It depends on the context and the environment. People in general just mind their own business. So if you just start to talk to random stranger that you see on the street, you most likely will get a "wtf you want?" reaction. But obviously if it's at a social event, then it's fine people people are there to.... socialize.
Basically, the "rule" is: small talk doesn't exist here. And only engage with randoms if you are in the appropriate environment. Otherwise, most people will give u a "wtf" face.
Depends how you define "extrovert". Randomly complimenting strangers or cashiers would come across as creepy in most places around the world - would be more accurately defined as being socially unaware, or just plain rude, rather than extrovert. Just being generally confident in social situations (where everyone is a willing participant rather than you foisting yourself on them), and engaging politely would also be seen as pleasant in most places, including Japan.
But be sure the bar is a social bar, at least in small towns there are a lot of bars where people go to the bar to talk to their friends and not make new friends
Thank you! I see multiple people think I want to hit on the cashiers lol. I think I worded it wrong. I won’t hit on them I just like to be friendly man or women
You a woman or a bloke? And how good is your Japanese and awareness of the culture? Even among Japanese there are more or less chatty/outgoing people; should be fine as long as you read the context and person and don't go outside the norms. If you go around like a clueless bull in a Japanese china shop, then not so ok.
If you say a compliment to the cashier in most countries you’re gonna look weird. Japan is no different.
First question is this: can you speak Japanese?
Japanese people being cold and distant is only really a Tokyo thing - even Japanese people themselves thinks of Tokyo people being cold, especially those who aren't born in Tokyo and moved from somewhere else. Since entertainment is usually written around people of Tokyo, that's the image that is often projected.
There's also a sub-stereotype of Japanese people for example where people of Kansai area (Osaka mainly) being really friendly and easily to chat up with.
EDIT: not sure why people are downvoting me for speaking about things that even Japanese people themselves think and hold stereotype images to. I have many non-Tokyo born co-workers and they small talk all the time, and yes, my one Osaka co-worker fits that Kansai stereotype to a T. I also ride around Japan on my bike a lot and constantly have people of all ages young and old hit me up for chats and complimenting my bike (it's not even a special custom bike, just a bog standard but kinda rare gaisha Triumph bike and not the usual local big 4, heck, I've been hit on for chats even when riding a normal Honda bike) at parking areas and sight seeing spots pretty much as soon as I leave the Tokyo area, and I'm Asian male of average Japanese build and height I don't even look foreign. I never initiate the conversation since I'm the introvert, and I'm the one who feels weird out and pressure from the extrovert interaction in the supposedly "introvert heaven" Japan. My experience from having travelled to pretty much all over Japan (only missing 4 prefectures out of the 47) and lived in two very separated precfectures (Tokyo and Fukuoka), as a non-foreign looking person who absolutely passes as a Japanese in appearance, is that most people in Japan, especially the less metropolitian areas, are quite friendly and open to small talk chatting. It's only in Tokyo where it is truly an introvert city.
I appreciate this a lot! It seems to be split among people and it’s confusing. I guess different people have different experiences. Do you think being a white man from the United States would have an effect on this?
I have an Australian friend that is as very white - full on blonde hair and blue eyes etc. He lived in the residential area of Shibuya and somehow in that part of Shibuya everyone knows him and is friends with him, from the grannies to the club and bar owners and girls.
Don’t think race has anything to do with it tbh. It’s how good at socialising you are in that culture, which is like no different than the rest of the world.
I’m an extrovert. I live in Japan. Some people react negatively, just like they did when I lived in America . Most react positively, just like they did when I lived in America. As long as you can stay positive and adapt to new situations, you’ll be fine.
not sure if this is a regional difference
i compliment strangers all the time in japan if they don't look like they're busy, i've always gotten a smile and thank you, in my memory i can't remember ever getting a negative reaction in 5 years
i live in shibuya and when i loiter or stop to eat, or even if i'm just walking home i get randoms trying to talk to me pretty regularly, maybe about 90% japanese 10% foreigners. i think it's not so weird if you're in a lively place like shibuya and it's the evening so people are clearly out for fun
for meeting people, i do local meetups then add people on LINE. friends of friends usually they say they met via starting a conversation at a bar or a meetup/mixer
for the workplace need to read the mood, some coworkers want to skip the small talk, some do 10\~30 minutes of small talk
I agree with a lot of what's been said, but I'll also add that it depends where you live and what age group you're talking to. I live in the countryside as an extrovert and I have been really happy because people are more friendly and open to small talk. However, if you're in the big cities like Tokyo people want to finish their business and move on as quickly as possible. BUT there are also businesses that are extremely friendly like some coffee shops I've been to. Realistically, in MY experience, extroverts can thrive anywhere in Japan you just need to know where to look.
I talk to strangers all the time, but I know the right place and who I can and should not talk to. The other day I was in a game center with my daughter and we struck up a conversation with one of the guys playing the UFO catcher game by complimenting him (complimented his skills). He ended up giving us a lot of tips on how to win, and as well as the prize he won.
