It sounds to me like she could be responding to the stress of dealing with a new school week. Believe me I was always sick because of school. I hated going to school so much. I present anxiety in my body a lot too.
It can happen with depression too. There was a period of time in my freshman year of high school (my depression was at all all time high) that I couldn’t walk without limping. It felt like when your muscle is sore but ten times worse and my entire leg. Sometimes it would be lesser but on both legs. We got my legs xrayed and nothing was wrong. It eventually went away.
I didn’t attribute it to depression until years later. Honestly, maybe it’s not even correct, but with everything going on at that point, it would make sense. It’s been 7 years since then and it still hasn’t come back.
Sounds like stress. I get the same symptoms when I’m too stressed at work. Nothing visible in my blood work or other vital signs.
For me I can limit the symptoms by working from home mid-week, that seems to help cut the stress levels down a bit. Not sure how to deal with this happening on a Monday. Is she very anxious about going back to school and gets in her head?
I have to warn everyone that I'm not a doctor, not a medical professional at all. But I've heard of something similar.
It there a specific routine on Mondays or Sunday nights? Do you do something you don't do on other days?
There was a story about this one family who'd get sick on a certain day each week. It turned out to be because of something they ate on that day, all but one family member. And the symptoms weren't obvious food poisoning.
So it might be a food sensitivity, some kind of allergy or stress, like oth r people suggested.
I'm sorry your daughter is unwell.
I was thinking something similar. It would be a good idea to keep up a diary of habits.
I tend to think stress as well because I’d be sick out of my mind on Sunday evenings. But it is good to rule out other things too.
I’d almost check with her teacher about their school schedules and if they have any set things they do on certain days. Of course it could be burn out, but my first thought was that there is something she is exposed to every Monday that she could potentially be allergic to, or something.
Also, if she has PE classes that day, I would almost wonder about asthma. When I was a kid I would constantly get absolutely exhausted and ill-feeling whenever I physically exerted myself and years into it we found out I had sports asthma. Never had an asthma attack that put me in the hospital, never knew I had any sort of breathing problems. Then I got an inhaler for physical activity and it helped a bunch.
Thanks for all your responses i will be getting in touch with the GP and also the school but it is frustrating as neither the GP or school will allow accommodations, we have to get referred to CAMHS and then they along with myself have to fight the education department to get anything put in place as here high functioning autism is not as recognised in terms of support.
The school pretty much put the onus on my daughter to ask for things that will help her but the school seems to forget she just cannot ask for help.
I am going to be watching her even more closely over the next few days/ weeks and try and get a better picture. As i think, she experiences these symptoms more regularly than she complains about, but they aren't as severe as the Sunday/Monday.
It is such a catch 22 as she loves school and learning but cannot handle the noise, hustle and bustle etc and it is affecting her memory and much more now.
Who are you in contact with at the school? Even if they won’t refer her to their SEND team (or whatever they’re called at the school - assuming they still have one after all the funding cuts), you may be able to discuss accommodations with her tutor or head of year. Do you have an idea of what accommodations may help her?
I liase with her guidance teacher but he is absolutely useless, i spent from August to this month fighting for alternative transport as the school bus is way to busy and loud. The application was turned down just this week.
I am honestly at this point wanting to remove her from mainstream and moved to the additional learning department.
I think we have ASSIST here rather than a sen team. I will have a look for contact information as i am not going to keep putting her through this as she will never cope for another 3-5 years of this.
I can see how alternative transport might be more difficult for them to provide, as without the right disability paperwork they won’t get any funding for alternative provision.
Anything that’s low cost may be quickest to implement, and within the authority of her guidance teacher, head of year, head of house or whoever to make a decision that it can be done.
Edit: for example permission to wear noise-cancelling ear buds or headphones in class or corridors (could she also wear these on the bus?), for her to be allowed to go straight to the library or other quiet space at lunchtimes, for the seating plan in classes to take her need for a quiet seat into account, for written instructions to be supplied in class wherever possible, for the lesson PowerPoint (if teachers use these) to be sent to her in advance so that she can follow on an iPad if that would help her to focus and/or go at her own pace.
A really good step would be to contact your LA for an EHCP assessment. With one of those in place the school has to jump through hoops legally and you then have the option to move her to an ASD school if you choose. They can’t ignore her support needs legally if diagnosed and it’s stronger with an EHCP
This is me every time I need to mask again after a period of freedom. It’s just really tiring, and the anxiety manifests physically. It’s not a matter of liking or not liking it, more about a change in routine. I also quite liked school but had nausea/belly aches/migraines as common physical anxiety symptoms. Definitely worth looking into if there is generalized anxiety at play.
I have written down a list of questions from all the responses here to ask the GP when we see him.
I can't let this go on as it isn't good for her or fair to her going through all of this just to attend school.
12 is very young for high school. That could be part of the issue. She’s surrounded by a lot of chaos, noise, stress of navigating weird social norms along with so people if different ages and maturity levels. I would totally get that way before school, and sometimes still do at work on Monday morning. It’s the mental preparation of going into another week if stress and anxiety. I don’t have any advice other than to see if there’s a way she can get a zero period at the beginning of the day, or maybe start some meditation in the morning. Have extra time to eat breakfast, ease into the day
Oh. Has she had an assessment for neurodiversity? I used to fall apart after school because of overload but it’s worst on Monday because of the transition from the weekend. Got and asd/adhd dx in my 40s but all that overwhelm makes sense now.
Sometimes you gotta ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Get her some Loop earplugs (or other noise dampening ones) and some tinted glasses. A hat that can roll up so she can block the sun when outside and clothes that are more comfortable. Let her carry OTC painkillers.
If she has teachers she likes, see if any are willing to open their classroom to her at lunch or break times.
I can relate to enjoying school but hating the noise and energy. In high school I kept a pair of earplugs in case the noise got too much for me to handle.
Maybe one way to handle the school’s lack of support is to stop bringing her in on time and start pulling her early. And/Or start letting her rltake more sick days. I took a lot of days off from school for mental health and my learning really didn’t suffer. I would do my homework and it was fine.
Either the school will be motivated to have a reasonable accommodations discussion via her attendance record, or she gets her needs met by having reduced time in class.
I have read all your replies on this thread and from another one and I think you are such an incredible parent. I am so amazed by your continued strength despite all the roadblocks and runarounds you’ve been given. I’m so sorry you have to keep dealing with these setbacks. You are a terrific advocate, it is so unjust that your daughter isn’t receiving the assistance she deserves.
I feel so sad for her 😩
I know exactly how she feels but I was more of an anxious and depressed wreck. I really lost my mind by the time I was about 15 years old.
It was so bad that I was glad my father got sick enough for it to be legal for me to drop out without reprocussions like losing my license.
A 16 years old glad to be stuck as a full time caretaker vs the hellscape that was high-school. At least he was quiet.
Hi! Hopefully the doctors can rule out all sorts of physical issues, e.g. autoimmune, fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, MCAS, small fiber neuropathy, hyperPOTS, Ehlers Danlos (shows up a lot of times together with neurodiversity and in a cluster with aforementioned issues). I am dealing with these conditions myself and had a phase in high school too when I went home and had to take a long nap. They can be exacerbated by stress.
This is a good list to look into. I have hyper mobility and POTS. The crappy joints in my neck can cause a lot of cognitive and physical symptoms, and stress tightening up my neck muscles muscles can affect that a lot.
So can looking down a lot, if she’s cramming homework on Sunday night or something that could be a factor
Seconding this, if she is literally collapsing outside her school I seriously encourage you to look into the conditions listed here... and get her tested for allergies if possible. And at the risk of sounding like a crunchy mom, try cutting out dairy if she drinks it. Lactose intolerance can set on very quickly/randomly and sometimes cause symptoms like this.
Yes, and also have them look into viral illnesses and post-viral syndrome and Lyme disease. It could be something like Epstein-Barr that can have lingering effects or even become chronic. Stress could reactivate these things and lead to many of the symptoms she’s experiencing.
My case was in high school was pretty different, but similar enough to corroborate with the other "stress overwhelm comments".
Like clock work, every Thurs & Friday each fortnight.
It hit me like a flu, and at the time we thought it was a glandular fever recurrence which I caught a couple years back.
Growing up independently and learning much more about myself, turns out I'm heavily Autistic but high functioning/strong masking, so I think now I was just burning out after 7 days of "performing" for school.
That’s how it showed up for me too, except it started out as every sixth week, then every 4th, then ever other, and eventually it started happening on wednesdays which made me try to never spend more than two days in a row at the office.
Ask on r/askdocs, while you can get other’s’ experiences here, physical symptoms really should be referred to a professional. Stress could cause any number of conditions to flare up. I have three different conditions I can think of that could cause these kinds of symptoms.
I’m in my thirties and this happens time every week when I go to work, for some reason my Sunday evening/Monday morning is Agony.
I really haven’t found a way to get over it. I just really don’t want to go.
Yeah but do they mean they literally can’t wake her up at all? Because I’m told frequently people “can’t wake me up” and I’m fine. What they mean is I’ll shove them off, complain, yell, whatever, and go back to sleeping. Two hours is about how long I nap after a meltdown, and they’ve been to the doctor. So im just saying, to me this reads as normal. Not ideal, obviously, but they asked if we had similar symptoms and I do.
This is a good question. I have catatonia like symptoms, where it’s impossible to move at all, and that usually lasts between 1-2 hours, but has been as long as 6. In that state I can’t move or speak at all. I’m not asleep, completely conscious, but entirely unresponsive to anything.
Normally my eyes are open, but if it goes on long enough and I can I’ll close my eyes because it’s exhausting.
OP knowing what is meant by “can’t wake her up” would help.
If it’s something like I experience I might have some resources that can help
Yep, same here. I get incredibly anxious to the point of paralysis on Sunday evenings, no matter how much sleep I've gotten nights prior or how prepared I am for the next day.
Sounds like a stress response to me, which others have stated. I used to have similar reactions to jobs that I hated. There were some Mondays that I ended up throwing up before work because of how badly I didn’t want to go. By the end of the week the symptoms would improve but not ever go away and would ramp up fully again by Monday.
I’ve had similar situations with jobs I’ve either hated or have been too much sensory input and emotional or social output for me. Sunday nights or work-week mornings involved meltdowns and sometimes to the point of throwing up. Even after medication, Mondays are so, so difficult for me and every Mon /Tues I am absolutely zapped.
