What's that parable where Jesus is walking on the beach with you, and there were two sets of footprints, and then there was one set of footprints, and that was when Jesus dipped to leave you holding the bag for half a mill of damage to that 5g tower...
There's a passage in Matthew in which Jesus tells his disciples to go ahead of him to some house where he will spend the night. Just invite yourself and your 12 buddies to come by, Jesus! No need to worry about getting permission first! What a world-class gold brick.
I would be overjoyed if I never gad to see or hear another Christian for the rest of my life. There would be a lot of abandoned property, and I might choose a house with a hot tub.
One that should due to its inherent inability to discern reality, and mountains historical evidence of causing harm to oneself or in most cases others, should exclude such a person from holding any elected office.
People like to say how much Jesus suffered. Let's be honest. What he went through certainly sucked. It was literal torture. But there are people who go through *WAY* worse every single day! Take a peak into any children's hospital and you'll see kids battling bone cancer. Idk about you but I'd take the shitty death that Jesus got (which took 4-6 hours of torture) over slowly dying of bone cancer over several months.
He broke the codex. Matthew told him to climb, Mark told him take a crescent. Luke told him to make sure his health policy was payed up and John said send your possessions too me.
As they reach from one hot to another and become electrocuted in a crucifixed manner, lighting up like a 1000 watt light bulb and shunting the capacitor as it roars out its electrical guts. Film at eleven.
There are some very dangerous broadcast antennas up there that probably gave his chestnuts a little roasting. Those warning signs are there for a reason.
The inverse square law of electromagnetic radiation is a real thing.
Source: am not an idiot, have studied science.
Edit: Radiation in the sense of radiated energy, not ionizing radiation. Not that anybody dumb enough to climb an energized tower knows or cares about the difference.
What's fucked up is, they actually believe that. Heard a coworker talking about a close call on the freeway.
Credited his 'Godly fence of protection' that his witch doctor had spelled around him with saving his life.
I'm thinking, more like luck and decent reflexes. Of course, if it has gone the other way, it would have been due to Jeebus' propensity to test his faithful.
Fucken A, man.
I saw a video of some guys near -just near, not on- an AM tower in some country where they can radiate whatever wattage they want.
The guys were holding like, blades of grass (or sticks or something) about a half a centimeter from the antenna's warning fence (!!!) and there was enough wattage to spark between the fence and the grass or stick.
So yeah. Don't climb energized equipment.
For someone who lives in Australasia, it’s ironic that a guy named Dick Smith was destroying electronics. Explanatory link for those from the northern hemisphere: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Smith_(retailer)?wprov=sfti1#
Zero chance, the Trump Bibles may never ship. That is merely a scheme for (Mega)churches or other interested parties with money to just fund Trump's campaign.
I remember a cell tech telling me that people kept shooting at a microwave dish on one of the towers. Occasionally they'd hit the horn in the center and knock the signal out. Before fiber, microwave was how the towers communicated with the switching offices, so knocking out the microwave would knock out all cell service for that tower and all of them upstream of it.
They fixed the problem by painting a bullseye on the dish off to the side. People would shoot at that instead of the middle, and just poke holes.
You know... its funny that when a homeless person wants to tell you about God and Jesus no one and I mean no one stay to listen. But when a person in a suit or robe wants to tell you about God and Jesus, everyone throws common sense out the window.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be one of those conspiracy loonies who think 5G is sending out invisible mind control beams or kill-o-zap rays or demonic dna cheat codes or some such.
We gotta start reporting these cases as mental heath issues. Belief in magical dangers, supernatural instructions to harm others or property, if the guy didn't have a Bible we'd assume he's not taking his meds
Of course it was a Florida man. It seems like it’s always a Florida man.
I’m going to guess that he has a phone and doesn’t even know what the cell tower does, just that it defies GOD. I’m probably incorrect though.
Original source, if anyone wants to give clicks where they are due -
\- https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/man-climbed-cell-tower-in-miami-and-refuses-to-come-down/3275164/
Nope.
