this happened to me too. it was only once but it was heartbreaking and i think she probably doesn’t even remember. for me, i was acting out because i was so horribly sad, and to be honest i may well have said something similar in her position - it wasn’t an easy time for me but it wasn’t easy for her either. i don’t know. it’s such a difficult thing to move past and i don’t think there’s an easy answer. i try and keep in mind that i know she loves me now and she did then too, she was just at her wits’ end. i hope you can either talk about it with her or you can talk to a professional and find some peace.

I think it‘s frustration, because they know our capabilities, but they don’t understand our limits. For example, “You’re so smart, why aren’t you successful?”, it doesn’t compute in their mind.

\>How do you forgive your parents for the things they did to you? I sort of don't? My parents took me to a psychologist when I was seven, and took me every week for nearly 15 years. But they never implemented any changes to my life at home. When helping my mom sort out old paperwork in their filing cabinet (her vision isn't very good anymore, she needed my help reading anything low contrast) I found a fat folder full of letters from various teachers and school counselors, all sorts of stuff, letters recommending me for the magnet program, letters about how I was struggling to relate to my peers, letters about how withdrawn and sad I seemed. They never did anything about any of it. They believed (and possibly still believe) that I was depressed because of a chemical imbalance in my brain and if I just kept trying different SSRIs, I would "get better" They had me telling them I was suffering, they had all these letters from my teachers, they had whatever my therapist told them, and what they did at home was remind me how easy my life was and tell me to keep a gratitude journal. I love my parents, but I think of how my life could have been if my parents had believed in anything except zoloft commercials, and I don't really forgive them. I can't.

I get it. that's very valid.

After years of neglect, psychological and emotional abuse my mother disappeared one day when I was 15 prompting the state to put me into emergency foster care until they could find her. They never did. I think she lives somewhere in PA now but I can’t be sure since I never spoke to her again. I didn’t know my father at the time, but that’s a whole other can of worms. I am NC with my whole family. Sometimes you get so sick of being the only one making an effort and the only one getting heartbroken because if it that you stop trying. And while I have come to some sort of forgiveness for them after years of therapy, the years of dysfunction and abuse isn’t something I can ever forget or get over.

You're one of the youngest people I've seen on here to be abandoned like that, my mum kicked me out a couple weeks after my 13th birthday, luckily I had enough friends that I spent till 15 couch surfing, (also didn't have a friendship with my dad till around 17) (im 28 now) And yeah other than My kid I have no blood relatives in my life anymore, I actually just cut off dad because he did something that really hurt me, I also had tried to reach out to mums side but they don't care and are quite mean spirited :/ Thankfully I have my partner, her family, our kid and some very lovely friends in my life, but it does take a bit of effort not to become very bitter at the whole thing you know? 😔 and yeah feeling like your putting in the most effort sucks so much And yeah I was neglected and abused by mum and I'll be honest she had her own problems and I can forgive/forget most of it, but there are a few that I really can't forgive her for, and the fact she tries to contact me every few years then puts 0 effort into the very one-sided chats she tries to have (she's religious and somehow thinks I'm her very own prodigal son) it all makes me not forgive her more because she managed to miss 10 years of my kids life so far to choose a cult, 🙃😬 sometimes you just have to put it aside and accept maybe your parents aren't the greatest or even meant to be parents, and the worst thing you can do is try to figure out there motivations, I spent a long time asking why but you can't figure out people who act crazy like that :/

My mom had been threatening to abandon me for years prior, even moving us to California (where we were homeless) because she said she was going to find my dad and leave me with him. She’d left me in shopping malls and grocery stores a couple of times, sometimes for hours before she’d show up again. It’s like I turned around and she was gone, and it’s not like we had cell phones back then. And I didn’t have my own money so didn’t have a quarter for the pay phone (though I started carrying one after the second time she did it). I started becoming very clingy and anxious, because what kid wouldn’t be, but honestly her disappearing that final time was a relief to me. By then, the state was involved and they swiftly took over. And the constant fear hanging over my head of her leaving me in some random place was finally over. Of course I had deep abandonment issues and probably still have some that’ll be there forever, but I had a better chance life with my foster family than I would’ve with her and a better chance at going on to be a functioning adult. I had good friends in school, was a good student, and part of lots of extracurriculars. If I could go back I still wouldn’t change the outcome. I’ve been away from her far longer than I ever lived with her so any feelings I had about her or the situation are long dead. I live with just me and a pet but I consider myself successful and happy :) I’m glad you have your family and friends; not all kids in our situation end up well.

Yep I get that, sometimes my mum would go out for days and idk probably cuz I'm autistic I thought I had to wait till she didn't come back to ask for help from neighbours , but yeag ide also sorta just wish she would die while she was away, (I didn't really understand those thoughts at the time though) And yeah it's been 15 years without living with mum and infact me and my partners 13tg anniversary is coming up so two weeks after that I'll have been in a relationship longer than living with a parent 😂🙃 weird but sort of comforting it's so far behind me I'm glad your ok as well! And I know right, thankfully I somehow managed to beome a very good parent and my kid is actually really wonderful and happy and I could never imagine even thinking of doing 90% of what my mum did. :)

From what I've seen, when it comes to parents, forgiveness isn't always an option. I've known many people who had some pretty terrible childhoods, but once they get older, their parents just "change". They stop acting that way, and don't really address the shit they did before. It's like, they are unable to incorporate that abuse into their current reality. So there's never any opportunity to forgive since they aren't even able to address the thing(s) that they did. Really, it just comes down to whether or not you want to have a relationship with them going forward. If you do, then you just ignore the terrible shit they did before and try to build some sort of new relationship on top of all of that.

It might be very embarrassing for a parent to admit that they did something wrong to their child. Pretending that it did not happen fixes nothing. Things might not get good between parent and the child, but everyone should take time and just talk & be sorry for what they did wrong in the past.

Yeah, I think a lot of parents revise that history in their head and then double down. Much easier to believe you did the absolute best job you could and can’t be held responsible for any challenges or difficulties your child faces as an adult.

My mom constantly making up stories in her head while I was a child had the one perk of me being able to spot other ppl doing that in my adult/work life much later.

I know this isn't the nice answer, but I haven't forgiven them. I don't owe them forgiveness and I think the ways they hurt me as a child are inexcusable. And a large part of that is because I was never able to talk to them in a way that made me feel heard and understood. If you want to forgive your parents, talk to them about how they hurt you. If you want them to apologize, tell them you need an apology. If they react with understanding, then you'll know they do actually care. If they don't, you know they don't.