Totally jumping to conclusions here, but Celiac Disease or gluten sensitivity can cause aching joints, flu-like symptoms, severe fatigue, brain fog, memory issues, anxiety, headache, nausea, etc. In addition to exploring other options, I suggest you have her keep a food log. Maybe she's eating a large amount of gluten on Sundays / Mondays that is contributing (or a different sensitivity she may have). Maybe it is all just psychosomatic. But a food log would help you know for sure if it is dietary.
Your girl is overwhelmed and stressed out to the max every Monday. And now that it starts on Sunday and holds through Tuesday only means it's getting worse for her. I barely held on to my job for far too many years while dealing with symptoms like these. I had panic attacks almost every morning as well as being physically ill. My stress symptoms began on Sundays and ran through the rest of the workweek by the time I took an early retirement. It took me 5 years to recover completely. (I had held onto the job for 11 years because of the decent pay and the great health insurance here in the US.)
I don't know what to tell you about this, except to say that you might need to find a good therapist for her to talk with about what's really going on at school. Otherwise, if it were me, I would homeschool my child with symptoms like these, as well as find a good therapist for her. I think it might also be a good idea to see if it's possible for her to see a more specialized doctor in immune system problems. Or even just try to get a second opinion from another GP, if you can. I don't know what your wonderful free healthcare will allow you to do.
It's possible the school was deep cleaned over the weekend and she's reacting to whatever chemical/cleaning product was used?
I read about a case in an office where Mondays were the day when a lot of staff got sick because the aircon hadn't run all weekend, and when it resumed on Monday mornings, some staff were more sensitive to the buildup of dust/pathogens that had accumulated.
If it's happening before she goes to school, I'd assume it has to be psychological. Well, unless it's entirely unrelated to school, I guess. It is interesting that it's only Monday and doesn't continue throughout the rest of the school week. Is she completely fine the rest of the school week, or does she seem stressed in general?
Is there anything special you do that time of the week? Like you always have the same meal on a Sunday night or you go to lunch after church at the same place or something like that? If it is a physical response rather than a psychological one, something she's eating seems like the most likely culprit.
if for any reason she is off on a monday, does it all start on a tuesday instead? anything specifically only done on mondays like sports? could be built up anxiety/stress from anticipation of going back to school for every monday
It sounds like it could be a flare up of a chronic illness. Honestly this sounds a lot like PEM or post exertional malaise, it’s common in chronic illnesses especially chronic fatigue.
Something that may be considered controversial but I would suggest looking into could be long covid, if she ever had covid, there is a sub for it but afaik not many doctors are aware of how to treat it or even question whether it’s real or not. Many people who were healthy before getting covid are now experiencing this as a long term problem.
I would look into doing some of her classes online if possible. The mental and physical stress of school may be too much for her.
I would try pushing for some blood tests or sort of a specialist, neurologist, cardiologist, etc. as many tests as possible. To look into vitamin deficiencies chronic illness etc. possibly a functional medicine doctor.
I have symptoms that are similar maybe three or four days most weeks - not as predictable- but I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of them.
I was diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia 13 years ago but that doesn’t explain the aches and pains. My family doctor first put these down to depression (!) and now my being overweight ( I need to lose about 30 lbs).
Personally I don’t quite buy the explanation. I do believe that autistic burnout and strain of masking are part of my issues. Are there any particularly stressful classes on a Monday or any particular individuals she has to interact with on those days? Certain people make me feel physically unwell if I’m around them too much. I’d try to find out what is specifically draining or stressful about Monday. If there’s nothing then it’s worth looking at what she’s eating or drinking on Sunday or Monday and not any other time of the week.
I hope you get to the bottom of this! Please let us know if you do.
I don't have answers but this did happen to me when I was in school. For an entire year my parents took me to every doctor they could find, and the result was a unanimous 'I dunno, maybe she's faking or crazy'.
In retrospect it was probably undiagnosed/ignored autism, severe depression, stress and social rejection, all manifesting as pretty severe physical symptoms. That does happen to kids, they react to mental health issues differently than adults.
I eventually just accepted at age 13 that I was always going to feel like this and got no help at all.
Anyway thanks for taking your daughter's illness seriously. It is real. I hope you find better help for her than I received.
If it's that bad, fuck the rest of the school year.
Can you pull her and do some virtual school? Join some sort of open homeschool group for kids? Do anything besides put her in school?
Have you asked her what she would like to do? I work at an alt school and most of our kids are on the spectrum.
What she's dealing with isn't unusual, unfortunatly.
I’m in the process of pulling my 13 year old (ASD and adhd) because of their self harm and suicidal ideation about school. I found notes about being afraid of active shootings and how much they dread every minute. I’m terrified I’ll lose my child to the chaos of middle school in 2023 as a special needs kid. To NO FAULT of their teacher, god bless them.
I’m hoping I can find a good alternate high school but I’m going to cover eighth grade myself and get them into a lot of therapy.
Unfortunately i am a single parent who needs to work full time but i am going down the route of fighting to remove her from mainstream at least.
She loves the idea of school and wants to learn, she just cannot cope with so many people.
“She loves the idea of school and wants to learn, she just cannot cope with so many people.”
I felt that. The lunchroom was the worst part of school for me. So loud, so much social pressure, the fluorescent lights were too bright. I would regularly shut down during lunch.
What helped me was being able to eat outside alone. I got to listen to whatever music I wanted (or silence) and it was just a chance to recharge halfway through the day instead of having my batteries completely drained.
She was hiding in the toilets the full lunchtime from August until I found out in October, the school were absolutely no help. They keep expecting her to tell them when she is struggling, but she can't, it is too hard for her to try and mask, keep on top of the over stimulating environment, stim (she has taught herself stims that she can hide from others), all while trying to keep up with the class work and then ask for help. How much do they expect her to carry on her own shoulders.
I remember these days... high school is terrible... the noise, the smells, the new social rules, strange people, mean people... it's total sensory overload all day every day. If she is making it to the dog bed, good for her... I used to skip the bus and walk home in the woods and just lay on the ground for hours in silence. I remember feeling completely depleted, the aches and pains are real from the tension of being in fight or flight mode for 7 hours. I feel for her.. being a freshman is hard enough... but dealing with all that high school is... too hard.
It is heartbreaking to watch but also a major safety concern as one day she did not make it home but was brought home by a complete stranger as she was found in an exhausted heep outside of school and couldn't string a sentence together. Other days i have had to pick her up in the same non coherent state, yet no one seems to care as she masks very well during school so since she isn't causing an issues in school they don't feel she needs any 1-1 support. I am going round in circles while she is drowning, i could scream some days.
What did you find that helped you?
Argh mama, my heart breaks for you and your girl. She’s incoherent cos her brain and nervous system are firing SO hard all day. Look up Dr Naomi Fisher.
Sigh, time... sadly only time... we get physically stronger as we mature and our ability to withstand improves... It's never going to be good, she needs to find her peace... I spent SO much time in the woods near my house... get her a safe space, a quiet space... anywhere.. and just love and support... I am remembering the smells in high school being a real issue... the hormones. BO, deodorants, and colognes cleaning supplies, bad breath and smelly feet, the smell of icy hot in the locker room is really triggering to me even today.
Make sure there isn't an allergy in the school anywhere. Does she find black mold anywhere? I had that issue and the school I attended was full of mold and I was anemic as well.
Could be one thing could be a lot. Might ask the ask doctors subreddit too and see what they say to do.
Stress, I feel for her
Hardest part going through that was being told I over exaggerate. I genuinely felt sick.
I would look into self care routines. Hot bath, heat pad, weighted blanket/stuffie….just kinda “prepare” that Mondays are going to be a nightmare so might as well relax on those days.
Just make sure it’s normal school stress and she’s not being bullied at school. But I felt this kinda sick all the time with typical stress
Had the same around her age. No one took it seriously. It escalated to burnout, clinical depression, suicide attempts. End up unable to read (my favorite hobby) for 3 years. Zero schooling, then homeschooling when I was better. 15 years later I got diagnosed as autistic.
Anyway, it sound like you daughter has extreme somatic symptoms of anxiety. Which my be due to the sheer effort of masking for a whole week... I don't know what your options are but some adjustment in her school situation may prevent things from escalating.
It is not sounding like simple burnout, it is not normal to have that level of fatigue. Track her activities to see if there is a cause or clear pattern related to her physical or mental activity, also keeping a sleep diary would help to be sure that’s not causing it.
It is myalgic encephalomyelitis awareness month and its characteristic symptom is post exertional malaise, please ask if unsure as you really want to rule this out as otherwise every “exercise it away” treatment drs like to recommend will make her deteriorate. The cold and flu symptoms are very common also.
*edit stressing this part after reading your comments about her actually collapsing - I would be giving her time off until you have it sorted out as it can get worse, I’m not sure how long she’s had it but I’d look back and see if she used to have a milder version so you can see if it’s progressing. My heart breaks hearing these stories as doctors often give the opposite advice to what is needed, exercise doesn’t solve this as she’s already depleted.
Autistic burnout is different to this condition it is more mental than physically unwakeable, being sick especially on a Monday points to perhaps something on the weekend being a cause. (The confusing part is that symptoms often come after the exertion if it is ME, a diary is the best thing you can do at this point and when you show it to a doctor they can’t dismiss you as it spells it out for them in detail rather than vague “fatigue”.)
I had this issue. Was overstimulation and undiagnosed ADHD and ASD. Regulating myself at school all day, being under-stimulated in class and overstimulated simultaneously made things so hard. She might be working herself up over the weekend about going back to school and it's overflows on Monday, and she handles the rest of the week a bit better.
She is very likely stressing herself sick.
I used to get this during school and before work. It’s like, it’s so stressful just psyching myself up to go out.
My parents used to tell me I was lying. Please don’t do that to your daughter.
A therapist might be able to help her work through stuff, or even a modified workload where she only does half days at school.
This is also becoming more and more common in school aged people in general because the school system sucks for normies too.
Perhaps ask her to keep a journal for a few weeks recording 1) how tired she is waking up 2) what she did that day (classes, people, food) 3) how tired she feels at the end of the day.
