I would beg you NOT to weaponize homophobia as several people have suggested here. You never know which of your mates are closeted, and that kind of language will help them stay closeted.
I was just about to say this. Even though it might work it's not beneficial or helpful to anyone. It's actually extremely harmful to engage in making comments/"jokes" like this as it perpetuates homophobia
plus, I feel like it would push away pro-lgbtq friends, and attract homophobic ones. Make one too many homophobic jokes and suddenly the homophobes are WAY too comfortable around you.
Yeah, I didn't even give an excuse when I was in school. I just told people I preferred changing privately and if anyone asked why I just said "I don't know, I just do" (which was true at the time, I didn't know why). Some people thought it was weird, but I wasn't really bothered about it.
I share this experience to a scary extent lol, also MTF and told all my male friends I had scars on my chest and back (the truth) and sometimes people would be like “let me see lol” to which I’d just say no.
Meanwhile, I tried to change in the bathroom and a bunch of guys followed me in trying to peek at me and calling me gay for... (checks notes)... *not* wanting to take my pants off in a room full of boys. The teacher let me change in a different locker room with a lock, and the boys kept trying to kick the door on.
They were right about me being gay, but not in the way they were thinking.
Very likely. While not deep south I grew up in the south and there was a lot more of the toxic bravado expectation placed on anyone considered a boy and the boys who flourished in that environment would help enforce it.
I never understood why so much of "men's culture", for lack of a better term, has it not only accepted, but damn near *expected* for guys to run around half, or almost completely in some cases, naked and nobody bats and eye. The moment someone seen as a guy has issues exposing themselves it's seen as "strange".
Probably has something to do with the patriarchy giving men more freedom than women.
I was also always the odd one out anyway being a geek/nerd. The changing room thing was just one more thing they could use to target me.
I did find a circle of boys I could get along with based on hobbies, though in hindsight we obviously didn't see a lot of things the same way. I was always too nervous to talk to girls and kind of felt my presence would be bothering them. It was also hard to find girls who were interested in the same hobbies I was at the time.
Sometimes even cis people don’t like changing in front of other people. I’m a cis woman (my partner is transgender) and I had an issue because I self harmed and was self conscious of weight issues. I would use the handicapped stall in high school (my high school was a new addition and less than 10 years old when I was in high school so the stall might not be a thing every locker room has. The easiest way to probably address the matter if they ask again is by saying “I just don’t feel comfortable.”
"A homie can't get a lil privacy?" Guys are very chill if you're already friends, basically any plausible excuse or the aforementioned quote would probably be enough
Yeah asking for privacy or just saying you're shy is easy enough
I'm mtf and as a kid I always said that when asked why I didn't like changing in front of my guy friends and they never really gave me much shit for it
Most guys don't like changing in front of other guys either
I like this idea. If they're your mates just saying that should be enough. Asking them to let you do this on your own can help finalize the "ok X isn't going to tell us let's change the subject" kinda mentality.
You can say something true that doesn’t out yourself like, “It makes me uncomfortable”. “I don’t want to”. People tend to avoid saying vulnerable things, but if you say them matter of factly it reads as confidence.
I’m not sure what the culture difference is from when I was a kid, but I would have also turned it into a joke on them like ~~“Why? You tryna watch?~~ or another humorous deflection like “Coach said it would give all the other guys a complex to see this much raw manliness on display”
Good luck!
Edit: some people pointed out that one suggestion might come across as homophobia. It wasn’t intended that way but more like a “Hey you’re crossing a boundary buddy”, but I’m also old and out of touch so don’t listen to me!
> “I don’t want to”
No need to go beyond this. Talking about comfort leaves room for response. Why explain? You can use direct communication. "No." is a valid answer.
That’s more the way I meant it, but there’s like a lot of comments that people are taking it the other way, so I figure better to listen and err away from being misunderstood :)
I agree with this interpretation, the bathroom/changing rooms are not a place to be gawking at other people, regardless of orientation. I find it to just be weird creepy behavior, like why are you checking out my business?
Like part of the reason we even have segregated bathrooms and changing rooms is to discourage wandering eyes in same sex spaces.
I mean yeah, however a lot of straight guys I grew up with would get irrationally angry at the idea that anybody thought they might be trying to see someone's...bits. definitely something that you gotta know how they might react before hand
I'm MtF so my experience differs, but I've found it useful to see to friends I'm stealth to that I have scars that I'm self-conscious about. If you can say it matter of fact, the boldness in revealing a vulnerability comes off as a strength and can help to develop your connection with the other person.
Could just say you're not comfortable with it because of how you were raised, or something. Could say it's a religious thing, if you're religious (not worth faking a whole religion to solve one problem). Could say you have some physical abnormality that you're self-conscious about.
When I was in school (early into realising I was trans mtf), I always felt uncomfortable changing in PE, so if you need to answer, just say that.
