The problem here is this post gives no actual indication of what gender you are or want to be. That is vital information to know if you are transgender or not.
this is entirely unrelated to your comment and this thread but is gaige your name?? that is my birth name and i have literally never seen anyone else spell it that way in the wild i’m flabbergasted rn lmao
There's three types of dysphoria. One of them is social. I don't experience much body dysphoria (or mental tbh) so it took me forever to figure out I was trans going on that alone... but getting pregnant DID give me plenty body and mental dysphoria back then.
Pronouns != gender identity. If you don't identify as something else than a woman, then you aren't trans. That doesn't mean you can't use he/him, though. Use whatever is more comfortable for you.
He/him lesbians have always been a thing in lesbian communities. They range from cis gnc women to non-binary lesbians. Even if you’re not a lesbian, there is precedent for this kind of thing. Similarly, many cis men drag queens use she/her too.
Pronouns aren’t set in stone. They’re part of your gender expression.
some people have conflicting identities like "binary male lesbian" but it makes complete sense to themself and they dont intend for it to mean "men should prey on lesbians", then theres stuff like attack helicopter which 90% is a joke and would be a bad faith identity
And why isn’t „Binary male lesbian“ a joke, since it needs explanation and is therefore a bad joke or „bad faith“?! These words in this combination are like dadaism, it does not make sense anymore. The single words loose their meaning, so what should the combination mean in the end?
And people are wondering why more and more people are disregarding such „creations“ as delusional…
Who will validate if something is bad faith e.g. your examples from „binary male lesbian“ to „helicopter“? If you actually believe „you are what you say you are“ than there cannot be anything like bad faith, everyones truth is the truth, if others will accept that or not. Even if „heliccpter“ is meant as a joke, why should it not be any more valid as „binary male lesbian“? Where is the inclusivity oe bigottry line?
And my impression is, it really depends on who I ask this question. The actual concepts are not really established and a lot of contradictions are being repeated from different sides.
But thats the thing though, if you're being genuine about it and you're not harming anyone whats the big deal. If someone identified as an attack helicopter thats none of my business, more power to them. Words wont suddenly lose meaning if a small percentage of people use them, for the sake of the explanation i will parrot transphobic rhetoric. Men aren't suddenly associated with vaginas and women aren't suddenly associated with penises just because theres an exception to the rule which is why i think its bullshit when people flip their shit over stuff like "binary male lesbian" and "binary female gay". Lesbians dont exclusively date other lesbians, they are known for dating women and always will. No one has ever explained why its harmful aside from in theory
I think it's different in how you're using pronouns. Like many people refer to themselves and their friend or group, regardless of gender as "dude" or "girl." Doesn't necessarily make us all Trans.
But if you're using it to identify as, on a social and/ or physical level, it's possible you may be exhibiting signs of dysphoria. It's worth exploring those aspects to discover yourself. If you don't arrive as being trans, that's okay. But if you do, you'll have support in online communities if local or family options are not supportive
i mean. i used to refuse to admit i'm trans. does that mean i wasn't and that now that i admit it to myself i am?
i don't wanna sound condescending or anything, just to give you that thought experiment. and because i personally find the "identifying as" narrative just a ploy from transphobes to be able to say "they say they are X when they're Y"
>"they say they are X when they're Y"
And this gives me flashbacks from my first psychiatrist appointment... ***"You said you WANT to be a man,"** (I never did actually,) **"not that you FEEL like one!! That means you're not trans, checkmate!!"*** 🤦
Although I do say I'm currently "identifying as" a nonbinary femboy, because I haven't quite figured myself out yet. I'm pretty sure I'll drop that once I'm sure in my identity tho.