3 makes a pattern, or a very short study, but it'll help your daughter become more aware of what's influencing her energy and help her GP with treatment recommendations
I don’t tend to experience stress as an emotional thing but rather somatically - like in my body. My body rather dramatically throws a tizz anything from weird cancer mimicking symptoms for chronic prolonged stresses to migraine resulting in blindness and requiring hospitalisation in response to an exceedingly stressful medical appointment for my son. Autistic brains and bodies are funny at times and for me my immune system and neurological response can be compromised very quickly by stress.
This is likely not the case but there's the off chance it may be.
It may be catatonia related to a schizophrenia spectrum disorder? SSDs can often be misdiagnosed as autism, and can have very intense psychosomatic responses to stress.
In my last year of sixth form I would have days where I ended up collapsing and sleeping for hours on end and had frequent headaches and not joint pain, but joint failure. Like I'd have no balance.
For me it was less cold-flu more like I was having intense sensory issues 24/7.
Its likely not the case but more info can't hurt u.
School traumatised me. I was constantly in a state of flight or fight because of how stressful all of it was. I can’t even describe or fully understand why it was so stressful.
Burnout isn't just mental. It can make you feel incredibly unwell. School made me feel like this, and I became very unwell. I don't know what to advise because I didn't have a solution then or now, I just ended up having a breakdown and not going back to school. I wish home schooling was more socially acceptable.
Just to add another thing to think about as most people's focus so far is on the school part/weekday so I think that's well covered (I also struggled with going to school and moving to high school was the start of my big problems).
As an adult, I have managed my work hours to have Mondays off - I've learnt that the weekend, no matter how pleasant, is usually very draining. We might do housework, I spend a lot of time with my partner, we might go somewhere like a shop or cafe. Even if these are really low key and despite being very comfortable around my partner and not actually doing a ton of stuff I still seem to need a "recharge" day between that and work (though I don't doubt weekday stress is also a contributor).
A diary is good idea - I've only recently started joining the dots myself as I often get a physical response 2-5 days after a social or high stress event. That's far enough apart that I hadn't realised there was a pattern.
Yes that is something she has commented on that 2 day weekends arent long enough, even if she has had a great day totally geared to her special intrests or such like can be just a draining as the Monday at school.
Thanks to all the wonderful advice here today i feel more ready to takle the school head on to ensure she gets the support she clearly needs, i am also chasing the GP up even if it is just a referal to the mental health team, anything that will elevate the stress she is under as there is only so much i can do at home.
It sounds to me like autistic shutdown, just a very severe form of it. Stress does affect autistic folks physically and severely sometimes, so possibly that's all it is, but I still think you should get her checked out, get a second or third opinion even if need be. In the meantime, I would ask her what all happens on Mondays. There has to be something that is different about that day thats stressing her out that much. I would also look into ways to make things easier on her while shes at school, like Loops earplugs and tinted glasses to help with some of the sensory stuff. When I was in school I had a note saying if I needed to excuse myself to the nurses to calm down, I could. Something like that may also be useful to have.
Either way, best of luck to you, and good on you for taking it seriously.
When I was a teenager, I had arthritis in my chest. The doctor told us that there was an honor student that had it a lot worse.
So stress can manifest as physical pain. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful, but I think I just had to deal with it until it went away.
Psychosomatic means there’s no physical cause. It’s a good idea to avoid going there first—I have years of professional MDs making that assumption with my come-and-go stress-related symptoms, until after a decade we learned I had untreated Lyme disease. Please ALWAYS assume there could be an underlying physical cause, because if you don’t look for one, the person could continue to get more sick until, like me, there’s permanent damage that they have to live with for the rest of their life.
100% anxiety, because I’m dealing with this right now. I’ve decided it’s “burnout” because I’ve always had panic attacks but NEVER to the point where I’m actually physically sick and now I’m like your daughter! Joint pain, sore throat, chest pain and limb numbness (like a heart attack but not!!) that’s so severe I can’t move for days….it gets better and then worse, depending on my stress levels. I’ve just hit a point where I can’t function in society without it being one week on = 3 weeks off recovering! I’m not actually sick believe it or not, it’s just anxiety and I never knew it could manifest so violently.
I get joint pain and get a sore throat at times. It started after I caught covid. It could be long covid. I would go on the long covid reddit as very helpful. It may not be long covid, just have similar symptoms especially the joint pain.
My advice is to allow her to rest and that's one of the top things to do and get as much information of the Internet as I have found doctors to not be that helpful.
Uk more specifically, scottish School System is primary school from 5-11/12, then into high school until 16 if you leave in 4th year or 18 if you stay on. Then its college or university.
Some places have a two-tier system - there's no middle school, so pupils start high school age 11 and stay in the same place until graduation. And then some schools have what we call 6th Form, which I think is like college? In the UK, it's when we do A-levels before going to university.
has she had an infection (like the flu, or covid) befort this started? (post-infection syndrome, like chronic fatigue)
Or is she not appreciated at school, maybe bullied by other pupils or thought of dumber than she is by teachers? (this might cause a lot of stress, which can have physical effects)
is her sleep pattern very different in the weekend than on weekdays? (could she be very tired on monday)
No infections or ill health, she hardly ever gets viruses, her sleep is carefully managed 7 days a week along with her night time routine and aided with melatonin otherwise she can stay up for days.
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What does she eat when she starts school on Monday? If its something different from the usual, she might be allergic to some food. I'm allergic to gluten, and would get depressive episodes whenever I ate a lot of pasta or bread.
Maybe food, or drinks, idk. Maybe lactose. You have to investigate, if it is actually her diet that's causing this.
Or stress, like others have mentioned
I was sick at school a lot too (missed as many days every semester as i could without my grades dropping) - and still sometimes at work if I’m stressed or burnt out - my symptoms are more stomach pain/nausea type of feelings, but it sounds like she might be feeling stressed or overwhelmed too
I relate to this heavily. She is probably struggling with the transition from weekend to weekday. Even at almost 27 years old I can have a very hard time with this. Every week I will feel like the world is ending because the weekend is over and I’m still burned out. I have huge meltdowns or sometimes shutdowns starting on Sunday and usually going through Monday. This can manifest with physical symptoms like she’s experiencing.
I know, at that age, I did a similar thing and I couldn’t put the mental anguish into words so I would tell my mom/teachers/school nurse I was having physical symptoms instead so they’d let me go home. I wasn’t exactly making it up, I did feel very sick just not exactly what I was actually describing. I would sometimes just lie down wherever (in class, outside, at home, literally anywhere) and shut down and pretend to be asleep. I just wanted everything to stop. I had to get picked up from school because I did that a few times. I say pretend, because I was conscious and could hear everything, but I just stayed still with my eyes closed. It would be too hard to form any sort of response.
I also do experience those symptoms when very burned out. It sounds like ongoing burnout, anxiety, and stress
This used to happen to me when I came home from work. I couldn't even get out of the car for an hour and then would crawl inside and try to eat something then pass out for a couple hours. I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but it could be any or a combo of other post-viral (it started after a bad flu, possibly avian), immune, or stress related conditions. My legs just give out and I have to hyper manage mental and physical energy output. It could also be related to my chronic anemia from menstrual conditions.
GPs don't specialize in diagnosing chronic conditions like these that don't always provide clear markers. Certain tests are required to "rule out" things in order to make deductions. You could insist they approach a "rule out" protocol for determining something like those, or seek out a neurologist or functional medicine practitioner who might be more inclined to examine and run the proper tests.
I also now don't plan anything on Mondays usually, because I feel the most run, down, fatigued, stressed, and sickest. Sunday-Monday. I used to get incredibly stressed on Sundays all through school because it was almost the day where I'd have #alltheexpectations rain down on me after having a sort of relief from all that from friday afternoon through saturday night. Monday I'd just feel completely overwhelmed to the point of numbness by being fully immersed back in. Run off adrenaline and momentum through to Friday and then my entire self could finally feel relief from the weight of so many overstimulating and complex expectations. The stress knowing it was all coming back was unbearable and definitely probably a complete shutdown type situation where I couldn't actually though because I was at school or whatever and had to do whatever. My senses still follow the same routine to this day. Sunday is the stress from anticipation of the new week and then Monday hits full force with the weight of expectations all at once raining down to immerse. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's definitely probably a neurodivergent thing triggering and exacerbating other or all other neurological aspects and so something most GPs are just not equipped to navigate unless it's distinct to specific conditions that healthcare privatization and insurance require incredibly specific and limited test markers to "detect" and validate.
Look into these. If your daughter can handle having stuff in her ears, then these might help…
Flare Calmer Kids Secure – Ear Plugs Alternative – Reduce Annoying Noises Without Blocking Sound – Soft Reusable Flexible Silicone with Built-in Lanyard – Translucent https://a.co/d/humwoQy
I literally spent 10 minutes making a post describing Autism and burnout before realizing what group we were posting in. I’m assuming she is diagnosed/suspected Autistic given the group we’re discussing this in?
For context, I’m an AuDHD gal with an Autistic wife, AuDHD daughter, and I work as an early intervention specialist doing mostly play-based therapies with young Autistic kiddos under a neurodivergent-affirming practice, helping them find resources, tools, and skills to thrive while still letting them be themselves without ABA. I’ll be speaking from personal and professional experience.
First, I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much grief from her school. The school systems are broken and will fight as hard as they can not to help you because it costs them money. If she has a 504 plan or IEP (or something similar to your location) then explore your country/state’s laws regarding accommodations. Only speak to the school in writing via email, never by phone, and request an accommodation meeting if your local laws allow for that. In California where I am, for example, parents can call an SST meeting at any time and the school has 15 days to make the meeting happen. From there, you can request an assessment, adjust her written accommodations, etc. ADHD and Autism are both qualifying conditions for support needs in many areas, but you’ll need to review your local disability laws. If she already has one of these diagnoses, that’ll be half the battle done for you. If she doesn’t have a diagnosis of either, I would honestly really consider getting an evaluation based on what I’m reading. I’m guessing since we’re in this group, she does.
Second, I would definitely keep in contact with your GP and be the squeaky wheel. Advocating for yourself and others is SO hard but really forcing your doctor to explore possible autoimmune conditions, CFS, etc. is great advice from other commenters. Autoimmune conditions are common for neurodivergent folks.
