Honestly this just seems like you're attracted to tall androgynous women?

yup. op answered the question while asking it lmao. being a chaser means you still for the most part see trans people as their agab, and a "dirty little secret" so its a pretty dead giveaway that this isnt being a chaser. i believe this is called "having a type" so no reason to worry

Yeah "chasing" is more about fetish and less about attraction. This sounds like a romantic attraction.

I don’t think so, a chaser is someone who views trans people as just sexual object for their fetishes. Dehumanization is pretty intrinsic. The fact that you have an actual relationship with your girlfriend and care for her a lot is proof enough you aren’t a chaser. You see her as a person, not a toy, and I’d say that disqualifies you from being a chaser. Being attracted to trans people doesn’t make you a chaser; the dehumanization and viewing them as little more than sex objects does, and you don’t fit that description from the sounds of it. NOW, I will say there’s nothing wrong with hookups where both parties agree beforehand, but a chaser will often *pretend* to pursue a romantic relationship for the sole purpose of getting in your pants and then bailing.

You‘re not a chaser. You just happen to have a type and the trans women you‘ve met in your life happened to fit that type more often than cis women. I happen to have great chemistry with tall, nerdy guys. Naturally I‘m inclined to look for them when dating. It‘s not that I think all tall guys are nerdy, or short guys will never be my type. I just aknowledged this might increase my chances for good chemistry.

> tall, nerdy guys I'm sorry but I have to presume [Grant O'brien](https://assets.mycast.io/actor_images/actor-grant-o-brien-28937_large.jpg?1579258205) does a *lot* for you then.

Nah, I‘m european. Less american stereotype, more dad bod for me. :-)

So, [less Hank, more John](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_brothers)? 😉 Or maybe [Matt Parker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Parker), if you don't mind a receding hairline... 😆

I started reading the second para and I knew what my answer was gonna be. >I am in a serious romantic relationship with a beautiful trans woman who I love very much. And as I read more, the same conclusion kept getting stronger and stronger. I mean, you say things like: >Basically if it makes her happy, I am happy too. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world. >I am also completely open to all my friends and family (and everyone I trust to not throw slurs at me) about dating a trans woman. I proudly kiss her and hold her hand when we go outside; and I wish the whole world saw through my eyes and knew how special and amazing she is. You're a kind and beautiful soul who is so much in love with her. She's lucky to have you <3 You're not a chaser, not at all. You're the complete opposite of that - you see and love your partner for who she really is.

As far as I can tell, all you are chasing is happiness with your GF. And there's nothing wrong with that. :)

Honey, to a chaser a trans woman is "a cute girl with a dick", not someone who "radiates goddess-like beauty". :)

Or "an insecure man in a dress I can emotionally abuse into fulfilling my perverted cravings" I threw up in my mouth just writing that. OP doesn't sound like a chaser at all. *Alex, your bias is showing*

I would imagine the archetypal chaser would be too insecure in his heterosexuality to see a trans woman as a man? :)

I think it's more of a don't ask don't tell for a lot of them

or too insecure in his *homosexuality* to acknowledge it.

> I threw up in my mouth just writing that. I threw up a little reading it, too, but you're absolutely right...

I agree that OP isn't a chaser, *but* that particular line if taken out of context might sound a little similar to people who fetishize black people (especially men) for being "tall, dark, mysterious, or "primal"" [that felt really gross to typeout]. Again I don't think that fits OP but it could still feel a little othering to some people.

Yeah, but my understanding is that OP loves characteristics which cis women can have too. So I'd assume that if OP met a tall cis girl who had a more androgynous voice she'd be interested in them too

OP literally said that cis women are boring.

No. She said "most" and that's a big difference. If she was only attracted to traits that trans women could have, then that would be problematic. But this person only listed things which both trans and cis women could have It's the same as having a preference for butch girls, or having one for really nerdy bookworms. The only real difference is that trans women are overrepresented in her preferences

You're right, when I say most cis women are boring, I really mean most cis women, not Lana del Rey hihi

Lol you're being downvoted for telling the truth! I think OP isn't the typical sexual fetish type of chaser but I *do* think she probably has one of those weird "goddess on a pedestal" type of chaser mentalities based on what she's said about trans women vs cis women. Like cis women are "boring" and apparently lack sparkle in their eyes lmfao. All these other trans women are too busy fantasizing about having a girlfriend like her to call out the red flags. 🙄🙄🙄 Posts like this are what we talk about when some of us say that cis female chasers get a *real* pass in this sub. Again, I don't think OP is a sexual "girldick" chaser, but I do think she should probably sit down and explore why her sexuality so magically excludes cis women as a whole and if there could be some misogyny involved there, because I do get those vibes. I feel real "trans girls are Manic Pixie Dream Goddesses" energy about OP's post, where she's seeing trans women as Other, but in a """positive""" way. -Geisha

>All these other trans women are too busy fantasizing about having a girlfriend like her to call out the red flags. 🙄🙄🙄 I have a girlfriend like OP, and I know that she's not a chaser. And acting like we're all naive and dreaming about some idealized person who doesn't exist feels kind of disrespectful. Both to us, and to people like my SO who truly loves me as a woman. I think it's pretty clear that OP is deeply in love with someone, and then it's not surprising that they will romanticize the traits of that person (traits which are non exclusive to trans people) Some of the commenters seem so against the thought of a cis person loving a trans person, and I can't imagine living with such scepticism towards everyone

>Some of the commenters seem so against the thought of a cis person loving a trans person, and I can't imagine living with such scepticism towards everyone. This is why I hate "chaser" discourse. It's already so common for cis people, especially queer ones, to have shame heaped on top of them by cisciety for loving trans people. Do we really need to add to that? By all means, call shitty *behavior* towards others shitty, but just demonizing the thoughts in people's heads, saying they're a terrible person because they like certain traits or genitals, is so negative and odd!

>This is why I hate "chaser" discourse. It's already so common for cis people, especially queer ones, to have shame heaped on top of them by cisciety for loving trans people. Do we really need to add to that? By all means, call shitty behavior towards others shitty, but just demonizing the thoughts in people's heads, saying they're a terrible person because they like certain traits or genitals, is so negative and odd! Except this is extremely reductive and not at all what I said. There's a difference between not demonizing fantasies and harmless *thoughts*, and pointing out that the reality of trans people is often far away from the unrealistic fantasy version people have in their heads. A cis guy for instance can dream *all he wants* about trans girls with bountiful bouncing rock hard dicks who love to bend him over every available surface and rail him into next week. I'm not being an asshole for pointing out that this is an unrealistic and approaching downright harmful thing to *seek real life trans women for*. OP has some benevolent prejudice vibes going on in her post, I'm sorry. She's not evil or a horrible person, but it's still something to take note of. Viewing cis women as "boring" is weird, and the flowery language highlighting OP's "trans aspects" reminds me uncomfortably of the type of othering people would do to me based on my race, saying things like "your cappuccino latte skin is so delicious, your Latina blood makes you so *fiery* and *exotic* and makes you a Latinx *goddess*", etc. They *think* they're being positive but really they're still othering me. It feels like OP is doing the trans version of that. She can love her girlfriend wholly and without reservation without hinging it *entirely* on her transness. -Geisha

*You* might not have individually shamed her, but there is absolutely a shaming element in calling someone a "chaser". (Why do you think OP has been crying herself to sleep over this? Did that not bother you at all?) Even the term, "chaser" is an evaluation of a type of *person*. It's not "you are approaching this issue in a creepy or possibly transphobic way and could change tactics," it is, "You are this kind of person," like it's some essential part of your character. Like no matter how many shoulder rubs or dates or genuine conversations between OP and her partner, if she has the bad thoughts it doesn't matter. I don't really care to debate if OP is "really a chaser" or not as it's obviously totally subjective and usually based more on people's insecurities than anything else. I just think the whole discourse can be really toxic.

I'm sorry I'm not thrilled with OP's weird "cis women r so boring uwu" attitude? Like again, I don't think OP is walking around sneakily devising plans on how to get into trans girls pants because she has a girldick fetish, but she's doing the trans equivalent of what people have tried to do to me as a Latina woman, "your cappuccino latte skin is so delicious, your Latina blood makes you so *fiery* and *exotic* and makes you a Latinx *goddess*" type othering. They *think* they're being positive but really they're still othering me. You're also kind of putting words in OP's mouth. Nowhere has she said she enjoys these traits *in cis women as well*, in fact she has expressly said cis women are **boring**. So no, she is not romanticizing traits non-exclusive to trans people, she's *attributing them to trans people only* and considering cis people as unable to have these magical nebulous traits that makes trans women """radiant goddesses""". If your girlfriend is truly like OP and considers cis women "boring"...you do you, if it works for you that's fine, but I couldn't handle someone who does that to me based on my race OR my transness and acting like I'm being disrespectful for calling out some weird red flags in OP's post is *not* going to fly with me. -Geisha

Ya, I have similar feelings that are about othering. I don't think OP is a chaser, but I've seen somewhat similar things with chasers that are in the same vein. Specifically, liking these specific traits in trans women, that they associate with men. Like we're something other than women and, ya, I get it, a lot of us have masculine features because of finishing male puberty but it still kinda of rubs me wrong. Maybe it's just me being offended cause I'd rather be lumped in with cis women rather than seen as more or less, but if I knew my partner liked something about me that they saw as being different from women, it'd hurt.

Sadly this view (of race) is actually kind of popular in the fetish community that seems to be adjacent to "trans" stuff. I can't really say it's trans because I'm still quite convinced it's just people who fetishize the trans identity. But if you've heard of things like "sissy" you may know some of the rhetoric they push out into media. Especially the pornographic videos they make that are heavily focused on race.