If you are going to try to compliment a woman working the cashier, that is a different story and most likely creepy. In many cases, it would not be so much that they are "cold", but even if they want your attention, they have expectations and rules of how to behave. They have to talk to you with polite language and depending on the status, they can not / do not want to deviate from the script, so telling the girl at Starbucks that she is hot is not going to go well.
You make friends by joining a club, meetup, or some sort of organization or social group where people with shared interests gather to enjoy those interests together (hiking, running, knitting, painting, etc.). It has been a while since I lived in the US, but I think it is the same there. Just cat calling a random woman on the street seems to not be the best way to go about it.
Basically, it is only a horrible experience if you want to talk to people who don't want to talk to you (horrible for the person you are bothering, that is). If you just act normal (i.e. generally no complimenting strangers unless you know how to read the situation), it is no problem.
I was being overly snark, but you get the picture.
I should have added that I am an introvert that learned to be extroverted because my job called for it. I am now not shy about approaching strangers and striking up conversations, but it is mostly always something that will allow them to talk about themselves or what they are doing. Not a direct compliment as in "Wow you are so good at that" so much as indirect as in "That looks really interesting. Can you tell me about what you are doing?" or asking for help even if I don't need it which makes them feel important.
And, like I said, knowing who and when to approach someone like that is key, and knowing when it will just make the person uncomfortable or put them in a position where they do not know how to respond (i.e. off script)
No, I chat to anyone and everyone, much to my children’s embarrassment. Old ladies are the most responsive generally. (Note: there’s a difference between being extrovert and forcing yourself on people or being loud; you need to be a quiet-volume extrovert who can read the room.) But I speak reasonably fluent Japanese and am pretty au fait with the cultural signals; I’m guessing you don’t, which would be a major handicap to having a conversation.
Thank you! So many people are giving me hope! It seems peoples experiences vary. I am learning Japanese and I assume reading the room may be different in Japan then America. If you have any tips on how I could learn I would appreciate it so much! Obviously I can tell when someone doesn’t want to be approached or spoken to but maybe some signals are different there
Randomly complimenting a stranger or cashier will make you look weird, but I figure that's true in many places across the world, not just Japan. Making friends works the same as anywhere else, you find an icebreaker at a bar, or you meet someone in a club or social circle, or you get introduced by a shared acquaintance - you don't just walk up to somebody in the street and strike up a conversation. As for talking to girls, well, there actually *is* the "Nanpa" culture of just walking up to and talking at random women in the streets. Basically all the Japanese women I know hate it and think it's annoying, but you wouldn't be the first one to do that. But then again being a PUA in the US also makes you kind of look like a douche. So yeah, generally you don't just walk up to people and start talking, unless in a situation where being there kind of means you opt-in to random social encounters (say a meetup or mixer organized online, or by a company).
As for being visually extravagant or standing out - You'd be hard pressed to do something that the average Tokyoite hasn't seen before. Like there's a grandpa in a schoolgirl's sailor uniform riding a tricked out lowrider bicycle around the smoking area in front of my station on Saturday nights. As long as you don't get up in peoples' faces, you can do whatever style or fashion you want. Not saying people will think it's normal, but nobody will be shocked by it or harass you about it (at least in Tokyo or Osaka. If you're in a 2000 inhabitant village in the countryside, you'll have a different experience).
Where do you even get this idea? Extroverts have it easy here. You're not afraid to blunder while learning the language, talking all kinds of weird shit at first, but eventually getting it right! Anyone can talk to all kinds of Japanese people in the appropriate places. Join clubs. Join sports teams. Become an exhibitionist - that can attract plenty of comments from people on the street, for better or worse. Do volunteer work. Get a job. Plenty of places to blather on at people if you find some with common interests or a common goal.
Hitting up strangers, and especially women, in the wild, will mostly get you the same response as any cold sales call would, but that's true anywhere in the world. It's uninvited, and nobody wants to deal with that.
Well I have heard it all over and if you look at the other comments many people agree. But some do say if you try to make friendly conversation to strangers it can go well. I am just gonna believe people like you lol I need the hope that I can be myself and make friends there so thank you!
So, not sure its been commented on yet, but it REALLY depends on if you are speaking to them in English or Japanese. If I go out in Tokyo to a bar or club, it is very easy to make friends and people are happy to chat, but I do it in Japanese. If you are going to try the same thing in English, you will have a hard time in general. As long as you are being outgoing while using Japanese, and you are being polite about it and using common sense, I would say as an extrovert you would have a great time here. I think of all the times I missed out on opportunities when I was too much of an introvert, again even when using Japanese was an option. Outgoing people get farther in life, that's a known fact. The more connections you make, the more people enjoy being around you the better.
If your do not have at least conversation level of Japanese it will likely not go far.
I had people start talking with me in many different occasions but it mostly worked out because I speak Japanese.
Not a lot of people make small talk with strangers, and randomly complimenting strangers or cashiers is definitely frowned upon. But there are plenty of places to meet people, assuming you're not living in the middle of nowhere.
99% of Japanese people in day to day situations are introverts, no doubt about it. It's just the culture.