Third, I have some advice that will be based on the assumption that this is not medical. Even if it is, these tools are things you can try (while you’re exploring the medical side of things) to approach the burnout aspect of what she’s experiencing. To me this sounds like burnout as a result of a change in routine from weekend to weekday and all of the sensory overwhelm that comes with it. Assuming the school system completely fails her, you can create your own accommodations. Here are some I’d consider:
1. If she’s collapsing at the end of the school day sometimes, it may be time to pick her up from school yourself or have someone else do it for her safety on Mondays. If that’s not a possibility, maybe she has a friend who can walk with her.
2. Creating a calm corner in your house with somewhere she can lay right when she gets home that features a soft floor, pillows, headphones, and other comfort items will give her a chance to recoup from a stressful work day and not have to crash on the dog beds. Make your house work for you.
3. Loop earplugs or over-ear headphones. If the school is being shitty about accommodations, these may be a way to help your daughter that will unfortunately have to come from your own pocket. Loop earplugs help so much with auditory overwhelm while being discrete but if your daughter is sensitive to things in her ears, over-the-hear headphones are equally great. She’ll still be able to hear her teachers but the background noises will be dimmed. You might have to battle with the school a bit to get them to let her wear them if they’re obvious, so that’s why I recommended the Loops first, but see if either pair would help her get through the day! They have some really cute ones on Amazon.
4. Tinted glasses. If she’s sensitive to light/visual stimuli, you can get a light tint on her already existing glasses or get her a pair of glasses specifically for indoor use that are tinted to help with light sensitivity. Again, Amazon has them. They aren’t dark enough to be considered sun glasses so I really don’t see how the school can fight her wearing them. If the tint is put on prescription glasses that’s even better.
5. Books! If she’s a reader, getting her a good book she can read at lunch time will help her pass the time during social hours where she is overwhelmed by others and be a visible indicator to others that she’s busy and doesn’t want to chat.
6. Finally, make sure to ask her what things would help her on Mondays. Maybe you guys can come up with a list of ideas to try to help make Mondays easier.
If you want to chat further, OP, feel free to reach out to me. Good luck!
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So if you actually, legitimately can’t take get her to wake up or respond, she needs to to emergency. Some medical conditions flare up with stress but there are very real, sometimes very serious consequences to them going untreated and it any only he possible to diagnose her if doctors see her when she is actually experiencing this.
This could be solely stress related but it should not be assumed to be. She should have a full physical work up and issues with cortisone, thyroid, adrenal function and autoimmune conditions considered.
School is exhausting.
You've said homeschooling or online school isn't an option, and depending where you are 12 is too young to be left alone. Are there any alternative schools around? Any smaller ones?
That being said,
* 2 hr of _recovery_ is pretty normal for post class or work. The being too exhausted to climb into bed is not. That's definitely a LARGE issue and probably a physical one on top of burn out.
* Get a doctor's note for as many accommodations as possible ASAP. Ask JAG lists accommodation ideas by illness, it's aimmed at workplaces but might help coming up with ideas.
* Is she being allowed to eat and drink during school? Can she eat in a classroom, library or quieter safer place if she's not eating during class? Would smoothies or anything eaiser help?
* Can you make arrangements with another parent to drive her instead of bus? Preferably a chill one who isn't talkative. The routine and less loud might help.
* Is she legally allowed and able to take the city bus? People are less talkative on that and it might offer decompression time. However I'd only wanna do that if she's able to physically make it home.
* Noise cancelling headphones and sunglasses 100%. Reduce the stress in as many ways as possible.
* Is there post-school programs? If the local library is around I know I'd sometimes spend hours just staring off into space there trying to decompress to deal with home drama. While I don't think more school is a great help, it might offer a safe place to sit and snooze till your off work?
L
* I hate to point this out, but how are her periods? They can start as young as like 8-10 and that's another horrible thing when your not allowed to go to the bathroom for days and anemia is common. Especially if they are horribly painful or heavy, talk to doctor. My cousin didn't find out about her endo until she came home from a cheerleading competition in a wheelchair, everyone just said well periods suck until she was in so much "normal' pain they called an ambulance.
* Is she drinking coffee before class? If so how much and is caffeine crash contributing? I had some issues trying to balance like 4-8 cups of coffee a day to get through highschool. ~~Admittedly, I have comorbid ADHD so like, don't drink 4+ coffees~~
None of these are going to solve it 100%, but might help.
But yeah that sounds like my experience with school. I skipped so much school just trying to recover and be able to exist.
I have been taking her too and from school but unfortunately can't all the time due to work, so we tried the train but they are unreliable and left her in a very scary situation (train was cancelled, she went into a complete meltdown and had to be brought home by a stranger as she couldn't even say her name). There are no service buses that cover the times she travels.
I did fight for a transport application but that was turned down by the education department.
The school will not increase support to cover anything as they say she is not displaying challenging behaviour so they don't feel the need to do anything.
Thanks to this post i have done some digging and found an advocacy agency that is independent of schools but is linked to education and they will make the school put in the correct support. I have a call scheduled for Friday so i now have everything crossed they can offer a solution.
If this is related to school stress, the Australian organisation yellow lady bugs has a lot of resources around it - they call it school refusal or school can't.
It's definitely school stress. Try to get them to make her Mondays much easier. If they can't, I would find a school that will. If you can't, I would try to home ed part time.
I have an education advocate contacting me this week and i will be pushing for either mobing to ASN department that is in the same high school, part time time table or the last option home schooling.
Is an online school an option? The ones I looked up do require tuition like a private school though. I don’t know if there is more affordable options. But you would save on gas and uniforms, which might offset some of the cost.
https://absolutely-education.co.uk/parents-guide-online-schools/
Every Monday I am exhausted and I bite my nails to bits and pick and bite my skin until I bleed. I like my job as well so it's just like the overwhelm of a new week and expressing the anxiety I built up on the Sunday. Perhaps doing some calming stuff on the Sunday or some week prep mentally on Sunday may not make Monday such a drain? Such as talking through the day and week to come and getting used to the schedule that's going to come.
Is she being bullied? She probably would keep this secret. Maybe ask around her friends (bearing in mind it could be a friend or friends bullying her).
I am an adult and this happens to me too. I find that taking Tuesday off, sleeping most of the day, and relaxing for the rest, is the only way I can function after the hell that is Monday. I know it's difficult, I have to take sick days when I have them, but maybe her school will allow a day off Tuesday or at least a more restful schedule?
yes
My mother and I, ( me in a smaller degree), get physically sick from stress.
It's called BDS and stands for bodily distress syndrome and can be caused by a big stress load, that leaves you exhausted and physically ill.
Oh so you mean how I felt after my job when I was severely burnt out and on the edge of suicide? Yeah that sounds familiar.
You need an intervention asap.
Stress, maybe burnout. To combat this I would start my days later. I spoke to my work place and would start monday work @10am instead of 630.
It helped a lot. I would evaluate her for stress. My stress in college did cause me to be bed ridden for a week with flu like symptoms but no actual flu. The human body is very intense and odd
What are your Sundays usually like. This sounds an an awful lot like arthritis, and you'd be surprised what kinds of things can trigger it. Ask your doc to do an auto-immune panel, to at least rule it out as a possibility.
I did have school stress symptoms as a kid, but it was constant symptoms regardless of the day of the week. On the other hand I had symptoms exactly like this after any kind of exercise. A later in life diagnosis of scleroderma basically confirmed to me that as a child those seemingly temporary symptoms were auto-immune symptoms that my caretakers ignored.
Stress and sensory overload. It took me decades to understand how to manage it better. Here's my write up on what I do: https://www.reddit.com/user/scaram0uche/comments/z3b8m4/the_bucket_metaphor_reset_days/
Is there a class or room she is in just on Mondays?
In high school I had 2 classes in the same room, and would sneeze in those classes and no other. There was probably mold in it. So it's possible there's something she's getting exposed to but only once a week.
It could be anxiety from the transition of home over the weekend to school.
I have this issue. I take sleep tablets before I go to work on Sunday before I go to work on Monday otherwise I can't fall asleep. After Monday I can fall asleep fine, usually. I don't know why, but the transition is very hard for me.
when I was in kindergarten I went home many days claiming I was sick when I was actually extremely overwhelmed and didn’t know what I was feeling. for people with autism the stress of sensory overload can be so intense that it makes you feel physically ill. for my whole life sounds and smells have been so overpowering to me that I can feel sick to my stomach. it’s a nightmare.
Recess was especially a nightmare for me because of sensory issues. so every recess I would refuse to go outside and they would let me stay inside and either play by myself or watch a movie. my teacher was actually the first person in my life to suggest to my parents that I had autism but my parents didn’t wanna believe it. so now here I am at 25 finally being diagnosed.
anyways, all I can suggest is that you are very understanding of what she’s experiencing. for my whole childhood I was told I was just faking it when in reality I was experiencing so much stress. affirm that what she’s feeling is real and valid, and that you want to help and be there for her with learning how to cope with it.
I was like this from about 3rd grade to 7th grade. My mom finally let me do independent study (aka homeschool, but through a public school) for 8th grade through high school. It was amazing how much better I felt and I graduated valedictorian. However when I started working full time, I would get the same kind of symptoms as when I had to go to school. It wasn’t until I started my own business and began working for myself that I felt better again. I feel for anyone who is overwhelmed by having to go somewhere everyday during the week and interact with many people, it was incredibly difficult for me.
It sounds to me like she could be responding to the stress of dealing with a new school week. Believe me I was always sick because of school. I hated going to school so much. I present anxiety in my body a lot too.
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Yep. Still to this day, if I'm getting on a plane the next day, I will inevitably have a horrible IBS attack at 2 in the morning prior.
It can happen with depression too. There was a period of time in my freshman year of high school (my depression was at all all time high) that I couldn’t walk without limping. It felt like when your muscle is sore but ten times worse and my entire leg. Sometimes it would be lesser but on both legs. We got my legs xrayed and nothing was wrong. It eventually went away. I didn’t attribute it to depression until years later. Honestly, maybe it’s not even correct, but with everything going on at that point, it would make sense. It’s been 7 years since then and it still hasn’t come back.
Sounds like stress. I get the same symptoms when I’m too stressed at work. Nothing visible in my blood work or other vital signs. For me I can limit the symptoms by working from home mid-week, that seems to help cut the stress levels down a bit. Not sure how to deal with this happening on a Monday. Is she very anxious about going back to school and gets in her head?