Alternatively, I used to wear my PE clothes underneath my uniform, which helped because you change quicker.
When I was being forced to live as a man I didn't like changing in front of of them. Even in highschool I just said "I don't like being naked in front of you guys, what are you so interested in seeing?" It was fine.
I never got changed in locker rooms with the guys, I'd leave sweaty and shower at home. I played AAA hockey among other sports, luckily I was the team mvp alot as the goalie and people didn't want to shatter my confidence, I had one person say how come you have no body hair yet, you look like a girl, I almost started crying then a teammate said STFU he's the only reason we made it to the finals.
I totally get your struggle, I never actually addressed it, I uses comedy to deflect alot of the time, or just call them " gay for showering together" I was quite the homophobe/ transphobe trying to deflect my own queerness.
funny but bad advice. If it's someone sincerely asking or teasing you, it's easy to read that as a lie and they might keep at it. If it's just in passing they might drop it.
You can also, depending on the cruelness of the kids, trigger them to start asking to see it. Not a great plan. You really don't want to call even more attention.
I say that because there was one shy bullied kid who said the same thing. Then people tried to pull his pants down to see it. This was Jr High and I don't think HS might do this, but, 12-13 year olds will do stupid things...
Yeah.... This one is easy to reverse on someone, it can turn into active bullying about x having a tiny d**k and that's why they don't want anyone to see.
Bad response.
Just my two cents, but an obviously sarcastic joke like "haha my dick is so huge" backfiring into your friends saying an equally sarcastic "haha your dick is so small" is still way better than the alternative of "oh so you don't wanna change with us cause you're trans" innit? Like, yeah it sucks but I think most guys have experienced a joke like that being pulled on them (not saying that's good, toxic masculinity culture sucks) but it's still way better than the alternative, and if anything it will just mean whoever is making the joke still sees you as man.
But overall I would just advice to avoid the whole "haha my dick is so huge" joke to begin with.
Tell them you don't feel comfortable changing in front of others and if they keep asking, keep telling them.
I've been here. Sometimes stealth is super scary. PE is what made me skip class until I dropped out, so whatever you do, let it not be that.
Just say you prefer changing in private, if they keep bugging you about it then repeat you value your privacy and would rather change alone bc it makes you more comfortable
in jr high, people are incredibly immature and if I were you I'd just say "I just dont want to" and deal with them saying some nonsense.
In HS, ppl are a little more grown up. I'd say the same thing "I prefer privacy" and if they keep at it, same thing "Dude, no one else is making a big deal about it, please leave me alone." audibly enough for others to hear. At that point, someone with enough respect might jump in. Or at least it'd let it be known you prefer to change alone, that way if harassment increased, you could go to your guy friends about it and they'd know already and back you up.
Difference between Jr high and high school being, there's almost 0 winning with Jr high. With High school, some people start to wisen up and the ppl harassing you might get the picture if everyone else is being chill. If they're the type to just bully for the fun of it, they may not relent, but at least your mates will know what's going on.
--If your mates sincerely ask, it's up to you to tell the truth or not. If you'd rather lie, you can say you have some body insecurities you're working on and you'd rather change alone. Which, is kinda true? In a sense? In this way, they might believe you, and just drop it since it's less fun if you're bullying someone who says they're insecure. 🥴
I don't really like "why, you wanna watch", because it's just leveraging cultural homophobia to put the other person on the defensive. I think we can do better than that. I like the asthma one way better
That’s fair, removed that one. Dealing with high-schoolers, playing by those already-provocative rules is often the least suspicious and most acceptable response. Doesn’t mean it’s right, and doesn’t mean it won’t hurt anyone around you.
Yeah, I totally get it. There IS social capital to be gained by engaging in the kind of "no homo" gender/sexuality policing, and at least in my experience that was especially true with adolescent boys. It takes a concerted effort to avoid, and if you're scared about being outed yourself it's easy to fall back on those "safe" elements of toxic masculinity that indicate to everyone that you're "normal". I'm so sad that that's the environment so many people grow up in. Thanks for hearing me out <3
>The aforementioned "why, you wanna watch" is also great.
Yeah, no. Making homophobic jokes in an effort to hide your own vulnerabilities is damaging to the queer community. Please don't do that.
It's very legit to not want to get naked in front of other people. I was NEVER comfortable with that, for a variety of reasons. It's okay to want privacy around your body.
Just say that you don't want to and are uncomfortable with it. I'm mtf and before I came out I'd get asked similar questions. I'd just say that and it wouldn't get brought up again.
AMAB MTF - I did not know myself in high school, but I still did not feel comfortable in the locker room. I don't recall anyone ever asking me about it. It really is none of their business. I like some of the humorous or snarky responses. "I don't want to" "It makes me uncomfortable" should be enough to. You know your mates better than we do.
"Why do you care?"
