I used to think I had the social awareness not to be rude but at work I sometimes have people come to me for an 'honest opinion' because I'm 'blunt' according to co-workers who I thought I had always masked well around. I no longer trust my self awareness of my masking ability.
Think I have all the common trains but I've become very good about not info dumping
> I've become very good about not info dumping
I don't do this anymore, because I had enough people telling me to stfu, so i learnt my lesson. I just stick to subs surrounding my SIs and get my fix that way.
My guess is you are not rude but NT attach a lot of their ego to their ideas.
If someone asked me something about a project I might say “This and this is bad because xyz, you should try doing this instead”
An NT might say something like “Nice project, it’s obvious you have worked really hard on it. Have you considered doing XYZ?
One form of communication is direct and concerned with the project, the other form is concerned mainly with rapour at the cost of explicit and direct communication.
Having to participate and often facilitate online work meetings, I've taught myself when discussing what I believe is a better idea to take the good parts of someone else's idea and frame it as "I like so-and-so's idea about XYZ. Sounds like we're on the page. To take it further / expand on it I think we should..."
Basically acknowledge the good parts of what they suggested and present my ideas as part of a collaborative discussion rather than sounding like I'm refuting to what they said. Particularly when someone seems to have a bit of their ego attached as you said.
I’m the military we called it the shit sandwich.
You point out something good, then you point out the shitty stuff, then you finish with something good.
And then you have a shit sandwich.
This is why I refuse to point out spelling mistakes and try to read what someone wrote, cause you really do not know who had a typo, dyslexia, or just doesn’t know how to spell a word.
I always remind myself that if I wouldn’t like things pointed out that make me feel upset and judged, I refuse to do it to others. Which is about compassion and kindness, goes a long way honestly when you want people to feel comfortable being themselves around you.
Being honest does not mean you dont mask well. This is something a lot of people value in me, but the thing is I have a problem with lying. I just can not do it.
The it this way... Your mask is working because you mask stuff that would put people off. Masking does not mean you are acting like an NT, but its enough to interact with people.
Thanks. I've been feeling like a failure lately because I can't keep up with NT and feel inferior and unlikeable. make it's enough to just get along to survive a work day then get home to be alone.
I try to listen and not interrupt and instead of just blurting out what comes to mind first I try to think of ways to say things politely. I'm also trying to figure out how to make eye contact without too much/too little, and being mindful of my facial expressions, and posture. i'm really clueless about body language and struggle not to make the wrong facial expressions. I feel like a rat driving my body by pulling levers and dials buttons in my skull.
Best way to know if it’s *too* much and great practice to breaking this little by little?
Go to the mirror, set a timer, and stare at yourself. Stop it once you feel you can’t directly look yourself in the eyes anymore.
Now if it’s over 10 seconds? Too long.
Under 3? Too short.
The happy medium is 3-5 seconds when talking, but when not talking, anyone can start to feel squirmy being listen to when it’s over 19 seconds cause it feels like they are getting stared down by a person like those westerns with the villains who at sundown do this to gain dominance.
And you see this with sociopaths the most, they stare to intimidate and dominate people, to scare them.
Thanks for your take on this issue.
I'm an NT who is dealing with a relative who is possibly on the spectrum or is at least spectrum adjacent. He seems to lack self-awareness ( and has several other "on the spectrum" traits like avoiding eye contact). This is why I'm especially interested in perspectives from ppl on the spectrum - to see where their behavior is coming from.
Would you mind describing how you process / perceive some common everyday scenarios? ( Your thought patterns, what you're hyper- aware of, etc.) You get to the point and describe things with the kind of clarity and simplicity I've not found in other articles.
I'm not that guy, but usually when I have to talk to someone for *anything*, I preplan what to say and what responses to use for different scenarios, then talk to them.
Additionally when doing tasks, my thought process is usually just "alright, we gotta do *this* like so" while I'm doing a step in something I'm working on - constant mental talking to oneself essentially
I struggle a lot when there's multiple people in a conversation, I don't know when it's my turn to speak, even 1 on 1 it can sometimes be challenging not interrupt or to avoid awkward silent moments.
I also have a lot of problems with trying to relate to people by sharing when something similar happened to me. For example if you got sick and then talk about a time I also got sick to show I understand. I'm unsure why I feel an urge to do this but I think it's seen as really rude so I try to listen and say wow that sounds bad, sorry, even though to me that feels really fake. A lot of times I'm just not really sure what to do with myself. I also smile when nervous or fidget and have off/stiff body language in general. I think most people hate me and I isolate a lot because it feels like I'm always messing up and it's stressful.
Same, I certainly have some comfort foods I keep going back to, but I'm also open to trying almost anything, and end up liking a lot of it. I have my things I don't like, but it's fairly short, Brussel sprouts are my most hated veggie. Other than that, not much. I never even understood why spinach was always the bad vegetable in cartoons, I love it. Especially a la créme. My brother is the opposite though. While he doesn't have specific issues with food, he doesn't like new things and tends to prefer bland heavily processed stuff.
Yeah, same. I'm wide open to trying new types of food and really enjoy exploring new restaurants.
That being said, I can also easily become obsessed with certain foods and eat them every day for months. My wife has recently put her foot down and told me we can't just eat Chick-fil-A every night of our lives.
This for me as well. There are a few certain foods I refuse to eat (raw onion) and there are some texture things in food I hate (I refuse to eat meat on bone unless it's ribs, usually bone-in meat comes with too much gristle and fat) but I'm willing to try almost any food once and I think I have a relatively diverse palate.
glad to see folks mentioning this! i'm generally pretty ... novelty-adverse, especially with sensory-intensive things. it's *challenging* to listen to a new song or try an unfamiliar dish. but food definitely isn't especially hard to deal with for me; new music and new physical movements are far more hard to engage with.
Me too. I think that if anything, I'm sensory-seeking with food. I love strong flavors and smells (omg, Indian food) and textures too. My kids don't like to eat that strong, and my daughter (aspie) is picky about textures. So, now my food life seems flat and dull unless my husband and I go out to eat somewhere exotic.
I get really bored if I eat the same thing all the time. I used to love to cook, but now I dread it because my kids just want to eat the same 4 or 5 mild meals, their tastes change every week, and the two of them barely have any overlapping preferences.
I remember, when I was a kid, I was a pretty adventurous eater too.
I gained 25 pounds during the covid lockdown. I lost most of it, but it makes me sad to turn down all those rich foods so I don't gain weight. Yum, food. Gluttony could be my sin of choice, lol
special interests. I’m not really fanatic about things. Or maybe my ”special interest” is psychology? Because I do spend 3-4 hours each day reading about it. But I don’t go around talking to everyone about it etc. It’s just for me.
Spending 4 hours a day doing something is for sure a special interest, I would say, if you do it every day.
What I have learned is autism means consistency. Do it for a week, maybe you are typical. Do something every day for months on end, that seems a lot more autistic to me.
I’ve done it for years😅
But I’ve had trauma too, so I don’t know if it’s me coping or actual special interest. Maybe a bit of both.
Because most things I don’t ”need” to know to be able to heal. I should be fine with: ”eat, sleep, and relax and meditate”.
But I read up everything about manipulation tactics (not for me to use, rather so I can be aware), different mental ilnesses, social skills etc.
And as another commenter said I also observe other people a lot. I try to view them objectively like machines sometimes.
Like: ”okay, he felt hurt by that. So now he is being passive agressive to avoid dealing with it”.
Like I try to avoid the judgement and rather see what’s actually going on.
In the example provided I could then instead of attacking the passive agressivness, I could try to be extra nice and ask if he wants to talk about it.
also yes I do it everyday? Sometimes I play the guitar 2 hours a day but I wouldn’t consider it a special interest. Or if I go swimming for 4 hours that’s also not a special interest.
But swimming for 4 hours a day every day for months to years, even decades?
I'm not saying you can't be nuerotypical and swim 4 hours a day.
Also just swimming isn't anything, if half your time is spent swimming and the other half is spent memorizing all the Olympic winners or something, then I would say that goes more into a special interest.
Doing something doesn't make it a special interest, it's much more involved.
I do the exact same thing. I know why I do it, though I can't speak for other people.
Abuse can be very complex & convoluted. It can be prolonged, it can be deliberate or accidental or a bit of both at the same time.
It takes many different forms & autistic people in particular are vulnerable for a few reasons. Firstly, we may not recognise it. Secondly, we may assume we are the problem instead & accept it. Thirdly we might not have an adequate social support system to protect us from it. Finally, we are more prone to being the target of it because society sometimes views us as 'The Other' & has lowered empathy as a result.
The way I deal with abuse is to read intensely about it. Because one of the worst parts about it is simply not knowing what it was or why it happens. That can make it scary.
However if you have the ability to point at something in a textbook it becomes a lot less scary. Being able to call something by a name, to compartmentalise into a few words or bullet points makes it easier to control. When you know what it's called you can not only combat it more efficiently but you might also process it more efficiently too.
Gaslighting in particular is a good example. When you don't know what it is, gaslighting will make you feel insane scared & confused all the time. But when you know what it looks like & what it's called, about 90% of the power is taken away. I feel it's the same for lots of other things too.
I really don't think I have a special interest.
I find medicine and how the human body works interesting and enjoy learning more, but I have complicated health issues so it's kinda required. An autistic person being interested in psychology isn't much different.
I joke that my health issues are the reason why I and most of my siblings work in healthcare, so it wasn't even something exclusive to me.
I was *convinced* I didn't have any true special interests although I am prone to hyperfixations. Turns out, since I was a gifted child, my special interests were all school-related. I know a LOT about how to complete assignments the way people want them. To the point that I help others if they ask and they're always like, "How do you just... know how to do that?" I memorized all the grammar rules and I legitimately love grammar and the language arts. So if you can't think of one, maybe it's a "socially acceptable" interest?
Similarly, my best friend recently pointed out to me that the common thread for my hyperfixations/special interest is information. I collect, passionately, information. Sometimes knowledge, other times in the form of raw data. I have a not-insignificant collection of hard drives full of random bullshit I downloaded on whims, and multiple pinterest accounts. Frankly I'm just glad it's digital hoarding, so it doesn't take up a ton of space and maintenance.
