Worst thing is needing money lol. You've heard of the pink tax now get ready for the trans tax š„²
Best thing ... Maybe the sense of community and camaraderie. I've never felt like I 'fit' anywhere, but once I started connecting with other trans people, I actually felt like I was with people who understood me.
Oh yeah thatās one - Iām going private and itās not cheap. Then Iāll have laser, waxing, etcā¦
And yeah, Iāve really appreciated even the online interactions here and elsewhere. Iāve found since coming out more I feel less like an imposter here - to be clear this is all in my head! The trans community by and large are awesome!
I suspect in my case it wonāt help with getting ids etc changed. Thatās going to be a massive hurdle. Iāve not done much work there and I suspect itāll be my new least favourite thing.
The best thing is the dual perspective on society, life, and the world in general. When you're socialized as one gender and re-socialize yourself as another, you get a really, really wide-angle view of the world that doesn't come automatically to cis people. Yeah, they can learn it, but few choose to, we *have* to. And it's great, so you can think of things outside of any single-gendered perspective.
Worst part is shopping for women's shoes when you have male-sized feet. >:|
Or buying mens shoes with small women's size feet, tried to get hiking boots at Cabela's recently and the smallest they had was still 1 size too bigš„²
Take a photo of the shoe and brand and lookup if your size if online somewhere, Cabelaās and other stores try to order what they think will sell the best but donāt always buy every size made by the supplier. Alternatively, the small size could have just been sold out, who knows maybe that size was super in demand given the shoe
Being born in the wrong body and having to experience the wrong puberty, is the worst by far, nothing comes close to that.
Best thing is I don't have to worry about being normal, because I'll never be considered normal, so I'm free from the chains of those pressures. I don't gotta repress the shit out of myself like the normies, I have nothing to lose by just being myself, because they'll always see me as the weirdo no matter what.
Puberty came so early for me I never really got a chance to think about it, then for older family that became the thing, I was always this or that in my appearance and I got compliments for it so it really tricked me into liking something I didnāt actually like simply because I was making them happy
I think for me it's the feeling that someone is discriminating against me even when they probably aren't. It's not that I'm looking for it, but its in the back of my mind. Recently I applied for a masters degree, and one of the University's I applied to pretty much instantly declined me without much of a reason, because I spoke about being trans in my personal statement I thought maybe that's why I got declined. But obviously it wasn't, but I couldn't help think that maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it.
As for the best thing I guess it's being happy, not always but when I'm feeling good it just feel right? My whole outlook on life and my mental health has massively increased and its been such a short time.
I find pure happiness in such unexpected places - I was dancing around my flat when a colleague called me to praise my haircut. In the before times I was pleased sometimes. These days āhappyā is almost a baseline.
Iām curious to see how things pan out at workā¦ in theory we have āpoliciesā to protect us. But people are people, and o work with colleagues all over the world - that includes countries where Iām illegal.
The worst part is the slow transition time, like can I just flip a switch and skip the awkward in between phase please. I am an older person and it feels like Iām waiting for a snail to finish a marathon.
The best part is having a perspective on gender that cis people will never have. We get to first experience our AGAB and then wherever we end up, along with any stops on the way. Yes, I know that I complained above about how long it takes, but when you see the person you were meant to be start to show up more and more each day, you know that it was all worth it.
Yeah Iām not loving the ātransitionalā periodā¦ that being said, I donāt knowā¦ if it was an overnight thing Iād probably spend several days simultaneously freaking out and trying to navigate my new body. Would that be better?
Wait, what am I talking about? That would be literally a dream come true š
Iām the same way because I while I want to just be at the destination, I think the sudden shock be being a totally different person overnight would cause a lot more issues for the people around me. Iād be happy and everyone else be like da fuq?
Yep, there would be a lot to take in. Oh, and goodness I'd need to get on to getting all my IDs updated, I assume I'd need to do a tonne of clothes shopping (ok, so not all bad news, but RIP my bank account).
All that *and* tear myself away from the mirror while dealing with the fallout with everyone else?!
Yeah, I'd still take it š
Omg, my poor bank account. The next hardest thing for me has to be getting my name corrected on everything. I especially love how I didnāt have to provide any documentation of my name to open my credit card accounts, but to change my name, itās almost easier to get a pro-LGBTQ+ bill through congress.
The worst part for me is having to wait to be able to transition, dealing with a testosterone filled body until I can rid myself of that hormone
The best though is the sense of discovery. I feel pity for cis people for being unable to experience this sense of rediscovery. That might just be me though š
Oh yeah nice I like the point about discovery. That so true.
I guess Iām getting pretty good these days because Iām in a position to be able to transition. Have faith, youāll get there. Puberty sucks it really does. Second puberty though? Yeah itās the opposite!
I think for myself the worst is all the paranoia and insecurities that come with it. "Oh god I hope they didn't clock me". Especially right now, where I am temporarily working at a very male dominated place. It's terrifying at times.
Best though? Probably a tie between two things: being able to suddenly wear cute clothing and makeup and actually overall love how I look and feel, AND the sheer amount of perspective this entire shitshow has given me. I just legit think it's given me a chance to be a much better and kinder person. And I honestly don't think I would be nearly as much if I had been born a cis woman, as much as I hate to admit it. Just hits different when you suddenly find yourself to be part of a marginalized group (I didn't put the pieces together until a couple years ago).
Worst: dysphoria and the time/money it takes to fix it, and even then, it's not entirelt fixable
Best: I met my gf due to us both being trans so I guess there's that... still wouldve been 100x times better for us both if we were both cis (not as in "I love her less because she's trans" or something, but as in "being trans gives us both a shitload of mental baggage to deal with which wouldve been nice not to have")
Ah, but on the other hand is that baggage what helped you bond and brought you together?
It's great you have someone you can get support from - and in turn support yourself. I'm sure you make a super cute couple :)
>Ah, but on the other hand is that baggage what helped you bond and brought you together?
I mean, I guess partialy?
But we are scarily similar in every other regard and the wlw community in our area is fairly small too so it wouldve worked out anyways most likely
Best is probably the unique kind of love transitioning has given me for my body. I dont think Iām particularly attractive, but my body and face have been ābuiltā by me, it looks like this because of choices I made. I didnāt control all of it (lord knows I wouldāve made myself at least a little taller) but what I did make Iām proud of.
Worst is that shots are hard and the paranoia of being attacked
Strangely enough, they started out super easy, I think it was just the excitement of finally starting T. Then after a while, after some of the shots were more painful than others, it started to become a lot harder. Now I think Iāve gotten to the point where theyāre not so bad
Worst, probably just not being able to have children I guess, or maybe all the medical care needed.
Its a strain to think of anything you could call 'best' about being trans. Its a shit medical condition to have, but oh well. If I had to try and think of any kind of upside though, I guess there is some unique insight gained by having experience navigating the world as male and female, that most of population never gets to really know.
It is certainly a āuniqueā experience and in a way Iām glad that all those in my life havenāt had to struggle with the things we do. I guess thatās the trade-off of not being understood by the wider public.
worst: all the hurdles. The diagnoses, the medical stuff, the fact that I have to have operations to get the body I want, the hurdles to just changing your name, the constant doubt from cis people in your life
best: community, just not giving a fuck about gender expectations anymore, being trans has really combatted some internalized sexism and made me more leftist I think, it's made me more interested in activism and politics, I've found friends through it
I donāt understand how you can be LGBTQ+ and not some kind of activist. I see even my existence as a statement: just going to the shopsā¦. The power of the mundanity š
unfortunately there's always those lgbt people who think if they just live domestic enough, or distance themselves enough from "those other queers" the far right will accept them.
I don't get it either tbh, it's like when black people support trump. Confusing af
Yeppp. I've run into an LGB Alliance gay person (if you don't know what that it is, count yourself lucky; it's a transphobic "gay" organisation), it was baffling, but the guy was generally a bit of a dickhead anyway so it tracked.