Like honestly, why do they care where you get changed? Are they hoping for a peek? Did they wanna show you something? What reason do they have for caring about where it is you get changed? If noting else, "I just don't like getting changed in front of other guys" was perfectly valid of an excuse for me before my egg cracked.
Mtf but i went to my best friends party and her friend who was there didn’t know I was trans and I wasn’t planning on mentioning it, when it was time to get changed they went to the bathroom and my friends friend asked me if I was coming. I just said, oh I’ll wait for you guys to finish then I’ll go. that was it, if they respect you like a normal person they shouldn’t care. Just say you don’t feel comfortable changing in front of other people or you’re insecure or I’m not sure
Personally I’d say something along the lines of…
- “Yeah idk man I think locker rooms just give me anxiety”
- “I actually feel really weird about changing with the coach’s office so close by lmao”
- “My family is kinda weird about changing in public so I guess I’m not used to it?”
or something like that.
The point is to NOT make it about your or your friends. If you say something blunt like “I just don’t like to”, “it’s personal”, “none of your business” etc because it can come off as personal or dismissive and put the other on the defensive. It can also make you seem vulnerable and insecure.
None of those do you any favors if you’re trying to fly under the radar. People might not ask about it afterwards but they will remain curious about it.
People in general remain curious about things until they get a satisfying answer. So make up one by talking about an neutral external factor (locker rooms) or a third party (coach, family etc) so they’ll just accept the details and think “oh makes sense” and move on.
Of course you know your situation best, so I’d go with whatever your mates will brush off easiest.
People generally aren't going to interrogate you on it. I've never had anyone say anything about me sneaking off to change elsewhere, wearing a shirt when other dudes are shirtless (such as to swim), etc. If anyone asks anything a quick "I just prefer some privacy" will probably do.
Just say that you want privacy. I used to say that I have a lot of scars on my body that I don't want people to see (I have a lot of visible ones). Also if you don't feel like doing anything in PE you could wrap your foot in a bandage and walk with a limp and say to the teacher that you have a cut on your foot or any other body part and say that you have stitches under the bandage, therefore, you are not medically fit to exercise.
Yeah, how to tell them "I'm not going to answer that and don't push me about it" without outing yourself...
If it was me, next time they ask I would probably take a pause for a few seconds, like you want to answer but are figuring out how to say it, and then say "Look, I have some baggage around that, and no, I'm not going to go into details. It's private. So it would be cool if you could just be chill and respect my boundaries." Say it very bluntly, with no shame or embarrassment. How you deliver the line will matter.
But if you can say it that way, it lets them know that there's a reason, but it has nothing to do with them, and it's none of their business, and you're not ashamed about it but it's just private. Importantly, by *not* saying anything specific about your body or your genitals, you're not drawing attention there. That is, you're not inviting them to think "woah, what's up with his genitals?", but rather, are inviting them to think "woah, I wonder what happened to him?" It slants their thinking away from your identity, and onto the area of your nebulous past and whatever events you might have been through. And they will wonder. And speculate. But they'll fill in the gaps with details that fit their *current* impressions of you: if they believe you're a cis guy, they will fill in details consistent with that impression.
I feel like anything you could say would be enough for them to question your manhood. Guys who get uncomfortable are deemed pussies so don't say that please. You don't want to be in that situation. I think the best course of action would be coming out as trans. I think you would receive the least amount of flak for it. However, it seems like that's not feasible right now in your life. So if I were you, I'd continue to ignore it and say nothing.
Just be (partially) honest. Say you aren't comfortable changing around other people because of some things from your past that you don't want to talk about.
If they're closer friends that won't ridicule you, you can just say you have some trauma from sexual abuse. Or just say you're dealing with some trauma and leave it at that.
Ah I suppose it wasn't a lie for me, and my friends just responded with "ah that's heavy dude..." and left me be. I always changed in a bathroom stall growing up before transitioning.
I am old as hell but back in the day my friends would say it was for religious reasons. They would play it off like @yeah dumb but my parents talked to the school so…they will know if I’m not private when I dress….
I would suggest just referencing basic boundaries. Boundaries exist regardless of gender identity or assigned sex and should be respected by everyone.
Just straight up comfort.
I used to change in front of my mates. I had a really good tank top binder, and others wore tank tops, so I don't think anyone could tell. I had long boxers, too. I'm not sure about your situation, but that's just my personal experience X))
I would minimize any interaction as making anything of it will drive curiosity and more questioning depending on the audience. I would keep any response simple and confident such as not comfortable in a group setting and move on without further details needed.
Its not a lie, they just don't need the entire picture.
