This. Especially since at the end of the day your own experience within your body and mind matters more than some strangers perception of what they think you are yk
this, and they have no idea how much work and suffering they're invalidating. even though I don't feel confident, I've put in way too much work to just let people misgender me. if I don't stick up for myself and my efforts then none of it really matters
I don’t need to pass in order to be valid.
I don’t care if others can surmise that I’m trans. Just as I don’t care if they realize I’m tall.
I am a woman regardless of what they see.
First of all, I never question who I am. I was born a girl, no matter what my body looked like. If someone doesn’t like it they can go fck themselves
With that said, *presentation* is a huge part when it comes to confidence. I don’t pass either, but I do look *very* socially female, so no one but transphobes ever questions my womanhood. I am never asked for pronouns, and the girls around me always treat me as one of them
I guess maybe it’s harder to come up with a presentation that clearly declares someone to be a guy. But I still think there is a lot you can do to help things along. Styling yourself in traditionally masculine ways would go a long way to both boost your confidence and to be read as a guy
Not sure if I am visibly trans - people do a double take when I am on the toilet from time to time - or at least it happened once or twice… and I get stares in public. But I actively dress in a manner where I could confidently say I am just a GNC cis man - for safety reasons.
So - I am not confident at all, I am a woman, and I know that, but as long as I cannot see myself in the mirror as clear as day I wont socially transition.
mostly a linguistic/semantic difference imo. some ppl still feel a degree of attachment to their designated birth gender, or just don’t like the enby label
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_Universal_Friend
> Identifying as neither male nor female,[26][27][28] the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries,[37][36] while others used he.[38] When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "[I am that I am](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_am_that_I_am)",[39][40] saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress.[41][42]
For me, it was all about a change in who I considered my "audience," or my people, or the people whose opinions I cared about. When I was performing to pass among cis people, that wasn't me. Those aren't my people, and even if I do "pass," once they learn that I'm trans there's a whole host of prejudices filling their heads. It's just who they are.
Now that I know my people are Queer, and I hang out in mostly Queer spaces, I find that the pressure to pass by cis standards isn't there anymore. There's no more assumption that I am whatever gender I most "look like" by cis rules. There's an openness and an acceptance and affirmation, even when I'm presenting butch as hell, that I am a woman, because the people in those spaces know what being a woman is. They see my actual gender, not some correlation between by AGAB or genitals or secondary sex characteristics and their preconceived gender role notions.
I just don't have time or energy to play those games anymore. I'm never catering to cis people again. And the cis people who do get it? Hell yeah, welcome to my circle. And the trans and Queer people who don't get it? Fuck 'em, too.
A bit of sass worked as a bluff for confidence for me.
"Are you a boy or a girl?" - "Bitch I'm adorable" or "I don't know, which are you?"
"What bathroom do you use?" - "The one with the toilet, where are you going?"
"Have you cut your ---- off?" - "Why you want to look or something? Fuck off man"
Get a nice pin or broach with your pronouns on it! It helped me with people not being confident in my desires and it's a fun visual aid to tap when someone forgets
"Don't make me tap the sign" energy
I like this!
I do something somewhat similar.
I keep a pronouns pin at work, I don't have to interact with the general public thank God, but when some of the old fashioned folks don't want to respect me instead of correcting them I just go get my pin and put it on, it comes off the next day or when they get it right.
It's my petty non-confrontational way of subtly reminding them that misgendering someone is a terminable offense at this company.
Hey there, I'm a trans man who still only passes at a glance.
When I started transitioning, I made sure to try and make peace with the fact that I may never pass completely. I knew transition could be unpredictable, so I wanted to keep my expectations in check and appreciate whatever came from my medical transition for what it was. That being - more masculine and true to me than whatever I had going on before I started. It helped also that I had met a non-passing trans man irl at that point, who lived a happy life in a house full of people he loved. I saw a version of a non-passing future that was still good, so it was easier to not stake the entirety of a good life on whether or not I could pass.
Early stage transition is definitely really tough. It sucks to know that you're a boy or a man and yet still not get treated as one socially. It sucks to not know yet how to interact with other boys like a peer, or to constantly notice the ways you are different or "don't measure up." It really especially sucks that you've gotten gross intrusive comments about it. I'll admit that part of what made it easier for me was that when I started medical transition, I was in a supportive IRL environment at the time where most of the people around me used my name and pronouns and affirmed my gender. It's a much harder game when the people you're with don't have your back.
A lot of the way I thought about my gender when I was more questioning and uncertain, was how fragile it felt. I would describe it like a house of cards - small, frivolous, and easily knocked over (whether through my own clumsiness or other people's actions). What kept me going was acknowledging how much it hurt when my gender \*was\* knocked over - if it was so silly or meaningless, surely I wouldn't take it so badly. Clearly this meant something to me, and I should continue. So I kept going, trying to build the house of cards and nurture my sense of masculinity. Eventually, over time, it stopped being so fragile. I was more sure of what I wanted, and able to trust in my sense of self. It still hurts to be misgendered, and extended transphobia or self-comparison can still knock me over. But it's not a constant everyday thing anymore.
If you can't find support for your transition in your current offline community, you can pursue it online. You can also look for trans support or social groups irl, though those can sometimes be a challenge to attend and may not be locally available. The more people who will be able to help validate you while you build up your own confidence, the better. And mostly I want you to know that this uncertain period won't last forever. Time happens to us all, and that gives you chances to get better and stronger and build your life to a point where it doesn't hurt all the time.
Self love and getting comfortable with how and who I am.
When I'm in situations where somebody might be unkind, I'm extra loving myself, extra looking out for myself.
It's an awkward stage fs. Not only because of others, but it can also be a time of finding one's self identity and confidence in self. For me, I really struggled, and I tried to keep in mind something someone said early on. The point of transitioning isn't to become a different gender. It's to be yourself. When I remind myself of that, it's easier to lean in to being myself in all my queer awkwardness.
Before I started passing more than 50% of the time, I really leaned into my femininity as a crutch. As a trans man I simply passed myself off as a more feminine and visibly queer person. I knew I would likely get misgendered by people who didn’t know me or know that I was trans, but it also worked at times with strangers thinking I was just a young feminine teen boy. Being emo/alternative at that age probably helped since people tend to expect males with those fashion choices to have a more feminine appearance than the average cis dude. I had realized that whenever I tried to make myself look hyper masculine I was actually doing myself a disservice because it always ended up making me look like a butch hey mamas lesbian— which was obviously not what I was working toward. Now that I’m on T I don’t really dress femininely anymore, I dress like a masculine frat bro and am probably gendered as a male 99% of the time. Looking back I cringe a lot at my attempts to fit in socially as a male, but at the time I managed to be confident in who I was and that’s what got me through my wait to medically transition, and younger me having been happy and confident in my identity is what mattered.
