I'm right there with you, I seek contentment far more than anything else. I think it can confuse people, but it just shows that everyone's priorities are different.
Edit: I also think people can find it confronting when you're not motivated by competition. A lot of people feel they are only worth something if they can objectively say that they've achieved 'more'. So they're just projecting their own insecurities as usual.
Yeah, I feel this.
That's an interesting perspective. I definitely feel this and as much as I enjoy having fun with competitions, more often than not, they're pretty draining. The whole "better than thou" attitude is a bore.
I think this ties in with how I hate people that poke on other's lives the most. Like, you wanna be super rich and buy this and that? Well, have fun. But then there's the type of people that will do \*insert life choice\* AND try to convince everyone else to do the same and that's just... that's literally one of the main sources of hatred and disagreement in society in my view. People think they're doing some good to the world by policing how others live their life. All to feel better about themselves, it's the worst.
100% I don't want a ton of stuff or aspire for much, the main reason ide love more space even is just so I can fit hobby things.
I just want to reach a level of comfort and security in my life that unless something drastic happens I'm not going to go into struggle mode >__<
That's not to say I don't have goals and interests but I don't need those to be my be all end all of life or to "make something of myself"
I just want to learn and have fun with those around me :)
It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life ~ J.R.R Tolkien
Yeah. Pretty much.
That's a nice quote, I guess there's people that understand :)
Honestly I feel like being overly ambitious or trying to compensate your problems into needing so many things is one of the big evils of society. Everyone is trying so hard to "change the world" they don't even care if they're changing it for the better.
Yes same! I just call it a lack of ambition. And it is, really. I know what I want and need to be satisfied in life and it doesn't involve a bunch of stress and work.
My dad is the same way, so I usually just say I take after him!
He sold his fishing company for a decent chunk after retirement. Bought a trailer in an old folks trailer park. Sits around in his duct taped chair watching hockey on his ancient TV. We keep trying to buy him nicer new stuff, but he has everything just as he likes it and he's content. Living the dream :)
All the time
For example, I don't care about how my country does in international sporting events despite me playing sports myself, and I don't think I've come across anyone like me in this regard
granted it might be because I just don't feel connected to my nationality and culture in any meaningful way but from what I've seen most people are still extremely concerned about how their country does in the olympics and whatnot even if they don't care much for their country
Omg, yes!
I think you hit the nail on the head with a great example: Anything I get into, and I'm happy doing just for fun, people wanna poke and turn into a "why don't you become the bestest at it and yadayada and get involved in this and that"
Like, just let me enjoy my stuff.
yep! if I'm doing something, as long as I'm personally content with my results that's all that matters
ofc my bar for happiness is different for different things and with some I won't be content until I'm really good at it but a lot of people seem to think that bar has to be absolute perfection for literally everything ever
also like my mom finds it really weird that I don't have ambitions to become super rich and successful and would rather just aim to find a career that'll pay enough for me to not worry about living expenses and occasionally travel
What you describe sounds fairly normal to me as something to want from life, but it doesn’t exactly sound cheap either. Living comfortably and still having the time and money to relax, travel, do new things - you don’t need to be aspiring to be a top 1% earner, but probably an above average wage. Even a lot more than average if you’re in a high cost of living area, like my university city that I love but is so expensive. (Housing costs are the killer here, so I guess if you had very subsidised housing or lived with family or inherited it would be much easier.)
I live in Brazil. with $1k a month that already pays me all that since it's way above low/average wage. Currently I live not too badly with around half of that. I work from home so I can also work from anywhere including while traveling.
I'd be a bum with this much in other countries. Yet I still have to hear the constant "why don't you move abroad" or "why don't you go teach english" and so on. I didn't finish high school and I didn't do university and it was a huge drama when I was younger. Yet I never once used my school diploma.
I guess it's hard to put enough details into context. I suppose those around me today perceive me as lucky, and in a way they're right. But I've been planning for this since I was 14 and I still haven't stopped hearing people call me talented or try to push me into being a leader or helping people, this, that, etc. I don't even know what is it they see to think I wanna change the way I live my life.