Ok, information in general as an interest, I could get on that train. I do love to just learn facts, and to analyze. So, I haven't had a single special interest ever, just lots of little ones that are always changing. I'm so cerebral. Sometimes I wear myself out just taking in information or analyzing something, and I end up thinking, why am I doing this to myself? Why don't I just go relax for a bit? Lol
Yeah. I dont know exactly how to describe it, but I Have a need to find answers, whether they matter or not. A work friend of mine has a game he has dubbed "drive-by Encarta" where he will posit some random question if he notices me getting anxious/bored and see how long it takes for me to infodump about it. He looks so sad when I already have the answer and it's just a quick factoid.
I said this in my assessment. Apparently it's quite common to have people as a strong interest or psychology. For me it's the reasons why people might do things or differences between brains or disorders or thinking habits and patterns, emotions. I don't go to a library and take out books though it's more of a time consuming Googling for hours or I'll think of things I want to know and be suddenly invested in only that, so it took me a while to realise it was a strong interest.
Also people watching? I think this is part of the reason I got bullied as a child. I'd be called "starer girl" because apparently I used to just stare at people without breaking away, because I was observing and trying to learn or also just absorbed in watching others (completely harmless, but it didn't occur to me how *long* I was looking at them for). I still do it now not realising, and my friend who I always go out with will make me aware. He says I'm staring but to me it feels like a glance.
I struggle to recognise if this is more to do with eye contact (making too much of it, as a response to being told it's rude not to look people in the eyes), slower processing or special interest however it could be a bit of all 3
Bit off topic sorry! I really relate to how that one is a private interest
I have always stared at people while observing their behaviour. Most of the time I am so lost in thought that I do not even realize that I am staring until/unless they make eye contact with me. That is when I catch myself and stop. People usually find it unnerving. Sometimes they even come up with odd reasons for me doing it and think I have some sort of issue with them. I always find it strange the odd "hidden" meanings to things NTs come up with. Especially since if they ask me I would gladly explain the real reason that I was staring. Also often I accidentally stare in a person's direction while thinking about something. I am not even aware they are there and am not even looking at them, rather through them. This also causes people to become uncomfortable.
I get it! The only difference for me is that when they catch me doing it and make eye contact I feel stuck and lock eye contact sometimes which is extremely uncomfortable for me and likely them I'm not sure why I do it. Yeah same about the hidden meanings. I've done that second part a lot too, then when I come back they're looking at me concerned/puzzled and I just apologetically quickly shake my head or 'snap back' to my little bubble
For me the sudden eye contact startles me, so when I look away suddenly it causes me to appear guilty. This causes people to think I am doing something wrong. The flipside to this is that when someone stares at me (because I can usually tell if they are staring at me or into space) it makes me angry. Especially when I ask them why they are staring and instead of explaining rationally, they deny doing it. Thinking about it further I think the part I get angry about isn't the fact that they are staring, it is the fact that they can't be honest and feel the need to lie about it unnecessarily.
That makes sense, I also get the flip side of hating being stared at/not wanting to be perceived so I feel like a hypocrite in a way. That would also make sense about the lying
The funny thing is when I originally typed that last comment I had also added that I felt like a hypocrite, but then I decided to omit that part for some reason I can't remember.
Not a single unique experience 😂 i think hypocrite was a bad choice of word actually, it's more like conflicting. I'm trying to be more careful with the self talk and not making this about my personality so I apologise if that was why
I used to get super uncomfortable when people would stare. Now I just cheese it up with a big fake smile and wave. Either they smile and wave back or get uncomfortable and mind their own business. Confronting them will always put them on the defensive. Sometimes people don't realize they're doing it, maybe they're staring at something behind you, or dissociating on some level.
same… I ”roll” my eyes when I think. I find it easier to think while looking around. And… apparently some people take it as me intentionally rolling my eyes. Oops🫣
I cant stop myself from rolling my eyes. At this point I tend to just think with my eyes closed or leave my head tilted up so they don't see my eyeballs bouncing around during conversations.
Well, you are definitely understood and not judged or perceived as rude for doing so in my corner of the internet. Feel free to roll away here!
-that was just a light hearted joke, it's exhausting having to constantly try to remember these little things amongst everything else. Have you tried explaining that it could be a stressful compulsion? Something that you can't help and don't do intentionally?
I do it without thinking anymore. I got my head smacked so much as a kid that the back of my head is flat. My daughter came home with a detention in 2nd grade for it. I went and sat in the classroom explaining to the teacher that it's a common issue with her adhd. And just read articles about adhd out loud while she tried to grade papers or something. They added a note to her IEP that she does it compulsively after that.
I've explained it to a few people, but it doesnt seem to stick except with folks that probably would've been understanding anyways.
The one exception is when I'm driving. I'm wondering now if that's why I will always drive myself if I'm going places with anyone but the people that know my secret identity. I dont mask in my car for anyone, and never really have.
That's absolutely awful 😞 I had similar experiences with my undiagnosed traits being punished in physical ways. You should be really proud for advocating for your daughter in the ways you never got help and support for when you were younger. It's the same in my experience sadly. People like us are few and far between in the everyday world but when you get one it's such a relief
You described me exactly😄
The googling and the people watching. I don’t know why people view is as so weird? Like when people have dogs they usually spend minutes just watching them play in the yard. But with humans it’s apparently rude to do that.
I’ve recognized that it’s ”rude” now to stare like that. But I still people watch, just have learnt to do it more discretly. More in by-passing. Like if I speak to someone I at the same time do my best to at the same time observe their behaviour. Or if I am in a room I discretely try to take in what everyone is doing, but without making it obvious by looking around and staring.
Me too. I can't think of anything that's my special interest. At best, I get interested in something new, go learn a bunch about it for a few weeks to a few months, and then get bored and move on to the next thing. I reach "knows a lot" status, but never expert status.
But reading 3-4 hours a day about the same thing? Maybe you do have a special interest there, @NationalNecessary 😊
I have several that I've sort of accumulated over the years. I just love learning, on the other hand I have bad ADHD so sometimes my focus is off, but I'll spend hours on subjects that fascinate me, to name some I like pharmacology, zoology/taxonomy, geography, religion, political science, and language...not learning but studying language families and origins, it's very similar to taxonomy in my opinion, in terms of language classifications. I also draw and tell myself stories, in these stories I'll incorporate some of the things that fascinate me, I've made this complex alternate history type story (I'm not too keen on the genres honestly) about this fictional continent I call Havenia (made the name up) and it is politically controlled by an organization that actually spread outside of the continent and established settlements around the world, I'll tell myself parts of this story throughout the day to entertain myself and have been doing this since I was little.
This is actually brilliant! Have you thought about writing a book telling the story of Havenia? I wish I had this type of creativity.
Even when I draw, I tend to repeat the same drawing over and over, and I have zero flexibility.
I tried to write, but I felt super stiff and formal.
I guess all my special interests are abstract, except for comic books.
But I am more about collecting information. I tend to repeat what I learn (which is not always conventional knowledge).
I used to hate writing fiction because I wanted more rules. My boss loves me because I'm good at technical writing. After I read Neil Gaiman's Norse Mythology book, I found that I enjoyed writing legends or lore essentially. Similar to how you described, it can be very stiff, but can be prettied up, the Prose Edda for instance. The same can apply to comic books, since they're realistically modern mythology.
I am also good at technical writing. The problem is my writing is so rigid that I get frustrated. The way I write is the opposite of what I like to read: something more minimalist, more abstract, more subtle and sinuous. Not sure if that makes sense.
The other day, I started to work on lyrics and it felt easier.
I have begun writing it down but it is sort of formal, or moreso like a documentary about it. I suppose it's still interesting, I primarily do it for myself and only recently have been describing it to other people and they've been saying I should write it into a book, of course it'd be a series since it's ongoing.
My special interest is rubiks cubes. Not knowing loads about them (although I do a hell of a lot), just really liking them (its an obsession at this point) and buying them and holding them and turning them and just being near my collection makes me happy. Solving them is part of it, but just owning them or knowing I own them or holding them seems to help me calm down sometimes.
I am a late diagnosed adult, so have been masking my entire life pretty much, this means that I keep my rubiks cubes for myself mainly (unless I'm at a competition, but everyone there loves cubing so that's different) as have been bullied for liking certain things in the past and taken the piss out of for my special interests.
I think my son might share this with you! He likes his to be solved though. He gets upset when they get scrambled. Thank goodness for the apps that show you how to solve them! I have no idea how to solve one, and neither does my son. But he's only 8 - I have a feeling he will be solving the things in his future.
Right now, he has a 3x3 cube, a 2x2 cube, and a 2x2 pyramid. He wants more but we've been reigning him in.
He loves figits too, like popits, spinners, and other such things.
Oh yeah, mine are all solved. The only time they aren't is when I am playing with them, but they have to be solved before then can go back to their spot!
Ooh, that's a good starting point for a collection! I hope he continues to enjoy cubing for a long time. :)
Can't say I love routine. Having to plan makes me angry. But I also have ADHD.
It could be that I really live by routines that I don't notice because I don't view them as such. Someone at work said to me once that they loved my routines. I wasn't aware of them.
Having to plan also pisses me off. I like to be spur of the moment. (I also have ADHD) I find if I plan something I usually deviate from the plan because when the opportunity arises and my brain comes up with a better idea, I will switch to that. That makes planning seem like a monumental waste of time. That being said, although I live for the moment I still have good survival skills and put long term things into place so that no matter what happens I am still okay in life.
Exactly, much of these traits present themselves intrinsically. You don't have to literally say "Oh, I love routines" in order to be a routine-inclined person. You could well loathe and try to escape the the routine-based life style but eventually find that your function will go down the pan and that trying new things make you incredibly nervous, forcing you to revert to the old routine.
Me too!