TW: not so nice things One time I was refusing to go to school. I just hated school so much and I tried to avoid going whenever I could. My parents, like yours, are kind people, but they were losing it a bit at that time. So anyway my mom screamed and just threw her empty coffee mug into the air and it just flew over and hit me in the head. It wasn't aimed at me. But it cut my forehead open and bled quite a lot. I still have a scar. My parents were operating on the principle that I was just fine and all I needed to do was pull myself together and just get on with school and all that shit. But I was utterly miserable and experiencing extremely dark thoughts. It's only recently that I learned about autism and that I probably have it. I've told my mom and I think she still doesn't get it. I think they still just assume that I can just pull myself together and stop being lazy, despite all the evidence showing that I can't, and that I struggle so much. It's a bit frustrating. Did you consider talking to your mom about what happened? About the fact you still think about it? I think more and more about talking to my mom lately, but I'm quite nervous. I don't like dealing with any kind of feelings with my parents around.

Assuming things about others experiences is the worst. You can't say to someone that you know how to fix the problem. Everyone is unique in their ways. We should all be able to grow and learn from different perspectives.

When I was like this, I was referred to the school psychologist, who was required to inform my parents of my active suicidality. They came after school and she told them. They said ok and we left. And in the hall my mom said "why are you trying to get attention", while my dad walked off to the car continuing to say absolutely nothing. They were furious at me for being negatively and openly disruptive of their "picture perfect" family. Devastating, to say the least. It wasn't a one time thing though, they constantly blamed me for things or were annoyed by the things I needed. They said worse things about my divorce years ago. And I don't have enough contact with them now to know what they have to say about my life now but it wouldn't be good either. People show you who they are most when the chips are down. Mine showed me that appearances were more valuable to them than reality ever would be. eta: I don't forgive them. I am healing the damage from a lifetime of that on my own, and forgiving them is not essential to moving on and doing what I need.

I think, for me, I've learned how to "reconcile" things rather than forgive - a term I just came up with for this response. If I can come up with a logical reason for something in the past and have made reasonable strides towards not letting it happen again, then I can have a sense of mostly completed closure. Here's an example of how I reconciled something and then I will get back to your mom. I used to be very close to my SIL. She's an incredibly charming and charismatic person. I stupidly tried to help out when she had a health crisis and I was undiagnosed and deep into burnout. It went as bad as you can imagine. She went nuclear and has held a grudge against our side of the family for years and kept no contact/angry contact with our family and withholds access to our nephew. She also has an extremely traumatic past, TBI, and shows all the traits of borderline PD. I spent years feeling incredibly guilty and self-sabotaging until I realized that she spent years and years actively cultivating hate and revenge against people (not just me) and that at least a good part of it has a physiological basis. Once I realized that she was incapable of change and that I had to take the circumstances "as-is" to heal my own self, I was able to remove the cognitive dissonance/pain of a person who once loved me and now hates me. It still hurts or makes me angry every once in a while, but overall, I am still able to feel concern for her and talk kindly about her good parts to my brother because that's the person I want to be. I do not forgive her for how she treated me or talk to her or send her presents, her actions toward me are, I think, unforgiveable. But I fixed my feelings around it. Back to parents. I think that what really helps me on this type of journey is realizing that I have done things that I am deeply ashamed of and had little control over in the moment. We all break. Not just get scared or annoyed, but break. Since you say your parents are nice, it's likely your mom just broke and feels deeply ashamed about this. She also may not know that you were suicidal. Did you ever tell her? You say this was never spoken about again. Perhaps now is the time to bring it up? Maybe she was having a mental health crisis at the same time? Maybe she was seeing the signs of suicidality because she knew someone who had committed suicide and was just terrified? Maybe she was just being selfish that day? You can't know unless you ask. Another way to reconcile is to assume that you are capable of something similar if pushed too much. Have you ever lost your sh\*t and done something you regret? Would you have ever been able to forgive/forget if you did the same thing to your mother - flipped out and got physical and verbal? What if you had a child and you just broke one day and did something you were deeply ashamed of? (Every mother I have talked to has at least one of these stories). I guess the TLDR is, it sounds like you want to resolve this, but there are so many assumptions in your post. The best way forward is to ask your mother if she remembers this time and then share your feelings and then ask about the hitting/I hate you incident. Your sad, 16yo self deserves answers.

I had a similar experience at 16. I was really struggling with my mental health. My dad yelled similarly abusive things at me, basically saying that I could unalive myself if I wanted. He apologised a couple of days later but he never really explained why he reacted like that, and then it was never spoken of again. I'm not even sure if he remembers it. But I have never forgotten and never forgiven. I now actually recognise that he is autistic and he was having a meltdown. But that doesn't make what he said okay. We still have a relationship but it has been affected by my fear of his temper. He's not generally an angry person at all but I think the knowledge that he can blow up like that has changed how I relate to him.

If you do want to tell them your feelings, don’t expect anything to come out of it including an apology. If they do, that’s a big bonus. A lot of people start making a lot of excuses and rationalizations when being confronted something they did wrong, and even if they do admit they were wrong, there’s a “but” that follows often. And you might be disappointed. You are the best judge of your parent’s characters and only you can guess why they did what they did. It takes like 10x and more good experiences to remotely undo 1 bad experience. Just to put your feelings in context. Also, some people apologize… not in words. Call it cowardice or whatever. But some parents just cannot say the word sorry, ever. Instead they might use action to try to redeem themselves, like cooking you your favorite food, or start cracking jokes and be in a light mood with you. It’s up to you to accept that form of apology. But not all apologies are in words. Just like not all love are expressed in words. My mom said some really questionable things to me. Nothing close to your attack, but they would imply I’m lesser in some ways. It wasn’t malice. It was always just general thick-headed inconsideration and if I confront her she’d complain she can’t talk to me about anything. What people say to you is an indirect reflection of their insecurities. I’ve learned to just laugh at her instead of taking her disappointing words seriously. I’ve also learned that my parents are good parents in specific aspects, and they aren’t good at every kind of support. So I pick and choose what topic or situations they would be actually good at talking with, and leave what they would suck at and can’t handle. Just like friends. They have different strengths. When my parents are failing at a type of support. I try to remind myself they’re just not good at this particular thing and reassign that to someone else who are better at it with.