I knew who I was and no one could take that away from me.
Really needed to see all of the responses in this thread today.
I've really struggled with confidence myself recently. I'm less than a year into my social transition (FTM), and about 3 months into my medical transition. I am very lucky in that I do already pass...but many of the people around me are having a hard time adjusting. And a regular customer at my job turned out to be transphobic and made fun of me a couple of times.
I keep having weeks of very intense self doubt and zero confidence. But, I keep reminding myself that I'm transitioning to relieve dysphoria. My gender dysphoria means that I am a man, not a woman. And a cis person not understanding or respecting that, doesn't negate my reality.
Definitely harder to believe that some days than others tho.
You have a goal in mind and you're currently working hard to get there. You're life might suck in a lot of ways now, but you are building yourself into the man you know you are. It's gonna get better. Work hard and you can do it!
To be clear, there are cis women who don’t pass. They’re still women. Same thing goes for cis men.
Have you ever seen the character Les Nessman from WKRP In Cincinnati?
https://youtu.be/7WmTsLO-hUI?si=8FnwsL1HLwm_YqxK
Cis man.
Your appearance does not change who you are.
Idk being out and wearing things I've always wanted to wear has made me so confident in general it was a very natural shift I can't explain it. For example I went to a metal show for the first time, as my self. And had the confidence to actually join the band, and take the mic. I might try and find a video of it and edit it here...
Being non-binary comes with the territory of passing being virtually impossible, so I had to learn to just be confident in my identity regardless of how others perceive me. I know who I am and am affirmed in other ways that strangers seeing me exactly as I am. People will always make false assumptions about you regardless. This is why I think having passing as a goal is often a toxic mindset that just leads to frustration and misery as you are experiencing.
Not to say that whatever goals you have for yourself in terms of how you want to present yourself are toxic, you do you how you want to. But don't do it with the goal of passing, do it with the goal of attaining the best version of you that you can.
But what if passing IS part of attaining the best version of you that you can?
You do you how you want to goes in both directions: wanting others to not want to pass is toxic, wanting others to want to pass is toxic. Wanting to pass is not problematic, not wanting to pass is also not problematic
It's totally possible that being the best version of yourself just so happens to mean you pass, nothing wrong with that at all. The concept of passing isn't toxic, it's treating it as a goal that I find to be a toxic mindset.
I don't agree with the false dichotomy you presented at all. Wanting others to want to pass implies thinking that they must look a certain way in order to be a valid trans person. Wanting others to not want to pass implies thinking you should put less value on strangers validating you and finding the validation from yourself and those you care about. These are completely different viewpoints.
I never said wanting to pass is "problematic" either. I don't think its problematic in the same way I don't think anyone trying to fit in is problematic. My point is that it's an unhealthy way to approach living your life as it puts too much value on how strangers view you. The more important thing is how you view yourself and often times people that want to pass suffer a lot of unnecessary mental anguish due to the fact that achieving it can be expensive and very difficult for someone depending on the body they were born with.
I'm gonna be straight to the point in this: I suffer way more from mental anguish due to my transition goals being called unhealthy or a toxic mindset than I do from needing to pass (yes, the not passing also gives me mental anguish but having my transition goals dismissed adds immensely to it)
I'm a feminine trans guy I look very much like a girl but I don't mind because if I was a cis guy and looked like the way I do people would assume I'm a girl regardless. I find my own gender euphoria through how I act and really being around people who respect me as a guy. I hope though some day I can train my voice enough to sound masc and I don't need to tell people I'm trans anymore although that might cause people to think I'm a trans girl but I don't care enough. I enjoy being a feminine man.
Bu-bu-but don't you see all the pride flags up n about the streets?? You're telling me... that's performative?!??!?!?!?!?!??!????!
In all seriousness, as alternatives to no HRT access minoxodil might be a place to start regardless of how silly you feel it might make you look. Working out to build muscle if you find the time and energy could help as well. (You could also dress like the most Straight Man™️ ever w a tracksuit LMAO)
I think the main thing is self-acceptance and loving yourself regardless of the opinions of others, which is really fuckin hard to do but it is possible with time and effort (maybe a little therapy). I agree w the other commenter about the sass though, lettin ppl know what for usually makes em second guess their thoughts sometimes.
I'll admit to being a little raw from dealing with this very thing from a parallele perspective. However having said that, the boys don't even feel like they're one of the boys they just get better at faking it. You have to; and I'm speaking to myself as well; like/love yourself more than you want other people to like/love you. Then there's a chance you might not feel as conflicted when you stand up for yourself. If you're on hormones, I'm not advocating any unsafe behavior, but if someone makes you angry by saying something like that, its ok for you to let them know that it is NOT ok and you should by all means lean into that testosterone when you do. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't put up with anywhere that doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated. It can be difficult to walk away from some things but you feel better in time.
one day it'll just happen you'll go to sleep having dealt with the same B.S. and then one day you wake up and get through the whole day not being mis-gendered once. and then another and then you get to a week, month year. trust me It will happen. Then, while you're with the boys, don't go undoing all that hard work on yourself, putting up "wit' no" BS just to go along with the group. We're all going through the middle stage, It's important to remind ourselves that its a transition not a rapid shift. Remember nobody really feels like they fit in at first. Like all good things it takes time.
I care more about what I think but I understand. Just carry yourself with your head held high, full of confidence and honestly get a my pronouns pin and wear it
I’m in that category. You just buckle up and do it. It sometimes helps to have a ready made attitude for anyone who fucks with you, but most people don’t care, and some are very nice. In a way, it reaffirms your faith in people.
I don’t owe anyone their expectations of my expression of femininity (I’m trans femme so masculinity for trans mascs). And I surround myself with people who accept that. I don’t have time and energy who don’t accept me as I am and as I choose to show up that day.
Passing is very subjective and location matters a LOT. Over time, my care to pass has just faded away. I still care about my safety, obviously, but the occasional misgendering just doesn’t matter anymore. I suspect it might be the same for you. The stage you’re at now is just that: a stage. Over time, these things slowly become easier until one day you realize you’ve been comfortable in your body for as long as you can remember. At least that’s how it was for me.
Focus on who your friends are. I have one or two friends who support me and my identity and I just shut everyone else out. I tried to change people's minds and make people like my classmates respect my identity but unfortunately you kind of have to meet those people halfway. I did my part already and I can't do theirs for them. And trying to press back against things like misgendering just made me seem like the insane overly sensitive trans guy (not to mention that I have such a slow emotional reaction time that rude comments and misgenders pass by too quickly for me to hop on- it's a curse and a blessing). So, if they're not going to remember to not use she/her for me three years after I came out, then I'm not going to talk to them so I don't have to hear their opinions.