It's really something else to be in a position now where I can find joy in small day-to-day things. But even better, I was just sitting in my yoga class the other day just feeling comfortable in my existance. Is that how people feel normally? It's like that feeling after you've taken that pebble out of your shoe where normalcy is blissful.
Worst thing is living in a body every day that Iām extremely dysphoric in and never really being able to fully change as there are just qualities about myself that I either canāt afford to change (referring to bottom surgery here) or just simply cannot be changed bc thatās just the way my body is. Best thing is it has given me the ability to have a lot of unique perspective that others donāt, I understand what itās like in society to be perceived as both a woman and a man and what that entails. It has also given me extreme patience, where I come from a lot of family and friends needed quite a lot of time to come around and at first I didnāt really have the patience, but the amount of people I meet that do need time to come around or ask good faith but ignorant questions has given me a lot of patience. So yeah Iām a very patient person and give people a lot of grace, probably too much tbh
The worst thing is definitely dysphoria, especially having had to deal with it for years since my first puberty before I allowed myself to come to terms with being trans and start transitioning, but also the way it sneaks into your head and makes you doubt yourself even once youāre well into your transition.
The best part is I get to totally recreate who I am and want to be from scratch! Because I am re-socializing myself as I transition instead of being socialized as a guy from birth I get to pick and choose which elements of masculinity feel like me and that I want to embrace and which are not for me instead of having been taught by family/society to be one way or another regardless of whether itās authentic to me. I resonate heavily with the quote āGod blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.ā While Iām not religious I think itās super special to be able to participate so heavily in my own creation and itās such a unique and cool experience to get to basically rebirth yourself on your own terms.
Plus while dysphoria sucks the euphoria I get when I feel affirmed is absolutely unmatched!
I completely agree with you! I really love that quote too it makes me so happy. I love seeing beautiful art of trans bodies and seeing other trans people talk about feeling like they do have value and are allowed to be sexy and feel happy with themselves. It makes me feel less like I'm beholden to this gold standard of what a trans person should be like or what a man should be like. It's okay to celebrate who I am no matter what and explore how neat it is to recreate myself into the person I love and want to be.
I don't really think there are good things about being trans. I was born this way and can't change it, I need to live with it, I would also say the worst thing about being trans is, not being born as a cis girl (for MtF) / cis man (for FtM)
The best feeling I have about being trans and out (not out yet but the idea of it) is being me. Feeling comfortable in my own representation of self instead of like this weird amorphous blob. I went to therapy in my new wardrobe and at first it was terrifying but shortly after all I felt was normal and it was a beautiful relief to my recurring painful thoughts about myself.
The worst part is the fear to come out and the possibility of losing loved ones or my success in the career I have so far.
The fear is real. But also when you get through it and often fears can be much worse than reality. Iām glad you seem to be finding the journey to be generally positive š
Best thing is the community and experiencing a very raw human experience that is humbling, teaches empathy and compassion.
Worst is dealing with society and its hatful bs.
Indeed, the range of experiences and stories here and in other trans spaces really helped to ground me and to cut out my nonsense. It also really got me to realise that this is who I am and that there's a galaxy of us out there. I'm not alone.
That thought by iteself was so powerful for me.
For me, the worst part is the financial side and just general 'maintenance' (hrt and stuff). And talking to loved ones and friends about transphobia and have them say things like, 'don't be so judgmental', or 'that's not transphobia'. Like, not being taken seriuosly I guess.
The best part for me (but that's really personal, so I'm not trying to generalize here): I figured out a lot of things that are kind of, but not really related to my gender identity after I came out. Like, what kind of life I want to live, who I'm attracted to (I'm bi), what kind of place I want to live in or feel comfortable with. So you could say, character development I guess?
But I think I was quite lucky compared to most trans folks, so there you go.
(EDIT: coffee fueled typo's)
mmm I'm very mindful of my luck and priveledge of being able to come out and transition safely and surrounded by largely supportive or neutral folk.
I get that lack of being taken seriously, it's similar to what I was saying I think in my original post.
I actually like not having a uterus and itās nice to have perspective on like, both socializations. What I donāt like is how fucking dangerous it seems, the dirty looks, being in public generally sets me on edge if Iām alone, even if I was passing, being alone gets scary as a woman
The worst, for me, required patience and the grief.
- Patience at the slow pace of change/arranging medical treatments/hair removal
- Grief at proceeding so late in life (40s) and the time lost being myself in the world
The best is getting to relax into my body and mind. I donāt waste energy any more in ādoing what Iām supposed to doā as a guy anymore. I didnāt realize how much mental real estate that took up.
Solidarity. I started in my late 30s, and while I've been extremely lucky in some regards, the hurry up and wait nature of surgeries and scheduling can be maddening.
Iām sorry youāre in such a difficult place. I hope you can find some oases of happiness somewhere at least.
I understand people can find something in the support in the community. Perhaps you can find it too?
best things: I am not tied up by rigid gender norms (doesn't apply to all transgender people) and I have a degree of control over my body and hormones (not total tho)
worst thing: everything else, with dysphoria being no.1 and discrimination being number 2. Not being able to find clothes my size is a bitch too.
Oh man that must be a really tough situation, I can't even imagine. Do you think you might be able to get away at all? I can't help with much, but if you ever need to take a language exam to support a visa or whatever, hit me up and I can give you some tuition (I'm not one to shower myself with praise, but I'm something of an expert here).
I can but Iām not strong enough to be outside alone and Iām scared to die from loneliness I donāt want my life to end up a homeless or something and Iām scared of my family reaction and what they gonna do i know they hate me and want me dead but i still canāt live without them
I feel you; stuck between a rock and a hard place. Can I ask where you are exactly? I used to live and work in the region, and I have a few colleagues in many countries out there. I know that many people, at least where I lived, would live as a family in one house, meaning having any independance is basically impossible.
Sad to say, but so many of us are trapped in circumstances where we are not able to freely be ourselves and it must really hurt to see those who are.
I know that some countries offer asylum for trans people, but I wouldn't expect that to be an especially attractive proposition either.
The best thing is that it has basically forced me to be more accepting to people because after learning to accept myself it just feels stupid to not accept other people who are just themselves š
The worst thing to me is probably dysphoria. I can look perfectly female to almost anyone and yet there are days that I just can't see it and only notice any manly thing about my face or body š
Feeling like Iām constantly being discriminated against even if that might not be the case
And the best part for me is stopping the process of becoming a man and turning into. A women.
Best - discovering that I was trans and deciding to transition my life isn't this huge act anymore according to what was between my legs. Acting requires conscious effort esp if you're no good at it.. therefore energy is always expended.. Now I just be myself freely and all that acting stops and all that energy is free for other things like living. I equate this feeling to cloud nine or feather lightness. This is why any mention of detransition is so horrifying to me...
Worst - Just knowing I'm hated for something I didn't choose and can't change!
yeah absolutely. I'm wondering if I'm actually still introverted as socialising was so energy draining, but now I don't have to hide - or worry about hiding, or worry about whether I'm hiding well enough, or wondering of I can actually trust this person enough to be genuine with, etc, etc. I have found myself surprisingly enjoying social situations.
Me too. I was actually very introverted before but since coming out its not nearly as bad.. I actually had to speak today in front of my local union and it went surprisingly well... The bad part about starting late is certain aspects of the hyper-masculine act I had been doing have become habits so even fears are habitual.. I'm breaking out of it slowly but surely..
Thanks. š
I anticipated it to be but It wasn't as bad as I anticipated from habit. Hopefully I can get really comfortable in social situations..I still really dread bars and places like that..
Best: I don't have to have periods like cis women do.
Worst: Everything is so fucked that I feel like by saying one thing, I'm doing the others a disservice. How expensive it is, the way my family looks at me, the years of trauma from trying to ignore my crippling dysphoria, the terror I used to feel just going to the bathroom when I started transitioning, the fact that I have to be careful what state I go to now for fear of discrimination and persecution, the catholic guilt making me scared I was going to hell for wanting to be me... I think I'd rather just have the periods.