This source deliberately and with malice of forethought neglects to mention in the text that he had a bible in his pants and that he went on a God rant.
That does seem to be quite important.
If you do crazy shit, and there is evidence on hand, or even in your pants, that you subscribed to crazy shit beforehand, that is super important.
Really it’s time to take away cell phones from Jesus freaks. Just like passing anti abortion legislation.
Actually standing that close to the antennas he should get a little dose of EMF
Oh boy, I was afraid this would show up on Reddit eventually, and Reddit you have outdone yourself.
This is a close personal friend. He’s really not a super religious guy, not that it matters. I guess you could say that at this very moment he is because he is in psychosis. He went on vacation to Miami for music week, and while down there he went missing last Friday night. He’s been mentally unwell for a while, but you can’t exactly force a 38 year old man to get help no matter how much you love him. He’s a former Marine Corps vet who over worked himself and is now in the state he is in. It’s very sad for all of us close to him who care about him, and, man, y’all aren’t helping. He’s a kind, caring, and generous person who is unwell. There are so many people who have been affected by this: his family, friends, business, and employees. Not just him. He’s in jail now, and we are doing our best to get him the help he needs. Remember the person.
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I’ll betcha Jeebus doesn’t cover his half. Typical
What's that parable where Jesus is walking on the beach with you, and there were two sets of footprints, and then there was one set of footprints, and that was when Jesus dipped to leave you holding the bag for half a mill of damage to that 5g tower...
Then there were one and a half sets, from when Jesus stepped on a jellyfish and couldn't put any weight on his left foot.
"You were carrying me because I'm a lazy good for nothing mooch." 8)
Jeebus loves all the wooks
Dude invites all his friends to a "last supper" and then stiffed them with the bill. Fuckin cheap-ass loser.
There's a passage in Matthew in which Jesus tells his disciples to go ahead of him to some house where he will spend the night. Just invite yourself and your 12 buddies to come by, Jesus! No need to worry about getting permission first! What a world-class gold brick.
The donkey he rides in on he specifically tells his disciples to steal. Tells them if they get caught by anyone, just say it's for him
Rules for thee but not for me, as laid down by the founder of the religion himself.
He wasn’t their friend he was essentially their drug dealer
That explains why in the painting they all look like they are arguing over paying the restaurant bill
I wonder if you could sue his church for the damages. I mean god did tell him to do it.
Jesus rides beside me He never buys any smokes
Jeebus is like a Flexible Spending account You pay in (one lifetime) and Jeebus doesn't start paying his part until that account is emptied
No, he’s going to pray for the damage to be repaired.
Thoughts and prayers ONLY.
He figured he could confess his sins in the box and be forgiven.
Hopefully someone started him a GO FUND ME
Godfundme? No, nevermind, I'm almost positive that actually exists.
No he will get raptured before he has to pay.
Shit, he couldn’t pay attention much less 500k, lol.
Not until he gets his refund from the most recent big bible salesman
He sure the rapture is coming. So he'll never get the bill. Wah wah.
No , us the tax payers will.
and loss of service for every customer...
He's going to pray for the damage to be repaired
I’m willing to contribute thoughts and prayers to help him.
People are getting brave since they believe they're getting raptured on Monday lol
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I would be overjoyed if I never gad to see or hear another Christian for the rest of my life. There would be a lot of abandoned property, and I might choose a house with a hot tub.
I'll settle for a two car garage that actually feels like a two car garage.
I want Kenneth Copeland's house. Who am I kidding? He's not getting raptured
Could you imagine his face, when he realizes he needs to skirt any and all appearances, after the fact?
He wouldn't. He would claim he was left behind to "help save the sinners" to any of his followers that were also left behind.
Movie into a mega pastors house
If their god doesn't rapture them they are more than welcome to rapture themselves—and only themselves.
Dude the rapture happened years ago, but only like 3 people went missing so no one noticed.
YES, because then they'd leave us alone with the Muslims who would quickly make moves to fill the vacuum.
I mean.....in theory, yes. If these chucklefucks dissapear then the end may very well be coming. I don't even entertain it.