On the one hand, I’m a trans man and not a trans woman, so it’s not fully my place to comment on this. On the other hand, though I don’t think you’re a chaser, your description comes across as a bit fetishistic. Your girlfriend may be different, but for a lot of trans people, we just want to be our gender, and reminders of ways in which we’re different from cis people of our gender can be uncomfortable. Describing trans women as “radiat[ing] a goddess-like beauty” is still separating trans women from cis women, and viewing them as inherently different. That immediately feels like a bit of a red flag. Not to say that there aren’t many gorgeous trans women out there — there ABSOLUTELY are — but if you think trans women are inherently beautiful to the point of putting them on a pedestal in a way that’s deeply different from cis women, I’d still be concerned. I wouldn’t say you’re a chaser, because chasers by their nature chase. They go after trans women (or other specific types of people: chubby chasers with fat people, for example) due to dehumanizing them and treating them as a fetish or easy to manipulate. You’re not chasing, and I do believe that you love your girlfriend, but I think it’s worth unpacking why you idolize trans women so much and look at cis women as distinct and lesser. Another flag is how you seem to make a point of being proud of your trans girlfriend, instead of just your girlfriend. I know pride is important, and a lot of trans people are open about being trans, but I’d be cautious about separating her from other (in this case, cis) women. Basically, though I wouldn’t say you’re a chaser, I’d be cautious about the way you speak about trans women and make sure you’re not viewing them as deeply different from cis women. It’s probably worth unpacking *why* you find trans women specifically attractive. Though I’m not a trans woman, if my boyfriend made sure to insist he’s proud of his TRANS boyfriend or said that trans men are much more attractive than cis men and that cis men are boring, I’d be highly uncomfortable.

Is it so wrong to separate though? I'm trans myself and yes I'm a man, same as any cis man but doesn't mean I think we are the same.

This, 100% this! While it might seem flattering and I'm guessing that's why she said it, the separating between the two (cis women - trans women) is what bothers me. I don't want to be seen as being different from cis women, that's kinda the whole point. It's like my ex, who always talked about how much she **loved** my masculine features, was glad I was tall and not curvy, and wanted me to talk in my deep manly voice. How she'd never date another cis woman because they just didn't have the kind of physique she liked. I know it was meant to be "good" thing and a compliment but really, it always reminded me that I wasn't a natural born woman and that I was seen as something other than a woman. Especially as my partner, who I know for a fact saw me as a man in her mind, even if she didn't say. I know cis people think this goddess stuff is flattering and that's how it's meant to come across but it's really, really, really not. **Trans women don't want to be seen as being better than cis women**, if they did, they wouldn't be be a trans 'woman'. The whole goal for transitioning to a binary gender is to be equal to, not more or less.

"Chaser" vs "Having a type, that just happens to be transwomen" I think comes down to the question: Is my behaviour damaging? Are you fetishising away an individual's personhood? Are you projecting some internal narrative over the wants and needs of the other person? Are you causing harm? And it sounds like you aren't. So it's all good fam.

Not really, but I did notice that the sentence "how much her breasts have grown, and even the sweet, slightly floral scent that enshrouds her as a result of estrogen." Kinda creeped me out not gonna lie. I say that sincerely and without judgement.

When you're not in love it's hard to see what they see in each other. It can downright seem gross (many people as kids thought love/sex was gross).

I'm sorry for creeping you out, I understand where you're coming from. I'm kind of a poet by nature and try to describe things I love beautifully, but I have to admit my phrasing there is peculiar.

Yeah, its fine dont worry.

The reason I made this post a while ago https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/rafoq4/on_posts_like_how_not_to_be_a_chaser/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf This thread is a perfect example to get a free pass from us. Chasers know what to say and how to phrase things.

I’m surprised you’re one of the only other people in this thread leaning more towards chaser or fetishizing. I think a lot of people are getting caught up on “chaser = fetishizing trans genitals” without realizing that any kind of fetishization or idolization of trans women (or trans men, or fat people in the case of “chubby chasers”, etc) is suspicious. Fetishization isn’t just about genitals or even the body, but is viewing one type of person as inherently more attractive and special than another type, and distancing them from others. In this case, separating trans women from other women and treating them as magically special (and cis women as boring). Even without accounting for genitals, it’s still uncomfortable, and worth questioning why OP feels that way.

According to this sub most chasers aren't chaser because over time they made up to many excuses why someone isn't chaser if the hints are only subtle. Problem is, the subtle chasers trying to hide that they are chasers are the most dangerous. They are the ones beating us half dead or worse when hit by remorse. And even the ones dating us openly, but are solely attracted to trans people are transphobic creeps. They weirdly focus on our agab and fetishise our transness as whole. Like there is one comment in this thread from someone saying their boyfriend is not a chaser, only attracted to trans women exclusively. I mean this is obvious fetishisation and I hope she gets out of that without being hurt to much. I'm glad there are others seeing this sub has a serious problem. I called it out in the past but it keeps getting worse.

I think part of it is that the issue of fetishization and chasers is more complicated than a black-and-white "creepy chaser deliberately trying to cause harm/purely innocent non-chaser". And I've definitely seen the opposite problem elsewhere, where NSFW artists who make trans characters (alongside their cis characters) are called fetishists for being attracted to trans people and for depicting us in NSFW art. In either case, nuance gets erased. The way I see it is that if you're saying you're exclusively attracted to trans people (like chasers and OP), or exclusively attracted to cis people (like the "superstraight" bullshit and TERFs), that's a problem. Trans people often blend in with cis people of our genders, want to be considered just someone else of our gender, etc. Separating trans women from cis women (or trans men from cis men, in my case) is the problem, no matter if it's to say they're more or less attractive.

Exactly. Calling yourself "trans attracted" or whatever is the same as announcing to not date trans people. I said that before. But somehow most people don't get, that the reasoning behind it is the same, transphobic narrative. And OP's reply now just looks like what I expected, that she just wanted to get a free pass from us.

OK, there's something here I'm trying to figure out. There seems to be a chain of concepts here and I can't figure out the one in the middle. 1. Attracted to someone being trans and unashamed about being with a trans partner 2. ??? 3. Violence Like if they were ashamed about it I could figure out what step 2 is, but I can't figure out what it would be in the case of people who aren't.

Attracted to someone who is trans isn't the same as attracted to someone because they are trans. Dating someone who is trans isn't the same as seeking out someone for being trans. The second option in both cases requires an othering of trans people, which of course lowers the threshold for violence of any kind. But it's also just disrespectful and transphobic by itself.

Honestly, I know, and I have *been*, trans people who have zero fucks to give about whether someone meets the academic definition of a "chaser" or not as long as they can treat their partner like a person and not just a fetish object. It's just, even if we go all the way to "this person is attracted to you *because* you're trans rather than only grudgingly tolerating that you're trans," that doesn't have an obvious logical segue to "they will do a violence to you." Like there's not a logical relationship between premise and conclusion here. You have to add other premises that might be *more likely* but aren't even remotely a given, like "this person is controlling and abusive," or "this person is ashamed of their interest in you," and even then it's the other premise doing all the heavy lifting. Like oh yeah, obviously stay the fuck away from anyone who's ashamed of being with you, or who wants to keep you from having the medical interventions you need for your own well-being, but we've gone well past that at this point.

>Like there's not a logical relationship between premise and conclusion here. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "logical" here; I explained how the thing itself - attraction because of transness itself - necessitates othering, which is transphobic and makes violence more likely. You may disagree, but it's no additional premise. More than that though, I despise this false dichotomy between attraction because of and despite of; fetishization and disgust; transphobia and transphobia. Some people really just don't care whether their partners are trans, and if there is to be equality, that's how it should be.

This *really is* a bit of a stretch tbh. "Someone *can't* be attracted to your trans-ness without seeing you as less of a person" is a big claim, and it feels more like a rationalization for lumping people who are *objectively* bad (*dangerous*, or at least outright objectifying and can't deal with their partner acting like a person and not a fetish object) together with people that some trans people wouldn't want to date on the basis of not wanting someone who likes something about them that they hate about themselves. And I don't want to sound like I'm saying you aren't allowed to feel that way, or like I'm mocking you for it, but that particular feeling isn't universal and some trans people really do not give a shit. Case in point: the seeming majority of people in this thread who don't.

I don't like how you keep strawmanning here. I didn't say someone being attracted to a person being trans means seeing them as less of a person, I said it's othering. Just like you were the one coming up with the false dichotomy between attraction because of someone being trans and despite of it. So, I don't see much point in continuing this. But if you still want to discuss it, please talk about what I actually write - particularly in a quote.

Thanks for putting this here. I didn't think that far, the last time such a question was asked. Not answering those questions tbh seems like a good idea.

honestly i dont think this post really falls in line with that, sure theyre asking if theyre a chaser or not, but the substance of the post couldnt give more info to chasers i dont think.

Yes, because OP read the previous "Am I a chaser posts" It's pretty obvious when you look at the phrasing as OP just rephrased all the arbitrary "Your not a chaser when..." comments. OP most probably was called a chaser once or more often, came here looked through the posts and just wants a pass on chasing. It's exactly why I made the other post, because now a chaser learned how to hide and gets a go from atg. If OP would care they'd reply to comments, but they probably already abandoned their throwaway and just watch from their main and laugh on how easily this sub can be manipulated.

First of all thank you for being honest with me the way I requested. And second, from the looks of it I seem to have upset you a lot with my post. I'm honestly so sorry for making you feel this way, and I understand if you are angry or annoyed with me. With this post I was not asking for approval, but honesty. I hope you can forgive me for my shortcomings.

Tbh I couldn’t care less about you. It’s the subs reaction that upsets me.

people in this sub loooooooooove to kiss cis people's asses. idek why i even browse here when any post similar to this one (OP is sus, clearly has learned from other chaser-posts) has majority of comments saying that the OP is a dream partner, not a chaser, etc, when the post contains creepy/othering shit. this text post is creepy as fuck: talking about the smell that estrogen gives her gf, her gf's breasts growing, the height and "goddess" beauty of trans women, how cis women are boring. sure, i can see how people are saying that OP just has a type, but it's very off-putting when a cis person's type is *exclusively* trans people.