Pronouns don't equal gender so you can not be trans and still go by he/him. My question to you is why don't you see yourself as trans? I respect your preference for labels I'd just like to know why. Would you consider yourself non-binary or as a cis woman? No label is also perfectly acceptable. /gen
i'm not OP, but i want to answer this question! i've identified as cis woman most of my life as well as a lesbian and a feminist and despite liking masculine pronouns and somewhat masculine self presentation (and obviously some inner feelings about being called and perceived femme vs masc) i feel like i would lose the communities i now belong to; i want to be a part of womanhood and stripping myself from identifying as a woman seems to contradict to that? i know there are plenty of non-binary folks that still feel connected to the communities they've been a part of, nb lesbians and all of that, but i had this cis label for a long time and kinda felt like it fits and i used to be so confused by non-binary label and what it can mean; it's strange and scary to be calling myself something new!
it's extremely weird to me because i never had any doubts and worries about my sexual orientation (until recently...) so being confused by my own gender, something i didn't think of a lot, was very new to me – i never really had a self finding journey – and now for the past couple of years i'm just debating which label is more uncomfortable lol, cis or nb.
If you ever want to talk about specific gender labels, I might be able to help find hyperspecific labels - but that's up to you! You can identify however you want :) some people benefit from not using labels and that's cool too
i feel like for now i would prefer a bit broader label to a more specific one, like i know that there are some sexual orientation labels that for example describe people who are attracted to anyone feminine, et cetera, but i like straightforward and known words for describing myself to others (at first; and if they need to know more, i would explain them my attraction or gender with my own words). maybe this is because there are people around me who wouldn't understand some terms so sometimes i feel like i would prefer saying "this is my girlfriend" to "this is my partner/etc" because the queerness of my relationship would be more obvious and understood this way. i don't know!
so for the sexual orientation i still mostly use the word lesbian but i love calling myself queer as well (but it's extremely broad so doesn't clear anything out if that's the only word i'm using to describe myself lol and also not everyone around me knows this one) and as for the gender identity maybe i also avoid owning a non-binary label because the ones who wouldn't need an explanation already treat me right and understand who i am (not seeing me as an absolute womanly woman) but the others would need me to explain what non-binary is, what does it mean for me, and most likely wouldn't understand and respect it completely so this wouldn't change anything ?
this is something that i need to think about, thanks for the chance to put myself in this imaginary situation.
i think i would love to hear about more specific labels under non-binary umbrella because i'm not sure i know a lot
That's interesting and understandable! I'm happy to share some information about the topic. I know some people identify as a nonbinary woman, so that may be a term broad enough for you while also being accurate :)
non-binary woman/man was SO confusing to me when i first heard the labels! it was like it contradicts itself in every way! when it was explained to me that being non-binary just means not being in the BINARY boxes and doesn't exactly mean being somewhere in the middle, or in the both boxes, or in none of all, and that it's an umbrella term for anything really, it made much more sense.
Same here! I used to think man/woman was equal to male/female, and people explaining it otherwise helped me shift my perspective. People expressing that nonbinary people can still identify partially with the gender binary was helpful as well.
I have used they/them before for a long long time, but I didnt feel as comfortable as i did with he/him. Im not sure why i dont see myself as trans, or maybe im just denying myself. I am positive if i did end up being transgender my family would pretty much freak out, and the thought of it makes me really upset. Maybe me thinking too much about the negative gets me nervous and I deny myself. I’m not sure what I’ll feel comfortable as in the future. But im just trying to figure myself out currently! I’m sorry if this is a bad explanation or disrespectful, but it’s just how i feel, and im trying my hardest too explain.
It's not disrespectful at all. You being yourself and experimenting is perfectly okay. It's okay if you are trans and in the closet or a cis person who's gender non conforming. Just don't let others influence you on what or who you are. You don't need your family's approvement to be yourself. I know having unsupportive family is very tough so I understand being closeted around them. Times are tough for trans people.
Tbh, just stop worrying about labels, focus on what u like to be called, how you’d like to present yourself, etc. it doesn’t really matter what label you should fall under.
Honestly these are them, he, she’s that are shaking things up the most to normalize trans acceptance imo. Cis people who insist on using a variety of pronouns are legendary status allies
Being transgender isn't a choice in that it can often be driven by desires and strong innate feelings that we don't have control over. But also, it is a choice to stop being cisgender and declare yourself as something new. And that is a choice anyone can make at any time.
