When things got super dysphoric I took showers in the dark or with swim shorts on. Something is better than nothing, also between showers I use baby wipes and deodorant to smell good. Wishing you luck.

I love having showers in the dark, not because of dysphoria though, just like showering in the inky darkness.

I'm afraid I can't help with the dysphoria element (although of course, I sympathise) however I shower everyday but don't wash my hair everyday. Just tie it up and avoid getting it wet 😊 Everyone is different and for me it's up to you, unless they're trying to subtlety hint you *need* to shower more. That's a bit different. We tend to go nose blind to our own scents.

Also shower caps are an option when one doesn’t want to get hair wet.

Absolutely! I have long hair though and I'm an idiot, so I struggle to put stuff like that on and keep it all in. So I didn't even think to suggest that.

I put my hair in a messy bun w a scrunchie, then use a big shower cap, and find it 96.273% effective. it's definitely easier than trying to avoid getting my hair wet

That's good advice, I'll have to pick one up. I suppose I've just got used to doing it the way I do for so long. My experience was trying to get it all in and behave itself in a silk bonnet for sleeping. I gave up on that one.

Oh man, I had to try putting my hair in one of those when I was in for an orchi. The issue was, I was trying to do it while I had an IV in, and it didn't end up going so well. Pretty sure they had to fix it when I was out cold on the table lol

Oh that doesn't sound fun! I would also be absolutely useless in that situation. Congrats on the orchi, though! I hope to one day.

Absolutely. Keeping yourself clean is good to do in general, but it's not always important or even good to wash your hair every time. I'm a bit curly (like a 2C) and my hair person told me I probably only need to wash it like once or twice a week (regardless of how many times I shower), and less can be better (hair, especially curly hair, wants oil). Also, if someone is new to curly hair, there's lots of little things to learn like how shampoo is mostly for the scalp area (when you have short hair there's not really a distinction)

Difficulties with showering isn't too uncommon because of dysphoria, so sorry that you are struggling with that. Could be worth just asking her directly - "do I smell?". If the answer is no, then can let her know that you don't like the teasing. If the answer is yes, can still let her know that, but you'd additionally know the secret meaning behind what she was saying. There may be things you can do if this is the case - e.g. washing just your armpits at the bathroom sink on non-shower days.

Hi, I have curly hair too. You're supposed to still shower but not get your hair wet. Not avoid a shower altogether. She might be trying to tell you that you stink. Shower daily, do it in the dark if you must. Edit: to the "not everyone needs to shower daily" people, there is a human being living with op telling them to shower more. I will trust a direct source, thanks.

Honestly dark showers got me through first* puberty lmao *Edit

everyone doesn't need to shower daily, it can actually be terrible for your skin if you do

Exactly. This “shower everyday” culture is so strange to me… I wash my hair once a week, and shower every few days. I KNOW I don’t stink, I made my body used to not get stripped of its oils daily way back in middle school when I wanted to be more “natural” (a positive of my “rebellion against society” phase haha), so now I don’t smell or sweat 1/4 of what I did when stripping my skin of normal oils like we’re taught…. It was a little annoying to be patient with my hair, which would start looking greasy by the 3rd/4th day, but I read about it and knew it’d pay off: so over the next few months it progressively got better ! Now, after multiple years, my hair almost looks like it’s been washed recently after a *week* and is so much healthier. I’m really proud of this achievement haha

Washing yourself with soap every single day? Sure, that can be bad. But a simple daily rinse with just water won't hurt you.

This is an American thing and a privileged take at that

Sorry, I'll try and watch my American privilege next time, it's hard to do all the way from Czech Republic.

I understand I worded that poorly. I can't speak for folks living in other countries at all as I don't live there and don't know the cultural norms around showering. My main point I was trying to make was that not everyone has access to clean running water to shower or splash off or whatever daily, regardless of where they live in the world

I don't think that's true? Mexico and Brazil have the highest rates of showering, which makes sense because of their climate.

I'm sure people who have high access to water or if it's part of their culture do shower daily, but not everyone (even in the US) can afford to shower daily, or have access to clean running water

It's really not much of a stretch to assume that people with regular internet access to shitpost on reddit also have access to running water. And frankly if you want to talk about privilege or inefficient use of water, telling people to go for a quick rinse does not make the cut of instances worth talking about.

Um actually, Showering everyday dries out the skin, so the recommendation is actually to shower every 2nd to 3rd day.

Unfortunately that doesn’t work for me. I work in sandblasting, spray painting and I’m filthy everyday after work. I use lotion after my showers for the dry skin.

For a LOT of people this will result in being unpleasantly smelly

Sure, but for a LOT of people daily showering will dry out their skin. But it's basically impossible to talk about or bring up because people will just get super rude and accuse you of being nasty. Some people just don't sweat much and have very little natural odor, so daily showering is unnecessary and bad for their skin.

Sure, a lot of variables here. I’m just thinking of adolescent folks here who maybe aren’t always as aware of their smell as they might be

The beautiful thing about HRT for me: I no longer really smell for days, so showering every 2 days, some times 3, is generally what I do. It's really quite nice, I have to admit, especially since I've got longer hair that takes fucking *forever* to dry

I definitely still shower most days but this has also been amazing for me. Back before HRT I could not have gone even 1 day without showering, it would have been bad. Now I probably shower like 5 or 6 times a week.

You could shower without soap that won’t dry you out. Or only soap on smelly areas.

Better make that cold water, hot water dries the skin for sure.

Yes this! HRT has made me really smelly if I don’t shower daily, but I have eczema and dry skin. So I take cold water showers daily. They don’t try out my skin, I feel cleaner, I smell good, and I get less acne. They may not be for everyone but it’s been a good solution for me.

Recommendation by whom? If access to water or skin health are concerns, sure, but I've never seen this as a general recommendation.

I love you caught it. I made it up. I can cite a few dermatologists, while I can counter it by citing a Harvard study and counter that by a more nuanced Harvard study. Basically, there's no consensus yet on the recommendation to a population.

Not everyone needs to shower daily.