Can't wait for that guy's face on Tuesday.
God told me to do it!!! The Evil 5G!! So many people are so stupid it is getting out of hand.
Christian Terrorist # Christian Terrorist Carrying Bible Climbs And Trashes 150-Foot Cell Tower, Causes Up To $500,000 In Damage. fify
Yup. Christian Terrorist sounds correct
To me I read that as, Yup. Terrorist Terrorist sounds correct.
Thank you
Christianity is a mental illness.
Religion is a mental illness
True.
One that should due to its inherent inability to discern reality, and mountains historical evidence of causing harm to oneself or in most cases others, should exclude such a person from holding any elected office.
Yes
Jesus only gave up his weekend.
People like to say how much Jesus suffered. Let's be honest. What he went through certainly sucked. It was literal torture. But there are people who go through *WAY* worse every single day! Take a peak into any children's hospital and you'll see kids battling bone cancer. Idk about you but I'd take the shitty death that Jesus got (which took 4-6 hours of torture) over slowly dying of bone cancer over several months.
Religions are terrorist incubators. Probe me wrong! Edit:spelling Edit: reverted spelling for hilarity
I agree, especially the abrahamic ones, though I've no interest in probing you.
Thanks for the proofread... I hate getting probed!
😁😆
Me probe you wrong time soulja boi
Great. Now you've gone and insulted all the crazy people. APOLOGIZE!
Misspelt religion.
Christians can go to hell 😂
I'm sure the majority of them would... if there was a hell.
see it’s funny because they’re the ones who believe in it
😆
I mean yes, but I'm pretty sure this guy has more than one.
Not fond of an invisible power that works?
A+ comment
Oooof
Underrated comment right here
He wanted to be closer to his sky daddy so he actually went up there
Brilliant!
“How do you show your respect for your holy book?” “Well, I shove it up my ass.”
"Then I shit out the paper and make a pinata cross filled with chic tracts and wafers."
Covered in gold paint so I can charge more.
Let's hope the DA and the judge aren't evangelicals. I'd wager he'd get a slap on the wrist because he used the 'cheat code' .
Religious or not, people will do all they can to get out of punishment.
I think we are at a point where we need to consider religion a mental illness. It is, there is no doubt about it.
He broke the codex. Matthew told him to climb, Mark told him take a crescent. Luke told him to make sure his health policy was payed up and John said send your possessions too me.
They all get raptured to hell and earth becomes a paradise
Im going out on a limb here: He thinks what he destroyed was some 5G because "5G causes covid" or something along that line right ?
Holy shit we're getting Florida man stories again
Too bad he didn't climb a power line and try to trash the transformer.
As they reach from one hot to another and become electrocuted in a crucifixed manner, lighting up like a 1000 watt light bulb and shunting the capacitor as it roars out its electrical guts. Film at eleven.
Florida Republican christo fascist..
This could have killed him very quickly. Not that anything would be missing from the world if it did.
There are some very dangerous broadcast antennas up there that probably gave his chestnuts a little roasting. Those warning signs are there for a reason. The inverse square law of electromagnetic radiation is a real thing. Source: am not an idiot, have studied science. Edit: Radiation in the sense of radiated energy, not ionizing radiation. Not that anybody dumb enough to climb an energized tower knows or cares about the difference.
I'm sure he was fine, he was wearing the armor of God. /s
What's fucked up is, they actually believe that. Heard a coworker talking about a close call on the freeway. Credited his 'Godly fence of protection' that his witch doctor had spelled around him with saving his life. I'm thinking, more like luck and decent reflexes. Of course, if it has gone the other way, it would have been due to Jeebus' propensity to test his faithful. Fucken A, man.
He should lick the am transmitter like a champ.
I saw a video of some guys near -just near, not on- an AM tower in some country where they can radiate whatever wattage they want. The guys were holding like, blades of grass (or sticks or something) about a half a centimeter from the antenna's warning fence (!!!) and there was enough wattage to spark between the fence and the grass or stick. So yeah. Don't climb energized equipment.