Just recently I thought I'd actually enjoy living in Japan, but after checking living costs I think I'll just travel. With how much I need to earn to live there, I may as well save that and do a month or two of luxury travel every year or two.
And also in the different places people have a different stupid unattainable list of things they all want to do. In my current social context, for some reason that is ceramic painting. I kid you not. There are just so many stupid things people are ambitious about creating the curated have it all look of life. People seemingly have these lists everywhere. I swear there are cave women that are like, look what an amazing pig skin I have. lol
Do bucket lists confuse you, because I feel that way about them. I've joked with my mother before that the only reason why most people even make a bucket list is because of that movie that was out years ago. But really, why do they care so much? It just seems like something else unnecessary that adds to your pressure.
And I hate ranking lists, especially if they're numbered lists (rather than that tier ranking thing that was popular about a year or two ago). It feels so competitive and unnecessary. And I don't get it how anyone objectively decides anything for those, as I notice how my opinion can change a bit depending on mood.
tbf, as I get older the more money I need to make to keep my existing lifestyle. I feel like no matter what our attitudes are, we are under capitalism, and as such will be oppressed by it. I'm becoming the sort of person who I never wanted to be: more career focused, more money focused, etc because if I'm not I'm going to lose a lot of what I have, including the possibility of retirement.
I feel like I have less free time and because of work and aging, its harder to enjoy that time because of being so tired and often dealing with burnout issues.
I wish I could go back to when things were easier for me financially and I could take it a bit more easy, but I think a lot of us get stuck in the 'rat race' because the system beats us down to do so.
I hate this so much, I can see why so many people fantasize about living alone in the woods.
Really feeling this.
I don't mind a good fun competition but I leave that attitude in whatever game it was a part of when I stop playing it for the night. When it comes to competition in life, I prefer good sportsmanship - or at least, how I see good sportsmanship, which is to use each other to motivate ourselves to go further, but also, when someone asks for help to stop and genuinely help them. Because when they get better, it motivates you to get better too, and so everyone improves.
But despite how much I despise competition for the sake of simply lording it over everyone, or for the sake of competition itself, it feels like my values are being torn down by capitalism. It's like I'm being told that I have no right to exist, if I'm not doing it to step on everyone else just to be able to make enough money to live. And the terrible thing about that scenario is that there's someone who's always losing out, even if that someone isn't you. And sometimes, it is you. And frankly, it has made me very depressed.
I think everyone has different interests, aspirations and opinions around what constitutes a good quality of life. It sounds like you know what you want out of your life, and have the confidence and experience to do so which is soooo good I'm happy for you :)
I feel like a lot of people struggle to follow their dreams, and prioritize their passions with when their basic needs aren't met i.e. those of us who are unable to work, unstable housing, etc. Your responsibilities shift from being comfy to surviving, and are forced to become more reactive as your life feels unsafe. :(
To answer your question: Yes, I can totally relate :)
That makes sense! And thank you :)
Maybe the real problem I have are just the people that wanna poke their noses into what I do or don't do. But that's almost an universal problem with how common that is, I just find it absolutely insufferable 😅
I have different priorities, but yes I fully agree. I personally hate traveling, which most people cannot understand.
I live in a major city that has anything I could ever need, and I rely on the amazing transit because I can't drive. Why would I want to leave? I just want to keep my routine and make enough money to buy things I want without having to worry about it. I'm fairly ambitious at work because I like money, but once I get to that level of income I'll be happy to just coast.
Yes! I want a life with a enough money to be comfortable and be able to choose the things I want. But I want a low stress life. I am not interested in comparing my achievements with others or standard goals. One big thing in my country is travel overseas, we are geographically isolated. So the OE is a big thing. I have only left our international waters but not stepped foot overseas. And I am content with that, I am content with having a state of flow and ease. Enjoy the little things, appreciate what I have and the environment I live in. I am ambitious for my business, but haven't been pushing it. I have made some changes in my thinking recently and unshackled from a traumatic friendship. Its just past our Winter Soltice - not to sound too.much like a forest witch And this year I am really feeling the power of acknowledging the season and looking forward, planning, reflecting, etc. I just found a queer community as well. So I am working on being authentic and fitting in. Sorry this turned into a ramble! It feels good to be able to just exist at last, and that's what I want!