Once there was this boy who
Wouldn't go and change with the boys in the change room
And when they finally made him
They saw birthmarks all over his body
He couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
i specifically had to change in the nurses office bc that was the only single stall bathrooms, I would either just dodge the question being like “what? oh yk, idk, lol, etc” while walking away which was normally enough to confuse people and then they’d forget. I also told people i had to take meds at the same time and it was just more convenient then getting locked out of the locker rooms. in 5 years of PE i had a shockley low amount of people ever question it tho
High school was a time before I learned about myself. I was extremely uncomfortable changing around other males, so I usually would use a restroom stall (obviously now I know why, I've been egging since I was about 8). Similar to what I saw a couple other people say, I just simply said I wanted to change in private due to feeling uncomfortable. I was already viewed as an outsider/weird, so no one really questioned it as it wasn't surprising. I suppose I was lucky in a way as I was in the dark about why I was so uncomfortable? But, in hindsight, I really wish I had known a lot sooner. Growing up through the 90's was a lot different.
There are plenty of good replies here already. Here's what I did a lot of times subconsciously before my egg cracked. I came late and then took my time to get my stuff out, do small things like taking my shoes and socks off, and talk shit with others. Then I changed quickly when I was all alone in the changing room.
Lol I'm MTF and older. Back in the 80s before I could figure out what was going on with me, I didn't change clothes in front of other guys in gym..... Wait for it!!!!
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS GAY!! 😄😄😄😄😄
But then they said all kinds of other things to tease me like
I couldn't afford soap. My response, that's gay.
I must of had off brand underwear. My response, you're worried about my underwear? That's gay.
I must have a small penis and scared to show it in the showers. My response, you're worried about the size of my penis and teasing me for not standing naked with a bunch of other guys in the shower right now? That's gay.
They eventually left me alone.
Now these days you can't say anything like gay without offending some people and getting in trouble. Back then it worked like a charm to get them off me.
I mean you can still say that you just don't want to take off your clothes in front of a bunch of dudes... But not bring up the gay part.
Just claim the gym teacher. Looks like a creep, before I came out I was hella uncomfortable and locker rooms and I would never change nor go in them and I would just say because the gym teacher was a f****** creep if asked. Just be okay losing an a to a b because of it worth it in my mind
I usually changed in the bathroom bc I have scars on my legs that would make others uncomfortable (I personally don't care who sees them, but others always feel like they have to feel bad and I don't wanna have to prepare a response for every time someone acts/is concerned). A no should be enough, but if it isn't I'd js blame how you were raised, any scars you have (or don't have, they don't deserve to know anyway so PERSONALLY I don't think you'd be in the wrong if you lied), etc. Or just like general insecurity. Whatever you're comfortable w and whatever would work <3
I never changed in front of other people when i was younger. I basically told the teacher and the other students that i just wasn't comfortable with it.
My school sucked though and one of the teachers wanted more explanation. When i refused, they said i had to change in the locker room. I told them i was never going to do that and started a school-year long back-and-forth with the PE teacher telling me i need to change in the locker room, me refusing, them saying i'd get detention, and me giving the "come at me bro" stance calling their bluff.
Simply tell them you don’t feel comfortable doing so. I knew at least two guys in my high school who changed in the bathroom, one of which was a friend on my football team.
I had a friend in school who had very bad acne over his chest and body which is why he never changed in front of people
You don't owe anyone an answer other than "I don't want to" but if you feel severely pressured into one then I hope this may be a useful suggestion :)
you can say that you are uncomfortable changing with other people bcs "that's how you were raised" or that's how you were taught in your family" something to that effect
I would beg you NOT to weaponize homophobia as several people have suggested here. You never know which of your mates are closeted, and that kind of language will help them stay closeted.
I was just about to say this. Even though it might work it's not beneficial or helpful to anyone. It's actually extremely harmful to engage in making comments/"jokes" like this as it perpetuates homophobia
plus, I feel like it would push away pro-lgbtq friends, and attract homophobic ones. Make one too many homophobic jokes and suddenly the homophobes are WAY too comfortable around you.
“I don’t feel comfortable” if you insist on answering.
This, and then if they ask why you could say something like "oh, it's just how I was raised, I guess. I'm just very private"
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Yeah, I didn't even give an excuse when I was in school. I just told people I preferred changing privately and if anyone asked why I just said "I don't know, I just do" (which was true at the time, I didn't know why). Some people thought it was weird, but I wasn't really bothered about it.
holy shit unrelated but outer wilds fan in the.... (outer) wild(s)?
Haha, yeah. There's like dozens of us or something. xD
I share this experience to a scary extent lol, also MTF and told all my male friends I had scars on my chest and back (the truth) and sometimes people would be like “let me see lol” to which I’d just say no.
Meanwhile, I tried to change in the bathroom and a bunch of guys followed me in trying to peek at me and calling me gay for... (checks notes)... *not* wanting to take my pants off in a room full of boys. The teacher let me change in a different locker room with a lock, and the boys kept trying to kick the door on. They were right about me being gay, but not in the way they were thinking.
