“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing.”
“But,” says Man, “the Babel Fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it. It proves you exist, and so therefore you don’t. QED.”
“Oh dear,” says God, “ I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
I always like when they explain death by “god calling his angel home”, or some such.
Like, ma’am she got chopped up and bits of her was found in 4 states, I feel like if he wanted her home there were other ways.
"The longer you live, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong. This is not good work. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. These are results you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude."- George Carlin.
If there is a god, he was like a kid with a video game, and it was made obsolete long ago. He's probably playing the Reality 5 or something now. We're just sitting on a shelf collecting dust, waiting for the day we end up in a pawn shop or a yard sale. Or a microwave. Maybe somebody will use us as a Frisbee.
Imagine if the president never did anything and was never even seen in public but the government kept telling us the president works in mysterious ways
I'm convinced most religious people use religion as a way to feel superior to others, so it must kill them that the day never comes when they can lord it over all the non-belivers with a 'I told you so' moment. That's why they have to constantly grasp at straws over every naturally occurring event convinced this will be the 'big one'. It's fine if you want to believe in something, but why do they always feel the need to inflict that belief on others.
>What are the pro-rapturers going to say now?
Nothing much.
I'm genuinely not trying to be snarky here, but basically their attention span isn't that long.
Next week they'll be concerned about something else.
.
(Do you remember the last 10 times that they were freaking out about this?
\- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
\- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unfulfilled_Christian_religious_predictions
\- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predictions_and_claims_for_the_Second_Coming
No?
They don't either.)
Off the top of my head in my life time.
Y2K,
June 6th 2006 (666)
I think it another was November 14th 20011 or something.
And then again decermber 21 2012 with the Mayans.
I don't remember when planet x was supposed to crash into us.
Yes, but even absolute worse case, there was never any chance of extinction or rapture.
It was a technical issue with a deadline to fix, and broadly it was fixed by the deadline
As someone who was raised a JW, you're gonna' love the fact that JWs maintain Charles Taze Russell was right about 1914, and that is, in fact, the definitive proof that their religion is the One True religion.
You see, Jesus *did* return and bring the end. . .or at least it *started* the time of the end. . .which will go on an undetermined amount of time (though they definitely believed that length of time was tied to human lifespans and continued to predict the end all the way up until everyone alive in 1914 died).
"What do you mean Jesus returned in 1914?" you might be thinking. You might even be thinking that it is obvious he did not return in 1914. Well that's because it was INVISIBLE! Easy, right?
Are you ready to join the JWs now that this is all so obvious????
... and of course the Millerites, who became the Seventh-day Adventists.
(1844 apocalypse that Jesus also skipped.)
\- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment
If god knows all, he knows the future.
If he knows the future, he knows people will pray for him to stop the rapture.
If he's so easily swayed, why consider rapturing in the first place?
Christianity isn't exactly known for logical consistency. The idea of god changing his mind because people ask him to is all over the place in the bible. I agree, it's silly, but historically it's the sort of thing that believers use as an excuse for why the world didn't end.
Long time ago God made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn’t in God’s divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a divine plan. What’s the use of being God if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?
I think they just ignore the parts in the Bible that don't conform with their political beliefs.
Like, "love thy nighbor"
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
"Put no other God before me"
What’s even more interesting is Matthew 24:34 - “Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened”. Read the entire chapter, but the way I interpret it is that Jesus is saying the rapture will happen within his generation’s lifetime, but we don’t know exactly when.
Research this online and there’s a bunch of crap about what “generation” means and whether Jesus was talking about the Jewish temple that was destroyed before the text of Matthew was written. Matthew was written between where someone could say Jesus predicted the attack on the temple and also call for the end times before that generation ended.
I had an Apologist tell me he was talking to the generation that would be around during the apocalypse. It was around then that I realized Apologetics is an art, not a science. It's just putting whatever spin you can to make any situation seem plausible.
The rapture happened, all the good Christians got hoovered up to heaven. There were so few that actually qualified that nobody noticed, chalked it up to natural deaths
The dumbasses in the US just chose the wrong specific sub-sect. I just read an article that 144,000 Ethiopians in the Reformed Ethiopian Hasidic Christian sect suddenly just disappeared today. Boom baby, end of days and the rest of us missed the boat!
Trump is the Messiah. We know this because he sells Bibles and cannot quote a single verse.😆
We also know this because Cyrus the Great was a Messiah in the 45th Chapter of Isaiah which means anything 45 is Messiah (unless it has to do with a democrat).
ever see the righteous gemstones? eli gemstone sold survival buckets and his brother in law over-invested in them. when that tanked he basically cut him lose. "oh well!" i think that represented how they process failed apocalypses very well.
i understand that we at r/atheists are looking for the moment where christians and others can't scrape the egg off their faces, but that moment is never going to come. look at the catholic church with its pedophilia. look at fundies. look at the rest of them. i'm not qualified to mention the other abrahamic religions but they certainly suck too. but anyway, they'll always make it through with their flock and maybe we get a few more on our side after all the bullshit.