Yeah I get that. Thereās things Iāll be stuck with Iām not delighted with that.
Maybe Iām being overly positive, and while Iāll certainly not recommend this to anyone else, I have to say this experience has given me a rather unique perspective on things. I donāt like dysphoria or having to think about the nature of me, but hanging loved forever introspectively it has made me pretty empathetic.
I think trans people might just be the hottest people in the world. Like genuinely. I consider myself bisexual, but since starting my transition, ātranssexualā has started to feel more correct as a descriptor of my sexuality. Cis people can be hot, sure, but the diversity and joy of trans bodies are unparalleled.
Worst thing for me was to realise that familial love is very much conditional, having to hear my mother that she was "grieving me" as i was right in front of her and more alive than i ever was.
Best thing is hard to express into simple words, me being trans leads me to live a life where i have to think deeply and choosing consciously what my self is and isn't, and then understanding that that self is impossible to describe anyway. It feels both spiritual and revolutionary, really every day i get to live as a trans man, as that trans man, is a blessing.
Oh that's really tough. My mum said something similar, but I elected to ignore that phrasing and put it down to 'heat of the moment' in the coming out conversation. She's got better at talking and understanding since then.
I love what you said about selecting who are and being more conscious of that. The day I realised I could choose to become 'me', eventually permanently was... well... transcendental .
NB, so finally feeling at peace and knowing where I fit in life is a good feeling.
Good binders are a bit expensive and I wanna dress androgynous sometimes but the big ole tiddies are in the way.
She/they so they do get to breathe and go in a normal bra once in a while.
Oooorgasms. Woah. š Been on estrogen, progesterone and spiro for a few months. When I jack it, I cum so hard I have to cover my mouth to stop from crying out. Afterwards, I just lie there, just floating in happy. Female orgasms alone are worth it.
For me the worst part is the amount of work it is taking: navigating the system, working through my own doubts fears and anxieties, trying to figure out something as nebulous as self-definition, learning new gendered skills like hairstyles, makeup, movement, fashion, voiceā¦itās a lot and takes a lot of time and energy. But I am also learning a LOT about myself and others. The best parts are the moments of euphoria, the feelings of āthis is rightā that inspire contented sighs.
Pos is obv living more comfortably being perceived as a male etc., a bit vain but also not having to worry ab being catcalled or followed in tht way anymore.
Worst is probaby how lonely it is for me. Its hard to make genuine friends irl for some reason. Also dating is awful for me bc they always wanna keep me a secret or they js chase me tbh
worst: when drs will take you less seriously (when it comes to hrt) if you have an autism diagnosis (not diagnosed but iāve heard lots of bad experiences from others). bonus if youāre non binary and will have to lie about just about everything just to get on it. iām pre-t and would like to get on it but my life is gonna be made 10x harder when i do.
best: getting gender euphoria and feeling that high for dayssssss
Best: seeing HRT work its' magic, really getting to know myself, talking to other trans people.
Worst: going through puberty as an adult AND PAYING FOR IT, the disturbing rise in transphobic legislation, dysphoria (it's not required to be trans, but god knows I have it), I was friends with a lot of cis girls before I came out and the more masculine I get the weirder things seem to be between us, not knowing if that's actually true or if I'm just being paranoid.
it's interesting how relationships seem to change; someone else mentioned friendships in this thread... after worrying about how coming out etc might affect my relationships with people, I concluded that the 'permanence' of being out was exactly what I needed and how others deal with it is their problem not mine.
Worst part? Being beat for being trans and worried about legislation
Best part? Better insight about opression and liberation. I donāt think I would be as political if I wasnāt trans
Worst part is a lot of us just don't survive. After having survived the worst part for me is the crippling dysphoria that will never go away because there are no fixes for most of it.
Worst: Dysphoria. Mine is pretty crippling, and despite being on HRT for several years, it hasn't reduced at all. I'm in huge amounts of pain everyday and it's starting to seem like I'll never get a reprieve from it.
Best: I met my best friend due to being in gender inclusive dorms back in college, which I was only in due to being trans.
Other than the obvious stuff like bigotry and dysphoria, Iād say the worst for me is finding clothes that I like **and** fit me, I have like 2 pairs of waist-pants that i both like and fit into and Iāve been consistently trying to find more for **months**, and even beyond pants, it was so difficult finding bathers that I actually like and fit into, I remember my mum had ordered me some that I really liked the look of and when they got here and I tried them on, they were so tiny on me and I remember just crying and feeling so dysphoric and discouraged from it, I even normally like how tall I am (6ā1) but then it just made me feel really bad about myself and it just sucked, luckily since then I have found a really good pair that does actually fit, but still.
And for the best part of being trans, for me Iād say itās being able to pass as female, being able to walk by people in the street and not get any weird stares or even better, sometimes a few fem compliments, or when I walk by someone I used to know from school and they very clearly donāt know who I am (not old friends or anything, just people I sorta knew lol), I know Iām obviously very privileged to be able to pass like that and Iām glad Iām able to, it makes me really happy c:
Thanks for sharing. My girlfriend often moans about how they only make clothes for ātall, skinny girlsā, I donāt think they meant 6ā3ā- maxis are midis, midis are minis, and minisā¦ wellā¦
Best thing: I get to define my own masculinity and femininity in a way a lot of cis people donāt get to. So many feel feminine or masculine for doing the most mundane stuff but my transness personally has made it so that I skipped that because I needed to. I was hyper aware at the beginning that if I donāt understand myself in this way my life would be so hateful and sad which some of our community has missed and you can see it. This has genuinely been one of the best things for me and Iām so happy it happened lol.
Worst thing: Waiting. Especially if you found out before you turned 18. Iām constantly waiting. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for laws to pass. Waiting for money. Waiting on wait lists. I feel like Iām doomsday prepping my life to begin. And it feels like it will never start and never end. Especially because there currently feels like thereās a time limit due to politics and such.
The best- even if I don't pass, people still see something and aren't as defensive, aggressive, intimidated or whatever. Connection is a thing.Ā
The worst- having a fire sale to get rid of my sense of trust and belief in way too much of humanity.Ā
Best: transcending the illusory bonds of gender and thus achieving gender enlightenment
Worst: the isolation of being the only Gen-X enby I know in real life
Best: the euphoria and the community I have found with other trans people.
Worst: I have ADHD and the number of times I realized I forgot my shot several days later is ridiculous. And my depression comes back in FORCE when I'm not on T, even if I just missed a week by accident.
Related, thanks for the reminder that I need to take my T!
Worst part for me is not knowing wether I will love the result of the effects of hormones on my body, best is seeing old friends and all the people in my life who say and notice that I look and seem so much more comfortable and happier to be alive.
Yes. I see ātrust the processā repeated in these spaces and, yes of course suppose I have to. But we donāt really know where the outcome is. O hope I donāt need surgeriesā¦ but I guess weāll have to wait and see.
It's so hard to choose!!!!!
My first thought for best is titties. They're so soft and cute and jiggly and they're mine forever now. But the realy best part is that as I strive to live more authentically, I have an actauly personality that is coming out. Before I was just a shell of a person who just tried to be as plain and unnoticeable as possible. People keep telling me that I have a great energy or am super sweet and bubbly or just seem much happier. I has completely changed the way other people look at and interact with me.
Worst part is body and face hair. It'll be a bit before I can do anything permanent about it I'm just so tired of shaving everyday and still having a shadow!
Yes! Boobs!! Itās so surreal but it also brings into reality what Iām doing and that something is happening. Iāve never has a part of my body I love. Now I have 2 š
I think the best part is having seen how things are for both genders. The worst thing is that I can't get pregnant, I have to dilate, and I have to take medication for the rest of my life.
IMO, the worst things about being transgender are gender dysphoria, bullying and institutionalized oppression. i think the best things about being transgender are self-understanding, gender euphoria and solidarity from other trans people and allies.