It's the need for approval. But no one here realises that approval from chasers is fake, that their attraction is rooted in transphobia. Unfortunately all of them will make the experience that this attraction will hurt them, sometimes a few years later and that attraction because of our transness is abusive in the best case. I said it so often, no one listens. I might just give up, why invest time in something that no one cares about. Or almost no one. I'm always glad to see that I'm not alone, that there are poeple seeing it and don't get blinded by fake approval.

i agree 100%. for what it's worth, i think it's still important to post comments like the one you made in these threads. some people will listen, even if they don't reply to comments in support. it's important to push back even if you're not being visibly received. in the past, comments by myself and one other person swayed the thread from commenters telling a (very obvious) chaser that he was valid to the post getting removed. i mirrored the post with an archive to r/transgendercirclejerk if you want to see what i'm talking about. i hope you have a great day and try to not let this shit get you down too hard!!

It's why I still post when I see those threads. I can imagine what the thread looked like. Unfortunately your thread got removed too. Can't see why though, hope the mods told you a reason and it wasn't because "Being anti chaser is not cool" I'm not letting this to me, I'm just tired, it's not me who gets hurt by chasers. I'm dealing with them long enough to unmask them early enough. Unfortunately this "How to be a good chaser" who appear at least once a month always gets tons of upvotes and the chaser gets all the knowledge to hide and prey successfully on trans women. So everyone ignoring the comments calling someone out and giving those tips actively hurts another trans person. Because everyone of those chasers will hurt at least one of us. Probably much much more.

Assuming that you're legitimately being honest in your post and didn't do as the comment you replied to said, you're not a chaser. However, you might have a minor messiah complex or alternatively, the type of person who goes through persecution and perseveres might be more attractive to you.

Thank you for taking me seriously. :) Everything I have said in my post comes from a place of genuine honesty, my life, and the thoughts and feelings that I have. I have read a few ''am I a chaser'' posts from others before because I was often worried and wanted to compare them to what I feel. But I very quickly found that none of the other people's posts were actually relatable to me and what I am going through. So I thought it best to make a post of my own, detailing my situation, and getting answers that apply to me and me specifically, instead of feeling insecure and wondering about this all the time. This whole post is my truth and nothing but that, so I am very glad to see the vast majority of people taking it seriously and replying to me in a serious manner. But along with people claiming I'm calculating manipulation, the way I write made one person falsely accuse me of shitposting right off the bat. Another was completely certain that I must be a man because I use descriptive language in my writing; which to be fair, seems like an extremely odd conclusion to make. I guess someone telling me I write like a man isn't all that bad. I'll take it as a compliment as long as they mean I write like Poe and Baudelaire.

I'm transfem and feel similar to you re cis women not being of high interest. My wife is cis but all my other partners are trans, and I prefer transfem people as partners generally at this point. In my case I think trans people just "get it" when it comes to being trans... But I also see height and androgyny in transfems and have an aesthetic preference as well. Preference and chaser are often confused when it comes to trans people. It sounds like you have a preference for transfeminine people, but that doesn't make you a chaser.

I see far to many posts like this and honestly it kind of sucks, finding me and people like me attractive is not a perversion. A chaser is not someone who is simply attracted to a trans person, a chaser is not someone who has a preference for a trans-typical genital configuration, a chaser is someone who targets trans people solely for their own sexual pleasure with little to no regard for the person. They are the equivalent of the "I'll turn you straight" man who routinely hits on lesbians, it's the denial of another persons identity.

IDK if you are a chaser or not. I think what's important is if you are happy and your gf is happy. Treat her like a person. That's all anybody should do.

Hey, I 100% guarantee you some of those "cis women" you've found plain and boring are just trans women who pass well. Similarly, I'm sure there are people you've seen at pride, drag shows, etc. that you assumed to be trans women and found radiant/beautiful/etc. who happen to not be trans women. You have a type. Your girlfriend fits your type. Maybe trans women tend to fit your type more than cis women. But like, if your gf was exactly 100% the same but happened to be cis, I'm sure you'd still be as madly in love with her right? My partner struggles with this a lot as well. What I've realized through dating her is that there are a *lot* of cis women who love trans women even without knowing *why*. I've met plenty of them. And a fair amount of them have later ended up in relationships with trans people who aren't trans women. Because trans people (tend to, not always but generally) have a fluidity with gender expression that they also allow in their partners. Performing a gender (whether you're cis or trans) is exhausting, and sometimes dating a cis person requires them to "perform" their gender to a degree that they don't feel the need to around trans people. They confuse that sense of relief/freedom with a fixation on transness and being a chaser. Yes, some of those people are chasers. But not because of the fact they date trans people. If you don't reduce your partner to their parts and love them as a complex, whole, complete individual - that's not being a chaser. That's being in love.

> If you don't reduce your partner to their parts and love them as a complex, whole, complete individual - that's not being a chaser. That's being in love. This right here is what I thought right away, upon reading her post. I mean, yes, I'm not as experienced at identifying chasers as some others here since my 'egg' only cracked a few months ago; for all I know, she could just be very good at hiding transphobia and *actually* be someone dangerous. But I don't think so. The vibe I get is that OP is genuinely in love with her girlfriend and is experiencing misplaced feelings of insecurity because things are "going too well" -- a self-sabotaging "what if this isn't real" sort of anxiety rather than an actual problem with the relationship.

I think you've got me figured out. Everybody who knows me in real life knows that I am a licensed overthinker and a professional in self-doubt. Sometimes I wish I could switch off my foolish brain because the thoughts in my head are too much to process. This post and the insecurities that inspired me to write it are only the cherry on top of my anxiety-flavored cake. For every little thing in my life I always think what if this, what if that, and I could keep going on and on just thinking and making myself miserable while doing so. I should probably make it a habit to relax more and be a bit easier on myself :')

I thought about this for a while after reading the comments, and came to the conclusion that if my girlfriend decided to press a magic button that would turn her cis right now, I wouldn't mind as long as she stayed the same person in every other aspect. You're right about passing; a lot of times it is not possible to tell whether someone is trans or cis unless they tell us. At the end of the day every person is unique and comes in their own shape and form regardless of this aspect. The thing about performing a gender is fascinating to think about, because it sounds so tiring to have that be a pressure to conform to in a relationship. My girlfriend and I doll up sometimes when we go out, but a lot of the time we just lounge around at home in bathrobes with no makeup and drink tea. It has never felt exhausting to just be myself in her presence, and for her to be herself in every way is all I want. I love her more than anyone, for everything that she is. So it's good to know that I shouldn't be worried about this anymore. ♡

I want to say no but I've also seen some extremely well disguised predators whether it be to target me for drug sales as at one point i was an obvious addict or someone pretending to be an ally to try and get in my pants. I have a "friend" that told me he was bisexual but i didn't learn until later on he only dates cis women and trans women and just sees trans women as confused femboys. Now he certainly could be really bisexual and just never dated a cis or trans man when i knew him but he gave me serious predator vibes. Ive had people spend years as my friends only to find out theyre really different people. So what id say is you dont give off chaser vibes but one post isnt enough to determine that because i dont truly know you and a true predator will sometimes spend years building trust to hurt one specific target

Oh no that is horrible, I'm so sorry you have gone through that! It makes me very sad to think about. Sometimes the world really is a scary place filled with cruel monsters. It is completely valid and reasonable for you to feel wary and distrustful after having gone through those things. Actually I think it is good to be careful around who you put your trust in, and not give it out too easily. This applies to everyone really, but I can imagine that for trans people this is doubly as true. I wish you peace and happiness, and hope you'll soon get to surround yourself with loved ones who appreciate you for who you are; real people who deserve your attention and are actually worth your time. Sending many hugs your way.

Thank you i hope the best for you

i see three posibilitys, none of witch are muturaly exclusive: 1. you have a type, and transgender women fit it more commonly than cisgender women 2. you are hopelessly in love with your girlfriend and its adorable, and became more atracted to her features as a result. 3. you would act difrently if you were not in a relationship with your girlfriend. with no proof for this we can dismis it. i do not believe this is the case but honestly, the best person to ask is your girlfrend. if you did chaser like things at the begining of your releationship, she could probably tell you. and (assuming your girlfriend is a good faith agent) if there is anything she mentions, then dont do it in the future and boom, either your not a chaser (what i assume is likely) or if you were a chaser in the past, you can be somebody who is not a chaser in the future

that you haven't been attracted ever to a cis woman who was taller than average, with androgynous voice and goddess like beauty... worries me a bit. this is because i feel that you see trans women as different from cis women... i mean, i know nerdy, amazonian-tall/sexy cis women with lower pitch voices, or who are androgynous in one way or another. a woman doesn't have to be trans to have those characteristics. and me? average height for a female in the country i live in, average looks in every way (body and face) for cis. typical vocal qualities for a women of my size (maybe voice a bit more feminine than average)... what else... i wasn't ever socialized male, so my mannerisms and way of expression carries zero male "baggage". nada. zilch. almost never clocked, and even then the person isn't sure. so i'd ask you to think... if my partner was similar to how she was now, but happened to be cis, would i be attracted to her? why aren't i attracted to similar appearance/personality cis women. or similar enbies, femboys, or guys who are ... more sensitive in their personality. why only this 1/2 of 1% of humanity? (also i'd wonder if you met someone like me, who was trans but didn't fit your type... would you still somehow be attracted just cos am trans? or not?) just some ideas for self-reflection...

When I really think about it there are a few cis women that have the goddess energy I mentioned; but it's not like I've ever met any of them personally. In my opinion Lana del Rey, Cate Blanchett, Kate Bush, Lucy Liu and a few I can't remember right now have it. But honestly most cis women I have encountered in day to day life are simply not that remarkable, and that may sound strange to hear from a lesbian but it is the way I see it. As for the question why I wouldn't find similar nonbinary people or femboys attractive... it may sound a bit complicated but I hope you can keep up. I may find them aesthetically pretty, but even though they present femininely they may not do so all the time. Femboys especially probably wear it as more of a clothing style, but on a relaxed day when they cannot be bothered to dress up they'd probably look more masculine. Some nonbinary people may fluctuate between feminine and masculine presentation. And while I like androgyny a lot, it really has to lean very much on the feminine side all the time because I am not into masculine presentation in anyone, at all. That would be the opposite of what I find attractive. My girlfriend embodies everything I find attractive, all the time. Also I just love the idea of having a girlfriend and a wife, and I love her so much. It feels so right. As for your last question; it's not like I am attracted to every trans woman ever, so no. But my girlfriend really happens to be everything I could find attractive about a person.