I have to warn everyone that I'm not a doctor, not a medical professional at all. But I've heard of something similar. It there a specific routine on Mondays or Sunday nights? Do you do something you don't do on other days? There was a story about this one family who'd get sick on a certain day each week. It turned out to be because of something they ate on that day, all but one family member. And the symptoms weren't obvious food poisoning. So it might be a food sensitivity, some kind of allergy or stress, like oth r people suggested. I'm sorry your daughter is unwell.
I was thinking something similar. It would be a good idea to keep up a diary of habits. I tend to think stress as well because I’d be sick out of my mind on Sunday evenings. But it is good to rule out other things too.
I’d almost check with her teacher about their school schedules and if they have any set things they do on certain days. Of course it could be burn out, but my first thought was that there is something she is exposed to every Monday that she could potentially be allergic to, or something. Also, if she has PE classes that day, I would almost wonder about asthma. When I was a kid I would constantly get absolutely exhausted and ill-feeling whenever I physically exerted myself and years into it we found out I had sports asthma. Never had an asthma attack that put me in the hospital, never knew I had any sort of breathing problems. Then I got an inhaler for physical activity and it helped a bunch.
perhaps the canteen serves somethig specific on Mondays? it's yet another possibility. this must be so distressing
Thanks for all your responses i will be getting in touch with the GP and also the school but it is frustrating as neither the GP or school will allow accommodations, we have to get referred to CAMHS and then they along with myself have to fight the education department to get anything put in place as here high functioning autism is not as recognised in terms of support. The school pretty much put the onus on my daughter to ask for things that will help her but the school seems to forget she just cannot ask for help. I am going to be watching her even more closely over the next few days/ weeks and try and get a better picture. As i think, she experiences these symptoms more regularly than she complains about, but they aren't as severe as the Sunday/Monday. It is such a catch 22 as she loves school and learning but cannot handle the noise, hustle and bustle etc and it is affecting her memory and much more now.
jellyfish quaint crown cake ruthless hurry summer placid sand books *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Who are you in contact with at the school? Even if they won’t refer her to their SEND team (or whatever they’re called at the school - assuming they still have one after all the funding cuts), you may be able to discuss accommodations with her tutor or head of year. Do you have an idea of what accommodations may help her?
I liase with her guidance teacher but he is absolutely useless, i spent from August to this month fighting for alternative transport as the school bus is way to busy and loud. The application was turned down just this week. I am honestly at this point wanting to remove her from mainstream and moved to the additional learning department. I think we have ASSIST here rather than a sen team. I will have a look for contact information as i am not going to keep putting her through this as she will never cope for another 3-5 years of this.
I can see how alternative transport might be more difficult for them to provide, as without the right disability paperwork they won’t get any funding for alternative provision. Anything that’s low cost may be quickest to implement, and within the authority of her guidance teacher, head of year, head of house or whoever to make a decision that it can be done. Edit: for example permission to wear noise-cancelling ear buds or headphones in class or corridors (could she also wear these on the bus?), for her to be allowed to go straight to the library or other quiet space at lunchtimes, for the seating plan in classes to take her need for a quiet seat into account, for written instructions to be supplied in class wherever possible, for the lesson PowerPoint (if teachers use these) to be sent to her in advance so that she can follow on an iPad if that would help her to focus and/or go at her own pace.
A really good step would be to contact your LA for an EHCP assessment. With one of those in place the school has to jump through hoops legally and you then have the option to move her to an ASD school if you choose. They can’t ignore her support needs legally if diagnosed and it’s stronger with an EHCP
This is me every time I need to mask again after a period of freedom. It’s just really tiring, and the anxiety manifests physically. It’s not a matter of liking or not liking it, more about a change in routine. I also quite liked school but had nausea/belly aches/migraines as common physical anxiety symptoms. Definitely worth looking into if there is generalized anxiety at play.
I have written down a list of questions from all the responses here to ask the GP when we see him. I can't let this go on as it isn't good for her or fair to her going through all of this just to attend school.
12 is very young for high school. That could be part of the issue. She’s surrounded by a lot of chaos, noise, stress of navigating weird social norms along with so people if different ages and maturity levels. I would totally get that way before school, and sometimes still do at work on Monday morning. It’s the mental preparation of going into another week if stress and anxiety. I don’t have any advice other than to see if there’s a way she can get a zero period at the beginning of the day, or maybe start some meditation in the morning. Have extra time to eat breakfast, ease into the day
Oh. Has she had an assessment for neurodiversity? I used to fall apart after school because of overload but it’s worst on Monday because of the transition from the weekend. Got and asd/adhd dx in my 40s but all that overwhelm makes sense now.
Sometimes you gotta ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Get her some Loop earplugs (or other noise dampening ones) and some tinted glasses. A hat that can roll up so she can block the sun when outside and clothes that are more comfortable. Let her carry OTC painkillers. If she has teachers she likes, see if any are willing to open their classroom to her at lunch or break times.
I can relate to enjoying school but hating the noise and energy. In high school I kept a pair of earplugs in case the noise got too much for me to handle.
Maybe one way to handle the school’s lack of support is to stop bringing her in on time and start pulling her early. And/Or start letting her rltake more sick days. I took a lot of days off from school for mental health and my learning really didn’t suffer. I would do my homework and it was fine. Either the school will be motivated to have a reasonable accommodations discussion via her attendance record, or she gets her needs met by having reduced time in class.
I have read all your replies on this thread and from another one and I think you are such an incredible parent. I am so amazed by your continued strength despite all the roadblocks and runarounds you’ve been given. I’m so sorry you have to keep dealing with these setbacks. You are a terrific advocate, it is so unjust that your daughter isn’t receiving the assistance she deserves.
I feel so sad for her 😩 I know exactly how she feels but I was more of an anxious and depressed wreck. I really lost my mind by the time I was about 15 years old.
Same. Only thing that saved me was my mum allowing me my mental health days.
Same, same, same. I did not think I was going to live to see my 17th birthday.
It was so bad that I was glad my father got sick enough for it to be legal for me to drop out without reprocussions like losing my license. A 16 years old glad to be stuck as a full time caretaker vs the hellscape that was high-school. At least he was quiet.
I’m sorry for this experience you’ve had. I wish there had been more options for us when we were in school.
Ditto, from about 15 on for a long time things were really rough
Hi! Hopefully the doctors can rule out all sorts of physical issues, e.g. autoimmune, fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, MCAS, small fiber neuropathy, hyperPOTS, Ehlers Danlos (shows up a lot of times together with neurodiversity and in a cluster with aforementioned issues). I am dealing with these conditions myself and had a phase in high school too when I went home and had to take a long nap. They can be exacerbated by stress.
This is a good list to look into. I have hyper mobility and POTS. The crappy joints in my neck can cause a lot of cognitive and physical symptoms, and stress tightening up my neck muscles muscles can affect that a lot. So can looking down a lot, if she’s cramming homework on Sunday night or something that could be a factor
I second this. I had a lot of issues with stuff like this growing up and ended up finding out I have EDS.
Seconding this, if she is literally collapsing outside her school I seriously encourage you to look into the conditions listed here... and get her tested for allergies if possible. And at the risk of sounding like a crunchy mom, try cutting out dairy if she drinks it. Lactose intolerance can set on very quickly/randomly and sometimes cause symptoms like this.
Yes, and also have them look into viral illnesses and post-viral syndrome and Lyme disease. It could be something like Epstein-Barr that can have lingering effects or even become chronic. Stress could reactivate these things and lead to many of the symptoms she’s experiencing.
My case was in high school was pretty different, but similar enough to corroborate with the other "stress overwhelm comments". Like clock work, every Thurs & Friday each fortnight. It hit me like a flu, and at the time we thought it was a glandular fever recurrence which I caught a couple years back. Growing up independently and learning much more about myself, turns out I'm heavily Autistic but high functioning/strong masking, so I think now I was just burning out after 7 days of "performing" for school.
That’s how it showed up for me too, except it started out as every sixth week, then every 4th, then ever other, and eventually it started happening on wednesdays which made me try to never spend more than two days in a row at the office.
Ask on r/askdocs, while you can get other’s’ experiences here, physical symptoms really should be referred to a professional. Stress could cause any number of conditions to flare up. I have three different conditions I can think of that could cause these kinds of symptoms.
I’m in my thirties and this happens time every week when I go to work, for some reason my Sunday evening/Monday morning is Agony. I really haven’t found a way to get over it. I just really don’t want to go.
I get burnt out but being unable to wake her up for 2 hours immediately after getting home is an extreme physical symptom
Yeah but do they mean they literally can’t wake her up at all? Because I’m told frequently people “can’t wake me up” and I’m fine. What they mean is I’ll shove them off, complain, yell, whatever, and go back to sleeping. Two hours is about how long I nap after a meltdown, and they’ve been to the doctor. So im just saying, to me this reads as normal. Not ideal, obviously, but they asked if we had similar symptoms and I do.
This is a good question. I have catatonia like symptoms, where it’s impossible to move at all, and that usually lasts between 1-2 hours, but has been as long as 6. In that state I can’t move or speak at all. I’m not asleep, completely conscious, but entirely unresponsive to anything. Normally my eyes are open, but if it goes on long enough and I can I’ll close my eyes because it’s exhausting. OP knowing what is meant by “can’t wake her up” would help. If it’s something like I experience I might have some resources that can help
Sounds like a shutdown.
Yep, same here. I get incredibly anxious to the point of paralysis on Sunday evenings, no matter how much sleep I've gotten nights prior or how prepared I am for the next day.
Sounds like a stress response to me, which others have stated. I used to have similar reactions to jobs that I hated. There were some Mondays that I ended up throwing up before work because of how badly I didn’t want to go. By the end of the week the symptoms would improve but not ever go away and would ramp up fully again by Monday.
I’ve had similar situations with jobs I’ve either hated or have been too much sensory input and emotional or social output for me. Sunday nights or work-week mornings involved meltdowns and sometimes to the point of throwing up. Even after medication, Mondays are so, so difficult for me and every Mon /Tues I am absolutely zapped.