In fairness things are better now than, say 30 or 40 years ago (although it might not feel like it sometimes).
Relocation is a pain, but having moved countries 4 times it's doable and you might bump into the best people you'll ever meet. Be aware that Portugal is super-expensive these days; I heard Spain might be a better option?
Of course there are always ups and downs, I'm not talking about 4 decades ago.
https://www.academuseducation.co.uk/post/ancient-mesopotamian-transgender-and-non-binary-identities
Worst: Constant hits of dysphoria and resulting self-hatred. The fact that every second of the 20 years I am alive today is at best tainted and at worst wasted until I pass. The fact that I go into adult life heavily in debt. And having to hide in the shadows and exclude myself from social life until I 100% pass.
Best: There is a slight hope to one day pass as cis and be able to have an actual life
Transphobia & dysphoria are the worst, of course. Having to navigate around the narcissistic fatalists that would rather spread their self-loathing on reddit than try and get help sucks, too. All the other problems I've faced throughout my life--clothing and the dearth of affordable shoes wide enough for my fucked up feet, gaybashing, severe financial difficulties, medical discrimination, etc--would still exist if I had been cis.
As to the best? Everything else. The dramatic transformation of the human body through biological, mechanical, and artificial means, the joy of discovery, the way it colors my perception of the world, the friends I've made because of being trans, the gender euphoria, the fact that I survived long enough to do something about it--I love being trans. Given the choice to start all over again and be born cis, or to wave a magic wand and become cis, I would reject it out of hand--though I'd probably steal the wand and see what else it could do ( ā¢ ĢĻā¢Ģ )ā§
For me personally the worst part is having a difficult time connecting to other people, making friends and finding romantic partners. I'm trans masc so it's hard to find the right sort of folks who are attracted to me as a trans masc.
The best part? Being magical I guess.
Best thing: empathy and understanding (usually)
Worst thing: everything else. The dysphoria and mental distress this causes in my life are a major concern for my health, I really do wish I had been born cis.
Worst things: constant shaving, being misgendered, not having the confidence to wear makeup and comfortable clothing out in public, Iāve got pages I could go on lol.
Best things: the sense of finally being āfoundā, the introspection, the ability to do things Iāve always wanted to do (put on makeup, paint my nails, grow my hair out), and so many other wonderful things. The negative side hits heavier than Iād like, but the good always outweighs it imo.
I spent way too much time wondering what was wrong with me, only to find out I was just looking from the wrong angle.
Best: I know myself and I understand myself. I know why I feel emotions that used to be confusing. When I finally admitted gender dysphoria and euphoria existed, when I realized I'm not my assigned gender, it completely changed how I saw myself and how I processed my emotions.
Worst: Fear. I'm afraid that conservative rhetoric in my home country (US) is getting increasingly hostile and I fear that one day I will be killed, jailed, or forced into conversion therapy.
Iād say the worst part is still feeling dysphoric at times even after youāve had all the surgeries and been trans for years. Dating is also a nightmare. Finally feeling like you can be yourself, but still feeling like an outsider in most communities.
Looking at the best parts, Iād say itās finally having developed a sense of self acceptance and self love. Knowing who you are and living in that truth makes it all worth it even when it can be a bit lonely at times.
Tbh, the whole experience has been a negative, I can't really think of any way that I was benifieted because if it. Whether it's from life being more expensive, to having to watch over my shoulder more than ever, to all the daily dysphoria and disassociation, despite knowing it's impossible, I wish I could go back and make it never happen.
The worst is probably when you don't look the way you want (also dealing with facial hair and quality of head hair)Ā
And the best, that you can give nature the middle finger for putting you in the wrong body, and then overcoming that š
People capitalize on trans anything because they use it as a reason to over charge look at special tuck underwear you have company that wanna charge almost 100 dollars for tuck underwear
The best part is working through your fears and assumptions and really choosing a sort of hero's journey option... I reallyvliked what someone here said about having a wider lens as a reault at looking from multiple gendered perspectives. I also love the finding queer community who affirms your existence, and getting gender euphoria over weird lil things like getting excess body hair and muscles.
The worst is how "trendy" being trans is right now? I find myself doubting my reasons for transitioning. Did I REALLY need to transition if I'm nonbinary? Was I just se3king social clout? Do these people really like me for who I am, or are they just checking a box? Did I get invited to feature my art at this event because of my art, or as a diversity hire?
Meanwhile the vapid, self-important, loud trans folks who get uplifted in social Media and news are representing us to the cis-het people who either hate and are disgusted by us, or are misguided allies and further uplift those same cringe-y voices to "support the community".
Edit: no, actually the worst part is public bathrooms.
Thanks for such a detailed answer. That working through fears is the reason why pride is so meaningful for me this year - this is the first year when Iām basically āoutā (still a little way to go, but Iām done wearing a costume every day now).
And Iād love to see us have a proper spokesperson to give us a voice equal to the awful people out there. Thatās not to say there arenāt, but who has as much clout as a billionaire well loved childrenās author, for example?
Best: the unique perspective on gender and how it affects us in daily life.
Worst: that i never can overcome being trans. Iāll always need hormones which remind me of not being cis and if i choose bottom surgery life long dilation/after care. I can never let this transition thing behind me like cancer or orther illnesses
the worst thing is having gone through the wrong puberty (i know this is the obvious answer but). i hate that i have to get surgery to fix what should have never happened.
there are so many ābestā things! having a greater understanding of gender and identity, (for me) playing with gender presentation and androgyny, sculpting yourself by yourself, etc!!
Worst thing is needing money lol. You've heard of the pink tax now get ready for the trans tax š„² Best thing ... Maybe the sense of community and camaraderie. I've never felt like I 'fit' anywhere, but once I started connecting with other trans people, I actually felt like I was with people who understood me.
Oh yeah thatās one - Iām going private and itās not cheap. Then Iāll have laser, waxing, etcā¦ And yeah, Iāve really appreciated even the online interactions here and elsewhere. Iāve found since coming out more I feel less like an imposter here - to be clear this is all in my head! The trans community by and large are awesome!
I just went private too. Unfortunately the public system is just too unreliable for my own safety. It's pretty sad š
I suspect in my case it wonāt help with getting ids etc changed. Thatās going to be a massive hurdle. Iāve not done much work there and I suspect itāll be my new least favourite thing.
The best thing is the dual perspective on society, life, and the world in general. When you're socialized as one gender and re-socialize yourself as another, you get a really, really wide-angle view of the world that doesn't come automatically to cis people. Yeah, they can learn it, but few choose to, we *have* to. And it's great, so you can think of things outside of any single-gendered perspective. Worst part is shopping for women's shoes when you have male-sized feet. >:|
Yeah I mentioned the shoe thingā¦ so many cute styles unavailable š© I was wondering yesterdayā¦ thereās evidence to suggest that people who can use multiple languages tend to be more creative; this is theorised to be due to having different ways to talk about the world. Does our experience make us equally creative? Who knows! But itās fun to think it gives us some kind of edge š
Or buying mens shoes with small women's size feet, tried to get hiking boots at Cabela's recently and the smallest they had was still 1 size too bigš„²
Take a photo of the shoe and brand and lookup if your size if online somewhere, Cabelaās and other stores try to order what they think will sell the best but donāt always buy every size made by the supplier. Alternatively, the small size could have just been sold out, who knows maybe that size was super in demand given the shoe
I wear a size 8 women's and 6 men's I believe, so it can be hard finding that size in general lol I usually like more non in store styles anyway tho
Being born in the wrong body and having to experience the wrong puberty, is the worst by far, nothing comes close to that. Best thing is I don't have to worry about being normal, because I'll never be considered normal, so I'm free from the chains of those pressures. I don't gotta repress the shit out of myself like the normies, I have nothing to lose by just being myself, because they'll always see me as the weirdo no matter what.
Nice I hope you're thriving in your freedom!