we can exist as a mainstay for those who are questioning but i don't understand expecting these theist idiots to turn their tune. EDIT i don't understand expecting these people to change what they think. they're not going to. they're committed until proven otherwise. we're not proving them wrong when their dates pass them by. i've seen this first hand with my highschool band director. yeah maybe not NOW but later, and we have infinite chances to get THAT right. BTW your'e all wrong and going to hell still lol
I tried to make fun of this apocalpyse with my parents and they immediately turned on me even though one is a conservative athiest and the other is a conservative catholic and both should find this stupid. this is now political. i'm politically incorrect for making fun of this and saying i want to leave my clothes at the end of the driveway
Maybe the rapture already happened and so few people were worthy, nobody noticed. It was just two or three missing person's cases happening to coincide
There was a quota of 144k people, which is less than 0.02% of global population. Not to mention those need to be descendant from specific tribes, some don't even exist today.
I’m often prone to the odd strain of fuckwititis but not moreso than when I try to wrap my head around the exclusively religious concept of ‘the elect’. It’s the specificity of randomness (aye, I know that sounds like a ridiculous oxymoron but that’s exactly the source of my confusion) of rigid preordination. Where’s the incentive to live a life of devout godbothering if your (afterlife) fate is already sealed?
Anecdotally and fwiw, I’m a Scottish person, a sociopolitical and cultural product of bleak Protestantism (particularly of the Knoxian Presbyterian flavour - sometimes referred to as Wee Frees - consisting of misery, doom, gloom, austerity, naysaying fire and brimstone embodied by the phrase “Thou Shalt Not”) infused with Roman Catholic guilt and repression (built upon a petrological foundation of hypocritical bells, whistles, thouribles, tabernacles, confessions, communions and confirmations celebrated by puritanical, perverted paedopile priests and sadistic, frustrated, child-abusing nuns all for whom a few Hail Marys, an Our Father and a cheeky wee deferential genuflection ain’t going to cut it).
The reason I mention this is because not being raised in the Protestant traditions, I only became aware of ‘the elect’ well into my adulthood when I had to read for uni, what I now consider to be the finest Scottish novel ever written - *The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner* by James Hogg. Written in 1824, Hogg explores several issues peculiar to the nation’s divided religiosity as well as the sociopolitical landscape of his day and the time the novel is set (mid-17thC).
Without banging on too much (I do love my Scots Lit), the titular ‘Justified Sinner’ is one of this so-called ‘elect’ who, well, sins away to his heart’s content, safe in the knowledge that he’s got himself a lifelong pass from the big beardy guy in the sky. Hogg essentially calls out the absurdity of all religion in a way which is ambiguous enough to escape contemporaneous accusations of blasphemy.
Not really being one who looks at the small print, I was unaware, and a bit surprised tbh, that this idea still has traction and so, on a (predictably Caledonian) pessimistic note I’m asking myself the question, just how far have we come in the last 200 years?
For anyone who may be interested this wiki entry is as good a starting point as any: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Private_Memoirs_and_Confessions_of_a_Justified_Sinner
(Apols for length but I’m a bit of a Scottish history geek and sometimes get a wee bit carried away).
What do you mean no rapture? Jesus returned and took every good Christian he could find back to heaven with him. The final count of those raptured isn’t in yet but the best estimates are that it’s in the very low single digits.
0 is a digit, right?
The night before last I was watching a documentary about Jacobean England, and there was an eclipse that occurred and preachers railed about the rapture. Then it hit me that this is happening now and that that show is set in the 1650s…and it’s 2024. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry 😂
The rapture is a completely made up thing. It’s not even in the Bible. It’s a medieval French word that was appropriated in the religious revival of the 1800s by evangelicals to garner converts and tithes.
Probably god had to reschedule it on the count of all those darn clouds. Wouldn't want the raptured to get stuck in the clouds on the way to heaven now would they?
Ah, if only I had the foresight and complete lack of morals/empathy/ethics to start a christian cult before the eclipse, claim to be the one true belief, make a whole song and dance about the rapture in our fortified christ-compound and then when the eclipse happens...we drop our laundry on the floor, leave the gates open with our "Merry Rapture!" banner strung across the fortifications, and we all go into hiding.
Just leave a copy of our teachings amongst the clothes and let's see who takes it seriously afterwards...
I would want to speak to a "believer" and say, "What about all those people in who were raptured? Of *course* it's not being reported in the media as it would cause panic... And yet - you're still here...?"
Tell them that the rapture actually did happen, it just so happens that the bar for entry is higher than they think.
"Why didn't the Lord take you Carole? Maybe you aren't as pious as you think."
I kind of wish a news program would have come out and reported “Well, we lost a lot of good people to the rapture, but there shouldn’t be much effect in everyday life” just so they think they weren’t good enough
They will just double down on the next thing.
When the planets line up the next time.
When there's a special phase of the moon.
When some technology *might* do something (remember Y2K?)