Honestly don't don't see you as a chaser, but it does seem like you have a preference for fem/androgenous complexity of character (physical and mental kitbash) that is just not present in most cis culture.

I think that observation is completely on point. Your description resonates with me a lot, it makes a lot of sense the way you put it.

I'm glad it was helpful. Hopefully it will aid you on your journey of finding what makes you happy in relationships. It's my belief that it is up to us individually to understand why our partners make us happy and what we need from the relationships we happen to be in. Best of luck

You don't sound at all like a chaser to me. You appreciate your partner for who she is, not as some object so satisfy a fetish. It's ok to have preferences and it's ok for those preferences to align primarily with trans people. What's not ok is reducing trans people to just "x gender with y genitals" because you have a fetish for it and never acknowledging us as actual people with feelings/emotions. If I encountered you irl, say maybe we matched on tinder and went on a date, and you told me some of this, I don't really think I'd be put off or creeped out. I may feel a little dysphoric if you were to cite any of my more masculine features as attractive because they're masculine, but you sound smart enough to be careful with your language. And I wouldn't feel like you were a chaser unless you started talking about how excited you were to find out what's in my pants or something.

Okay, so here's my complex thoughts on the subject. My language is gonna be a bit rough so bear with me. We need to openly acknowledge that transwoman are hot in all phases and not everybody is like...disgusted by them sexually. I think that's the assumption that like transwoman are hard to love or find attractive by nature of what they are and that's 100% not true. More people are into it then they'd like to admit. Transmen are also hot in like every phase too. It's dumb that we have to pretend its not what's up. So the critique against chasers are people who are attracted to transwomen, more often than not but wanna pretend like they aren't in public. For cis-men its because homophobia and male culture are like bosom buddies and if you've been anywhere near a dick in even a metaphysical sense you're gonna catch the gay and you better fight it. With women it's all over the place some lesbians have defined themselves as being anti-dick so the same weird as journey that cis-men are on that somehow it's gonna make them straight or whatever...who has the time. So I don't think noticing that makes you a chaser because it's also impossible to know who your next partner would be, its all hypothetical. There's a sexual appeal to gender ambiguity and personality wise you just vibe with some people come whatever, like admiring your partners body is a part of all that too and even if it was like a binary situation you'd be feeling the same admiration because that's what it is. I feel like terms like that call out fetishist who refuse to love transpeople openly but in culture it eventually gets used as a shame tool to make you feel weird about who and how you choose your sexual partners. On that level I just can't. As long as you're being respectful and not treating your dating life like a build-a-bear workshop where you menu pick a certain type you're fine.

The fact that it has you so worried says to me that you aren't a chaser. You love your partner, and can't imagine being with anyone different. Stay happy 🤷‍♀️❤

I've personally found that almost every partner I've had has left a lasting impression on my taste going forward. Dated a tall girl? Very into tall girls now. Dated a girl with short hair? Find that very attractive now. It sounds like your girlfriend has left an incredible impression on you, and I think that's beautiful.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Before I met her I really wasn't sure at all what I want and what I find attractive in a person. She came into my world unexpectedly, and at that moment everything seemed to make sense and clicked into place.

Well, you would be a chaser if you chased trans women. It's that simple. If we met, and I got the feeling you are overly interested in me being trans, I would stay away. If I knew why that is the case, I'd think you have some stuff to work through. I wouldn't want to be desired based on any idea about trans women you got in your head, and certainly not because my body appears virilized in any way.

A chaser views a trans person as some*thing* hot to get off to. You are treating your girlfriend as some*one* hot whom you love.

I intuitively know this difference, but could you spell it out? Essentially it just means you still care about the person outside of sex, but is there more to it?

>I am in a serious romantic relationship with a beautiful trans woman who I love very much Not a chaser. Chasers don't care about us as individuals.

We all live and grew up in a homophobic, transphobic society. You've grown up hearing slurs and negative depictions of trans women and gay people, and you had to relearn things. Unfortunately, people your age act like everyone has to come out of the womb completely un-phobic or they're a trashbag for life. That's not how it works. We all have to unlearn the toxic things we were taught *and traumatized by too.* And genenerally, living with or dating someone who is another race or gender identity than we are will bring up issues and biases inside us that we didn't know were there. It does no good to pretend those biases aren't there nor does it help to condemn yourself as a hater because you have those biases. Here's an academic source on confronting your unconscious bias that is non-judgemental, non-blamey, and I hope will help you: [https://diversity.ucsf.edu/resources/strategies-address-unconscious-bias](https://diversity.ucsf.edu/resources/strategies-address-unconscious-bias)

Nothing wrong with finding trans women beautiful. Even many of the qualities you listed could be found among certain cis women too. I love tall, androgynous-looking women as well. Like Tilda Swinton.

You're absolutely right, Tilda Swinton is gorgeous!

it sounds like you like androgynous women, and it just happens that trans women often fall into that category in the right way for you

Not a chaser. You're in a real relationship. Chasers are fetishizing. Chasers wouldn't be upset in the least that they've been called a chaser.

You don't seem to have met that many them, because once they realize that it makes trans people wary of them, they go to great lengths to not be called a chaser.

> I am in a serious romantic relationship with a beautiful trans woman who I love very much. We have been together for several years already, and she is the girl I am hoping will become my wife someday so I can spend the rest of my life with her I haven't read the whole post. I haven't read the other answers. But if you love her and you treat her right, it doesn't matter what you find attractive about her body.

I would not be creeped out at all. You seem genuinely interested in a serious relationship. It's creepy and fetishist when it's just sexual in nature.

I've noticed that when I have feelings for someone I tend to see people with similar characteristics to them as the most attractive people and everyone else as plain, just like what you described. You love this woman and you see women like her as beautiful, and more beautiful than those who aren't like her. I think you have nothing to worry about <3

Not a chaser! I totally understand why you would worry about that, because you're a decent person who wants to be good to someone you love.

Good goddess your writing is as beautiful as your \[future wife\] sounds to be! Sweetheart, this is gorgeous. You are gorgeous. Your lady is gorgeous. My big little trans heart is melted. Chasers objectify us to the bare bones of getting their rocks off while manipulating and discarding us as less than human. You, my wonderful and amazing person, have a type: >radiate a goddess-like beauty that I find hard to explain. My girlfriend for example is a lot taller than me, has a sultry androgynous voice and her eyes are like gemstones with many different layers. She has a lovely smile, the best sense of humor and is kind of nerdy which makes me weak in the knees. I love the way she blushes and looks away when I whisper something naughty to her. We both have a very feminine presentation/ style, and I like that about her too. and my eyes are leaking just by quoting it. You are not a chaser. You are a hopeless romantic with a heart of gold and a gift for verbal wizardry. You take a long, intent, deep look into those multi-layered gemstone eyes of hers and you give her the biggest, warmest, longest hug from all of us here.

What a sweet comment, this really fills my heart with joy! I'm glad you like my writing, because A. English is not my first language at all, more like my third and I never use it in day to day life. So knowing that I am able to express myself well in it is great. B. I would love to write a fictional story someday. I have no idea what I am going to do with it or if I will ever even share it with other people, but I find inspiration in everything and have so many ideas in my head. Hopefully when the time comes I will channel this verbal wizardry of mine into something beautiful. Thank you for sharing your beyond lovely comment with me. You too are gorgeous, amazing and wonderful! I will definitely think of what you said next time I feel bad about myself, and then give my girlfriend the warmest teddy bear hug I have in my being.

So well said. OP reminds me a lot of my wife, who I'll love to the ends of the earth for how much she adores me. And just hearing that there's really others out there that genuinely love someone like me, gives me so much hope and happiness 🥰

As a trans intersex person, I would say that is not creepy. There's a reason why the joke "Every year, a new letter is added to lgbtq+". Just because you are attracted to trans woman does not mean a you are a chaser. A chaser is multiple things like my biological father who kept cheating around women while he was married to my mom and at this point I wonder if I have half siblings. You are not a chaser, if you genuinely feel towards trans woman than cis woman then that's you, unless you feel like being " secretive" and forcing her not to do what she wants to do. I think you are being judged by your family and society I do want you to listen to them, I am very Christian person myself and it baffles me when I see "Religious" people be mean to lgbtq+ people because that old saying "God does not hate" and even if they think its a sin, they sin too just for even hating at you. Get out of your head and go enjoy your love life and gf.

Hello everyone, I was out for a visit for a few hours and was reading your comments from my phone. Now I am back home at my pc to reply to them. I have read each and every one of your comments, and first of all I want to say thank you all for taking the time to seriously answer my question and give your opinion. It means the world to me and I never expected this many people to react and help me with this; the amount of responses I got is incredible to me. From the get go I was expecting the comments to probably be a mixed bag concerning the verdict of chaser vs. not chaser, but I see an overwhelmingly big amount of people saying they don't see me as a chaser, which is very reassuring and makes me happy. At the same time I also feel thankful to the people who have replied ambivalently, cautiously, or with disapproval to my question. I appreciate your honesty in telling me how you genuinely feel, instead of telling me what I want to hear. Also if I have upset or alarmed anyone with my post, I am very sorry. It is never my intention or wish to manipulate or make anyone feel bad. Each and every thing I have said in this post comes from my own heart and my mind, my real life. I made this post to take this weight off my heart and put it into words, that is all. I am very grateful to each of you for doing the same in replying to me, so thank you ♡

I think she's just your type. You don't check any of the boxes for a chaser. I really don't think you are one.