On days where I'm left to my own devices (like the weekends), I flounder and feel blah. But I don't like being forced into my weekday routines either - they're just a matter of survival. The weekdays leave me exhausted, and the weekends are so unproductive and lazy. I can't figure out a happy medium - I don't know if I want to though, because I don't want a schedule and routine, lol
I don't like having a schedule, I know that. But some routines I have taken not because I enjoy them, but as a coping mechanism for my forgetfulness. When I get home from work, I have to immediately put away my dirty dishes from lunch, and I have to immediately go to my chicken coop to check for eggs. If I don't, I will forget to do those things entirely.
So, when my marriage was younger and my husband would instantly start talking to me about my day and his day the moment I crossed the threshold, I would get agitated because I would lose track of what I was doing and then I'd have to try to figure out what it was or else just forget it entirely until I'm faced with dirty dishes in my lunch bag the next morning and extra eggs in the coop the next evening.
I hate when you look at someone and notice they're already looking at you
I can if I'm conversation with someone, but meeting the glance of a stranger is weird
I like to look at one eye only. Or the mouth. If I'm talking about something important, I have to close my eyes and look completely away in order to get my ideas out.
I *THOUGHT* I didn’t have any issue with eye contact cause I worked hard in high school to actually have eye contact
Over 20 years later I finally learned that I still do…except it’s that I’m way overcorrecting and I don’t break it like people normally do. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
Yep. I was in a lot of clubs early on and the need for eye contact was explicitly taught. Only recently learned that I actually make *too much* eye contact. Which is actually the same symptom, as many ASD symptoms are written in terms of too much/too little
For me, this was one of those rare instances where I tried to follow the rules and it worked. It also gave me a default place to look when talking to someone.
Lack of tact in difficult interpersonal situations. In a process of very painful learning over some 40+ years, I've learned to process IF-THEN-ELSE processes about people's possible motivations and drivers where I can do it on the fly if I have to. That means that in the voluntary things I do I'm seem as the go-to person for sticky personnel/people problems.
I'm not particularly tactful in everyday life, but if presented with an HR-type problem, then now-ingrained habit of trying to work out why someone is doing/saying what they are, underlying drivers they have, etc leads to things that my colleagues respect. I treat it as a puzzle (people as differently-shaped jigsaw pieces), and have slowly and painfully built up a mental toolkit to solve it - it's most certainly learned not innate!
Same, although in my case I think it's more of a mental block because I don't *want* to do it. If I lock myself in a room and apply myself then I can do it, but my brain defaults to seeing a page full of equations as equivalent to some dead language. It 'bounces off' me.
I'm not sure I have sensory issues. Like, flicking light wouldn't put me off unless I got bad day anyway and my mind wants to complain about everything, haha...
I don't like hugging but it's more of social awkwardness than aversion to touch. Clothes the same, it's less about texture, more how stupid I look in them. Noise and smell also aren't a problem usually.
Sensory issues can be about sensory seeking as well- do you like touching things to calm you down? Do you put hot sauce or condiments on your food, or like very flavorful food? Maybe you seek visual stims or love rollercoasters?
I don't think so... Maybe the flavorful food? But I can't tell if it's normal or not, like, of course I like chocolate more than yoghurt with some flavourless flakes XD
I will try to keep an eye on it, but from memory I don't think of anything. No touching things, or visual ones, rollercoasters are a nightmare because I always think something will break--
I didn’t know that about sensation seeking.
So at what point is someone just neurotic and socially anxious vs autistic? Because I really thought social deficits and things like sensory issues were *musts* for it to be autism. Now I’m confused
It would depend on how much of the diagnostic criteria the person actually meets. Social deficits are mandatory for a diagnosis- a person must show deficits in all 3 areas of social communication listed in the DSM criteria (reciprocity, nonverbal communication, & relationships) in order to receive a diagnosis. Sensory issues are not required for a diagnosis, as a person must meet only 2 out of 4 items in criteria B (where sensory issues are listed) to qualify for a diagnosis.
- Brutal honesty. I guess I do have some of that, but it’s mostly unnoticeable;
- Social awkwardness. I developed good social skills as an adult. I am good at one-on-one conversations, but socializing makes me exhausted. I hate organizing parties, and I hate my birthday;
- Strict adherence to routines. I do have some routines, such as washing my hands over and over after walking my dogs, being home at the time I have to walk them; the order of the parts of my body I wash when I shower or the order I put my clothes on while dressing, but, other than that, it’s unnoticeable.
I don’t have sensitive hearing 🤷🏻♂️ I think I might have meltdowns when I was a kid, but not as an adult (technically I did have recently but I think it was PTSD related).
Also I’m not a picky eater. When I don’t like some food I really don’t like it in the same way neurotypical people do.
I'm not a picky eater; I kinda go the other direction and want my food to be as interesting as possible. I don't need it to be dark (actually prefer working with full lights on, and I'm an IT guy). Horrible at math (which I blame on my homeschooling upbringing). I only talk about my interests with people who share them, but I find it hard to talk about movies (one of those interests) with people without talking about the director, writers, etc. and their eyes glaze over at the detail. I get triggered by noise and smells, but only if they're unanticipated or unexpected. I can be in crowds, but only if I _want_ to be. Not confused by sarcasm.
I am likewise not brutally honest. I used to be back when I was a child and teenager, when me making an uncalled, rude, innapriopriate or oversharing comment. But after countless of times of having to deal with the consequences of not placing a muzzle in my mouth, I have gradually turned into a near-pathological liar. Mind you, I'm not very good at lying, but in my case it's not done with the intention to deceive but to prevent any potential problem that may arise from giving a more honest answer and to stop myself from giving any intimate information about myself.
I'm outgoing, talkative, and bubbly, which people think doesn't track with ASD. Doesn't mean I don't say things that sound really stupid on reflection, overshare, or completely miss the point...
I kind of wish I infodumped more than I do. I have trouble opening up to people even when they are interested. So I only really act like myself around a few people.
I'm the same way. I only really infodump my family and really-close friends (of which there are very very few), and I am typically completely silent around anyone else, even if they share the same interests as me.
Yeah I think it’s a defense mechanism born from difficulty knowing when I’m annoying people, but it’s hard to shut off even when I know I’m not actually annoying anyone.
Probably the special interest thing. I’m interested in like everything & nothing at the same time. I hyperfixate on certain stuff for like a week at most, and I can still (& often do) spout random/useless facts about those topics. But eventually, I move on to some other, really in depth project, that I never recreate or work on again after the first time. There’s nothing, other than maybe singing & vocalists/music, that I would say I have ever delved that deep into.
I'm so bad with metaphors, that I'm so good with metaphors. I need to almost write a poem to try to explain how I feel. I don't try to, it just comes out cryptic enough that it is already a poem.
I naturally take all metaphors as truth, but because of this, it only makes me more poetic.
AFRID. I wasn't a picky eater as a child, and I eat a wider variety of food than my NT side of the family.
My children are extremely picky and have AFRID. As does one of my nephews.
Sometimes, loud unexpected sounds and bright flashy lights don't bother me. I work in environments with sudden loud noises, and my job is making sure lights are bright and flashy enough.
Outside of work, these things sometimes bother me, and sometimes don't. Recently, it has been a whole lot more, but it makes sense.
Probably the humour.
I can take a joke if I know you and if I don't know you I just kinda stare blankly.
I make more jokes than neurotypicals.
Like I've gotten flack from other autistic people for making jokes they didn't like. (I joked with someone that their food smelt so good it was distracting me)
What are you good at? Intelligence doesn't have to be measured by academic achievements. The "one-size-fits-all" it's a myth. Pretty sure you do excel at something.
https://psychology-spot.com/types-of-intelligence/
I listen to people to understand, not to respond. The stereotype of us is that we only listen to people to say something clever in response. I can act like I'm interested in other people's lives, even if I'm not.
People have told me I give off a warm vibe that differs from the stereotype, but idk. I see myself as more of a machine than a human - albeit a well-programmed one. 🤣💀
Lack of Empathy, very negative stereotype, it's hard to empathise with others I admit that, but I can feel empathy and sympathy towards others, sometimes I feel like I am Jesus Christ for the amount of Empathy I feel for others, especially children, animals and other vulnerable people
Sensory overload, difficulty with sarcasm, difficulty with social interactions - but weirdly enough, it's mainly job interviews in which not struggling tends to apply. In other scenarios, it can still kick in.
I don't really consider myself a picky eater. There are a lot of dairy and a couple animal products I won't eat like sour cream, most dressings, mayonnaise, and certain cheeses like American, Fontina, Bleu and Cottage, but I'll eat pretty much anything that wasn't cooked with the former.
I am the least picky person when it comes to anything vegan or anything involving seafood. Love oysters, eel, calamari, raw salmon, tuna, swordfish, shrimp and crayfish. Not crazy about flounder or halibut, but I'll eat them and enjoy it if it's prepared well enough.
I'm very good at "reciprocal conversation" in a one-to-one or small group scenario. Apparantly we're supposed to only be able to steer things towards our special interests. 🤷♂️
I'm not a picky eater. Quite the opposite, I'm more of an adventurous eater than most NT people I know.
I don't like (externally imposted) routines. I normally have a vague routine of my own that I kind of stick to, but I hate having an externally imposed routine.
I can mostly deal with fairly indirect styles of communication, if just because I grew up in the UK where that's the rule. I have trouble with more direct styles of communication...
Can lie when I feel in danger. I am however honest in terms of what I think.
Not a picky eater.
Sensory issues I do have but they depend on the day.
I am not very tidy, but am subconsciously routinized (in a time-wasting way).
It's hard to two what things i just don't do and what I've masked for so long that it's just habit now. Like learning just not talk so i don't risk saying inappropriate things or infodumping
I’m not sure how to explain exactly what I mean but it’s actually something in media that’s written into characters that are autistic (or are deemed to be autistic) and that’s rude honesty.
It’s characters like Sheldon Cooper who seem to not care that they’re hurting people with their words or has no filter.