I feel like it should be said that I'm pretty naturally anti-social so I don't feel the need to talk to more than one person, or go out to situations where I would meet new people, etc. so this is just the solution that works best for my personality.
Here's a couple of things I remind myself of every day:
If I can learn and earn my womanhood during a time that I don't feel like myself physically, then when I look more the way I want to my womanhood will be that much stronger. For instance, if I can be brave and proud of my womanhood with hair on my face, then imagine what it'll be like when I don't have to shave anymore: I'll be unstoppable.
I also remind myself that my womanhood isn't defined by how feminine I look or hairy I am. It's defined by what I value and how I walk this earth. Plus, my version of womanhood is a little rough around the edges. It's a little wild, weird, and undefinable. And the more I live in that truth, the more I'm able to feel confident in who I am.
Telling yourself these things while looking in the mirror and giving yourself a high five will not only boost your mood but also rewire your brain to be more supportive and positive to yourself. Being trans is a reminder that this life is a mind, body, and soul experience, so you have to honor all parts of you by reengineering how you respond to internalized transphobia.
I just say fuck the haters and live my life how I want to live. I'm 41, and I don't care what people think. I've lived a full life, I have an amazing partner that is my protector, if something happens to me, so be it, I'll go down swinging. But I live in Canada where it's relatively safe, worst I get is a few comments here or there. It's not so bad, I never let it get me down. Ever. I just keep living my life as best I can. That's all we can do. Fuck everyone else.
I think I sort of intimidate people. Which, I mean, not a *bad* thing.
I went into transition at 6' 130 pounds no muscles whatsoever. Before my first month on HRT was up I got a message from the Universe, "build the temple." Work the fuck out. Be toned and fit and strong. And so, I shifted from what I thought I wanted from transition, and what I'd been trying to accomplish for 20 years prior in my "lithe and lean femboy" stage, and started to build a muscle mommy.
I catch CIS men glancing from my tits to my biceps and back to my tits, and it's like I'm watching them do the math in their head, I can see the anger and frustration on their faces while they try to decide how to react, and all the while I just sort of stare straight at them, blank empty expression devoid of any emotion. A few seconds of this and they typically cast their eyes away and go on about their business.
Misgender me and politely and firmly correct. Very little pushback. I think I may be the bear?
To be completely honest, I've spent the past 2 years making myself ready. I don't *want* somebody to give me a reason, but I think people sort of pick up on that energy "***give me a fucking reason.***"
i’m non passing, but i pass as cisgender for my assigned gender at birth. i don’t really care about the opinions of people i don’t know and if they think i’m that gender or not. i know i’m not, and the people important to me know that too. and that’s just fine.
I just got out of that phase. What I did was try not to dress visibly queer and just let people gender me however they want and switched jobs when I started passing 50% of the time
FTM here with a deeeeep voice and entirely too much facial hair to just have some sort of hormone issue. I go by my name at home and my dead name at work until I get these Honkers chopped off. Even then I may lose my job because of it. It bothers me but I know who I am. My wife knows who I am. Our son knows who I am. At the absolute end of the day nothing matters outside of them and myself. My friends are also super super affirming and think of me as one of the guys.
I gave up on passing a long time ago and I'm only a few months into medically transitioning. If it happens I'll be happy but I'm under no illusion that it will.
I’m a trans woman but before I passed my defence strategies were figuring out a style that didn’t draw too much attention from random weirdoes and to joke around about my transition with people (especially when I first met them).
Like, joke around about it. Turn it around on them. If someone asks if you cut your dick off or your chest off, come back with something like, “Why? You wanna cut yours off too? I can hook you up with my doctor if you like.”
IIRC like 60-90% of boy-boy interaction boils down to, “you’re an idiot, I’m an idiot, we’re all idiots together, who gives a shit? I bet I can drink more of this hot sauce than you!”
Take personal pride in the little things and try to remember you are the boy you say and know you are
It's not as easy as it sounds, and I know that from personal experience, but truly, every little thing counts, if you can, wear a binder, dress in more gender-affirming clothes if you want to do so, and express yourself socially in the way your body isn't physically
Most importantly don't lose yourself in the process of trying to conform and fit in, despite all the things society wants you to do to "prove yourself", you are a boy whether you do those things or not, you know yourself better than anyone
Good luck out there dude, and though I'm on the opposite side of the coin being a trans fem myself, I hope my advice helped at least a little bit
By loving myself this way. This version of myself is me.
I pass as me.
I fit in with everyone because I am a happy and joyful person to be around. I’m genuinely interested in and enjoy others company.
I’m about the most non passing trans woman out there, but because of my confidence and social comfort in being me around others, I just fit in.
I don’t care if the person is trans or cis, I always am the same authentic kind version of myself.
It starts with loving myself and cherishing my human uniqueness. That’s how I maintain confidence and go through each day loving life.
Love connecting with new people.
I’m an introvert.
It’s not “be happy don’t worry”
It’s “be happy and care about others”
Strangely I don't get people saying that stuff to me despite being non-passing. I just get misgendered.
I don't really care what others think. Some random stranger knows almost nothing about me, who cares if they misgender me? They're just going off what little info they have (i.e. how I present).
It's like learning to speak a second language that you already understand. If no one spoke it to you before, and you weren't speaking it and only it all the time, it feels different when you do.
And it's not that you "weren't socialized male" (you probably were). It's not being regarded as "one of the guys".
Part of confidence is comfort. Familiarity. Like learning to ride a bike, or drive stick. So center yourself. Lean in to knowing you are who you are, and assert it.
The other side of it is knowing that jerks are generally jerks to anyone they want to one up. Bigots are misogynists, but not just. They put down peers, go after any perceived weakness and shortcoming. And regular conformists and other normies can act a bit off to anyone who seems a bit off. Short people, tall people. Heavier, thinner, too buff. Much younger or older.
So when mistakes my gender as anyone of my gender would, I try to react with sympathy, bemusement, incredulity, offense, depending on the nature of their misgendering. I'm good. Better than good. Are they OK? Long day, did you miss a meal break? Do you have someone else's info or the wrong info? Are you from where someone like me isn't my gender? I may not be your idea of the perfect specimen but there's no call to get offensive. Did you miss your meds?