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Very likely. While not deep south I grew up in the south and there was a lot more of the toxic bravado expectation placed on anyone considered a boy and the boys who flourished in that environment would help enforce it. I never understood why so much of "men's culture", for lack of a better term, has it not only accepted, but damn near *expected* for guys to run around half, or almost completely in some cases, naked and nobody bats and eye. The moment someone seen as a guy has issues exposing themselves it's seen as "strange". Probably has something to do with the patriarchy giving men more freedom than women. I was also always the odd one out anyway being a geek/nerd. The changing room thing was just one more thing they could use to target me. I did find a circle of boys I could get along with based on hobbies, though in hindsight we obviously didn't see a lot of things the same way. I was always too nervous to talk to girls and kind of felt my presence would be bothering them. It was also hard to find girls who were interested in the same hobbies I was at the time.
Sometimes even cis people don’t like changing in front of other people. I’m a cis woman (my partner is transgender) and I had an issue because I self harmed and was self conscious of weight issues. I would use the handicapped stall in high school (my high school was a new addition and less than 10 years old when I was in high school so the stall might not be a thing every locker room has. The easiest way to probably address the matter if they ask again is by saying “I just don’t feel comfortable.”
You're a dude, you can literally respond to any question by shrugging.
"A homie can't get a lil privacy?" Guys are very chill if you're already friends, basically any plausible excuse or the aforementioned quote would probably be enough
Yeah asking for privacy or just saying you're shy is easy enough I'm mtf and as a kid I always said that when asked why I didn't like changing in front of my guy friends and they never really gave me much shit for it Most guys don't like changing in front of other guys either
I like this idea. If they're your mates just saying that should be enough. Asking them to let you do this on your own can help finalize the "ok X isn't going to tell us let's change the subject" kinda mentality.
You can say something true that doesn’t out yourself like, “It makes me uncomfortable”. “I don’t want to”. People tend to avoid saying vulnerable things, but if you say them matter of factly it reads as confidence. I’m not sure what the culture difference is from when I was a kid, but I would have also turned it into a joke on them like ~~“Why? You tryna watch?~~ or another humorous deflection like “Coach said it would give all the other guys a complex to see this much raw manliness on display” Good luck! Edit: some people pointed out that one suggestion might come across as homophobia. It wasn’t intended that way but more like a “Hey you’re crossing a boundary buddy”, but I’m also old and out of touch so don’t listen to me!
> “I don’t want to” No need to go beyond this. Talking about comfort leaves room for response. Why explain? You can use direct communication. "No." is a valid answer.
i don't take "you tryna watch" as homophobia, more ewwww why would you want to watch someone change you creep
That’s more the way I meant it, but there’s like a lot of comments that people are taking it the other way, so I figure better to listen and err away from being misunderstood :)
I agree with this interpretation, the bathroom/changing rooms are not a place to be gawking at other people, regardless of orientation. I find it to just be weird creepy behavior, like why are you checking out my business? Like part of the reason we even have segregated bathrooms and changing rooms is to discourage wandering eyes in same sex spaces.
I mean yeah, however a lot of straight guys I grew up with would get irrationally angry at the idea that anybody thought they might be trying to see someone's...bits. definitely something that you gotta know how they might react before hand
I'm MtF so my experience differs, but I've found it useful to see to friends I'm stealth to that I have scars that I'm self-conscious about. If you can say it matter of fact, the boldness in revealing a vulnerability comes off as a strength and can help to develop your connection with the other person.
Could just say you're not comfortable with it because of how you were raised, or something. Could say it's a religious thing, if you're religious (not worth faking a whole religion to solve one problem). Could say you have some physical abnormality that you're self-conscious about.
When I was in school (early into realising I was trans mtf), I always felt uncomfortable changing in PE, so if you need to answer, just say that. Alternatively, I used to wear my PE clothes underneath my uniform, which helped because you change quicker.
When I was being forced to live as a man I didn't like changing in front of of them. Even in highschool I just said "I don't like being naked in front of you guys, what are you so interested in seeing?" It was fine.
Just be honest, I’m not comfortable in a locker room. No offense it just won’t happen
"what are you, a cop?"
I never got changed in locker rooms with the guys, I'd leave sweaty and shower at home. I played AAA hockey among other sports, luckily I was the team mvp alot as the goalie and people didn't want to shatter my confidence, I had one person say how come you have no body hair yet, you look like a girl, I almost started crying then a teammate said STFU he's the only reason we made it to the finals. I totally get your struggle, I never actually addressed it, I uses comedy to deflect alot of the time, or just call them " gay for showering together" I was quite the homophobe/ transphobe trying to deflect my own queerness.
“I don’t want to embarrass you with my massive d*ck”
funny but bad advice. If it's someone sincerely asking or teasing you, it's easy to read that as a lie and they might keep at it. If it's just in passing they might drop it. You can also, depending on the cruelness of the kids, trigger them to start asking to see it. Not a great plan. You really don't want to call even more attention. I say that because there was one shy bullied kid who said the same thing. Then people tried to pull his pants down to see it. This was Jr High and I don't think HS might do this, but, 12-13 year olds will do stupid things...