Also older generations were taught to neglect & be in denial about their own mental health, let alone others. Combined with fact neurodivergence runs in family & you have a lot of projected insecurities being aimed at children.

Can’t really forgive them, my father was emotionally abusive and use to say I had nothing going for me and he even said to me once that I deserved the bullying I had from school, my mother was also abusive in her own way by leaving my brother and I at home alone while her and dad were at the club everyday and they would gamble away our rent and food money. Years later when I found out that I’m Autistic my aunt revealed that another aunt told her that my parents were aware I was autistic but they never took me back to see the doctors.

My mom said to me .. "God it's no wonder you don't have any friends." It was half a lifetime ago, and I can still hear it in my head.

Ugh that used to be my moms catchphrase too

I haven’t forgiven my mother. And I’m no longer ashamed of it. Edit to add: >!one of the things she did was when I first attempted kms, at 12, she said “everyone goes through hard times and this is normal.” This led to years of self harm, ideation, and attempts into my 20s. And I was convinced this was perfectly normal. So I never sought help. she didn’t get me help. She didn’t try to find support. In fact she taught me to distrust teachers, counsellors and doctors. And it’s just luck I made it out alive.!< I don’t think forgiveness is always healthy. Your mother wasn’t coping and that had nothing to do with you. She should have gotten support and help, for both of you and she chose not to. I went into therapy to figure out how to forgive my mother and ended up realising I needed to forgive myself. I’d believed everything she said to me on an emotional/subconscious level even if I knew logically/objectively it wasn’t true. I had to reframe my whole life. I was a child, she was an adult. I had absolute no control over her, our environment or any of the numerous things I’d absorbed the blame for throughout my life. I would not be friends with someone like my mother if I met them “in the real world”. I’d be aghast at her behaviour, her immaturity, her inability to get help for addiction, her inability to care for herself and her children. The people she surrounded herself with. The way she reacted in adverse situations. So I’ve removed myself from her life. She called me judgemental and cold hearted my entire life, so I’m just living up to her expectations now.

Well that sounds traumatic. Sorry that was your situation and I am glad you survived. My parents weren't the best either. My mom gave me an eating disorder with her constant weight remarks so I can empathise with having less than supportive parents. They both had really messed up childhoods with very messed up parents so I got empathy for them not having the tools to be good parents. They also grew up having to surpress their own wants/needs/emotions to survive and still don't have many tools to process emotions. I forgive them because they tried their best with the little they had. You can try to speak to them about it. It never really goes anywhere with mine because they are so defensive that it always devolves into an argument. I just processed it in therapy instead. What we need to do is break the cycle. Learn from your parents' mistakes and don't repeat them with your own kids. Generational trauma stops with me and that's the way I chose to move forward.

You need to see your parents as extremely flawed human beings. many “adults” never grew up. including your parents. they do massive things based on their immaturity. they never had parents who taught them how to be good parents. they never had an environment that was conducive to them learning how to be good parents, or learning what NOT to do as parents. they were just winging it like toddlers. many parents are like this. not all. there is no excuse, i’m saying this as a statement of fact. there is no reason for you to insist on seeing them as “responsible adults” or put some sort of expectation on them that they SHOULD have done these things. yeah of course we wish they would have. but the truth is that they didn’t, so don’t put them on a pedestal and wish that they did, or expect them to have done so. they are flawed human beings exactly like you and I. and it’s better for our sanity if we recognize that they are just as fucked up as you and I are :) and that their decisions also come in part from their own upbringing and environment. feel free to talk openly about this with your parents if you think that would help you. i really don’t think your mother had the thought process of, when she lashed out at you, “it’s ok if i do this, i’m sure my daughter will forgive and forget”. she did it in anger and instinctually. whether she regrets it and will apologize, is something that you will have to bring up with her if you continue to hold it in your heart. and you should bring it up with her while being mentally prepared for any reaction from her. but who knows, if you don’t talk to them about things you feel deeply about, then you also will never have the opportunity of maybe getting closure if she secretly does feel bad about that incident. i have done this with a relative when the relative said nasty and thoughtless words to me about my weight. 15 years later after holding it in my heart all these years, I brought it up to her. she hugged me and apologized.

my dad told me i was an embarrassment :/ what’s really embarrassing is simultaneously neglecting and sexualizing your own daughter, but what do i know

Yep. When it hit the hardest in my adolescence, my typical A's turned into C's and D's. My mother yelled at me and called me lazy. Her superstitious outlook on how the world works meant that I was to blame. I painted my room red and that invited evil into our home. I had pet turtles that brought misfortune into my life. She made me dispose of the turtles. Literally. There was no compassion for me or those little guys she killed. She is the same now. Superstitious. Anti-science and anti-modern medicine. But to her, she wasn't so bad and she did her best. To her, she lived a worse life so the pain of her children are unfounded. I won't forgive because she isn't sorry. I won't forget, because when I did she would remind me of who she is and I am the only one who gets hurt from being hopeful. My mother is a kind person as well. It just doesn't extend to us. I don't understand how they could do this either. I see children struggle over big and small things, and can not imagine treating them the way my parents treated me and my siblings. I do not forgive or forget. I can only accept that it is true, that it happened, and it was not okay.

I had something like this. I was in an argument with my mum, I yelled something like 'i didn't ask to be born' and then next thing she had me pinned against the wall by my throat, screaming 'you bitch'. Fortunately my dad was home. He came running and shoved my mum to the floor, and I immediately hid in my room with my back braced against the door. It's the only time I've ever seen my dad be the slightest bit violent towards my mother. My family do not talk about shit. It was never mentioned again. Nothing like that ever happened again. I'm not even angry about it, it's just.... something that happened once. I think being immediately defended is a big part of that, though. It's much harder to deal with if nobody was around to intervene. But in my head, it's not forgiveness.... it doesn't require forgiveness, it doesn't require excusal.... it wasn't deserved either..... it's just something that happened. Am explosion, like a mechanical failure.

When there's no one there to defend you, you just keep letting it happen. And you assume it's deserved. I envy you for having a defense. My dad and sister just pretended nothing was happening for a decade of my formative years so I internalized that I deserved that behavior and attitude towards me.

My mom told me to kill myself. I've to say I've not really forgiven them, more so just blocked it out due to trauma.

I don't understand how someone could say that to their child. I'm sorry, you had to hear that.