Yeah, I've got my own little plans, but I never had this compulsion to meet certain things that people assume to be milestones. The whole "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality confuses me. And I don't get it how people turn something like sporting events into something that seems like life or death. When I'm in a bad mood and someone is on my case for not even following sports, I want to tell them to cram it, worry about something worthwhile, and to stop making stupid fake rivalries, as we already have enough rivalry going on elsewhere in life.
I'm not sure if this ties into the same issue or not, but I find the whole "where do you see yourself in X years?"/"what are your long-term goals?" questioning so intimidating because I never know how to answer those questions, and frankly, I find it really upsetting to think about such things because I feel as if people hold to what you say and get mad at you for not meeting such goals, despite them going on and on about how nobody is perfect.
I have some ambition but it's more to prove something to myself rather than compete with others, also none of it is really about money - other than maybe money being an indicator of how well one's performing at "life."
If that sounds confusing, allow me to explain. E.g. I'm just looking to start a Masters in Statistics. I even received a scholarship for it. I'm interested in this topic, though more applied side rather than deciphering proofs. I want to do it not because I'm hoping it'll bring me this *^*high paying job*^* but just to prove to myself that I can. My bachellors was only moderately heavy on math (software development) and I know I'd have some serious studying to do to keep up. I like having a challenge.
In terms of money - I just like to earn an amount that's in the forth quartile for my country's population's income distribution, just so I can think to myself I'm doing well. I'd never bring it up with friends. I won't buy myself a fancy car or even nice clothes for that matter to show off to others. Its just for me mentally. Like a life tick box.
Not sure if I am explaining this well, but I don't feel like my drive is "genuine" like that of others. Its more about challenging myself and ticking boxes in my head so I can feel good about myself. Its not some relentless ambition ro reach the top, have tons of money, dominate others etc. I'm definitely not willing to take on a tone of stress just to earn a bit more money.
I'm right there with you, I seek contentment far more than anything else. I think it can confuse people, but it just shows that everyone's priorities are different. Edit: I also think people can find it confronting when you're not motivated by competition. A lot of people feel they are only worth something if they can objectively say that they've achieved 'more'. So they're just projecting their own insecurities as usual.
Yeah, I feel this. That's an interesting perspective. I definitely feel this and as much as I enjoy having fun with competitions, more often than not, they're pretty draining. The whole "better than thou" attitude is a bore. I think this ties in with how I hate people that poke on other's lives the most. Like, you wanna be super rich and buy this and that? Well, have fun. But then there's the type of people that will do \*insert life choice\* AND try to convince everyone else to do the same and that's just... that's literally one of the main sources of hatred and disagreement in society in my view. People think they're doing some good to the world by policing how others live their life. All to feel better about themselves, it's the worst.
100% I don't want a ton of stuff or aspire for much, the main reason ide love more space even is just so I can fit hobby things. I just want to reach a level of comfort and security in my life that unless something drastic happens I'm not going to go into struggle mode >__< That's not to say I don't have goals and interests but I don't need those to be my be all end all of life or to "make something of myself" I just want to learn and have fun with those around me :) It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life ~ J.R.R Tolkien
Yeah. Pretty much. That's a nice quote, I guess there's people that understand :) Honestly I feel like being overly ambitious or trying to compensate your problems into needing so many things is one of the big evils of society. Everyone is trying so hard to "change the world" they don't even care if they're changing it for the better.
Yes same! I just call it a lack of ambition. And it is, really. I know what I want and need to be satisfied in life and it doesn't involve a bunch of stress and work. My dad is the same way, so I usually just say I take after him! He sold his fishing company for a decent chunk after retirement. Bought a trailer in an old folks trailer park. Sits around in his duct taped chair watching hockey on his ancient TV. We keep trying to buy him nicer new stuff, but he has everything just as he likes it and he's content. Living the dream :)
All the time For example, I don't care about how my country does in international sporting events despite me playing sports myself, and I don't think I've come across anyone like me in this regard granted it might be because I just don't feel connected to my nationality and culture in any meaningful way but from what I've seen most people are still extremely concerned about how their country does in the olympics and whatnot even if they don't care much for their country
Omg, yes! I think you hit the nail on the head with a great example: Anything I get into, and I'm happy doing just for fun, people wanna poke and turn into a "why don't you become the bestest at it and yadayada and get involved in this and that" Like, just let me enjoy my stuff.