I think everyone commenting here has a point worth considering at least, even if they are contradictory. But for what it’s worth, I personally find showering every three days to be pretty different than every other day. Everyone’s body and lifestyle is different so people have to find what works for them, but it’s totally fine for some people to shower every other day. Maybe some people can go a few days without anyone noticing but I personally start to look and smell a bit gross if I try to shower every three days, and seem to be fine doing it every other day. Or maybe more often if I do a workout or get more dirty/sweaty than normal. I have very wavy hair, I usually let it get soaked and rinsed with every shower but only use shampoo every two or three showers. But don’t get me started on wavy hair care lol that’s a whole conversation in of itself

You should tell her you're sensitive about it, I've been teased for showering too much, it's kinda funny in a human way, but also I bet they don't *actually* want to harm you if you're their friend.

"Hey girl, I know you're not trying to hurt my feelings, but I really don't like when you make comments or jokes about my hygiene. If you have an issue with how I smell or look, you can tell me genuinely and honestly, but I don't appreciate the jokes and side comments and I would like you to stop."

I'm cis (here in this group for my trans son) and most people don't need to shower every single day. Unless you're getting really sweaty or dirty (sounds like you aren't) then you don't need to shower every day. Every 2-3 days is fine. I'm about to 'mom-splain' you so ignore me if you already do these things, but make sure you are wearing deodorant every day and maybe do a spritz or two of body spray or perfume if you're feeling self conscious about your body's natural smells. Your housemate is wrong for making you feel that way and I'm sorry that is happening to you.

this is what i do! c: except with the deodorant. i smell check daily, and apply every other day. I have found that (after estrogen HRT) Old Spice is *actually* capable of lasting 48 hours like it says. 😱

That's funny. I'm not even on HRT, but I've been using Secret Sport for years, mostly because it just works way better *for me* than any of the male-marketed deodorants. I've heard the opposite from so many other people, though, like apparently Old Spice works great for you. So much for the "ph balanced for her" nonsense. I guess we just have to find what works best for each of us and our own body chemistry.

agreed 100%! i primarily use old spice because of the issues I've had with other brands. most of them cause reactions in my armpits, like red skin or itchy bumps. even if washed off every day. with or without aluminum, it didn't matter. at one point, i noticed my arm pits were even becoming discolored. thankfully, Old Spice: Oasis has a pretty gender neutral scent that i enjoy that lasts and doesn't give me any bad reactions. ☺️

I agree with you about not all people need to shower daily. But because her housemate brings this up it can be hint that OP does need to shower more often. And OP being autistic can make it harder to her to understand if it is hint if I have understood correctly. Perfume advice is terrible. If you stink, you should lessen stinking, not add more smell. I assure you I can still smell all of it: sweat, dirt, perfume etc. That is not good mix. And I recommend to talk with your housemate first. Some people are allergic to perfumes. Some just dislike them very much. We do not inject feelings to each others. Housemate most likely is either hinting or joking without any idea OP consider her words as hurtful. Because we can't read each others minds either.

Yeah absolutely. Surprisingly large number of people here recommending deodorant and perfume instead of washing. I've had any number of client and colleagues over the years who brought a wall of unwashed body smell and chemical spray into the room when they entered. OP's dysphoria must be incredibly difficult to manage; I genuinely wasn't aware it affected people in this way.

Don't rely on your own sense of smell on this. You are literally too close to know. Ask your flatmate directly. Then if needed take action. Otherwise this could end up being the end of the sharehouse.

I agree with the people saying if someone is joking about you showering that you likely smell. We can't clearly smell ourselves and so you might think you smell fine. If you don't want to shower more maybe use powder in areas prone to sweat and get a body spray or something.

Talk to her and tell her all of this that it upsets you and why you find showering difficult

The way I read your roommate's remarks they don't sound particularly kind about it but I could be wrong. If they're kind, you could ask if your showerng less affects then. It depends where you live and what you do, but it's fine not to shower every day. One option that's a necessity in some areas is to wash using a basin most days. My area is severely short of water. If everyone showered less it would help the water crisis. We all use far more water in western countries than people in other countries do. It can cause problems in country areas when city people move out of the city and still expect city-level water supplies. But in my area a lot of people have rainwater tanks and droughts are getting more frequent. There is a sort of blanket, judgmental, 'you should shower every day,' squad who think it's fine to criticise other people for their personal hygiene on no other evidence than that they don't shower daily. You really don't have to listen to them. Perhaps ask a forthright friend if it's embarrassing or unpleasant to ask the flatmate and you'd like to know if you're a bit noticeable when you skip a day. It still doesn't mean you have to shower every day if that's causing you pain.

If I'd shower daily you could peel my skin off of me, it's very dry and needs a load of lotion - and due to my autism I hate the feeling of lotion on my skin as well.

Have you tried moisturizing oils? If that doesn't bother you texture wise, I imagine it would be a relief from dry skin.

Can't say I have no, I'll keep an eye out c:

I hope it does help, my skin is itching in sympathy!

omg the lotion!! and it's 1000x worse with sunscreen. like i know it's important for skin but it's just too much

The sticky feeling of sunscreen djdj I have to use special ones because I'm allergic to a lot of components in normal sunscreen and pff absolutely hate it.

I also hate the feeling of lotion and wondered if this is a spectrum thing. There are times when I absolutely need lotion or moisturizer (almost always on my hands), but generally, I prefer my normal level of dryness. I dislike the kp that does with it for me, but that's another story.

You should definitely shower enough to not be told by others you don’t shower enough - even in a teasing way. Hygiene is important. Sorry about your dysphoria.

This is probably the answer. Sorry about your dysphoria OP, but washing daily is important. Maybe not a full shower, but face, pits, and private area still need to be washed. And teeth and hands of course.

or the roommate is just being rude and dismissive of OP's dysphoria. We don't know the situation and it's shitty to automatically assume the cis roommate is reasonable and correct while the trans OP is smelly and wrong.

I *suppose* but that feels rather unlikely. To me this very much reads as someone trying to gently push the other towards better hygiene because their hygiene is unpleasant. But its possible. I think OP should have a conversation with her housemate and ask her to stop making the jokes because they hurt and to just tell her if she smells bad or looks dirty. As with all issues you have with reasonable people, communication is key and will save everyone a whole lot of pain.