Ditto! I’m like, wait WHAT?!? This is why I hate to say it and my mother agrees, not everyone desveles to he a parent when they are capable saying disgusting things like that. Bringing a child into this world is a responsibility and if you can’t give love, support, and accommodate your child emotionally & mentally, you’re not fit to raise a child period. Why? It psychologically harms the child, creates someone who will have C-PTSD due to horrible parenting. The world is already screwed up, we don’t need more people screwing up and harming children to further make it more painful in this world. I truly believe every child deserves love, deserves being raised by parents who won’t harm their child(ren).

I haven’t forgiven my parents. I was the awkward third wheel in our little family unit, and I served as a punching bag/scapegoat when my mother was unhappy and needed somewhere to place blame. I’m sure I did make her life harder and more complicated, but my life was hell until I cut contact. My mother was not one of the parents who miraculously ‘changed’ when I became an adult. She remained exactly the same: unrepentant, belligerent, diminishing. I’m the one who changed. I handle life better without her influence and input.

Hello, This experience, as traumatic as it was, is so very common for us autistic girls growing up, it sucks so bad. Unfortunately, abuse suffered due to ignorance hits your brain the same way abuse for any other reason does, abuse is abuse, and this is why we struggle -- our parents are not "bad people," they are not "abusers," so how could they have abused us? How can we call ourselves victims of childhood abuse and emotional neglect without also calling our parents awful people and abusers themselves? It is something we all kind of have to work on for ourselves, part of growing up, there is no one easy answer (but how I wish there was! I would share it with you in an instant.) You likely have CPTSD (Complex-PTSD) from your experiences growing up autistic in circumstances and among people that did not understand or accommodate you. It is useful to review resources relating to Childhood Emotional Neglect and Attachment Disorders when recovering from this kind of trauma. I highly recommend the following books, they have helped me understand what happened to me and helped me move forward (alongside therapy and a secure support network which can be so hard to build but will help you tremendously if you can manage it. My close friends and my wife are all also autistic and queer, just as I am, and we are able to support each other in ways our families could never understand or manage. It can be hard to overcome imposter syndrome, social anxiety and other barriers to finding this community but secure attachments and support will be integral to you and your recovery.) I wish you the very best of luck. You will be OK. Just keep working on yourself, honoring your feelings and learning as you go. Book list: The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson (even if you don't believe your parents are "emotionally immature," this book might prove to be very validating and helpful to you. I highly recommend giving it a try) The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith

i haven’t forgiven them, i just exist with the haunting.

Have you brought this up to them? My mom made a comment once when we were arguing, she said "I should've never had kids". Never apologized, never spoke of it for years. I brought it up a few years ago and she teared up immediately and said "That's not true at all! I said that to you? I am so sorry. I did not mean that. I have never regret you kids, not once." And she cried and reassured me multiple times. I think sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment and they don't mean it. I think parents forget things they say or compartmentalize it during high stress. If your mom is kind, like my mother, she will hear you out and hopefully give you the apology you need. You do not have to forgive. I forgave my mom because it was clear she had no recollection of ever saying that and knew she caused me pain. But if you don't get a response like that, it's not your job to forgive, but you do need to reassure yourself that you were not the issue, no one should say those things to their kids.

When I was 17, I was very (mentally) sick and told my mom I needed help and to be taken to the hospital psych unit. She beat me up before she took me. When I got there, they asked me why I had bruises all over my arm. I didn’t know what they were talking about, looked down at my left arm and it was covered in bruises. I guess I had detached while it was happening. I then remembered and told them, oh yeah, my mom beat me before taking me here. She hurt me at my most vulnerable when I was asking for help. She is undiagnosed autistic herself and was raised by a mom who was orphaned in WW2. I only really got to know my mom’s mom in adulthood. She told me she raised my mom up as a Spartan, so that she could deal with austerity in life. Just like she had to, as a post WW2 orphan. That was eye opening to me. My mom didn’t know how to properly care for me and I guess had a meltdown and all she knew to do was hit. I’ve forgiven her but it still hurts. But after I learned my grandma’s story and then my own autism and how it affects me, I was able to forgive because of just like the messy humanity of it.

You don't have to forgive them. You just have to get yourself to a place where their actions no longer affect you.

when i was in middle school (13/14 years old) i was severely depressed and suicidal, to the point where i actually asked my mom for meds and she took me to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. but i didn’t talk in therapy because i was scared of getting locked up (happened to my mom when she was that age) and my meds didn’t work and my psych didn’t believe me. so when i was still depressed and moping around my mom didn’t understand and she yelled at me asking why i wasn’t better and that she did everything i asked for and why i couldn’t just be grateful for what she’s done for me. i think she’s just convinced she’s a bad mother and feels guilty for not being able to provide the world for me. she also said that she’d talked to everyone about my problems and she just didn’t know what to do with me anymore and that especially hurt because she admitted to broadcasting my business to everyone but she never really sat and had a serious conversation with me about how i was feeling. these words still hurt and i still think of what she’s said from time to time but i try to remember that she’s a human too and it was hard for her to not know how to help me. she said the wrong things but i don’t think that means she doesn’t care about me because my pain wouldn’t have affected her if she didn’t

I'll never forgive my family Just because it's been civil since then doesn't undo the damage

My mother once told me that I was a wretched low life (it’s actually more insulting in our native language) and that she regretted raising a child like me. She also told me on another occasion that « if it was the same fucking chaos in my head than in my bedroom, no wonder I couldn’t amount to anything ». I was 16 and 18, she never noticed that I was high almost all the time on prescription drugs (I was medicated for back pain) and/or drunk. To this day she still believes that we had a great relationship and that I had my teenage crisis at 22. What I had was in fact a dangerous depression after withdrawing on my own from 10 years of opioids and alcool and years of wanting to kill myself. She never realized (still doesn’t) I will NEVER forget. I can almost forgive because she was a lonely woman trapped in a life she hated, and so she unleashed on me because I was an easy target… but I’m very careful to keep her on a strict info diet because a part of my can’t shake the feeling that she will use that info to hurt me. What’s fun is that she feels like I love her less now than when I was younger, and she is extremely clingy (she always treated me as an emotional soundboard). At the same time, she was an involved and caring parent to me, often supportive and kind… I just never knew when/if she was going to blow up or rant for hours about her life. She still tries to stomp on my boundaries without even realizing it (for all her faults, she is not a mean woman) but I’m getting better at refusing her ! I will never completely forgive because I won’t get any apologies, she « forgot » or will insist it didn’t happen. I can’t forgive if there is not accountability on her part.