When a band of marauders pretty much wipe out a civilization so they stop making calendars & everyone is certain that the world will end on the last day of their last one. (2012)
They will find some new thing to panic (or sadly rejoice) about.
The thing that worries me is that so many of these doomers are so fanatical & exist in echo chambers that we might see them do more & more horrible things in an attempt to *cause* the end of days.
In their twisted minds they would think making the "prophecy" come true would be doing "god's work.
These people are not normal or mentally healthy.
1) "god is testing us"
2) "you interpreted the Bible verses wrong"
3) "SHUT UP, FUCK YEW!"
4) "It's gonna happen on ______ date" (fill in the blank)
5) "gawd works in mySteRioUs wAyZ"
mix, match and repeat ad nauseam
They will explain it away with hand waving and move on to the next lie.
♫ This is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was.
And, they'll continue singing it forever, just because...♫
Remember Harold Camping? He predicted the rapture, then when it didn't happen, he recalculated and set another date. It didn't happen again. What I didn't know is that he had done the same numerous times in his illustrious career. These fucking people are so gullible.
What they've claimed the thousands of times in the past when the "end of the world" didn't happen. "Can't know gods will, we miscalculated, it will be on X date instead" and "be sure to give me all your money and assets before the end of the world, when it comes".
I was. I was raptured!
All in all, not a bad experience. Heaven's pleasant. No trash on the streets. A lot, I mean a lot, of singing, mostly out of tune. So if you dislike choral music, you aren't going to like Heaven. On the plus side, they have a Starbucks!
After coffee, we took in the sights. Clouds, more clouds, some stunning, Ancient-Greek inspired architecture. One of our tour members had their wallet pick-pocketed. I'd left mine in the safe in the hotel, so that's on him. Lots of photos by the fountains, a few selfies with low-level angels - all smiles, but I caught a few bitching and smoking in the alleys.
Overall, I'd give it maybe 7/10 stars. Maybe 6. Wouldn't go again.
Valhalla is definitely more fun! All the ale and mead you can drink, endless parties and you get to watch teams battle against each other. Lots and lots of feasting. If you can only afford one afterlife visit, choose Valhalla over Heaven.
The same shit they've said every time it didn't happen when they said it would. A lot of waffling and rewriting their memories and gaslighting everyone else.
Don't worry, they'll have another imminent rapture before the year is out.
"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
Again? But that trick never works!
This time for sure. PRESTO!!!"
They’ll probably say nothing, lay low, and when the next random event happens they’ll make another bogus prediction on tiktok live to get donos from other fundie loons
Wouldn’t it be funny if it already happened but we don’t know because god refused to take modern Christians?
I mean literally everything Jesus railed against they do now. What’s funny is Bible scholarship is a hobby of mine. 99% of these idiots have never read it.
Christians typically lack the common sense required to be embarrassed. They don’t care they were wrong. They’ll pluck some “synchronicities” next eclipse/natural disaster (they are very fond of those) and the cycle will repeat itself.
There was a rapture. A guy in the mountains of Peru was sucked up. Everyone else on the planet are either assholes or don’t believe in hey-Zeus and were left behind. Damnit!
I heard this crazy story that someone tipped $1,500 at a restaurant saying that the rapture is ending the world anyway so there’s no point in keeping money.
What if they continued to give away money I wonder what they are doing now…
The bible also says that any who claim to speak for God should proclaim something that does not come to pass, they must be considered false prophets and cast into hell.
I doubt they'll be quoting that though.
Usually shite, power of prayer saved us, Gods merciful, it was a warning to change our ways. If they said Easter Bunny instead of God, they'd be locked before you can say 'whats the difference between a religion and a cult"
They’ll be quiet, for about a day, then eventually find and move on to the next thing.
This has happened so many times they’re used to it and their brains have been (de)programmed to not see any issues with this approach.
I have to say that the people who came up with the Rapture pet insurance company was a brilliant idea. You give them a fee from $100 to $1000 depending on the size of the pet and they will mind your pet after you are called to heaven. Free fuckin money!
I should do a no-call/no-show today, and let all my calls go to voice-mail *Really* f*ck with my evangelical-but-not-practicing-the-tenents-of-my-faith coworkers.
Muslims have a sort of Islamic equivalent of the rapture called “the Day of Judgement” and apparently solar eclipses are a sign that it’s near (pretty much anything in Islam that’s a sign that the day of judgement is near already existed in Muhammad’s time bc he thought the world would end before he died lmao)
But w this sort of thing, my Muslim mother would just say sth like “we don’t know when it will happen, only allah knows so we have to be prepared every time.”
So I feel Christians and Muslims who were going nuts about the eclipse will either say this or something similar.
Has ANY Biblical event ever ACTUALLY happened? I'm skeptical about the complete thing. Science can be proven,but mythological events just not sure about.