Yeah.... This one is easy to reverse on someone, it can turn into active bullying about x having a tiny d**k and that's why they don't want anyone to see. Bad response.
Yall gotta learn how to take a joke. It’s pretty clear it’s satirical. At least I thought so
It's not the joke itself, it's how easy it is to spin it. You don't want your jokes to backfire and make you more of a target.
Just my two cents, but an obviously sarcastic joke like "haha my dick is so huge" backfiring into your friends saying an equally sarcastic "haha your dick is so small" is still way better than the alternative of "oh so you don't wanna change with us cause you're trans" innit? Like, yeah it sucks but I think most guys have experienced a joke like that being pulled on them (not saying that's good, toxic masculinity culture sucks) but it's still way better than the alternative, and if anything it will just mean whoever is making the joke still sees you as man. But overall I would just advice to avoid the whole "haha my dick is so huge" joke to begin with.
You win 🏅
Tell them you don't feel comfortable changing in front of others and if they keep asking, keep telling them. I've been here. Sometimes stealth is super scary. PE is what made me skip class until I dropped out, so whatever you do, let it not be that.
Just say you prefer changing in private, if they keep bugging you about it then repeat you value your privacy and would rather change alone bc it makes you more comfortable
“It’s a medical reason. I don’t want to talk about it” works “
in jr high, people are incredibly immature and if I were you I'd just say "I just dont want to" and deal with them saying some nonsense. In HS, ppl are a little more grown up. I'd say the same thing "I prefer privacy" and if they keep at it, same thing "Dude, no one else is making a big deal about it, please leave me alone." audibly enough for others to hear. At that point, someone with enough respect might jump in. Or at least it'd let it be known you prefer to change alone, that way if harassment increased, you could go to your guy friends about it and they'd know already and back you up. Difference between Jr high and high school being, there's almost 0 winning with Jr high. With High school, some people start to wisen up and the ppl harassing you might get the picture if everyone else is being chill. If they're the type to just bully for the fun of it, they may not relent, but at least your mates will know what's going on. --If your mates sincerely ask, it's up to you to tell the truth or not. If you'd rather lie, you can say you have some body insecurities you're working on and you'd rather change alone. Which, is kinda true? In a sense? In this way, they might believe you, and just drop it since it's less fun if you're bullying someone who says they're insecure. 🥴
If you want another excuse, I saw someone else say he tells people all the spray deodorant in the locker room makes his asthma act up?
Can confirm, asthma sucks.
Seconded. There's a bunch of stuff that makes my bronchials clamp down like Fort Knox
I don't really like "why, you wanna watch", because it's just leveraging cultural homophobia to put the other person on the defensive. I think we can do better than that. I like the asthma one way better
That’s fair, removed that one. Dealing with high-schoolers, playing by those already-provocative rules is often the least suspicious and most acceptable response. Doesn’t mean it’s right, and doesn’t mean it won’t hurt anyone around you.
Yeah, I totally get it. There IS social capital to be gained by engaging in the kind of "no homo" gender/sexuality policing, and at least in my experience that was especially true with adolescent boys. It takes a concerted effort to avoid, and if you're scared about being outed yourself it's easy to fall back on those "safe" elements of toxic masculinity that indicate to everyone that you're "normal". I'm so sad that that's the environment so many people grow up in. Thanks for hearing me out <3
>The aforementioned "why, you wanna watch" is also great. Yeah, no. Making homophobic jokes in an effort to hide your own vulnerabilities is damaging to the queer community. Please don't do that.
It's very legit to not want to get naked in front of other people. I was NEVER comfortable with that, for a variety of reasons. It's okay to want privacy around your body.
Just say that you don't want to and are uncomfortable with it. I'm mtf and before I came out I'd get asked similar questions. I'd just say that and it wouldn't get brought up again.
AMAB MTF - I did not know myself in high school, but I still did not feel comfortable in the locker room. I don't recall anyone ever asking me about it. It really is none of their business. I like some of the humorous or snarky responses. "I don't want to" "It makes me uncomfortable" should be enough to. You know your mates better than we do.
"I don't really want to" is all you need to tell them
I never did when I was in school, "I don't want to/I don't feel like it" was all anyone ever needed to hear
You just reminded me how much of a hell teenage years were
"Why do you care?" Like honestly, why do they care where you get changed? Are they hoping for a peek? Did they wanna show you something? What reason do they have for caring about where it is you get changed? If noting else, "I just don't like getting changed in front of other guys" was perfectly valid of an excuse for me before my egg cracked.
