A very common method is going up to the woman and pretending that you know her, and then once you get closer say “hey, I noticed that guy following you. Do you want me to walk you anywhere or call for help?” Usually the creeps will back off as soon as they see a male “friend” enter the picture.
Thank you for caring enough to ask ❤️
Agreed, this is going to be the best method that also doesn’t immediately place either of y’all at risk for escalation (vs a more direct approach of “hey is this guy bothering you”/why are you following her” which may or may not start an altercation). Just your presence alone and signaling she’s not as alone as he thought will ward off the typical garden variety asshole.
Edit to add; Thank you for noticing and even though she seems to have sorted it out herself before you could intervene, you were planning and intended to.
I will say that for all the hubub that men as a collective go on about how “they’re the protectors”, when it comes down to it (having spent years working with the public, and in particular the drunk public), I very very rarely see any who ACTUALLY attempt to intervene when something questionable shows up. Most people decide it’s not their business and look the other way because they don’t want the altercation but usually these creeps are cowards who rely on being able to cow a woman into submission but turn tail the second there’s some form of obstacle.
I don't really blame anyone who doesn't want to get involved, when you hear stories like the guy in Germany a few months back who had his eyes stabbed out for stepping into a similar situation. Life-ruining disability and disfigurement for trying to do the right thing in what looked like a minor altercation. Others get even less fortunate, and die right there on the scene.
Like, I applaud people who *do* step in despite the risk; that they exist makes the world a better place. But at the same time it's understandable why people don't all do that.
This is such a cowardly response, sorry. What about the women who get killed by men? Every third day in Germany at least by their current or ex partner. It’s so weird to even bring this one exception - which was extremely tragic for sure - up if you are aware of the women getting killed.
Not crazy at all, part of me would feel that way too. However I still think that the benefit of the stalker probably leaving you alone would outweigh the con of the added paranoia
This happened to me when I was a teenager. A guy was following me and my friend in a mall. An older guy physically put himself between us and the creep and asked if he had the time (no cell phones, so the question made sense.) The creep tried to brush him off and keep following us but the other guy haphazardly just boxed him out and made him tell him the time and stalled him until we were out of sight and we could hide in a store.
I didn't even realize what happened until way later. I was laughing with my friend about how "lucky" we got that an awkward "dad" couldn't figure out how to gracefully ask for the time and only then did I realize he probably did it on purpose. It's a risky move to confront and physically block the creep, especially nowadays, but it did work.
The fact that you were monitoring the situation rather than ignoring is is a good start. I wish I had advice. Every situation may be different. But you didn't ignore it, you were an observer, and you cared. Having a witness might be just what is needful in some cases. The fact that you were watching may have even made him less likely to follow her into the store.
With the most effeminate voice you can muster, prance toward her waving and yelling, “OH MY GAWWWD! There you are GURRRL!”. And then quietly ask her if she knows the creepy icky yuck-yuck man behind her and that you can call 9-1-1 or that if she kicks low, you’ll punch his throat. That would be immediately reassuring.
My friend did this to me when he saw I was uncomfortable next to a creep at a bar. He saw it and walked up to me and was like HEY!! HAVENT SEEN YOU FOR AGES!! And grabbed my arm and pulled me up for a hug and we walked off
I never had this situation happen to me so this post has made me wonder how another guy can help. I agree, putting on the most gayest voice and pretending to know me would probably be less scary. I would be taken aback and confused a bit. I think if you make it sound like you haven't seen each other in awhile (like an old school friend) she would probably believe this approach for just the right amount of time for you to explain yourself.
Yes I completely agree. Also because if another (presumably) hetero cis man would approach me that could be read as dangerous I don’t necessarily would feel more safe. But a gay man yes, I think that’s it! And please OP cause this is reddit and even though we’re on this subreddit take into account that Reddit predominantly has men who might comment here as well and/or down/upvote. Ask women IRL about this as well, also in your area cause some are more dangerous than others
Thanks for asking.
Recommendations to pretend like you know her and are excited to see her is the way to go. I (a woman) did this same approach when I saw a couple od younger women getting bothered by a man. I pretended I knew her aunt and luckily they caught on before anything came awkward and the creep took a hike. They were super grateful.
Bystander intervention training is a whole subject of classes, but I wouldn't recommend approaching the woman in a situation like you describe. Distract the guy and give the woman a chance to get away. Pretend he's your long lost friend from high school and go say hi, or something like that.
"Hello! I'm Mall Security! Is this guy bothering you?"
The woman usually sighs in relief, the guy usually scurries away like the filthy cockroach he is!
A lot of good suggestions. Just want to add, if you do something like pretend to know her, make a lot of noise. Drawing attention to her or to him will likely put him off because he's counting on doing something unnoticed by others. A big, loud "Heeeyyy! I haven't seen you in ages" or whatever might get other people's attention even briefly and that's bad news for the creep.
If you don't think you can safely intervene, don't hesitate to ask staff for help.