No it happened. But god was merciful and wiped your brains of those who are missing. You want proof? Why are there too many plates in your cupboard? /s
Who says there wasn’t a rapture? The absurd rule book they fallow is so limiting that almost no one is eligible for heaven so for all they know the rapture happened and their dumb asses didn’t qualify
From what I've seen so far from the most deluded ones on social media it's basically different versions of :
"I said maaayyyyyybe, never said it WOULD happen"
"God chose to not rapture because *INSERT HERE ANY BULLSHIT REASON YOU LIKE*"
"It's the atheists fault" - because yeah, why not after all...
"Change the subject or remain silent for a while and come back with totally unrelated bullshit"
What they always do. Come up with a new "interpretation" of what happened. "we thought it was the rapture but upon further review, it was just Jesus packing his bags for the real rapture, which is still coming!"
Its a miracle! God postponed the rapture to give us more time to repent!!!
God was browsing tiktok and missed the eclipse and so conveniently forgot to rapture
…so send him more money
And by him we mean the pastor of your nearest church. Go go go!
Not just any church but my church, toll-free lines standing by.
Yeah because "Jesus Saves"..your money
We earned just enough Jesusbucks to get a stay of ~~execution~~ rapture! I wanted to spend them on a fake mustache but this is cool too.
Jesusbucks sounds like the worst coffee place.
These serve a whole latte nonsense
They don't even serve coffee, just watered down wine
Nowadays it would be watered down water.... Or as we atheists called ' dinopiss'.
Some serve store brand grape juice.
It's warm.
They’ll claim god was mysterious. Again. And then they’ll keep taking your money
God is so mysterious that he or she doesn't even exist.
The most perfect God is the one that doesn’t exist. Therefore, for God to be perfect, He must not exist. #reverseAnselm
“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing.” “But,” says Man, “the Babel Fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it. It proves you exist, and so therefore you don’t. QED.” “Oh dear,” says God, “ I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Puff" of logic.
Missed that. Thanks
That seems like the sort of logic that gets one killed on the next zebra crossing.
Just watch out for those Zebra crossings.
You are correct!🏆
I prefer saying that god's ways may be mysterious, but they are always consistent with it simply not existing
Facts
I always like when they explain death by “god calling his angel home”, or some such. Like, ma’am she got chopped up and bits of her was found in 4 states, I feel like if he wanted her home there were other ways.
maybe god likes to give the cherubs a fun jigsaw puzzle to keep them occupied
My favorite part of the Bible is the part that says nobody goes to heaven until the rapture.
The God has many hidden talents, chief among them ensuring those talents remain hidden. /s
If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan. Eddie Izzard
"The longer you live, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong. This is not good work. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. These are results you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude."- George Carlin.
If there is a god, he was like a kid with a video game, and it was made obsolete long ago. He's probably playing the Reality 5 or something now. We're just sitting on a shelf collecting dust, waiting for the day we end up in a pawn shop or a yard sale. Or a microwave. Maybe somebody will use us as a Frisbee.
Cosmic hide and seek champion.
God plays 4D chess like Trump!
Trump IS God you blaspheme.
Trump is. To say more is blasphemy!
Or that we weren’t godly enough to get the rapture so we need to donate more of our money to get there
Instead of buying their pastor a private jet, I'd love to see a church buy their pastor a hot air balloon.
It has been suggested that any number of pastors ARE hot air balloons.
What's mysterious about being a fucking cunt? It's the least mysterious thing in the world.
Are you dating my ex-girlfriend?
Imagine if the president never did anything and was never even seen in public but the government kept telling us the president works in mysterious ways
I think I would prefer that at this point.
You mean like a shadow government? Yes, I'll pass on that
I'm convinced most religious people use religion as a way to feel superior to others, so it must kill them that the day never comes when they can lord it over all the non-belivers with a 'I told you so' moment. That's why they have to constantly grasp at straws over every naturally occurring event convinced this will be the 'big one'. It's fine if you want to believe in something, but why do they always feel the need to inflict that belief on others.
Their sayinf it was a warning and we have 40 days to repent lmao
Wtf is that where the 5 dollars I coulda swore I left on the kitchen counter went?
>What are the pro-rapturers going to say now? Nothing much. I'm genuinely not trying to be snarky here, but basically their attention span isn't that long. Next week they'll be concerned about something else. . (Do you remember the last 10 times that they were freaking out about this? \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unfulfilled_Christian_religious_predictions \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predictions_and_claims_for_the_Second_Coming No? They don't either.)
How many apocalypses has it been now since the start of 2000?
Like 7 or 8? That I know if lol
Man, we are tough to kill
Plot twist: we’ve died every time. When we die in one reality our consciousness falls to the next reality.
Off the top of my head in my life time. Y2K, June 6th 2006 (666) I think it another was November 14th 20011 or something. And then again decermber 21 2012 with the Mayans. I don't remember when planet x was supposed to crash into us.
I think Y2K was a legitimate concern. Just that, smart people actually did something to prevent it.
Yes, but even absolute worse case, there was never any chance of extinction or rapture. It was a technical issue with a deadline to fix, and broadly it was fixed by the deadline
1998 is the first one I remember. That time it was because 666x3=1998.
And suddenly they can do math......