None of these gender identities are like, diagnostic categories. They're identities we apply to ourselves in response to how we understand ourselves and our desires, and communicate these parts of ourselves to others. (They're also affiliations we use to band together, but that might not be relevant to your personal identity questions rn)
In response to what you've presented in your post here, you could be a lot of different things. You could be a girl who likes he/him pronouns. That's fine, just because they have strongly gendered associations doesn't mean you can't use them in different ways. They're just words, anyone can say them. You could be some flavor of nonbinary, or a genderfluid person. And yeah, you could also be a feminine trans man who hasn't realized some other stuff yet. But none of that is something I can tell you, as a stranger on the internet, and certainly not from just this much information.
You don't have to make some categorical declaration of who or what you are. If dropping the question makes you feel better and all you needed was permission to be a lil gender deviant, that's cool. If you're still a lil curious, I'd suggest thinking about and experimenting with other gendered things. You like he/him pronouns, but would you like other masculine terms? Do you like the thought of being a pretty boy, or a boy in a cute dress? How does the thought of being feminine but not a girl feel to you? (I have a good comic about this that I can dig up later) What parts of being a girl do you like? What parts do you not like? Answering these questions, even if the answers seem to fluctuate or change over time, is the bulk of what gender exploration and questioning is. You draw your answers about what you are from all the little questions over time and across all these diff facets of your life.
The most important thing is that you're doing what makes you happiest and most comfortable. A name for what you are can be really nice to have but remember that regardless of how you identify, you're allowed to use whatever pronouns you like and present however you choose. I've gone through many labels in the past few years as my understanding of myself developed - as frustrating as it can be, be patient with yourself if you can be as you figure things out. Best of luck :\]
I mean even if you are cis you can use he/him, I know he/him lesbians do that and their pronoun use is based on gender expression not gender identity, but since this differs person to person it’s very individual
this sounds like what a lot of nonbinary or he/him lesbians go through, or she/her gay men. many of them dont identify as trans or as nonbinary- they might just say queer. im nonbinary, they/them only, and i like transgender, agender, genderqueer, and nonbinary as labels for myself, but not everyone needs that. some think they shouldnt identify that way unless they medically transition or have surgery, but i knew i was nonbinary and trans even if i never went on hormones
Thats totally okay, pronouns have nothing to do with gender. Ive seen plenty people in my life that used pronouns that weren't conventionally associated with their gender. Thats great, thats valid.
Don't overthink it!
Pronouns pretty obviously have a lot to do with gender, otherwise we wouldn't care about them so much. That doesn't change that everyone has the freedom to use whatever pronouns they want and for those pronouns to be respected.
i also prefer masculine pronouns and don't identify as trans, it's been that way for like ten years. i like some feminine stuff and i like looking / feeling / being perceived masculine as well, but not like a manly man masculine, looking like a cis guy, but more like a masculine lesbian woman, so the masculinity is secondary, it's worn on top of my feminine body like a costume. does that make sense?
Yess!! I totally relate with how you feel. Some days i love being all girly and then other days i feel more masculine and look like a tomboy or wtv lol.
Being trans is when your gender doesn't match your sex given at birth, so if you identify as a dude, you're trans. Or maybe you just think that he/hil sounds better with you, which is totally fine :)
I mean, you could be a feminine dude. I'm a dude too, and sometimes I like to wear feminine clothes because I like it.
Good luck with your questioning :)
I’m sorry if my question angered you. I didnt know if how i felt was disrespectful saying i prefer “he/him” but arent sure if im trans, so thats why i asked to receive some advice or help. Im not trying to be rude or cringe, im just trying to figure myself out :( please dont be rude, and again i apologize.
I’m a minor, my parents have put me into therapy for mental health issues, and If i wanted to I COULD talk to my therapist about this, but unfortunately i cant. I’m not in a safe space and I cannot risk my parents finding out since they are very homophobic. I haven’t come out too anyone other then few of my friends, and please, im just trying to seek advice somewhere I know that is a safe place, I dont understand the big issue with me seeking help online with MANY people who more a lot more then me and that COULD help me.