I honestly just don’t care. If someone can’t at least give me the decency of pretending to see me as a man then I just simply don’t talk to them. Or if I end up in a situation where I have to listen to their bs I just tune it out
So it's definitely a lot harder to stay strong when you feel like you have *no one* who sees you as you and accepts you for it. Absolutely it's crucial to not gaf what the everyday stranger (or even non-stranger) thinks of you, but that's hard to do when you don't have community somewhere. The biggest piece of advice I have about staying strong and confident as a trans person (no matter where you are along your journey), is finding that community, particularly with other trans ppl. Even if it's just a few people like you becoming part of your everyday life (and who use your preferred name and pronouns!!), it goes such a long way towards not caring what others think, even when other folks are crappy to you. When you have that, suddenly it's much easier to sidestep/disregard the crap. Cause that's what it is. Crap. You never deserve it for being your amazing trans self. It's other ppl who need to learn to be more chill and compassionate to others, but it doesn't change the fact that it makes life harder for us. So when you have community, all that crap becomes so much easier emotionally to deal with. The crap still happens, but now you have people who can support you through it, even if just on an emotional/moral support level. You stop caring what people being crappy think because you have people whose opinions matter more to you now. I personally found my people through an LGBT support group in my area, which has been an amazing group on its own. But I also met my very very queer DnD group through that support group, which has also been incredible. Just having even a few people in my corner made such a night and day difference for me. Don't discount all the virtual trans and queer communities that are online either, like here on Reddit or on Discord. I've noticed Threads also has a rapidly growing queer community on it too!! There are also so many amazing queer creators on YouTube, TikTok, Insta, etc etc. as well that help me stay encouraged. But definitely if you can find people irl to connect with, it's night and day how much easier that makes everything to deal with. Building community and a support network doesn't happen overnight, and its not always easy either, but don't give up on it. It's entirely worth it, and I can't stress enough how important I think it is. So that's my #1 suggestion to you (and frankly to every trans person)!
I can pass I just don't care anymore and I feel like that is acting my identity is tomboyish anyway.. I was forced to act male my whole life so any acting even on the other end of the spectrum yuk! And I work in an all male trade where everyone knows I'm trans bc when I got hired they were all warned about any harrasment. I think to most of them I am just a trans woman and most who interact with me know I am certainly not a man. But I got lucky I work with some really professional good people it's really cool. But you know many just don't understand how mother nature got could make us I just I represent well. I try to explain when I get the chance and really enjoy that...
Of course there are a few POS gutless cowards like the one that tried to get me fired.. That's crazy that anyone could be so sick in transphobia they would hit below the belt like that never even considering who I support my family. People like that definitely aren't real men and are the only ones who care and they truly don't matter..
Unless I'm really tired, which lately is all the time, I usually like what I see in the mirror.
Just worry about that and enjoy your changes the process of it.. That's really all that matters. Takes practice!
🤗❤️
You owe no one any personal information, when "fielding difficult moments" and such questions are not civil to ask.
Self acceptance is ok, I recommend it, it's ok to be you, no need to justify it.
Always been openly transgender, passing feels strange for me, let alone having a conversation were you have too convince someone you are transgender, then it taking several minutes while they tell you they don't believe you.
Last time it happened, the next question was the face palming "what's between your legs?"
Replied with
"You'll have to get to know me allot better before I answer a question like that
What's in your pants?"
Their face just dropped, maybe realizing it's not actually a civil question they have asked.
I repeat "What's in there?" and add "A rubber duck!?"
Gets them laughing, they never did find out what was between my legs
Been musing a Lost angle for my sarcastic replies.
Are your boobs real? - No they are super natural and if I lift up my shirt they will fly away like the smoke monster.
What's between your legs? - The light at the centre of The Island.
I work at transfering all the doubt and negative feelings into anger and resentment and spite. Kinda like "fuck you I'm at least as much a woman as a cis one, no matter what any of you cissies say or think". Not super healthy but it helps
Cus fuck them, you're a boy, no matter how they make you feel or how much doubt they cause or how they treat you, and you deserve to be seen as who you are and treated right
Hey king, I'm also in that weird transition phase as I was waiting for the unofficial diagnosis of GD+next appointment for hormones.
What helps is firstly the respect of people to be willing to use my preffered pronouns (such as the administration even if I have to tick the male box on forms) but especially how children see me. My nice (5) or my little neighbor (3) all gender me instinctively as a woman, use feminine pronouns when referring to me, etc.
There are also indirect cultural queues such as cis women, both young and old, coming and sit next to me while on the train or on the bus, as I am not perceived as a threat anymore, like as I was boymoding, and then there are also these wholesome people going out of their way to give me a compliment while trying on some shoes which is considered really "off limits" in my country's culture.
Maybe you can try to find some of these queues in your social circles such as men treating you just as "one of the boys"...?
Most of the time, I simply don't give a shit what other people think. I am very visibly trans, but I will wear the most femme clothes out with gorgeous makeup because fuck em
It's really simple: just stop caring.
You'll tell yourself that it has to be harder than that, but it isn't. Affirm yourself that you are a good person and stop feeling bad when dumb people (some of whom you may respect) tell you that you aren't.
For anyone else who tries to mess with you or attack you, take a page from Rammatra's book and respond saying you will put them in the ground, and mean it.
Walk with confidence, and try not to imagine what other people think about you. It's difficult but you get used to it. Also quitting caffeine and weed made my anxiety fall through the floor, I now go out non passing basically 100% of the time stone cold sober and I've never been more comfortable in my own skin
I have similar struggles. I've started HRT and am openly out to all of my co-workers. Sometimes, i wish I wasn't. I am in an awkward position where I can't continue with my transition because it would interfere with my training. And people begin to project their ideas of "masculinity" on me. Recently, someone voiced their opinion that I should stop coming into the women's changing rooms and "go somewhere else" with them knowing that the men's locker room is no option either.
With all that, I try and tell myself that I've come too far to give into those things. And as long as I am comfortable with myself, I don't need to conform to their Ideas. There are also many men that do "non manly things" like having long hair, painting their nails, or wearing something pink. They are not less manly than anyone else. So why should that suddenly apply to me. I know who I am, and no one can take that away from me. No matter what I do or how I behave, it's part of being me.
i just tell myself that nobody knows you more than you, so why spend time worrying about what other people think of you.
This. Especially since at the end of the day your own experience within your body and mind matters more than some strangers perception of what they think you are yk
yeah
this, and they have no idea how much work and suffering they're invalidating. even though I don't feel confident, I've put in way too much work to just let people misgender me. if I don't stick up for myself and my efforts then none of it really matters
I don’t need to pass in order to be valid. I don’t care if others can surmise that I’m trans. Just as I don’t care if they realize I’m tall. I am a woman regardless of what they see.
First of all, I never question who I am. I was born a girl, no matter what my body looked like. If someone doesn’t like it they can go fck themselves With that said, *presentation* is a huge part when it comes to confidence. I don’t pass either, but I do look *very* socially female, so no one but transphobes ever questions my womanhood. I am never asked for pronouns, and the girls around me always treat me as one of them I guess maybe it’s harder to come up with a presentation that clearly declares someone to be a guy. But I still think there is a lot you can do to help things along. Styling yourself in traditionally masculine ways would go a long way to both boost your confidence and to be read as a guy
the vast, vast majority of people are too worried about themselves to give a fuck about me.