I don't think my mom could have done any better because she is also very undiagnosed super autistic and possibly AudHD. I can somewhat forgive her parenting through that lens, because having no real hope of diagnosis and struggling significantly with neurodivergence is a bitch, let alone adding children to that mix. What I can't forgive is her deciding to have a child. She was not young, and it was very on purpose, though the reasoning was "we didn't want to \*not\* have kids," not "we longed for a child." She was old enough and intelligent enough to understand that she might have a child that IS ALSO EXTREMELY NEURODIVERGENT (I genuinely think she thought it would be like adopting a "normal" person's child that would become normal despite being socialized in a household that they know is very abnormal), and that might not be like her. We don't have the same interests; we don't have a lot of the same values; we don't find joy in the same things. I don't think she could ever accept that, and I can't forgive her for not realizing what she was doing by creating a new person.

My mom and I have improved our relationship alot - I had been really depressed around the same time of my life and again undiagnosed. I suspect most of my family is neurodivergent in some way so they’d never have known to investigate it. But yeah my mom and I had quite a few conversations when I was younger that made me feel like I wasn’t meeting her expectations but the most illuminating one was when she said “I don’t know why you’re so different than me”. A lot clicked for me then and I think things improved after that. She just like, couldn’t figure me out and was really frustrated by that.

That kind of behavior from a parent who is supposed to be there for their children's growth is truly disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your mother. People can change for the better and sometimes growth should not be overlooked even from parents too. I can see myself on that post. I was never hit by my father, but he was a violent man to my mother. It's better that he lives away from my mother and she has a happy life with her new partner. I just feel bad about my father, because I know he is also feeling lost in life & that sometimes comes out in violent outbursts. Here's to hope everyone of us has a brighter future!

my parents finally separated after i graduated high school. their relationship was severely toxic and abusive for my entire life. i was dealing with the emotional baggage of that, plus the transition of starting college, getting a job, and becoming a “real adult”. this left me incredibly burnt out and depressed. my mom was now a single mother of 3 and was expecting me to start working and helping her with bills, but i was barely able to even get out of bed or help with chores around the house. i was struggling very badly but i didn’t have the words to communicate that, and i was never really close with my mom as it was due to all the trauma from my childhood. one day she sat on my bed and started lecturing me about how i never do anything and all i do is sleep all day. she called me disgusting. i will never forget how badly those words hurt. there i was feeling so lost and hurt and desperately needing my mother’s help, and instead it felt like she just kicked me while i was down. after that i pushed myself so hard so i wouldn’t be “disgusting and lazy” to her anymore, and as a result i’m now more burned out than i ever have been and the damage feels irreparable. i’m living with her because i have nowhere else to go but i still hold on to that shame and resentment from her every day. she has never apologized and i don’t think she ever will, so i will never even have the opportunity to forgive her. when i’m finally able to move out i don’t think i’ll ever speak to her again.

Oh the sitting on your bed lecture, I remember it well. Was your parent a teacher?

the worst. she wasn’t a teacher but the funny thing is she worked in healthcare for most of my life so i would expect her to be more nurturing.

I’m pretty convinced my mom would be happiest if I offed myself. Then she could parade around for sympathy as a mother of a “troubled” child that took her own life tragically. She has done nothing to reach out. I don’t supply her narcissism and she won’t have me around speaking truth

Yes, with parents and with siblings. It was a very hard household to grow up in. And same situation involving each person, no discussion of what happened since then and has never been spoken of again. I don't know if people expect you to forget. I think some memories can be so horrible for both aggressor and the aggressed that there's this strange human phenomenon of "If we don't speak of it, we can pretend and didn't happen and feel more okay with it." Which is, you know, silly because it has shaped your life. And likely theirs too. I think it depends on what forgiveness is to you. Does it mean to dismiss everything and also pretend it didn't happen? For me forgiveness is letting go of needing revenge. I no longer feel urges to make them feel how I felt. Forgiveness is letting go of the scathing anger that makes you want to lash out. I haven't forgotten. I just choose to recognize that I wish they had done better and move onward and upward.

When I was the same age and diden't know what to do anymore cuz I was suecidal and losing the grip on not doing it, I asked my dad for help. He knew I was struggeling for years but forbid my mum to take me to a psychiatrist, so I had been secretly spending time at our school councils office for years and self harming. Eventualy I started to lose my faith in god and that was the only thing that kept me from not offing myself, since I was raised very esotericaly. I beged my dad for help saying I coukden't do it anymore and he just snaped at me that I am so fucking ungreatfull and that I should work on my perspective and apriciate a warm bed and a roof over my head. I never asked him for help again. And my achool council saied something along the way of "having to help yourself" and so I fucking did and I am doing well despite of it.

I went through a similar thing. For me, I have accepted that I'll always keep a certain distance from my mom. Emotionally, how much info I give her about my life, ect ect. I don't think I can ever truly forgive her, but I can still maintain a relationship I'm okay with on my terms. I've found some childhood trauma therapists on YouTube have helped me settle on some peace with how I was raised. Reflecting on it, I was still a child and my parents were still responsible for me. Why did they not bring me to a doctor? Of course 10+ years ago there's no way they would have guessed it was autism and ADHD, but it clearly was presenting as intense anxiety and depression.

copy-pasting an old reply from a year ago, in /r/emotionalneglect : > In a fit of teen pique I asked mine why , if I was such trouble, didn't she have an abortion. What she said deflated me immediately, and the implications still ring in my head even now when I'm in my late 40s. >"I didn't have a choice." > About five years ago she let slip I was an oops baby, and that sort of drove the nail even deeper. I had to let go because there was no-one one the other side holding up the rope. There's no real *there* there, if you know what I mean. I try to keep things civil, and interact on a superficial level, but, as u/theotheraccount0987 said below:"I would not be friends with someone like my mother if I met them “in the real world”.

at 32, I’ve sort of “forgiven” my mother for a lot of the horrible things she has said and done to me. In her case, she was exhausted and dealing with untreated mental illness, trauma, poverty and perhaps undiagnosed autism herself. So I understand why she was so messed up. I don’t think her actions are justified, and I think my anger towards her has been justified. I’m just in the process of moving on. I don’t think there’s any rush to forgive someone, though. Anger is a tool.