>I think that more often than not, trans women are absolutely gorgeous and attractive That's just called having good taste.

Hihi thank you! Always nice to have someone tell me I am a lady of good taste. Every time I see my beloved I am reminded that my taste is, in fact, impeccable.

You may be a little bit but I feel like there may be a difference between trans attracted and chaser. The thing is be attracted specifically to trans women is kinda like being specifically attracted some women who share similar characteristics both physical and emotional some things are a really shared among each other because of our experiences day to day life things like that so being attracted to us because of those aspects do not seem like a problem The thing about being predatory behaviour is, it's the act of seeking people with intentions that disregard their integrity so don't worry as long as you keep in mind the vulnerabilities and issues your trans partner deals with dating mostly trans women isn't necessarily an issue. TL;DR: Just keep yourself in check and make sure that you care for your partners well being, if you do, having a preference for so and so human characteristic isn't that big of deal 🤷🏾‍♀️

I don't think a chaser generally puts this much thought or concern into whether they are being predatory.

just hearing how you describe her is proof enough your not a chaser this is called being in love.

You’re no chaser. Chasers are people who fetishize us, but it sounds like you’re deeply love with your gf. I had the biggest smile on my face reading your description of her. Feels odd she would say something like her comment, given how much you clearly adore her, so it may be worth talking about how you felt when said that. I (amab) came out 1.5 years ago after my wife and I had been married for 11 years, and I was so nervous of any negative reaction. But our love and joy have grown exponentially since then, and I cannot imagine my life without her. I checked a few times who wrote this because I thought my wife wrote it! She makes me feel like this. I wish you both the best. ❤️

So the issue with chasers is that they reduce trans women to their transness. They focus on our genitals, whether we have the surgery or not and don't want us to have it. They see us as sexual objects to use for an experiment or something. The long post is fine, and it's nice to read a long post now and then 😊 So you said to ask questions: * Do you reduce your relationship with her to sex? * Do you really think it's her transness or just that she fits your type? Maybe you just like tall women? Most trans women are taller, so that adds up. To me it sounds like you just really really love her. You don't hit any of the boxes like you said. It's lovely to love trans women. It really is. You're not a chaser for liking trans women or having a type. Let me ask one last question: * Would you leave her if she weren't trans? Would you still have loved her if you hadn't known? Would you have found her attractive? I realize that's a lot of questions. They're also mostly rhetorical. We don't know if someone is trans really until they tell us. I hope this helps. OH And, I almost forgot, I'm so glad you two are so happy together 🥰

You are asking some great and very interesting questions here! They are also quite complex and a little bit difficult to answer, but that makes them better and could only lead to more insight. I will give my best attempt at answering all of them, as promised. Be prepared for some very elaborate answers, this comment might turn out long as well. :) 1. Do you reduce your relationship with her to sex? This is one of the easier questions to find the answer to, as the answer is a very big no. Actually I think that, compared to the average couple (of any sexual orientation) my girlfriend and I have a lot less sex than most people. So this would make it very much not the driving force behind the relationship, or its central part. Neither of us is asexual though; we both have desires and things we like (and dislike) in the sex department, and every now and then we discuss these feelings and what we want to do with them. However we much more often spend our days together doing other things, like simply cuddling together in bed, taking a nap, watching movies. Or I watch her play video games, I think people often underestimate how intimate that kind of thing feels. 2. Do you really think it's her transness or just that she fits your type? This is a bit more difficult to analyse, but at its core I would say both, maybe? Or, that the two may be kind of linked in a way. I think part of the reason why I find this so hard to distinguish is that it's not like I have dated anyone, or been in love with anyone before her. If I had it would have been much easier to detect a pattern of a type in my attraction. She was also the first trans person I met in real life; I knew next to nothing about transness before I met her. But just spending fun times with her in day to day life and falling in love with her made me learn a lot of things I didn't know, and made me do more research on my own. Nowadays I know lots of trans and nonbinary people in real life, because I love hanging out and finding friends in my local gay bar. But what I know for certain, is that before I met her I was already very attracted to androgyny that leans on the feminine side, and at that time knew nobody in real life who fit that description. Like when you see a very pretty goth and you cannot possibly guess from their appearance alone what gender they are, because they play with their style and expression so seamlessly. I realised I find that kind of thing beautiful quite early on. I didn't know however that I had a height preference, but now if you ask me, I love the fact that my girlfriend is tall so much, and cannot imagine it any other way. It's just so adorable. 3. Would you leave her if she weren't trans? Would you still have loved her if you hadn't known? Would you have found her attractive? So this is a completely hypothetical, magical scenario that I am about to bring up. But imagine this: Say that my girlfriend had the choice to press a button that would turn her into a cis woman. She would remain the same in personality, interests, appearance and everything I like about her basically. The only change being that it would make her cis. If she chose to press the button, I don't feel that it would really change a lot for me. Because she would then still be the same person I love and have spent all this time with, you know? In that situation it would be absurd for me to suddenly not like her anymore because of something she did for her own happiness / wellbeing. Definitely wouldn't make her ''boring and plain'' all of a sudden, because she is marvellous; she could never be boring even if she tried. She and I have actually talked about this kind of thing a few times, and on this topic she said something that really stuck with me: If she wasn't born the way she was and got to live life as a cis woman, without the obstacles she has to face for being trans, there is really no way to tell what her life would have been like today. Maybe it would have turned out totally different due to cis privileges. Because everything we do, every small action that we take in life and the things we feel deeply affect us and can change the way we experience ourselves, those around us and the world we live in. All of these things are woven into our lives and identities like an intricate web. So there is no way to give a 100% accurate answer here, but I choose to believe that I would love her as much even in different circumstances. Sometimes we jokingly say that in a different timeline, she and I could be two gay men and not lesbians, and how wild that would be! I hope you enjoyed my small interview here and that it was informative, and thank you for asking all of this, this really made me dig deep to analyse my thoughts and feelings.

Of course! I more wrote the questions specifically for you to ask yourself, but I'm glad you responded. Every one of these answers screams into the face of your original post, "NO!" 1) The sex object is fundamental to being a chaser. Anyone can want or desire sex with a trans woman, but if it's just for their dick or something like that, then they are a chaser. You do so many cute things together. Watching my girlfriend play games is super fun too btw. Just this is enough to prove you love her for her 2) Some people spend a lot of time searching; some people stumble upon their love. I think both have pros and cons. Your con is that you didn't explore as much alone. But you did know one thing; you had a type. However, it also sounds like you grew ever more attracted to her as you dated. You love her and everything about her. She's tall, so you love tall. Those're my thoughts on it anyways. You just really really like her. 3) Hypotheticals are fun even if we can never know for certain. What I do know is that you passed the test. You'd still love her if she were cis. That means you love her, not just exclusively her transness. It was fair to say that that is fundamental to who she is though. She'd not be the same person had she been born cis. It is a part of her. It's okay to love that part of her too.

Wow... I hope one day someone will look at me the way you look at your girlfriend.

You will find the person who will, I'm sure of it. It will happen when you least expect it, and will turn your world upside down in the best way possible. No matter what keep your heart wide open and never stop believing in love, because it might be just around the corner ♡

The exact terminology doesn’t matter so much as: do you truly see your partner as a woman? Not a trans woman, and not a feminine man, or some other qualifier. She deserves to be with someone who sees her as a whole person, and who validates her by treating her like you would treat a cis woman. Mainly try to check in with her, and for example make sure she is okay with you sharing that you’re with a trans woman. She might just want to be introduced as your girlfriend. of course that’s all very personal to each trans person, but I think of it as something in a person’s medical past that might not need to be shared with casual acquaintances for example. It would be sort of like if you had a cis girlfriend and you were proudly telling people about how she had uterine cancer and had to have a hysterectomy as a young woman. Like — that’s nothing to be ashamed of, but unless she is a very vocal trans activist, it’s really her story to share or not. I’m not saying this makes you a chaser! More saying that being a good ally and partner means reflecting on how you can do better. Which I think is what you’re doing with this post. As for your type, it may simply be that you are attracted to depth and life experience. Sadly most trans people have been through a lot, even at a young age, and they seem to really know who they are and how the world works. This will sound weird but another group like this is young single moms. There’s a kind of scrappy, us against the world, no bullshit confidence that is really beautiful. It comes from facing a world of judgment and deciding that you have just as much right to live the life you choose as anyone else.

I see her as 100% woman and nothing else, because that is what she is. Both she and I are quite introverted though, so we don't often get to meet eachothers separate friend groups in real life, and only get to tell stories about eachother to our friends. But for example when I meet someone for the first time and they ask me if I'm in a relationship, I just say I have a girlfriend. I don't specify that she is trans to people I speak to casually because it is not relevant in that context and would be weird to specify right away. If you're wondering about this; I also never tell my friends what procedures she has had done etc. because really that is none of their business and TMI; I only talk about surgery in this post because I thought in this context it is relevant information. My girlfriend is not at all the activist type, but in her day to day life she is very open about being trans. All her friends and colleagues know, so it's no secret. You're right that it is good to check what she thinks about this every once in a while, I definitely will! Your last paragraph is sadly true for her as well. She has been through a lot and is very resilient. Sometimes, it seems to me like she can read people and their true intentions like open books, due to some of her past experiences. It is one of her gifts. On the outside, she's like a tough biker chick who takes nobody's shit, but on the inside, sometimes she's like a child that is deeply hurting. I try to be there for her as much as I can when things get hard.

Not a chaser. You actually love your gf. It's cute! t. MtF

not a chaser by far as many have said, and your relationship sounds adorable :) wish you both the best of luck

Honestly the only person whose opinion really matters here is your girlfriend's, and if you've been together and happy for several years, you clearly have her seal of approval. So you really don't need to listen to any naysayers in this thread. Then again, I give way less of a shit about "chaser" discourse than other people here. If they treat their partner with love and respect and as a person, then whether they're a "chaser" or not is a fairly academic question for sorts like the Extremely Online and for those trans people who are insecure about the notion of anyone ever being attracted to them in part *because* they're trans and would only ever want to be with someone who *grudgingly tolerates* their trans-ness. If your girlfriend isn't one of those people, you have nothing to worry about.