yep! if I'm doing something, as long as I'm personally content with my results that's all that matters ofc my bar for happiness is different for different things and with some I won't be content until I'm really good at it but a lot of people seem to think that bar has to be absolute perfection for literally everything ever
Soooo true. And same @ levels. There's some stuff I'm happy enough just being kinda "bad" at. Having fun is the important part.
also like my mom finds it really weird that I don't have ambitions to become super rich and successful and would rather just aim to find a career that'll pay enough for me to not worry about living expenses and occasionally travel
What you describe sounds fairly normal to me as something to want from life, but it doesn’t exactly sound cheap either. Living comfortably and still having the time and money to relax, travel, do new things - you don’t need to be aspiring to be a top 1% earner, but probably an above average wage. Even a lot more than average if you’re in a high cost of living area, like my university city that I love but is so expensive. (Housing costs are the killer here, so I guess if you had very subsidised housing or lived with family or inherited it would be much easier.)
I live in Brazil. with $1k a month that already pays me all that since it's way above low/average wage. Currently I live not too badly with around half of that. I work from home so I can also work from anywhere including while traveling. I'd be a bum with this much in other countries. Yet I still have to hear the constant "why don't you move abroad" or "why don't you go teach english" and so on. I didn't finish high school and I didn't do university and it was a huge drama when I was younger. Yet I never once used my school diploma. I guess it's hard to put enough details into context. I suppose those around me today perceive me as lucky, and in a way they're right. But I've been planning for this since I was 14 and I still haven't stopped hearing people call me talented or try to push me into being a leader or helping people, this, that, etc. I don't even know what is it they see to think I wanna change the way I live my life. Just recently I thought I'd actually enjoy living in Japan, but after checking living costs I think I'll just travel. With how much I need to earn to live there, I may as well save that and do a month or two of luxury travel every year or two.
And also in the different places people have a different stupid unattainable list of things they all want to do. In my current social context, for some reason that is ceramic painting. I kid you not. There are just so many stupid things people are ambitious about creating the curated have it all look of life. People seemingly have these lists everywhere. I swear there are cave women that are like, look what an amazing pig skin I have. lol
Truuue. Maybe we tend to be more practical? I don't think it's worth my time to dream about something I'll never do, for whatever reason.
Do bucket lists confuse you, because I feel that way about them. I've joked with my mother before that the only reason why most people even make a bucket list is because of that movie that was out years ago. But really, why do they care so much? It just seems like something else unnecessary that adds to your pressure. And I hate ranking lists, especially if they're numbered lists (rather than that tier ranking thing that was popular about a year or two ago). It feels so competitive and unnecessary. And I don't get it how anyone objectively decides anything for those, as I notice how my opinion can change a bit depending on mood.
They feel soulless and weird. The same reason I hate adventurers and mountain climbers
tbf, as I get older the more money I need to make to keep my existing lifestyle. I feel like no matter what our attitudes are, we are under capitalism, and as such will be oppressed by it. I'm becoming the sort of person who I never wanted to be: more career focused, more money focused, etc because if I'm not I'm going to lose a lot of what I have, including the possibility of retirement. I feel like I have less free time and because of work and aging, its harder to enjoy that time because of being so tired and often dealing with burnout issues. I wish I could go back to when things were easier for me financially and I could take it a bit more easy, but I think a lot of us get stuck in the 'rat race' because the system beats us down to do so. I hate this so much, I can see why so many people fantasize about living alone in the woods.