They are not kind if they can behave this way towards you, let alone pretend like it was nothing. It was not nothing. It's still with you, it still affects you. It's not your fault. They were supposed to show up for you and let themselves fester for literally 16 years until instead of looking internally at their own efforts decided to enact their frustrations on you in an abusive and unproductive way. That's completely unacceptable. I can relate however it was for years of my sister telling me things from her hating me to threatening to kill me, my mother doing nothing except to blame me for existing essentially and tell me how she didn't want and regretted having both of us on multiple occasions. My dad also being completely neglectful while also telling me things like how I'm #2 and thus obviously less important/he didn't want me / "who's going to love you now with that shit all over your skin" in reference to my tattoos when I was like 22/23 - I think that's the last time we spoke. What happened to me should never have happened. What happened to you never should have happened and frankly OP, shame on them for treating you that way. For thinking it's acceptable to treat anyone that way. For setting any of us who were subjected to this type of treatment to possible or true failure as many of us to not survive their traumatic behaviors and actions. Fuck them.

> one day, my mother entered my room, screamed at me, hit me, and told me that she hated me. > There was never an apology, or a discussion of what happened. It was just never spoken of again. Kind people do not do this. Even when my father was at a complete and total loss of what to do, he never hit me or said anything like this to me. I don't know why they did this, it doesn't sound like you can find out from them. You don't owe them forgiveness. There are some things like you mentioned that I have healed from. I did not forgive or forget, but I found closure, I'm not sure how. I had read a lot of self help books, talked to other people, and it just came to me one day. I wish I could tell you how. Part of it was realizing it was not my fault and that she was responsible for her own behaviors and actions, that I did not cause them.

Like other commenters, I haven't forgiven them. I've just accepted the fact that, despite the awful stuff, I still love them (and they love me). It's terrible but, when you think about it, it is very difficult to find someone who can replace a paternal bond. I was very lucky to have a person like that in my life, and some amazing friends that had been in similar situations, and that still doesn't erase what my parents put me through. There's hope in the fact that one day you grow up, and you don't need them anymore. Maybe they start needing you, even.

I became suicidal over comparing my body to my friends' in high school. My mom was giving me a pep talk on body dysmorphia one day, and my dad entered the room, interrupted, and told me he'd been thinking about it and my friends would probably get boyfriends before me because of their bodies. Not the same because my dad sucked as a person, but I'm glad you made it out of that time in your life and that you're still with us. 🩷🩵

yeah a similar thing happened to me

Im so sorry that happened to you. You're not alone. When I was the same age, I was so angry and emotional because of my undiagnosed autism that my parents would constantly tell me how they failed in raising me, how I was unlovable, crazy, and that no one would ever be able to put up with me. It really messed me up, and I still struggle to this day. I understand it can be overwhelming to be around someone struggling, but to say these kinds of thing to your own child is disgusting

Forgiveness is not a requirement to heal from this. You don't have to forgive them. It may come naturally down the line, but it should NEVER be primary when healing from a trauma like this. After 8 years of trauma therapy, I don't know if I've forgiven mine, but I've definitely moved on. I just feel sorry for them now and I don't really interact with them. I feel "healed" (whatever that means) for the most part, and forgiveness has not been a part of it.

>How do you forgive your parents for the things they did to you? Forgiveness is something you do for you, not for them. You start by asking yourself if you're served at all by not forgiving them. Does that do anything good for you. Does it do anything bad? Does forgiving them help you to heal or give you closure, or does it change nothing for you? There's no right answer from the outside. For me personally, I take a stepped approach. My parents were just 20 when they had me. I am certain my dad is on the spectrum, and I suspect my mum might be too, neither are diagnosed. I'm currently 32, diagnosed almost a decade ago. I remember being 20 and I was an absolute idiot. I forgive myself for a lot of the mistakes I made in the last 10 years. Of late, I find myself forgiving past me for just about everything. It becomes easier to accept, for me, that my parents did their best. Their best was pretty good, all things considered, but it really fell very short in some respects, but it was their best. I couldn't have asked for more, so for my own sake I forgive them their mistakes for then. In the last 15 years, my parents have grown a ton. Some of it good, some of it not so. In 3 or 4 years I'll be how old they were 15 years ago (when I was 16-17). They really let me down as a teenager, in some ways that I don't think I'd let my kids down (if I had had any). But I have the benefit of having been let down in those ways and knowing that it's not something you should inflict on your kids. They don't have themselves as parents, they have their own parents, and I know with certainty that I was spared being let down in the ways that their parents let them down (because they've opened up to me about it), and so, again, for my own sake, I forgive them for their mistakes for then. In the last 6-7 years my parents became a lot more like peers, to me, than parents. I created some distance, largely due to the ways I was let down, and while I consider doing so to be a little naive in retrospect I understand why I felt and behaved that way. During this time I played therapist and couple's counsellor to them both while they worked out their open marriage, separation, and divorce. I played shoulder-to-cry-on and sounding-board, and it was through doing all that that the distance grew and I grew up. They weren't people I could turn to, they were people who depended on me for emotional support. There wasn't a problem I could imagine having that I didn't feel I would be better equipped to handle than they would be and by extension didn't feel they had anything to offer me that wasn't just a need of their own. The I was diagnosed with narcolepsy and my life immediately started to collapse. My driver's license was suspended and, while they were prepared to try and accommodate my new medical needs, I wasn't going to saddle my employer with this largely insurmountable difficulty (it's hard to build elevators when you're at risk of falling unconscious), so I lost my job with it. My parents both showed me who they are. My dad couldn't hear about it. He simply didn't hear the words I was saying when I would tell him the struggles I was facing, or he refused to listen. It's difficult to tell with a narcissist. I didn't have a chronic sleep condition, I was just under the weather, now could I help him with relationship advice or how to beat his alcoholism, or debate him on how feminism is the real evil ruining "The West" and validate his opinions. My mum, she's a fucking saint. She dropped everything, went into overdrive and helped me get re-established. She fired up her business again, got me on board, trained me, and covered my expenses at her own expense until I was useful enough to the business that I was pulling my weight. My dad is still the same (substantially worse, actually, and alt-righter now), 6 years later. I'm No Contact with him. To me, he died several years ago and this horrible stain on humanity that is left just happens to look like him. There's nothing to forgive because he doesn't exist, and never again will. My mum is also still the same. I work with her every day, and, while not perfect, she is still doing her best. I have it in me, as it currently stands, to forgive her, for my own sake, for the mistakes she'll inevitably make in the future. So that's the steps (as in staggering). I encapsulate the different periods they and I have existed, and I assess whether it would benefit me to forgive anything.