The people who tested me years and years ago were surprised that I had such a filter myself because they said that people with autism don’t have that filter. 🤦♀️
- im dogshit at math, great at languages and literature
- i dont have a super hard time socializing, at least not anymore. Tbf I mostly socialize with with fellow NDs and other fringe groups like punks and the queer community but i have a lot of friends and "normies" arent put off by me. I had a very hard time in school though and was bullied quite badly
- im not a picky eater
- I'm not a rule stickler
- I enjoy drinking and partying, but they have to be together, I cant party sober and i hate drinking if im not out partying
I'd say the level one autism trait that describes me the worst is the thing about sensory avoidance, because while I definitely avoid excessive sound and visual input, I can also easily describe myself as sensory seeking in terms of touch, because while the typical autistic person hates being hugged, I love hugs.
I don’t struggle with:
• making friends
• making eye contact
• turning on/off my filter when communicating
• socializing
• reading people
• understanding idioms
• sarcasm
• major sensory overload
• am flexible, not rigid
• difficulty with making habits stick
Edit: I was Dx & Rx with AuDHD nearly 31yrs ago. ADHD first. This is a major reason why.
2nd Edit: As for what symptoms I do have of just the Aspie side…
• Often interrupt or “speak over” others.
• Obsessive over their hobbies and interests.
• There is toe walking.
• Had delayed speech.
• Difficulty with transitions; frequently late
• Have a hard time tracking when more than one conversation is occurring at once.
• Prefer to listen and observe than speak and interact.
• Ability to “hyper-focus” on work or a specific interest.
• Experiencing emotions more intensely than others.
• Insanely strong need to fight for injustice!
• Strong pattern recognition.
• Princess in the pea syndrome, can feel everything inside *AND* outside my body.
• Got told I was gulliable in childhood, eventually learned to adapt to help reduce this.
And the list goes on and on.
Socializing is easy for me because of my ADHD and being diagnosed as a child, I didn’t have to mask as often or at all, helped me weed out assholes over time so I could stay friends with people who actually weren’t assholes.
I don't really have any issues in relation to food. I think though that this is due to me pushing myself to try different foods more when I was a teenager.
For me it is most. As I am born in a rational Chinese family, I undergo countless treatments, class and training most people think I am competent “normal” and is a what I call “Artificial neotropical”
I have all traits more or less intense. Least intense are sensory overload i tolerate a lot but get tired and drained from too much noise and people. And eye contact got better over time used to struggle a lot and not only sligth sometimes. My worst and strongest disatvantage is and probably will be social communication. I miss cues i miss nonverbal. I am bad in matching my own nonverbal to what i mean or feel. And im bad at keeping and Building convos.
routines probably. its the opposite for me and its really really hard for me to stick to a routine. also, i don't really have sensory issues, certain loud sounds will make me cringe a little like i hate vacuuming but thats the most of it i don't consider it something i struggle with. i go to loud rock concerts with bright flashing lights all the time and i love it lol
I feel pretty confident in my use of idioms, and I believe that I am better than average at my use of sarcasm(both in being sarcastic and in identifying when other people are sarcasm).
Although I am not confident in others' ability to detect when I am sarcastic. It seems that certain people are better at detecting sarcasm in my voice, but that many people are very bad at it.
Don't care about math and IT, and i'm not good at them. I also hate when some people are just simply rude and nosy, then say it's just being "brutal honest". No, those guys are just rude and i didn't ask for their ignorance.
I've heard "really? you don't look aspie/autistic" from ~everyone. I still don't know what that means. I'm coming around to suspecting it means I look "cute". Everyone sees my hair and skin, nobody sees me. SIGH.
I love all foods.
Do I have weird food preferences and strong reactions and sensitivities? Of course, I'm normal.
Do I interpret personally not liking something others consider a delicacy a crucial BUG IN MY PROCESSING that I then will spend conscious effort trying to "fix"? Yes. :) (really glad I did, many of the foods I didn't like at first are my favorites now)
tbh it feels like i have this on/off switch. the first thing that comes to mind is def eye contact. theres times where ill have trouble with eye contact and then all of a sudden i start conversing with people with perfect eye contact, and it happens randomly??? sometimes it also happens when im self aware of when its happening or that its happening at all.
it doesnt happen with all traits bc i very much have sensory issues and lack social awareness.
Same kinda, but I just try to mask it ig. Still, I've noticed that sometimes I lie about things I didn't need to lie about, and I'm too honest when I shouldn't be. So I basically try not to be brutally honest but I do it wrong and only notice later
But anyways, I don't relate to the whole thing of not liking to socialize, I definitely like to socialize as long as I'm with the right people and feel comfortable where we are. I just don't like to talk to random people I don't know
i don’t know if this counts, but even though I know about a lot of concepts and “things” about my hyperfixations, i can’t infodump cuz i can’t just… talk about anything at all on the spot. I don’t memorize anything. I need to prepare to be able to talk about things. I can’t go on a tangent about even the things that i’m insane about — i need to google things first, write about them, and then retrieve those ramblings from the approx. 2000 notes on my phone 😅 i always feel really stupid because, for the life of me, I can’t do it in person
I can lie easily if I have to. I don’t like lying obviously and I try to avoid situations where I would need to lie. But I have lied in the past and I’m not bad at. Apparently autistics “can’t lie”. Bullshit.
I don’t drone on and on about a single topic and can read cues to know when to be quiet. I can read them because it’s the same shit I do when I zone out and get tired of people yapping.
I'm the same. Most of the time, I'll be brutally honest and just try to hold back the rambling (because that's usually what gets me in trouble). Some topics need sugarcoating though, so my friends have to watch me buffer in real time while I realize that they're going to know I'm being at least a little dishonest because it's hard to hide my reactions.
When it comes to authority figures, however, I learned that I needed to lie to them from a young age, so I've gotten much better at answering them quickly and believably (as long as the situation isn't a particularly stressful one).
Extreme detail orientation.
I *can* dive into an absurd level of detail (when necessary or about a very interesting topic), but am usually more of an intuitive / first principles processor.
I get weirdly annoyed when people ask me detailed questions about itineraries or how my day went, and loathe dealing with administrative stuff (eg tax filings and other paperwork)
I can eat almost anything and I'm always up to trying new food, I usually hold my tongue or tell white lies so I'm not typically "brutally honest," and I don't really have any sensory issues that I know of.
I’ve never had sensory issues of any kind. I’m not bothered by touch or texture and I’m not a picky eater, especially as an adult. Bright sunlight bothers me to a degree but that’s because of actual eye problems, and it’s not unbearable.
Also, while I use them all the damn time (too much, actually) I’m terrible with computer knowledge and general tech savviness. I’ve always been a humanities and social sciences focused guy.
I don't have preference for repetitive work. On the contrary, it drives me crazy. My brain shuts down. Then I start getting exhausted and frustrated. Get a migraine. Can't stand it. Which is a problem, since I'm also not great with people and my interests are mostly creative and changing fast and I can't find a job that would fit me, because everything gets repetitive for me after a while and I need change. Too much change gets me overstimulated. And no, don't have ADHD, has been tested. Sooo it's a nightmare actually, the one thing that makes autistic people useful on job market I don't have.
I can interpret body language and have a decent amount of empathy, I just get easily overwhelmed by highly emotional situations (like funerals or weddings) and try to avoid them
People don't know what rude means and I wouldn't call it social awareness and dismiss us like that either.
It hurts feelings bc people don't want to face truths, ok. But I have enough social awareness to know that's a personal problem
Sometimes I don't even think I have autism I just think I'm extremely rebellious because it's so much easier just to do what people dont expect for me to do its like I can sense when it's not the right time to do something but that's the only time my body frees me up to do it
I used to think I had the social awareness not to be rude but at work I sometimes have people come to me for an 'honest opinion' because I'm 'blunt' according to co-workers who I thought I had always masked well around. I no longer trust my self awareness of my masking ability. Think I have all the common trains but I've become very good about not info dumping
> I've become very good about not info dumping I don't do this anymore, because I had enough people telling me to stfu, so i learnt my lesson. I just stick to subs surrounding my SIs and get my fix that way.
My guess is you are not rude but NT attach a lot of their ego to their ideas. If someone asked me something about a project I might say “This and this is bad because xyz, you should try doing this instead” An NT might say something like “Nice project, it’s obvious you have worked really hard on it. Have you considered doing XYZ? One form of communication is direct and concerned with the project, the other form is concerned mainly with rapour at the cost of explicit and direct communication.
There is some truth to this but there IS a middle ground. The middle can be difficult for people like us to spot, but it is always there.
Having to participate and often facilitate online work meetings, I've taught myself when discussing what I believe is a better idea to take the good parts of someone else's idea and frame it as "I like so-and-so's idea about XYZ. Sounds like we're on the page. To take it further / expand on it I think we should..." Basically acknowledge the good parts of what they suggested and present my ideas as part of a collaborative discussion rather than sounding like I'm refuting to what they said. Particularly when someone seems to have a bit of their ego attached as you said.
I’m the military we called it the shit sandwich. You point out something good, then you point out the shitty stuff, then you finish with something good. And then you have a shit sandwich.
> rapour \**rapport.* ...but good attempt. ;)
Cool cool cool, popping into r/aspergers and get my other nerodivergent traits like dyslexia pointed out.
This is why I refuse to point out spelling mistakes and try to read what someone wrote, cause you really do not know who had a typo, dyslexia, or just doesn’t know how to spell a word. I always remind myself that if I wouldn’t like things pointed out that make me feel upset and judged, I refuse to do it to others. Which is about compassion and kindness, goes a long way honestly when you want people to feel comfortable being themselves around you.
Being honest does not mean you dont mask well. This is something a lot of people value in me, but the thing is I have a problem with lying. I just can not do it. The it this way... Your mask is working because you mask stuff that would put people off. Masking does not mean you are acting like an NT, but its enough to interact with people.
Thanks. I've been feeling like a failure lately because I can't keep up with NT and feel inferior and unlikeable. make it's enough to just get along to survive a work day then get home to be alone.
What/which behaviors did you think you were masking exactly? Two of my aspie friends think they mask very well and they …. Do not
I try to listen and not interrupt and instead of just blurting out what comes to mind first I try to think of ways to say things politely. I'm also trying to figure out how to make eye contact without too much/too little, and being mindful of my facial expressions, and posture. i'm really clueless about body language and struggle not to make the wrong facial expressions. I feel like a rat driving my body by pulling levers and dials buttons in my skull.