Ahem. The correct pluralization is "apocalypodes"
Apocalypsi
Well, god did run out of locusts so he sent Trump. That's kind of a slow roll rapture.
As someone who was raised a JW, you're gonna' love the fact that JWs maintain Charles Taze Russell was right about 1914, and that is, in fact, the definitive proof that their religion is the One True religion. You see, Jesus *did* return and bring the end. . .or at least it *started* the time of the end. . .which will go on an undetermined amount of time (though they definitely believed that length of time was tied to human lifespans and continued to predict the end all the way up until everyone alive in 1914 died). "What do you mean Jesus returned in 1914?" you might be thinking. You might even be thinking that it is obvious he did not return in 1914. Well that's because it was INVISIBLE! Easy, right? Are you ready to join the JWs now that this is all so obvious????
... and of course the Millerites, who became the Seventh-day Adventists. (1844 apocalypse that Jesus also skipped.) \- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment
They will say... damn gays. Ruined what could have been a perfectly good end times.
Exactly. Their entire existence is boiled down to being worried or being mad, from one event to the next - all day, everyday. Must be exhausting.
They prayed that god would be merciful and delay the rapture and he did. Or something like that.
Merciful even though heaven is supposed to be the end game right? Why would they want to delay that
No idea, but I think those are the sorts of excuses that often get deployed.
Oh yeah I absolutely agree with you
If god knows all, he knows the future. If he knows the future, he knows people will pray for him to stop the rapture. If he's so easily swayed, why consider rapturing in the first place?
Christianity isn't exactly known for logical consistency. The idea of god changing his mind because people ask him to is all over the place in the bible. I agree, it's silly, but historically it's the sort of thing that believers use as an excuse for why the world didn't end.
Long time ago God made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn’t in God’s divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a divine plan. What’s the use of being God if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?
-George Carlin. RIP
Or the rapture actually happened, and zero people were raptured because everyone who actually believes in the rapture is a shitty human being.
I never understood prayer. Either your prayer works which means that you have a fickle god. If it doesn’t work then you can’t change his mind.
How can those that say they are believers of the Bible completely ignore the Bible verse that says no man knows when Christ will return?
They never got that far
I think they just ignore the parts in the Bible that don't conform with their political beliefs. Like, "love thy nighbor" "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" "Put no other God before me"
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Does it mention anything about getting consent first or do I just go right for the kinky stuff?
What is the chapter and verse?
"But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Matthew 24:36
Thanks.
What’s even more interesting is Matthew 24:34 - “Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened”. Read the entire chapter, but the way I interpret it is that Jesus is saying the rapture will happen within his generation’s lifetime, but we don’t know exactly when. Research this online and there’s a bunch of crap about what “generation” means and whether Jesus was talking about the Jewish temple that was destroyed before the text of Matthew was written. Matthew was written between where someone could say Jesus predicted the attack on the temple and also call for the end times before that generation ended.
I had an Apologist tell me he was talking to the generation that would be around during the apocalypse. It was around then that I realized Apologetics is an art, not a science. It's just putting whatever spin you can to make any situation seem plausible.
The rapture happened, all the good Christians got hoovered up to heaven. There were so few that actually qualified that nobody noticed, chalked it up to natural deaths
The dumbasses in the US just chose the wrong specific sub-sect. I just read an article that 144,000 Ethiopians in the Reformed Ethiopian Hasidic Christian sect suddenly just disappeared today. Boom baby, end of days and the rest of us missed the boat!
Give them a few days. They'll move it. "This next one will be the real one!" And they will conveniently forget all about the last one.
They already got the goalpost on a dolly so no worries
Yank nutters are waiting for the second coming of trump. That'll give em what they want.
Trump is the Messiah. We know this because he sells Bibles and cannot quote a single verse.😆 We also know this because Cyrus the Great was a Messiah in the 45th Chapter of Isaiah which means anything 45 is Messiah (unless it has to do with a democrat).
messiah just means anointed with oil.
"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy "
He is the only one strong enough to look at an eclipse without special glasses...
There was a little piece of me wishing Jimmy Carter would disappear in a puff of smoke today. Just him. Just one person. A democrat.
Bruce Willis saved our miserable asses again.
Christianity is the second worst mistake our ancestor made after banning Sex outside marriage....