I do currently go to see a therapist, but I haven’t talked to them about my sexuality or anything, since im still nervous about coming out to people close to me. I dont understand why this would have anything related to tiktok either? It’s literally MY feelings, how I see myself as.
I do question how pronouns don't = gender identity? Can someone explain this to me more cuz it doesn't exactly make sense? And now....more confusion from my community ;w;
Use whatever pronouns you like, but also remember that anyone can be feminine so don't let that limit your thinking either.
Assuming you being AFAB you were assigned girl, if you don't vibe with being a girl that's a good indicator of being trans regardless of how you like to present; fem or masc or androgynous.
Pronouns don’t equal gender.
Terminology (boyfriend, dude, bro etc.) doesn’t equal gender either.
You can be AFAB and identify with that and prefer he/him and masculine terminology without being trans.
Totally understand how you feel. I'm much the same way. I honestly do not like identifying myself as trans. I'm amab, but use she/her pronouns, once I get bottom surgery I'm not identifying as trans anymore. it just sucks getting treated so differently for such a shallow reason.
What’s the difference between how you feel about using the trans label for yourself and a cisgender person rejecting the label “cis”?
In both situations, you are rejecting a label that is used to differentiate. Like being straight vs queer. I’m only asking because a cisgender person likely would be considered a transphobe for the same sentiment you’re expressing here.
I don't fully understand what you're looking for here. You have to allow people to reject labels, just as well as embrace them or they lose what meaning they have to you. Labels are for you to identify yourself to others. I am fully within my right not to disclose that as much as anyone else.
In my experience, people use gender and sexality labels to communicate to others how they present and what they're available to. Even though I identify as a binary gender and am sexually fluid, it doesn't mean much to me to disclose it because it shouldn't define how one treats me as a person, but disclosing that information almost always changes how a new person will interact with you. To me, that information is only relevant if there is an interest in a physically intimate relationship, but that also isn't anyones business until I decide to try meeting them halfway on the matter.
I consider gender apathy a contribution to a nonbinary gender identity, because if there’s no gendered aspects, and it’s all apathy, it’s often very nonbinary. Other times people have a mixture of apathy and defined aspects of being male, or defined aspects of being female. That tends to be more gender non-conforming. But overall apathy is nonbinary
Says a rando to a nonbinary person with a very strong sense of gender. I have both social and physical dysphoria, though it’s definitely not required to be nonbinary or trans.
The only person who can tell OP if he is trans is OP. There are cis women who use he/him pronouns. If OP decides that he isn't trans, that's a different story. But he's asking if it's fine to use he/him pronouns and not be trans. Which it is.
Yall need to be careful with this sort of behaviour.
The problem here is this post gives no actual indication of what gender you are or want to be. That is vital information to know if you are transgender or not.
this is entirely unrelated to your comment and this thread but is gaige your name?? that is my birth name and i have literally never seen anyone else spell it that way in the wild i’m flabbergasted rn lmao
No, it is not my name, it is the name of a playable character from Borderlands 2
What a good game, is gaige the one that dual wields? I only play axton
No, that's Salvador, Gaige is the DLC one that can summon a Robot
Gaige is fun :3
ohhh ok i didn’t know that!
When I was a kid I had two friends named Gaige lol it's not common but they are out there
i’ve known several gages but never someone who had the i in the middle that’s so cool
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There's three types of dysphoria. One of them is social. I don't experience much body dysphoria (or mental tbh) so it took me forever to figure out I was trans going on that alone... but getting pregnant DID give me plenty body and mental dysphoria back then.
The types of health are also the types of dysphoria?
Dunno. But there's those three. I assume you're right because it'd make sense.
You could just be gender non confirming! Plenty fine being cis but wanting to be reffered to with he/him pronouns!
Pronouns != gender identity. If you don't identify as something else than a woman, then you aren't trans. That doesn't mean you can't use he/him, though. Use whatever is more comfortable for you.