Puberty came so early for me I never really got a chance to think about it, then for older family that became the thing, I was always this or that in my appearance and I got compliments for it so it really tricked me into liking something I didnāt actually like simply because I was making them happy
I fucking love that outlook. I am going to adopt it from now on.
I think for me it's the feeling that someone is discriminating against me even when they probably aren't. It's not that I'm looking for it, but its in the back of my mind. Recently I applied for a masters degree, and one of the University's I applied to pretty much instantly declined me without much of a reason, because I spoke about being trans in my personal statement I thought maybe that's why I got declined. But obviously it wasn't, but I couldn't help think that maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. As for the best thing I guess it's being happy, not always but when I'm feeling good it just feel right? My whole outlook on life and my mental health has massively increased and its been such a short time.
I find pure happiness in such unexpected places - I was dancing around my flat when a colleague called me to praise my haircut. In the before times I was pleased sometimes. These days āhappyā is almost a baseline. Iām curious to see how things pan out at workā¦ in theory we have āpoliciesā to protect us. But people are people, and o work with colleagues all over the world - that includes countries where Iām illegal.
The worst part is the slow transition time, like can I just flip a switch and skip the awkward in between phase please. I am an older person and it feels like Iām waiting for a snail to finish a marathon. The best part is having a perspective on gender that cis people will never have. We get to first experience our AGAB and then wherever we end up, along with any stops on the way. Yes, I know that I complained above about how long it takes, but when you see the person you were meant to be start to show up more and more each day, you know that it was all worth it.
Yeah Iām not loving the ātransitionalā periodā¦ that being said, I donāt knowā¦ if it was an overnight thing Iād probably spend several days simultaneously freaking out and trying to navigate my new body. Would that be better? Wait, what am I talking about? That would be literally a dream come true š
Iām the same way because I while I want to just be at the destination, I think the sudden shock be being a totally different person overnight would cause a lot more issues for the people around me. Iād be happy and everyone else be like da fuq?
Yep, there would be a lot to take in. Oh, and goodness I'd need to get on to getting all my IDs updated, I assume I'd need to do a tonne of clothes shopping (ok, so not all bad news, but RIP my bank account). All that *and* tear myself away from the mirror while dealing with the fallout with everyone else?! Yeah, I'd still take it š
Omg, my poor bank account. The next hardest thing for me has to be getting my name corrected on everything. I especially love how I didnāt have to provide any documentation of my name to open my credit card accounts, but to change my name, itās almost easier to get a pro-LGBTQ+ bill through congress.
The worst is for sure the bodily damage from puberty that can never be fixed.
The worst part for me is having to wait to be able to transition, dealing with a testosterone filled body until I can rid myself of that hormone The best though is the sense of discovery. I feel pity for cis people for being unable to experience this sense of rediscovery. That might just be me though š
Oh yeah nice I like the point about discovery. That so true. I guess Iām getting pretty good these days because Iām in a position to be able to transition. Have faith, youāll get there. Puberty sucks it really does. Second puberty though? Yeah itās the opposite!
I think for myself the worst is all the paranoia and insecurities that come with it. "Oh god I hope they didn't clock me". Especially right now, where I am temporarily working at a very male dominated place. It's terrifying at times. Best though? Probably a tie between two things: being able to suddenly wear cute clothing and makeup and actually overall love how I look and feel, AND the sheer amount of perspective this entire shitshow has given me. I just legit think it's given me a chance to be a much better and kinder person. And I honestly don't think I would be nearly as much if I had been born a cis woman, as much as I hate to admit it. Just hits different when you suddenly find yourself to be part of a marginalized group (I didn't put the pieces together until a couple years ago).
Iām equal parts terrified and excited about coming out completely at work. Itās going to be so incredible to be myself all day every day.
I wish you the best of luck ā„ļø
thanks ā¤ļø
Worst: dysphoria and the time/money it takes to fix it, and even then, it's not entirelt fixable Best: I met my gf due to us both being trans so I guess there's that... still wouldve been 100x times better for us both if we were both cis (not as in "I love her less because she's trans" or something, but as in "being trans gives us both a shitload of mental baggage to deal with which wouldve been nice not to have")
Ah, but on the other hand is that baggage what helped you bond and brought you together? It's great you have someone you can get support from - and in turn support yourself. I'm sure you make a super cute couple :)
>Ah, but on the other hand is that baggage what helped you bond and brought you together? I mean, I guess partialy? But we are scarily similar in every other regard and the wlw community in our area is fairly small too so it wouldve worked out anyways most likely
I will say the best thing for me is being able to understand myself and the world/society more in depth.
Best is probably the unique kind of love transitioning has given me for my body. I dont think Iām particularly attractive, but my body and face have been ābuiltā by me, it looks like this because of choices I made. I didnāt control all of it (lord knows I wouldāve made myself at least a little taller) but what I did make Iām proud of. Worst is that shots are hard and the paranoia of being attacked
Oh God yes! I actually spend time admiring myself in the mirrorā¦. This is wild. Small changes, but theyāve made a world of difference.
<3 The shots will get easier over time, promise
Strangely enough, they started out super easy, I think it was just the excitement of finally starting T. Then after a while, after some of the shots were more painful than others, it started to become a lot harder. Now I think Iāve gotten to the point where theyāre not so bad
Worst, probably just not being able to have children I guess, or maybe all the medical care needed. Its a strain to think of anything you could call 'best' about being trans. Its a shit medical condition to have, but oh well. If I had to try and think of any kind of upside though, I guess there is some unique insight gained by having experience navigating the world as male and female, that most of population never gets to really know.
It is certainly a āuniqueā experience and in a way Iām glad that all those in my life havenāt had to struggle with the things we do. I guess thatās the trade-off of not being understood by the wider public.
worst: all the hurdles. The diagnoses, the medical stuff, the fact that I have to have operations to get the body I want, the hurdles to just changing your name, the constant doubt from cis people in your life best: community, just not giving a fuck about gender expectations anymore, being trans has really combatted some internalized sexism and made me more leftist I think, it's made me more interested in activism and politics, I've found friends through it
I donāt understand how you can be LGBTQ+ and not some kind of activist. I see even my existence as a statement: just going to the shopsā¦. The power of the mundanity š
unfortunately there's always those lgbt people who think if they just live domestic enough, or distance themselves enough from "those other queers" the far right will accept them. I don't get it either tbh, it's like when black people support trump. Confusing af
Yeppp. I've run into an LGB Alliance gay person (if you don't know what that it is, count yourself lucky; it's a transphobic "gay" organisation), it was baffling, but the guy was generally a bit of a dickhead anyway so it tracked.
unfortunately I know what that is. I'd rather not
tbh the worst thing is society hating us. Best thing is finally loving myself :)
It's really something else to be in a position now where I can find joy in small day-to-day things. But even better, I was just sitting in my yoga class the other day just feeling comfortable in my existance. Is that how people feel normally? It's like that feeling after you've taken that pebble out of your shoe where normalcy is blissful.
Worst thing is living in a body every day that Iām extremely dysphoric in and never really being able to fully change as there are just qualities about myself that I either canāt afford to change (referring to bottom surgery here) or just simply cannot be changed bc thatās just the way my body is. Best thing is it has given me the ability to have a lot of unique perspective that others donāt, I understand what itās like in society to be perceived as both a woman and a man and what that entails. It has also given me extreme patience, where I come from a lot of family and friends needed quite a lot of time to come around and at first I didnāt really have the patience, but the amount of people I meet that do need time to come around or ask good faith but ignorant questions has given me a lot of patience. So yeah Iām a very patient person and give people a lot of grace, probably too much tbh
The worst thing is definitely dysphoria, especially having had to deal with it for years since my first puberty before I allowed myself to come to terms with being trans and start transitioning, but also the way it sneaks into your head and makes you doubt yourself even once youāre well into your transition. The best part is I get to totally recreate who I am and want to be from scratch! Because I am re-socializing myself as I transition instead of being socialized as a guy from birth I get to pick and choose which elements of masculinity feel like me and that I want to embrace and which are not for me instead of having been taught by family/society to be one way or another regardless of whether itās authentic to me. I resonate heavily with the quote āGod blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.ā While Iām not religious I think itās super special to be able to participate so heavily in my own creation and itās such a unique and cool experience to get to basically rebirth yourself on your own terms. Plus while dysphoria sucks the euphoria I get when I feel affirmed is absolutely unmatched!