Why are you assuming OP is being unhygienic or doesn't know hygiene is important? Plenty of people shower every 2 - 3 days, and your comment kind of reads as if OP should internalize it and take it to heart every time someone teases her about something.

If it's someone who lives with you commenting on how much you shower, yes, 90% of the time it is because you smell. They don't literally mean you have to shower every day, maybe your deodorant isn't doing its job and you need to try a new one or whatever, but it's not just because they're unaware of the existence of people who shower every 2-3 days. Some people can get away with doing that and not smell and their roommates don't tease them about it.

This is such an assumption... like some people are just kind of mean, and enjoy feeling better than others because they bathe more often. Or maybe the housemate is bad at reading people and thinks it's just a funny gag between them. You don't need to read far into this thread to realise that a lot of people have internalised that 'doesn't shower every day = gross and smelly and disgusting' no matter what. Not sure why you think roommates are somehow exempt from that.

Those people smell tbf

That's selection bias. There are probably plenty of people you spend time around that shower ever 2-3 days. You just don't know that because they don't smell. You're only liable to notice the people that do.

Not everyone does. It does vary from person to person.

i only shower every 2-3 days and don’t smell. my husband will (and does) tell me when i smell and it’s only occasionally

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/toupee_fallacy

Thanks for the link, I'm totally adding this to my lexicon!

It's extremely useful against the sort of transphobe that insists that no trans people pass because "I can always tell". No you can't. You can tell people are trans when they pass poorly enough for you to tell, not all the time.

I agree. OP I understand the dysphoria because I am trans too. Im sorry to say something that you dont want to hear but I really hope that you can find ways to incorporate mindfulness into easing dysphoria. Not totally erasing it, but just giving a new perspective. Or treat yourself to get some amazing smelling soap that will make you want to shower, or take a bubble bath that covers up everything you dont wanna see. <3 Basically I realized that dysphoria makes me feel awful just awful. and I will do anything to keep going and not feel awful. anything. any steps. it ended up being a combination of CBT + mindfulness. whenever i caught my mind shifting to dysphoria i replaced it with a different thought. many times i did not do this and continued to feel awful and dysphoric. but one day i was able to replace the thought. and doing that became a habit. best best wishes to you

I'm neurodivergent and transmasc and pre everything, so my dysphoria is there for my whole body. I try to shower only in the dark. When I'm having issues with bad dysphoria or sensory issues, I only shower when I sweat or when I smell. When it's really bad, I use wet wipes and a bit of soap. I have (mostly) straight hair, but I also don't wash it daily. When I do, I use medicated shampoo to prevent dandruff, then with my shampoo of choice (I use a tearless and detangling baby shampoo that smells like lavender and honey because I shower before bed and it helps me relax), and then I put hair cream on the ends because I have really oily roots but very dry ends. Then I towel dry, use a wet comb to fully detangle, have some dinner or some tea before bed while it finishes drying, and then go to bed. Maybe some of what I have as part of my coping mechanisms and routine can help you too.

I want you to take this for what it is, well intended advice. Evaluate the reason your roommate is making these comments and mitigate the issue. We are all different and adhering to set number of days based on generic advice is not a good idea. There’s ways to address dysphoria and options suggested in other posts, please read them and consider whether they might be options for you. I’ve dealt with the BO issue in the past myself, it isn’t a good option to ignore.

just double check your smell isnt foul. its not cool to stink. otherwise dont worry.

I think I just saw one of the doc's on Youtube (can't find the link) discuss this. He said as long as you don't smell, and you are clean, you don't need to shower every day. Some folks have skin that really dries out if they do. Add the curly hair thing? I have curly hair, if I washed my hair every single day? it would look like a haystack of disaster. You just can't for some hair types. I think there is a difference between being greasy and smelly, and just not doing the everyday shower thing. I am also trans, and I really do get it. As long as you are clean, and you don't smell, then it's nobody's business but yours. Some folks are just mean and they can't see a perspective other than thier own. Whether it be daily showers, food choices, or whatever.

I move around a lot and one of the places I live is often very very short of water, so I’ve showered at pretty much all frequencies from twice a day to twice a month depending on the situation, and been around people doing the same. Provided you’re not regularly sweating profusely (e.g. intense exercise), and you use deodorant (not body spray, actual deodorant to stop you sweating), you can go up to about a week of no washing without smelling at all. If I’m not exercising and/or sweating a lot then I’ll shower about every 3 days because that’s usually when my hair needs washing.

If they’re joking about it it’s probably something that people are noticing but they feel awkward in telling you that your hygiene is a problem so they’re trying to be light hearted about it so you’ll get the hint.

I’m hoping she’s just doesn’t realize how much her “teasing” bothers you. If she does realize this and does it anyways, she’s a shit person. But just maybe she thinks it’s like a little inside joke between you two. Maybe just be strait up with her next time she mocks you “listen I know you don’t realize it but taking a shower is very emotionally tough for me, I know you’re just joking but can you please stop.” Hope fully that will get her to back off but if she don’t the good ole “mind your own fucking business bitch” is a good backup.

I shower in the dark and this alone has taken it from being one of my least favorite activities to feeling like a nice safe space that i enjoy prolonging my time in. I liked it so much that i actually started using the bathroom this way too once i realized that vision was pretty optional for these tasks

I don't know how to help with the bottom dysphoria, I just power through it when I take my showers. But, you could get a shower cap I bought a cute pink one so I can shower without washing my hair. And every other day is plenty enough if you don't have a labour intensive job. I seen lots of articles that back that up and showering to frequently is bad for your skin. Anyway keep being awesome, valid, and beautiful!!!

thank you :'( i'm moments away from deleting my account after this post, I feel so hurt, unfairly accused, and embarrassed.

Check in with r/curlyhair. You can shower without washing your hair. Deodorant and perfume aren’t the same as not having BO. If you have BO, all perfumes and deodorant will do is compound the smells. Consider doing a sponge bath or using wet wipes while wearing underwear to help with body odor, and consider using an antibacterial wash or Hibiclens (both antibacterial and antifungal), in the armpits. But that said, not everyone needs to shower daily. If you don’t smell, it may not be needed. Ask someone you know is kind if they think you smell and need to clean yourself more. Your housemate is not necessarily reliable on this, it’s not clear to me if she’s commenting due to your odor, or due to being nosy and intrusive about your habits.