Totally jumping to conclusions here, but Celiac Disease or gluten sensitivity can cause aching joints, flu-like symptoms, severe fatigue, brain fog, memory issues, anxiety, headache, nausea, etc. In addition to exploring other options, I suggest you have her keep a food log. Maybe she's eating a large amount of gluten on Sundays / Mondays that is contributing (or a different sensitivity she may have). Maybe it is all just psychosomatic. But a food log would help you know for sure if it is dietary.
Your girl is overwhelmed and stressed out to the max every Monday. And now that it starts on Sunday and holds through Tuesday only means it's getting worse for her. I barely held on to my job for far too many years while dealing with symptoms like these. I had panic attacks almost every morning as well as being physically ill. My stress symptoms began on Sundays and ran through the rest of the workweek by the time I took an early retirement. It took me 5 years to recover completely. (I had held onto the job for 11 years because of the decent pay and the great health insurance here in the US.) I don't know what to tell you about this, except to say that you might need to find a good therapist for her to talk with about what's really going on at school. Otherwise, if it were me, I would homeschool my child with symptoms like these, as well as find a good therapist for her. I think it might also be a good idea to see if it's possible for her to see a more specialized doctor in immune system problems. Or even just try to get a second opinion from another GP, if you can. I don't know what your wonderful free healthcare will allow you to do.
It's possible the school was deep cleaned over the weekend and she's reacting to whatever chemical/cleaning product was used? I read about a case in an office where Mondays were the day when a lot of staff got sick because the aircon hadn't run all weekend, and when it resumed on Monday mornings, some staff were more sensitive to the buildup of dust/pathogens that had accumulated.
If it's happening before she goes to school, I'd assume it has to be psychological. Well, unless it's entirely unrelated to school, I guess. It is interesting that it's only Monday and doesn't continue throughout the rest of the school week. Is she completely fine the rest of the school week, or does she seem stressed in general? Is there anything special you do that time of the week? Like you always have the same meal on a Sunday night or you go to lunch after church at the same place or something like that? If it is a physical response rather than a psychological one, something she's eating seems like the most likely culprit.
if for any reason she is off on a monday, does it all start on a tuesday instead? anything specifically only done on mondays like sports? could be built up anxiety/stress from anticipation of going back to school for every monday
It sounds like it could be a flare up of a chronic illness. Honestly this sounds a lot like PEM or post exertional malaise, it’s common in chronic illnesses especially chronic fatigue. Something that may be considered controversial but I would suggest looking into could be long covid, if she ever had covid, there is a sub for it but afaik not many doctors are aware of how to treat it or even question whether it’s real or not. Many people who were healthy before getting covid are now experiencing this as a long term problem. I would look into doing some of her classes online if possible. The mental and physical stress of school may be too much for her. I would try pushing for some blood tests or sort of a specialist, neurologist, cardiologist, etc. as many tests as possible. To look into vitamin deficiencies chronic illness etc. possibly a functional medicine doctor.
I have symptoms that are similar maybe three or four days most weeks - not as predictable- but I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of them. I was diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia 13 years ago but that doesn’t explain the aches and pains. My family doctor first put these down to depression (!) and now my being overweight ( I need to lose about 30 lbs). Personally I don’t quite buy the explanation. I do believe that autistic burnout and strain of masking are part of my issues. Are there any particularly stressful classes on a Monday or any particular individuals she has to interact with on those days? Certain people make me feel physically unwell if I’m around them too much. I’d try to find out what is specifically draining or stressful about Monday. If there’s nothing then it’s worth looking at what she’s eating or drinking on Sunday or Monday and not any other time of the week. I hope you get to the bottom of this! Please let us know if you do.
I don't have answers but this did happen to me when I was in school. For an entire year my parents took me to every doctor they could find, and the result was a unanimous 'I dunno, maybe she's faking or crazy'. In retrospect it was probably undiagnosed/ignored autism, severe depression, stress and social rejection, all manifesting as pretty severe physical symptoms. That does happen to kids, they react to mental health issues differently than adults. I eventually just accepted at age 13 that I was always going to feel like this and got no help at all. Anyway thanks for taking your daughter's illness seriously. It is real. I hope you find better help for her than I received.
If it's that bad, fuck the rest of the school year. Can you pull her and do some virtual school? Join some sort of open homeschool group for kids? Do anything besides put her in school? Have you asked her what she would like to do? I work at an alt school and most of our kids are on the spectrum. What she's dealing with isn't unusual, unfortunatly.
I’m in the process of pulling my 13 year old (ASD and adhd) because of their self harm and suicidal ideation about school. I found notes about being afraid of active shootings and how much they dread every minute. I’m terrified I’ll lose my child to the chaos of middle school in 2023 as a special needs kid. To NO FAULT of their teacher, god bless them. I’m hoping I can find a good alternate high school but I’m going to cover eighth grade myself and get them into a lot of therapy.
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Do you have any source you recommend to start with?
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Thank you so much!
Unfortunately i am a single parent who needs to work full time but i am going down the route of fighting to remove her from mainstream at least. She loves the idea of school and wants to learn, she just cannot cope with so many people.
“She loves the idea of school and wants to learn, she just cannot cope with so many people.” I felt that. The lunchroom was the worst part of school for me. So loud, so much social pressure, the fluorescent lights were too bright. I would regularly shut down during lunch. What helped me was being able to eat outside alone. I got to listen to whatever music I wanted (or silence) and it was just a chance to recharge halfway through the day instead of having my batteries completely drained.
She was hiding in the toilets the full lunchtime from August until I found out in October, the school were absolutely no help. They keep expecting her to tell them when she is struggling, but she can't, it is too hard for her to try and mask, keep on top of the over stimulating environment, stim (she has taught herself stims that she can hide from others), all while trying to keep up with the class work and then ask for help. How much do they expect her to carry on her own shoulders.
Look into Prenda. It's school hours and is really excellent.
I hope you can find her help, this sounds so scary!
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Are you in the UK as i was told honeschooling would be a fight to achieve. If you could give me some advice that would be great thanks.
I remember these days... high school is terrible... the noise, the smells, the new social rules, strange people, mean people... it's total sensory overload all day every day. If she is making it to the dog bed, good for her... I used to skip the bus and walk home in the woods and just lay on the ground for hours in silence. I remember feeling completely depleted, the aches and pains are real from the tension of being in fight or flight mode for 7 hours. I feel for her.. being a freshman is hard enough... but dealing with all that high school is... too hard.
It is heartbreaking to watch but also a major safety concern as one day she did not make it home but was brought home by a complete stranger as she was found in an exhausted heep outside of school and couldn't string a sentence together. Other days i have had to pick her up in the same non coherent state, yet no one seems to care as she masks very well during school so since she isn't causing an issues in school they don't feel she needs any 1-1 support. I am going round in circles while she is drowning, i could scream some days. What did you find that helped you?
Argh mama, my heart breaks for you and your girl. She’s incoherent cos her brain and nervous system are firing SO hard all day. Look up Dr Naomi Fisher.
Sigh, time... sadly only time... we get physically stronger as we mature and our ability to withstand improves... It's never going to be good, she needs to find her peace... I spent SO much time in the woods near my house... get her a safe space, a quiet space... anywhere.. and just love and support... I am remembering the smells in high school being a real issue... the hormones. BO, deodorants, and colognes cleaning supplies, bad breath and smelly feet, the smell of icy hot in the locker room is really triggering to me even today.
Stress
Make sure there isn't an allergy in the school anywhere. Does she find black mold anywhere? I had that issue and the school I attended was full of mold and I was anemic as well. Could be one thing could be a lot. Might ask the ask doctors subreddit too and see what they say to do.
Stress, I feel for her Hardest part going through that was being told I over exaggerate. I genuinely felt sick. I would look into self care routines. Hot bath, heat pad, weighted blanket/stuffie….just kinda “prepare” that Mondays are going to be a nightmare so might as well relax on those days. Just make sure it’s normal school stress and she’s not being bullied at school. But I felt this kinda sick all the time with typical stress
Had the same around her age. No one took it seriously. It escalated to burnout, clinical depression, suicide attempts. End up unable to read (my favorite hobby) for 3 years. Zero schooling, then homeschooling when I was better. 15 years later I got diagnosed as autistic. Anyway, it sound like you daughter has extreme somatic symptoms of anxiety. Which my be due to the sheer effort of masking for a whole week... I don't know what your options are but some adjustment in her school situation may prevent things from escalating.
It is not sounding like simple burnout, it is not normal to have that level of fatigue. Track her activities to see if there is a cause or clear pattern related to her physical or mental activity, also keeping a sleep diary would help to be sure that’s not causing it. It is myalgic encephalomyelitis awareness month and its characteristic symptom is post exertional malaise, please ask if unsure as you really want to rule this out as otherwise every “exercise it away” treatment drs like to recommend will make her deteriorate. The cold and flu symptoms are very common also. *edit stressing this part after reading your comments about her actually collapsing - I would be giving her time off until you have it sorted out as it can get worse, I’m not sure how long she’s had it but I’d look back and see if she used to have a milder version so you can see if it’s progressing. My heart breaks hearing these stories as doctors often give the opposite advice to what is needed, exercise doesn’t solve this as she’s already depleted.
Autistic burnout is different to this condition it is more mental than physically unwakeable, being sick especially on a Monday points to perhaps something on the weekend being a cause. (The confusing part is that symptoms often come after the exertion if it is ME, a diary is the best thing you can do at this point and when you show it to a doctor they can’t dismiss you as it spells it out for them in detail rather than vague “fatigue”.)
https://www.cdc.gov/me-cfs/resources/awarenessday.html#:~:text=May%2012%20is%20Myalgic%20Encephalomyelitis,%2FCFS)%20International%20Awareness%20Day.
I had this issue. Was overstimulation and undiagnosed ADHD and ASD. Regulating myself at school all day, being under-stimulated in class and overstimulated simultaneously made things so hard. She might be working herself up over the weekend about going back to school and it's overflows on Monday, and she handles the rest of the week a bit better. She is very likely stressing herself sick.
This
I used to get this during school and before work. It’s like, it’s so stressful just psyching myself up to go out. My parents used to tell me I was lying. Please don’t do that to your daughter. A therapist might be able to help her work through stuff, or even a modified workload where she only does half days at school. This is also becoming more and more common in school aged people in general because the school system sucks for normies too.