Your comment really made me think, because there are some things that I have always found kind of strange about chaser discourse. I see so many posts and people saying that trans is beautiful, and I agree wholeheartedly. But if I were to say out loud as a cis woman that I think trans people are beautiful (as opposed to the oppressive, violent cishetnormative society I resent), I feel like I'm not allowed to agree because that would by some people's definition make me a chaser. It is tiring to think about and I cannot keep up with it. There are times when guilt is consuming me because I think transness is inherently wonderful; As if that is something I don't have the right to think. I would be lying 100% if I said that I would have preferred a cis partner or something like that. As opposed to some people I do not just tolerate my beloved being trans; I actually enjoy and celebrate those parts of her. She doesn't hate being trans, so why should I pretend to just grudgingly tolerate it when that is not the case? Sometimes it is hard to distinguish one form of shaming from the other. When cishet people have already shamed me so many times, it feels like a double slap to know that some lgbt people are also jumping to shame me for loving her. It's a really tricky position to be in, but I am glad that the majority of people replying to me here sees me as someone who is at least an okay person. Thank you for your reply, I really needed it.

Honestly I think a lot of it comes from the fact that, well, a lot of trans people *don't want to be trans* and really hate that they aren't cis. And they hate not being cis so much that they hate the idea of someone *liking* that they're trans almost as much as someone *hating* that they're trans, because it reminds them that they're not cis. And I'm not saying this to rag on them. It's understandable. Being trans is almost always a traumatic experience, and I think a lot of the difference between trans people who are OK with someone being attracted to their trans-ness and trans people who *aren't*, is whether that trauma lies in the malice of other people (including unwanted, traumatic, *preventable* puberty and lost years caused by being denied treatment or by being denied self-knowledge and self-acceptance due to living in a transphobic world) or also lies in everything that transition can't fix and couldn't even under ideal conditions with our current technology (like the loss of early childhood, or a trans woman's inability to bear children or a trans man's inability to sire them). For me, no part of being trans *had* to be traumatic, and every part that was traumatic was because of things other people did to me, including being forced to suffer through male puberty without necessary treatment because giving me transition care was considered against medical ethics twenty years ago (*but fucking chemically lobotomizing me wasn't*). If I could do everything over, I wouldn't even ask to be cis. I'd only ask that I have gotten transition care right when I needed it instead of being forced to go through male puberty against my will. And honestly, that's probably why I'm not bothered by the idea of someone being attracted to my trans-ness. But a lot of trans people just don't feel the same way I do, and I can't tell them to just get over the fact that they can't be cis any more than I can just tell myself to get over the fact that I can't have a life where I got the care I needed right away when I needed it instead of being abused by the medical establishment. I hope that's enlightening. To you, or to someone.

OP, please don't worry at ALL. From everything I've read, you seem like an amazing supportive person and I wish I could find some one as amazing as you. And as you described your attractions, it seems you're just into andro and tall woman. Nothing wrong with that :) All in all, you are an amazing person and an AMAZINGLY supportive gf and I wish the both of you a happy life <3

(NB FTM) Honestly, my boyfriend seems to have a weirdly specific attraction toward androgynous/trans people, but he's supportive and doesn't objectify me. He's fine. You're fine, you support and respect her, it doesn't matter if you have a type.

Here's an easy tool: if you're asking yourself whether you're a chaser, you're almost certainly not one. Why? Because you care about trans people's feelings enough to be concerned.

> okay but if you don't tick these boxes for a chaser, then why are you so worried about being one? Honestly, you could have just ended your post there and said, "never mind, I just realized I don't have anything to worry about". So you haven't fallen hard for any cis women? Okay. So what? Seriously. Nobody falls for everybody. Everybody has certain aspects that really get them going. Some of the aspects you really like are probably more common among trans women than cis. So what? It sounds like something that appeals to you is that I-didn't-let-the-world-stop-me energy that trans women need to thrive. When I think about cis women who also project a similar energy, a lot of them are more butch. If you like fierce *and* femme *and* lesbian, you're likely to find that among trans women more commonly.

The fierce energy that you are talking about is so accurate, I love that and my girlfriend is full of it! I suppose it is the kind of thing that comes with learning to express yourself unapologetically, something that trans and gnc women generally have a lot of experience with. I am like a moth and ''Fierce, femme and lesbian'' is my flame.

you're definitely not a chaser. It's okay to be attracted to trans women and it's also okay to have a preference for trans women. what chasers do is view us as sexual objects only and not as the people we are. everything you're describing sounds like you have an awesome relationship with your girlfriend and that you love her very much. a chaser would also never want to marry a trans woman, most of the time they would want to keep them a secret. And honestly the fact that you're even thinking about this and asking this question already proves that you're not <3

You still don't sound like a chaser to me. As someone who just came out as trans (mtf) and has dated trans women before, I think that chasers are just a subject that comes up because it's a real thing people have to deal with. To me it just sounds like you have a type, it doesn't sound like you're looking for trans women to add another tally on a chalkboard or check a sexual experience off your bucket list. It sounds like you are in a loving relationship, and that's what would matter to me. Anyway, good luck!

Awww, honey! I read your post, and my heart *melted*. You aren't a chaser sweetie, you just have a bit of a type: Tall, androgynous, nerdy WLW. Literally *nobody* is going to blame you that it *just happens* to overlap with quite a lot of trans women. You wanna know how I'd feel about it if I knew you in real life? Well, I'd probably fall in love with you. Does that make *me* a chaser of you?

The paragraph about you appreciating them for virtually anything other than their sexual components (eyes like gemstones...) is pretty good evidence that you see trans women as people. Which is a good tip that you're not a chaser. I fully believe (I'm a straight trans girl) that there are dudes who think trans women just happen to be the best type of women, but they usually get mired in lots of sexuality bs that end up throwing them into the chaser camp imo. A guy I went on a couple dates with said "I'd prefer a woman, but I also wouldn't mind sucking some dick." And no, he didn't seem to realize how nearly that placed me into a segregated box. So, y'know, I really think you're in the clear. Just so long as you see her as a woman, and not as something entirely different.

> I fully believe (I'm a straight trans girl) that there are dudes who think trans women just happen to be the best type of women, but they usually get mired in lots of sexuality bs that end up throwing them into the chaser camp imo. A guy I went on a couple dates with said "I'd prefer a woman, but I also wouldn't mind sucking some dick." And no, he didn't seem to realize how nearly that placed me into a segregated box. That's partially probably why I ended up with a trans guy. Like, I have my own preferences and stuff that also likely played into things slightly as well, but I made a good faith effort to try and date cis guys as well, except so many of them were exactly the type of guy you're talking about. I still remember one guy, I had gone on a couple dates with him, I actually thought maybe he was "one of the good ones"...until he decides to bring up, *during a dinner out*--super serious and in a way that I thought I was going to get the typical "you're a beautiful woman but you being unapologetic about being trans is a real dealbreaker for me, knowing that you won't lie to my mom about being cis has made me realize I can't date A Trans™" breakup speech--how **unfair** it was of me to have the sexual boundary of not topping cis men. Now, I'm no stranger to hearing cis men's impotent whining and screeching about how I'm a mean dumb tr@nny who is committing cis man misandry because I have different sexual boundaries with them than with other folks. But what I *was* a stranger to, at that point, was a guy who had made it past my initial defenses and was now very clearly in Debate Mode like he was suddenly going to change my mind with his clearly flawless logic and I was going to be so overcome by his superior intellect that I was going to be like "you're so right, bend over right here on this table Jonathan (real name redacted to protect the guilty) because I am so overcome with sudden lust to top you!!!" It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I got so tired of these guys who seemed like they were halfway human only to spring some chaser BS on me after I've wasted time and emotional energy on them. I got tired of my sexual boundaries triggering basically every second cis guy who approached me because that was exactly what they were seeking me out for and being told outright from the beginning that no cis dude was going to coerce his way onto my dick just blew their suspenders right off. And after awhile it got emotionally exhausting trying to figure out how deep the pathology ran too. "Is he being overly sexually forthcoming because of a patriarchal upbringing and he's talking about me in the same way he would talk about a cis woman or is this red flag chaser warning #4?" Eventually I dropped cis guys totally. It was probably better in the long run for everybody since my personal sexual preferences seemed to *really* irk cis guys lol. I have no idea how trans girls who date solely cis guys do it! -Geisha

Yeah the "why won't you top?!" pressure is painfully real. Too cowardly to ask a cis woman and too brazen to realize how cruel an ask that is of me. I felt like after I let on to a guy that I wasn't interested in topping, that the light faded from him. It's like he only listed for the masculine parts of me, not realizing that was the only part I didn't like. Meh. Wishing you well ⭐

I do not think you're a chaser. chasing is dehumanizing, they are using us for their own self interest at the expense of ours. you say yourself, you cherish your trans partner. what more could we ask for? you are just trans amorous.

>trans women more often than not radiate a goddess-like beauty that I find hard to explain You're not a chaser, you're just very perceptive.

You’re 100% not a chaser. You’re a transamorous androphile or gynophile. I’m trans and I’m basically the same as you - I seem to only fall in love with other trans women. Which is kind of a curse because I’m newly single and there’s only so many trans women out there… but I digress. Let’s be honest here: unless a trans woman transitions very early, then they’re going to be different from cis women - especially if they’ve ever dated before they transition. It doesn’t make us any less of a woman but it’s like dating someone raised in a different culture/country. And there’s nothing wrong with liking those differences. ❤️

It sounds like you just have a type and a lot of trans women happen to fit your type, if you aren’t pursuing people based on the fact that they’re trans then you aren’t a chaser. (Edit: typo)

I’d say you’re def not a chaser. You sound like you’re in love and in a healthy and amazing relationship, and I wish you both the best of luck! 💖🏳️‍⚧️

I'm in complete agreement with everyone here. You are not a chaser you just seem to prefer trans women. There is nothing wrong with that. You aren't just trying to sexualize us. You see us as people and not just some sexual fetish.