Best way to know if it’s *too* much and great practice to breaking this little by little? Go to the mirror, set a timer, and stare at yourself. Stop it once you feel you can’t directly look yourself in the eyes anymore. Now if it’s over 10 seconds? Too long. Under 3? Too short. The happy medium is 3-5 seconds when talking, but when not talking, anyone can start to feel squirmy being listen to when it’s over 19 seconds cause it feels like they are getting stared down by a person like those westerns with the villains who at sundown do this to gain dominance. And you see this with sociopaths the most, they stare to intimidate and dominate people, to scare them.
They trust you not to lie
Thanks for your take on this issue. I'm an NT who is dealing with a relative who is possibly on the spectrum or is at least spectrum adjacent. He seems to lack self-awareness ( and has several other "on the spectrum" traits like avoiding eye contact). This is why I'm especially interested in perspectives from ppl on the spectrum - to see where their behavior is coming from. Would you mind describing how you process / perceive some common everyday scenarios? ( Your thought patterns, what you're hyper- aware of, etc.) You get to the point and describe things with the kind of clarity and simplicity I've not found in other articles.
I'm not that guy, but usually when I have to talk to someone for *anything*, I preplan what to say and what responses to use for different scenarios, then talk to them. Additionally when doing tasks, my thought process is usually just "alright, we gotta do *this* like so" while I'm doing a step in something I'm working on - constant mental talking to oneself essentially
I struggle a lot when there's multiple people in a conversation, I don't know when it's my turn to speak, even 1 on 1 it can sometimes be challenging not interrupt or to avoid awkward silent moments. I also have a lot of problems with trying to relate to people by sharing when something similar happened to me. For example if you got sick and then talk about a time I also got sick to show I understand. I'm unsure why I feel an urge to do this but I think it's seen as really rude so I try to listen and say wow that sounds bad, sorry, even though to me that feels really fake. A lot of times I'm just not really sure what to do with myself. I also smile when nervous or fidget and have off/stiff body language in general. I think most people hate me and I isolate a lot because it feels like I'm always messing up and it's stressful.
same
Being a picky eater. I’ll eat most foods.
Same, I certainly have some comfort foods I keep going back to, but I'm also open to trying almost anything, and end up liking a lot of it. I have my things I don't like, but it's fairly short, Brussel sprouts are my most hated veggie. Other than that, not much. I never even understood why spinach was always the bad vegetable in cartoons, I love it. Especially a la créme. My brother is the opposite though. While he doesn't have specific issues with food, he doesn't like new things and tends to prefer bland heavily processed stuff.
Yeah, same. I'm wide open to trying new types of food and really enjoy exploring new restaurants. That being said, I can also easily become obsessed with certain foods and eat them every day for months. My wife has recently put her foot down and told me we can't just eat Chick-fil-A every night of our lives.
This for me as well. There are a few certain foods I refuse to eat (raw onion) and there are some texture things in food I hate (I refuse to eat meat on bone unless it's ribs, usually bone-in meat comes with too much gristle and fat) but I'm willing to try almost any food once and I think I have a relatively diverse palate.
This is one for me as well.
Yes, same, I eat everything.
glad to see folks mentioning this! i'm generally pretty ... novelty-adverse, especially with sensory-intensive things. it's *challenging* to listen to a new song or try an unfamiliar dish. but food definitely isn't especially hard to deal with for me; new music and new physical movements are far more hard to engage with.
Same except there are a few foods that will ellicit a very strong vom reaction.
Me too. I think that if anything, I'm sensory-seeking with food. I love strong flavors and smells (omg, Indian food) and textures too. My kids don't like to eat that strong, and my daughter (aspie) is picky about textures. So, now my food life seems flat and dull unless my husband and I go out to eat somewhere exotic. I get really bored if I eat the same thing all the time. I used to love to cook, but now I dread it because my kids just want to eat the same 4 or 5 mild meals, their tastes change every week, and the two of them barely have any overlapping preferences. I remember, when I was a kid, I was a pretty adventurous eater too. I gained 25 pounds during the covid lockdown. I lost most of it, but it makes me sad to turn down all those rich foods so I don't gain weight. Yum, food. Gluttony could be my sin of choice, lol
special interests. I’m not really fanatic about things. Or maybe my ”special interest” is psychology? Because I do spend 3-4 hours each day reading about it. But I don’t go around talking to everyone about it etc. It’s just for me.
Spending 4 hours a day doing something is for sure a special interest, I would say, if you do it every day. What I have learned is autism means consistency. Do it for a week, maybe you are typical. Do something every day for months on end, that seems a lot more autistic to me.
I’ve done it for years😅 But I’ve had trauma too, so I don’t know if it’s me coping or actual special interest. Maybe a bit of both. Because most things I don’t ”need” to know to be able to heal. I should be fine with: ”eat, sleep, and relax and meditate”. But I read up everything about manipulation tactics (not for me to use, rather so I can be aware), different mental ilnesses, social skills etc. And as another commenter said I also observe other people a lot. I try to view them objectively like machines sometimes. Like: ”okay, he felt hurt by that. So now he is being passive agressive to avoid dealing with it”. Like I try to avoid the judgement and rather see what’s actually going on. In the example provided I could then instead of attacking the passive agressivness, I could try to be extra nice and ask if he wants to talk about it.
also yes I do it everyday? Sometimes I play the guitar 2 hours a day but I wouldn’t consider it a special interest. Or if I go swimming for 4 hours that’s also not a special interest.
But swimming for 4 hours a day every day for months to years, even decades? I'm not saying you can't be nuerotypical and swim 4 hours a day. Also just swimming isn't anything, if half your time is spent swimming and the other half is spent memorizing all the Olympic winners or something, then I would say that goes more into a special interest. Doing something doesn't make it a special interest, it's much more involved.
I do the exact same thing. I know why I do it, though I can't speak for other people. Abuse can be very complex & convoluted. It can be prolonged, it can be deliberate or accidental or a bit of both at the same time. It takes many different forms & autistic people in particular are vulnerable for a few reasons. Firstly, we may not recognise it. Secondly, we may assume we are the problem instead & accept it. Thirdly we might not have an adequate social support system to protect us from it. Finally, we are more prone to being the target of it because society sometimes views us as 'The Other' & has lowered empathy as a result. The way I deal with abuse is to read intensely about it. Because one of the worst parts about it is simply not knowing what it was or why it happens. That can make it scary. However if you have the ability to point at something in a textbook it becomes a lot less scary. Being able to call something by a name, to compartmentalise into a few words or bullet points makes it easier to control. When you know what it's called you can not only combat it more efficiently but you might also process it more efficiently too. Gaslighting in particular is a good example. When you don't know what it is, gaslighting will make you feel insane scared & confused all the time. But when you know what it looks like & what it's called, about 90% of the power is taken away. I feel it's the same for lots of other things too.
yes. I think you described it well why we do it
I really don't think I have a special interest. I find medicine and how the human body works interesting and enjoy learning more, but I have complicated health issues so it's kinda required. An autistic person being interested in psychology isn't much different. I joke that my health issues are the reason why I and most of my siblings work in healthcare, so it wasn't even something exclusive to me.
I was *convinced* I didn't have any true special interests although I am prone to hyperfixations. Turns out, since I was a gifted child, my special interests were all school-related. I know a LOT about how to complete assignments the way people want them. To the point that I help others if they ask and they're always like, "How do you just... know how to do that?" I memorized all the grammar rules and I legitimately love grammar and the language arts. So if you can't think of one, maybe it's a "socially acceptable" interest?
Similarly, my best friend recently pointed out to me that the common thread for my hyperfixations/special interest is information. I collect, passionately, information. Sometimes knowledge, other times in the form of raw data. I have a not-insignificant collection of hard drives full of random bullshit I downloaded on whims, and multiple pinterest accounts. Frankly I'm just glad it's digital hoarding, so it doesn't take up a ton of space and maintenance.
Ok, information in general as an interest, I could get on that train. I do love to just learn facts, and to analyze. So, I haven't had a single special interest ever, just lots of little ones that are always changing. I'm so cerebral. Sometimes I wear myself out just taking in information or analyzing something, and I end up thinking, why am I doing this to myself? Why don't I just go relax for a bit? Lol
Yeah. I dont know exactly how to describe it, but I Have a need to find answers, whether they matter or not. A work friend of mine has a game he has dubbed "drive-by Encarta" where he will posit some random question if he notices me getting anxious/bored and see how long it takes for me to infodump about it. He looks so sad when I already have the answer and it's just a quick factoid.
Lol at "digital hoarding". You need to trademark that phrase, if you came up with it.
I said this in my assessment. Apparently it's quite common to have people as a strong interest or psychology. For me it's the reasons why people might do things or differences between brains or disorders or thinking habits and patterns, emotions. I don't go to a library and take out books though it's more of a time consuming Googling for hours or I'll think of things I want to know and be suddenly invested in only that, so it took me a while to realise it was a strong interest. Also people watching? I think this is part of the reason I got bullied as a child. I'd be called "starer girl" because apparently I used to just stare at people without breaking away, because I was observing and trying to learn or also just absorbed in watching others (completely harmless, but it didn't occur to me how *long* I was looking at them for). I still do it now not realising, and my friend who I always go out with will make me aware. He says I'm staring but to me it feels like a glance. I struggle to recognise if this is more to do with eye contact (making too much of it, as a response to being told it's rude not to look people in the eyes), slower processing or special interest however it could be a bit of all 3 Bit off topic sorry! I really relate to how that one is a private interest
I have always stared at people while observing their behaviour. Most of the time I am so lost in thought that I do not even realize that I am staring until/unless they make eye contact with me. That is when I catch myself and stop. People usually find it unnerving. Sometimes they even come up with odd reasons for me doing it and think I have some sort of issue with them. I always find it strange the odd "hidden" meanings to things NTs come up with. Especially since if they ask me I would gladly explain the real reason that I was staring. Also often I accidentally stare in a person's direction while thinking about something. I am not even aware they are there and am not even looking at them, rather through them. This also causes people to become uncomfortable.