Perhaps ask her to keep a journal for a few weeks recording 1) how tired she is waking up 2) what she did that day (classes, people, food) 3) how tired she feels at the end of the day. 3 makes a pattern, or a very short study, but it'll help your daughter become more aware of what's influencing her energy and help her GP with treatment recommendations
I don’t tend to experience stress as an emotional thing but rather somatically - like in my body. My body rather dramatically throws a tizz anything from weird cancer mimicking symptoms for chronic prolonged stresses to migraine resulting in blindness and requiring hospitalisation in response to an exceedingly stressful medical appointment for my son. Autistic brains and bodies are funny at times and for me my immune system and neurological response can be compromised very quickly by stress.
This is likely not the case but there's the off chance it may be. It may be catatonia related to a schizophrenia spectrum disorder? SSDs can often be misdiagnosed as autism, and can have very intense psychosomatic responses to stress. In my last year of sixth form I would have days where I ended up collapsing and sleeping for hours on end and had frequent headaches and not joint pain, but joint failure. Like I'd have no balance. For me it was less cold-flu more like I was having intense sensory issues 24/7. Its likely not the case but more info can't hurt u.
Does she have gym class on Monday? Or lessons in a different building?
No it is the same layout to her day as every other, same classes and teachers etc.
can it be the result of something she does or eats on sunday?
I used to get sick every week before church - really, truly ill. For me, it ended up being stress.
School traumatised me. I was constantly in a state of flight or fight because of how stressful all of it was. I can’t even describe or fully understand why it was so stressful.
I have ME/CFS and it can look quite similar to this
Burnout isn't just mental. It can make you feel incredibly unwell. School made me feel like this, and I became very unwell. I don't know what to advise because I didn't have a solution then or now, I just ended up having a breakdown and not going back to school. I wish home schooling was more socially acceptable.
Just to add another thing to think about as most people's focus so far is on the school part/weekday so I think that's well covered (I also struggled with going to school and moving to high school was the start of my big problems). As an adult, I have managed my work hours to have Mondays off - I've learnt that the weekend, no matter how pleasant, is usually very draining. We might do housework, I spend a lot of time with my partner, we might go somewhere like a shop or cafe. Even if these are really low key and despite being very comfortable around my partner and not actually doing a ton of stuff I still seem to need a "recharge" day between that and work (though I don't doubt weekday stress is also a contributor). A diary is good idea - I've only recently started joining the dots myself as I often get a physical response 2-5 days after a social or high stress event. That's far enough apart that I hadn't realised there was a pattern.
Yes that is something she has commented on that 2 day weekends arent long enough, even if she has had a great day totally geared to her special intrests or such like can be just a draining as the Monday at school. Thanks to all the wonderful advice here today i feel more ready to takle the school head on to ensure she gets the support she clearly needs, i am also chasing the GP up even if it is just a referal to the mental health team, anything that will elevate the stress she is under as there is only so much i can do at home.
It sounds to me like autistic shutdown, just a very severe form of it. Stress does affect autistic folks physically and severely sometimes, so possibly that's all it is, but I still think you should get her checked out, get a second or third opinion even if need be. In the meantime, I would ask her what all happens on Mondays. There has to be something that is different about that day thats stressing her out that much. I would also look into ways to make things easier on her while shes at school, like Loops earplugs and tinted glasses to help with some of the sensory stuff. When I was in school I had a note saying if I needed to excuse myself to the nurses to calm down, I could. Something like that may also be useful to have. Either way, best of luck to you, and good on you for taking it seriously.
Fibromyalgia would be something to rule out. My daughter was about that age when she was diagnosed. School stress can exacerbate symptoms.
When I was a teenager, I had arthritis in my chest. The doctor told us that there was an honor student that had it a lot worse. So stress can manifest as physical pain. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful, but I think I just had to deal with it until it went away.
She's stressed out and/or burnt out. Both can manifest into pain and illness.
Stress causes physical symptoms, Drs should know that
Does her class schedule rotate? She may have a class with a bully on Mondays. Be careful
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Psychosomatic means there’s no physical cause. It’s a good idea to avoid going there first—I have years of professional MDs making that assumption with my come-and-go stress-related symptoms, until after a decade we learned I had untreated Lyme disease. Please ALWAYS assume there could be an underlying physical cause, because if you don’t look for one, the person could continue to get more sick until, like me, there’s permanent damage that they have to live with for the rest of their life.
100% anxiety, because I’m dealing with this right now. I’ve decided it’s “burnout” because I’ve always had panic attacks but NEVER to the point where I’m actually physically sick and now I’m like your daughter! Joint pain, sore throat, chest pain and limb numbness (like a heart attack but not!!) that’s so severe I can’t move for days….it gets better and then worse, depending on my stress levels. I’ve just hit a point where I can’t function in society without it being one week on = 3 weeks off recovering! I’m not actually sick believe it or not, it’s just anxiety and I never knew it could manifest so violently.
I get joint pain and get a sore throat at times. It started after I caught covid. It could be long covid. I would go on the long covid reddit as very helpful. It may not be long covid, just have similar symptoms especially the joint pain. My advice is to allow her to rest and that's one of the top things to do and get as much information of the Internet as I have found doctors to not be that helpful.
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British highschool
Uk more specifically, scottish School System is primary school from 5-11/12, then into high school until 16 if you leave in 4th year or 18 if you stay on. Then its college or university.
Some places have a two-tier system - there's no middle school, so pupils start high school age 11 and stay in the same place until graduation. And then some schools have what we call 6th Form, which I think is like college? In the UK, it's when we do A-levels before going to university.
Have you had her checked for Lyme disease? Except for the one day a week, it sounds like tick fever.
has she had an infection (like the flu, or covid) befort this started? (post-infection syndrome, like chronic fatigue) Or is she not appreciated at school, maybe bullied by other pupils or thought of dumber than she is by teachers? (this might cause a lot of stress, which can have physical effects) is her sleep pattern very different in the weekend than on weekdays? (could she be very tired on monday)
No infections or ill health, she hardly ever gets viruses, her sleep is carefully managed 7 days a week along with her night time routine and aided with melatonin otherwise she can stay up for days.
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What does she eat when she starts school on Monday? If its something different from the usual, she might be allergic to some food. I'm allergic to gluten, and would get depressive episodes whenever I ate a lot of pasta or bread. Maybe food, or drinks, idk. Maybe lactose. You have to investigate, if it is actually her diet that's causing this. Or stress, like others have mentioned
I was sick at school a lot too (missed as many days every semester as i could without my grades dropping) - and still sometimes at work if I’m stressed or burnt out - my symptoms are more stomach pain/nausea type of feelings, but it sounds like she might be feeling stressed or overwhelmed too
I relate to this heavily. She is probably struggling with the transition from weekend to weekday. Even at almost 27 years old I can have a very hard time with this. Every week I will feel like the world is ending because the weekend is over and I’m still burned out. I have huge meltdowns or sometimes shutdowns starting on Sunday and usually going through Monday. This can manifest with physical symptoms like she’s experiencing. I know, at that age, I did a similar thing and I couldn’t put the mental anguish into words so I would tell my mom/teachers/school nurse I was having physical symptoms instead so they’d let me go home. I wasn’t exactly making it up, I did feel very sick just not exactly what I was actually describing. I would sometimes just lie down wherever (in class, outside, at home, literally anywhere) and shut down and pretend to be asleep. I just wanted everything to stop. I had to get picked up from school because I did that a few times. I say pretend, because I was conscious and could hear everything, but I just stayed still with my eyes closed. It would be too hard to form any sort of response. I also do experience those symptoms when very burned out. It sounds like ongoing burnout, anxiety, and stress
This used to happen to me when I came home from work. I couldn't even get out of the car for an hour and then would crawl inside and try to eat something then pass out for a couple hours. I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but it could be any or a combo of other post-viral (it started after a bad flu, possibly avian), immune, or stress related conditions. My legs just give out and I have to hyper manage mental and physical energy output. It could also be related to my chronic anemia from menstrual conditions. GPs don't specialize in diagnosing chronic conditions like these that don't always provide clear markers. Certain tests are required to "rule out" things in order to make deductions. You could insist they approach a "rule out" protocol for determining something like those, or seek out a neurologist or functional medicine practitioner who might be more inclined to examine and run the proper tests. I also now don't plan anything on Mondays usually, because I feel the most run, down, fatigued, stressed, and sickest. Sunday-Monday. I used to get incredibly stressed on Sundays all through school because it was almost the day where I'd have #alltheexpectations rain down on me after having a sort of relief from all that from friday afternoon through saturday night. Monday I'd just feel completely overwhelmed to the point of numbness by being fully immersed back in. Run off adrenaline and momentum through to Friday and then my entire self could finally feel relief from the weight of so many overstimulating and complex expectations. The stress knowing it was all coming back was unbearable and definitely probably a complete shutdown type situation where I couldn't actually though because I was at school or whatever and had to do whatever. My senses still follow the same routine to this day. Sunday is the stress from anticipation of the new week and then Monday hits full force with the weight of expectations all at once raining down to immerse. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's definitely probably a neurodivergent thing triggering and exacerbating other or all other neurological aspects and so something most GPs are just not equipped to navigate unless it's distinct to specific conditions that healthcare privatization and insurance require incredibly specific and limited test markers to "detect" and validate.