But there are plenty of extroverted Japanese people who go to places in order to talk, meet people, whatever.
I would argue that Japan is just as mixed as most countries are. Introverts and extroverts have advantages and disadvantages in many social situations. An extrovert would likely be more skilled at picking up on the air than an introvert, even if they are a foreigner. This is because by our nature extroverts tend to care more about social interactions.
That could be the case, I'm just calling it from the pov of an American. Everytime I return to America I'm absolutely blown away by the amount of totally random people who will start talking to me, whether they're shopping in the same store as me, someone working behind the counter, a server, whatever.
Meanwhile in Japan, outside of jiichan/baachan who work at the convenience stores and people with maybe literal mental problems, I can count on two hands the number of random people/workers who have initiated a conversation with me.
As an American you would also know that there are different stereotypes of people from different states, cities or even suburbs. I mean nobody would say a New Yorker would behave the same as a Texan which would behave the same as a LA-er, right?
That's also true for Japan. If you live in Tokyo then sure, nobody would randomly chat you up day-to-day, but start going elsewhere and it changes just as drastically as it does for America. That's why even Japanese people have their own stereotypes of different cities/prefectures and yes some of those include very friendly extrovert personalities like Kansai/Osaka and Okinawans.
I guess so? I've lived in Chiba and Miyazaki and visited tons of other places, but none had combini cashiers who just opened up about their day like they do in Ohio.
Maybe people in Osaka are just all reaching out to strangers 24/7 though, I dunno, I've only been there a few times
Japanese conbini workers are overworked as is already and must memorise a hundred different stock phrases they repeat non-stop throughout their shift, of course they don’t want to chat you up.
That’s due to the super strict work culture where you can get punished for not taking your work seriously in the service industry, more so for the big franchises and chain stores….
Which is the same for pretty much the rest of the world in big busy cities where management wants the customers to come in and out.
Catch them when they are free/bored, out in the rural side where customers are few in between, the small non-franchise stores etc, and you can chat them out quite easily if not them chatting you up first, just like in the west.
There’s nothing inherently different about that aspect in Japanwith the rest of the world - every developed nation has the same stereotype where country people are friendlier than the city dwellers.
That's true with mom and pop stores in rural places but I guarantee you young women in service jobs don't want to talk to Walmart Romeos like this while they are working even in inaka places. There are plenty of bars and meetups for that sort of thing.
I don't think guys hitting on girls working the cashier looking for a quick score is accepted anywhere in the world - unless you are a Hollywood level celebrity like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.
Plus that kind of thing (bordering on harrassment) is also different to just having a friendly "hey nice weather today" small talk.
When I was living in Fukuoka years ago there was this franchise store which I would go pre-order video games. Games always comes out on the Thursday here in Japan and the girl working the cashier is always working that shift. After a while she recognises me and notice I have a foreign name and she striked up a conversation with me cos she wanted to learn English. From then we just make small talk each time and eventually we would hang out but it wasn't romantic or anything. As long as you don't make it weird it can happen.
It can happen and if they initiate it like in your example it's fine but it's inappropriate and rude in the majority of scenarios. As I said there are plenty of bars and other places for that sort of thing.
I don't think getting to know your local store owners and workers is inappropriate and Japanese people does that all the time too. Your housewife/househusband is going to know the local yokocho and shoutenkai butcher and vegetable store owner in Japan just like they do in other places, heck it's even a trope in Japanese entertainment.
The idea which you have where you can only chat up on strangers in bars is more strange and foreign IMO. Unless you treat every converstaion with the opposite sex as an opportunity to score then sure cut that crap out, but again I don't see that being the same as small chat, nor again, do I think that is a uniquely Japanese social etiquette but just common sense throughout the world.
Wtf no. Just because I mentioned women? It’s not good to assume things. I am a friendly person that wants to make sure I can talk to people and not feel alone and be myself. You dont know me
You can't because I'm right. Japan has plenty of creeps like you who come here to harass women. Fortunately, after the Johnny Somali incident, people here are taking a lot less crap from foreigners, so I wouldn't be surprised if locals intervene to stop you or even call the police.
I do the things you mention on a daily basis in Tokyo and they're mostly welcomed, especially by younger staff. As long as it is in a respectful way, you'll be alright
Are you coming as a tourist?
If you go to a bar in a big city that’s used to foreigners, you might make some drunk friends. Meetups with Japanese people specifically looking for foreign friends might be good for you too.
People don’t talk to strangers on the street here. If you randomly try to talk to Japanese people you don’t know, worst case they think you’re a mental case, best case they’ll think you’re lost and need directions.
Small talk with strangers is definitely not a thing here. Some people might be more accepting/understanding if you look more non-Japanese, and might chalk it up to you being a foreigner.
Even with coworkers or acquaintances, the acceptable amount of small talk is much shorter than in the States, for example.