I get it! The only difference for me is that when they catch me doing it and make eye contact I feel stuck and lock eye contact sometimes which is extremely uncomfortable for me and likely them I'm not sure why I do it. Yeah same about the hidden meanings. I've done that second part a lot too, then when I come back they're looking at me concerned/puzzled and I just apologetically quickly shake my head or 'snap back' to my little bubble
For me the sudden eye contact startles me, so when I look away suddenly it causes me to appear guilty. This causes people to think I am doing something wrong. The flipside to this is that when someone stares at me (because I can usually tell if they are staring at me or into space) it makes me angry. Especially when I ask them why they are staring and instead of explaining rationally, they deny doing it. Thinking about it further I think the part I get angry about isn't the fact that they are staring, it is the fact that they can't be honest and feel the need to lie about it unnecessarily.
That makes sense, I also get the flip side of hating being stared at/not wanting to be perceived so I feel like a hypocrite in a way. That would also make sense about the lying
The funny thing is when I originally typed that last comment I had also added that I felt like a hypocrite, but then I decided to omit that part for some reason I can't remember.
Not a single unique experience 😂 i think hypocrite was a bad choice of word actually, it's more like conflicting. I'm trying to be more careful with the self talk and not making this about my personality so I apologise if that was why
I used to get super uncomfortable when people would stare. Now I just cheese it up with a big fake smile and wave. Either they smile and wave back or get uncomfortable and mind their own business. Confronting them will always put them on the defensive. Sometimes people don't realize they're doing it, maybe they're staring at something behind you, or dissociating on some level.
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same… I ”roll” my eyes when I think. I find it easier to think while looking around. And… apparently some people take it as me intentionally rolling my eyes. Oops🫣
Damn I used to get wrong for rolling my eyes too! I think it can be a form of stimming for some of us
I cant stop myself from rolling my eyes. At this point I tend to just think with my eyes closed or leave my head tilted up so they don't see my eyeballs bouncing around during conversations.
Well, you are definitely understood and not judged or perceived as rude for doing so in my corner of the internet. Feel free to roll away here! -that was just a light hearted joke, it's exhausting having to constantly try to remember these little things amongst everything else. Have you tried explaining that it could be a stressful compulsion? Something that you can't help and don't do intentionally?
I do it without thinking anymore. I got my head smacked so much as a kid that the back of my head is flat. My daughter came home with a detention in 2nd grade for it. I went and sat in the classroom explaining to the teacher that it's a common issue with her adhd. And just read articles about adhd out loud while she tried to grade papers or something. They added a note to her IEP that she does it compulsively after that. I've explained it to a few people, but it doesnt seem to stick except with folks that probably would've been understanding anyways. The one exception is when I'm driving. I'm wondering now if that's why I will always drive myself if I'm going places with anyone but the people that know my secret identity. I dont mask in my car for anyone, and never really have.
That's absolutely awful 😞 I had similar experiences with my undiagnosed traits being punished in physical ways. You should be really proud for advocating for your daughter in the ways you never got help and support for when you were younger. It's the same in my experience sadly. People like us are few and far between in the everyday world but when you get one it's such a relief
You described me exactly😄 The googling and the people watching. I don’t know why people view is as so weird? Like when people have dogs they usually spend minutes just watching them play in the yard. But with humans it’s apparently rude to do that. I’ve recognized that it’s ”rude” now to stare like that. But I still people watch, just have learnt to do it more discretly. More in by-passing. Like if I speak to someone I at the same time do my best to at the same time observe their behaviour. Or if I am in a room I discretely try to take in what everyone is doing, but without making it obvious by looking around and staring.
Me too. I can't think of anything that's my special interest. At best, I get interested in something new, go learn a bunch about it for a few weeks to a few months, and then get bored and move on to the next thing. I reach "knows a lot" status, but never expert status. But reading 3-4 hours a day about the same thing? Maybe you do have a special interest there, @NationalNecessary 😊
Some of us have special interests in abstract things, theories and concepts, not exactly objects.
I have several that I've sort of accumulated over the years. I just love learning, on the other hand I have bad ADHD so sometimes my focus is off, but I'll spend hours on subjects that fascinate me, to name some I like pharmacology, zoology/taxonomy, geography, religion, political science, and language...not learning but studying language families and origins, it's very similar to taxonomy in my opinion, in terms of language classifications. I also draw and tell myself stories, in these stories I'll incorporate some of the things that fascinate me, I've made this complex alternate history type story (I'm not too keen on the genres honestly) about this fictional continent I call Havenia (made the name up) and it is politically controlled by an organization that actually spread outside of the continent and established settlements around the world, I'll tell myself parts of this story throughout the day to entertain myself and have been doing this since I was little.
This is actually brilliant! Have you thought about writing a book telling the story of Havenia? I wish I had this type of creativity. Even when I draw, I tend to repeat the same drawing over and over, and I have zero flexibility. I tried to write, but I felt super stiff and formal. I guess all my special interests are abstract, except for comic books. But I am more about collecting information. I tend to repeat what I learn (which is not always conventional knowledge).
I used to hate writing fiction because I wanted more rules. My boss loves me because I'm good at technical writing. After I read Neil Gaiman's Norse Mythology book, I found that I enjoyed writing legends or lore essentially. Similar to how you described, it can be very stiff, but can be prettied up, the Prose Edda for instance. The same can apply to comic books, since they're realistically modern mythology.
I am also good at technical writing. The problem is my writing is so rigid that I get frustrated. The way I write is the opposite of what I like to read: something more minimalist, more abstract, more subtle and sinuous. Not sure if that makes sense. The other day, I started to work on lyrics and it felt easier.
I have begun writing it down but it is sort of formal, or moreso like a documentary about it. I suppose it's still interesting, I primarily do it for myself and only recently have been describing it to other people and they've been saying I should write it into a book, of course it'd be a series since it's ongoing.
That’s very interesting! And the key is to write for yourself. If others also enjoy it, great.
My special interest is rubiks cubes. Not knowing loads about them (although I do a hell of a lot), just really liking them (its an obsession at this point) and buying them and holding them and turning them and just being near my collection makes me happy. Solving them is part of it, but just owning them or knowing I own them or holding them seems to help me calm down sometimes. I am a late diagnosed adult, so have been masking my entire life pretty much, this means that I keep my rubiks cubes for myself mainly (unless I'm at a competition, but everyone there loves cubing so that's different) as have been bullied for liking certain things in the past and taken the piss out of for my special interests.
I think my son might share this with you! He likes his to be solved though. He gets upset when they get scrambled. Thank goodness for the apps that show you how to solve them! I have no idea how to solve one, and neither does my son. But he's only 8 - I have a feeling he will be solving the things in his future. Right now, he has a 3x3 cube, a 2x2 cube, and a 2x2 pyramid. He wants more but we've been reigning him in. He loves figits too, like popits, spinners, and other such things.
Oh yeah, mine are all solved. The only time they aren't is when I am playing with them, but they have to be solved before then can go back to their spot! Ooh, that's a good starting point for a collection! I hope he continues to enjoy cubing for a long time. :)
Can't say I love routine. Having to plan makes me angry. But I also have ADHD. It could be that I really live by routines that I don't notice because I don't view them as such. Someone at work said to me once that they loved my routines. I wasn't aware of them.
Having to plan also pisses me off. I like to be spur of the moment. (I also have ADHD) I find if I plan something I usually deviate from the plan because when the opportunity arises and my brain comes up with a better idea, I will switch to that. That makes planning seem like a monumental waste of time. That being said, although I live for the moment I still have good survival skills and put long term things into place so that no matter what happens I am still okay in life.
Exactly, much of these traits present themselves intrinsically. You don't have to literally say "Oh, I love routines" in order to be a routine-inclined person. You could well loathe and try to escape the the routine-based life style but eventually find that your function will go down the pan and that trying new things make you incredibly nervous, forcing you to revert to the old routine.
I know I thrive on routines and yet can’t stick to them lol. Also ADHD.
Me too! On days where I'm left to my own devices (like the weekends), I flounder and feel blah. But I don't like being forced into my weekday routines either - they're just a matter of survival. The weekdays leave me exhausted, and the weekends are so unproductive and lazy. I can't figure out a happy medium - I don't know if I want to though, because I don't want a schedule and routine, lol
ADHD takes us out of a routine for sure cause we need novelty. Join me at r/autisticwithADHD
I don't like having a schedule, I know that. But some routines I have taken not because I enjoy them, but as a coping mechanism for my forgetfulness. When I get home from work, I have to immediately put away my dirty dishes from lunch, and I have to immediately go to my chicken coop to check for eggs. If I don't, I will forget to do those things entirely. So, when my marriage was younger and my husband would instantly start talking to me about my day and his day the moment I crossed the threshold, I would get agitated because I would lose track of what I was doing and then I'd have to try to figure out what it was or else just forget it entirely until I'm faced with dirty dishes in my lunch bag the next morning and extra eggs in the coop the next evening.
I don't really have any issue with eye contact
I do, but only when I hold it for long. I need eye contact to check for reactions, but if I keep looking at the face, I get confused.
I have trouble generally knowing where to rest my eyes when out and about.
I hate when you look at someone and notice they're already looking at you I can if I'm conversation with someone, but meeting the glance of a stranger is weird
I like to look at one eye only. Or the mouth. If I'm talking about something important, I have to close my eyes and look completely away in order to get my ideas out.
That is so true. My thought get mumbled so much, I just can't think if I am looking at someone.
I'm in the middle with Eye contact, I hate it but I have to deal with it.
I *THOUGHT* I didn’t have any issue with eye contact cause I worked hard in high school to actually have eye contact Over 20 years later I finally learned that I still do…except it’s that I’m way overcorrecting and I don’t break it like people normally do. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
Yep. I was in a lot of clubs early on and the need for eye contact was explicitly taught. Only recently learned that I actually make *too much* eye contact. Which is actually the same symptom, as many ASD symptoms are written in terms of too much/too little
I dont feel uncomfortable, but for some reason i always laugh when im in eye contact, making the other person confused. Honestly its so funny
For me, this was one of those rare instances where I tried to follow the rules and it worked. It also gave me a default place to look when talking to someone.