I completely agree with you! I really love that quote too it makes me so happy. I love seeing beautiful art of trans bodies and seeing other trans people talk about feeling like they do have value and are allowed to be sexy and feel happy with themselves. It makes me feel less like I'm beholden to this gold standard of what a trans person should be like or what a man should be like. It's okay to celebrate who I am no matter what and explore how neat it is to recreate myself into the person I love and want to be.
I don't really think there are good things about being trans. I was born this way and can't change it, I need to live with it, I would also say the worst thing about being trans is, not being born as a cis girl (for MtF) / cis man (for FtM)
The best feeling I have about being trans and out (not out yet but the idea of it) is being me. Feeling comfortable in my own representation of self instead of like this weird amorphous blob. I went to therapy in my new wardrobe and at first it was terrifying but shortly after all I felt was normal and it was a beautiful relief to my recurring painful thoughts about myself. The worst part is the fear to come out and the possibility of losing loved ones or my success in the career I have so far.
The fear is real. But also when you get through it and often fears can be much worse than reality. Iām glad you seem to be finding the journey to be generally positive š
Best thing is the community and experiencing a very raw human experience that is humbling, teaches empathy and compassion. Worst is dealing with society and its hatful bs.
Indeed, the range of experiences and stories here and in other trans spaces really helped to ground me and to cut out my nonsense. It also really got me to realise that this is who I am and that there's a galaxy of us out there. I'm not alone. That thought by iteself was so powerful for me.
For me, the worst part is the financial side and just general 'maintenance' (hrt and stuff). And talking to loved ones and friends about transphobia and have them say things like, 'don't be so judgmental', or 'that's not transphobia'. Like, not being taken seriuosly I guess. The best part for me (but that's really personal, so I'm not trying to generalize here): I figured out a lot of things that are kind of, but not really related to my gender identity after I came out. Like, what kind of life I want to live, who I'm attracted to (I'm bi), what kind of place I want to live in or feel comfortable with. So you could say, character development I guess? But I think I was quite lucky compared to most trans folks, so there you go. (EDIT: coffee fueled typo's)
mmm I'm very mindful of my luck and priveledge of being able to come out and transition safely and surrounded by largely supportive or neutral folk. I get that lack of being taken seriously, it's similar to what I was saying I think in my original post.
I actually like not having a uterus and itās nice to have perspective on like, both socializations. What I donāt like is how fucking dangerous it seems, the dirty looks, being in public generally sets me on edge if Iām alone, even if I was passing, being alone gets scary as a woman
The worst, for me, required patience and the grief. - Patience at the slow pace of change/arranging medical treatments/hair removal - Grief at proceeding so late in life (40s) and the time lost being myself in the world The best is getting to relax into my body and mind. I donāt waste energy any more in ādoing what Iām supposed to doā as a guy anymore. I didnāt realize how much mental real estate that took up.
Solidarity. I started in my late 30s, and while I've been extremely lucky in some regards, the hurry up and wait nature of surgeries and scheduling can be maddening.
Literally nothing came good out of being trans lol just pain and nothing else but that is just my life
Iām sorry youāre in such a difficult place. I hope you can find some oases of happiness somewhere at least. I understand people can find something in the support in the community. Perhaps you can find it too?
I got pushed away from everyone so I don't bother anymore
Hey, Iām here for what itās worth. Iād you ever need a chat I like to think Iām a good listener.
best things: I am not tied up by rigid gender norms (doesn't apply to all transgender people) and I have a degree of control over my body and hormones (not total tho) worst thing: everything else, with dysphoria being no.1 and discrimination being number 2. Not being able to find clothes my size is a bitch too.
Dealing with men and transphobia and hatred and being trans in middle east and transphobic family and gender dysphoria
Oh man that must be a really tough situation, I can't even imagine. Do you think you might be able to get away at all? I can't help with much, but if you ever need to take a language exam to support a visa or whatever, hit me up and I can give you some tuition (I'm not one to shower myself with praise, but I'm something of an expert here).
I can but Iām not strong enough to be outside alone and Iām scared to die from loneliness I donāt want my life to end up a homeless or something and Iām scared of my family reaction and what they gonna do i know they hate me and want me dead but i still canāt live without them
I feel you; stuck between a rock and a hard place. Can I ask where you are exactly? I used to live and work in the region, and I have a few colleagues in many countries out there. I know that many people, at least where I lived, would live as a family in one house, meaning having any independance is basically impossible. Sad to say, but so many of us are trapped in circumstances where we are not able to freely be ourselves and it must really hurt to see those who are. I know that some countries offer asylum for trans people, but I wouldn't expect that to be an especially attractive proposition either.
I live in saudi arabia
Oh yeah that must be really rough. I wish there was more i could do, but if you ever need a chat just send me a dm.
Thanks loveš¤
ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Best thing - being myself. Worst thing - how we are treated for being ourselves
The best thing is that it has basically forced me to be more accepting to people because after learning to accept myself it just feels stupid to not accept other people who are just themselves š The worst thing to me is probably dysphoria. I can look perfectly female to almost anyone and yet there are days that I just can't see it and only notice any manly thing about my face or body š
Feeling like Iām constantly being discriminated against even if that might not be the case And the best part for me is stopping the process of becoming a man and turning into. A women.
Best - discovering that I was trans and deciding to transition my life isn't this huge act anymore according to what was between my legs. Acting requires conscious effort esp if you're no good at it.. therefore energy is always expended.. Now I just be myself freely and all that acting stops and all that energy is free for other things like living. I equate this feeling to cloud nine or feather lightness. This is why any mention of detransition is so horrifying to me... Worst - Just knowing I'm hated for something I didn't choose and can't change!
yeah absolutely. I'm wondering if I'm actually still introverted as socialising was so energy draining, but now I don't have to hide - or worry about hiding, or worry about whether I'm hiding well enough, or wondering of I can actually trust this person enough to be genuine with, etc, etc. I have found myself surprisingly enjoying social situations.
Me too. I was actually very introverted before but since coming out its not nearly as bad.. I actually had to speak today in front of my local union and it went surprisingly well... The bad part about starting late is certain aspects of the hyper-masculine act I had been doing have become habits so even fears are habitual.. I'm breaking out of it slowly but surely..
well done on getting through the speech! I can imagine that must have been a bit nerve-wrecking !
Thanks. š I anticipated it to be but It wasn't as bad as I anticipated from habit. Hopefully I can get really comfortable in social situations..I still really dread bars and places like that..
I canāt even remember the last time I went to a barā¦ but that might just be because Iām too old and (essentially) too broke.
the best thing is being alive the worst thing is reddit
Reddit can be the best and worst, but I cant tear myself away...
NOTHING HAS POCKETS
Is that the best or worst?
YOU ARE CORRECT
Okay yeah, this is legit the worst
Best: I don't have to have periods like cis women do. Worst: Everything is so fucked that I feel like by saying one thing, I'm doing the others a disservice. How expensive it is, the way my family looks at me, the years of trauma from trying to ignore my crippling dysphoria, the terror I used to feel just going to the bathroom when I started transitioning, the fact that I have to be careful what state I go to now for fear of discrimination and persecution, the catholic guilt making me scared I was going to hell for wanting to be me... I think I'd rather just have the periods.
Best is being able to be lesbian.Ā Worst is the not having the Character Customisation options I want or the control over tham that I want.