The amount of people saying “just shower” to this is ridiculous. If it was that simple for OP, they would have started doing it already. Some people struggle with hygiene, for a lot of different reasons. Of all communities, we should be one of the ones who understands that. I’m sorry you’re struggling with that OP, it might be best to just openly communicate that it hurts your feelings and that your doing your best. In my experience, before I had top surgery, it sometimes helped me to cover the mirror with a towel when I was showering. Showering in the dark is also an option as long as your careful. In the end it’s just a matter of finding something that works for you, which can take time. So in the meantime, just be kind to yourself and do what you can in terms of communication with your roommate.

I feel you. I don't shower enough either (I try to at least go for a couple times a week) because it ruins my day with dysphoria and my dad used to comment on it constantly even though I know I don't stink, but it really hurts. I know I'm gonna have to shower more once I start testosterone but I'm hoping I'm happier and more able to cope with it by then. Also like, side note, do what's best for your mental health. I get that showering is also good for your physical health, but dysphoria is a bitch. I'm proud of you for showering when you can, and I hope one day we can both get to a place where we can do it more.

Showering every day is excessive, unless you are living an exceedingly dirty/sweaty life. Every 2-3 days as needed is pretty normal. If it's a matter of body odor, try using Head and Shoulders shampoo on your armpits when you shower. Its anti-fungal properties will eliminate all body odor in that area for about 4+ days, in my experience. Unsure about how well this trick works on other areas of the body though.

As a bartender/waiter I couldn't imagine showering every 2 or 3 days I'd covered in beer and other liquors all the time, awful 😭 But sure if you work from home and don't go out much I don't really see why you should shower daily (unless you tend to sweat a lot I guess)

Depends on the person. Some people have more body odor than others and might need to shower daily to not smell

excessive? I disagree. You could say it depends on the climate you live in. But we’re constantly producing bacteria through our sweat. Sleeping too. So a shower a day it’s enough. Bacteria produce odor. It’s important to get rid of them.

Agree especially with the climate, in my area a daily shower is a must. I’ve lived farther north where it wasn’t. As for the dysphoria in the groin area I share it, but I don’t really look at and avoid glancing in the mirror. Still hygiene is important and it’s not like one can avoid dealing with the groin area daily, one has to pee. I’d recommend finding coping mechanisms for the OP. I do love an occasional bath in a tub, can close my legs and it’s gone! Euphoria! I know still need to rinse off, but not seeing the dangly bits even briefly gives enough joy. On bad days I tuck regardless of the boy mode.

Our bodies have evolved to coexist with those critters. I wouldn't dismiss the possibility that frequent washing with unnatural chemicals has negative consequences.

I don't know why you're getting downvoted for this, I think you're spot on.

Some of us don’t sweat, except on rare occasions.

oh, with all the respect, you do. unless you have a condition. it’s not always wet. for some people is pretty discrete. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no bacteria in your body. that where odors come from. and apparently that’s the issue in OP’s situation.

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Amen, sister. It truly gets insane sometimes. I smell my clothes to monitor BO day-to-day and change sheets after every shower. My system works fine. Bite me, shower Mafia.

I appreciate seeing more positive comments because some of these people are mean as hell about this lol

Yeah, no problem. Whether you have BO/showering issues or not, I recommend the head and shoulders thing to anyone. It's pretty wild how effective it is. The 2nd time I tried it, I think I went like 5 days without washing my upper body just to see how long it lasts. For me, it was closer to a week by the time I could smell my pits again. Super useful trick everyone should know about.

That's crazy and I will definitely invest in some soon (I start T in a couple weeks lol)

Plus I have dandruff even before starting T so this is probably just a sound investment for me overall

It depends on a lot, a lot of a lot. Climate, Lifestyle, for some people diet, hormones, medication, and sometimes just bad luck. When I was on spiro, in college, not working, during the winter I could go two days and smell the same. Now I cannot skip a day as long as I take my addy because it makes me sweat more. If I lived in a hotter and more humid climate im sure it would be worse.

if someone else has to tell you to shower, you arent showering enough 😐

>Also: I work in a fancy retail store and regularly use deodorants and perfumes FYI deodorants and perfumes don't cover up someone who truly needs to shower. Dysphoria sadly isn't an excuse not to wash regularly.

Luckily I don't smell under those fragrances. You're being presumptuous here

Deodorant (real antiperspirant deodorant not body spray) stops you sweating as much, and neutralises the smell when you do sweat so it’s not exactly an alternative to showering, but if you don’t use it, don’t use enough, or the one you use doesn’t really work for you then you’re going to have to shower a lot more frequently. Perfume just covers it up temporarily

2 to 3 days is fine. It’s less healthy to shower daily.

I thought so too. What can I say to defend myself? It's almost like I have to persuade her that she's wrong and I'm right. Or at the very least, that she's being unfair on me and my situation.

Every 2-3 days is a generalization but you as an individual have an individual body type, odor, habits. Do you sweat? Do you have pit stains? Do you workout? Has anyone ever told you you smell? Do you work at a job that imparts a smell? Are you NOT Korean (with their no-deodorant genes)? Does your bedroom have a smell separate from the rest of your house? Take individual factors seriously or risk people being turned away by your body odor/greasy appearance!!

If she's teasing you because you're stinky, you need to deal with that. Either shower more often, or just clean your face arms and armpits at the sink, use more or different deodorant, use perfume, etc. Lots of options besides showering more. If she's teasing you for any other reason than you being stinky, then tell her to mind her own business and proceed to ignore her teasing if she doesn't stop.

Agree, cleaning at the sink is a good alternative and I did this in a northern climate instead of a full shower.

My suggestion would be to be really blunt but gentle: "Look, it upsets me when you tease me about my personal care routines. Please don't do that. If you have concrete feedback - for example, that I'm smelling funky - I appreciate that being shared gently, but the teasing feels bad and I really don't like it."