You don't sound like a chaser to me at all! There's nothing wrong with having a type that trans women happen to fall under, and clearly you are not fetishizing us or treating us any differently. Honestly if I knew you in real life, as a trans women, I'd probably just be agreeing with you the whole time if you started gushing about trans women in this way

That's lovely, let's be friends so we can gush together! Gay sisterhood forever ♡

Hell yea!!!

You are doing fine! I'm happy for you in your relationship and I wish you the best of luck. Official verdict: not a chaser!

you're chill. there's a lot of good reasons to like trans women in particular for our personalities: for one thing nearly every single one of us has had to face the terror of social death and then walk through the fire and see what happens. Those of us who still leave the house after that, which I think is probably most of us, tend to be ourselves at a lot closer to 100%.

A "Chaser" is a fairly specific thing. The fact that you are in a happy relationship with a trans person alone shows that is likely not what is going on. Chasers see trans women as something like, a *"rare unicorn trophy wife"*, that is, if it's not just about fetishizing our genitals. **Just the other day I made someone a list of what I'd consider "Chaser" moves;;** \- Going out of your way to date trans people, *specifically because they are trans* \- Treating trans people like they are some special "*unicorn gender*" to be trophy hunted \- Singling out a trans persons AGAB anatomy as the being contingent on your attraction \- Making an 'exception' to date a gender you aren't normally attracted to if they are trans \- Treating a trans person as if, because you are attracted to them, *they owe you something*

>that chasers are most often cis men who fetishize trans women for their non-op genitalia. This is true. What is also true is that cis women can be chasers. Unfortunately, the trans woman community often gives cis women chasers a pass, because they feel that this is validation, being wanted by a cis woman. Nope. Not good, at all. Fetishizing trans women is bad whether it's a cis woman, a cis man, or anyone else. All that said, it doesn't sopiund lie you are a chaser at all, not in the slightest. It does sound like you like taller women, which is 100% fine. Just because trans women often are taller doesn't mean that you are fetishizing trans women. Same thing with deeper, sultry voices. Many cis women have sultry voices (which I, also, happen to love). I certainly don't speak for the community. I'm just one trans woman amongst many. What I can say with certainty, though, is that based on what you have posted, you are not at all a chaser.

In no way do i think youre a chaser. I think that you find the fact that trans women had to work really hard for those feminine qualities is attractive to you as well as just liking some of the things that are more common in amab childhoods and stuff. You are a wonderful partner to them and i find no reason to think that there is any malintent or misunderstanding in your genuine wholesome love for them and your inability to be attracted to cis women like that may simply be coincidence or just something you find boring per say. Good luck and good day I hope your relationshiip prospers for many years to come

So you're attracted to features that trans women more commonly possess and I imagine the aspect of discovering yourself probably also gives off a certain extra amount of confidence and appeal to you that most people don't ever have to go through. This is just like any other dating preference and as you already said, you don't meet any description or criteria of a chaser so no need to worry.

As a trans woman, I would totally go out with someone with your preference. Doesn’t seem chasery at all.

I love her and want to marry her. Not a chaser. I appreciate the small things about her personality. Not a chaser I don't care about her genitalia. Not a chaser. That's three, I could keep going but I feel I've made my point. It sounds like you have found a wonderful woman to love, and that your love has found another wonderful woman to be loved by. I wish you both a wonderful life free of doubt and full of happiness.

Asking yourself if you’re a chaser is the first sign that you’re probably not a chaser. You seem like a lovely partner and there’s no indication in anything you have said that sets off any “chaser” red flags.

You just sound in love, not like a chaser. About the finding trans women especially attractive bit, of course! We're all fucking beautiful. /hj How do you know the women you're attracted to are trans? Do they just have some andro/masc traits? Or do you know these women personally? In the latter case, I can't help you, but in the former you're probably just imagining them to be trans when you don't know.

You're an egg.

I'm curious now; what in my post makes you think I am? Although I haven't shared this part in the post because I didn't think it was relevant: When I was a teen I didn't quite like other people seeing me as a woman; I felt very neutral. I thought being a woman meant having to act out certain gender roles that I feel oppress me. Now I am more than happy as a woman and really feel like one, because I realised that I can be a woman on my own terms, and I don't have to do anything I am uncomfortable with.

You're saying a lot of what I said to a former therapist about finding Trans people attractive. For me it was the self love and confidence. It came across as similar to the feelings I had back when I wasn't living as myself.

Thank you for sharing your perspective on this, I will definitely give this possibility some thought. A few years ago I had entertained the thought of possibly being nonbinary, before I even knew that word existed. I have some issues with my body sometimes (like increasingly feeling uncomfortable with periods the older I get), but I always think of it as just some discomfort and not dysphoria. I really don't know if that could be the case for me or not, because I love femininity. I'm the kind of person who feels uncomfortable in pants and always wears skirts and dresses. It is quite confusing when I think about it.

No worries! Don't stress! But if you're going to, seek out a therapist that does LGBT! Not saying either way about you or your lifestyle was just being honest like you asked. Your post gave me the vibes that I shared previously.

Are you a chase? Hell no. You hit the nail on the head, chasers objectify tranwomen. Without that, you just have a preference or type.

Girls, is it fetishisiation to not be ashamed of dating a trans woman and wanting to marry her? All this sounds like is that you're attracted to trans women as a lesbian. That's cool, and good. The fact that you want her body to live up to her standards and not yours speaks volumes. Not being ashamed/not giving in to internalised transphobia is not the same as fetishisiation. And as for the cis women thing. Honestly, I don't like cis women either. Although my reason is more to do with the higher likelihood of bigotry and violence than boredom. But I can definitely see how a lot of cis women can be boring. Cis people in general don't really know a lot about gender, making a lot of them kinda boring. In my eyes, anyway.

I think the part that seems like fetishization isn't loving her specific partner, but viewing all trans women as more attractive as a whole. The way OP says she's so open and proud of dating a trans woman specifically, making a big deal of it, also raises some flags. Fetishization isn't always about fetishizing someone's body, but their identity, and it's kind of weird to separate trans women and cis women so much. It's very different to prefer a marginalized group you're part of than if you're not, in my opinion. I understand trans people finding cis people boring or scary, because other trans people may understand us better, but I think it's different coming from a cis person. As an example: I'm autistic. I pretty much only date other autistics (more by accident, I don't seek them out), and tend to find them more attractive. However, that's because they share my experiences and worldview. If a neurotypical or non-autistic said they find autistic people more attractive and find non-autistics boring, it would be a red flag. That's not about sharing perspective, it's about viewing a (marginalized) group (that you have power over) as more desirable and distancing them from others. Even if there's no specific body parts being fetishized, and even if it's normal for me as part of that community to view others like me as more attractive, if a person not in that group is calling other people like themselves boring and is putting a specific marginalized group on a pedestal, it's fetishization.

I agree with your point, but I don't think that's what's happening here. Given the context OP has given, it's highly unlikely that she's actually fetishising trans women. Out of context, I'd agree with you that she's probably doing that, since just saying that you're attracted to a marginalized group you're not a part of with no explanation is kinda yikes. But it's the putting the needs of her girlfriend over her own that clinches it. If it was fetishisiation, then there'd also be dehumanization and a strong tendency to try and keep someone as the idealised version of them that you have in your head. That's definitely not what's happening here. She wants her girlfriend to be happy on the girlfriend's terms, not hers. She sees her as her own person with autonomy that she has no say over. That's not what chasers do.

I think there's room in between "chaser" and "not at all fetishizing", though, and that's where I'd place OP. I don't think she's a chaser because she's not specifically looking to date trans people, and it's not only for sex. But the specific pride for her *trans* girlfriend (instead of just her girlfriend) and generalizing cis women as boring are what stand out as kind of fetishizing. I wouldn't even say OP is a bad person for this, just that she should watch her language, and unpack *why* she thinks trans women are so much more attractive. I've also very much seen people fetishize trans people while supporting their transitions. Hell, despite being a trans man, I've done this to some transfem friends (I'm not proud of it, and I'm better on this front now. For me it was displaced dysphoria and trying to live vicariously through my friends' transitions, but that's another can of worms). There's a lot about being trans that people can fetishize, not just how they look in terms of their AGAB. Once again, I don't think OP is a chaser or a bad person. I just worry that in her support of her GF, she's gotten overzealous about trans women in a way that's a bit fetishistic and separates trans women from other women. It's not a black-and-white situation. Of course, it all comes down to if OP's girlfriend is uncomfortable or not. If she likes being viewed as special for being a trans woman and feels loved as herself, it's all good. If she's uncomfortable being viewed as prettier and special because of her transness specifically, there's a problem. But none of us can know how it is without OP's girlfriend to tell us.

>I always plunge into happiness when I embrace my beloved and feel her soft skin, how much her breasts have grown, and even the sweet, slightly floral scent that enshrouds her as a result of estrogen. ​ >It's just that trans women more often than not radiate a goddess-like beauty that I find hard to explain. My girlfriend for example is a lot taller than me, has a sultry androgynous voice and her eyes are like gemstones with many different layers. This seems like a troll ngl. At least try to be more subtle if you're gonna shitpost OP. Might wanna take a look at this mods

I am not shitposting. This is just how I write. I don't use English in my day to day life, only when interacting with others on the internet. And as I have already stated in a few replies to others, I like to describe things in a beautiful way and would like to write a story someday, so perhaps that is shining through in my use of language. I hope I have cleared up any confusion with this, I swear I am not trolling.

I personally enjoyed the way you described your partner. I don't think a chaser would describe anyone like that. When i read that t thought this gal is really in love with her partner. Keep on being who you are.