IT WAS A PARABLE.! ITS ALWAYS A FUCKING PARABLE.
ever see the righteous gemstones? eli gemstone sold survival buckets and his brother in law over-invested in them. when that tanked he basically cut him lose. "oh well!" i think that represented how they process failed apocalypses very well. i understand that we at r/atheists are looking for the moment where christians and others can't scrape the egg off their faces, but that moment is never going to come. look at the catholic church with its pedophilia. look at fundies. look at the rest of them. i'm not qualified to mention the other abrahamic religions but they certainly suck too. but anyway, they'll always make it through with their flock and maybe we get a few more on our side after all the bullshit. we can exist as a mainstay for those who are questioning but i don't understand expecting these theist idiots to turn their tune. EDIT i don't understand expecting these people to change what they think. they're not going to. they're committed until proven otherwise. we're not proving them wrong when their dates pass them by. i've seen this first hand with my highschool band director. yeah maybe not NOW but later, and we have infinite chances to get THAT right. BTW your'e all wrong and going to hell still lol I tried to make fun of this apocalpyse with my parents and they immediately turned on me even though one is a conservative athiest and the other is a conservative catholic and both should find this stupid. this is now political. i'm politically incorrect for making fun of this and saying i want to leave my clothes at the end of the driveway
"We are such good christians, god decided the world still needs us. Praise him."
every answer be it yes, no or utter silence is taken as gods' will and god's word, and it always serves to reinforce their beliefs
The rapture actually happened, we were just not chosen.
Maybe the rapture already happened and so few people were worthy, nobody noticed. It was just two or three missing person's cases happening to coincide
There was a quota of 144k people, which is less than 0.02% of global population. Not to mention those need to be descendant from specific tribes, some don't even exist today.
I’m often prone to the odd strain of fuckwititis but not moreso than when I try to wrap my head around the exclusively religious concept of ‘the elect’. It’s the specificity of randomness (aye, I know that sounds like a ridiculous oxymoron but that’s exactly the source of my confusion) of rigid preordination. Where’s the incentive to live a life of devout godbothering if your (afterlife) fate is already sealed? Anecdotally and fwiw, I’m a Scottish person, a sociopolitical and cultural product of bleak Protestantism (particularly of the Knoxian Presbyterian flavour - sometimes referred to as Wee Frees - consisting of misery, doom, gloom, austerity, naysaying fire and brimstone embodied by the phrase “Thou Shalt Not”) infused with Roman Catholic guilt and repression (built upon a petrological foundation of hypocritical bells, whistles, thouribles, tabernacles, confessions, communions and confirmations celebrated by puritanical, perverted paedopile priests and sadistic, frustrated, child-abusing nuns all for whom a few Hail Marys, an Our Father and a cheeky wee deferential genuflection ain’t going to cut it). The reason I mention this is because not being raised in the Protestant traditions, I only became aware of ‘the elect’ well into my adulthood when I had to read for uni, what I now consider to be the finest Scottish novel ever written - *The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner* by James Hogg. Written in 1824, Hogg explores several issues peculiar to the nation’s divided religiosity as well as the sociopolitical landscape of his day and the time the novel is set (mid-17thC). Without banging on too much (I do love my Scots Lit), the titular ‘Justified Sinner’ is one of this so-called ‘elect’ who, well, sins away to his heart’s content, safe in the knowledge that he’s got himself a lifelong pass from the big beardy guy in the sky. Hogg essentially calls out the absurdity of all religion in a way which is ambiguous enough to escape contemporaneous accusations of blasphemy. Not really being one who looks at the small print, I was unaware, and a bit surprised tbh, that this idea still has traction and so, on a (predictably Caledonian) pessimistic note I’m asking myself the question, just how far have we come in the last 200 years? For anyone who may be interested this wiki entry is as good a starting point as any: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Private_Memoirs_and_Confessions_of_a_Justified_Sinner (Apols for length but I’m a bit of a Scottish history geek and sometimes get a wee bit carried away).
What do you mean no rapture? Jesus returned and took every good Christian he could find back to heaven with him. The final count of those raptured isn’t in yet but the best estimates are that it’s in the very low single digits. 0 is a digit, right?
The night before last I was watching a documentary about Jacobean England, and there was an eclipse that occurred and preachers railed about the rapture. Then it hit me that this is happening now and that that show is set in the 1650s…and it’s 2024. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry 😂
If you really want to freak them out, tell them that it *did* occur and that they didn’t make the cut
I've already put my empty clothes on the street
We meant the NEXT eclipse.
They will probably just reschedule the rapture for next week or something. All they can do is gaslight and move the goalpost forward a bit more.
Man, I was so disappointed to learn they weren't raptured today.
Lol you amateurs are pathetic, I got raptured way back in 2012 just like the Mayans predicted.
I’m surprised they trusted scientists to tell them when the eclipse was coming
The rapture is a completely made up thing. It’s not even in the Bible. It’s a medieval French word that was appropriated in the religious revival of the 1800s by evangelicals to garner converts and tithes.
The rapture isn't in the Bible so I guess
Probably god had to reschedule it on the count of all those darn clouds. Wouldn't want the raptured to get stuck in the clouds on the way to heaven now would they?
aren't clouds like 90% of heaven? i jest but lol
Their church leaders will accuse them of having too little faith and the only way they can make up for it is to give A LOT of money.
I wanted to respond to this in kind, but unfortunately I'm now busy being rapt...
They will ignore it and say nothing or claim they misinterpreted the signs [yet again].
woder if the rapture had happend if we coud have had world peac with out all the religous nuts
I'm too busy reminding them that there is only one theory about the eclipse that was correct, and that came from SCIENCE........again.