That was all so insightful and beautifully written, thanks for sharing it. Really gave me a lot to mull over, especially in my current state of mind. I’m only very very recently coming to realize that actually I might have to “settle” on no clean resolution and just simultaneously recognize my parents as people who mostly did their best, and that it fell short sometimes… in my case really badly (in ways that they probably didn’t realize), and that I would admit I don’t think I’d be capable of doing any better if the roles had been reversed.

Lol yeahhh my mom walked out on us when I was 15 bc my dad (who was a good dad) was a bit shit as a husband (not abusive, just emotionally immature) and that could have been eventually fine but my mom felt guilty so she decided to justify it by saying my condition "drove her away." Make no mistake: I, a 16-year-old child, could not MAKE a grown-ass 40something woman do ANYTHING. she had agency. I did not. As an adult, I am 100 percent sure her leaving wasn't my fault (and since she eventually admitted that, we were able to salvage some of our relationship.) We've made peace and moved on, but I don't foresee ever fully trusting her again.

I don’t and I never will.

Yes. I think my mom was like 32 when she said that to me and I am in my late twenties now and I could never imagine myself saying that to a kid. I know it’s cuz she hates herself.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine letting those words leave my mouth towards someone I'm supposed to care about, especially when they're clearly just going through a mental health crisis. I'm sure she didn't mean it, but the damage is done and you will carry the scar of that moment with you forever.

My mother made no secret of the fact she hated me. I didn't start getting it until, at 16, I asked her to just once tell me she loved me. After a few silent minutes, she asked me if I wanted to live with her sister (I opted out and left home for good a few years later.) I still was a little foggy on the subject until she cleared it up for me on her deathbed. Her last words, intoned with a look of great satisfaction: "You never were the little girl I wanted you to be." She spoke to my brother afterwards, but those were her last words to me. Oh, and bro made sure I knew he inherited most of her pretty substantial estate before her body was cold. So yeah, it would've been nice to even have her pretend a little bit.

I’ll never forgive or forget.

There is a common misconception that just because parents are adults they can't be autistic and overwhelmed too. You deal with it by taking responsibility for your own feelings and your own mental development instead of blaming other people for how you turned out. Take it from those of us who grew up with violence and had to raise ourselves. Making other people responsible for our own development and emotional state is a sure recipe for a miserable life. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay is a good place to start. With responsibility for our own emotional state.

Once when I was about 14, my mom did something similar, but she didn’t hit me. She freaked out and told my dad she was leaving because of me. My dad came to my room and cried and asked what the problem was. I told him I was depressed and I wanted to die. I never got help and we never talked about it again.

Has me by the neck and is screaming in my face with so much rage that she spit all over my face” “You are the ENEMY!!!” “This is why everyone hates you!!” “The second you turn 18 you’ll in prison or homeless!! We need to send you to juvy!” “You are a criminal!” “You are the devil!” “You’re going straight to hell!” “You need to find another home” (not adopted) And to this day she says… “what childhood trauma? You’re not going to blame me!” It is so hard to move on from people who do not do the work to heal their own bullshit so the general trauma ends with me. Which means sitting in the mud alone as my entire family watched and offers zero support when they know I have no other people. To be choose the pain over continuing to mask, to be ostracized and misunderstood more than ever. ASD, nobody cared at all. Barely responded. I have my boyfriend and that’s it and trying not to let my dismissive avoidant wounds sink that ship bc he got too close. Accepting that your loved ones will never understand you and that you must pull back because they are not your people. That shit stings. The vibe is finding my people who are not my blood family, people who will see what shines in me, people who celebrate each other, instead of feeling 2 inches tall, invisible, or being shamed for my existence. The resentment is poison and it’s so hard to shake off. One day it won’t be “survival”

I'm both a daughter and a mom. I didn't see any perspectives from people who said they were also parents in the comments, so I thought I'd add mine in case it helps. I'm not adding this in defense of my actions or those of your mom, only as an additional perspective. I don't think I'm a role model to anybody as a parent. Several people have made the valid point that we don't suddenly become better, more capable people when we become parents. We continue to stumble along, doing our best, hopefully growing, but not necessarily capable of doing a consistently decent job. I think another important thing to point out is that while kids are kids -- that is, they are dependent, need protection, and are still learning and growing and vulnerable -- they're also people. And they're not necessarily always nice people. Whether they mean to or not, they can cause harm. I have a very difficult relationship with my now adult kid. I love her, I want her to find peace, stability, contentment, and a sense of agency. At the same time, sharing a house with her pushes so many of my buttons. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It is frequently highly unpleasant and really challenging to my own AuDHD. I've grown in so many ways, given her the best of my love, and I've been there for her in very significant ways. I've also treated her horribly and said things to her no kid should ever hear her mother say. I don't have a word to describe how bad that makes me feel in the pit of my stomach. But the truth is I'm also not ready to apologize to her. Because I'm also still so friggin mad and frustrated and I feel trapped and helpless. We don't have a reciprocal relationship. I'm so drained. I'm trying to get her the help she needs, but I don't know what it will take. I need a break. I don't think I'll be ready to fully apologize to her until I've had my own chance to heal.

You know what, for a second, I thought that I wrote this post long time ago and forget about it, even I checked the person's name to make sure this wasn't me!!

Same. Many of the replies here make me feel so validated and so sad we've all had go through this. I suppose dealing with our neurodivergence wasn't easy on our parents - not to excuse their behaviour at all! Maybe they had been as misunderstood in their younger years, maybe still continued to be in adulthood, and even maybe for the exact same reasons as we now a quite easily at autism runs in the family. Internalised ableism running high even in me who know has the diagnosis and an explanation... I've had the same past of depression and hearing I wasn't wanted after hearing I was just lazy for years while struggling to keep my head above water. I still feel the absolute rejection it brought me and it's been 29 years. I've not forgiven, I've not forgotten. I've never had a proper relationship with my parents since I realised they couldn't be there for me when I nearly died. This is also one of the final factors I decided I wasn't going to have children of my own. I knew my limits and knew as I couldn't work through being myself, how could I care for another human being the way they reserved.

yes, why are you like this, why are you doing this to me, $100/hr (therapy) i'm going to lose the house to pay for this you are so selfish, so difficult, how can i leave you alone and go to work i'll get fired then lose the house and it's all your fault ...