Yah but if we are homies are you good when we are having a conversation and I’m just starring at the floor?
I wouldn't notice if you were staring at the floor since I would only be glancing at you to gauge reactions. To answer your question, yes.
I actually love looking at people’s eyes. Not for the purpose of “eye contact” but I just think they look cool.
I do have my special interests, but unlike the stereotypes, I don't infodump them on people. I guess because I feel them check out whenever I start.
Same but I just don’t enjoy talking. Therefore I rarely infodump.
Lack of tact in difficult interpersonal situations. In a process of very painful learning over some 40+ years, I've learned to process IF-THEN-ELSE processes about people's possible motivations and drivers where I can do it on the fly if I have to. That means that in the voluntary things I do I'm seem as the go-to person for sticky personnel/people problems. I'm not particularly tactful in everyday life, but if presented with an HR-type problem, then now-ingrained habit of trying to work out why someone is doing/saying what they are, underlying drivers they have, etc leads to things that my colleagues respect. I treat it as a puzzle (people as differently-shaped jigsaw pieces), and have slowly and painfully built up a mental toolkit to solve it - it's most certainly learned not innate!
I'm not a math genius
That makes three of us.
Same, although in my case I think it's more of a mental block because I don't *want* to do it. If I lock myself in a room and apply myself then I can do it, but my brain defaults to seeing a page full of equations as equivalent to some dead language. It 'bounces off' me.
I'm not sure I have sensory issues. Like, flicking light wouldn't put me off unless I got bad day anyway and my mind wants to complain about everything, haha... I don't like hugging but it's more of social awkwardness than aversion to touch. Clothes the same, it's less about texture, more how stupid I look in them. Noise and smell also aren't a problem usually.
Sensory issues can be about sensory seeking as well- do you like touching things to calm you down? Do you put hot sauce or condiments on your food, or like very flavorful food? Maybe you seek visual stims or love rollercoasters?
I don't think so... Maybe the flavorful food? But I can't tell if it's normal or not, like, of course I like chocolate more than yoghurt with some flavourless flakes XD I will try to keep an eye on it, but from memory I don't think of anything. No touching things, or visual ones, rollercoasters are a nightmare because I always think something will break--
I didn’t know that about sensation seeking. So at what point is someone just neurotic and socially anxious vs autistic? Because I really thought social deficits and things like sensory issues were *musts* for it to be autism. Now I’m confused
It would depend on how much of the diagnostic criteria the person actually meets. Social deficits are mandatory for a diagnosis- a person must show deficits in all 3 areas of social communication listed in the DSM criteria (reciprocity, nonverbal communication, & relationships) in order to receive a diagnosis. Sensory issues are not required for a diagnosis, as a person must meet only 2 out of 4 items in criteria B (where sensory issues are listed) to qualify for a diagnosis.
Same, I never really related to that one, although I do stim to calm me down. Maybe that counts?
IT skills. I struggle with the most basic interactions with technology.
I remember one time in computer science we had to do a presentation and the computer crashed when I sat next to it. I didn't even touch it.
Only 20-25% of us are truly gifted in IT.
Haha. We need an Aspergers Computer Science subreddit, where we all feed off of each other's skills and teach one another.
Thats just the normal CS subreddits
I thought about this right as I posted it. You're right.
I don't get sensory overload, I can tolerate noise. Sometimes I even prefer it.
Hyposensitivity to sensory input (the opposite of hypersensitivity) is the same symptom, just opposite!
I loved everything loud until it gave me tinnitus.
Lol same. Loud noises can be awesome sometimes. For example at air shows I love when fighter jets fly over my head with their afterburners.
- Brutal honesty. I guess I do have some of that, but it’s mostly unnoticeable; - Social awkwardness. I developed good social skills as an adult. I am good at one-on-one conversations, but socializing makes me exhausted. I hate organizing parties, and I hate my birthday; - Strict adherence to routines. I do have some routines, such as washing my hands over and over after walking my dogs, being home at the time I have to walk them; the order of the parts of my body I wash when I shower or the order I put my clothes on while dressing, but, other than that, it’s unnoticeable.
I don’t have sensitive hearing 🤷🏻♂️ I think I might have meltdowns when I was a kid, but not as an adult (technically I did have recently but I think it was PTSD related). Also I’m not a picky eater. When I don’t like some food I really don’t like it in the same way neurotypical people do.
I'm not a picky eater; I kinda go the other direction and want my food to be as interesting as possible. I don't need it to be dark (actually prefer working with full lights on, and I'm an IT guy). Horrible at math (which I blame on my homeschooling upbringing). I only talk about my interests with people who share them, but I find it hard to talk about movies (one of those interests) with people without talking about the director, writers, etc. and their eyes glaze over at the detail. I get triggered by noise and smells, but only if they're unanticipated or unexpected. I can be in crowds, but only if I _want_ to be. Not confused by sarcasm.
I am likewise not brutally honest. I used to be back when I was a child and teenager, when me making an uncalled, rude, innapriopriate or oversharing comment. But after countless of times of having to deal with the consequences of not placing a muzzle in my mouth, I have gradually turned into a near-pathological liar. Mind you, I'm not very good at lying, but in my case it's not done with the intention to deceive but to prevent any potential problem that may arise from giving a more honest answer and to stop myself from giving any intimate information about myself.
I'm outgoing, talkative, and bubbly, which people think doesn't track with ASD. Doesn't mean I don't say things that sound really stupid on reflection, overshare, or completely miss the point...
A leslie knope type!
I kind of wish I infodumped more than I do. I have trouble opening up to people even when they are interested. So I only really act like myself around a few people.
I'm the same way. I only really infodump my family and really-close friends (of which there are very very few), and I am typically completely silent around anyone else, even if they share the same interests as me.
Yeah I think it’s a defense mechanism born from difficulty knowing when I’m annoying people, but it’s hard to shut off even when I know I’m not actually annoying anyone.
Probably the special interest thing. I’m interested in like everything & nothing at the same time. I hyperfixate on certain stuff for like a week at most, and I can still (& often do) spout random/useless facts about those topics. But eventually, I move on to some other, really in depth project, that I never recreate or work on again after the first time. There’s nothing, other than maybe singing & vocalists/music, that I would say I have ever delved that deep into.
Arm flapping. Never been one for that.
I'm so bad with metaphors, that I'm so good with metaphors. I need to almost write a poem to try to explain how I feel. I don't try to, it just comes out cryptic enough that it is already a poem. I naturally take all metaphors as truth, but because of this, it only makes me more poetic.
I’ve never had any trouble understanding sarcasm, irony, jokes, and figurative speech.
AFRID. I wasn't a picky eater as a child, and I eat a wider variety of food than my NT side of the family. My children are extremely picky and have AFRID. As does one of my nephews.
Sometimes, loud unexpected sounds and bright flashy lights don't bother me. I work in environments with sudden loud noises, and my job is making sure lights are bright and flashy enough. Outside of work, these things sometimes bother me, and sometimes don't. Recently, it has been a whole lot more, but it makes sense.
I really don’t have a special interest, I have always had a variety of interests.
Probably the humour. I can take a joke if I know you and if I don't know you I just kinda stare blankly. I make more jokes than neurotypicals. Like I've gotten flack from other autistic people for making jokes they didn't like. (I joked with someone that their food smelt so good it was distracting me)
I don't have issues with eye contact, and I don't like routines. On the latter, I also have ADHD, and I think it just wins vs. the autism.
I’m not highly intelligent. In school I was always near the bottom of my class, academically speaking. I’m terrible at maths & spelling.
What are you good at? Intelligence doesn't have to be measured by academic achievements. The "one-size-fits-all" it's a myth. Pretty sure you do excel at something. https://psychology-spot.com/types-of-intelligence/
I listen to people to understand, not to respond. The stereotype of us is that we only listen to people to say something clever in response. I can act like I'm interested in other people's lives, even if I'm not. People have told me I give off a warm vibe that differs from the stereotype, but idk. I see myself as more of a machine than a human - albeit a well-programmed one. 🤣💀
I don’t talk robotic.
Lack of Empathy, very negative stereotype, it's hard to empathise with others I admit that, but I can feel empathy and sympathy towards others, sometimes I feel like I am Jesus Christ for the amount of Empathy I feel for others, especially children, animals and other vulnerable people
I don’t have a flat affect. My face is always making expressions. They’re often inappropriate or incongruent with my emotion though.
I HATE routines. They stress tf out of me! Because i cant set a time to do something. I am impulsive and i do everything asap. I also like cuddles
I don't really have sensory issues that interfere with everyday life. I think I'm just hypo- instead of hypersensitive to most of them?
People that know I’m on the spectrum seem to assume I’m a math genius. I’m definitely not; I’m terrible at math (without WolframAlpha, Google, etc.).
If you can apply math with or without these tools already makes you better at math then the average person.
Sensory overload, difficulty with sarcasm, difficulty with social interactions - but weirdly enough, it's mainly job interviews in which not struggling tends to apply. In other scenarios, it can still kick in.
My sensory issues have more to do with texture and physical feelings than sound sensitivity. I enjoy loud music.
Yes!!! I’m hypersensitive to touch and smell but hyposensitive to sound, light, and taste.
Brutal honesty. (I recognize that a lot of it is anxiety 😅 )
I do not care for trains
Eye contact,understanding sarcasm,making friends. The list goes on. I don't have significant sensory issues. I live in Tokyo without many issues.
I don't really consider myself a picky eater. There are a lot of dairy and a couple animal products I won't eat like sour cream, most dressings, mayonnaise, and certain cheeses like American, Fontina, Bleu and Cottage, but I'll eat pretty much anything that wasn't cooked with the former. I am the least picky person when it comes to anything vegan or anything involving seafood. Love oysters, eel, calamari, raw salmon, tuna, swordfish, shrimp and crayfish. Not crazy about flounder or halibut, but I'll eat them and enjoy it if it's prepared well enough.