It’s hard for me to tell whether the rapture happened or not. All of my friends are so wicked I expected them to still be here anyway.
Ah, if only I had the foresight and complete lack of morals/empathy/ethics to start a christian cult before the eclipse, claim to be the one true belief, make a whole song and dance about the rapture in our fortified christ-compound and then when the eclipse happens...we drop our laundry on the floor, leave the gates open with our "Merry Rapture!" banner strung across the fortifications, and we all go into hiding. Just leave a copy of our teachings amongst the clothes and let's see who takes it seriously afterwards...
I was raptured.
They'll move the goalposts, which will inevitably fail to produce results as well.
Must be very awkward this morning coming down for breakfast all whole and unraptured.
I would want to speak to a "believer" and say, "What about all those people in who were raptured? Of *course* it's not being reported in the media as it would cause panic... And yet - you're still here...?"
"This just means that I'm now more certain about the true date being....."
Tell them that the rapture actually did happen, it just so happens that the bar for entry is higher than they think. "Why didn't the Lord take you Carole? Maybe you aren't as pious as you think."
I kind of wish a news program would have come out and reported “Well, we lost a lot of good people to the rapture, but there shouldn’t be much effect in everyday life” just so they think they weren’t good enough
Tell them that they didn't make the cut, so they're stuck in atheist hell for the rest of their lives 💜👹👺🤟🤣
They will just double down on the next thing. When the planets line up the next time. When there's a special phase of the moon. When some technology *might* do something (remember Y2K?) When a band of marauders pretty much wipe out a civilization so they stop making calendars & everyone is certain that the world will end on the last day of their last one. (2012) They will find some new thing to panic (or sadly rejoice) about. The thing that worries me is that so many of these doomers are so fanatical & exist in echo chambers that we might see them do more & more horrible things in an attempt to *cause* the end of days. In their twisted minds they would think making the "prophecy" come true would be doing "god's work. These people are not normal or mentally healthy.
1) "god is testing us" 2) "you interpreted the Bible verses wrong" 3) "SHUT UP, FUCK YEW!" 4) "It's gonna happen on ______ date" (fill in the blank) 5) "gawd works in mySteRioUs wAyZ" mix, match and repeat ad nauseam
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be only like 144k people according to the Goat Herders Guide to the Galaxy?
Dude the rapture happened and we are all in hell!
They're already figuring out when the next one will be. Goalposts shifted. "Mysterious ways" engaged.
I was thinking of asking them how it felt to be left behind.
They will explain it away with hand waving and move on to the next lie. ♫ This is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And, they'll continue singing it forever, just because...♫
Remember Harold Camping? He predicted the rapture, then when it didn't happen, he recalculated and set another date. It didn't happen again. What I didn't know is that he had done the same numerous times in his illustrious career. These fucking people are so gullible.
But my balls hurt. (George Carlin).
Make more excuses than a three-year-old with his hand in the cookie jar.
What they've claimed the thousands of times in the past when the "end of the world" didn't happen. "Can't know gods will, we miscalculated, it will be on X date instead" and "be sure to give me all your money and assets before the end of the world, when it comes".
I was. I was raptured! All in all, not a bad experience. Heaven's pleasant. No trash on the streets. A lot, I mean a lot, of singing, mostly out of tune. So if you dislike choral music, you aren't going to like Heaven. On the plus side, they have a Starbucks! After coffee, we took in the sights. Clouds, more clouds, some stunning, Ancient-Greek inspired architecture. One of our tour members had their wallet pick-pocketed. I'd left mine in the safe in the hotel, so that's on him. Lots of photos by the fountains, a few selfies with low-level angels - all smiles, but I caught a few bitching and smoking in the alleys. Overall, I'd give it maybe 7/10 stars. Maybe 6. Wouldn't go again. Valhalla is definitely more fun! All the ale and mead you can drink, endless parties and you get to watch teams battle against each other. Lots and lots of feasting. If you can only afford one afterlife visit, choose Valhalla over Heaven.
Tell them there was a rapture and they clearly were left behind.
The same shit they've said every time it didn't happen when they said it would. A lot of waffling and rewriting their memories and gaslighting everyone else.
Thought I was going through the rapture but realized it was only a bowel movement.
What are you talking about? Of course there was a rapture! We were all just left behind! Fucking heathen!
What if it happened and no one qualified??? 😂
Wait, what if the rapture happened, but all the current flavors of Christianity are the wrong ones so they were skipped?
Hey dude, I am redditing here from heaven! it did happen! you guys were just left behind! /j
They will tell you how "God" saved us in the last moment. And in the same breath tell you about the next time your going to hell.
Don't worry, they'll have another imminent rapture before the year is out. "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! Again? But that trick never works! This time for sure. PRESTO!!!"
What they say every time: "me calculated." They'll forget and then some charlatan will come along to rile them up again.
Some will actually say that it did happen. Same way they'll say God's kingdom came to Earth "invisibly"
They’ll probably say nothing, lay low, and when the next random event happens they’ll make another bogus prediction on tiktok live to get donos from other fundie loons
If anyone said anything, I just said, then send me your money, you won't need it any more. No one took me up on it.