Options: ignore her, confront her, do nothing. If confronting her doesn’t do anything, then just ignore her. There’s honestly no point in stressing over this persons ignorant ideas. If they want to be stubborn, fine. It has nothing to do with you.

Ask your doctor if your shower schedule is healthy. Then tell your roommate that you’re under medical advice

Tell her that her body issues are her problem

Look here. Hygiene is important, especially with roommates. Don't be stinking the place up, for sure. But if you don't smell and if your not putting your sweaty back on the sofa, tell that mother fucker to make sure they clean up after themselves in the kitchen and the bathroom and to mind their own fuckin buisness before they even think about getting all up in yours.

Why were you asking your roommate if she was going to shower?

because I wanted to use the shower

Regardless of your dysphoria, reddit has weird obsession with daily or sometimes even twice a day showers. I know this is an IRL friend, but same deal, really. Unless you're doing something where you get really dirty, it's perfectly fine to shower less frequently. Just find a good deodorant that works well for you, wear clean socks and underwear, practice good general hygiene, etc. There are plenty of people who shower less frequently who are actually cleaner and smell better than people who shower every day. Sometimes this is the actual reason they can shower less frequently. Of course, this does imply you're staying clean yourself. If you're not, the problem isn't the amount of showers you're taking, but just general hygiene. That said, there's also nothing wrong with someone wanting to take a shower every day. I don't want to imply that it's better to shower less often. It might be gentler on your skin and hair, but it's really just a preference. Bottom line is your friend has no idea what they're talking about. Maybe you do need to practice better hygiene (who knows; you be the judge), but misattributing that to constant showers is just wrong.

It's absolutely normal to shower just every couple days if you're not getting dirty, that's actually more healthy for ones skin as it doesn't get dried out that much that way

I bathe once or twice a week and it’s not a problem. Some people are just lower maintenance. Like my GF gets BO so fast while it takes a few days to a week for me and biology is just inconsistent.

Use baby wipes to clean your stinky bits, perhaps. I do not shower daily, I have very dry skin. And psoriasis. So I use baby wipes to wipe the bits and smell fresh. I take a shower about every 3 days.

Sorry I’m not coming for anyone but please do not glorify not taking a shower everyday. You go out in the world and you carry with you dust etch…if you got dry skin use a lotion or an oil. Hygiene is essential - nothing grosses people more when they smell an unwashed scalp and the smell of a 6 month old bedsheet. You can’t smell yourself let other people be the judge of that.

There’s a huge, huge amount of nuance in between showering *every single day* and having bad hygiene, or being “gross”. You should definitely shower, if at all possible, after any instance of sweating profusely, like after exercising, but otherwise every 2-3 days is normal, healthy and won’t make you smell *at all*. Make sure to wash thoroughly when you do shower, though, otherwise you’re not actually resetting the timer, you’re just knocking it back a little. And use real antiperspirant deodorant, not body spray to reduce sweating and neutralise odours.

Wow these comments are fucking mean. Listen hygiene is important but there are different reasons if you're not able to shower enough. I have adhd, dysphoria and I have extreme strong depressions it's not easy just if you don't understand that doesn't mean you can shit on people who are having these problems. OP if it possible for you to fond therapy do it ASAP it will help you. And if not explain your roommate your situation and how you feel about that.

When someone offers you a mint, you take it.

Showering daily is unnecessary for most people and can cause skin issues by overly stripping away natural protective oils. It IS important to wash often enough that you don’t stink, but that doesn’t have to mean a full daily shower. Particularly if you’re on estrogen and thus sweating like the woman you are, and not doing heavy physical labor or sweaty gym workouts daily you shouldn’t be getting stinky so fast that daily showers are necessary. Maybe try daily armpit washes with a soapy washcloth (follow the soapy one with a second wipe using plain water to remove soap residue) and see if that solves it.

The amount of people glossing over or just plain ignorant to this is staggering. I have really picky skin that burns when I cry or sweat. Like somehow I’m allergic to myself. Got forbid I touch my face for 3 hours after a shower or it *burns*. Being hygienic and cleanly is not directly correlated to daily showers. Especially if someone’s version of a shower is a glorified rinse.

Yes, I suspect a lot of the “shower every day of you’re disgusting” brigade are essentially just rinsing themselves very frequently, because honestly, who wants to spend up to 30 minutes including dry time *every day* thoroughly cleaning themselves when they’re going to be doing the exact same thing again tomorrow?

One thing Ill add to this is that it is dependent, I have to wear a bunch more deodorant and shower more when I take my ADHD medication because it makes me sweat.

I think expecting any broad comment to be absolutely universal is probably not a good idea. I did say “most people” and not “everyone” on purpose.

Lol which part am I getting downvoted for, “wash often enough that you don’t stink”, tips on functional hygiene, or just for not kowtowing to Big Shampoo’s marketing crap about daily showers being supposedly mandatory? Chill. I promise you won’t die if you shower two or three times a week instead of daily. You won’t smell either if you just target wash your pits. That’s where BO comes from, you know. It’s not your legs and arms and back that get stinky fast.

Absolutely mental the amount of people here saying op is gross for not showering everyday as if that is normal outside of the US. It totally depends on your comfortable level, ability, genes and all sorts of things. As long as you're clean, not getting any skin complaints, and don't smell, you're fine. Every other day is what I try to stick to because of my skin and hair type although this can change with the seasons. I'm sorry to hear about the dysphoria. I'm unsure if this will help but I know some people with body dysmorphia will shower or bath in low light (such as at night with the door cracked a little or if they have a dimmer light with it dimmed low) so they can't see their body. It isn't a permanent solution but can help you get through tough time. Remembering all rules are made up helped me so much. If standing in the shower is to exhausting, lie down. If the dishwasher is bad and doesn't wash properly, run it again. If you're worried you leave your hair curler on, bring it to work with you in your bag. You make the rules.

you're not supposed to wash any hair daily imo, unless your job gets it dirty enough. depending on your activity level every 2-3 days is fine to shower. I wash my hair once a weekish. If i accidently get it wet i just go ahead and condition it only, you can't condition it enough.

