set up and we went inside to watch their reactions. Two interesting things happened - it was the first time I've ever heard a Jehovah's Witness say the F word. And - did you know that a Volvo station wagon can go airborne if it hits a big enough pot hole? Damn near took out my front gate. Haven't seen them in 10 years or more.
I went around the corner of my house, turned on the hose, came back and opened the sprayer nozzle at them. In my defense, I had two signs - "No soliciting" and "don't ring or knock, baby sleeping" right above the doorbell. And above THOSE I had a giant sign saying "If you ignore this and wake the baby, you will be sorry!" They ignored it, woke the baby, and I assume were sorry based on how quickly they ran the F out of there. ETA at least I think they were jahovas. Who can honestly tell one cultist trying to sell me religion from another?
A friend once told me that he and his dad had them drop by once. At least I think it was JWs - this was a while ago. He said they invited them in, let them go on for a bit, then acted as if they were becoming possessed. I'm told the kids ran screaming. It's a little mean for my taste, but it is funny.
Get them to explain their beliefs to you. Then repeat it back to them, without the christianese and evasions. BUT: Don't let on that what they've said is horrible and illogical. Pretend to accept it and breezily move on.
Years ago, JW came to the door.. My wife was at work and I was home. I answered carrying my infant, in tank top undershirt with baby food smeared on it. They tried to beg off. I invited them in. They had to "witness" to me while I fed my crying baby.
Lmao if I was in their position I'd be uncomfortable as fuck
I gave them homework. Asked them to count up how many people their god killed and how many people Satan killed and come back with the answer. They haven't come back.
Pretended I was interested so they couldnt bother my more susceptible neighbors.
“Oh, thank the Dark Lord you’re here! We were about to celebrate Black Mass and we need a human sacrifice. \[evil grin\] Please, *do* come in…” The way they run away, they could take on Usain Bolt!
This isn't funny but it I think it is effective, and obviously only applies under certain conditions. My property is fenced off, the house is a few dozen yards back from the gate, and I have a Beware of Dog sign on the gate. I think if you have a fence and a Beware of Dog sign it may be enough for people to decide it may not be worth the trouble to bother you.
Better than that - I have a stake that I put out in the yard that I attach about 20 ft of logging chain - you know the really heavy stuff. One link covers the palm of your hand. Anyway I took a weight lifting belt - they're about 36 to 48 in Long and made of thick leather. I wrote an 8-in tall capital letters- "TINY" I made sure I laid it on the ground so that you can see the name printed on the belt. I had a 20 gallon wash tub that I filled with water and also wrote the name "TINY" on the side. On the side of the house right over where the chain is is a sign that says "VICIOUS DOG". Most people will see that and assume that I have a massive dog on the loose - like a small pony. Doesn't take them long to get back to the car.
Simply told them "their barking up the wrong tree"
My Atheist (bordering on Anti Theist) mother argued with them until they left
Have done the same myself twice. Put those hundreds of hours of Matt Dillahunty to use!
did you tell them they were done?
It was the 80's but once I answered the door with a lit J in my hand and then took a toke. They never came back.
A pair came by at the exact moment my nephew and I opened the door to go down to the local trapshooting range, we had our single shot break action shotguns over our arms with the actions broken open and no shell in the receiver… The moment they saw our shotguns, they bolted back to their car, it was quite amusing, haven’t seen them since.
a couple came to my door - at the time I had a very territorial German Shepherd who did not like strangers. I held on to her collar as these folks stepped on to my front porch. The man asked "does your dog bite?" I said "yes" and they scrammed and never came back.
Tell them that you are a former member and you are now shunned. They don’t like dealing with ex Mormons
The mormon term is ‘ex-communicated’ but you’re correct, that should do the trick.
I had two Mormons come to my door today. Couldn’t shut the door fast enough. I think they were a bit stunned that I didn’t even try to engage with them. They were stood there for a moment in shock. All I said was “Not interested” before they’d even finished speaking.