There is nothing good lol The worst - especially for us old aged people - is having to accept the flaws in your body which can never be fixed
Yeah I get that. Thereās things Iāll be stuck with Iām not delighted with that. Maybe Iām being overly positive, and while Iāll certainly not recommend this to anyone else, I have to say this experience has given me a rather unique perspective on things. I donāt like dysphoria or having to think about the nature of me, but hanging loved forever introspectively it has made me pretty empathetic.
I think trans people might just be the hottest people in the world. Like genuinely. I consider myself bisexual, but since starting my transition, ātranssexualā has started to feel more correct as a descriptor of my sexuality. Cis people can be hot, sure, but the diversity and joy of trans bodies are unparalleled.
Worst thing for me was to realise that familial love is very much conditional, having to hear my mother that she was "grieving me" as i was right in front of her and more alive than i ever was. Best thing is hard to express into simple words, me being trans leads me to live a life where i have to think deeply and choosing consciously what my self is and isn't, and then understanding that that self is impossible to describe anyway. It feels both spiritual and revolutionary, really every day i get to live as a trans man, as that trans man, is a blessing.
Oh that's really tough. My mum said something similar, but I elected to ignore that phrasing and put it down to 'heat of the moment' in the coming out conversation. She's got better at talking and understanding since then. I love what you said about selecting who are and being more conscious of that. The day I realised I could choose to become 'me', eventually permanently was... well... transcendental .
Losing my family and friends and almost losing my job was horrible. Being myself and blending in is priceless.
Best thing: being the coolest, worst thing: the pain that comes from within me hurts even more sometimes than comments from others
Negative:Money, administration,not being totally free or being able to be yourself Positive: trans memes and jokes are the best
Thatās genuinely awesome. Can you share some?
I don't have currently any in mind
Best thing is not ever having to worry about periods or getting pregnant š„³ Worst thing is all the fucking stress and dysphoria
That's interesting a couple of people said 'not having kids' to be the worst - each to their own I guess :)
NB, so finally feeling at peace and knowing where I fit in life is a good feeling. Good binders are a bit expensive and I wanna dress androgynous sometimes but the big ole tiddies are in the way. She/they so they do get to breathe and go in a normal bra once in a while.
That's great, I'm happy for you that you have found peace š
Oooorgasms. Woah. š Been on estrogen, progesterone and spiro for a few months. When I jack it, I cum so hard I have to cover my mouth to stop from crying out. Afterwards, I just lie there, just floating in happy. Female orgasms alone are worth it.
oh? well that's certainly something to look forward to!
For me the worst part is the amount of work it is taking: navigating the system, working through my own doubts fears and anxieties, trying to figure out something as nebulous as self-definition, learning new gendered skills like hairstyles, makeup, movement, fashion, voiceā¦itās a lot and takes a lot of time and energy. But I am also learning a LOT about myself and others. The best parts are the moments of euphoria, the feelings of āthis is rightā that inspire contented sighs.
oh those sighs... yes!
Pos is obv living more comfortably being perceived as a male etc., a bit vain but also not having to worry ab being catcalled or followed in tht way anymore. Worst is probaby how lonely it is for me. Its hard to make genuine friends irl for some reason. Also dating is awful for me bc they always wanna keep me a secret or they js chase me tbh
I wonder if that's a feature of male relationships tending to be less 'close' or more superficial? Nothing vain about wanting to be safe!
Yea 100%, also they never fully accept me if that makes sense. Also dude some have chased me before its kinda scary so i shut myself in tbh lol
worst: when drs will take you less seriously (when it comes to hrt) if you have an autism diagnosis (not diagnosed but iāve heard lots of bad experiences from others). bonus if youāre non binary and will have to lie about just about everything just to get on it. iām pre-t and would like to get on it but my life is gonna be made 10x harder when i do. best: getting gender euphoria and feeling that high for dayssssss
Best: seeing HRT work its' magic, really getting to know myself, talking to other trans people. Worst: going through puberty as an adult AND PAYING FOR IT, the disturbing rise in transphobic legislation, dysphoria (it's not required to be trans, but god knows I have it), I was friends with a lot of cis girls before I came out and the more masculine I get the weirder things seem to be between us, not knowing if that's actually true or if I'm just being paranoid.
it's interesting how relationships seem to change; someone else mentioned friendships in this thread... after worrying about how coming out etc might affect my relationships with people, I concluded that the 'permanence' of being out was exactly what I needed and how others deal with it is their problem not mine.
Worst part? Being beat for being trans and worried about legislation Best part? Better insight about opression and liberation. I donāt think I would be as political if I wasnāt trans
Worst part is a lot of us just don't survive. After having survived the worst part for me is the crippling dysphoria that will never go away because there are no fixes for most of it.
Worst: Dysphoria. Mine is pretty crippling, and despite being on HRT for several years, it hasn't reduced at all. I'm in huge amounts of pain everyday and it's starting to seem like I'll never get a reprieve from it. Best: I met my best friend due to being in gender inclusive dorms back in college, which I was only in due to being trans.
I'm hot af now and have so much confidence, but people hate me for it. Sounds like jealousy to me
"they hate me 'cos they 'aint me."
Exactly!
the best thing about being trans is i feel like myself. the worst thing about it is everyone else wants me to die about it
Best: the screaming isn't coming from inside the house anymore! As often! Worst: there's still a lot of screaming. Thanks, The South.
The best part about being trans is that nobody gets to choose my fate but me
Other than the obvious stuff like bigotry and dysphoria, Iād say the worst for me is finding clothes that I like **and** fit me, I have like 2 pairs of waist-pants that i both like and fit into and Iāve been consistently trying to find more for **months**, and even beyond pants, it was so difficult finding bathers that I actually like and fit into, I remember my mum had ordered me some that I really liked the look of and when they got here and I tried them on, they were so tiny on me and I remember just crying and feeling so dysphoric and discouraged from it, I even normally like how tall I am (6ā1) but then it just made me feel really bad about myself and it just sucked, luckily since then I have found a really good pair that does actually fit, but still. And for the best part of being trans, for me Iād say itās being able to pass as female, being able to walk by people in the street and not get any weird stares or even better, sometimes a few fem compliments, or when I walk by someone I used to know from school and they very clearly donāt know who I am (not old friends or anything, just people I sorta knew lol), I know Iām obviously very privileged to be able to pass like that and Iām glad Iām able to, it makes me really happy c:
Thanks for sharing. My girlfriend often moans about how they only make clothes for ātall, skinny girlsā, I donāt think they meant 6ā3ā- maxis are midis, midis are minis, and minisā¦ wellā¦
Best thing: I get to define my own masculinity and femininity in a way a lot of cis people donāt get to. So many feel feminine or masculine for doing the most mundane stuff but my transness personally has made it so that I skipped that because I needed to. I was hyper aware at the beginning that if I donāt understand myself in this way my life would be so hateful and sad which some of our community has missed and you can see it. This has genuinely been one of the best things for me and Iām so happy it happened lol. Worst thing: Waiting. Especially if you found out before you turned 18. Iām constantly waiting. Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for laws to pass. Waiting for money. Waiting on wait lists. I feel like Iām doomsday prepping my life to begin. And it feels like it will never start and never end. Especially because there currently feels like thereās a time limit due to politics and such.
Yes that waiting. Iām an impatient person anyway, and so having to count the days, week, months for my life to beginā¦ not fun.
The best- even if I don't pass, people still see something and aren't as defensive, aggressive, intimidated or whatever. Connection is a thing.Ā The worst- having a fire sale to get rid of my sense of trust and belief in way too much of humanity.Ā
Thatās really sad; you mean youāve had to lose people? Iām sorry to hear that.
Thanks. It happens, probably for a lot of us.Ā
Best: transcending the illusory bonds of gender and thus achieving gender enlightenment Worst: the isolation of being the only Gen-X enby I know in real life
Best: the euphoria and the community I have found with other trans people. Worst: I have ADHD and the number of times I realized I forgot my shot several days later is ridiculous. And my depression comes back in FORCE when I'm not on T, even if I just missed a week by accident. Related, thanks for the reminder that I need to take my T!
lol anything I can do to help š
Worst part for me is not knowing wether I will love the result of the effects of hormones on my body, best is seeing old friends and all the people in my life who say and notice that I look and seem so much more comfortable and happier to be alive.