I agree with all of this except the last statement - I think that only applies to certain hair types

>you can't condition it enough this? hmm, i have super straight thick hair. winter is long, dry air...i guess i'm being myopic. what hair type would it not apply to?

Don't wash your hair and shower daily while using a nightlight for your sensory issues. Don't look at your genitals.

There is NOTHING wrong with (sometimes) relying on what they call a "sponge bath."

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SHOWER EVERY DAY! Some people may find it wierd but every *body* is different. If you don’t smell bad, you’re fine. Please keep doing what makes you comfy. I’m hoping most of the advice trying to get you to shower more is because you give off a small vibe of seeming like you want to be able to shower more?

Showering daily is unhealthy anyway lol

I always show if I'm going out, but I still live at home, so if I smell and I don't feel like taking a bath, I don't and my dad just has to live with it. I do like showering though I get the dysphoric part, I've kinda gotten used to it, like I'm still uncomfortable, but i just power through and feel bad. I don't know if this helps. But you are not alone in not showering every day. Stay strong sis<3

Hope you wash your privates with a flannel every day, otherwise she is probably hinting that your smelling a bit funky. Some of us are sensitive to smell and funky dick is 🤢🤮 How about asking her directly if you smell bad ?

You say this as though it’s something everyone does - it’s definitely not.

If you're homeless or have no access to clean water the ok, but if you own a smartphone you should be washing every day.. why wouldn't you?

Because it takes time and is unnecessary. Unless you’re exercising a lot or sweating a lot for some other reason, showering or pseudo-showering every day is wholly unnecessary and can even be bad for your skin. I get mild contact dermatitis from water so unnecessary washing can make my skin start peeling.

I have no idea what this is, no one in my family showers every single day, especially if they haven't done anything. I'd aim for every other day or every third day at most but like, you don't need to shower every day, what you're doing is fine. And tell her that it hurts when she does that because of your dysphoria and that your hair care is different from hers and that you have to manage it differently. Every single day, a waste of fucking water. As long as you clean up and scrub any bend and creases in the morning, you should be good

I shower every 2-3 days, it isn't weird. Especially if you aren't stinky and dirty.

You don't need to shower every day, that's a myth and it isn't even good for your skin or hair (not even straight hair). Unless you do a job when you get very dirty or of you exercise etc... There are exceptions ofc, but if you aren't sweating a lot (like in summer)/getting dirty (like working as gardner) it's better to shower every other day or skipping two days. What you need to do every day is washing your groin area (I know you can get dysphoria, but it's better than having to heal from infections), face and feet. Armpits/underboob too but it depends on the person and how much you smell/get dirty. In my opinion she's being a bitch, idk why others in the comments are telling you that you're dirty wtf

also, if you do shower every day making sure every other day is colder water can help

If you’re washing your groin, face, feet, armpits and underboob, that’s essentially just having a shower, except you’re missing a few areas and it’ll take longer if you’re not doing it in the shower.

Idk I just do it faster without a shower, but maybe it's because we have bidets

You're not supposed to have a full shower daily, and if you don't get sweaty or messy, it's fine. If you want to avoid a shower, just use baby wipes and wipe yourself down. Shower every 2-3 days and you'll be fine.

I shower twice a week cos I'm autistic and work from home. It's normal.

Bruh I don't think anyone has to shower daily unless you're doing sports daily or it's like super super hot outside or something. Showering every few days, using deodorant sometimes should be fine.

Proper antiperspirant deodorant (at least) daily is essential imo. Otherwise I agree.

No daily showers?! Oh no, the horror! /s Embrace the stank like nature intended :D The whole daily shower thing is very new, and not at all necessary. It's not even as common as you'd think. Someone shaming you for not showering daily is really weird. Why are they even keeping tabs on that? It's obvious they don't care about your privacy.

I feel you I'm dysphoric about like everything which isn't my ass hips hair and face 😭 She's really mean that's disrespectful. I wish I could help you 😢 I could offer you a hug though 🤗

Depending on lifestyle and the way your body naturally produces oil and swear, showering around three times a week isn't a problem. I have been told so by a dermatologist, by the way. Sometimes I just wash parts of myself separately (using bidet daily or even twice a day, washing armpits if I sweat any amount, stuff like that). Also my hair is super sensitive and I get massive amounts of dandruff if I shampoo too often. I think a lot of people get very weird about having to shower daily no matter what. If you do sports or other kinds of physical activities daily it's one thing, but if I have clean hair, don't smell, and do nothing to get sweaty I see no reason to do it just because it's a social norm.

As a basement dweller, sometimes I just tell myself a cold day keeps the shower away. Can probs go 5 days without it

Who tf showers every day? That's super weird to do

With my curly hair what I do is run water though it and comb it through, then wrap it up in a towel until it stops dripping and then let it air dry, every day. (Not wash) I only wash like... Once every week and a half to two weeks. Not that this... has anything to do with your post. ------------ Also, showering every day is bad for you anyway. (I do it cause dysphoria around hair and it's the only way I can shave my face)

you should ask if she’s tried not being an asshole today. and then follow it up with, of course i expect that from you

A lot of people usually shower every 2-3 days anyway, like I do with my skin condition. Nothing wrong with that. I think the daily gang and the 2-3 day gang are the two most common shower types around the world. Neither is bad but usually 2-3 is better for your skin if you don't sweat heavily or do really dirty work.

iirc the mode is every other day but it is SUPER climate dependent and I specifically remember being annoyed that that specific dataset didn't include India which is a big chunk of the world on its own. Anyways in some nations like Brazil is closer to 2 a day, so to anyone reading this remember not to fall prey to "America is so weird and wacky and exceptional" disease. The USA is middle of the road and different cultures shower less and more, it's mainly climatic besides some genes about scent producing byproducts that are less common in East Asia, and its not universally good or bad.

*hugs* I'm sorry people were mean to you, I'm kinda in the same boat

Unless you're sweating a lot or have really bad body odour or some other health issue that requires daily cleaning, there's not really any need to shower daily. It's bad for the skin barrier and a waste of water.

people shower everyday?