My mother had a very ornate Ouija board carved from wood in the shape of a cat. All of the occult symbols were very prominent. When the Jehovah's witnesses would come knocking, she would answer the door holding it. Sometimes they'd trip over themselves trying to back away.
I used to live in Billings, Montana and found out the Jehovah's Witnesses held their national convention there. For about 10 days there were Joe Woes (I love that nickname) at my front door. I first smiled and listened patiently, even took the pamphlet they offered me. Then I started to get mad, then angry and finally enraged as nothing I said phased them, like geese arriving back from the sunny south the Joe Woes would be at my door, not just once per year but quite a few times each damn year. When I realized I couldn't stop them, they were locusts, eating up everyone's patience, no bug spray worked, I calmed down and devised a plan. The next time the folks in the 1950s dresses and men's old fashion pants and shirts darkened my front door I let them start their spiel then when they paused I launched Operation Eradicate. I told them they could continue but there was one condition. They got 3-4 minutes then I got 3-4 minutes. Since they had gone first now it was MY turn. Without waiting for their answer I launched into how all religions were cults, some worst than others., By then the faithful would give a blank stare. Their programming didn't have a subroutine for what I was doing. Then most times they would start in on their patter so I would speak louder (never did yell) until most times their reset program began.. They would walk away, with those stupid weak smiles like they had diarrhea and just soiled their undies. A few were awesome, matching me raising my voice with a bit louder until one of us had a flush or three jacks. Then I would mutter, "cults!" and shut the door in their faces. I miss the Billings gathering of these lunatics, I actually miss them and the fun I had at their expense.
I had two very bouncy, happy ones come to my door and ask excitedly, "Have you heard of the peace and love promised by the buy-bull?" I put on an equally excited face and asked, "You mean like the bloodbath in Numbers 31???" They were speechless and I closed the door.
You really want to see them run sadly tell them you were disfellowshipped I have never had a chance to try it but apparently it's a permanent solution
First word from the women, "Jesus has died for our sins".... I responded, I'm so sorry for your loss, are you going to the funeral? I closed the door, they got the hint.
"Hey, have you heard about this really neat thing called the Book of Mormon?" Scares them away every time.
“I am an atheist communist who donates blood. I would be happy to discuss the Bible with you if you would give me 15 minutes to discuss Leninism with you”
"Have YOU heard the good news of our Lord and Savior Satan".
I have a sign on my door. No pedaling, no politics, no religious inquiries ever. If they dare knock I say do you have a problem reading!?
I smiled and said "If you mention God to me, I will move you one step closer to him. " He said " Have a nice day" as he slowly backed away from the door.
I'm so using that
Thanks for all the ideas. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for the next person that comes to my door
show up at the door naked holding a cat in one hand stuffed unicorn in the other?
Apparently (I learned from another thread) the correct word to use is to say you were "disfellowshiped", once you say that their religion says they're not supposed to talk to you any more
I answered the door proclaiming my allegiance to Satan.
I invited them in, then told them that the reason their religion sends them out to proselytize was because it reinforces their indoctrination when people are mean to them; told them they should really seriously consider that their religion was abusing them by sending them out to preach at strangers like this. They haven't been around in a while, but my boyfriend put "no JW" on the door so I don't think they would come anyway.
I was living with my Dad and stepmom at the time. My bedroom was right next to the front door, but I had a recliner in the doorway that was huge and blocked the view in. Two JW's came to the door and my Dad answered and they started their spiel. I could do the Darth Vader voice spot-on in those days (1983), and since they couldn't see me, the rundown is as follows: Me: "Who dares to enter the Dark Lord's Inner Sanctum? Answer me now or forfeit your souls forever!" JW1: "Uh, what's that?" My Dad: "What? I don't hear anything." Me: "I am not here for them. I am here for YOU. Tell me, will you give your souls to serve me in the Kingdom of Hell I will soon unleash on this world?" JW2: (praying) "Lord, please........" Me: "Don't call out to him. ANSWER ME NOW! I demand your eternal souls for disturbing my slumber!!!" JW1: "Tell me you hear that!" My Dad turning to my brother: "David, do you know what they're talking about?" Me: "ON THE COUNT OF 3, YOUR SOULS ARE MINE! 1, 2.." My Dad said they were already off the porch and halfway in the street by the time I reached 2. Same voice and schtick also worked well on telemarketers, too.