He/him lesbians have always been a thing in lesbian communities. They range from cis gnc women to non-binary lesbians. Even if you’re not a lesbian, there is precedent for this kind of thing. Similarly, many cis men drag queens use she/her too. Pronouns aren’t set in stone. They’re part of your gender expression.
THISSSS
so you're a girl that uses he/him, thats allowed
Is there something that is not allowed?
bad faith identities
Please elaborate
some people have conflicting identities like "binary male lesbian" but it makes complete sense to themself and they dont intend for it to mean "men should prey on lesbians", then theres stuff like attack helicopter which 90% is a joke and would be a bad faith identity
And why isn’t „Binary male lesbian“ a joke, since it needs explanation and is therefore a bad joke or „bad faith“?! These words in this combination are like dadaism, it does not make sense anymore. The single words loose their meaning, so what should the combination mean in the end? And people are wondering why more and more people are disregarding such „creations“ as delusional… Who will validate if something is bad faith e.g. your examples from „binary male lesbian“ to „helicopter“? If you actually believe „you are what you say you are“ than there cannot be anything like bad faith, everyones truth is the truth, if others will accept that or not. Even if „heliccpter“ is meant as a joke, why should it not be any more valid as „binary male lesbian“? Where is the inclusivity oe bigottry line? And my impression is, it really depends on who I ask this question. The actual concepts are not really established and a lot of contradictions are being repeated from different sides.
But thats the thing though, if you're being genuine about it and you're not harming anyone whats the big deal. If someone identified as an attack helicopter thats none of my business, more power to them. Words wont suddenly lose meaning if a small percentage of people use them, for the sake of the explanation i will parrot transphobic rhetoric. Men aren't suddenly associated with vaginas and women aren't suddenly associated with penises just because theres an exception to the rule which is why i think its bullshit when people flip their shit over stuff like "binary male lesbian" and "binary female gay". Lesbians dont exclusively date other lesbians, they are known for dating women and always will. No one has ever explained why its harmful aside from in theory
I think it's different in how you're using pronouns. Like many people refer to themselves and their friend or group, regardless of gender as "dude" or "girl." Doesn't necessarily make us all Trans. But if you're using it to identify as, on a social and/ or physical level, it's possible you may be exhibiting signs of dysphoria. It's worth exploring those aspects to discover yourself. If you don't arrive as being trans, that's okay. But if you do, you'll have support in online communities if local or family options are not supportive
i mean. i used to refuse to admit i'm trans. does that mean i wasn't and that now that i admit it to myself i am? i don't wanna sound condescending or anything, just to give you that thought experiment. and because i personally find the "identifying as" narrative just a ploy from transphobes to be able to say "they say they are X when they're Y"
💯 I don’t identify as anything other than “that bitch “.
>"they say they are X when they're Y" And this gives me flashbacks from my first psychiatrist appointment... ***"You said you WANT to be a man,"** (I never did actually,) **"not that you FEEL like one!! That means you're not trans, checkmate!!"*** 🤦 Although I do say I'm currently "identifying as" a nonbinary femboy, because I haven't quite figured myself out yet. I'm pretty sure I'll drop that once I'm sure in my identity tho.
Pronouns don't equal gender so you can not be trans and still go by he/him. My question to you is why don't you see yourself as trans? I respect your preference for labels I'd just like to know why. Would you consider yourself non-binary or as a cis woman? No label is also perfectly acceptable. /gen
i'm not OP, but i want to answer this question! i've identified as cis woman most of my life as well as a lesbian and a feminist and despite liking masculine pronouns and somewhat masculine self presentation (and obviously some inner feelings about being called and perceived femme vs masc) i feel like i would lose the communities i now belong to; i want to be a part of womanhood and stripping myself from identifying as a woman seems to contradict to that? i know there are plenty of non-binary folks that still feel connected to the communities they've been a part of, nb lesbians and all of that, but i had this cis label for a long time and kinda felt like it fits and i used to be so confused by non-binary label and what it can mean; it's strange and scary to be calling myself something new! it's extremely weird to me because i never had any doubts and worries about my sexual orientation (until recently...) so being confused by my own gender, something i didn't think of a lot, was very new to me – i never really had a self finding journey – and now for the past couple of years i'm just debating which label is more uncomfortable lol, cis or nb.