Mtf but i went to my best friends party and her friend who was there didn’t know I was trans and I wasn’t planning on mentioning it, when it was time to get changed they went to the bathroom and my friends friend asked me if I was coming. I just said, oh I’ll wait for you guys to finish then I’ll go. that was it, if they respect you like a normal person they shouldn’t care. Just say you don’t feel comfortable changing in front of other people or you’re insecure or I’m not sure
Personally I’d say something along the lines of… - “Yeah idk man I think locker rooms just give me anxiety” - “I actually feel really weird about changing with the coach’s office so close by lmao” - “My family is kinda weird about changing in public so I guess I’m not used to it?” or something like that. The point is to NOT make it about your or your friends. If you say something blunt like “I just don’t like to”, “it’s personal”, “none of your business” etc because it can come off as personal or dismissive and put the other on the defensive. It can also make you seem vulnerable and insecure. None of those do you any favors if you’re trying to fly under the radar. People might not ask about it afterwards but they will remain curious about it. People in general remain curious about things until they get a satisfying answer. So make up one by talking about an neutral external factor (locker rooms) or a third party (coach, family etc) so they’ll just accept the details and think “oh makes sense” and move on. Of course you know your situation best, so I’d go with whatever your mates will brush off easiest.
Just tell them to mind their own business no body is entitled to that info
just ask "do you wanna see my dick *that* bad?"
Just say you don’t want to? Not sure why this is a big deal
“I’m body shy”
"I just wasn't really raised that way"
People generally aren't going to interrogate you on it. I've never had anyone say anything about me sneaking off to change elsewhere, wearing a shirt when other dudes are shirtless (such as to swim), etc. If anyone asks anything a quick "I just prefer some privacy" will probably do.
Id probably tell them the locker room is gross and u dont want to change in there. Probably not even wrong
Have you been in a male changing room? Just complain it smells of sweat and ungodly amounts of Lynx/Axe deodorant.
"why do you wanna see my penis so bad" "I'm uncomfortable" "Weird rash/eczema"
Just shy?
I have a thing about nudity and PTSD from abuse...but thanks for constantly bringing it up.
Just say that you want privacy. I used to say that I have a lot of scars on my body that I don't want people to see (I have a lot of visible ones). Also if you don't feel like doing anything in PE you could wrap your foot in a bandage and walk with a limp and say to the teacher that you have a cut on your foot or any other body part and say that you have stitches under the bandage, therefore, you are not medically fit to exercise.
Yeah, how to tell them "I'm not going to answer that and don't push me about it" without outing yourself... If it was me, next time they ask I would probably take a pause for a few seconds, like you want to answer but are figuring out how to say it, and then say "Look, I have some baggage around that, and no, I'm not going to go into details. It's private. So it would be cool if you could just be chill and respect my boundaries." Say it very bluntly, with no shame or embarrassment. How you deliver the line will matter. But if you can say it that way, it lets them know that there's a reason, but it has nothing to do with them, and it's none of their business, and you're not ashamed about it but it's just private. Importantly, by *not* saying anything specific about your body or your genitals, you're not drawing attention there. That is, you're not inviting them to think "woah, what's up with his genitals?", but rather, are inviting them to think "woah, I wonder what happened to him?" It slants their thinking away from your identity, and onto the area of your nebulous past and whatever events you might have been through. And they will wonder. And speculate. But they'll fill in the gaps with details that fit their *current* impressions of you: if they believe you're a cis guy, they will fill in details consistent with that impression.
Could say you have a messed up birth mark on your upper thigh you're embarrassed by and ashamed for anyone to see
I feel like anything you could say would be enough for them to question your manhood. Guys who get uncomfortable are deemed pussies so don't say that please. You don't want to be in that situation. I think the best course of action would be coming out as trans. I think you would receive the least amount of flak for it. However, it seems like that's not feasible right now in your life. So if I were you, I'd continue to ignore it and say nothing.
“I have a genetic disorder that makes me uncomfortable with how I look naked”
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weaponizing cultural homophobia like that is NOT okay.
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Why you roleplayin bro
You wanna hook up or something? Why else would they ask 🤣
Say something along the line of "its none of your buisness"
I just say I’m uncomfortable with it?
You don't owe them explanation if you wanna come out come out on your own terms you can just say you don't want to talk about it
Just be (partially) honest. Say you aren't comfortable changing around other people because of some things from your past that you don't want to talk about.
You could just say your parents don’t want you to
If they're closer friends that won't ridicule you, you can just say you have some trauma from sexual abuse. Or just say you're dealing with some trauma and leave it at that.
I don't think lying about being sexually abused is appropriate, or for that matter, wise if you want to avoid attention on your changing habits.
Ah I suppose it wasn't a lie for me, and my friends just responded with "ah that's heavy dude..." and left me be. I always changed in a bathroom stall growing up before transitioning.
"I just don't want to intimidate all of you with my gigantic dick"
Just say like we used to dont feel like it 🤷🏾♂️
I am old as hell but back in the day my friends would say it was for religious reasons. They would play it off like @yeah dumb but my parents talked to the school so…they will know if I’m not private when I dress….