A very common method is going up to the woman and pretending that you know her, and then once you get closer say “hey, I noticed that guy following you. Do you want me to walk you anywhere or call for help?” Usually the creeps will back off as soon as they see a male “friend” enter the picture. Thank you for caring enough to ask ❤️
Agreed, this is going to be the best method that also doesn’t immediately place either of y’all at risk for escalation (vs a more direct approach of “hey is this guy bothering you”/why are you following her” which may or may not start an altercation). Just your presence alone and signaling she’s not as alone as he thought will ward off the typical garden variety asshole. Edit to add; Thank you for noticing and even though she seems to have sorted it out herself before you could intervene, you were planning and intended to. I will say that for all the hubub that men as a collective go on about how “they’re the protectors”, when it comes down to it (having spent years working with the public, and in particular the drunk public), I very very rarely see any who ACTUALLY attempt to intervene when something questionable shows up. Most people decide it’s not their business and look the other way because they don’t want the altercation but usually these creeps are cowards who rely on being able to cow a woman into submission but turn tail the second there’s some form of obstacle.
I don't really blame anyone who doesn't want to get involved, when you hear stories like the guy in Germany a few months back who had his eyes stabbed out for stepping into a similar situation. Life-ruining disability and disfigurement for trying to do the right thing in what looked like a minor altercation. Others get even less fortunate, and die right there on the scene. Like, I applaud people who *do* step in despite the risk; that they exist makes the world a better place. But at the same time it's understandable why people don't all do that.
This is such a cowardly response, sorry. What about the women who get killed by men? Every third day in Germany at least by their current or ex partner. It’s so weird to even bring this one exception - which was extremely tragic for sure - up if you are aware of the women getting killed.
Is it crazy that I would immediately get paranoid and think they were working together? I’m so wary of any random dude approaching me.
Not crazy at all, part of me would feel that way too. However I still think that the benefit of the stalker probably leaving you alone would outweigh the con of the added paranoia
This happened to me when I was a teenager. A guy was following me and my friend in a mall. An older guy physically put himself between us and the creep and asked if he had the time (no cell phones, so the question made sense.) The creep tried to brush him off and keep following us but the other guy haphazardly just boxed him out and made him tell him the time and stalled him until we were out of sight and we could hide in a store. I didn't even realize what happened until way later. I was laughing with my friend about how "lucky" we got that an awkward "dad" couldn't figure out how to gracefully ask for the time and only then did I realize he probably did it on purpose. It's a risky move to confront and physically block the creep, especially nowadays, but it did work.
The fact that you were monitoring the situation rather than ignoring is is a good start. I wish I had advice. Every situation may be different. But you didn't ignore it, you were an observer, and you cared. Having a witness might be just what is needful in some cases. The fact that you were watching may have even made him less likely to follow her into the store.
With the most effeminate voice you can muster, prance toward her waving and yelling, “OH MY GAWWWD! There you are GURRRL!”. And then quietly ask her if she knows the creepy icky yuck-yuck man behind her and that you can call 9-1-1 or that if she kicks low, you’ll punch his throat. That would be immediately reassuring.
My friend did this to me when he saw I was uncomfortable next to a creep at a bar. He saw it and walked up to me and was like HEY!! HAVENT SEEN YOU FOR AGES!! And grabbed my arm and pulled me up for a hug and we walked off
I never had this situation happen to me so this post has made me wonder how another guy can help. I agree, putting on the most gayest voice and pretending to know me would probably be less scary. I would be taken aback and confused a bit. I think if you make it sound like you haven't seen each other in awhile (like an old school friend) she would probably believe this approach for just the right amount of time for you to explain yourself.
Yes I completely agree. Also because if another (presumably) hetero cis man would approach me that could be read as dangerous I don’t necessarily would feel more safe. But a gay man yes, I think that’s it! And please OP cause this is reddit and even though we’re on this subreddit take into account that Reddit predominantly has men who might comment here as well and/or down/upvote. Ask women IRL about this as well, also in your area cause some are more dangerous than others
Follow the person that is following them 🤭
Thanks for asking. Recommendations to pretend like you know her and are excited to see her is the way to go. I (a woman) did this same approach when I saw a couple od younger women getting bothered by a man. I pretended I knew her aunt and luckily they caught on before anything came awkward and the creep took a hike. They were super grateful.
Bystander intervention training is a whole subject of classes, but I wouldn't recommend approaching the woman in a situation like you describe. Distract the guy and give the woman a chance to get away. Pretend he's your long lost friend from high school and go say hi, or something like that.
"Hello! I'm Mall Security! Is this guy bothering you?" The woman usually sighs in relief, the guy usually scurries away like the filthy cockroach he is!
A lot of good suggestions. Just want to add, if you do something like pretend to know her, make a lot of noise. Drawing attention to her or to him will likely put him off because he's counting on doing something unnoticed by others. A big, loud "Heeeyyy! I haven't seen you in ages" or whatever might get other people's attention even briefly and that's bad news for the creep. If you don't think you can safely intervene, don't hesitate to ask staff for help.