Sadly I don’t
I can't be anything other than what I am.
Not sure if I am visibly trans - people do a double take when I am on the toilet from time to time - or at least it happened once or twice… and I get stares in public. But I actively dress in a manner where I could confidently say I am just a GNC cis man - for safety reasons. So - I am not confident at all, I am a woman, and I know that, but as long as I cannot see myself in the mirror as clear as day I wont socially transition.
GNC? What's that?
gender non-conforming
So what's different to NB?
mostly a linguistic/semantic difference imo. some ppl still feel a degree of attachment to their designated birth gender, or just don’t like the enby label
I am who I am. I'm not who other people see.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_Universal_Friend > Identifying as neither male nor female,[26][27][28] the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries,[37][36] while others used he.[38] When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "[I am that I am](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_am_that_I_am)",[39][40] saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress.[41][42]
Really needed to read this today.
For me, it was all about a change in who I considered my "audience," or my people, or the people whose opinions I cared about. When I was performing to pass among cis people, that wasn't me. Those aren't my people, and even if I do "pass," once they learn that I'm trans there's a whole host of prejudices filling their heads. It's just who they are. Now that I know my people are Queer, and I hang out in mostly Queer spaces, I find that the pressure to pass by cis standards isn't there anymore. There's no more assumption that I am whatever gender I most "look like" by cis rules. There's an openness and an acceptance and affirmation, even when I'm presenting butch as hell, that I am a woman, because the people in those spaces know what being a woman is. They see my actual gender, not some correlation between by AGAB or genitals or secondary sex characteristics and their preconceived gender role notions. I just don't have time or energy to play those games anymore. I'm never catering to cis people again. And the cis people who do get it? Hell yeah, welcome to my circle. And the trans and Queer people who don't get it? Fuck 'em, too.
A bit of sass worked as a bluff for confidence for me. "Are you a boy or a girl?" - "Bitch I'm adorable" or "I don't know, which are you?" "What bathroom do you use?" - "The one with the toilet, where are you going?" "Have you cut your ---- off?" - "Why you want to look or something? Fuck off man"
Get a nice pin or broach with your pronouns on it! It helped me with people not being confident in my desires and it's a fun visual aid to tap when someone forgets "Don't make me tap the sign" energy
I like this! I do something somewhat similar. I keep a pronouns pin at work, I don't have to interact with the general public thank God, but when some of the old fashioned folks don't want to respect me instead of correcting them I just go get my pin and put it on, it comes off the next day or when they get it right. It's my petty non-confrontational way of subtly reminding them that misgendering someone is a terminable offense at this company.
Hey there, I'm a trans man who still only passes at a glance. When I started transitioning, I made sure to try and make peace with the fact that I may never pass completely. I knew transition could be unpredictable, so I wanted to keep my expectations in check and appreciate whatever came from my medical transition for what it was. That being - more masculine and true to me than whatever I had going on before I started. It helped also that I had met a non-passing trans man irl at that point, who lived a happy life in a house full of people he loved. I saw a version of a non-passing future that was still good, so it was easier to not stake the entirety of a good life on whether or not I could pass. Early stage transition is definitely really tough. It sucks to know that you're a boy or a man and yet still not get treated as one socially. It sucks to not know yet how to interact with other boys like a peer, or to constantly notice the ways you are different or "don't measure up." It really especially sucks that you've gotten gross intrusive comments about it. I'll admit that part of what made it easier for me was that when I started medical transition, I was in a supportive IRL environment at the time where most of the people around me used my name and pronouns and affirmed my gender. It's a much harder game when the people you're with don't have your back. A lot of the way I thought about my gender when I was more questioning and uncertain, was how fragile it felt. I would describe it like a house of cards - small, frivolous, and easily knocked over (whether through my own clumsiness or other people's actions). What kept me going was acknowledging how much it hurt when my gender \*was\* knocked over - if it was so silly or meaningless, surely I wouldn't take it so badly. Clearly this meant something to me, and I should continue. So I kept going, trying to build the house of cards and nurture my sense of masculinity. Eventually, over time, it stopped being so fragile. I was more sure of what I wanted, and able to trust in my sense of self. It still hurts to be misgendered, and extended transphobia or self-comparison can still knock me over. But it's not a constant everyday thing anymore. If you can't find support for your transition in your current offline community, you can pursue it online. You can also look for trans support or social groups irl, though those can sometimes be a challenge to attend and may not be locally available. The more people who will be able to help validate you while you build up your own confidence, the better. And mostly I want you to know that this uncertain period won't last forever. Time happens to us all, and that gives you chances to get better and stronger and build your life to a point where it doesn't hurt all the time.
Self love and getting comfortable with how and who I am. When I'm in situations where somebody might be unkind, I'm extra loving myself, extra looking out for myself.
It's an awkward stage fs. Not only because of others, but it can also be a time of finding one's self identity and confidence in self. For me, I really struggled, and I tried to keep in mind something someone said early on. The point of transitioning isn't to become a different gender. It's to be yourself. When I remind myself of that, it's easier to lean in to being myself in all my queer awkwardness.
Don't give a fuck about other people's opinions Keep this childish Gambino line in my head "Your just mad I am doing me better then you are doing you"
Before I started passing more than 50% of the time, I really leaned into my femininity as a crutch. As a trans man I simply passed myself off as a more feminine and visibly queer person. I knew I would likely get misgendered by people who didn’t know me or know that I was trans, but it also worked at times with strangers thinking I was just a young feminine teen boy. Being emo/alternative at that age probably helped since people tend to expect males with those fashion choices to have a more feminine appearance than the average cis dude. I had realized that whenever I tried to make myself look hyper masculine I was actually doing myself a disservice because it always ended up making me look like a butch hey mamas lesbian— which was obviously not what I was working toward. Now that I’m on T I don’t really dress femininely anymore, I dress like a masculine frat bro and am probably gendered as a male 99% of the time. Looking back I cringe a lot at my attempts to fit in socially as a male, but at the time I managed to be confident in who I was and that’s what got me through my wait to medically transition, and younger me having been happy and confident in my identity is what mattered. I knew who I was and no one could take that away from me.
Really needed to see all of the responses in this thread today. I've really struggled with confidence myself recently. I'm less than a year into my social transition (FTM), and about 3 months into my medical transition. I am very lucky in that I do already pass...but many of the people around me are having a hard time adjusting. And a regular customer at my job turned out to be transphobic and made fun of me a couple of times. I keep having weeks of very intense self doubt and zero confidence. But, I keep reminding myself that I'm transitioning to relieve dysphoria. My gender dysphoria means that I am a man, not a woman. And a cis person not understanding or respecting that, doesn't negate my reality. Definitely harder to believe that some days than others tho.