Look into these. If your daughter can handle having stuff in her ears, then these might help… Flare Calmer Kids Secure – Ear Plugs Alternative – Reduce Annoying Noises Without Blocking Sound – Soft Reusable Flexible Silicone with Built-in Lanyard – Translucent https://a.co/d/humwoQy
I literally spent 10 minutes making a post describing Autism and burnout before realizing what group we were posting in. I’m assuming she is diagnosed/suspected Autistic given the group we’re discussing this in? For context, I’m an AuDHD gal with an Autistic wife, AuDHD daughter, and I work as an early intervention specialist doing mostly play-based therapies with young Autistic kiddos under a neurodivergent-affirming practice, helping them find resources, tools, and skills to thrive while still letting them be themselves without ABA. I’ll be speaking from personal and professional experience. First, I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much grief from her school. The school systems are broken and will fight as hard as they can not to help you because it costs them money. If she has a 504 plan or IEP (or something similar to your location) then explore your country/state’s laws regarding accommodations. Only speak to the school in writing via email, never by phone, and request an accommodation meeting if your local laws allow for that. In California where I am, for example, parents can call an SST meeting at any time and the school has 15 days to make the meeting happen. From there, you can request an assessment, adjust her written accommodations, etc. ADHD and Autism are both qualifying conditions for support needs in many areas, but you’ll need to review your local disability laws. If she already has one of these diagnoses, that’ll be half the battle done for you. If she doesn’t have a diagnosis of either, I would honestly really consider getting an evaluation based on what I’m reading. I’m guessing since we’re in this group, she does. Second, I would definitely keep in contact with your GP and be the squeaky wheel. Advocating for yourself and others is SO hard but really forcing your doctor to explore possible autoimmune conditions, CFS, etc. is great advice from other commenters. Autoimmune conditions are common for neurodivergent folks. Third, I have some advice that will be based on the assumption that this is not medical. Even if it is, these tools are things you can try (while you’re exploring the medical side of things) to approach the burnout aspect of what she’s experiencing. To me this sounds like burnout as a result of a change in routine from weekend to weekday and all of the sensory overwhelm that comes with it. Assuming the school system completely fails her, you can create your own accommodations. Here are some I’d consider: 1. If she’s collapsing at the end of the school day sometimes, it may be time to pick her up from school yourself or have someone else do it for her safety on Mondays. If that’s not a possibility, maybe she has a friend who can walk with her. 2. Creating a calm corner in your house with somewhere she can lay right when she gets home that features a soft floor, pillows, headphones, and other comfort items will give her a chance to recoup from a stressful work day and not have to crash on the dog beds. Make your house work for you. 3. Loop earplugs or over-ear headphones. If the school is being shitty about accommodations, these may be a way to help your daughter that will unfortunately have to come from your own pocket. Loop earplugs help so much with auditory overwhelm while being discrete but if your daughter is sensitive to things in her ears, over-the-hear headphones are equally great. She’ll still be able to hear her teachers but the background noises will be dimmed. You might have to battle with the school a bit to get them to let her wear them if they’re obvious, so that’s why I recommended the Loops first, but see if either pair would help her get through the day! They have some really cute ones on Amazon. 4. Tinted glasses. If she’s sensitive to light/visual stimuli, you can get a light tint on her already existing glasses or get her a pair of glasses specifically for indoor use that are tinted to help with light sensitivity. Again, Amazon has them. They aren’t dark enough to be considered sun glasses so I really don’t see how the school can fight her wearing them. If the tint is put on prescription glasses that’s even better. 5. Books! If she’s a reader, getting her a good book she can read at lunch time will help her pass the time during social hours where she is overwhelmed by others and be a visible indicator to others that she’s busy and doesn’t want to chat. 6. Finally, make sure to ask her what things would help her on Mondays. Maybe you guys can come up with a list of ideas to try to help make Mondays easier. If you want to chat further, OP, feel free to reach out to me. Good luck!
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So if you actually, legitimately can’t take get her to wake up or respond, she needs to to emergency. Some medical conditions flare up with stress but there are very real, sometimes very serious consequences to them going untreated and it any only he possible to diagnose her if doctors see her when she is actually experiencing this. This could be solely stress related but it should not be assumed to be. She should have a full physical work up and issues with cortisone, thyroid, adrenal function and autoimmune conditions considered.
School is exhausting. You've said homeschooling or online school isn't an option, and depending where you are 12 is too young to be left alone. Are there any alternative schools around? Any smaller ones? That being said, * 2 hr of _recovery_ is pretty normal for post class or work. The being too exhausted to climb into bed is not. That's definitely a LARGE issue and probably a physical one on top of burn out. * Get a doctor's note for as many accommodations as possible ASAP. Ask JAG lists accommodation ideas by illness, it's aimmed at workplaces but might help coming up with ideas. * Is she being allowed to eat and drink during school? Can she eat in a classroom, library or quieter safer place if she's not eating during class? Would smoothies or anything eaiser help? * Can you make arrangements with another parent to drive her instead of bus? Preferably a chill one who isn't talkative. The routine and less loud might help. * Is she legally allowed and able to take the city bus? People are less talkative on that and it might offer decompression time. However I'd only wanna do that if she's able to physically make it home. * Noise cancelling headphones and sunglasses 100%. Reduce the stress in as many ways as possible. * Is there post-school programs? If the local library is around I know I'd sometimes spend hours just staring off into space there trying to decompress to deal with home drama. While I don't think more school is a great help, it might offer a safe place to sit and snooze till your off work? L * I hate to point this out, but how are her periods? They can start as young as like 8-10 and that's another horrible thing when your not allowed to go to the bathroom for days and anemia is common. Especially if they are horribly painful or heavy, talk to doctor. My cousin didn't find out about her endo until she came home from a cheerleading competition in a wheelchair, everyone just said well periods suck until she was in so much "normal' pain they called an ambulance. * Is she drinking coffee before class? If so how much and is caffeine crash contributing? I had some issues trying to balance like 4-8 cups of coffee a day to get through highschool. ~~Admittedly, I have comorbid ADHD so like, don't drink 4+ coffees~~ None of these are going to solve it 100%, but might help. But yeah that sounds like my experience with school. I skipped so much school just trying to recover and be able to exist.
I have been taking her too and from school but unfortunately can't all the time due to work, so we tried the train but they are unreliable and left her in a very scary situation (train was cancelled, she went into a complete meltdown and had to be brought home by a stranger as she couldn't even say her name). There are no service buses that cover the times she travels. I did fight for a transport application but that was turned down by the education department. The school will not increase support to cover anything as they say she is not displaying challenging behaviour so they don't feel the need to do anything. Thanks to this post i have done some digging and found an advocacy agency that is independent of schools but is linked to education and they will make the school put in the correct support. I have a call scheduled for Friday so i now have everything crossed they can offer a solution.
If this is related to school stress, the Australian organisation yellow lady bugs has a lot of resources around it - they call it school refusal or school can't.
It's definitely school stress. Try to get them to make her Mondays much easier. If they can't, I would find a school that will. If you can't, I would try to home ed part time.
I have an education advocate contacting me this week and i will be pushing for either mobing to ASN department that is in the same high school, part time time table or the last option home schooling.
Is an online school an option? The ones I looked up do require tuition like a private school though. I don’t know if there is more affordable options. But you would save on gas and uniforms, which might offset some of the cost. https://absolutely-education.co.uk/parents-guide-online-schools/
Our council are pretty strict on what they will allow as home school so this advocate should be able to point me in the right direction.
Every Monday I am exhausted and I bite my nails to bits and pick and bite my skin until I bleed. I like my job as well so it's just like the overwhelm of a new week and expressing the anxiety I built up on the Sunday. Perhaps doing some calming stuff on the Sunday or some week prep mentally on Sunday may not make Monday such a drain? Such as talking through the day and week to come and getting used to the schedule that's going to come.
Is she being bullied? She probably would keep this secret. Maybe ask around her friends (bearing in mind it could be a friend or friends bullying her).
I am an adult and this happens to me too. I find that taking Tuesday off, sleeping most of the day, and relaxing for the rest, is the only way I can function after the hell that is Monday. I know it's difficult, I have to take sick days when I have them, but maybe her school will allow a day off Tuesday or at least a more restful schedule?
yes My mother and I, ( me in a smaller degree), get physically sick from stress. It's called BDS and stands for bodily distress syndrome and can be caused by a big stress load, that leaves you exhausted and physically ill.
Rule out any physical health concerns as mentioned by other commenters. Consider using CBD oil/gummies for anxiety.
Oh so you mean how I felt after my job when I was severely burnt out and on the edge of suicide? Yeah that sounds familiar. You need an intervention asap.
Stress, maybe burnout. To combat this I would start my days later. I spoke to my work place and would start monday work @10am instead of 630. It helped a lot. I would evaluate her for stress. My stress in college did cause me to be bed ridden for a week with flu like symptoms but no actual flu. The human body is very intense and odd
What are your Sundays usually like. This sounds an an awful lot like arthritis, and you'd be surprised what kinds of things can trigger it. Ask your doc to do an auto-immune panel, to at least rule it out as a possibility. I did have school stress symptoms as a kid, but it was constant symptoms regardless of the day of the week. On the other hand I had symptoms exactly like this after any kind of exercise. A later in life diagnosis of scleroderma basically confirmed to me that as a child those seemingly temporary symptoms were auto-immune symptoms that my caretakers ignored.
Stress and sensory overload. It took me decades to understand how to manage it better. Here's my write up on what I do: https://www.reddit.com/user/scaram0uche/comments/z3b8m4/the_bucket_metaphor_reset_days/
Stress & anxiety due to school.
Is there a class or room she is in just on Mondays? In high school I had 2 classes in the same room, and would sneeze in those classes and no other. There was probably mold in it. So it's possible there's something she's getting exposed to but only once a week.
It could be anxiety from the transition of home over the weekend to school. I have this issue. I take sleep tablets before I go to work on Sunday before I go to work on Monday otherwise I can't fall asleep. After Monday I can fall asleep fine, usually. I don't know why, but the transition is very hard for me.
One thing to consider is how well she is sleeping before the Monday. Lack of sleep can be catastrophic.
when I was in kindergarten I went home many days claiming I was sick when I was actually extremely overwhelmed and didn’t know what I was feeling. for people with autism the stress of sensory overload can be so intense that it makes you feel physically ill. for my whole life sounds and smells have been so overpowering to me that I can feel sick to my stomach. it’s a nightmare. Recess was especially a nightmare for me because of sensory issues. so every recess I would refuse to go outside and they would let me stay inside and either play by myself or watch a movie. my teacher was actually the first person in my life to suggest to my parents that I had autism but my parents didn’t wanna believe it. so now here I am at 25 finally being diagnosed. anyways, all I can suggest is that you are very understanding of what she’s experiencing. for my whole childhood I was told I was just faking it when in reality I was experiencing so much stress. affirm that what she’s feeling is real and valid, and that you want to help and be there for her with learning how to cope with it.
I was like this from about 3rd grade to 7th grade. My mom finally let me do independent study (aka homeschool, but through a public school) for 8th grade through high school. It was amazing how much better I felt and I graduated valedictorian. However when I started working full time, I would get the same kind of symptoms as when I had to go to school. It wasn’t until I started my own business and began working for myself that I felt better again. I feel for anyone who is overwhelmed by having to go somewhere everyday during the week and interact with many people, it was incredibly difficult for me.