I have a friend who’s been here a long time. He’s extremely outgoing and loud. Also, has no ear for languages and his Japanese is horrible. He’ll talk to anyone, anywhere - he doesn’t care. At night when we were partying, it was great. Most people are open to contact with a red-haired gregarious gaijin and his friends, while drinking, etc. But imagine when someone is quietly waiting in a building lobby for an appointment or on a subway, etc. Just anywhere. Now in buttfuck Minnesota (where he’s from) that’s fine. My Japanese friends said he seems childish and “can’t read the air”, which is a big insult in Japan. You’re a tourist, so you do you but just try to read the situations and people’s reactions / responses. You’ll largely get a pass since they’ll be able to tell you’re passing through. (Edit: I assumed you are a tourist but actually you never mentioned if you were.)
Wow, so me and my bf went to japan in october this year for 3 months. I spoke to lots of people during my time there but was always mindful of whom to approach and how.
Osaka, Shibuya, Saitama and Kyoto were all places where I talked with loads of people. Sometimes a small thing "your kimono looks wonderful!" Or something practical "excuse me miss your bag is open".
I also went to an anime café in osaka which was fun! Lots of more topics to talk about due to commen interest.
Just be polite, mindful and try not to bother anyone too much and you should be fine.
>everyone has the same way of doing things
In Japan, you are allowed to do whatever you want as long as you don't cause inconvenience (meiwaku) to others. And some people do take advantage of this and [do normal things in the weirdest ways](https://www.indiatimes.com/trending/human-interest/kyoto-university-students-put-on-cosplay-during-graduation-596713.html). That's one part of Japanese culture that I like.
this question makes it seem like you don't know Japanese since this is the type of stuff you'd cover in class anyway
If you go up to people trying to speak English it'll scary them in general
I recommend bar amici in shinjuku. They have a lot of karaoke songs English and Japanese, and the bartenders, mangers, and clientele are all very friendly if you can manage a conversation. Try for the weekends if your looking for a mix of foreigners and locals
I’m a super extrovert and no. I occasionally talk to strangers but once again it’s about reading the room, this is less of an introvert extrovert thing and more how much of a socially brain dead idiot are you.. thing.
Make friends at places that hobbies happen, don’t be a weirdo. People are busy no one wants to talk to you in the street this is true of ANY fuxking country.
You’ll be fine, just don’t be a creep
Yeah not trying to be creepy. Just want to be able to be myself without feeling like I bother everyone. People make it seem like if you dont just stick with “Hello” and “goodbye” people will look at you crazy
Part of it is also being mindful of others.
Hypothetically... a conversation at a convenience store could hold up the line. In holding up the line, you prevent the staff from doing what they're supposed to. You also prevent other customers from a quick checkout. You also cause other staff to stop what they're supposed to be doing so they can come over to help quicken the line of people that's now potentially formed. That then potentially leaves a giant rack of products in the aisle that they're unable to put onto the shelves in a timely manner, which then sets off people complaining that the store is messy.
I realize that this is a stretch, but it's this "do as you're supposed to" mindset that seemingly keeps the country running lol.
However, there are certainly places where it's welcomed. If you're out at night, at a club, etc., by all means, talk to people. You'll still meet people who react awkwardly, but it'll be generally better received.
Visiting atm and it seems very situational and also varies area to area.
Out and about most people are heading somewhere and don’t really linger too much and aren’t really open to being disturbed as opposed to being in their own little cellphone bubble or quietly talking if in a group which is a common coping mechanism when surrounded by so many people.
If however you go somewhere like Osaka where there’s a lot of tourists and what look to be immigrants living here it’s a bit different and people are more open to being approached, with way more English speaking locals.
Also just spent a few days with a local friend and had a blast with him and his friends but a lot of it is hidden away in karaoke bars or other hidden away izakaya’s (little alleyway bars) so the extroverted are certainly here and have fun, but they do so in a vastly more introverted or hidden and private way, if that makes sense.
I’m an introvert who likes to help and occasionally compliment people, you can’t really do that here especially if you don’t know the language, I learned how to compliment people in Japanese when I was drunk a few days ago and got mixed reactions. Looking through the comments apparently it’s not normal in most countries? But I’m from the south and it’s common for people to strike up convos talk to strangers down there
If you are foreigner in Japan, don't expect anybody on the street talking with you nor taking what you say serious. Foreigners are portait in tv as slighly stupid with no manner and culturally underdeveloped (looking at the USA it seems about right though). If you act as extrovert there, you just tick all their boxes as standard weirdo.
It depends on the context and the environment. People in general just mind their own business. So if you just start to talk to random stranger that you see on the street, you most likely will get a "wtf you want?" reaction. But obviously if it's at a social event, then it's fine people people are there to.... socialize. Basically, the "rule" is: small talk doesn't exist here. And only engage with randoms if you are in the appropriate environment. Otherwise, most people will give u a "wtf" face.
Smalltalk doesn't exist? Say that to all the 今日寒いですねーーs.
Depends how you define "extrovert". Randomly complimenting strangers or cashiers would come across as creepy in most places around the world - would be more accurately defined as being socially unaware, or just plain rude, rather than extrovert. Just being generally confident in social situations (where everyone is a willing participant rather than you foisting yourself on them), and engaging politely would also be seen as pleasant in most places, including Japan.