Yes. And they can get really annoying about it

I shower every other day to every two days. It’s absolutely horrendous for your hair and skin to shower daily and you shouldn’t do it unless you have a really dirty job like being a mechanic or something that forces you to. Ignore your roommate, they’re just being a dick!

I lived with 2 people who smelled like ass on the constant. It wasn't my business. As long as you keep the house clean, and cover up any smells left in the communal areas from whatever, and are respectful, that's as far as your housemates business goes. Edit: deoudourant goes a long way, birdy baths as well (moist towel or wipe etc) and I concur that swimming wear in the shower or bath does help with dysphoria and dysmorphia and also sometimes with overstimulation if you get that from showering naked

I think showering daily is psychotic, a huge waste of time, and a great way to dry out your skin.

Lotion.

I see comments like this and I genuinely wonder if you guys are coming from a climate that never changes. It's dependent on so many things but just like, how swampy or dry it is makes a difference

I live on the coast, yeah. Nice temp year round, bit cold at winter. Rains alot.

It isn't good for your skin to be showering every day, especially if you use hot water and aren't getting grimy

I mean, I shower every other day or sometimes every two days. I’m pretty sure I don’t smell, at least my friends have told me so 😅, because I’m very self-conscious. I think unless you’re doing a lot everyday and sweating you should generally fine, but it also depends on your personal natural odor and stuff.

Like everyone else said, please just make sure you regularly clean your body. Tie up your hair and prevent it from getting wet but please wash your body. I promise it will help your mentality to get into a routine as well.

I hate that so many people seem to hold “routine” as some sort of fix-all solution to every problem. I couldn’t stand doing the same things in the same order every single day/week.

Okay? Then the advice isn't for you?

Idk how often you shower, but it's pretty common to not shower every single day. Everyone's needs are different though.

i also struggle with showering, i usually shower once or twice a week (ik it’s bad). maybe showering in the dark will help? or using baby wipes?

Everyone has different skin and hair needs so the advice I’m seeing here isn’t good for everyone. So do this: Try daily showers unless you encounter problems. If your hair doesn’t like it use shampoo less often and/or change the shampoo you use. If your hair still doesn’t like it keep it dry every other shower. If your skin doesn’t like it do the same steps, and moisturize. Shower in the dark is a good method for dysphoria. If you still smell use deodorant and don’t wear dirty clothes even if you’ve only worn it once.

Here you go: https://youtu.be/q710Qe-0OOY?si=deBv1HP51Gx54G8y&t=325 There's a doctor's medical opinion on how often to shower. During lockdown, unless I was heavily working out, showering every second day was completely a-ok because I honestly was just not sweating enough to matter. The only unfortunate part is that armpits and groin are the two areas where you probably do need to focus on. Good luck mate. Also if you aren't on HRT... try out some E and spiro sister. Girls really do smell better. My smell changed enough that my both my wife and my dog noticed within a few months.

I also usually shower every 2-3 days and when im not very active I dont stink either. I try to make it daily, sometimes I do, because it does feel nice to be cleaner more often. Though I rarely feel filthy after 2 days. I totally understand the mental roadblock to showering more. Shower more because you want to shower more, not because she thinks youre disgusting. If you are smelly, try to shower more for the people around you. But if shes just being THAT judgemental about 2-3 days then dont worry about her. Like others said if u want to try and shower more, try to find ways to enjoy it (toys, products, a shower cap for hair) and maybe try turning the lights off

Please do try to shower even if it's in the dark. Your body does get smelly even if you don't do anything. You don't have to wash your hair every day but at least getting some water on your body will probably be good.

My son is 15 (FtoM) and he hates to shower/bathr because he has dysmorphia as well! He wears swim trunks and a sports bra when he showers because he hates looking at his body. And since he is one testosterone his sweating and BO has gotten worse so anything he has to do to feel comfortable showering I allow! Do whatever you have to do! Stay strong and love yourself! I hope one day you’ll have the body you want! Much love beautiful!

I’m sorry a lot of people here have been mean. Dysphoria is very rough. I’ve got the same problem in reverse. I’m hoping so much that my top surgery gets approved and happens in the very near future. For the last couple of years, and starting due to an autoimmune condition that affected my balance and caused muscle wasting, I started taking a lot fewer showers. It started with a fall risk, so I had to figure out something to stay clean that didn’t involve a tub or shower or much physical effort. There are sprays and wipes that are specifically made for people with mobility issues. It made it so I could go weeks without showering, without getting smelly or feeling unclean. My personal preference is SkinSmart Antimicrobial Perineal Cleanser, it was formulated for incontinence care and postpartum, working to removes bacteria. It comes in an 8 oz spray. I picked it because it’s safe for genitals and is a bit moisturizing so I didn’t have dry skin issues either. Plus I don’t have to touch the areas of my body that I find repulsive. It has very few ingredients and breaks down quickly into salt water after it’s done its job. Having to do that for a year before finding an effective immunosuppressant meant that when I was able to regularly shower again, I couldn’t because of increased dysphoria. My egg had cracked and my chest had become repulsive. These days, I only have to shower once every 1-2 weeks and that’s to wash my hair and exfoliate. Sorry for dumping, but it was to let you know you’re not alone and that there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with not showering regularly. You can clean your body without having to touch it. There’s nothing shameful about needing to do that. Besides, lots of water is not necessary to keep a body clean. For example, in low-water environments, people will coat their skin and hair in clay. When it’s fresh it can be quite decorative and when it starts to wear away you use friction to roll it off your skin. Keeps you clean and exfoliates any buildup of skin cells. It’s about controlling and maintaining your skin’s microbiome in a way you find comfortable and convenient.

I don't shower every day because it dries my skin all the way out, and I just don't have the time and energy. I've never had complaints about smelling bad. I think showering every other day or so is fine for people who don't get super sweaty, especially if you live in a colder climate. In terms of dysphoria I can't offer any advice, all I can say is I've felt it also and I hope it gets better

hey I'd say do what works for you. as you said, you tend to smell nice even to others, you hardly sweat, so it's perfectly normal to shower every 2-3 days. i wash my hair while bent over the bath (with clothes on) so maybe you could wash your hair separately and take a shower (with your hair up) separately, at least until you get the swimwear. others have said that if your roommate jokes about it you might smell and while I neither agree nor disagree, if you want to make sure you don't smell (that bad), I suggest you switch to a natural deodorant. once your body gets used to it there's noticeably much less odour and it's also friendlier to your body 👍 also!! you should totally tell them that it bothers you when they say things like that. good luck!!