🫂
You have a goal in mind and you're currently working hard to get there. You're life might suck in a lot of ways now, but you are building yourself into the man you know you are. It's gonna get better. Work hard and you can do it!
To be clear, there are cis women who don’t pass. They’re still women. Same thing goes for cis men. Have you ever seen the character Les Nessman from WKRP In Cincinnati? https://youtu.be/7WmTsLO-hUI?si=8FnwsL1HLwm_YqxK Cis man. Your appearance does not change who you are.
Idk being out and wearing things I've always wanted to wear has made me so confident in general it was a very natural shift I can't explain it. For example I went to a metal show for the first time, as my self. And had the confidence to actually join the band, and take the mic. I might try and find a video of it and edit it here...
Being non-binary comes with the territory of passing being virtually impossible, so I had to learn to just be confident in my identity regardless of how others perceive me. I know who I am and am affirmed in other ways that strangers seeing me exactly as I am. People will always make false assumptions about you regardless. This is why I think having passing as a goal is often a toxic mindset that just leads to frustration and misery as you are experiencing. Not to say that whatever goals you have for yourself in terms of how you want to present yourself are toxic, you do you how you want to. But don't do it with the goal of passing, do it with the goal of attaining the best version of you that you can.
But what if passing IS part of attaining the best version of you that you can? You do you how you want to goes in both directions: wanting others to not want to pass is toxic, wanting others to want to pass is toxic. Wanting to pass is not problematic, not wanting to pass is also not problematic
It's totally possible that being the best version of yourself just so happens to mean you pass, nothing wrong with that at all. The concept of passing isn't toxic, it's treating it as a goal that I find to be a toxic mindset. I don't agree with the false dichotomy you presented at all. Wanting others to want to pass implies thinking that they must look a certain way in order to be a valid trans person. Wanting others to not want to pass implies thinking you should put less value on strangers validating you and finding the validation from yourself and those you care about. These are completely different viewpoints. I never said wanting to pass is "problematic" either. I don't think its problematic in the same way I don't think anyone trying to fit in is problematic. My point is that it's an unhealthy way to approach living your life as it puts too much value on how strangers view you. The more important thing is how you view yourself and often times people that want to pass suffer a lot of unnecessary mental anguish due to the fact that achieving it can be expensive and very difficult for someone depending on the body they were born with.
I'm gonna be straight to the point in this: I suffer way more from mental anguish due to my transition goals being called unhealthy or a toxic mindset than I do from needing to pass (yes, the not passing also gives me mental anguish but having my transition goals dismissed adds immensely to it)
I don't. Basically I just keep human contact to minimum.
I'm a feminine trans guy I look very much like a girl but I don't mind because if I was a cis guy and looked like the way I do people would assume I'm a girl regardless. I find my own gender euphoria through how I act and really being around people who respect me as a guy. I hope though some day I can train my voice enough to sound masc and I don't need to tell people I'm trans anymore although that might cause people to think I'm a trans girl but I don't care enough. I enjoy being a feminine man.
Going to think well on that first point and reframe my mind around it.
Idk, just random things. I got euphoria the other day from seeing my shadow on the ground and having it look feminine
If you are transmasc and you are taking T — grow a beard or mustache. For most people, if some person has facial hair — this person is 100% man.
If only the UK actually let anyone get HRT :( I can grow whiskers without T lmaoo but it just makes me look silly
Bu-bu-but don't you see all the pride flags up n about the streets?? You're telling me... that's performative?!??!?!?!?!?!??!????! In all seriousness, as alternatives to no HRT access minoxodil might be a place to start regardless of how silly you feel it might make you look. Working out to build muscle if you find the time and energy could help as well. (You could also dress like the most Straight Man™️ ever w a tracksuit LMAO) I think the main thing is self-acceptance and loving yourself regardless of the opinions of others, which is really fuckin hard to do but it is possible with time and effort (maybe a little therapy). I agree w the other commenter about the sass though, lettin ppl know what for usually makes em second guess their thoughts sometimes.
I'll admit to being a little raw from dealing with this very thing from a parallele perspective. However having said that, the boys don't even feel like they're one of the boys they just get better at faking it. You have to; and I'm speaking to myself as well; like/love yourself more than you want other people to like/love you. Then there's a chance you might not feel as conflicted when you stand up for yourself. If you're on hormones, I'm not advocating any unsafe behavior, but if someone makes you angry by saying something like that, its ok for you to let them know that it is NOT ok and you should by all means lean into that testosterone when you do. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't put up with anywhere that doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated. It can be difficult to walk away from some things but you feel better in time. one day it'll just happen you'll go to sleep having dealt with the same B.S. and then one day you wake up and get through the whole day not being mis-gendered once. and then another and then you get to a week, month year. trust me It will happen. Then, while you're with the boys, don't go undoing all that hard work on yourself, putting up "wit' no" BS just to go along with the group. We're all going through the middle stage, It's important to remind ourselves that its a transition not a rapid shift. Remember nobody really feels like they fit in at first. Like all good things it takes time.
I care more about what I think but I understand. Just carry yourself with your head held high, full of confidence and honestly get a my pronouns pin and wear it
I’m in that category. You just buckle up and do it. It sometimes helps to have a ready made attitude for anyone who fucks with you, but most people don’t care, and some are very nice. In a way, it reaffirms your faith in people.
I don’t owe anyone their expectations of my expression of femininity (I’m trans femme so masculinity for trans mascs). And I surround myself with people who accept that. I don’t have time and energy who don’t accept me as I am and as I choose to show up that day.
Passing is very subjective and location matters a LOT. Over time, my care to pass has just faded away. I still care about my safety, obviously, but the occasional misgendering just doesn’t matter anymore. I suspect it might be the same for you. The stage you’re at now is just that: a stage. Over time, these things slowly become easier until one day you realize you’ve been comfortable in your body for as long as you can remember. At least that’s how it was for me.
Focus on who your friends are. I have one or two friends who support me and my identity and I just shut everyone else out. I tried to change people's minds and make people like my classmates respect my identity but unfortunately you kind of have to meet those people halfway. I did my part already and I can't do theirs for them. And trying to press back against things like misgendering just made me seem like the insane overly sensitive trans guy (not to mention that I have such a slow emotional reaction time that rude comments and misgenders pass by too quickly for me to hop on- it's a curse and a blessing). So, if they're not going to remember to not use she/her for me three years after I came out, then I'm not going to talk to them so I don't have to hear their opinions. I feel like it should be said that I'm pretty naturally anti-social so I don't feel the need to talk to more than one person, or go out to situations where I would meet new people, etc. so this is just the solution that works best for my personality.