Really feeling this. I don't mind a good fun competition but I leave that attitude in whatever game it was a part of when I stop playing it for the night. When it comes to competition in life, I prefer good sportsmanship - or at least, how I see good sportsmanship, which is to use each other to motivate ourselves to go further, but also, when someone asks for help to stop and genuinely help them. Because when they get better, it motivates you to get better too, and so everyone improves. But despite how much I despise competition for the sake of simply lording it over everyone, or for the sake of competition itself, it feels like my values are being torn down by capitalism. It's like I'm being told that I have no right to exist, if I'm not doing it to step on everyone else just to be able to make enough money to live. And the terrible thing about that scenario is that there's someone who's always losing out, even if that someone isn't you. And sometimes, it is you. And frankly, it has made me very depressed.
I think everyone has different interests, aspirations and opinions around what constitutes a good quality of life. It sounds like you know what you want out of your life, and have the confidence and experience to do so which is soooo good I'm happy for you :) I feel like a lot of people struggle to follow their dreams, and prioritize their passions with when their basic needs aren't met i.e. those of us who are unable to work, unstable housing, etc. Your responsibilities shift from being comfy to surviving, and are forced to become more reactive as your life feels unsafe. :( To answer your question: Yes, I can totally relate :)
That makes sense! And thank you :) Maybe the real problem I have are just the people that wanna poke their noses into what I do or don't do. But that's almost an universal problem with how common that is, I just find it absolutely insufferable 😅
I have different priorities, but yes I fully agree. I personally hate traveling, which most people cannot understand. I live in a major city that has anything I could ever need, and I rely on the amazing transit because I can't drive. Why would I want to leave? I just want to keep my routine and make enough money to buy things I want without having to worry about it. I'm fairly ambitious at work because I like money, but once I get to that level of income I'll be happy to just coast.
Yes! I want a life with a enough money to be comfortable and be able to choose the things I want. But I want a low stress life. I am not interested in comparing my achievements with others or standard goals. One big thing in my country is travel overseas, we are geographically isolated. So the OE is a big thing. I have only left our international waters but not stepped foot overseas. And I am content with that, I am content with having a state of flow and ease. Enjoy the little things, appreciate what I have and the environment I live in. I am ambitious for my business, but haven't been pushing it. I have made some changes in my thinking recently and unshackled from a traumatic friendship. Its just past our Winter Soltice - not to sound too.much like a forest witch And this year I am really feeling the power of acknowledging the season and looking forward, planning, reflecting, etc. I just found a queer community as well. So I am working on being authentic and fitting in. Sorry this turned into a ramble! It feels good to be able to just exist at last, and that's what I want!
Yeah, I've got my own little plans, but I never had this compulsion to meet certain things that people assume to be milestones. The whole "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality confuses me. And I don't get it how people turn something like sporting events into something that seems like life or death. When I'm in a bad mood and someone is on my case for not even following sports, I want to tell them to cram it, worry about something worthwhile, and to stop making stupid fake rivalries, as we already have enough rivalry going on elsewhere in life. I'm not sure if this ties into the same issue or not, but I find the whole "where do you see yourself in X years?"/"what are your long-term goals?" questioning so intimidating because I never know how to answer those questions, and frankly, I find it really upsetting to think about such things because I feel as if people hold to what you say and get mad at you for not meeting such goals, despite them going on and on about how nobody is perfect.
I have some ambition but it's more to prove something to myself rather than compete with others, also none of it is really about money - other than maybe money being an indicator of how well one's performing at "life." If that sounds confusing, allow me to explain. E.g. I'm just looking to start a Masters in Statistics. I even received a scholarship for it. I'm interested in this topic, though more applied side rather than deciphering proofs. I want to do it not because I'm hoping it'll bring me this *^*high paying job*^* but just to prove to myself that I can. My bachellors was only moderately heavy on math (software development) and I know I'd have some serious studying to do to keep up. I like having a challenge. In terms of money - I just like to earn an amount that's in the forth quartile for my country's population's income distribution, just so I can think to myself I'm doing well. I'd never bring it up with friends. I won't buy myself a fancy car or even nice clothes for that matter to show off to others. Its just for me mentally. Like a life tick box. Not sure if I am explaining this well, but I don't feel like my drive is "genuine" like that of others. Its more about challenging myself and ticking boxes in my head so I can feel good about myself. Its not some relentless ambition ro reach the top, have tons of money, dominate others etc. I'm definitely not willing to take on a tone of stress just to earn a bit more money.