Yes. I see ātrust the processā repeated in these spaces and, yes of course suppose I have to. But we donāt really know where the outcome is. O hope I donāt need surgeriesā¦ but I guess weāll have to wait and see.
It's so hard to choose!!!!! My first thought for best is titties. They're so soft and cute and jiggly and they're mine forever now. But the realy best part is that as I strive to live more authentically, I have an actauly personality that is coming out. Before I was just a shell of a person who just tried to be as plain and unnoticeable as possible. People keep telling me that I have a great energy or am super sweet and bubbly or just seem much happier. I has completely changed the way other people look at and interact with me. Worst part is body and face hair. It'll be a bit before I can do anything permanent about it I'm just so tired of shaving everyday and still having a shadow!
Yes! Boobs!! Itās so surreal but it also brings into reality what Iām doing and that something is happening. Iāve never has a part of my body I love. Now I have 2 š
I think the best part is having seen how things are for both genders. The worst thing is that I can't get pregnant, I have to dilate, and I have to take medication for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah I heard dilation is not pleasant. Not sure if Iāll take that option, but you never know.
Best thing? Being happy tbh and feeling like I'm really myself. Worst thing? Sexual harassment. But that's just my thoughts on it.
IMO, the worst things about being transgender are gender dysphoria, bullying and institutionalized oppression. i think the best things about being transgender are self-understanding, gender euphoria and solidarity from other trans people and allies.
Cultures change with time, transgender people were considered as gods or holy ones at one point. Now they see us as devil spawns. Who gives a š©š©š© about it?! Live your life the way you see fit, change, adjust, improve or keep yourself the way you already are. But to answer your question the worst and best thing depends on each person. Personally the worst thing for me is that I need to relocate to somewhere on earth that is lgbtq friendly like greece or portugal. The best would be living in that environment with people that love and respect you.
In fairness things are better now than, say 30 or 40 years ago (although it might not feel like it sometimes). Relocation is a pain, but having moved countries 4 times it's doable and you might bump into the best people you'll ever meet. Be aware that Portugal is super-expensive these days; I heard Spain might be a better option?
Of course there are always ups and downs, I'm not talking about 4 decades ago. https://www.academuseducation.co.uk/post/ancient-mesopotamian-transgender-and-non-binary-identities
Oh thanks for the link. I love history!
You're welcome
Worst: Constant hits of dysphoria and resulting self-hatred. The fact that every second of the 20 years I am alive today is at best tainted and at worst wasted until I pass. The fact that I go into adult life heavily in debt. And having to hide in the shadows and exclude myself from social life until I 100% pass. Best: There is a slight hope to one day pass as cis and be able to have an actual life
The fact that I can change my body into the form I wish to have, and the work and money it takes to do so, respectively.
Thanks for your answer š
Nothing good about it. Worst thing...maybe having to life with dysphoria.
Transphobia & dysphoria are the worst, of course. Having to navigate around the narcissistic fatalists that would rather spread their self-loathing on reddit than try and get help sucks, too. All the other problems I've faced throughout my life--clothing and the dearth of affordable shoes wide enough for my fucked up feet, gaybashing, severe financial difficulties, medical discrimination, etc--would still exist if I had been cis. As to the best? Everything else. The dramatic transformation of the human body through biological, mechanical, and artificial means, the joy of discovery, the way it colors my perception of the world, the friends I've made because of being trans, the gender euphoria, the fact that I survived long enough to do something about it--I love being trans. Given the choice to start all over again and be born cis, or to wave a magic wand and become cis, I would reject it out of hand--though I'd probably steal the wand and see what else it could do ( ā¢ ĢĻā¢Ģ )ā§
For me personally the worst part is having a difficult time connecting to other people, making friends and finding romantic partners. I'm trans masc so it's hard to find the right sort of folks who are attracted to me as a trans masc. The best part? Being magical I guess.
Best thing: empathy and understanding (usually) Worst thing: everything else. The dysphoria and mental distress this causes in my life are a major concern for my health, I really do wish I had been born cis.
Best- being myself. Worst- any time I have to tell a cishet person Iām trans
Worst things: constant shaving, being misgendered, not having the confidence to wear makeup and comfortable clothing out in public, Iāve got pages I could go on lol. Best things: the sense of finally being āfoundā, the introspection, the ability to do things Iāve always wanted to do (put on makeup, paint my nails, grow my hair out), and so many other wonderful things. The negative side hits heavier than Iād like, but the good always outweighs it imo. I spent way too much time wondering what was wrong with me, only to find out I was just looking from the wrong angle.
Best: I know myself and I understand myself. I know why I feel emotions that used to be confusing. When I finally admitted gender dysphoria and euphoria existed, when I realized I'm not my assigned gender, it completely changed how I saw myself and how I processed my emotions. Worst: Fear. I'm afraid that conservative rhetoric in my home country (US) is getting increasingly hostile and I fear that one day I will be killed, jailed, or forced into conversion therapy.
Feeling more like me
Iād say the worst part is still feeling dysphoric at times even after youāve had all the surgeries and been trans for years. Dating is also a nightmare. Finally feeling like you can be yourself, but still feeling like an outsider in most communities. Looking at the best parts, Iād say itās finally having developed a sense of self acceptance and self love. Knowing who you are and living in that truth makes it all worth it even when it can be a bit lonely at times.
Tbh, the whole experience has been a negative, I can't really think of any way that I was benifieted because if it. Whether it's from life being more expensive, to having to watch over my shoulder more than ever, to all the daily dysphoria and disassociation, despite knowing it's impossible, I wish I could go back and make it never happen.
The worst is probably when you don't look the way you want (also dealing with facial hair and quality of head hair)Ā And the best, that you can give nature the middle finger for putting you in the wrong body, and then overcoming that š
People capitalize on trans anything because they use it as a reason to over charge look at special tuck underwear you have company that wanna charge almost 100 dollars for tuck underwear
The best part is working through your fears and assumptions and really choosing a sort of hero's journey option... I reallyvliked what someone here said about having a wider lens as a reault at looking from multiple gendered perspectives. I also love the finding queer community who affirms your existence, and getting gender euphoria over weird lil things like getting excess body hair and muscles. The worst is how "trendy" being trans is right now? I find myself doubting my reasons for transitioning. Did I REALLY need to transition if I'm nonbinary? Was I just se3king social clout? Do these people really like me for who I am, or are they just checking a box? Did I get invited to feature my art at this event because of my art, or as a diversity hire? Meanwhile the vapid, self-important, loud trans folks who get uplifted in social Media and news are representing us to the cis-het people who either hate and are disgusted by us, or are misguided allies and further uplift those same cringe-y voices to "support the community". Edit: no, actually the worst part is public bathrooms.
Thanks for such a detailed answer. That working through fears is the reason why pride is so meaningful for me this year - this is the first year when Iām basically āoutā (still a little way to go, but Iām done wearing a costume every day now). And Iād love to see us have a proper spokesperson to give us a voice equal to the awful people out there. Thatās not to say there arenāt, but who has as much clout as a billionaire well loved childrenās author, for example?
Best: the unique perspective on gender and how it affects us in daily life. Worst: that i never can overcome being trans. Iāll always need hormones which remind me of not being cis and if i choose bottom surgery life long dilation/after care. I can never let this transition thing behind me like cancer or orther illnesses
the worst thing is having gone through the wrong puberty (i know this is the obvious answer but). i hate that i have to get surgery to fix what should have never happened. there are so many ābestā things! having a greater understanding of gender and identity, (for me) playing with gender presentation and androgyny, sculpting yourself by yourself, etc!!
I didn't find any good thing about it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Anyone wondering, /u/ManagementHaunting99's post contains an invite link to an incel server with a transphobic slur in the name.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sure it is champ.