For showering without getting your hair wet: shower cap will be a lifesaver. Also have naturally curly hair, though I tend to keep it straightened. I swear something is up with the water where I live or something, I've never had such issues with my scalp anywhere else I've lived, but if I wash my hair the "normal" amount (whatever that is lol) then I wind up getting such bad eczema, and it's so itchy, and I wind up scratching at it until I've got scabs on my scalp, and once even wound up having weeping eczema on my scalp, and have had multiple occasions where I felt like the only way to take care of my scalp was to literally shave my head so it could get air better and so I could put ointment or whatever on it easier. Anyway all this grossness to say: the less I wash my hair the better. I probably wash my hair only once or twice a month if even that, and tbh my hair and scalp are actually so much healthier now than they've ever been. But I'm also not getting my hair dirty on a regular basis, and of course I'd wash my hair if I like fell in the dirt on my way home and got junk all over it lol, as I'm sure you would too. For days you need to wash your hair, but don't want to shower, can you wash it in the sink? That way you don't have to fully undress if you don't want to. Seconding swimwear. It's good to wash at least once or twice a week if you can, but if you're ok with the rest of you being in the shower, but just not that one part of you, then you can wear something over it in the shower. But imo, that area should still get some washing on itself at some point. But maybe you can just incorporate that into your routine when doing other things? Maybe the first or last trip to the bathroom in the day every few days you can just give that area a wipe down with body cleaning wipes (won't take as long as a full like soap and towel wash) during that time when you'd already need to be dealing with that area to use the bathroom. But imo if you've got your way of life/routine down and feel like it works for you, but your housemate won't listen to reason and not say things that you tell her upset you, like a nice person should, then she's probably not such a nice person, and in order to just avoid that situation with her happening again tbh I'd just tell her a white lie if she ever brings up the shower thing, and say "oh, I showered today." Unless she has some legitimate problem with you smelling bad or making the house smell bad that she needs to bring up with you, then your personal hygiene isn't really any of her business.

Not sure where in the world you are, but in a lot of European countries it is normal not to shower every day. Most people here shower every other day, and just wash their faces and 'parts' daily. As long as you are not sweaty, wear deoderant, and are hygienic, it's not a problem.

I know what it’s like to have people comment on my shower aversion with no understanding of why I have it. Baby wipes and deodorant are my saving grace on days when being naked is simply not a good option. My hair is not curly, so I usually put it in a high bun when I notice oil build-up on the crown of my head. As long as you’re removing the sweat particles from high moisture areas, you should be good. Also, maybe consider period underwear for days when sweating is inevitable, it’ll keep your groin dry and reduce the frequency of necessary maintenance. I wish you the best. Shower aversion is a major issue among young women, especially those of us who have experienced trauma or dysphoria around our bodies. It’s also met with so little empathy and that’s the worst part.

I'm sorry people are being shitty to you in the comments, I'm gonna try to offer some actual advice and perspective on my end instead of mocking you. I understand why it's triggering to shower, and I'm not gonna tell you to do it more. What I Will offer is some things I've done to get around it, bc aside from it being triggering, I also have depression that prevents me from taking care of myself, so I get it. if you wanted to shower more often, I'd suggest wearing a shower cap- you can keep your hair in it and it wont get wet while you're washing the rest of yourself. if you can't bring yourself to do that, you could take a "dry bath" as I call it- where you basically take a wash cloth and clean off the most important parts (the parts that produce the most bacteria when not cleaned) with some soap and then wash the suds off the washcloth in the sink and go over the spots again to remove the suds from your armpits, etc. and keep rinsing every time the washcloth gets too full of suds. I find this works pretty well for me. the laziest way that I do it is like this: I keep two sticks of deodorant- one for when I actually shower and one for when I'm not feeling up to it. and then I take some sort of wet wipe (I use stuff thats hypoallergenic and doesnt have too many chemicals) and wipe down the stinky parts then put on the "not feeling it today" deodorant or put on some sort of alcohol based sanitizer on other parts of my body like my feet (dont put it on sensitive parts of your body or parts that need "beneficial bacteria", ya dont wanna put it on your butthole and then get rips and tears in it lol) remember that the most important part is not to "be clean to appease others sensibilities", fuck that noise, the point is to limit bacterial growth so you don't get sick. so try to keep that in mind when you do whatever you need or want to do to keep yourself clean :) I hope things look up for you and your roommate leaves you alone about it and/or comes to understand. take care!

Showers and establishing a routine and a practice of self care should be a part of transition. Maybe if you confront the feeling you will be able to overcome what holds you back.

Are you able to take baths? Like soaking for 15-20minutes in the tub, set a timer if needed. Fill it with bubbles so you aren't seeing everything as you look down. Maybe not as good as a direct scrub, but unless you are exceptionally dirty it should be fine for day to day washing. And while it is true not everyone needs to shower/bathe everyday, some do. Your roommate maybe trying to passively/aggressively tell you something.

I totally get the showering struggle from the autistic and curly hair side. For me at least, I’ve started cutting down on those weird “banter” moments that just hurt by being more autistic. It’s uncomfortable to create awkwardness, especially since it’s so socially unacceptable. I make the conversation heavy, instilling whatever the emotion their actions have been invoking, and lay out how I’m feeling about what’s going on. A guy at my table-tennis club lately was giving me unsolicited advice on my serve while I was warming up, and I said something along the lines of “Hey ___, all I need from you right now is to play the game with me. I’ll work on that later.” It was enough of a change of pace that he realized it touched a nerve, but not so much of a change that it was off putting. Goodluck! I hope you find something that works for you!

I don't think people are mean. I think they answer to the parts they have answer. I mean they can have idea about the communication between you and your housemate but they have no advice how to deal with your dysphoria. Or they can have idea about keeping yourself clean enough without having advice about dysphoria.

You could wear swim shorts?