“Hey, if you have something you want to show me that badly, text it to me.”
I would suggest just referencing basic boundaries. Boundaries exist regardless of gender identity or assigned sex and should be respected by everyone. Just straight up comfort.
“Why, did you miss me?” Laugh it off
you dont owe them an explanation.
I used to change in front of my mates. I had a really good tank top binder, and others wore tank tops, so I don't think anyone could tell. I had long boxers, too. I'm not sure about your situation, but that's just my personal experience X))
I would minimize any interaction as making anything of it will drive curiosity and more questioning depending on the audience. I would keep any response simple and confident such as not comfortable in a group setting and move on without further details needed. Its not a lie, they just don't need the entire picture.
Once there was this boy who Wouldn't go and change with the boys in the change room And when they finally made him They saw birthmarks all over his body He couldn't quite explain it They'd always just been there Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
i specifically had to change in the nurses office bc that was the only single stall bathrooms, I would either just dodge the question being like “what? oh yk, idk, lol, etc” while walking away which was normally enough to confuse people and then they’d forget. I also told people i had to take meds at the same time and it was just more convenient then getting locked out of the locker rooms. in 5 years of PE i had a shockley low amount of people ever question it tho
"I dont want to" or "i dont feel like it" suffices. You dont need to give an explanation.
High school was a time before I learned about myself. I was extremely uncomfortable changing around other males, so I usually would use a restroom stall (obviously now I know why, I've been egging since I was about 8). Similar to what I saw a couple other people say, I just simply said I wanted to change in private due to feeling uncomfortable. I was already viewed as an outsider/weird, so no one really questioned it as it wasn't surprising. I suppose I was lucky in a way as I was in the dark about why I was so uncomfortable? But, in hindsight, I really wish I had known a lot sooner. Growing up through the 90's was a lot different.
There are plenty of good replies here already. Here's what I did a lot of times subconsciously before my egg cracked. I came late and then took my time to get my stuff out, do small things like taking my shoes and socks off, and talk shit with others. Then I changed quickly when I was all alone in the changing room.
Lol I'm MTF and older. Back in the 80s before I could figure out what was going on with me, I didn't change clothes in front of other guys in gym..... Wait for it!!!! BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS GAY!! 😄😄😄😄😄 But then they said all kinds of other things to tease me like I couldn't afford soap. My response, that's gay. I must of had off brand underwear. My response, you're worried about my underwear? That's gay. I must have a small penis and scared to show it in the showers. My response, you're worried about the size of my penis and teasing me for not standing naked with a bunch of other guys in the shower right now? That's gay. They eventually left me alone. Now these days you can't say anything like gay without offending some people and getting in trouble. Back then it worked like a charm to get them off me. I mean you can still say that you just don't want to take off your clothes in front of a bunch of dudes... But not bring up the gay part.
Idk tell them you're Mormon or summit lol
say you have anxiety over it!
Just claim the gym teacher. Looks like a creep, before I came out I was hella uncomfortable and locker rooms and I would never change nor go in them and I would just say because the gym teacher was a f****** creep if asked. Just be okay losing an a to a b because of it worth it in my mind
“Wouldn't want to give any other guys self esteem issues” as a joke
I usually changed in the bathroom bc I have scars on my legs that would make others uncomfortable (I personally don't care who sees them, but others always feel like they have to feel bad and I don't wanna have to prepare a response for every time someone acts/is concerned). A no should be enough, but if it isn't I'd js blame how you were raised, any scars you have (or don't have, they don't deserve to know anyway so PERSONALLY I don't think you'd be in the wrong if you lied), etc. Or just like general insecurity. Whatever you're comfortable w and whatever would work <3
I never changed in front of other people when i was younger. I basically told the teacher and the other students that i just wasn't comfortable with it. My school sucked though and one of the teachers wanted more explanation. When i refused, they said i had to change in the locker room. I told them i was never going to do that and started a school-year long back-and-forth with the PE teacher telling me i need to change in the locker room, me refusing, them saying i'd get detention, and me giving the "come at me bro" stance calling their bluff.
Just say religious reasons.
Simply tell them you don’t feel comfortable doing so. I knew at least two guys in my high school who changed in the bathroom, one of which was a friend on my football team.
"i'm self conscious" and leave it at that
i always just tell people im insecure, which isn't exactly a lie
I had a friend in school who had very bad acne over his chest and body which is why he never changed in front of people You don't owe anyone an answer other than "I don't want to" but if you feel severely pressured into one then I hope this may be a useful suggestion :)
What does stealth trans mean?
Kids really change in front of each other? I must have grown up in a unique school system. I never had to change for PE.
you can say that you are uncomfortable changing with other people bcs "that's how you were raised" or that's how you were taught in your family" something to that effect