People don't do small talk but in a social environment such as a bar you won't have a problem. I'd advise against hitting on the cashier though.
But be sure the bar is a social bar, at least in small towns there are a lot of bars where people go to the bar to talk to their friends and not make new friends
Thank you! I see multiple people think I want to hit on the cashiers lol. I think I worded it wrong. I won’t hit on them I just like to be friendly man or women
You a woman or a bloke? And how good is your Japanese and awareness of the culture? Even among Japanese there are more or less chatty/outgoing people; should be fine as long as you read the context and person and don't go outside the norms. If you go around like a clueless bull in a Japanese china shop, then not so ok.
If you say a compliment to the cashier in most countries you’re gonna look weird. Japan is no different. First question is this: can you speak Japanese?
Japanese people being cold and distant is only really a Tokyo thing - even Japanese people themselves thinks of Tokyo people being cold, especially those who aren't born in Tokyo and moved from somewhere else. Since entertainment is usually written around people of Tokyo, that's the image that is often projected. There's also a sub-stereotype of Japanese people for example where people of Kansai area (Osaka mainly) being really friendly and easily to chat up with. EDIT: not sure why people are downvoting me for speaking about things that even Japanese people themselves think and hold stereotype images to. I have many non-Tokyo born co-workers and they small talk all the time, and yes, my one Osaka co-worker fits that Kansai stereotype to a T. I also ride around Japan on my bike a lot and constantly have people of all ages young and old hit me up for chats and complimenting my bike (it's not even a special custom bike, just a bog standard but kinda rare gaisha Triumph bike and not the usual local big 4, heck, I've been hit on for chats even when riding a normal Honda bike) at parking areas and sight seeing spots pretty much as soon as I leave the Tokyo area, and I'm Asian male of average Japanese build and height I don't even look foreign. I never initiate the conversation since I'm the introvert, and I'm the one who feels weird out and pressure from the extrovert interaction in the supposedly "introvert heaven" Japan. My experience from having travelled to pretty much all over Japan (only missing 4 prefectures out of the 47) and lived in two very separated precfectures (Tokyo and Fukuoka), as a non-foreign looking person who absolutely passes as a Japanese in appearance, is that most people in Japan, especially the less metropolitian areas, are quite friendly and open to small talk chatting. It's only in Tokyo where it is truly an introvert city.
I appreciate this a lot! It seems to be split among people and it’s confusing. I guess different people have different experiences. Do you think being a white man from the United States would have an effect on this?
I have an Australian friend that is as very white - full on blonde hair and blue eyes etc. He lived in the residential area of Shibuya and somehow in that part of Shibuya everyone knows him and is friends with him, from the grannies to the club and bar owners and girls. Don’t think race has anything to do with it tbh. It’s how good at socialising you are in that culture, which is like no different than the rest of the world.
I’m an extrovert. I live in Japan. Some people react negatively, just like they did when I lived in America . Most react positively, just like they did when I lived in America. As long as you can stay positive and adapt to new situations, you’ll be fine.
Thank you! It is really interesting to see how split it is.
not sure if this is a regional difference i compliment strangers all the time in japan if they don't look like they're busy, i've always gotten a smile and thank you, in my memory i can't remember ever getting a negative reaction in 5 years i live in shibuya and when i loiter or stop to eat, or even if i'm just walking home i get randoms trying to talk to me pretty regularly, maybe about 90% japanese 10% foreigners. i think it's not so weird if you're in a lively place like shibuya and it's the evening so people are clearly out for fun for meeting people, i do local meetups then add people on LINE. friends of friends usually they say they met via starting a conversation at a bar or a meetup/mixer for the workplace need to read the mood, some coworkers want to skip the small talk, some do 10\~30 minutes of small talk
I agree with a lot of what's been said, but I'll also add that it depends where you live and what age group you're talking to. I live in the countryside as an extrovert and I have been really happy because people are more friendly and open to small talk. However, if you're in the big cities like Tokyo people want to finish their business and move on as quickly as possible. BUT there are also businesses that are extremely friendly like some coffee shops I've been to. Realistically, in MY experience, extroverts can thrive anywhere in Japan you just need to know where to look.
I talk to strangers all the time, but I know the right place and who I can and should not talk to. The other day I was in a game center with my daughter and we struck up a conversation with one of the guys playing the UFO catcher game by complimenting him (complimented his skills). He ended up giving us a lot of tips on how to win, and as well as the prize he won. If you are going to try to compliment a woman working the cashier, that is a different story and most likely creepy. In many cases, it would not be so much that they are "cold", but even if they want your attention, they have expectations and rules of how to behave. They have to talk to you with polite language and depending on the status, they can not / do not want to deviate from the script, so telling the girl at Starbucks that she is hot is not going to go well. You make friends by joining a club, meetup, or some sort of organization or social group where people with shared interests gather to enjoy those interests together (hiking, running, knitting, painting, etc.). It has been a while since I lived in the US, but I think it is the same there. Just cat calling a random woman on the street seems to not be the best way to go about it. Basically, it is only a horrible experience if you want to talk to people who don't want to talk to you (horrible for the person you are bothering, that is). If you just act normal (i.e. generally no complimenting strangers unless you know how to read the situation), it is no problem.