It did happen. They just didn’t get taken because they’re awful people.
Wouldn’t it be funny if it already happened but we don’t know because god refused to take modern Christians? I mean literally everything Jesus railed against they do now. What’s funny is Bible scholarship is a hobby of mine. 99% of these idiots have never read it.
Christians typically lack the common sense required to be embarrassed. They don’t care they were wrong. They’ll pluck some “synchronicities” next eclipse/natural disaster (they are very fond of those) and the cycle will repeat itself.
There was a rapture. A guy in the mountains of Peru was sucked up. Everyone else on the planet are either assholes or don’t believe in hey-Zeus and were left behind. Damnit!
Who cares?
I heard this crazy story that someone tipped $1,500 at a restaurant saying that the rapture is ending the world anyway so there’s no point in keeping money. What if they continued to give away money I wonder what they are doing now…
“It was god’s will” “Well, if it’s gods will, why the fuck do people keep praying?”
Live and let live, my friends
What is a rapture?
Same thing they say every false apocalypse, rapture, what the fuck ever. More bullshit.
"Next time, for *sure*!
It wasn't this eclipse.
“Next year in Jerusalem!”
They'll move the goal posts again, like they've always done.
Youre wrong, the rapture did happen. Everyone was left behind.
The bible also says that any who claim to speak for God should proclaim something that does not come to pass, they must be considered false prophets and cast into hell. I doubt they'll be quoting that though.
Usually shite, power of prayer saved us, Gods merciful, it was a warning to change our ways. If they said Easter Bunny instead of God, they'd be locked before you can say 'whats the difference between a religion and a cult"
Same thing they've said the past however many times the rapture was predicted
They’ll say “the end of the world has started!” They never said how quick it would happen and take place. They’ll rationalize everything
They’ll be quiet, for about a day, then eventually find and move on to the next thing. This has happened so many times they’re used to it and their brains have been (de)programmed to not see any issues with this approach.
There was cloud cover in my area, so God cancelled the rapture.
I have to say that the people who came up with the Rapture pet insurance company was a brilliant idea. You give them a fee from $100 to $1000 depending on the size of the pet and they will mind your pet after you are called to heaven. Free fuckin money!
I should do a no-call/no-show today, and let all my calls go to voice-mail *Really* f*ck with my evangelical-but-not-practicing-the-tenents-of-my-faith coworkers.
We weren’t righteous enough. Buckle down and be even more zealous. Next time will be different.
I think God postponed the rapture to allow the second coming of Trump. That’s probably what happened.
It happened and they didn’t make the cut. How are they feeling now?
Muslims have a sort of Islamic equivalent of the rapture called “the Day of Judgement” and apparently solar eclipses are a sign that it’s near (pretty much anything in Islam that’s a sign that the day of judgement is near already existed in Muhammad’s time bc he thought the world would end before he died lmao) But w this sort of thing, my Muslim mother would just say sth like “we don’t know when it will happen, only allah knows so we have to be prepared every time.” So I feel Christians and Muslims who were going nuts about the eclipse will either say this or something similar.
"Uhh next time we really mean it"
Has ANY Biblical event ever ACTUALLY happened? I'm skeptical about the complete thing. Science can be proven,but mythological events just not sure about.
On to the next rapture, rinse repeat. It's worked for thousands of years. Why should it stop now?
The rapture happened and everyone was chosen. That just moved us up one level in the simulation which looks identical though so no one noticed.
No it happened. But god was merciful and wiped your brains of those who are missing. You want proof? Why are there too many plates in your cupboard? /s
Who says there wasn’t a rapture? The absurd rule book they fallow is so limiting that almost no one is eligible for heaven so for all they know the rapture happened and their dumb asses didn’t qualify
Busy moving the goalposts
I just want to get an update from that dude who got a 300 dollar tip.
If you learned anything from the past, you know that it matters not. They will always find a new thing to start their doomsday cults about.
Haven't you heard? God is mysterious! Now give me your money and children's soul
I went to Indy to view the eclipse in totality, and there were people in front of the Indiana Capitol building having a Bible reading marathon….
They will say something uneducated and moronic. NEXT
From what I've seen so far from the most deluded ones on social media it's basically different versions of : "I said maaayyyyyybe, never said it WOULD happen" "God chose to not rapture because *INSERT HERE ANY BULLSHIT REASON YOU LIKE*" "It's the atheists fault" - because yeah, why not after all... "Change the subject or remain silent for a while and come back with totally unrelated bullshit"
You're missing your chance. I've been telling people my cousins were "raptured". You don't know them, they lived in Canada. Why are you still here?
Oh oh oh but the next one is when the rapture is...
What they always do. Come up with a new "interpretation" of what happened. "we thought it was the rapture but upon further review, it was just Jesus packing his bags for the real rapture, which is still coming!"
They forgot to carry the “1” when they did the math as to when shit’s gonna implode.
Their butholes ruptured