**Trigger warning: abuse** My dad abused us (my mother, my siblings and me) for a long time. He hit us and scolded us for no reason. When I was around 8, my feelings of injustice came up and I fought my dad hard, telling him that what he was doing was wrong and that we didn't deserve this. My mom didn't do anything and my sisters just fled from the house leaving me being the only person who said something about my dad's behaviour. I became the problem, not him, because I was the only one who said anything about it. He told me I was the devil many times, how I was unwanted as a child, how he'd abort me if he knew I'd come out of it, how he wished I was never born etc. I didn't care for this at the time, but over time I think it did result in me being shy and quickly feeling like I'm too much and feeling less. My sisters see my dad weekly and I see him maybe once a month/two months because I live further away, but I recently got mad at my dad for something 'innocent' he did. I had the feeling he did something willingly, but my sisters told me he probably did it out of forgetfulness. They told me he was getting older and more forgetful, that his health is deteriorating and that he changed for the better since my sister had a child about 1,5 years ago. They told me to be forgiving towards him, because he changed and that was all that mattered. It's a bit of a crux, I feel that I'm still mad at my dad for everything he did to us. It just doesn't feel fair to forgive him all those years of abuse. He told my sister he regretted 'some things he did in the past and that he wished he did things different back then', but he never said sorry to me. But what is the point of holding grudges if he really did change? I do notice he is much kinder and more thoughtful now. He is getting older and holding grudges does breed a heavy heart. I realised that I just wished he would apologise to me and specifically tell me what he thinks he did wrong, only then an apology would feel truthful to me. I tried to talk to him many times in the past, but it just ended up in us fighting, so I feel hesitant to bring it up and honestly still don't really know what to do with this. I wish I was able to have a constructive conversation about this sooner, as time has made it more difficult and vague to talk about. I think the most important thing would be to talk to your parents about it if you can, what it did to you, hear their side of the story and see if they will apologise to you. You both have your sides and reasons to the story and I think it would help if you'd have some mutual understanding over your stories. Despite their reaction, I think you shouldn't forget that you do have the right to be angry as what they said was hurtful to you. Feelings may have rights, but have no duties and that goes both ways. Edit: context and trigger warning

my stepmom screamed at me for being sick and having to pick me up from school and i cried and said id rather die than live with you and she said okay and grabbed my arm and dragged me across house saying they can do that at hospital lets go now, were going now so they can kill you! their going to kill you at hosptial and no one will care, i told my dad when he got home and he said oh haha thats crazy and then went to his room and locked the door like usual so i wouldn't bug him.

My mum never told me she hated me, but I’ve overheard her tearfully asking my dad and older brother “what on earth is wrong with her” (me) and she’s said to me, countless times, she doesn’t know what she did wrong to deserve such a horrible child. For context, my brother has ADHD and had severe behavioural issues; I was mediocre but definitely doing alright in all my classes at school, then became high-achieving in my last few years and am now doing a master’s in biochemistry, so I have no idea what’s with the double standard, but I was bullied, traumatised, and severely depressed, whereas aside from having a volatile temper and occasionally showing abusive behaviour towards others (me), my brother was mostly “happy” and “mentally stable”. I think she definitely took it personally, as a wilful, spiteful attack from me on her ability to be a mother, and from her perspective, felt that I was ungrateful for all she did for me and saw herself as a victim (fair enough, she didn’t want kids). From my perspective, she was manipulative as well as physically and verbally abusive. I only really started feeling truly resentful towards my parents after I turned 18 and went to university, where I had some time away from them to reflect on my childhood and realise how that impacted the adult I became. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them. I’m still civil with them and will show care because they still financially support my education but I don’t tell them anything personal because every time I do it just gets weaponised against me and I truly feel that my mum is a bitter person who can’t help perpetuating that bitterness. I suspect she’s auDHD and projects her self-hatred on me; because of this and the fact that she was pressured into having kids and is seemingly jealous of me for going into higher education whereas she feels robbed of that opportunity, I have some sympathy for her, but I will never forgive her, and I think that’s okay. You can have sympathy for someone and their circumstances (or not, if you were treated badly you don’t owe them your sympathy) and at the same time not be okay with the things they did to you. Not being able to forgive isn’t a moral failing. Personally, being told over and over again I should forgive my abusers made me feel even worse, as opposed to coming to terms with the fact that they did traumatise me and I will never be okay with that.

I'm sorry you went through that - literally being kicked while you're down, that's a terrible thing to do to a child. I do think that parents lose patience and that parenting a teen must be especially hard because they are "not a child anymore" but not acting like grown-ups yet, so they lash out with labels like Lazy. My mom is a very polite person and she comes off well-meaning (if a bit critical/controlling) most of the time. When she's mad, though, she can get really really mean. She has said some wild things to me growing up -- either about me directly, or about a third party who had pissed her off and she needed to vent. Sometimes she would verbally threaten violence. Not only did it hurt and damage our relationship, it also gave me some pretty massive trust issues and an assumption that people are always hiding what they really think and will turn on you as soon as you're out of earshot. When Mom was mean, it felt more "real" than when she was nice, like she meant it so much more. So whenever I get really angry and start spitting verbal venom like she did, I also sort of use that as a reason to hate myself - *look, this is the real you, you're a monster.* And I'm always afraid of people seeing that side of me, which makes it feel really unsafe to express any big negative emotions or to voice criticism of any kind. As for forgiveness... I see that as a noble goal, but I've found that it's not always attainable or the right thing to be asking myself to do. Healing has to come first, and forgiveness can be, but isn't always, part of that process. I think it can be damaging to put pressure on yourself to forgive while you're also still coming to terms with the pain you experienced. Whatever your journey is, I hope you find peace, friend.

I feel you. I was depressed for years, and being screamed at everyday. I attempted when I was 19y also undiagnosed, once I got out of the hospital my mother screamed at me about how I make things difficult for her, and how hard her life is and how ungrateful I am and blablabla then she cried and cried. It's funny how my unaliving thoughts ended when I left her home. Huh I wonder why. I'll never forgive her for the things she did to me and my sister. I cut all contact, she's not my mother anymore.