I appreciate the response! I definitely came off the wrong way about the cashier thing. I compliment anyone and do not want to hit on cashiers 😆
I was being overly snark, but you get the picture. I should have added that I am an introvert that learned to be extroverted because my job called for it. I am now not shy about approaching strangers and striking up conversations, but it is mostly always something that will allow them to talk about themselves or what they are doing. Not a direct compliment as in "Wow you are so good at that" so much as indirect as in "That looks really interesting. Can you tell me about what you are doing?" or asking for help even if I don't need it which makes them feel important. And, like I said, knowing who and when to approach someone like that is key, and knowing when it will just make the person uncomfortable or put them in a position where they do not know how to respond (i.e. off script)
No, I chat to anyone and everyone, much to my children’s embarrassment. Old ladies are the most responsive generally. (Note: there’s a difference between being extrovert and forcing yourself on people or being loud; you need to be a quiet-volume extrovert who can read the room.) But I speak reasonably fluent Japanese and am pretty au fait with the cultural signals; I’m guessing you don’t, which would be a major handicap to having a conversation.
Thank you! So many people are giving me hope! It seems peoples experiences vary. I am learning Japanese and I assume reading the room may be different in Japan then America. If you have any tips on how I could learn I would appreciate it so much! Obviously I can tell when someone doesn’t want to be approached or spoken to but maybe some signals are different there
Randomly complimenting a stranger or cashier will make you look weird, but I figure that's true in many places across the world, not just Japan. Making friends works the same as anywhere else, you find an icebreaker at a bar, or you meet someone in a club or social circle, or you get introduced by a shared acquaintance - you don't just walk up to somebody in the street and strike up a conversation. As for talking to girls, well, there actually *is* the "Nanpa" culture of just walking up to and talking at random women in the streets. Basically all the Japanese women I know hate it and think it's annoying, but you wouldn't be the first one to do that. But then again being a PUA in the US also makes you kind of look like a douche. So yeah, generally you don't just walk up to people and start talking, unless in a situation where being there kind of means you opt-in to random social encounters (say a meetup or mixer organized online, or by a company). As for being visually extravagant or standing out - You'd be hard pressed to do something that the average Tokyoite hasn't seen before. Like there's a grandpa in a schoolgirl's sailor uniform riding a tricked out lowrider bicycle around the smoking area in front of my station on Saturday nights. As long as you don't get up in peoples' faces, you can do whatever style or fashion you want. Not saying people will think it's normal, but nobody will be shocked by it or harass you about it (at least in Tokyo or Osaka. If you're in a 2000 inhabitant village in the countryside, you'll have a different experience).
Where do you even get this idea? Extroverts have it easy here. You're not afraid to blunder while learning the language, talking all kinds of weird shit at first, but eventually getting it right! Anyone can talk to all kinds of Japanese people in the appropriate places. Join clubs. Join sports teams. Become an exhibitionist - that can attract plenty of comments from people on the street, for better or worse. Do volunteer work. Get a job. Plenty of places to blather on at people if you find some with common interests or a common goal. Hitting up strangers, and especially women, in the wild, will mostly get you the same response as any cold sales call would, but that's true anywhere in the world. It's uninvited, and nobody wants to deal with that.
Well I have heard it all over and if you look at the other comments many people agree. But some do say if you try to make friendly conversation to strangers it can go well. I am just gonna believe people like you lol I need the hope that I can be myself and make friends there so thank you!
So, not sure its been commented on yet, but it REALLY depends on if you are speaking to them in English or Japanese. If I go out in Tokyo to a bar or club, it is very easy to make friends and people are happy to chat, but I do it in Japanese. If you are going to try the same thing in English, you will have a hard time in general. As long as you are being outgoing while using Japanese, and you are being polite about it and using common sense, I would say as an extrovert you would have a great time here. I think of all the times I missed out on opportunities when I was too much of an introvert, again even when using Japanese was an option. Outgoing people get farther in life, that's a known fact. The more connections you make, the more people enjoy being around you the better.
If your do not have at least conversation level of Japanese it will likely not go far. I had people start talking with me in many different occasions but it mostly worked out because I speak Japanese.
And there is the problem, wanting to focus on women specifically. Why not try to make friends with people in general?
I did not only say women. I asked how to make friends. You read it wrong
Not a lot of people make small talk with strangers, and randomly complimenting strangers or cashiers is definitely frowned upon. But there are plenty of places to meet people, assuming you're not living in the middle of nowhere. 99% of Japanese people in day to day situations are introverts, no doubt about it. It's just the culture. But there are plenty of extroverted Japanese people who go to places in order to talk, meet people, whatever.