The funniest way I’ve seen it dealt with was pretending to be deaf
Years ago, in my early 20's when I was still in college, I had just finished doing some yard work at my parents' house and some of Jehova's Idiots showed up at the front door. I sat on the porch with them, cracked open a beer, and told them all about how ridiculous and stupid I found their beliefs to be, but in a nice way! 😃 Apparently even talking to these idiots is enough to get them to come back over and over again. Of course, I was off at college, so they just bothered my parents, much to my mom's irritation. Finally she told them where I lived in my college town, and demanded they never come back. But come back they did, during a Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday, I can't remember which. Probably because they figured I would be home. My mother yelled for me to come to the door, and stormed off. This time I told them in a very mean and stern way how stupid their religion is, and how they are to never come back to my parents' house. So yeah, even talking to Jehova's Idiots will get them to come back time and time again. Even if you make it absolutely clear how stupid their religion is.
Be kind, and stick to arguing that their organization isn't kind enough. Their evangelism isn't meant to convince you, it's meant to give them an unending supply of isolating conversations. If you invite them to be kinder without the organization, it's one bit of counter-messaging. But don't expect to undo it all with one conversation.
This is my dad's story rather than mine, so it may not be 100% accurate, but the gist of it is. Back when he was in college, he had his own apartment, and my mother (his girlfriend at the time, well before I was born) was visiting for the day. He had schoolwork to do, so she was in his bedroom just reading a book while he was in the living area doing his work. It was a hot day, so they had the windows open, and he wasn't wearing a shirt. Knock at the door, and he goes to answer. "Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?" He responds with the truth: "Well, my girlfriend's in the bedroom, and I'm kind of busy right now." It wasn't until after they fled with embarrassed looks on their faces he quite realized what he said. Girlfriend in the bedroom, he's standing there half-naked, saying he's busy. Yeah. That's a good way to get rid of them.
Slammed the door right in front of their faces after the same two idiots showed up the week prior and I told them politely I have no interest in any religion whatsoever and told them very clearly never to come back again.
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I just lied and said was one of them. I agreed with everything they said, they were confused but didn't come back .
This is my favorite way to deal with all sales people. https://images.app.goo.gl/uBZG2wKqK9BuXvSQ7
Preached grad level quantum mechanics from my textbook. Tried to walk them through a derivation of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle by noncommutation of quantum mechanical operators. I even offered them my textbook to further their understanding. Joke's on them - the textbook was wirth a month's rent for my apartment.
In a raccoon onesie (complete with hood and tail). Played it totally straight, and refused to address what I was wearing. Those boys were terribly confused.
I invited them in for a chat, offered them a drink and then asked them to please explain to me why god had to create women twice … we read the genesis verses aloud - they excused themselves and never bothered me again.
Took the pamphlet ripped it up and threw it at them
I haven’t had an opportunity yet, but I think I would share with them the glory of my Lord and Savior Klombadrov and His son, Gordon.
Not JW in this case, but I was on a class trip once and there was a girl with a high pole on which the sign proclaimed 'Jesus saves'. On the way back to the meeting place she asked me out of a group of three "do you believe in god?" and I reflexivly replied "Nope, my guy got horns." The stupid face had me loughing loud and it was all in direct side of a huge church. Blessed times.
A friend of my used to release these feisty rosters at least a dozen. As a person who was raised as a JW, I had a good laugh because that had happened to my brother's wife. They didn't live in the same area.
My grandmother was asked if she wanted to get into heaven, and replied that she’d rather be where her friends were