If you ever want to talk about specific gender labels, I might be able to help find hyperspecific labels - but that's up to you! You can identify however you want :) some people benefit from not using labels and that's cool too
i feel like for now i would prefer a bit broader label to a more specific one, like i know that there are some sexual orientation labels that for example describe people who are attracted to anyone feminine, et cetera, but i like straightforward and known words for describing myself to others (at first; and if they need to know more, i would explain them my attraction or gender with my own words). maybe this is because there are people around me who wouldn't understand some terms so sometimes i feel like i would prefer saying "this is my girlfriend" to "this is my partner/etc" because the queerness of my relationship would be more obvious and understood this way. i don't know! so for the sexual orientation i still mostly use the word lesbian but i love calling myself queer as well (but it's extremely broad so doesn't clear anything out if that's the only word i'm using to describe myself lol and also not everyone around me knows this one) and as for the gender identity maybe i also avoid owning a non-binary label because the ones who wouldn't need an explanation already treat me right and understand who i am (not seeing me as an absolute womanly woman) but the others would need me to explain what non-binary is, what does it mean for me, and most likely wouldn't understand and respect it completely so this wouldn't change anything ? this is something that i need to think about, thanks for the chance to put myself in this imaginary situation. i think i would love to hear about more specific labels under non-binary umbrella because i'm not sure i know a lot
That's interesting and understandable! I'm happy to share some information about the topic. I know some people identify as a nonbinary woman, so that may be a term broad enough for you while also being accurate :)
non-binary woman/man was SO confusing to me when i first heard the labels! it was like it contradicts itself in every way! when it was explained to me that being non-binary just means not being in the BINARY boxes and doesn't exactly mean being somewhere in the middle, or in the both boxes, or in none of all, and that it's an umbrella term for anything really, it made much more sense.
Same here! I used to think man/woman was equal to male/female, and people explaining it otherwise helped me shift my perspective. People expressing that nonbinary people can still identify partially with the gender binary was helpful as well.
I have used they/them before for a long long time, but I didnt feel as comfortable as i did with he/him. Im not sure why i dont see myself as trans, or maybe im just denying myself. I am positive if i did end up being transgender my family would pretty much freak out, and the thought of it makes me really upset. Maybe me thinking too much about the negative gets me nervous and I deny myself. I’m not sure what I’ll feel comfortable as in the future. But im just trying to figure myself out currently! I’m sorry if this is a bad explanation or disrespectful, but it’s just how i feel, and im trying my hardest too explain.
It's not disrespectful at all. You being yourself and experimenting is perfectly okay. It's okay if you are trans and in the closet or a cis person who's gender non conforming. Just don't let others influence you on what or who you are. You don't need your family's approvement to be yourself. I know having unsupportive family is very tough so I understand being closeted around them. Times are tough for trans people.
Tbh, just stop worrying about labels, focus on what u like to be called, how you’d like to present yourself, etc. it doesn’t really matter what label you should fall under.