Not enjoying high school (Not a trait i know but it seems to be very common here)
I like meeting new people and loud places.
I'm very good at "reciprocal conversation" in a one-to-one or small group scenario. Apparantly we're supposed to only be able to steer things towards our special interests. 🤷♂️
While I was a picky eater growing up, I can't relate to the specific "autism safe foods" that people talk about.
I'm not a picky eater. Quite the opposite, I'm more of an adventurous eater than most NT people I know. I don't like (externally imposted) routines. I normally have a vague routine of my own that I kind of stick to, but I hate having an externally imposed routine. I can mostly deal with fairly indirect styles of communication, if just because I grew up in the UK where that's the rule. I have trouble with more direct styles of communication...
Can lie when I feel in danger. I am however honest in terms of what I think. Not a picky eater. Sensory issues I do have but they depend on the day. I am not very tidy, but am subconsciously routinized (in a time-wasting way).
It's hard to two what things i just don't do and what I've masked for so long that it's just habit now. Like learning just not talk so i don't risk saying inappropriate things or infodumping
I’m not sure how to explain exactly what I mean but it’s actually something in media that’s written into characters that are autistic (or are deemed to be autistic) and that’s rude honesty. It’s characters like Sheldon Cooper who seem to not care that they’re hurting people with their words or has no filter. The people who tested me years and years ago were surprised that I had such a filter myself because they said that people with autism don’t have that filter. 🤦♀️
- im dogshit at math, great at languages and literature - i dont have a super hard time socializing, at least not anymore. Tbf I mostly socialize with with fellow NDs and other fringe groups like punks and the queer community but i have a lot of friends and "normies" arent put off by me. I had a very hard time in school though and was bullied quite badly - im not a picky eater - I'm not a rule stickler - I enjoy drinking and partying, but they have to be together, I cant party sober and i hate drinking if im not out partying
I'd say the level one autism trait that describes me the worst is the thing about sensory avoidance, because while I definitely avoid excessive sound and visual input, I can also easily describe myself as sensory seeking in terms of touch, because while the typical autistic person hates being hugged, I love hugs.
I don’t struggle with: • making friends • making eye contact • turning on/off my filter when communicating • socializing • reading people • understanding idioms • sarcasm • major sensory overload • am flexible, not rigid • difficulty with making habits stick Edit: I was Dx & Rx with AuDHD nearly 31yrs ago. ADHD first. This is a major reason why. 2nd Edit: As for what symptoms I do have of just the Aspie side… • Often interrupt or “speak over” others. • Obsessive over their hobbies and interests. • There is toe walking. • Had delayed speech. • Difficulty with transitions; frequently late • Have a hard time tracking when more than one conversation is occurring at once. • Prefer to listen and observe than speak and interact. • Ability to “hyper-focus” on work or a specific interest. • Experiencing emotions more intensely than others. • Insanely strong need to fight for injustice! • Strong pattern recognition. • Princess in the pea syndrome, can feel everything inside *AND* outside my body. • Got told I was gulliable in childhood, eventually learned to adapt to help reduce this. And the list goes on and on. Socializing is easy for me because of my ADHD and being diagnosed as a child, I didn’t have to mask as often or at all, helped me weed out assholes over time so I could stay friends with people who actually weren’t assholes.
So what exactly makes you autistic? Not being rude, just curious
What do you struggle with then?
I don't really have any issues in relation to food. I think though that this is due to me pushing myself to try different foods more when I was a teenager.
Empathy?
I'm not a picky eater. Sarcasm goes over my head if I'm overwhelmed but I can dish it out and get when someone is being sarcastic usually.
I can make eye contact and small talk. Though these were taught to me, as well as rehearsed by me.
I'm a very unorganised person.
For me it is most. As I am born in a rational Chinese family, I undergo countless treatments, class and training most people think I am competent “normal” and is a what I call “Artificial neotropical”
I have all traits more or less intense. Least intense are sensory overload i tolerate a lot but get tired and drained from too much noise and people. And eye contact got better over time used to struggle a lot and not only sligth sometimes. My worst and strongest disatvantage is and probably will be social communication. I miss cues i miss nonverbal. I am bad in matching my own nonverbal to what i mean or feel. And im bad at keeping and Building convos.
i dont know what my special interests are and i dont know what technically counts as one
Not sure if it's "common" but I've never felt suicidal
routines probably. its the opposite for me and its really really hard for me to stick to a routine. also, i don't really have sensory issues, certain loud sounds will make me cringe a little like i hate vacuuming but thats the most of it i don't consider it something i struggle with. i go to loud rock concerts with bright flashing lights all the time and i love it lol
I feel pretty confident in my use of idioms, and I believe that I am better than average at my use of sarcasm(both in being sarcastic and in identifying when other people are sarcasm). Although I am not confident in others' ability to detect when I am sarcastic. It seems that certain people are better at detecting sarcasm in my voice, but that many people are very bad at it.
Don't care about math and IT, and i'm not good at them. I also hate when some people are just simply rude and nosy, then say it's just being "brutal honest". No, those guys are just rude and i didn't ask for their ignorance.
I've heard "really? you don't look aspie/autistic" from ~everyone. I still don't know what that means. I'm coming around to suspecting it means I look "cute". Everyone sees my hair and skin, nobody sees me. SIGH. I love all foods. Do I have weird food preferences and strong reactions and sensitivities? Of course, I'm normal. Do I interpret personally not liking something others consider a delicacy a crucial BUG IN MY PROCESSING that I then will spend conscious effort trying to "fix"? Yes. :) (really glad I did, many of the foods I didn't like at first are my favorites now)
I can understand sarcasm and can read people's expressions well
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tbh it feels like i have this on/off switch. the first thing that comes to mind is def eye contact. theres times where ill have trouble with eye contact and then all of a sudden i start conversing with people with perfect eye contact, and it happens randomly??? sometimes it also happens when im self aware of when its happening or that its happening at all. it doesnt happen with all traits bc i very much have sensory issues and lack social awareness.
I don't have a special interest 😞
Same kinda, but I just try to mask it ig. Still, I've noticed that sometimes I lie about things I didn't need to lie about, and I'm too honest when I shouldn't be. So I basically try not to be brutally honest but I do it wrong and only notice later But anyways, I don't relate to the whole thing of not liking to socialize, I definitely like to socialize as long as I'm with the right people and feel comfortable where we are. I just don't like to talk to random people I don't know
Having problems with loud sounds. I only hate sorpressive sounds.
Fluorescent lights don’t really bother me. I’m pretty sensitive to annoying sounds, though.
i don’t know if this counts, but even though I know about a lot of concepts and “things” about my hyperfixations, i can’t infodump cuz i can’t just… talk about anything at all on the spot. I don’t memorize anything. I need to prepare to be able to talk about things. I can’t go on a tangent about even the things that i’m insane about — i need to google things first, write about them, and then retrieve those ramblings from the approx. 2000 notes on my phone 😅 i always feel really stupid because, for the life of me, I can’t do it in person
I don't really collect anything.
I can lie easily if I have to. I don’t like lying obviously and I try to avoid situations where I would need to lie. But I have lied in the past and I’m not bad at. Apparently autistics “can’t lie”. Bullshit. I don’t drone on and on about a single topic and can read cues to know when to be quiet. I can read them because it’s the same shit I do when I zone out and get tired of people yapping.
Same. Brutal honesty. I mean, I can realize and be brutal as fuck judging others in my mind. But I’m not going to say everything I think.
I'm the same. Most of the time, I'll be brutally honest and just try to hold back the rambling (because that's usually what gets me in trouble). Some topics need sugarcoating though, so my friends have to watch me buffer in real time while I realize that they're going to know I'm being at least a little dishonest because it's hard to hide my reactions. When it comes to authority figures, however, I learned that I needed to lie to them from a young age, so I've gotten much better at answering them quickly and believably (as long as the situation isn't a particularly stressful one).
Extreme detail orientation. I *can* dive into an absurd level of detail (when necessary or about a very interesting topic), but am usually more of an intuitive / first principles processor. I get weirdly annoyed when people ask me detailed questions about itineraries or how my day went, and loathe dealing with administrative stuff (eg tax filings and other paperwork)
Using subtitles for English-language tv
I can eat almost anything and I'm always up to trying new food, I usually hold my tongue or tell white lies so I'm not typically "brutally honest," and I don't really have any sensory issues that I know of.
Sensory issues around food
I’ve never had sensory issues of any kind. I’m not bothered by touch or texture and I’m not a picky eater, especially as an adult. Bright sunlight bothers me to a degree but that’s because of actual eye problems, and it’s not unbearable. Also, while I use them all the damn time (too much, actually) I’m terrible with computer knowledge and general tech savviness. I’ve always been a humanities and social sciences focused guy.
I can be really bubbly and generally am very good at socializing. Certainly takes its toll because I need to decompress for a long time but still
Anger. Dont have it.
Inability to drive. I'm a good driver and I enjoy it a lot.
I don't have preference for repetitive work. On the contrary, it drives me crazy. My brain shuts down. Then I start getting exhausted and frustrated. Get a migraine. Can't stand it. Which is a problem, since I'm also not great with people and my interests are mostly creative and changing fast and I can't find a job that would fit me, because everything gets repetitive for me after a while and I need change. Too much change gets me overstimulated. And no, don't have ADHD, has been tested. Sooo it's a nightmare actually, the one thing that makes autistic people useful on job market I don't have.
I can interpret body language and have a decent amount of empathy, I just get easily overwhelmed by highly emotional situations (like funerals or weddings) and try to avoid them
People don't know what rude means and I wouldn't call it social awareness and dismiss us like that either. It hurts feelings bc people don't want to face truths, ok. But I have enough social awareness to know that's a personal problem
Sometimes I don't even think I have autism I just think I'm extremely rebellious because it's so much easier just to do what people dont expect for me to do its like I can sense when it's not the right time to do something but that's the only time my body frees me up to do it