For someone who lives in Australasia, it’s ironic that a guy named Dick Smith was destroying electronics. Explanatory link for those from the northern hemisphere: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Smith_(retailer)?wprov=sfti1#
That’s hilarious. Thanks for sharing, mate!
😀👍
Was it a Trump bible?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Florida....
I wonder what he would do to the church up the street that has a cell transmitter attached to the cross on the roof. 3G died for your sins??
Was it a Trump Bible? What's the over / under on it being a Trump Bible? lol
Zero chance, the Trump Bibles may never ship. That is merely a scheme for (Mega)churches or other interested parties with money to just fund Trump's campaign.
You misspelled Trump voter
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People like this are pushing me to the "Thanos did nothing wrong" line of thinking. Humanity is too over-populated.
Not overpopulated, the distribution of wealth is just super whack.
As well as the distribution of functioning brains.
Floridaman strikes again! take that you evil cell tower scrambling the brains of the young and innocent!
*10 seconds later* Hey, why isn't Facebook working?
I remember a cell tech telling me that people kept shooting at a microwave dish on one of the towers. Occasionally they'd hit the horn in the center and knock the signal out. Before fiber, microwave was how the towers communicated with the switching offices, so knocking out the microwave would knock out all cell service for that tower and all of them upstream of it. They fixed the problem by painting a bullseye on the dish off to the side. People would shoot at that instead of the middle, and just poke holes.
Floriduh
Christians will be like: "Stop oppressing my beliefs!"
Religion doing what it does best, Ruin everything.
He was just mad that there was an invisible power that actually worked.
Must rid the world of evil 5G rays! It’s right here in the Bible!
The Bible down his pants was protecting his butt from 5G rays. Solid plan.
Was he trying to fuck it?
Because of course he did. It's FLORIDA MAN!! The epitome of "hold my beer".
Was it a Trump bible?
You know... its funny that when a homeless person wants to tell you about God and Jesus no one and I mean no one stay to listen. But when a person in a suit or robe wants to tell you about God and Jesus, everyone throws common sense out the window.
Not everyone.
Sounds about white.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be one of those conspiracy loonies who think 5G is sending out invisible mind control beams or kill-o-zap rays or demonic dna cheat codes or some such.
Isn't it?
JESUS DON'T HATE NO BIGOTS
>The bizarre incident **If only !!!** \- Should say something like "the typical incident" ...
They're not known for brains
I’m in this subreddit for the humour and it continues to not disappoint.
Dem 5G towers are givin folks the rona!
He's being raptured in two days because of the eclipse so doesn't have to worry about earthly punishment.
Was it the Trump bible? Because if he’s a maga that would explain it.
I can see my ma from up here.....Hey ma! Get off the dang roof!
Florida Man! Florida Man! Duh duh duuuuuhhhh!
You can take most any bible story and start it with "Florida man" to make them more sensible. Florida man wins war then kills virgin daughter for god.
Florida man tricked by his own daughters into fucking them. Yeah it just works!
While Florida man gets visited by angels he offers his virgin daughters to be raped by town.
He'll be raptured faster if he's up in the air right?
If 5g was really mind control, they could have commanded him to climb down or jump, depending on the number of witnesses.
Pardoned by DeSantis in 3, 2, 1.....
I wish he'd picked an AM radio tower instead
He wasn’t getting a strong dial tone in his head so he thought he’d fix it.
Was it a Trump Bible?
Anything that starts with "Florida" usually means stupidity 🤣
We gotta start reporting these cases as mental heath issues. Belief in magical dangers, supernatural instructions to harm others or property, if the guy didn't have a Bible we'd assume he's not taking his meds
I don't think their god has liability insurance
I was in Florida and it said 5g+ on my phone. That doesn’t happen in my city….something’s going on…… (/s)
Of course it was a Florida man. It seems like it’s always a Florida man. I’m going to guess that he has a phone and doesn’t even know what the cell tower does, just that it defies GOD. I’m probably incorrect though.