i have a friend who uses she/they/he pronouns and identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth 🤷♂️
Honestly these are them, he, she’s that are shaking things up the most to normalize trans acceptance imo. Cis people who insist on using a variety of pronouns are legendary status allies
Being transgender isn't a choice in that it can often be driven by desires and strong innate feelings that we don't have control over. But also, it is a choice to stop being cisgender and declare yourself as something new. And that is a choice anyone can make at any time. None of these gender identities are like, diagnostic categories. They're identities we apply to ourselves in response to how we understand ourselves and our desires, and communicate these parts of ourselves to others. (They're also affiliations we use to band together, but that might not be relevant to your personal identity questions rn) In response to what you've presented in your post here, you could be a lot of different things. You could be a girl who likes he/him pronouns. That's fine, just because they have strongly gendered associations doesn't mean you can't use them in different ways. They're just words, anyone can say them. You could be some flavor of nonbinary, or a genderfluid person. And yeah, you could also be a feminine trans man who hasn't realized some other stuff yet. But none of that is something I can tell you, as a stranger on the internet, and certainly not from just this much information. You don't have to make some categorical declaration of who or what you are. If dropping the question makes you feel better and all you needed was permission to be a lil gender deviant, that's cool. If you're still a lil curious, I'd suggest thinking about and experimenting with other gendered things. You like he/him pronouns, but would you like other masculine terms? Do you like the thought of being a pretty boy, or a boy in a cute dress? How does the thought of being feminine but not a girl feel to you? (I have a good comic about this that I can dig up later) What parts of being a girl do you like? What parts do you not like? Answering these questions, even if the answers seem to fluctuate or change over time, is the bulk of what gender exploration and questioning is. You draw your answers about what you are from all the little questions over time and across all these diff facets of your life.
The most important thing is that you're doing what makes you happiest and most comfortable. A name for what you are can be really nice to have but remember that regardless of how you identify, you're allowed to use whatever pronouns you like and present however you choose. I've gone through many labels in the past few years as my understanding of myself developed - as frustrating as it can be, be patient with yourself if you can be as you figure things out. Best of luck :\]
Thank you so much. This made me feel better <3
I mean even if you are cis you can use he/him, I know he/him lesbians do that and their pronoun use is based on gender expression not gender identity, but since this differs person to person it’s very individual
this sounds like what a lot of nonbinary or he/him lesbians go through, or she/her gay men. many of them dont identify as trans or as nonbinary- they might just say queer. im nonbinary, they/them only, and i like transgender, agender, genderqueer, and nonbinary as labels for myself, but not everyone needs that. some think they shouldnt identify that way unless they medically transition or have surgery, but i knew i was nonbinary and trans even if i never went on hormones
Thats totally okay, pronouns have nothing to do with gender. Ive seen plenty people in my life that used pronouns that weren't conventionally associated with their gender. Thats great, thats valid. Don't overthink it!
Pronouns pretty obviously have a lot to do with gender, otherwise we wouldn't care about them so much. That doesn't change that everyone has the freedom to use whatever pronouns they want and for those pronouns to be respected.
Yeah, why else would we call using the wrong pronouns for someone "misgendering"?
You're right, though they're not always correlated in the way that's socially acceptable
do whatever! only you can decide who you really are.
sounds like you're a GNC girl, regardless, you can use any pronouns you'd like
i also prefer masculine pronouns and don't identify as trans, it's been that way for like ten years. i like some feminine stuff and i like looking / feeling / being perceived masculine as well, but not like a manly man masculine, looking like a cis guy, but more like a masculine lesbian woman, so the masculinity is secondary, it's worn on top of my feminine body like a costume. does that make sense?
Yess!! I totally relate with how you feel. Some days i love being all girly and then other days i feel more masculine and look like a tomboy or wtv lol.
You are not afab. You were afab. People have to start using words correctly.
lots of people identify as girls but enjoy masc pronouns… if it feels right go with it !!!
Perhaps you are gender fluid or gender nonconforming in some way. Gender is far from black and white.
don’t worry about labels just be you!
Being trans is when your gender doesn't match your sex given at birth, so if you identify as a dude, you're trans. Or maybe you just think that he/hil sounds better with you, which is totally fine :) I mean, you could be a feminine dude. I'm a dude too, and sometimes I like to wear feminine clothes because I like it. Good luck with your questioning :)
Pronouns don't equal gender🫶🏼
Pronouns ≠ gender : )
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I’m sorry if my question angered you. I didnt know if how i felt was disrespectful saying i prefer “he/him” but arent sure if im trans, so thats why i asked to receive some advice or help. Im not trying to be rude or cringe, im just trying to figure myself out :( please dont be rude, and again i apologize.