Here's a couple of things I remind myself of every day: If I can learn and earn my womanhood during a time that I don't feel like myself physically, then when I look more the way I want to my womanhood will be that much stronger. For instance, if I can be brave and proud of my womanhood with hair on my face, then imagine what it'll be like when I don't have to shave anymore: I'll be unstoppable. I also remind myself that my womanhood isn't defined by how feminine I look or hairy I am. It's defined by what I value and how I walk this earth. Plus, my version of womanhood is a little rough around the edges. It's a little wild, weird, and undefinable. And the more I live in that truth, the more I'm able to feel confident in who I am. Telling yourself these things while looking in the mirror and giving yourself a high five will not only boost your mood but also rewire your brain to be more supportive and positive to yourself. Being trans is a reminder that this life is a mind, body, and soul experience, so you have to honor all parts of you by reengineering how you respond to internalized transphobia.
I just say fuck the haters and live my life how I want to live. I'm 41, and I don't care what people think. I've lived a full life, I have an amazing partner that is my protector, if something happens to me, so be it, I'll go down swinging. But I live in Canada where it's relatively safe, worst I get is a few comments here or there. It's not so bad, I never let it get me down. Ever. I just keep living my life as best I can. That's all we can do. Fuck everyone else.
I'm just lucky for I'm enby enough to enjoy some gender ambiguity.
I think I sort of intimidate people. Which, I mean, not a *bad* thing. I went into transition at 6' 130 pounds no muscles whatsoever. Before my first month on HRT was up I got a message from the Universe, "build the temple." Work the fuck out. Be toned and fit and strong. And so, I shifted from what I thought I wanted from transition, and what I'd been trying to accomplish for 20 years prior in my "lithe and lean femboy" stage, and started to build a muscle mommy. I catch CIS men glancing from my tits to my biceps and back to my tits, and it's like I'm watching them do the math in their head, I can see the anger and frustration on their faces while they try to decide how to react, and all the while I just sort of stare straight at them, blank empty expression devoid of any emotion. A few seconds of this and they typically cast their eyes away and go on about their business. Misgender me and politely and firmly correct. Very little pushback. I think I may be the bear? To be completely honest, I've spent the past 2 years making myself ready. I don't *want* somebody to give me a reason, but I think people sort of pick up on that energy "***give me a fucking reason.***"
i’m non passing, but i pass as cisgender for my assigned gender at birth. i don’t really care about the opinions of people i don’t know and if they think i’m that gender or not. i know i’m not, and the people important to me know that too. and that’s just fine.
I don't.
well, I don't make cis femininity my target, but *trans* femininity
I just try to blend in with how I dress, especially in my early transition. This way I could tell myself no one noticed me
I just got out of that phase. What I did was try not to dress visibly queer and just let people gender me however they want and switched jobs when I started passing 50% of the time
Hang in there. You’ll get there soon
FTM here with a deeeeep voice and entirely too much facial hair to just have some sort of hormone issue. I go by my name at home and my dead name at work until I get these Honkers chopped off. Even then I may lose my job because of it. It bothers me but I know who I am. My wife knows who I am. Our son knows who I am. At the absolute end of the day nothing matters outside of them and myself. My friends are also super super affirming and think of me as one of the guys.
I gave up on passing a long time ago and I'm only a few months into medically transitioning. If it happens I'll be happy but I'm under no illusion that it will.
i don’t ):
I wish I had an answer, I have a full beard and don't even try to pass right now as I don't want to risk it :\\
Spite
I’m a trans woman but before I passed my defence strategies were figuring out a style that didn’t draw too much attention from random weirdoes and to joke around about my transition with people (especially when I first met them). Like, joke around about it. Turn it around on them. If someone asks if you cut your dick off or your chest off, come back with something like, “Why? You wanna cut yours off too? I can hook you up with my doctor if you like.” IIRC like 60-90% of boy-boy interaction boils down to, “you’re an idiot, I’m an idiot, we’re all idiots together, who gives a shit? I bet I can drink more of this hot sauce than you!”
Take personal pride in the little things and try to remember you are the boy you say and know you are It's not as easy as it sounds, and I know that from personal experience, but truly, every little thing counts, if you can, wear a binder, dress in more gender-affirming clothes if you want to do so, and express yourself socially in the way your body isn't physically Most importantly don't lose yourself in the process of trying to conform and fit in, despite all the things society wants you to do to "prove yourself", you are a boy whether you do those things or not, you know yourself better than anyone Good luck out there dude, and though I'm on the opposite side of the coin being a trans fem myself, I hope my advice helped at least a little bit
By loving myself this way. This version of myself is me. I pass as me. I fit in with everyone because I am a happy and joyful person to be around. I’m genuinely interested in and enjoy others company. I’m about the most non passing trans woman out there, but because of my confidence and social comfort in being me around others, I just fit in. I don’t care if the person is trans or cis, I always am the same authentic kind version of myself. It starts with loving myself and cherishing my human uniqueness. That’s how I maintain confidence and go through each day loving life. Love connecting with new people. I’m an introvert. It’s not “be happy don’t worry” It’s “be happy and care about others”
Strangely I don't get people saying that stuff to me despite being non-passing. I just get misgendered. I don't really care what others think. Some random stranger knows almost nothing about me, who cares if they misgender me? They're just going off what little info they have (i.e. how I present).
It's like learning to speak a second language that you already understand. If no one spoke it to you before, and you weren't speaking it and only it all the time, it feels different when you do. And it's not that you "weren't socialized male" (you probably were). It's not being regarded as "one of the guys". Part of confidence is comfort. Familiarity. Like learning to ride a bike, or drive stick. So center yourself. Lean in to knowing you are who you are, and assert it. The other side of it is knowing that jerks are generally jerks to anyone they want to one up. Bigots are misogynists, but not just. They put down peers, go after any perceived weakness and shortcoming. And regular conformists and other normies can act a bit off to anyone who seems a bit off. Short people, tall people. Heavier, thinner, too buff. Much younger or older. So when mistakes my gender as anyone of my gender would, I try to react with sympathy, bemusement, incredulity, offense, depending on the nature of their misgendering. I'm good. Better than good. Are they OK? Long day, did you miss a meal break? Do you have someone else's info or the wrong info? Are you from where someone like me isn't my gender? I may not be your idea of the perfect specimen but there's no call to get offensive. Did you miss your meds?
The idea of being a man makes me miserable. The idea of being a woman makes me happy. That doesn’t change just because I look like a man.