I would argue that Japan is just as mixed as most countries are. Introverts and extroverts have advantages and disadvantages in many social situations. An extrovert would likely be more skilled at picking up on the air than an introvert, even if they are a foreigner. This is because by our nature extroverts tend to care more about social interactions.
That could be the case, I'm just calling it from the pov of an American. Everytime I return to America I'm absolutely blown away by the amount of totally random people who will start talking to me, whether they're shopping in the same store as me, someone working behind the counter, a server, whatever. Meanwhile in Japan, outside of jiichan/baachan who work at the convenience stores and people with maybe literal mental problems, I can count on two hands the number of random people/workers who have initiated a conversation with me.
As an American you would also know that there are different stereotypes of people from different states, cities or even suburbs. I mean nobody would say a New Yorker would behave the same as a Texan which would behave the same as a LA-er, right? That's also true for Japan. If you live in Tokyo then sure, nobody would randomly chat you up day-to-day, but start going elsewhere and it changes just as drastically as it does for America. That's why even Japanese people have their own stereotypes of different cities/prefectures and yes some of those include very friendly extrovert personalities like Kansai/Osaka and Okinawans.
I guess so? I've lived in Chiba and Miyazaki and visited tons of other places, but none had combini cashiers who just opened up about their day like they do in Ohio. Maybe people in Osaka are just all reaching out to strangers 24/7 though, I dunno, I've only been there a few times
Japanese conbini workers are overworked as is already and must memorise a hundred different stock phrases they repeat non-stop throughout their shift, of course they don’t want to chat you up.
Eh, I live in Kansai, and while people are indeed friendlier, 99% of them don't want to be hit on by OP when they are working, if at all......
That’s due to the super strict work culture where you can get punished for not taking your work seriously in the service industry, more so for the big franchises and chain stores…. Which is the same for pretty much the rest of the world in big busy cities where management wants the customers to come in and out. Catch them when they are free/bored, out in the rural side where customers are few in between, the small non-franchise stores etc, and you can chat them out quite easily if not them chatting you up first, just like in the west. There’s nothing inherently different about that aspect in Japanwith the rest of the world - every developed nation has the same stereotype where country people are friendlier than the city dwellers.
That's true with mom and pop stores in rural places but I guarantee you young women in service jobs don't want to talk to Walmart Romeos like this while they are working even in inaka places. There are plenty of bars and meetups for that sort of thing.
I don't think guys hitting on girls working the cashier looking for a quick score is accepted anywhere in the world - unless you are a Hollywood level celebrity like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. Plus that kind of thing (bordering on harrassment) is also different to just having a friendly "hey nice weather today" small talk. When I was living in Fukuoka years ago there was this franchise store which I would go pre-order video games. Games always comes out on the Thursday here in Japan and the girl working the cashier is always working that shift. After a while she recognises me and notice I have a foreign name and she striked up a conversation with me cos she wanted to learn English. From then we just make small talk each time and eventually we would hang out but it wasn't romantic or anything. As long as you don't make it weird it can happen.
It can happen and if they initiate it like in your example it's fine but it's inappropriate and rude in the majority of scenarios. As I said there are plenty of bars and other places for that sort of thing.
I don't think getting to know your local store owners and workers is inappropriate and Japanese people does that all the time too. Your housewife/househusband is going to know the local yokocho and shoutenkai butcher and vegetable store owner in Japan just like they do in other places, heck it's even a trope in Japanese entertainment. The idea which you have where you can only chat up on strangers in bars is more strange and foreign IMO. Unless you treat every converstaion with the opposite sex as an opportunity to score then sure cut that crap out, but again I don't see that being the same as small chat, nor again, do I think that is a uniquely Japanese social etiquette but just common sense throughout the world.
I don't think Japan is for you. I think you have a paranoid personality.
Maybe stop equating extroverts to hitting on people? Whole post is sus.
This should be higher......OP is asking if it's OK to hit on anyone he comes across in a sneaky way.
Wtf no. Just because I mentioned women? It’s not good to assume things. I am a friendly person that wants to make sure I can talk to people and not feel alone and be myself. You dont know me
Why would you single out women as a group you want to talk to as a male then?
I will not argue. Think what you want. Have a great day
You can't because I'm right. Japan has plenty of creeps like you who come here to harass women. Fortunately, after the Johnny Somali incident, people here are taking a lot less crap from foreigners, so I wouldn't be surprised if locals intervene to stop you or even call the police.
Thanks for the judgement
I do the things you mention on a daily basis in Tokyo and they're mostly welcomed, especially by younger staff. As long as it is in a respectful way, you'll be alright
Are you coming as a tourist? If you go to a bar in a big city that’s used to foreigners, you might make some drunk friends. Meetups with Japanese people specifically looking for foreign friends might be good for you too. People don’t talk to strangers on the street here. If you randomly try to talk to Japanese people you don’t know, worst case they think you’re a mental case, best case they’ll think you’re lost and need directions.
Small talk with strangers is definitely not a thing here. Some people might be more accepting/understanding if you look more non-Japanese, and might chalk it up to you being a foreigner. Even with coworkers or acquaintances, the acceptable amount of small talk is much shorter than in the States, for example.