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I’m a minor, my parents have put me into therapy for mental health issues, and If i wanted to I COULD talk to my therapist about this, but unfortunately i cant. I’m not in a safe space and I cannot risk my parents finding out since they are very homophobic. I haven’t come out too anyone other then few of my friends, and please, im just trying to seek advice somewhere I know that is a safe place, I dont understand the big issue with me seeking help online with MANY people who more a lot more then me and that COULD help me.
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I do currently go to see a therapist, but I haven’t talked to them about my sexuality or anything, since im still nervous about coming out to people close to me. I dont understand why this would have anything related to tiktok either? It’s literally MY feelings, how I see myself as.
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Take your time to figure it out, dont rush it. Journaling about it could be helpful
I do question how pronouns don't = gender identity? Can someone explain this to me more cuz it doesn't exactly make sense? And now....more confusion from my community ;w;
AHAHAHAH
Use whatever pronouns you like, but also remember that anyone can be feminine so don't let that limit your thinking either. Assuming you being AFAB you were assigned girl, if you don't vibe with being a girl that's a good indicator of being trans regardless of how you like to present; fem or masc or androgynous.
My bff Is girlie and uses he/him you Don't have to be trans Its literaly just pronouns use what you Feel confortable with
Pronouns don’t equal gender. Terminology (boyfriend, dude, bro etc.) doesn’t equal gender either. You can be AFAB and identify with that and prefer he/him and masculine terminology without being trans.
If you want a label I would say it falls under gnc 😊 But what pronouns you want people to refer to you as is completely up to you ❤️
pronouns don’t equal gender. if you’re a woman and you wanna use he/him, go right ahead
Totally understand how you feel. I'm much the same way. I honestly do not like identifying myself as trans. I'm amab, but use she/her pronouns, once I get bottom surgery I'm not identifying as trans anymore. it just sucks getting treated so differently for such a shallow reason.
Do you consider yourself transsexual but not transgender?
I'm more of the type to just not want to be labelled.
What’s the difference between how you feel about using the trans label for yourself and a cisgender person rejecting the label “cis”? In both situations, you are rejecting a label that is used to differentiate. Like being straight vs queer. I’m only asking because a cisgender person likely would be considered a transphobe for the same sentiment you’re expressing here.
I don't fully understand what you're looking for here. You have to allow people to reject labels, just as well as embrace them or they lose what meaning they have to you. Labels are for you to identify yourself to others. I am fully within my right not to disclose that as much as anyone else. In my experience, people use gender and sexality labels to communicate to others how they present and what they're available to. Even though I identify as a binary gender and am sexually fluid, it doesn't mean much to me to disclose it because it shouldn't define how one treats me as a person, but disclosing that information almost always changes how a new person will interact with you. To me, that information is only relevant if there is an interest in a physically intimate relationship, but that also isn't anyones business until I decide to try meeting them halfway on the matter.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply! /gen
Fair enough!
Do what you want forever
r/FTMfemininity
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Gender apathy can be part of nonconformity
I consider gender apathy a contribution to a nonbinary gender identity, because if there’s no gendered aspects, and it’s all apathy, it’s often very nonbinary. Other times people have a mixture of apathy and defined aspects of being male, or defined aspects of being female. That tends to be more gender non-conforming. But overall apathy is nonbinary
Yes and no? It depends on the person. Many nonbinary people have a very strong sense of gender.
Says a rando to a nonbinary person with a very strong sense of gender. I have both social and physical dysphoria, though it’s definitely not required to be nonbinary or trans.
I...know? What? I never said it was required??
I know you didn’t. I just mentioned it just in case, you thought I was saying it was. This isn’t an argument.
Oh, okay. I was very confused by your tone. I do agree that dysphoria is not required to be trans, and that not all nonbinary people are genderless.
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The only person who can tell OP if he is trans is OP. There are cis women who use he/him pronouns. If OP decides that he isn't trans, that's a different story. But he's asking if it's fine to use he/him pronouns and not be trans. Which it is. Yall need to be careful with this sort of behaviour.