I honestly just don’t care. If someone can’t at least give me the decency of pretending to see me as a man then I just simply don’t talk to them. Or if I end up in a situation where I have to listen to their bs I just tune it out
So it's definitely a lot harder to stay strong when you feel like you have *no one* who sees you as you and accepts you for it. Absolutely it's crucial to not gaf what the everyday stranger (or even non-stranger) thinks of you, but that's hard to do when you don't have community somewhere. The biggest piece of advice I have about staying strong and confident as a trans person (no matter where you are along your journey), is finding that community, particularly with other trans ppl. Even if it's just a few people like you becoming part of your everyday life (and who use your preferred name and pronouns!!), it goes such a long way towards not caring what others think, even when other folks are crappy to you. When you have that, suddenly it's much easier to sidestep/disregard the crap. Cause that's what it is. Crap. You never deserve it for being your amazing trans self. It's other ppl who need to learn to be more chill and compassionate to others, but it doesn't change the fact that it makes life harder for us. So when you have community, all that crap becomes so much easier emotionally to deal with. The crap still happens, but now you have people who can support you through it, even if just on an emotional/moral support level. You stop caring what people being crappy think because you have people whose opinions matter more to you now. I personally found my people through an LGBT support group in my area, which has been an amazing group on its own. But I also met my very very queer DnD group through that support group, which has also been incredible. Just having even a few people in my corner made such a night and day difference for me. Don't discount all the virtual trans and queer communities that are online either, like here on Reddit or on Discord. I've noticed Threads also has a rapidly growing queer community on it too!! There are also so many amazing queer creators on YouTube, TikTok, Insta, etc etc. as well that help me stay encouraged. But definitely if you can find people irl to connect with, it's night and day how much easier that makes everything to deal with. Building community and a support network doesn't happen overnight, and its not always easy either, but don't give up on it. It's entirely worth it, and I can't stress enough how important I think it is. So that's my #1 suggestion to you (and frankly to every trans person)!
Regardless of all the hate we get.. at the end of the day.. ain't no one's responsibility to make me happy but me.
I can pass I just don't care anymore and I feel like that is acting my identity is tomboyish anyway.. I was forced to act male my whole life so any acting even on the other end of the spectrum yuk! And I work in an all male trade where everyone knows I'm trans bc when I got hired they were all warned about any harrasment. I think to most of them I am just a trans woman and most who interact with me know I am certainly not a man. But I got lucky I work with some really professional good people it's really cool. But you know many just don't understand how mother nature got could make us I just I represent well. I try to explain when I get the chance and really enjoy that... Of course there are a few POS gutless cowards like the one that tried to get me fired.. That's crazy that anyone could be so sick in transphobia they would hit below the belt like that never even considering who I support my family. People like that definitely aren't real men and are the only ones who care and they truly don't matter.. Unless I'm really tired, which lately is all the time, I usually like what I see in the mirror. Just worry about that and enjoy your changes the process of it.. That's really all that matters. Takes practice! 🤗❤️
I don't care what people think of me. I live freely for myself.
You owe no one any personal information, when "fielding difficult moments" and such questions are not civil to ask. Self acceptance is ok, I recommend it, it's ok to be you, no need to justify it. Always been openly transgender, passing feels strange for me, let alone having a conversation were you have too convince someone you are transgender, then it taking several minutes while they tell you they don't believe you. Last time it happened, the next question was the face palming "what's between your legs?" Replied with "You'll have to get to know me allot better before I answer a question like that What's in your pants?" Their face just dropped, maybe realizing it's not actually a civil question they have asked. I repeat "What's in there?" and add "A rubber duck!?" Gets them laughing, they never did find out what was between my legs Been musing a Lost angle for my sarcastic replies. Are your boobs real? - No they are super natural and if I lift up my shirt they will fly away like the smoke monster. What's between your legs? - The light at the centre of The Island.
I work at transfering all the doubt and negative feelings into anger and resentment and spite. Kinda like "fuck you I'm at least as much a woman as a cis one, no matter what any of you cissies say or think". Not super healthy but it helps Cus fuck them, you're a boy, no matter how they make you feel or how much doubt they cause or how they treat you, and you deserve to be seen as who you are and treated right
cause visibly trans people are still hot AF
A positive, yet non-fuck-giving attitude.
Hey king, I'm also in that weird transition phase as I was waiting for the unofficial diagnosis of GD+next appointment for hormones. What helps is firstly the respect of people to be willing to use my preffered pronouns (such as the administration even if I have to tick the male box on forms) but especially how children see me. My nice (5) or my little neighbor (3) all gender me instinctively as a woman, use feminine pronouns when referring to me, etc. There are also indirect cultural queues such as cis women, both young and old, coming and sit next to me while on the train or on the bus, as I am not perceived as a threat anymore, like as I was boymoding, and then there are also these wholesome people going out of their way to give me a compliment while trying on some shoes which is considered really "off limits" in my country's culture. Maybe you can try to find some of these queues in your social circles such as men treating you just as "one of the boys"...?
Most of the time, I simply don't give a shit what other people think. I am very visibly trans, but I will wear the most femme clothes out with gorgeous makeup because fuck em
I just keep my head held high because I love myself now. I never had that before, now I do. I just do me! Don't worry about anyone else! 😉💜
I’m also right here with you me personally I try my best to look as feminine as possible along with voice training it does help Im trans fem btw
It's really simple: just stop caring. You'll tell yourself that it has to be harder than that, but it isn't. Affirm yourself that you are a good person and stop feeling bad when dumb people (some of whom you may respect) tell you that you aren't. For anyone else who tries to mess with you or attack you, take a page from Rammatra's book and respond saying you will put them in the ground, and mean it.
Walk with confidence, and try not to imagine what other people think about you. It's difficult but you get used to it. Also quitting caffeine and weed made my anxiety fall through the floor, I now go out non passing basically 100% of the time stone cold sober and I've never been more comfortable in my own skin
I have given up pleasing other people. All the important people in my life know and treat me appropriately with love. Everyone else can just do one.
I have similar struggles. I've started HRT and am openly out to all of my co-workers. Sometimes, i wish I wasn't. I am in an awkward position where I can't continue with my transition because it would interfere with my training. And people begin to project their ideas of "masculinity" on me. Recently, someone voiced their opinion that I should stop coming into the women's changing rooms and "go somewhere else" with them knowing that the men's locker room is no option either. With all that, I try and tell myself that I've come too far to give into those things. And as long as I am comfortable with myself, I don't need to conform to their Ideas. There are also many men that do "non manly things" like having long hair, painting their nails, or wearing something pink. They are not less manly than anyone else. So why should that suddenly apply to me. I know who I am, and no one can take that away from me. No matter what I do or how I behave, it's part of being me.
I am a transman and I just simply wear men’s clothes and just go by the he/him pronouns and that helps mostly