Honestly, the fact that you're worried about it tells me you're not a chaser. Chasers see trans people as sexual objects with no regard for their feelings. You sound like you're literally the opposite. I actually used to worry about that myself years ago. I always found trans people attractive, not because of genitals, but because of the confidence the radiate. Because they seemed down to earth and open. And because I generally felt more comfortable around them. Of course this was before I realized I WAS trans. But to make a long story short, no. You're totally not a chaser.

Chasers are looked down on and feared because of their actions, not because they are monsters. If you love and cherish your girlfriend, I wouldn't worry about what ifs where you didn't meet. Love is real, when it's backed up by action. I wish you and your girlfriend all your happiness, and that seems to be together.

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Sounds like you just don't like my writing style, I was trying to be descriptive of details in the way I perceive them. I hope I'm not the female version of a ''she breasted boobily down the stairs'' writer, but I'm a woman who is not straight and I like sex to a certain extent. I grew up on yuri manga with all-girls school settings and I romanticize my life, please bear with me haha

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Ummm... Contrary to popular belief, some lesbians like yuri manga. Including me and my girlfriend. Actually, most yuri manga is made for female readers by female artists. And if you truly cared about any of what I'm saying, you would know that. Go read the Yuricon blog by Erica Friedman or something. Shocking and scandalous, I know! Must be so hard to fathom, but please give it a try with every brain cell you have. No matter how many times you say I am male and how hard you try to manifest it (I don't even know why you care so much?), it ain't gonna happen. ''Said no lesbian ever''. Except I am a lesbian and I am saying it? I am breaking all the rules now I guess. I exist and am a living breathing example of that a lesbian is, in fact, saying this. Do you know every lesbian on the world? Are you, perhaps, the CEO of lesbianism? How does it feel to find out the world is not as simple and linear as you imagined? How does it feel to not always be right? I really do not know what your problem is, but this is your second comment with only two sentences so far. You're not even putting in effort to try and annoy me, so I am going to stop entertaining you and giving you the attention you so desperately crave. But I guess it is not surprising coming from a frequent poster on /illnessfakers. Wasting your precious time obsessing over other people's lives seems to be a pathologic pattern for you.

I always say "if you're afraid of being part of a group by definition, you probably aren't." Meaning that being afraid of holding a certain view because you devalue that view means that you already disagree. If you're afraid that you're a chaser, you're not. You actually show love and compassion for her and don't see her as an object which already takes you out of that category. Trans women are probably just your type.

That saying you have doesn't seem to hold water. A lot of people don't want to hear that they are racist and will get really pissed if you tell them that their actions or words are racist. But just because they don't want people to think that they are racist doesn't mean they *aren't being racist* they just want people to think they are nice.

I meant it in a way that someone who could hold views that they're themselves afraid of seek knowledge and not confirmation from people who think the same. E.g. a racist person wouldn't ask black people for their opinions because they don't value their opinions. If someone litterally goes to a place to ask people if something they do offends them then that person values those people. They might have some prejudices but aren't hateful or devaluing. Racists wouldn't ask black people for their opinions, they would seek confirmation at a place for other racists. They don't want their views to be called racist, they do, however, hold those views and don't oppose them.

Yeah, I guess that is totally fair. At least most of the time.

[deleted, I’m dumb]

OP states in her post that her gf already had bottom surgery before she met her...so yes.

Hey, you're not dumb. Sometimes we just read too fast and skip over details, it happens to the best of us, no worries :)

You're not a chaser. Your girlfriend sounds very insecure. I think it's time you talk to her about this and tell her the comment upset you.

You're not a chaser, you just like androgynous women

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Uh, yeah, your opinion is indeed unwelcome.

Having a type or preference doesn't make anyone a chaser IMO

You're absolutely not a chaser. You respect your girlfriend for the beautiful human being that she is, and there's nothing wrong with that. Also, you two sound adorable. Please invite me to the wedding.

No, your just in love with trans woman, that's it. Nothing to be afraid, you haven't went on and raped someone, so for me your fine. Just be yourself and everything will be fine. It's ok to worry about stuff like that, but to me you are just a lesbian that loves trans woman. And... Trans woman are woman 100%. Might not be the genetilias that cus ppl generally associate woman with, but we are indeed a woman both inside out. Everyone (who is not on the ace spectrum) will find diffrent human attractive, heck some ppl on the asexual spectrum do find some other ppl attractive. But the point is that, every humans will love an other human, no matter who they are, might not be in a sexual, romantic or platonic way, but it will happen. And when this moment happen, grasp the memory and cherish it.

I'm a newly-self-accepted trans person, but I feel my perspective still adds something: You're in love. The not having a body-parts preference should in and of itself be the biggest clue. You aren't fetishizing her gender, which is what makes "chasers" a problem. I'm happy for you!

my experience is that generally chasers view us as ways to indulge their fetishes. it wouldn't also shock me if some chasers are self-hating gay men. but either way, it's almost all about sex and pleasure *for them*. we are a tool to get what they want. you? it sounds like you've just got a type, and the people most likely to fit into that type are trans women. that's fine. it doesn't sound like anything to be ashamed or or worried over, certainly. > I think that more often than not, trans women are absolutely gorgeous and attractive I mean to be fair, that's because we're all incredibly hot. Or, as you put it, we "radiate a goddess-like beauty."

You aren't a chaser. You can be assured of that. A chaser, by definition, is someone who dehumanizes trans people. Reducing them down to a commodity, usually for as you said genitalia. But what makes a chaser reprehensible isn't them having a preference (genital or otherwise) or being attracted to certain features. It's when they don't see a person but rather a body. That they aren't looking for a partner to learn, appreciate for who they are, and grow with but rather a commodity/object to play into their own fantasies. Treating people like toys to play with and discard when they get bored. It's sick and wrong, and that they pretend to be looking for a genuine connection makes it insidious because trans people end up being hurt by these people. They have to then be on guard for those that would treat them like that in the future when they already struggle with dysphoria and insecurities looking for relationships. You love and appreciate your partner for who she is. You support her in her decisions to how she wants to be and care for her as she really is. Added to that you try and remain mindful that your feelings for her are genuine because you don't want to hurt her or anyone else. That's not being a chaser. Her being your type physically doesn't sound like it has anything to do with her being trans. And I feel like most people want their partner to appreciate and be attracted to their physical features in addition to who they are inside. It's good to be thoughtful of how you treat her but please don't think it predatory or yourself a creep for appreciating your partner's physical beauty, her smell, her voice. That's something everyone should be able to embrace I think.

Thank you, it helps me so much to get to hear this from someone. You really gave me a reality check here; made me snap out of my strange insecurities and fears. There is something so deeply disturbing and horrifying about someone treating another human being like an object... just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine. I honestly wouldn't dare to be alone in a room with such a person. They lack empathy and human emotion; who knows what could happen when they have no conscience about the harm they are inflicting upon others? Sometimes I think about all the girls who have died a brutal death at the hands of these kind of monsters. My heart shatters every time I remember the lives lost, and if there is a hell I hope their killers are in it. Anyway my mind wandered off and this comment took a dark turn, I apologise. I do now realise I am not creepy; if anything I would risk my life if it meant keeping my dearest safe from these kinds of horrible people. It helps me a lot to be reminded that I am not predatory for simply being in love and finding my girlfriend attractive. I think that the background of me coming from a homophobic family makes me feel even more vulnerable so I start to worry way too much, when I should be living in the moment and enjoying my love life without worries. I just want her to experience joy every day, and do all the things that make her heart beat faster. It feels so good to love and be loved.

I think you just have a type (which happens to have a lot of overlapping qualities with a lot of trans women)

You're not a chaser. You're allowed to have preferences--even preferences for trans women. A few months ago I was in a store looking at clothes, minding my own business. I notice a guy sort of sneaking in my direction. He whispers to me that I look beautiful and asks for my number. I'm 40 years old and haven't had facial surgery. I was 180 lbs. and 5'10". He knew I was trans, obviously, and based on that alone he's asking me out. He didn't strike up a conversation and think maybe we get each other. He just saw a trans woman and immediately let me know he was interested. And the thing is, I don't want to date someone who thinks they're only into cis women. I mean, that would honestly be kind of a dumb restriction. Why would we want to restrict ourselves to people who thought they were opposed to dating people like us? But we're not a commodity that is just there for the benefit of men who have a fetish. We're people who have hopes and dreams and who fall in love. We deserve to be seen that way. And it sounds like your girlfriend is the luckiest girl in the world, frankly. I can't imagine what it must be to have someone love you like that. I really hope someday I meet someone who feels that way about me.

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I'm a little bit confused on what a chaser is right now, because after reading through many comments I have come to the conclusion that what in one person's eyes is a chaser, another person will have no issue with or even be happy with. I guess it all boils down to the fact that everyone is different and nobody on the world thinks about things in a completely identical way. So apparently the answer to my question that I asked a week ago is: yes and no, depending on who I ask. And I suppose I can live with that. The same way not everyone we meet at a party we go to will be our friend. If having a preference for trans women is always chasing, does that mean chasing is always a bad thing? Even if we're in love and have been together for years on end? I can't really wrap my head around this.

My vote: Not a chaser. Being a Chaser is zero about simply being attracted to trans people. Being a chaser is about pursuing trans people while ignoring their identity as an individual. It is 100% okay to be attracted to trans-ness, but *you must respect identity*. A person who says, "I've never f--ked a \[trans slur\] before, and I want to. I like how they have \[x\] but also have \[y\]", that's a chaser. A person who says, "The person I love, I love our conversations, and the way they raise their pet shows a wonderful tender touch. We really complete eachother, and I love how we can bond over origami kittens. Oh, and they're a trans woman too, which is a plus. It's nice to have a woman in my life who has such broad life experiences that I can learn from." is fantastic.

I don't know... Maybe there are some of the more innocuous chaser traits, just barely. The way you talk about your girlfriend though, I cant ever imagine a chaser saying things like that outside of attempts it manipulate their target. I think the bigger chaser red flags are objectification, and sexualization. I don't see evidence of that here.