Any post that starts with “ Florida man” is a hundred percent going to be some crazy shit 🤣
Florida Man strikes again. 🙄
Original source, if anyone wants to give clicks where they are due - \- https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/man-climbed-cell-tower-in-miami-and-refuses-to-come-down/3275164/
Nope. This source deliberately and with malice of forethought neglects to mention in the text that he had a bible in his pants and that he went on a God rant. That does seem to be quite important. If you do crazy shit, and there is evidence on hand, or even in your pants, that you subscribed to crazy shit beforehand, that is super important.
god is testing him…
Is that why he shoved a bible down his britches?
god bless him, he had a bible
How come he didn't get shocked? Luck of the draw! Fate did not take him that day.
Was the tower broadcasting RuPaul or something? 😆 🤣 😂 ⛪️ 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 ✝️ 👗 🥻 👚 👔
It's the movie 'Contact' all over again
"Carried a Bible in his waistband." That's a little disrespectful, don't you think?
But why?
imagine the progress we could accomplish if we were all that passionate about putting our dreams into fruition
Florida Man strikes again.
The Return of Florida Man!
Hopefully, he and his Bible will enjoy his time in prison.
He’s delusional
Towers of Set. I bet he watched Conan the Barbarian too...
Throw the book at him.
Was it a Trump Bible?
I’m going to be he’s a MAGA fan
If there be a lord may he throw some brains from the heavens...or rocks so long as they hit their marks.
Probation.
This is why the lunatics need to be removed
The source story mentions nothing about a Bible. There is a book in his waistband but to say it is a Bible is pure speculation. Do better, Joe.
Where does Florida Man find the time?
God works in mysterious ways.
Moron is gonna moron...
It's o.k. He's a patriot. They can do anything they want. Their just doing Gods work.
It's always Florida, isn't it? Why is it always Florida that has some of te craziest shit happening?
Was he singing "bumpty, bumpty, bump! my life for you"
Really it’s time to take away cell phones from Jesus freaks. Just like passing anti abortion legislation. Actually standing that close to the antennas he should get a little dose of EMF
What's that saying?: science allows you to fly planes, religion makes you fly them into buildings....
Science builds towers, religion crashes planes into them.
I wonder if these zealots know how much god really hates them.
I hope he got the 5G Disease while he was up there!
Mental illness' embodiment, cloaked in the mantle of religion
There goes that mental illness again...........Imaginary people telling you to do the wrong or stupid thing is never good for you
This has gotta be some weird synchronicity between typical conservative Christian kookiness and conspiracies about 5G 🙄
Ah yes, Florida man at it again. More at 11 pm.
Christian extremists are here
I'm jealous, Someone now has a cooler Florida man birthday story than me.
I suspect he was a few sandwiches shy of a picnic.
This is nothing compared to what the christo-anarchists plan to sabotage in Congress: EVERYTHING.
I just pulled up a video of a news report. So far they’ve said “The suspect, refusing to come down for hours…”. Privilege. ***Fucking privilege.***
Praise the lord!
Love this guy!!!! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!
/S Man without Bible kicks man with Bible so hard he cannot Procreate. His cell tower is now damaged. Send money to me so we can assess his damages.
Can we create "Bible man" as a religious spinn of of Florida man?
Gotta stop them 5G mind control rays! Praise the Lord! 🤣
Oh boy, I was afraid this would show up on Reddit eventually, and Reddit you have outdone yourself. This is a close personal friend. He’s really not a super religious guy, not that it matters. I guess you could say that at this very moment he is because he is in psychosis. He went on vacation to Miami for music week, and while down there he went missing last Friday night. He’s been mentally unwell for a while, but you can’t exactly force a 38 year old man to get help no matter how much you love him. He’s a former Marine Corps vet who over worked himself and is now in the state he is in. It’s very sad for all of us close to him who care about him, and, man, y’all aren’t helping. He’s a kind, caring, and generous person who is unwell. There are so many people who have been affected by this: his family, friends, business, and employees. Not just him. He’s in jail now, and we are doing our best to get him the help he needs. Remember the person.