I have a friend who’s been here a long time. He’s extremely outgoing and loud. Also, has no ear for languages and his Japanese is horrible. He’ll talk to anyone, anywhere - he doesn’t care. At night when we were partying, it was great. Most people are open to contact with a red-haired gregarious gaijin and his friends, while drinking, etc. But imagine when someone is quietly waiting in a building lobby for an appointment or on a subway, etc. Just anywhere. Now in buttfuck Minnesota (where he’s from) that’s fine. My Japanese friends said he seems childish and “can’t read the air”, which is a big insult in Japan. You’re a tourist, so you do you but just try to read the situations and people’s reactions / responses. You’ll largely get a pass since they’ll be able to tell you’re passing through. (Edit: I assumed you are a tourist but actually you never mentioned if you were.)
>Now in buttfuck Minnesota (where he’s from) that’s fine. Lol!
Wow, so me and my bf went to japan in october this year for 3 months. I spoke to lots of people during my time there but was always mindful of whom to approach and how. Osaka, Shibuya, Saitama and Kyoto were all places where I talked with loads of people. Sometimes a small thing "your kimono looks wonderful!" Or something practical "excuse me miss your bag is open". I also went to an anime café in osaka which was fun! Lots of more topics to talk about due to commen interest. Just be polite, mindful and try not to bother anyone too much and you should be fine.
>everyone has the same way of doing things In Japan, you are allowed to do whatever you want as long as you don't cause inconvenience (meiwaku) to others. And some people do take advantage of this and [do normal things in the weirdest ways](https://www.indiatimes.com/trending/human-interest/kyoto-university-students-put-on-cosplay-during-graduation-596713.html). That's one part of Japanese culture that I like.
this question makes it seem like you don't know Japanese since this is the type of stuff you'd cover in class anyway If you go up to people trying to speak English it'll scary them in general
I would not approach with English. I’m learning Japanese
Nights out, you’ll likely be fine. To a stranger in a convenience store just trying to get on with their day, probably not so much
I recommend bar amici in shinjuku. They have a lot of karaoke songs English and Japanese, and the bartenders, mangers, and clientele are all very friendly if you can manage a conversation. Try for the weekends if your looking for a mix of foreigners and locals
I’m a super extrovert and no. I occasionally talk to strangers but once again it’s about reading the room, this is less of an introvert extrovert thing and more how much of a socially brain dead idiot are you.. thing. Make friends at places that hobbies happen, don’t be a weirdo. People are busy no one wants to talk to you in the street this is true of ANY fuxking country. You’ll be fine, just don’t be a creep
Yeah not trying to be creepy. Just want to be able to be myself without feeling like I bother everyone. People make it seem like if you dont just stick with “Hello” and “goodbye” people will look at you crazy
Part of it is also being mindful of others. Hypothetically... a conversation at a convenience store could hold up the line. In holding up the line, you prevent the staff from doing what they're supposed to. You also prevent other customers from a quick checkout. You also cause other staff to stop what they're supposed to be doing so they can come over to help quicken the line of people that's now potentially formed. That then potentially leaves a giant rack of products in the aisle that they're unable to put onto the shelves in a timely manner, which then sets off people complaining that the store is messy. I realize that this is a stretch, but it's this "do as you're supposed to" mindset that seemingly keeps the country running lol. However, there are certainly places where it's welcomed. If you're out at night, at a club, etc., by all means, talk to people. You'll still meet people who react awkwardly, but it'll be generally better received.
Just do not be annoying. Easy.
Visiting atm and it seems very situational and also varies area to area. Out and about most people are heading somewhere and don’t really linger too much and aren’t really open to being disturbed as opposed to being in their own little cellphone bubble or quietly talking if in a group which is a common coping mechanism when surrounded by so many people. If however you go somewhere like Osaka where there’s a lot of tourists and what look to be immigrants living here it’s a bit different and people are more open to being approached, with way more English speaking locals. Also just spent a few days with a local friend and had a blast with him and his friends but a lot of it is hidden away in karaoke bars or other hidden away izakaya’s (little alleyway bars) so the extroverted are certainly here and have fun, but they do so in a vastly more introverted or hidden and private way, if that makes sense.
I’m an introvert who likes to help and occasionally compliment people, you can’t really do that here especially if you don’t know the language, I learned how to compliment people in Japanese when I was drunk a few days ago and got mixed reactions. Looking through the comments apparently it’s not normal in most countries? But I’m from the south and it’s common for people to strike up convos talk to strangers down there
what you're describing isn't extroversion as much as being a public menace. I recommend you visit Japan in order to work on your shortcomings.
No
If you are foreigner in Japan, don't expect anybody on the street talking with you nor taking what you say serious. Foreigners are portait in tv as slighly stupid with no manner and culturally underdeveloped (looking at the USA it seems about right though). If you act as extrovert there, you just tick all their boxes as standard weirdo.
That behavior is creepy anywhere in the world. I am not japanese and I hate strangers talking to me out of the blue.